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“I Can’t Tell If You’re Flirting”: Men Share 20 Things That They Struggle To Get Through To Women
Remember how John Gray said that men and women are from distinct planets – it is still believed by our society that no matter how hard we try, women won't understand men and vice versa. The common idea is that women are much more communicative and tend to express their feelings, whereas men are seen as more introverted and even apathetic. The myth about women and men having different brains has been busted, so how could it be explained that we both have such behavioral differences?
One neuropsychiatrist suggested that the male brain reads emotions very quickly and then shuts it down behind the mask of masculinity. So, could it be that those differences come from the toxic societal norms? While our world is slowly trying to introduce a healthy atmosphere towards its people, an online user decided to find things out through men themselves and asked the community: "men of Reddit, what's the most difficult thing to explain to women?"
The question received 13.4K upvotes and 8.3K comments where men listed a bunch of random things that they personally had a hard time explaining to women. However, If there's anything on your mind that you would like to add, don't hesitate to comment down below.
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That, despite what movies/TV/literature hammer into your brains, fathers can be emotionally available, engaged, great parents.
I'm the sole parent of a son and two daughters and I've had to listen to "what does mom think of her getting this haircut?", and "tell mom to schedule an appointment" for years.
Mom's in a halfway house you f%*kwit, and I'm plenty capable of making decisions for my own children.
Well done good sir. I do know that there are many fantastic fathers our there, single or not. And as a single mother I also hate the assumptions about "mom stuff" and "dad stuff"... really, do not even get me started on that subject.
That many men only have meaningful physical contact with their SO.
Single men often exist in touch isolation. For a variety of reasons and social pressures, many men experience a lack of physical contact.
Most men I know won't even feel comfortable hugging their best friend. For a long time, the only physical contact I had with other people was either sexual or a part of a competitive sport. Getting closer to middle age I've learned to hug my friends and have platonic physical contact.
It really helped my mental health. I used to feel alone all the time even when I was with friends. Hug your male friends and help them normalize platonic physical affection.
I do not pick up on "signals." Please ask us out or tell me, to my face, like a 5 year old, what you want or are thinking. I am kind of dumb.
That probably won't be enough. Since the probabily of this happening is so rare, a man might think that this is a trick or prank. Kinda like finding a gold chest in the moddle of the road. Too good to be true
When I'm asked what I'm thinking about and I say nothing, it's because I'm usually thinking of something dumb like who would win a fight. Godzilla or Megatron?
That I really want to dress up in full plate armor and own a warhorse.
When you ask me how my day was or what I did today, nothing in my day usually stands out as special, so I just dont remember. I usually dont remember what I do, I just live.
When I tell you I don’t need anything for Christmas it really means you should get me the 7541 piece Lego Millennium Falcon set.
This kind of goes against the "I don't pick up on signals" bit. Just say what kind of thing you want. You don't need to get specific but just say "I'd like something like _____".
That I feel like a creep just by simply existing. I'm always so worried I'm making someone uncomfortable just because I'm a sorta tall, kinda big guy just quietly existing.
I know it's because I've heard from so many people that "guys are such creeps" during middle/high school with no further explanation.
Aw, this is sad. Personally, big quiet guys don't freak me out or make me uncomfortable, they're usually the ones I like. And I swear I really don't assume that "all guys are creeps", I really do give all people a fair chance. I know that the creepy guys make life difficult for the genuinely good guys, especially if you're the shy and quiet type, and it's really really sad.
I can’t tell if you’re flirting with me or not.
Whenever a girl talks to you nicely: "Is this LOVE?"
She's not. There have been studies done that show straight men think a lot of completely innocuous things are flirting. If a woman looks at them. If she smiles. If she looks down. If she looks away. If she touches her hair. If she conveys any positive tone of voice at seeing you. If she's nice. If she's nice at her job. Yeah no. Women are just out there trying to work a job or exist while touching their own hair occasionally. And while they can't remove their eyeballs so ANY look they do doesn't get taken the wrong way I know many who don't smile in public or at men anymore because of how it's taken.
Yes. This goes along with the post about, 'I don't get signals.' That may be because they're not signals.
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if you cannot tell if the other person is flirting.... assume they *aren't*.
Just because the women isn't flirting with the man, doesn't mean the man can't flirt with the woman. It will eventually end, but there's no harm in flirting, that's how it generally works.
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so wait, does anyone know? if so many people don't get flirting, why the hell do people insist on doing it?
As a woman with all guy friends, same. I have zero idea when a guy is flirting with me. Only way I knew my (now) husband was flirting is someone mentioned they thought he was, and I flat asked him if was meaning to.
Same here. I never saw myself as attractive and always had friends of both sexes so I always assumed that all men that were paying me more attention than normal wanted to be friends. My partner basically needed to spell it out for me to get a hint. Even during our first date I was still not sure if he was flirting or wanted to be friends.
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except for the times when she is, and years later mentions that you don't pick up hints... true story of a missed opportunity for both of us.
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Rule of thumb, if she's working in the service industry, like your waitress or cashier, she is just being polite, please don't hit on her.
I can't count the number of times I've seen comments on this site from women complaining about certain things they say or do being misinterpreted as flirting, while also hearing other women say that men are dense for not recognizing that these very same things are obvious examples of flirting. This is nothing against the women, but it makes it very clear that one person's flirting is another person's just being nice.
In most cases, probably not. Most men are “off by one step.” Politeness is seen as friendliness, friendliness as affection, affection as attraction, attraction as permission. Some men are off by all the steps.
I've never heard it described that way, but I like it!
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Then you get women complaining about all the "obvious" flirting that men missed. I'm sure you've seen those articles. They get posted every few months.
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I just assume not unless is very clear the contrary (for example she tries to kiss)
Which is ironic because if a guy tried to kiss a woman, a lot of people would bash him for making assumptions and potentially sexually assaulting someone.
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any just because we’re being nice to a girl does not mean we’re in stalker mode
If you are with your gf/wife and another woman ignores her completely while being super nice to you, stands between you turning her back to your SO, touches you "occasionally", takes your hand etc. - she IS flirting. And god help you if you don't notice, because your SO will for sure.
I had thought a girl was flirting and asked her out to be told no and she was just being nice. I knew a girl I thought was being nice but was flirting and missed my chance to ask her out. I never get it right so I pretty much stopped until I met my wife.
Yes, because society says men should make the first move, so women try to give discrete hints which are too lame and subtle to be clear enough.
She said "Hi" didn't she ? Hope you brought protection. High five Bro .
Be brave enough to ask; any possible awkwardness is easy to deal with once you have the info that you need.
There are a lot of articles posted where women complain about men missing "obvious" flirting. The point of this post is that a lot of flirting that women think is obvious really isn't.
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If you’re not sure, always assume not. It’s up to her to learn to communicate her feelings.
I never wanted to be the "creeper" so I was always extremely conservative when interpreting signals from women. Time has revealed some of the opportunities I missed out on, but hey - no sense in having any regrets. Happily married now so maybe I saved myself some STDs.
Yup, I have always assumed "she is probably just a nice person who is friendly to everyone", because that is les likely to put me into a situation where I'm making someone uncomfortable. I can think of times where someone said to me "I think she likes you", and my response was always a genuine "Wait a second, who? Where? Seriously?", and I still didn't trust them to be right.
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I can't tell or flirt for the life of me. I'd be the worst at one of those flirty reality shows. Director: "Be playful and flirt with her? Action!" Me: "So do you remember that one scene in George of the Jungle where they misinterpreted the word awe for aww? Hilarious right?" Director: "Cut!"
SuperChicken was always my favorite of the three cartoon!
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I often see articles where women complain about men missing "obvious" flirting. The point of this post is that a lot of things that women think are obvious really aren't.
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Yeah, usually we're re just being polite and that's exactly what you should assume. If a woman is genuinely interested in you, she will let you know.
Honestly as a woman, I have no idea when a man is flirting with me either, unless he is direct. It's not just men who are confused. But when I flirt, it's usually horrible and clumsy and I look totally nuts so... there is that.
Does she smile at other females like that ? Is she looking at you like she's looking at everyone else ? That side glance side smile seems flirtatious to me
same for women tho.. i always feel like a guy is flirting with me if he is super kind and respectful... then later on, by discovering he was JUST being a decent human being ( how every man should be and behave), i feel ashamed for even assuming he'd be slightly interested in me. i am so used to asshole behaviour from men that just a bit kindness gets mistaken for being flirty.
I was in middle school having a crappy day. A group of girls come up to me. I know all of them, they ride the bus with me and I've know them since grade school. One girl was newer but I still knew here. The new girl asked me what my names was. I was pissed off and stated "sure, if you're a girl everyone knows who you are but if you're a boy noone cares" and went to class. 20 years later I suddenly realized she was hitting on me.
That would mean that women wouldn't ever be able to flirt because it would be impossible for men to ever be sure if she was or not.
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Eye contact. Attention to what you are saying. Touching your arm as she talks. Smiling.
just because we speak, we are not flirting. Just because our eyes cross, we are not flirting. If a man was speaking to you, or looked you in the eye for a moment, is he flirting with you? Probably not. Same with us.
Women are saying what isn't flirting, but they aren't saying what IS flirting. The point is that there isn't any set code and women aren't being as obvious as they think they are.
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It doesn't matter. Flirting is a game. You play stupid games you win stupid prizes. Be respectful to everyone and if you like a girl, ask her out. The answer will be yes or no. Accept the answer and move on
I think a lot of us know when you're flirting with us,but we don't want you to think of us as a creeper. So the hot guy you were creeping on just goes about their day.
Really I can't tell. If you offer me Chapstick and then put some on yourself, I will patiently wait for you to hand the tube over to me.
The two women are possibly involved with each other. The woman in the dark clothing feels something for sure.
The picture has nothing to do with the quote. Don't assume that those women are the ones he is talking about.
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exactly, Most people I know (myself included) are terrible at deciphering subtle hints, roundabout clues, or "signals". Especially in social settings. Just tell me in plain English , please.
That whole "Hi, I'm just wondering..." "Oh, I have a boyfriend/girlfriend" "...Great. .. I just wanted to ask where you got your sweater as I'm looking for a gift for my boyfriend..." I also like to look for friends as many of my high school friends have moved on and, tbh, I'm needing a good friend. If you're that uncomfortable engaging in conversation with the opposite sex, it would be okay to say "Hey, my girlfriend is a nice gal perhaps I can introduce you to her."
Why not just tell the woman to be clear about what she wants rather than trying to "hint"? Body language isn't like verbal language. It doesn't always mean the same thing to each person.
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There is no answer to this one tbh. It varies from person to person. I've been mistaken for flirting or being interested when I was just being friendly and having a chat. I'm not a touchy-feely type either.
As a guy I wouldn't be sure and don't want to get my hopes up thinking this sweet chick actually likes me.
Just always go with not.... the window for anything good happening with going with "yes" is incredibly small.... and the mis-construed "yes's" lead to the massive egos women have. Look down, look away, dont engage... chances are that even if a woman is "flirting" with you, its some sort of cruel joke.
That the more guys you have hanging out together, the dumber s!#t they get into increases exponentially.
You get two guys, and they might throw a water balloon against a glass window, breaking it over the others face. Get four together, and they fire an airsoft gun into an empty room and break the lightbulb.
God help you if you get more than that... And yes, those do seem to be very specific examples.
True. In my engg. dorm, guys used to wear those containers used to store design sheets over their arms and legs and fight with each other believing they were transformers. Crazy days.
That they need to stop being so f%@king mean to themselves.
That dudes can have a 2 hour conversation with each other (phone, down at the pub, playing online games) and not talk about any personal things.
My SO finds it super bizarre that I can talk to my brother for an hour and not know how his family is going, how his work is, what holiday plans are. Sometimes some bros just want to talk about movies or make fart jokes.
That when you can’t decide between two outfits and you ask us we literally would be ok with you wearing a garbage bag if it means the process could be sped up and we don’t leave the house by midnight.
I still love you even though I can’t give you 100 reasons why I love you.
We don't need a hundred reasons. Usually the answer we're after is something along the lines of "because you're you, and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else". (Don't you dare say that insincerely, though!)
My missus met my oldest friend at a wedding early last year. Haven't seen him since, or for about ten years before, despite living about three miles away from each other.
Just before the wedding, she asked me how come we never met up, I said "he's alive, isn't he?". Couple of days later at the actual wedding, she asked him the same things, and he also said "he's alive, isn't he?".
She never understood that. Never managed to explain that to her.
Why we can't coo qt babies like they do. I love babies they're the best. But if I do that in public people would give me weird looks.
Idk if most difficult but it sure did took a while to explain to my ex that we don’t look at each other’s d!$ks at the urinals.
How two or more men can bond just by standing in a room in silence.
That's not difficult. Have you ever seen that glance between two women when they hear a really crappy pick-up line? They are bonding as well.
Its so terrible that our society keeps telling men that they cant express any emotion besides anger. Hugs to all of you.
From what I've gathered in my 37 years as a white male is that I'm evil for everything that happened in the past. I'm an asshole for not showing my feelings but when I talk I should just shut up. I'm not allowed around kids of any age or it's creepy. I'm not allowed around women or it's creepy. If I can't bench press a bus I'm not man enough but being too much of a jock is toxic. This is why I just stay home and I don't have any friends. I never learned how to socialize for fear of doing something wrong. The fact that I'm married with kids is still mind boggling to me.
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Nice thread. Many of them seem to be universally applicable.
Let's top assuming anyone can read minds, and just use words. Radical, I know, but it's worked for us. :-)
Just be yourself and do your own thing. "THOSE THAT MIND DON'T MATTER AND THOSE THAT MATTER DON'T MIND "- Dr. Seuss
You may be in my field of vision, but I'm off in my own world, not staring at you. My eyes are open so I don't fall asleep.
supported. Just be kind to everyone please. Ask rather than assume. And don't pressurise people for answers and a psychotherapysession. sometimes just sitting next to someone or holding their hand says more than $1000 of therapy.
sometimes asking how they are doing and leaving it at that is enough
Load More Replies... Most of these were just stereotypes about men being somehow emotionally unavailable and/or incompetent. Also, as a woman, I never “got” signals when I was young either. I had a serious boyfriend once who did the signals thing, and I asked him, “can you just tell me directly?” He ultimately said well…no. At the time, I thought it was horribly mean that he wouldn’t accommodate me. But you know what? I worked to “get” signals, as in I learned to be more observant and to actually try, rather than pretend that since I was of course correct in my direct approach, I couldn’t possibly be asked to accommodate him. I became a better listener and a more empathetic person. It generally made me better at communication. Sometimes it’s not about inability, but a lack of will , and I’m glad I was called out on that early in life. Sometimes I think men have this man-child incompetence robot thing because no one ever calls them out on it and they don’t believe they need to try.
I wish everyone could just be who they wanted to be without there being invisible socially understood intangible concepts were supposed to follow for no good reason.
I refuse to keep this "men cant show emotions" going. I hug people, I show affection, I cuddle with my friends, I give kisses to those who like it. If somebody has a problem with that, they can go f**k themself.
Bored Panda doesn't usually have many posts where men get to talk about being men (at least not compared to the number of posts about women talking about being women). So this is nice to see.
Its so terrible that our society keeps telling men that they cant express any emotion besides anger. Hugs to all of you.
From what I've gathered in my 37 years as a white male is that I'm evil for everything that happened in the past. I'm an asshole for not showing my feelings but when I talk I should just shut up. I'm not allowed around kids of any age or it's creepy. I'm not allowed around women or it's creepy. If I can't bench press a bus I'm not man enough but being too much of a jock is toxic. This is why I just stay home and I don't have any friends. I never learned how to socialize for fear of doing something wrong. The fact that I'm married with kids is still mind boggling to me.
Load More Replies... Nice thread. Many of them seem to be universally applicable.
Let's top assuming anyone can read minds, and just use words. Radical, I know, but it's worked for us. :-)
Just be yourself and do your own thing. "THOSE THAT MIND DON'T MATTER AND THOSE THAT MATTER DON'T MIND "- Dr. Seuss
You may be in my field of vision, but I'm off in my own world, not staring at you. My eyes are open so I don't fall asleep.
supported. Just be kind to everyone please. Ask rather than assume. And don't pressurise people for answers and a psychotherapysession. sometimes just sitting next to someone or holding their hand says more than $1000 of therapy.
sometimes asking how they are doing and leaving it at that is enough
Load More Replies... Most of these were just stereotypes about men being somehow emotionally unavailable and/or incompetent. Also, as a woman, I never “got” signals when I was young either. I had a serious boyfriend once who did the signals thing, and I asked him, “can you just tell me directly?” He ultimately said well…no. At the time, I thought it was horribly mean that he wouldn’t accommodate me. But you know what? I worked to “get” signals, as in I learned to be more observant and to actually try, rather than pretend that since I was of course correct in my direct approach, I couldn’t possibly be asked to accommodate him. I became a better listener and a more empathetic person. It generally made me better at communication. Sometimes it’s not about inability, but a lack of will , and I’m glad I was called out on that early in life. Sometimes I think men have this man-child incompetence robot thing because no one ever calls them out on it and they don’t believe they need to try.
I wish everyone could just be who they wanted to be without there being invisible socially understood intangible concepts were supposed to follow for no good reason.
I refuse to keep this "men cant show emotions" going. I hug people, I show affection, I cuddle with my friends, I give kisses to those who like it. If somebody has a problem with that, they can go f**k themself.
Bored Panda doesn't usually have many posts where men get to talk about being men (at least not compared to the number of posts about women talking about being women). So this is nice to see.
