Teenager Is Expected To “Give Up His Freedom” Until He’s 21 To Take Care Of His Baby Brother
Some time ago, Reddit user A-Lot-Like-Birds had been babysitting his young brother. 17 at the time, he was sacrificing virtually all other aspects of his life, and although his mom paid him for it, the money was minuscule compared to the number of hours he was putting in. However, when the teen brought it up, saying that he wants to move on and start building his own future, the woman didn’t take it well and they got into a huge fight.
This teenager had been looking after his baby brother full-time for more than half a year
Image credits: vedrana2701 (not the actual photo)
And while his mom had been paying him, he confronted her because he thought it wasn’t enough
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Image credits: A-Lot-Like-Birds
Image credits: Danik Prihodko (not the actual photo)
You can understand why OP’s mom wants him to help. The world has changed a lot over the last few years due to the pandemic and economic struggles, and families have felt the shift when it comes to managing their households as well. Making matters worse, nearly 9,000 U.S. daycares closed in 37 states between December 2019 to March 2021, according to findings from a new 2022 survey by ChildCare Aware.
Parents continue to struggle to pay for child care. In fact, 59% are more concerned about its costs now than in years prior, which is driving significant changes, such as taking on a second job (31%), reducing hours at work (26%), changing jobs (25%), and leaving the workforce entirely (21%), just to foot the bill.
But while there’s nothing wrong with asking your son to help look after his baby brother once in a while, expecting him to put in 50-60 hours per week, month after month and year after year for just $150 sounds quite bad.
The national average cost of a nanny for one child averaged $694 per week or about $17.35 per hour.
Image credits: Lukas (not the actual photo)
People supported the teenager and advised him to move out as soon as he could
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NTA. A 17 yo shouldn't be wasting the best years of their life raising kids they didn't choose to have.
Exactly. Not his kid, not his responsibility. As an older sibling it's natural you might be expected to help out occasionally, but watching your siblings every day is not fair.
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I know exactly how this kid feels except I had to take care of 3 brothers and 1 sister all the time and I didn't get paid my egg doner said that it was my job to care for my siblings and when I turned 18 I tried to move out and my mom wouldn't let me but with the awesome help of so teachers at my school and a police officer I was able to finally escape and never looked back
That’s what I’m saying too! He needs to call the cops or cps. She’s abandoning her baby with another minor. That’s neglect.
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As the eldest of my siblings of a mother who kept getting new baby-daddies and having more children than she could afford (because she wanted a big family as she was an only child), this hits home too much for me. I don't know what the effing deal is for these "parents" to auto-obligate the oldest child to care for the littles at the sacrifice of the oldest ability to prepare for independence?
There's a difference between helping out around the house, especially for anyone over 18 and living at home. There should be an expectation of helping and contributing. But that isn't in the form of being a parent so the actual parent doesn't have to be. This isn't helping, it's servitude. Not only that but she's stifling your ability to live a positive and healthy life in order to fit her needs. Get out asap. Don't ask...just let her know she's going to need to arrange day care for the baby because you are applying to jobs. Try to find something with a bus stop nearby, or somewhere close enough that you can walk there. Let her throw a fit. She can't kick you out legally until you are 18. Don't back down. Save as much as you possibly can. 2 weeks or so before you turn 18 start looking for an apt with roommates or take up your friends' offer. Once you have enough money saved for classes you can call Driver's ed and use one of their cars. Then save up for a used car.
This could be taking place over the summer, or he could have a late birthday and graduated, graduated early, lots of reasonable options.
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I have a 15yo and I am about to have a new baby. I also have an 11yo. Neither of them will be the babysitter unless they want to help, and I intend to pay them. This is their childhood...
I hope you won’t pay them a small wage. Childcare is expensive and it’s more than fair to pay them a fair wage if they’re doing everything for you.
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I went on Reddit hoping for an update on his decision. His AITA was posted 2 years ago.
Oh gosh dear one - please grab a lifeline offered and be brave - start your own life. Your family will suck the life out of you as you are already feeling. I took care of my sister and the house when my mother died when I was 10. My dad didn’t know what to do with us and left us to our own devices basically but I was always a responsible kid. I made sacrifices and gave up opportunities, and later I found out my efforts weren’t actually appreciated. It was heartbreaking. It’s a sad situation but your baby brother is absolutely 100% not your responsibility. You are kind and caring and you deserve the best life - go out and take it!
How are you going to school babysitting 60 hours a week? Or have you graduated already? Or has that been put in the "someday" column too? When you turn 18, I would run as fast and as far as my fat little legs would carry me.
I had to go thru this with my nephew except less pay and more hours sometimes my sister would forget about us and leave us overnight in our false address (real house had terrible school so address was about 20 minutes in a different district) even on her days off I'd have to watch him I'd get 40 dollars a week to watch him for 70+ hours and most of the time I didn't even get paid
Poor lad he's basically a parent. He should be out living his life. Having kids is extremely hard work and I feel for this lad and his brother who doesn't appear to get much time with his actual parents
NTA. I sincerely hope to [insert deity of your choice here] that the Reddit poster found actual help, not this abuse and free labor. The minimum wage is almost 3x that!
Getting birth certificate and social security card from this mother is not going to be easy. You need those documents.
Holy moly. This kid needs to form an escape plan and get out of there as soon as possible after turning 18.
NTA- helping family is one thing. But your mom is in the wrong. I was making a $150 a week babysitting- 30 years ago!!!! I paid $175 a week for daycare- 25 years ago. When ANYONE in your life starts demanding or just expecting you to do whatever they want is garbage behavior. Your mom needs to grow up. It's not fair to you.
Damn I hope this kid makes it out ok… mom is using them.
What is that, like $3.75 / hour for 40 hours and 50 hours would be around $3.00 / hourly ??? What a f*****g ripoff and on her own kid.
I think that the young man needs to wise up and take one of his friend’s offer in staying with them. His mom is essentially using and exploiting him. What I’d like to know is what is she doing while he’s spending most of his youth being his brother’s parent. I’m all for supporting family but I’m totally against exploiting family and camouflaging it as love and sacrifice. She and the father are the ones who produced the baby so they as they adults should take care of their own responsibilities. The kid is 17 and shouldn’t be robbed of his prime years because she wants to pop out babies but not raise them. Very irresponsible on her part. He needs to get a sense of direction and act on it fast. God bless him because he’s a lot nicer than I am.
I'm so angry at your mom I can't see straight but don't do anything rash. You need to have a plan in place! Decide what you want, make a plan, set goals to help you achieve this plan. Find an entry level job with a future or enroll in community college. You can learn trades not just degrees at community college and you can get student loans. It will be much easier to deal with your mother when you are working towards a goal not just what ifs. I can't see your mom denying you a higher education or a career. Do you have other family grandparents, aunts uncles you can ask for direction, or rides?
NTA your mom and stepdad are. This is their child, not your responsibility. The fact they have isolated you and expect you to take on their responsibility as parents is a form of abuse. They had no business having a child if they weren't able to care for it. You need to start planning on how to get the heck out of there and get on with YOUR life. The financial responsibility is THEIR PROBLEM, NOT YOURS! The choice to have another child with the new husband was your mom's, her problem. Good luck, as it appears new baby is more important.
I was kicked out of my house as soon as I turned 18yrs old, but still had 3 months of highschool to go. On my 18th birthday I was told I needed to pay 200 dollars a week or move out. I moved out and the relationship with my family suffered for a couple years then we all got over it. I tell you this for one reason. You need to stick to your guns and tell your family either pay me more or I'm getting a job. If they refuse to pay more go get a job and move out as soon as you are 18. It is not your responsibility, you did not have the child your mother did and I understand your feelings on helping your mom. However, it is not a child's responsibility to take care of parent responsibilities it is the adults responsibility to take care of their children until those children become adults and go out into the world. Be aware that standing your ground and doing some adulting may cause some stiff in your relationship with your family but in the end you all will get over it.
NTA. That was me 25 years ago. Unfortunately you have to choose yourself and future. I do recommend you think about what you want for yourself besides your freedom. I left to go to college, experienced debt, homelessness, worked FT and went to school at night. All of it was worth it, and ultimately allowed me to be of more assistance to my family than if I would have stayed. No regrets. You deserve your freedom, but make it worthwhile don’t get a dead in job - get a skill and be a role model for baby brother l!
You're two months from your 18th. That means you can bank $1200 between now and then. I'd say start calling those friends of yours that are offering to let you bunk with them and set something up NOW. Then you need to bounce on the day of your birthday.
Call CPS ......that's not your child and you're done taking care of a child you didn't create.... Please leave
Don't wait till your 18 birthday, leave. Get your birth certificate, social and take anything else you can. Not much she could do considering your two months away. I would also consider speaking to the police as well. This helping to keep safe from your mother, as she may report you as a run away. Maybe they will look in on your brother. Do not give notice, if you have to take your brother with you, plus documents. Call CPS yourself and hand him over to them.
If you have not graduated high school, use the few months before you move out to get your GED. I can’t stress enough how having a high school diploma or equivalent will positively impact you in the future. It might even be worth staying in your current situation a few months longer to get it.
How would they be in high school watching a kid for 10 hours a day for 5 days? Either he graduated already or dropped out.
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NTA, unfortunately I was in the exact same situation. I couldn't leave until much much later in life so I essentially raised both my siblings, they're much older now and both recognize that I pretty much raised them myself so our relationships are pretty strong but deep down I still resent my mother for having stolen several of my childhood years by guilt tripping or straight up demanding I watch or care for my siblings. Pack your stuff and leave or you'll regret it later and feel resentment towards your mother, save yourself the energy and just get out.
This article was somehow of a trigger to me. I was heavily parentified (a cultural thing in Brazil and many other Latin countries) with not only one, but 2 siblings. I was able to get out when I got married at 25. Fortunately, my mom supported me going to university and getting my degree, but all my free time was used for chores and babysitting. I think parents who PLAN to have kids with a huge age gap counting with this free babysitting BS are huge AH's. It wasn't the case with my parents, but the results were the same. I'm ashamed to admit I was resentful of my siblings for many years because of my situation, but I did my best to take good care of them.
Boy am I glad my sister and I are only 4 years apart. I don't believe for one second my mom would have ever pulled this kind of sh*t. She was way too invested in the raising and early education of both of us. But stories like this make me realise just how fortunate I am. It also gives me a greater appreciation for the close ages between my sister and I. We were and still are great friends and we do all sorts of things together. I can imagine with a 15+ year age gap there's not a lot they can relate with each other on.
Omg this mother us definately taking advantage of her term son and I definately think this is a form of abuse especially since she runs the show. I didn’t hear anything about this teen being able to go to school and the baby’s mother and father are the parents and are responsible fully for the baby. I don’t know how this mother abd father since he’s allowing this to happen could do this to this teen and it dies t say much fir their concern for this baby either. Why do people like this have another baby if they can’t handle taking care of the babies y. This teen needs to be in school and be able to prepare and continue his own life ventures that’s normal for him at this age. He has mo social life or outlet or contact with friends. Did this mother ever father ever think how these feel in thus situation as many people said if this teeen wants to help out here and there that great but this is completely over the top robbing him of a normal life and taking big time advantage of him.
He needs to get out. NOW. I was bullied/brainwashed by my abusers (mom & her second husband) into always caring for my younger siblings. It became burned into my brain. I'm now 46, both siblings live with me due to their "conditions" and I've never had my own life. I even raised my sister's daughter! ( No regrets there. She's an amazing 19 year old thanks to me!) But my overwhelming forced responsibility cripples me at the idea of just walking away now, knowing my siblings will most likely end up on the streets.
I completely agree with what everyone here is saying. But I also worry about the little brother, who is still a toddler. Not the OP's problem, ofc. But I hope the little one makes it through okay, too.
NTA Save up as much as you can while you wait to turn 18 and graduate. After that get a job and arrange for whatever kind of job training you plan on... Apprenticeship, Courses for Electrician, Welder, Cabinetmaker.... College if that is required for the career field you want to pursue. As long as you live under her roof you have to abide by her rules. Once you turn 18 you are a legal adult and can move out ... There is no way for her to force you to remain her child care provider until you are 21 unless you stay living there.
You sound very mature, definitely mature enough to begin your independent life. You don't need to feel any guilt, that's not fair of them to put it on you. It might actually (eventually) improve your relationship with your mom to be living separately, it really helped mine at 19. Your siblings parents can hire someone else and It will cost more, but fr you did them a FAVOR agreeing to watch him for so little. Do what's in your heart, so you don't look back with regret. I'm rooting for you!
3/3: OP should then show his parents the responses received by others when he asked AITA. Those comments will be an eye-opener to them bc they have convinced themselves that they are justified in forcing OP to raise their child for them for practically no money, and are effectively depriving OP of his own life pursuits due to their poor choices. While OP's story was told respectfully and with a palpable love for his baby brother, others were (understandably) not quite so nice about his situation. I hope OP's parents work with him on this. I suspect the real reason his mom did not take him for his driver's permit is the high cost of adding him to their insurance. OP should point out that if his parents pay him a fair wage for his work (and PT work on his days off), he could more easily cover that cost himself. I just hope he doesn't just up and move out when he turns 18 w/o a job or a solid plan. Savings get used fast when you're on your own, and might cause separation issues for the ba
2/3: There may be a way to do both so everyone involved is at least satisfied, if everyone is reasonable. OP should gather info. re going rate(s) for FT child care services in his area (in-home and day cares) for the no. of hours parents need them. Include any extra costs charged by others for any housekeeping or other additional services that he provides. He should compare the two apples to apples as much as possible to show what his help costs in the real world of parenting. He can then give his parents the choice of (1) OP choosing to move out after turning 18 to pursue his life interests/goals and a career, including solid offers to live with friends; or (2) work with OP to find a compromise, such as agreeing to watch baby brother for 3 days/week while a different babysitter cares for him the other days, conditioned upon their assistance in getting his driver's license ASAP so he can enjoy his days off AND help with errands for parents on days he works--banking, groceries/Rx pickup
1/3: There is a silver lining here for OP. This experience is actually making him a far better man than he might otherwise have been. The responsibilities that have been forced upon him have taught him at an early age what some men never learn: how to run a household and consistently provide full-time care for a child from birth. The knowledge he has gained from performing these duties will make him a popular roommate and a stellar life partner. How many young men do we know who have even attempted, let alone succeeded, at this? He is mature beyond his years and likely has a great future ahead of him. In the meantime, he is his brother's primary caregiver, so I imagine he does not want to lose that bond they have created, or to have his baby brother suddenly deprived of OP's existence in his life if this situation eventually causes a break in his relationship with his parents when OP wants to live his own life. There may be a way to do both so everyone involved is satisfied, if not ha
Ridiculous. The mother is using him and you know it. He is 17 and should be being a kid. Mama and pops need to act their age and raise that baby especially for the fact that they had no problem engaging in acts that warrant pregnancy.
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I was in similar situation but instead I wasn't paid and it was all my teenage years spent on being a mom. Had no achievements and no friends as I wasn't able to spend my time for me. The down side of this is that I became bitter towards my mother but helped anyway. As soon as I got 18 I moved out. But now years later that I am a mother myself I understand how difficult child rearing can be. Still, you have to live your life and not try to fix hers, if you believe at any point the baby is poorly cared for or is in danger, don't leave him alone as you love him, otherwise, your mother needs to step up and do what is her duty. You can tell her that you could visit if it suits you but consider that this may make relations with her worse. Either way it most likely will but you will have it harder if you wait till you're 21 to live your life.
I feel so bad for this kid and for the baby who has such irresponsible and horrible parents.
This is mixed, your making what you'd be making in three world, especially if your wanting to lent a room. No, rent, food, bills, plus 150 makes it well over 300 to 400$ a week, but being a kid wanting more freedom, your young . Your young life looks great, freedom is enticing.
Most of these posts have alternate answers. Hopefully this one didn't have anyone fully supporting the mom's side of things. NTA. Hope he got out of their
Not your Circus. Not your Monkeys. Your mother needs to ask herself if she actually loves and cares about you or if she is just a self serving Narcissist.
It's a learning curve. Think about it before you decide to have children of your own! All The Best!
I'd tell mom that she has two months until her son turns 18 so she better figure out childcare by then because it won't be him. He'll be gone.
Bad idea. This mom sounds like she might sabotage his attempts to leave.
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$600 a month doesn't allow you to save up for a car? Time you lower your expectations for a first car, however when you are 18 you can move out and should at least try and get your own full time job...on that point, you really aren't your brothers keeper when you have two parents alive.
He may have been required to pay for his own food, clothing, etc. It wouldn't surprise me in the least; his mother sounds like a 14-carat unfit mother.
Load More Replies... "The national average cost of a nanny for one child averaged $694 per week or about $17.35 per hour" I had a daycare for twenty years before COVID forced me to close. I was paid $100 a week for an infant. So your numbers are NOT the REAL national average. You make money by watching more than one kid. This young man could watch a couple other kids to get more money or he can move out when he turns 18 but he needs to stop whining about helping his mother out. Would she pay a daycare more? Probably. Is helping his family out in hard times hindering his teenage life? Of course it is. I think they're both azzholes. Mom should pay more and he should recognize life doesn't revolve around him and family helps family during hard times. Move out. Walk away. That's what he's asking permission to do. Of course it's time for him to move out and tend to himself. He's considered a man at 18. Join the Marines. Just stop whining about helping out family during a world wide disaster.
How do you know that's not the national average just because you got something different? That's not how averages work, especially since there are still places in this nation, like wherever you are, that don't pay childcare workers properly.
Load More Replies... Um... this kid is being forced to take care of a baby that isn't his and he came to the internet to ask for advice on how to get out of a horrible and borderline abusive situation. That's why people are taking his side.
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NTA. A 17 yo shouldn't be wasting the best years of their life raising kids they didn't choose to have.
Exactly. Not his kid, not his responsibility. As an older sibling it's natural you might be expected to help out occasionally, but watching your siblings every day is not fair.
Load More Replies... I know exactly how this kid feels except I had to take care of 3 brothers and 1 sister all the time and I didn't get paid my egg doner said that it was my job to care for my siblings and when I turned 18 I tried to move out and my mom wouldn't let me but with the awesome help of so teachers at my school and a police officer I was able to finally escape and never looked back
That’s what I’m saying too! He needs to call the cops or cps. She’s abandoning her baby with another minor. That’s neglect.
Load More Replies... As the eldest of my siblings of a mother who kept getting new baby-daddies and having more children than she could afford (because she wanted a big family as she was an only child), this hits home too much for me. I don't know what the effing deal is for these "parents" to auto-obligate the oldest child to care for the littles at the sacrifice of the oldest ability to prepare for independence?
There's a difference between helping out around the house, especially for anyone over 18 and living at home. There should be an expectation of helping and contributing. But that isn't in the form of being a parent so the actual parent doesn't have to be. This isn't helping, it's servitude. Not only that but she's stifling your ability to live a positive and healthy life in order to fit her needs. Get out asap. Don't ask...just let her know she's going to need to arrange day care for the baby because you are applying to jobs. Try to find something with a bus stop nearby, or somewhere close enough that you can walk there. Let her throw a fit. She can't kick you out legally until you are 18. Don't back down. Save as much as you possibly can. 2 weeks or so before you turn 18 start looking for an apt with roommates or take up your friends' offer. Once you have enough money saved for classes you can call Driver's ed and use one of their cars. Then save up for a used car.
This could be taking place over the summer, or he could have a late birthday and graduated, graduated early, lots of reasonable options.
Load More Replies... I have a 15yo and I am about to have a new baby. I also have an 11yo. Neither of them will be the babysitter unless they want to help, and I intend to pay them. This is their childhood...
I hope you won’t pay them a small wage. Childcare is expensive and it’s more than fair to pay them a fair wage if they’re doing everything for you.
Load More Replies... I went on Reddit hoping for an update on his decision. His AITA was posted 2 years ago.
Oh gosh dear one - please grab a lifeline offered and be brave - start your own life. Your family will suck the life out of you as you are already feeling. I took care of my sister and the house when my mother died when I was 10. My dad didn’t know what to do with us and left us to our own devices basically but I was always a responsible kid. I made sacrifices and gave up opportunities, and later I found out my efforts weren’t actually appreciated. It was heartbreaking. It’s a sad situation but your baby brother is absolutely 100% not your responsibility. You are kind and caring and you deserve the best life - go out and take it!
How are you going to school babysitting 60 hours a week? Or have you graduated already? Or has that been put in the "someday" column too? When you turn 18, I would run as fast and as far as my fat little legs would carry me.
I had to go thru this with my nephew except less pay and more hours sometimes my sister would forget about us and leave us overnight in our false address (real house had terrible school so address was about 20 minutes in a different district) even on her days off I'd have to watch him I'd get 40 dollars a week to watch him for 70+ hours and most of the time I didn't even get paid
Poor lad he's basically a parent. He should be out living his life. Having kids is extremely hard work and I feel for this lad and his brother who doesn't appear to get much time with his actual parents
NTA. I sincerely hope to [insert deity of your choice here] that the Reddit poster found actual help, not this abuse and free labor. The minimum wage is almost 3x that!
Getting birth certificate and social security card from this mother is not going to be easy. You need those documents.
Holy moly. This kid needs to form an escape plan and get out of there as soon as possible after turning 18.
NTA- helping family is one thing. But your mom is in the wrong. I was making a $150 a week babysitting- 30 years ago!!!! I paid $175 a week for daycare- 25 years ago. When ANYONE in your life starts demanding or just expecting you to do whatever they want is garbage behavior. Your mom needs to grow up. It's not fair to you.
Damn I hope this kid makes it out ok… mom is using them.
What is that, like $3.75 / hour for 40 hours and 50 hours would be around $3.00 / hourly ??? What a f*****g ripoff and on her own kid.
I think that the young man needs to wise up and take one of his friend’s offer in staying with them. His mom is essentially using and exploiting him. What I’d like to know is what is she doing while he’s spending most of his youth being his brother’s parent. I’m all for supporting family but I’m totally against exploiting family and camouflaging it as love and sacrifice. She and the father are the ones who produced the baby so they as they adults should take care of their own responsibilities. The kid is 17 and shouldn’t be robbed of his prime years because she wants to pop out babies but not raise them. Very irresponsible on her part. He needs to get a sense of direction and act on it fast. God bless him because he’s a lot nicer than I am.
I'm so angry at your mom I can't see straight but don't do anything rash. You need to have a plan in place! Decide what you want, make a plan, set goals to help you achieve this plan. Find an entry level job with a future or enroll in community college. You can learn trades not just degrees at community college and you can get student loans. It will be much easier to deal with your mother when you are working towards a goal not just what ifs. I can't see your mom denying you a higher education or a career. Do you have other family grandparents, aunts uncles you can ask for direction, or rides?
NTA your mom and stepdad are. This is their child, not your responsibility. The fact they have isolated you and expect you to take on their responsibility as parents is a form of abuse. They had no business having a child if they weren't able to care for it. You need to start planning on how to get the heck out of there and get on with YOUR life. The financial responsibility is THEIR PROBLEM, NOT YOURS! The choice to have another child with the new husband was your mom's, her problem. Good luck, as it appears new baby is more important.
I was kicked out of my house as soon as I turned 18yrs old, but still had 3 months of highschool to go. On my 18th birthday I was told I needed to pay 200 dollars a week or move out. I moved out and the relationship with my family suffered for a couple years then we all got over it. I tell you this for one reason. You need to stick to your guns and tell your family either pay me more or I'm getting a job. If they refuse to pay more go get a job and move out as soon as you are 18. It is not your responsibility, you did not have the child your mother did and I understand your feelings on helping your mom. However, it is not a child's responsibility to take care of parent responsibilities it is the adults responsibility to take care of their children until those children become adults and go out into the world. Be aware that standing your ground and doing some adulting may cause some stiff in your relationship with your family but in the end you all will get over it.
NTA. That was me 25 years ago. Unfortunately you have to choose yourself and future. I do recommend you think about what you want for yourself besides your freedom. I left to go to college, experienced debt, homelessness, worked FT and went to school at night. All of it was worth it, and ultimately allowed me to be of more assistance to my family than if I would have stayed. No regrets. You deserve your freedom, but make it worthwhile don’t get a dead in job - get a skill and be a role model for baby brother l!
You're two months from your 18th. That means you can bank $1200 between now and then. I'd say start calling those friends of yours that are offering to let you bunk with them and set something up NOW. Then you need to bounce on the day of your birthday.
Call CPS ......that's not your child and you're done taking care of a child you didn't create.... Please leave
Don't wait till your 18 birthday, leave. Get your birth certificate, social and take anything else you can. Not much she could do considering your two months away. I would also consider speaking to the police as well. This helping to keep safe from your mother, as she may report you as a run away. Maybe they will look in on your brother. Do not give notice, if you have to take your brother with you, plus documents. Call CPS yourself and hand him over to them.
If you have not graduated high school, use the few months before you move out to get your GED. I can’t stress enough how having a high school diploma or equivalent will positively impact you in the future. It might even be worth staying in your current situation a few months longer to get it.
How would they be in high school watching a kid for 10 hours a day for 5 days? Either he graduated already or dropped out.
Load More Replies... NTA, unfortunately I was in the exact same situation. I couldn't leave until much much later in life so I essentially raised both my siblings, they're much older now and both recognize that I pretty much raised them myself so our relationships are pretty strong but deep down I still resent my mother for having stolen several of my childhood years by guilt tripping or straight up demanding I watch or care for my siblings. Pack your stuff and leave or you'll regret it later and feel resentment towards your mother, save yourself the energy and just get out.
This article was somehow of a trigger to me. I was heavily parentified (a cultural thing in Brazil and many other Latin countries) with not only one, but 2 siblings. I was able to get out when I got married at 25. Fortunately, my mom supported me going to university and getting my degree, but all my free time was used for chores and babysitting. I think parents who PLAN to have kids with a huge age gap counting with this free babysitting BS are huge AH's. It wasn't the case with my parents, but the results were the same. I'm ashamed to admit I was resentful of my siblings for many years because of my situation, but I did my best to take good care of them.
Boy am I glad my sister and I are only 4 years apart. I don't believe for one second my mom would have ever pulled this kind of sh*t. She was way too invested in the raising and early education of both of us. But stories like this make me realise just how fortunate I am. It also gives me a greater appreciation for the close ages between my sister and I. We were and still are great friends and we do all sorts of things together. I can imagine with a 15+ year age gap there's not a lot they can relate with each other on.
Omg this mother us definately taking advantage of her term son and I definately think this is a form of abuse especially since she runs the show. I didn’t hear anything about this teen being able to go to school and the baby’s mother and father are the parents and are responsible fully for the baby. I don’t know how this mother abd father since he’s allowing this to happen could do this to this teen and it dies t say much fir their concern for this baby either. Why do people like this have another baby if they can’t handle taking care of the babies y. This teen needs to be in school and be able to prepare and continue his own life ventures that’s normal for him at this age. He has mo social life or outlet or contact with friends. Did this mother ever father ever think how these feel in thus situation as many people said if this teeen wants to help out here and there that great but this is completely over the top robbing him of a normal life and taking big time advantage of him.
He needs to get out. NOW. I was bullied/brainwashed by my abusers (mom & her second husband) into always caring for my younger siblings. It became burned into my brain. I'm now 46, both siblings live with me due to their "conditions" and I've never had my own life. I even raised my sister's daughter! ( No regrets there. She's an amazing 19 year old thanks to me!) But my overwhelming forced responsibility cripples me at the idea of just walking away now, knowing my siblings will most likely end up on the streets.
I completely agree with what everyone here is saying. But I also worry about the little brother, who is still a toddler. Not the OP's problem, ofc. But I hope the little one makes it through okay, too.
NTA Save up as much as you can while you wait to turn 18 and graduate. After that get a job and arrange for whatever kind of job training you plan on... Apprenticeship, Courses for Electrician, Welder, Cabinetmaker.... College if that is required for the career field you want to pursue. As long as you live under her roof you have to abide by her rules. Once you turn 18 you are a legal adult and can move out ... There is no way for her to force you to remain her child care provider until you are 21 unless you stay living there.
You sound very mature, definitely mature enough to begin your independent life. You don't need to feel any guilt, that's not fair of them to put it on you. It might actually (eventually) improve your relationship with your mom to be living separately, it really helped mine at 19. Your siblings parents can hire someone else and It will cost more, but fr you did them a FAVOR agreeing to watch him for so little. Do what's in your heart, so you don't look back with regret. I'm rooting for you!
3/3: OP should then show his parents the responses received by others when he asked AITA. Those comments will be an eye-opener to them bc they have convinced themselves that they are justified in forcing OP to raise their child for them for practically no money, and are effectively depriving OP of his own life pursuits due to their poor choices. While OP's story was told respectfully and with a palpable love for his baby brother, others were (understandably) not quite so nice about his situation. I hope OP's parents work with him on this. I suspect the real reason his mom did not take him for his driver's permit is the high cost of adding him to their insurance. OP should point out that if his parents pay him a fair wage for his work (and PT work on his days off), he could more easily cover that cost himself. I just hope he doesn't just up and move out when he turns 18 w/o a job or a solid plan. Savings get used fast when you're on your own, and might cause separation issues for the ba
2/3: There may be a way to do both so everyone involved is at least satisfied, if everyone is reasonable. OP should gather info. re going rate(s) for FT child care services in his area (in-home and day cares) for the no. of hours parents need them. Include any extra costs charged by others for any housekeeping or other additional services that he provides. He should compare the two apples to apples as much as possible to show what his help costs in the real world of parenting. He can then give his parents the choice of (1) OP choosing to move out after turning 18 to pursue his life interests/goals and a career, including solid offers to live with friends; or (2) work with OP to find a compromise, such as agreeing to watch baby brother for 3 days/week while a different babysitter cares for him the other days, conditioned upon their assistance in getting his driver's license ASAP so he can enjoy his days off AND help with errands for parents on days he works--banking, groceries/Rx pickup
1/3: There is a silver lining here for OP. This experience is actually making him a far better man than he might otherwise have been. The responsibilities that have been forced upon him have taught him at an early age what some men never learn: how to run a household and consistently provide full-time care for a child from birth. The knowledge he has gained from performing these duties will make him a popular roommate and a stellar life partner. How many young men do we know who have even attempted, let alone succeeded, at this? He is mature beyond his years and likely has a great future ahead of him. In the meantime, he is his brother's primary caregiver, so I imagine he does not want to lose that bond they have created, or to have his baby brother suddenly deprived of OP's existence in his life if this situation eventually causes a break in his relationship with his parents when OP wants to live his own life. There may be a way to do both so everyone involved is satisfied, if not ha
Ridiculous. The mother is using him and you know it. He is 17 and should be being a kid. Mama and pops need to act their age and raise that baby especially for the fact that they had no problem engaging in acts that warrant pregnancy.
Load More Replies... I was in similar situation but instead I wasn't paid and it was all my teenage years spent on being a mom. Had no achievements and no friends as I wasn't able to spend my time for me. The down side of this is that I became bitter towards my mother but helped anyway. As soon as I got 18 I moved out. But now years later that I am a mother myself I understand how difficult child rearing can be. Still, you have to live your life and not try to fix hers, if you believe at any point the baby is poorly cared for or is in danger, don't leave him alone as you love him, otherwise, your mother needs to step up and do what is her duty. You can tell her that you could visit if it suits you but consider that this may make relations with her worse. Either way it most likely will but you will have it harder if you wait till you're 21 to live your life.
I feel so bad for this kid and for the baby who has such irresponsible and horrible parents.
This is mixed, your making what you'd be making in three world, especially if your wanting to lent a room. No, rent, food, bills, plus 150 makes it well over 300 to 400$ a week, but being a kid wanting more freedom, your young . Your young life looks great, freedom is enticing.
Most of these posts have alternate answers. Hopefully this one didn't have anyone fully supporting the mom's side of things. NTA. Hope he got out of their
Not your Circus. Not your Monkeys. Your mother needs to ask herself if she actually loves and cares about you or if she is just a self serving Narcissist.
It's a learning curve. Think about it before you decide to have children of your own! All The Best!
I'd tell mom that she has two months until her son turns 18 so she better figure out childcare by then because it won't be him. He'll be gone.
Bad idea. This mom sounds like she might sabotage his attempts to leave.
Load More Replies... $600 a month doesn't allow you to save up for a car? Time you lower your expectations for a first car, however when you are 18 you can move out and should at least try and get your own full time job...on that point, you really aren't your brothers keeper when you have two parents alive.
He may have been required to pay for his own food, clothing, etc. It wouldn't surprise me in the least; his mother sounds like a 14-carat unfit mother.
Load More Replies... "The national average cost of a nanny for one child averaged $694 per week or about $17.35 per hour" I had a daycare for twenty years before COVID forced me to close. I was paid $100 a week for an infant. So your numbers are NOT the REAL national average. You make money by watching more than one kid. This young man could watch a couple other kids to get more money or he can move out when he turns 18 but he needs to stop whining about helping his mother out. Would she pay a daycare more? Probably. Is helping his family out in hard times hindering his teenage life? Of course it is. I think they're both azzholes. Mom should pay more and he should recognize life doesn't revolve around him and family helps family during hard times. Move out. Walk away. That's what he's asking permission to do. Of course it's time for him to move out and tend to himself. He's considered a man at 18. Join the Marines. Just stop whining about helping out family during a world wide disaster.
How do you know that's not the national average just because you got something different? That's not how averages work, especially since there are still places in this nation, like wherever you are, that don't pay childcare workers properly.
Load More Replies... Um... this kid is being forced to take care of a baby that isn't his and he came to the internet to ask for advice on how to get out of a horrible and borderline abusive situation. That's why people are taking his side.
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