Women Disclose 30 Secrets They Wish To Tell Their Partners But Fear It Would Jeopardize Their Relationships
Each person is a whole world inside, and it is usually far from clear what is happening in this world. Even for the closest friends, even for loved ones and spouses. It happens that people live together literally for an eternity, not even suspecting what is going on in the head of the person who is always next to them.
Yes, each of us has our own "skeletons in the closet". It can be both small harmless pranks like the next episode of your favorite show, watched alone, as well as the realization that you have not loved the person with whom you have been together for a long time. And sometimes it's so hard to admit it, even to yourself.
There is a thread in the AskWomen Reddit community that started with the question: "What do you want to tell your spouse, but it would ruin everything?" As of today, it has already collected 1.4K upvotes and almost 800 comments. Not as much as some other threads - but it's really not that easy to say something that can actually ruin everything!
Bored Panda collected a list of the most popular and thought-provoking comments on this post for you, so feel free to scroll to the very end and, of course, write something of your own. You don't have to confess anything, just tell us what you think about it.
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I want a separate bedroom. One that is super feminine and just my own space. I will still sleep with him in his room whenever he wanted but I know he would always want to plus he would be super hurt. I’m sick of sharing half the drawers and closet. I’m sick of his socks on the floor. He works nights anyways so we only sleep together on the weekend anyways unless he is on holidays. Plus he comes home in the morning, crawls into bed and it wakes me up. Once I’m up I can’t go back to sleep. Plus I can never have a nicely made bed. I don’t make it because when I wake up he’s going to sleep for the day. When he wakes up he won’t make it because I’m going to go to bed in a few hours anyways and it’s such a hassle for him. I miss crawling into a freshly made bed.
Nothing wrong with separate bedrooms. Every relationship is unique. If it makes yours better, have a talk with him. Maybe ease into it and point out the advantages that he would have too. Whether it's gaming, movies, sports, just find something that he is giving up by sharing a room with you and focus on that when you talk to him. It might feel weird for a few weeks, but there is a good chance you both would dig it.
This might just be me growing up as an only child and being single all of my life but I really like the idea of separate beds/rooms. I think it shouldn't be seen as a bad thing, its nice to have your own comfort space.
Years ago my husband was traveling and we both got used to sleeping alone. We're on different sleep schedules so we just kept on sleeping in separate rooms. Honestly, our marriage is stronger than ever. No more fights over covers. No more restless nights. No more being awakened from snoring. Sleeping in different rooms doesn't mean your marriage is doomed or there is a problem. This needs to be normalized.
Most couples (especially those that have been together for a long time ) definitely benefit from having their own bedrooms
Married to shift worker like this for 10+ years. Separate bedrooms are a must. This will become a point of high tension for you, especially the being woken up before you want to be over a series of years. The sooner you ask for the separate bedroom if you have space for it, the better.
I recently moved into our spare bedroom Bc my snoring goes through spurts where it's really bad and wakes and keeps him up and I kinda loveeeee it. He misses me but I'm always "but my snoring babe!"
Honestly, if me and my husband could afford it we'd probably have a bedroom each. I go to bed hours after he does and have to do everything in the dark while trying not to make noise. I use my bedroom as another space to hang out and he just sleeps in there. Neither of us take offence to it. In fact I think it would make sleeping in the same bed feel like a sleepover and be super fun!
I have my own bedroom because we both snore and I thrash around a lot. It's AWESOME. I have my own beautiful linens, soft blankets, and loads of pillows, which are things that matter to me, but he doesn't care about. I need the room to be really cold in order to be able to sleep, and he likes a warm room. Although I miss sleeping next to him, I really enjoy having my own space.
I definitely understand this feeling. Luckily I do have my own bedroom. And my own flat. And my partner of 2 + years has his own bedroom and his own flat. As disabled people, living together is not an option because we would lose out on too much money but even if we could afford to live together, we wouldn't share a bedroom. We both have to disturbed sleeping patterns, and having a bedroom just of my own the way I like it makes me so much happier.
We are so looking forward to having separate bedrooms. My husband likes to stay up late and sleep in while I am the entire opposite (the annoying person, who wakes up at 6 fresh and ready to start the day but needs to go to sleep at 9). Sometimes you just need what you need... Try to talk to him.
Yeah, snoring like a tractor meant separate rooms became a necessity and we wouldn't go back. Just have the conversation.
We have separate bedrooms and it's BLISS! 100% recommend it (although I have to change two sets of bed sheets every week otherwise he'd go probably 3 years before changing his 🤢)
You need a room to turn into a multi-purpose walk-in-closet with a bed.I keep all my cloths, shoes, accessories in mine, along with a comfy place to sit, read, toss cloths /put shoes on and a small desk for writing. It's extra bright, cheery, girly so I smile when I walk in. There's a bed I decorated w tons of throw pillows to look like an oversized sofa that I often sleep in. My hubby doesn't particularly like for me to sleep there, but I always go to bed with him and we visit, snuggle, watch funny videos, etc😘... sometimes I doze off all night w him, but usually get up at some point and go to my special room where I sleep better. He prefers if I stay w him but we've been together long enough to know it's NOT him AT ALL and has seen first hand the positive differences having my own space brings all of us. I get better quality sleep, take care of everyone, especially him better, my trail of cloths, shoes, cosmetics isn't all over. Best decision ever!
My parents were happily married for over 60 years. They had separate beds for years because he worked nights and and worked days. Waking each other up was a problem. When they moved to a small house, they had separate rooms. I think got along better because of it. You need sleep for your mental health.
If I could afford two bedrooms I would never share a room again. I sleep so much better in a room by myself.
My husband and I have our own separate rooms. After many years our sleep habits were not matching up and it was just costing us sleep. I now have the space to be the octopus I am and he doesn't keep me awake with his snoring. Sometimes I miss morning cuddles but it's been for the best.
nothing wrong with that, more and more people are living in separate rooms, and separate apartments too.
I will never share a bedroom with a partner again. I sleep hot, and do not want anothers body heat added. I also toss and turn a lot. It's important to each have their own space. Sleep overs are great, but I prefer sleeping alone. 😊
I have a unique relationship that I wanted that turned out my partner also wanted. I live a couple blocks walk away. I have my own apt bed etc. We visit and spend nights together but in the end we have our own spaces. I'm not going to lie this arrangement has likely make our relationship at least 10x better than it would be living together. I tell this to people I know who live with their significant others expecting pushback but ALWAYS... I mean ALWAYS I get ".... I'm...... actually jealous..." ... did we... did we hack the relationship matrix or something?
Maybe because I've spent way too long in a long distance relationship, I honestly think separate bedrooms is a great idea for a relationship, you both can have your own space that you don't have to compromise on, if you need space or just some alone time, you can go to your room. Maybe you are in your room just relaxing but leave the door open as a silent invitation to join you. I think when done correctly it could strengthen a relationship and be an integral part of your own self care.
This is a completely reasonable desire- especially if you sleep better.
My dad once had snoring issues so he had to at some point take a treatment and my dad and mom slept in separate rooms. They really enjoyed it because my mom got better sleep then!
My partner and I both are introverted, anxious humans and have decided that when we get our own place with a mortgage and that, we will be having our own bedrooms for sure. We both need me.time. Plus if we want cuddles we can just crawl into bed with each other or cuddle on the sofa with a movie or music.
I've worked nights. Sometimes all you wanna do is come home and snuggle after a bad shift. I get you want your own room, but try to remember his biorhythms are all jacked up (humans are NOT nocturnal). If he needs that intimacy to go to sleep, try to remember what could happen if he has to go work with 3 hours of sleep he squeezed out in the middle of the afternoon. There's a reason why so many shift workers become alcoholics.
This isn't abnormal and there's nothing wrong with it. You don't need a reason, really. And as someone who has serious sleep problems and constantly wakes my wife up, I would love to have a separate room so that doesn't happen.
If you were to read him this post verbatim I think he would understand. It's a wonderful, non-aggressive, honest request that takes his feelings into consideration while acknowledging both your needs. It's obvious to me that it comes from the heart and is only being brought up bc you want each other happy and well rested.
I can't make my bed because my husband has to have a mattress topper on his side. We have a very firm mattress and he likes a pillow top topper. When the bed is made it looks like a dead body is on his side of the bed. Plus, we use separate blankets. It's an unruly mess to look at. I hate it and it's embarrassing. I want a girly bedroom too!!!
My husband and I have had seperate bedrooms for over 5 years and it really has been a marriage saver….his snoring and restless legs were driving me crazy!
My husband and I have separate bedrooms. It’s absolutely great! We both have our own spaces and can decorate to our own tastes. It works for us; we have different sleep temperature (he likes warm, me cool) and fabric requirements (he sleeps with wool and I can’t even touch it without being itchy), and we are light sleepers. We’ve been together 10 years.
I’m not going to the dentist today, I lied about having an appointment. Instead I’m going to the airport and picking up his best friend that he hasn’t seen in a year and a half. We’ve planned this since January and I’m so excited.
that I will never forgive him for cheating on me no matter how hard I try. I think of leaving him everyday. Even though I love him, i absolutely resent him for putting me in such a f****d up situation. He’s sucked out my self-esteem. I hate when he’s selfish even for the tiniest things. He’ll never be able to emotionally satisfy me ever again and he may as well just move on because I want to so bad. Even though I’m scared and it’s going to be hard. I feel like I’ll never get closure or healing if I stay. I’m scared to break up my kids home. What if I f**k them up by leaving? I don’t want to be selfish. But, I’m honestly so miserable because I’ll never love or trust him the same and I’ll never forgive him. I’m extremely torn.
then leave.trust me that your kids will be at a better situation if you leave so that you can have a better mental health
I don’t want to have a child with him because I feel like I will really be stuck in the marriage. It’s been so rocky for the last two years and his temper is scary. I would just rather not.
Children is definitely not a good option going from your "temper is scary". Maybe therapy or hightail it out of there if you don't feel safe?
Sometimes I want to live separately, right next to each other, but stay married, a la Frida Khalo and Diego Rivera. He has some hoarding tendencies and it really drives me crazy. Makes me want to cry. Yes we’ve talked about, no he doesn’t think it’s a problem. He’s very traditional about marriage and he’d never go for this idea. To him this would equate to asking for a divorce.
Literally that he is an awful, horrible man who goes out of his way to ruin anything that is important to me. He is selfish and nasty and I would have split up with him when he ruined Christmas (again) last year. However he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and I have decided that I will look after him until he dies as he will be alone otherwise. I don’t want his behaviour to dictate mine so I have chosen to care for him because my nature is caring and nurturing. This doesn’t mean I passively accept his behaviour or let him walk all over me but if I told him what I really think he would spend his time left trying to ruin my life. It’s so desperately sad as I really loved him and he has ensured that I will never feel like that towards him again.
You are a better person then I ever would be... Ne doesn't deserve you, but you already know that... I wish you strenght and send a hug...
Sometimes I don't want to hear about how s***ty your friends are! Make better friends! Sorry!
I think that when you go from teens to 20s to 30s most of your friends change, only a few remain. I think that's growth. What was good and fun back then, isn't exactly the same years later. Graduate and find people who are willing to do so too.
That I would give almost anything to live as a woman, while we continue our life together. Unfortunately, I think it would cost our marriage, and that’s the one thing I won’t give up.
Sending hugs and love. Know a friend she talked about it with her wife when she was 50. After the initial shock, they are still together after her transition.
I can’t stand how he doesn’t take care of health. His parents were/are not the healthiest. Dad is diabetic, obese, sedentary, weak gait and mom passed away from cancer. A lot of his family hate drinking water, don’t exercise, don’t like vegetables, and love red meat. My husband has all kinds of allergies and constantly has stomach issues yet doesn’t do much to improve his health. We have a newborn and he still won’t shift his eating habits. I don’t get how he doesn’t see how he needs to step it up.
I think he may need to see a therapist, which might be tricky considering he doesn't pay any mind to his health. Sometimes you need someone externally to help and show you it from the outside. Maybe it'll work.
That I think about leaving him everyday. If I could hire someone to find me a new place to live , pack up everything and move it while I was at work… I would be gone in a heartbeat
This is definitely something to talk about. Is it abusive or is there a root cause? No more love or affection? Maybe you can determine what it is and mutually separate.
I love him. I love the little family we built and are building. But I wasn’t ready for any of it. I wish I could go back and just wait a few more years for this aspect of my life to start. I feel like I’m drowning in a stage of my life I didn’t want yet.
Oh please sweety, go seek help... you might be in a post partum depression without even knowing it... And if the relationship with your significant other is strong enough, talk about it... only when you speak up you can share some of the burden, it doesnt mean the love is gone, in situations like this things can sometimes get to much to just suck it up by yourself... Even if your SO and you have jobs, make sure you both get the time and space to just relax without having to take care of another human being... Taking good care for another person starts with taking good care for yourself equally as much.... Hugs... just because you sound you can use one or maybe even two or more...
I watched all of stranger things season 4 without him while he was at work
Oh no you didn't lol just pretend to be surprised when you rewatch it.
That I absolutely hate some members of his family, and i wish he would cut them out
Oh, been there, done that.... Now, we moved to Spain and there is no family to meet anymore ;) That being said, just talk to your SO about this and tell him that you feel uncomfortable around some family members and it's okay if he wants to visit them, but you'll stay at home. The same goes for him... You chose your partner, not all the family and friends that come with it ;)
It wouldn’t ruin everything, but I am scared to tell him I ran up my credit cards that I paid off…AGAIN. He would be mad for about a day then he’d tell me we’ll figure it out but yeah.
Edit to add for the rude tonsil stone who commented: they’re 5k combined, I paid them off myself after our wedding and he was so proud of me, and then I went crazy and ran them up again. Goal is to pay them off again by myself but don’t want to tell him because again, of how proud he was.
Being nice is completely free—you don’t need to charge it to do that!
My parents never taught us how to save or not overspend, bad examples growing up, so I’ve had to do it myself. Trial and error, mistakes are made and then fixed. I have: a full time job, paid bills, a good credit score, a paid off car within 3.5 years od purchase, so I think I’m doing ok. 😘
Oh my god, calling someone a tonsil stone is going to be one of my new go-to insults. xD , anyway. You could look into a bank that lets you set a limit on cards etc. Maybe set a lower limit so you're not overspending. But if you're able to pay your bills and for a decent quality of life, well.. you're allowed to treat yourself, but always remember to save some for the future. No one knows what can happen down the line.
I’m better at league of legends than him.
We’ve almost broken up over duo ranked games, he makes terrible dives & gets angry when no one follows him in. I’ve got a lower win ratio with him than I do playing by myself or with my friends.
He's just got to accept you can't be good at everything, sometimes the things you like. I like playing FIFA but it took me years to be able to play with a controller and not a keyboard and I'm sure I'll lose 20-0 if I play someone really good lol but I can't get angry, that's just how it is. He should however be very happy that he has a significant other that also likes league of legends, that's awesome that you can both share that. Start being a fan of your SO dude, she's really good at LoL, be her #1 fan.
That I hate all the thirsty women you follow on IG and the likes you give them.
Social media isn't always a good thing. Maybe have a talk about it and if it's really necessary? Maybe it'll work.
I imagine what life would be like if we broke up, and sometimes it feels like it would be a relief. I love him so much, and I don’t want to lose him. I know I’m just fantasising, bc there’s a lot I haven’t done or tried and some of that stuff I can’t do with him. But none of it is worth losing him.
Is this a dependent relationship? Check out Michael Newton Institute if you can afford it. I always advise that you talk to someone trustworthy and not involved.
He’s Italian but I make better meatballs than him
My ex gave me PTSD and it creeps up in our relationship . I’m scared you’re going to cheat on me even though logically I can see you’re faithful.
But I thought he was too. I thought he was perfect but I was overlooking a lot of things and making excuses for him and falling for his b******t logic and excuses when he f****d up. He may not have been physically abusive but he was emotionally and mentally abusive and when he and I broke up I had literal physical reactions to it. My therapist said I went through emotional and physical trauma because of him.
I’m working on it honey, I really am. But I get scared that the bottom is going to drop out. You’re in medical school surrounded by these beautiful women for a majority of your day. You’re an endangered species in your cohort. 5 guys out of 81. Again, I have no logical reason to believe you’d cheat or leave me for them, but I’m scared of it happening because I didn’t see it coming with him either. And youve led this incredible life. I mean your ex is a neurologist from the UK and looks like Taylor Swift. How the f**k do I compare to that?! Why on earth would you choose a farm girl from BFE Oklahoma?..
I can’t lose you. I waited so long to find someone as perfect as you. Someone that fits my heart so flawlessly. I don’t feel I deserve you. I’m glad you love me and love me wholly and truly… but my anxiety is always telling me “but for how long?”
Sweety, if your SO wanted someone else, then he would have... And yes, he might have been in a relationship with a "Taylor Swift neurologist" but guess what, he broke up with her for a reason and he chose you, also for a reason. With you there is no rivalry, there is no "I've been the biggest of heroes today" , no endless shoptalk... With you he finds exactly what he wants and needs, love, a warm heart, an ear to listen, eyes he can look into and see love in them, the love of his life... No one can guarantee love forever, but really, it is better to love and trust then to be scared and insecure over nothing at all. Your SO knows your past, he knows not to hurt you.... I've once been in your shoes and was lucky enough to meet my SO at the age of 51, he knows all there is to know about me and still he stayed and wouldn't want it any other way. Try to love yourself as he loves you and you will be able to let go of your insecurities.
Sometimes I have regretted getting with him so early (we were 17, now we’re 20) because when we found each other I was just beginning to discover/learning to navigate my sexual and romantic life after spending most of my teenage years tucked away in this idea of “the perfect person will just come for you one day.”
I like women significantly more than men, but I fell in love with him just when I was starting to let go. I got very few experiences with girls (which none ended well and were very brief). I don’t see myself breaking up with him any time soon, we love each other so much and our relationship is freaking great, but I mourn the experiences I wished to have that I never had. I wish I had seriously dated a girl even once, I wonder what it would feel like, how different it would be.
I choose to love him every day, but sometimes I wish things had happened differently. Idk if that makes any sense.
It does make sense. One thought, every decision we make means there are other paths we chose not to follow. There will always be thoughts about "what if", at least there are for me. Hubby and I knew each other for 10 years before we started dating, I wonder what our life together would be if we had started dating earlier. I love him and we will celebrate 29 years married this weekend, so it worked out fine.
Domestic partner, but that I hate how he made me lose some of the trust I have and how violated he made me feel. When weeks before I was ready to spend forever together, but now I’m terrified because I am young and may want to be single and find who I am outside of our relationship that I was so content in before.
That he is to blame for alot of my self body image issues.
That's horrible. You should not have to deal with that from a spouse.
We had a cockroach that lived in our bedroom last summer. It used to sleep next to me on the wall, behind a lamp. It would poop in the same place, so I would just clean it up. I had originally tried to capture it to release outside, but eventually gave up. It used to spend some of the day in the walk in closet, and I just started ignoring it. Want to tell my husband, but he’d be mortified.
I doubt you have just one cockroach... yo'll see more soon. There's never just one! Sorry tho!
I want out 😂
You don't say why but what's stopping you? In the end, you're not in this life to please family, friends or the world. If you're in a holding pattern - ask yourself why? You deserve just as much happiness as anyone else. Talk to someone trustworthy and not involved for advice.
That I think he has only found love with me because he was looking for the love he never received from his parents. His mom left him almost immediately after giving birth, his dad was working on the road and that caused his grandparents to raise him. They passed away fairly early on.
He has always been in some type of a relationship and I truly believe it's because of the the lack of love. It created a hole and I believe I'm the band aid that covers the hole.
He'd be devasted if I said what I think about this matter. I know he does love me and I absolutely love him so I just leave it be until we're both drunk and ready to have the conversation.
What am I missing here? I'm not sure I see a problem. You say he really loves you and you love him back, all this other psychoanalyst BS is just that. BS. He wants to be loved and in a good relationship and you're sitting here talking about band-aids and hole in his heart. No s**t he has desire to be loved, we all do. Don't create some issues/drama where there doesn't need to be any. Not everything needs to be drug out in the open and examined in detail. Sometimes you just need to move forward, and that's enough.
That I truly love him, but I think I might be poly and I also love someone else. And I love them both different and equally, but there’s parts of me that neither one can fulfill independently.
Love can be different with different people... you can either cheat (if one doesn't know about the other) and hurt, or be honest and talk about it... These love traingles can function perfectly well, as long as you are open and honest about it with all parties involved. And putting a name on it... what does it matter, your heart is big enough to just love both ;)
I think I might not be a woman.
As I said on the other post regarding a change in gender... You are still the same person, gender doesn't define our personality. It is definitely something you need to talk about. You shuold not have to hide after all.
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Man, there's a whole lotta women above who are in totally toxic relationships with awful men. I hope they find the strength to get out.
This isn't related to a partner or husband as I'm not married or anything, but wanted to put this out there. I sometimes wish I could just escape to a cabin in the woods in the middle of nowhere from my family and get away from the drama of my parents and my brothers family life. It's always doom and gloom or drama with them and I'm tired and bored of hearing about it!!! My brother gets away with blue murder and can do no wrong in my mums eye (well he can, but mum lets it go), so he hasn't really learnt to stand on his own two feet and learn by his mistakes!!! So much more to rant about, but not enough space to write about it. Thanks for reading though.
Why do I keep reading these things? I expect these to be a little more emotional-friendly, but all it does is damage my hope and confidence in finding another partner, which is already low because my breakup from just under 2 years ago was slow, agonizing, and overall traumatic.
Y'all don't have to keep staying in $hitty relationships. My biggest regret is wasting my time on people like this
Man, there's a whole lotta women above who are in totally toxic relationships with awful men. I hope they find the strength to get out.
This isn't related to a partner or husband as I'm not married or anything, but wanted to put this out there. I sometimes wish I could just escape to a cabin in the woods in the middle of nowhere from my family and get away from the drama of my parents and my brothers family life. It's always doom and gloom or drama with them and I'm tired and bored of hearing about it!!! My brother gets away with blue murder and can do no wrong in my mums eye (well he can, but mum lets it go), so he hasn't really learnt to stand on his own two feet and learn by his mistakes!!! So much more to rant about, but not enough space to write about it. Thanks for reading though.
Why do I keep reading these things? I expect these to be a little more emotional-friendly, but all it does is damage my hope and confidence in finding another partner, which is already low because my breakup from just under 2 years ago was slow, agonizing, and overall traumatic.
Y'all don't have to keep staying in $hitty relationships. My biggest regret is wasting my time on people like this
