It's a cliché, but it's true. Men just don't understand women. For example, a study published in the journal PLOS ONE showed that men had twice as much trouble deciphering women's emotions from images of their eyes compared to those of men. (In addition, their brains showed different activation when looking at men versus women's eyes.)
So when Reddit user UnawareMother2 made a post on the platform, asking, "What's the biggest hint you've ever missed from a woman?" there was no shortage of cringey, funny, and even sad answers. Here are some of the most memorable ones.
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In highschool I asked a girl to come watch a movie rental with me and some friends. She was sitting on the floor in front of me, and rubbed her neck saying that her neck/shoulders were sore. Completely missing the cue to offer a back massage, I got up and offered her a Tylenol. My buddies ribbed me for that for a long time. Somehow with my terrible game I still managed to marry her and we have 3 kids now.
Watching TV in my living room at roughly 2 a.m., in the dark.
Her: *applying strawberry lip gloss*
Me: Why are you putting on lip gloss?
Her: Strawberry lip gloss tastes so nice.
Me: Haha, you're weird.
Her: Want to taste?
Me: Nah, I already know what it tastes like.
Commence several years of late-night self-loathing and regret.
While in high school I was at a gig with a bunch of people from my year and had been standing next to this girl the whole night chatting.
Another guy asked us if we were together and she replied 'not yet' and I laughed and replied 'good one' while she looked at me weirdly.
I had such a crush on her as well.
So my boyfriend is so bad at flirting, we have known each other for 15 years and we were always just friends. We always had secret crushes on each other but we’re always dating other people.
About 6 years ago after we had both been single a while, I had invited him over to go in the hot tub with me. Legit had candels lit and everything, not a move was made. Even after we got out I was sitting with him on the couch I put my head in his lap, he legit went nonverbal.
The next week was new years and when the ball dropped I kissed him and all he could say was ‘you are interested in being more than friends?!’ Lol DUH
That was 5 years ago, now we are getting married next year :)
Sometime back in the early 2000's
Having dinner with some colleagues..
She: Hey r/madasaturtle , Ive never been with a Dutch Guy.......
What I should have said:
"Well, lets do something about that tonight."
What I said instead :
"Me neither "🤦♀️
I had a girl literally just explicitly say she liked me and wanted to date and I assumed she was joking. She was not.
"Hey, wanted to ask if you are free this weekend?. We can make some pasta and tiramisu together. I'll bring the ingredients".
"Thanks for the offer, I plan on sleeping all day this weekend" 🤦♂️
She was an exchange student from Italy.
i just cannot get past the stock photo. he's holding the knife UPSIDE DOWN and using it to cut in a NONSTICK PAN
I had a girl in university ask if I was single. When I said yes, she asked if I wanted or was looking for a girlfriend and I said yeah I suppose so, and she came back with, 'Yeah, being single is tough, would be nice to just have someone to go on dates with.' I, in all my glory and skills with the ladies, came back with 'yup, sure would be!' And walked into class before her.
This guy obviously wasn't into her, so why would he ask her out on a date?
I was snapchatting a girl from my high school when there was a pause in her response, then she sent me a post shower selfie with her arm just barely covering her tits with the caption “come play zombies” and my dumb**s goes: “Do you have xbox live?” “No” “Then how will we play?” “Idk” Her shirt was back on after that. It’s been 10 years and i’m still kicking myself.
My brother was once driving a girl home when she said she thought he had a flat tire. She insisted they pull over and check. She directed him onto a narrow road surrounded by trees. He got out, checked it out and said it was fine. He was about to put the car in gear when she said "as long as we're here, let's just hang out a bit." **He asked what she wanted to do. She said "I'm sure you'll think of something" and put her hand on his stomach. He chuckled and said "that tickles"...before removing her hand and adding "come over to my house, you can check out my Xbox!"** Then he put the car in gear and drove home. Anyway, he finally figured it out that same night, when he told me she was "acting funny" and I clued him in. The next day he found her, first thing in the morning, and said "let me give you a ride home, I thought of something for us to do." Not the smoothest line, but it got the job done.
Why are all these men expected to assume that any physical touch is sexual? We're not all on heat.
Went on a short road trip with a girl from work. When booking hotels for the stay, she said "Let's book a single room with separate beds; it'll save us money". I thought that was a good idea and went ahead. That evening when we went to bed, I was showing her a YouTube video on my phone and she went "Make yourself comfy! Why are you sitting on the edge of the bed?", and raised the comforter - indicating that I ought to slide in next to her in her bed (which I did). When we were chit chatting, I reached out for a bottle of water that was on a table across from her and accidentally brushed her bra strap with my elbow. I apologized and took a gulp of water. She asked "Is my bra in the way?". I said "Nah, I managed to get the bottle, don't worry about it!". One day after the road trip ended, it hit me. And yes, I know I'm an absolute dumb**s.
Red flags from the get-go. For the sake of professionalism and simple I propriety—-and the fact that Accounting will be seeing a hotel bill for only ONE room, ffs—-never ever EVER think that sharing a room with an opposite sex coworker is a good idea. It’s a good way to get hit with a sexual harassment or misconduct accusation, or lawsuit, which could cost one or both of you your jobs and careers. THINK, FFS!
In high school, I caught a wickedly beautiful classmate sitting at my desk. When she looked up and saw me, she turned bright red and looked extremely embarrassed. Hours later, I realized that someone had written a love note directly on the cover of my notebook. . . And all I thought was “huh, that’s weird”.
To this day, I think of how stupid I was at 16
A girl I had a crush on sat on my lap because she had white shorts on and didn't want grass stains. She then sighed and said she wished someone would ask her to prom. I assured her that someone would. And it never occurred to me that I had a shot. Years later she punched me for being so oblivious.
We were seeing a movie together and she said she was cold. I said "yeah it's pretty chilly" and did nothing. Later she said it again, pretty obvious what she wanted. I proceeded to give her my jacket to put around her.
I'm a practical man.
My first weekend of college a girl asked me if I wanted to wrestle her in my dorm. I wrestled her in my dorm. Nothing more.
Hm. Doesnt have to be a missed hint. I loved to wrestle guys (and girls) when I was younger. Not with hidden intentions, just fooling around. Admittedly, I am now married with one of the guys I wrestled.
A year after high school, a girl I'd been crushing on for over a year and knew through mutual friends invited me over her (parents') place to...watch Smallville?...and at one point said her a*s was kinda sore and needed a massage. Proceeded to roll over in her skimpy volleyball shorts and look at me. I nervously gave her like the most clinical and non-sexy butt massage you could imagine. I was nervous and didn't want to seem desperate because this girl was out of this world gorgeous and I just felt very average. She just felt way out of my league and I always thought we were "just friends." To make things worse, that same night, a little later, this one girl from work who had a crush on me called me and I was awkwardly chatting with her trying to end the convo, and girl I was crushing on came in and jumped on my lap and started smiling, laughing, and grinding, knowing it'd make it more awkward for me. Just thought she was being playfully annoying and didn't imagine she might actually like me. Watched Smallville and went home.
A year before this, she asked me to her prom (she went to a different school). And a year or two AFTER all this, she was visiting me and my sister (she was a mutual friend to us both) after we moved to a different state. She stayed over at my place and one evening said that she always had the biggest crush on me and doesn't know why I never reciprocated her advances. She then got up, looked over at me, and walked into her bedroom. I just...assumed she was tired and going to bed. I missed every single opportunity that could ever opportune on God's green earth.
It must suck being a guy sometimes. Even during the obvious, u can b so oblivious. But, HEY! Girls do that too sometimes. Not always about the same exact stuff in the same ways, but we do
Drove every week from Pennsylvania to Chicago to see a girl I had a crush on. Still lived with her parents, so I never stayed the night.
She always was flirty, but 'then-me' was oblivious. When I stayed later than usual one night, and I yawned, she said, 'You should just stay the night and we can get a hotel room.'
I said, 'Nah, I'm good to drive, I'll make it.' She said, 'No, don't be silly. We can hang out tonight.
I was in the middle of Ohio when I realized what she meant.
This was back in high school. I was super shy. I had been crushing hard on this girl since freshman year and everybody knew it. She had thrown hints at me forever and I never acted. I was insanely good at math.
So one day as I'm coming out of class she stops me and says that she heard that I'm some kind of math genius and asked me to tutor her. I asked her what she's going to pay me. She says very suggestively "oh don't worry, you'll be well rewarded".
My stupid a*s responds, no I need actual numbers to know if it's worth my time smh. I was so dumb lol.
Back when I was a teenager…
I was with a girl, in her bedroom, alone late at night. She was lying on the bed looking at me, telling me how handsome I was and how much she liked my eyes.
I said thank you, and that it was late, and that I should get going. To this day I cannot explain my actions because this girl was absolutely gorgeous and I had crushed on her for years. She was my friends younger sister. I think my brain just short-circuited and refused to believe that she was telling me the truth, and I was so nervous that I had no idea what to do. It hurts to think about.
A girl legitimately said to me "take me home" as we parted ways.
I thought she was joking.
Judging by the fact we had just finished kissing eachother (passionately) only a few minutes beforehand I think it's safe to say she wasn't.
#brainonairplanemode
Met 2 girls at the club and we hit it off. After like 30min one of em says “wanna come with us to the car? We need to change?” What I said?! “Nah you guys look good.”
Didn’t know anything was amiss until like 3mo later. I shot upright outta bed and realized my mistake.
After a photo session with a close friend, she said I can stay the night when I said I'm tired.
I obliged, thinking it's just a nice offer.
During the night I woke up slightly because she had grabbed my hand, put it on her hip and pressed her butt against me.
I was still groggy and didn't think much of it and went back to sleep.
In the morning she turned around to face me, got her face so close her nose was touching mine... And again, I went back to sleep.
Had a friend at University who was a best friend, except that I was too dumb to see that I was more than a friend to her.
She was smart, beautiful, funny, very patient and we gelled straight away.
We always went to parties together, spent the evening with different people circulating, had different partners over the years, but she would always insist I saw her home safely and of course I just kept on missing those obvious signs.
Roll on three years and everyone is going their different ways and we go out for one last night for a drink, have a great time and I see her home as usual except this time she doesn't hold back and basically drags me into her bedroom.
Honestly I was so shocked, so dumbfounded that my 'best friend' who happened to be female fancied the a*s off me that it totally wrong footed me and we literally couldn't do anything apart from collapse into a fit of giggles and fall asleep in each others arms.
I never saw her again but every now and then I think back to that time and wonder what if I wasn't such a dumb-a*s, would it have failed, would it have been amazing and life happy ever after?
Who knows apart from in an alternative universe.
Oh no you did NOT end the story like that! Why didn't you have any contact after that night? What in the heck fire happened?
Dropping her off at her house after a joint college project
"My roommates and I have a wager over who can get laid first."
Awkward pause.
"Well, good luck with that I hope you win" *drives away.
In class, a girl asked if we could study together for a minor quiz at her place.
A friend overhears and asks if he can join us, I say yes immediately before she can say anything.
She sends us her address and a time. I show up and she answers the door in a bikini. Nobody else at her place. She says she was sunbathing and asks me into her room while she changes. I look away to be polite and then make small talk once she's done.
My friend shows up 30 minutes later, turns out she told him that the study group started 30 minutes after what she told me.
Sigh...
Woman I'd been friends with for a year or two, "I bet you have a beautiful c**k ;)"
Me: "It's alright, keeps me entertained, lol." Then I asked a question about Chinese food.
Couple months after we lost contact, "Ohh... OH... damn"
Woman: "Would you want to go for a coffee.... At MY place... (at 2 am after a party)"....
Yeah still hate myself for it.
I have very flexible joints. As a result, I was well known for doing tricks with my hands during my early uni days. Things like bending my fingers backwards to touch the back of my hand, touching my arm with my thumb, bending fingers into a Z shape etc.
I was at a party with classmates and this girl I vaguely knew asked me for a private demonstration of my hands. I was slightly buzzed at the time so I said sure and took her to the kitchen while she giggled. I started doing my usual tricks but I quickly noticed something was wrong because she got this disappointed look on her face. She mumbled something akin to "ok cool" and left the party claiming she was tired, leaving me confused for the rest of the night.
It took me 3 days of sobering up before I realized I had f****d up and by the time I saw her again it was too awkward to talk about.
Girl I fancied had messaged me saying, 'I can tell you work out, maybe you could come over and give me a workout, bet we could work up a sweat together.'
I messaged her back explaining that I wasn't a personal trainer.
I worked as a bouncer 25ish years ago. One evening a slightly older and extremely attractive lady came back to the club and said that her car would not start. Eventually after chatting for about 15 minutes and just before closing I offered her a ride, out of sheer politeness and because I saw her tip bartenders really really well. When we got to her house she asked if I would like to get some water. I said okay and went into her house. After the glass of water she asked if I would not mind unbuttoning the top hook on the back of her blouse because she couldn't reach it. I did. Then I said thank you very much, have a good evening... and left.
Never saw her again even though she was a fairly consistent customer until that evening.
It clicked only years later when a date asked me to help with the top hook on the back of her blouse. I must have stood there for solid minute with an absolutely idiotic look on my face because she kept asking me what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong.
She "forgot" a scrap of paper at my place and *had* to come and get it.
I realised it was odd that she scrumped up the super important bit of paper, before I realised she was hitting on me.
This girl asked me if i was single to which i said yes i am,she then said that she is single as well Guess what my dumb**s said ? “Woww we should start a single’s club”
Sometimes people do just make small talk, and relationship status is one of those things people talk about.
When I worked at an electronics store, a girl asked me for game recommendations, for the switch in general and specifically multiplayer games. I showed her the best off of the console, she picked out a single player game that she liked and we talked about it for a while. She then asked me if I live around here. I said yes. She asked if I’d like to play together sometime… I said well that’s not really a multiplayer game. Then another customer had a question so the conversation broke off. The girl quickly left but did not buy the game. I’m still thinking about this interaction every now and then
Thats valid tho theres no obligation and/or hints in that conversation its js worker to customer small talk
In my junior year of high school I was a teachers assistant for a 12th grade AP English course, and sat near this gorgeous, smart, and really nice girl. We talked a lot and I liked her but always just thought she was way out of my league.
About a week after our prom that year I was telling the teacher about how crappy it was because my date kinda ditched me. He said "well why didn't you ask ____?" When I told him how I never considered it he laughed at me and was like "Man, you've been missing a lot of easy signals. Don't worry, you'll get there."
Apparently being oblivious was my strong suit.
Edit: Probably should have added that she graduated shortly after and I never had the chance to ask her out, etc.
"I'm a virgin"
"Aw I'd sleep with you"
"Aw thanks"
Biggest one was when she asked me where a pub is on a new years eve and told me 3 times that she doesn't understand when I directed her straight down the street.. only after she left I realized that she wanted me to come with her - at least I ain't the only idiot
In college, my roommate’s gf was in town and I mentioned to a girl how I was going to have to leave the room. She tells me “my roommate is staying at a friend’s, you can stay with me.”
I take her up on it. We get there and I go to sleep in the roommates bed. She asks what I’m doing and motions for me to get in her bed. I join her and proceed to talk about everything and anything until 5am when I say “welp, they’re probably asleep maybe I should go back to my room.” And I left.
I realized the next day when she asked my roommate if I was weird
A lifetime ago in high school, the extremely cute exchange student from Spain sort of cornered me and started asking questions about an upcoming school dance. What is it like? Is it fun? Are you going with anyone?
Ynez, if you're out there, I'm sorry. I'm a dope.
Everyday I trained her at a computer she would press her Double D boobs into me. I always thought it was accidental and didn't think anything of it. It wasn't until a long time later that we hung out outside of work, had some drinks and I learned she was trying to throw me multiple bones. I have 0 game and remain oblivious to others flirting with me.
Literally telling me which hotel she was staying at alone, where she was going to drink the bottle of wine I’d recommended to her, alone. In the hotel she’d specified, named and geolocated after asking me where a girl visiting town alone might go for a night out. I was out of the supermarket and half way home with my shopping when I stopped, frowned and thought “hang on a minute!”
This was back in college. Went to a talent show with a girl had a great time. We stop by a bar for a quick drink. It was a little past midnight. I walked her back to her apt she asked me "would you like to check out my place and have coffee" and I said "I am not a big fan of coffee. This was fun night, let do it again"
As George Costanza said "Coffee is not coffee. Coffee is sex"
Not sure what I missed, but when leaving to go to bed at a staff conference, the lady next to me stood up and shouted, "I have been chatting to you all night, the least you could do is take me back to your room". Everyone heard it and she had magically disappeared from the course the next day. I am autistic and have been married for over ten yrs, so it was very unexpected - i figured she was just being super friendly😂
You're married. You were faithful...she should have known better.
Attractive female friend: “Do you feel like you need to be in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with a girl to have sex with them or are you open to a no strings attached relationship?”
(Truthfully) “Honestly, I think I’m wired to be in a relationship. I have a hard time not forming feelings once I get intimate.”
*Months later on a sleepless night in the midst of a long dry spell*
“Wait…..SONUVA-!!!!”
Took two gorgeous girls to my house back in college. I was cooking dinner, a nice pot roast. We were sitting on the couch, a girl on either side.
One of the girls said "hey let's have a threesome!" I laughed and said, ok you two get started and I'll go check on the food.
We ate and went back to the dorms. I thought it was a joke.
Did you mean THEY went back to the dorms? Cos u just said you have a house
I (M) was 14 years old at school.
My secret crush looked over at me. When our eyes met, she looked down at herself, pulled her jeans down a bit and showed me her red thong.
Unfortunately, I was already severely depressed at that time. My only thought was "Look at what virtually anyone could have except you, you absolute zero!".
I looked away and she understood this as disinterest.
I understood what happened a good 10 years later and have hated myself for it ever since.
A girl wrote a poem about me, said "Joe said he thinks this poem is about you, what do you think?" And then had me read it. The poem described me exactly and said about wanting to be with the person the poem was referring to and all that, and I still assumed since she was out of my league that the poem wasn't about me.
Oh, imagine the disappointment of the poet! 😓 totally failed. I did that for a guy, he didn’t realize I wrote about him and my feelings for him. Instead, I was complimented on my handwriting and told to send it in for a poet competition…. Sadly, I much later, after he passed away, found out through friends that he also had a crush for years and years on me. Makes me sad to think of what could have been if…..
I was on a night out with a group of college friends and we ended up meeting more people from our college whilst out at a club. We formed into one big group and I was introduced to a few new people who were friends of friends. One girl approached me and told me she had asked about me and found out we had the same name. I was kinda drunk and said something along the lines of “aw no way that’s so cool” and she said “yeah, and lucky for you I really enjoy moaning my own name.” And I just kinda “… :)” I was asked the next day by a mutual why I rejected her and then I had the lightbulb moment
Girl came over to mine in a very skimpy outfit. Thought she literally came over to hang out. When she was leaving she literally said "you could have told me to do anything you wanted and I would have done it"
Taking hints has never been my strong suit, thought about that f**k up for quite a while afterwards haha
Well some girls just like to dress that way, and acting on it can be a wrong move, so be carefull.
Didn’t miss it from a woman but it’s funnier this way.
I used to work at a bar running poker tournaments & would usually talk to a regular. He would occasionally say we should go out for drinks & I said yeah but we never made plans. He would touch me, comment on what I was wearing, etc., this went on for months. Then one day he brought one of the waitresses a cake for her birthday & I made a crack about him trying to pick her up. Her response, “Hank’s gay, don’t you know that?” Suddenly it all made sense.
I was 19 and good looking back in '86 and I'd always be going on about movies. There were scads of older woman this office and one was constantly finding me alone and telling me that she'd love to see Blue Velvet but had nobody to watch it with. I told her it was kind of erotic, but a good thriller. She came back a week later and said her husband was going to be away if I still had the tape.
I handed it over and told her to borrow it as long as she wanted.
This one might have "dodged a bullet" more so than "missed an obvious hint".
Two that stick out:
1. High school, senior year, I get a text from two girls, they ask what I’m up to at 12am and if I want to come over. They need someone to come watch a movie with them and want it to be me. I just asked what movie and then said I’d already seen it.
2. See a girl from my anatomy class I’d just finished at a bar, she’s like “holy s**t, it’s you.” Starts talking to me about how hard the class is, asks if I failed as well, I say nope I killed it on the practicals. Says she needs someone to help her study anatomy, I was like, “For sure, I’ll help out. Let’s study sometime.” Moments later, she’s like, “I’ll even give you a blowjob when we study anatomy.” I was just like, “That’s awesome, haha.” Then I just said, “I’ll text you, I’ll help you pass, I’ve got to meet up with a buddy right now.” I forgot I never had her number lol
One time in middle school this girl asked me if I wanted to skip class and make out. We went outside to make out then I was like, yo lets go back to class before we get in trouble
25 years later I still regret that day.
When I was maybe 14, my childhood friend 15 who also lived in the same neighborhood as me, asked me to be her boyfriend, and immediately right after invited me to her house to watch harry potter. I'd already seen the movies so i ended up watching anime on her computer while she sat on the couch alone. I got bored eventually and went home.
Hanging out with a coworker at her apartment, each 19–20ish. Sitting on the couch side by side, she complained that her large breasts were a pain to deal with because of their size, followed by '...Do you want to touch them?'
I sort of half-juggled them (as though I was comparing the weight involved) and said, 'Hmm, nice.'
Not the only signal I missed that night, but probably my defining moment of obvious failure.
All these guys sad about missing one night stands. vI remember a time I missed the signs too. I (F) was hanging out at a MC clubhouse and they invited me to watch a movie in the basement bunk room. I was about 20. Then one of the guys said oh they didn't have a movie. It was only later I realised they had planned to rape me. So glad that one guy was decent.
She sat in front of me, wearing only undies, with her legs spread wide open, I didn't know what she wanted, I reached for ciggies and started smoking instead. This was back in 1999, nobody would believe this story if I told it offline so I am trying my luck on Reddit in 2023.
I feel like I need some context. Was this a strange woman on a bus? An older colleague at work?
Well obviously I don't know, do I?
A girl once held my hand and I just thought we were friends 💀
At my community college when she sat next to me she immediately started talking to me. Laughing and giggling and asked if we could study together. I totally didn’t pick up on the vibes
Perhaps if we women were a bit more direct, that would help. For example: I'd like to go on a date with you, or would you give me a hug? Or even, I'd like to kiss you. Just a thought. But I'm old and on the asd spectrum so what do I know?
That would in fact help....though on this list there is a case of a girl going "I like you , I want to go out with you" and the guy laughing it off because he thought she was joking....
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Even though I am married now, it's reassuring that I am/was in the good company of complete putzes like myself. Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Actually hints just don't work. Also if Netflix was around when I was younger, I would have 100% taken "Netflix and chill" literally.
Perhaps if we women were a bit more direct, that would help. For example: I'd like to go on a date with you, or would you give me a hug? Or even, I'd like to kiss you. Just a thought. But I'm old and on the asd spectrum so what do I know?
That would in fact help....though on this list there is a case of a girl going "I like you , I want to go out with you" and the guy laughing it off because he thought she was joking....
Load More Replies... Even though I am married now, it's reassuring that I am/was in the good company of complete putzes like myself. Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Actually hints just don't work. Also if Netflix was around when I was younger, I would have 100% taken "Netflix and chill" literally.
