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35 People Respond To “What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?”
Our behavior, and the actions that follow it, speak more than thousands of words. So often all you need to do is to sit back and watch people. Remember your male colleague who always uses that patronizing tone of voice when talking to you? Yes, it’s annoying, and no, he doesn’t sense it.
But what if it’s a tell-tale sign that the guy has internalized toxic masculinity? What if this is a precise indication that he feels insecure or somewhere deep down, even threatened by you? You may only speculate or see what guys have to say on the subject matter themselves.
The question “What is a tell-tale sign that a man is insecure about his masculinity or himself in general?” on r/AskMen got a bunch of people sharing what they think are the red flags. And it’s truly eye-opening!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
If he claims to be an “alpha male” - dude, if you have to tell people (loudly and often) that you’re alpha, you are definitely not
Aunt Messy 4 years ago
Nope. It means "I'm a limp dicked incel who thinks that women "owe" me sex".
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Haunting Spirit 4 years ago
Fun fact that is there mostly no such thing as an Alpha in the animal world. F.e. wolves don't have an alpha despite what the movies tell us.
Lilith the Demon Panda 4 years ago
same goes for the new trend of "super straight"... if you claim that I automatically assume you are insecure about your sexuality and probably a latent homosexual
Viviane 4 years ago
If they're basing themselves on wolves - the original research was based on captive wolves that didn't know each other. Wolves normally live in family groups.
Grumble O'Pug 4 years ago
And the only alph is female and pertains to who is breeding
Load More Replies... EQXL 4 years ago (edited)
I loved to see this with one of my dogs, he was a true alpha. He never challenged another dog, never really acted dominant upon anyone or anything. Unless another dog tried to force dominance over him, he'd show them to then carry on with his business of being the sweetest dog ever.
Javiera Gotelli 4 years ago
This applies to almost everything. If you have to remind people you're the boss, you're just pathetic.
Martha Meyer 4 years ago
No such thing as an alpha male exists. It's a term made up by idiots.
RELATED:
#2
Homophobia
Jonathan 4 years ago (edited)
I do believe that the most homphobic are only trying to fool themselves and their true feelings.
Paul Davis 4 years ago
How true! I remember the U.S. Army came up with a test for homosexuality. The officers who were most keen on catching and kicking out the gays unfortunately seemed to score the highest on the test, and the project was quickly discontinued.
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Uncommon Boston 4 years ago
We had to walk through a gay pride parade to get where we were going. My ex refused, what if someone saw him or took his picture? Like I said he is an ex. Husband #2 had comfortable pair of hot pink running shorts. He wore them all the time. No problem. He was confident in his masculinity and had nothing to prove. He once carried my purse someplace to meet me. Pink shorts, purse no problem. Neither should be used to judge or stereotype people.
deanna woods 4 years ago
THIS! Too many jerks are homophobic pricks. I know some guys like this and they all use religion as a justification.
Jayne Kyra 4 years ago
Just because someone is homosexual it does not mean you will be attractive to them.
Sofiia Melnikova 4 years ago
....Because even the most desperate people don't love jerks
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Deceased Nemo 4 years ago
The only reason why I think anyone would be homophobic is because 1. they themselves are confused 2. they're just nosy asshats I don't belive that homophobia can be blamed on because past generations have passed it down because I know some people with homophobic parents that are the perfect example of what an ally is
Michael Allen 4 years ago
It's been proven by numerous accredited scientific studies that homophobia in men is a sign of an underlying same sex attraction.
Smart blobfish 4 years ago
i'm not homophobic, i'm christian and don't agree with some things LGBTQ+ people do, i have a couple of friends who are gay and trans and i treat them like a normal person, but i don't say there gonna go to hell for being gay.
Jacob Allen 4 years ago
That's okay, you're entitled to your beliefs. If you don't mind me asking; what things do you not agree with?
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#3
When he doesn’t let his girlfriend/wife wear sexy outfits in public
Daenarys 4 years ago
OR men who are the exact opposite. They make their wife/girlfriend dress up to go anywhere in public because they need the validation of other people wanting what they have.
Jared Johnson 4 years ago
Right. Using their girlfriend as a prop and a status symbol. It's pretty gross.
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GirlFriday 4 years ago
My sticking point is the "LET his girlfriend/wife," I would be out of there so fast.
Donkey boi 4 years ago
The opposite of this is also true. When they only let their partner out if they are looking their best.
Mary Peace 4 years ago (edited)
That's right, both types of men exist. I was married to one who complained if I didn't look better than any other woman he saw, because then it was my fault if he fancied another woman. (I said I WAS married..., not any more.)
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In daily life, we come across numerous examples of what we think is men’s anxiety about violating the male gender role. Like, a man hesitating to hug his male friends in public. Often, we jump up to conclusions and don’t give it a second thought.
But according to Jennifer Bosson, a social psychologist at the University of Texas at Austin, this may come down to how people think about manhood. She proposes that “manhood, relative to womanhood, has historically been viewed as both elusive and tenuous.”
By “elusive,” Jennifer means “that manhood is not considered a developmental certainty, but instead is seen as a status that must be earned via action.” And by “tenuous,” she is referring to the idea that “manhood status, once earned, can be lost with relative ease, via a wide range of social shortcomings.”
#4
His view on what makes a man a man is narrow. In his mind, there are only 2-3 types of men and other types are wrong
I want cake 4 years ago (edited)
My ex was like that but with both genders. He was convinced that he knew what I liked and wanted more than I did because in his mind being a certain age and gender equalled having certain interests. Never mind that I was open about, for example, not enjoying going out to clubs, nope, according to him I was just trying to be different and I did really enjoy it. Same for men. Men liked football and drinking beer and going out to clubs or at the very least to the bar. Entertainment was watching TV or movies, or drinking. Anything else was wrong and childish.
DetongLhamo 4 years ago
He thinks the same of women: we can be mothers, subservient wives/gfs, whores or frigid man hating feminists. So annoying and so WRONG.
#5
Constant attempts to "one-up" anything and anyone at anytime.
Falcon 4 years ago
I have a similar person at work. They are trying so hard to look important to the point where they just lie to your face.
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago (edited)
A kid at my school had to always be the best, to the point where his grandad had a two storey purple campervan with flames painted on, a swimming pool in it, it was just so second hand cringe that i still remember it. Like u said Falcon they just lie to ur face it's as if they either aren't aware or don't care thank know they're lying *facepalm*
Load More Replies... Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
Don't start. Pls. I'm tired of the irrelevant arguments of the last few weeks. It's up to you what you choose to do, I just wanted to express how I feel about the needless attacks of late
Load More Replies... Uncommon Boston 4 years ago
My son won't brag, but will put bullies in their place. First day of school, what did you do this summer? My son said his time in a relay race would have qualified him for a higher level swim meet. Another boy mocked him, "I went to All-Stars!" (summer community pool swim teams) My son said, "Oh I won at All-Stars, I almost qualified for zones" He swam year round. I told him you will never win a one-up contest. When it starts, say "Wow, that's awesome" Any achievement is wonderful as is possession of a high level trading card. Congratulating them says nothing about your situation.
Susan Green 4 years ago (edited)
You shouldn’t have to tolerate it Javiera, Uncle Trash attacks a lot of us on here for no reason. He truly is a narcissist. I don’t care if I get down voted for telling the truth either, because no one should have to put up with his constant profanity and his bad temper. This is not the type of site for that kind of behaviour.
Mrs_ Possum 4 years ago (edited)
LOL I've had this. Someone once told me they'd visited 150 countries to one-up me after I'd been on a trip. They wrote out a list to show me. About two thirds of the 'countries' on the list were cities/states/towns/etc....
deanna woods 4 years ago
This happened to me with a few of my aunt's boyfriends. She told them how smart I am in history, so they had to quiz me until I got something wrong.
Agnes Jekyll 4 years ago
Ugh. My ex's dad demanded I speak French to him, to test me. He himself doesn't speak a lick of French, but yet wanted to judge my French and push his expertise around
Load More Replies... #6
Worrying about face and honour and fighting over it.
I've never been in a fight. 99% of my friends have never been in a fight. None of my colleagues have ever been in a fight.
Yet... you come across these f**wits who seem to think that it's normal. Quite often they complain about it. "Aw I can barely leave my house without someone starting sh*t".
In every single scenario, it is them who is the problem
Grumble O'Pug 4 years ago
That is a huge cultural norm in some countries. Look at the horror of “honor killings”
Viviane 4 years ago
They're probably getting riled up over trivial incidents. Someone looks at them because they come from a friendly town or accidentally bumps into them or cracks a joke at the grocery store and the insecure person gets affronted and provokes the other one. I have to wonder if it's a way to feel important ("People start s**t with me because I'm so important!"). Dude, they weren't thinking about you a few seconds ago and would have gone on their way and forgotten you. Couldn't you come with a better way to get attention? Holding doors for someone struggling with packages or kids or a walker isn't exciting, but it feels pretty darn good.
Mark Kelly 4 years ago
Some guy tried to attack me because I called him and his partner idiots when they stopped in the road and accused me of almost hitting their car when I was a whole car lane away.
Hendra Lim 4 years ago
well, fights really happens almost everyday when i'm a minority in my middle school. i'm Buddhist and Chinese, 99% of the students is Muslim and Chinese & Buddhist people in the school is only about 10-13 people. there's a lot of people asking for a fight almost everyday or trying to bully me.... even on the first day of my middle school. and i never fought anyone unless in that school. things got better after a year or two, because most of the one that starts the fight is upper classmen or my classmate (which became a bit docile after few times of brawling)
Keyy 4 years ago
ooh woooow .. i thought every dude has been in a fight .. like even as kids you never fought somebody ? that's crazy it literally blows my mind .. ive been in at least 2 dozen fights .. im close to 30 now and i havent been in a fight in about 4 years but still to NEVER have been in a fight ..
Daniele Tigli 4 years ago
never and i'm quite happy about it. I have a penis but i totally repel violence.
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These may, of course, seem ancient today, but they do emerge in daily discourse, says Jennifer. According to the psychologist, “Men—even those who are perfectly 'secure in their masculinity'—are aware that their manhood is precarious and that they may, at any moment, lose manhood status in other people’s eyes.”
“Until widespread beliefs about the elusiveness and tenuousness of manhood change, it may be unrealistic to expect the average man to violate gender role norms with ease,” she concluded in her research.
#7
Trying to dominate a conversation or activity for no reason/Being needlessly competitive
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
Wait guys do the arm block to each other too?! Oh woah I didn't realise that. I'm glad I'm learning
El Dee 4 years ago
Yes, almost everything that women find annoying about men is something they do to other men too..
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Deal _Anneal 4 years ago
Being nice to someone you'd rather slap isn't being fake. It's sucking it up and acting like an adult.
deanna woods 4 years ago
This happened to me with a guy that I worked with. Eventually I just learned to be quiet and let him talk.
#8
My friend introduced me to a potential love interest of hers one evening. The conversation turned to what I look for in a guy and I said I like guys who own cats. The dude immediately cut me off and said ‘I’m sorry, there’s nothing wrong with a woman who owns a cat, but there’s something wrong with a guy who does.’ The next day my friend asked me what I thought of him and I told her he’s insecure
Paul K. Johnson 4 years ago
I have two cats that I love and when I talk about them I call them kitties. One guy said, "kitiies?!?" like that was too effeminate of a term for my cats. So I said, 'Yeah, kitties.' He didn't know what to say after that.
Gin Marie 4 years ago
I was chatting with a young Marine after the first battle of Fallujah----which his unit had fought in----and he mentioned how his guys had discovered knitting and crocheting as stress relief. They really enjoyed it---but they were worried about how they would be perceived. They had JUST fought in Fallujah! How come they didn't MAKE that stuff into Marine-approved? Sad to say, I don't think my word counted for much with a guy who was seemingly well aware of how strangling gender roles are for men.
Load More Replies... Deborah B 4 years ago
There's a type of man who thinks cats are a women's pet, typically the same men also think little dogs are also for women, and only want big dogs, preferably a hunting breed, or something tough-looking. Secure men don't feel that their masculinity is threatened by loving a kitten or a chihuahua.
Saint Thomas 4 years ago
If he had answered "I prefer dogs", yes. But here his answer clearly shows that he considers cats to be 'feminine', and not an acceptable choice of pet for a "man".
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CatWoman312 4 years ago
Animal lives in general are a plus for me, but cat owners/lovers earn bonus points
Sandra Givens 4 years ago
I know several tough guys, tattooed motorcycle club guys, who own cats. Nothing against dogs, they just got hooked up with a cat, maybe found or adopted when a friend's cat had kittens. It's generally more about men liking animals in general than being concerned about other people thinking them less masculine for enjoying spending time with a cat.
The cation 4 years ago
no, cats are superior. Like, iwant a guy who loves cat, bc imma have like 20
Xandra, The Little Hufflepuff 4 years ago
I'm a dog person, but that's because I'm allergic to cats, they are still cute, but I avoid them
#9
Always fighting to be right no matter what, even if someone obviously knows what they are talking about.
Kristof De Smet 4 years ago
I have a friend who does this all the time, but he is not insecure about his masculinity, but he thinks he is less intelligent. He isn't, he just happens to know other stuff.
deanna woods 4 years ago
This has happened to me on numerous occasions. Some guys don't want to stop fighting until they prove you wrong.
Full of Giggles 4 years ago
It’s not a masculinity issue. It’s narcissism, which is gender neutral.
Susan Green 4 years ago
Someone who is a narcissist and always thinks they’re the smartest person in the room, even though they aren’t.
DetongLhamo 4 years ago
I had a boyfriend who would argue with me for the sake of arguing. I’d be seriously passionate about something and he’d just pig headedly rant on while I would get visibly upset. Then I noticed all of his male friends were the same so I broke off our engagement and found a new group of friends.
CatWoman312 4 years ago
People like this annoy the heck out of me. I knew a guy like this and would have to show him google proof I was right to get him to stfu
#10
Trying to crush your hand when they shake it. Usually accompanied by fixing you with what they think is an intimidating stare.
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
Or putting their other hand into the handshake, encapsulating your hand. There's a few handshake variants like this, i remember reading about them in that book "body language" by Allan pease
François Carré 4 years ago
Oh how I hate that. Physically I'm obviously not a strong man at all. The guy who feels the need to do that with me - basically and grossly intending to make me feel he's the "alpha" here and I must be the omega - all that he gains from my part is instant defiance.
Dan Buczynski 4 years ago
I friggin' hate handshakes, mostly for this reason. I was hoping that after COVID, we'd adopt the bow...how adorable that thought was. The same people who are the hand crushers are the same that have completely dismissed the pandemic. Ah well. I'm bowing.
Chewie Baron 4 years ago
I've had more intimidating stares from 5 year old kids than an insecure man.
Henry Cheves 4 years ago (edited)
When I was 10, I beat the husband of a friend of my parents in a chess game, and at the traditional end-of-game handshake, he did this. To a ten year old.
#11
When he's not supportive of the other men in his life. A truly masculine man loves and supports his brothers and celebrates their achievement
An insecure man brings others down to prove he's on "top"
TexasPK 4 years ago
And doesn't "compete" with his teenage sons as they grow into their manhood.
Mrs_ Possum 4 years ago
Definitely not just a male thing! I've deffo had women trying to bring me down when I achieve something.
Viviane 4 years ago
I found my gender expression was policed by a few other women when I was in my teens and occasionally in my twenties.
Load More Replies... deanna woods 4 years ago
I had to deal with this from a woman. My aunt was like this. She couldn't celebrate any bright spot in my life.
Monic Krugell 4 years ago
My husband has a colleague who being very young and living on his own for the first time bought the wrong type of sheet for his bed twice.... Seeing my Hubby take him to the store and timeously showing him the different types and sizes of linen and what he needs was one of the most impressive manly things I've seen him do. (Off course they did go for a few cold ones afterwards, but let boys be boys.)
Bruno Portela 4 years ago
A "truly masculine man" is not a thing. Gender is a spectrum. Masculinity is a spectrum. And no form of masculinity is truer than others.
Narwhal Blast 4 years ago
Change he to they and then "a true human being supports others", this isn't only about men, this is a problem a lot of people have...
Lucy Skinner 4 years ago
The best men are men who support others. That’s the only way to bring yourself up, because you need support too.
#12
Any guy who thinks the words alfa and beta mean anything in a social group
CrazedFalcon17 4 years ago
Our society is so bad that people look at wolf erotica fanfiction and think "Hey, I wanna be the 'Alpha' in the relationship" I seriously hate these people
Gandalf the Pink 4 years ago
The guy who coined alpha, beta and omega among wolves and other animals (L. David Mech) even changed his mind about that even being a thing. He is now very much against the idea.
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Narwhal Blast 4 years ago
Except maybe names? I mean, I wouldn't name my kid alpha, but then again, I wouldn't put numbers in their name or go fruity tutti countries capitals three surnames...
Martha Meyer 4 years ago
They don't mean anything anywhere unless you are a chicken. Because chickens actually DO live in pecking order. And no, there is no such thing as an "alpha wolf" either.
Mica Fiverline 4 years ago
Gods... It's ALPHA... not Alfa... I hate to be the grammar n#zi, but this is like the third time I've seen it spelled wrong...
#13
When someone gets upset over something as silly as the way another man enjoys his comfortable clothing, takes care of their body, or the way they like their vehicles.
Jonathan 4 years ago
Another sign is when they get almost angry and offended that some men don't really feel the need to stand when using urinating! Oh I'm sorry I prefer to leave a bathroom as clean as it was when I entered it!
CP 4 years ago
I am a shy pee-er. It is just easier for me to go sitting down.
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WhatEvenIsLife 4 years ago
Years ago, my SO wanted to get one of the new VW Beetles cuz he thought they looked cool. His friends gave him so much sh*t over it being a "girl car" that he didn't buy it. Just like what you like and let other people like what they like, jeezis.
#14
Aggression and violence. Many insecure men use tactics of intimidation or just plain old violence because they feel attacked by everything, cant discuss like a normal grown up, feel like it proves they are a "real man" etc.
tom oneill 1 year ago
Every guy that i ever met tries this with me, and women only talk if it's part of their job.
Sheila Gaylord 4 years ago
I don’t understand all the down votes for MRSS. SHE HAS GOT IT. Going to the cops would produce nothing without some sort of physical contact. Sometimes you have to take care of things yourself!
Tom Pepper 4 years ago
I am afraid many people have not learned to talk about things (discuss without being agressive) So they fall back in the only pattern they know.
Susan Green 4 years ago (edited)
So true. Someone who threatens to harm another person, is very insecure.
Hugo Raible 4 years ago
"can't discuss like a normal grown up" is something I mostly see from "woke" people.
#15
The worst are guys who use hashtags on instagram like #realman, #realmen, #realmenhavebeards, #manly, #man, #men, #alphamale, #intelligent, #smart, etc.
I'm like dude, I've never seen a confident masculine man ever once use [things[ like that. If you have to tell the world you're a "real man", or how "intelligent" or "alpha", you are... you aren't. hahaha
Sky Render 4 years ago
If you are something, you don't need to brag about it. You just... are that thing. If others don't see it, who cares? That doesn't change the fact that it's true.
Sunflowercray 4 years ago
I think it depends on the person & context sometimes. For example, #realmenwearbeards, was/is a kind of inside joke among men that started wearing the full beards. It's a fashion thing. The men I'm speaking of aren't implying men without are less manly.
Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago
Reminds me of my brother. He is extremely intelligent but will not join Mensa, can not see the point, he had nothing to prove.
Abhainn 4 years ago
so shouldn't this apply to girls too? no double standards, people. also, rather than downvote me, let's have a conversation.
#16
Pretending to know something about a subject they don’t understand.
Something 4 years ago
For some reason, many people are under the impression that everyone always has to know everything. There is more knowledge out there than any individual human being has time to learn, and it's okay not to know things.
Dynein 4 years ago
I reckon I look like a know-it-all with my long explanatory comments... but I'm just super enthusiastic about my scientific area(s) and will lecture about it at the tiniest excuse (I LOVE learning about it, so obviously everyone else loves it, too, right? Right?). But I don't know everything, which truly isn't possible these days (so no worries about me spamming every single thread with long explanations). Anyone who acts like they know it ALL probably doesn't know anything.
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Random Person 4 years ago
Reading through these, there is one person who I know who does all of these things. I kind of feel for him.
Eva the Egg 4 years ago
Argh, it really annoys so much me when people do this. When i ask them on their opinion they have no clue what i'm talking about
Amanda Hunter 4 years ago
My ex even made stuff up just so everyone thought he knew when he didnt.
Susan Green 4 years ago
This is so annoying. Unfortunately, it happens more often than it should.
#17
When i was in the army we would definitely see people who were bullied in high school and decided to be "billy badass" and join the military then they would be teased and hazed a little as privates. But as soon as they got their own little team and a taste of power they would be the ones that made everyone's lives much more miserable than they needed to be reveling in being the tormenter.
EQXL 4 years ago
So basically this could read only "bullies" Since bullies usually are born out of being bullied. Whether it being in high school, preschool, at home or wherever.
Becky Samuel 4 years ago
Unfortunately, although this seems like a true, common-sense statement, the science does not back it up. A lot of bullies are just bullies.
Load More Replies... WhatEvenIsLife 4 years ago
Grew up in a military family, married an airman, couldn't even count how many people I've met in uniform who meet this description. A certain type of person is drawn to careers that will give them any little scrap of authority so they can use it like a sledgehammer. Also seen it a lot with cops.
CatWoman312 4 years ago
Maybe don’t bully period and people won’t turn out to be bullies or shoot up grocery stores
Sandra Givens 4 years ago
As my late husband, a Vietnam vet, used to say, you can have a d**k without being one..
Hutt'nKloas 4 years ago
Not always. I got bullied a lot in high school untill I learned to defend myself properly. However I hate bullying, as it doesnt compute with my sense of proper justice and equality. Some who people who never got bullied are just bullies by nature, others that were bullied step far away from it.
Load More Replies... #18
won't let his girl have friends
GirlFriday 4 years ago
Ladies, take note: if a man isolates from your friends and family, that man is an abuser. It may start off as "wanting you all to himself," but the more he isolates, the more abusive he will become. This is the first step towards making sure you have no support system so you won't have help when you need it and making it more difficult for you to eventually leave him when he starts hitting you.
John C 4 years ago
What about when your wife does it? One by one she's picked off all my friends, forbidding me to have contact for various reasons. I grew up an only child so being alone doesn't bother me but now you got me thinking.
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Andrew Cohen 4 years ago
Ladies, if your man "won't let" you do anything, run the f away. Same goes for men. Now if you enjoy being dominated that's different ;)
Patricia Herb 4 years ago
"LET" annoys me to death, I'd prefer doesn't like his GF to have friends. No grown human should be given that power over another human.
Hutt'nKloas 4 years ago
That's really sad. We all are in need of our own friends. My wife and me have their own circle, just a few are mutual.
#19
Guys who brag about how much sex they have. Ok we get it, you have sex
CatWoman312 4 years ago
It’s not a turn on dude. I immediately assume your d**k is crawling with stds
Gwen Parker 4 years ago
That and how big of a d**k they have. If you have to brag about your "huge Mini-Me," I automatically want to pull out a magnifying glass to prove what you're "packin." XD
#20
Constantly looking for the need to brag about your wealth and physical prowess, especially on social media. I know a few dudes who define themselves by the amount of money they've made or how they're better than everyone because they practice a certain martial art
Kristof De Smet 4 years ago
The most important part for me is having enough money to give my kids a happy life, and a kickstart to their adult life.
Hutt'nKloas 4 years ago
Quote: "how they're better than everyone because they practice a certain martial art". That's not a proper martial artist. Secondly that attitude will definitely help them go face down in a hard way, as there is always someone better, faster, stronger, smarter or has more luck. A proper martial artist doesnt [need to] boost his skills towards others as it makes no sense, it will hamper their development. It's meant for selfdefence or for those that you love/care about while being in danger.
Viviane 4 years ago
Lots of people do martial arts without bragging about it. One of my colleagues happens to enjoy martial arts (occasionally gets injured - so much for physical prowess!), likes comics and blockbuster hero movies, goes on an annual fishing trip with his buddies. He's also a big softy with his kids, likes talking about history, and will patiently teach colleagues new techniques. In other words, he's a well-rounded human being.
Hendra Lim 4 years ago
i can accepts some people flaunting money or fitness is not really a good thing, but martial arts? i think it's just because he thinks it's cool. if i can do some kind of martial arts, maybe i'll share it too.
Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago
If I made a million, beside it being a miracle, I would be bragging about it for a little while anyway
CowboyHank 4 years ago
This one is ridiculous. I'd have more to say about it but I need to go make a large bank deposit before I go to MMA practice.
Dave Kool 4 years ago
I ran into someone like that on a nightly basis when I was working the door at a nightclub, but this one guy really stands out. Dude kept bragging about how tough he was and that we wouldn't be able to stop him coming in if he wanted to. Yeah we proved him wrong on that front, but the spinning back kick he attempted in a narrow hallway right before falling down the stairs was pretty impressive. We replayed it on a loop on the big screen for WEEKS after that.
Elena Vasss 4 years ago
The whole "modern" culture in my country is based on that - to have an expensive phone watch, car, to go on expensive vacations... But again, it is not only the men, but also the women.
#21
Insecure about himself: he’s middle age but constantly shares photos of himself in his “prime” such as football team, military uniform etc
elStiJneriNO 4 years ago
yeah, can't he just grow up and post cheap comments on BP like all of us
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Truthsayer 4 years ago
There is nothing wrong with being proud of your achievements... and everything wrong with reaching middle age having done nothing to be proud of. A real man is measured by his accomplishments, particularly if those accomplishments involve providing a service to society like military service...
Lemonclouds20 4 years ago
Well they didn't have the self obsessed social media cult of today. Maybe they are just doing their own bit of oversharing/ taking pride in there past etc.
Sharon Ingram 4 years ago
I wish I could live long enough to hear about all y'all's "accomplishments" when you're "past your prime."
#22
People online who post cringey graphics of a lion or the joker with an equally cringe quote next to it saying something along tbe lines of "followers work for other, the alpha works for themselves" with some dollar signs next to it. Or other similar "motivational woke" posts
Delgada 4 years ago
In Poland some have this idiotic phrase "The nobility do not work" (Szlachta nie pracuje) in ther occupation - and I always cringe so hard when I see that.
Caffeine72 4 years ago
Especially cringy because the SS used to say something similar about themselves. But in German.
Load More Replies... Viviane 4 years ago
My husband is puzzled by the "alpha" term. We concluded that some "alpha braggarts" work for themselves because no one else can stand working with them.
Viviane 4 years ago
I do know people who work for themselves because it suits them better, but they don't put others down for working in teams. I'm happy for them, they're happy for me.
Load More Replies... Viviane 4 years ago
I used to feel a little bad about not being a leader or dominant. Then I read about intelligent followers. They understand their boss' vision and can work with little supervision. One computer programmer with a much-younger manager wrote, "I defer to my boss' vision, he defers to my expertise." That is pretty much how it stand with my own bosses: they give me problems to solve because I'm the expert. :)
Katherine Heasley 4 years ago
The irony being that the "alpha" of a wolf pack (usually the patriarch of the family group) generally works the hardest to protect and provide for the pack.
Tom Pepper 4 years ago
Ppl posting in social media with dead animals of any kind feeling they arw super masculine hunter/fishers
Viviane 4 years ago
Both sexes do it - Tony Robbins, Oprah Winfrey, etc. If you don't like motivational posts, don't read them. I turn off most motivational memes on my feed because most don't appeal to me. Once in a great while, I point out why a motivational meme is simplistic just for the fun of thinking and arguing back.
Load More Replies... #23
Judging people on their choice of shirt and vehicle
Hugo Raible 4 years ago
Yes, almost all posts here count for women as well, sometimes even more.
Load More Replies... Uncommon Boston 4 years ago
Oh, a car tells you a lot about men. Weird, I find men who drive BMWs undesirable. I thought it was just me, my son asked women of all ages what kind of car to buy, none suggested BMW, many warned against it. He got an Audi. Is this universal? Doubt it. There is a well known stereotype of the man in a big, show off macho pickup that seems to be true much of the time.
abn_gator 4 years ago
I had to comment. I completely agree with this but it goes both ways. Such as people with lifted trucks. While I do not understand some being lifted to extremes, I myself have a lifted truck and constantly see negative comments about men with lifted vehicles. I grew up around them, my toy trucks were lifted. It's just what I like...
Uncommon Boston 4 years ago
MAGA shirts? Or Bernie supporter? Anti-mask shirt? Harvard Univ or CIA tourist shirt? Polo with an alligator? Sick sexist shirts? A shirt can say a lot. I gave my son a shirt from Kennebunkport ME that said, "The drinking will continue until the economy improves." His econ professor loved it.
Load More Replies... #24
Constant need to demean or put others down
#25
Definitely show offs. If you are easily insulted by things tied to lack of masculinity(secretly liking pink for example) then you have fragile masculinity. Normally the truly masculine people are those that a true people. They don't need reassurance, they show emotion and the idea of girly colours, smells etc do not exist.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
There isn’t ‘true masculine people’ since masculinity or femininity are made up concepts.
JESSE REED 4 years ago
I guess everything we all agree on as a society is made up as well. So now what?
Load More Replies... El Dee 4 years ago
There is a whole section of society who want to be offended (by things that are offensive to no one) And NO, I don't mean 'woke' (why is that even an insult?) I mean if you don't like doing something their way they get all bent out of shape and say 'Why, what's wrong with the way I'm doing it' Or even if you only say how you like something they will then say, 'Are you saying there's something wrong with [whatever]?? In an aggressive manner. Sadly this is not limited to men tho..
Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago
I think most are making things far too simple when live s are so complicated, there are no instant answers.
#26
Here are some that I’ve seen: 1. Constant need to be in a relationship or have a “girlfriend” no matter how he feels about her. 2. Guys who talk sh*t about women who speak up or needlessly call them names 3. Guys who are uncomfortable being CLOSE emotionally or physically around other men in fear of being gay or emasculated. Also just trust your gut around people. Everyone has insecurities but there’s a fine line as to when it’s a part of people verses when people are a part of them
#27
creates a nickname for himself
Lunar Bicycle 4 years ago
I used to know.a guy, typical macho blowhard, whose last name was Coogan, and he called himself The Coog. Sad, really.
Lucy Skinner 4 years ago
Nicknames are more fun when they have a story, and are made by someone else.
Viviane 4 years ago
Prior to the pandemic, a young man at the pool would give names of aquatic animals to acquaintances there. One day, I greeted some middle-aged men chatting at the shallow end. Introductions went something like: "I'm Penguin", "I'm Polar Bear", "I'm Walrus", "I'm Lobster."
Load More Replies... Abhainn 4 years ago
I dissagree with this, I know some guys who were given a nickname or made one up as a joke and it stuck. they're usually happy go lucky guys who are really goofy and fun to hang out with. take this with a grain of salt
Viviane 4 years ago
Context matters. If it's tongue-in-cheek, it indicates a sense of humour about oneself. Years back, I made a James-Bond type poster for a tough prosecutor and entitled it "Don't f**k with the Shep!" (short for Shepherd). She got a laugh out of it.
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Pedro Hasashi 4 years ago
Wait, what about gamers who are called by their nicknames/usernames?
Vanta Black 4 years ago
And referring to themselves in the third person. Both of these made fun of in Seinfeld (George trying to give himself the nickname 'T-Bone', and some guy at their gym always referring to himself in the third person).
Smitten Kitten 4 years ago
Yep, George and 'T-Bone' sprung to my mind instantly too.
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HighNMightyBigshot 1 year ago
“Superior Race” so far batting a hundred with how these characteristics are also white people in general.
Ionut Tautan 4 years ago
most people do that in gaming. Some of those nicknames stick to the person in real life. Does not make them less 'whatever'
#28
If they think a beard equals a personality.
M O'Connell 4 years ago
Some of that speaks to the competitive nature of men in all things. https://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/photos
Lilith the Demon Panda 4 years ago
yeah, sure, but all you fake bitches with a half of gallon of paint on your faces are the true advertisement for healthy self-confidence and security...
GirlFriday 4 years ago
If a hair cut and make up are the only good things about her, then she has a problem. In the case of many men, they believe that the beard should be enough for a woman to want them.
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#29
Over the top displays, or almost caricatures, of masculinity. Making an effort to communicate dominance, like the sticker you described
#30
The only sign I can think of is going out of your way to prove that you are not insecure about your masculinity and/or yourself in general. Secure people aren’t looking to be validated for being secure
#31
Thinking he can beat ANYONES ass, simply because he happens to be male
Viviane 4 years ago
If they pick a fight with a kid in the first place, they deserve it.
Load More Replies... #32
Just LOUD in general. Says he does't care what anyone says or thinks about him, but it reality seeks validation and attention from other people all the time
sylvantic 4 years ago
If you want validation, just ask! but expect that you might get constructive criticism, and you'll need a good relationship with people to get that.
Katherine Boag 4 years ago
Nah, i ask specifically for validation from people in my life, and get it.
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#33
Has to make any situation about them, has the be the "alpha", compensates not just with a truck but constant overt "look at me" actions, disregards your opinion immediately if they disagree, dismissive towards anyone who doesn't act like them, loud on purpose because they think everyone like the sound of their voice as much as they do, "act like a man bro", constant put downs, refuses to drink any non "manly" drink, mentions how big their d**k is (it isn't), thinks sport knowledge is a personality trait
am_c0m0 4 years ago
I know a man who's like this. His dad died when he was 9. I wonder if that contributes to his insecurity?
Henry Cheves 4 years ago
Probably only had bad influences and doesn't know how men are supposed to behave.
Load More Replies... Sky Render 4 years ago
I have a bit of an in-joke with my roommate that the higher a lift kit is on a non-utility truck, the "smaller" the man who owns the truck is. (Obviously we're referring to their self-esteem...)
Aunt Messy 4 years ago
These are the morons who do stupid crap after saying, "Hold my beer...."
#34
Emotionally abusive in relationships
#35
I go to the gym a lot, I've seen guys ripped af yet don't show it off. Then I see the guys who think they need to show off every muscle in their body and have close to no actual muscle.
Or simply people on any online game with the name "alpha"
If you are alpha you don't need to show it off like its a big deal lol
JESSE REED 4 years ago
Nothing is more motivating than seeing your muscles while working out. If anyone has a problem with that, they have the issue.
Viviane 4 years ago
A change in appearance motivates a lot of people. Checking oneself in the mirror is fine. Self-congratulations are fine, too. I would draw the line at someone hogging the equipment because they consider others inferior/unworthy. I been to gyms where I had to struggle to get time on the equipment and others where we all get turns regardless of appearance.
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#36
Responds to any TRULY constructive criticism negatively, and has to defend themselves from it
MRSS 4 years ago
The classic Narcissist behavior, low self esteem. Can you imagine a man like that actually looking in the Mirror and admitting his faults and see himself for what he truly is. First step in fixing your behavior is to look in the mirror and see you for who you really are and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do to start my journey to a better me and man it was a wake up call. Hard to see a man like all these mentioned in this post doing that and actually working on their horrific behaviors.
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
NB: I'd posted about wtf that hand! Then realised it was the perspective that had thrown me initially (I thought it was a rand hand reaching over his shoulder *facepalm*)
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#37
The "one upper." We had one at a job I worked years ago and I started lying to him to see what he would say. My favorite was when a new Taco Bell opened and I asked if he knew about the secret menu, specifically the "Quattro Macho Guapo Nachos." Apparently, yes, he had ordered them before
Viviane 4 years ago
Yes, but he's not some village idiot, he's the biggest idiot in the world! Sheesh, show some respect for this exceptional being.
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#39
Makes gay jokes.
James Buchanan 4 years ago
I'm gay and I'm fine with some gay jokes. Just don't actually be homophobic, and ask permission.
David Houde 4 years ago
My cousin is gay (well, several are). He will not hesitate to tell a gay joke one bit. It's not that you are telling a joke, it's the meaning (and demeaning) behind the joke that's the problem.
LivingTheDream 4 years ago
Bullshit. One of my closest friends makes over the top gay jokes and *Spoiler Alert* He is gay, incredibly kind, outstandingly funny and definitely not suffering from insecure masculinity. He is just an awesome dude who loves to laugh and enjoy life.
El muerto 4 years ago
it depend on how you tell the joke...but yeah if you want to burn a macho guy, gay joke...on the other hand to joke about ones own sexuality is the opposite, you don't have proof how not guy you are because is nothing wrong with it. you feel safe. and openly gay guys, will make plenty of gay jokes...that in it self is like an ongoing joke
Hello 4 years ago
well, the thing is, it could be sensitive around others. And gay jokes do have a somewhat homophobic backround.
Load More Replies... #40
How violent he gets if you call him gay
EQXL 4 years ago
Are you randomly going around calling men gay into their face to see how they respond? Sounds rather insecure to me
Hello 4 years ago
some people use gay as an insult (which is outdated and rude now), but there are still people who act rashly towards that. that's usually a red flag
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#41
Putting nuts on their trucks probably
Linus Nilsson 4 years ago
There is a decoration that people hang on the back of their trucks, looking like a ballsack.
Anthony Mann 4 years ago
Any truck with these hanging off the trailer hitch will typically have 4-5 stickers on the window or bumper that scream "alpha male" at you as well. A 'Molon Labe' sticker is usually one of them.
LivingTheDream 4 years ago
I have to admit, i thought it was funny the first time I saw it. It was very unexpected.
#42
Whenever the dude constantly asks for validation from other people
Javiera Gotelli 4 years ago
I find that incredibly sad and pathetic. Whether is a guy or a woman doing it, it makes me feel sorry for them
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
Is there a gender neutral/non political word for the concept of working together (not co-operation, more like fraternity but for everyone)?
#43
Whenever he insults himself a lot, doesn't like to be complimented, when he acts very negative,
These are some of the things that I do when I'm insecure.
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
That's a total insecurity, about more than masculinity that's a difficulty in loving yourself and being happy with who you are (not criticising at all btw I feel like this too, I think maybe more of us do than we realise)
Random Person 4 years ago
I do this all the time in uncomfortable situations. Like "sorry guys, I'm really bad at this"
#44
The best indication of insecurity I’ve seen in this thread is the guy who saw someone in real life who seemed hyper masculine and decided to post about him online with a leading question hoping the echo chamber would make him feel better
#45
Procrastinates on difficult tasks. Often this is a sign that this man is insecure about their ability to produce good work and self sabotages in order to give themselves an out when the final result does not meet their standards or someone else’s standards.
I’m guilty of this and many other behaviors that are deep down rooted in insecurities.
kasa alex 4 years ago
Some of these apply equally to women who are insecure about their own abilities
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
Yeah the article seemed to shift since it popped up from originally being just about insecurities that belie toxic masculinity, to also being about general insecurities, which really is an entirely different thing
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Roland Gosselin 4 years ago
This is a more complex one, I don't agree. Insecurities are fine, being a d**k to cope with them isn't. Procrastinating isn't being a d**k.
What do you think ?
Mrs_ Possum 4 years ago (edited)
From personal experience, a lot of these are not just male things. I've experienced quite a bit of this from women, too. Especially the competitive, one-upmanship thing.
Chris 4 years ago (edited)
100% this. Should be titled "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A dickhead Is Insecure About themselves". The gender is irrelevant.
Load More Replies... Bill 4 years ago
If you drive a pick up plastered in Trump stickers and a Trump flag in the bed.
Steve Barnett 4 years ago
I’m a man and I couldn’t give a flying f-word about masculinity. The so-called ‘alpha males’ that I’ve ever met have been complete fools. Just be a useful person, care for people, not everything's a competition.
Martin Kaine 4 years ago
Absolutely. Take care of those around you, help those in need, listen when people speak and hear what they say, find your passion and work at it, and if you have children, be a dad (not just a father).
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Nevits Yibble 4 years ago
Believes the virus is a hoax fabricated by democrats, attacks Asians for a virus he doesn't believe exists. (That would be all Asians. Doesn't know the difference.)
Load More Replies... EQXL 4 years ago
How is this about insecure masculinity when most posts are about insecurity because they're just not reserved to men only?
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago (edited)
(Repeat comment) the article seemed to shift since it popped up from originally being just about insecurities that belie toxic masculinity, to also being about general insecurities, which really is an entirely different thing
Load More Replies... Lilith the Demon Panda 4 years ago (edited)
downvote me all you want, you know I am right - bored panda is just turning into toxic femininity propaganda, ever other post is just "all men bad and if not all then enough of them"... you all toxic bitches are exactly the reason why we still don't have equality in this world and why men don't take you seriously... you are just whiny insecure princesses demanding special treatment and all the advantages but refuse to fight for yourselves and take responsibility in your own hands... you are the exact opposite of feminists, opposite of strong responsible women who deserve their right to be treated equally... all bad men in the history of humankind were raised by women - women just like you!
Aliquid A 4 years ago
it is NEVER "all men", or even "most men". These are articles about describing men who ARE toxic. i.e. "these are the characteristics of a toxic man"... which by default implies that other men don't exhibit those characteristics. Many men respond in the comments with "yup, I hate men like that too". Bored Panda certainly seems to have a feminist slant lately, but to call it "toxic" is overly dramatic and embarrassing.
Load More Replies...
Carlota 4 years ago
Just go at any bored panda post about women, lgbtq+ or anything remotely genderless/fluid and check out the comments at the very bottom, you'll see so many fragile masculinities acting up it's sad
Sri Nath 4 years ago
Nah. This entire website is slowly turning into a generalisation echo chamber. I agree with the alpha male thing but a lot of this is common to both sexes and they want to generalise it only for men.
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Johnny Rodriguez 4 years ago
As a man, I have a question for the women here: Is the image those men have of themselfes attractive to anyone of you? In my opinon, with most of these behaviors, it's just men trying to attract other men..
Mrs_ Possum 4 years ago (edited)
From personal experience, a lot of these are not just male things. I've experienced quite a bit of this from women, too. Especially the competitive, one-upmanship thing.
Chris 4 years ago (edited)
100% this. Should be titled "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A dickhead Is Insecure About themselves". The gender is irrelevant.
Load More Replies... Bill 4 years ago
If you drive a pick up plastered in Trump stickers and a Trump flag in the bed.
Steve Barnett 4 years ago
I’m a man and I couldn’t give a flying f-word about masculinity. The so-called ‘alpha males’ that I’ve ever met have been complete fools. Just be a useful person, care for people, not everything's a competition.
Martin Kaine 4 years ago
Absolutely. Take care of those around you, help those in need, listen when people speak and hear what they say, find your passion and work at it, and if you have children, be a dad (not just a father).
Load More Replies... Nevits Yibble 4 years ago
Believes the virus is a hoax fabricated by democrats, attacks Asians for a virus he doesn't believe exists. (That would be all Asians. Doesn't know the difference.)
Load More Replies... EQXL 4 years ago
How is this about insecure masculinity when most posts are about insecurity because they're just not reserved to men only?
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago (edited)
(Repeat comment) the article seemed to shift since it popped up from originally being just about insecurities that belie toxic masculinity, to also being about general insecurities, which really is an entirely different thing
Load More Replies... Lilith the Demon Panda 4 years ago (edited)
downvote me all you want, you know I am right - bored panda is just turning into toxic femininity propaganda, ever other post is just "all men bad and if not all then enough of them"... you all toxic bitches are exactly the reason why we still don't have equality in this world and why men don't take you seriously... you are just whiny insecure princesses demanding special treatment and all the advantages but refuse to fight for yourselves and take responsibility in your own hands... you are the exact opposite of feminists, opposite of strong responsible women who deserve their right to be treated equally... all bad men in the history of humankind were raised by women - women just like you!
Aliquid A 4 years ago
it is NEVER "all men", or even "most men". These are articles about describing men who ARE toxic. i.e. "these are the characteristics of a toxic man"... which by default implies that other men don't exhibit those characteristics. Many men respond in the comments with "yup, I hate men like that too". Bored Panda certainly seems to have a feminist slant lately, but to call it "toxic" is overly dramatic and embarrassing.
Load More Replies... Carlota 4 years ago
Just go at any bored panda post about women, lgbtq+ or anything remotely genderless/fluid and check out the comments at the very bottom, you'll see so many fragile masculinities acting up it's sad
Sri Nath 4 years ago
Nah. This entire website is slowly turning into a generalisation echo chamber. I agree with the alpha male thing but a lot of this is common to both sexes and they want to generalise it only for men.
Load More Replies... Johnny Rodriguez 4 years ago
As a man, I have a question for the women here: Is the image those men have of themselfes attractive to anyone of you? In my opinon, with most of these behaviors, it's just men trying to attract other men..
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