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We’re huge fans of storytelling. Spin us an interesting yarn based on your adventures and you’ll have us hooked for more. Many of us probably have at least one intriguing story that we like to tell everyone we meet. However, these tales might have an element or two in them that are only meant for grown-ups.
Inspired by u/ls19962010, the parents of the r/AskReddit group shared the stories they “can’t wait” to tell their kids once they’re a little bit older. Keep scrolling for the most intriguing posts—from serious and honest to wholesome and hilarious—that we’ve collected, and don’t forget to upvote the ones that impressed you the most.
Bored Panda reached out to Jodi Wellman, MAPP, for her thoughts on moving past fear and regrets to live a meaningful life worth telling others about. Wellman is the author of the book 'You Only Die Once: How to Make It to the End with No Regrets' and the founder of 'Four Thousand Mondays.' Read on for our interview with her.

#1

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up When my oldest was little, he was SUPER into giving candy out to trick or treaters on Halloween. When he was 4, we went out to get candy too of course, but afterwards he was excited to hand candy out and guess the costumes. We live on a cul-de-sac and it rained that year so we only got a couple trick or treaters and he was heartbroken. So, I grabbed a bunch of old costumes from the attic and some old sheets,and snuck out the basement door around the front of the house and came to the door several times dressed as another character, hiding my face. My son was SO excited to give out more candy. I had to literally bite my tongue from chuckling. Then I went to the neighbor across the street that had a teenage son, who had all his friends over for a party. I asked them if they would come and get candy from my son, no costumes required, he just wanted to give candy. They happily obliged, cleaned us out,and everyone was happy.

Illustrious-Science3 , Charles Parker / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Surenu
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Such a nice palate cleanser after reading the news

Joe Reaves
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Teenagers often feel like they're too 'grown up' to trick or treat (and some grouchy adults who tell them that when they do it enforce that feeling). OP gave them the opportunity to get free candy and feel like they were helping! Win win.

TheGoodBoi
Community Member
Premium
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where I live, it's frowned upon for teenagers to go out trick or treating. My family LOVES Halloween so we buy mounds of candy hoping to give out lots of candy. It's usually toddlers and children coming around, which is fine but they have to be back home by 8 (20:00). When I was a teen, we'd be out till midnight. No teens = no giving out candy after 8 = we have loads of candy left lol

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Vampiresscrow
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is wholesome awesome. Love it.

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We asked Wellman about how someone who wishes to live meaningfully can move past their fear of being judged by others if they fail. "One of the best ways to get motivated to take action on a dream—whether it’s minute or magnanimous—is to play the regret game. Fast-forward to your eventual deathbed… Would you regret not taking action on that dream? Or would you regret that you did take action and maybe it didn’t work out?” she told Bored Panda via email.

According to Wellman, research clearly shows that most people regret the paths they didn’t take rather than the mistakes they made along the way. "Reframing mistakes (that may or may not be ripe for judgment) as evidence of a life well lived can also be motivating. Giving a goal a try and coming close usually feels better than the wistfulness of not trying at all."

Wellman pointed out that we shouldn't be so concerned with other people judging us. The reality is that they don't harshly judge us for the mistakes we make. "If anything, they deep down feel a bit of envy for not taking risks themselves. Most of us can live with that kind of judgment!” she said.

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    #2

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up When I turned 36 I stopped eating my vegetables and then my leg fell off…actually it was bone cancer but the kids are getting my version.

    Quick-Dig , ShotPot / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

    LynzCatastrophe
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm 6 foot one. All my cousins and friends with kids have asked me to lie and tell their kids I got this tall by eating vegetables (and whatever else mom wants), when the kids ask. One day, they'll learn about genetics.

    XenoMurph
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your first 4 words confused me for a moment, considering the context.

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    Doo Wiki
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Using humor to deal with a tragedy. Bravo.

    Angie Koga
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I probably shouldn't be laughing this hard. I mean, he lost his leg to cancer. That's horrible! But I'm loving his attitude!!

    tuzdayschild
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Way to turn tragedy into triumph.

    Gianna B D
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's technically true, which is the best kind of true.

    Jane Alexander
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    told such a discusting lie to kids? Shame on you.

    Sydney B.
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Okay but if their legs fall off they can get some cool prosthetics and be like their superhero parent so really what's the downside here??

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    #3

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up Got into a head on collision. I walked away the other guy died. I was wearing my seat belt he wasn't.  Wear your seat belt kids.

    reddittwayone , Per Lööv / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

    Iyelatu
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Are you okay glowworm2?

    glowworm2
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sorry, really dark sense of humor kicked in. Also had a rough night last night. Our ancient washing machine flooded all over the floor.

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    TotallyNOTAFox
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like cars that give out an annoying, constant peeping if the seat belt isn't fastened

    Ren Karlej
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mine gets VERY cross. Starts with a slow beep which gets faster and then it changes tone and BONGS loudly at me - can be heard outside the car. How do I know this? My walking stick was leaning on the passenger seat which was enough for my car to think there was a passenger. I tried moving it but my car for sure wasn't going to believe me now..! Love you Volvo!

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    brittany
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my cousin was visiting a friend after school. climbed up into the bed of his pick up. driving down the road, someone pulled in front of the friend. kid slammed on the breaks, cousin went flying into the windshield of the car behind them. killed on impact. he was only 22 years old. dont ride in the backs of pickups yall, no matter how fun it looks

    Bill Kubeck
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's alive. That counts. And I'll lay this one on any passengers who get a ride who b***h about my refusal to move the car until everyone is strapped.

    Charm Hockaday
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've had people get out and walk because I wouldn't move until they buckled up.

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    Rick Seiden
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In the late 70's my mom saw an accident. A guy was driving down a hill past our house and my mother was out on the front lawn. The road takes a small turn, but the driver didn't. He drove right into a telephone pole. Apparently he had turned around to talk to his infant or toddler in the backseat who was in a car seat. His teenage daughter in the front seat was critically injured, and from what I remember, never walked again. I don't remember what happened to the father, but it wasn't good. The kid in the back didn't have a scratch. From that moment on, my mother wore her seatbelt any time the car was moving. She'd even stop the car, get out and open the garage door, get back in and buckle up to drive into the garage. This, of course, meant we all wore seatbelts. Years later I was in a bad car accident and thanks to my airbag and seatbelt I wasn't injured. Wear your seatbelts indeed.

    Freya the Wanderer
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My father said on more than one occasion that seat belts should be called "life belts." Maybe if they were, more people would wear them.

    Bettye McKee
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same here. Seatbelts and airbags saved our lives.

    glowworm2
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    I should not be laughing at that last part, but I am.

    ZuriLovesYou
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The "wear your seat belt" part? What's so funny about that?

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    John L
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would bet that you didn't see it coming and he did. I always wondered why when a drunk causes an accident they would always walk away (not implying OP was drunk) and the innocents get hurt or killed. Found out it's because of how "relaxed" they were (or weren't) when the accident happened. Kinda like rolling with a punch.

    Wolf princess quinn
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Really torn up about the other guy huh?? Smh callous

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    Something to keep in mind is that when we take action to reach our dreams, we can set a good example for others. Including our kids. We're leading by example! "Demonstrating that we are willing to go for it, willing to take a risk and really participate in life, can be a really helpful intrinsic motivational spark plug for ourselves that also teaches valuable lessons to those we are mentoring. Dream it and do it… rather than letting dreams become dormant intentions," Wellman told Bored Panda.

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    The founder of 'Four Thousand Mondays' shared a few thoughts with us on dealing with regret. "It is sometimes helpful to reflect on the research that regrets of commission—the things we did and wished we hadn’t—tend to haunt us less over time than the regrets of omission—the things we wish we had taken action on but didn’t," she said.

    #4

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up I’d like to tell them about their grandfather that they never got to meet, he died last year. He spent 37 years in the ambulance service. He delivered 36 babies including me and he delivered me on Father’s Day.

    MusicalTheatre08 , Jonathan Borba / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

    Bill Kubeck
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes indeed. A real mensch. Meets life head on in more ways than one.

    TheGoodBoi
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow talk about brave. I'd be saying "Hold it in! Hold it in! We're almost there!" I'm joking but there's no way I could do it lol

    #5

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up Not my kids, but some very close friends and their kids stayed with us after escaping a domestic violence situation. Awfully hard not to condemn the kids' dad though we were blunt about how wrong his actions were. Kids really hated on their mum for 'breaking up the family' and their dad poured mad fuel on that fire. My goodness he's a filthy piece of work. Poor kids dealing with so much already and it's not okay to have a toxic parent vs parent with kids in the middle, they end up hurting the most if you let your outrage leak. We kept the kids as oblivious as possible to the gruesome truth about what happened and how scummy their dad is, even as he couldn't and can't stop himself from doing exactly that to the kids against their mum. Just writing this makes me wanna burst his bubble, but *breathe*. When those kids turn 18yo I'm gonna make sure their knowledge of family history is accurate. It took insane backbone for their mum to escape and she continues to pay a high price. They need to know their mum is a freaking hero who took the high road, she forges a way through hell and walks a horrible balance between protecting the kids from their dad without alienating him from them. They need to know, if only so they're better armed against finding abusive partners who remind them of their dad when they get to the same life choices.

    TedTyro , Ben Wicks Report

    LB
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is 18 not a bit late for that? People do get in relationships before that age...

    Cat Chat
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah. I was just going to say....my parents divorced when I was around 6 or so. When each of us reached the age of 12, mom told us the truth if why they divorced. To her credit, it was facts only. Not emotion, not in a voice/tone that would make us bias, nothing. Even now that we're all grown with our own families, she still lets his actions be the judge of who he is.

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    SpirklePlatz
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, kids should know the truth sooner. Not blame, just facts. "Your dad hit your mom and her her. She left to keep herself and you kids safe. No one should ever have to live with violence, and that includes you." FACTS. The kids need them.

    SpirklePlatz
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same about stuff like addiction, or mental illness. Truth, but just facts. E.g., "Mom and I had to separate, and you kids live with me now, because Mom has a serious problem with addiction that was putting you kids at risk." No nitty-gritty details, no blame. But no secrets, either.

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    maka paka
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They need to be told but you need to be careful, my ex wife escaped a very abusive partner before me who had put her in hospital twice and battered her a few more times, she has the pictures and the notes to prove it, 1 of her sons outright doesn't believe it happened, the other believes there must have been justification to it. It was heartbreaking when they said this, thankfully she is okay and much much stronger for it now and whilst it didn't work out as partners we are the best of friends to this day

    Gwyn
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Downvoting this one. This is an instance where kids need to know the truth and have the adults in their lives openly condemn that guys behavior. You can totally do that without making it toxic.

    Alex Mosby
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't wait. They need to know now. The mom shouldn't have to continue being abused, which is what is happening.

    Jessica Alpern Brown
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Those kids need to know NOW. They are losing a relationship with their Mother and being taught certain behavior is ok in a relationship. They could potentially be trapped in their own abusive relationship with no support system (the Mother they're been told to hate) well before they turn 18.

    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She should have told them at the time and should tell them now so they won’t be surprised when he punches them in the face. All that anger has to go somewhere.

    Aurora
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's not "taking the high road" to lie about an abusive parent and keep the kids in the dark about it.

    Dogcat vet (retired)
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Am not married but I'd tell the kids so they don't hate their mother

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    #6

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up Honestly, the struggles of being judged while working as a stripper and going to school to build a better future for myself to ensure they wouldn't ever have to struggle like their mom did.

    SFWstripper2 , Eric Nopanen / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

    AtMostAFabulist
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have nothing but respect, it's not my job to comment on what you need to do to make a living.

    Miranda Veracruz de la Joya Cardenal
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    'merka! Where you need to strip for college and win a game show to afford healthy care. But you can get a rifle at Walmart and shoot off your choice

    Geoff
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Odd how people sell their minds to companies they hate, but judge those who keep their mind and show their body.

    Kaedyn Walsh
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What a perfect comment! I like this one a lot. When i was 29, I became a dancer. We had to wear nipple covers, some form of covering on our lower half; panties, lingerie, stuff like that, and had to wear panty hose because bar food was served there and it's a law in those circumstances - but holy s**t did it immensely raise my self confidence, self love, self pride. i hated my body and such before, but man. Seeing how there's a body shape and size for everyone really helped me grow my own Self's. I went from a nervous first day dancer to carrying my head up high within a few weeks. I'd never begrudge anyone for being a lingerie dancer, full stripper, bachelor party girl, or anything like that. It's truly empowering.

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    Georgia Ireland
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a friend who worked as a stripper. It's tough to do that line of work, and especially when you're trying to better yourself. Good on you for going to school!

    Joe Reaves
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It can also be really good money and hours that work well with classes. If you can handle it mentally, it can be a really 'good' way to get through college but that's a big if.

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    TruthoftheHeart
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Men everywhere will watch porn and objectify women but the second that a woman proudly flaunts herself in any way positive for herself then automatically society hates it and she should be ashamed. Which is not true if men everywhere can unashamedly oggle women then women can proudly show off

    TheGoodBoi
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One of those things where you have no idea what someone is going through. Best not to judge a book by its cover.

    Betty Vanderhooven-SchmaaSchmaa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've heard that they're trying to include pole dancing in the Olympics.

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In a town I used to live in, there was a pole dancer was had been a champion gymnast. Same routines, less costume.

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    Betty Vanderhooven-SchmaaSchmaa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bless you for having the coordination, appearance & courage to do the job.

    Kaedyn Walsh
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was a lingerie dancer (not a nude bar, btw, but there was a stage and a pole) when I was 29-31 and I saw so many gals of different shapes, sizes and heights work there. And there was always a body size/shape for every customer. There was an overweight woman who worked there and she got a lot of positive attention, which was beautiful. Her self esteem and confidence shot through the roof. She went on the pole like a trooper and we all were so proud of her for pushing past concieved notions many have toward the idea of 'big women can't do that stuff'. She made amazing money!

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    Jeremy Bolanos
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We all sell ourselves to one degree or another. Life is about doing the impossible so the possible can happen.

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    "If we are ruminating about bad choices from the past, it’s helpful to imagine the decision flowing like water under a bridge and letting it go. The more we focus on taking purposeful, intentional action toward goals that currently matter, it can alleviate some of the angst about the mistakes we have made in the past. Preventing a 'coulda shoulda woulda' regret can be the balm we need to forgive ourselves for regrets that happened in the past."

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    You'll find some more in-depth insights about living to the fullest on the 'Four Thousand Mondays' site, as well as in the book 'You Only Die Once: How to Make It to the End with No Regrets.'

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    #7

    When my late grandmother had hip replacement surgery, my mom stayed over with her for a while to help her around the house. My mother is a very strict, uptight medical worker and my grandmother was like me (or, the other way around), a rebel, even though she grew up in a small town. One day, I received a call from my mom who asked me how things were going with a little "So, grandma wanted to know if you could bring some...you know...green". I was so shocked I didn't get it at first and asked her what she meant, and then she said, "I meant grandma wants to know if you can bring some WEED" (my mom tried smoking once with me before that and my grandma never). So the three of us smoked, and my grandma actually went a bit overboard and had a really bad paranoia trip where me and my mom (both baked af) tried to help her while my mom said dead serious to me at one point "you do realize we can't call the ambulance if anything happens, right" beacause she would see her work colleagues and it still makes me chuckle so much even after grandma's passing. She was great the next morning btw, she said "Well my hip didn't hurt for sure" because she was tripping B*LLS. Love you grandma.

    Personal_Priority830 Report

    Z Man
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Moderation always helps for newbies

    and_a_touch_of_the_’tism
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yup. Obviously it’s better to avoid (although I think a little weed isn’t a huge deal), but if you’re trying a new drúg, start with the smallest dose, and see how it affects you.

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    Trillian
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nothing says strict uptight medical worker like smoking weed with your child and mother.

    Catlady6000
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bulls. Grandma was tripping BULLS. Which seems kinda mean.

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    Melissa Robinson
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm 50 and I just lost my 82-year-old grandma. They sure are a blessing aren't they

    Wolf princess quinn
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Such a great story! I'd smoke with grandma. RIP,

    Karina
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I dont care that they smoked with grandma, i care that they overdosed her. Hope she had a better last trip.

    tori Ohno
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You can't overdose on thc, but certain people get paranoid, even with small amounts. And smoking is worse than ingesting. If I smoke, I lock all the doors, turn the lights out, and snuggle under a blanket with a movie playing. If I eat a gummy, I go about my business as normal, I just laugh more.

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    Leigh
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Weed causes her to have anxiety? for me it's the opposite. I have sever anxiety and smoking calms me down. It also helps with my bad back.

    Papa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It did me, the one and only time I tried it. Actually, terrified describes it better.

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    #8

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up About life in Ukraine during the war.

    sanjasergeev7qcf0 , Levi Meir Clancy / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

    Nichole Harris
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So sorry y'all dealing with that! Wish my government was helpful instead of being turds

    TotallyNOTAFox
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As german I'd wish our government wouldn't be such pussies, always delaying or denying important equipment for self defense

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    Vampiresscrow
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have family there. They are greatful that they got through this winter with power. No more cold, dark nights like the year before. Putin, get the f*ck out, please.

    Tamra
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I truly hope your family continues to be safe, and they can have their country back soon. This has gone on for far too long.

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    ZGutr
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm so sorry the world (especially europe) doesn't do more for you all.

    Bill Kubeck
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have Ukrainian friends here in the US. I also have Russian friends , but I don't blame them for Putin.

    Wolf princess quinn
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We support you here in the states. The good ones that is.

    Hiram's Friend
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You can help https://unitewithukraine.com/provide?_kx=AMmjl_MHBWoAXlSX3Wrn-NEulDWDEQVJA6GQUCts4aw.U99MWX

    Betty Vanderhooven-SchmaaSchmaa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's incredible to me that Americans are so disillusioned that they are calling for Civil War.

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    #9

    When my nerdy genius cousin 20M greeted my mom and I at grandma’s funeral visitation ,his eyes were glassy red. My mom said “Oh look, He’s so upset about your grandma” She hugged him extra tight. I am seeing my cousin as stoned, as stoned can be. He says “c’mon cousin, lets go walk around and share memories of Grandma’s house”. It was very good weed. We were both “upset” red eyed, for Southern Baptist funeral. No disrespect Grandma. We were both nerdy misfits partaking in marijuana communion.

    Melodic-Head-2372 Report

    Karina
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Grief has many forms. So does love.

    Mike F
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hey cuz, pass the sacramental doobie!

    Bill Kubeck
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Marijuana communion. Excellent concept. And as a former hospice aide, I believe in the concept of "grieve as thou wilt.."

    Parmeisan
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When my husband's aunt lost her husband at around the age of 50, she was really struggling. Her daughter convinced her to take just a bit of weed before the funeral to help her get through it. (It recently became legal here.) It was a good call. Grief is hard, we should do whatever we gotta do.

    Celtic Pirate Queen
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My brother and The Bailey Girls (not good reputations) at my Grandpa's funeral. Grandma was furious, Uncle Jim thought it was hilarious.

    You'll only have tons of interesting stories to tell your kids if you live an energetic and full life. Most of us probably want to live interesting and meaningful lives full of awesome experiences that we can then regale everyone with. But this often won’t happen unless you purposefully pursue this sort of lifestyle. If you don’t make the time to do what you love now, putting it off till tomorrow or next week or next year won’t help.

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    Let’s be real: life often gets in the way of, well, enjoying life. From work and school to parenting and chores, we’ve got tons of responsibilities on our shoulders. It’s often hard to find the time or the energy to do something fresh and interesting when you’re exhausted, crave sleep, and want a moment’s peace.

    #10

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up I think a story about the pandemic will be quite entertaining. I feel sorry for kids that will have the 2020's on Thier History exam, f**k ton happened.

    unknown_person-22
    I'ma tell my kids of the time I survived COVID-19. I'ma really play it up too, bring out all the dramatics. I'll drop it like parent lore. "Oh yeah, the toilet paper rush? People were hoarding and trading them like pokémon cards.". " Oh you want to go play with your friends? I had to be 6 ft away from them at all times when I was your age.".

    KubaSamuel , Kelly Sikkema / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

    Katrina Nixon
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    By then they will probably be dealing with another one.

    flower petals
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Those in the know say it’s only a matter of time- maybe it’s bird flu that’ll be the next pandemic 😷 😬

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    Betty Vanderhooven-SchmaaSchmaa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Toilet paper scandal led my family to using a bidet & we're cleaner for it.

    TheGoodBoi
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My child was born in the middle of the pandemic. Such a lonely time in the hospital, absolutely no visitors allowed and you cannot leave if you plan on coming back in. I had to bribe security to let me at least go talk to my mother and sister in the parking lot, while they watched to make sure I was 6 feet away with a mask on.

    Becca not Becky
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'll tell my kids my hospital horror stories from the pandemic.

    Wolf princess quinn
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Better than , " I had to use outhouse or walking 5mi in snow to go to school. All things I heard.

    Cooking Panda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Listen kids, let me tell you a story about the time when people suddently were into houseplants and pet fish..

    Gracie Mae
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    it's the new "I had to walk uphill to school, both ways, in 3 ft of snow"

    Sofia Carlson
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You really want to admit that you fell for that scam?

    GPawesomeness
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Couldn't be with my mom when she died.....

    Bettye McKee
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I survived COVID twice, and all of my grandkids and great-grandkids were old enough to know that Great-Granny might not come home ever. My daughter died during my second bout and I didn't get to go to her funeral, and her husband died three months later, both heart-related.

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    #11

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up One of her ancestors was a samurai in the 1800s. Turns out there are some HIGHLY detailed records that include him. And they're being scanned and translated. One of them talks about a night that he and his squad spent at a certain type of house. It goes so far as to say the name of the courtesan he employed that night, and the specific room in the house they occupied. Great great grandpa samurai sure had some adventures...

    godzillakilledme , Austrian National Library / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

    Z Man
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hard to believe they had libidos...I guess thats why most of us are here...

    Keshin Bhargava
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He looks like Harry Styles. Can anyone else see it?

    Bill Kubeck
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All humans have libidos. How they deal with it depends on many factors.

    General Anaesthesia
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Courtesan: (mainly in historical contexts) a prostitute, especially one with wealthy or upper-class clients." - Dictionary. "Historically the term "mistress" denoted a "kept woman", who was maintained in a comfortable, or even lavish, lifestyle by a wealthy man."

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    #12

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up I tackled someone robbing my store and got him arrested.
    A store I worked at. Probably shouldn’t have and was dumb in hindsight but what can I say, instincts took over lol. I also have a video of it to look back on.

    Ares4217 , Tom Sodoge / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

    AtMostAFabulist
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good job, but you have to be careful doing that.

    Bettye McKee
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That adrenaline rush made you do it and got you through it.

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    Kristy Marion
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As I used to tell my staff, money is insured, but you only have one life, which is far more important than cash in a till

    Vampiresscrow
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Once upon a time, I was working in a pub. A fight broke out between a customer that I knew from another location and a random. Boss lady got the random, calming him down as I put myself on the one I knew. I later got into trouble stepping into the fight. I knew my acquaintance wouldn't hurt me, but still, I shouldn't have stepped in.

    ADZ
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Until recently living in a little country town here in Australia and we get told about a robbery at the Chinese takeaway run by this old immigrant Chinese couple. Cops came in to ask questions during the week (I worked a block away when it had happened). Apparently the robber had been driving around the state to small towns casing stores and robbing them with a shotgun. Old Chinese guy had apparently ripped the shot gun out of the robbers hands, lept the counter and went full Bruce Lee. Robber got caught several kilometres down the highway because he was ao scared he even left his car behind and bolted on foot. Lol don't mess with a Chinese takeaway that says "cash only".

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Remember that your employer would never die for you. Most wouldn't risk breaking a fingernail.

    Jeremy Bolanos
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Rent them your time, not your life.

    Bill Kubeck
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, not good security protocol at all, but you made it work. Be glad for that.

    ZuriLovesYou
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wouldn't call it dumb. Just reckless. I say you're a hero.

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    So, all tired from your adult responsibilities, you decide to lie on the couch and flick to a random cozy TV show instead of going out to search for little adventures. It’s natural to want rest. But if being a couch potato has become a habit, don’t be surprised to find life passing you by. In the end, you’ll end up reading and hearing other people’s cool stories rather than sharing those of your own.

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    If you’re chronically tired, burned out from work, or constantly anxious, you may want to schedule an appointment with your doctor or therapist. They might be able to give an outsider’s perspective on what you can change in your life to have more energy and focus.

    #13

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up That the grandmother changed the course of our family. My grandparents were addicts (sobered up and were amazing grandparents though). She didn't have the best childhood and married my dad at 18 when he joined the airforce. My mom went into banking when her sister wrote a fake reference letter on the letter head of the bank she was working for. My mom climbed the corporate ladder breaking the glass sealing and only having a high school degree. She's been often working with her peers of all college educated men while she has put in the work to get where she is. She has helped my dad with his drinking problem my whole life. She also was there to support me through my drinking problem and I am sober today. She's the American dream. Bought a home and a vacation home. Sent her 3 kids to one of the best universities in our state making us first generation college graduates. She's provided us with so much and is my hero. I don't have kids but have nephews now and will have kids of my own someday. And they will all know someday that there grandmother (my mom) has made this life possible through her hard work. They will also be told about addiction early. I felt my parents kept me and my sibling in the dark about it for most of our lives. Addiction runs heavy on both sides of my family and also in my girlfriends family. So likely atleast one of my kids will have the gene and struggle with it. But I think being open about the danger of d***s and alcohol. And not just that it's bad but what it can do to those around you.

    jdj7w9 , Rodrigo Pereira / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

    Catlady6000
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Especially what it does to those around you. We don't always care or take seriously the dangers to ourselves, most of us do care about the people closest to us

    Bill Kubeck
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have struggled with alcohol forever. I don't drink now, but the craving never goes away. What keeps me sober now is not live but my love for my wife.

    Leigh
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good for you! I feel it's best to be honest about addiction beyond d***s are bad don't do them. I can sympathize with this person. It runs on both sides of my family. I had a drunk dad and addiction is devastating!

    Betty Vanderhooven-SchmaaSchmaa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is the 3rd success story I've heard that started with a fake job reference.

    Karina
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I dont mean to dismiss their great story of triumph, but. The amerikanske dream = fraud.

    Papa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So everyone with a story like this one is lying?

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    #14

    It'll be great-nieces or nephews for me, but I'm going to tell them about the time their great grandmother and I stood in the back garden in our pyjamas looking at the northern lights (something that rarely happens in our part of the UK). And how their great grandmother waited nearly 67 years to see them.

    Welshgirlie2 Report

    Lydsylou (she/her)
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I live in the UK but I missed the northern lights. I didn't know about them the first night and went to bed early. The second night I watched Eurovision to stay up and couldn't even see them

    Crazy catz
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They back in UK soon due to another flare, really hoping I will catch it this time

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    Vampiresscrow
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where I live, the Northern Lights are relatively normal. Missed this display due to living just outside of downtown (light pollution), and I was tired. I have seen a spectacular display years ago (20s, maybe). The sky was a dome of colour. All colours of the rainbow. It was stunning. There was a little dit of normal night sky at its top, the rest of the sky, Wow.

    Bill Kubeck
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I missed it here in Syracuse, NY, USA because of our cloudy weather. But I also remember that the best auroras are the result of solar storms that could fry our electronics.

    Steve Hall
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    By the time these kids are grown, it may be as common as sunrise.

    Karina
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had to choose between seeing the northern lights in a one time opportunity, or the most important sceene in "my girl". I hope it comes South again...

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    #15

    It is still being written as we speak, but the story of the theocratic revolution in my country, how they managed to do it and how we're going to reverse it. If I'll be able to survive it.

    Namro Report

    Pei Cos
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What's terrifying is the "so which one is OP talking about?" So many have happened, and so many are currently happening.

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's probably the one that happened in Iran or is happening in the US.

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    flower petals
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wishing nothing but the best for all of you! 💜💚💙

    Georgia Ireland
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope you survive too! Good luck to you and your country!

    Pandemonium
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same happening in my country, in spit of separation of church and state being called out in the First Amendment to our Constitution.

    Bill Kubeck
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Country not specified by OP, but in the USA I am not sure who is the bigger threat: the "Handmaid's Tale" crowd or the "Insane Clown President" crowd.

    Mark Howell
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited)

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Which country. All countries have vae a theocracy.

    Bexxxx
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not all countries operate under a theocracy. OP is probably talking about 1 of the only 6 countries today that have a theocratic government.

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    Usually, it’s the small things that we do every day that determine what kind of life we have. Someone who goes out of their way to exercise even a little bit every day is likely going to be more energetic than someone who eats junk food and barely moves all day.

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    In a similar vein, someone who steps out of their comfort zone to meet new people is bound to have far more intriguing experiences than a person who works at home and spends all of their free time glued to their screens. These small habits add up very quickly over time, whether to our benefit or detriment.

    #16

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up Why I laughed so much at something my daughter said. When she was about 7, my inlaws had their house burgled. They got in through the downstairs toilet window. My daughter was frightened and upset when she found out, but after hearing how they got in she said "if they got in through the toilet they might have been turd burglars" I have no idea where she had heard that before. Me and my father in law had to go into the garden for a good chuckle.

    crimsonavenger77 , Giorgio Trovato / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

    Skip Reynolds
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A friend of mine was a technician of some sort at the San Diego sewage treatment facility. He and his team referred to themselves as Turd Herders.

    2econdSelf
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    🎸She came in through the toilet window🎼

    parmadillo
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And if they came in through the cat door…

    Bewarethere@gmail.com
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Why wud anyone tell their child of the the house there staying in was burgled?!

    Sage da therian
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't think they were staying in the house that was robbed.

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    #17

    During covid I was going to propose to my now wife. She lived in Ontario and me in Minnesota. When the border closed I had our wiener dog with me in Minnesota. Had the dog for 7 weeks before smuggling her across with a trucker. That was may 2020. I had to wait till December and was able to get an exemption to cross. Only time I’ve ever been nervous at the border. I had an engagement ring to claim duty on. The agent asked me what my plan was. Like a moron I said get across, quarantine for two weeks, ask her parents for their blessing, and hopefully she says yes. The guy goes no long term, like who’s moving to which country? Fun times. She did say yes we got married the next year and I received permanent residency in Canada January 2023.

    Redditrightreturn1 Report

    AtMostAFabulist
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Weiner dog smuggler. Love it.

    Veronica Jean
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    " kids, let me tell you about the time I smuggled my weiner across the border...."

    Wolf princess quinn
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lucky. I'll be coming up if mandarin mussolini gets in again

    Vampiresscrow
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Mandarin Mossulini". I love it. And welcome, come on up. ;)

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    Jesha
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    MAN I got harassed at the border for having a ten dollar pair of shoes still in the box. Sir, I assure you that I am not going to resell my walmart slides. Said I was lucky that I still had the receipt. Turns out it was a receipt for a totally different purchase, too. :V I'd get it if I had several pairs but these were already worn a few times! Just transported them in the box because it was convenient.

    Gingersnap In Iowa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Important thing first; Must smuggle the Weiner dog! Bring engagement ring later.

    Vampiresscrow
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Kudos! Welcome, fellow new Canadian.

    Lee Banks
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like the idea of the trucker proudly telling their kids the other side of the story.

    Lil Miss Hobbit
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The commitment level here, haha. I lived near the border during 2020-22 and it was THE WORST. Even just getting the dog across is crazy, but also the exemption is even crazier.

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    #18

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up When my wife and I were "rearranging our bed" while we thought our son (7) was asleep and he yelled "Are you having a baby in there??". He then proceeded to grill us from his loft bed in the other room while we laughed as quietly as we could and tried to convince him she had stubbed her toe really bad.

    Kenneth_Naughton , Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

    Brenda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At age 12, I knocked on my parents bedroom door, asking "Mommy, are you alright?". Dad was supposed to be at work until 8am (shift work). He told that story at my wedding

    ADZ
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think i was about 11 and sister was 9. Parents: we're going to bed for mummy and dad time. Sister casually: no you're too old to have sex. I can't remember any reactions but her saying those words is a forever memory.

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    Telling someone to seize the day is very easy, but putting it into practice is tough! What you need to do is develop a growth-oriented mindset. That means getting into the habit of seizing opportunities as they come along. It also means putting yourself in situations where you can enjoy something exciting or new more often.

    This probably won’t happen overnight. You’ll change your lifestyle step by step. However, this incremental change won’t happen at all if you’re not willing to alter your current routine in any way. So, if you’re not living your ideal life, ask yourself what is one thing you could change today to get closer to it. Maybe that way you’ll have some interesting stories of your own to tell in the near future.

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    What stories can you not wait to tell your kids when they're just a bit older, dear Pandas? What do you do to live a meaningful and purposeful life? Tell us all about it in the comments.

    #19

    THe time a couple of years ago when the kids had an argument because the older one wouldn't share with the little one. The little one (3 at the time) ran upstairs crying. Moments later the crying turned to laughter and I went upstairs to find her dancing naked on he sister's bed peeing all over it in the ultimate act of revenge for not sharing.

    mejok Report

    Kate
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was about 13, so sis was about 7, when she decided to hide in my closet while I was in the shower. I finished, wrapped my towel around myself, and went to my room to get dressed. Closed the door, opened the closet... screamed, dropped the towel, and drop kicked that brat into the hall. She was laughing so hard she didn't notice her head hit the bookshelf, but I heard, freaked out, went to check on her/beg her not to tell mom. She was still laughing like a loon, so I closed my door and got dressed.

    Xinping Donohoe
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wish they had a video of this. I haven't genuinely laughed in a long time, and her doing that might be absurd enough to finally break that streak.

    catpanda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Really? Nobody else finds this a little disturbing?

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    #20

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up How great of a grandmother they would have had. Love and miss you everyday mom.

    SweatpantsJoe420 , Danie Franco / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

    Betty Vanderhooven-SchmaaSchmaa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I took often wish my son had the benefit of my father. 💕

    Melissa Robinson
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My granddaughter got to meet her great-great-grandmother and she is going to have a sister be born in a few months and my granny just passed away and that new baby won't have the pleasure of knowing her

    #21

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up That I stuck temporary tattoo eyebrows on her face. We will only have one child so I won't have several kids to do this to but at 6 months she still doesn't have much hair and her eyebrows are VERY light. So..... I stuck some temporary ones on her. I'm dying 😂😂😂😂😂.

    Vampyre_Lilith Report

    AtMostAFabulist
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Make sure you get pictures. You will need to bring them out when she brings her boyfriends around.

    Katie Lutesinger
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Babies with evil eyebrows drawn on are the funniest thing ever.

    RabidChild
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have pictures of my son at about age 8 wearing a huge fake mustache and 2 smaller ones as eyebrows. It's one of my favorites.

    Brenda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    😆😊😁 This is hysterical!

    Bill Kubeck
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes. Collect and preserve evidence.

    Mark Howell
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My daughter when she was <3 yrs had no hair. We said we polished with bees wax ))

    Gracie Mae
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    pics or it didn't happen--AND WE WANT TO SEE THEM!

    Lee Henderson
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When my niece was eight, my mother would babysit her. She loved Jelly Bellies and I convinced her that they tasted better if she stuck some up her nose before eating them.

    Judy Reynolds
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wish there had been temp tattoos 42 years ago when I had my first. She was sooo fair when she was little! Should I tell her now?

    Vampiresscrow
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Probably shouldn't 'paint ' your baby (let's call it). But funny.

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    #22

    I have two young children, and my wife and I have always done a surprisingly good job of avoiding any swear words or even things like "stupid" or "dumb" in front of them. One of the things I'll say is "knucklehead" if someone's being a d**k in traffic or something, but even then, I say that it's not very nice, and that sometimes even adults set bad examples.  Anyway. One day, the older siblings comes running inside and tells me "Dad, younger sibling said the N word!".  After a long conversation and lots of convincing that it was okay to repeat what they said so we can all talk about, we finally figured it out.  It was knucklehead. We just didn't know about the silent K yet. .

    ReadTheSeams Report

    Penny Hernandez
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My daughter-in-law tends to swear a lot and when my first grandson wa a toddler he began to swear also. My husband and I told him that those words were 'bad words' and he shouldn't use them. A few days later something upset him and he came running down the hall, stood in the doorway to the living room and stamped his feet, and said 'bad words, bad words' over and over. We were highly amused.

    Javelina Poppers
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Kids hear and know more than you think. A good friend married a woman with 2 boys from a previous marriage. When out driving one day a car pulled out in front of them and he had to slam on the brakes to keep from t-boning the guy. My buddy is fuming and muttering under his breath and one of the boys says, "That guy's an a**hole". His wife whips around and yells, "Dylan, where did you learn that"? His response was, "Geez mom, it's not like I said f**k".

    Khavrinen
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Need to get them the alphabet book "P is for Pterodactyl". ( It's a real thing. )

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People as old as I am knew how to spell knucklehead when we were kids because the ventriloquist Paul Winchell had a dummy on his kids show by that name. There was a song they sang about how to spell it - "With a capital K and an NUC, another little K and an L and an E. Then you add an empty head - and then you've got a Knucklehead!" (Paul Winchell also made a significant contribution to the design of the first artificial heart by adopting ventriloquist devices.)

    Risa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One time my daughter tattled that my son had used the "s" word. I thought she meant "sh*t," but upon further questioning it turn out the bad word in question was "shut up."

    RabidChild
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When my son was 10 he came to me and asked if he could say the "c" word. A little worried (cuz in the US the "c" word is taboo) I asked him "What's the "c" word?" He whispered, "C**p." I told him that would be OK and if he was responsible with it - only used it in proper settings, etc. - he could add another swear word every year on him birthday. He was thrilled!

    Brenda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband and son came to pick me up at the airport around dinner, so we stopped at a fast food place. During dinner, son knocked most of his fries onto the floor. Stood up in his booster seat and said "God d@mnit! I was gonna eat those!" He was just barely 2 years old. I glared at my husband. He cursed a lot when he'd play games on the computer. Son is now almost 30 and I'm constantly reminding him of this story. His kids are 17mo and 2yr 9mo.

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    #23

    My ex husband tried to k*ll our daughter. He drugged her with benadryl and set the house on fire with her in it. Then he called me to gloat. When his uncle came by and saved her from the fire, he decided to frame me for an arson that ended up a murder, because someone was inside the house and died. Our daughter survived the fire and healed quickly from smoke inhalation. She had to have her stomach pumped due to the overdose. He had nailed the windows of our house shut and blocked the doors from opening. Luckily, his uncle just broke a window to get her out. I've never told our daughter this, and I just tell her that her dad has a mental illness and that's why he's not around. I can't wait to tell her the whole truth when she's older. When he framed me, I had to talk to the OSBI and local police. He is an idiot with his frame job, because I had air tight alibis. I was in Air Force basic training and tech school. The government proved where I was and that I couldn't have committed the crimes.

    Airmanismyfirstname Report

    Amber White
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This should not belong in “Eager to tell my child” …this information won’t help anyone advance in life.

    Z Man
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The truth will set you free... Not that she has to offer up the information when she 18 but I'm sure there will be a conversation where it comes up.

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    AnonymousApple
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "I can't wait to tell her the whole truth when she's older." What he did was horrific obviously, but your "can't wait" comment is pretty gross. It's one thing to tell her the truth; it's another to take vindictive pleasure in it. The information is going to destroy her on so many levels. You should NOT be looking forward to it.

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The knowledge of what the father is like will make the daughter safer. I understand the mother looking forward to that.

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    Betty Vanderhooven-SchmaaSchmaa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is right up there with living w the knowledge your dad is a serial *i*ler.

    Wolf princess quinn
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited)

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    NEVER TELL HER!! MY GOD WHATS WRONG WITH YOU? JUST FOR revenge? Fun?

    Jessica N
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No, so that she doesn't have to dodge questions anymore like "why did dad leave us" and "why don't we visit him" that probably break her heart every time

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    #24

    Not planning on having kids but my nieces and nephews are going to hear about how their parent(s) and I did all the same things they do- stay up past curfew, sneak out, drink underage, etc. Because we were once their age too.

    AvatarJosh Report

    TotallyNOTAFox
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My nephew will hear all the funny stories of how my sister got drunk and said stupid s**t that she couldn't remeber the next day. Also to not stick a knife into a running toaster to check if the bread is done... like the idiot my sister is

    Joe Reaves
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Someone I was at university with did that - to MY toaster. I did get a new toaster out of it and they learnt an important lesson.

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    Gracie Mae
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grandkids are getting to be the age where I can start telling ALL the stories about their dads--I'm salivating, waiting for when they are old enough to hear the really good stuff!

    Steve Hall
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, but this one should be saved until they are adults.

    Javelina Poppers
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My kids know and now my grandkids know about when I was a teenager and myself and equally stupid friends once decided to blow up a wrecked and abandoned car a little bit at a time. The "explosives expert" of our group decided that 6 sticks of dynamite would be a good amount to start with. We ended up running for our lives with car parts raining down on us. Luckily no one was hurt.

    BS Detector
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I waited until my kids were 21+ to tell the real stories of how bad I was.

    Mark Howell
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My wife abhors that our daughter goes out with her firiens at uni. She still thinks of her as her precious virginal angel

    #25

    This isn’t a “funny” story, but I think it’s sweet about how I met their father. He was my first boyfriend, who was also my next door neighbor. We got engaged on the front porch of my parents’ house since we were always sitting on the porch together.

    Routine-Two-9974 Report

    Surenu
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sometimes the smallest worlds feel the largest. Cute!

    Hey!
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I thought my now husband was in the mafia...

    #26

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up Probably the time I accidentally set the kitchen on fire trying to impress a date with my cooking skills – it was chaotic, but definitely a memorable lesson in humility!

    willighjghjghjgh , Krzysztof Hepner / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

    ZuriLovesYou
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I once set the stovetop on fire because I spilled some butter on the burner. I still have no idea how it happened.

    Karina
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You just described how it happened...

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    Celtic Pirate Queen
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Last night I had to throw out the baking sheet I made ribs on. Brown sugar cement that no amount of soaking and scrubbing could save.

    nancthetank
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I welded a pot to an electric burner & had to throw both out.

    tori Ohno
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I caught the oven on fire once when the Pyrex pan I was using broke, dumping olive oil, chicken fat, and everything else in the pan on the open gas flame. Terrifying.

    Wolf princess quinn
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never fry shrimp on the stove by dropping multiple ones in sauce pot of bubbling grease. I was 18 so...

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    #27

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up I can't wait to tell my kids about the time I accidentally joined a cult for free pizza. Yep, you heard that right. Picture this: me, fresh out of college, hungry and broke, stumbling into what I thought was a 'Pizza Appreciation Club.' Little did I know, it was a cover for some serious cult vibes. Long story short, I didn't stick around for the initiation ceremony once they started chanting about pineapple toppings being sacrilegious. But hey, at least I got a good story out of it, right? Moral of the story: always read the fine print on those 'free pizza' flyers.

    JuliethLime , Pinar Kucuk / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

    Surenu
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I consider myself a natural sceptic, so I always thought that a cult could never get me when even organized religion failed. But this approach? I fear this might just work on me.

    I_imagine_even_worse_w***s
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My friend once invited me to see a band play. We arrived and said band was in fact a bunch of middle aged hippy women in a circle banging drums. We were handed drums and invited to join the circle and chant in order to summon some spirit (I can't recall who or what we were supposed to be summoning!). I'm an atheist, I was finding this hysterical but my friend was well into it! Long story short this was 10 years ago, mu friend sold her house to live with this group and abandoned everything and everyone and haven't seen her since. I'm pretty sure they'd have quickly kicked me out if I hadn't ran for the hills myself!! Loons they were!

    I_imagine_even_worse_w***s
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I should clarify that we tried everything to get said friend away from them. They were clearly using her also for her money (she was fairly wealthy). I've heard from other friends that they've seen her occasionally at events trying to recruit people to the circle and she seems to be OK physically but very deluded.

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    Khavrinen
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pineapple is sacrilegious? Oh, great, *another* group that thinks I'm a heretic.

    Papa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm with you. Now if they said putting anchovies on pizza was sacrilegious I might sign up.

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    PaperinoVB
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Many italians would adhere to that cult... (JK, I'm italian too :-Þ )

    ADZ
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You went a pizza appreciation club and got cult vibes because they rightly pointed out pineapple on pizza is sacrilegious? That's just factual information.

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    #28

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up The stuff you learn about in history is what your grandparents and great grandparents had to go through and it’s not that long ago.

    ADIDAS247 , Mr Cup / Fabien Barral / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

    Bartlet for World Domination
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's the 20th century at most. My history classes started with the Phoenicians and in six years never quite made it to the Vietnam War.

    Jessica N
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes! Then realizing once you were in your 20s that the Vietnam War ended in the 70s, just a decade or 2 before we were born. It felt like ancient history until you met vets in daily life

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    Aroace tiger (she/they/he)
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've learnt history that happened after my parents were born e.g. The cuban missile crisis etc. its weird

    Bartlet for World Domination
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Isn't it! I feel history was before my parents were born (before and during WW2) and the time after that is now.

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    Anikulapo
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is genuinely what scared me the most about being a grown-up. I don’t know what I’d do if we didn’t have pay-as-you-earn because I don’t think I could cope. Not even joking. Some parts of adulting are totally out my reach.

    Bewitched One
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What? lol wrong post commented on or what?

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    #29

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up A leopard growled at me and was gng to kill my dog . But I had watched the mountain lion and hiker video a few days before - it said to never turn ure back - which is what I did when I heard rustling in the bushes behind me - I thot it was a neighbourhood dog but when birds flew out and it seemed like that whatever was lurking in the bushes had stepped a step down - I stared at the bushes and called out or whistled but nothing - just something was hiding and then all of a sudden a very loud roarrrrrr - it reverberated in my chest - I screamed and thankfully my dog came running towards me - leashed her and walked away slowly while never turning my back . I was shivering all the way home .

    Cacao_boo , Joshua J. Cotten / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

    Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We are very fierce animals, and we have big, fat murder mittens just like our cousins. *hisses and bares her claws at Orange Mousie* See? Fierce.

    Aroace tiger (she/they/he)
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As one of the cousins i agree, more fierce than I am *lays down to have a nap*

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    day light
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    not to sound judgemental, but how hard could it possibly be to type those few extra letters to help your story flow a bit better..?

    Catlady6000
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had to reread it twice to see what you were referring to.

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    Steve Hall
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Were you in Africa, Middle East or Asia?

    Stephanie Did It
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was bitten by a full-blown lioness. I was 22 and on a date. There was a guy in my area of town who owned a lioness and who drove around in his Corvette with the top down and the lion sprawled across the back of it, hooking her paws around the front seat. This was about 1980. My date and I arrived at a local bar to listen to a folk singer and Corvette Dude arrived at the same time. He and Lioness entered ahead of us. I entered the door next and suddenly my foot was swept out from under me by what felt like a bear trap. She was lying just inside the door, had grabbed me with her paw and was playfully holding my foot in her teeth! She did NOT bear down and I wasn't injured but pretty shaken up. Corvette Dude persuaded her to let go and I'll have to say that was the weirdest date I ever had. My kids have heard this story but I have no idea if they believed it!

    Lee Henderson
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was friends with the curator of the Monroe, La zoo. She took me for a private tour one Christmas when it was closed. Walking around, the hair started rising on the back of my neck. We were being stalked by a cougar. There was a barrier between us but it was an interesting experience

    Karina
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Man, the hunted" is a great book about how we are not so top after all.

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    #30

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up That there’s food at home 😎.

    Specialist-Top-406 , Highlight ID / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

    tori Ohno
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, but you have to chop and prep, cook (usually multiple items), then clean it all up. Sometimes I'd rather just have it delivered.

    Celtic Pirate Queen
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "I hate when healthy me goes grocery shopping and then fat me wants a snack".

    Gracie Mae
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NO--there are INGREDIENTS at home! and sometimes it's just too much work

    JustYourAveragePANda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ... Yes, if you like water. And the occasional piece of lettuce.

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    #31

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up Where Gondor was when the westfold fell.

    Shmuckle2 Report

    Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But, in the end, Gondor calls for aid. And Rohan WILL answer!

    Toasted Applesauce
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Círdan and Éorl made an oath that Gondor and Rohan would always come to one another's aid! Gondor was a little busy dealing with their own war against the servants of Mordor though. After the War of the Ring, King Elessar and Éomer (closest male relative in Théoden's line) remade the oath! It was mostly ceremonial since Sauron was destroyed forever and of course Morgoth was still imprisoned in the void! I LOVE The Lord of the Rings.

    Laura Gillette
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But... I thought the point was, they *weren't* there! Gondor didn't come to Rohan's aid... so, where was Gondor when the westfold fell? They were in Gondor.

    Lil Miss Hobbit
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In Gondor, eating tomatoes and chicken

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    #32

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up That my kids father has been in jails but now he's a good man. Teach them the lesson of consequences.

    new2reddit4today , Humberto Portillo / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

    Nichole Harris
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And that good ppl make mistakes and that anyone can change!!!

    #33

    Our grandfather survived WWII with kindness.

    TheKidfromHotaru Report

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    #34

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up How their grandpa had a complete meltdown the first time he ever tried to do the taxes on a computer.

    CatacombsRave , Marissa Grootes / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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    #35

    I was legally dead for over a minute. Ethanol allergy. Don't drink, kids!

    Crash9116 Report

    WindySwede
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's like saying, don't eat nuts, you could di? 🤷‍♂️

    Karina
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I guess one difference is that the other nut-eaters around you still has the ability to help you?

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    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, the rock star Hotblack Desiato is reported as "spending a year dead for tax reasons."

    Adrian
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Definitions of death have changed. Your heart may have stopped but you weren't dead.

    Betty Vanderhooven-SchmaaSchmaa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Alcohol is literally a poison. Intoxication is your body reacting to that poison. Study's show it causes cancer. There's no safe amount.

    nottheactualphoto
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everyone has the same allergies that you do.

    #36

    I don’t have kids, but I make sure the next generation knows that their grandfather, the son of an immigrant, was Ike’s secretary during the war (eyes only clearance) where he met my mother (also eyes only clearance) drafting maps for Ike and Roosevelt. She had come from the Dust Bowl. Years later she was on one of the last commercial flights out of Saigon, not because she was afraid of the VC, but because the company was out of business. And how I delivered pizzas from the Delta to the DMZ.

    Yugan-Dali Report

    Laugh or not
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Eisenhowe, US general during WWII and later President.

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    #37

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up Your dad got the highest score on the college entrance exam in his school.

    AnonimoUnamuno , Nguyen Dang Hoang Nhu / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

    JustYourAveragePANda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would be 50/50 in that case. My mom... im sorry but she's not very bright. My dad is an engineer. I learned from him.

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    Celtic Pirate Queen
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My Dad's discus record has remained unbroken at White River High in Buckley, WA since the early 60s.

    Zaach
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited)

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Your dad graduated 52nd in his class - #53 did not graduate *edit* er, I am 75 and the 2 kids I fathered don't know who I am

    #38

    The tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise... In all seriousness though, probably the story of defending myself against a moose. Or some of the stories from when I worked security, both stateside and overseas.

    TrippyMcGuire556 Report

    AtMostAFabulist
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I want to hear about the Moose 🫎

    Sydney B.
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I definitely read that as "mouse" for a second lol

    Gracie Mae
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had no idea moose were as friggin' huge as they are--I'd only seen videos of them in the wild. Then a friend posted a video she took of one nonchalantly STEPPING OVER A 4 FT FENCE in her yard. I WAS GOBSMACKED!

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    #39

    If I have kids, I will absolutely tell them about the time I went out to the bar and it just so happened that my city's NHL team was there for their end of season party and were mingling with bar patrons. I was most definitely fanboying that night.

    NotConsistentCalc Report

    Bartlet for World Domination
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Almost totally unrelated: a New Zealand rugby team shows up in a gay club in my city (Amsterdam) once a year and even if only one of them or none are gay will proceed to have a great time dancing and being admired :)

    Celtic Pirate Queen
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I flew from San Diego back to Seattle with the Vancouver Whitecaps soccer club. Damn those boys were fine!

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    #40

    Context, one of them is actually gay and the other is straight but born through C-section. Both my brothers used to fight about who was the bigger virgin and is more gay. It did not matter who was around, my parents, grandparents, my SO, or the nice cashier lady at my local Costco. It was just a yelling match with the winner being the one with better insults that day or who had the most laughs. My personal favorites are "I might be gay but at least I touched a p*ssy, you came out through C-section!" "At least, I'm not allergic to pussy unlike you!" "MOM BACK ME UP".

    Silver0221 Report

    jeremy w
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is absolutely hilarious. Beat all burns I gave my little brother.

    jeremy w
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm dying....that is....hilarious.

    Wolf princess quinn
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Wow you and your brothers are incredibly ignorant! And you're mother should've stopped it! Damn

    KillerKiwi
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    If I were their mother I would have beat the s**t out of them😐

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    #41

    I'd love to tell her all about my 20s. They're like David Bowie's 1970s. As in, I barely remember them, and I was up to all sorts of no good.

    ZooManZoza Report

    geezeronthehill
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you remember Woodstock you weren't there.

    Steve Hall
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I saw it at the drive in theater, but I was really stoned.

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    day light
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    —> I'd love to tell her all about my 20's —> I barely remember them

    nancthetank
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ah, the Good Old Days: I wasn’t old & I wasn’t good!

    Leigh James
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Don't ask me anything about the late 70's or the 80's. I know I had a great time but I don't remember the specifics..." Mic Fleetwood, Fleetwood Mac

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    #42

    When I was in kindergarten, I stole some money from my mom's purse and hid it in my toy purse along with some playing cards. I did it so my mom wouldn't see the money. Then, I walked to a store 15 minutes from home and bought a chocolate I really wanted because my mom who is an almond mom wouldn't let me eat anything from outside. My parents found out tho because one of my dad's friends saw me alone and snitched on me to my dad. He took a video of me apologizing, and still have it to this day. Cracks me up every time I see it.

    Different-Muffin-590 Report

    AtMostAFabulist
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What's an almond mom?

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    #43

    Just all the good and wild times in my life. I became a tattoo artist fairly young and felt I got to live a life style not many get to see. I’ve got wild stories for days. My young adult life was truly memorable and I love the stories that have come from it.

    ElijahWillDraw Report

    Zaach
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grand nieces and nephew still talk bout how I would tell them stories of my acid trips (obv. this was in the 70s)

    Georgia Ireland
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm sure they are! I have tattoos, and I love talking to tattooist, you all have such fascinating stories to tell!

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    #44

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up I was a thief back in my childhood. I didn't need to be. I just loved the challenge. So I got creative in my thief days. I once used a plunger head to lift glass at a card collecting store and stole a Clyde Drexler signed rookie card and a George Brett signed rookie card. I also once stole a football by deflating it with a pump that I found at the store. I stole the football, stole the pump, and once I got home I inflated the stolen football with the stolen pump and me and my friends had a good time. I'm not proud of this, but when I'm old and senile, I can't wait to tell this story.

    AtlantaSportsHype , Trap Gang / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

    Morgan Edwards
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They are literally talking about learning from their mistakes. "I'm not proud of this." Was a statement in their post. No point in being mean for no reason. None of yall have any room to judge others when you don't know their paths completely.

    Farnzy
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A Clyde "The Glide" rookie card?! I overstand.

    Anikulapo
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    “Over…stand..”? That’ll be my word of the week thank you.

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    Sydney B.
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Idk man, op sounds pretty proud to me

    Wolf princess quinn
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Thanks for the training! You're incredibly arrogant about this. Don't have kids

    SpirklePlatz
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Sorry - not cool or impressive. Wanna do something really hard? Do volunteer work on behalf of people with challenges. Also, when you're "senile," you will have forgotten your stories, d*mb sh*t.

    #45

    How I got to be top 1 in calculus with the strictest professor of my time.

    luceunitedxx Report

    day light
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    now that's a shonen anime I'd binge the hell out of

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How strict a teacher is has nothing to do with how effective he is. A good teacher sets high goals for his students and then helps them attain them.

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    #46

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up That when I was about 13 and brother 17 with my brother, we went to a sand pit, hijacked tractors and smashed all of them together.

    Ak47mommy , Julia Koblitz / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

    AtMostAFabulist
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Didn't happen unless you got pictures.

    Papa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also not something to be proud of.

    Wolf princess quinn
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes tell them and then start saving for bail $

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    #47

    I was living in a small rental house ten years ago. It had one bedroom, one living room,one bathroom, a small kitchen and the backdoor was leading to a narrow enclosure adjacent to which was the neighbour's house, their bedroom was right next to it. There was a lightbulb socket in that small backyard but I never used that place for anything so I never put a bulb there. At night that place always remained very dark. One day my neighbour told me they could hear movements in my backyard like someone jumping down from wall on to the concrete ground. They said it happened on multiple occasions and they think it was probably a thief. So I bought a CFL bulb and went to put it there, the socket was very high and I had to stand on a tall wooden  stool to reach there. That night before I went to bed I switched it on(the switch to the bulb was inside my house) and checked the backyard which was now fully illuminated. The nexy morning I didn't go to the backyard and just switched off the light before going to work. On the second night when I switched it on again before going to bed there was no light it remain dark, I tried multiple times but there was no light. I thought the bulb was defective but was scared of the dark and the thief so I didn't go to check that night and decided to check it in the morning. When I went there in the morning the bulb was not in the socket, first I thought the thief stole it but then I saw the bulb was on the ground completely undamaged, there was no way it could have survived a fall from that hight. I took the bulb inside and checked, the bulb was working fine. I put the bulb back in the socket and went to work. It was the third night and when I switched on the bulb it was working. I went to bed. Around 3 am I went to the backdoor and slightly opened it to see if the bulb was still working, it was pitch dark. I closed the door quickly and went to sleep. Next morning found the bulb on the ground again undamaged. I avoided going to the backyard as much as possible from that day and didn't attempt to put any bulb there again. There was no incident of theft happened in that neighbourhood as far as I know.

    SuvenPan Report

    PattyK
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But the light was bothering the neighbors so they removed the bulb?

    tori Ohno
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nope. I'm territorial. Stay off of my property! I'd set up a camera and/or a fairly harmless booby trap, like contact adhesive or a substance that stains.

    Gracie Mae
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or the neighbor got you all worked up by telling you that story just so they could prank you & freak you out

    Heather Menard
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Neighbor had someone sneaking in and out so they took the bulb out every night

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    #48

    How Ai took over the world.

    JimHawkingAndroid Report

    Steve Hall
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The story won't be how AI took over, it will be that there was a whole world before AI was invented.

    #49

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up How I firebombed the school. Or wait. Maybe not to my kids lol.

    OldTuppen , Nguyen Khanh Ly / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

    Celtic Pirate Queen
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I got this idea from reading "All Creatures Great and Small". In high school I mixed a cup (instead of a pinch) of iodine crystals with a gallon (instead of a dropperful) of turpentine. The chemical reaction resulted in a really thick & oily PURPLE smoke that made the chem lab unusable. They wanted to expel me, but my Dad talked them into suspension and a complete cleanup. I'm 61, so my kids have been told this story many times. Whenever one of them tried something that didn't go according to plan, it was "Purple smoke, dude. Purple smoke".

    tori Ohno
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We had a couple kids blow up half of the locker bay. Was that you?

    #50

    “The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up How i chased a reindeer and spanked its a*s for a bet.

    slimshady_27 , Jamie Street / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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    #51

    When I was a kid I used to fill up balloons with propane and light them on fire. Nearly blew me to shreds.

    Texan_Confederate Report

    AtMostAFabulist
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow! Death wish much?

    Ace
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We had an awesome chemistry teacher who used to do that with hydrogen. (Sadly died from being hit on the chest by a cricket ball from a fast bowler).

    Zaach
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When stoned, we used to tie bread bag in a chain, them from the ceiling and light them - the flair when the flames hit the knots would always take us by surprise

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    #52

    Their half sister was a whoopsie whose mom is a toxic a*****e. Which is why we never get to see her and they have a 14 year age gap. First kids mom is so toxic she did time for violating court mandated custody orders. California still won't/wouldn't change primary custody. CA family court can kiss my whole a*s.

    Jerome2232 Report

    Adrian
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same, ex was always violating the custody orders. CA family court did nothing. I gave up in the end. She always had a fancy lawyer but claimed she had no money and needed child support.

    PattyK
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don’t understand this one at all. Please clarify.

    Cat Chat
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That he and some toxic lady had an unplanned child. Sounds like he mostly wants to impress how toxic the lady is rather than focus on the fact they have a half-sibling they don't know about.

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    #53

    How I never gave up on my dreams, no matter how big they seemed. It's all about hard work and determination.

    cutie_babexx Report

    #54

    I once had sex during commemoration. It was before I met their mother.

    tavaaver Report

    day light
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    if one of my parents told me that I'd kill myself on the spot

    Judy Reynolds
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would die if one of my parents had told me they had sex, even after I found out how I have three sisters.

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    Ace
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What's "commemoration"? I mean, I know what it means but this sounds like some sort of regular occurence, maybe a religious service or something?

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe he means "commencement" (graduation). But commencement means beginning, and he was apparently finishing.

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    #55

    One story I can't wait to share with my children when they're old enough is the tale of how their grandparents met. It's a story filled with serendipity, laughter, and maybe even a little bit of magic. I want to paint a vivid picture of the moment when their eyes first met across a crowded room, the butterflies fluttering in their stomachs, and the nervous laughter that ensued. It's a reminder that love can blossom in the most unexpected places and that sometimes, the best stories are the ones written by the heart.

    Antique-Struggle-756 Report

    #56

    The fact that I worked and completed my studies at the same time. I gave private lessons and wrote others' essays to pay for my rent and groceries and I did that while living alone and working out every single day. I also read a lot of books while doing that. I am sure they won't be %100 persisent as I am (since they won't have any reason to be) but I am hoping to be a role model for them. I will be very careful to not talk about how hard the times were back in my day as they may feel incompetent. I want them to see my experiences encouraging and go "if dad did it, so can I". However, I feel scared to have a child glued to an ipad watching tiktoks 7/24 and complaining life is unfair and he might have autisim.

    Brychanthewizard Report

    flower petals
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As an autistic person, I have some thoughts about the ending, which I’ll keep to myself.. 😶

    LavenderHippoInAJar
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This one feels a little pretentious, but that might just be me?

    day light
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    well I wasn't expecting the sudden ableism at the end there 🙂

    Jihana
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So what is so terrible about autism?

    YetAnotherSarah
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So don't hand them an iPad. And don't worry, so long as they don't get paid to help other people cheat, they won't feel incompetent.

    Kate
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why wait? My mom told me at every opportunity that she supported herself through college (in the 70s), so I must just be a parasite. Her words.

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