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While on average, a person has around 27 conversations a day, the fact is that only a handful of them will stay with us over a lifetime. Chances are, the ones that end up shifting how you see things are directly related to your family and friends.
Someone asked “What was said that forever changed your relationship with someone?” and people shared the most poignant examples from their lives. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorite examples and feel free to share your own thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
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#1
I was a single parent, bringing a bunch of my 12 yr old son's friends out to pizza and a movie. We were all crammed into two cars, and one child was next me on the driver's seat. I was talking to all of them about the birthday and what fun we were going to have and he whispered under his breath "I wish you were my Mom". I quietly said to him, "I am sure you have a great Mom and she loves you very much." His name is E. His wish eventually came true.
Over time I realized E lived with his Dad and his Mom was in jail for d***s. He had only met with his Dad a few times before he placed in his care. His Dad lived with a girlfriend, and this boy was sleeping on the floor of her den. He didn't even have a bed.
He kept asking to sleep over Fridays, Saturday, etc.. sometimes I would have him from Friday afternoon until Sunday night, and all the while no one ever called him to say Good night, or ask how he was doing, did he need any clothes? nothing. Once in the middle of the night, my phone rang and it was his Dad who was asking if E could stay with me for a little while, as he and the girlfriend were now split up. I said yes, of course.
That was in 7th grade. I had him all thru High School and thru college. Kids in school knew he lived with me, and when they were 14 a police car pulled and another child got out and walked right into my house. His name is G.
G's parents both went to jail, and when the police asked him if he had a place to go he said he knew of a lady that takes care of kids. In all of my life, I think that is the most wonderful thing ever said about me.
We by-passed the State and just let them stay as long as they needed. Occasionally I would hear from their parents, but it was basically a terrible situation for both of them.
My actual son is 30, and my two adopted kids are both 31 years old now and everyone is doing great. Finished college, got good jobs, getting married, having kids. It is all good.
Editing to say: Having these boys in my son and my my life added so much fun and joy every day. Was it hard? Sometimes, but mostly, just normal. I was not rich; I think I made about $43k a year back then. And they ate so much food! So much food. LOL but it was fine. Don't think of the cost, think of what is the right thing to do and trust the universe has your back. Leap with faith.
Props to my friends, family and especially my parents who became instant Grandparents to them and included them in every holiday, birthday, etc.
If God puts a child in your path, and you are given the chance to take them in, you will want two things: Their parent has to tell both the school and the doctors office that you are caring for them. Get it in writing in case or an emergency. I was able to bring them to the doctor and dentist, and go to Parent /Teacher conferences once that happened.
2nd Edit to say Thank you to everyone for your kind words! Honestly I gained so much more than I gave them. It was wonderful, and is still wonderful to be in their lives. I do not consider myself special, because could anyone say no to a child in need? I can't imagine they would.
I'm happy to answer questions you have. It was an adventure! From sports, to band practices, concerts, homework, laundry, family meetings every week, sex and d**g talks, girlfriends, teaching them how to drive.... Lol. What a trip!
B Hobbs 1 year ago
Gods, I hope this is not exceptional. I really wish this was massively normal and most of the c**p we regularly hear about is the tiny exception.
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Annik Perrot 1 year ago
Reminds me of Victor Hugo's poem "Les pauvres gens" (poor people) in which à dirt-poor fisherman and his wife adopt their dead neighbor's kids, because they both separately came to the conclusion it's the right thing to do.
Thomas Biorogue 1 year ago
She is awesome! I'm happy those kids had someone like that because who knows how differently their lives would be. And also, so very thankful for BP censoring the word d-r-u-g-s because, had I read that word, I would still be in the fetal position crying.
JP Purves 1 year ago
Everyone knows that the very second you read the word d-r-u-g-s you will instantly become an addict.
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Claire Collymore 1 year ago
Thank you so much for sharing your story. At a time when the media seems full of bad people doing bad things and generally being horrible to each other it is lovely to be reminded that there are kind, inspirational people like you out there. You have put a smile on my face.
Alison Hansford 1 year ago
I "adopted" my sons BFF when his mother got arrested for assaulting him. Best decision of my life! I adore my boys!
Spencer's slave no longer 1 year ago (edited)
It's the same for me too, so many "adopted" boys who were friends with my sons growing up, some with horrible family situations. The house was never empty, it was loud, the kitchen became a production line, endless dirty towels. They're all in their mid to late 30s now, most married with kids who call me Nana. I wasn't wealthy by any stretch of the imagination but I had a home full of love those kids. I truly believe there are many women and men who doing exactly the same - filling a love void in a kid's life. #edit for spelling.
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Marnie 1 year ago
I come from a family that takes in kids. My paternal Grandmother, while raising 8 kids of her own, also at various times had 5 of her nephews (some not blood relatives) live with her, while she was a mostly single Mom, a farmer, in a house with no running water or electricity. My maternal grandparents took in my Mom's first cousin and raised him like their own. My parents were the go-to house of various neglected neighbor kids. Several said the only "real" family they had was them. They took in my 3 cousins for a summer when their Mom was in the mental hospital (5 kids 9 and under). Sister took in 3 of her kids friends permanently. The other sister took in one of her kids friends all through high school and beyond. I took in my son's friend for 6 months, and another one for two. My third sister adopted a baby from China.
ILoveMySon 1 year ago
Same in my family. We may not have grand wealth but we have grand hearts.
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Celtic Pirate Queen 1 year ago (edited)
When my son was 12-13 he had a group of friends that I called "My Lost Boys". They all (5-8 at any given time) had horrendous home lives; a few had parents that were addicted, a few had parents that just didn't care, some had abuse in the home, etc. They were all told they were welcome in my house if they needed a meal, a hot shower or just a place to crash. I stocked up on clothing and shoes from Goodwill, as well as sleeping bags (taken to the dry cleaners, just in case). I have since met some of these boys as adults - my daughter married one of them. They have always said that just knowing they had a safe place to go made all the difference. I am truly humbled by this.
RELATED:
#2
I met my wife back in college. I was her English tutor. At the time, I was dating a woman with a very manipulative personality. I was not used to having a girlfriend, wasn't confident and she insulted/ humiliated me when she couldn't get what she wanted or was in a bad mood.
So my student, let's call her A and my girlfriend (at the time) let's call her K, ended up meeting in the middle of a tutoring session. K was mad that I was with another woman, even though I was being PAID to tutor her. She interrupted us, saying she was gonna be helping and 'keeping an eye on us.'
She didn't help. Instead, K made rude comments and jokes at A's hard time pronouncing L and R sounds. (Pretty understandable, given those sounds aren't too common in Japanese.) A couldn't understand, but she could tell she was being insulted. The look on her face was pretty hurtful. Then and there I grew a pair.
After a brief and rather embarrassing argument, where I told K that she was being disrespectful and she should just f**k off until I'm done, she stormed off. I apologized profusely to A, saying today's fee was free, and I'd understand if she wanted to find another tutor. Instead, she completely flipped the script.
She said that after all the help I'd given her, she could tell that I was a kind guy. That and her English skills were getting much better with my help. It was just strange to her that somebody like me was with someone as mean as K.
"You're here working and your girlfriend didn't even bring you any food! That is weird in Japan!"
Needless to say that caused me to rethink my life. But what sold it was our next session. This woman made a whole bento lunch, by hand, to our lesson. We're talking rice balls, cut weiners, eggs, the whole 9 yards. It was delicious. I was floored. And I thought, if this was how she'd treat her tutor, how would she treat her man!? A went from student to diamond in my eyes.
And so I broke up with K. Over the following months, A and I got closer. We kept in contact after she went back to Japan. One long distance relationship and 7 years later I live in Japan now. We're married with two boys and a girl on the way. All because of a little kindness.
Edit: thank you all for the love and upvotes!
BeesEelsAndPups 1 year ago
I have dated a lot of Ks. I even married a K. Never met an A, but I've heard enough rumors of their existence that I'll believe they're real. That said, I'm done with the whole alphabet. Clearly, I'm not good at finding the letters worth keeping around. I've got three amazing kids, and I love being their dad. That's enough for me.
Liz Butt 1 year ago
They are out there. I am an A though not Japanese. I love my husband and do what I can for him when I can (ill health) and treasure him every day. I hope you are lucky enough to find an A for yourself. Meanwhile enjoy your life with your kids. They are blessed to have you.
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Magenta Blu 1 year ago
I have cooked special dinners for almost everyone i holded dear to me. I had hear many times I should open a restaurant... But no one seemed to feel special because someone else cooked for them. I realized i have a better relationship with food, than with people. At least food doesn't go away and never failed to give me confort and make me feel better.
Tom De Paul 8 months ago
The Japanese (all Asians, really) are like the Italians; they know that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
#3
My mom was dying. A friend told me "you have your whole life to freak out about this-- *don't do it in front of her.* "
It really helped me to understand that my feelings are not always what's important. It IS possible to delay a freakout, and that skill has served me innumerable times.
Family's_disappointment 1 year ago
This is the best thing I have heard in my entire life. Thank you for saying this.
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G A 1 year ago
It's very true. My Nan said, when my Grandad was terminally ill, I made him chuckle when I showed him my new camera, and when i left, by ruffling his hair and saying, "See you in a bit, old fella", instead of being upset and mawkish, and he appreciated the normality. I was so glad she told me that.
Papa 1 year ago
Yep. A few years ago a group of us went to visit a friend who was dying in the hospital. At one point he thanked us for taking the time to come visit him. I replied "We didn't drive all the way here to see you. We were going out to eat nearby and decided to stop in." He knew I was joking, and it made him laugh, which is exactly what I was going for.
Load More Replies... Thomas Biorogue 1 year ago
My daughter's dog was dying. I mean, he only had a few moments. This dog was family and just so loving and gentle, except with cats, anyway. He was struggling with last breaths and she lost it and I told her to stop, not in front of him. Let him go in peace, just love him and comfort him. And that's what we did. We just held him and let him go and then cried like crazy.
Bgray450 1 year ago
My ex said the same thing to me when I was running to the scene where my 10-year-old son had been hit by a car. His dad had somehow been the first on the scene and by the time I got there EMS were with my son and his little friend (they both came out OK, bumps and bruises and scrapes). The ex grabbed my shoulders and sternly said "Pull it together, if he sees you freak out it'll scare him." Wise words.
MSerHasNoFilter 1 year ago
THAT’S the situation to not freak out. In front of a child.
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Danish Susanne 1 year ago
Such a good friend to have. You would have regretted it many times after her death if you had freaked out in front of her.
Marti Wheat 1 year ago
One year after the World Trade Center disaster, I was hired as a temp at Cantor Fitzgerald, the company that lost the most employees that day. For a year, I worked directly with the families of the victims. I listened to their stories about their loved one, helped them with their submissions to the Victim Compensation Fund, and turned myself into a no liability zone so they could vent and rail about the whole situation without worrying about hurting my feelings. During that year, I never cried in front of anyone who worked at Cantor or any of the families. I would run to the bathroom and bawl my eyes out, frequently throwing up, but never in front of anyone else. That year taught me so many lessons about compassion and about myself. The most important and valuable lesson I learned at Cantor was that it wasn't my turn to cry. My turn came a year later when I was reading names at the 2nd Memorial Service, and cry I did.
Celtic Pirate Queen 1 year ago
When a situation like this arises, I go into "crisis" mode. Everyone thought I was so cold at my former MIL's funeral. No - I was just trying to hold it together for my husband's sake. He found me that night bawling my head off in the bath. I truly loved that woman, but if I had shown any kind of sadness, I would have lost it & I needed to be strong for the family. His Dad got it and I was thankful for that.
Sarah Léon 1 year ago
When my mom was dying of cancer, at the end with the meds she was hallucinating. One day, I came in her room and she told me her cat was running on the wall. I asked if she was having fun. Another time, she asked me why I had put TVs ont the ground to walk on them. I asked her if it was a bad choice, she answered it was not really practical and we laughed. Antoer time she told me a big man was behind me, waiting, but he seemed kind, and finally she told me it might have been my deceased brother. Each time I talked with her like it was normal, and one day a nurse came to ask me how I could do that. Apparently most of the time people couldn't handle that part. I simply said I was not here for me but for her so if she wanted to talk about the TVs on the floor or the cats on the walls, as long as it helped bring her comfort, it was fine with me.
#4
I told a bare acquaintance that I was going through a divorce. She asked, "Am I happy for you or sad for you?"
It was so nice to have someone acknowledge that a divorce could be something I could be happy about. It was also so empowering for her to essentially ask me which way she could be emotionally supportive of me.
TribbleThinking 1 year ago (edited)
Nice. And wise. And I learned something new today, thank you 🙂
Cthulhu Kitty 1 year ago
Also with pregnancies, not all of them are welcome. I always say I'm happy if your happy and also freaked and here to help if it isn't.
Load More Replies... Sarah Léon 1 year ago
I'm autistic so I always ask that kind of question to be sure to react properly. I didn't know if it was a good thing to do but now I know it is and I will go on :)
Celtic Pirate Queen 1 year ago
I have actually asked some friends that as well. One was like F*CK YEAH! So, I made her a cake with "Congratulations On Your Divorce". We burned what was left of his belongings, drank a sh*tload of wine & danced by the bonfire. Totally EPIC night.
Freelove 1 year ago
I had a co-worker give a similar response when I told her I was pregnant. At the time I thought it was silly - I was married, in a stable job, owned a home, and had all of those good ducks in a row, of course it was something to be happy about - but in hindsight I now 100% see her perspective with that question as someone who is childless by choice. You just never know the answer.
detective miller's hat 1 year ago
This reminds me of the time I told my boss that my stepfather had died, and his immediate response was "OMG CONGRATS."
Janine Randall 1 year ago
I usually say, "I hope it works out the way you want". Figure that's pretty noncommittal.
S R Godwin 1 year ago
I learnt from a friend of mine to say exactly that when someone told me they were pregnant.
#5
“It’s just a f****n’ dog.”
When our dog died.
Good riddance you c**t.
gilliansl aka Gillian Silverlight 1 year ago
My ex said that to me about my 11 year old cat I'd had since he was 8 weeks old. One big reason the ex is an ex.
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Paul C. 1 year ago
When my cat died a co worker said, Oh it's only a cat. Guess what, that's how I feel about your kids.
Kristiina 1 year ago
My cat died couple weeks ago and I am still heart broken. My pets are never "just" anything, they are everything.
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Donna Moore 1 year ago
Damn. This one hit me HARD tonight. My sister has just told us today that my little buddy (her precious Shipoo) Mickey Finn has come to the end of his journey and will cross the rainbow bridge tomorrow. I have loved my little buddy now for almost 20 years. My heart is breaking.
Pollywog 1 year ago
I'm very sorry. Sending you thoughts of strength and love to you and your family. 💜
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Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
Even if a person is in fact wildly or dangerously overreacting to the death of a pet, “It’s just a f****n’ dog.” are not the words that will help them.
#6
My dad had recently committed suicide a week before Christmas. There were no signs he was going to do this. It was totally a blindside. I decided to still do spring break in March, with my 3 best friends at my mom’s beach house to relax and get away. My best friend started breakfast one morning by asking if I saw any signs my dad was gonna commit suicide. I said no and my boyfriend (now husband) who came along agreed that he was always happy and it was out of the blue. She said to me verbatim “there were definitely signs, you just missed them. If you would’ve paid attention your dad would still be here. It’s technically your fault”…… after we all got home I immediately cut her off, she wasn’t invited to my wedding let alone as a bridesmaid anymore that upcoming october and I blocked her on everything. 3 years and a lot of anxiety d***s later and that comment still f***s me up
EDIT: Did not realize this would get so popular ➡️ if anyone you know has done this and you feel like you “missed the signs”….don’t. It is not your fault! you loved them the best you could, and they still love you, wherever they are now in this cosmic crazy universe. Live life to your fullest so when you meet again you can give them the most hella updates on what happened.
Jihana 1 year ago
And even if you missed the signs, you MISSED them, you did not willfully ignore them. You can't act on something you do not see or know.
Scotira 1 year ago (edited)
Very true and sadly it doesn't hurt any less. A friend of mine killed himself more than twenty years ago and in my case there were signs. However I only learned of these sings after researching depression and suicide. On the day he went on to "say goodbye" to everyone that meant something to him, at the time it didn't feel like a goodbye and I take solace in the fact that I told him to call me or come by at any time if he feels the need. To this day that conversation pops up in my mind every now and then and leaves me sad. I don't feel guilty however this shaped me. Ever since I pay a lot more attention to what my friends are saying or NOT saying and how they are saying it. I'm not hyper-vigilant yet I conciously and actively listen.
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TribbleThinking 1 year ago
She's an ignorant and sanctimonious ****** (insert all and any words)
Daniela Lavanza 1 year ago
I love how stupid people claim to know better about a situation they were not involved into. But here, her stupidity made her mean, good riddance!
Alexandra 1 year ago
That best friend is very wrong: there are not always signs someone contemplates suicide.
Angela C 1 year ago
A lot of people hide it very well, and if there are signs they're often subtle and very easy to miss if you're not actively looking for them
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Ellinor 1 year ago
Something that happen a lot with suic*dal people, is that when they have made their decision and are at peace with that, they feel relieved and appears suddenly more happy and relaxed, that's part of why after people often say "But he/she smiled a lot a seemed happier than ever"
Boopasnoot 1 year ago
Even trained professionals can sometimes miss signs. Men are especially less likely to display any signs, obvious or otherwise, around friends and family, and are especially more likely to succeed on the first try. Also, op is not responsible for anyone's mental health outside of their own. To suggest otherwise is reprehensible and irresponsible.
Maureen O'Brien 1 year ago
Sounds like either she was thinking of commiting suicide at some point & no one noticed or she had a suicide in her world, family or friend. You are only responsible for your life...each of us is responsible for our own life
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
My uncle did not give signs and took himself out during guy fawkes so nobody else heard the gun. My aunt came home to that.
Kelly Dorman 1 year ago
Thought I was reading my own post I didn’t remember writing for a second there! Lost my dad to suicide 2 weeks before Christmas. Was extremely unexpected. He was not “the type” etc. Whew. The comments people felt perfectly comfortable making. Like suicide suddenly makes people real brave to say crappy stuff. Was told the same thing, that it was me and my family’s fault for not seeing the signs by a coworker her barely knew me. Long time friends who asked if I was even sad. Ignored my almost everyone. When crying at work less than 6 months afterwards was told by my “best friend” of like a decade to leave my problems at home. Literally lost all my friends because I wasn’t fun anymore. No one would hang out with me because I wasn’t fun for awhile. None of them was there for me, except to make me feel like c**p. Thank god for my husband.
#7
I wasn’t feeling much after my dad died and we hadn’t been close in years, but still he was my dad. My friend said that I had been grieving this relationship for years already. It helped.
The Phantom Stranger 1 year ago
Due to health issues, my father lived in Florida for about the last ten years of his life, while I live in New York (prior to that he had been a snowbird who spent his summers with me). We spoke in the phone about once a week, but I hadn't actually seen him in person for four or five years. He passed away this spring, but I don't really "miss" him per se, since he hadn't been a regular presence in my daily life for so long, but I do find myself thinking things like, "I'll have to tell Dad I ran into so-and-so at the hardware store" or "The new season of our favorite show starts soon; I wonder what Dad thinks about the new character". And then it hits me, "Oh, wait... "
Caryn C Crespo 1 year ago
I lived this. The grieving kid for whom a parent's death was a blessing.
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
I've been grieving my mother for 10 years, now just waiting on a death notice.
ROSESARERED 1 year ago
I grieved the loss of my wonderful dad for years, dementia slowly stole him from us...im glad he is at peace, I believe in heaven...it's not the last day I will hold his hand
G A 1 year ago
I never got on with my Dad. Never cried even when he died. I loved him but I didn't like him.
Magenta Blu 1 year ago (edited)
I cried at my mother's funeral because I felt guilty about not loving or respecting her. I felt extra guilty for feeling relieved when she passed away (like i finally was free). I don't miss her, and now I don't regret not loving or missing her. I didn't even kept a single picture and i barely talk or remember her. Thank goodness
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Susan Raskin 1 year ago
Your friend is absolutely correct. We begin to grieve when we realize there is a loss occuring, whether it's a cancer diagnosis or a slowly dissolving relationship. Any loss comes with an element of grief. There is sudden death acute grief and then there is the slow release of another. What I cannot tell you is which one is easier. Either way there is grief
#8
I was a dinosaur kid when I was little. Consumed books and information. I wanted to be a palenontologist. This was all maybe 6 to 10 years old. My obsession cooled a little bit, but I still really think they're awesome.
My aunt and her family are very Christian. My whole family is, but she was a lot more hard lined. She homeschooled her kids, didn't own a working television, and restricted a lot of food as well. Just a controlling person, really, but we didn't see them often, and she was just quirky to me.
One time, during a visit, I mentioned something about dinosaurs. I was maybe 13 years old. In a sweet but condescending tone, she said there was never such thing as dinosaurs. I countered with the fact that we have so many bones. She told me that Satan put the bones in the earth to defy God and have everyone question Him.
In that moment, I understood how insane she was and that adults are just people and can be idiots as well.
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
"Sorry, Crowley, no time to find the Antichrist or terrorize house plants. You're in charge of burying bones. Get on with it."
john doe 1 year ago
I learned adults and teachers are just as stupid as anyone when I was in 3rd grade and I got into an argument with my teacher that a kilometer is shorter than a mile. This was before the Internet so it couldn't be quickly looked up, she claimed that a kilometer is 1000 meters correct, but she claimed a mile is only about 850 meters, incorrect. When I got home I asked my dad who is an engineer and he said no a mile is about 1.6 kilometers, we found an engineering metric to imperial measurements card he has for doing conversions that showed exactly that. I brought that to school the next day to show my teacher and she said it was wrong! I then knew some adults were idiots and to not trust what people say just cuz they are adults.
Tabitha 1 year ago
I really pity Auntie’s “homeschooled” (e.g. indoctrinated) kids if they wanted to go to college.
Joy TotheWorld 1 year ago
She is ignorant of her own Bible. If the opportunity ever arises, you can shut her down with her own Bible beliefs. The Bible is not incompatible with the existence of dinosaurs. The Bible says that ALL of the animals were created first. Humans last. It is entirely possible that dinosaurs could have lived and died before humans were ever created.
MSerHasNoFilter 1 year ago
As a Christian Catholic, this is what I embrace. Nor do I believe we’re alone in this massive universe. Far too many galaxies and space we don’t even know about. We limit God when we hold him to our small understanding of things. And Jesus said to [doubting] Thomas, “Blessed are those who believe who have not seen.” Just because I haven’t seen, doesn’t mean I don’t believe. That’s the meaning of the word, ‘faith’. Science is not incompatible with the existence or God and vice verse.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 1 year ago
Ironically, people who don't believe in science face the same fate as the dinosaurs.
Ellinor 1 year ago
Depends on the religion, some are more "open" than others. Depends also on the believers (I'm a pagan Hellenist and truly we don't have that "you must follow every rule, pray all day, not be yourself" cr*p.)
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Strachan Coutinho 1 year ago
There's always one edgy atheist like you, that just has to be a total asshat. You are just as bad as the aunt.
Load More Replies... Michelle C 1 year ago
As a Christian especially, reading stories like this saddens me. Not many of us believe what OP’s aunt did. We do believe that God created every animal in existence just by speaking it into creation. These animals include dinosaurs.
Colleen Glim 1 year ago
Common “idea” among fundamentalist Christians. The key thing here isn’t “fun”, it’s “mental”.
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Shelby Moonheart 1 year ago
And there are references in the Bible about men and dinosaurs. She just didn't open her eyes to what is there.
#9
My friend said to me “you wouldn’t let a boyfriend treat you like this, so why would you let your mother?”
I dumped her shortly after that (my mother, not the friend). I’m so much more at peace.
Nina 1 year ago
This should be used a measurement. For some reason, we're supposed to take shít from family that we wouldn't take from anyone else. Let's stop that way of thinking and don't take shít anymore from people just because they're family.
UpupaEpops 1 year ago
I should probably set this as a daily reminder. Coming from a culture where the only thing more important than respect for your elders is family, it's so difficult cutting people off regardless of what they are doing to you.
G A 1 year ago (edited)
The old blood is thicker than water bullcrap. To which I say, you can choose your friends but not your family.
Ellinor 1 year ago
It's even more than that, the original saying is : "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb". So really that's the opposite !
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Joy TotheWorld 1 year ago
I had to do this too. However I still sometimes feel like I must be a horrible person if my mother never loved me.
#10
In my late 20s I was thinking about going to college, but I was afraid I was too old. Someone said to me, "Next year you will be older." I applied the next day.
Annik Perrot 1 year ago
"The best time to plant à tree was 20 years ago. The next best time is right now."
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 1 year ago
I went back to college at 52 to get my degree. It's never too late.
Melissa Matusevich 1 year ago
At 46 I was on the fence about completing a doctoral degree. My sister basically said the same thing to me. "In four years you will be 50 whether do the degree or not." I did the degree.
Neb 1 year ago
I heard similar about the professions/jobs. You hate your job and think you are too old to change profession? Well, in 5 years you will be 5 years older and still will hate your job.
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Steve Hall 1 year ago
You are never too old to learn and you should try to never stop learning no matter how old you get.
Rinso The Red 1 year ago
"Back in my day..." sorry, couldn't resist. I had 3 years after high school I call "the lost years". Almost no real prospects and no motivation to change it. It took a good friend to get me off my a*s and help me get into college. To give you an idea of how long ago it was, I was the oldest person living on campus at 21 my freshman year. My nickname was "grampy" lol
Wendy Neumeyer 1 year ago
I started college when I was 52 years old. I didn't have the option he I was young. I started slow, because it had been so long. I was just going to do a certificate program, then just one degree which turned into two. I ended up with 2 AAS degrees in three years and a 3.85 cumulative GP! I was pretty proud of myself for accomplishing that!
Ruth Watry 1 year ago
I was 28 when I went back to school for my MA and Ph.D. People discouraged me because I would be 35 when I completed it. I told that I could not control how old I would be, but could control what I would be doing.
Montanavanna 1 year ago
What helped me decide to enroll at 28 was thinking about how many working years I had left. Going to school will take a fraction of that time.
Never Snarky 1 year ago
I started college at 27, graduated 9 1/2 years later, magna cum lade, (while working full time and having a family.). One impetus was someone saying something similar to me.
#11
My husband: You WILL accept (woman he was having at least an emotional affair with) as part of my life if you come back home.
Me: l will NOT.
Two weeks later:
Him: I guess, if you're going to be such a baby about it, l'll stop seeing (her).
Me: Nope. You picked her over me. You keep right on seeing her, l'm done.
TribbleThinking 1 year ago (edited)
Way to go! (in this case, it happens to be literally, but that was unintentional)
Michael Largey 1 year ago
If this had been me, there would have been no two weeks later about it.
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
The day hubby feels he wants to make a 'choice' between me and someone else, I will already be out the door.
TribbleThinking 1 year ago
I agree. The only caveat is if the other woman also dumped him, so he ended not seeing her, but not because of a deliberate choice on his part!
Load More Replies... Michelle C 1 year ago
Walking away from someone who refuses to repent of adultery and abuse is acceptable. I pray that he Did repent truly in the end and OP has healed.
#12
I live in New Zealand. We have a complicated history when it comes to speaking Te Reo Maori (native language) in this country. For a long time Maori weren't allowed to speak their own language and would literally be beaten at school etc for it. Now there's a huge push to bring it back. There's a lot of tension around it, especially between old white people and pretty much everyone else. People are so blatantly racist and don't realise it. They'll refuse to pronounce Maori names and words correctly, even when told over and over again. This especially applies to place names, even the word Maori itself. I digress. A close family friend died when she was only 19. Her mother is Maori. At the funeral, her maternal grandfather spoke in Maori. My grandmother, who was standing next to me, leaned closer and whispered in my ear, in an aggressive tone "speak English!". She was literally angry that a man was speaking his own language at his own granddaughter's funeral. In that moment I lost all respect for my grandmother.
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 1 year ago
What a terrible person! Maori language, art, and culture is absolutely amazing. I fell in love with it after seeing "Whale Rider". My dream vacation is New Zealand, partly because of the floral and fauna, but mostly because of the Maori people.
K Miller 1 year ago
I've never understood how people can behave or think this way. We're all human, no matter the shade of our skin. Side note: I love the sound of Maori, it's musical. I wish I could roll my R's though, I feel bad I can't even say Maori properly.
Angela C 1 year ago
Oh I can't roll my Rs either; I sound like a demon when I try
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KathyT 1 year ago
"old white people" is both a racist and ageist description. Sweeping generalizations are not productive, or accurate.
1 year ago
Not being able to pronounce foreign names correctly does NOT equal racism. I never heard Chinese much growing up. I cannot pronounce their vowel sounds properly, no matter how hard i try.
Joy TotheWorld 1 year ago
Show HER some grace, perhaps she was frustrated because she couldn't understand what was being said?? And you also should consider how she was raised. If all you are taught is that others are inferior, then that's all you know. Maybe gran could be talked to?? My Daddy was raised to view black people as less than. However, when I adopted two children of color (he in his 60s) he allowed his heart to soften and came to love them dearly. I looked forward to his Sunday night phone call where the first words out of his mouth were, "How are my babies??""
Lyn Moffett 1 year ago
This is going to sound so strange but Maori has always been my favourite word.
Andy Frobig 1 year ago
It sounds like the current government wants to backslide on the improvements that have happened
#13
Had a dr tell me, 3 inches from my face, “there is absolutely nothing wrong with you”. He seemed livid that I was wasting his time. Never ran a single test. Then recommended a psychiatrist. Once I finally found a new doctor he found that I have late stage cancer. Could have been caught much earlier if the 1st dr listened.
Also, had a friend tell me that she had already grieved my impending death so that’s why I haven’t seen or heard from her most of my cancer battle. I was already dead to her. I have no trust in anyone at this point.
ZGutr 1 year ago (edited)
Those are the worst. We had an issue with a doctor once. He held on to his suggestion rather than listening to our needs. When he called to confirm we where gonna follow his recommendations I sat him straight, explained how he failed us as a doctor and how this was our last interaction, we will find an other. Told him the main reason was him not listening at all. When I put down the phone and turned around I got a standing ovation from the two nurses that where present at our house.
ILoveMySon 1 year ago
Good for you. I taped my former GP and sent it to my insurance company as they have more resources than me. He finally lost his license. Phew.
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Saphyre Fyre 1 year ago
Should be able to sue that quack for malpractice under these dire circumstances.
Montanavanna 1 year ago
If your friend was shot would you leave them to bleed out in the street. I don't understand how people can bail on their loved ones who have cancer. Mine would probably get so annoyed with all my calls and visits. I hope I do not find myself in that position but if I ever do, I will be there 100.
Maureen O'Brien 1 year ago
I thank you for sharing your story... I'm going thru something similar. Trust is earned not granted. They don't deserve your respect, they didn't do anything to earn it .
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago
Are you okay? *gentle hugs* Here if you want me to be
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Louisa Spoke 1 year ago
Oh my goodness. Please know you do matter. I apologise for your friends horrific treatment of you. The Dr needs to be struck off the roll of being a Dr. I hope you can beat this cancer as you are a good person. Best wishes and please take care.
Ivy at Eve 1 year ago
Had a doctor once telling me I was a bad girl for feigning to be sick and I shouĺd be helping my mum because she had to take care of little sister who was really ill (I was 9 and little sis did die 6 months later). My mum did not believe the doctor and it later turned out that without medical intervention, I probably would not have lived past the weekend.
#14
"We're both too angry and hungry to keep this conversation going. Let’s drop it for now, get some food, and relax. I'll cook if you do the dishes." She taught me some valuable rules for arguments: never argue right after work or coming home, never argue when you're dehydrated or hungry, and never start an argument if you're not willing to compromise.
She's an amazing woman who helped me so much when I was younger. She still supports me, and we even play D&D together with her wife. I can't wait to see her next year.
Kevin B 1 year ago
When having a disagreement, I try to remind myself that I'm talking to the person I love, don't say anything that would hurt them.
The Other Guest 1 year ago
My other half & I will say something along the lines of, "I'm going to walk away now before I say something I regret. We can talk about it when I've calmed down." It keeps disagreements from turning into arguments. Once it took me a full two days before I was calm enough to discuss a particular issue without wanting to throw him in a river; I can't imagine where our relationship would be right now if I hadn't taken that time to cool off, or if he'd insisted on pursuing the discussion before I was ready.
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April Conner 1 year ago
HALT - avoid speaking when you're Hungry, Angry, Lonely feeling or Tired
Julia French 1 year ago
When having an argument try to remember the purpose is to articulate the problem & find a mutually acceptable solution not to "win" or trounce your partner into submission.
Sue User 1 year ago
God, my ex was like this. Say anything to "win". I stopped reacting because it was so over the top. He was happy i was no longer " defensive". He didnt realise i was simply checked out.
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Ormond Otvos 1 year ago
It's about blood sugar, and food sugar, which makes blood sugar bounce. Hangry is real.Try BelVita crackers, designed for slow sugar uptake. Hyperinsulinism. Learned this at 24, Changed my life.
Joy TotheWorld 1 year ago
I have discovered that if you hold hands while disagreeing with your partner.. Its hard to be mean to someone you are holding hands with.
S R Godwin 1 year ago
I wish somebody had taught me that. Any point in my life would have done! I am argumentative by nature and it's only now I'm 76 I have better control over myself, and more patience.
Louisa Spoke 1 year ago
Fight fair too. You rule is you are only allowed to lively discuss what it is that is upsetting you at that particular time. You loose the discussion if you bring anything else that’s bugging you into the discussion. You talk about one thing and nothing else. If you are angry admit you are and need some time before you can talk about what has upset you. Dragging everything together that is annoying you and throwing words at someone filled with anger can only hurt you both. I’ve been with my other half for 40 years now and we apply those rules. Yes we argue as it’s a normal thing but we don’t hurt each other.
Deborah B 1 year ago
Bad advice. Sometimes it's just "We're both tired. It's late. Lets table this, and talk it out tomorrow." Sometimes sleeping about it makes you both calm down and compromise.
Load More Replies... #15
My father said "yes I know and I don't support you." (I will never forget those words) when I told him that I filed a police report on the man who molested me as a child.
He didn't even look like the same man to me the next time I saw him.
Boopasnoot 1 year ago
That makes me wonder about him, actually. Any dude who would rather protect a child sex predator than the child probably isn't safe for any kid to be around, either.
Tabitha 1 year ago (edited)
Was the pedophile your uncle or your father’s best friend? Sometimes people irrationally blame their own children and try to claim the kid’s just making it up, because they can’t wrap their head around the fact that their family member or best friend could be such a horrible person. F****d up, I know, because they should be 100% supporting their child, ffs, but they do that to avoid being blamed for bringing that person into their child’s life, even if only vicariously. They can’t handle the guilt, even though they didn’t know that person was capable of such a thing. They also can’t handle having been so gullible that they bought that other person’s act of being such a good friend or family member. There are so many emotions involved, it’s hard to pinpoint without more context. Now please know that I am in no way excusing OP’s father, no f*****g way. He was dead wrong and deserved to be shut out of OP’s life for it. I’m just saying the pedophile in a case where it’s a friend or family member destroyed more than one person when they did what they did, which in turn can lead to one of those people making mistakes like not supporting their own child.
Damned_Cat 1 year ago
It's terrible how often that kind of thing happens. My SIL was forbidden to talk about or confront the relative that molested her because she was "bringing shame to the family" and they couldn't have her causing a scandal. A lady I worked with was molested back in the 1950's by her father's close friend. No one would believe her because the man was a doctor. Back then, that automatically meant that he was above any kind of behavior like that, as was any high-paid professional or well-known person.
#16
My ex passed away, leaving me to raise my two kids, who both had disabilities alone. Instead of dealing with the trauma, I drank always dumped my kids on my mum to go drink this happened for a few month before my Nanna invite me over to house to have a chat. She told me I had to stop running from my pain because I had to go through to get through it (my nan lost a adult child 20 years ago). What do you know she was right I stopped avoiding everyone including the kids stopped drinking all the time and she was there for me without judgement and I honestly don't know if I'd be here if it wasn't for her.
April Conner 1 year ago
"little pink knitting Yodas" oh my goodness, I laughed so hard at this!
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Never Snarky 1 year ago
Congrats to you for listening and heeding her advice. Tough thing to do.
#17
My grandmother's dog died and I went to her house to comfort her. We'd always been very close so I stayed for a while even though we had been fighting quite a lot.
Well, I went over there and she cried while I comforted her. But then that's when she said something that still sticks in my head.
She told me "Why couldn't something happen to you instead"
And walked away. I immediately went back home and stopped all contact with her for a few weeks. She still denies saying that.
EDIT: I wanted to say thank you to everyone for the kind words. To answer a few questions, yes I am still in contact with her as she only lives a few houses down from me. ( It's hard to cut off someone that close )
I distance myself though, sometimes we still fight and we don't talk all that much. But I'm doing better these days.
gilliansl aka Gillian Silverlight 1 year ago
I can see it. She was exceptionally distraught, loved that dog dearly and to distraction. Her pain spewed out the hurt she was feeling, hurting someone else. Not an excuse, but a reason. I doubt she does remember saying it, as she was NOT in an emotional good place. But it still hurts.
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Michael Largey 1 year ago
"You're older than me and the dog put together, grandma. Why wasn't it you?"
Mike Shinaberry 1 year ago
When I was 19, my grandmother was diagnosed with colon cancer. She said, "I wish it was you and not me." WTF? Maybe it was more nuanced in her head, but it was so messed up that I lost any feeling for her from then on.
Michelle C 1 year ago
Grief does not justify cruelty and I probably would have cut her off myself since she denies ever having said that Instead of acknowledging that that was a possibility and repenting of her actions. Distance is OK to protect oneself!
Gregg Bender 1 year ago
Toxic family are no better than toxic friends. You can cut them out of your life with no regrets. I know.
S R Godwin 1 year ago
OMG, that is dreadful, terrible thing to say. I hope you have found someone to replace her? I found a "substitute Mum" when I was a teenager, my best friend's Mum.
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#18
About a year into our marriage and after I had moved across the world for them and left everything I’d ever known: “the more I get to know you, the less I like you.”
I am ashamed to say it took 3 more years before we were done.
EDIT:
I did NOT expect this comment to blow up! Was pretty buzzed when I originally posted it, too, so here’s some edits/updates.
- It took 4 more years, not 3.
- He made the decision to call it quits… which makes me feel even more ashamed, in a way. However, after the first days of just complete shock, I felt incredibly free. His decision forced me to give up on the idea that somewhere deep inside of him he still had a resemblance of the man I fell in love with.
- I did of course let him know that his comment really hurt my feelings. He just doubled down on why he felt that way and why he had a right to tell me.
- Only afterwards did I realize the kind of abuse this man put me through. It is almost impossible to recognize it while you’re in the midst of it, especially when it escalates so gradually.
- To everyone replying with your kind comments: thank you so much! It has been just over a year and I am indeed thriving now :) And he definitely is not.
- To everyone who is in a similar situation: it may seem overwhelming and impossible to get out. It may feel like it’ll be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Just know that it will NEVER be harder than staying.
Robin Lynn 1 year ago
It will NEVER be harder than staying - there's a lot of power in those words.
Tostones 1 year ago
"Just know that it will NEVER be harder than staying." That what I finally figured out after 27 abusive years. Of course, I wish I had realized that much sooner but all those years did such a number on me. It just got to the point that I was willing to be homeless rather than stay. And then I realized I was in a much better place than he ever let me believe.
ROSESARERED 1 year ago
I was really embarrassed when my engagement broke off, but soooo relieved, and the eye of the storm in an abusive relationship...I didn't realise how bad his emotional abuse was till the fog lifted, and I had nothing more to do with him...I hope and pray his shadow never crosses mine, there will be words said, he won't know what hit him
Liz Butt 1 year ago
I always think that if you review what's gone before and there more downs than ups, don't hold on to the ups. Know there are still going to be more downs and you need to look after your own mental health. It's definitely not worth staying in a bad relationship. I know it's hard and will probably be financially hard as well but you do need to move away from hurtfulness.
Deborah B 1 year ago
TBH If you're feeling the "the more I get to know you the less I like you". You should say something, and it should be a "This behaviour/belief/attitude/goal is a problem for me" talk or an "ending the relationship talk". Staying with someone you don't like anymore is just as wrong as staying with someone who doesn't like you. Well done OP for making the break.
Annie Bieber 1 year ago
Hindsight truly is 20/20 vision, been there, done that, lesson learned.
#19
When I was 10 or 11, my parents had brought us to get some clothes from the thrift store. We didn't have much money so hardly bought new clothes. Most of my clothes I'd wear until there were holes or they didn't fit. My dad brought over some pants in the size I had been previously. He was angry and frustrated since it was late and he didn't want to be out. When I said they didn't fit, he told me that "you've gotten fat" before storming off.
I started middle school worrying about my weight and defaulted to an eating disorder. I even now still have issues with my weight and self worth because of it.
Tabitha 1 year ago
Exactly. To him it was Tuesday and he forgot it almost while the words were coming out of his mouth, but for OP the memory has been lifelong. Be careful what you say to people, especially when you’re tired and hungry or just pissed off about something else. You might be doing some real damage without even realizing it.
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Magenta Blu 1 year ago
Kids body shape change when they grow.. and weight gaining is normal and expected...
highwaycrossingfrog 1 year ago
This is very sad. I imagine the dad was very stressed about money, and about his kids. If you're dirt poor with a very limited budget and you find something you can afford, but it doesn't fit, that's a major kicker. He shouldn't have called the kid fat, that's just adding to the burden of a child who already will be feeling the oppression and social disapproval of being the poor kid, but I can empathise with both sides here
Dorothy Reiser 1 year ago
My grandma told me I had fat arms. I never noticed it until she said that when I was 11. I never wear sleeveless ever, and I'm 68.
#20
I had a buddy who I knew since first grade. He was always arrogant and abrasive. But I tolerated it over the years. He went away to some college in Europe, and came back desperate to act rich, and be high society. And he used to say the most horrific s**t, talk about how he purposefully wanted to hire people to work for him who were in debt. His reasoning is it would afford him the ability to treat them poorly, and they couldn't afford to quit.
He legitimately hated "poor" people, and talked about exploiting them all day. One day we were at a grocery store that had a sandwich bar. He asked the lady who was making the sandwich for a certain topping, and she said it costs extra. He kept pushing her to give it for free, and she relented, saying she'd get fired for doing so. He said, "Nah, you'd probably get written up, but not fired."
When we got into the car, I let him have it. I said, "How would you feel if that woman lost her job because of you?"
He started laughing, "I don't give a f**k, it's a s****y job. She can go get another s****y job."
So I graduated college and got my first job - pretty entry-level, terrible hours, little pay. He kept pressing me to tell him how much I made, and I kept turning him down. Finally I did. Once he knew it wasn't much.
One day we met up before my night shift job, to get a coffee. He could see how tired I was. Then he went on a tangent on how people who get out of bed for less than six figures are stupid, and he'd never be that stupid.
I didn't snap. I just said I'll talk to you later, and got into my car and left. And never returned his calls or spent any time with him ever again.
Some other friends gave me flak for it, but he f****d them over, too, at a later date.
**Edit:**I'd like to say as soon as I stopped hanging out with him, my life got SO MUCH better. Like better job opportunities, and have gone way further in life. I didn't realize at the time how damaging it was to hang around with somebody who was so callous, and would dump on me to try and elevate himself. It's straight up like being in an abusive relationship. Once you are free of that abuser, you can do so much more.
Nika the Great 1 year ago
Please… this is the one place on the internet I can come to that I hope isn’t needlessly political. My God this doesn’t have to be made political!!!
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UpupaEpops 1 year ago
I wonder how that 6 figure salary worked out for the other guy. Call me horrible but I love seeing people like them fail and eat their words.
Gregg Bender 1 year ago
The first time he said that to me would be the last time he ever saw me again.
Stan Chung 1 year ago
I wanted to say what took you so long. Instead-congratulations on freeing yourself from a POS
Evelien Stijger Martens 1 year ago
This is what they teach each other in those schools, like they are better people, the higher class. They think poor people are there to be used and to make them richer. They are no more than animals to them and it is sad. Just because they were born on the better side of life, without expecting er having to do s**t for it.
#21
For 3 years, someone and I worked together side by side and developed a close friendship. One day I got promoted to manager and became his boss. He threw a tantrum and screamed for hours, then refused to talk to me (Now his boss) for three days.
When I finally scheduled a one on one meeting, he told me "My sole job now is to make it clear they made the wrong decision. It's in my best interest to make sure that you fail."
I tried for about a month to make it work, but eventually he had to be let go.
That was the end of that friendship.
Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 1 year ago
Imagine what sort of a boss he'd have been if he'd been the one promoted instead.
Tabitha 1 year ago (edited)
Never think that a work “friend” is a real friend. Workplaces are riddled with snakes who will smile sweetly in your face then turn around and utterly trash you to the boss, totally screwing you over if they think it’ll further their own career. That person would’ve happily stabbed OP in the back to get that promotion, and was royally pissed off OP got it instead. So they decided they were going to make OP’s life and job as miserable as possible as a punishment. NOT a friend, so there was no “friendship” to end. I would’ve documented everything and reported their threat to HR.
Boopasnoot 1 year ago
I'd have let him go after the first tantrum. If not for the sheer lack of professionalism, then for the incredible immaturity. Lots of great people out there willing to fill his position without the nonsense.
Jan Moore 1 year ago
Not quite the same but, I had a major depressive breakdown at work and ended up on a "stress unit" for 5 days. Looking back I had episodes in the past that went untreated, that can lead to treatment resistant depression. I had a co-worker that I considered my best friend. She never once called or asked my husband, who worked at the same facility, how I was. It can still bring me to tears and it's been 21years. Still haven't got a treatment that lasts.
Ginger ninja 10 months ago
He should have been let go the second he started screaming and tantruming
#22
I once heard my grandmother say that, on the inside, she still felt like a 20-year-old girl. She had been deceived by her own body.
Nova Cat 1 year ago
Same, I once asked my parents in my late 30's when I would ever feel like a grown-up, lol my mom said she still didn't and dad just looked confused. It's nice to know that some of us just never feel like we're getting older inside :)
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Karl-Heinz “Kalle” Wendt 1 year ago
She IS still a 20 year old Girl! Just with many years of experience ;)
Blue Flower 1 year ago
Of course, I am 20 with 43 years of experience 🤣🤣🤣
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Wysteria_Rose 1 year ago
I still refuse to believe that I'm not a teenager anymore. I'm just as confused about everything as I was then.
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
I'm nearly 70. I still feel like a sixteen-year-old. Until I look in the mirror, 🤣
Lene 1 year ago
My grandma once told my aunt that God's greatest punishment to humankind was death. She felt so personally offended that God allowed for death to take humans away. Even when she was very old and her body gave up a bit here and a bit there, more and more all the time, she simply refused to die. But then, a few days after she was properly introduced to my bf and she welcomed him to the family (by giving him money she hid in her hand), she started to sleep a lot and was admitted to the hospital. She said to the doctors she didn't want to go home anymore. And 2 months after she finally gave up. I strongly believe that she held onto life until she saw me taken well care of by having found a good man (my younger cousins had both found their SOs at this point). And wow she was furious at God for allowing God to take life away.
#23
When i was 9 i used to clean the house thinking this is will make my mom say positive things about me, i overheard her talking with my aunt in the phone and said " i wish she is a normal girl and act like a girl and not always cleaning the house"
I went crying in my room after that.
....
Ms. Mack 1 year ago
I too got criticized for keeping my room very tidy and organized and cleaning the house as a child. Looking back, I think it was a way of seeking approval (which I never got), but really a reaction to the chaos in our home. I feel this.
ENSJ 1 year ago
Meh, we could never win. Had to clean the house every weekend, weren't allowed to play outside (would dirty our clothes with grass stains etc), couldn't eat anything outside of mealtime unless you were standing over the sink (to catch the crumbs) and couldn't swim in the pool because then our hair would be wet and dripping all over. We did have a clean house and a pool, that the kids weren't allowed to use.
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Sharon Montour 1 year ago
My mom worked, so Saturday was housecleaning day. When I was on school vacation, during the year or in the summer, I'd clean the house on Friday for her. She LOVED it! And ALWAYS thanked me! I'm 75 now... and when my kids do something for me... I always remember to thank them too!
Margaret Nupponen 1 year ago
The same thing happened to me. I overheard my mother tell my grandmother that I was fat and my hair was a mess. When I complained, my mother told me "People who eavesdrop never hear anything nice about themselves." She did not apologize. I never got over it.
Evelien Stijger Martens 1 year ago
You guessed what would make her happy and you guessed wrong. Maybe talk to her.
#24
I let it slip at a doctor’s office that I was feeling hopeless and down for weeks prior, but I lied and said that it was because of the news when in actuality, I wanted to attend God’s meet-and-greet. I lied because I saw that my mom was glaring at me and shaking her head as if to say “no you haven’t.” She got all mad and stormed out and yelled at me in the car “Do you know how this makes me look as a mother?!?” I was 13. That’s when I realized my mother never cared about her kid. Only appearances. And so I “appeared” to love and care about her for the coming years ☠️ ☠️☠️.
Luke Branwen 1 year ago
Well - "wanted to attend God's meet-and-greet" is at least much more creative than "unalive myself".
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago
Giving you an out here from the downvote, did you mean the Mother or the child?
Load More Replies... UpupaEpops 1 year ago
Yeah... I read somewhere that most kids end up at the psychiatrist because their parents didn't go. OP's mum is a prime example.
Pam McDougall 1 year ago
I understand. Appearance was everything to my mother. She didn't like me because she couldn't control my behavior. I didn't trust her, because she stole from me when I was 5.
Barry Fruitman 1 year ago
I was sent for a psychological evaluation during grade school and got yelled at by my parents for "failing the test." I never even found out my diagnosis.
#25
When my friend told me she knows...
A few months after my mom died I was talking with a good friend (both 38 at the time). I was my mom's primary caregiver; I was reflecting on how hard it was at times.
I mentioned helping my mom with medicines and my friend said "I know (my name)." I began spewing what my mom and I went through and she really listened. I realized without having gone through this herself, she understood completely.
We've been friends since 3rd grade. The type of friends that pick up where we left off.
That last, empathetic "I *know* (my name)" hit my heart something fierce. We've been so much closer since then.
Tamara Heikalo 1 year ago
A cat of ours died in a manner that was, for me, a devastating experience. Someone I had thought was a friend completely ignored me when I made reference to the loss. Another friend, a very busy person (a teacher), took the time to say, very simply: "I hear you." Made all the difference in the world.
#26
My friend committed suicide, and my partner at the time (who is Christian) said “I hope you know he’s suffering now for ending his life. It’s the worst sin.”.
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
That's why they feel they can be so vile. It's their 'get out of jail free' card.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 1 year ago
Funny, Jesus thought that using religion to look down on people was the worst sin.
David 1 year ago
In Judaism, while suicide is a sin, there is something called death from "illness of the mind" which is not considered suicide (written over 1700 years ago in Jewish writings) but death from illness, which is why people who off themselves arent considered suicide in Judaism. One of the few known cases of something considered suicide by Jewish Religious Authorities, was a person whose doctors told him he had to eat on Yom Kippur (Sick or Infirm do not have to fast) and his rabbi said we follow the doctors opinion, but the man fasted anyways and died, and that was considered suicide under Judaism. But the usual someone offing themselves is considered death by "Illness of the mind"
Vinnie 1 year ago
I don't know the approach to suicide in Islam, but I do know that one can break rules to preserve life. Similar rules for Ramadan: exceptions to fasting for illness, breastfeeding, etc.
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Tamara Heikalo 1 year ago
Judgemental hypocritical so-called Christians are gonna have "fun" explaining themselves at the pearly gates.
Spencer's slave no longer 1 year ago
I'd be highly surprised if they even get a glimpse of the pearly gates. I think they'll be having a barbeque with all of us non christian heathens downstairs. They'll be the ones bringing the sour grapes.
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Sweet Taurus 1 year ago
I struggled really hard with the death of my uncle and my (now ex) boyfriend pretty much said the same to me!! I had zero knowledge of religion back then and I took that to heart. It made all the grief I was already being consumed by swallow me whole for a long long time.
Lori Sandoval 1 year ago
Yep. My grandfather had late stage cancer and shot himself rather than suffer any further. I, 10 at the time, drew a picture of him as an angel in heaven and one of my summer camp friends told me he was in hell. My start towards secularism.
Load More Replies... Michelle C 1 year ago
Unfortunately, traditional Catholics in particular tend to believe this. They do have a point since suicide is taking a life, but the Scriptures are clear that nothing but the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is unforgivable.
ann hoskins 1 year ago
Had a pastor once say that mental illness is real and unfortunately it is sometimes fatal. I appreciated that so much. I don't think he saw me crying in relief but I'd never heard it worded that way and never from the pulpit. Grateful for that sermon.
#27
I was in the car with my dad, I was about 40, and he said “Out of all my children, you are the most intelligent, but also the greatest disappointment “. Just out of the blue, like he was talking about the weather.
TribbleThinking 1 year ago
This is like being told the prologue, but with not even a wisp of the actual novel.
DogMomma 1 year ago
Why do you need more context? The hurtful comment speaks for itself, IMHO.
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der sebbl 1 year ago
According to Reddit, op thinks it's because ops siblings are males and op is very liberal while dad is not
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 1 year ago
Back-handed compliments are just another form of verbal abuse.
Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
“Out of all my parents, you are the more toxic, and also the greater disappointment “.
Nathan Lewis 1 year ago
"thanks dad, I use my considerable intelligence to be as disappointing as possible"
Rosemary 1 year ago
When I was 17, my mom told me that I wasn't human because I didn't know how to love. A few years after that, she said it would have been better if I hadn't been born. But by then, I had realized that she had a problem, and I had the choice of whether to let her problem be MY problem, or not. I chose not. We ended up having a really great relationship. Funny thing, in her last few months she developed dementia, and my older sister (who had never been subjected to her verbal abuse) couldn't deal with her craziness. But I could.
ILoveMySon 1 year ago
Thank you for sharing and giving me hope with a family member.
Load More Replies... Marnie 1 year ago (edited)
This was basically what my Dad said to me when I was quite little. I always knew I was very dumb considering how smart I was, because my Dad said this in various ways at various times. (Note I was diagnosed as autistic late in life, and this does pretty much describe me.) I read a childhood diary a few years ago and had quoted my Dad as saying that I disturbed his harmony. I also remember him telling me when I was 4, "I don't like it when people tell me 'no', especially YOU!" Out of many kids and grandkids, he treated me, my brother, and one nephew this way. I realized as an adult where this all came from. He had too high of an expectation of us three. We are all high IQ people, but with other deficits. My Dad was actually a very generous and good-hearted person, just a terrible communicator. He was incapable of getting his feelings hurt, and had to be explained very clearly when he was doing that to others, but then he'd feel very badly. (Everyone in the family thinks he was autistic. He could have been the poster child for the disorder.)
#28
When I was 11, my mom came up to me out of nowhere and said if she ever had to choose between me and my step-dad, she would choose him.
When I was 12, my absentee, d**g addict father showed up to my grandparents' house, on Christmas, and asked if he could "borrow" the money I just got from them as my gift.
Daniela Lavanza 1 year ago
Why do douchebags have kids if they can't raise them properly? Poor OP!
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"Mom, I understand. If I ever had to choose between you and my step-dad, I'd choose him too."
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
I have always heard how women should always pick their partners over their kids because women would be living with their partners when kids have left for doing their own life's. I don't agree, but I always hear this anyway
Tabitha 1 year ago
There shouldn’t have to be a choice of one or the other, unless one of them turns out to be a terrible person. Why can’t people understand that the center of their universe can accommodate more than one person or thing at a time? You can have your spouse AND your kids AND your other family AND your pets AND your hobbies all in that center, with plenty of room left for any new arrivals. No need to kick anyone out unless they become horrible people.
Load More Replies... #29
My ex spent about eight years always going on about being childfree and not wanting to ruin her life with kids. I was always on the same page because I know I don't want kids. One random day, she says "You know, I'm thinking I'd like to have kids. I don't wanna go through the hassle of raising them, so maybe we'll hire a nanny like my parents did... but I totally have baby fever and I'm not refilling my birth control anymore."
That was the beginning of the end of our relationship.
#30
"Oh sorry something came up can we postpone"
Over and over and over and over
I'm tired of pulling teeth to make our friendship work.
Melinda Flick 1 year ago
I had a friend from the age of 4. She had a bad case of main character syndrome. Once we were all adults, her mom initiated contact more than she did. About 5 years ago, I quite initiating. Haven't heard a peep since then.
Doctor Strange 1 year ago
This is why I don't celebrate my birthday anymore, or plan any events really. Too many times, I pour my heart and time and energy to putting it all together, only to have the "I got invited to something else, I'm going to that instead." Sends a pretty clear message of how important I am.
Gg 1 year ago
Ugh had a friend not go to another friend's wedding because she was going out after work that night with work people and they already rescheduled once. Then she didn't go to my wedding because she was going to visit her Mom, which she does several times a year. I was really don't with her after that
Ordhaj 1 year ago
For years, I was always the one who compensated. Now, I do 50% of the friendship. I was traveling and contacted someone I knew. The friend I was staying with kept asking, "Has so-and-so got back in touch?" Nope. I was in the airport, waiting for my flight home when I received a text message: "OMG! I forgot! Are you still in town?" I didn't even bother to respnd.
Boopasnoot 1 year ago
Never put more effort into a friendship than you get from them. It sets you up for disappointment and you're more likely to be used.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"Postpone? Sure. How about an hour before the earth falls into the sun? Or is that too soon for you?"
#31
I had just met a man and been dating him for only a few months when we were invited to a party with his friend group.
I was hesitating to go - as whilst I'm an extrovert, I wasn't interested in hanging out with a whole tribe of guys I'd never met. Further from that, in the past I've had unpleasant interactions with a big group of young men - which of course added to my trepidation.
I fully supported him going by himself, however we had a conversation wherein he was trying to convince me to come. Somewhere in this midst of this discussion, he told me he loved me for the first time, and expressed how much it would mean to him that I went with him, as his partner.
It was a very clear moment to me, wherein I instantly believed him and is a very fond, core memory of our first beautiful moment. He was very nervous to say this, and I hadn't seen this vulnerability in him yet. By the way, he's a very tall, muscular man, so needless to say it was surprising and incredibly endearing.
Its now over 8 years later, we have a house of our own, a beautiful dog and getting married April next year. I love him more and more every single day, and I truely believe that those very few words were a pivotal moment in our relationship - he showed me his sensitive and sentimental side, which has only grown in time.
Love this guy so freaking much, excuse me while I go and hug him 😁
Edit: a word.
#32
My mum asked me to forgive the man who SA'ed me for 7 years (ages 5-12). Because it was her brother.
Fast forward told my dad. And he told me he doesn't understand my generation and their needs and asked me to let it go.
Moved out after that.
ZGutr 1 year ago
Can't wrap my head around this one. As a dad I can say the only reason i sit here typing is because the three I love most made me promise not to go after the guy. That's the only reason I'm not in jail for deadly assault. But he better not come knocking for some family visit ... I might end up breaking that promise.
Birb 1 year ago
When i was raped, i told my parents about it. My mom said i had to forget that it happend. Yup, i did for a couple of years and in 2007, dang it went downhill and in 2010 i got diagnosed with PTSD.
Ms. Mack 1 year ago
I am so sorry this happened to you. My mother responded in much the same way and criticized my behaviors for years. She still won't accept that my behaviors were in fact symptoms. I am grateful for my diagnoses as they gave me a starting point towards recovery. I hope you have been able to do the same.
Load More Replies... LonelyLittleLeafSheep 1 year ago
I never told my family when I was raped because I knew they'd respond with judgement and criticism toward me. Years later, I finally found the strength to go NC with their toxic asses. My mental health is much better now.
#33
My partner was mistreating me emotionally and I called him on it. I used the term "Emotional Abuse" after many discussions with my therapist about it and he really took it very personally. He did his homework and figured out how to be a better person.
April Conner 1 year ago
That is a huge twist that doesn't happen often in life. Congratulations for changing this person's life for the better.
Farah the Turtle 1 year ago
Are you the person in the story? No? Ok then stfu
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#34
I was barely holding it together as I was talking to my dad about how I'd be having to make some calls to the bank because there were thousands of dollars missing from my account. And he just casually says, "Yeah, that was me." He'd decided, without asking, to use my money to pay for household expenses, like changing the tires on the car. Thousands of dollars gone.
Just thinking about now it puts me in the mindset of a desperate man with nothing left to lose. The reason I didn't pursue legal action was because I'd be spending thousands more just to send him to prison. Instead I moved out asap and haven't seen or spoken to him since.
G A 1 year ago
Why would it cost you to send him to prison? That's on the state. You wouldn't need a lawyer except in a civil case. Bang the f****r up!
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
In my country any legal procedure cost hundreds of thousands dollars. Specially getting someone in jail, because then they don't need to pay any compensation or legal fees because the state will provide free legal representation for prisoners. But as the accusatory party, you have to pay very expensive legal fees, attorneys, audiences, proof providing and a lot of more stuff. If you pursue any civil or criminal case, you most likely will need to sell your house.. and that may not be enough. That's how legal system works in my country. And legal processes can take up to more than 10 years... So no wonder why people prefer to just go away
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Carla Phillips 1 year ago
Was it a joint account? If so, OP has no legal recourse. I have seen so many stories on here about parents forcing a joint account on their could, and boom! They wipe them out. Never a good idea, imho
UpupaEpops 1 year ago
I don't know about OP but in my country, you can have a debit card as soon as you turn 14, however the parent has to open it for you. You can't have your own account until you turn 18. After that, unless you ask for their removal from your card, the parent who opened the original account remains a beneficiary and, as such, has access to your account. I found out about this the hard way, although my mother only liked to "monitor" my account. To the best of my knowledge, she never stole from it. I had her removed after I refused to tell her how much I was earning at my temp job and she called me back triumphantly saying that she didn't like my answer so she accessed my card herself. Incidentally, this is why I'm sure she never stole from my account. That woman is just incapable of shutting the f**k up.
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Lonny Parton 1 year ago
You realize there are many different nations in this world with radically different systems, don't you?
Load More Replies... #35
"My therapist said I've only been friends with you for so long because it's convenient. I don't have to try to make other friends or get out of my comfort zone. But other than that we aren't really friends anymore... I think she might be right."
Said to me by my best friend of 20 years. He was like an older brother to me, we were so close that we would have crazy ESP moments of texting each other the same thing at the exact same time. We just knew each other THAT well. He was my platonic soulmate.
It's been four years since he told me that. Four years since we last spoke. I just can't seem to heal this one.
tameson 1 year ago
Remember, the friend thought about it and decided the therapist was right. It sounds to me like the therapist was probably doing a good job.The friendship could easily have been toxic.
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Con O Cuinn 1 year ago
We're only getting one side here. Let's not pretend that friendships can't be codependent and toxic, nor that one or both parties may be oblivious to this fact.
#36
My father told all of us kids from his first marriage, "I'm getting my vasotomy reversed so that I can have kids that aren't messed up by their mother."
I demanded an apology on the spot, but he said, "The bible says a parent never has to apologize to their children." Which I replied, "I don't believe in your superstition, so we can just not speak until you apologize to me."
It's been almost 30 years now...
CSC 1 year ago
I was going to say, I may not know the bible well but I have never heard that one before.
Load More Replies... April Conner 1 year ago
Holy moly! No where in the Bible does it say that! People who use the Bible, inaccurately I might add, make me so mad I want to cause them harm...but I won't cause that kind of thing IS frowned upon in the Bible
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 1 year ago
Good for you! Dumping a toxic family can be difficult but it lifts a massive weight from your shoulders.
Bettye McKee 1 year ago
Don't hold your breath waiting for that apology. Move on and live your life.
#37
I asked my super rich aunt for help paying my rent once, and she called my sister to ask her what was going on since they were much closer than we were. My sister and I had been extremely close all of our lives. She told my aunt not to help since I was a d**g addict and that's where all the money was going to go. I've never done d***s other than some pot. I got evicted and ended up having to quit my job and move across the country. We now haven't spoken in almost 5 years.
#38
They said, 'I don't care,' during a crisis. I realized they were never truly there for me.
Karina 1 year ago
Depends on how much tit for tat mentality we carry. Sure, not everything meassures up, but its still a crisis for the person who feels they are having a crisis. Otherwise, they would use a different word. Its up to each of us to judge how much we have to give, and how much we care. Its NOT up to us to judge what is a crisis for somebody else.
Load More Replies... Karina 1 year ago
Thats the point. If crisis are trivial to them, and you have to be tough to be someones "friend", you are better of alone. Spare your resources. Thats true balance, not carrying dead weight
Load More Replies... #39
I miscarried our baby 2 weeks after he left for deployment. Was gone for 3 1/2 months. Within a week of him being back he was making jokes like "you didnt want me to be a dad" then would be like "too soon..?" While smiling n s**t. Yeah we arent together anymore and thats the short version.
TribbleThinking 1 year ago
Good call. Emotionally devoid of anything for his offspring, uncaring of you AND creepy. Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner here!
#40
She called me her safe space, her person. Time and time again she proves what she feels with how easy it is for her to talk about the really heavy stuff when she feels alone in her struggles. And im all ears, always.
Michele Viney 1 year ago
I don't know if OP will see this. But thank you for being a safe space. We all need someone like this in our lives - and it's not always available.
April Conner 1 year ago
I have a friend who calls me the Samwise to her Frodo. I treasure that with all my heart
#41
Next year, you'll wish you had started today.
Kalevra 1 year ago
Do it. Just do it. Don’t let your dreams be dreams. Yesterday, you said tomorrow. So just do it. Make your dreams come true. Just do it. Some people dream of success, while you’re gonna wake up and work hard at it. Nothing is impossible. You should get to the point where anyone else would quit, and you’re not gonna stop there. No, what are you waiting for? Do it! Just do it! Yes you can. Just do it. If you’re tired of starting over, stop giving up.
#42
Guy i was friends with was hanging out at my place when my little sister (10 at the time he was 14 and i was 15) walked in and asked me for something (i dont remember what) and he said something rude like "go away kid" or some s**t and she threw shade back saying "maybe you could leave you tub of lard" (he was fat) and then he immediately said "go away before i use a dildo on you" and i looked at him with disgust and it took me all of my will power not to clock him and throw him outside and i just told him to leave immediately blocked him everywhere and told all of our mutuals what happened.
Natalia 1 year ago
You need serious help. Way to out yourself as a nonce.
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#43
When I told my ex-husband that I had been struggling with thoughts of killing myself he replied "All I heard you just say is that you'd rather be dead than be with me."
Way to make it all about yourself, buddy. Thanks.
ETA: He said this while we were arguing about him banging somebody at work so while I wish it was said from a place of shock or fear, it was not. I was trying to open up about why I'd been so withdrawn lately because he kept saying that was why he was doing it, I had been afraid of telling him because I thought he would judge me.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Real nice guy. She talking suicide, and he can only talk about its advantages.
#44
My mother told me that she believed that I hate her while I was at her house giving her money because she needed help to get through the week. I can still feel the hole that statement left in my heart.
Caitlin Davenport 1 year ago
It says more about her than about you. Maybe she has a lot of self hate and was desperate for some reassurance? Or maybe she can't see how someone can not hate her.
TribbleThinking 1 year ago (edited)
Some people are just miserable soul suckers like that. They react to love by acting as though the opposite happened. For instance, my mother once asked to BORROW £1,000. Being nice, I GAVE her £3,000. My reward? The very next day, talking to my sister, I was told "Mother said yesterday that you're very selfish". That remains the only time in my life I've demanded a gift be returned.
Daniela Lavanza 1 year ago
I for one would have taken money back immediately, saying that well, if I hate her, I have to behave accordingly, right?
#45
My mom told me once in the middle of a fight that she regrets raising me.
TribbleThinking 1 year ago
Back at her "Well, it's you criticising your own mistake, so it's you who should be ashamed. DOH."
Kiss Army 1 year ago
One time when my son was a teenager and we were arguing, I was very flustered and said "Sometimes, I really hate you." I meant to say I hate the things he does. I immediately apologized and explained myself and told him how much I loved him and would always love him even though we frustrate each other and get angry sometimes. It has been many years and whenever I think about it I am still embarrassed and ashamed for what I said... I continually want to call him and apologize again in case this is a memory that haunts him too but I just don't know what to do.
Carla Phillips 1 year ago
I feel this so much. My mom can be cruel. She's told me on more than one occasion that she wishes she had aborted me. I always reply with, me too!
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 1 year ago
It’s sad how many of these posts are about this kind of thing :(
Michael Largey 1 year ago
When I was 30 and in an argument with my mother, she snapped at me "You've never really grown up!" Gee, wonder who was in charge of me when that wasn't happening?
#46
Got SA when i was 18, my then fiancé told me i wanted it to happen and said i deserved it.
Daniela Lavanza 1 year ago (edited)
Translation: he could do it too since consent doesn't exist in his world. Dangerous guy here. And as mean as I sound saying it, I think HE deserves to get it. Then maybe he'd get the lesson learned.
#47
Probably the day my dad told me he wasn't going to live to see me graduate high school. He was insanely depressed at that time. I knew what he meant, that he wanted to kill himself. It's been almost 15 years since he said that, and he's still kicking. But it was that moment that I realized I was going to have to be more of an adult in that relationship than he was.
Jacqui Dunn 1 year ago
My father was seriously harmed emotionally by a very early childhood event. It affected him his whole life. Sometimes I treated him badly because I thought he should be a better man - he seemed such a loser. I didn't bother asking him how he was feeling or being in any way sympathetic, because I was the child and he was the father! Later, much later, after I found out how damaged he had been, I understood that he couldn't heal himself, because he never talked about it until he was close to death. By understanding how lost he was, I found my love for him again.
#48
My grandma told me “you are a sad, broken person” when I was literally 90% ready to end my life. She knew what I had just been through, she knew I had nothing left, but had to defend my abusive grandfather that was driving me to suicide.
He died and she tried to mend the relationship, but I don’t think I’ll ever get over that.
#49
‘You should go back to him’- father to daughter about a dv abusive man, multiple times.
He’s just a old guy I visit now, his advice and words mean nothing.
Magenta Blu 1 year ago (edited)
Yeah, somehow as.sholes have amazing families
Load More Replies... #50
Was dating a girl I worked with at the time. I was on my way to work and found out one of my best friends from college got into a car accident and passed away. I got to work, sat down at my desk and just couldn’t focus, so I told my manager and he said, “go home, take the day.” I really appreciated that response.
Then when my girlfriend got home, I was clearly devastated. I started talking about attending the funeral in DC while I was balling. When she turned and said, “Oh, I have friends in DC, we can meet up with them!”
I was shocked that’s where her thoughts went immediately went to. It made me question her priorities in our relationship moving forward. We eventually broke up as she clearly wasn’t the right person for me.
Nizumi 1 year ago (edited)
Sorry to be a language pedant to such a horrible story. But the word is "bawling". I only mention it because "balling" means something diametrically opposite to what this poor guy was going through. And many Pandas are reading English as a second or third or even fourth language, so - yeah - please don't mix up "balling" with "bawling". Peace!
Papa 1 year ago
I agree with the language correction. I disagree that we can conclude the girlfriend was a cold-hearted b***h from that one comment (as I said in my other post).
Load More Replies... #51
My sister told me during an argument that she thinks the reason my husband was depressed and wanted to kill himself was because of me.
I can't see her the same after that. It's all i think about every time we talk.
Disgruntled Pelican 1 year ago
There is NO excuse to EVER say that someone is the reason for another person's depression or suicide. Stop trying to defend this behavior.
Load More Replies... #52
I have Stage 4 Colorectal cancer and was having a large chunk of my liver removed 2 years ago. I called my sons dad to give him instructions in case anything happened as my adult son is bipolar and his dad doesn't give a s**t. He said "I hope you die b***h". I'll never forget that one.
G A 1 year ago
Okee dokey then, see ya! To be fair, you kinda knew you were going to get that response off a resentful ex. Leopards don't change their spots.
Bartlet for World Domination 1 year ago
I assume you'll have the same callous response when it's you calling your mentally unstable son's parent because you might die soon. Okee dokey then!
Load More Replies... #53
"Maybe we need a divorce."
Twice :(
Edit: I (foolishly) married young when I was in the military. Divorce number one. A decade later I divorced again with a different woman. I have two kids with two different moms. It's all a mess. I ruin everything. Stay away, y'all.
Magenta Blu 1 year ago (edited)
I still think "maybe we need a divorce" is way better than "I don't think i want to marry" only for marrying the very next girlfriend after me. I can understand this happening one or twice... But when this happens about 4 times in a row... You start to consider what's wrong with you. It doesn't help that in more than 46 years NO ONE EVER asked if I wanted to be their girlfriend... Let alone wife... Or partner... Which is very sad as all i ever wanted since I was a child, was to have family. Which i don't, because my parents and grandparents passed away more than 12 years ago and i was only child. There are no aunts or uncles or cousins.. and people use to be busy with their own families. So here am i on BP trying hard to hold myself together (Please don't advice to get a pet. It is not the same)
#54
My extremely jealous ex-wife had a mental breakdown when I wouldn’t give her the reassurance she demanded that I wasn’t having an affair (this had gone on for years). I spent 20 minutes thinking, “I’m going to have to have her committed,” before she finally calmed down. She fell asleep and I went to sleep on the couch, but was so unsettled and worried she might try something that I was up most of the night.
Things were never the same for me after that, and I brought it up about a year later to show her how unstable our marriage was when she apparently thought everything was fine. I told her, “I didn’t sleep because I was afraid you might come and stab me to death.” I expected her to be dismissive or even laugh. Instead all she said was, “Yeah, that was a really bad night.”.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
If the OP wasn't having an affair, why wouldn't he assure his wife that he wasn't? I presume she must have demanded something unreasonable.
Lene 1 year ago
If he had to reassure her several times per week he may have been sick and tired to repeating himself over and over again. It likely wouldn't help to just say "no, I'm not having an affair". He probably had to figure out how to prove that he wasn't having an affair. I've only been in one relationship with a jaloux partner and it was extremely exhausting even though not nearly as bad as what OP describes. But with the little experience I have, he was likely questioned a lot. A LOT!
Load More Replies... #55
"You're a b***h just like your mother!"
Like a decade later dad asked for permission to attend mom's funeral. They'd been divorced for 15 years and he'd spent the entire time saying worse than that about her on a regular basis. But when he asked, that's what rang through my mind, so I said No.
So around 15 years later, I'm in my mid 30s and dad is begging me to come be his medical proxy in the hospital, make decisions for him in his final days like I did for my mother. After talking it over with the kindest and most empathetic person I've ever known, I broke NC for the first time in years to ask if he needed me to pull the plug for him.
Because my friend was right, it'd be wrong of me to leave a *rabid dog* hooked up to machines experiencing a lingering painful death, no matter how much it hurt me in the past.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Frankly many of us have had abusive people from our past where we'd love to have our fingers on that plug.
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 1 year ago
It would be cruel to leave a dog hooked up and suffering, but your sperm donor isn't a dog and deserves no such respect. Let him linger in pain.
#56
“You’re not ugly, you’re just not your own type”.
Ellinor 1 year ago
It says that if you find yourself ugly or maybe undeserving of people's love, it's not because you're actually ugly but that you're not of your own taste. Like you don't love your appearance but other people might (and do).
Load More Replies... #58
"You are actually delusional", because I got so exasperated during a late night argument that I used a metaphor to try to explain myself.
...that was the moment I realised how toxic and emotionally abusive it had become.
Bartlet for World Domination 1 year ago
You're not required to comment, you know.
Load More Replies... #59
"I'm just Dave." - Ex-Uncle Dave My aunt cheated on him, and it broke my heart. Then he found another who was scared of old family ties. So he he personally informed me he was no longer my uncle, despite being the best uncle ever.
He tried to reconnect at the end of his life. But I didn't have time for Just Dave.
Karl-Heinz “Kalle” Wendt 1 year ago
"He tried to reconnect at the end of his life. But I didn't have time for Just Dave." It's gonna probably take you another 30 years to understand regret about missed oppertunities.
Meagan Glaser 1 year ago
The missed opportunity of...spending time and emotional energy comforting someone who abandoned you and declared your relationship didn't exist, knowing full well they only want to reconnect for their own benefit and otherwise still wouldn't care about you? Gosh, what a thing to miss!
Load More Replies... What do you think ?
Sami-Jo Ross 1 year ago (edited)
"I don't care." Said by my parents when I wanted to talk about something I enjoyed. Now I don't bother. ETA: Y'all are so sweet, omg ;v;
GhostlySnail (she/her) 1 year ago
I’m sorry. What are you interested in? I’ll listen :)
Load More Replies...
Cookie 1 year ago
Me telling my friends of 30 years about my illness. Them: "It's all in your head. That is just your imagination." They are not my friends anymore.
Angel 1 year ago
I fell into the habit of not making my bed for a good while (I was either too busy or too lazy or both). One day I was in an oganizing mood and I DID end up tidying it. My 9 year old came into my room for something or another, noticed immediately, and said "wow mom that looks SO nice". I've made the bed first thing in the morning every day since.
Emmy S. 1 year ago
Sometimes all it takes is encouragement or a compliment from someone to make a difference ♥️
Load More Replies... Daniela Lavanza 1 year ago (edited)
Some points here leave me speechless. People can be mean and have evil thoughts, ok...but saying it out loud to one person, what do they expect? Even in their own selfish interest, this is pointless: the person will be unlikely to ever help them again would they need it one day. So it's also a token of stupidity IMHO.
*~M∆¥~* 1 year ago
When I was 16 I was visiting in Ohio and decided I wanted to stay instead of going back to Tennessee with my dad. Well one day I was arguing with my much younger brother and my mom but not biological, said to me " why do you have to be mean to him because he's my real kid and your not" . I called my dad that night and he drove up and brought me back home to Tennessee that next day.
Doctor Strange 1 year ago
One I'll never forget. It was report card day. I brought home a report card with 3 C's on it. Everything else was an A or a B. But three C's. My father's exact words to me? "Get out of my sight. I don't even want to look at you. You make me sick."
Melissa B 1 year ago
My brothers could bring home C's and D's all year long and it was, well, you did your best. I brought home one D my whole entire time in school (at the time I was in 11th grade), I ended up grounded for a month and told how much of a disappointment I was. Most of the time I was all A's and the occasional B, which also had a lecture attached to it. That has stuck with me my whole life. I'm 47 now and it still hurts to think about.
Load More Replies... Sarah Léon 1 year ago
When I was a kid, I loved my grand-aunt better than my grand-mother. She came visit my mother every week, she was funny whereas my grand-mother was rough and distant. When I was 24 I decided to come out to both my grand-aunt and my grand-mother at my mother's house (she already knew). I was scared about my grand-mother's reaction (she was really rough !). They didn't say anything but the same night (my birthday), my grand-aunt told me how degenerate I was, how gay people were all sick and how I needed to go to the hospital and be locked-in forever. It was... I don't know. I was in shock like everyone. I suppose, because we were ine Tunisia, she felt free to speak. Me grand-mother didn't say anything but later she asked about my girlfriend and my love life. It completely changed my vision and I stopped talking to my grand-aunt but came closer to my grand-mother. (oh and my mother did lecture her aunt the next day, yelling at her for 30 minutes !)
Stckynote 1 year ago
my boyfriend: if you'd leave me alone once in awhile maybe id have s*x with you. 15 years and that still stings
Doctor Strange 1 year ago
I hope you have found someone who makes you feel genuinely loved and cared for.
Load More Replies...
Sami-Jo Ross 1 year ago (edited)
"I don't care." Said by my parents when I wanted to talk about something I enjoyed. Now I don't bother. ETA: Y'all are so sweet, omg ;v;
GhostlySnail (she/her) 1 year ago
I’m sorry. What are you interested in? I’ll listen :)
Load More Replies... Cookie 1 year ago
Me telling my friends of 30 years about my illness. Them: "It's all in your head. That is just your imagination." They are not my friends anymore.
Angel 1 year ago
I fell into the habit of not making my bed for a good while (I was either too busy or too lazy or both). One day I was in an oganizing mood and I DID end up tidying it. My 9 year old came into my room for something or another, noticed immediately, and said "wow mom that looks SO nice". I've made the bed first thing in the morning every day since.
Emmy S. 1 year ago
Sometimes all it takes is encouragement or a compliment from someone to make a difference ♥️
Load More Replies... Daniela Lavanza 1 year ago (edited)
Some points here leave me speechless. People can be mean and have evil thoughts, ok...but saying it out loud to one person, what do they expect? Even in their own selfish interest, this is pointless: the person will be unlikely to ever help them again would they need it one day. So it's also a token of stupidity IMHO.
*~M∆¥~* 1 year ago
When I was 16 I was visiting in Ohio and decided I wanted to stay instead of going back to Tennessee with my dad. Well one day I was arguing with my much younger brother and my mom but not biological, said to me " why do you have to be mean to him because he's my real kid and your not" . I called my dad that night and he drove up and brought me back home to Tennessee that next day.
Doctor Strange 1 year ago
One I'll never forget. It was report card day. I brought home a report card with 3 C's on it. Everything else was an A or a B. But three C's. My father's exact words to me? "Get out of my sight. I don't even want to look at you. You make me sick."
Melissa B 1 year ago
My brothers could bring home C's and D's all year long and it was, well, you did your best. I brought home one D my whole entire time in school (at the time I was in 11th grade), I ended up grounded for a month and told how much of a disappointment I was. Most of the time I was all A's and the occasional B, which also had a lecture attached to it. That has stuck with me my whole life. I'm 47 now and it still hurts to think about.
Load More Replies... Sarah Léon 1 year ago
When I was a kid, I loved my grand-aunt better than my grand-mother. She came visit my mother every week, she was funny whereas my grand-mother was rough and distant. When I was 24 I decided to come out to both my grand-aunt and my grand-mother at my mother's house (she already knew). I was scared about my grand-mother's reaction (she was really rough !). They didn't say anything but the same night (my birthday), my grand-aunt told me how degenerate I was, how gay people were all sick and how I needed to go to the hospital and be locked-in forever. It was... I don't know. I was in shock like everyone. I suppose, because we were ine Tunisia, she felt free to speak. Me grand-mother didn't say anything but later she asked about my girlfriend and my love life. It completely changed my vision and I stopped talking to my grand-aunt but came closer to my grand-mother. (oh and my mother did lecture her aunt the next day, yelling at her for 30 minutes !)
Stckynote 1 year ago
my boyfriend: if you'd leave me alone once in awhile maybe id have s*x with you. 15 years and that still stings
Doctor Strange 1 year ago
I hope you have found someone who makes you feel genuinely loved and cared for.
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