Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
Nobody’s flawless. It’s a simple fact, but it needs repeating: nobody is perfect; everyone has flaws. In reality, it’s a very tough idea to accept about our loved ones. Especially for parents, many of whom believe that their children are peerless angels and the best people on the planet.
However, some brutally honest parents anonymously opened up about their kids’ very worst character and behavior flaws in a series of r/AskReddit threads. They were very candid about what they dislike about their munchkins, and what they absolutely loathe about the things that they do. From excessive arrogance to compulsive lying and even worse, what follows is a dive into the darker side of parenting.
A small warning for all of you Pandas: this is an article that includes a lot of sensitive posts. Some of them might make you feel uncomfortable. Others might resemble your own family situation a bit too much. Keep that in mind as you start reading.
Bored Panda wanted to learn more about parenting, so we reached out to mom Samantha Scroggin, the blogger behind 'Walking Outside in Slippers.' She was kind enough to answer our questions about the challenges that parents face, correcting 'bad' behavior, and how there's no single right answer when it comes to rewards and punishments. You'll find her open and honest insights as you scroll down.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My oldest son is severely autistic and twelve years old. Imagine someone bound by OCD that cannot talk and cannot understand seemingly very simple concepts.
He can understand some things, but the concept of abstract communication eludes him; i.e., I can tell him to get dressed, but he cannot understand that the 'tag' on a shirt goes behind his neck. So, there is a 25% chance his shirt is on correctly, 25% chance it is on backwards, 25% chance it is on facing correctly but inside out, and 25% chance it is on backwards and inside out. Of course, if it is cold outside, there is a 50% chance he'll come out in shorts. That isn't really too big a deal, but the inability to grasp this portion of communication bleeds into everything, things 99.9% of people take completely for granted.
When he was three, he had an ear infection. We didn't know that, of course, we just knew that he was inconsolable and in pain from *something*. He does not understand questions like 'does it hurt here?', or 'show me where it hurts', or 'does your stomach hurt?' Eventually his ear drum burst out yellow stuff and we said, 'oh. ear ache'.
He has never been given an aspirin for a headache. He's probably had a headache, but I don't know. He can't tell us if he has a headache, or any other kind of ache.
He can use the toilet, but doesn't really get using toilet paper. Or maybe he does, but saw us get upset once for throwing an entire roll into the toilet, so lately he has been going to the bathroom at 5:00 am, then finding clothes, sheets, towels, something, whatever, and wiping his a*s with those. We've pretty much run the washing machine on sanitize about .75 times a day the last two weeks. He's got a reason for it somewhere in his head that makes sense to him, but he can't tell us what it is, and we can't get him to figure out to f*****g come and get us if he's taken a s**t.
We've taken to 'hiding' foods he prefers in the house, given free reign to potato chips, or humus, or cranberries, or f*****g whatever, he'll eat and eat and eat, and then throw up later that night. It's not his fault, he's been on anti-psychotics for a few years now, one side effect of which is weight gain. I hate, f*****g hate, giving him anti-psychotics, but not quite as much as how he acts/acted when he wasn't on them.
As a family, we cannot realistically travel. Interruptions to his routine result in a constant moan / whine / crying / occasional outburst of self injury, or rarely, attacking others. The pain and fear he feels is very real to him, and we are powerless to provide him comfort. Instead, my wife will travel with my other sons while I stay home with him.
He has never had a friend that was not direct family or therapist. I don't see how he ever will. He will never kiss a girl, drive a car, or have a job. I have no idea if he *wants* to do those things or not, of if he knows they exist as things at all.
In the early days of his autism, we threw therapies at him by writing checks against the house and credit card companies to the tune of 30K+/year for five years or so. (insurance has subsequently helped out some with this). We're still digging our way out of that, slowly but surely. Ultimately, however, they haven't really done much in the context of turning him into a person that can life his own life. For example, they are working on having him keep a band aid on; they've had that as part of his program for about six months, and he'll keep a band aid on for fifteen minutes or so. Great. The reality is that when he gets a cut or laceration, it sits open for weeks; he simply will constant tear away any bandages. I'm sure that he has good reasons in his mind for not wanting a bandage on, but he just doesn't understand the concept of 'medicine' making you feel 'better' 'in a few days'; none of those things seem to get through.
He's never been to the dentist. There are some that will work with children like him when he is unconscious. We just haven't felt like giving him anesthesia to take him to the goddamned dentist. It's on the list for this year.
He goes through periods of self injury. When he was a toddler, he banged his head, *a lot*. He broke a few windows in our home. He very likely concussed himself a few times. Lately, he's been punching the table during favorite scenes from Disney films; he has a blood blister about three inches long on both hands. He understands when we tell him, 'don't do that, punch the pillow instead'. He'll punch the pillow for a few minutes, and then start banging the walls again; he is simply a slave to the routine.
When my wife and I die, people that make $10 an hour will take care of him, or not, for the rest of his life.
There's more, so much more, and the thing about autism is that it does not take one m***********g second off. Nobody gets a day off. Ever.
He works harder than anyone I know, harder than anyone reading this thread will ever work, and gets s**t to show for it. He inhabits a world where everything is too loud, too bright, too confusing and too unconforming to his patterns, and is trying as best as he can to navigate through it. He didn't ask for any of this. Sometimes he's got a d******d father who gets mad at him, who resents him for all of these things and a million others that he cannot control. Me. But he deserves better than that, so I'm trying, every f*****g hour of the day to remember that he is the one who got the raw deal, not me, not his brothers, him. I have bad moments, but no longer bad weeks or days. I'm working on it, if only I could work as hard as he does, I'd be golden.
So the answer to your question is autism happened to him, to us.
Chaotic-Pansexual (she/they) 3 years ago
These are things for why I’m glad I’m on the high functioning end of the spectrum. While, things are still rather difficult and I did get injured a lot as a child (much of my childhood I don’t remember well), being on this end allows me to still be able to navigate the world decently well and my loved ones don’t have to go through this kind of thing anymore, now that I’m older. I feel for those who still have to struggle this way
Lakota Wolf 3 years ago
I’m 40 and I guarantee you I’m on the spectrum somewhere, plus I almost assuredly have some form of ADHD. I don’t want to self-diagnose but it’s painfully obvious to me now. I need to get officially examined, if only for my own relief. It was hard af growing up, my mother doesn’t “believe” that mental illness is “real”, so it was always that I was “being ungrateful/a brat/etc”. Reading your comment has given me the courage to finally go make an appointment and perhaps get officially diagnosed :)
Load More Replies...
Phandom Apostolis 3 years ago
I don't think this belongs here. This father isn't disliking his child. He is suffering with him and deeply appreciates/loves his child.
Lucy Browne 3 years ago
Exactly my thoughts, too. With this and the ‘Robin Williams is obsolete’ post, I’m wondering WTF you’re playing at, Bored Panda? 😡
Load More Replies...
Ansirk 3 years ago
Damn. The fact that this could happen to anyone having kids is just... nope for me. I will stay childless. Can't imagine going through that for the rest of your life.
Gosiaatje 3 years ago
Autism was my worst fear when I had a baby. I was looking for earliest signs, reading about autism just in case, freaking out at every suspicious thing my son would do. Once he was nearing 3 I knew that the risk was over and stopped worrying. But damn, I would not want to experience that fear ever again. Just another reason for not having a second child. I absolutely understand why you prefer to stay childless.
Load More Replies...
Liana 3 years ago
Do not have a reply button to Sarah Musto, idk why. You know what's funny? That we people ( in general) tend to judge others. None of us was in OP situation, and we do not know how would we behave. Admitting something like this is very difficult, but completely normal to feel this way.
Horchata 3 years ago
The dumb b***h wants to call CPS and report someone for a 6 year old anonymous reddit post.
Load More Replies...
Lauren 3 years ago
Ensure his safety during his life. I wish I could give him more relief but I do the best I can. He's about 98% nonverbal and 1000% dependent on me and only me. I've struggled financially his whole life and things have only gotten slightly easier since I married my husband, his step father. But my husband is frustrated as well at the thought of never being able to make memories or go on trips together or even go out to eat. It's nonstop and no one wants to help. I know you love your son. I understand every word of your post. And it gives me a little relief to know I'm not the only one. Stay strong and take advantage of every free second you can. Don't expect anyone to understand because they can't and that's okay. You are not a bad person for feeling this way.
Kayla J 3 years ago
Lauren, I just wanted to tell you there is someone out there who appreciates someone like you. You're doing the best you can and even when you have those moments, they pass and you still love your child. You understand its not their fault and sometimes you need to just vent. I hope you and this poster find some sort of help/therapy/if you're in the US a better healthcare system in the future since so many like you are struggling.
Load More Replies...
Lauren 3 years ago
There have been times he has wiped with anything cloth-like he can find and there have been many times I've broken down in tears because I have to overhaul his entire room. His room is right next to the bathroom but instead of going, it's like he waits to be told and if I don't catch him in time, it's everywhere. And he knows it's not right to do that so I don't understand why he doesn't just go to the damn bathroom. But, he knows he's different and lives a life probably desperately wanting to be like everyone else, but like your son, he has no friends and no real future. I'm constantly worried what would happen to him if I die or something happens to me. I never imagined myself saying this but I can only hope he dies before me because it's the only way I can ensure his safety
Robbie Margot 3 years ago
Hi Lauren, Im so sorry youre struggling like this. I dont know why your son hates using the bathroom but I have autism and I can tell you why I hate it, (and had accidents as a kid avoiding it) and maybe it can give you some insight into why your son hates it I hated the lighting, The cold of the seat, the colr air of pulling my pants down, and feeling very vulnerable while there, because its not something you do -that- often and it can be kind of random when you need to, it didnt fit into any kind of routine that made me feel comfortable, a lot of us have tummy troubles which make it painful to go to the toilet, Id hold it in and hold it in to avoid the unpleasant experience of having to use the bathroom. IM sorry i dont have a direct solution for you, but you know your son and now maybe u have some ideas of why he hates it in there so maybe you can figure something out, or at least understand why - possibly.
Load More Replies...
Okiedokie 3 years ago
To those of you parent-shaming for this post: you are part of the stigma that drives parents of autistic children to the brink and beyond. We blame ourselves enough. We hate ourselves for being tired and exhausted, for not having enough energy, for not being able to help our child. You have no concept of what it’s like to be in our shoes if you have not walked our individual journey. Dad is NOT blaming his kid, he is separating his sons diagnosis from him entirely and acknowledging that there is still a person, a child, beneath the medical rhetoric that is suffering just as much, and more, than he is. I hate this mentality of ‘if you can’t blame the kid, blame the parent!’ Because that’s a real mature approach. The need to find someone to point fingers at is just as toxic as ableism. I understand being alarmed by something you cannot control, but when you try to then control it by beating down the people trying their best to help you are not helping, YOU are being abusive.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
We don't need to hate ourselves, enough other people will hate and judge us. So many people that don't understand and make it even harder for us. Like the people that called CPS because my Autistic son insisted on wearing long pants, cowboy boots and long-sleeved t-shirts in the summer. The teachers who've been trying to convince me that my Autistic ADHD son will stop being tired (sleep issues his whole life) if I'll have him go to bed at the proper time. I could go on and on.
Load More Replies... Lauren 3 years ago
The kid you have described literally sounds like you are talking about my son. I'm every single aspect. And I understand exactly how you feel and your frustration. I love my son immensely but any thought of fulfilling an education or dreams or like you said, traveling, is practically impossible. My sons father left when he was a baby and completely disappeared from his life about 4 years ago because he wanted a "normal" son. I've been raising him alone almost all his life and it's been incredibly isolating. Also just like you said, he didn't ask for any of this. There have been days I know he wants something, is sad or scared or has questions but he will never have an answer because I have no idea what he is thinking. He is potty trained, but also doesn't really understand toilet paper so there have been times he has wiped with
Mari 3 years ago
You are so strong Lauren to do all this by yourself. Even if your son can't express it to you; he loves you for life. I wish you strenght, courage and wish youand your son all the best.
Load More Replies...Parenting blogger Samantha, from 'Walking Outside in Slippers,' explained that there's no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Every family, every situation is unique.
"'Bad behavior' has become very subjective for me when it comes to kids. I have a son with ADHD, and he can't always control his outbursts. Those outbursts can include cursing or kicking a wall. There was a time when I would have wondered why parents with a kid like that weren't doing their job. But punishment isn't effective with my son," mom Samantha was very candid about some of the challenges that she has to face as a parent.
"Screaming and yelling back only add fuel to the fire. He does better with rewards and consistency. I believe it's important for parents to customize their parenting and consequences for undesirable behavior to what works best for their child. There's no one-size-fits-all punishment for all kids," she said.
RELATED:
#2
When I became pregnant, I had not ever wanted a child. I was not at all happy, in fact I cried so much and became very depressed. I felt very pressured I to going through with it by my husband. He had very good intentions but it was just not something I wanted for myself. We had agreed before we married that we did not want children.
So I was very resentful and miserable. But I absolutely did my best to be a good mother because my baby had no say in this and I beleive all babies deserve loving mothers regardless of circumstances. So I faked it as best as I could and got help. I never wanted to hurt her or for her to feel unloved but it was so hard.
Never did it feel natural to me. I never found much enjoyment out of raising a child, I was exhausted and burned out by all the stuff kids do. I resented giving up my plans, my work, my horse, my whole identity for a child I never wanted.
My daughter is now ten and we have a great relationship. I enjoy her her company now. My harshness has pretty much dissipated and I feel much better about being a parent now. Hoping my early issues have not forever damaged her.
Axolotl King 3 years ago
You sound like a lovely parent, maybe it's not what you wanted and I'm sure it was incredibly rough but you are giving her an amazing childhood and not putting the blame on her at all. That is so awesome and I hope she recognizes and appreciates that someday
Fabiana Suanes 3 years ago
Thats the thing with being a parent, you never know is your child is going to be thankful or not.
Load More Replies...
Pisco 3 years ago
And this is why abortion and sterilisation need to be available for all people.
Lem Johnson 3 years ago
And this is why I had my tubes tied. No man will ever pressure me to be his incubator.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Same. Babies are not magical fix-alls, and you do not magically want and love them once you've been forced to have them. "Pro-life" is a lie.
Load More Replies...
pink_panda 3 years ago
This must have been difficult to share but I really appreciate OP for her honesty. I'm child free and every once in a while I consider what it would be like to have kids, but I'm 99% sure my experience would be exactly like this. It's such a terrifying proposition and it's a decision you can never go back from. I don't like taking care of others and I know I would resent having to sacrifice my time and life goals every single day to tend to a child's basic needs. So many people say, "when it's your own child, it's different, you just love it." But hearing this person's experience is proof that no, for some people, it is as bad as it seems it will be. Posts like this save people like me from making a terrible mistake that would affect me, my partner, and a child for our whole lives.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
I hear that all the time too... That it's different when it's your own child. I love children and didn't want my own but ended up with them anyway. I've heard this about a lot of men though. My sister's husband said he didn't like kids but he'd like his own. After 2 months around my little ones acting like little ones do... He wanted a divorce because she really wanted kids. My two ex's also thought they'd love/like their own kids. Nope. Both of them want me back after the kids that they wanted are gone.
Load More Replies... Mag Swag 3 years ago
and some people say that women who want abortions because they don’t want a child are “horrible human beings.”
Kayla J 3 years ago
"my horse" heh While I'm glad this person eventually seemed to come around to it, no one should ever be pressured into having a child. This person obviously worries about the damage done while there are plenty of other parents who think faking it is working and let me tell you, they are not as good actors/actresses as they think.
Fabiana Suanes 3 years ago (edited)
You are absolutely right. Reading this story is like my worst fear come to life. I never ever wanted to have kids. Being a parent is a choice, no one should be pressured into it like you have said
Load More Replies...
Pungent Sauce 3 years ago
My mom could have written this. Except there were no horses, and she ditched her shitty husband instead of trying to raise a kid in a dysfunctional relationship. Worked tirelessly her whole life, bought a car and a house, and managed to raise a fairly functional child. We became the best of friends, and I miss her immensely.
Katie Andrews 3 years ago
Things just HAPPENED to turn out okay, but your husband should NEVER have coerced you. This is why childfree people don't marry or stay married to wanna-be parents. There's no compromise on that issue.
bruh JJ’s 3 years ago
You’re doing a good job. You hung in when it was tough and acknowledged your feelings. I’m glad you found a good place. I swear, I would have sold my first born given the chance but we figured it out and he’s the best thing I ever did. And it gets even better when they’re adults.
#3
Using throwaway because my wife knows my reddit. When she was pregnant with our first and only child, we knew before birth that she was high risk of down syndrome because the gene was quite prevelant in both our family histories. We both got tested and the doctor told us that our daughter had over a 80% chance that she will be born with Down Syndrome. Our marriage up to this point was happy and wonderful.
We dated for 9 months before getting married, and were more of partners than a couple. Everything we did, we decided together. We bought our own business, which didn't cause any fights, but rather we thrived because she was good at what I wasn't and vice versa. I was a messy 'kid' before I met her, and she helped me change my ways. She lacked hobbies before I met her, and I helped her find things she truly loved doing. We were happy, very very happy.
The doctor told us that abortion was a viable option, but we needed to decide within a week or it would be too late. I knew right away that I was for the abortion, but didn't know how to bring it up. When we finally did sit down and talk, I brought all sorts of articles and books on kids with Down Sydnrome. I tried to show her rather than convince her of how hard our life would be if our child actually did have it. It was going to be hard for both os us to have a healthy child, let alone one that needed far more care. We were both busy, and happy.
She didn't want to take out our unborn child, and there was nothing I could really do to change her mind without really really making her mad and ruining our relationship. So reluctantly, I went with it.
As luck would have it, our daughter was born with translocation Down Syndrome. Only 1% of all cases of down syndrome are that, and it has a lot to do with heriditory conditions. I don't want to go into how bad our life became. I really can't even handle typing it out. My wife had to quit her job which she adored. We had to move to a smaller house after a year and a half because of the medical bills. When I came home from work, she was too tired to talk or even see me and went to bed, and my entire 5 hours of free time every. single. day. was spent caring for our daughter in some form or another. I Didn't see my friend for 9 months. Missed my cousins wedding because we couldn't even think about travelling.
Everything changed, and everything changed for the worst. My wife and I only talked when we fought. Either she was too tired and that caused her anger, or I worked too much and didn't help her enough. To tell you my life went to s**t is an understatement, because I can't even imagine how much extra stress my wife must have endured in those first couple of years.
I don't hate my daughter. But I do resent the fact that we had her, even though I knew our life would be this way. I go to the parks sometimes and sit and watch all the happy fathers play with their happy kids. Watch them throw the ball around, or just run around the jungle gym. That's the life I wanted, that I dreamed of, but I will never have. My wife and I are still together because neither wants to burden the other by leaving.
Joyce Deering 3 years ago
I couldn't have said it better myself. Just ...wow.
Load More Replies...
Katinka Min 3 years ago
Honest witness accounts like these are important because there is too much lying around that issue.
Kitty Cat 3 years ago
I see so many people romanticizing Down Syndrome, claiming "they can have full lives, they deserve to live," on and on. That's nice for the small percentage of functional Down Syndrome sufferers, but the reality is nowhere near as nice for the vast majority. It's an endless burden caring for someone who will NEVER become an independent adult. Your life is essentially over.
Load More Replies...
Fabiana Suanes 3 years ago
And to make matters worse, this is the country who wants to ban abortions 😑
Load More Replies...
Francis 3 years ago
Every Pro-Lifer or anti-choice should be mandatory to read this. Not just your part but this whole Bored Panda article.
Tamara Kroonen 3 years ago
Or every pro-lifer should be the adoptive parents of such a child.
Load More Replies...
Id row 3 years ago
He knew they were at high risk for this. Why didn't he get a vasectomy? One little snip and he would have had his life back. It's so much easier for guys to get sterilized than women, yet so few do.
Adrienne Doyle 1 year ago
Hopefully, he did get a vasectomy after that child was born.
Load More Replies...
Tammie Braggs 3 years ago
I really hope they’re looking for a support group. They need to find other couples to vent to. Being around typically functioning families will only cause more depression. 💕
bruh JJ’s 3 years ago
Wow! I hope there’s some joy in this, somewhere. But I can imagine the heartbreak
Kitty Cat 3 years ago
There really isn't any joy in this. The people who claim there can be are part of the small percentage of functional Down Syndrome sufferers. No one should bring a fundamentally damaged baby into this world.
Load More Replies...
Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
Here is what I don't understand about these situations where both are in agreement ahead of time to never have a child, especially because of genetic conditions! Why didn't you BOTH opt to get surgery to ensure it would be an impossibility?
Markie Proctor 1 year ago
Because in the U.S. they don't fix people because they're are high risk for anything! I had to lose my daughter and 3 others before the last one almost killed me and then my husband had to be the one to have to choose who lived and who didn't because I had to have an emergency hysterectomy. I was on birth control all my life and my husband always used protection. Things happen and surgery isn't safe for all!
Load More Replies...
Nancy Hooper 3 years ago
I feel for OP- my daughter has Down Syndrome, and things aren't always easy. But JESUS FRIKKIN CHRIST the ablism on this thread. Do people with DS live happy, full, productive lives? Yeah they do. And it's not rare- most are able to have jobs, live independently or semi-independently, get married, have a life etc. The OP has some stuff to sort out with his wife, needs support and universal healthcare, but leave the poor girl out of this.
Bored Panda was interested to understand how parents might deal with their kids lying. "When I catch my kids lying, I try to get to the root of why. And I let them know that lying is a worse offense than whatever they're lying to cover up," blogger Samantha explained how she approaches this with her own kids.
"I believe in setting high expectations for kids as far as expecting them to be good, honest people who are kind to others. And I often communicate the importance of this to my kids."
#4
My middle son (19) stole a 9mm pistol from my 82 year old father. When I confronted him about it he said I didn't understand, he needed the money and if I had given him more he might not have done it. 2 months later got caught on video stealing the candy money jar from a Mexican restaurant, again says if I'd had given him money ( because he's completely cut off at this point) wouldn't have done it. Downward spiral continues, he takes no responsibility for anything . He's a selfish a**hole who won't take care of his kids much less himself. I never thought I'd say this about my own child but F**K THAT GUY.
Epona 2 years ago
He might have had decent sex education but chose not to use protection. *I'm not defending the guy, just presenting another possibility*
Load More Replies...
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
I really hate when people blame the parents when kids turn out like this. My friend is 1 of 8 kids and they are all amazing people except his one brother. He's selfish, abusive to their mom, and tries to guilt all of his siblings into supporting him. They all grew up in the same environment.
Carman Davis 3 years ago
Most all families have that 1 person (son, Daugther, mom, aunt) in their family that is like this. Why? Don't know but even I have one (sister-in-law).
Load More Replies...
Patti Vance 3 years ago
you may love your child but it absolutely okay not to like your child.
Azure Adams 3 years ago
you should have reported the gun left. Yes its a felony. Your guilt would be much worse not to mention you could still be charged with abetting if he hurt someone with it
PapillonOne 3 years ago
I am sure a series of poor parental choices in dealing with this person when he was a child has had a lot to do with how he's turned out. I watched my parents do all sorts of stupid stuff with my brother and not do the "right" things because of guilt they felt. He did have problems but their not getting counseling for him or themselves made it all much worse to where he became even more emotionally crippled than they were. The rest of the children were affected too but somehow got enough discipline (& abuse) that we managed to function fairly healthfully though 3 out of 4 had to have some intensive therapy.
Load More Replies...
dream of delusion 3 years ago
oh.. dear. i hope he manages to take responsibility for his actions
ThumbsUpGuy 3 years ago
growing up is hard to do. Straightening out your morals can be hard to do. The three opportunities for proper socialization are 1) early home life; 2) school; 3) the courts & prison system. You better warn the kid that he will be going to that bad little boys' reform school called state prison if he doesn't get his act together, get his wake-up call, and get right.
#5
My feelings changed the moment my (then 17 year old) daughter sucker punched me on side of my head during an argument about her cleaning her room. If I wasn't holding my 1 year old at the time I'm positive I would have knocked her the f**k out. I guess in my mind she did something taboo. You never, ever hit your mom...but she did. I love her but she broke my heart that day and I can't seem to get over it.
Charlotte Grace 3 years ago
I feel that. Although my (high functioning autistic) 13 year old and I have gotten into a lot of physical altercations, when he punched me in the face and I had to call the police a definite line was crossed, and I don't think things will ever be the same.
Broad Panda 3 years ago
I dunno here. Two things suggest to me that the kid might have learnt this violence in the home. The fact that the Mom said she would have knocked her kid the f**k out if she could have, and that she said you should never hit your Mom, as opposed to saying you should never hit anyone.
Mag Swag 3 years ago
when you put it that way… it seems like this might not be the friendliest household
Load More Replies...
Mag Swag 3 years ago
WHO TF PUNCHES THEIR MOM, WHO BY THE WAY IS HOLDING A BABY, IN THE FACE BECAUSE THEY DONT WANT TO CLEAN THEIR ROOM??
Emma London 3 years ago
Her daughter hits her and her first thought is to hit her back, but harder? That thinking is not right. In that situation I would have kicked the daughter out of the house (she hit her while she was holding a baby, the baby could have been dropped and hurt) but to punch back? No way.
PandaRave 3 years ago
She was holding her poor little baby. Honestly that’s good defense. It’s more important to protect your little baby than some teenage a*****e who’s beating you up.
Load More Replies...
Got Myself 4 Pandas 3 years ago
I would need more information about how this kid was raised to make judgement on this one, but my initial reaction is to wonder if they chose to hit their kids as punishment - if this was the case then what do they expect? What are you teaching your child if your response to being bad is to use violence? Given the mum states she would've knocked the kid out I think it's likely using violence on her kid as punishment for bad behaviour. You reap what you sow
Argle Bargle 3 years ago
Something breaks inside you when your kid does this to you, and it doesn't mean they haven't been raised in a loving environment. I get where you're going though, based on the comment the mum made.
Load More Replies... Suzy the observer 3 years ago
Some context and information are missing here. The kid could be a sh... or mom's not telling everything.
Kitty Cat 3 years ago
There isn't much context that can justify punching a woman holding a small child. It would be hard to believe the mom was getting physical first while holding a baby.
Load More Replies... Holly Bee 3 years ago
Mine was 11. I had to call the police on my 11 year old daughter for assault. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. This wasn't a one-off. It had been building and building for about a year. Steps were taken, help, therapy, etc. No. It was the last straw, and it reminded me so strongly of her dad that even now, 4 years later, I still sometimes flinch in certain situations with her.
Lori Everard 3 years ago
Maybe you are not supposed to ''get over it." Sometimes it's those powerful feelings that give us the impetus or the will to take action. You are the adult in your home and if a person no longer respects you as the provider in that home, they need to leave. The person you need to cater to, protect, cloth and feed, is your 1 yr. old, not the 17yr.old. If your 17yo does not want to follow your rules and she wants to make her own rules, then she needs to do that and find a place of her own.
Shortstuff 3 years ago
My daughter, aged 14, pushed me to the floor, sat on me and punched me several times. My husband was away on business. Supported her financially, emotionally, physically and with her children until she was 47. She hasn't spoken to us for 3 years because after botched surgery, I said I was disappointed not to have heard from her for 3 weeks...not even a text. I love her because she is my daughter, but I don't like the uncaring, selfish person she has become.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
I hit my mom once. She'd also hit me hundreds of times. Two wrongs don't make a right. In my situation though, we were in a minivan (I was 13) and picking my sister from the crowded high school parking lot. My mom told to to stick my head out and yell for my sister so I did. The moment that I did, she slapped me and in pure reflex, I slapped her back. She looked shocked but didn't say or do anything about it. I was highly relived that she didn't murder me on the spot.
Load More Replies...
#6
My son told his friends that I was abusing and molesting him because he wanted the attention. We were very close. Child services were called and then the police. He stuck to his story. I don't hate him. I never could. Sometimes I'm very angry but mostly the betrayal gets me. I would never have believed he would do that. After several awful months I think it's going to be alright legally but the legal fees and stress has been overwhelming. Things will never be the same between us. He is a teenager btw
Emma London 3 years ago
What a way to destroy your relationship with your parent forever - For teenager's crave for attention.
Vicky Phenny 3 years ago
That's what I was assuming as well. In a lot of cases, children who've been abused and need to tell someone will test the waters by accusing someone who won't retaliate or hurt them.
Load More Replies...
Dre Mosley 3 years ago
There's a story like this from some years back where a girl did the same thing because she was angry that her dad was divorcing her mom. He actually somehow got convicted and she let him rot away in prison for years before she finally decided to tell the truth and say that it never actually happened. I hope he disowned her.
Christy Deane 3 years ago
Those are the actions of, at minimum, a true sociopath.
Load More Replies...
PandaRave 3 years ago
I simply couldn’t imagine being such an attention whore that you’d accuse your own parents who’ve busted their asses keeping you safe and healthy for over a decade of such a heinous crime.
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
When my friend's daughter did that to her, I told her that I'd have a really hard time forgiving that.. If I did that to my mom, she'd say "Have a nice time in foster care and enjoy the life you've carved out for yourself"
Load More Replies... Amy Taylor 3 years ago
My dear friend who went through a very messy divorce and custody battle just went through this with her daughter. Her daughter (11) got into an argument with her and she grounded her from her phone. The daughter told her therapist the next day that her mother threw the phone at her face and beat her, pulled her hair, etc. The police and child services showed up the next day and removed both kids from her custody. She called me hysterical and told me what she was being accused of. I remembered that my daughter had been there the night in question so I asked her...she was shocked and said that it was a flat out lie...that all her mom did was take her phone away. When I told child services all of this, the daughter said she was lying, that she wasn't there, but I happened to have text messages between my daughter and I talking about her being there, picking her up, etc. They didn't care...They put my friend through the wringer... It was insane.
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
Then after spending thousands and thousands of dollars on an attorney to fight her case and over a year later, her daughter finally admitted she lied to child protective services. Then blamed it on being under stress form the divorce. I don't know if I'd ever trust her again.
Load More Replies...
Azure Adams 3 years ago
Let him go into the system and see what getting attention gets him. REal consequences he didn't intend. Do you even want him back? He will up the ante. I see it all the time in my work
Suzy the observer 3 years ago
Jesus goddamn christ!! What kind of psycho does something like that?
Natalie Bohrteller 3 years ago
There's a girl at my school who's done something similar. It's not even terribly rare. But very often there's other things that are not right for them psychologically. I really feel for some parents.
Load More Replies...
clairelise@pacific.net 3 years ago
Whenever I read posts like this one I have to wonder, did the parent REALLY not abuse/molest their child, or do they simply not see their actions as molestation/abuse? My older brother doesn't see having groomed and beaten and raped me for nearly a decade as abuse, because our parents didn't consider it abuse, they called it "the sibling dynamic". Certain types of people can go pretty far down the rabbit hole to convince themselves that they didn't do anything wrong.
Robbie Margot 3 years ago
:( that was my thought too. IM so sorry you lived through that
Load More Replies...Samantha agrees that we tend to become more empathetic towards others as we grow up. "I know I have become much more sensitive to the plight of others. Maybe this is due to having kids myself, and feeling a little bit like everyone's mom. Or just an increased awareness of mortality and people's differing life circumstances. But empathy is a good thing. Most of us could probably use a little more of it," she said.
Very recently, Bored Panda spoke about kids’ capacity for empathy and (the lack of) kindness with psychologist, author, and mom-of-four, Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D.
"Children learn from observation of what others do, but also through explicit teaching and explanations, and through experience and observation of how others respond to certain actions," Dr. Kennedy-Moore explained to us, adding that we tend to develop more empathy for other people as we grow and mature.
"In general, we become more empathic at 19 than we were when we were at age 9, and that continues, so we're more empathic at 29 than 19, at 39 than 29, simply because we've experienced more of life, so it's easier for us to put ourselves in someone else's shoes," the psychologist said.
#7
I made an account just for this question. I beyond resent my son. He's seven. He lies all the time, never listens, and does harmful things to others. His father took off before he was born. The state say they can't find him without a SSI or address for me to receive support. I've been living off the state for over six years. I work and go to uni full time. Every day is an argument and fight with this child. There are no fun times. There are no happy moments. He makes me miserable. All I want to do is graduate with my bachelors in engineering. Every morning he makes me late for class because he refuses to listen to a single word. I've tried all the ways of disciplining or rewarding to get him on track. He's in special education for speech and math support. The doctor diagnosed him with ADHD last month. We are working through getting the right dose. But, for now- he made me miss my calculus class again because he refused to get out of bed this morning. I don't think I love him anymore. I feel like he's sabotaging my life and chances for getting out of the welfare system. I'm miserable with him in my life.
Merilyn Horton 3 years ago
Why don’t people consider adoption when they have an unwanted pregnancy?
E2U&U2 3 years ago (edited)
Nowhere did she say it was an unwanted pregnancy. Unplanned and unwanted don't have to be synonymous. She is singlehandedly raising a child that for whatever reasons is an unrelentingly difficult little person. She is doing the best she can trying to elevate both of their lives and the child is unable to give her any emotional succor that feeds her soul and lifts the burden weighing on her even temporarily. Yet, she hasn't abandoned him or harmed him. She is still struggling to make things better. She deserves our support.
Load More Replies...
Jayne Kyra 3 years ago (edited)
OP on Reddit 6 years ago regarding a care facility: I've considered it. I've also considered the fact that it may be me. I've thought things through over and over. Analyzed it every which way. I've begged for help from the school and the doctors. For them to test him. No one did anything until he got suspended from school in kindergarten for punching another kid half his size in the face. My family and friends pushed us from their lives because of how bad his behavior is. I flinch every time the phone rings, wondering if he hurt someone or stole something again. His behavior isn't normal. I've gone for counseling and parenting classes. I just don't know how to deal with him anymore. I'm hoping we find the right dosage of meds to calm him down. I don't want him to end up in the bad behavior school. But, at the rate he's going, it's going to happen. Im not going to give up on him yet. I wanted him and loved him so much as a baby. But who he is becoming is horrible.
Jp@nda 3 years ago
I am so sorry i spoke before I read this. I wish there was a way i could support you now. I cannot imagine what that is like and I'm sorry for the judgment. Please let me know if there is anything i can do
Load More Replies...
Tigerpacingthecage 3 years ago
She sounds to be struggling and feel alone and depressed. Of course, I don't know, but I think a lot of this could be depression talking, not that she doesn't want her son. She just sounds like she desperately needs support. I wouldn't judge her too hard. Though I do hope she reach out for help. In my country at least you can get help from social services who can give you alternatives to get some help, especially if the kid has special needs (not adoption or foster care). The child could live with another family (that work with social services) every other weekend or so so she can have some time to recharge. I hope things will work out for the two of them.
Heather Lambie 3 years ago
You are BOTH struggling. Please look at the world through your sons eyes…. constant battles, arguments, resentments, even if he does have ADHD he does not have a mom who loves him unconditionally, but a mom who resents everything about him. I understand you are trying your very best, but, he is only seeing the worst.💔😕
Yayheterogeneity 3 years ago
Please get help! It sounds he is desperate for your attention and will do whatever it takes to get it. Your education is very important, I agree. But your kid has not asked to be put in this world, you decided that! So find a way to support him first and then you go and look out for yourself!
AK to LV 3 years ago
It looks like she's tried getting help. She isn't just throwing her hands up and saying 'oh, we'll. My life sucks and there's nothing I can do about it'. Read tigerpacingthecage post. They went and looked up the original Reddit post.
Load More Replies...
Lisa Whipp Myhre 3 years ago
Oh honey...hang in there. My son is ADHD/ODD and seven/eight was That Age when I just hated him. He was in special ed, on meds (Focalin), and the only thing I could do was have a ton of patience, repetition, and keep him on a schedule. I'll never forget what an aide told me though: "Puberty is a game-changer" and all I could think was I am never going to last until he hits puberty. But things started getting better in fourth grade...then fifth. Now he's a sophomore in high school and tells me he wants to go to college to study coding. (And I'm all WTF???) And even still, he'll still have problems, but nothing like when he was younger. And yes, sometimes I still can't stand him. It's been a hell of a long road (and I'm a lone parent as well). But you are his advocate and with that AND working AND school? Holy cow, girl. Try to give yourself some grace. And get that SSI as soon as you can!
Xavier Cassidy 10 months ago
Yes, they're Public Records. Did the lame-azzes in the court system do an actual search, or a Skip Trace? They can often ferret out lost, dad's in hiding.
Load More Replies...
UpQuarkDownQuark 3 years ago (edited)
“ Why don’t people consider adoption when they have an unwanted pregnancy?” In regard to this specific post, what a stupid thing to say. As others have pointed out, she never said she didn’t want the baby. I doubt he lied and never listened when he was 18 months old, and she probably loved him very much then. Hell, I was a very nice, very loving little boy, but then became a holy terror at 12 or 13. Nice kids can turn bad.
María Hermida 3 years ago
Why did you change? Did something happen to you, or in your family? Or something "clicked" in your brain and it just happened? I tend to believe there's a reason for everything, but I don't know. Your point of view would be interestingvto consider.
Load More Replies...
AnxietyRiddenMom 3 years ago
God, this thread is getting to me. My daughter was the same. Everyday was a fight. I begged for an IEP, I didn't know what I know now. The school failed her. She started by not wanting to go to school so to avoid the fight, I'd let her stay home. Then I started standing my ground and making her go. She'd then proceeded to do whatever it took to be sent home. She climbed a file cabinet and quacked like a duck. She was 8. As a teenager, she would just get up and leave class causing the whole of the administration team to look for her. She quit at 9th grade. She's so different than me I don't know how to help her
Tommy DePaul 1 year ago
There will be natural consequences for a 9th grade dropout.
Load More Replies...
TheWickedOne 3 years ago
Some people can't or won't understand because they have never been in that situation. Opinions are like assholes.
#8
I recently gave up all parental rights to my only child, a son, after 13 years of dealing with his mother's lies, accusations, criminal and family lawsuits based on lies. I truly loved my son. I was an excellent father who did everything possible to teach him the value of truth, kindness and honesty in life. I have been accused of starving him, beating him, doing cocaine, methamphetamine and heroin (none of which i do). I have had to invest thousands of dollars in legal fees to defend against false claims. My son has picked up her lying manipulative ways, as well as her desperate need for all attention to focus on her. He has become a liar just like his mother, who supports her falsehoods with his own voice. He has threatened to shoot me, and himself with my business protection firearm. For the safety of myself, and the safety of my wife, i have severed all ties, and allowed him to be adopted by his stepfather... who is an evil and manipulative man just as his mother is... he is on his own, in a world i know little about. I fought hard for him, but he continued to lie, not only supporting her outrageous claims, but also coming up with some of his own, for added flair. After 12 years of crushing heartbreak, i gave up. Life has been so much less stressful and crushing since. I do this knowing that I gave 150% of my self to parenting so my burden of guilt is minimal. **EDIT:** Lots of people pointing out that I am not perfect. Agreed. I definitely have my faults.... Numerous, as humans tend to be. None-the-less... The level of hateful alienation exacted by this woman defies all logic. None of her drug claims were true. believe it or don't... The facts are facts. None of the abuse claimed was true. I never even spanked this child, for fear of the obvious; She would call CPS at the first possible opportunity. he and I spent each visitation together, hiking, biking, reading, motorcycling, learning, traveling, camping, preforming kitchen science experiments for fun answers to random kid questions.... I don't claim that this makes me a saint. I do, RIGHTFULLY, claim that this makes me a good parent. more so than many modern parents offer to their children in the age of "electronic babysitting". I paid my child support for 13 years, never missing, While she told him I refused to pay or help her. My mother has showed up to her home to pick him up for visitations, while she and her friends and family would hole up inside her home, and call the police to report that I was "storming down their door". Meanwhile, the police arrive and find that my 67 year old mother was out in the car, alone, not me... Imagine the sheriff's surprise! Why was my mother there instead of me you ask?? Because 2 weeks earlier the police showed up to my home, after i picked my son up, saying that i had pushed her down and slapped her.... again... believe it or not, i just didn't to these things. it's a fact, so i don't need approval on it. There is, in this world, a growing disregard for what is right and moral. This woman, and those she surrounds herself with are part of that toxic society. It goes far beyond simple family discord. Remember, this child has already made a LETHAL threat of grave bodily injury to himself, and me. This is not to be taken lightly in our current times. I believe that this general loss of respect for others is exemplified in this woman, and the way she has chosen to approach our *former* parent/co-parent/child relationship. This toxic child-rearing has destroyed his chance at a normal perspective on life. he will always view the world through a lens of deceit and anger. I genuinely tried to help, but when he won't help himself, and goes further still, hurting me and my wife... I must draw a line somewhere. Believe it or don't, I'm a good human being.
Azure Adams 3 years ago
You did the right thing severing ties. It may suck and hurt but it's the right thing to do. Next I suggest you relocate without a forwarding address. Kid and mom may still try something
Kim Lorton 3 years ago
Protect yourself, your wife and what is yours. You are right to be extremely cautious in this day and age. Kids still can get their hands on assault rifles and attack their families, estranged or not, and kill them. Do not take any chances. Also take out a restraining order on tour ex wife and tour son. There is mo such thing as being too careful with this situation. You are right to be afraid. Sever any and all contact with them. Tape any conversation or phone call and in person interaction. Once you have enough proof, take it to the police and make sure they know what you are up against. May e one day, something will change him, change his life. But for now, protect yourself always. I am very sorry this is happening to you. My sister in law, had to be convinced to leave her butt head abusive husband. I helped! And that man is afraid of me, because i will yell loud and strongly, to protect her and the boys!
AnxietyRiddenMom 3 years ago
I don't think you're horrible. I think you're tired and sad and stressed and at your limit. You didn't throw him out on the street. You did what you needed for your mental well being. I I'm no way think this was an easy decision for you. I hope you find your peace.
Gilda Farrell 3 years ago
This happened to a man friend of mine. His ex-wife can honestly be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. Everything was about her and her needs. When he moved out because he couldn't take it any more it's like a nuclear bomb went off in her head. She'd been threatening to leave him as a form of emotional blackmail, but when he left she couldn't handle that he was the one who now rejected her. She did everything possible to destroy his relationship with their two kids, including telling child services that he was abusing the children. The kids never backed her up. But the son was so upset by the constant pressure on him to side with his mother and abandon his father that he committed suicide at the age of 17. The mother of course, walked into the funeral screaming at the top of her lungs that the father was a murderer and that this was all his fault.
ohjojo (you/your's) 3 years ago
You might want to move. And make sure they don't know where you've gone to.
Seadimo Monnapula 3 years ago
And people dont realize that people like Amber exist and will weaponize their womanhood to punish. This is why Depp's win was important
Don't Look 3 years ago
There are at least two sides to every story. Yours (for me) is more believable than the other at the moment. Partially because I’ve witnessed it.
#9
I have a 7 year old daughter. I think she has some kind of personality disorder. Some days she’s her normal loving, goofy self. Then there are other days where she is manipulative, mean, and hysterical. She says things to hurt you on purpose and will freak out if she doesn’t get her way, hurting herself in the process. But if I call her dad and FaceTime with him she stops on a dime and says I was lying and I hit her and don’t love her. I didn’t even know a kid that young could lie like that. She does this to me, my husband, and her stepmom. Her dad honestly believes we are all lying when we say something is wrong. She’s been to 3 therapists and they all act like we’re crazy because she puts on a good act. It makes me sick sometimes that I am happy when she goes to her dads house. I have a 1 year old son with my husband and I don’t want her to do to him what she does to me or her other family members. I don’t know what to do
Laura Silverstein 3 years ago
Maybe get a hidden camera (?) might help to expose any false claims
aj B 3 years ago
That or since dad believes everyone is lying and daughter is telling the truth offer him longer/more custody. After all if he believes people are hitting her and don't love her he should leap at the chance.
Load More Replies...
Emma London 3 years ago
That really sounds like a personality disorder. And they have really unprofessional people evaluating her if a 7 year old can convince them that she is telling the truth and her mother is lying.
AzKhaleesi 3 years ago
Give her to her father. Problem solved and within a few months he'll see what you were talking about, let him deal with it for a bit.
Mushroomlover 3 years ago
You need to film her when she’s acting up and show that to a psychiatrist. Not a therapist.
Rebecca Moore 3 years ago
You can't diagnose personality disorders in children. They can be deemed 'emerging personality disorders' and have it put on file, but it sounds like the therapists are s**t if they can't tell how manipulative she is. Hopefully she'll get some help, cos if she's like that at 7 imagine what she'll be like when she goes through puberty!
Zobi123 3 years ago
How can a therapist listen to three adults say they see the same behavior at home, but then just believe the child and one adult? That is so strange to me.
Load More Replies...
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 years ago
Give her to her dad, he'll see at some point. The younger child needs to be protected.
Jo Johannsen 3 years ago
There's an old movie called The Bad Seed. It's very hard to watch, but it actually gives some insight to how a child can be broken on the inside.
Lakota Wolf 3 years ago (edited)
My mom forced me into acting as a kid (she wanted me to “make it big” so that she could live the high life/live vicariously through me) and I had to do a monologue from The Bad Seed for one of my acting classes. I… had a really hard time with that monologue… my mom was/is physically and emotionally abusive and I used to sometimes fantasize about hurting my mom to save myself if she ever tried to kill me. The Bad Seed scared me that I WOULD become like Rhoda. (Not that Rhoda was abused, but it still terrified me that I’d snap.)
Load More Replies...
Lara Verne 3 years ago
This kid needs good therapist, who won't dismiss it when she act 'good'. She may have some kind of disorder that is undiagnosed.
Gilda Farrell 3 years ago
Therapists should be giving the girl tests that she would not know how to fake. She should also get a physical exam to see if there is something wrong with her brain. They shouldn't be depending purely on a short communication with her to determine a diagnosis.
The psychologist explained that kids need 3 ‘ingredients’ in order to respond to others in a caring way. First, they need to be able to imagine how others think and feel. “The ability to imagine accurately someone else's perspective generally begins around age 4 and grows with age and experience.”
Second of all, children need to learn to manage their distress. In short, when they’re feeling overwhelmed, they tend to not have the ability to be overly kind. "Kids don't have the bandwidth to respond kindly to someone else if they are overwhelmed by their own feelings."
Lastly, children need to firmly believe that they are capable of helping others. "If they don't think they can help or don't know how, they're likely to freeze or avoid situations where someone is upset,” Dr. Kennedy-Moore said.
"Parents can help by talking about people's thoughts and feelings as they come up in books, movies, or real life. This gives children a window into people's internal life that helps with perspective-taking. Parents can help children manage their own emotions by naming those feelings as well as teaching specific coping strategies such as distraction, deep breathing, counting to ten, or using words to ask for what they want," she told Bored Panda.
#10
Because after his mom died , I stopped disciplining him. I thought if I gave him everything I never had ; coolest clothes , shoes, toys , dirt bikes, game consoles etc would make me a good parent. I was wrong. He's about to turn 18 and i can't even stand to be in the same room as him. He's manipulative, mean, arrogant and condescending. And it's all my fault.
Broad Panda 3 years ago
It is, but... yip. This is the literal spoiling of a person. Their character is spoiled.
Load More Replies...
Fabiana Suanes 3 years ago
Never give your kids everything they want. That turns them into awful adults. Teach them to be kind and humble, and thankful
NannyChachi 3 years ago
My husband wouldn't discipline his daughter when she was growing up because we didn't have her very often and he didn't want to ruin what little time he had with her. She was doing things that she needed disciplined for (lying, stealing things from my kids' rooms). I got so angry with him and said, "I don't care HOW little time you have with her! You still have to be a father!" Her mom told me that she had caught her lying alot and if I had trouble with that to call her and let her know. We did, but I didn't tell her mom. My kids, who were older, were kind to her and included her in their activities. Thankfully, she grew up to be a lovely adult who I like to be around.
lenka 3 years ago
Its not too late. Its gonna be a very rough ride, but you can still make a difference
DDsbread 3 years ago
Idk about that. My brother is just like his son. Manipulative, condescending, rude piece of s**t. He hurts me EVERY single day with his words. Any conversations I have with him are fights. He started this when he was like 4. He's a vileeee human being, all my relatives think it's funny because he puts up a nice front. Psychopathic tendencies are very very strong. He lacks empathy.
Load More Replies...
Raccoon panda 3 years ago (edited)
My dad tried offering all those things, but he got offended and became more abusive when I refused it and said the only thing I wanted was for him to be there. Gifts and love are not interchangeable to me. Now he has four children just like yours, and one who can’t bring herself to love him anymore. But, to clarify, he is unrepentant. You want to fix this. You badly wanted to reduce your kid’s suffering, and were badly misguided, not knowing how to handle his trauma or your own. My parent just thought money was a convenient parenting solution to not have to be involved from the start. Your motives were similar but I don’t condemn you, OP. I really don’t. I have faith you can learn to take a step back, and figure out how to address this. Your kid’s gonna mess up in life, and when he needs your help, you can draw boundaries to encourage gratitude and a work ethic. You can get to the root of the trauma over time, and help each other heal. All is not lost. You have learned. I encourage you to be a better you.
Tracy McLain 3 years ago
If you’re reading this, please get yourself help. I feel your pain. You CAN feel better.
Petra Biedermann 3 years ago
But again, there are kids who get all this stuff and are still good kids!
#11
Throwaway because my husband knows my Reddit name and I am not sure how he would take this.
I remarried a wonderful man, my soul mate about 2 years ago. I have two kids of my own. One son and one daughter. One is 14 and the other is 21. He has a daughter. She is almost 8. We met when his daughter was about 3 and a half. It is bad to say, but personality wise she hasn't changed very much the last 4 or so years.
I don't necessarily dislike my stepdaughter all the time....I have just had to distance myself a bit. She has no manners, no respect, she is spoiled and will whine until she gets her way. For example I overheard her tell her great grandmother to shut up. I also heard her tell her mom "You are the most disgusting person I ever met". When they "scold" her she always tries to say she was "just joking" and then she will start crying and saying "nobody wants me around" and stuff like that.
I know this is turning into a long post and I apologize...it has just been building up so long. I try my best with her and I had such high hopes for a close relationship with my step daughter. But I have found that our personalities clash. And I am used to having respectful kids. My husband tries his best to make her act right, but every time she goes back to her mom's or her grandparents it gets worse. They give her everything she wants no matter what and they allow her to talk to them anyway because "she is still little and we may not have anymore kids/grandkids." So I don't blame my husband, I feel bad for him because he is tired of having to be the bad guy all the time.
Oh and she likes to torment my cats. I tell her all the time to be nice to them. Pet them gently or better yet! Leave them alone. But she likes to chase them, pour water on them, throw dirt at them....etc. She has plenty of toys in her room and also electronics and games. But she will cry and whine until my husband lets her use his laptop. She likes to watch toy commercials on Youtube and tell us what she wants for Christmas or her Birthday. She makes these 5 page long lists of what she wants all the time. And then if she doesn't get it, she whines that she never gets anything she wants. Her mother told us she picked out a 50.00 Halloween costume last week. She said she told her that was way too expensive to pay when she is only going to wear it a few hours. Well step daughter proceeded to cry and say she doesn't have anything and never gets anything and she needs new parents.
One more thing that makes me mad....if adults are in the room trying to have a conversation she will interrupt repeatedly until they stop talking and listen to her or watch her do some little something that could have waited. This child gets more attention that any child ever so I know its not lack of attention that causes it.
I could go on and on but no one wants to read a two mile long post of me complaining so I will end it here. Thanks for letting me vent a little.
One more thing I thought of! About a year ago I had my little grand daughter over at our house. She was about 9 months old at the time. Step daughter got caught trying to give the baby rocks. We all get onto her and tell her how dangerous it is to give a baby rocks, babies can choke and get injured or even die...all that. Well, a few minutes later I catch her putting the rocks in my grand baby's pocket and I go mental. After telling her she could choke and die if she gets ahold of a rock she is putting them in the baby's pocket!! Just one more example of there is something not right with this girl.
TL;DR Step daughter has no manners or respect for adults and even tried to harm my grand daughter once. My nerves just cant handle it anymore.
dream of delusion 3 years ago (edited)
okay i was getting a little annoyed at the “i was just jokingg” part but if you’re abusive to animals or babies or parents or anyOne that’s where i draw the line - i know she’s 8 but she should still have common respect by then
David Henry 3 years ago
Therapist. Now. Always have a child see someone when they're abusive to animals or young children/infants. It's not always a bad sign but....yeah it's usually a bad sign.
Suzy the observer 3 years ago
Another psycho future serial killer. Abusing animals as a child is a red flag.
Tybalt P. 3 years ago
My dad told me about how as a child, he was bullied by a kid who would also torment and hurt animals for no reason but sick laughs, and the kid (the bully, not my dad, my dad’s wonderful) ended up growing into a horrible r***** guy, so yeah. Not having basic respect or pity for a poor animal that’s being relentlessly harmed by the person is a HUGE red flag, especially if it keeps happening after you tell them not to. Of course, kids will occasionally pull the cat’s tail just to see what happens, but they’re always much younger, and won’t do it again when they see how the cat reacts. What this kid is doing is not normal, and it needs to be checked in my opinion.
Load More Replies...
DuchessDegu 3 years ago
I'd gather the pets and leave straight away. My pets (and babies, if I had them) come before soulmates. The kid is her daughter so he can't turn his back on her but I'm not taking s**t from a devil child that ain't mine
Load More Replies... Broad Panda 3 years ago
Nowhere in here does it say what consequences this kid has for their bad behaviour. She's 7 and has plenty of electronics in her room? I'm a step-parent, so I get that that makes things tricky. But this kid needs to learn NOW that actions have consequences. You're totally f****d as a step-parent, though, coz you can't force the parents to do anything. It may sound really harsh, but if your husband doesn't have the backbone and moral fibre to sort it out, maybe leave them to it. Live somewhere else with your cats and kid.
Lara Verne 3 years ago
I don't want to blame parents, but that kid sounds super spoiled. She's old enough to know there's line that cannot be crossed and her actions have consequences. If she always get everything she wanted by whinning, or don't get punished for bad behaviour, she will do it again. Her family should reconsider their way to raise her, or get kid to therapy.
Pamela Blue 3 years ago
Actually, spoiled isn't the term I'd use for her. She does have a personality disorder of some kind. I think you could try and punish her all you want, and she's not going to change. If anything she'll get more nasty and vindictive. She needs therapy - ASAP!
Load More Replies... Jo Johannsen 3 years ago
The whole family could use the help of mental health specialists. I think this has gone beyond their capacity to cope.
Becca Claire 3 years ago
That kid is a straight up sociopath. Not her fault. But she is a danger to that baby and should never be left unsupervised.
#12
I am a step parent. I love my son. Love him like crazy.
But.
He's a slob. And he married a slob with two slobby children and they had another child who is our adored grandson and likely also a future slob.
Their house is always filthy and by filthy I mean FILTHY. They have 5 dogs and at least two cats inside the house. The dogs are untrained and so they chew through everything and c**p on the floor. It smells like a cat box, dishes are never washed and sit caked with food just wherever they leave it. Laundry is piled high against the walls in the bedrooms and you have to pick a path across the living room dodging toys, dishes, dog c**p, and the cats who are always trying to stay one step ahead of the dogs.
The smell of cat p**s is so strong my eyes literally watered when I walked in. Beds not made? Yeah, they don't even have proper beds (we've given them three - don't know where they went). They sleep on bare mattresses on the floor - sheets optional. A floor that is covered with dog feces and dirt. I am astonished none of them have developed ringworm or typhoid. The kids smell like a dirty litterbox and go to school in wrinkled dirty clothing. It's humiliating for us and frightening. They've been reported to DFS, but I don't know what DFS did because the house is still a shithole. The whole situation makes me so angry I don't trust myself with either of them. The urge to shake them and scream "You stink! Clean your f*****g house!" is nigh uncontrollable.
It makes me sick that he and she allow this to go on. Neither of them were raised in dirty houses. I don't like either one of them, but I love them all very much.
Aidan Pite 3 years ago
That sounds like a psychiatric issue, honestly. I hope they all get the help they need. Even if that involves foster care.
Zoey Rayne 2 years ago
Yeah. This level of filth is usually a sign of depression or some other significant mental health issue; help them get help. If you can afford it, hire them a cleaning service, at least for one deep clean. That, coupled with therapy and meds could make a huge difference in their lives.
Load More Replies... Lizzy Crit 3 years ago
They did, just a different acronym. Nothing changed.
Load More Replies... Broad Panda 3 years ago
Sounds like depression and/or drug use. Either way, why are you NOT telling them to clean? Tough love is tough on both parties, but it is sometimes necessary. Those kids and animals deserve a better home.
Tracy Wallick 3 years ago
This sounds like a symptom of a mental health problem; I'm no psychologist but in talking to people I know with mental illnesses and my own experience with depression/anxiety, self care and caring for your living environment are one of the first things to go when a mental illness becomes too much to bear. Maybe do some digging and see if something deeper is going on?
Sarah Brown 3 years ago (edited)
They better be careful, if any outsider saw the way they live they could alert CPS. Living in the filth you described can be considered child endangerment.
Amy 3 years ago
DFS and CPS are the same thing. Sounds like they've already been reported and nothing happened.
Load More Replies... Kayjunmoon 3 years ago
Sounds like the children are not being cared for adequately and the animals are also being neglected. Hate being judgemental but sometimes hard decisions have to be made.
GoGoPDX 3 years ago
Call CPS/DSF again! Keep calling, put some pressure on them. Take pictures and document everything about the house, you could then try to get custody of the baby (wish that was an option for the other 2) or, eve call the cops for welfare check. They see these conditions and will call CPS/DFS and they will be much more serious about the situation.
Lem Johnson 3 years ago
This is just plain child abuse. And animal abuse really. Quietly seething about it on the internet isn't helping those kids, CPS or whatever they have where they are should have been called ages ago. By allowing the abuse to continue OP is complicit in it.
Lizzy Crit 3 years ago
What they have didn't do anything noticeable when they were called. Doesn't anyone read? Like 4 posters say the authorities should be involved when it's clearly stated they are.
Load More Replies...
"Parents can guide children toward seeing themselves as helpers by talking about how children's kind actions impact others. For instance, they might say, 'That was kind of you to help your brother with his block tower. He was sad when it fell down, and he felt happier when you helped him build it up again.' Or, 'Thank you for helping me put away the groceries. I'm happy that we got the job done quickly.'"
According to the psychologist, everyone makes mistakes and ends up doing something that isn’t kind. It’s inevitable that everyone will mess up at some point in their lives. That’s why parents shouldn’t jump to conclusions: they shouldn’t assume that a single mistake is an indication of “terrible things ahead.”
"Instead, acknowledge good intentions, describe the other person's feelings, and focus on moving forward. For instance, you could say, 'I know you're excited about going on the swings, but your sister also wants to swing, and she's sad that she hasn't had a turn yet.' Then, to move forward, you could ask, 'What can you do to help her feel better?' or 'What would be fair to everyone?'"
#13
I know this comment will probably be buried at the bottom but I'm gonna take this chance to get some stuff of my chest.
First of all - I don't hate my daughter - far from it. I love her with all my heart. Instead I hate the life we have.
My daughter has a rare chromosome disorder and is also on the autism spectrum (not full on autistic though). She'll soon be 5 and still doesn't speak. She has a hearing loss so she has to wear hearing aids. By not being able to speak (except for some words like yes or no) we can't really communicate with her. Everything is done by us asking her questions which she says yes or no to. Sometimes she shows us what she wants by pointing, using sign language (she knows some signs), or she goes and fetches something to show us. This covers her basic needs. But we can never have a discussion with her. Asking how her day was at pre school etc. We can't talk about stuff. She doesn't really have any friends and she just recently started "playing" with other kids at pre school. I could go on and on about this. But I'm terrified for the future. I can't really think about how her and our life will be when she gets older without tearing up. So many things she won't be able to experience - even though I don't even know if she would like to.
To summarise - I don't hate her. Far from it. I hate that she has this disorder. At the same time - her disorder has made she who she is. And I hate myself for looking at other families and being jealous for what they have. Hearing friends talking about how they discuss events with their 3 yo etc. Seeing other kids playing together and making up games and stuff while my kid is so far behind.
The worst part is that I sometimes wish myself or my family to be in an accident so there would be an end to this. I of course don't really wish for this but I sometime long for the life I didn't get. Before getting kids - this was my worst nightmare - having a kid with a disability.
I know I should probably start seeing a psychiatrist.
dream of delusion 3 years ago (edited)
i think seeing a psychiatrist will always help (unless it’s a c**p one) but.. it’s okay to hate a disability. i hate mine, all the time, and i know many people who do as well. so long as you don’t hate the person who has it
JustYourAveragePANda 1 year ago
Okay- i know it's rude to ask and im sorry- but what is you disablilty? Im just wondering. U dont have to tell me. Sorry!!!
Load More Replies...
Charlotte Grace 3 years ago
My twins have autism, global developmental delay and a severe speech and language disorder. They were non verbal until 5. They're almost 9 now, and they've started talking. Their new found ability to communicate has made an entire world of difference for all of us. I deeply empathize with this parent.
Dilly Millandry 3 years ago
Some of these stories look rather hopeless but in this one I think she'll find, as you did, that the improved ability to communicate WILL make the world of difference. The child is not 5 yet but once she's go the communications skills more firmly within her grasp she'll probably come on in leaps and bounds.
Load More Replies... David Henry 3 years ago
There's no shame, sadly anger and disabilities go hand in hand. I have six rods in my spine next to a severely sliced up nerve cluster that will never ever stop misfiring the pain signals to anywhere it can reach. The pent up rage not just from the steady pain but from entire futures lost is real. And it's okay; it's not a pity party if you're truly suffering, and it sounds like the poster is in an abundance of anguish. Def yes on the therapy...there are ways to attack the anger issues specific to disabilities and for those golden few who suffer with us.
Mud spider 3 years ago
Both My sisters have the same thing… I heard my mom talking once about “four disabled children” as I am bipolar and my brother has a different sort of autism :(
Mag Swag 3 years ago
awww i’m sorry :( i hope it’s not too bad, you guys deserve the best possible life no matter what disorders you may have.
Load More Replies...
Carlotta Müller 3 years ago
Why does she not learned sign language be now? And you have to learn it too. It is easy for young children and it would help very much to communicate. Not all communication must be verbal.
bruh JJ’s 3 years ago
It’s hard to see other families have the life you thought you’d have, like mourning a child ( but you have one, so people don’t get it) plans, hopes and dreams that come effortlessly to other people. It’s a tough place to be.
NsG 3 years ago
It *is* mourning. It's mourning the life they expected (that's "they" covering both parent and child) which effectively ceased the moment the disability was identified. In that moment, the expected future died.
Load More Replies... 
Tambot 3 years ago
I work with a student who did not speak in kindergarten, she had very poor social skills and was never part of the the class. She also has ASD. Since working with her, (she is now in grade 5), no longer hisses at me and....has friends! With the right tools and supports in place it is amazing what can happen. This in one case, of course everyone is different but good things can happen over time.
ohjojo (you/your's) 3 years ago
Your child needs to be in the proper school situation. She needs to be evaluated and I have a plan called an IEP individual education plan. If your school isn't taken care of her, switch schools
#14
Throw away because this may be my deepest darkest secret ever and even now it almost brings me to tears to type this. One of my children with mental illnesses has been disturbed and has survived numerous attempts.
There have been times where I have had to sit in a chair in her room and watch her all night while she sleeps. Everything is locked up in our house. I keep cleaning supplies in my desk at work and bring them home only to clean and then take them back. Everything is a battle with her. It's embarassing all the times we have an ambulance or cops come over. There is so much more that goes on.
Anyway, I can remember one really really awful period in our lives about a year ago where I honestly felt like had she not survived her attempts that life for me and her siblings would be easier.
There are a lot of days where I feel like I resent her inside. I just tell myself and try and remember that she is still the sweet girl I remember from her being a kid. What I resent is the person she is on meds and the depressed disturbed and self harming person she is when not on meds.
:(
dream of delusion 3 years ago (edited)
they really truly saddening- and now my fear of opening up to my parents just got worse, i really don’t want them to become like this (i read the replies, and im so grateful for your advice. im going to work towards opening up to them, but it has always been hard. im hoping i can get better at it)
Load More Replies...
Natasha 3 years ago (edited)
My dad brought a chair into my room multiple times when I didn't want to be here amymore, I rarely slept, when I was to exhausted to be awake anymore, he'd watch over me to make sure I didn't die of my own hands. I still don't want to be here. I think it would be better if I was gone. That way no one has to continue to suffer because of my mental illness. For anyone questioning, I am highly functional, I own my own house, I have a Batchelor degree and am a senior nurse in my field. My family are amazing and supportive but I still don't want to be here. They deserve better than me. This is mental illness.
Elsabean 3 years ago
Oh, Natasha-please stay in this world. Depression is a horrible, devastating disease, but you are so much more than that. It first started when I was 10, and nearly killed me. Thanks to many years working my a*s off with a skilled therapist (NOT psychiatrists), I can finally say that life is actually worth living. I often used that old saying "When you're going through hell, keep going." as my mantra. One question-if you're in nursing, have you considered working in mental health? One of the most helpful nurses I worked with in the hospital had struggled with depression herself.
Load More Replies...
Beans 3 years ago
Why did BP change 'suicidal' to 'disturbed'? In the original post that's what it says. You can't even write suicidal on here anymore?
WarpedThoughts 3 years ago (edited)
Disturbed Really threw me, felt like my christian fam talking to me before they learned what mental illness was.
Load More Replies...
Carolyn Stokes 3 years ago
Oh hun, so sad sending a virtual hug, sorry I don't know you but my daughter was influenced by a 'friend' and she overdosed on paracetamol when she was 13yrs old, her Dad died when she was 16yrs and she tunnelled downwards into a hell being influenced by horrible people. She is now 28yrs has three beautiful children 5,4 and 2 all have disabilities but she has blossomed into the most remarkable young woman, her children are amazing and I think that what she experienced made her the fabulous person she is today and there's nothing she won't do for her 'now' friends and family. I hope that your daughter finds her way to the other side and becomes but a shadow of your current experiences'.
Susan Bennett Brady 3 years ago
I have one too. It is absolutely living hell - there are no two ways about it. We adopted my second child so that she wouldn’t inherit the genes from hell that my son did. We recently got the news that our beloved 17 year old cat is dying of cancer and as I rocked him in my arms and wept, I found myself thinking that the wrong being is dying. That’s a terrible way to feel. We’re with you.
The Milk In Your Fridge 2 years ago
I agree… I mean they always say “you can do this! you will get through it!” but if I go to tell my parents about my depression, they just go “not now, no.” almost as if there never was a time. it’s been two years and i’m drowning my sorrows in Paul Anka and Frankie Valli…
Load More Replies... ohjojo (you/your's) 3 years ago
Sounds like you haven't found the right combination of meds yet. Keep trying
Bernadette Ezakovich 3 years ago
my friend's son was like this his entire childhood then suddenly when he was like twenty a lightbulb went off and his overhwleming depression disappeared. maybe they finally found a drug cocktail that worked, who knows. My friend cant cope. Her whole life has been prtecting him from himself and now he doesnt need it
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
I'm so sorry :( My daughter went through a severe depression/self harming stage during covid lockdown. It was the most terrifying time I've had as a parent. Luckily, one of her teachers saw a big change in her and kindly alerted me that something was off. I got her into therapy immediately and she's now on the mend and thriving. We still have some rough days here and there, but it no longer feels as hopeless.
ArtistinResidence 3 years ago
There are cases where it actually would be better for the child if they were in a separate facility. I have friends who have had to do this at times so their child could be helped by professionals on a 24 hour basis. I think people think they have to do everything themselves. There is professional help out there. Seek it out and cut yourself a break.
#15
My dad likes to ask me "I bet you didn't know having kids would be so hard huh?" but no, I never in a million years figured how hard, and I by no means have it as bad as some in this thread.
Basically it started at "terrible 2's" normal, ok. But wait no, 3's were terrible, and 4's, and 5's, all terrible. It's a bit of just a bad memory at this point with a few highlights that stand out.
Kindergarten started, the school called every day saying how his behavior was bad. He wouldn't sit down on the bus, wouldn't sit still in class, wouldn't stop talking. During grade school, getting a simple page of homework done took 2 hours because he would hide it, rip it, throw it away.
I couldn't read books to him at night, he would slap it out of my hands, or bounce around on the bed to the point I couldn't finish.
He would go into terrible rages as he got older but still in grade school, threatening to throw up on me, smash the table, turn chairs over. Had no concept of behavior vs punishment or reward. None. We tried everything we could think of. I could say "don't touch that thing" and turn my back for a second, and he was touching it. Short term goals, long term goals, immediate punishment, or 'atonement' in the form of making up for bad behavior with 'good works', nothing matters. Nothing was being learned.
He would steal food. Plenty of health choices were available, want to eat 5 ham sandwiches? Extra dinner? Sure! No. I'm taking eating an entire carton of ice cream, a brick of cheese, 5 Popsicle's in one sitting etc. We tried teaching portion control, teaching how it was unfair that he got 9 items out of a box of 10 when 4 of us were in the house. We tried telling him we needed for instance, a block of cheddar cheese for dinner the next night, but he could have the sliced cheese. Nope, he ate up the block.
He's not allowed to eat food in his room but we find empty cups, plates, bowls, etc everwhere. Bowl under the couch? Check. Old pizza under the blankets? Check. Empty ice cream carton in the closet? Yep. Half eat frozen dinner in a pile of laundry? You guessed it. This has been going on from around 7 until now, at 12.
He was on meds for a while, Focalin at first. His teachers at school called me in one day under the pretense of seeing him read. Instead I got ambushed about how unhappy he was, and how he really needed more reading help. The next day they said he was done with the special reading program. What?
He lies about homework. "I don't have any". Great well the school website says you do, where is it, show it to me? "Oh I forgot it in the my locker/I did it already/I turned it in already". Lies. When hiding it around the house didn't work out, he turned to saying it was at school, knowing I couldn't verify until it turned up as late on the online grade sheet.
He steals, just around the house so far. Can't have soda? That's ok I'll take it anyway. I want to impress a girl? I'll take my moms necklace. My chain broke, I'll take my brothers, even minutes after being told "don't even think about it". I want a game mom said I could have next week? No prob I'll steal her credit card and order it now, or steal my brothers money.
He's currently in detention after school on Weds and Fridays to help him get his work done. He is also grounded. He lied about not needing to go last Wed and didn't show up. He tried to do it this past Friday but I called his teacher and marched his butt back to school. He cried and screamed about that.
I nearly had more than a few nervous breakdown when the school has called me and let me know about terrible things he's told other kids at school. We got into therapy. I took hidden videos when he would flip out, because it was so nightmarish I sometimes couldn't even believe it even the next day.
He's threatened to take his own life because some girl didn't want to date him. We thought we had that talked out with the therapist. Another night when he ran home early which was unusual, and I got a bad feeling. Shortly after the police and paramedics showed up because he threatened to take his own life, and smeared my red lip gloss across his chest and took pictures, and said he had stabbed himself. That was a very expensive bill. The therapist thought we had it sorted out. Nope, soon as he got his cell phone back he messaged the girl saying he was extinct from infection.
He asked repeatedly why the rules are what they are, and even if we lay down the law he'll pester and pester and pester. He'll tell me entirely unnecessary things while I'm working even after being told I need to not be distracted.
We keep tabs on his web activity, xbox, tv viewing, and cell phone usage. We try to provide knowledge of the bad things, but not allow him to bask in it like many on the internet do. I'm not religious but I roll with "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" It's hard. Evil is pretty cool, in many young peoples minds. Trolling is funny to them. Being mean is funny.
We try to keep him occupied with sports and activities, but he needs action and monitoring what feels 24/7 and I can't DO IT.
We have 2 kids and the youngest, who is 8 now, is so much EASIER I want to cry. I would have NEVER had kids if I knew how much work the first one was going to be. NEVER.
Riley Warrick 3 years ago
This kid needs to go to a treatment center. Unfortunately, OP might not be able to get him in because it's so hard to do if you're not a foster parent, even then it's so hard it's ridiculous. My sister has a kid who has similar behavior (not quite as bad though) and she tried to get him in a treatment center, sent letters, logged every behavior at home and school, even my mom wrote a letter asking them to put him in a center, but because he hasn't hurt anyone or himself, and is under the age of twelve, the judge wouldn't give the order. He would run away in the middle of winter without shoes, pee on his bedroom floor, throw fits that were so bad that they had to put L over and get the other four kids out of the van, and has threatened to kill his whole class (grade 3) and they still wouldn't give the order.
aj B 3 years ago
Well with the thefts and the apparent inability to distinguish right from wrong, assuming it's legitimate and assuming they're in the US, it'd be possible to get him put into some form of treatment by bringing legal charges up. After all, that's literally what the inability to stand trial is about, is whether one can distinguish right from wrong. Not saying it's a great option but honestly, a juvenile record is better then an adult one, and that's where this is headed.
Load More Replies...
Emma London 3 years ago
Sounds like bad case ADHD, with behavioral and developmental issues. In my country these kids usually end up in group homes because parents being too tired to help a child with their needs is a valid reason for outplacement after other support for the family has failed.
Jenn C 3 years ago
Sounds like ODD also. The more in you try to care or help, the more he pushes away and acts out.
Load More Replies... Fabiana Suanes 3 years ago (edited)
My aunt raised her kids and they are an absolut mess. She was so full of life before kids, now she is just and empty shell of human being. So sickening and sad.
Kristen Drake 3 years ago
This is severe adhd and other possible comorbidities. This child needs a comprehensive medication, psychiatric, and behavioral therapy program. It should have been done years ago. This poor child is suffering and that’s why he’s acting out, depressed, and suicidal. Just a therapist or staying after school is not enough. Get him help and then get yourself into therapy, too.
#16
I lost all respect when the kid began pushing homeopathic products and therapies. When did this kid become convinced that this literal snake oil is good for people? When did science and logic lose out? What's even worse is that the kid still thinks their views are completely normal and mainstream. Meanwhile, I can't get over the numerous people being hurt by this completely useless hokum every day which my progeny is advocating. All of those 'clients' should be going to a real doctor. My own kid is actually a force for bad outcomes. It makes me ill.
Lakota Wolf 3 years ago
I worked in the vitamins/supplements department of a retail store for 2 1/2 years. We had a homeopathic section. I could not bring myself to lie to customers about them. If they asked where the homeopathic section was, I’d point the way. If they actually asked about efficacy, I would tell them that the principle of homeopathics is that you put in a few molecules of an ingredient, then you “purify” it out up to 200 times, but the remaining pill/oil somehow “remembers” the ingredient that literally isn’t even molecularly present in the mixture any more… and somehow THAT cures you. Yeah, sorry, I trust science, not homeopathy.
aj B 3 years ago
Homeopathic medicine has it's place, Actual homeopathic stuff however, the various herbal medications we've used in the past before modern medicine, however it's place is for MINOR ailments. Herbal teas for sleep issues, household remedies for cold and flu, that sort of thing is the Only place such belongs. If it's anything that can't be solved by bed rest (the remedies are more to speed up the bed rest solution), then it needs a real doctor.
Mir Adwari 3 years ago
Homeopathy and natural remedies are actually two entirely different things. Natural remedies can be beneficial for minor ailments as you say, homeopathy is pure bunkum. Lakota Wolf's comment at the top explains homeopathy perfectly.
Load More Replies...
dream of delusion 3 years ago
i think someone’s been looking at the “essential oils heal everything” Facebook group… but she’s right, some of them really do hurt others
PandaRave 3 years ago
So a Snake Oil pseudo science salesmen? Talk about embarrassing. Getting into some pseudo science pyramid scheme is the ultimate speed run methods to disappointing your parents.
ACatNamedStromboli 3 years ago
I use essential oils. Not as a cure all. The aroma therapy can help. And some of them can help relieve pain and things like congestion. But, I still go to the doctor and use medications. Some of those medications I need to live. When my kids were teething I used homeopathic teething tablets and Baltic Amber necklaces. They worked. I wasn't sure if they would but in my experience they helped a lot. Some of the MLM ones tell people to consume the oils. You never do that! That is dangerous. Unless it says food grade. Like the ones used for making suckers and candy.
Memere 3 years ago (edited)
I'm with you. I use essential oils for aromatherapy, and for minor issues like mosquito bites - a blend I use stops the itching almost instantly. Another blend is great for small cuts & scrapes. I only use a few in cooking, like oregano, lemon, peppermint - all certified food grade. I also use skin & hair care products with essential oils in them - I have fewer skin problems & my hair is really healthy. And there's a homeopathic remedy for colic that was the only thing that helped my grandson when he was an infant. I still use aspirin, tylenol, and other allopathic medications though.
Load More Replies...
EJN 3 years ago
I studied some herbology and that involved some work in homeopathic treatments. Regardless of whether you believe in the basis for homeopathy or not, it has had some successes in treatment of some illnesses. Modern chemistry that provides us with medications goes for the NUKE EM approach which is also likely to do damage. A huge number of medications are used and doctors/researchers still HAVE NO IDEA how they work. Just, that they seem to work in many cases. I recommend that you stop judging your child for the belief in homeopathy. It is not being forced on you, I assume. Claiming that people are being hurt by your child, I would challenge you to show facts to back that claim up. You are just throwing away your child because s/he doesn't agree with your perspective and that is really sad and pathetic.
Jacquie Carr 1 year ago
This is dumb. Acupuncture, reiki etc are valid treatments that help many people and have been around for thousands of years
Tracy Rowe 3 years ago
uh, THIS is why you resent your kid? Seriously? Take a look at yourself.
#17
I dated a guy for five years, and he was the sole parent of a kid. He basically raised her barely above neglect levels. She had food, clothes, a room. But he would basically not do anything to care for her and wouldn't even see her for days on end. She was 6 when we met.
I felt I had to step in and help out, and he basically dumped raising her on me. I was overwhelmed, resented the fact that I had to change my life and lifestyle for her. But when I would withdraw, she basically was left in her room (frequently "grounded" for minor infractions because it meant he had an excuse not to interact).
I tried to make things special for her, planned outings and whatnot. She never expressed gratitude, and would blow temper tantrums that things weren't enough, I wasn't spending enough money, or we went to the local amusement park when she wanted to go to Disney.
her father was manipulative. If I took time for myself, he would tell her it was because I was being "selfish". She picked up on this, and would threaten to tattle on me if I didn't do something or told her to take time. She told her grandparents her grades were bad because I didn't do it for her.
When her father and I split up, it was hard because I knew her dad wasn't willing to parent at all, and I knew she would be neglected. No one deserves that. But I had to get out of the bad, abusive relationship. We kept in touch for a while, but her dad started using her as a weapon. I broke contact.
Now she posts angry messages on Facebook directed at me. She is entering her teen years and blames her problems on me.
Broad Panda 3 years ago
The kid doesn't blame the woman. She's posting angry messages to reach out to the only person who ever cared for her.
Kim Lorton 3 years ago
Did you report him for child abuse/ neglect? That would be the right thing to do to help her, get her some place safe and nurturing!
Emma London 3 years ago
Poor kid! The woman should cut her completely out of her life: She tried, it didn't work. She's not her stepchild, and the probability of the child to later see their history in a different light is minuscule. Such is a power of a toxic, manipulative parent.
Cat Clarke Logan 3 years ago
Had a similar situation. I kept going back to the relationship because I felt so bad for his daughter as she was the same age as mine. Then the daughter started hurting mine and that was the end. I walked. And I’m thankful for it.
Katinka Min 3 years ago
Poor kid, what a terrible life she will have and the people around her. Not being loved seriously cripples people. Thank God, the poster got out of there.
#18
My mother wanted a boy, had one before me but it was a miscarriage, I was conceived a year after, I was an early delivery, she was in coma for 2 weeks and after that she did not take me or touch me or look at me or even fed me for days. my dad took care of me and looked after me. she still curses me and wishes it was a boy
Lakota Wolf 3 years ago (edited)
I don’t get these “I ONLY want x gender!” parents who then treat their children like c**p when they’re not the gender they wanted. I’m adopted - my parents had a biological daughter before adopting me. They also had a bio son, but he died as an infant. I think my dad would have loved HAVING a son, but they adopted me.. a girl. And guess what? My dad was dingy-dang fantastic with me. He taught me everything he knew. I can repair cabinetry, change the brakes on a car, and I know how to tie a tie. Just because your kid doesn’t turn out to be the gender you “wanted”… either at birth or later in life if they transition… does NOT mean you get to treat them like s**t. I have relatives who treat their sons like kings but make their daughters do all the housework.
Izzy Curer 3 years ago
My dad did the same thing with me. I don't think he thought about it, he was just doing the sorts of things he liked doing, or letting me hang out and showing me how to do things while he worked. To him, that was just how you interacted with a kid. Gender was never part of it.
Load More Replies...
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Your mother needs therapy, OP, and you're not alone ----- you can find support in many locations.
Celeste Finn 3 years ago
Your mom is ill. You have done nothing wrong. If you were a boy, she honestly might say she wanted a girl. When folks are ill that way, there is nothing to do but understand they are unwell and that you are blameless. I am very, very sorry for your unfortunate situation. I wish you luck in other areas and lots of of strength to cope with what you are in.
Dre Mosley 3 years ago
That's so sad. I don't understand this sort of gender bigotry with some parents. I can understand a tinge of disappointment that quickly dissipates, but to essentially hate the child for not being born a boy? Wow.
Kim Lorton 3 years ago
What a sad thing. I am so very sorry she cannot see the joy having a daughter could and would being her. It isn't you at all. She is mentally incapable of dealing with the loss of her first pregnancy of a boy she really wanted. When you came along, she had already closed herself off from the love and joy you brought. That is so very awful. You need to move on and be happy and live and love! You deserve to be happy!! And your dad loves you!!
MyCatsTheRealPanda 3 years ago
I don't understand how anyone can look at their child and treat them this way because they were not born with or without certain genitalia. When you get pregnant you should know it doesn't work that way or you don't t have any business getting pregnant and having the child. You get what you get. Yes, it's ok to hope for a boy or girl but to treat the child badly because they weren't what you wanted? No.They're better off without you.
MyCatsTheRealPanda 3 years ago
OP, your mother doesn't deserve you anyhow. I know that probably doesn't make it any easier but screw her! Please find yourself some good help and support if at all possible. You don't deserve that and I hope if you don't know that now, you can come to realize that some day :)
Load More Replies... #19
I don't dislike or hate my son but I damn sure have some resentments every now and then. I have a 5 year old with extreme behavioral/rage issues. They stem from a large dose of steroids required for a long period of time for a previous medical issue. I am not in the dark about these issues, I have a psychiatrist and counselor that we pay for for him. However, no one is willing to do anything because he is 5. No diagnosis. Barely medication (the wrong ones). I have had to inpatient hospitalize my 5 year old son twice. I have another child younger than him that was born around the time that all of this started happening and I just watch the difference between the two. I sometimes wish I could have switched and had her first because the only reason for trying again was so I could have a girl. I watch happy, functional families and it makes me angry because we have been burdened by this. We can't travel, we can't go to parks or things of that nature because he targets other children and I don't want to be that a*****e mom on the playground that just lets my son beat the s**t out of other kids. CPS is now involved for the 4th time in 2 years because at school he cracked a kid across the head with a rock because the school refuses to give him an IEP because he is so young. My husband and I have tried every parenting book, behavioral therapy method, strategy, etc. Nothing seems to work. Some days I just turn my phone on silent because I know its going to be the school calling me saying he wont sit still in class and keeps running out of the classroom acting like an a*s. But I have asked them repeatedly for an IEP and they refuse.
Don't get me wrong, I love my son more than life itself, but it f*****g kills me to watch him have to live like this. He is so angry all of the time and sometimes I have to hold him in a full nelson on the floor crying so that he wont hurt himself or anyone else. I wish other parents knew what this torture was like. The constant self-doubt, and wondering where we went wrong. It is slowly killing my marriage and I honestly wouldn't blame my husband if he did leave, in fact I'd probably send our daughter with him just to make sure she was safe.
So yes, I completely understand where some of these other parents in this thread are and I don't judge anyone anymore when they say their kids have pushed them to the edge. I've been there and back so many times, I have the route memorized.
Jiminy 3 years ago (edited)
"because the only reason for trying again was so I could have a girl." This is a REALLY bad sole reason for making another child...
Pamela Blue 3 years ago
No it's not. When people have a 2nd child, they usually hope for the other gender of what they already have. You're making it sound like they would leave their child exposed on a hillside if it wasn't what they wanted. I did NOT get impression at all.
Load More Replies...
Theresa SilentCrow 3 years ago
You are legally entitled to an IEP any time you want one. If the child has special needs it is the law they MUST have at least one IEP a school year. Keep pushing, it's your right and with ADA, it's the law.
Coral 3 years ago
Special Ed teacher here... I don't agree with the school's course of action but you are confusing qualifying for an IEP with an IEP meeting. Once you qualify for an IEP, yes, you have an IEP meeting yearly and whenever an IEP team member requests one. The school cannot legally deny a request for a Special Education evaluation, nor can they deny a student an IEP solely based on their age. They must assess and evaluate and the school psychologist reviews the assessments to see if they qualify. Something is definitely amiss in this story. For anyone not familiar with the jargon an IEP is an Individualized Education Plan for a student with any one of 13 qualifying disability types that impact their education. Not everyone with a disability requires an IEP. Not at all saying this child doesn't, just trying to share some information. This story and many of these are heartbreaking and I hope they can talk to the appropriate people or switch schools to get the help they need.
Load More Replies...
Heather Lambie 3 years ago
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the behaviour really got worse when her “ proffered” child ( a daughter) was born?🤔
Charlotte Grace 3 years ago (edited)
Yup took years before public school tried in the slightest and we actually got IEPs and teacher aide hours for the eldest. The number of times I've had to hold him screaming and crying so he didn't hurt anyone else or himself.... He's 13 now. Deeply traumatised from public school. We're getting there slowly since starting homeschooling, but I've still had to call the police on him once.
Mandy Kat 3 years ago
Ah, yes, the old “wE cAn’T dIaGnOsE a FiVe YeAr oLd, It’S tOo YoUnG” excuse. That’s not actually accurate- if the quality of the child’s life is severely impacted by the behavior/disability, then YES, a thorough psychological assessment and diagnosis can be made by a psychologist. That the school tells you he is “too young” for an IEP is also untrue- if your child is in preschool you can request an IFSP. If he is in Kindergarten, then you need to formally request an IEP in writing, send it to the teachers and principal and everyone who interacts with your child at the school. They MUST respond to your request. If the school continues to give you the run around, seek out help from a special education attorney or legal advocate. Then you will miraculously see doors open. Good Luck,
Karen Lyon 3 years ago
Um. I am an educator. I know plenty of five-year-olds who have an IEP. I have sat in on IEPs for kids who are in preschool and will be in Transitional Kindergarten (kids who will be 5 between September 2, 2022 and February 2, 2023 -- in California.) Three times in the last few months, in fact. Something's not right here. Either the district is horrible or she isn't telling the whole story.
EJN 3 years ago
I assume that a doctor is involved in this care for the child, but he needs some better help now. Find a new doctor, counsellor or whatever if it is someone who can stand behind you and help you force the school into providing an IEP and getting the child the help he needs. I have a daughter who when she was young was a rage type and as a parent you feel that the day after day trying to get through the tantrums/rages/problems keep taking away more and more of your life energy and you don't know how you are going to make it through tomorrow. You need help. I ended up with 20+ years of counselling to help me and my daughter has improved with age, but yes, honestly speaking, it was hell. Please get help wherever you can find it.
Shannon Wood 3 years ago
My son had an IEP in place when he was four. My granddaughter had one at three. Sounds like either the rules are different in your state, or the school is just trying to find excuses.
Jennifer Potter 1 year ago (edited)
But if that were totally true, what if you were contracepted? These issues are waaay more complex than a single option - and there is no way of knowing or assessing these kinds of troubles ahead of time. Many with in-womb tests DONT grow up to be/have the condition that they had tested positive for, or were able to be coached despite it. One problen is separating the idea of pregnancy from sex - it obviously follows, even if "regular precautions" are taken, and all human souls deserve a chance once concieved
Load More Replies...
Cheryl Mayfield 3 years ago
There are option of the school district won’t evaluate your son. You can file due process or request an Independent Educational Evaluation . Please reach out to a parent advocacy group in your state.
#20
God help me, but I really do not like my son. He's boorish, self-aggrandizing, and prone to pulling together two or three disparate things that have most recently come up in conversation and then crafting them into an absurd anecdote or lie. He has, since even the time when he was a tiny child, routinely let things tumble out of his mouth that mortify me. He's nearly 25 now, thank fuck, but for the entirety of his school years I would go to parent/teacher conferences and watch the same sequence play out, again-and-again... I would meet the teacher, we would shake hands and I would already be able to make out the look of disgust on their face. Their expression would so obviously be "Oh, so this is the prick who formed this little asshole's personality, huh?" Then, as they would spend time with me and realize that I appeared to be an ok human being, they would begin unspooling to me every shitty/awful thing he had said to them and the other kids in his class. One time, my lily-white son was trying to get the attention of a little girl who sat beside him and, when she didn't jump to quick enough for him, he said "Excuse me, BLACK GIRL, may I have your attention?" We tried immersing him with loving, inclusive groups at school, at our church, and any hobby/sport/interest that came along that he showed enthusiasm for... He was never invited to a classmate's birthday party more than once... Worst of all? He continually sees himself as a victim. It's not that the shitty things he says to people are the problem... It's that they are too simple to understand how he really means them. They are simply too stupid to realize how awesome/brilliant/cool he is... Oh, it makes me sad. It truly does. I hate him and he won't go away.
Tara Raay 3 years ago (edited)
Narcissistic people aren’t any parents fault. He’s 25, cut him off.
Pamela Blue 3 years ago
Sounds very much like Narcissistic Personality Disorder. There really isn't going to be much you can do with him, at 25, I'm afraid. These types tell lies to get what they want, and play the victim quite a lot. If you argue with them, they will turn it back on you that you caused them to feel this way. Cutting him loose is going to be your only hope of sanity.
D Larntz Case 3 years ago
And I really did think I was the only parent experiencing all that you’ve just described. It’s been 26 years of being abused by my child. Some days I just want to sleep…
Cybele Spanjaard 3 years ago
He sounds as if he could be a high level narcissist and sadly he will only get more cunning to reach his own inflated self image. There are so many childhood mental and emotional illnesses that usually create the future dangerous people. It has always been that way since man began. I feel deeply for every caring parent and those with severely disabled are the bravest people.
Jane Hower 6 months ago
Wow, hearing all these stories I realize how truly BLESSED I was with the son I raised, AND even the one I gave up for adoption but found years later. Both are upstanding fine men, good husbands and fathers. Sadly my first born has passed - he is the one I got to raise.
Dawn Birdsong Olmsted 3 years ago
Kid could be on the autism spectrum. Ask the psychiatrist about the possibility of Asperger’s syndrome. (Look it up, watch a few videos) What made me think of this as a possibility is him saying others are too stupid to understand how brilliant he is. He’s actually right, Aspirs are so brilliant few understand them, and their poor social skills mean no one wants to stick around to find out. (From a mom of two aspies myself.
#21
Ok. I read through the other answers and am going to give this my two cents, even tough I am the child and not the parent. This has come up after many years in therapy, mostly classical psychoanalysis. My mother does not like me because she never got attached to me at birth. A year before my twin sister and I were born, our parents had triplets who all died after a few days. Untreated trauma followed. I was born nearly suffocated and poorly, so my mother, wanting to protect herself from more trauma, never attached to me. She did however to my twin sister who was born healthy and thrived. Years went by and this initial lack of attached turned into resentment or dislike during my childhood because by the time we were eight years old, our parents were divorced, and I physically resembled my dead-beat father. This only worsened during my teenage years as I was beginning to act up years of neglect and became depressed. She disliked the signs of her own doing neglectful parenting and lack of love in me. I remind her of that. Ever since we have pretended to get along, but the relationship is never really there. I am a mother of two myself now and have taken all of this on board trying to do better. I am also trying to understand her. That ultimately this was not her fault.
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
Wow.. this sounds like my mother in law. My husband was born with a major staph infection and he nearly died in the hospital. She told me that she wouldn't go visit him in the hospital because she didn't want to get attached in case she lost him. That really explained so much to me about their dynamic. My mom lost her first child at 2 days old and the hospital never let her see him or hold him and that tormented her until the day she died.
Winter Eleven 3 years ago
People should go to therapy like once a year at least just to check if something might be wrong. Like the dentist, just an annual checkup
Elizabeth Elliot 3 years ago
I hope your husband and kids appreciate your strength of character!
Diane Knight 3 years ago
Some of these stories beg the question"why didn't the parents get professional help for themselves?" I compare it to a car. If it was brand new and it had some issues, the dealership can check it out and adjust the 'thing' to get it running well. if it's a matter of 'maintenance' then go talk to a professional to get back on track, like an oil change or rotating the tires. A car doesn't run 10-15 years without some needs that are done. We are very similar too, recharge the batteries. It's less about being 'nuts' and more about finding answers or strategies to move forward with resources to better the situation. A car needs help to run well, we need help to run well, too.
Tim Crowhurst 1 year ago
No, ultimately this was her fault. She didn't choose to be unable to bond with you, but she did choose to abuse you. There is a very important distinction between the two.
Nalana Phillips 1 year ago
I was born prematurely and my father never even came to see me. Though he got me in the custody battle because my grandmother paid someone off. He resented me every day of my life up until I left and disowned that entire family. They never let me forget how much they didn't want me up until that point so I understand what she went through.
#22
Dear God, where do I start? Mine is a lying, manipulative user who sucks up every amount of goodwill and charity from people before she turns on them. She is either unwilling or incapable of doing ANYTHING for herself, yet she treats every functioning adult as if they're stupid and have no idea what they're talking about. She lives for instant gratification and is unable to see more than about ten seconds in the future. When that complete lack of motivation and foresight ends up with entirely predictable consequences, she blames everyone around her for conspiring against her. She got pregnant right after graduating high school and moving out. Upon delivery, she wanted nothing to do with the baby. My wife and I were the ones who took it home from the hospital and have been raising it. Our daughter treats her own child like a plaything and only sees it rarely to show off for people. Otherwise, she's not around. She recently started a fairly long stint in jail. My wife has been sending her about $50 a week for phone calls and commissary. We found out she's been collecting similar amounts from lots of other people, claiming nobody has been helping her.
Azure Adams 3 years ago
Adopt your grandbaby and close the adoption. Cut off the daughter and go full no contact.
Izzy Curer 3 years ago
'They' also might not want to share too much personal information over the internet, you never know
Load More Replies...
Bernadette Ezakovich 3 years ago
You have just descirbed my daughter, who was diagnosed as a sociopath who has no empathy for other humans.Everyone has cut her off. She has two kids who are going t end up in the system because no one will have naything to do with her and she neglects her kids (they dont pay her enough attention)
Elizabeth Elliot 3 years ago
I was just going to comment that she sounded sociopathic; it must be the worst thing in the world to be parent to a sociopath - I hope you can help her kids!
Load More Replies... Lakota Wolf 3 years ago
Thank goodness the granddaughter is going to have a better chance than she would have with her mother!
Marian Moore 3 years ago
She will suck you dry. I lived that myself. It was an ex-husband who was sent to prison and I almost bankrupted myself sending him money I couldn't afford. I was a single mom when I met him. I finally got smart when he got out and got another woman pregnant. I divorced him. He is back in prison for rape. I hope he rots where he is. I was an idiot for to long, not anymore. I realized I was not taking care of homelife with my kids and that's when I cut him out. Your daughter won't change either. Cut her loose.
María Hermida 3 years ago
You were not an idiot. These people are manipulative, and they can manipulate even psychiatrists. They can choose their victims very well and use your "weak" points (goodness, empathy, generosity) to get what they want. You've been strong enough to realise and get rid of him. You are not a victim. You are a survivor. You must be proud of yourself!
Load More Replies... Dre Mosley 3 years ago
Those are the ones you just walk away from. They are beyond hope. These are fundamentally broken people.
Joy Chapman 1 year ago
Please trust me on this. File immediately (only because it is too late to do it yesterday) for full legal custody of the child. Of course, your daughter can visit, but do not let take the child out of your sight. Stop sending her money. I worked in the Georgia prison system for over 25 years. It is one of the least generous of the prison systems and people can survive just fine without ANY financial support. 1800 calories are served every day. Is it food you would love? NO. Can you survive on it? Over 80% of the women inmates in Georgia do with no commissary accounts at all. And all phone calls are collect to the person being called. Put $50 a week in a college fund for the baby. I have seen too many babies being used as pawns by inmates. Take control. Your grandchild deserves better
#23
I dont dislike my kids, but I really do hate the life i have. People say the kids don’t need to change your way of living. But they do. They really do. Everything gets more expensive, you can’t be spontaneous in the same way as before kids etc. There are so much things that are so much harder to do now and I feel so trapped and lonely.
David Henry 3 years ago
All prospective parents should read things like this and all the other examples first. No more of these bright bubbly cheerfully worded parenting books. Show them the other side, how dark and bad it can get, and how sometimes the lifestyle itself ends up not being for you but unlike a bad career move, that move can't be undone. Even if you put it towards adoption you've given them a memory of the family who didn't want them. Sometimes it isn't the kids or parents fault. Sometimes it's the fact we f*****g gaslight parents into thinking it'll def even out and be wonderful.
Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
If your own parents have ever said the words, "just wait until you have kids" and some variation thereof, THAT should be an eye-opening RED FLAG to you to do some serious research about what it's really like.
Load More Replies...
Tamra Stiffler 3 years ago
Who told this guy that kids don't change the way you live?? They change everything - that's just how it is.
Zobi123 3 years ago
Right?! I knew that before I became a parent. Doesn't everyone know that??
Load More Replies... Katinka Min 3 years ago
Who on earth says Kids don't need to change your way of living??? That is the biggest bull I've ver heard. Kids change everything! For about two decades.
Elizabeth Elliot 3 years ago
You have to shift gears and change your perspecive when you have kids. Anyone who says 'Having children didn't change me" has a nanny.
Linnea Jacobson 3 years ago
Who are these idiots who say that kids don't have to change your way of life? Can someone please tell me who these people are, so I know who to avoid taking any kind of advice from, ever?
B Jean the Jelly Bean 3 years ago
Somehow I just can't bring myself to feel sorry for you. You used "kids" as in multiple children. Why did n't you stop after having ONE? Life is only as happy as YOU make it. It's not your kids fault it's yours.
GramDB 3 years ago
Please get counseling. I wanted and adored all my 4 children… I had a hard but good time raising them. But it didn't really hit me how much until I lost one at 8 months old … how much I really did treasure them. Some people should not ever give birth … some are meant to be a parent. Decide and stick to it!
Patricia Howard 2 years ago (edited)
Maybe try being a little less selfish? Seriously tho why did you have children if your incapable of being selfless and loving? Unbelievable wow. Grow up and stop whining.
#24
While my problems aren't as serious as some of yours, I do resent my son. I fell pregnant when I while taking birth control. My husband and I had sworn that we wouldn't have kids, but kept this baby. He fell ill when he was a baby, and it ended costing thousands in bills and caused a lifetime of developmental problems. We treat him as if he is normal, don't tell him why he goes to his therapies, and to anyone who meets him they have no idea that there is anything wrong.
He has put a great strain on what was once a very good relationship. My husband and I were together for 4 years before having him. We rarely fought. After having him, we fight all the time. My husband works long hours to try and pay off all of the medical bills, which leaves me to basically be a single parent. We don't speak to my in laws because they tried to use my son as a pawn to make my husband hate me.
I love my son. I bust my a*s trying to give him a normal life. But I hate what he has done to the relationship I had with my husband. I hate the stress that his illnesses have put on my life.
Kathi Schäffer 3 years ago
I get that you're feeling this way. Also, we can't just turn off our feelings. And anger/hate is a feeling. I hope things get better for your family! ♥️
Id row 3 years ago
If you knew you didn't want kids, why didn't your husband get a vasectomy? Why is birth control always on the woman?
Cody Downs 2 years ago
One thing is birth control is just a pill and not permanent
Load More Replies...
LagoonaBlueColleen 3 years ago
Such a copout to blame a baby for relationship woes. Their baby did nothing to them but exist, and they're the ones who brought their baby into existence. An illness is out of the baby's control. Be mad at the illness.
Monday 3 years ago
It would be simple if it worked like that, but we can't always control how we feel.
Load More Replies...
Katinka Min 3 years ago
The main stress here seems to be the lack of decent health care. I'm guessing this is the US?
Azure Adams 3 years ago
When you are childfree and committed, you need much more than a pill. You need a snip. That is all on you. You chose to forgo your own agency of choice
JillyMack 3 years ago
It's not that easy to get the snip! My husband and I were definitely done having kids by the time we were 28. He couldn't get the snip because they insisted he was too young and had to wait until he was 35.
Load More Replies...
Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
I'll say it again, and again, and again because too many people need to hear it! If you are a person that KNOWS you never want kids, then why do you not get the surgery to ensure that cannot happen? If you are a couple, then you should both get it to double ensure it won't happen.
Shawna Burt 2 years ago
"We treat him as if he is normal, don't tell him why he goes to his therapies, and to anyone who meets him they have no idea that there is anything wrong." This is absolutely the wrong way to do things. He has every right to know what is being done to him and why.
Jennifer Potter 1 year ago (edited)
Oh my goodness yes. One cant manage a situation and deny it at the same time, one side always ends up taking over the other. I get the pain and how hard it is to speak the truth when you are learning how to live it. But pretending some elements of reality dont exist will just suck all of your energy away, and deprive your child of learning how to accept and cope with all angles of life, not just the easy ones. I wish that your poor heart and soul gets therapy, too, because living with behavioral differences is a full time job, let alone when trying to straddle the social fence - oh I wish you love and relief and somewhere/someone to truly share your burdens with...
Load More Replies... Diane Knight 3 years ago
When a couple chooses to be childless, I can't understand why, why, why there was no permanent procedure done! So much of the time, there's an 'opps' occurance. I had a baby bro that came along long after the rest of us.(we were 4 teenagers ) Funny thing was that we were NOT the only family that this happen to in our town, like 3-5 other families that were my classmates that had baby bros or sisters (one family had one of each, as in twins.) It was joked that the ground water had something to do with it, ha ha. But it just that women while in perimenopause can and do have odd cycles and can 'throw ' an egg out of the 'rhythm' method window. My cousin had this happen to her too. She has a caboose after her other children.
B Jean the Jelly Bean 3 years ago
First....you act as though your son did something purposely to ruin your relationship with your husband. Second.... Quit feeling sorry for yourself and put your big girl panties on and deal with it. Your son is going to hate himself because you blame him for your unhappiness!
Masen Silas 3 years ago
Eh... but not telling your kid WHY hes in therapy, like its shameful, like he HAS to be "normal" Nah...
#25
My ex had a severely autistic brother. Non verbal except for humming which he would do 24/7. My ex liked to pretend her parents loved her brother but it was super obvious they divorced because of him. They fought tooth and nail on who would keep their normal daughter and who would keep their autistic son. They both wanted her.
#26
I realized it recently, in therapy.
It's not really them, per se. I realized about myself that I dislike children, period. That said, the presence of my kids in my life 24/7 has led to a great deal of resentment under the surface that I am now finally in touch with, which means now I'm also trying to deal with the guilt of feeling this way about the people I brought into this world.
I want - desperately - to be able to get in my car and drive to Alaska back just because I can. But I can't. I want to be able to have something called a "quiet weekend", assuming there is such a thing. I want to have money in the bank, better prospects for career advancement, the ability to take a risk like starting my own business. But I can't. I need the stable paycheck so that I can keep food on the table for the people in my house who took my wife away from me.
Meanwhile, my oldest is consistently lying to my face, my oldest two are constantly at war with each other over stupid shit, my third is special needs, I've got two in diapers, and this was all stuff that my wife and I walked into thinking it would be wonderful.
Worst of all: for her, it is wonderful, and that makes me the bad guy for having these feelings, since I'm obviously just being incredibly selfish.
You know what? She's right. I do feel like the bad guy for having these feelings, and I do feel like I'm being selfish, but I can't just snap my fingers and make these feelings go away.
I'm just hoping that one day, these children will grow up and get out of my house so I can have my wife back, assuming they don't take her out first.
Emma London 3 years ago (edited)
It's fairly common to people to expect a joyous family life and then it's a huge disappointment when the parental joy of spending time with our kids doesn't come. It doesn't help that the perfect parenthood myth has grown to a such a huge proportion that any resentment towards your kids or even wanting to be sometimes away from them is a huge tabu. So most parents just bite their tongue and bear it, thinking that it's normal thing to do. (It's not. Nuclear family is a recent concept, family units tended to larger and it was common to share parental duties and even give kids to relatives and childless couples to raise if things got too complicated.)
kansasmagic 2 years ago
Lot of truth in this statement. As an experienced parent, the one certain thing I know about children is that they are their own people. They are not clones of their parents and will not act like you expect them to just because that's how you acted as a child, or because you fantasized some kind of spontaneously perfect life with them. It's a lot of f*****g work, and often the only "reward" you get is useless advice from people who have no idea what you are living with.
Load More Replies... 
necessary cephalopod 3 years ago
This is why people need to educate themselves on the realities of parenting (and parents need to stop upselling kids!). Being a parent means being in 24-hour servitude to another human for a minimum 18 years.
Zobi123 3 years ago
Yeah but...OP has at least three children. Surely he figured out that he didn't really like kids after the first?
Load More Replies...
Tim Pierce 3 years ago
I think I would likely feel the same way you do if I was in this situation. I don't care for kids. Still, I can say you can still be a good father without wanting to be one, and I think you should take a sense of pride in doing the right thing.
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
Yeah, I mean... Anyone can feel regret for what you can't have (we've got twin toddlers and it's considerably harder to get someone to watch them then it was with their older sister, simply because there's two of them, and we barely get time for us), but he AGREED in some way to having FIVE children with his wife! That's his responsibility, even if she is the one who wants to have more and more babies!
Load More Replies... aj B 3 years ago
You aren't the bad guy for feeling this way. Just because you have kids doesn't mean you shouldn't still have time as a couple. It isn't selfish to have your own emotional and mental needs either. That kind of thought process is exactly what caused the massive issues with toxic masculinity. "You're a man so you can't have a need for emotional connection". NO! Yes that many kids is going to make time together Difficult, however Difficult and Impossible are Not the same thing. Talk to your wife about setting aside some time for just the two of you, hire a babysitter once a month for the children young enough to need it and go on a date night. Please, don't beat yourself up for having emotional needs as well or think that makes you somehow the bad guy.
T Lee Mac 3 years ago
Exactly. Even when hubby and I were broke our date night was a couple coffees to go and a long walk or sitting in the car at a park and just talking. Just enjoying being alone together for that hour or two. Dates don’t have to be expensive. It’s about getting that little bit of one on one time.
Load More Replies...
Paul Z. 3 years ago (edited)
So glad I don't have kids. Don't like em, don't want em, don't have em. And yes. Quiet weekends exist. Definitely!
Zobi123 3 years ago
See, even people without children realize how much work they are! I have two kids, I knew they would be hard work, and they are. I just don't understand parents (of children without special needs) who are shocked at how much their lives change after having kids. I knew exactly what I was giving up when I decided to have children.
Load More Replies... Suzy the observer 3 years ago
Therapy will help him but I doubt his wife will ever find her way back to him.
Darlene Thorne 3 years ago
So if you realized you don't like kids why did you have, what 5? It takes two to have kids buddy. Stop resenting them, you sound like a spoiled child. How about manning up and becoming the father they never had? Maybe their problems are because of you?
#27
I love my oldest son, but I don't like him. He's a compulsive liar and a self centered narcissist.
Anna Tribe 3 years ago
I went no contact for a couple of years then she came and said she needed her mum as her relationship was over. So I invited her in and we drank tea then I started putting my clean clothes away. She got furious, said very little of my clothes suited me and proceeded to throw out 95% of my clothes. She even took them to the junkyard. Then she started complaining about every little thing and nothing I ever did was good enough and she made me feel like I would rather kill myself than her torturing me all the time. So no contact again for a year. Then she told me she was pregnant and needed me. Under the 2 years we didn't speak I'd been shaving my hair totally bald because I was sick of my hair falling out. She was mad at me. I was ugly. I decided to let it grow out and about 2 months later she came to visit and she had bought an electric razor to shave my head. Told her no because I wanted to grow it. Again she got really angry with me. No contact again.
Bexx 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 3 years ago
I’m so sorry you have to deal with that :( no contact sounds like the best option for your mental health!
Load More Replies... Tara L. 1 year ago (edited)
It's hard to feel sorry for parents of narcissist kids. My sister is a raging narcissist & my parents made the monster. She was the spoiled golden child, never disciplined, given anything she wanted, etc. Lies about everything and everyone. Now they cry & are upset because she's an entitled adult who has screaming meltdowns every time she thinks she isn't getting enough attention from them. They think they were great parents & can't understand what went wrong with her 🙄. Narcissists are made.
Anna Tribe 3 years ago
I love my middle daughter but I don't like her. She is a bully and a liar and I believe she has histrionic personality disorder. She constantly tells me what I can do or what I should be doing. 1 she absolutely hates being reminded of me being disabled and need to use a walker. One day I was taking a taxi till town so I could get my meds from the pharmacy and she wanted to meet at the café for lunch after I was done and I thought OK. I'll leave my walker outside so she didn't have to see it. On the way to town she called me to say she had an early lunch and needed to meet me before the pharmacy. OK. I was hoping she would be be waiting in the café for me but she was outside waiting for my taxi. The second she saw my walker she stormed off into the cafe and I followed her. She ignored me for 20 minutes before I gave up and called for a taxi. Seconds after leaving she started sending abusive messages. That I'd embarrassed her by having my walker and lots of that.
#28
I have two children, my eldest son was diagnosed with autism on the day my second son was born. My second son was then diagnosed with CP at nine months so it was overall a pretty sh**ty time for us. We resented our youngest for a while because we felt that if he wasn't born, then we would have been able to focus more on the eldest and his autism would have probably not as severe as it is now. But we let those feelings go some time ago. He is a wonderful younger brother and is doing very well. Our eldest son is also doing well and we can see that he has potential and it is up to us to unlock it. For us the mistake was never that we had children but rather that we were not educated/informed enough to make the right choices which could have prevented a lot of the issues we had during after pregnancy.
Tilly 3 years ago
Autism can't be fixed or lessened! I think (hope) they probably meant their eldest son would be able to deal better with the effects of his autism, but their lack of focus on it wouldn't have made it more "severe".
Melanie Burlock 3 years ago
I think maybe they mean he didn’t get the attention/intervention which would have helped to provide him with essential coping skills.
Load More Replies...
#29
I love my kids dearly, but there are definitely times I don't like them in the moment. My son has ADHD and maybe a bit on the aspie spectrum (never been evaluated for it but there's things that make me suspicious) and there are some times when he is ridiculously loud, invasive, obnoxious, disrespectful, etc. and seems literally incapable of stopping himself from doing it, or noticing that he's been asked to knock it off, or applying anything he's been told to the next time a similar situation comes up to not get in trouble again for the exact same thing. Then he acts like we're being unreasonable if we get upset or impose consequences for things like continuing to repeat the same loud, inappropriate statement after being clearly told to stop multiple times.
I know he wants to be a good person and cares about others for the most part, but when it comes to actually implementing these things, sometimes he just can't, and between just being annoyed and frustrated with him and feeling at fault for whatever imaginary failing must have existed in my parenting (or more likely his bio dad's genetics) to make him like this, there are times I can hardly stand him.
Still, I'm his mom and I love him and I'm never going to give up on him unless absolutely necessary to prevent harm to myself or my other kids, if he ever gets as bad as his father was about certain things. As more people get vaccinated and we are closer to the "end" of the pandemic, I'm going to start looking for a therapist with some experience with these things.
Gracie Mae 3 years ago
I think one of the most potent things I've ever said to any of my children (aside from "I'm not mad, I'm disappointed") was once while during a rough time with one, I said, "I love you, but I don't like you right now" & I walked away. I think that hit almost as hard as a slap to the face.
Kristen Drake 3 years ago
Have him evaluated for Tourette’s syndrome if he seems unable to control loud, inappropriate outbursts.
Holly Bee 3 years ago
I would definitely get a full psych workup. Test for everything. It will help, at least point you in the right direction.
T Lee Mac 3 years ago
A psycho-educational analysis can really help with this. It includes full academic testing with the psych evaluation. The school board helped pay for it to be done when our oldest was 6. We already had the OCD and ADHD diagnosis but this added his Asperger’s and ODD diagnosis to it. He at 6 had the emotional level of a 2 yr old and could read and do math at an 11 yr old’s level. All that trapped on the body of a boy in grade one. It made it easier to u sweat and why he’s like that but there’s no follow up for the parents on how to deal with it except being taught proper restraints to use for his outbursts where he was a threat to himself or others.
Load More Replies...
NonbinaryIdiot 2 years ago
Oh my god I think I have ADHD. I do this! And I don’t even realize that it’s happening until I get yelled at!
Gina Foote 3 years ago
My daughter was this way she has Adhd and we took her off the medications that had amphetamines in it (5 different medications iver the years and nothing helped) until we tries Jornay PM and took her off the adderall and medications that had amphetamines in it
#30
Not a parent, not my kid, but I've been forced into the role of parent and I can't help but hate him. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years, I love him dearly and our relationship has always been great. We're young, 23 and 22. Last year his mother passed away unexpectedly due to complications with surgery. He has a younger half brother who is 17 so he needs a guardian for one more year, can't be too bad right? Wrong. He is a slob. 17 years old and almost 400 pounds. He eats everything. Literally everything. We decide to have tacos, so we cook up enough meat to have plenty of left overs for the next day, we tell him not to eat it all. Wake up the next morning, it's all gone. A normal person shouldn't eat this much! We still have taco fixings left so we'll have tacos again later on right? Nope, he decides to eat all the queso, just plain from the jar with a spoon and lies about it when confronted. We have to physically go into his room and make him bring out all the dirty dishes to wash or we won't have enough clean dishes. I know he's going through a rough time (he's eating habits have been like this forever though) so I try to do nice things, once a grocery store visit I pick up a nice little snack to have in the house. Popcorn seems safe right? Nope, all 8 bags gone in two days. I bought a two litter once trying to be nice, he drunk it all in an hour. He goes to school, he has decent grades, he's turned down therapy multiple times. He comes home from school and plays LoL all day, I have to threaten to take away his computer to get him to do anything around the house to help out. He eats, sleeps, and plays video games. We have to threaten to take away the computer to get him to shower. He's not interested in picking up any hobbies. We've tried to include him in so much, I've given up taking him places. I can't stand one more time of finally getting a chance to go somewhere I've been wanting to go, like the zoo for example. We take him a long and he seems happy to go. But once we get there it's just whining about how hot it is, how far he has to walk, how animals are dumb, how he's hungry, how he'd rather be at home. And then the drive home is just him trying to convince us to go to every fast-food restaurant we pass. I feel like a bad person for resenting the guy, I know he's going through a lot with his mom's passing and maybe I'm selfish, but I hate the strain he's put on me and my boyfriend both mentally and financially. We're young, were trying to pay for college and a house and take care of our selves. We can't keep affording to feed him on these habits. I've started taking to setting his portion of food aside from the rest of the meal but it doesn't matter, after we go to bed he'll devour the left overs. I can't begin to tell you how nice it would be to have an actual left over night, but we can't, we have to cook every night. I can't deal with his shinning and crying if he's computer is taken away or how we've "ruined his day/life" He's just so ungrateful it drives me crazy. We've basically put our lives on hold for the next year to make sure he has a normal last year of high school and he's such an ungrateful brat. He's always been spoiled and given his way while growing up. "He's a growing boy" "he's just a kid" No, he's 17 years old and acts like a 12 year old because all you people have babied him his whole life. You've set him up for failure. I don't have it bad, I know. I'm only in this for one year and it could be so much worse, I just really needed to get that off my chest. So many other people in here have it so much worse, I can't imagine what it's like for most of the posters here.
Lakota Wolf 3 years ago
I would, at the least, put a lock on the fridge and the cabinets that contain food. Provide the half-brother with healthier options that are always available, like fruit. Obviously meals should still be provided… but he needs to be restricted from the ability to eat everything else, as he cannot restrain himself.
Broad Panda 3 years ago
This is coping with grief, turned to full on depression and food addiction. Counseling/ therapy ASAP.
Lakota Wolf 3 years ago (edited)
OP mentions that the poor eating habits started prior to his mother’s death. He may be coping with his grief by eating, but his obesity started long before his mother passed away. OP also mentions that the brother has refused therapy multiple times.
Load More Replies...
Elvira Dirge 3 years ago
I find myself wondering what the end of the year holds. Is the kid going away to college? Are they being kicked out? Is there another plan? It doesn't sound like he's prepping for getting a job and living in his own. I'm just curious is all.
Nicky 3 years ago
Gastric bypass surgery and fecal transplants work wonders for many obese people. The latter changes the gut microbiota and suddenly overweight patients lose weight since they now have the gut flora of a healthier-weight person. It sounds weird but it actually works.
Lakota Wolf 3 years ago
No. Reducing calorie intake below your base metabolic rate and exercising works. Not inserting the gut flora of a person of normal weight. Those bacteria aren’t somehow going to burn calories for you. You don’t “suddenly lose weight” as an obese person after a fecal transplant. You have to stop overeating.
Load More Replies...
Parenting can be incredibly challenging, especially when faced with unique circumstances and behavioral complexities. Stories like the one shared in the heartfelt tribute to a father with Down Syndrome remind us of the profound strength and resilience that can emerge in family bonds, even amid difficulties.
For those looking to understand the emotional depth behind such experiences, exploring reflections on families raising children with developmental differences can offer meaningful context and inspiration: a moving narrative about overcoming adversity.
#31
I can say there was a brief period in time where I disliked my youngest. I need to say I loved him and would have given up my life life for him but I did not like him. He was preteen and was trying to test the limits of our parenting and would question and/or resist EVERYTHING! It was a trying time but now (17) he is probably my best friend and we enjoy being together and working on project around the house.
Chucky Cheezburger 3 years ago
That's kinda what kids do at that age. I'm pretty sure I was a little turd between the ages of 13 to 17, but I think I turned out an imperfect yet decent person.
#32
I love my daughter. I really, really love her. It's not her I resent - it's the situation I am in. I am 23 years old. My daughter's violent father is in prison for crimes against me, and her (I live in the UK, so he only got seven years - one count of rape, one count of sexual assault of a child under 13, he'll be out when he's served HALF of that). She's 22 months old, was 3 months old when he was arrested. She's a blissfully happy child - but she's been living with my sister and her husband for 9 months as I've been struggling to cope with the situation. I've tried to kill myself, I self-harm, I'm on a lot of medication. My beautiful little girl is coming back to live with me at the end of the year - and I am terrified. I have her on my own every weekend and some weeknights, and stay at my mother's every week with her so I have some support. But I don't know what to do. I feel trapped when she's around. She looks so much like her father and having her with me is a constant, painful reminder of it all. She adores me and is very clingy when we're together (totally natural, but I find it suffocating). The guilt and shame is crushing and I struggle with the most basic of things. I have no money (I had to leave my job and am on disability benefits, what Americans call welfare... my current income is less than just my rent and my savings are almost gone). What do I do? I just want the ground to open up and swallow me so I don't have to face this. I can't be honest about my feelings to family, or friends. They just want me to 'get better' so I can take my daughter home and everything can be all sunshine and roses. It won't be. I wish I was dead.
Tilly 3 years ago
It's very difficult to get help for mental illness from the NHS, even after suicide attempts - sadly, there's just not enough money put in for adequate provision.
Load More Replies... 
Heather Lambie 3 years ago
Please, please call a help line!! Just talking to someone in the phone who will listen and not judge will make you feel at least a smidge better….. 💔
#33
Sibling here. My mom has told me she flat-out hates my sister — she just has zero patience for her c**p. I honestly don't blame her because my sister is 21 but behaves like she's still 16. She's very dramatic, self-centered, fake, rude, and especially abusive toward family members.
#34
I can answer on behalf of my parents as I have been first handed informed by them why. Mom was certified barren. She did not have her period until after she had me. My dad asked her to abort me as I was unplanned. She refused as her religion forbade abortions. My dad refuse to have anything to do with me or be there for her for my birth. So she blames my dad bad treatment of her on my existence. Many times when she fights with my dad, she will blame me for it and say I was the cause of her husband treating her badly. Both my parents have always told me I was a weirdo too. My mom always express her disappointment to me that I wasn't her ideal child physical appearance wise. But yea, basically because she was told she was barren by gynecologists. So in a way, she didn't use protection due to wrong information given by the experts. It wasn't that she was being irresponsible. But she couldn't abort because of her deep belief she would be punished for it in after life, forever in hell or something for committing the sin of abortion. So she resents having to birth me and also suffer her husband's wrath as a result. She said it was my fault my dad stop being loving towards her.
Kathi Schäffer 3 years ago
I'm so sorry. No child should have to hear words like these 🥺 It is most decidedly not your fault!
Victor Botha 3 years ago
So this "deeply religious" Christian woman resents and hates her child because her child ruined her life. I füking hate so called Christians who pull this s**t. May this terrible mother burn for all eternity.
#35
Throwaway for obvious reasons. I've struggled with deciding whether to post this, but I'm doing it because I'm hoping someone can offer a word of advice.
I'm a stepparent. My wife has a son from her previous marriage. I'd like to add a little disclaimer before I list the reasons why I dislike/resent him: I'm not a shitty stepparent and actually try hard to be a good one. I "take the hit" in a sense because I'm really not fit for parenting, but I won't allow myself to turn out into a person he will hate later in life.
Like I said, I don't feel like I'm fit for parenting. I don't feel comfortable around children and that includes my stepson. I have a strong feeling that this is because I'm still young and it might change when I grow a bit older... But that's the main reason for my resentment - being responsible for a child makes me feel **old**. While my friends are getting together for parties, trips and whatnot, I'm stuck at home living a life around a school schedule.
It also doesn't help that his personality isn't exactly compatible with mine. I've tried to connect with the kid several times but we're just too different people. I'm introverted and enjoy conversation. My only successful approach with children is trying to teach them stuff or have them talk about stuff they like. My stepson though is more into making messes and speaking nonsense 99% of the time. I just can't connect with that. I don't know how to be one of those fun adults that turns into a child and plays with them.
Another thing that pisses me off is that the kid turns into a total brat on family trips. He complains and whines about everything almost all the time. I don't really feel like traveling with them anymore.
The short periods when he's away with his biological father are so cherished that I wish they'd never end. They allow me to get this glimpse of what life would be like if it were just the Mrs and me.
Someone might ask why I married someone that had a kid, and that's a really good question. As cheesy as this might sound, she is "the one" for me. There's no person I've ever felt so comfortable around and with whom I've connected so well. On top of that, she is very understanding of how I feel about her son... So no, I'm not getting out of that relationship.
Like I said, despite all of that I still make an effort to be a good parent. While I have issues connecting with him, I try to be as supportive as I can, be it helping with homework or encouraging them to partake in activities he enjoys. I also try to teach him good values and that seems to be well received.
lenka 3 years ago
I’m not trying to blame this guy for how he feels. his feelings are valid but I dont understand why you would marry someone with children if you felt this way even if they are ‘the one’. Its selfish and unfair. And that poor kid who probably knows how he feels is stuck knowing his mum chose a man over him.
Nonya Bidness 3 years ago
I'll be honest; I met "the one." He had children. They were good kids, but I wanted no part of it. Needless to say, I'm not in that relationship anymore. I'm now with a man who is fantastic for the most part. We aren't the same on things, and we argue but get over it. He is my best friend. Sometimes I miss what I had, but it's OK and extremely possible and IMPORTANT to be you. Truly you. And by taking on kids you never wanted just to be with someone, you'll never be truly you.
Load More Replies... Broad Panda 3 years ago
Straight up not ready to be a step-parent. It's all very well saying she's "the one", but she and her kid are actually "the two".
iseefractals 3 years ago
The whole point of this thread is for parents to express why they dislike their children. You, are not your children, and this thread should really drive home that fact. Ready has nothing to do with it, some people simply do not like, want or enjoy children and being in a situation where you're around one that already has two competent, loving and attentive parents doesn't exactly do much to change that reality.
Load More Replies... Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 years ago
That's why I would never date a dad no matter how much I like him
Jiminy 3 years ago (edited)
I agree. I only got into a relationship with my partner because the child lives with the mom most time. I couldn't have imagined being a stepmom full time and knew from the beginning I would have been miserable. I am overjoyed when my stepchild arrives, and I am overjoyed when they leave ;)
Load More Replies... Elvira Dirge 3 years ago
In a bit of support the OP, especially since this post was specially meant as a place to vent, step-parenting is not easy. You love their parent and (hopefully) make a conscious decision to love their child, too. You have to accept that child as you met them and don't have much say in how they're raised or who they become. It's an incredibly difficult situation, and I love that everyone's solution is "jUsT dOn'T mArRy tHe LoVe oF yOuR LiFe." Okay, thanks doc.
Lara Verne 3 years ago
His mother probably isn't 'the one'. You don't want kids. If you want to be with her, you have to accept this kid. This is just unfair for your stepson.
necessary cephalopod 3 years ago
What a jerk. He knew his other half had a kid. Had the option of just dating her long term - unconventional, but doable. Chose to live with her, marry her. Now complains about the kid HE CHOSE to take on. The Mrs sounds like real gem too if she's tolerating this b******t toward her child.
#36
Not my child, but my husband's youngest son from his first marriage. I don't hate him, I care very much for him, but he is impossible to like. He's 12, and completely incapable of entertaining himself in any way. If he isn't pacified with television or some other electronic device, he's wandering the house being as loud and obnoxious as possible because bad attention is still attention. If you give him attention or try to find an activity to do together, he'll simply try to use that as a bargaining chip to get something else he wants later.
He will do anything to play video games, and if you allow it, he will play all day without getting dressed or eating. He will also pretend to be sick to stay home from school to play video games. He has a time limit, but will lie and sneak to try to play longer. Taking away these things does no good. He'll continue to be an obnoxious, annoying s**t until he can play again. Sometimes I let him play so he will stop bothering everyone in the house.
He's a chronic bed wetter, so he frequently smells like urine, he's got issues with s******g his pants sometimes too and swears that he has no idea when or how it happens. He's been to numerous doctors and counsellors who tell us to give him fiber. He's been instructed to change out of dirty clothes and put them in the wash, but he won't admit to it. Instead, when he soils his pants, he'll often hide them somewhere until his disgusting cache is discovered and he gets in trouble. His punishment is usually a video game ban, but his behavior never changes. I love my husband more than anything, and his other kids and my kid are no issue at all, just the ok youngest. I feel like a monster.
iseefractals 3 years ago
Buy some earplugs, lock him in his room without any means of entertainment and stop giving into the manipulation. It's reenforcing this bad behavior, so you're causing your own problems here.
Broad Panda 3 years ago
Sounds like a case of no consequences for bad behaviour. But attention for it. A video game ban? Pretty much admits they're being half-arsed about it. Hence the escalation to s******g themself. This pisses me off. Your job as a parent is to turn out a member of society.
necessary cephalopod 3 years ago
Don't be so harsh - video games are clearly what's important to this kid, so removing access is likely the most effective punishment. I had a niece with similar behaviour and it turned out she's on the autism spectrum with ADHD. Her parents were at their wits' end trying to deal without help.
Load More Replies... Liana 3 years ago
While I kind of agree with you, I believe it does not solve the problem, I can see why she does it and I don't judge her.
Load More Replies...
#37
I was with my dad quite a few years back on a mini road trip when he straight up told me that he didn't love my brother anymore. Yeah, flew right past "dislike" and said he just didn't even have any love for him. My brother has put my parents through hell for years, and continues to do so to this day through means of manipulation and selfishness. I haven't spoken to him in nearly 3 years. I know my mom still holds onto the hope that maybe, just maybe he'll turn a corner but it'll never happen. Not now. Still, even though I have no real feelings for him, it was weird to hear my dad drop that bomb on me about my brother. No parent, no matter what, ever wants to lose the love of their child.
#38
I love my child deeply, and generally I like her very much, but right now she's living with me as a young adult in a tiny space. No doubt we don't like each other much lately. She rightly resents the limits in what I was able to provide for her now and as a child, and I wish she could go make young person mistakes somewhere else, and leave me in peace. But we will be ok.
#39
My son is 13, and he is just angry. He mopes around and is only content when he is playing those damned video games. But when we let him play too much he is just horrible afterwards. When I was his age, I was angry too. So, I understand him better than he realizes. He has always been a sweet kid, and I know that he will be again when we get through this. but right now, we just don't have much in common. So, it isn't that I don't like him. He just isn't very pleasant to be around these days.
Lakota Wolf 3 years ago (edited)
By all means, please provide an alternative solution rather than just s******g on the parent for allowing their child do the only activity they seem to enjoy/want to do. I’m not justifying it or saying they’re doing the right thing, but I’m not sitting over here judging what they’re doing. It’s easy to s**t on others, but maybe try to be sympathetic and empathic rather than simply commenting snarkily on their parenting techniques. As an aside, I imagine the 13-year-old is equally, if not more, horrible when he is not allowed to play video games. Just my theory, though.
Load More Replies... #40
Well, I have to differentiate "liking" your kid vs loving your kid. I definitely love my teenage daughter, but I also definitely don't "like" her (right now).
My daughter is an only child and has ADHD (diagnosed, meds, etc). She's also extremely smart. And like many (most?) teenagers, she's quite narcissistic. So it's a tough combo - She doesn't want to be around us, mistrusts us, has all of these fantasies about what terrible things we would do in various situations (that never transpire), absolutely refuses to learn anything from us (such as how to drive), or share in her life in any way (such as pleading with us not to attend her softball games). Other stuff as well. She says she doesn't hate us, but in practice she effectively does.
Of course, I don't blame her - We didn't get the ADHD diagnosed until last year so it's been messing things up for a while. Looking back, had we understood her ADHD we definitely would have parented her differently, which I feel terrible about now.
I also know that because her brain/maturity is underdeveloped, that eventually she'll come around and treat us better when she's old. So our current suffering is just "temporary" (as in a few more years).
But do I like the situation, or do I like her? No I can't say that I do, not right now. Mostly I want to get this phase over with, have her move on to college (presumably) such that I don't have to deal directly with her every day.
#41
I knew someone who obviously disliked her daughter because the child didn’t meet unrealistic expectations: Fix the parent’s life, be convenient, share the same interests, be entertaining, etc. The more disappointed and regretful the mom got, the more she needed to justify her disdain for her daughter, so the regret became replaced with overt dislike based on made-up reasons.
#42
I love my children dearly, but I don't like them a lot of the time. I don't feel as connected to them as I think I should anymore. For the first few years of their life, I was almost the sole care provider, but once they gained some coordination, became 'interesting,' and arguably more durable, their father started taking a more active role. And both times, my relatively well-behaved, moderately quiet children changed. I accept that wrestling, play fighting, and pranks are a thing — but now there's so much attitude, and screaming, and entitlement. When I stopped being able to be the fun parent, my sway over them ended, and I feel guilty as all hell that I can only stand being with them together for limited periods of time — I low-key dread family activities. I don't want to roughhouse like their father; I can't handle the yelling, screaming, and the damn high-pitched squealing. They are completely different when they're away from their father and sibling. It took a long time to accept the people they are becoming. I'm waiting until being the more conventionally useful parent is a good thing to them again.
#43
I feel like an a*s because there parents in this thread with horrible problems and here I am disliking my son because he's a rude, inconsiderate little s**t half the time. I don't know what happened to my sweet little boy, only that he disappeared into a fog of whining selfishness.
Elvira Dirge 3 years ago
I remember feeling like that with my first son. He's a wonderful kiddo now. Try to stay patient and be honest with him about how those things make you and others (and ultimately himself) feel. Give him tools and words to respond differently. They aren't going to know unless we teach them.
#44
I love my children to death, and I would never go back if I could. But I absolutely feel it is normal to have a moment here or there where you're not too thrilled to be a parent. It completely changes everything about your life- even when your children are average, let alone have disabilities that make things more difficult. My children have no behavior problems, no problems at school, no health problems, nothing like that. But its still difficult. I still have moments where I am resentful, not necessarily of them, but of the loss of what my life used to be. It would be nice to NOT be a parent every once in a while. And I don't mean send them to grandmas for the day- because even when they are gone, you still have that responsibility.
Elvira Dirge 3 years ago
There is no class, no one book that can prepare a person for all the possibilities and eventualities that parenting holds. It's so romanticized as to make people think it's actually going to fix anything or to be a perfect experience. Parenting is something I've always wanted to do, and it's the number one pride and accomplishment in my life, but it isn't for everybody. Often the only way to figure that out is to have a child and then it's too late, and that child never asked to be brought into the world. As a mom, a teacher, a wife - I totally get it. If I can offer any advice, it would to communicate. Ask for help, talk to people, seek others that understand and may be going through similar situations. Parenting is never easy, but neither is being a kid. I've had to do a lot of work to get through how my childhood screwed me up, and I had four loving parents who tried their hardest but, like any of us, weren't perfect. It takes work. Period. There is no way to do this the lazy way.
Broad Panda 3 years ago
Yip. I'm a solo parent because I am a widow, and it is exhausting. I like and love my kid more than anything ever, but I am never not tired. Before my husband died I could go out occasionally, no big deal. Now even if I make plans to go out and have my daughter stay with my parents, I usually end up sleeping instead of going out. Even though we know before getting pregnant that raising kids is the biggest responsibility ever, that doesn't mean it's easy or that we don't sometimes miss outright freedom.
#45
I'm not a parent but my uncle and aunt really hate their son because he's accomplished nothing in life and is a complete failure but still has an ego higher than the Mount Everest. He's always mean to everyone.
#46
I hate my daughter because she has all the bad characteristics of her mother — and none of the good ones. She's mean, aggressive, demanding, hits her classmates, gets violent when she doesn't get what she wants, breaks things that aren't hers, and yells loudly to overpower anyone around her when she can't use physical violence. She actually looks down on everyone around her; it's wild you can actually see it. She's 6.
Obviously, I am not the one who raises her. She's got a hard life ahead of her. Poor girl.
Merilyn Horton 3 years ago
People should really take a good look at who they’re breeding with.
#47
Probably because they're too much like me. I like to think that as a parent part of my job is to eliminate my foibles by helping my children be better than me. My failure as a parent instead has been to create copies; what I dislike about them is also what I hate about myself.
Sometimes the harder you try the bigger you fail.
#48
He invested my retirement in gamestop...
AzKhaleesi 3 years ago
Well depending on when he did this that could've been extremely lucrative.
David Henry 3 years ago
You don't usually hate people for making you rich. Might get angry for a min over the risk but the realization retirement just got *VERY* good usually can wipe that feeling away. Esp in this day where retirement can sometimes still requires a part time.
Load More Replies... #49
I love both my kids, and I generally like them just fine, too. But my youngest is almost 5, and she's going through some kind of regression in being able to control her emotions right now. It's not fun. Her moods are very mercurial, and I feel like I always have to tiptoe around her because the slightest little things will set off a bout of incoherent rage in her.
Kathi Schäffer 3 years ago
Hmmm that's unusual for her age. Have you considered talking to a doctor or therapist?
#50
Not a throwaway account because you guys are all strangers anyway. So I resent having my daughter because when I got pregnant I planned to give her up for adoption because I was 19 when I got pregnant. I had a wonderful gay male couple in mind. Long story short I had the baby and her father and I were still together when she was born. Got post partum depression / psychosis after I had her. Had to spend 2 weeks in the hospital and as soon as I got home had to take care of her all by myself. I lived with my baby father and his parents and took care of him and the baby all by myself for two years. All he did was sit and play video games for twelve hours a day and ignore me and her. He never fed her, changed her diaper, held her, or even watched. All the while he would lie to his parents and tell them he was helping me with her. I also worked full time overnight shift and took care of her when I got home so he could go to school. He is also 5 years older then me, an army veteran, and went to school on the GI Bill. I tried to plan a wedding while working and taking care of a child and a grown man. After I couldn't take it anymore I left him and the baby at his parents and trying to improve my life. I regret leaving her and now trying to get her back. My bipolar 2 is a huge block for me taking care of her and him. TL,DR: Wanted to give child up for adoption, convinced to keep her, got post partum psychosis, still took care of him and her, man neglected me, left him and her, trying to get her back don't want him.
#51
He is a 12 year old with no concern for personal hygiene and also manipulates me with the best hugs. Wash your feet you disgusting brat.
#52
I love my child and want her to have a lot of fun and have the best life. But at her age, kids are super irritating and you can only handle them in limited time periods without losing your mind.
#53
He did terrible in school, became a drug dealer, squatted in a house owned by the family, decided it’d be a good idea to start a METH LAB in the basement of said house, and then hired a crappy tv lawyer to blackmail us into selling the house back to him!
#54
My babys mother molded him into something i never wanted him to be and I could do nothing about it. I wanted so badly only to show him what love is but her wicked ways proved too resilient and now hes destined to the life of an outlaw. He never stood a chance
#55
Not all of them, just one. He's a mouthy little know it all 8 year old who will never admit he is wrong and is as stubborn as a mule.... just like his mum.
#56
LET THE DOWNVOTES BEGIN! He was autistic. Now, this wasn't my son, but my step son. I started dating, and eventually marrying the mother when he was a baby/toddler respectively. I can't remember the exact age, but we started noticing he had what we thought were 'hearing problems'. But tests came up negative. We eventually found out they were cognitive issues. Around 4 he was diagnosed. I've always believed the point of having children is not to HAVE CHILDREN, but to RAISE FUTURE ADULTS. After this, I couldn't ever connect with him. He kept falling farther and farther behind. Fortunately he had joint custody with mom and dad, so I didn't have to put up with him often. I would usually view it as a 'chore'. No, I was never mean, or abusive, or anything. I just thought of him as something to be 'tolerated'. It was one of (Not the only one) the factors in our divorce. His is late teens now (ex and I stayed friends) and has about the developmental skills of an 8 year old. I think there would have been a pretty decent chance my ex and I would have worked out if he had either never been born, or had been born normal. A 'special needs' child is not a 'gift' or a 'miracle'. They are a terror.
George washingmashine 3 years ago
This started not awful, but calling them not normal, something to be tolerated! You are an awful person, even if you don’t connect it is still your job to raise them.
iseefractals 3 years ago
It's the biological parents job to raise their children, and everyone seems far to eager to gloss over the reality of raising severely developmentally challenged/disabled children. Healthy children can be hard enough, but there at least you're actually raising them to be functioning adults that will be self reliant. "Special needs" children in many cases, will never ever be that. As a parent you're left painfully aware of all the many good things in life they will never get to experience, knowing they are enduring undue suffering that you can't begin to fathom because they can't even convey it to you, and throughout that you know their life will either be tragically short, or the rest of your life will be spent dedicating all your time, and all your money to do everything for them. All day, every day, until you die and they are left with nothing and no one, destined to be stuck into a care home where they will likely be neglected and/or abused.
Load More Replies... Lakota Wolf 3 years ago
“My ex and I would have had a Disney romance/happy ending if it wasn’t for her kid!” Wow. Just wow. Ex and her son are better off without you. I’m happy for THEM that it didn’t “work out”!
LILYANDPEARL 3 years ago
Go die in a molehill. You are probably one of the worst human beings I have seen on the internet.
Victor Trejo 3 years ago
So, you're a better person, right? But here you are, wishing someone died for venting and giving an honest opinion. Are you sure OP is the only bad human being here?
Load More Replies...
Elvira Dirge 3 years ago
I love "to RAISE FUTURE ADULTS". That is how my husband and I feel and why we ultimately decided to have, and how we raise our now, kids. It's also how we teach. A LOT of effort has to be put in from day 1 to raise future, functioning adults. And sometimes kids are born with or develop issues that stand in the way of that. So then it's a matter of trying even harder or having to accept that that may never be the reality.
Victor Trejo 3 years ago
I see many comments from "perfect people" judging someone for being honest. Of course having a SN child is not something sought for. And when someone is sincere, you wish he "dies in a molehill" and gets "hate mail for a long time". Yeah, I'd like to see how you're perfect people with perfect feelings were you in the same situation.
#57
I live and breathe sports and activity. His mother was a personal trainer and I was a gym rat, our first date was on a climbing wall. We got married in a canoe. We took trips all around the world. We lived life like a travel brochure.
Our son was born with cerebral palsy and AMC, which basically means the joints in his arms and legs are locked up and will never move or develop. He will never walk or stand, he has limited use of his arms. We will never go fishing, canoeing or hike together. Everything that was so important to his mother and I's lives before him will never mean anything to him. In every way he is so unlike me that I struggle to relate to him at all. When he was born we both were in shock. He got rsv at 4 months and ended up in the picu. He wasn't expected to survive. Honestly? His mother and I discussed it and quietly agreed that it would be best that way. We stopped visiting. He's 11 now.
Mentally, he's above average. He gets As in a competitive private school. He competes in math and spelling bees. I hated school. He is cheerful, kind to animals and unfailingly polite. I was a sarcastic, rude little s**t who butted heads with everyone. For some reason he's still intent on impressing his parents, though I've rarely encouraged him. Despite all his wonderful traits I still try to avoid seeing him because it makes me feel guilty, depressed and disappointed, and I feel like s**t about that because all his accomplishments tell me is how much I should love him. Anyone else would be thrilled, right? If not thrilled about the medical care, at least impressed with his achievements. I work long hours so that I can provide the best medical care he needs, the best education, anything material he could ever want. And so that I can stay away from him. Because I know he knows. He tries so hard that sometimes I'm afraid it's all a front to make it easier for us to like him.
Suzy the observer 3 years ago
Good grief, yes! He knows he is a disgusting below-average person. I hope this child soars above his parents and never looks back.
Load More Replies...
Kayla J 3 years ago (edited)
You are *still* a rude little s**t. He's trying to impress you for love and attention and you're too stupid or pig headed to realize it. Shocker shocker, even if he didn't have a disability your life wasn't going to be a travel brochure with kids. Next time you think of that canoe, ask yourself, what would happen if you fell off that rock wall? Would you quit doing everything you loved or would you modify things for *your* enjoyment. Maybe, just maybe, adjust and climb another way.
b 3 years ago
That is so sad. Sounds like a good kid with narcissitic parents who are physically judgmental.
Giraffy Window 1 year ago (edited)
No, this was written all about OP and how OP has struggled with his choice to give up. Aside from saying he and his wife stopped visiting when they assumed their infant would die, it sounds like his wife is possibly now the sole carer for their disabled child, and he just sponsors them. Or they're both sponsoring him from a care home, but I don't get that impression, because if the kid was raised away from his dad who never ever visits, he wouldn't really have any relational context for wanting to seek OP's love or approval.
Load More Replies... b 3 years ago
That is tragically sad. Because the kid can't be physically active they don't want him. He sounds like a delight.
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
As someone who has a special needs family member that we ALL rally around and is surrounded by nothing but love and encouragement, this really hits me hard. I absolutely love that kid. He's taught our family kindness, patience, and the meaning of love. He's really smart as well and the entire student body gave him a standing ovation at his high school graduation. If this kid can't find that kind of love and support from his parents, I hope to god he gets it from others around him.
Load More Replies...
Tim Pierce 3 years ago
You talk to any of the other parents in this group they would gladly trade their kid for yours. Grow up and be a parent.
TrickQuestion 3 years ago
ELEVEN YEARS you've wallowed in your own selfish bullsh!t. This is your son. Boo hoo, he can't lift or play sports. Whaaa. Poor you. I'm glad you feel guilty. You should. But having one emotion (I'm guessing it's more self pity) that can be construed as passingly human doesn't make you less of a garbage individual. I hope that your wife at LEAST has a tiny bit more decency. But it sounds like you two deserve each other and don't deserve your son.
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
I can't like this enough... this kid is a star in my eyes.
Load More Replies... What do you think ?
Kathi Schäffer 3 years ago
I think it's better to know you don't want kids then to have them and resent them. So good on you!
Load More Replies... Fabiana Suanes 3 years ago
There are options. Is not mandatory to have kids. They dont deserve to grow in families that seems to hate them. What kind of human beings they will become? We need adoption, we need abortions, proper sex education. So many bad things in the world could be avoided. If only. Im not american but please dont lose Roe vs Wade.
Nia Loves Art 3 years ago
A lot of these people wanted their kids and got a really unlucky draw.
Load More Replies...
PixieVonBehr 3 years ago
As someone who had a rough childhood, I find these posts super helpful. I've never wanted children as a result of my own trauma but as a woman in her 30's I'm feeling pressure before my 'clock' gives out. Reading these helps me understand there's nothing wrong with me and having children would likely re-traumatise me all over again. Thank you for sharing your honest stories.
DuchessDegu 3 years ago
It's perfectly ok and normal not to want children even without a reason! I've had a great childhood, wonderful parents and other family members and I knew from a very early age I wouldn't want children ever!
Load More Replies...
Yayheterogeneity 3 years ago
This makes me so sad. I wish there were more support programmes fitted for the different needs.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Parents of neurodivergent kids need so much more support than they have. It's just relentless.
Load More Replies... Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
I didn't have kids. When I was 23, I had an abortion. All of the women in my family have kids under the circumstances above: didn't expect a special needs' child, husband/family pressured them, they though a child's love and "being a mom!" would give their lives meaning. It never, ever works, and now my family is riddled with broken, hurting, abusive people who keep repeating that cycle. I broke it. I chose an abortion instead, because, as I knew then, I'd rather risk regretting an abortion than regretting having a child. Best decision I ever made, and have never regretted it. More women need to understand that "being a mom!" isn't everything. If you're unhappy or lost or sad, having kids will only make it worse. Just ask my own mom. You just don't have kids and "hope it all works out," FFS!
Everything is fascinating. 3 years ago
Yep same, just glad we got all the best bits from both of us in our daughter. Can't imagine how hard life would have been if she'd got all my bad bits....
Load More Replies...
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
This whole thing was an argument for legal, safe abortion without people screaming at someone about being mean/bad/selfish... b/c the kids do know when they'yre not wanted. And look how great they turn out b/c of their parents.... Yes, it's not always parents. but holy c**p....
Cathelijne Van 2 years ago (edited)
Not always, but often it is. And don't forget there is only one side of every story here. *edit: I am not talking about the parents with disabled children
Load More Replies... Rebecca Moore 3 years ago
I have always wanted children but have never had them and have had a couple of breakdowns because of it. Some of these stories are so heartbreaking (and I only read a few) that maybe I've been lucky to not have them.
ShareMusic 3 years ago
There is so much pain here. So sad. So many heartbreaking difficulties. It doesn't help when teachers blame parents for every behavior issue their child has. Some children are just so challenging.
Kathi Schäffer 3 years ago
I think it's better to know you don't want kids then to have them and resent them. So good on you!
Load More Replies... Fabiana Suanes 3 years ago
There are options. Is not mandatory to have kids. They dont deserve to grow in families that seems to hate them. What kind of human beings they will become? We need adoption, we need abortions, proper sex education. So many bad things in the world could be avoided. If only. Im not american but please dont lose Roe vs Wade.
Nia Loves Art 3 years ago
A lot of these people wanted their kids and got a really unlucky draw.
Load More Replies... PixieVonBehr 3 years ago
As someone who had a rough childhood, I find these posts super helpful. I've never wanted children as a result of my own trauma but as a woman in her 30's I'm feeling pressure before my 'clock' gives out. Reading these helps me understand there's nothing wrong with me and having children would likely re-traumatise me all over again. Thank you for sharing your honest stories.
DuchessDegu 3 years ago
It's perfectly ok and normal not to want children even without a reason! I've had a great childhood, wonderful parents and other family members and I knew from a very early age I wouldn't want children ever!
Load More Replies... Yayheterogeneity 3 years ago
This makes me so sad. I wish there were more support programmes fitted for the different needs.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Parents of neurodivergent kids need so much more support than they have. It's just relentless.
Load More Replies... Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
I didn't have kids. When I was 23, I had an abortion. All of the women in my family have kids under the circumstances above: didn't expect a special needs' child, husband/family pressured them, they though a child's love and "being a mom!" would give their lives meaning. It never, ever works, and now my family is riddled with broken, hurting, abusive people who keep repeating that cycle. I broke it. I chose an abortion instead, because, as I knew then, I'd rather risk regretting an abortion than regretting having a child. Best decision I ever made, and have never regretted it. More women need to understand that "being a mom!" isn't everything. If you're unhappy or lost or sad, having kids will only make it worse. Just ask my own mom. You just don't have kids and "hope it all works out," FFS!
Everything is fascinating. 3 years ago
Yep same, just glad we got all the best bits from both of us in our daughter. Can't imagine how hard life would have been if she'd got all my bad bits....
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
This whole thing was an argument for legal, safe abortion without people screaming at someone about being mean/bad/selfish... b/c the kids do know when they'yre not wanted. And look how great they turn out b/c of their parents.... Yes, it's not always parents. but holy c**p....
Cathelijne Van 2 years ago (edited)
Not always, but often it is. And don't forget there is only one side of every story here. *edit: I am not talking about the parents with disabled children
Load More Replies... Rebecca Moore 3 years ago
I have always wanted children but have never had them and have had a couple of breakdowns because of it. Some of these stories are so heartbreaking (and I only read a few) that maybe I've been lucky to not have them.
ShareMusic 3 years ago
There is so much pain here. So sad. So many heartbreaking difficulties. It doesn't help when teachers blame parents for every behavior issue their child has. Some children are just so challenging.
You May Like Parents Share The Moments They Realized Their Kids Might Be Horrible People (35 Posts) 50 Honest Before-And-After Motherhood Photos From Moms Who Aren’t Sugarcoating It Woman Mad Friend Returned 4-Month-Old She Asked Her To Babysit, Fails To See She’s The Reason Why
Indrė Lukošiūtė
Simona Kinderytė
Indrė Lukošiūtė
Related on Bored Panda
