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35 People Share Things That Confuse Them But They’re Too Afraid To Ask
Interview With Author
We’re only human. You can’t expect to be perfect all the time—no matter how much you strive for that, there will always be some glaring flaws and gaps in your knowledge that you might find embarrassing. It’s best to fix what you can and embrace all the rest. Though, to be fair, that’s much easier said than done. And that’s exactly what internet users have been discussing over on the r/AskReddit subreddit.
Redditor Wijting asked people to share the things that they believe they’re doing wrong, but are too scared to ask somebody about. In a very honest thread, people opened up about all the things, big and small, that they’re either too embarrassed to ask about in real life or are simply too afraid to draw attention to because they think others would make fun of them for this. Fortunately, the friendly folks of Reddit were more than happy to offer their own advice to people.
Have a read through some of these honest posts, upvote the ones that you can personally relate to, and if you’re feeling brave enough, share what you personally think you’re doing wrong in the comment section. Maybe some Pandas will come along with some helpful advice.
One of the biggest marvels in life, at least for me, is that it's never too late to start learning something new. No matter how embarrassed we might be, no matter our age, we can accomplish great things if we put in the effort. I had a chat about what we should do to put ourselves in the best possible position to learn new things as we grow older with Age UK, a charity that helps everyone make the most of later life. Scroll down for Bored Panda’s interview with them below. I also reached out to the author of the viral thread, redditor Wijting. You can read what they had to say below as well.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I have no idea if my lunch break is an hour or 30 minutes.
Where my office is located in my building, my boss and co-workers can’t see me leave for lunch. When I started, I just began taking hour lunches like I did at my last job. Recently, I heard a co-worker mention taking her 30 minute lunch.
I’ve been taking hour long lunches for 6 years and it’s way past the point of asking…
Jyri Hakola 4 years ago
If you are able to do all of your tasks on time, perform well, your boss is happy and no one complains, keep having a 1 hour break and in any cases do not ask. Eventually your employer pays your achievements, not the time that you sat on your chair and well rested and fed brain is likely more productive in the afternoon than brain without a break.
Ivy la Sangrienta 4 years ago
My boss told me (when I was hired) that he doesn't care how long my lunches are or if I run personal errands during they day, as long as all my tasks were done. And they always are.
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Seabeast 4 years ago
In most places, breaks are mandated by law. Where I live, a full eight hour day must include a one hour break and two 15 minute coffee/bathroom breaks between. A four hour day might only include the one 15 minute break, a six hour day might include that plus a 30 minute break.
Kristine Phillips 4 years ago
My job had us sign our 30 minute away. We get one 10 minute break. Sometimes we work more than 7 hours. When we clock out, we have to push if we took or first 10 and then ask if we took our 2nd 10. Most times I have no one to cover me for my 2nd break. So I lie so I don't have to stay 10 more minutes there. I clock out and use the bathroom because I really have too pee. I
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Haunting Spirit 4 years ago
I work for a multinational IT company in the Netherlands. If I want to take an hour break then I may, if I want it to be two hours, then that's fine. My boss expect an average of 6 productive hours a day and doesn't care how I fill my day in. If the work gets done than it's okay. I really like this way of working as I can schedule my whole day as I want. Especially since we are working from home since the beginning of March 2020.
Bettie-Jean Neal 4 years ago
Last year, in the midst of the pandemic I got a new job. No one told me what the hours are because I work from home and I assumed it was 8 am to 5 pm. Corporate put out a memo stating that in no way was anyone to ever schedule a meeting during lunch and that from 12-12:30, it's mandatory that you take lunch. I had been taking an hour, but I do start at 8 and apparently we don't start until 8:30. When we go back in to the office, I plan on continuing to take an hour and keeping my start time at 8.
Fiona Parky 4 years ago
I do 12 hour shifts so I’m entitled to 1 1/2 hours break. How I take that is up to me. I have to split it into at least 3 breaks because otherwise I’d be working too long without a break but otherwise it’s my choice. I can have 2 breaks of 10 minutes and an hour and 10 minutes for lunch, I can have 3 half hour breaks. You get the idea. Maybe it’s the same at your work and your colleagues are taking two 15 minute breaks then a half hour lunch?
Martha Meyer 4 years ago
I wish I could take an entire hour in peace without my rabbit wheel colleague eating her lunch at the desk with one hand and while the other one is still typing.
RELATED:
#2
I feel like I’m really articulate when I’m going about my day especially over text, but as soon as I get into a verbal disagreement, it’s like my brain shuts off and I forget how to think. Like a deer in the headlights. I don’t remember it always being this way, but it’s like I struggle to accurately express myself.
Helderder 4 years ago
Or anger, depending on the situation. But emotions play a big part on my side
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Daria B 4 years ago
I'm similar, and I'm suspecting it's a matter of focus, besides else. In text, all you have is your own thoughts, but in actual conversation - the visual, the sound, the unpredictability of the conversation flow... it's all kind of distracting, and if you're a slow thinker, chances are high that, no matter how smart, articulate, linguistically competent you are - you are going to either mess it up, or stay passive.
ben woskje 4 years ago
+1 - you're not alone there! Writing a work email - all good. Get in a meeting where someone makes an claim about something in IT (my line of work) that is equivalent to "vaccines cause autism" or "the earth is flat" - and i just so dumbfounded that i cant form a coherent sentence. Was even worse in my 20's when single. Talking to a girl im not attracted to at all - not a problem. Talking to someone i even slightly "like" - "Do you like stuff?" - and that's all i got.
troufaki13 4 years ago
I feel you... And then when I lay in bed at night I replay the argument in my head only this time I know exactly what I'm supposed to say and of course I win
Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
This happens to most people as well as thinking of the perfect responses back an hour later. If you're under enough stress you don't necessarily get better with practice, it gets more difficult to respond. It's like your brain gets pummeled. Unfortunately, this also starts to happen with age. And yes, I'm so tired of hearing that. But if arguments tend to happen about the same subjects, it does help to visualize sample situations, especially with the same people. Helped me a lot as to how to respond to different MDs depending on their behavioral history.
Ghost Reis Korn 123 4 years ago
I so agree with you all. I work in a well paid, leading position and I can make my point very clearly when I am writing it down. But in an argument which comes put of the blue I am pretty helpless and tend to just step back. Later I recall those incidents and of course find all the right words to stand my ground
Jill Bussey 4 years ago
My articulate brain comes into service about an hour or two after the discussion.
#3
I have no idea how often I should text, call or hang out with a friend to maintain a friendship. Especially long distance. I’ve lost friends over the years because I hate texting and don’t understand how often I need to keep in touch with someone. The only friends I’ve kept are the ones I can meet in person.
Kari Panda 4 years ago
Same. And whenever I DO text someone, I worry if I‘m clingy or bothersome.
Winter Eleven 4 years ago
My vest friend and i have known each other since kindergarten. We don't talk for weeks (y'know busy life, we're in different colleges) but when we text/call/skype we just continue the conversation from how many weeks ago, like it's nothing 🙃 We both have adhd and Time is an illusion
Mohammad Ammar 4 years ago
I personally message people on their birthdays and ask what they're doing and stuff. Then a while later I ask if they're free to meet up. You can start there.
Little king trash mouth 4 years ago
We're clearly doing it wrong, lol. But love your user name!
Load More Replies... GoldfishCrackers 4 years ago
This doesn’t always apply, but I’ve realized that with the introverts in my life we can go for YEARS without talking and pick up where we left off. Extroverts it’s harder to do that and they appreciate more frequent convos. I’ve also come to realize that it’s not all on ME to keep friendships going. If they’re not contacting me, I don’t need to feel bad not contacting them unless I really want to, but just haven’t yet for whatever reason.
Beth Arriaga 4 years ago
I'm exactly the opposite. My best friend and I only text. She moved cross country but it did not change a thing because we never saw each other, only texted. We both have chronic illnesses and don't feel like going places often, and people get mad when we have to cancel, but we totally understand each other.
Anne Mitchell 4 years ago
Actually what you have done is sift true friends from "others". True friends are there happily getting on with their lives but are ready for contact when you are. The reverse is also true,
Redditor Wijting told Bored Panda that they were inspired to create the thread because they hope that it would help them work some stuff out. "The reason why I made the thread was because I had something on my mind. I think I've been doing something wrong for a while. I was hoping the thread would give me the courage to ask the question myself. To be honest, my particular problem compared to some answers on the thread was rather small," they opened up.
I was also interested to find out whether the redditor thinks that being candid in embarrassing and awkward situations actually helps bring people closer together. "People like honesty and honesty within any type of relationship will make the bond stronger. This is a personal view though," they told Bored Panda.
#4
I really wish someone could supervise me during social interactions and give me real honest feedback about what I am doing wrong.
Kerstin Fransen 4 years ago
That would actually be amazing! I struggle with social interactions from time to time and I really wonder how I actually come across.
eeeeeeeee 4 years ago
I can tell you - you are over thinking too much. Pretend like you don't exist for a while, ask questions, really listen to the answers, pretty soon you will be interacting well. You are perfect as you are, and other people will love you, you just need to step out of your own way and stop judging yourself so much.
Will Lanni 4 years ago
I have made this request to friends. "Can you observe me for about five minutes in this next conversation at this party? I want to know if I'm missing social cues, or how bad my jokes actually are." It had to be requested in a very specific way, where they didn't have to worry about hurting my feelings, AND didn't have to embarrass me in front of other people.
ThoughtsAreNotFacts 4 years ago
Most of the time people aren't actually as "awkward" or "socially inept" as they fear they are!
Ileana Sky Aviles 4 years ago
I ask questions about the other person. Get interested and curious with what they have to say
sofacushionfort 4 years ago
start by giving people credit for having the goodwill to handle anything other than negativity.
Inna Drobi 3 years ago
i like to watch smart sitcoms, like Friends, they show what is acceptable, but every society has its own rules, at the beginning try to avoid complicated topics, like personal or political or religious, try to stick to something neutral, and observe..
Psychopathic Shark 4 years ago
Your just being you so why fight to change the person you are because that's not you. You will find your people even if they are rare people
#5
Parenting. For the last 20 years.
They all appear to be functioning human beings, so we can't be too far off the mark, but I do worry we've screwed up somewhere along the line and they'll pay the price for our mistakes in the future.
James016 4 years ago
There is no one right way to parent. There are plenty of things you should never do though.
Guðrún Sveinsdóttir 4 years ago
When my daughter was 17 I told her that I have made so many mistakes parenting her and asked her to forgive me and asked her to do better than me as a mother,be as happy she can be and enjoy her precious life that I am so proud of. She's my pride and joy 🥰💜💙💚
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YupItsMe1234 4 years ago
Do your kids yell at waitstaff? Do they leave the shopping cart in the middle of parking lot? If no to both of these, you did a good job
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 4 years ago
I'd like to add the not-killing-anyone-or-animals and not-hurting-anyone-or-animals as well.
Load More Replies... Ghost Reis Korn 123 4 years ago
I feel like my parents screwed up on me very badly. There were things done to me that no kid should experience. After more than 40 years now I finally got rid of my toxic relationship to my parents and cut them out of my life. I try to always remember that when parenting my own kids. I think I have a high empathy level and every time I have to deny something or correct them in any way I always think about how I felt in similar situations as a kid. My daughter just told me today that her friends are considering us very strict but at the same time my kids are well mannered, thoughtful kids. Of course they mess up sometimes but I made sure that no matter how mad I am at them in that moment I will never let them fall or close my door on them. It is totally OK to make a mistake and it is also totally OK to be mad at each other for a while. But eventually you have to sit down and talk it out. When my kids still invite me over later or call me from time to time I will now if I did the right job. Until then I can only be a good example for them and guide them to what I think is the right way. If they choose different it is OK too... It is their life after all and I will always support them.
Vasana Phong 4 years ago
As long as you do the common basics, like shelter, necessities, love, everything comes along, all parents, child , families are different, there is no handbook on being a perfect parent
catslave6 4 years ago
Perfect parenting is not possible. Just do your best and love them lots. Be sure to say so out loud, too. When they are grown up ask them what they think you screwed up. Their answers are usually pretty surprising and not what you thought you messed up! Life is a learning experience and a lot of the lessons come from the folks who brought you up. That's just the way it is. We all have our own perspective on things. Just love 'em and get on with life. What they do with it is their deal.
John Topper 4 years ago
You did. But that's okay. My parents screwed up to, and so did yours. I think those screw ups help make us unique.
#6
Flirting. Let's face it. I don't even know what the heck that is, how it works and what the difference between talking and flirting is. Funny enough, apparently that leads to me constantly flirty without wanting to be. At least, I often get told that I flirt with almost every single person I meet.
mulk 4 years ago
" I flirt with almost every single person I meet." : that's because you are a charming person ;)
SentimentAndBadJokes 4 years ago
Flirting for me is just a completely different world. Too socially awkward for that, and not enough confidence!
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
I have anxiety but because of my retail work I'm pretty good at interacting with strangers/making chitchat. Unless I like the person: then I can barely acknowledge them. It's like I'm so afraid of rejection I won't take the risk of making any move. It's not a great strategy for meeting the right type of person in my experience
Donkey boi 4 years ago
My wife has this problem. She can't tell when people are flirting with her. She also doesn't get innuendos, I mean AT ALL! I find it hilarious when people try to flirt with her (not realising we're together), she hasn't got a clue what's going on, it's just a normal conversation to her and the guy is working so hard! Whenever I point out that someone was flirting with her... 'Was he? are you sure? I don't think he was, he was just being friendly'.
Lj 4 years ago
I have some trouble looking at people's eyes all the time, it's so personal and intimate. Also I'm afraid I'll not hear/understand them well. Meaning, I often look at a person's mouth while they're talking, and that leads to people thinking I'm being flirty/ want to kiss them... 😭😭😭 I've felt misunderstood most of my life, until I finally read about it. I'm now making an effort at NOT looking at their mouth, but at their eyes which feels unnatural and forced to me. When overwhelmed, I try to focus on the middle of their eyebrows, or a little below at their nose, instead. When I remember, of course. 🙈 I must have a lot of people thinking I want to get into their pants by now.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
I am the same. I always had male friends and act the same with one or the others. And also I assume that men dont see me as a potential partner so it never crosses my mind that they might think that I was hiting on them. The other day I met our new vet and he speaks my language, he was very cool and chatty so when he said that he missed speaking it i said "well you have my number if you want to practise". I realised later that it could have sounded like hiting on him and inappropriate but I literarly ment it as "i am searching for a person to do a language exchange". I am dumb. Luckily I am unattractive so most of the time the men arent interested.
Mardie Mohamed 4 years ago
I, on the other hand, can't even flirt if my life depends on it. Im 37 and have only had 2 ex bf, no current bf. My last relationship ended 15 years ago. I'm helpless. 😑
GirlFriday 4 years ago
Opposite here. I have no idea when people are flirting with me. We had a work event a while back and one of the guys was very attentive, getting me drinks, pulling out my chair, helping me in a race car, etc. When the event was over and everyone had left, my coworkers asked me if he and I were going to see each other again. I was like, "what makes you think he is interested in me." Apparently, he was flirting with me all day and I had no idea. I just thought he was nice.
According to redditor Wijting, taking small steps "to build up courage" can be a good way to admit our flaws and ask someone for some helpful advice. "Try to hint at, or try to lead with smaller questions."
Wijting shared with me that they were "taken aback" by the response their thread got. "A lot of people think they are doing things wrong that I have always taken for granted. Not knowing how to shave, for instance. These questions have made me think if I'm actually doing these things wrong myself... Some questions were rather deep, and I do hope the people that have asked them got some satisfying answers."
Meanwhile, Age UK had this to say. "We know that our thinking skills change very gradually throughout our lives, but there are things we can do to help us to stay sharp," Age UK told Bored Panda. "Evidence from the Global Council of Brain Health suggests that having a positive mental attitude, a healthy diet, taking exercise, socializing, and engaging in new activities are all linked to better thinking skills later in life."
#7
Treating my depression.
I've been in therapy for years now, have tried various anti-depressants, made huge life changes including abstaining from alcohol, removed toxic relationships, even changing my diet. I've tried everything I can find, and, if anything, things are getting worse. It's getting to the point where tomorrow I have an appointment to find out if I have cancer, and can't decide if I will bother with treatment in the case that I do.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Yeah. Three years of therapy and 2 of antidepressants and I am more apathic than ever. I am more in control, less crying, shouting, no more suicide attempts. But I hate my life more than ever and have no hope. I am simoly waiting to die but i have manh years ahead. I hope that one day my diseases get worse so i can apply for euthanasia. As they are now nobody would forgive me if I do.
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Francis 4 years ago
if a bus runs me over today i wouldn't mind.. i have a great relationship, a great job, great freinds and family and everything should be fine.. but.. no. and my therapists can't quite understand what i mean ...
Scagsy 4 years ago
I understand exactly what you mean. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone in feeling that. Thank-you for sharing and I hope it improves for you somehow.
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Ally R 4 years ago
So I know the original author is unlikely to see this, but it might be an incorrect diagnosis. Depression can be a symptom for many things. I for one, have been on antidepressants for years for depression & anxiety but it turns out I've got ADD. Since treating that, I'm a whole new person. If the treatment you've been given isn't working, try and speak to your doc to get further help. ❤️
JensenDK 4 years ago
Yes to this. My daughter is not getting better with meds or therapy. Now the psychiatrics want to seek for an underlying diagnosis - they suspect autism. Depression can be a symptom, and not the basic disorder.
Load More Replies... Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago (edited)
☹☹😢😢 54 years of struggle here. I really feel where you're at right now. My God how I wish I could give you an absolute one answer that if you do this one thing it will fix it. Various anti depressants. I dont know your MD situation, but have you tried every one there is? There are also meds that can be used that are called "off label". Some psychiatrists are better at meds than others. My MD didn't have anymore answers but consulted his partner who is medication genius. Made all the difference. Please, at this point dont just decide not to. It may get to the point where you change your mind & it will be too late to do anything. If you start treatment & really decide you want to stop, you can. Also in many cancer treatment centers they have mental health resources for others with cancer. Plug into that. Tell them this.Tell them right away. They may have resources yet known to you. Have you been in the hospital? I have. Its really not scary there at all. One big all enveloping hug.
Zet 4 years ago
I can't possibly imagine the whole extend how you are feeling...but I can relay a bit too i (F27) am depressed since my late Teenager years and currently in therapy since about 3 or 4 years now. Have you tried to do a medical checkup? checking your hormones and if you have a chronic inflammation? Inflammations literally "eat up" a lot of Serotonin (we produce 90% of it in our intestines) if you have a chronic bowel inflammation you might even not be able to assimilate all the necessary Elements. Your body can't produce the right Hormones to feel happy anymore and your depression gets triggered even more. - try getting a chronic / low-grade inflammation checkup - take some supplements such as: Vitamine D / L-Tryptophan / Zink / Magnesium / Iron / Proteins - eat a more plant based diet with lots of omega 3 fats, organic is the better choice! - avoid processed Foods and red meat - if you need to eat meat try to get premium meat (hormones and meds they give animals are also bad for us)
Kathrin-S. Jäck 4 years ago
Have you checked your Vitamin B12, Iron and thyroid levels by a blood test? Too high and to low are equally bad for your mental health! I know what I'm talking about. An imbalance is devastating for your mental health. Forget the low scheduled stuff you can get at a drug store, if you are too low on B12, you need the very high (i.e. 3 oz), and iron 0,002 oz per DAY! Do this like 1 month straight and have your blood levels examined again. Regarding the prescription medication for my thyroid malfunction, I know I have an easy say in Germany, as we have National Health insurance and I pay roughly 5$ for a pill package worth 3 months daily intake, but please get a test. This can make a difference. Sometimes it’s just tiny little bit that’s off. Please take these tests to have clarity on what's wrong.
sarahliles@yahoo.com 4 years ago
Please, please get everyone get a genetic test done. It was the first thing my Mental Health Nurse Practioner did for me. It helped her to know what medications would help the most and the least. She did her thesis on genetic and the effects of the brain. I also take L-methylfolate which has helped tremendously. I addition I take vitamin D, B-12 Methylcobalamin (has to be this one to work with the L-methylfolate), fish oil and two supplements of Standard Process Symplex F and Catalyn. If I don't take my vitamins and supplements, my medication doesn't work. Please try to find a MHNP instead of a doctor as they are more knowledgeable about mental health and medications (and more open minded) than doctors tend to be. My sisters and I have all struggled with depression and I seem to be the only one doing better because I am seeing a MHNP and not a doctor. I also have to take certain brands of meds and vitamins because the "fillers" used make them affect the meds. Stay strong!
#8
My finances - no idea how to properly manage my money.
James016 4 years ago
Start by keeping a list of ALL of your spending, no matter how small an amount.
Tassenküchlein168 4 years ago
If somebody has no clue about their finances - this will probably not work, because they will give up on the third day.
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Treessimontrees 4 years ago
Put a reminder in your phone/calendar to return to the thing you want in 10 days. If you still want it then, get it. You'll be surprised how often you changed your mind.
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MrOwlAteMyMetalWorm. 4 years ago
This is real.How should we improve on this?What books can we read?What should we research about?What classes should be taken?Everything is important .Any help?
ben woskje 4 years ago
I think part of the issue here that is for people that have done OK - the advice is taken as an insult. I grew up poor - but am now in an OK/good position financially. my approach, learnt through reading (before the internet) "rich dad, poor dad" books and a few Aus specific home loan books was to: 1) Be frugal.... otherwise known as being a tight-a**e 2) never take out a loan for anything other than appreciating assets (i.e. property) 3) Pay off debt first - as quick as possible 4) Start investing when i could A mate specifically asked me for financial advice - and when i told him the above, he was all offended. The idea of not driving around in a lexus and wearing expensive clothes was offensive to him.... and he just could not make the connection. So - the guts of my point is - i think people are happy to tell others what worked for them - but understand that it might not work for you... and even if thats the case - dont yell at the person telling them they are unrealistic/wrong
Load More Replies... ben woskje 4 years ago
Such a vital skill.... partly influenced by a lack of education on the topic - and partly by consumer culture - which normalises "have it now" type of attitude.
Francis 4 years ago (edited)
well i learnt that i have certain things to pay every month (rent, insurance, public transport, etc.) my income minus those things is what i can spend, and than this minus what i want to put aside for vaccations or smth without losing the chance to spend "fun money" :)
Treessimontrees 4 years ago
Follow the link to classes on financial literacy - https://www.themuse.com/advice/13-free-classes-to-help-you-manage-your-personal-finances-like-an-adult
Walter Brameld 4 years ago
It all comes down to this: Spend less than you make. How you do that is up to you, but it should be at the front of your mind every time you consider buying something. Avoid debt wherever possible (car loans, student loans, mortgage, credit card debt, etc.; believe it or not, these debts are *not* mandatory. Dare to think differently than your peers who get themselves roped in to lifelong monthly payments because "that's just what you do".). Save up for large purchases and pay cash instead. If you think "It would take a long time to save up enough for that" then consider that it would take even longer to pay off the debt from financing it, and if you lose your job while still paying it off then you're f****d. If you'd like to be rich later in life, then take the money you don't spend and invest it (which is free and super easy these days with online brokers like E*TRADE).
#9
Life.
Like what I supposed to be doing? I have about 80 years total. So far, I’ve learned stuff, got married, and got a good job. Am I just grinding out the rest of my years?
Daria B 4 years ago
Ever since the earliest age, we are introduced and guided through a set of rules. As a result, we expect there's always a task, or a model image for us to emulate. But once you're out of school, there's no more guidance. Now it's up to you to guide others. So you have to change the approach to life. Stop thinking in terms of "supposed to do" and start with "what do I really want to do? What is it that makes me happy?" If you're not sure, try to accumulate different kinds of experience, be it through hobbies, friendships, education, travel, work etc. And keep observing how you do within these and how it makes you feel, whether you want to keep it, improve it, or leave it. You have way more freedom than you know.
eeeeeeeee 4 years ago
I don't know, but the people who have the most contentment seem to be the ones who serve others, and work on their inner worlds. Also, find what gives you joy, not just what you've been sold as supposed to make you happy (all types of consumption) Good luck to us all!
Kenny Kulbiski 4 years ago
Just live. There's no scorecard or prizes. Society is goal oriented life isn't. Go for contentment and don't focus on " fulfilment ". And, oh yeah, try not to f**k with people.
Nandina 4 years ago
Please repeat this message as many times as you can, every day, on this post.
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May 4 years ago
You're 'supposed' to not hurt anyone else, and the rest is up to you. This isn't a video game, there aren't quests or a boss level to beat. Nor is there a great big prize waiting at the end for doing what you're 'supposed' to. Enjoy your spouse, enjoy your friends and family, enjoy the little things. That's what most of us can hope for - lots of small pleasures and a few big ones if you're lucky
Winter Eleven 4 years ago
Im 25 and just wondering who chooses Life willingly? Like "kids didn't ask to be born" quote comes to mind
Mtownmick 4 years ago
You are right. We didn't choose but we are here, so live it. Those of us fortunate enough to be able to read and post here can have a wonderful time here. Read the other comments and choose a path. And change it and then again. We are fumbling through but have fun doing it.
Load More Replies... Scagsy 4 years ago
The choices are yours. Maybe you can save up for a plane ticket and grind it out selling watermelon on a sunny beach. Maybe you'll win the lottery and fulfil your every dream or maybe you'll just fill your arm with heroin. Maybe you'll get knocked down by a bus and die at 30. All of your choices are half chance. Some will work out, some will not. Ask questions. Learn every day. Make educated guesses. Don't beat yourself up if something goes wrong. If you manage that, please tell me how. Listen to Baz Luhrman's 'Everybody's Free'. It's all in there. Good luck.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
I wish that there was a clear path sometimes. I was a career driven person so for many years my life was study/work and my loved ones. Now that I am too ill to work and caged at home I dont know what to do with my life. I have 0 motivation because my days are pain, wake up, do housechores, cook, go to sleep and repeat. Worthless
Demongrrrrl 4 years ago
There are tons of free classes online. You can find one on just about anything. Pick one. You don't need any reason except to learn something new. Study a language. I'm trying to learn Swedish, because my family is from there. I'll never use it, but that's ok.
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Ileana Sky Aviles 4 years ago
Consider doing something you would never imagine doing? I'll try pottery! Seth Rogen auctioned off some pieces for charity, looks fun!
According to a representative of Age UK, it's vital that we keep our bodies and our minds in tip-top shape. The relationship between the two is well-established, so taking care of your body is bound to have a positive effect on your mind, too.
"It is clear to scientists and doctors that keeping the blood vessels and blood flow healthy is also key to maintaining your brain function as you age so what is good for the heart is good for the brain too," Age UK points out.
However, some other things that help us stay curious and willing to learn and explore new things include having a strong sense of purpose and having an active social life as well. What's more, we ought to be as realistic as possible about our own limits and plan accordingly.
#10
My job.
Everyone says I'm doing great and praises me for being so efficient or being ahead on my training but I feel like I'm constantly having to ask questions and do extensive research on what the f**k I'm supposed to do in specific situations.
Anne 4 years ago
Imposter syndrome can be a sign of autism. Can, doesn't have to be! But it is for many of us. (I'm autistic)
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Skara Brae 4 years ago
You sound like the right person for the job. Not faking or lazing about.
Wandaluzt 4 years ago
This was posted on Reddit. They won't see this reply.
Load More Replies... Nolan Kirkwood 4 years ago
Fake it till ya make it!!!! I guessed on a quarter of the questions on the written test to get my current job. Aced the welding test but much the mechanical stuff is mostly new. I just make sure my work ethic makes up for where I lack and soak up knowledge about the new things I’m working on……..
Elizabeth Molloy 4 years ago
But THAT is how you learn! If you don't ask question you'll never get the answer. You're doing great!
Linda van der Pal 4 years ago
Daring to ask the questions are what makes you so good! So many people don't and then just very it wrong!
#11
Literally just standing still. I have terrible posture.
Andrew Gibb 4 years ago
with more government backing the walks could get very silly. Very silly indeed.
Load More Replies... Janet C 4 years ago
This one's easy. Imagine someone pokes you in the middle of the back and straighten up in response. I'm lucky that my mother did that to me the whole time I was growing up. She'd poke me and say "Stand up straight." So now I'm mid-60s and haven't lost any height and I don't have a slouch.
cassiushumanmother 4 years ago
Was your mother a kung fu master??? i had a trainer who was always making our back straight again when the poses were too hard for too long and we tried to bend over a little to cheat. Like it's easy to sit straight on a tiny chair, without any chair, sadist! I had several thigh strains because of it. If your mother was not a kung fu master she should have been, she had the discipline to do it.
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me 4 years ago
Same but with sitting. I cannot sit upright, feet on the floor, and/or with my back straight. I'm always cross-legged on the chair super slouched.
Chaotic-Pansexual (she/they) 4 years ago
I have pretty good upper body posture. My back is usually straight when I’m sitting and standing unless I’m terribly tired. But the feet on the floor thing I’ve always struggled with. I have to tuck one or both of them under me somehow
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Lunar Bicycle 4 years ago
If you can, try to see a physical therapist about it. They can be accurate and specific exactly which parts of your should be moved or held in certain ways, using which muscles, and give you exercises to promote better posture. It’s too hard to do yourself, or when the only advice you get from other people is, “You need to stand up straighter.”
Wandaluzt 4 years ago
This was posted on Reddit. You can't reply to them here.
Load More Replies... Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago (edited)
You need to pay attention. Frequently. What is your posture? If its not right, consciously stand up straight. Repetition breeds habit. Strengthen core muscles. Abdomen, sides, butt and back. You may think "Yuck!" But yoga is amazing for this and you don't really notice at first, but it does kick in. Its not boring 2 sets of 10 sit ups.
Wandaluzt 4 years ago
This was posted on Reddit. They won't see this reply.
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Gary Geracci 1 year ago
Many folks walk strange-Sometimes I walk like I am a healthy younger former Marine. Others I walk like the Parkinson's sufferer I am.
Janet Sturgess 4 years ago
Put your back against a wall. Shoulders should touch, most of your back, your butt - stand straight. Practice it takes time
#12
Relationships. Throughout my life I've never gotten much romantic attention, and when I do receive it, I tend to be obnoxiously clingy, which leads to being left alone again. I don't know how to break this habit, because my emotions are just strong.
Samantha Becker 4 years ago
It's important to learn how to be happy by yourself. When a romance comes along, you won't need to strangle it in the hopes of finding happiness. Having other interests makes you more interesting, gives you something else to focus on, and could even lead to meeting new people. Also, I second the therapy suggestion.
Mardie Mohamed 4 years ago
Haaaa...this ia just me. I end up trying so hard to not be clinggy that i seem aloof and not caring. Relationships are hard.
Casey Burns 4 years ago
I've learned this the hard way myself. Literally remember that who doesn't stay in your life is not meant to be there. Eventually the right person will be the one that stays even if you're clingy. A good relationship is just letting them know you can be clingy off rip or having the other person say you are but stay because they love it.
Grunthos The Flatulent 3 years ago
You need to focus on being interesting to yourself. Stop obsessing about others. Get a cat if you're lonely.
"Keeping active and busy and discovering new things and even making sure we stay socially active all help to keep us brighter as we get older. Setting goals and making plans gives our lives meaning and purpose, but make sure they’re realistic plans. For example, rather than saying ‘I plan to exercise for one hour every day,’ plan instead to go for a 20-minute walk, three times a week."
Finding the courage to admit that you’re doing something wrong is commendable. Being brave enough to set your ego aside and actually reach out for help is worth applauding, in my personal opinion.
Earlier, I had a chat about healthy and unhealthy ways of showing embarrassment with regards to our knowledge blindspots with Vanessa Bohns from Cornell University.
#13
Anything related to being an adult, straight up no F**king idea what I’m doing…
Sarcastic Cow 4 years ago (edited)
I was thinking the same few years ago...but then I just - f*ck it! and I started doing what I thought was great when I was a kid. Wear things that are comfortable. Not to visit people I don't like, even when they are my family. To draw and play the violin, even though I supposedly have "talent".
Iggy 4 years ago
Try skipping instead of walking too. That is great fun as an adult. I recommend it!
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Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago (edited)
Don’t beat yourself up about it. No one knows. I’m 60, and “adulting” mystifies me. I don’t know if I’m doing it completely right, or even if I’m doing it at all. The best I can do is the best I can do. Learn from my mistakes, do better next time, and let the chips fall where they may. I guess. My only regret is that I didn’t listen to good advice when I was younger, because I had the arrogance of the young, who think they know better. They don’t, btw.
John Smith 4 years ago
Fake it like you know what you are doing, and people assume you do. Most of them are thinking exactly the same sort of things. They just hide it better.
Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago
I am over 50 and still do not know what I want to be when I grow up, think it may be a little too late, don't you?
#14
Standing up for myself and maintaining boundaries. I'm working on it but it's hard because I am just figuring it out (kind of) and people keep trying to push me back to being the doormat I used to be. It's so tempting to be that person again because I hate disrupting the calm, but I was just so tired.
Brian Bennett 4 years ago
In any situation (as long as a gun isn't pointed at you) stand up for your self even toward people who think they are superior to you because no one is!
Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago (edited)
Yes. That helps you move on and move away from toxic people, the kind who can only feel good about themselves by making someone (you) feel bad. Once you get away from them, you find out more people think you’re amazing than think you’re beneath them, and eventually you stop even thinking about the assholes who tried to keep you down—-which is the sweetest revenge on them. That’s the point where, if you should encounter one of them and they ask what you think of them, you can snub them by honestly saying “But I don’t think of you”. There’s nothing worse for such assholes than not being worth thinking about. It deprives them of any power they may have had over you—-and it’s a delicious feeling to know they no longer have any power over you.
Load More Replies... Casey Burns 4 years ago
My cousin is dealing with this now. As I've told her the best thing to do is roll with the punches. Make people say please. Don't do everything someone asks you to. Joke back. Choose your battles wisely. Knowing you're right instead of arguing you are is always best. And if it comes down to where you're being asked to do something solely to have the other person benefit from you. Stand up for yourself. You don't need to pay for someones stuff to be helpful or do their chores for them because they're lazy.
Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
They don't like and do not know what to do with the new you. This has upset their particular apple cart. Do not let them push you back so they can be happy with the status quo again. Also, especially you, don't take the road back to as it was. Who runs your life? You or them? This is hard. Been there, had to fo this. Its about your own self respect. Its a demand made that they respect you. Anything else is absolutely unacceptable. Stay with it. Its tough going, but when all is said and done you will possess one of the most important beliefs about yourself and how you deal with the world that you can possibly have in life.
ThoughtsAreNotFacts 4 years ago
Boundary setting is something that makes me feel powerful over my experiences everyday! Took many years to find my voice. I don't tolerate certain things in people anymore. Can still be there for others and help if I can, but I am not self destructing to appease people anymore.
Daniela Skovajsova 4 years ago
Don´t return if you do not feel happy there. Basically, do what makes you feel happy. If it is being doormat, then that is okay. If it is not, then start speaking up. It helps if you express your feelings when creating the boundaries. For example: I feel very threatened when you use this tone of voice with me. I feel overworked and wrung out when you ask me to do this and this (be specific) every day (also be specific). Many times, people just simply do not look at the thing from another point of view and expressing yourself is very good way to make them see that everybody experience things differently. Please, do not be afraid if establishing and maintaining your boundaries makes you lose some of the relationships in your life. That is natural process and it happened to me more than once.
BlackPearltheSeaWing/NightWing 4 years ago
I need to start standing up for myself too. Yesterday these two really loud, rude, and annoying girls were sitting behind me at an event and I wanted so bad to tell them to shut up, but I never was able to...
Getthepopcornout 4 years ago
Keep going! You'll soon see who you're true friends and family are and the negativity will soon start to disappear!
ADDchallengedINFP-T 4 years ago
hard to say "no". When you have said so and feel guilty, keep saying "no" and eventually the others will understand that their abusive behaviour isn't OK.
Janet Sturgess 4 years ago
Me too - always trying to please or appease the other person. So done with that - MY F*****G TURN
#15
Supervising. I am put in the position, but just rely on the efficiency of my subordinates. As soon as there's someone who's lazy or a troublemaker, I've got to figure out how to approach it.
Stephanie Keith 4 years ago
Be encouraging but direct. It takes a kind, humble, straight forward, strong minded, truthful, and understanding person to be able to manage other people. We tend to think calling people out or getting other's to do their job properly. Is somehow mean or we don't want to come off as bossy. But the right attitude and getting to know those you manage somewhat personally. Helps you figure out how to guide them. Just remember to encourage and be nice. People usually want to do what you say when they feel needed and lifted up.
Kari Panda 4 years ago
People put in supervising positions should receive SOME sort of training. If they don’t, that really is that company‘s fault. There are a lot of tricks and techniques, but you need to be taught about them.
Daria B 4 years ago
"As soon as there's someone who's lazy or a troublemaker, I've got to figure out how to approach it." That's a good sign, if I understood correctly. It means you're having an individualised approach, which is exhausting for you, but ultimately more effective for all parties involved. There's no "one model fits all" solution when it comes to people, because we're all different. To fix the problem, you have to understand it, and to understand it, you need to open up and listen.
Rickster 4 years ago
I'm a supervisor and most people are idiots. It's hard to delegate to idiots so I wind up doing a lot of stuff myself instead of spending time explaining to the idiots what I need them to do.
Holesalongthebottom 4 years ago
I’ve worked with management that called their team idiots. Come to find out it wasn’t the team who were the idiots.
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Jro308 4 years ago
Ask your employer if they would be willing to pay for you to take some management classes, there are some goods ones out there that can really help when it comes to dealing with "difficult" employees or situations. Also joining SHRM can help, they have tons of great articles. I am sure there are tons of free info out there as well. People don't just magically become good at managing just because they got promoted, it takes time to get good at it
Tony Anderson 3 years ago
Sounds like teaching. Easiest job in the world as long as student's cooperate.
Gilbert Soup 4 years ago
‘Rely on the efficiency of my subordinates’ Do you think your colleagues agree with that characterisation? A good manager understands that they coordinate a team, not dictate
"We spend a lot of time and effort presenting an ideal version of ourselves to other people. When something happens that contrasts with the image we’ve been projecting—when we say or do something that shows we actually aren’t as graceful or as smart as we’d like people to believe—we feel embarrassed," Vanessa told Bored Panda in a previous interview.
"Discovering you were wrong about something most everyone else around you has long known to be true is one of those moments. In that moment we learn, 'Wait a minute, maybe I haven’t been presenting the image of being smart or worldly that I thought I was presenting all this time,' which is embarrassing,” she noted that embarrassment comes from the contrast from what we thought was true and what reality is actually like.
#16
Showering. I have very very long thick hair and I just kind of blast shampoo and conditioner at it. People ask me what I do to keep my hair so nice and I have no idea what to say. People seem to have such complex hair rituals and I’m here just apeing it up.
Joonscrab 4 years ago
Humble brag lmao... I mean good for you for having thick healthy hair ig
Ileana Sky Aviles 4 years ago
It's actually so bothersome as there is too much product to be rinsed from thick hair. I had to cut from waist length to shoulder as brushing also took time and my hair tangles
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Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
Its obviously working if people are complimenting you on your hair. Just because others have complex rituals does not mean you have to. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. You're very fortunate to not need one. Answer that you have your own system that works for you.
Wandaluzt 4 years ago
This was posted on Reddit. They won't see this reply.
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Mimi777 4 years ago
I get told that about my skin. I just never get break outs or pimples. I do use a acne face wash and also a acne moisturizer, and I never sleep in my makeup. Sometimes my depression gets bad and I won’t wash my face for a day or two and still no breakouts. I do eat a lot of chocolate I don’t know if that actually causes break outs or not but it doesn’t for me. I think it’s just genetics for me, my mom’s skin is the same way my dad is kinda the same. Some people try everything and anything and can’t get clear skin and get told they’re gross because they have acne and it’s so messed up, some people can’t help it it’s not their fault.
Andrew Bridge 4 years ago
All those memes about men using the same soap for their hair and their balls. The secret is wash it and stop f£*&King with it
Grunthos The Flatulent 3 years ago
The easiest thing is to stop washing your hair. It isn't necessary
#17
General conversation I just suck at talking to people I don't really know or don't know at all. Sometimes when I get tips for stuff I respond "yes" or "ok" or "thank you" and even that feels weird or wrong, even the action of saying "hello" feels off... It even happens with firends sometimes...
Truth Monster 4 years ago
Try talking about the other person. Most people love talking about themselves. Find out about their hobbies, their pets, their favorite bands.
Asa Watcher 4 years ago
Or....just engage people who actually have something to say
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Stephanie IV 4 years ago
We Germans are famed for our great conversation skills all over the world. Here’s what we do: we ask blunt questions. We don’t mince our words. We hardly consider any topic off limits. We don’t do small talk. We’re talking for outcome, not effect. If you’re finding it hard to have conversations it might be because you are inept at meaningless chatter. Find your inner German and go for the jugular. Ask stuff you want to know. Tell stuff you find interesting. Live with the consequences! Be free!
iBlank 4 years ago
Good advice! I'm alright with a little meaningless chatter to get the ball rolling, but if someone drones on about the weather or how much they hate sitting in traffic, ARG!
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Maria Schneider 4 years ago
Maybe all of the superficial stuff doesn't really interest you... Try to talk about yourself in a constructive manner... about your feelings... things which are important to you.
Phil Rubin 4 years ago
Read Dale Carnegie's How To Make Friends and Influence People. It's a cheap download. One thing I remember from the book (and use) is get the other person to talk about themselves. Works every time. Works great in sales too. The more they talk, the more you win. They will think you are a great person and you haven't said much of anything. Makes conversations easy.
Donkey boi 4 years ago
On tip is to pretend that the other person is an idiot and knows nothing. Don't just 'Yes' confirm the detail. Don't just 'OK' clarify. eg, Do you like oatmeal? 'Yes, but I like it with a bit of bite, so I usually put berries in it'. - 'Ok, so it's kind of sweet as well?' - And Just like that, BOOM, casual conversation about fecking oatmeal!
Llama_flower93 4 years ago
That used to be me. My reason was that I was overthinking everything because just talking to other felt unnatural to me. Eventual it started to feel more natural and I figured out how I like to interact with people.
Penny Kemper 4 years ago
Yeah I never liked people asking how you doing. First you know they don't really care, second I don't like asking it back because it seems wrong and weird when I don't care. But I decided to just say fine and occasionally I ask people how there doing when I do care. Stop worrying about it.
Stephanie Johnson 4 years ago
I'd say try to add a little extra to the one word answers. I have been working on making conversation also. Give me a little alcohol and bam I'm a pro! But sober at work struggle when I'm the only one there with a client.
Sergio Bicerra 4 years ago
When I talk to someone new, I always think of something to talk about and instantly think "nah, thats silly, boring" and keep quiet instead. But... by reading BP, I think pets is a good topic to start a conversation.
#18
Dating. Like how the f**k do you find people, that are equally interested in going out with you as you are with them. And then you somehow have to notice that they'd be interested in going out. I just don't understand it, and it sometimes makes me feel like I'll never go on one because of it
MrOwlAteMyMetalWorm. 4 years ago
No no no ,the question is how the hell do people just agree to go on a date with humans they don't even know?! I am scared to go out with my friends.Forget that how do you trust ,it'll all be ok?What this blind faith?I am awkward just talking with humans I've known for decades.Dating is just plain scary.Well,relationships are scarier.But we somehow survive.
Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago (edited)
Double date with friends, even if they’ve set you up on a blind date. Friends can help vet people before you go out with them, and can provide a safety net if your date turns out to be a total asshole, creep, or just a dud. There’s safety in numbers—-as long as those “numbers” are people who you know, and who care about your safety.
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Dotti blue 4 years ago
You date first, then during dating find out if you are interested in each other.
Vicki Thill 4 years ago
They aren't equally interested in going out, ever. Equality doesn't exist in love or interest, it's ever changing, waving, bending, decreasing or increasing forever and ever. Also, you'll be single forever if you wait around "to notice" an interested person, someone who wants to go on a date, because that is a thought. You can't read minds. They certainly can't read yours. Go ask them out for coffee. If they are in a relationship, no biggie, just look them in the face and say, "Fine, no coffee for you, then" and move on. Ask the person to meet you for lunch, if they say, "Ewe, no way, I hate you", simply look them in the face, smile, and say, "Fine. No Sesame chicken for you, then" and move on to the next person who interests you. I promise you, the person that you're meant to be with will say, "Um, okay, sure", and then, my friend, the fun begins.
Mark Howell 4 years ago
I just wentto the pub one night, my now wife of 20 years was there. She was there dumping her then boyfriend, but asked a friend of hers if she knew someone to do a rewire. That was 20 yreas ago and 2 kids later, still the best pint of my life . ;o))
Jon S. 4 years ago
Both me and most of my friends found love through dating sites. The odds of randomly bumping into someone who is looking, emotionally compatible and with similar interests is perishingly small otherwise. Increase your odds, use technology.
Dodo 4 years ago
If dating sites increase your odds, I really am screwed.
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However, embarrassment isn’t all that bad. In fact, it has some upsides that should have you rushing to embarrass yourself as often as you can. “One thing that’s interesting about embarrassment is that, for as much as we might experience it as painful in the moment, it’s actually very socially adaptive.”
Vanessa continued: “Being embarrassed signals to other people that you care about what they think. And that actually draws people in to you.” In short, embarrassment has painful short-term effects but very positive long-term effects. If we learn to deal with the former well, then we’ll be able to reap the latter.
#19
Studying. I have no idea how other people do it. When I read something I retain very little of it, so I resort to writing down what I think are important details, which is most things for me, but it takes so long and I still have to rely on my brain to remember thing by simple repetition.
MelFunction 4 years ago
Writing it down is the only way I retain information. It takes a really long time, but it's the only thing that really works for me.
Casey Burns 4 years ago
The things I do to remember something is write it down 3 times, tell a friend or family member/ have them quiz me or say it 7 times in my head. But usually I only retain useless facts like dolphins bite puffer fish to get high.
Lemonsito 4 years ago (edited)
I had the same problem when I was in University. I failed a couple of classes during midterms including Physics. So I decided to look up different ways of studying. I read that the best time to study to retain information is actually in the morning, or more accurately, after you wake up from sleep. And it worked, at least for me. I didn't study harder, I didn't study longer, I simply studied right after I woke up. My grades during the second half of the school year improved a lot. I even remember being complimented by my Physics Professor for my performance during the second half because he thought I was a goner. lmao
Chris Freeman 4 years ago
I believe if you cannot remember it, its because you are not associating it with other things you know. Try to "learn" one aspect of what you are studying, knowing it by heart, then "attaching" new knowledge in your mind in relation to that knowledge. This is what I do. I am horrible at rote memorization but have 2 Master's and a Doctorate now, (no not a professional student just enjoy it). I am not 'flexing" just stating that so you know its possible. I actually have TBI from a war, so rote memorization is almost impossible for me.
Dotti blue 4 years ago (edited)
Basically there are different types of learning style. E.g.: Visual learners (you have to see it), auditory learners (you have to hear it),... You have to find out what type you are. How do you learn the best (for me it is hearing and writing it down). Maybe repition is your best way of learning. Never forget: Learning is hard for almost everyone, for just a very few people things are remembered easily. I studied many years because first of all i had to learn how to learn. I failed often. School was easy, uni not so much.
Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago
Studying with a partner and discussing it—-you may have picked up something the other person didn’t, or vice versa. Hell, if you don’t have someone to study with, then read aloud and explain everything to your cat or dog. They’re excellent listeners. But, even if you only have a mirror or a wall to talk to, the act of explaining something and hearing the words out loud seems to help them sink in better.
Emily Senior 4 years ago
You're probably just a different type of learner! I hate reading a textbook and retain almost nothing of it, but I remember things very well when I hear them so I recorded lectures and watched related YouTube videos and tutorials. Got straight A's without even opening some of my books. You just have to find what works for you and only do that, don't waste brain power on things that won't help!
AndThenICommented 4 years ago
Yes, throughout school I felt that I sorely missed a lesson somewhere on how to study. My parents were mostly absent so no help. I just got through on brute forcing the material into my brain and constant stressing instead of incremental enjoyment and knowledge retention.
Kim Kermes 4 years ago
I like to read through a chapter for the general idea. Then again, marking important phrases. Then, I write down what I've marked. After that, I go through my notes and revise them. That's what I review. Writing by hand really helps memory and comprehension. Tedious and cumbersome, and not for math.
#20
How to handle anger? I'm too embarrassed to ask
Aman Varkkey 4 years ago
My friends used the gym as a way to help vent a lot of frustration he has, he says that it helps him think things through.
BlackPearltheSeaWing/NightWing 4 years ago (edited)
Gym just makes things worse for me since I can't go one gym class without being hit in the face with 20 balls
Load More Replies... Nadine Debard 4 years ago
At first people have to analyze why they're angry. Not the obvious trigger, but the deep reason. Why does this situation affects me so deeply? That's how I did. Then I learnt to take distance.
Mohammad Ammar 4 years ago
The thing you must realise is that managing anger is not about not feeling angry or reducing it to a bare minimum. It's about ensuring you have a healthy outlet. You can't take it out on other people or yourself under any circumstance.As long as you start with that you'll do just fine.
Daria Z 4 years ago
When my bf is extremely pissed with someone, he imagines himself pissing on their face 🙈 Says it's so funny that it helps him control his anger 😁
Truth Monster 4 years ago
Here's how I handle anger, I accept that I am angry, and allow myself to be angry. Anger by itself is not wrong or dangerous. It is what we do with than anger that gives it a bad name. I let myself be angry, and I try to identify the "why" of my anger. Anger is a response to negative stimuli. What happened? What can be done about it? If nothing can be done, then I let the anger pass. If something needs done, then I let the cold anger propel me into action to fix the situation.
MrOwlAteMyMetalWorm. 4 years ago
I violently drink water and then curse at my plants.They usually keep to themselves even when I glare at them.
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 4 years ago
You didn't by any chance mess up while delivering the Antichrist to the Order of the Chattering Nuns?
Load More Replies... Francis 4 years ago
i don't know how to handle critic... i hate it when somebody says something bad about my work to help me get better, even if i know my work was super bad. i get so pissed :D
May 4 years ago
Do you know why? Anger is often related to fear. Do you fear not being good enough? Or is it triggering because of something that happened in the past?
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Ryan-James O'Driscoll 4 years ago
I tend to ask myself what I'm hoping to achieve. It helps me either channel my anger into a constructive solution, or to decide that it's really not worth me being angry as there is nothing I can do. I still might not be happy about it, but it's easier to let it go.
#21
Is is bad to say everything I have no idea what the f**k I’m doing anymore
Demongrrrrl 4 years ago
I know the feeling. I'm 52 and have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.
Brandy Grote 4 years ago
Welcome to 2021. Start with yourself. Bathe and dress every day. Make your bed. Start creating a routine. Make lists so you know what you need to do each day (pay bills, make calls, see Dr, etc). Soon you will be in a routine and feel confident in your day.
catslave6 4 years ago
Find someone to talk to. Where is your mom? If she isn't available or sucks at parenting find a substitute mom! There are lots of moms in the world with information, advice ,and help to share. Or talk to a therapist. Mom help is usually free though so...Know any older ladies at work? On the bus? in cafes? FB? The park? Strike up a conversation, be polite and chat. Ask questions. Moms got lots of answers! Be respectful, keep a certain physical distance, be very honest, offer a coffee. Make a new friend with some experience. Okay, an old dad is okay, too. ;>)
“So blushing, burying your head in your hands, laughing, acknowledging how embarrassing something was, are all totally healthy ways to react,” Vanessa explained to Bored Panda. “The unhealthy way to react is to pretend you’re not embarrassed, that you didn’t make a mistake, or to get angry. Those things undo the positive effect of embarrassment typically has on other people by conveying insincerity and pushing people away rather than drawing them in.”
#22
When I started my first job I didn't know if an 8 hour work day meant including the break or not, and I was too afraid to ask.
zovjraar me 4 years ago
most jobs in America don't have contracts- every state is "at will" meaning you can quit at any time for any reason, or you can be fired at any time for pretty much any reason. you supposedly can't be fired for race, religion, ect but they'll just find some other reason to fire you.
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Debbie 4 years ago
Here in the Netherlands you can look it up, mostly it's 8 1/2 hr. 1/2 hr of that is unpaid break, so 8 hour work. And twice a 15 min. Paid break, though hardly anyone takes that break after 2 hr work. Also, at some places workouts start when you are in the building, at others when you start working.
Ray Carrillo 4 years ago (edited)
Generally an eight hour workday is two paid breaks 10 to 15 minutes and an unpaid half hour lunch.
Kendra Miller 4 years ago
I'm Canadian and have two jobs. Half the week I am a Shipping and Receiving Clerk at a factory, no contract, non-unionized (it was my first job out of school and I'd assumed I was being paid under the table, cause who lets a kid walk in off the street and start working without signing something?), the other half of the week I'm a librarian, with a contract and unionized. So I wonder if in Canada we are also like the states and are "at will".
#23
Parallel parking.
James016 4 years ago
For me I either parallel park perfectly on the first attempt or it is a total catastrophe with nothing in between.
Donkey boi 4 years ago
You have to find the 'sweet spot' for your car (I drive a 3door Mini Cooper so for me it my petrol cap/cover). Pull up along the car in front, align your sweet spot with the end of the car, one full turn of the wheel while reversing slowly. When you are 45 degrees to the curb, straighten with one full turn the opposite way. Using your wing mirrors, when the back of your car (the side furthest away from the curb) is level with the car behind, one full turn of the wheel again (the same direction as the second time). Just as you get parallel to the curb, one full turn back to straighten the wheels. Or as my instructor put it '1 turn, 2 turns, 1 turn.'
Robert T 4 years ago
In a car that I could actually see the kerb out the back of! Modern cars have terrible visibility to the sides.
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S P A C E S A R E C O O L 4 years ago
Line up your bumper with the car in front of you and back in... It's fine to do it slowly.
Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago (edited)
Take a driving lesson on it. There is a simple trick that is not simple to explain here. I used this trick during my driving test. Aced it. Lots of people have difficulty with this and no. Its not so easy for a lot of people. My recommendation, spend a little money on a lesson. It will be money well spent.
Evil Little Thing 4 years ago
Yes. It's honestly not hard at all, but you have to know where your car stops and other cars begin. Most people underestimate the space between their front and back bumpers and the cars in front and behind them, so they turn and straighten out too soon. If it looks like you're going to smash into something you probably have a half a meter or more between you.
Load More Replies... Ally R 4 years ago
I hate parallel parking and I have to do it nearly every day because of where I live. For anyone who struggles with it here are my tips - (sorry if they're obvious). Line yourself up next to the space to check the space is big enough. If it is great, if it isn't, find somewhere else. Always reverse in, unless of course it's a wonderfully huge space. Take your time, relax. No one's watching except maybe that person across the street because you might bump their car. If you hit the curb, it's not a problem. We all do it. Make sure you've left enough space front and back to get out and for anyone parked next to you. If you get the angle wrong, start again. The handbrake is your friend.
#24
Kissing. I’ve had no complaints but it’s not really something your parents taught you to do properly (unless you’re into that)
Donkey boi 4 years ago
Kissing is an art! There are different kisses for different situations and different levels of intensity. Most people are not going to tell you if you're a bad kisser. I made the mistake of telling someone that it was 'like kissing a washing machine filled with spaghetti Bolognese' that was the day I learned that you are not supposed to give feedback.
ScarlettofHydraIsland 4 years ago
There is now seltzer on my screen courtesy of that XD. Also, I feel like people should tell you because I want to know if I suck or not, and if I do, then how to improve it.
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N G 4 years ago
Instructions: 1. face your opponent 2 . bring lips together until they touch 3. tilt head at slight angle 4. open mouth slightly. 5. slowly lick opposition's tongue like they are an ice-cream. 6. repeat above and ...
Annabelle 4 years ago
Hihi. this reminds me of a website called virtualkiss.com
Load More Replies... therarestbanana 4 years ago
That just comes naturally with time & experience. Nobody starts with perfect kissing skills. (And some people can never do it lol)
#25
How to speak up on problems or expressing certain emotions. I keep stuff bottled up inside
Maria Schneider 4 years ago
Because you are afraid of the possible reactions. Only trying and finding out you are accepted is helpful.
Vasana Phong 4 years ago
Absolutely, I know how that person will react and so forth, so I just keep everything in, and the reactions is worse at times than the actual reason
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Truth Monster 4 years ago
Not all emotions need to be expressed, but rather you need to accept you are feeling them and you are not wrong for feeling them. If you need to address a problem, try not to do it in an emotionally heightened state, as this may make things worse. Of course sometimes that is unavoidable.
Inna Drobi 3 years ago
try writing diary, you dont need to keep it, you can destroy it after writing, but is always better to talk to someone, I have my cat
Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago
Mention any problem even the slightest ones, and people just do not want to know and they make that quite clear. But you have to listen to theirs
Demongrrrrl 4 years ago
Keep a journal. The physical act of writing helps consolidate your thoughts and make it easier to analyze them. If/when you discover a pattern, write that down too and think about how you can best address it.
#26
My PhD.
Going into my third year and I still don't feel as if I ever adjusted, or developed healthy habits.
Just trying to take it a day at a time and not procrastinate beyond no return.
Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago
Stick with it. You’ll have the degree, instead of regrets about quitting when you were so close. A doctorate will also open more doors, especially in your field, so you’ll have jobhunting options. You’ll always have the fallback to teaching at the university level, where the real money is, as long as you stick with it long enough to gain tenure. Plus it allows you to continue doing research, and often fully funds it as well.
Katchen 4 years ago
In the US it’s hard to say that teaching at the university level is where the money is, since so many institutions hire underpaid adjunct professors.
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Lyone Fein 4 years ago
So, with this you should definitely not take it a day at a time. Planning ahead is the only way I got through each semester of my grad school program. So,you need to sit down on a weekend afternoon with all of the syllabuses of all your courses in hand. Also have the calendar pages of the next four months or however much is left in your semester. Start at the end, when all your papers and exams are due and mark them on the calendar. How long do you reasonably need to type in the final version of your papers, with proper citations? If you need a week, count back 8 days from the due date and mark on the calendar to start your final draft on that day. 2 or 3 weeks before that you need to have an appointment with your professor to discuss the final steps for the paper. So mark that on your calendar too. A week before this, you will have typed up your second draft of your final paper. Or at least, your major revisions to the first draft. So count back a week and mark that on your
Lyone Fein 4 years ago
........calendar. Your revisions will be the result of reading more materials, doing further research or experimenting, getting other people's criticisms. Go back 4 weeks in the calendar to mark when you will begin researching for source readings. Make your first appointment with your professor asap, to discuss your topic for the paper. Your professor will have lots of ideas to help you find directions, questions, reading. You should have a preliminary bibliography a week after this first appointment. See your professor again and ask for feedback on your reading list. Now start reading. And make an outline of the paper. In two weeks you should have your first rough draft. Do you have the idea? Writing up a 15 or 20 page paper needs to be a 8 to 10 week project. And you have
Load More Replies... Elizabeth Molloy 4 years ago
Talk to your professor, teacher, whatever. They will be able to guide you in the right direction. It's their job!
Inna Drobi 3 years ago
try to think on the impact it wil make when done, if no impact, you are doing it wrong
Vicki Thill 4 years ago
Perhaps if you keep in mind how the world needs you and how fortunate you are to have this opportunity it'll make it easier to pull your head out. Procrastination is a choice...simply stop choosing it.
#27
Being a picky eater. So preparing food, I've been wanting to try new things, but I have no idea what to buy, how to prepare it, and it scares me to ask because I don't want it to sound like I'm some sort of alien.
Katherine Boag 4 years ago
The best way (when there's no pandemic) is to ask a friend if you can try a bite of what they're eating. Or go to restaurants that encourage sharing. Or host a pot luck dinner
Connie Martin 4 years ago
We were raised to try everything as kids, and we grew up to be foodies....I can't imagine not enjoying the heck out of a myriad of foods and how sad that is! So, that said, I think Katherine's idea to host a potluck dinner is fantastic! Asking your friends to bring their favorite dishes is a great way to get started!
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Giles McArdell 4 years ago
This is where old fashioned butchers, fishmongers and greengrocers are a step above supermarkets, they usually really know their stuff and if you ask "what is this? how do I cook it?" they often have good advice.
Cattress511 4 years ago
Start with adding something new to something you already like, pizza is an easy starting point.try a slice of Hawaiian, you might like it. Or try preparing something you like in a different fashion, like tacos, only over nachos, or as a casserole. A Hello Fresh package was accidentally delivered to us recently, the address was similar to ours.(I contacted them to try to get it to the right customer since my car in the shop and they said we could keep it no charge and send another to the customer) Depending on your budget, a service like this, might be be what you're looking for. You select a few meals that sound good and they send you box with all of the ingredients all portioned out, and a recipe sheet with pictures for each meal that will walk you through each step. Meals can be made in about 30 minutes or less, and the packaging is recyclable. I eat mostly vegetarian and spice gives me heartburn, but my husband really enjoyed it
MRS FLASHMAN 4 years ago
I have Hello Fresh and I have started trying things, everything comes out really good!
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Patricia 3 years ago
In the supermarket, at the frozen seafood, a woman asked without directly looking at me, how do I know which kind of shrimp I should buy? (There was no one else there) so I asked how she is serving it, and then told her how the different kinds of shrimp would work in the dish she was making. Everybody learns by asking somebody, even if the somebody is Google.
#28
The proper way to wipe my butt after pooping.
Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
Or a tampon. They expand and clog up the holes in a leach field. Also, both bleach and liquid fabric softener are bad for your septic system.
Load More Replies... Hannah Edwards 4 years ago
Sorry, this is going to be graphic. Well back to front can give you an infection if you’re a woman, so that’s a no. I would suggest sitting, not standing, for easier access. Fold toilet paper, don’t just scrunch up a great wad, this makes for a tidier wipe. Continue wiping, replacing soiled paper for clean as you go. Once the paper comes away clean you’re done. If you’re hairy “there” maybe a trim is in order to stop erm…clogging. Wet wipes are environmentally unfriendly and cause terrible toilet blocks, if you have to use them disposal should be in a bin.
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 4 years ago
If you are on a toilet that's close to a sink, you can just *slightly!* wet the TP and use that instead of wet wipes. And Hannah - I loved your description.
Load More Replies... Stephanie Keith 4 years ago
You wipe front front to back if you're a female. And wipe until the toilet paper is no longer poopy.
J. F. 4 years ago
Also if you're a man - having it stick to certain parts isn't healthy either
Load More Replies... Andrew Gibb 4 years ago
I've never understood toilet roll. You are basically just dry wiping your crap. Much cleaner to use a small hand triggered water hose. Possibly better for the environment too- not having to flush paper away as well
Nadine Debard 4 years ago
But if you stand it will stick your 'cheeks' together... O.o
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Vivian Davis 4 years ago
When I grew up on a farm many years ago we had an outdoor toilet building and used catalogue pages to wipe with.
#29
Writing. I love writing, and have written a few short stories older the years, and I show it to friends of mine who read, but every single person has said they loved it. I ask for constructive criticism, and sometimes they want the story to go differently, but it's so damn rare I get an opinion on my actual writing. My descriptions, vocabulary, the flow of the story, etc. Well, too scared to ask someone who will give me an actual opinion.
Demi Zwaan 4 years ago
There are writer communities online that proofread eachothers work. You can also hire a professional proofreader. Google is your friend.
Wandaluzt 4 years ago
This was posted on Reddit. They won't see this reply.
Load More Replies... Sarcastic Cow 4 years ago
Don´t be afraid. Write. Everything needs editing before publication.
Wandaluzt 4 years ago
This was posted on Reddit. They won't see this reply.
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nicole Leyva saro 4 years ago
I understand a bit, it’s hard to ask for opinions on a creative work. Some people won’t even read it and will say randoms stuff, some friends might say everything is good just so you don’t feel bad and so on... many great writers have been like this, take Kafka for example who even asked his friend to burn his manuscripts when he died.
Jon S. 4 years ago
Friends and family are rarely useful critics. If you can find an online community they are very useful as they are not afraid to be cruel (in a good way), but it can be hard getting attention, especially as a newbie. The most useful thing is to find 1 or 2 other writers among your acquaintances and swap works.
Brandy Grote 4 years ago
Find an editor, submit to them to review it as to construction, not plot. A good one can give invaluable feedback as to the actual mechanics. Or try a writers' workshop, even NaNoWriMo, and ask specifically for feedback. Of course, if you want to be published, you will want to have an editor anyway, and they will brush up the work without changing what you're saying in the story!
Laurie Ostergaard-Overbey 4 years ago
send somewhere for publication if you want negative input to balance it out lol
Lyone Fein 4 years ago
You could actually take a writing class at a community college. Yes it will cost money. But you will have the benefit of having someone with an advanced degree in English giving you a critique.
Wandaluzt 4 years ago
This was posted on Reddit. They won't see this reply.
Load More Replies... #30
Relationships.
I recently started out in the dating scene and i dont know whats the difference between being a couple and being really good friends.
Also: sex is really strange to me.
DuchessDegu 4 years ago
Took me 40 years to find out asexual was a thing and I'm not an alien
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Steph Harrison 4 years ago
If you and your significant other are really good/best friends, then I think you're doing it right. My fiance and I are getting married next year and he doesn't have a best man because for him the obvious choice would be me, aside from each other we don't really have what we would consider close friendships. Right from the start of our relationship before we even started dating we always said if we couldn't be a couple we would would still be best friends because we couldn't imagine not being a part of each others lives in some way.
Not Proud British 4 years ago
Being really good friends is all you need to be. I have been married 23 years, my husband is my best friend. We enjoy one another's company. We laugh together, we get drunk together. Sex can be weird when it's with your best friend, even now I get embarrassed. I prefer cuddling and kissing than the full blown sex tbh. And that's fine, cause we talk about it, joke about it, and compromise. Some people might not want to go further than friendship and that's ok too. But keep making friends, keep talking to people, keep laughing and you will find someone who is willing to be your best friend in every sense.
ben woskje 4 years ago
That's because sex is strange.... Hopefully you can find a person that it "just works" with, learn together, and be in for a bunch of fun years after that. The impression that society and the media gives that always good (especially for guys) - is just not the case.
Grunthos The Flatulent 3 years ago
Focus on how you feel. Have a good time and don't hurt anyone
Demongrrrrl 4 years ago
Start with the goal of being friends. Any romantic relationship must begin with friendship.
#31
Nutrition.
Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
I detest vegetables they're revolting. Except for carrots. I dont like water either. But I get the whole processed food thing.
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Chris M 4 years ago
You need more fat than that. And you need a good portion of carbs as well. 50% vegetables isn't realistic.
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Inna Drobi 3 years ago
low carbs, no processed food, veggies, proteins, learn to listen to your body and listen smart people, try Atkins
#32
I'm a girl. Not sure if I'm supposed to shave the thin blonde hairs in my thighs or not. Sometimes they look darker, but sometimes they look blonde. I shave the rest of my legs ( below the knee), but I'm in my 30s. Feels like I should know this already....
Demi Zwaan 4 years ago
That is personal preference. If you don’t like what it looks like, you shave it and otherwise you don’t. I don’t shave above my knees, because the hairs are so thin and blonde, you hardly see them.
Yevvie ART 4 years ago
It's your preference! I shave my whole body (including arms), because I just like it more this way. But some weeks I don't even shave my legs because who the hell cares...
therarestbanana 4 years ago
First off, never shave anything because society tells you to. I don't shave over my knees at all. Hell, I used to go years without shaving my legs at all and nobody cared...
DumYum 4 years ago
Knee down. Don’t do the the thighs, the itching will be terrible. Only shave if you have a heavy hair situation. Or wax is better.
Donkey boi 4 years ago
Just do whatever you are comfortable with. They are your legs, if you want hair, have hair. It really doesn't matter.
similarly 4 years ago
To be honest, I wish women could feel free not to shave. Men too. Just do it if you want to, but I wish there weren't a feeling of obligation to do it.
Monday 4 years ago
Some of us don't feel the obligation, but do it out of necessity. I can't stand the feeling of my legs touching each other if I haven't shaved.
Load More Replies... #33
Gym exercises and weights. I am very afraid of the public gyms... I opted to buy my own weights and machines but... When lifting stuff I don't know if I am carrying too much or too little. Is it supposed to not hurt? My back hurts a bit when I'm doing basic stuff like dumbells.
iBlank 4 years ago
Can't agree more. Some upfront costs in order to do it right for years to come.
Load More Replies... Hannah Edwards 4 years ago
This is definitely something you shouldn’t do without proper instruction to get your posture correct.
Dash Blue 4 years ago
Learning proper weight lifting technique is good, will help prevent injuries. You do not need to lift super heavy weights to get lean and muscular. Simple exercises can strengthen the back muscles. Diet is real important to building muscle. I want muscles, but I sure do not want to get jacked like a bodybuilder. No siree!
Dotti blue 4 years ago
Even if you don't feel comfortable at a public gym, there are people who can answer your questions. In high price gyms, trainers are included, in low price gyms you have to pay extra, but you will need only a few hours to clear your questions, the rest can be done with youtube videos.
Inna Drobi 3 years ago
try to get e routine in a gym for month after that you can go on on your own
Ray Carrillo 4 years ago
If you have healthcare insurance you should probably go see Physical Therapist. They can help when you have pain with exercise.
Summer Woodsong 4 years ago
Try some of the online trainers like AthleanX. If you work a muscle, it will become sore, but not feel like something's going to rip. I also got the big book - Becoming a Supple Leopard - it's not cheap, but it has everything about muscles, how to stand, how to do work.... Don't give up, there's lot of good advice out there and you don't have to talk to people to get the hang of it! That being said, if you find a personal trainer you like, invest for an hour or so. Have all your questions ready - they can watch what you are doing and that advice can solve 90% of your problems or bad habits.
#34
Babysitting. I babysat a few times when I was 13 or 14, and I wasn’t sure if I was just supposed to check in on the kid, or play with them, or just like, make sure they're good. I’m really good at kid-sitting, but babysitting (or for me watching a kid under 7 years old) is just hard.
SentimentAndBadJokes 4 years ago
This just comes naturally to some people I guess. I've always loved little kids, and know how to interact with them, but can relate with very few people in my own age groups. Different people relate with different folks?
Kristin Ingersoll 4 years ago
And I've found that sticks through life. Like, when I was a kid, I couldn't stand kids. My friends were all grown-ups. As a teen, I either still hung with adults, or with little kids, who I just seemed to "get" at that point. Now, I really jive with older folks and millenials. Basically, the same people throughout my life. It's gonna be a bummer when I'm on the old end.
Load More Replies... Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
When I babysit my 4yo nephew, I just follow his lead. Whatever he's playing with, I join in...and follow his instructions, which he gives voluntarily. If he's bored, I suggest something creative, like building blocks or coloring.
Dotti blue 4 years ago
I have one kid (1.5 years) and a second on the way, and this will always be mysterous. But fortunetly time passes, kids grow. I go with this: If they play for themself, just let them. They will tell you when they need your help or attention. I try to encourage them to play for themself.
Inna Drobi 3 years ago
try not to overthink, if they need you, they will show, if not give them some room
Vicki Thill 4 years ago
Babysitting is tougher than one thinks; parents will leave you with an eight year old and think you'll just give the kid a snack and put them to bed on time, but what they don't know is that you have no idea what the kid can and cannot do by themselves so you create games and activities for every available minute, nutritious snacks that you are scared to death they're going to choke on so you watch them chew and swallow, you wait outside the bathroom door in case they open the medicine cabinet because what's in there...you've no idea. Babysitters don't get paid enough. Anyhow, my advice is activities, constantly, with snacks, a movie maybe, and bedtime stories that are age appropriate until the parents get home.
Sarah 4 years ago
Me, too. Really, kids of any age. I'm in my 60s, so naturally when I come in a room and someone is showing off their new baby, they think I'm all grandmotherly (or at least motherly) and ask me, "Would you like to hold her?" and it's all I can do to not scream, "Gad, no, keep it away from me!" I have no idea what to do and am scared I will break it. And please, oh please, don't let it throw up on me...[shudder]
Connie Martin 4 years ago
I'm the opposite. I'm very comfortable with infants and toddlers. Once they start to talk back, I'm all at sea.
#35
Riding a bike. I hopped on one for the first time in 15+ years and loved it! So I bought a bike. But... I don't know if I'm shifting and turning and doing the road rules correctly. Are there resources for grown adults who can stop, go, dismount, but not much else?
Donkey boi 4 years ago
In the UK we have a free cycling proficiency programme. They are held monthly in (almost) every large town and are for all age groups. I imagine some people might find it embarrassing learning alongside 12 year olds, but at least you're all learning.
iBlank 4 years ago
that's awesome! I think there's a lot of people that get into biking later in life, so nothing to be ashamed of.
Load More Replies... iBlank 4 years ago
In the places I've lived in the US most of the same rules for cars apply to bikes. General tips: 1. assume all cars are out to kill you 2. warn when passing 3. learn how to change a flat 4. left arm straight out is the gesture for turning left 5. be predictable (avoid sudden turns/stops)
Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago
I bought a bike after not riding for 10 years, I can not stay upright and fall off, no idea why.
Brandy Grote 4 years ago
Go to a bike store and ask for pointers or a group you can join for help.
Markus Holstein 4 years ago
Wait! You just hopped onto one and then rode it? Nobody had to teach you? You didn't fall down a couple of times? Now I feel stupid. Okay, I was a little boy, but still
#36
Trying to save my 16 year marriage. My wife (35f) told me (35m) she wants a divorce (2 weeks before Im supposed to have spinal fusion surgery) and hopes we can figure out how to be friends for our 2 boys. She has had a few emotional affairs (nothing physical), and is a bit of a narcissist (blames everyone else for her problems, and takes no responsibility. Accusess anyone who disagrees with her as attacking her, Refuses counseling, and has for years) and appears to be using this as a way to create content (tiktok). I freely admit, Im not perfect and have caused issues in our marriage.
Demi Zwaan 4 years ago
She doesn’t sound worth fighting for. Cheating emotionally is way WORSE then just physically. Lust can happen, even though in a good relationship you’d never act on it, but being emotionally attached to someone else means the current relationship is done.
Chris M 4 years ago
I think it's possible, and normal, to have genuine feelings for more than one person. But of course, if you're in a relationship, you maintain a boundary between you and the other person so you don't cross any physical or emotional lines. I'm not sure I agree that one is worse than the other, it just depends on the situation.
Load More Replies... Limey Cheesehead 4 years ago
Sometimes the best thing to do is let them go. The alternative is to hang on. Tell her if she wants a divorce she has to do all the work and pay for it. Acknowledge what you've done wrong and work on fixing the issues. Sometimes time has a way of smoothing things out. Full disclosure - giving one sided advice is difficult as to understand a situation properly you do need to hear both sides. However, the refusing counselling is a massive red flag.
Elizabeth Molloy 4 years ago
PLEASE don't stay together "for the children"; they will be miserable.
Laura Christine 4 years ago
Make sure you have people to help you after your surgery. I had that surgery 2 yrs ago but needed help for a couple weeks. It was the best thing i ever did. I feel so much better.
Maria Schneider 4 years ago (edited)
Try couples therapy. If she agrees. Else try to talk to each other a lot, avoiding reproaches.
Ladyvischuss 4 years ago
Facebook has several pages devoted to trying to make it work, and dealing with the pain of betrayal be it emotional or physical. There are also pages about support during the end of the relationship. Before you separate or have your surgery, check to see who's name your medical insurance is listed. If things are that bad you don't need that rug pulled out from under you too.
julie son 4 years ago
It sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder, in which case I feel sorry for both him, and his kids. I have yet to meet one BPD person who is willing to put the work into getting better (and it would take a lot of work), as that would mean they would have to assume some responsibility for things that didn't work in their lives, and they are generally incapable of that. The amount of reality twisting a BPD person puts into justifying their behavior and reactions is mind boggling, and they are great at manipulating the reality with half- truths, and almost truths, exhausting anybody who is involved in any capacity with them.
SirWriteALot 4 years ago
Don't try to save it, try to get out in a civil manner. Don't damage your kids, be responsible adults and learn to live with each other, but apart.
#37
Thinking, every time I speak someone say how what I just said is wrong and they are right
Elizabeth Molloy 4 years ago
Reading will definitely help with parsing sentences, grammar, etc.
Brandy Grote 4 years ago
If they do, and you can verify they are right, then you need to start reading. Only talk about things you are CERTAIN about. If people are telling you that you are wrong when you talk about your feelings or things you've done, THEY are lying, and you need to stop talking to them, even if they are family.
Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
Those people are manipulative bullies and not worth knowing. They're only trying to make you feel bad, in a vain attempt to make themselves feel better.
#38
Programming. I mean, I mostly understand the concepts, but I struggle and fail WAAAY more often than I succeed.
Mohsie Supposie 4 years ago
We all do... Every programmer does. At least, that is how I have managed to learn programming.
Demongrrrrl 4 years ago
I have found the ...For Dummies books useful. Coursera dot com is a good learning resource.
Limey Cheesehead 4 years ago
Considering I can't program anything, I'm impressed you can do it at all. Failing is the wrong word to use...it's learning, not failing.
Eglė Bukauskaitė 3 years ago
Same, i used to overengineer things. That's why i opeted for being a QA
SirWriteALot 4 years ago
Well ... programmers ALWAYS fail, then fix it, fix it again and in the end it sort of works. But if you are struggling READING code or understanding them, maybe programming is not for you.
Dave van Es 4 years ago
I thought programming was panicking if something worked right the first time, and wondering why?
Gilbert Soup 4 years ago
That’s how it works. All programming is correcting mistakes you made the first to thirty times round. Why do you think most apps crash?
#39
Parenting my child who is 12, born female but just asked us to use him/they pronouns and a male name. I’m a lesbian. My (37F) wife (47F) and I fully support our kiddo. But my thoughts wander, because I don’t feel like this kid is trans. I think they are on a journey of self discovery. Then I feel guilty. I just want to be 100% supportive. I am ashamed to be a member (advocate, equal rights-fighting lesbian) of the LGBTQ++ community and yet feel so helpless and confused.
Vicki Louise 4 years ago
I saw recently that Angelia Jolies kid has gone back to using female pronouns after insisting on being called John for years. Just be supportive, if it's a phase then they'll grow out of it naturally no matter how you respond. Better to be there for them than to make them feel like you don't understand them.
Kristin Ingersoll 4 years ago
You are ideally equipped to help your kid. What a lucky kid!!! You're also ideally positioned for some major guilt trips. From yourself and others. My only advise is... Listen to your kid. Honor their wishes, even if they change. If you aren't 100% sure, try to postpone any physical alterations, I guess. Just love the hell out of your kid. The rest will fall in place. Again. Lucky, loved kid.
pusheen buttercup 4 years ago
Everyone is different. As long as they know you'll still love them regardless, whether this is questioning or an end result, is good.
eeeeeeeee 4 years ago
Can't you use different pronouns and name and still accept it as part of the voyage of discovery? If it is an experimental phase, if you support him calmly, they will feel free to change. Maybe he's trans, maybe not, maybe, at 12, neither of you know right now. But either way, it would be the same in a straight household. Society is more accepting of gender change these days, and that makes it also easier for kids to play and discover where they fit. Best of luck to your family, you obviously care alot about your kid, I'm sure that's all they care about!
Ekatee 4 years ago
They are on a self discovery journey. Support them by using the names and pronouns they prefer. This young generation don't have all the obstacles and criticism older generations had, and they are much free-er to express themselves. Bottom line is, they are still your kid, no matter what. As long as the choices they make don't negatively affect others, they are free to try anything they want. You shouldn't feel bad, you are doing a good job! Your kid feels safe enough to confide in you their insecurities and thoughts, just continue to be there for them and you're golden! ;)
Sleazy Weaver 4 years ago
Even if it's just a phase, there's no harm calling the kid by the male name & pronouns at home. Tell them it's a test run to see if they think it suits them or not before coming out publicly. Let them try the name at restaurants & such where it's in public, but not around friends or relatives. If after all that they stick with it, cool! If not, at least they know themselves better after their experiment. & they know they have cool parents who love them unconditionally.
Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
Your first problem is that you're trying to force your own opinions on someone who uses their own brain to work out who they are. Let your child speak to you and don't use leading questions or try to tell them who they are.
Spring Fisk 4 years ago
Then again a parent is there to guide a child the best they can. We give guidance in all other areas why not sexuality.
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#40
Not currently, but for the first 3 years neither my gf nor I knew how to use a can opener. We broke many over the years using them at 90° angles until finally I googled it.
#41
Brushing my teeth. Why do the foam tend to dribble down my chin and sometimes down my right arm? When did I bite the toothbrush? Why does my toothbrush wear out in a month? How do I brush my tongue well enough?
And washing my hair. I feel I over-wash it, but if I try lessening the washing, my hair sounds foamy when I dry it. Everyday, I live in the fear of shampoo still left in my hair.
Yevvie ART 4 years ago
Massage, not brush. Use a soft toothbrush. Take your time - divide your mouth into 4 sections and brush each for 30s. Use only a pea-sized amount of toothpaste. With hair, wash only the hair on your scalp and let the soapy water go down your whole hair to clean it while rinsing. This way you don't overdry your ends, as they need the oils to keep alive. The amount of shampoo and the type will depend on your hair. In my teens I needed to wash my short hair twice to get grease out, in my late 20s I need a lot more shampoo but only one wash as my hair is porous and dyed. Don't be afraid to experiment!
Dotti blue 4 years ago
You should not bite your toothbrush at all. Probably thats why your toothbrush wears out wihtin a month. Also many people just press too hard, no preasure on the brush! Look on youtube - many videos for little kids which explain how to care for your teeth. When washing you hair, maybe you just use too much shampoo. You normally wash it twice. Once to get off the grind (with a little more shampoo, about a hazelnut size portion) and the second time (less shampoo, only a small amount) to get your hair fine. Most people don't need to wash their hair daily. For most every 2-3 day is enough. For me it's 3-4 days.
Nubis Knight 4 years ago
Brushed my teeth always like we learned at kindergarden/school to do. Now recently I read that adults are supposed to brush teeths differently. Now I'm not sure how? O.o
Stephanie Keith 4 years ago
When did you bite the toothbrush? I don't know? You're the only person who can answer that. And why are you biting your toothbrush in the 1st place?
#42
My marriage and dealing with mental health. For starters, I’m 23 my wife is 21. I have pretty much ruined my marriage, what’s killing me is I don’t know how. We’re both in the Army. She went home for a medical emergency 2 weeks ago for 10 days. All she did was drink and party. Barely talked to me at all. Told me to leave her alone. She comes back. Acts super shady. Changed her password and sleeps with her phone under her pillow and when I ask who she’s talking to she says don’t worry about it or nobody. She wears glasses so I can clearly see her switching from Snapchat to another app… Got on her MacBook to talk to my mom on Skype and her texts popped up. Her friends were encouraging her to go hook up with an ex. She hung out with this dude several times when she was there. I am 90% sure she cheated on me. This weekend is our anniversary and she’s doing a girls weekend. I have no idea what to do. I try talking to her and she says she wants space and a break. I’m super f**king depressed. As I’m writing this I am on my 30th hour without sleep. I can’t get out of my own head. Im so depressed and I’m so alone. I’m so tired. Any advice is welcome. Not sure if this is the right place to post this
Demi Zwaan 4 years ago
Yeah, get a divorce, this is clearly not working out. Then take some time to heal and love yourself, then go out and meet new people. You’ll find someone else. Someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them.
SentimentAndBadJokes 4 years ago
From what we can see, this is clearly not this dudes fault. Likely being conditioned to believe it is. I hope that he finds happiness!
Load More Replies... MelFunction 4 years ago
This is not a healthy relationship. She clearly wants out. You need to move on and focus on yourself.
Cynthia C. Cutright 4 years ago
Been there, done that. Its a difficult situation and easy to feel at fault. However, it sounds like she is the one that is being shady. You are both so young and it sounds like she is wanting to enjoy her friends single life. If her friends are encouraging her to hook up and you truly believe she has you are probably right. I know it hurts. Let me ask you, What would you advise a friend in this situation? If your depression is is keeping you up and effecting your normal activities you really should seek professional council. Your well being matters and getting help is not a weakness.
Not Proud British 4 years ago
I'm sorry. She has told you to leave her alone and that is sadly what you must do. Sometimes things don't work out. It will hurt like hell for ages, but it will get better. You now have time to focus on you. Do the things you want to do. Go out with your own mates. Binge watch a Netflix series that you know she would hate. Visit old friends or family or even take a break by yourself - camping or hostelling is a good way to get away from it all and meet likeminded people. Focus now on your needs and let her do what she wants. If she can't tell you what went wrong then you can't fix it. Maybe in time you can talk and she can reveal what went wrong for her. But for now, be kind to yourself and surround yourself with people who love and care about you.
Casey Burns 4 years ago
Find my FB profile and message me if you'd like my friend. Im here for you. Sometimes just venting is enough to save your heart and mind. Either way. Love is powerful. Loving yourself is ALWAYS number one before you can truly love someone else.
Helen Haley 4 years ago
You are 21 and 23, not really a surprise. It is a romantic idea, but not realistic. Cut bait, enjoy the rest of your early 20's. Try marriage again when you have a bit more age and experience under your belt.
Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
Military marriages are difficult ones. My parents. It hurts like hell, but this is in no way your "fault". It sounds like she just plain wants to be single. Wouldnt matter who she's married to.She's behaving that way & is in an environment that is pushing her that way. It appears that she has also made that decision clear. If she cheated once, she'll do it again. You would spend the rest of your life wondering about her contacts & when she walks out the door, where is she going? My suggestion is to walk away. First, make a plan for doing that. Have somewhere to go right then if you do. Joint bank account. Take 1/2 & get your own account. Get a lawyer first. Papers at the ready if you need them. Then. Sit down, tell her all your thoughts and feelings. If it is her choice to continue this way, and is it? I'll bet its yes. Right then & there, "Im outta here." Get up & walk. Right then. You have a place to go & plans set so you'll be ok that way. Just my thoughts.
Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
Also, the whole depression mental health issue in the military is still very difficult. Its no secret. I wish I could speak to that, but I can't.
Load More Replies... Stephanie IV 4 years ago
Hold on. Take things slow. Find counseling for yourself. Don’t decide anything just yet. You’re young and married. That’s tough. Maybe you’ll make it as a couple, these things take time, though. Talk to your parents. Talk to your spouse about realizing that there’s a problem. Don’t go with fear of rejection. Go with personal growth. Don’t try to find an easy quick answer. There’s no quick fix. Be patient and understanding with yourself. You’re only human. Feeling lonely and helpless and sad is a completely acceptable reaction to what you’re going through. You’re worth time and understanding.
#43
That I care way more for people than they care for me
Kristin Ingersoll 4 years ago
Once I got over that (in my 40s), my life became exponentially happier!
#44
Handling my partners depression and newly developed suicidal thoughts
Maria Schneider 4 years ago
Maybe because you tried to help and found out you can't. Sounds hard, but you really can't. Simply BE THERE.
Not Proud British 4 years ago
As someone who has been there (on the other side), don't leave them alone. They will push you away all they can, when what they want the most is to be held and make to feel safe and secure. Don't try to solve anything, just listen, hug, hold and be there.
ThoughtsAreNotFacts 4 years ago
This is huge! It's hard to not try to find a "fix" when someone reveals what they're struggling with. A lot of the time listening and being there is what someone needs.
Load More Replies... eeeeeeeee 4 years ago
This is not your job. Be as kind and patient as you can, but do what you can to get them to a professional. And be as forgiving to yourself for any feelings of annoyance, frustration, anger, despair that you have, too. Neither of you signed up for this. Sending you all the love and best wishes in the world.
pusheen buttercup 4 years ago
Just be there for them. :) Try not to take it personally, ask if they'd like suggestions or if they want to see a therapist or not, but don't push. Every person is different- try asking if you can support them and how, or just say you are there if they need.
María Hermida 4 years ago
Show that you support him/her, but look for professional help as soon as possible. Trying to help a person with a serious depression and/or suicidal thoughts is like trying to save a person who's drowning: if you don't know how to do it properly both of you will end up drowning. Love and good will is not enough. You cannot do it alone. Please, please, please, find help!
Stephanie IV 4 years ago
YOU CANNOT SAVE SOMEBODY WHO IS DEPRESSED. that’s a professional‘s job. Find supervision for yourself.
Sleazy Weaver 4 years ago
Therapy for you both. This isn’t something a couple can handle alone. I hope things turn out okay.
#45
Shaving.
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
Apparently I can't shave properly coz I don't use anything except water and a razor. I thought that's how everyone shaved (except beards) until a friend told me that I'm supposed to use a cream, soap or lotion etc. Tried it, but found it irritating so I just do it the way I've always done it.
Anne 4 years ago
I don't use soap or whatever either. Just shave with water (heck, or dry in a pinch) and be done with it.
Load More Replies... Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
Yeah I was too shy to ask my mum about shaving my legs, so I grabbed a disposable plastic crappy razor that was in the bathroom and dry shaved them 🤦♀️ it was like sunburn time a million honestly, not just a shaving rash spackle it was fully on knee to ankle big red saveloy legs of pain!
Donkey boi 4 years ago
Just get some clippers! It's quicker, easier and leaves just enough to look attractive.
#46
How to lock the petrol pump so I don't have to hold the handle the whole time will refueling. I know there's a little latch down there somewhere but it never works for me..
eeeeeeeee 4 years ago
This is no longer legal in the UK, (for obvious reasons) so it no longer works (unless you are a truck driver, as the guy says below, with a special device).
Ksenia M 4 years ago
I have to ask, what obvious reasons? I've used this latch my whole life, all it does is lock the pump so you don't have to hold it and then unlocks automatically once the tank is full?
Load More Replies... DumYum 4 years ago
Used to be on every pump handle here in the US. But most are disabled because of over filling or something. So that little latch actually doesn’t work more than half the time. Used to be you could prop the latch into a notch and be hand off. Then wait for it to pop off when the tank was full. Now most notches have been removed.
Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
That would be very dangerous because some people lose concentration, so it's good that you have to hold it.
#47
I've been living in my first apartment ever since april 2020. I vacuum clean regularly, but I never cleaned the floor with water. Is that bad? How do I get rid of the water on the floor, does it just dry up? I'm sorry for the noob question but I was literally too scared to ask somebody.
Dotti blue 4 years ago
You should vacuum once or even better twice a week. Your bath and kitchen should be cleaned with water every week, if you don't wear shoes inside, for the rest of the apartment, once a month wet cleaning is enough. You buy a mop, you put a bucket with water and cleaning detergent (special one for every floor type or an allrounder), you wet the mop and wring it out until it is not really wet any more, then you swipe a little part of the floor - repeat until finished. It is a very intense work. If there is water left on the floor wipe it up with another towel. Do not let the water on the floor! it will destroy your floor and if it is a lot or done often, even the apartment underneath yours.
Sleazy Weaver 4 years ago
Yes, but after you mop with water, do you dry the water with towels or let it dry on its own? That's what they were asking.
Load More Replies... #48
Being a dad. I think I’m doing okay at it, but won’t really know for a few years.
Sarcastic Cow 4 years ago
That fact you asking this make you a better dad that a lot of dickheads, who just reproduced...
El muerto 4 years ago
true...we won't know until they have grown and figured things out for themselves...so I guess I'll ask my daughter to give me her review when she gets to thirty...but as long as she haven died and or suffered major psychological damage, I guess I'm getting passing grade so far...reached Dad lv 14 this year
#49
Why Im just a loaner. Something about me drives people away. I'm too blind to see it but no it to be true. I have never been anyone's best friend. No friends reach out to me. I'm never invited anywhere. I'm obviously doing something wrong but not sure I want to find out.
eeeeeeeee 4 years ago
Find someone else who seems alone and reach out to them. Most people are too wrapped up in themselves to notice others, especially if you are quiet and waiting for them to come to you. There are many people alone and feeling like you are. Find some! Make your own friend group!
Brian Bennett 4 years ago
Why maybe it was meant to be! Try to find people like yourself or someone who has the same interests for me it was reading!
Spring Fisk 4 years ago
If you want friends, be a friend. I know you have probably heard this before but when I actually started doing this I started to have friends. It is hard because our first inclination is to think about ourselves but once you start thinking of others (being in their shoes) and what they need and want and what would help them it will get easier and easier.
Zydakohdee-O 4 years ago
I agree to a degree but I have a somewhat different take... I see it as people are hesitant to be vulnerable to other people who may or may not reject them or their advances towards friendship. So if both people are being hesitant then they both will still be alone. One of them has to take the initiative and offer the first olive branch so to speak. You have to be willing to give up a bit of your vulnerability to allow the chances of friendship opportunities to be greater than what you have now. My wife is a lot better at this than I am. I am very introverted in the sense that I'm usually overwhelmed by the stressors of making small talk. I hate talking about sports and weather, which is a lot of what guys my age to talk about. Best of luck to you and put yourself out there a bit.
Load More Replies... #50
I don't know how to use spices and seasonings while cooking. The main ingredients are always cooked well but are missing something.. I only know how to add salt but anything else scares me like...do i add a tiny bit of spices? a handful? do i mix stuff together and hope it tastes good? I have no idea despite coming from a culture that uses a lot of seasoning. Everything I have learned to cook is white people food because my culture's food takes so long to prepare and cook my mom can't stand anyone in the kitchen with her during it >__< rip.
Yevvie ART 4 years ago
Experiment! Try with a little bit, sprinkle it throughout the food, see if you like it like that, up the amount next time if it still feels lacking. Over the years you'll find what you like and in what amount.
Spring Fisk 4 years ago
My mom told me to sniff each spice and if it smells something like roasted chicken or baked salmon ... then you know what food you can put it on. My problem though is I don't have a good sniffer. I go to the store were they have premixed spices like Seafood magic or chicken magic and that helps. I did learn that Greek seasoning is AMAZING on vegetables and the more the better.
Dotti blue 4 years ago
Look for recipes of things you want to cook and follow them to the letter. Maybe there is also a basic cookbook for the style you want (white people or your culture). Start with simple food. If you' ve done this for some time (depending on how much you cook, maybe a year if you cook on a regular basis), you will get a feeling which herbs go to which food, what to combine and you can come up with your own variants. You will get a feeling for the timing etc. Else just stick to the recipe.
Evil Little Thing 4 years ago
Try smelling the spices and adding ones you think would make an interesting combination. Taste as you go.
Donkey boi 4 years ago
The only reason chefs know things work is because they tried them themselves. There millions of abandoned recipes. To work out your mum's cooking, leave you phone in there recording it, any questions, just ask her.
Casey Burns 4 years ago
One of my favorite cooking phrases! "A chefs worst enemy is..... him or herself!" The entire point of cooking is trial and error and finding new combinations you truly love. McCormick chicken and Montreal Steak seasoning combined on steak gives it a wonderful flavor. Also Crazy Janes seasoning salt is useful for just about everything. Best of luck master chef.
Yevvie ART 4 years ago
Only if you use mild spices or know what you're doing. If you do that incorrectly with powdered chili, harissa or other spicy spices you'll create a cloud of gas that will burn your throat, eyes, nose and lungs. You'll cough like asthmatic cat with a hairball and be unable to cook in your kitchen for an hour or more.
Load More Replies... #51
Calculus 2 This happened last semester. I was horrible at integrals and didn't want my classmates to find out how much of a dumbass I was.
beastmachine. 4 years ago
Try using RD Sharma, pretty simple book for understanding basic calculus.
MrOwlAteMyMetalWorm. 4 years ago
Go on youtube several tutorials,easy websites help.Trust me get on with the methods it's not that bad.
Brian Bennett 4 years ago
I consider myself a well educated dumbass at 76 years of age! (Still Learning.)
#52
Empathy. I don’t know if I experience empathy normally or if it’s too low.
Evil Little Thing 4 years ago
Neurotypical people do not need to learn empathy because it comes naturally, but a certain subset of every population has different frontal lobe function and low-activating mirror neurons, and we don't naturally understand other people's feelings. We can learn cognitive empathy and we can decide to respect other people's feelings even if we don't understand them.
Donkey boi 4 years ago
As someone with ZERO empathy, it's very difficult to understand. In basic terms it's, 'how would I feel if that happened to me?', but when the answer is 'I wouldn't give a shite' it's too low. You can work hard to appear empathic but will still slip up. I'm still useless when someone tells me one of their loved ones has died, my brain just says 'so what?' and I can only get my mouth to give out an unconvincing 'oh, that's sad'.
GirlFriday 4 years ago (edited)
Empathy is understanding. "You are mad and I understand why that made you mad." If you don't understand why someone feels the way they do, ask. You don't have to share their feelings to understand them.
Stephanie IV 4 years ago
Empathy takes time. Who is empathetic with you? Are you in touch with your feelings? If not: do you want to be? Empathy needs nurturing.
Casey Burns 4 years ago
Empathy is the natural or learned ability to take in what someone is saying and literally feel what they feel. If someone is venting to you. Be compassionate and understanding. That's really all there is to it. Unless they're noticeably in the wrong. "Like I killed him because he was smarter than me." Then runaway slowly.
GirlFriday 4 years ago (edited)
You just described sympathy. Empathy is understanding but not necessarily feeling the same, sympathy is feeling the same thing as them.
Load More Replies... Maria Schneider 4 years ago
Too low for what? Ask yourself what would be if you really were not too empathic.
Brian Bennett 4 years ago
Any empathy is good - I don't know how one would detect low empathy! I know this will get me down voted but you could ask a white police officer.
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
I think amongst other things, psychologists ask test questions, here's the example I know of(excuse poor wording): a bus/train is going to crash, killing many people inside. The only way to stop it would be to jump in front of it to slow it down, but you aren't quite close enough. But there is a person in front of you that you could just reach to push in front of it. Do you push them and sacrifice one life to save many, or stand by and watch it crash? ( clearly the answer is neither btw I cant imagine pushing anyone in front of a bus and seeing it as the 'right' choice. The questions just describes an impossible scenario that will affect many people: a fatal bus crash)
Load More Replies... Nicole Blomkamp 4 years ago
If you saw a mother's child get shot in front of you-would you feel bad for her? If yes-then there's your answer
#53
There's so many big life things in here, mine all feel simple. I'm not sure how to shave, nobody ever taught me so I kind of just do whatever to shape my face up. Making coffee, how many scoops do I use? But what 30 year old man asks how to make coffee? Cooking is hard in general but I just make things until they look or taste done. HOW DO I PROPERLY CLEAN MY HEDGEHOGS CAGE ON A 3RD STORY APARTMENT? You can just dust s**t off outside... or can you? What if it gets on my neighbors stuff?
SentimentAndBadJokes 4 years ago
I'm sorry, this just made be laugh. It's too trivial to take deadpan XD
Dotti blue 4 years ago
Do not dust s**t outside, try putting the litter with everything in it in the dustbin! Then you put new litter.
Nubis Knight 4 years ago
I didn't know how to propperly do make-up - as a 40 year old woman. Gladly nowadays there's a tutorial for almost anything on Youtube. You may have to watch a few till you find a creditable one, but I'm sure you find your answers there! <3
Donkey boi 4 years ago
Shaving: 90% of the work is looking after your razor. Dry & oil it and it will last forever. Coffee: Depends on the equipment you're using. Most of the time, one scoop is enough. Cooking: As long as it's cooked thoroughly you should be OK. Then Experiment. Hedgehog: Dust s**t off outside, as long as you do it on your property, you are not responsible for the wind!
Amy 4 years ago
If the hedgehog was raised in captivity or a rescue it would die if released into the wild.
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Sue Bradley 4 years ago
Re cooking - buy a cookbook for beginners or just google easy recipes, re hedgehog - put litter in the bin, re shaving - maybe YouTube? X
#54
The balance between being emotionally mature and a pushover. I can never seem to get the balance right and I always end up being a b**** or getting walked all over
Daniela Skovajsova 4 years ago
Do what feels right to you. How people perceive you is their issue, not yours. If you express your self authentically (you do not judge, you express your feelings, what is going on inside of you), then you can sleep soundly and stop caring so much about other peoples’ opinions. Notice the difference between “You look good” and “I like the way you look.” First one is judgment (even when positive) and the other one is expressing your opinion and/or feeling. Another example is “You piss me off” and “I am angry with what you just said/did.” Good for you to ask this, I hope you will find your way!
#55
Using Reddit. Specifically the quote feature. No idea how to do it. (Exclusively using Reddit app on iPhone).
#56
I'm worried I made a bad decision. Everyone tells me it was a good decision but it feels wrong. I was self employed, doing pretty well, making ends meet. I made my own schedule, the work changed often, I loved what I was doing. But I was not declaring any income, not paying taxes, no insurance, no way to expand....basically no future until I died working...but I was happy. I got a "real" job. I now work in a factory. Paying taxes, have health insurance, paid weekly with no variability, bonuses...and I hate it. No climate control, 50 hours a week minimum, 2nd shift, bringing home less money after everything. I keep telling myself I am doing this so I can buy my house in 2 years...but I don't think this job will ever make more than 45k/yr. I feel like once again I am gonna die working but this time it will be miserable doing something I hate instead of happy doing something I love. But everyone else feels comfortable with it, so Its gotta be right, right?
Demi Zwaan 4 years ago
Uhm, what about being your own boss ánd not being fraudulent? You can pay taxes, get insurance, etc. while being self employed…
Daniela Skovajsova 4 years ago
Right is what feels right for you. Would you be able to afford a house in two years while self-employed? Is there anything you can do to "leave more papertrail" - taxes, insurance,... in your self-employment? If not, is there a job that would make you happy and get you the house you wish for? If at all possible, go for it.
Dotti blue 4 years ago
Do you have a family to care for? Then discuss with your partner. If you are all by yourself, it is your decision alone.
Seonag Udell 4 years ago
If your lucky enough to do something you love and get paid for it, I would stick with that
#57
Therapy. My psychologist constantly tells me it's small steps but it feels like nothing is changing. He wants me to catalogue each day devoid of emotion and it feels so pointless. What does it matter if I spent all day playing a game and then the next reading? Most of my anxiety is from external sources that I can't control and therapy hasn't reduced it at all so far. This is my third therapist, my second one did help but I moved. Basically I set a few goals and it feels like I'm not even moving towards them. It's gotta be me doing something wrong because I know he's a talented and qualified therapist. Or maybe I'm just expecting results too soon. Tbf my issues are complex. But idk. I just want to be better.
Nubis Knight 4 years ago
How about another form of therapy? A friend of mine gets occupational therapy and it seems to help.
Donkey boi 4 years ago
Not all therapists are good, I had one call me 'an emotional retard that can't be fixed'. Think of them like personal trainers, do you need one that will drive you towards your goal like a military drill sergeant or one that will just ask that you do your best and support you as you go?
Maria Schneider 4 years ago
The second was helpful? Why did you leave then? What makes you believe your therapist is "talented"? NEVER think anything in a therapy is "your fault"! Stop wanting to be "better" - self-acceptance is the way.
Anthony Nizza 4 years ago
They moved and that's why they couldn't see their second therapist anymore.
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#58
When they say 2% milk, I don’t know what the other 98% is.
Annamagelic 4 years ago
2% refers to the percentage of milk fat. For reference whole milk sold in the US is generally 3.25% milkfat, which us the minimum tye FDA says can be called whole milk. True whole milk , unaltered straight from the cow, varies but tends to be around 4-5% milkfat. The milk fat removed from milk gets sold as cream or butter. The other 98% or so is mostly water, but also protein, sugar (lactose), and minerals such as calcium.
#59
Oxford commas.
Sleazy Weaver 4 years ago
The Oxford comma is the comma after the second to last item in a list of things. Let's say we're writing a grocery list. Without an Oxford comma, it would be "eggs, milk, bacon and bread." With an Oxford comma it would be "eggs, milk, bacon, and bread." It separates bacon from bread with a comma. It comes after the second to last word, before the word and. This can be very useful when seeing two things as related could change the context completely. For example, "The party had strippers, Washington and Lincoln." With an Oxford comma you would be able to tell I'm saying strippers were at the party, as well as Washington and Lincoln. Without the comma, it can be read as though Washington and Lincoln are the strippers. Hope this makes sense for anyone confused about the Oxford comma!
Casey Burns 4 years ago
Yes tremendously. Thank you. Didn't even know that existed. I feel bad correcting people misplaced commas now when they were probably placed correctly.
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Danjal Jannik TIndholm 3 years ago
Learn another language, Oxford commas are only used in English :D
#60
My whole job lol. I didn’t ask questions when I first started and now all of a sudden I’m a manager but I don’t know how to do anything
Brian Bennett 4 years ago
Again - you have reached your highest level of inefficiency- not your fault it just happens especially in office forums.
#61
Planning with friends. I feel as though if I'm ever a part of some hang out with my friends it's because I'm the one that's setting it up. It seems like I'm not really invited to anything and i don't really know how to approach that. I don't feel as though they don't want to hang out with me but I also don't wanna be the guy who demands he gets invited to stuff and I don't really know how to take this.
#62
Walking, it's silly I know. But I broke my leg when I was 2 and according to family learned to walk with a cast, then had to learn to walk without it again. I just know my walk is messed up because of it, but I'm afraid that if I ask my Dr for a referral to fix it that she won't take me seriously. It's kinda also why I don't run, my run is worse
Yevvie ART 4 years ago
Just tell your doc the story and ask for help. Walking wrong can affect your spine and cause you a lot of posture problems over the years, so for your own wellbeing, try to go and get it fixed. If you're dead serious, they'll take you serious. If they wont, go to another doc.
Cattress511 4 years ago
I promise you that the discomfort from asking about this will not only be well worth the results of getting evaluated and treated if necessary, but also that if you told your doctor you have something embarrassing to ask before this, your doctor will be thrilled not to be discussing hazards of putting foreign objects in the r****m. If your doctor doesn't take your concern seriously, such as asking you to demonstrate, getting details like any pain or areas of weakness, find a new doc.
Donkey boi 4 years ago
My sister was in an accident when she was 22 and told she would never walk again. A few years later she's on her feet and shuffling along, all the while saying 'you know when you're conscious of the fact that you're walking you start feeling like you're walking like and idiot... That's what learning to walk is like when you're an adult'.
Helen Haley 4 years ago
My feet were rather messed up for the vast majority of my life. They're fixed now, but my walk is still all wonky. I get this.
Brian Bennett 4 years ago
Ask your Doctor, if she won't take you seriously find one who will. Stand up for yourself!
Daniela Skovajsova 4 years ago
First of all, good for you to gather the courage to ask on this forum! Now, imagine the worst that can happen when you ask your doctor for referral. She might laugh? She might think you are incompetent? Or anything worse? Or she will simply do her job and help you. Trust me, she has seen many worse and weirder things that what you are going through and probably will not even think about it twice. And maybe think about this - do you have any kind of medical issues stemming from the way you walk? Any pain, discomfort, anything? It might be just your brain screwing with you because you feel some kind of complex from your youth. But it is always good to have it checked out by professional, they can either correct the way you walk or reassure you that you are actually walking correctly, and you can finally let it go and be in peace with it.
#63
I've been driving for 15 years and when a merge lane is ending with no cars around I don't know what I should actually be doing. It was only just recently when my buddy driving turned into the ending side of passing lane almost right away that I was like hmm? Wonder if I'm doing wrong all along I'm just lazy and stay in the closing lane until the end
Spring Fisk 4 years ago
I did not really learn this till latter in life but it is considered polite to try to merge as soon as you see that your lane is merging. People get grumpy if you go all the way to the end and then merge. It ends up slowing down traffic and it is kind of like you are cutting in line.
Aly Howe 4 years ago
In the UK you are encouraged by the highway code to continue and merge later. It's called zip merging. If you try and merge early to be polite you will actually cause more traffic hold ups further back. By mergin later you are taking space from cars that are pulling away which is better for traffic flow. It may seem rude but it is better for everyone and like I said encouraged by the highway code.
#64
I got my Bachelors in Chemistry this Spring and have sent out a nice few resumes and had one interview (didn't get the job) but now I have no idea what I want to keep doing. There isn't many opportunities in my province and the thought of having to possibly move to the other side of Canada alone to a place where I know no one and have never been before is terrifying. While I was still in uni I had a set routine of what I can expect to be doing for the next year but now that is all gone and I feel so lost. Do I stick around here for god knows how long and try and get a job related to my degree in this province? Do I go back to school next year and try and do something else to go along with my degree (Education degree or something)? Do I bite the bullet and move away knowing that it will wreck me mentally? I have no idea
beastmachine. 4 years ago
Well sometimes you need to move out of your comfort zone to achieve something, I too am leaving my hometown for Uni next week and I too am scared but hey man you aren't alone, everyone faces these problems. You could also try online/distance learning couses if you aren't still able to move away for jobs.
MrOwlAteMyMetalWorm. 4 years ago
Hey don't be scared,life awaits an adventure for you,just hold on tight.What are you going to study and which college ?
Load More Replies... Stephanie IV 4 years ago
Slow down, find your feet. You’ll find out eventually. No need to rush. Can you get by jobbing? Then job around. Relax. You are still on track.
Limey Cheesehead 4 years ago
First - look at the positives. You have options! Yes, making decisions is stressful, but the fact you have a choice is a good thing. Moving someplace new is difficult and daunting - I moved from Chicago to London 30+ years ago and starting over in a new location is scary. However, you have one life to live and you should just go for it. Give it a year - if you're unhappy you can always move back.
#65
Using the clutch on a manual vehicle. I have heard you're not supposed to keep the clutch depressed while your approaching stop lights or standing at them. They say it wears more when you do, but I never understood how. The way I understand clutches, they should wear less while the clutch is disengaged because all the parts that wear are not pressed into each other causing friction. I use my clutch a lot when I drive at low speeds, because no one ever told me you shouldn't until i had the habits built. No one has ever been able to explain the problem to me, even with some googling.
Hayhaypaula 4 years ago
If you don't depress the clutch at a stop, your engine will stall, since giving it any gas would make it move the car forward. Did someone tell you to put the gear in neutral when you stop? That would let you let the clutch up without stalling the engine, but it isn't an efficient way to drive. I keep my clutch in at a stop, or when slowing, and use that time to shift into the gear number that I will need next (usually first gear at a stop). I also use a combo of partial clutch and gas to keep my car from rolling back on a hill! This is a skill - not a failing. Clutches don't wear out that fast. Don't worry about it!
Cattress511 4 years ago
I keep the clutch down and car in 1st when waiting at a short light, but if it's a longer wait, I put it in neutral and rest my leg. I don't ride my clutch so to speak, when approaching a light, but it all depends on things like how fast was I going & how much time/space to come to a stop, I might down shift, taking my foot off the clutch, and use the resistance of the lower gears to slow the car if I have room, or in conditions like snow heavy rain to avoid sliding. If I need to break suddenly, it's habit to keep clutch down even if I've moved the gear to neutral because after stopping I put it in first in anticipation of the light change. If I'm in bumper to bumper traffic, I tend to ride the clutch more than I should, but it's never been a problem
Tim Douglass 4 years ago
I suspect that what they mean is that when you have the clutch pedal depressed it puts wear on the throw-out bearing. Waiting at at stop with the pedal depressed causes more wear there, not on the clutch disk itself. Most of the time the throw-out bearing is the first part of a clutch system to wear out anyway, so not sitting for a long time with the pedal depressed extends its life. When you stop at a red light shift to neutral and let the clutch out. When the light turns green just press the pedal and shift to first and take off. Don't keep a foot on the clutch pedal while driving either, because that will tend to both wear out the throw-out bearing and also cause the clutch to slip, wearing out the disk and pressure plate as well. Google can show you a few good diagrams of all the parts of a normal clutch.
Maria Schneider 4 years ago
REENGAGING is the problem! This makes the clutch worn. But don't worry, modern cars/motorcycles can stan a LOT! Drive your style.
kathoco 4 years ago
It is absolutely true that having the clutch in wears out the clutch. In other words, when you press the clutch pedal down you are using the clutch because it disengages the engine and allows you to change gears. When the car is in gear and you are not engaging the clutch, the clutch is not being used and thus not wearing out. That's all you need to know.
#66
My degree, I'm not exactly failing but I'm not doing too good either and I know I could do better if I just tried, but I just don't have the anymore
Kristin Ingersoll 4 years ago
Maybe take a break? Go work for a year. Give some serious thought to if the degree is what you want. Would a different degree get you interested and engaged again? If you take time off and find yourself happier, then maybe school isn't right for you right now. Maybe take a longer break? It sounds like you need to shake things up, no matter what.
Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
Speak to your lecturers/ tutors to ask for their advice. It's their job to understand.
What do you think ?
Getthepopcornout 4 years ago
This post makes me realise I am really not alone with some of what I sometimes consider ridiculous thoughts/feelings/questions/fears. We're all just winging it really!
MrOwlAteMyMetalWorm. 4 years ago (edited)
Do redditors know ,we have full blown discussions about their lives on BP?
Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
I'm sure some of them do as reddit posts feature on about 90% of BP posts.
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Data1001 4 years ago
Good lord, have none of these people heard of YouTube? Aside from very specific questions, they could find nearly any answer there.
Demi Zwaan 4 years ago
Well, most of these questions should’ve been addressed by parents in raising their kids and most others are easily googled. Do people not raise kids anymore? Just feed, keep alive and done?
Dani_has_arrived <3 4 years ago (edited)
Probably not relevant but sometimes I forget to breathe?
Tonja Massie 4 years ago
I would really like an answer to the study question. Been in college for a couple years now and still feel like I'm not doing it right
Getthepopcornout 4 years ago
This post makes me realise I am really not alone with some of what I sometimes consider ridiculous thoughts/feelings/questions/fears. We're all just winging it really!
MrOwlAteMyMetalWorm. 4 years ago (edited)
Do redditors know ,we have full blown discussions about their lives on BP?
Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
I'm sure some of them do as reddit posts feature on about 90% of BP posts.
Load More Replies... Data1001 4 years ago
Good lord, have none of these people heard of YouTube? Aside from very specific questions, they could find nearly any answer there.
Demi Zwaan 4 years ago
Well, most of these questions should’ve been addressed by parents in raising their kids and most others are easily googled. Do people not raise kids anymore? Just feed, keep alive and done?
Dani_has_arrived <3 4 years ago (edited)
Probably not relevant but sometimes I forget to breathe?
Tonja Massie 4 years ago
I would really like an answer to the study question. Been in college for a couple years now and still feel like I'm not doing it right
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