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“I Can’t Tell If You’re Flirting”: Men Share 20 Things That They Struggle To Get Through To Women
Remember how John Gray said that men and women are from distinct planets – it is still believed by our society that no matter how hard we try, women won't understand men and vice versa. The common idea is that women are much more communicative and tend to express their feelings, whereas men are seen as more introverted and even apathetic. The myth about women and men having different brains has been busted, so how could it be explained that we both have such behavioral differences?
One neuropsychiatrist suggested that the male brain reads emotions very quickly and then shuts it down behind the mask of masculinity. So, could it be that those differences come from the toxic societal norms? While our world is slowly trying to introduce a healthy atmosphere towards its people, an online user decided to find things out through men themselves and asked the community: "men of Reddit, what's the most difficult thing to explain to women?"
The question received 13.4K upvotes and 8.3K comments where men listed a bunch of random things that they personally had a hard time explaining to women. However, If there's anything on your mind that you would like to add, don't hesitate to comment down below.
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That, despite what movies/TV/literature hammer into your brains, fathers can be emotionally available, engaged, great parents.
I'm the sole parent of a son and two daughters and I've had to listen to "what does mom think of her getting this haircut?", and "tell mom to schedule an appointment" for years.
Mom's in a halfway house you f%*kwit, and I'm plenty capable of making decisions for my own children.
Well done good sir. I do know that there are many fantastic fathers our there, single or not. And as a single mother I also hate the assumptions about "mom stuff" and "dad stuff"... really, do not even get me started on that subject.
That many men only have meaningful physical contact with their SO.
Single men often exist in touch isolation. For a variety of reasons and social pressures, many men experience a lack of physical contact.
Most men I know won't even feel comfortable hugging their best friend. For a long time, the only physical contact I had with other people was either sexual or a part of a competitive sport. Getting closer to middle age I've learned to hug my friends and have platonic physical contact.
It really helped my mental health. I used to feel alone all the time even when I was with friends. Hug your male friends and help them normalize platonic physical affection.
I do not pick up on "signals." Please ask us out or tell me, to my face, like a 5 year old, what you want or are thinking. I am kind of dumb.
That probably won't be enough. Since the probabily of this happening is so rare, a man might think that this is a trick or prank. Kinda like finding a gold chest in the moddle of the road. Too good to be true
When I'm asked what I'm thinking about and I say nothing, it's because I'm usually thinking of something dumb like who would win a fight. Godzilla or Megatron?
That I really want to dress up in full plate armor and own a warhorse.
When you ask me how my day was or what I did today, nothing in my day usually stands out as special, so I just dont remember. I usually dont remember what I do, I just live.
When I tell you I don’t need anything for Christmas it really means you should get me the 7541 piece Lego Millennium Falcon set.
This kind of goes against the "I don't pick up on signals" bit. Just say what kind of thing you want. You don't need to get specific but just say "I'd like something like _____".
That I feel like a creep just by simply existing. I'm always so worried I'm making someone uncomfortable just because I'm a sorta tall, kinda big guy just quietly existing.
I know it's because I've heard from so many people that "guys are such creeps" during middle/high school with no further explanation.
Aw, this is sad. Personally, big quiet guys don't freak me out or make me uncomfortable, they're usually the ones I like. And I swear I really don't assume that "all guys are creeps", I really do give all people a fair chance. I know that the creepy guys make life difficult for the genuinely good guys, especially if you're the shy and quiet type, and it's really really sad.
I can’t tell if you’re flirting with me or not.
Whenever a girl talks to you nicely: "Is this LOVE?"
That the more guys you have hanging out together, the dumber s!#t they get into increases exponentially.
You get two guys, and they might throw a water balloon against a glass window, breaking it over the others face. Get four together, and they fire an airsoft gun into an empty room and break the lightbulb.
God help you if you get more than that... And yes, those do seem to be very specific examples.
True. In my engg. dorm, guys used to wear those containers used to store design sheets over their arms and legs and fight with each other believing they were transformers. Crazy days.
That they need to stop being so f%@king mean to themselves.
That dudes can have a 2 hour conversation with each other (phone, down at the pub, playing online games) and not talk about any personal things.
My SO finds it super bizarre that I can talk to my brother for an hour and not know how his family is going, how his work is, what holiday plans are. Sometimes some bros just want to talk about movies or make fart jokes.
That when you can’t decide between two outfits and you ask us we literally would be ok with you wearing a garbage bag if it means the process could be sped up and we don’t leave the house by midnight.
I still love you even though I can’t give you 100 reasons why I love you.
We don't need a hundred reasons. Usually the answer we're after is something along the lines of "because you're you, and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else". (Don't you dare say that insincerely, though!)
that's is dumb...we are telling exactly that, we don't always have a good reassons to why we love somebody, women should at least respect that fact....we guys learn to say things just to say something, and is a pressure to find a wording that satisfy our partners. but we also know that those are just words, because you pressed us...most guys learn to tell women what they want to hear, whether is with good or bad intensions, because anything else is going to f**k things up
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Yeah, I don't get that at all. Why do I need to list any reason?. Why do love me is like asking why are you hungry? Because I just am! Insecure people can suck the life out of a relationship.
Wait, is this a thing? In our 11+ years together, I never asked my husband such a question.
Why does my hubby need 100 reasons? "Just because you're you" is the best and only one I've ever needed.
One time I asked my hubby why he fell in love with me. I know, dangerous territory. He said "Because you didn't bug me". I didn't understand and asked for an explanation. He told me that others girls he dated always expected him to go out on weekends, called all the time and didn't like him going out with his friends. So, I didn't bug him. Who knew it was so easy? There is no training for this.
I could though but I'm contemplating having Lucky Charms for dinner and it needs my full attention
Do you save a small cache of marshmallows for that perfect last bite?
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That's true. But for me the "I don't know, I just do" doesn't cut it. Not 100. Just 1 or2 reasons would be nice. If you can't come up with anything that, to me, is suspect.
If a person is asking their SO that question regularly there would appear to be some psychological problem. Actions speak louder than words and the way your partner treats you should show that they love you. IMHO
Normally I just like that I can feel secure about my interests and my body. I dont need much.
Just say something nice - anything! Anything at all! We’re just looking for a bit of positive feedback.
Even if a person is secure in who they are, it is still nice, once in a while to hear something good about yourself from someone you love and respect. I don't mean once a day or week or even per month...just once in a while say something nice. Like: "I love the way you love animals", "I love how you know random things", or similar. It doesn't have to be a big deal, but it means a lot.
My husband and I have almost nothing in common. We have a few things over which we connect daily, but for the rest, we could be living in different cities. I asked him once why he loved me (I know, a stupid and dangerous thing to do), and he actually gave it a few minutes thought before he replied, "Because you're so competent." I'll take it.
My missus met my oldest friend at a wedding early last year. Haven't seen him since, or for about ten years before, despite living about three miles away from each other.
Just before the wedding, she asked me how come we never met up, I said "he's alive, isn't he?". Couple of days later at the actual wedding, she asked him the same things, and he also said "he's alive, isn't he?".
She never understood that. Never managed to explain that to her.
Why we can't coo qt babies like they do. I love babies they're the best. But if I do that in public people would give me weird looks.
Idk if most difficult but it sure did took a while to explain to my ex that we don’t look at each other’s d!$ks at the urinals.
How two or more men can bond just by standing in a room in silence.
That's not difficult. Have you ever seen that glance between two women when they hear a really crappy pick-up line? They are bonding as well.
Its so terrible that our society keeps telling men that they cant express any emotion besides anger. Hugs to all of you.
From what I've gathered in my 37 years as a white male is that I'm evil for everything that happened in the past. I'm an asshole for not showing my feelings but when I talk I should just shut up. I'm not allowed around kids of any age or it's creepy. I'm not allowed around women or it's creepy. If I can't bench press a bus I'm not man enough but being too much of a jock is toxic. This is why I just stay home and I don't have any friends. I never learned how to socialize for fear of doing something wrong. The fact that I'm married with kids is still mind boggling to me.
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Nice thread. Many of them seem to be universally applicable.
Let's top assuming anyone can read minds, and just use words. Radical, I know, but it's worked for us. :-)
Just be yourself and do your own thing. "THOSE THAT MIND DON'T MATTER AND THOSE THAT MATTER DON'T MIND "- Dr. Seuss
You may be in my field of vision, but I'm off in my own world, not staring at you. My eyes are open so I don't fall asleep.
supported. Just be kind to everyone please. Ask rather than assume. And don't pressurise people for answers and a psychotherapysession. sometimes just sitting next to someone or holding their hand says more than $1000 of therapy.
sometimes asking how they are doing and leaving it at that is enough
Load More Replies... Most of these were just stereotypes about men being somehow emotionally unavailable and/or incompetent. Also, as a woman, I never “got” signals when I was young either. I had a serious boyfriend once who did the signals thing, and I asked him, “can you just tell me directly?” He ultimately said well…no. At the time, I thought it was horribly mean that he wouldn’t accommodate me. But you know what? I worked to “get” signals, as in I learned to be more observant and to actually try, rather than pretend that since I was of course correct in my direct approach, I couldn’t possibly be asked to accommodate him. I became a better listener and a more empathetic person. It generally made me better at communication. Sometimes it’s not about inability, but a lack of will , and I’m glad I was called out on that early in life. Sometimes I think men have this man-child incompetence robot thing because no one ever calls them out on it and they don’t believe they need to try.
I wish everyone could just be who they wanted to be without there being invisible socially understood intangible concepts were supposed to follow for no good reason.
I refuse to keep this "men cant show emotions" going. I hug people, I show affection, I cuddle with my friends, I give kisses to those who like it. If somebody has a problem with that, they can go f**k themself.
Bored Panda doesn't usually have many posts where men get to talk about being men (at least not compared to the number of posts about women talking about being women). So this is nice to see.
Its so terrible that our society keeps telling men that they cant express any emotion besides anger. Hugs to all of you.
From what I've gathered in my 37 years as a white male is that I'm evil for everything that happened in the past. I'm an asshole for not showing my feelings but when I talk I should just shut up. I'm not allowed around kids of any age or it's creepy. I'm not allowed around women or it's creepy. If I can't bench press a bus I'm not man enough but being too much of a jock is toxic. This is why I just stay home and I don't have any friends. I never learned how to socialize for fear of doing something wrong. The fact that I'm married with kids is still mind boggling to me.
Load More Replies... Nice thread. Many of them seem to be universally applicable.
Let's top assuming anyone can read minds, and just use words. Radical, I know, but it's worked for us. :-)
Just be yourself and do your own thing. "THOSE THAT MIND DON'T MATTER AND THOSE THAT MATTER DON'T MIND "- Dr. Seuss
You may be in my field of vision, but I'm off in my own world, not staring at you. My eyes are open so I don't fall asleep.
supported. Just be kind to everyone please. Ask rather than assume. And don't pressurise people for answers and a psychotherapysession. sometimes just sitting next to someone or holding their hand says more than $1000 of therapy.
sometimes asking how they are doing and leaving it at that is enough
Load More Replies... Most of these were just stereotypes about men being somehow emotionally unavailable and/or incompetent. Also, as a woman, I never “got” signals when I was young either. I had a serious boyfriend once who did the signals thing, and I asked him, “can you just tell me directly?” He ultimately said well…no. At the time, I thought it was horribly mean that he wouldn’t accommodate me. But you know what? I worked to “get” signals, as in I learned to be more observant and to actually try, rather than pretend that since I was of course correct in my direct approach, I couldn’t possibly be asked to accommodate him. I became a better listener and a more empathetic person. It generally made me better at communication. Sometimes it’s not about inability, but a lack of will , and I’m glad I was called out on that early in life. Sometimes I think men have this man-child incompetence robot thing because no one ever calls them out on it and they don’t believe they need to try.
I wish everyone could just be who they wanted to be without there being invisible socially understood intangible concepts were supposed to follow for no good reason.
I refuse to keep this "men cant show emotions" going. I hug people, I show affection, I cuddle with my friends, I give kisses to those who like it. If somebody has a problem with that, they can go f**k themself.
Bored Panda doesn't usually have many posts where men get to talk about being men (at least not compared to the number of posts about women talking about being women). So this is nice to see.
