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How many times have we seen such a plot in movies - a person leaves the prison gates, then someone from their previous life or someone from their future life approaches - and a series of exciting adventures begins. Real life, unfortunately, is completely different from what we see on the screen...
When released from prison, some people unfortunately return to crime, but even for those who sincerely try to live a decent life again, this process is not at all smooth, simply because prison is a completely different world that leaves an imprint on everyone who has been there. And the redditors in this thread open up about the prison habits that invariably accompanied them or their acquaintances after their release.
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#1
I did almost seven years. Been out two years. I'm 35. From Wisconsin. Wisconsin has a law called "Truth in Sentencing", You do 100% of your time. There are multiple head counts where the guards make sure that all of the inmates are accounted for. Every morning at 5:00 a.m. I felt like I was doing something wrong if I slept past 5:00 a.m. It took me almost six months before I slept past 5:00. Even now, 6:00 a.m. is sleeping in for me. It has allowed me to never be late to work, and show up everyday. I was a drug dealer with no work ethic, and I slept until noon. Ironically, I am more successful than I ever thought I would be because of this habit. I actually just got poached by another company who offered me a 150% salary increase. Nice to see you, new tax bracket. In two years, I have become a model parolee. My life is great. I married my wife last September. I go to therapy for a multitude of conditions that manifested while I was a guest of the state. I was diagnosed with general and social anxiety disorder, and PTSD. I was out a few months and I had a panic attack. I had no idea what was happening to me. I was literally paralyzed and afraid. I thought prison ruined me. It made me a better person in general. I am not praising Wisconsin DOC by any means. The guards dehumananized the inmates and treated us like pure garbage with no hope. They always told people "You'll be back". I won't be back. People that go back produce job security. They want people to come back so they do what they can to steal your dreams. I changed myself. Prison allowed me to step back and really look at my life. I saw who I hurt. I saw who was there for me. I saw who abandoned me. I became focused on change after my third year. I contemplated suicide because I wasn't even half done with my sentence. After I seriously thought about hanging my life up I committed myself to being the best human being I could be. I revolted by behaving, teaching myself things, and being positive. My life is now amazing. I'm surrounded by people who love me and support me. All of the "ex cons" reading this, and people just interested in this thread, that label is b******t. We are human beings with feelings. We can change. Stay positive and stay hopeful. Never give up. All of my fellow Redditor's, one love.
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago
I wish you all the best. I hope someone reading this takes it to heart.
Jan Rosier 2 years ago
Great story. My takeaway is that OP got himself out of the hole in spite of his prison time - not thanks to his prison time.
megabeth 2 years ago
I have been the victim of violent crimes. Just getting that out of the way. Please research this topic further. I literally don't know where to begin. I will just say that our system is very broken. I'm glad OP was able to turn things around. The resiidivism rates, the amount of people incarcerated in the US is shameful. Seriously . Im not trying to get into some online battle. Just please spend 30 min researching this subject. OP was not a violent criminal. Second thought, nevermind. You won't care. It's ok. All the best to you.
Tamra 2 years ago
I absolutely agree with you that our incarceration system is appalling. For-profit prisons should not be a thing. I just watched a John Oliver piece last night about prisoner "healthcare". Disgusting and shameful, the whole situation.
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SuperChicken 2 years ago
I'm so happy for your new found self, if you will. Wishing you all the very best and all good things that life can bring. Enjoy life and be well.
Mark Alexander 2 years ago
For the 1st time in years of reading BP I created a login to comment. My son has been in for 5 years. VA is recalculation "time served." If we can simply accept people who acknowledge their f**k ups, the number of citizens we can recoup is inestimable
Will J Dochartaigh 2 years ago
I wish you the very best & continued success. Opportunity is there for any who chose to stay out & stay free, it’s an effort worth working at.
Norah Reilly 2 years ago
God bless you and all those who are striving to become more than they were.
RELATED:
#2
I didn't use a fork for a few weeks. Ate everything with a spoon without thinking. It's not the most interesting thing but I hadn't noticed it posted here.
Karen Startz Richardson 2 years ago
Ah! The good old 'spork'... ( I worked many, many years as a prison/ county jail nurse)
Fat Harry 2 years ago
I think you've missed the point. In prison they *only had a spoon*. Therefore on leaving prison it was natural to only use a spoon for everything.
Load More Replies... #3
staring at sharp things. Like theres no desire to use them innapropriatly but you are just kinda shocked they're there and available for use. You might be suprised what qualifies as a sharp object. I remember whenever someone tried to hand me a knife or something to cut veggies Id be afraid to touch it. Glass was the biggest thing though, just mirrors in all the bathrooms. real ones. I could smash that s**t and have a big jagged weapon, i cant believe this italian restraunt has such a dangerous thing in their bathroom.
stopping thinking of objects as weapons is hard
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
We weren't allowed a toothbrush or hairbrush in county jail.
Dolly_of TheCowboy 2 years ago
You get a kinda similar mindset after working locked psych units, especially forensic. Everything is a potential weapon, hiding place, ambush or escape route. Locking and checking doors multiple times before and after you go through them. Counting cutlery, crockery, napkins, personal care items, bed coverings in and out to make sure nothing went missing. Checking for concealed spaces/items in footwear, clothing and photo frames. Asking "do you have anything concealed or sharp on you?" every time. Mouth checks before and after medication administration. Emptying out "gifts" and "water" from visitors to check for drugs or sharps. Handover from the outgoing shift that X was mouthing off they were going to "get you" next shift so you are extra alert that day and listening for who is on their list for the next shift
Well, according to inexorable statistics, the United States is the world leader in incarceration, having over 1.8 million imprisoned just in 2023. At the same time, every year approximately 600 thousand people leave the prison gates - and they all need to somehow integrate into ordinary life. Alas, not everyone actually succeeds in this.
According to data from the Bureau of Justice Statistics (BJS), among prisoners released from jails in 34 states in the five-year period from 2012 to 2017, seventy percent were arrested again within the next five years. As for prisoners with juvenile records, here the recidivism rate is even higher - 80%. Yes, imprisonment has a strong influence on the human psyche, even too much...
#4
Doing laps. In prison, every time you get time on the yard, you do laps. Seriously, almost every single person does it too. When you get out, it's hard to break that habit.
Lauren Bridger 2 years ago
I did this alot in jail. There's not much room. You rarely get to go outside. It would help going to sleep because I tired my body out. I can sleep through anything now. Door bangs, fights, toilets, yelling, etc. Once I'm asleep I don't wake up for s**t.
#5
I find myself hoarding toilet paper under my bed. Sometimes I do it without thinking and I'll look under there and have 10 rolls of tp
#6
Hoard feminine hygiene products. We were super limited on the number of pads or tampons they gave us. They didn't give any to the women in holding cells. There was dried and fresh menstrual blood on the floor and concrete benches, and a drain in the middle of the rooms like they intended to hose down the room, but if they did it was not often enough.
MaryHadaLittleLamb 2 years ago
That is inhumane. Cruel and unusual punishment. Not to mention discriminatory, since only women receive this treatment.
TeenieMeanie 2 years ago
I’m surprised she got tampons. Most prisons only provide pads. Prisoners often resorted to making their own tampons out of pads and socks as back up pads.
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LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 years ago
I hope you mean "gross" as in "flagrant and extreme" (e.g., "gross injustice") and not "gross" as in "disgusting". Because a) menstrual blood is not inherently "disgusting", it's a completely natural function. and b) these women had no choice but to bleed their menstrual blood wherever they sat/stood/laid as they were not given/allowed adequate hygienic products, which IS "gross injustice". If you mean "gross" as in "disgusting", maybe learn some compassion for those who are unable to bleed primly and politely into tampons/onto pads.
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Roxy Eastland 2 years ago
A lot of these posts need to be clearly labelled as to which countries this is true in. I'm presuming this post is from an American, but is this true in the UK? Which other countries?
Many convicts in prison develop a large number of specific habits that are caused by constantly being in a closed space, the regulation of many aspects of their lives by third-party rules and, let's be honest, the constant presence of danger - after all, they are 24/7 surrounded by people who have also broken the law. Accordingly, after release, adapting to ordinary life can be very, very difficult.
#7
Taking as long as you want in the shower. For the longest time after I got out, I took less than 5 minute showers.
Christine welsh 2 years ago
not having a timer on your shower is amazing or having to wait for it to go off and sit for 5 mins and press it again , covered in soap lol
Der Kommissar 2 years ago (edited)
If you spend less time in the shower in prison, there is a smaller chance of getting raped. This seems obvious to me, less so to others.
Rebekah Krause 2 years ago
They literally limit your shower times in most facilities.
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Hokuloa 2 years ago (edited)
Really, that isn’t at all “normal” for most in the U.S. and I suspect elsewhere. It maybe *should* be, but most take longer. That said, I think you maybe missed the point. Ex-cons definitely get habitualized to not linger due to regulation and prudence.
Load More Replies... #8
I knew of a guy who got out after 15 years. He had to call a friend to come and let him out of his apartment. They'd go out, do some shopping or whatever and then his friend would "lock him up" for the night.
Dude could not work doors himself without irrational fear. He did get better after a few months, but I hear he still has trouble doing things independently.
Malfar 2 years ago
I know people (acquaintances of acquaintances) who committed new crimes simply because they couldn't get used to not having anyone manage their time for them
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
On an episode of Monk, the killer was identified as an ex-con because he paused in front of any closed door, until he remembered he didn't need a guard to open it.
SadieCat17 (she/her) 2 years ago (edited)
When going through a prolonged trauma, all you can do is force yourself to adapt to it, and when things are safe again, you don't know how to change back to who you were before. The associations and patterns written into your brain are too strong to ignore.
ANTIVICTORIA 2 years ago
It was a very rational fear. You're not allowed to touch doors in prison.
#9
Constantly looking over my shoulder. By far the hardest conditioning to break, which I haven't and doubt I ever will, is the constant pessimism and cautious optimism. You see, when you're waiting to work your way through court, get a deal, and get sentenced, you will have your dates changed 50 times, hope for certain things only to be disappointed, and any time you are told something hopeful it doesn't work out.
As a result, I never get excited for something until it actually happens. When my wife told me we were pregnant (I already knew from her symptoms that she was but still, you never know for sure till you take the test), I was obviously happy, but because I'm always cautiously optimistic and rarely show emotion, I couldn't feel comfortable or excited until I knew that my developing daughter was healthy. Even then, it didn't really hit me till she was born.
You can apply this to anything especially big events. Getting engaged, planning the wedding, buying a house, ANYTHING. I still hear from my wife how i wasn't crazy surprised or excited to be having a kid. I was, I actually was the half of the relationship who was dead set on a kid when my wife supposedly could've gone either way.
You just can't get your hopes up or look forward to anything until it is here or has happened. I've been home over 7 years now and with my wife for 6.5. She's truly the catalyst that motivated me to truly change my life and to not give any more of my life to the system, but she'll never know how happy she makes me because she misinterprets my cautious optimism/realism for pessimism or indifference.
Brainmas 2 years ago
Dude I feel this. I didn't spend much time in, but I went through trials and it was definitely unnerving to say the least. I had the same feeling during my own pregnancy as you described. I think it probably has more to do with how I was raised, but that c**p is what got me into the situation that got me locked up so. I always keep my expectations low, but I do get really excited when things work out.
Lauren Bridger 2 years ago
I still do this too, I push down any excitement because I don't believe it will happen, but when it gets to the day or so before I freak out and cant sleep and Jesus the anxiety. It's still hard for me to understand that butterflies/excitement isn't grenades/trauma. (Like my body doesn't recognize happy ,excited, enthusiasm anymore it's been used to being very traumatized and will take me back to scared.)
featherytoad 2 years ago
I'm 53 and have never been to prison but, I do this. I think it's also age. All those years of your life that you were disappointed when something didn't happen can also do this.
Yes, being in prison is a traumatic psychological experience for most people, and adaptation to normal life after release should ideally include therapy and a whole range of psychological support. Unfortunately, this does not always correspond to reality...
“The biggest problem is the criminal justice system, and the mental health system are not closely aligned,” VeryWell Mind quotes Robert Morgan, PhD, chair and John G. Skelton Jr., regents endowed professor in the Department of Psychological Sciences at Texas Tech University. “We need to teach [former inmates] system management and how to cope. We need to teach them about their mental illness and make sure that they know once they leave, they need to reconnect with the mental health system.” In an ideal world - yes. In real life - who knows?
#10
I don't smoke, but every time someone offered me a cig I would pocket it. on the inside thats a bartering chip, took me about a month or two to break
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
One cigarette sold for ten dollars in the prison I was in.
#11
Sounds like there’s a major epidemic of ex-prisoners with PTSD that society doesn’t talk about.
Ash 2 years ago
Not to mention that there is a significantly higher number of people in prison with mental health problems and mental disabilities than there is in the general population, simply because we have a terrible mental health culture and we criminalize things we should be treating instead...
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
Psychiatric units in the prison I was in used the inmates to test psychiatric drugs. They were taken off of whatever they were prescribed (cold-turkey) and put on new stuff long enough for the trials, taken off that, and given the new tester drug. Oddly enough, the psych units had some serious issues with their inmates.
Load More Replies... Sara Wilson 2 years ago
How could that BE tho?! Prison is there to REFORM them, so how could we have gotten it all so wrong?!
Will J Dochartaigh 2 years ago
Look up the history of “penitentiary” it’s a very interesting subject. Are prisoners locked up simply as punishment? Or to be reformed? The variety of ‘mission statements’ is so varied as to be almost laughable. John & Jane Public - prison and jail - do you know they’re quite different? Not just different names for same thing.
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Matthew Barabas 2 years ago
society has a very low amount of respect for people go went to jail. honestly, im fine with it. if i went to jail, then i deserve no respect.
helen gyamfi boateng 2 years ago
Much of the law abiding society have enough trouble on their plate and enough ptsd from stuff in their own lives to think of that of ex prisoners. I know some may be innocent but that's always the smallest percentage
Will J Dochartaigh 2 years ago
It’s definitely pertinent to the topic & it’s not something the average person would think of.
Temporary Dork 2 years ago
Yeah let's use the unfair 'justice' system in the US to punish people for a long time and then life after that. And don't you dare talk about it, because that's disrespectful to their victims. /s
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#12
Making prison commissary-only food. Everyone around me thinks it is gross as hell to throw summer sausages, pickles, cheese, doritos, cheetos, and such into my ramen noodles, but good lord, I can't stop, and I have been out for five years.
Hokuloa 2 years ago
Yeah, this includes people who have grown in poverty as well. Old habits are hard habits. Maybe tasty habits too!
Hilary Mol 2 years ago
Sometimes the best dishes come out of want and lack. We still have a few recipes we use frequently that my great-grandma invented during the Great Depression in the 1920's in the U.S. You make do with what you have, and you find a way to stretch it if there's more than one person to feed. And sometimes the food is just yummy and becomes a national dish - check out South Korea's "Army Base Stew", otherwise known as budae jjigae: truly a dish born from dire times and need.
Rosemary Booth 2 years ago
I like to make ramen noodles and dump about 1/2 of the water out, then mix in the chicken seasoning and a big spoonful of chunky peanut butter. My husband thinks it's disgusting, but he's wrong. Lol!
PeepPeep the duck 2 years ago
Rethinking a roommate my dad had in our units now as a teenager 😂 he did this,
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
Some commissary food is very good. It's amazing what people can come up with.
Prison life has always had its reflection in culture - suffice it to say that the first place in the IMDb Top 250 list has been occupied by The Shawshank Redemption for several decades. However, we do not know what mental problems Andy Dufresne faced after his glorious escape - and he spent almost twenty years behind bars. Maybe Stephen King will write a sequel about all this one day - and meanwhile we're looking forward to your own comments and maybe own stories below this list as well.
#13
A somewhat-friend of mine did a few years and the one habit he couldn't shake was distrusting people.
He said that people in prison are never nice, if they're nice it's because of a hidden motive. Up to this day he still doesn't trust people who act nice / generous / helpful / .. towards him.
Hilary Mol 2 years ago
My dad was always suspicious of people who acted that way toward him, from the time he was in high school. He never talked about it, but I'm guessing seeing "nice" as a red flag must have been a helpful mindset when he did eventually end up in prison decades later.
#14
A couple guys I know-after being out for 5-10 yrs- wrap their arms around their plates and shovel food in their mouths at the speed of light. They are also super defensive of their food. When I first got to know them I jokingly swiped a chip off one of their plates and he flipped his fork up and demanded I give it back, freaked me out a lil
Robert Trebor 2 years ago
After my first significant time at sea, I was home for a few days, and my mom asked me why my right arm was curled around my plate. I'm a leftie. The curled arm was to lift my plate to keep it level when the house rolled.
DarkViolet 2 years ago
I had to deal with that c**p in middle school. So, no, it's probably true.
Load More Replies... #15
Realising I could just get up and go somewhere. That I could make plans tomorrow from a thousand different choices.
Hard to break the habit of checking everyone who enters your vicinity. It feels like you’ve gotta mark everyone off as a non threat
Edit: I don’t care if you do that and you’ve never been to prison
SweetCheesySpaghetti 2 years ago
Love the edit here. People who have never been in a situation love to tell people who have how much they know about the situation they have never been in.
#16
Definitely sleeping habits. Still haven't broke them. Haven't slept a full night in over a decade. Any noise and my eyes are open and I'm wide awake. I can hear really well. A raccoon comes nightly to eat scraps and cat food and I can hear him crunching outside on the porch from bed on the opposite side of the house (roughly 60feet away). Wide awake.
PeepPeep the duck 2 years ago (edited)
Immensely, not from jail for me, but I’ve started using ear plugs recently and the occasional phanergan if I really want that buzz/fix of falling asleep and staying asleep all night, it’s a f*****g rush 😂 but yeah a needle could drop and I’m up and fully brain functioning ready to go, I didn’t realise how abnormal it is till I met my bf now, he can fall alseep in 2 minutes or less and stay asleep alll night and has done since he was a kid. I can’t imagine 😂
Load More Replies... DarkViolet 2 years ago
Man, that must be frustrating, being constantly on the alert. When you've done time behind bars, I guess it's to be expected. Literally sleeping with your back against the wall.
Nikki Angulo 2 years ago
Which is the opposite of what other people said about sleeping through anything. Interesting.
#17
All of this sounds eerily similar to be being deployed ....
Luke Branwen 2 years ago
Both involve putting desperate people into traumatizing situations full of dehumanization and violence, so I kinda see why.
SadieCat17 (she/her) 2 years ago
Obviously ptsd is a fair punishment for owning too many magic mushrooms /s
Richard Michael 2 years ago
The entire time I was inside I was thinking to myself, I should have just joined the military. If I can get through this, I could handle that.
#18
My ex would sleep a certain way all the time. To me it seemed like he was sleeping as if he was in a coffin,his arms crossed and wouldn’t move the entire night for a couple months. He eventually broke that habit.
Edit: a word
Awesome At Being Autistic 2 years ago
Yeah, I feel this. My prison "single bed" was about 15cm shorter than a regular single bed. I've been out for almost 3 years now, and I still freak out that I'm falling off my bed, even though it's a double bed now, and only me.
H0rny Cl!t Eating Lesbian 2 years ago
Thank God that he is your ex, can't imagine having an ex-con as a boyfriend, would probably turn violent and abuse you.
#19
My uncle was in prison for a while and we've talked a bit about his experience and how it effected him:
-He has a hard time not being violent. You'd never guess since he mainly just sits in a corner and smokes but he's been out for nearly ten years and still always struggles with using his words
-The guy cannot stand authority. He tells me that its hard to listen to bosses when you know you're probably smarter and tougher than them. He knows most people feel this way, but he just can't ignore it. He's taken up professional carving so he can be his boss.
-He's really in touch with our native roots now, on account of joining a first nations gang in prison.
-Doesn't talk much, I don't know if that's because of prison but he really only speaks if he wants to. Not the type of guy who likes to talk just to talk.
-Doesn't have a lot. He has some sort of abandonment issue or something so he doesn't want a lot of things to miss if he goes back to prison.
-For all the time he doesn't spend with people, he's out with nature or doing something in the wilderness. I think it helps keep him calm and feel connected.
Nice enough guy, but prison kind of f****d him up I think and he's going to live his life being slightly disconnected with people
PeepPeep the duck 2 years ago
I noticed a kitchen hand as a teenager in the restaurant I grew up in, he was so funny and cool and hot etc and then he ‘went away’ and a year later when he was back, he was overly reserved, not talking and fun like he used to be. Someone had to pull me aside and explain cos I was so young/naive and confused. He was only in for dealing a small amount of pot. Which is scary to think 1gram of weed means a year later youlll be a different person in a bad and sad way.
Rostit. . 2 years ago
fwiw, he likely did a bit more than that. No one gets locked up for a year over a gram of weed.
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#20
Not me personally but I know a guy that said after he got out he just wanted McDonald's. When he got there he spent 20 minutes staring at the menu trying to decide what to order because he wasn't used to having choices.
PeepPeep the duck 2 years ago
I have served people like this in restaurants 😆 they are darling. I just end up picking something for them. Based on a short list of questions like what do you hate and what do you love (like eg. do you hate cheese or love it, chicken or beef? )
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
My parents picked me up from the airport, and we went to Cracker Barrel. I got to eat fried eggs with bacon for the first time in eleven years. There was real silverware on the table. The glass was made of glass, and the coffee cup was ceramic. I was so overwhelmed by it all.
Cranky when UNcaffeinated 2 years ago
One of my family served in the military for many years and then stupidly did something he knew was illegal and went to prison for a few years, not sure of the amount exactly. He said it was just like coming out of the Corp. He didn't like having to decide what to wear, what to eat, when to eat, etc. So he went and bought blue jeans and all black tees and a pair of old combat boots. He still wears that same outfit everyday. Food still boggles his mind. I grocery shopped with him one day when I bumped into him at the freezer section and he had a cart full of ramen noodles, paper bowls, plastic spoons, Spam, peanut butter and white bread. But!!! He had 4 gallons of whole milk in the cart. Being lactose intolerant but loving dairy, I told him I was jealous he could drink it. He said, "I'll never be denied a drink of milk again as long as I live." and I remembered. I told him I completely understood but he said nope, not until you hear the door clatter. 😢
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#21
The hardest thing has been to talk without using the words f**k, f*****g or a*****e in every sentence.
Donkey boi 2 years ago
I think it's quite clear. A father, saying to his son, 'You should just reply to that f*****g, f**k and tell them that they are an arsehole'
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Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
I'm having the same problem, only I've never spent a day in prison; in the military, 'f*ck' is used like a comma.
Upstaged75 2 years ago
One summer when I came home from college my mom asked if I had actually been in prison or the Navy the whole year instead of living in a dorm. :) Apparently my friends and I swore a lot and I picked up the habit. I do still swear a lot, but I know when it's not appropriate to do it out loud.
Mark Reaves 2 years ago
I have no idea why my brain imagined a middle aged Italian man with a heavy accent swearing to his brother about the food they were eating at a restaurant.
MonicaChicagoGal 2 years ago
I've never been on the inside and I throw F bombs like footballs..
#22
I had to completely change my sense of time. I agree with all the people who said they ate super fast, but then we would slow walk back from the chow hall- any excuse for a few minutes more outside.
I made sure I never consolidated enjoyable things. If I had a snack- I ate it and concentrated on it. If there was something good on TV, I watched it. Now, I’ll snack while I watch a movie because there aren’t enough hours in the day- but on the inside I was trying to make hours and days go away.
I’ve got a good job now, and nice respectable friends, but I still react to confrontational situations more quickly, decisively and... efficiently than they do. I’m able to pull back at the last minute, but it’s pretty clear that violence is not a tool in their arsenal.
Becky Samuel 2 years ago
This stretching of things to fill time is so hard to explain to people who are working and keeping house and doing all the 'normal' things. When you have disabilities that make it impossible to achieve more than one or two things in a day, time stretches out like a vast void in front of you and it's hard to imagine how to fill the decades ahead without going completely nuts. All you can do is try not to think about it and do whatever it takes to get through right now.
#23
When my dad got out of prison (10+ years) we nicknamed him Martha Stewart because he was such a clean freak. His home looks like an ikea catalog, he has glass containers for his shoes, he wakes up early to iron/wash/scrub everything.
When I lived with him for a year, I was grounded so many times over leaving water drops in the sink.
SadieCat17 (she/her) 2 years ago
I have something similar that happens. After a stressful or traumatic event, I get the hardcore need for everything to be *right* and it isn't, I sometimes freak the f**k out. Poor guy is probably out of his mind trying to mentally stay together by physically making his world stable.
Daria 2 years ago
Same for me. No one around me gets how cleaning/tidying up/organizing stuff can be relaxing.
Load More Replies... #24
Not me - but guy who worked for me. When things were very busy, I would often get carry-out lunch for everyone and bring it back to the workplace. This one guy would eat a cheeseburger and french fries in two minutes. Wow! Once I asked him why he ate so quickly. He said "Well nobsforgma, I spent 7 years in a Federal prison and if you didn't eat your meal in 10 minutes, you didn't get anything. That 10 minutes often included the time it took standing in line to get your food." OK then. I never said anything to him about it after that.
SweetCheesySpaghetti 2 years ago
My husband spent some time in juvie over 25 years ago. He still eats his food like someone is about to steal it. I've never seen him take longer than 7 minutes to eat a meal. No matter how hard he tries, he's never been able to break the habit.
detective miller's hat 2 years ago
A friend stayed with me for a month after he got out of prison. He ate very fast, but he also always sat in such a way that it was obvious he was guarding his food--arms on either side of the plate and hunched forward.
Sandy Price 2 years ago
My husband inhales food and can sleep anywhere through anything. He was in the Navy.
Auntriarch 2 years ago
My father in law used eat with his arm round his plate, he'd been in the RAF.
Load More Replies... Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
The last unit to eat was often given less than five minutes to eat. Crohn's disease? Acid reflux? Oh well, get out. The kitchen is closed.
dan martyr 2 years ago (edited)
My father went to boarding school in the 50s and still eats like that now, finished before other people have sat down
#25
Not being able to goto the free infirmary when sick or hurt.
Brainmas 2 years ago
True, though the care in county was garbage. I got antidepressants really easily, but when I hurt my foot playing basketball was told they could xray it, but if they had to give me crutches, I'd have to be locked down because they could be used as a weapon and I'd lose my job, so I just tied my shoe really tight and tried not to limp in front on the guards. Also no one helped me get down there from the yard, I literally hopped on one foot the whole way.
#26
Not me but my best friend who spent 2/3 of her life locked up in juvie and prison: If she wanted a glass of water, she would ask permission.
Also, if we were at my apartment and we're gonna leave to go somewhere, she would stand behind the door and wait for me to open it. As if the door to my apartment was locked and only I had the keys.
RIP M
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 years ago
I lack any faith/beliefs (other than a firm conviction that the Rainbow Bridge is a real place where our beloved pets go after death) but I sincerely hope M is at peace now.
Robert Demers 2 years ago
Why can I only upvote once? This is exactly what I believe/hope. RIP Sukhi and M.
Load More Replies... Rostit. . 2 years ago
My ex was broken like that. she's dead now but she would do stuff like that. The last few years of her life she was in and out or prison, rehab or the hospital. It all finally caught up to her and her liver gave out at 35. shes finally free of it all so I think she is happy now.
#27
I spent 72 months in prison for a tragic car accident that I had caused. After I was released I kept telling my wife exactly what I was doing without her asking. She thought it was funny at first but after a few weeks of it she was starting to get bothered.
Donkey boi 2 years ago
Counting time is different when each day is the same.
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#28
Having your head on a swivel, protecting your personal property in an obsessive manner, and sizing everyone up. When I was locked up, I always knew what was going on 360 degrees around me. Only the last unit I was in had lockers with actually locks, so before that, I had to protect my commie, paperwork and books all the time. Most people would fight you to take your s**t because that is the respectful way to do it, but cat burglars are the worst; they sneak around and take s**t. They get f****d up by everyone when they get caught. It is code: you want my s**t, come get it. Not sneaking around and steal it. I’ve been out for almost a year and a half but I still constantly size people up. No matter where it is (grocery store, Walmart, walking down the street), I still analyze each person and figure my best course of action if we have to fight.
#29
Dude I work with said for the first little bit after getting out he would take a leg out of his pants when he’d s**t. Not sure how common that was, dude’s a fighter though, so maybe that had something to do with it.
SweetCheesySpaghetti 2 years ago
This makes total sense. Less vulnerable. Every time i read these I get so sad for the people needing to come up with these kinds of ways to protect themselves in the most ordinary of situations.
zak 2 years ago
If I'm at home, I take my pants off completely. It's much more comfortable not having your ankles tethered together.
Krystle Deschene 2 years ago
Tethered! That's the word I was looking for. Nope my brain comes up with "practically tied together" Thank you
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Krystle Deschene 2 years ago
So they can't get caught on the jon while doing a number 2. Literally woth the pants around the ankles. It's way harder to defend oneself when you legs are practically tied together in your pants and boxers. One leg out = the ability to move more freely just in case
Load More Replies... #30
Not wearing shoes in the shower. Eating with forks and knives. Having salt and pepper for food. Not always having to watch your back. Being able to get food when you want it, and just get up and leave to go for a drive or something.
#31
Hardest habit? Talking s**t to dum***s old men who think they're right cuz they're old. Easiest habit? I'm never eating top ramen or getting a bowl cut from a Mexican "barber" again
#32
Not an ex con but my step dad has been in and out of prison for the majority of his life, he always said that whenever he gets out of prison you're so use to to it being loud all the time that when he got home he couldn't sleep because it was so quiet.
Cranky when UNcaffeinated 2 years ago
My older brother is a trucker and cannot sleep at home. He's so used to the noise of the truck and vibration that sometimes on a home weekend, he still sleeps in the truck and goes home in the morning. His wife gets it but it sometimes aggravates her. He's lived in that thing for almost 12 years so that's home now.
Rosemary Booth 2 years ago
Scientists have found that vibrations and sound help improve sleep. There are now a variety of products such as bed frames, mattresses, mattress plates, etc. that produce sleep inducing vibrations. Your brother can also buy a white noise machine or try a white noise app.
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#33
Never been to prison. But i did a few months in county jail. Something i havnt seen mentioned is trading food. When i got out i asked my girlfried to trade me her chicken wings for my macorni. Pure habit. I really couldve just went to the kitchen and got more chicken
Stacy Carroll 2 years ago
Length of time incarcerated and the amount of liberties allowed.
Load More Replies... #34
Just knowing what I could do to someone who crosses me. Knowing just how badly I could f**k them up physically and mentally. I have to remind myself that "no, this person probably has a family, probably hasn't done anything wrong in his life, don't destroy him just because you can."
Becky Samuel 2 years ago
Being in touch with and understanding your personal 'monster' doesn't make you a bad person. You are much less likely to lose control and do something you'll regret if you can admit to yourself that you are capable of doing these things. Pretending that we are all sweet little kitties is ignoring the fact that cats are ferocious predators that will kill for fun.
J Adams 2 years ago
Sounds more like a brag than anything else. My dad drummed into my brothers that no matter how big and bad they think they are there will always be someone bigger and badder and it’s not those that run their mouths you have to be wary of because you can hear them coming it’s the quiet ones to worry about as there’s no warning of when they will flip
Persephone hates Pomegranate ️ 2 years ago
my bf is like this. he went to jail for a few months and is always trying to keep himself in check. we were out riding bikes one day and i got catcalled. i told him what happened, and he said :i could go f them up right now if you wanted me too." i told him no, that I was safe and because of where i had lived before i can take the catcalls and ignore them. he said later his mind went to a real dark place, and that he didn't know why he wanted to mess with the boys so badly. its hard for me to fully understand, but i hope being there for him helps.
What do you think ?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 years ago
I know our beloved Shyla, soft can-opener and servant of the lovely Bouche and Audi, has always been open about spending time in prison. Shyla, if you happen across this article and my comment, I truly truly hope that you feel a measure of peace now, with your fur-darlings/everything else in your life. I am always constantly wishing you all the best. Gah okay, I know that sounds like Facebook "thoughts and prayers", but what I REALLY mean is that I think of you and your kitties often and I hope you are all happy <3 I consider you a friend even though we have never met IRL. :)
Rens 2 years ago
This is a lot like it feels after finally getting out of an abusive relationship with a narcissistic ex. I still hoard things I wasn't allowed to have like nice body products, toilet paper. I still always put away my things so that they don't get broken or taken away; I am always hyper vigilant, don't like anyone being behind me; always look for the way to escape; I still get triggered by men shouting, loud noises, and I avoid confrontation because I don't know how I might react if I feel threatened. It's been 5 years and I live alone for a reason; I will also never let anyone have access to or control of my money/bank account.
Brainmas 2 years ago
I don't know why you got downvoted, because there is a similarity when you are being so completely controlled and dehumanized. I'll probably get downvoted too, but I did do a year in jail as well as my time in scary manipulative relationships. If I had to chose between jail and my ex, I'd go back to jail.
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Ryan-James O'Driscoll 2 years ago
I did some time in my country. It was massively traumatic. I don't say that because I expect anybody to sympathise with me, but simply because it was. It's not the "hotel" the media likes to portray it as, by any measure. Imprisonment is the punishment and it is horrible. It goes well beyond being put in a room and locked in. Dehumanising and abusive treatment by staff or other inmates is not. I fully agree that the victims of crime are the main people who matter. But that shouldn't mean that retribution is the best focus of the justice system. The countries that have the lowest rates of recividism are those who treat their prisoners the most humanely. For my part, the prison staff I dealt with were professional and affable. They weren't there to make friends, but they weren't there to make lives difficult either. Being treated as a person made prison something I could build from and turn my life around from.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 years ago
I do sympathize and I hope you are doing okay/better now! I have not been incarcerated, but I have struggled with substance abuse (yay drugs) for many years and while it is NOT the same thing, I know what it is like to be in a shítty situation that you really, really want to get out of, but can't (without help of some kind.) Again, not nearly the same thing, but you have my empathy. You paid your dues, and you deserve some peace now. (I was sober/in recovery for nearly a year but recently relapsed due to relationship/family stresses. Good times.)
Load More Replies... Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
One of the oddest things about getting out was the color. People walking around in clothing of every color under the sun, sometimes all at once! After eleven years of beige and grey (with a little brown, black, or white for variety), it was shocking. Other than some clothes my mom bought me before I got out, every clothing item I own is colored, down to my panties. My living room is green. I have purple furniture. I have pictures on the walls. Even the cats have brightly colored toys. I can't get enough of color.
Chicken Nugget 2 years ago
These things are exactly why we need to 'rehabilitate' (that doesn't seem like the right word to use for a human being, but I can't think of a better one) people instead of just locking them away. Give them a fighting chance to be and do better.
The Original Bruno 2 years ago (edited)
Forget what you THINK you know about U.S. prisons. I did prison ministry and the prisons weren't much worse than my state university. It's the jails that are horrible. Which makes no sense to me because prisons are for convicts and jails are for people awaiting trial or who committed minor crimes with short sentences. I also think it's stupid that prisoners are allowed to body build all day long. The guards terrible job of guarding leads to race-based gangs. But the worst thing about U.S. regarding prisons is that so many people figure prison rape is a form of justice; it's the worst of the worst committing that crime and least of the worst suffering from it. Oh, and the Green Mile and the Shawshank Redemption bear no reality to anything I ever saw or heard about, at least in modern America.
The Original Bruno 2 years ago (edited)
I had a very time watching Mitch and Cam on Modern Family because Cam didn't remind me of any gay man I knew but instead he reminded me so much of ... how do I put this ... the men who became the designated women in the prison. Not gay men. Not transgenders. Straight men who were so repeatedly raped so often they basically became permanently disassociated.
Load More Replies...
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 2 years ago
My two best friends are at USPs for some 20 now, makes me wonder how theyd do out here especially since they were incarcerated at a very young age
Yellow King 2 years ago
I miss the ‘looking behind me before I pick up the soap in the shower’.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 years ago
I know our beloved Shyla, soft can-opener and servant of the lovely Bouche and Audi, has always been open about spending time in prison. Shyla, if you happen across this article and my comment, I truly truly hope that you feel a measure of peace now, with your fur-darlings/everything else in your life. I am always constantly wishing you all the best. Gah okay, I know that sounds like Facebook "thoughts and prayers", but what I REALLY mean is that I think of you and your kitties often and I hope you are all happy <3 I consider you a friend even though we have never met IRL. :)
Rens 2 years ago
This is a lot like it feels after finally getting out of an abusive relationship with a narcissistic ex. I still hoard things I wasn't allowed to have like nice body products, toilet paper. I still always put away my things so that they don't get broken or taken away; I am always hyper vigilant, don't like anyone being behind me; always look for the way to escape; I still get triggered by men shouting, loud noises, and I avoid confrontation because I don't know how I might react if I feel threatened. It's been 5 years and I live alone for a reason; I will also never let anyone have access to or control of my money/bank account.
Brainmas 2 years ago
I don't know why you got downvoted, because there is a similarity when you are being so completely controlled and dehumanized. I'll probably get downvoted too, but I did do a year in jail as well as my time in scary manipulative relationships. If I had to chose between jail and my ex, I'd go back to jail.
Load More Replies... Ryan-James O'Driscoll 2 years ago
I did some time in my country. It was massively traumatic. I don't say that because I expect anybody to sympathise with me, but simply because it was. It's not the "hotel" the media likes to portray it as, by any measure. Imprisonment is the punishment and it is horrible. It goes well beyond being put in a room and locked in. Dehumanising and abusive treatment by staff or other inmates is not. I fully agree that the victims of crime are the main people who matter. But that shouldn't mean that retribution is the best focus of the justice system. The countries that have the lowest rates of recividism are those who treat their prisoners the most humanely. For my part, the prison staff I dealt with were professional and affable. They weren't there to make friends, but they weren't there to make lives difficult either. Being treated as a person made prison something I could build from and turn my life around from.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 years ago
I do sympathize and I hope you are doing okay/better now! I have not been incarcerated, but I have struggled with substance abuse (yay drugs) for many years and while it is NOT the same thing, I know what it is like to be in a shítty situation that you really, really want to get out of, but can't (without help of some kind.) Again, not nearly the same thing, but you have my empathy. You paid your dues, and you deserve some peace now. (I was sober/in recovery for nearly a year but recently relapsed due to relationship/family stresses. Good times.)
Load More Replies... Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
One of the oddest things about getting out was the color. People walking around in clothing of every color under the sun, sometimes all at once! After eleven years of beige and grey (with a little brown, black, or white for variety), it was shocking. Other than some clothes my mom bought me before I got out, every clothing item I own is colored, down to my panties. My living room is green. I have purple furniture. I have pictures on the walls. Even the cats have brightly colored toys. I can't get enough of color.
Chicken Nugget 2 years ago
These things are exactly why we need to 'rehabilitate' (that doesn't seem like the right word to use for a human being, but I can't think of a better one) people instead of just locking them away. Give them a fighting chance to be and do better.
The Original Bruno 2 years ago (edited)
Forget what you THINK you know about U.S. prisons. I did prison ministry and the prisons weren't much worse than my state university. It's the jails that are horrible. Which makes no sense to me because prisons are for convicts and jails are for people awaiting trial or who committed minor crimes with short sentences. I also think it's stupid that prisoners are allowed to body build all day long. The guards terrible job of guarding leads to race-based gangs. But the worst thing about U.S. regarding prisons is that so many people figure prison rape is a form of justice; it's the worst of the worst committing that crime and least of the worst suffering from it. Oh, and the Green Mile and the Shawshank Redemption bear no reality to anything I ever saw or heard about, at least in modern America.
The Original Bruno 2 years ago (edited)
I had a very time watching Mitch and Cam on Modern Family because Cam didn't remind me of any gay man I knew but instead he reminded me so much of ... how do I put this ... the men who became the designated women in the prison. Not gay men. Not transgenders. Straight men who were so repeatedly raped so often they basically became permanently disassociated.
Load More Replies... Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 2 years ago
My two best friends are at USPs for some 20 now, makes me wonder how theyd do out here especially since they were incarcerated at a very young age
Yellow King 2 years ago
I miss the ‘looking behind me before I pick up the soap in the shower’.
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