Every one of us has bad days. But then we have good days and doing things that we love makes us, at least for a bit, forget our problems. However, once happiness fades, we go back to reality. Well, some people like their reality as they feel joyful every day, all of their issues or worries are solvable, they have a cozy home they can’t wait to go back to and always have somebody who’s impatiently waiting for them to come back home.
Unfortunately, there are also many people who are not happy with their lives. They feel sad more often than happy. And while sometimes people tend to put on a ‘mask’ so nobody can tell how they actually are feeling, some of their actions may show reality is a little bit different than they want everybody around them to see.
Recently, one Reddit user started a discussion online asking people to share minor indicators that actually show that people are living miserable lives. Folks online shared various opinions and when you think about them in this context, they actually make sense.
More info: Reddit
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When s**t hits the fan and everybody is running around waving their arms screaming you can spot them. There will always be one guy who just sorta looks a bit tired, rolls up his sleeves and starts methodically fixing the things within his power to do so whilst just blatantly ignoring the catastrophe around him. To everybody else the end is nigh. To him, this is tuesday.
Super independent because they learned not to rely on anybody
They become “invisible people”, when they can. They are polite, keep to themselves, but disappear into their home and don’t engage with others because it’s draining and/or mentally exhausting. They may or may not feel lonely, but realise that life has hit too many times, and all they want to do is feel safe and quiet at the end of their day.
They nonchalantly talk about traumatizing things like it’s no big deal when everyone else is horrified
Disproportionate reactions. Their reactions to most things are normal or even low key, but occasionally they have a huge response to something minor. Key sign of trauma.
Sometimes, when they seem less excited or stop doing things they used to love, it might mean things aren't going well for them.
They have advice--good advice--for people who've just experienced trauma. Or for how to handle oddly specific and f****d up situations.
If you ask them what their life would be like in a perfect world, they can’t even come up with an answer. They’re too lost to even think about it.
I worked in a large office environment for 30+ years and over time I observed that the people who had hard lives, often were the ones who were hyper into things like office Christmas or birthday parties. I think it was often the only celebrations they got to be part of.
Ooooofff. I felt this. My guy thinks I'm bonkers for going overboard at Xmas. In reality I was the unwanted step child, who had to sit upstairs and be quiet whilst listening to the rest of the family open gifts and enjoy the festivities.
Eating a load of ready meals, because they don't have anyone to cook for or with so food is just a chore.
Similarly they eat the same thing over and over again, because all food tastes kind of bland.
Avoiding going home, so taking longer routes homes, staying late at work, going grocery shopping just to get out of the house.
Most of their social interactions are via text or social media or with colleagues and or service workers like cashiers.
They never seem to have a good night's sleep.
They don't talk about their evening weekend plans, or when they do, it always seems to be chores or something non committal that they can do alone - "I don't know, I'll probably just watch Netflix."
Cleaning is either not done at all, because there's no energy, or it is extremely well done because they have nothing else to do.
They can't really tell you how they envision the future - they don't dare to dream big, or dream at all, because those dreams keep being crushed.
When they do dream, the dreams are kept at arm's length - "I'd love to get a house next year, but I probably won't be able to afford it."
Am I describing my own life?
Yep.
For me. The cleaning and house duties start slacking. Dishes stay in the sink overnight. I haven’t swept for a while. But my faux face is on. Bright and happy.
As I slowly got out of depression and trauma, I started cleaning the house and putting things in order. Little by little, not all at once. First washing the dishes and sweeping the kitchen. Then, arranging the clothes gathered in a big pile in the middle of the room (this took months). Then, dusting the furniture, and so on.
You say “how’s it going?”
They say, “it’s goin…”
They are dead inside
They don't get excited to go home after work / find reasons to stay at work longer
This might be a weird one but people who are constantly unfazed. Bad things will happen, like the kind of bad things that make everyone freak out, and they just coast like it’s just another normal day.
I freak out at more minor things. But really major stuff I emotionally disconnect and go real calm and practical. Useful, but makes me seem like a cold b***h.
They wince if anyone around them moves quickly.
Have a rescue dog like that. We learned to move slowly. He's getting better. Think he's starting to trust me.
When they look for happiness in other people... and their whole day can be ruined if a certain person says or does something that they dont like
they look tired, absolutely "energy low powered" and sometimes they give the best advice to others that they should use for themselves
They're just trying to hold it together, but close friends and family can see the cracks. Just be nice to everyone, you might not see the cracks yet.
They look tired everytime you see them.
They're very interested in what you've got going on, but don't really share themselves.
They're distracted
They always smile but their eyes are sad
They don't react to nothing anymore. They still compliment, feel things, show love, but it's subdued....like they've seen s**t. And they got this stare like "bro I get what you're telling me, but the s**t I've been through, I don't got time for this"
They drink a lot. Might not be subtle
I can't drink if I'm not in a fairly good mood - I have nightmares and s**t.
don’t brush their teeth, hygiene
Ugh. Yeah, I haven't brushed my teeth in a couple of weeks. Haven't showered in that amount of time, either. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a total scuzzball: I wipe myself down. It's just too much effort to go for the full shower. Besides, I'm all by myself, and my cats could give a s**t about what my breath smells like or how I look.
They perceive a neutral stimulus in a negative way. E.g. those group of people just laughed. They MUST be b***hing about me.
Misappropriated anger
When you grow up in a neighborhood where might makes right and you solve your problems with your fists, anger is your ally
Forgetting what day it is. Rat chewed or worn and torn clothing. Have to ask permission from spouse to do anything extra. Oddly unfazed and numb when things go wrong. Lives to participate in spirit and theme ‘staff morale’ days. Always eats alone but probably doesn’t eat. If anything it looks hastily tossed together. Napping in the restroom or car. Poor hygiene. Skin issues. Over apologetic. Worried or paranoid what people think. Missing a lot. They will never have seen the TV show you are taking about. They didn’t go on vacation. You won’t meet any of their people outside of work. The purse rattles. People call for them. They just agree with things passively. They forget or mix up regular info
I have some of these. I nap in the car--it's comfy in between the 3 hour break between classes at the college :) I don't watch TV though, so you're free to talk about spoilers. The only rattle you'll hear is the ibuprofen, fortunately. I used to worry about what other people thought. Then I turned 30 and realized none o' that really matters. I had some rough teenage years, but I'm not really depressed any more--just antisocial! :-D
When something is offered to them they always feel like they don't deserve it. They always politely decline any kind of offer. For example if you know they are hard on money and you don't want to go out to eat alone so you offer to pay for a meal for them to come with you. They made decline at not because they aren't hungry or don't want to hang out with you but because they feel they don't deserve to have their meal paid for. Usually some kind of sign of abuse of them being unworthy in the eye of a spouse or a parental figure etc
UPDATE:
I didn't expect this many replies. To clarify what I'm reading on a lot of them, there is no one size fits all. People can act this way for many different reasons whether they were taught that giving was good and receiving was bad or for religious reasons. Maybe everything they have ever done with family of friends was transactional and they were held as an emotional hostage. Maybe somebody feels they disappointed others by asking for help like they were getting in the way. The list is endless and I have learned a lot by reading a lot of these replies.
Many of these experiences aren't always labeled as abusive or toxic by those who go through them and I think sometimes that can be part of the issue. It keeps people trapped in this way of thinking due to their experiences when it is not their fault. In my eyes, when your experiences cause you to feel you can't accept something from somebody without it coming back to bite you in the a*s, that's abuse.
Way to call me out. I legitimately got upset when a friend offered to get me a laminated, autographed print from a convention from a voice actor I like, because I felt like it was inconveniencing her and I didn't deserve it.
That's really nice of you to ask.
Not everyone is bombastic. Some people are disheveled and isolate themselves because they are unhappy and they don't know how to deal with people.
Or maybe they just don’t want to, after having to for 40 hours a week. People can be exhausting to be around, and some people are just a whole new stratospheric level of exhausting. After having to be around them in order to make enough money to live (and for some of us, we’re talking more than 40 hours a week for a side job), when you don’t have to be around anybody, you revel in the peace and quiet of nobody trying to get you to be as hyperactive as they are. Like WTF people? Are you doing meth or just living on sugar or something? I worked too many years in customer service-related jobs where the phone was constantly ringing and people could be real a******s, to the point where even today I hate the telephone. I have a cellphone, but the ringer is off way more than it’s on. I much prefer emailing and texting, because I can decide when or if to reply or even deal with them at all, instead of being forced to by a live person on the other end of a call. And employers can take their b******t “you must answer my text/email/call within 10 minutes” and shove it all the way up their asses until it comes out their mouths. When I was a teenager, my reaction to the phone ringing was excitement at who might be calling. Now it’s like aw f**k what now, before checking the Caller ID and deciding IF I want to answer. I usually just let it go to voicemail. Especially when it happens in MY time when I do not do work. You have to enforce your boundaries if you want to have a decent work-life balance.
Note: this post originally had 43 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
A fair number of these seem to just assume that because the person doesn't respond to life in seemingly "normal" (read: common) ways, that *automatically* means they have a sad life or they do it as a reaction to trauma. But I've spent a lot of time and effort in therapy and learning my triggers and how to use healthy coping skills, and I do a lot of these as the result of that therapy, not the trauma.
I don't drink, try not to yell, and do my best to be polite. Beyond that, these are pretty much all me. Thanks, Mom, not only for the abuse you slung at me but for conscripting the rest of the family to do the same.
Here's a hug from someone who understands. xo
Load More Replies... A fair number of these seem to just assume that because the person doesn't respond to life in seemingly "normal" (read: common) ways, that *automatically* means they have a sad life or they do it as a reaction to trauma. But I've spent a lot of time and effort in therapy and learning my triggers and how to use healthy coping skills, and I do a lot of these as the result of that therapy, not the trauma.
I don't drink, try not to yell, and do my best to be polite. Beyond that, these are pretty much all me. Thanks, Mom, not only for the abuse you slung at me but for conscripting the rest of the family to do the same.
Here's a hug from someone who understands. xo
Load More Replies...