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We all know that wisdom takes time. Just like when you’re a child and burn yourself with an oven, only to realize some surfaces are hot and you'd better stay away from them, so are the other things that require years of constantly learning through your own experience.
So when someone asked a seemingly simple question “What do people learn too late?” on r/AskReddit it immediately resonated with everyone. With 76.4k upvotes and almost 20k comments, we have some of the most illuminating answers below.
From protecting your ears from loud music if you don’t want tinnitus for the rest of your life, to realizing that salary is not the entirety of an equation when it comes to your job satisfaction, these are the things people wish they hadn’t learned the hard way but known it from the beginning.
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#1
You're not obliged to have children of your own. You can be happy and fulfilled without reproducing.
ben woskje 4 years ago
societies obsession with "when are you having kids"... and when you have a kid - "when are you having another" is all types of f****d up. Not everyone is cut out for having kids, some people cant have kids, some people just don't want kids.... leave them alone.
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#2
Don’t worry if you aren’t living an exciting or extravagant life. It’s okay to live simply and quietly. It doesn’t mean that you’re wasting your life.
#3
The value of walking away from someone toxic in your life, even if it is your parents and family. If you are thinking of it and are scared and have somewhere where you can land in a safe place, then do it. It hurts like hell for a long while, but it gets better and one day you realize how peaceful your life is and you find you only miss the family you wish you had had.
#4
Learning when to say no.
Learning how to apologise when it's your fault, and how to not apologise when it's not your fault.
#5
Not everyone is going to like you, no matter how hard you try.
Isabela Ivan 4 years ago
You are not supposed to like everyone and not everyone has to like you
#6
Many college degrees have no job market.
Trade school is a financially solid option out of high school.
#7
A cat on his back inviting a chesty rub is a trap.
JamezyJamez 4 years ago
I'm really happy that all three of mine welcome them. When I have friends over, most are weary of my claims that their hands and arms are safe, but it's true!
#10
That's being wrong and changing your mind is actually nothing to be ashamed of.
#11
Don’t ever think it’s ok to “talk” to yourself in a manner you wouldn’t let another human being talk to you.
The biggest abuser I ever had in my life, was my constant companion: the thoughts in my head.
We often take care to choose our words when correcting a child or friend... but if anyone had talked to me, the way I talked to me for 30 straight years, I would have murdered them... and probably got away with it too.
Be nice to yourself, you’re the only you, you have.
#14
That being a parent is not always "the most rewarding thing in the world".
Dark Pearl 4 years ago
It's stressful. My mother looks way older than she should, she's always tired and busy... It's horrifying!
#15
The value of a good/unconditional friend.
Vasana Phong 4 years ago
I would rather not have any , then have toxic ones, my husband is my best friend
#17
Knowing when to NOT be nice.
Dark Pearl 4 years ago
At least somebody gets it. My best friend is all sweet and innocent and overly nice, and I just wish that she would be a F*****G BITCH occasionally. Especially to me. I deserve it.
#18
How soul crushing, unproductive, impotent and wasteful worrying about things is.
#19
What not to share on the internet.
Martha Meyer 4 years ago
I think in the 90ies teens knew not to do this very well. Today's teens however seem to do the opposite and I find that quite worrying. It's going to bite at least some of them in the backside in a nasty way later in life.
#20
That the cliche "you never know when it's the last time you'll see to someone" should absolutely be remembered for every occasion. My best friend just died in a car accident this past Saturday, and the last time I saw him we got in an argument and he left and we didn't speak after that. I'm destroyed by it
lunar eclipse 4 years ago (edited)
Oh gosh. I couldn’t imagine. The last time I spoke to my mother, we had an argument. She went into a coma that night and passed away.
#23
That some things can never be undone.
The actions you take and the words you speak will come back around sooner or later.
#24
How short life is.
#25
"Everybody you fight is not your enemy and everybody that helps you is not your friend." - Mike Tyson
Pink Floydian Panda 4 years ago (edited)
Did Iron Mike really say that? That is genuinely profound!
#26
The sun is the worst thing for your skin, it burns you, causes cancer, and gives you wrinkles. SPF is your friend.
Michelle M 4 years ago
100 upvotes for this. But the sun is also needed for Vitamin D..."in little amount"
#28
That happiness usually comes from a diverse range of interests, hobbies, and commitments. You are not your job. Your romantic partner cannot be your everything, etc. It's so easy to get sucked into a life where your career is everything or where you wrap your entire identity around your partner. There is nothing wrong with celebrating your loved ones and being close. And there is nothing wrong with caring about your job...you just need more to thrive. I see this so often in relationships. Two people meet and fall in love. They each inspire one another based on their interests and achievements, it's part of what makes them fall in love. But slowly, over time, they let those hobbies go. Stress gets in the way. Bills pile up. And then one day they find themselves wondering why they ever loved this person in the first place. Instead of being sexy and interesting they're just part of a routine.
TLDR: Diversify your interests and activities to be happy. Don't rely on a single person, hobby, or commitment to give you everything you need.
#31
How to communicate.
Michelle M 4 years ago
My grandma used to say that 'Communication is the key to any successful relationship'
#32
To appreciate their youth.
Isabela Ivan 4 years ago
I used to be very critical of myself as ateen, în my 20s....now at 37 i just think how dumb I was
#33
How to not give a [damn] about how others see you. Seems simple enough for me now in my 20s, but back in high school there were many f**ks given about how others saw me. Ironically, those people that didn’t care how others saw them were often the more respected ones.
#34
Saying “I love you” or wanting to reach out to your family, friends, and loved ones, but crippling anxiety stops you. You never know when it may be too late to say these things, so be in the moment, and live/love in the present authentically.
#35
Interest rates, credit cards, credit score, money saving techniques, 401K. In other words anything that keeps you from being trapped by poor money management.
#36
To stop being afraid of asking or pursuing the things you want in life
Green Machine 4 years ago
No one else will help you be yourself. Don't live for others all the time.
#37
Social media can consume your life. It’s not all real, and not everyone posting pictures is having a great time, and not every “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WE SHOULD CATCH UP” is genuine.
Jo Johannsen 4 years ago
So much of social media consists of passing on the latest trendy meme, trolling, or arguing about politics. Very little real communication takes place.
#39
The importance of education. As a kid your always hear generic statements like, "This will help your career" but nothing specific enough to be useful.
Martha Meyer 4 years ago
I feel like the emphasize on education sucked the joy out of my teen years especially. So I don't agree with this one. Education is important, but don't align your entire childhood to some "career" in the future.
#40
You are your biggest limitation.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
That's BS. Your parents, your environment, your education and the people you or your parents know decide your future.
#41
Silence is golden. Seriously, the amount of people who spout crap that no one cares about, just to hear themselves talk...
JP 4 years ago
Got an ex-friend like this. This is one of the reasons we are no longer friends. They couldn't shut up. Ever. Spouted off about everything, was wrong about most things and a general a*****e. Well, that and he kept trying to convince my husband (m. 41 yrs) to divorce me (for months) because I told him to shut up. (He's childless, telling us we were bad grandparents because we didn't take a belt to our grandkids (18m & 3y at the time). Told us 'the buckle end will train 'em right!')
#42
That nobody will be a better advocate for you than yourself. Especially when it comes to your health. Mental AND physical health. Don't wait for somebody else to do it. You'll have to do it yourself eventually.
SilentSyst3m 4 years ago
Tell someone with anxiety. Thought I'd die of stomach ache but could not call an ambulance. Let alone walk into a doctor's office ... or even call for an appointment. Sometimes help IS needed.
#43
Failure happens and its part of a learning process. Never be afraid of failing. In the same line being wrong about something and changing your mind is okay.
#44
Money is a tool, not a life goal.
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
Having tools is a life goal though. Money is a big point of being on earth.
#45
Mistakes have consequences. Sometimes they are huge consequences, such as a mistake while driving could kill yourself or someone else. Sometimes they’re little consequences. But always learn from your mistakes and that you should always be learning and improving yourself.
#46
Setting and respecting boundaries, how to give a genuine apology, and other such communication 101 skills.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
My dad hates that I demand my personal privacy in my home. I'm 40 don't insist to come over uninvited! Half of the time my lady is running around topless!
#47
To protect their ears, you don't want to live with tinnitus for the rest of your life because you were exposed to a loud noise once
#48
That friendships and relationships should never be so difficult to be in that it drains you of joy or throws you into depression. And if you are that depressed friend that keeps losing connections with meaningful people, it’s never too early to get help. Even if you think you can beat it, it’s temporary, or you don’t deserve it. Toxicity in any person is inevitable as people grow and change. What separates the toxic people from others is that they refuse to or are unable to recognize their own toxic patterns and cannot change their toxic behaviors when they negatively impact others. Unlearn your own issues. Do self work. You’re always going to be better for it.
DC 4 years ago
True, of course, but ... I think people tend to be too fast with this. I've lost a few friends when I wasn't in my best state, friends who I thought I could count on - I shouldn't even have called them friends. It's those assholes that leave you when you need them the most, and excuse themselves by some variation of the above. Don't decide fast. Don't ditch a friend because he/she currently can't offer much help - any true friend will return whatever you do for them ... that's what qualifies them as friends in the first place.
#49
The importance of writing skills for formal contexts. Writing is an important skill in nearly any field and the more a career advances the more important it becomes. The lack of adequate writing skill often holds back a career. Yet many people squander their opportunities to learn writing because they think their class assignments are empty busy work and they figure their skills in spoken English and informal text messages will carry over when they need to write for work.
Helen Haley 4 years ago
I think it is the way we teach writing. It is an awful, painful, slog. I love creative writing but break out in a cold sweat at the words Composition II.
#51
That it's more important to appreciate your body for what it can do rather than what it looks like.
#52
Active listening
#53
Impulse buying control. So much [stuff] in my house that I wish I could go back in time and not buy it in the first place
#55
How to emotionally regulate
#56
Not to believe everything on the internet.
#58
How to use their turn signals in a car...
Glenn Zoontjens 4 years ago (edited)
and how to merge, negotiate roundabouts, be courteous to other drivers....
#60
That they are terrible at parenting.
Green Machine 4 years ago (edited)
I would say that terrible parents (almost) never learn they're terrible...
#62
That brussels sprouts are good. And so is asparagus. And every other vegetable if you prepare it properly.
Helen Haley 4 years ago
There is no way you could cook lima beans that would induce me to eat them. Goes for a few vegetables. Everyone has things that are just unacceptable. But, cooked correctly, the list is shorter.
#63
That most people will just help you, how and if they can, if you are honest with them
It seems like so many people feel the need to conceal what they actually want from you, and try to get it by presenting a half-truth or what they think you want to hear instead of just being straight forward.
#64
How slippery a slope addiction is. How quickly trying something at a party turns into being hooked.
#65
That salary amount is not the entirety of an equation when deciding where to work. You have to take into account the cost of living, commute times, the safety of the nearby area, and the convenience of living in the area. Studies have shown that taking a 20 minute longer commute is as bad for your job satisfaction as a 19% pay cut. On top of that, wealth = money in - money out. If a new job pays 20k more, but if rent/property prices are 30k more per year, you are taking a paycut. On top of that, you have to consider your future. Do you have to move to an undesirable location to work there? Crammed in a little apartment where the nearest services are an hour away? What about air quality? What about noise levels? Is this a place where you want to start a family and raise kids? All of those play a factor in determining the desirability of a job. I am a firm believer that "my job doesn't exist outside this city" is a bulls**t myth. Even if you're a super specialized rocket scientist with a PhD in orbital dynamics, NASA is not the only organization with a job opening for you.
#66
Don’t ignore that box of red flags next to the person you’re dating. I mean seriously - they’re in their house/apartment, their car, hell - their friends even wave them at you sometimes. Ok their parents help hide them if they like you but still. Stop acting like you don’t see them. Just stop
#68
Save your god dam money
Ninn Kynok 4 years ago
The capital a diety uses to fund the construction of a barrier to hold back water?
#69
Try to be sceptical of everything and ask for proof. So you dont fall for scams like giving money/help/awards to ppl faking illnesses,as alot of reddit learned the hard way this week.
#70
You are the master of your own head. The big boss of braintown. The alpha of beta thoughts. You shouldn't let stray thoughts or feelings control your life. It's perfectly okay to disconnect yourself from them and control your mental state. You are not your thoughts. You are the awareness of your thoughts. Too many people these days don't understand that. They let their thoughts control them, unquestionably. The ability to tell your own brain "Hey, f**k off, stop doing that" is so irrevocably powerful that it's frustrating how many people don't understand that you can do that. I think it's a realization that has to come through your own little epiphany.
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
It's also frustrating how many people don't understand its not as simple as that for people suffering with mental illness.
#71
That there is no way a country can have a strong economy if there's no support to science and education. Scientists are normal people who work their ass off to have a workplace, funding and their jobs taken seriously
#72
There are no rules. There are laws, but there are no rules. You can do anything you wasn’t however you want. Don’t be afraid to let go once in a while and have ice cream for dinner, or stay up all night. You can live your life how you want and there’s no rule that says you can’t.
N G 4 years ago
Counterargument: There is a Golden Rule that isn't law and there are CONSEQUENCES. You are not entitled to act in anyway detrimental to other people without consequence - even if there is no law specifically forbidding it. Eat ice cream for breakfast? Go for it. Bully and push your way to the front of the queue because you have the patience of a toddler? Be prepared to be refused service.
#75
How to relax and enjoy life without taking yourself too seriously
#76
When they are in the good times. It's only when you look back and reminisce that you realise how good you had it.
I’m A Black Cat 4 years ago
Or vice versa: how bad you had it and how good you have it now. Appreciation comes with comparison and awareness
#77
That you came to this planet with only one thing - your body; and you should take good care of it. If you take good care of it all other problems become much smaller and tackle able.
#78
To not stick (insert object) into (insert different, dangerous object)
Saint Thomas 4 years ago
This begs for a naughty answer, but I'll use all my will power not to do it.
#79
Their limits when it comes to drinking alcohol.
#80
Take responsability for your stuff.
#81
Don't borrow money
Macaw 4 years ago
This is how a lot of businesses get their seed capital, especially for entrepreneurs who weren't born in a wealthy family. In fact, my best friend has 3 successful restaurants and he got started from the ground up because he borrowed money. Sure, he had to pay back the interest, but now he has a steady stream of cash flow.
#82
Maturity. I have many subjects that I'm passionate about, and I seek out places to discuss but even if I meet someone that completely disagrees with me, it's not my job or my desire to change their opinion or even discuss the subject with them when it has nothing to do with that relationship. And sometimes I'm absolutely terrible at following that rule. I'd always rather make friends than enemies. It's tempting to make an "other" out of someone, but labeling someone a "libtard/drumpfer" reduces them to one subject matter and makes you lose out in what could be a valuable relationship that builds both of you up. That being said, there are toxic people everywhere so have caution and prudence, but do your best to never dehumanize.
#83
Figuring out my career.
#84
Navigate conflicts without escalation and reaching a mutually desired outcome. Very important if you want to have and maintain a long term relationship.
#85
not to cheat on their partners
Glenn Zoontjens 4 years ago
Really? I'd have thought this one would have been blatently obvious!!
#87
The deflector shield will be quite operational.
Helen Haley 4 years ago
The deflector shield is like a swiss army knife, it is good for just about everything.
#88
That it's okay to enjoy yourself in college when you are still young. Safe fun of course. Your experience helps you in life and grades aint s**t if you come out graduated with no clue how real life and people work.
What do you think ?
pusheen buttercup 4 years ago
OH and that you can disagree with someone, even on something important, and that doesn't make them a bad person nor does it make you one
Rosie Buckingham 3 years ago
It does if they don't believe in equality. Yes, the are bad people.
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pusheen buttercup 4 years ago
OH and that you can disagree with someone, even on something important, and that doesn't make them a bad person nor does it make you one
Rosie Buckingham 3 years ago
It does if they don't believe in equality. Yes, the are bad people.
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