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“I Don’t Think He Realized How Profound That Was”: 30 Mind-Blowing Things Therapists Have Said
Interview With Expert
Therapy can be life-changing. Not just because therapists are pretty much the only people who can’t wait to hear about our weird dreams and childhood trauma, but because they can help us sort out the tangled mess of thoughts and feelings we have. That’s a pretty big deal.
Recently, a Reddit poster asked folks to share the most impactful things their therapist had said to them. People poured in with their stories, and this mental health thread became full of thought-proving statements, some of which were certainly Gandalfesque!
More info: Reddit
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
The anxiety you're feeling is not evil or your enemy, it’s an overprotective friend trying to keep you safe because it once saw you hurt. Do not fight it, prove it wrong.
Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago
I love how they show how to put it to use at the end, too.
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BK BigFish 1 year ago
I just saw the movie Inside Out 2. This advice totally fits the message of the movie!
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
Inside Out 2 did a great job of showing this. Anxiety means well and just wants to protect Riley from "threats she can't see" and help her plan for the future by mapping out possible scenarios to be prepared for.
Virgil Blue 1 year ago
Very true, it's called the protector and it's part of your survival system that normally trues to detect situations that harmed you and makes you alert and uncomfortable as an early warning. But it can get damaged and get stuck in survival mode by trauma and starts mistaken benign things and situations as dangers making you ever more wary and nervous in a downward spiral.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
I always have to tell myself to stop showing my anxiety and deal with the issues a better way that won't get me in s**t. I'm slowly working on it and noticing I haven't gotten called into the office in a while.
J 1 year ago
Anxiety is a normal reaction to stress. Mild levels of anxiety can be beneficial in some situations. It can alert us to dangers and help us prepare and pay attention. Anxiety disorders differ from normal feelings of nervousness or anxiousness and involve excessive fear or anxiety. Anxiety disorders are the most common of mental disorders. They affect nearly 30% of adults at some point in their lives. However, anxiety disorders are treatable with a number of psychotherapeutic treatments. Treatment helps most people lead normal productive lives.
RELATED:
#2
"Change happens when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change.".
Paul Brown 1 year ago
It was this type of thing that made me decide to quit drinking. Been sober since 2011.
ZuriLovesYou 1 year ago
What happens if staying the same isn't painful? What if the change is more painful than staying the same?
Breadcrumb. 1 year ago
No. Matter. The. Outcome. Its hard to want to change when the future is so uncertain and the fact is no matter how hard you work you'll never get what you were thinking.. Just give up and let the change take control..live a interesting life, one with out purpose,
#3
I asked him, "How do you process all of the negative feelings that are projected at you?" and he said "They aren't my feelings"
I don't think he realized how profound that was.
keyboardtek 1 year ago
What environment has a lot of negative feelings "projected" at someone? Other than a bad relationship or bad family? A bad job one can quit
María Hermida 1 year ago
A therapist, a doctor, a social worker... Unless they learn to "block" those feelings, they don't last long in the profession.
Load More Replies... Jeremy Bolanos 1 year ago
I had a therapist once tell me to push all my negative emotions into an imaginary balloon and let it float away. Still do that 30 years later. Oddly enough, it works.
The biggest misconception about therapy is that the counselor will give advice. People start attending sessions hoping they’ll be told what to do and their lives will magically improve. But that’s not the case at all. Actually, mental health professionals help patients better understand what motivates them and causes them to act or think the way they do. Therapy also empowers people to make their own decisions and face what’s bothering them.
The best way to understand therapy sessions is from a trained professional, which is why Bored Panda contacted Vidya Kale, a Yoga Therapy practitioner. She shared that she had been dealing with extreme trauma and that yoga therapy helped her deal with the bodily symptoms of it. She also credited her therapist, Ankita Deshmukh, with her healing and shared things the counselor said that stayed with her. You can check it out below.
#4
You aren’t that interesting.
I would have panic attacks and paranoia that people were out to get me (PTSD etc) and would think that people were judging me in grocery stores because my toddler was crying or that my hair was messy. And honestly it boiled down to…nobody cares. We’re all trying to survive and get through the day and what someone looks like or does, we observe and move on. Nobody is that interesting. Nobody (for the most part) is going to remember to toddler crying for a brief moment or the way I was dressed or if my makeup was perfect. Nobody. The only person who will remember is me, and how I made MYSELF feel.
Bec 1 year ago
Glad they helped you realize this. When you are depressed or otherwise unbalanced your brain tends to make you perceive that every one is out to get you.
Dawnieangel76 1 year ago
Even KNOWING this, if I'm speaking with or emailing, texting, etc. someone & they don't respond....to ME...quickly enough, I immediately ask if I said or did anything to make them mad at me. Total reflex.
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Lisa T 1 year ago
I realised this a few years ago and started living for ME. Wearing what I wanted, doing things people said I shouldn’t do “at my age” etc. I am the happiest I have ever been, not worrying what others think. I am having so much more fun, living free. I even have strangers say to me “I wish I could be like you” when they see me with my bright coloured hair, tattoos, piercings, crazy clothes, at live gigs or doing things that someone 50+ “shouldn’t do”.
Mark Fergel 1 year ago
Yes. When you realize nearly everyone is fighting their own battle it makes this a lot easier to accept.
Agamemnon O'Neill 1 year ago
"I used to worry about what people thought of me. Now I realize, they don't."
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago (edited)
This is true to a point. I have people stare at my crutches and calipers on the street and yes... They've made hurtful nasty remarks. PTSD sucks btw. Please don't make what I'm experiencing worse... I only want to get out and do some food shopping or attend necessary medical appointments.
Trish Christoffersen 1 year ago
My favorite quote - "What you think of me is none of my business."
StrangeOne 1 year ago
This is good advice my mom definitely needs to hear. It's so bad for her she wouldn't go out the door without some make up on and her hair done. Not even to the farm. If she changes one thing she thinks everyone will lose their s**t. She was "warning" everyone about her "big change in her appearance" and that's all she would talk about for months. I kept telling her no one's going to be that surprised or shocked, and no one's going to mistake her for someone else.
Panda'sMom 1 year ago
Took me a long time to get to that point. Grew up in a small town in the South. 'Nuff said.
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
London helps. Literally nobody GAF unless you're directly impacting. Be free, have your moment then know everyone else already moved on unless you're harming you or them. Can literally look cave person, zero f*x given.
#5
I was discussing with my therapist that although I’m still young, I felt like it was too late to achieve what I wanted my life to be. She very seriously looked me in the eye and said “Are you dead?” “Well….no” “Then there’s time” and it’s a motto I’ve been reminding myself of daily.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago (edited)
At age 42, I would like to be able to internalize this. My dad had an accident when I was 18, and I stayed home to help take care of him for the next 21 years. I did not finish my degree (I only have an Associate's) and I did not pursue a career - I couldn't, when I had to take care of my bedridden, brain-damaged father AND help work at the family business. My dad died in 2021. I have felt paralyzed since I was 18, unable to finish school or find a job that I want. I keep saying to myself "It's too late to become a vet/vet tech" etc.... but maybe it isn't.
Papa 1 year ago
You have time. I had a coworker go back to college and get his degree when he was a few years older than you are. He did it while working 40 hours per week at his job, and it was all in-person classes.
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Sky Render 1 year ago
This is something we regularly drive home in the transgender community about transitioning. It is never too late to make a change in your life to be the person you feel you're supposed to be!
Cydney Golden 1 year ago
Someone once wrote to Ann Landers that they were afraid to go to law school bc they'd be 45 when done. She asked, How old will you be in 3 years if you don't go to law school?
Jenny Barton 1 year ago
I went to medical school aged 38. I intend to be a professional singer when I retire aged 60
Arlene Harris 1 year ago
"any time before you reach the gates of Hell, you can change your luck"
#6
You can't control others, but you can control how you respond.
Jane Hower 1 year ago
It's all a matter of attitude!!!!! It isn't WHAT happens to you, it's how you deal with it!!!
Carbonel 1 year ago
A) it might be new to some people, b) some people stil need to hear it, c) it being “old” doesn’t make it any less pertinent.
Load More Replies...When you read these profound pearls of wisdom that therapists have imparted, it makes complete sense why they stuck in the clients’ heads for so long. Vidya Kale, the counselor we interviewed, also shared something her therapist asked her that was very impactful. She said, “early on during the therapy sessions, I used to tell her about all my weaknesses, bad qualities, and what was wrong with me. After many sessions, she asked me one question, ‘What is something in you that is enough?’ It doesn’t have to be something exceptional, just enough.”
“That was like a shock for me that not everything has to be about reaching an expert level, I can just be enough. We don’t tend to acknowledge the okay qualities in us and focus on the negative. I have also experimented with using this question with my clients, and it’s quite impactful. They too get shocked and realize they never acknowledged the things that were ‘enough’ in themselves,” she added.
#7
Your friends should not make you cry.
Pathetic that I needed to learn this in my 30’s, but there it is.
Michelle C 1 year ago
Sometimes they will make you cry because something they said touches you deeply or they’re telling you something you don’t want to hear but need to hear. If they enjoy making you cry from pain they’re causing you, they’re not true friends and ending your friendships with them is reasonable!
Not Who You Think 1 year ago
Any friend who is purposefully mean or disrespectful deserves to be cut out off you life ASAP.
Black Cat 1 year ago
This is a better quote than the original. Same goes for family. I think once people realize they can dump their c**p on to you, theyll just keep doing it.
Load More Replies... Just_for_this 1 year ago
Add to that, family... had to teach that one to my wife - good riddance toxic sister in law
J 1 year ago
Goodbye toxic wife in my case(and SIL). Whats sad, she was fantastic until she made new friends 23 years in to our marriage. Then she became someone else. Different syntax, dress, behavior. Almost like she was possessed. At first, I thought it was just me being angry, but mutual friends started pointing this out also. Sad to watch your kids start to disown their Mother.
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ROSESARERED 1 year ago
I'm still learning it in my 50s...some people hide who they are really well
Isa 1 year ago
You need no friends at all to be happy. I have heard people say that friends bring color into your life, but I am happy with my thoughts alone. You can have your parents as your friends, dogs, God,goldfish, or even books. A person's friend is his own self. I just need people to know this.
J 1 year ago
Keep in mind friends are just like you. Not perfect. They have the same things going on. You have to reach a middle ground. You also have different types of friends.
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A. Starhawk Hunt 1 year ago
My best friend made me cry. He made my mother cry. When he proposed to me in her living room on Christmas day.
#8
Sometimes a thought is just a thought.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
LOL Next time I hear "Well,.... I was thinking and I really want to say this to you. I thought you should hear this." I'm totally going to tell them this.
#9
You're going to put yourself in an early grave trying to make your Mother happy. Your Mother is sick, trying to make her happy is like trying to fill a bucket that has no bottom, its not going to happen unless she fixes the bucket. You can't fix it for her.
Kare Deter 1 year ago
huh. I feel like I'm in a minority. I'm a mom to 3 adult children and all they have to do is make themselves happy. If they are happy, I am happy for them.
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
I once tried to cheer up someone who was seriously depressed, day after day thinking of nice things I could do for them. It ended badly. Not only did it not work, but then I ended up becoming depressed as well.
bas moelard 1 year ago
What you have done is not a bad thing to start with. It's noble, you showed that said person isn't alone. But it's also very important to guard yourself to take over his/her depressive feelings.
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Therapy isn’t about just sitting and talking to a counselor. The mental health professional and the client tackle important issues in the person’s life and try to find tools they can use to work through their struggles. According to a survey by ValuePenguin, around 86% of their 1.3k respondents found that therapy helped them cope better. This happens because counselors ask important questions to make their clients reflect on complex situations.
Vidya shared her experience, stating, “my therapist asked what I would do if I learned about a security threat that would affect my city, and how I would save it. I told her that on the spot, I might not be able to do much, but I gave her a list of things I’d do if I had 24 hours. She then said, ‘see, your brain is able to deal with the toughest situations, and it finds a way out. So trust that you can manage even the most difficult situations and find a way out.’ Even now, my hair stands on end while telling you this.”
#10
We judge ourselves by our intentions but we judge others by their actions.
BoredWolfe 1 year ago
I disagree with this one. We judge other but what we think their intentions are, based off the evidence of their actions.
Jane Hower 1 year ago
Guess that's how the leftist see things - but they don't like the result of the 'actions' they see. oh well
The Darkest Timeline 1 year ago
So which one needs changing? Should we judge ourselves by our actions or others by their intentions? I’d say it’s the former because we can control our actions and actions, not intentions, are what have the impact.
Cool crow 1 year ago
How about turn off the judge? I try to refrain from judging myself and others. It's a hard habit to break, but so worthwhile.
Load More Replies... #11
Some people are like a colander, it doesn't matter how much time, love and support you pour into them, it will never fill them up enough to make a difference. .
Danish Susanne 1 year ago (edited)
A friend I once had told me that her daughter's husband was abusive. I could sympathise until she called me weeping to tell me he had died. I had expected her to be happy about it, but no. That is when it occurred to me, that she wanted to be pitied about something all the time, and I have not seen her since.
#12
As a teen in therapy, I used to call myself a potato because of my ugly appearance. The woman I had sessions with actually gave me a small plastic potato replica and had written on it in sharpie "some people like potatoes."
I think it was just the effort she went to trying to help me/cheer me up that really affected me and my judgement of professional help (I was an angsty kid) and after that I took getting help much more seriously.
The Darkest Timeline 1 year ago
Bart: “Mom, why are you always giving me potatoes?” Marge: “I just think they’re neat!”
Angrykitten 1 year ago
This is the reverse of you are the perfect orange but some people just don't like oranges.
Research has found that receiving more counseling sessions can improve patient outcomes. Studies show that out of clients who dropped out, only 12% recovered as compared to 60% of those patients that completed their course of therapy. That’s why it’s so important to stick with these mental health sessions and fight the urge to drop out if things get hard.
#13
"You need to show yourself the same kindness and compassion that you show others."
I did not expect to get something like that in my second session.
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
I remember once telling a therapist "If I treated another person the way I treat myself, I'd be the most heinous bully on the planet."
Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago
THIS! This is what made a huge difference in my mental health. Treat yourself as a person. If you wouldn’t say it about your friend, don’t say it about yourself.
Dawnieangel76 1 year ago
I hold myself to way higher standards than anyone else, especially if I make a mistake.
Mary Tonningsen 1 year ago
A well-known Buddhist nun (and author) Pema Chodron once wrote: "Treat yourself as your own beloved child." It's one of my favorite quotes. <3
Thomas Gilfoyle 1 year ago
"Love others as you love yourself"- we treat that last part as a negative. It is the second positive.
Bananaramamama 1 year ago
I found that a lot of my anxiety originated from worrying about others. How they felt, if they were upset with me, if I wasn't being a good enough partner/friend/relative, etc. It wasn't their fault but it was easier for me to please them then it was to address my own insecurities or ask for help
#14
“Be the mirror, not the sponge”. Don’t absorb other people’s stress and anxiety, show it back to them gently. Changed my life.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
I'm not sure how to do this. If I acted the same way to my co-workers the same way they act towards me I'd get written up.
Papa 1 year ago
It says "show it back to them gently," it doesn't say to treat them the same way they treat you.
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Wm Paul Robinson 1 year ago
It took me years to "block" my over protective empathy for others. Buoyed others up, they walked away more content and calm, and I was still in their former black hole of distress. Don't know how i stopped absorbing others' sufferings so strong, so sorry can't advise anyone how to do it, but you must protect yourself first or you can't help anyone else.
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
Had similar. It's THEIR drama, not mine. Inserting yourself brings the drama to you.
#15
When I broke down because I was so fed up of being scared and anxious all the time he said something like.
“You can’t be brave without being scared first.”
It always stuck with me that fear, no matter how overwhelming, won’t last forever and I try to see it as a chance for me to prove to myself I can fight back and try to get through this.
Colleen Glim 1 year ago
I’ve always told my girls the definition of brave is knowing you’re scared and doing it anyway
Agamemnon O'Neill 1 year ago
I read this on a WW1 headstone in Dieppe: "Bravest are they who know what lies ahead, and go forth." (or similar)
When we asked Vidya about the impact of therapy and her therapist on her, she said: “no therapy can have an impact if the client doesn’t take any initiative. If their mindset is set to think ‘everything is bad and everything is wrong, nothing is good,’ nothing will change no matter how much you do or how good the therapist is. I have been working for 4.5 years, and my therapist for 8 years. We also found that people who are spiritual or have spiritual beliefs have better chances of healing and it being sustainable.”
#16
"Just because the mentally ill person screaming at you lives in your home instead of on the streets doesn't mean their opinion is any more true"
"The fact that the relationships you have with some people are involuntary doesn't mean you should hold them to a lower standard than voluntary relationships; you can hold them to a higher standard".
Vedette Aecus 1 year ago
The point is not to hold them to any standard. You can't control others. You have to set your standard for what is acceptable and remove yourself from their presence when they trespass your line.
The Darkest Timeline 1 year ago
The second one is where toxic familial relationships reside. Toxicity is toxicity no matter from whom it originates and nobody should have to deal with it simply because the source of it is a family member.
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago
... Yups but could personally do without the whole screaming at me thing though....... I'm not deaf, I'm right here...
#17
I’m a therapist. You know that phrase “You can’t love someone until you love yourself”?
I tell my patients thats b******t and replace it with:
“Sometimes through loving someone else, you can begin to love yourself.”.
StrangeOne 1 year ago (edited)
I guess it depends on the situation and context. I would tell my daughter this when she was cutting and was getting into bad relationships. I had to end some for her. (Yes, she was upset but she understood and wasn't mad about it. I only did that when the police started getting involved, and suicide threats were mentioned by the other person. As a parent of a minor, you do have to step in like that, and parent.) She was also dealing with issues at school, and her disability. She was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. When I told her it's better to learn to love yourself, before you love someone else, I explained to her that means it's better for her to get things sorted out, focus on her schooling, work on her self-confidence, get some counselling, and figure out what she wants in a relationship and learn the difference between what is healthy and unhealthy. She agreed. Not everyone will. Someone can say they love you, show you love, but how will you know if you don't know what's good and bad love?
Nina 1 year ago
I follow jillian turecki on instagram, she's really good (imho) at helping people see what you should be looking for in relationships. Might help her too :)
Load More Replies... AlaVerge 1 year ago
Woah, this one really resonated. If you think about it, someone loving you shows you why you deserve to be loved. I have been scared to start a new relationship because I thought I couldn't handle it due to my current depression... obviously I don't want to bring any new partner down with me or be clingy, but I just assumed I couldn't handle anything new since I am in a dark place... Thanks for this one.
AlaVerge 1 year ago
*** dont get me wrong, I am still going to go slow, but I am not going to avoid it all together like I have been doing for the last year.
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Doodles1983 1 year ago
It's like treat others how you want to be treated. Not by others, but by yourself!
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
Very true. I learned about love only when I became a mother. That's when I understood what love means.
#18
“Don’t live as though the thing you fear has happened when it hasn’t”.
Victoria 1 year ago
Fear and anxiety are different things, but our brains process them the same way. Separate real Lions (fear) from imaginary Lions (anxiety) and only deal with the real.
Nichole Harris 1 year ago
But sometimes the paper tigers (lions) REALLY look real
Load More Replies... keyboardtek 1 year ago
Mark Twain Quote: I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
StrangeOne 1 year ago (edited)
Well, I may be in debt but I still have access to credit, the bills get paid, the rent gets paid, we have food. So, we're not homeless, and that makes me happy.
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago
Except for when the thing you feared the most that would happen actually does happen...... And then it's... Okay, one thing at a time. It's okay... Let's deal with it. Just step by step and remember to breathe... You're okay, alive.
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
Used that on a friend. React when or if it happens and enjoy life until it does.
With technology becoming even more innovative, it’s no shock that something like therapy can also be done online. Studies have found that online counseling sessions are just as effective as in-person ones to treat mental illnesses. The only concerns that exist involve privacy both on the counselor's and client’s side. In physical settings, confidentiality is easier to maintain since only the therapist and patient are in the room. With virtual therapy, people find it tougher to find that same level of privacy in their homes.
#19
Me: I just want to get back to my baseline and feel okay again.
Therapist: Or, potentially feel even better than your baseline.
Very eye-opening for me in the moment because the thought had never occurred to me.
#20
Not every friend has to be a close friend, you're able to have different kinds of friends (like levels of how close they are or how much you confide in them).
I struggle with being a loner and it affected my mental health a lot because I could count my friends on one hand. I thought of people as acquaintances or close friends with no grey area. This advice helped me appreciate more of the people who I'm not super close with but they still have a presence in my life.
Papa 1 year ago
I can count my friends on one hand also. I've been friends with all of them for decades (some so long that I can't remember a time when we weren't friends). I'm okay with that.
UpupaEpops 1 year ago
Those are the best friends. :) I'm 35 and have 3 people I would consider my friends. The newest friendship is around 11 years old. The other two I've had in my life for 20+ years. It is categorically less exciting than the rush you get out of new friends but there's something very cozy and comforting about having someone in your life for so long.
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Isa 1 year ago
You need no friends at all to be happy. I have heard people say that friends bring color into your life, but I am happy with my thoughts alone. You know when we talk to ourselves that comforting part to me is my best friend . You can have your parents as your friends, dogs, God,goldfish, or even books. A person's friend is his own self. I just need people to know this.
Comedy Clumbers 1 year ago
Quality isn't just more important than quantity of friends. It's the only thing that matters. My bff since (no hyperbole) preschool and I have gone years without direct contact several times in our 50-something years. Not once have I doubted she'd help me hide a body with a single call, and vice versa. When we are together, no time has passed. I've had hot intense fast-burn friendships, and they have their places. But at my foundation is my knowledge that she, my Dad, my sister, and my Spouse are always on my side, even when they disagree with me. Even when I'm objectively an idiot. They all let me flail and fail, then help me heal. That's the important core. Never numbers.
Danielle K Bingham 1 year ago
Friends are on a spectrum. Intimate friends on one end; aquaintances on the other. There are lots of friends in between. And that's ok.
#21
"You deserve to take up space just as much as anyone."
There was a whole process involved in allowing me to see my own self worth.
As Vidya puts it, “everyone only wants someone who can understand them. The therapist needs to look beyond words, understand the person’s emotion, and respond to that.” That’s exactly why this thread exists. People who went to therapy felt heard and understood by their counselors, which is why these statements stuck with them.
Have you ever experienced that? We’d love to hear if something a therapist has said really resonated with you.
#22
That I was more addicted to the breaks and deep breathing than I was to the nicotine.
Over one year without smoking and watching my dad die of lung cancer due to a lifetime of smoking.
CanadianDimes 1 year ago
I remember reading a story about a guy who quit by going outside and doing deep breathing exercises for 10 minutes at a time, basically a cigarette break without the cigarette
Stephanie Did It 1 year ago
I used to watch my ex struggling to quit, which he did frequently. It illustrated to me that a cigarette is very much an adult pacifier (dummy, soother). It gives the mouth and hands something to do, and sucking is the most basic form of self comfort. It seems that smokers are as much addicted to that as to the nicotine.
tee-lena 1 year ago
More so for me. It was the rituals that I loved. The first one of the morning. With the perfect cup of coffee and the news. All the others are missed on occasion but this first one is missed the most.
Load More Replies... Gwyn 1 year ago (edited)
Once a therapists told me that addiction is often masking a lack of coping skills and now I can't unsee it. Almost every person I know who is an alcoholic or smokes is really bad at managing their emotions and coping with life. It also explains why some people are able to quit when they begin trying more positive coping strategies like exercise, support groups and therapy.
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago
I'm not going to downvote you but I disagree with part of what you said. Not every alcoholic or person who smokes is "Really bad at managing their emotions and coping with life"... That is a damaging generalisation. Especially the - "really bad at managing their emotions" part... It makes people sound like they're going to beat the living heck out of you...
Load More Replies... Beak Hookage 1 year ago
I saw this guy yesterday coughing the kind of cough that is painful to listen to and clearly several levels above your normal everyday cough. Guess what he was also doing. It was heartbreaking.
Danish Susanne 1 year ago
I do not know for certain if smoking causes cancer, but the four in my family that have died were all smokers.
#23
“Sorry, but you’re just not that powerful.” In response to my tendency to accept blame for everything that has gone wrong in mine and my kids lives. It should have been obvious to me but it wasn’t. When I processed this statement I felt overwhelmingly relieved.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
My mom always tells me how strong she is and I am. Truth is, I don't feel that strong and I'm sick of having that burden on my shoulders all the time. I'm not strong because I had a kid before I was 18, decided to keep her and raise her. I wasn't strong for ending my relationship with her dad. That was scary and hard as hell, and I wasn't the one who initiated it. My mom did. I'm not strong for working to support us. I just go to work, as I would if I were child-free. I'm not strong because I decided to finish school. I just found the time, did what I could, and I can't even say I was smart with the timing and finances to do it. I'm not strong because.... I'm just not that strong and powerful. If anything, I'm defensive and protective with myself, and that gets me into trouble at work, and only one person at my work recognized my anxiety attacks as being that. I have little friends, which is just fine with me. I even tried getting back with my ex. That didn't end well. I'm only human.
Papa 1 year ago
Every time you said "I'm not strong because . . ." I thought to myself "It takes strength to do that." It takes strength to raise a child at any age, and especially when you're young. It takes strength to end a bad relationship. It takes strength to work to support yourself and the people that depend on you. It takes strength to finish school while working and supporting a child.
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SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago
I have actually said these literal words to someone... "Sorry Doll but you ain't that powerful"
#24
Just because you feel bad doesn't mean you are bad.
J. Oliver Scott 1 year ago
This applies to all feelings. Feelings do not define our reality unless we choose to act upon them. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they're simply neural feedback and very often misleading. Don't trust feelings.
Dumb teenager 1 year ago
The problem is that it’s almost impossible to accurately judge your self. If you’re a good person you’ll always worry that you’re not good enough and if you’re bad you’ll be arrogant enough to think you’re good.
#25
That the best way to get rid of cortisol is to scream, sing or hum. Animals shake when their levels get too high to get rid of it. Our Vargas nerve runs down our windpipe. So scream sing! You’ll feel better. Also that guilt is a heavy and useless emotion, put it down like a suitcase and walk off.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
One thing I missed about karaoke, and i think was the real reason I wanted to go, I would get this urge to belt out in a song. So, i would go for the harder, louder songs. I didn't care how I sounded. You get a good crowd in small venues with people who are all participants, and get no boos. Just claps and praise for having the guts to go up there and try. I think even the KJ understood why to a degree. I felt so much better afterwards, despite my nerves. When the pandemic hit, I bought my own microphone for home and have daytime singing sessions once in a while. (I hear my neighbour singing out loud, sometimes, too. Alls fair.)
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
I have a tattoo of a semi quaver which has a hidden "F-it" non my arm so when things are s**t but nothing I can do? Say fuq it and turn on some music. 100% therapy
María Hermida 1 year ago
"Guilt is a heavy and useless emotion, put it down like a suitcase and walk off". True, up to a point. But, if it were that easy everybody would do it... Don't you think so?
The Darkest Timeline 1 year ago
Screaming (and “scream singing”) is bad for your vocal folds. Just sing.
#26
As you become more educated and more experienced you will outgrow people and behaviors and it will not be comfortable. You will no longer fit in.
#27
“You don’t need to please everyone all of the time. People who love you will not leave you because you disagree with them or do something they don’t like.”
She nailed a lot of my behaviours back to the fact my biological dad left when I was 9 months old. I cannot cope with perceived abandonment, and will do everything in my power to keep people happy… because they might leave me.
Danielle K Bingham 1 year ago
If they aren't working to earn your friendship as much as you are, they're not worth the effort.
Doodles1983 1 year ago
Essentially learning this through my counsellor now. Unlearning martyrism so people don't leave me is a tough one. Not sure I will ever fully get it.
#28
A question she asked that Immediately changed the way I saw a relationship. How much more of this b******t are you going to put up with?
Stephanie Did It 1 year ago
I've always loved advice columnist Ann Landers' take on this question: "Are you better off with or without him/her?" The question answers itself.
Yummymummy Carr 1 year ago
I went to therapy after a nasty break up saying I was ‘defective’ and it was all my fault! After telling my story my therapist turned round and said I’d had a ‘lucky escape’! An objective response for a victim of severe gaslighting ♥️
#29
I had been in therapy for about a decade, and was talking to her about online dating. I said it was like being sucked into a whirlpool, in that there is only one small step between just playing around the edges and being sucked into the thing. She asked me why I used that example, and I said "Because, when I was 9, I was sucked into a whirlpool in a creek, and only survived because my brother managed to pull me out." This started a flurry of scribbling in her notebook I had not seen before. Also answered LOTS of things.
Stephanie Did It 1 year ago
That is an amazingly apt comparison and one that would be easy to explain to a young person: how quickly "almost" can become "too late." Thank you!
#30
“I’m not taking your insurance anymore”.
Susan Mack 1 year ago
Children go on to recreate in their own life the marriage that they saw growing up. THAT gave me the strength to leave.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
It means this person's therapist told them that they (the therapist) is no longer accepting the health/medical insurance that the patient has, so either the patient has to pay for their therapy out-of-pocket now, or find a new therapist.
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dayngerkat 1 year ago
Means the person is probably in the U.S., and our healthcare system sucks
Load More Replies... J. Oliver Scott 1 year ago
Or "The only thing wrong with you is you're a narcissist with good insurance and need to get over yourself".
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Susan Reid Smith 1 year ago
In the U.S. we can pay via our jobs for medical insurance which then pays for our doctors visits, specialty visits and prescriptions. There are different companies that provide this insurance. Doctors can decide to not take insurance payment and insist on being paid straight from the patient.
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#31
Remember, you have survived 100% of your worst days so far".
StrangeOne 1 year ago
I always remind myself performance reviews, coaching, counselling forms can be added into my files, but they will not follow me to the next job. A different job, a different group of people, a fresh start. There's always other jobs out there.
#32
At the third session with our couples counselor, my wife and I had a brief ten minute private session with our therapist. During my session the therapist said "You need to accept the possibility of a divorce. You are trying to do the right thing and be supportive, but you can't do that alone. Your wife is taking advantage of you. You can't see how unhappy you are. That will change within a year after your divorce". Yup. She was right. My wife and I agreed to divorce during the 4th session. I am finally happy, and love my life.
#33
You can always start again.
#34
That I owe nothing to my parents. To work through that took me over 3 years.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
They chose to have you. They raised you the way they did. You're only obligation is to yourself. If they're not going to support you like they should be, you have to be your own coach and cheerleader. They had you, and the only way out is the day you die. You'll never know when that may be.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
I owe everything to my parents. Truly understanding that took me over 30 years.
#35
"Depression lies to you. The couch will still be in the same spot even after going for a walk.".
#36
“You didn’t ask to be born, so maybe stop blaming yourself”.
#37
“What she did was abusive and not okay. You did not deserve that” I was made to think I was the problem in the marriage and after describing the relationship, my therapist hit me with this. Floodgates opened.
Micky 1 year ago
Not from a therapist- I am very hard on myself and, as far as looks go, I've never found myself pretty or beautiful. I said some something about myself to my daughter and she looked me straight in the eye and said "You say I'm beautiful all the time ( she is ), But you don't think you're beautiful" I said "Yes, so?", "Everyone says we look alike". THAT hit hard.
#38
Your anxiety doesn’t deserve to be ignored, as well as it doesn’t deserve to be justified. You can’t tell yourself “it’ll be fine!” All the time while anxious, that’s invalidating your feelings and burying them deeper. You need to tell yourself “maybe this will happen and maybe it won’t” because that’s what reality is. Life is full of uncertainty and we need to find ways to accept it or else you’ll drive yourself insane….
#39
After going to couple’s counseling therapy for 6 months. One day the ex didn’t show up. Ex an abusive alcoholic who would get physically & verbally abusive. Therapist looked at me & said, “you do know he’s never going to change?” For some reason that made me realize, I need to move on. That was the 3rd time I filed for divorce from him. Soon after he remarried & divorced,he continues to hit rock bottom, but has not changed. Fired for drinking on the job, vehicle repossessed & now lives with his parents at the age of 60. Some people NEVER change.
#40
After abruptly leaving an abusive relationship where (among other things) I physically could only listen to music with headphones on otherwise I’d get yelled at for being disrespectful and “too loud” “Your life is your music. You were forced to mute yourself in that relationship, both literally with the music and with who you are as a person” It really made me realize how much of myself I hid away to try to appease someone else and make their life better when all it did was ruin mine. Over 3 years later and I play my music out loud all the time with a different partner who loves it just as much as I do.
#41
“It sounds like they caused you hurt. Have you ever said that your feelings were hurt out loud before?”.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
Sure did! And she promptly made it about herself and also accused me of lying. Now, I don't even bother. Toxic narcissists literally cannot believe that anything they did/do can be hurtful or abusive. Everything is about them. What's worse is my sister also thinks I'm making things up - but SHE never got beaten by our mother when she was a child. SHE never had a gun pressed to her throat. She is my mother's biological child. I'm adopted. She is the golden child. I am the "junkie child". She is just like our mother. I am nothing like our mother.
Nichole Harris 1 year ago
I am truly sorry so many ppl in your life have just sucked!!!! I only know you thru your activity on here but you seem pretty awesome
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What do you think ?
Tempest 1 year ago (edited)
I JUST STARTED THERAPY TODAY! I’ve been here a while so I consider my fellow pandas as friends and I want to tell this to my friends. Just my first session and it went so well. I have depression and BPD and both are self diagnoses (very clear symptoms and signs). A psychiatrist I saw before dismissed me because I self diagnosed. But the therapist today validated what I was feeling and immediately got to work helping me feel heard for the first time. And I felt so comfortable talking to her. She seemed to understand most of my struggles. I’m so happy that I found a good therapist right away (I was doubtful of how they’ll treat me cause of therapist horror stories I’ve heard). I’ve had depression for over 14 years and therapy was long overdue. She gave me homework and asked to come back next week. I feel like I’m already better 😂
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
I wondered to a friend why I was feeling anxious and hated it yet felt constantly drawn toward things that would make me even more anxious. Her reply changed my life: "Because anxiety wants to be fed." It becomes like an addiction. So now when I feel anxious I do the exact opposite of what anxiety is telling me to do, and GOD it helps so much.
lovemy suffolk 1 year ago
Oh wow. You just helped me so much. Seriously. You have a wise friend.
Load More Replies... Pill Nathan Whitely 1 year ago
More of these, please. I copy/pasted several of them because they impressed me.
Diana Alvarado 1 year ago
I used to have a belief that something was wrong with me; flared up especially when I failed or couldn’t figure something out. I loved what my therapist said “I promise there is nothing wrong with you. We think that when we can’t make sense of what’s happening in our world. But these things are hard for everyone and they take time, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with who you are.” I cried my eyes out.
Samsquatch & Monko 1 year ago
Not a therapist, but very close to being one tbh: “and what interests of yours do you think she knows about?” I couldn’t come up with much… it was always about her the whole time. Today I had an existential crisis. She wasn’t just dramatic, she was lying and never cared about me or my interests. Yet I know so much about her.
Joshua David 1 year ago
Best thing my therapist asked? Is the person you're balming all your problems and shortcomings still in your life today wreaking havoc on your life? No.....
Montanavanna 1 year ago
Sometimes parents can't be, won't be, or are unable to be the people you want or need them to be. Understanding helped me to let go of resentment for past behaviors.
Tempest 1 year ago (edited)
I JUST STARTED THERAPY TODAY! I’ve been here a while so I consider my fellow pandas as friends and I want to tell this to my friends. Just my first session and it went so well. I have depression and BPD and both are self diagnoses (very clear symptoms and signs). A psychiatrist I saw before dismissed me because I self diagnosed. But the therapist today validated what I was feeling and immediately got to work helping me feel heard for the first time. And I felt so comfortable talking to her. She seemed to understand most of my struggles. I’m so happy that I found a good therapist right away (I was doubtful of how they’ll treat me cause of therapist horror stories I’ve heard). I’ve had depression for over 14 years and therapy was long overdue. She gave me homework and asked to come back next week. I feel like I’m already better 😂
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
I wondered to a friend why I was feeling anxious and hated it yet felt constantly drawn toward things that would make me even more anxious. Her reply changed my life: "Because anxiety wants to be fed." It becomes like an addiction. So now when I feel anxious I do the exact opposite of what anxiety is telling me to do, and GOD it helps so much.
lovemy suffolk 1 year ago
Oh wow. You just helped me so much. Seriously. You have a wise friend.
Load More Replies... Pill Nathan Whitely 1 year ago
More of these, please. I copy/pasted several of them because they impressed me.
Diana Alvarado 1 year ago
I used to have a belief that something was wrong with me; flared up especially when I failed or couldn’t figure something out. I loved what my therapist said “I promise there is nothing wrong with you. We think that when we can’t make sense of what’s happening in our world. But these things are hard for everyone and they take time, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with who you are.” I cried my eyes out.
Samsquatch & Monko 1 year ago
Not a therapist, but very close to being one tbh: “and what interests of yours do you think she knows about?” I couldn’t come up with much… it was always about her the whole time. Today I had an existential crisis. She wasn’t just dramatic, she was lying and never cared about me or my interests. Yet I know so much about her.
Joshua David 1 year ago
Best thing my therapist asked? Is the person you're balming all your problems and shortcomings still in your life today wreaking havoc on your life? No.....
Montanavanna 1 year ago
Sometimes parents can't be, won't be, or are unable to be the people you want or need them to be. Understanding helped me to let go of resentment for past behaviors.
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