Grandparents Think It’s Okay To ‘Rename’ Granddaughter As They Don’t Like Her Name, She Ignores Them
Do you remember, a couple of days ago, I told you about a girl to whom her mom ‘gifted’ a name that was unusually ornate in writing, and for which she was subjected to severe criticism and insults when she legally changed it to the usual spelling? If not, you can read the story here.
So, today we are faced with a diametrically opposite situation: a teenager with an unusual name, which her mom also gave her, but which she, however, really likes. And her grandparents, who show extraordinary zeal in trying to ‘rename’ their granddaughter in a way that only they like. However, let’s talk about everything in order.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post is a 15 Y.O. girl who recently had to move to her grandparents’ house
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
However, the elder couple wasn’t happy with their granddaughter’s ‘bizarre’ name and tried to ‘rename’ her
Image credits: u/Historical-Pain-3395
According to her grandparents, the ‘proper’ names for the girl were Emily or Elizabeth
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Historical-Pain-3395
However, the teen rejected all these attempts – and then the grandparents started addressing her directly as Elizabeth
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Historical-Pain-3395
The girl refused to answer in this case – and the grandparents dubbed her ‘impolite’ and even ‘rude’ for doing so
So, the Original Poster (OP) is a 15-year-old girl named Astraea. An ancient name of Roman and Greek origin, by the way – a name that was given to the girl by her very young mother, and which even then, many years ago, the future grandparents didn’t like…
Let’s now return to the present day. The author’s mother, unfortunately, for health reasons, cannot take care even of herself, so the girl moved to her grandparents’ house. And literally from the first day in the new place, countless persuasion and suggestions about ‘renaming’ took place…
Her grandparents liked something ‘more classic’ – like Emily or Elizabeth. The fact that the girl has had a name she has liked for a decade and a half was simply ignored by the representatives of the older generation… Moreover, when the OP once again flatly refused to change her name or even to have a ‘family nickname,’ the grandparents moved to action.
They simply began to address their granddaughter as Elizabeth – and when she refused to respond to this name, they told her off, reproaching her for being ‘rude’ and ‘impolite’. According to her grandparents, when elders approach you, you should answer – and in adulthood, they believe, living with the name Elizabeth will be actually way easier than remaining Astraea. But Astraea hasn’t given up, and has turned online for moral support and advice from netizens.
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
“This. Is. Simply. Inappropriate. Only this way, and no other way,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment over this situation. “At the end of the day, the name a person has is their own business, and no one else’s. Yes, there are situations in adult life when a more ‘traditional’ name makes some situations easier – but in the end, imposing your point of view on others is incredible rude.”
“Unfortunately, many people of older generations, having what they call ‘life experience’, are sincerely convinced that their experience remains relevant many years and even decades after it was obtained. And this is not always the case. What I can wish for this girl is to remain firm and strong in upholding her personal boundaries, and perhaps turn to the authorities for support if such cases continue,” Irina summarizes.
Commenters under the original post are also massively outraged by this behavior from the OP’s grandparents, arguing that, firstly, a name is a personal matter only for its bearer, and secondly, the fashion for names really changes over the years, and what was ‘classic’ yesterday, tomorrow may look completely outdated.
“Explain that popular names come and go, and that ‘weird’ names are just new to them,” one of the commenters wrote. “Names like Wilma and Wilbur might seem weird to current generations. What’s old is new again.” “They don’t have to like the name. They just need to acknowledge that it’s your name,” another person wisely added.
Well, we also wish Astraea success in her battle for own name, and in the meantime, if you are interested, you can read this collection of really bizarre names given to babies by their inventive dads. And, of course, if you have some similar story under your belt as well – please feel free to share it with us in the comments below this post!
People in the comments sided with the teen unanimously, claiming that the only impolite people here are the grandparents themselves
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Obviously NTA, but I get where she's coming from. And probably tempted to give in to keep the peace. That question aside, the grandparents are not just TA but beyond disgusting. How much contempt for your own daughter do you have to have to do this, while she's dying to berate her and try to rename her nearly adult daughter, with foe the record a beautiful name. AH doesn't begin to describe how awful they are on so many levels.
My grandmother once admitted to me that she absolutely hated the name my parents gave me. But she was polite enough to wait until after I had legally changed it to tell me that (because I had also always hated it). 'Plot twist': They'd named me after her. She'd always gone by her middle name because she hated her first, and yet somehow my mom thought she would be 'honoured' by giving it to me...
There's a song "that's not my name"....I'd be playing it, singing along to it, dancing to it all bleeping day in that household. The "that's not my name" bit would be stuck on repeat in my head even when it's not playing and I would hum and sing it constantly.
OP KNOWS she's NTA in the context of ignoring her grandparents and sticking to her guns that she be called by her actual name. There's nothing wrong with wanting people to use YOUR name instead of a random one they want to assign you. That's not how the world works; we can't go around calling people the name we want to give them. If it gets bad, they refuse, and resort to repeating the name over and over until they get a reaction, tell them to grow up. As grandparents, they should know how to behave without having to be reminded by their own granddaughter! After that, if they continue, OP should tell them to shut up and OP go somewhere they are not, whenever possible (another room, outside, etc.). From what I can tell, OP doesn't know if she should change her name for the business world. Well, OP, don't. With the world being as small and connected as it is, people are learning to say and pronounce names from other languages every single day and people get along just fine.
I think that Astraea is a beautiful name! It's not some strange made-up name or a ridiculous new spelling of a name... it's a classic name. Future employers aren't going to have a problem with it. Grandma and Grandpa are only thinking of themselves and are trying to gaslight the OP into going along with the odd name change they are promoting. Keep ignoring them. You'll be 18 in a few years!
Call your grandfather and grandmother Ann and Bob (respectively, or something similar, but definitely get their genders wrong). It will drive them wild and they will gradually understand how offensive their behaviour is.
That would be my go to as well. But I wouldn't pick Ann and Bob. Like one of the other poster's suggested pick obscure (but real) names. Hubert, Poindexter, and the like. If they don't get the point and change what they call her, at least she can amuse herself coming up with weird names for them in the meantime.
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Gaslighting 101 here on the grandparents side. The nerve some grandparents have to think they have any say in the life of a child that isn't their's.
It is not just her name. It is the name her dying mother gave her! Have some respect!!!
My father was part Cherokee and taught us very early in life that a name is defining, and to abuse it is disrespectful and akin to spitting in someone's face. Talk to your Grandparents or write them a letter. Explain too them that not only is it hard enough to be fifteen anyway, you are losing your mother, slowly but surely. Your name is your connection to her. It's your birthright. It's comforting, she chose it job st for you. Tell them you realize all the wonderful things they are doing for you and are thankful, but the name is non negotiable. Tell them when they use a different name they make you feel disrespected and it's like they're slapping your mother in the face. Don't give in. If they cannot understand this, keep correcting them. Yes ma'am, my name is Astraae, but I'll be happy to that for you. Stand firm honey. Maybe write a book about your experience. I'm sure it would help people. Make a counseling appointment at a local mhc. Not for you, for all of you. You can.
I went through this with a few people when I decided to be Robert instead of Bob upon getting to a new ship. A couple of people kept trying to get me to answer to Bob. I'd explain that my name was Robert the first couple of times but then I'd just act as if they hadn't addressed me at all. Made them mad, but eventually most got it.
A note to Bored Panda: most people do not oppose being advertised to and understand that it is part of the trade when visiting the website. Y the advertisements here are extremely intrusive and cause many problems loading the pages correctly, etc. For anyone familiar with the movie, “Ready Player One”, there is a line that goes: “they’ve figured that they can use up to 80% of the screen without causing seizures”… not an exact quote but it conveys the feeling. Aggressive advertising makes it difficult to enjoy the site.
NTA. Darlin your name is beautiful! It's the name your mother gifted you with when she first held you in her arms. Your grandparents say you're being rude when you don't answer to the name they've chosen but they are being highly disrespectful to you and to your mom. It's not their place as grandparents to call you anything other than your birth name. I had my oldest when I was about your mom's age. I wanted to name him Jason Ian but my mother made me name him after his father and if i didn't, i couldn't come home. He is now 42 and I'm still angry with myself for giving into her demands. Now what's done is done. Is there another family member who could talk to them for you? Grandparents need to remember their place. Continue to explain to them that you love your name and everytime they call you something different, just say that's not my name and explain how much it hurts you when they do it. Good luck.
Tell them that you're not too crazy about their given names either, and henceforth you will be addressing as "S**t for Brains" and "Child Predator" respectively.
Grandparents: "YoU'rE bEiNg RuDe...!" No, YOU"RE being rude by ignoring this poor girl's name. She's already been through enough. Do they not care that they are essentially causing you to go NC?
Ridiculous. Her name is beautiful and Elizabeth is rather old fashioned nowadays. She should call them by a name they hate like Gramps or Nana, see how they like it. I legally changed my surname 18 months ago and I Love it 😍
When they speak to you and call you Elizabeth, just say "I am sorry, I don't know anyone of that name."
These people are idiots who would tell you not to get tattoos cause it might hurt your job chances. No one cares anymore at all. Also their reasoning is a b******t excuse to make her the child they never had because Astraea would translate into Esther in old people naming conventions. Kudos for taking the kid in for a couple years, but they're obviously gonna kick her out at 18 so don't let them f**k with your emotions.
What I find weird these days is that some grandparents seem very stuck in the old ways...yet they were probably around in the 1960s, which was the most rebellious decade ever. Even if they're 80, they'd have been young adults then; there really is no excuse for being stuck with pre-WW2 values unless you're over 100. It may also be worth pointing out to them that the last group of people who were inclined to rename people to suit themselves were called "slave-owners".
OP says she is 15, and in another comment, mentions that her mother had her when she was 19, so the mother is currently 34. Let's say, conservatively, that OP's grandmother gave birth to OP's mother when Grandmother was 25. That would make grandmother only 59-ish currently, and that means she would only have been BORN in 1965 and not exactly in position to "experience" the rebelliousness of the 60s. Let's say Grandma had OP's mom late, at age 35. That still means Grandma was born in 1955, and would have been a young child for the majority of the 60s. The 1960s were over 60 years ago. I get what you're trying to say, but trying to pigeonhole the grandparents into being "old-fashioned" adults who "must" have experienced the "rebellious" 60s is a bit of a push. A-holes exist in all eras, and OP's grandparents just sound like a-holes regardless of their actual ages.
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Obviously NTA, but I get where she's coming from. And probably tempted to give in to keep the peace. That question aside, the grandparents are not just TA but beyond disgusting. How much contempt for your own daughter do you have to have to do this, while she's dying to berate her and try to rename her nearly adult daughter, with foe the record a beautiful name. AH doesn't begin to describe how awful they are on so many levels.
My grandmother once admitted to me that she absolutely hated the name my parents gave me. But she was polite enough to wait until after I had legally changed it to tell me that (because I had also always hated it). 'Plot twist': They'd named me after her. She'd always gone by her middle name because she hated her first, and yet somehow my mom thought she would be 'honoured' by giving it to me...
There's a song "that's not my name"....I'd be playing it, singing along to it, dancing to it all bleeping day in that household. The "that's not my name" bit would be stuck on repeat in my head even when it's not playing and I would hum and sing it constantly.
OP KNOWS she's NTA in the context of ignoring her grandparents and sticking to her guns that she be called by her actual name. There's nothing wrong with wanting people to use YOUR name instead of a random one they want to assign you. That's not how the world works; we can't go around calling people the name we want to give them. If it gets bad, they refuse, and resort to repeating the name over and over until they get a reaction, tell them to grow up. As grandparents, they should know how to behave without having to be reminded by their own granddaughter! After that, if they continue, OP should tell them to shut up and OP go somewhere they are not, whenever possible (another room, outside, etc.). From what I can tell, OP doesn't know if she should change her name for the business world. Well, OP, don't. With the world being as small and connected as it is, people are learning to say and pronounce names from other languages every single day and people get along just fine.
I think that Astraea is a beautiful name! It's not some strange made-up name or a ridiculous new spelling of a name... it's a classic name. Future employers aren't going to have a problem with it. Grandma and Grandpa are only thinking of themselves and are trying to gaslight the OP into going along with the odd name change they are promoting. Keep ignoring them. You'll be 18 in a few years!
Call your grandfather and grandmother Ann and Bob (respectively, or something similar, but definitely get their genders wrong). It will drive them wild and they will gradually understand how offensive their behaviour is.
That would be my go to as well. But I wouldn't pick Ann and Bob. Like one of the other poster's suggested pick obscure (but real) names. Hubert, Poindexter, and the like. If they don't get the point and change what they call her, at least she can amuse herself coming up with weird names for them in the meantime.
Load More Replies... Gaslighting 101 here on the grandparents side. The nerve some grandparents have to think they have any say in the life of a child that isn't their's.
It is not just her name. It is the name her dying mother gave her! Have some respect!!!
My father was part Cherokee and taught us very early in life that a name is defining, and to abuse it is disrespectful and akin to spitting in someone's face. Talk to your Grandparents or write them a letter. Explain too them that not only is it hard enough to be fifteen anyway, you are losing your mother, slowly but surely. Your name is your connection to her. It's your birthright. It's comforting, she chose it job st for you. Tell them you realize all the wonderful things they are doing for you and are thankful, but the name is non negotiable. Tell them when they use a different name they make you feel disrespected and it's like they're slapping your mother in the face. Don't give in. If they cannot understand this, keep correcting them. Yes ma'am, my name is Astraae, but I'll be happy to that for you. Stand firm honey. Maybe write a book about your experience. I'm sure it would help people. Make a counseling appointment at a local mhc. Not for you, for all of you. You can.
I went through this with a few people when I decided to be Robert instead of Bob upon getting to a new ship. A couple of people kept trying to get me to answer to Bob. I'd explain that my name was Robert the first couple of times but then I'd just act as if they hadn't addressed me at all. Made them mad, but eventually most got it.
A note to Bored Panda: most people do not oppose being advertised to and understand that it is part of the trade when visiting the website. Y the advertisements here are extremely intrusive and cause many problems loading the pages correctly, etc. For anyone familiar with the movie, “Ready Player One”, there is a line that goes: “they’ve figured that they can use up to 80% of the screen without causing seizures”… not an exact quote but it conveys the feeling. Aggressive advertising makes it difficult to enjoy the site.
NTA. Darlin your name is beautiful! It's the name your mother gifted you with when she first held you in her arms. Your grandparents say you're being rude when you don't answer to the name they've chosen but they are being highly disrespectful to you and to your mom. It's not their place as grandparents to call you anything other than your birth name. I had my oldest when I was about your mom's age. I wanted to name him Jason Ian but my mother made me name him after his father and if i didn't, i couldn't come home. He is now 42 and I'm still angry with myself for giving into her demands. Now what's done is done. Is there another family member who could talk to them for you? Grandparents need to remember their place. Continue to explain to them that you love your name and everytime they call you something different, just say that's not my name and explain how much it hurts you when they do it. Good luck.
Tell them that you're not too crazy about their given names either, and henceforth you will be addressing as "S**t for Brains" and "Child Predator" respectively.
Grandparents: "YoU'rE bEiNg RuDe...!" No, YOU"RE being rude by ignoring this poor girl's name. She's already been through enough. Do they not care that they are essentially causing you to go NC?
Ridiculous. Her name is beautiful and Elizabeth is rather old fashioned nowadays. She should call them by a name they hate like Gramps or Nana, see how they like it. I legally changed my surname 18 months ago and I Love it 😍
When they speak to you and call you Elizabeth, just say "I am sorry, I don't know anyone of that name."
These people are idiots who would tell you not to get tattoos cause it might hurt your job chances. No one cares anymore at all. Also their reasoning is a b******t excuse to make her the child they never had because Astraea would translate into Esther in old people naming conventions. Kudos for taking the kid in for a couple years, but they're obviously gonna kick her out at 18 so don't let them f**k with your emotions.
What I find weird these days is that some grandparents seem very stuck in the old ways...yet they were probably around in the 1960s, which was the most rebellious decade ever. Even if they're 80, they'd have been young adults then; there really is no excuse for being stuck with pre-WW2 values unless you're over 100. It may also be worth pointing out to them that the last group of people who were inclined to rename people to suit themselves were called "slave-owners".
OP says she is 15, and in another comment, mentions that her mother had her when she was 19, so the mother is currently 34. Let's say, conservatively, that OP's grandmother gave birth to OP's mother when Grandmother was 25. That would make grandmother only 59-ish currently, and that means she would only have been BORN in 1965 and not exactly in position to "experience" the rebelliousness of the 60s. Let's say Grandma had OP's mom late, at age 35. That still means Grandma was born in 1955, and would have been a young child for the majority of the 60s. The 1960s were over 60 years ago. I get what you're trying to say, but trying to pigeonhole the grandparents into being "old-fashioned" adults who "must" have experienced the "rebellious" 60s is a bit of a push. A-holes exist in all eras, and OP's grandparents just sound like a-holes regardless of their actual ages.
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