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Introverts Are Speaking Up About Things They Wish Extroverts Would Understand (30 Answers)
Interview With Author
There are a lot of myths that come with being an introvert. And there are plenty of things that introverts would love for others to know, just to make things clearer. So Reddit user Velvetxily asked their fellow internet introverts to share one thing they’d wish that extroverts would understand about them in a viral thread. Scroll down, upvote the responses that you agree with, and let us know whether you think you’re an introvert or an extrovert in the comments, dear Pandas.
Bored Panda reached out to Velvetxily and spoke to her about her viral thread, the inspiration behind it, and what she thinks about the dynamic between introverts and extroverts. "I myself an introvert," she admitted, adding that she created the thread to understand how all the other introverts feel about the myths that surround them. "The greatest myth is that introverts are shy and extroverts are not shy. I think it's not about shyness. Introverts gain energy by being alone and extroverts gain energy by being with others."
We also spoke to Dr. Andrew Spark from the Queensland University of Technology, who has done research about the link between introversion and leadership. “It is clear that introverts think about social interaction differently to extraverts, which may result in introverts choosing not to engage in the behaviors that may assist them into leadership roles (despite being perfectly capable of engaging in such behaviors).” Read on for Dr. Spark’s insightful and detailed analysis, as well as his take on the myths surrounding introversion.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Alone is not the same thing as lonely.
Eirik Johnsbråten 5 years ago
Yes! Loneliness has nothing to do with physical presence of other people. You can be lonely in a group of friends.
Mary Montejo 5 years ago
I enjoy being alone, if it was such a bad thing people wouldn't always want "Alone time".
Barbara Seeberger 5 years ago
It's the same in German: allein ist nicht das gleiche wie einsam - man kann in einer großen Gruppe sein und sich trotzdem sehr einsam fühlen
RELATED:
#2
Just because I’m a good listener doesn’t mean you can constantly use me as your soundboard/therapist.
Charlotte Stewart 5 years ago
I wish I could upvote this more than once. People need to hear this.
Kiss Army 5 years ago
Seriously... sometimes being that "go-to" person for too many people has led me to my breaking point.
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Astrid Nineor 5 years ago
Yeah, some people think friend= therapist , and woe unto you should you ever critize their actions
kyle gonzales 5 years ago
I would love to make a shirt out of this! Wouldn't mind wearing everyday either
Grumble O'Pug 5 years ago
...or tell me all the YEARS of office gossip the first few days of my new job. Please. Stop. Talking.
#3
Not all introverts are shy and quiet. I tend to be loud and outgoing with people I know and/or like, for a certain amount of time. Then I need to crawl into my hole and recharge. Interaction with more than one person at a time exhausts me, and I can't deal with more than one social event a week. The fact that I sometimes I talk a lot, I can hold eye contact and don't completely suck at small talk doesn't make me any less introverted.
troufaki13 5 years ago (edited)
I'm like that. I even enjoy making small-talk with total strangers, but I will always choose my cat over people >^.^
Alice Laughs 5 years ago
Louder for the people in the back! I don't know when introversion became conflated with social anxiety but they are two different concepts
Juririn 5 years ago
Oh boy, I cannot upvote you more tnan once, THANK YOU!
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Cheyenne Arnett 5 years ago
I am crazy and annoying around friends and family but I almost always want to be alone and if I don't know you, I'm not talking to you, mkay
StinkyMonkey 5 years ago
Yes! People are often really surprised that I'm an introvert because I can do small talk and appear quite good at socialising, but it's learned behaviour picked up from jobs and friends and it does exhaust me. My fiancé is the same, and we love being at home together, because it's just like being alone but better since there's someone to make tea and give hugs.
Eliana Hailu 5 years ago
I'm quiet and shy most of the time in public and loud and socialize more around friends and family members.
“My research on introversion and leadership focuses on how introverts and extroverts think and feel about the behaviors required of leaders in leadership situations. Leadership roles typically require one to act in ways that are generally better suited to extroverts (e.g., to be assertive, social, bold, etc.). For many decades, we have known that extroverts tend to perform better in leadership roles and are selected into leadership roles more often, however, more recent scientific work has been exploring how and why this happens,” Dr. Spark from QUT told Bored Panda.
“In my own work, my colleagues and I found that one of the reasons introverts are not seen to be as ‘leaderlike’ by others is because they think that leadership situations are going to be unpleasant. The technical name for this is ‘affective forecasting.’ Affective forecasting refers to the expectation we have of our future emotions, which is to say that we make a prediction about how we will feel in a future situation.”
He continued: “Introverts are known to underpredict how good they will feel in future social interactions if they forecast themselves acting extroverted (because, perhaps surprisingly, acting extroverted is actually quite enjoyable, even for introverts). Given leadership situations require extroverted behavior, we expected that introverts’ propensity to forecast more negative affect would probably help to explain why they do not rise into leadership positions as much as extroverts. This is indeed what we found.”
#4
I’m not depressed or lonely. I genuinely enjoy staying home and spending time by myself.
danielw 5 years ago
had a co-worker who found out I liked camping and for the longest time would insist that we should get our families together and go camping. I'd do all the polite things to decline. Until finally he made a big issue of it. I had to sit down and explain to him, with our boss watching why, because apparently I was being an a*****e. So I just laid it out there: I go camping, alone, to get away from a******s like him, and that continued asking is, in fact, harassment. Yeah... that didn't go well...
Weird Gaming Emo 5 years ago
I hate when people say that because I'm an introvert. I am depressed and lonely but when they say it's because I'm an introvert
Rissy cake 5 years ago
That is how feel. I just love peace and quiet do things I love like craft and watch dramas in peace and quiet
#5
Lockdown is pretty much how I live my life anyway. Contactless delivery has been an awesome addition.
Oathbraker 5 years ago
That and ordering takeout food online without having to make a phone call.
#6
It's not that I don't want to talk to you, it's that I straight up don't want to talk. At all. To anyone.
Daria B 5 years ago
It's not that I don't speak your language, it's just I have nothing to say.
María Hermida 5 years ago
Or I have something to say but I prefer not to say it because that would lead to a conversation that I'd rather not have because I just don't have the energy for it.
Load More Replies... María Hermida 5 years ago (edited)
One difficult thing to learn in life is that you are not responsible for other people's feelings. Many people use "feeling hurt" or "feeling sad" as very effective manipulation to make you act the way they want. Sometimes parents (and partners) imagine "the perfect child" (or partner) they want and they can't accept that you are different and you are not going to change to fit in their "dream".
Load More Replies...Dr. Spark told us that the question now is whether we can change how introverts think about social interaction so that they could have a better chance of rising into leadership positions. He added that this can be important because, in some situations, introverts can be more effective than extroverts. “We simply don’t know the answer to this yet, though, so more research is needed.”
The researcher told Bored Panda that one of the biggest myths surrounding introversion and extroversion is that they’re common. “Because extroversion is a continuum, most people actually fall somewhere around the middle of the continuum. These people are sometimes called ‘ambiverts.’”
Dr. Spark continued: “Also, there is no official cut-off on someone’s score before they are said to be an extrovert or an introvert, however, as a very rough rule of thumb (assuming you really want to divide people up into categories) it would not be unreasonable to say that 15-20% of the population are noticeably extroverted and 15-20% of the population are noticeably introverted. The remaining 60-70% of the population are probably more difficult to pigeon hole and hence may be better thought of as ambiverts.”
#7
I saw this quote a year ago and it sums it up perfectly. I like being alone. I have control over my own space. Therefore, in order to win me over, your presence has to be better than my solitude. You're not competing with another person, you are competing with my comfort zone.
#8
Stop trying to 'change' introversion. It's not a flaw. If i don't want to dance, don't push me saying im shy. If i don't want to flirt in a club, stop saying i should get over it. Stop pushing me to be 'more social'. Also, I do enjoy time by myself. I don't feel depressed or lonely. Just stop pushing in general.
ThreeOfAKind 5 years ago
People act as if extroversion is "normal", and everyone else needs to be "fixed".
Nikk Chelle 5 years ago
Omg this!!! I don't want to dance, don't drag me by the arm like a child, I'll most likely never hang out with you again lol
Mark Serbian 5 years ago
Just because I came in here alone don't mean I wanna go home with *you* - Bob Malone
Tinley's Aunt 5 years ago
And please stop telling me to "smile". I am content. I don't feel the need to smile all the time.
WhatsUpKittyCat? (I wuv dogs too) 5 years ago
By the way, I meant no offence when I replied to ThreeOfAKind. What I meant is that you're all simply assuming every single extrovert has an opinion like that. I am an extrovert, and if I saw anyone who thought 'everyone else needed to be fixed,' it would be extremely hard not to punch them in the face to teach them a lesson about human rights.
Rosie Hamilton 5 years ago
What you aren't doing is 'listening' and taking this opportunity to find out what it's like for an introvert. You are far too busy reacting & that is often part of the problem. I'm sure you are a good, decent person but people are here to share their experiences, actual experiences! YOU might not do these things but it doesn't mean that it isn't an introverts reality. This isn't a pop at extroverts just a pop at how many of them don't stop and think. No decent human being wants others to be punched in the face - even if sometimes it feels like it might help. Just pause, take a breath and allow their words to trickle in without your perspective constantly getting in the way all the time. Stop being offended about something that isn't about you. Some people might be using strong language to get their point across but, believe me, they are bloody tired and fed up with people just always reacting and not taking a bit of time to be open minded.
Load More Replies... #9
That we need to recharge after so much interaction.
According to Dr. Spark, another myth is that introverts can’t be extroverted. “A large body of evidence shows that introverted people actually engage in quite a number of extroverted behaviors in their daily lives as the specific situation demands, despite having a preference to be quiet and reserved. Equally, extroverted people engage in quite a number of introverted behaviors in their daily lives. That said, it is interesting that extroverted people have been shown to sometimes struggle when having to act introverted (e.g., in this study, they experienced a decline in their cognitive ability).”
Bored Panda was also interested to hear Dr. Spark’s thoughts about the link between introversion and having to ‘recharge’ more often from social interactions.
“It is a common assumption that introverts need to recharge more after social interaction. However, the research on this issue is mixed. For example, in this study, scientists found that both introverts and extroverts experienced mental depletion after interacting with others and that this depletion occurred approximately 3 hours after the interaction,” he went into detail.
#10
I was social distancing before it was cool
Daria B 5 years ago (edited)
In my case, it's become even more difficult to socialise again. Social life is like sports. The rustier you get, the more difficult it gets to go back to the healthy amount of it.
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Courtney Christelle 5 years ago
Who knew my germaphobia and introverted ways would be so useful in today's society.
#11
Just because I don't want to go out doesn't mean I don't like you.
Barbara Seeberger 5 years ago
Just because I don't want to go out doesn't mean I don't want to be asked if I would like to go out
Rosie Hamilton 5 years ago
I want to want to go out... I just don't want to when the time arrives.
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#12
If you point out that I'm quiet I'm 100x less likely to ever open up to you.
Connie Martin 5 years ago
Also would you think it was appropriate if I were to say to you, Gee you talk a lot or, you're so loud.
“It didn’t make any difference if the person was introverted or extroverted. Then again, this study found that introverts experience slightly more negative emotion, tiredness and more feelings of inauthenticity when acting extroverted, despite also experiencing more positive emotion (note that positive and negative emotion are actually different processes rather than being polar opposites, so it is possible to be high on both). The jury is still out on this issue, which might come as a surprise to many!”
Dr. Spark added: “A lot more research needs to be done to understand how and why introverts think differently and whether we can uncover ways to encourage introverts into leadership positions given that they are quite capable of effective leadership in certain situations.”
#13
Not every silence is awkward and needs to be filled. Just keep quiet for a moment, especially in the morning
Cheyenne Arnett 5 years ago
ALWAYS in the morning. I literally don't speak when I wake up. If I have to answer to someone, you'll get a series of grunts and "mhmm"s
Rosie Hamilton 5 years ago
Same. I had to ask my husband to just deliver me a cup of tea silently and don't expect thanks. I'll thank him later on in the day.
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Marek Yanchurak 5 years ago
I think you're asking the wrong group of people to do that ;-p
Load More Replies... Lanre Malumi 5 years ago
Really hate being spoken to right after getting out of bed. Can be exhausting
Blakkur Sverrir 5 years ago
Do not talk before I finished my first litre of coffee. There is no need to greet me and especially no need 4o tell me how quiet it is. I like silence. I like no one interupting my thoughts. Dont break the precious silence by telling me how quiet it is.
lunar eclipse 5 years ago
I literally like to wake up earlier than my family cuz I enjoy having a quiet breakfast. Just sitting by the window chilling.
#14
If I'm quiet, I promise I'm not judging you or anything around us. 99% of the time, I'm thinking about something totally unrelated.
María Hermida 5 years ago
99%of the time I'm in my own world. I don't give a f*** about what other people are saying, doing or wearing. I could care less what they paid for their shoes/holiday/car, etc. And honestly, I couldn't care less about their political opinions or what they think about my clothes/life/universe.
#15
That it’s very frustrating when they announce you’re super quiet and don’t talk much..... yeah obviously I f**kin knew that thanks Also please don’t tell us to smile more
slackjack 5 years ago
Its not that I'm not happy. I am. Its just that my resting face doesn't look like you want it to.
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Courtney Christelle 5 years ago
I dislike it soooo much when people tell me to smile. You want a smile? Then tell a joke or something!
NinjaWolfy94 5 years ago
I hate it most when people tell me to smile. What am I meant to be smiling about?? Give me a reason to smile and I will, but if I've got nothing at that exact moment that's making me happy, the smile I give you will be fake.
Lousha 5 years ago
Got into an argument about that once. At work, having a sh*t day. Still doing my job, still polite, still professional. Customer says "you should really smile more!". I'm like yeah, sure, while still keeping my cool. Anything else I can help you with? "Well really, a smile would brighten up your face!". I'm sure. Would this be all? "You really don't use your smile a lot, do you?!" Getting really fed up so I say not when I'm ordered to. "Wow, you're always so rude?!".
Luisa Vasconcelos 5 years ago
I break up with a boyfriend because he was always telling me : smile honey. Constantly. Was f*** annoying. And he was not even telling jokes or something.
Catherine Milner 5 years ago
Oh god don't get me started about the whole smile thing it just makes me never ever smile at you. And people like to take the p**s and call me smiler ffs!
Velvetxily, who created the original Reddit thread, told us that, in their opinion, the line between introverts and extroverts is this: "[People] feeling happiness and satisfaction with being with themselves are introverts. [People] feeling happiness and satisfaction with being with others are extroverts."
The redditor shared that they live in a suburban area in a developing country where there's a lot of pressure to speak up, have many friends, and to be more social. "Some of them don't even about a term 'introvert.' They always ask 'Why are you so quiet? Why don't you speak freely like others?." I hope that this stigma get removed. I wish that being introvert should be accepted as normal thing in the society."
Velvetxily’s thread was wildly successful. Not only did they get over 15.8k upvotes and a handful of Reddit awards, but their post also started a massive discussion with more than 5.5k comments! That just shows how many misconceptions extroverts might have about their introverted pals.
#16
Pointing out how quiet I am won't suddenly make me talkative. It sounds like you're pointing out a flaw that you dislike about me which makes me unnecessarily uncomfortable around you. I remain even more quiet than I usually would be because I feel judged and unwelcome for simply being myself. Not to mention, it comes so out of nowhere. It's as if I told you "you talk a lot" with a straight face. You wouldn't take it as a compliment. It doesn't even sound like an observation that should be said out loud. You'd just wonder what the hell was the point of me saying that to you. Honestly, how do you even reply to this without sounding offended or snarky?
Sean Merchant 5 years ago
God yes!! I have wanted many times to tell someone to just be quiet and quit babbling. I would be viewed incredibly rude though.
danielw 5 years ago
It's quite rude to continue bothering somebody who doesn't want to be bothered.
Load More Replies... #17
I'm not lazy, I just need time to recover.
#18
I don't hate you. I'm not mad. I'm just quiet. Also, I hate phonecalls. My family and my best friend I don't mind being on the phone with. Work calling me is tolerable. Anyone else? Forget it! Just text me!
Eliana Hailu 5 years ago
This is 100% me. I hate calls and I'm quiet. My family and best friend don't like phone calls but my other people try to call me.
François Carré 5 years ago
To me, having to use the phone basically refers to having to tell people bad news or hear bad news from them. I try hard very hard to answer the phone (and even harder when it comes to calling) when people I care about really need to talk, or when it is necessary in my practical or professional life. But I will always be reluctant to use it and I don't understand people who spend hours talking on the phone everyday.
MAROWSA VLOGz 5 years ago
Some people said when im saying that in the future its okay to live alone not a problem to me and they said no you cant live alone in your life you must have companion or behalf.. dont even realize introvert how think it is... being alone is quite peaceful in life of introvert person.
Myths like the idea that introverts are shy and hate socializing with people end up confusing us. Dr. Juli Fraga told Healthline that introversion and extroversion are personality characteristics that are influenced by nature and nurture. They’re deal more with how we recharge, less with how we act.
“Extroversion and introversion refer to where people receive energy from. Extroverts are energized by socializing in larger groups of people, having many friends, instead of a few intimate ones while introverts are energized by spending time alone or with a smaller group of friends,” the psychologist explained.
Dr. Fraga pointed out that introverts aren’t anti-social or anything like that. They enjoy building relationships and socializing with others just as much as extroverts. However, one thing that’s different is their “tolerance level” for how much socializing they’re comfortable with.
#19
I live alone on a farm. I don't go out to the local bars. I don't try to date any locals. Some weeks I dont ever leave the property. And people always ask me. How I can stand to live in the middle of nowhere. Well s**t thats the easy part.
Courtney Christelle 5 years ago
Right now I'm jealous of the guy who's solo on his boat in the middle of the ocean. Idiots can't swim that far.
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Sabrena Patterson 5 years ago
Same here. I live far out in the country. Unfortunately I didn't get to isolate at home. I hate shopping. I make a list, run in, run out. I can talk the paint off a brick wall some days. Others I hide. My therapist never knows if I'll be hiding in a corner or chatting up someone. Since we're on telehealth now, I take him for walks around my 3 acres of woods. I think he gets me. My son is an essential worker with no car. No buses for 20 miles. I drive by to drop him and scoop him up.
Blakkur Sverrir 5 years ago
I like the question: Who would you take with you on a lonely island? What's the point if a lonely island if not even there I can have time for myself ?
#20
We're not inferior or less mature just because we don't feel the need to talk over people. In fact, that's actually what we think about you when you needlessly blurt out rude comments.
Lousha 5 years ago
Exactly. It's like when my father is polite (e.g. helping an obviously frail old lady to get on a bus) and someone compliments him and says you're so great for doing that, and he's like no, this is about the minimum between human beings, you're just used to a**holes. Same way I never understood how is it that I'm the weirdo for NOT wanting to waste my time with empty conversations with strangers I'll never see again about stuff neither of us gives two shakes? For being completely content not talking when we have no need to talk to each other?
#21
This is something I saved from a while back when someone asked this question. It helps to explain some basics of a introvert so hope this helps you guys as much as it helped me! "Introvert here, I wish everyone - intoverts included - understood the meaning of being introverts. Myth #1 : Introverts don’t like to talk. This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days. Myth #2 : Introverts are shy. Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite. Myth #3 : Introverts are rude. Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting. Myth #4 : Introverts don’t like people. On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in. Myth #5 : Introverts don’t like to go out in public. Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts. Myth #6 : Introverts always want to be alone. Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time. Myth #7 : Introverts are weird. Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy. Myth #8 : Introverts are aloof nerds. Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them. Myth #9 : Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun. Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up. Myth #10 : Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts. A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ. And also:
• Being introvert doesn't mean shy
• Being introvert doesn't mean having social anxiety"
Emerald Joanna 5 years ago
I am an introvert but really don't agree with the majority of what this person is saying...especially the comment about introverts not beating around the bush with social pleasantries. What a gross generalisation.
Aunt Messy 5 years ago
You're the exception. I don't see the point in babbling for half an hour before getting to the point. If all you're going to do is yap at me, expect me to tune you out. Introverts think babblers are stupid.
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If you’re at a party that goes on for a week straight, you’ll eventually find that you have a limit for how much you can socialize, too, even if you’re the biggest extrovert around. Introverts simply need more breaks from socializing so that they can be fully invested when they’re hanging out with the people that they care about.
Another myth that needs to be busted is that introverts supposedly take fewer risks than extroverts. According to Dr. Fraga, our fears and desires are distinct from being intro- and extroverted.
She also pointed out that people tend to mix confidence and being an extrovert together which creates misconceptions about introverts supposedly being shy. Dr. Fraga said that confidence isn’t about being social all the time and having a huge number of friends; confidence is all about knowing what’s best for you and following through.
#22
Most times I don't want to be bothered especially after working all day and putting up with noise and people. It's draining to be around people all day and when I come home it's "Me" time. I can only be around people for so long and I start feeling edgy if I can't just tune out.
Rowlie 5 years ago
Due to coronavirus we work in shifts: half of the staff from home/ half from the office and it is so much easier to focus with less people around
kasa alex 5 years ago
Same here, and I am dreading when it all goes back to 'normal'. On top of that, I wear hearing aids so am very susceptible to audio exhaustion as well as social exhaustion
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Id row 5 years ago
When I still worked in an office, people used to comment that I didn't socialize with the other office workers at happy hour or some stupid get together. I saw those people 40 hours a week, I wanted to see them zero hours a week. I'm certainly not going to go out after work and socialize with them when all I'm fantasizing about is going home. I was always so exhausted by the time I got home. I'm such an introvert I didn't even want kids.
François Carré 5 years ago
Same here. Also, this is why I'm single. Having to put up with all the diplomacy and negotiation of a relationship after a long day of mandatory professional socializing is like starting a second shift of work. It requires way too much energy from me. And that doesn't mean I don't love the person though.
Gwen Pollock 5 years ago (edited)
I am a night person by nature, and an introvert, but when I worked retail, I would volunteer for the opening shift just so I could leave at a decent time, and have more "Me" time. I was told by my customers that I was to chipper, but I told them it was because I was a night person, and being chipper helped to wake me up!
#23
Sometimes being around people who neglect you feels more lonely than being alone.
Sabrena Patterson 5 years ago
That's why I like to keep to myself. I've worked with the public all my life and excelled at it. I'm just now finding out I'm an introvert. I always thought I was an extrovert. 62 and still learning about myself!
#24
Yes its possible to play games all day everyday and not use a mic to communicate.
mph seti 5 years ago
And we don't all want multiplayer and/or always online games! I'm tired of multi-player being viewed as necessary now in game development. Sure, it a pillar of an MMO. But that should be it. I like my RPGs and action/adventures to be solo.
Lynda Momalo 5 years ago
This goes for me too! I have zero interest in multiplayer. I like controlling my own path and doing things at my own pace.
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#25
If I haven't made eye contact in 20 minutes and I've said "right" as many times, it might be time to enjoy some silence. Speaking of silence, it's f**king golden.
#26
Spending time with 1-3 friends is fantastic. Doing the same with 10+ people, even if you like all of them, blows.
danielw 5 years ago
I never understood this. I had to explain this to my brother's inlaws. If you pay attention to social dynamics, groups larger than 5-7 people start forking off into smaller groups. So there's absolutely no point in planning larger parties. If I'm going to spend time with people... I want it to be meaningful. Not five minutes of pleasantry before you flit off to join the other group because, that's the only way you can be not-rude and spend time with everybody you invited.
Bubbs Art 5 years ago
*raises hand* I’m also here (I also have a friend with the exact name that’s spelled the same way)
Load More Replies... sosunlight 5 years ago
Exactly! I've never understood friends who ask me out for coffee, then also invite other friends so they can catch up with everyone at the same time. The introvert me wants to scream when I walk into the room and see a bunch of extra people I don't know and wasn't expecting!
Hendra Lim 5 years ago
i can enjoy meeting up with 10 friend at once, as long as it only happens once in months
panda_legerdemain 5 years ago
This is true. I always have had 2-3 friends, never mire. My husband never understands this. He has a 100 friends.. he thinks I don’t like people..
#27
We are not necessarily "lonely." People just assume people who are introverted are lonely and depressed. I'm not depressed, I just like being by myself.
Rowlie 5 years ago
If I feel lonely it's usually when I'm surrounded by other people, like I don't belong.
TheUntrustworhyEverythingBagal 5 years ago
I’m lonely more when I with many people I don’t know more than when I’m actually by myself.q
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#28
Just because we’re introverts, doesn’t mean we’re not interesting or have no hobbies. We have our own set of pastimes and likings, but sometimes we’re just not in a comfortable setting to share or talk about them.
Rowlie 5 years ago
I'd say there is even more time for hobbies because it is not spent socializing
WhatsUpKittyCat? (I wuv dogs too) 5 years ago
Someones going to have the hobby of socialising out there.
Load More Replies... #29
Texts are emails not instant chats
#30
That I’ll talk but I need 7-10 business days to think about what I’m going to say and revise it at least 14 times before I say it. If you ask me a question and I don’t answer for a minute I’m not trying to be an asshole or ignoring you but I am STRUGGLING to come up with the proper words to say. A lot of the time I don’t even realize just how long I have to think to conjure up the words to convey what I’m trying to say.. especially if it’s something to do with how I feel and somebody else’s feelings are involved trying to figure out what to say feels like diffusing a bomb sometimes lol Which is why typing is 10x better, (and I always turn off the little typing animation if I can so that people don’t make fun of me for typing for 10 minutes to say two sentences lol)
The Pants with Nobody Inside 5 years ago
The 7-10 business days is an exaggeration, but the observations are on point. Introverts communicate much better in writing than verbally. We pause when we speak because we're searching our brains for how to adequately express our ideas without blathering on and not making sense. Introverted perfectionists like to be concise and not misunderstood. Problems occur when extroverts hear a pause and start filling it with noise. Hey, just because I've paused in expressing my thoughts doesn't mean I've finished speaking, and your interruptions are not just rude but they show that you're really not listening at all but just waiting for an opportunity to blurt out whatever's on your mind. That's poison to an introvert. Just shut up, be patient and listen.
StinkyMonkey 5 years ago
🙋 Do you also always get 'you don't have to justify yourself, you know'? Like, well clearly you misunderstood me and I want you to understand what my thought process was so that next time you don't look at me like I've just grown a second head.
Load More Replies... François Carré 5 years ago
I know most people find it weird, but I allow myself at least 1 second of reflexion before answering any casual question, just to make sure I'm going to give the appropriate answer. Except for emergency situations, I don't understand why people usually feel the urge to rush answering with the first thing that comes to their mind.
Alexis D. 5 years ago
this sounds more like anxiety than introversion, tbh. I experience both and that's what this seems like to me. maybe it's just me?
Chris Jones 5 years ago
It's not about anxiety for me. I just find that too many people interrupt or derail the conversation so that you can't make the points that you want or need to. So few people have good listening skills! In writing you can make sure everything you need to say is out there. I also know that the first draft will be pretty blunt. I'll add in all the polite bits after I've got my thoughts down.
Load More Replies... #31
That I often want to be alone. Seriously, I'm 16 and my mother keeps harrassing me to go with my friends when I reapeat I want to be alone.
François Carré 5 years ago
I feel you. I'm 42 and all my adult life has been about surrounding myself with people who could understand this and accept me as I am, and finding a way of life that allows me the solid 60 % of alone time that I need to feel well.
François Bouzigues 5 years ago
She means no harm. This is probably something she enjoyed a lot at your age, and would like you to enjoy it as much as she did. Also, she must be scared to death you might be depressive. My bro is an introvert, and i love him to bits. Moms begging you to go out more are not the worst kind, but you probably already know that deep inside. I am cool with the fact you won´t acknowledge it tho.
Aunt Messy 5 years ago
Then her mother needs to quit harassing her and try to understand that NOT everyone needs to be surrounded by people 24/7.
Load More Replies... #32
When you say "OMG I'M AN INTROVERT TOO", I don't expect you to talk more for 2 hours straight and keep breaking the silence, can we just like, be quiet for a moment ;w;
Bubbs Art 5 years ago
I’m in a FB group where introverts interact and are super nice to each other. One one post, a fellow introvert commented something along the lines of “we’re all introverts here. It’s fine if the comments have no replies”.
StinkyMonkey 5 years ago
I love that, I always feel so guilty when I post something in my groups and then don't reply to all the replies
Load More Replies... #33
Small talks are worse than interviews
Lousha 5 years ago
Small talk with strangers. Happy to chat about weather or a new nail polish with someone already in my inner circle because we don't always have to discuss how to save the world. But chatting about nothing with a stranger just because THEY feel uncomfortable concentrating on the actual point of the necessary interaction is excruciating. We meet because you want to buy something in the shop I work in. Happy to help with what you need, give you expert advise, even go over the same instructions I showed you 99 times already. No bother. Hearing about your daughter's wedding who I've never met, listening to your medical symptoms and ESPECIALLY being told to smile more is a sure way to insure that if we ever get into a situation where I serve you coffee I will most definitely spit into it. It is NOT rude to just say hi, state why you're here, get what you need and leave. It is however rude to force your chit-chat on me when my face is screaming "I don't give a f***".
#34
Introversion isn't the same as social anxiety or depression. It means that you have to recharge after too much social interaction. Introverted people can be more talkative than extroverted people, they just need a break from talking every now and then.
#35
I need to spend some time by myself. This is why I wake up so damn early, it's so I have 1-2 hours everyday where you're all asleep and I can start my day in blissful silence. I love all of you, but not before 6AM, just go the f**k back to sleep. This is my time.
François Carré 5 years ago
I do the same, but going to bed 1-2 hours later than anyone. The world is so peaceful at 3:00 AM.
#36
I hate phone calls and I do not understand why you “miss my voice.” I have never missed anyone’s voice. That’s weird. I hate when people text, “I know you hate phone calls but can I please just call you for a bit.” Ugh. No.
#37
Some of the best conversation I have is with myself, so could you kindly stfu and quit interrupting my thoughts?
#38
Do you know what I do not want after a full day at work? - More social interaction. If I have something to discuss - I will. Otherwise, please, just leave me alone.
#40
In any social group/ party, I'm happy to sit silently and observe. No, I'm not feeling left alone. No, I'm not getting bored. Your pointing that out only makes me more awkward.
Jaded Queen 5 years ago
And angry . At this point I should be allowed to shoot people who say that to me
#41
That I’m actually cool with sitting in silence with you on the room for an hour or so. I don’t feel the need to fill the silence and don’t feel awkward not speaking. And I can see you shifting around uncomfortably while we’re doing this.
#42
It gets physically exhausting for me to be social. Imagine if I called you up in the afternoon every other day and said "hey you wanna go for a an hour run with me? It'll be fun!" Bet you'd hang up on my ass in a hurry if you didn't stop answering all together.
WhatsUpKittyCat? (I wuv dogs too) 5 years ago
No, I wouldn't hang up on you. If you were my best friend. I even went to my least favourite singers' concert purely because she was going and didn't want to go alone. I didn't hesitate to. If it made her happy, then I'll do it. My problem is a lot of the comments have been taking digs at extroverts. Yes, we are social. Yes, we like to talk. But no, not all of us are mean and won't give you your personal space or shut up for a while. And whilst I understand introverts don't hesitate to be rude, this is WAY too much. You don't like talking. So don't talk at all. Don't call us names. Don't say we're rude. Don't say we purposefully disturb you. Don't say we won't leave when you ask. Because most of us will. And I am fed up of introverts saying all of those things.
The Pants with Nobody Inside 5 years ago
Your whataboutism is a logical fallacy, and your whining about one post in which introverts finally get to voice their thoughts AFTER BEING ASKED is counterproductive. Being offended at the thought that your actions may not always be welcome is the height of haughtiness. Try for just a few moments to really understand someone else's lifestyle and how it may not always be compatible with yours. This isn't about you.
Load More Replies... #43
I never said it, but as an introvert, thank you to the extroverts who adopted me.
Jaded Queen 5 years ago
What the f**k does that mean? Extroverts don't adopt us, if anything we save their lives by listening to their problems, and finding solutions. And ya I m speaking from experience
#44
I really don’t have that much to talk about because I hate being interrupted, hate interrupting, and frankly don’t speak unless I have something of value to add to the conversation. Sometimes I prefer to sit on the sidelines of a conversation. Just let me gosh darn be!
#45
When I don't contact them for a while they don't need to "check" on me or feel bad if they don't, I just don't want to talk to anyone sometimes.
#46
Headphones/earbuds in ears= don’t talk to me But that’s for people in general
Lousha 5 years ago
Seems so obvious, yet so many just can't understand it. Standing in a bus stop, earbuds in, typing on phone, turned away from others. Clear enough, right? No, older lady comes and start talking. Taking earbuds out, "sorry?" "I was just saying this bus is taking its sweet time!" "Indeed...", putting earbuds immediately back, turning away, back to phone. Talking again, earbuds out, asking what was that? "It might rain later they say!". "It might." Earbuds back... And it goes on and on.
François Carré 5 years ago
And you're still kind and polite enough to answer to that lady who distracted you from the cool music you're listening to. Oh, the tyranny of social interaction. See that introverts are good people, really.
Load More Replies... Astrid Nineor 5 years ago
Dunno, some people do that even at work, in settings where you have to talk
Fred and George Weasley 5 years ago
i hate this so much. im like, cant you see im listening to music? (unless they happen to be blind obviously thats ok)
#47
My job requires that I be assertive, communicative, and lead project teams. How the f**k do I tell people I'm an introvert outside of the office and need to decompress/am not blowing them off? Don't be insulted if I say "some other time?"
Charlotte Stewart 5 years ago
I've had to learn this myself. Just tell them something like, "I'm actually an introvert, despite how I might appear at work. So the constant social interaction is draining for me, and I need time to recoup. It's not personal when I turn down invitations. I just require some time alone. If you're ever unsure of my motives, feel free to ask".
Jaded Queen 5 years ago
I wish I could . My family and community will die of drama and misunderstanding if I uttered something along the lines of these. Nice try though
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#48
Don’t worry, I don’t feel excluded out of the group, continue the conversation
ThreeOfAKind 5 years ago
On the other hand, sometimes I do feel excluded because people think that just because I don't constantly add to the conversation, I don't want to be a part of it
The Pants with Nobody Inside 5 years ago
Or when you try to add to the conversation they interrupt you and take over. After a while, what's the point in trying?
Load More Replies... #49
I don't know if it's just me, but when I cry, I prefer it if you don't make a fuss. I can get tears under control and move on if I'm left alone. If you begin asking questions "oh what's wrong/are you ok?" Then it gets worse and I get into a state where I physically cannot talk, which makes most people ask more questions and so on and it feels like an interrigation and I just feel really uncomfortable.
Jaded Queen 5 years ago
I have a friend. Who needs constant soothing words if she is crying. When I do? I just need u to listen and don't console/question me constantly. That's just makes me sad and irritated at the same time. It's a tough line to walk
#50
Being around others is just so draining...
#51
Some of us don’t enjoy being introverted all the time, but we don’t want to act extroverted cause we don’t know how to and we might come off as desperate
#52
We don't hate you, we just like being alone sometimes. This is one of those times.
#53
I remember in middle school, my English teacher had us do an activity where she would call one person’s name out and then the rest of the class would have to write words describing that person on the board. The majority of mine were all various synonyms for quiet, timid, and shy. I didn’t particularly enjoy that activity very much.
Jaded Queen 5 years ago
Omg . My moron of a teacher had 5 random kids under her immediate care , me one of them. She told entire class to write about us anonymously in 5 different pages and not show us. Since it was anonymous people wrote horrible things about me. About my weight, looks , posture, behaviour (was shy then) u name it. Other kids were the popular kids so they got written love proposals and how hot they were. Etc etc. It was not supposed to reach me. But it did. O.m.g I cried for days. I understood first hand that time how mean and cruel kids could be. They were not little angels they were horrible m***********s. I did nothing to these people. But they sat together in groups and picked me apart
Load More Replies... #54
I played in the JHS girls basketball team. (Right before the lockdown happened) And towards the end of the season, some girls said that they "know me". I barley even talked to them. They said I was "sensitive", I "hated conversation" and I was "anti-social". I'm actually none of those things! This pissed me off. It got to the point where they said my life was perfect, like, what. the. f**k. My mother left the family when I was nine, my grandmother had to go through back surgeries. 11 of them, in fact. I'm also an autistic person. I've been bullied just because of the way I look and act. That's not even all of my problems here. My point is that I wish extraverts had more knowledge on how we interaverts just act the way we do. Life would be so much better if those people could leave me alone.
Charlotte Stewart 5 years ago
Introvert =/= autistic. This person has both, but they shouldn't be conflated.
#55
It’s not that I’m anti social or don’t want friends. And if I make friends I am not a, ‘fake introvert’. I just don’t always get energy from being with people avoid parties and are more self reserved. BUT I DO WANT FRIENDS I AM NOT ANTISOCIAL!!!
#56
Just because I don't immediately know respond to your barrage of phone call and texts doesn't mean i hate you and i dont like going out much so when you force me to walk around primark for 5 hrs im gonna get annoyed with you
WhatsUpKittyCat? (I wuv dogs too) 5 years ago
Who says I like primark? (I do, but that's not the point.)
#58
If I got both earbuds in, I want to be left alone. If I only got 1 earbud in, I'm fine with making conversation.
#60
I want somebody to understand what I’m feeling, but I don’t have the courage to tell people what I’m feeling, so I might just seem distant.
#61
when I say I am doing nothing, I mean I am doing nothing
Chicken Nugget 5 years ago
I hate it when teachers make us do group projects that could just as easily be done by ourselves. Half I time I do it by myself anyway. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4 Basically, it's a TedTalk saying that introverst are necessary and add so much to the world, and people need to stop making so much revolve around extroverts and extroversion. It's really interesting.
#62
That my idea of hanging out also includes us sitting next to each other, not saying anything & just enjoying each other’s company. Which is why I love going to the movies with friends, lol.
#63
People might think I'm depressed or lonely, I stay home and do nothing all the time, but I honestly feel like the freest/happiest person in every circle I'm in. Everyone else seems so miserable.
#64
That I don't need to make new friends if I have at least one person to talk to. No, I'm not lonely. I'm a loner. I don't care for social interaction with strangers 98% of the time. I wish my boyfriend would understand that my life does not revolve around having friends or speaking to others. Idc if that makes me seem weird or mean.
Paul K. Johnson 5 years ago
I want to tell every extrovert on the planet who has ever tried to "fix" me or take me out someplace I didn't want to go that the way they feel in lock-down when they're prevented from socializing is how I feel when they want to bully me or guilt me into socializing. I have a feeling that even if we could tell them that they'd forget the moment lock-down is over.
#65
It’s not you. I’m interested, I just don’t know what to say. Or what to do with my face. Or how to hide that I don’t know what to do or say. But keep talking, I’m soaking it in
#67
I enjoy hanging out with people a lot more than most introverts but I like being quiet when I do
#68
You are the pro at eye contact. Am I ever making it, like... EVER? If so, even a little bit, then I'm not talking because I'm actively paying attention to you. I'm NOT talking, I'm NOT interrupting, I'm NOT talking over you, because what you are saying interests me. My lack of interaction means I am interested in what you are telling me, please continue. My sporadic, seemingly reluctant, eye contact, is me pressing the next button in the dialogue, and then immediately looking away because my attention is once again on what you are saying. Being an introvert sometimes means I don't want to talk, but can also mean that I want to listen to YOU talk.
Assistant to DJ 5 years ago
Sporadic eye contact in communication comes across to ALL humans that you're not paying attention and are ignoring them. Fine if you don't want to talk, but you have to adapt to the situation and look people in the eye when they're speaking to you or you seem like an ignorant a**. Fellow introvert here saying this, i feel the same if i'm talking to someone and they don't make eye contact, which makes my introversion worse as I feel no one cares to listen. Inability to make eye contact during speech is a sign of autism spectrum, or, worse, sociopathy. Look in their eyes, windows to the soul and all that.
Charlotte Stewart 5 years ago
Ok, I'm a SERIOUS introvert here, but I don't expect people to read my mind. Even I don't understand why OP seems to be saying that they make sporadic eye contact. Huh?
What do you think ?
Dynein 5 years ago
Many good and true things in here... and many false generalizations. Introversion really just means "recharges when alone" (as opposed to extroverts who recharge when around people). The bits about how wanting me-time don't translate to depression, shyness, disliking someone etc are absolutely true and ought to be written into the sky or something. The bits like disliking small talk, being direct etc are personal preference and don't universally apply!
Kesam 5 years ago
What has always bugged is the societal expectation and pressure to live up extroverts' ideals. Socializing is seen as a skill you should have to be a good, fun, worthy member of society. I've heard so many people (including myself) say in an apologetic tone that they are "not good at socializing." Well, if socializing is a skill we're supposedly lacking, how about attaching some value to introvert "skills" like being able to enjoy your own company? A lot of people are really bad at that.
The Pants with Nobody Inside 5 years ago
THIS. There is intrinsic value to introversion which is not recognized by society. My experiences provide a good example: I'm not good in front of the public and I know it, so I seek out jobs where I can be part of the support team. I work best alone or with one other person behind the scenes making sure everything is perfect for the people who are up front dealing with the public. Introverts keep the world running. Then management comes in and expects you to be super social with people you really don't want to spend your free time with. *headdesk*
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Tommy Collins 5 years ago
Thank you for the post, I really enjoyed it and can relate to so much. This is the first time I have ever read a post on introverts and know that so many can appreciate the honesty in this good read.
Metaniel 5 years ago
I'm an introvert working with extravert. A month or so ago she shouted at me, that I'm disrespecting her, because I'm not talking to her and I'm just sitting at work in silence doing my job. HR looked at her like she had a horn on her forehead. My mind went from inside shock to laughter. Everyone around us started to explaining grown up women that not everyone likes to talk a lot. She still claims that I disrespect her. And she expects, that I will magically open up about myself. Nah, bye.
danielw 5 years ago
I always love how some people feel like not blathering mindlessly about s**t that should remain private is somehow disrespectful to them. Usually, because they want to turn around and gossip about you. Its rude to not be so obliging.
Load More Replies... Martha Meyer 5 years ago
Most people are not actually what we call extroverts or introverts but on a scale between both.
Jason Haliburn 5 years ago
Haha.....commenting isn't my thing. I just came to read the content and agree to it. Not here to give my thoughts about it. How lame would that be ....
Meyer Weinstock 5 years ago
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
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Dynein 5 years ago
Many good and true things in here... and many false generalizations. Introversion really just means "recharges when alone" (as opposed to extroverts who recharge when around people). The bits about how wanting me-time don't translate to depression, shyness, disliking someone etc are absolutely true and ought to be written into the sky or something. The bits like disliking small talk, being direct etc are personal preference and don't universally apply!
Kesam 5 years ago
What has always bugged is the societal expectation and pressure to live up extroverts' ideals. Socializing is seen as a skill you should have to be a good, fun, worthy member of society. I've heard so many people (including myself) say in an apologetic tone that they are "not good at socializing." Well, if socializing is a skill we're supposedly lacking, how about attaching some value to introvert "skills" like being able to enjoy your own company? A lot of people are really bad at that.
The Pants with Nobody Inside 5 years ago
THIS. There is intrinsic value to introversion which is not recognized by society. My experiences provide a good example: I'm not good in front of the public and I know it, so I seek out jobs where I can be part of the support team. I work best alone or with one other person behind the scenes making sure everything is perfect for the people who are up front dealing with the public. Introverts keep the world running. Then management comes in and expects you to be super social with people you really don't want to spend your free time with. *headdesk*
Load More Replies... Tommy Collins 5 years ago
Thank you for the post, I really enjoyed it and can relate to so much. This is the first time I have ever read a post on introverts and know that so many can appreciate the honesty in this good read.
Metaniel 5 years ago
I'm an introvert working with extravert. A month or so ago she shouted at me, that I'm disrespecting her, because I'm not talking to her and I'm just sitting at work in silence doing my job. HR looked at her like she had a horn on her forehead. My mind went from inside shock to laughter. Everyone around us started to explaining grown up women that not everyone likes to talk a lot. She still claims that I disrespect her. And she expects, that I will magically open up about myself. Nah, bye.
danielw 5 years ago
I always love how some people feel like not blathering mindlessly about s**t that should remain private is somehow disrespectful to them. Usually, because they want to turn around and gossip about you. Its rude to not be so obliging.
Load More Replies... Martha Meyer 5 years ago
Most people are not actually what we call extroverts or introverts but on a scale between both.
Jason Haliburn 5 years ago
Haha.....commenting isn't my thing. I just came to read the content and agree to it. Not here to give my thoughts about it. How lame would that be ....
Meyer Weinstock 5 years ago
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Load More Replies...
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