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“Know When To Leave”: 47 Emotional Intelligence Tricks People Learned From Observing Others
We've all come across that special someone who can sail through any social situation with ease and grace. They somehow have people eating out of the palm of their hand, without even having to say a word. It's almost like they're using magic. But they aren't.
These highly skilled individuals have a secret strategy. A stash of social “cheat codes” that allows them to subtlety win friends and influence people. These little tricks are the key to success when it comes to succeeding in social situations. They aren't manipulations or mind games. Think of them as upgrades that anyone can learn and use.
Someone recently asked, "What’s a social cheat code you learned from just observing people?" and thankfully, netizens didn't hold back. They shared all the tried-and-tested hacks that keep them cool, calm and collected, even during the most chaotic encounters. Some are simple, others take practice. All can have a surprisingly powerful impact.
Bored Panda has put together a list of the best answers for anyone who wants to level up in this game called life. So whether you’re trying to land a job, diffuse an argument, connect with someone new, or just make your everyday interactions less awkward and more effective, keep scrolling. And don't forget to upvote your favorites.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Maybe this counts - at work, I try to say hi to everyone I see. It’s that simple. When I walk through my work, I tend to know people on each floor because of these small interactions that grew into positive regard for one another. I say hi to every house keeper (actually I’m close with a few now), everyone I pass in the hall, when I enter the nurses station I say “morning everyone!” whether anyone answers or not, lol. Be your own sun 🌞
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
I love the idea of being your own sun. I know women are tired of having the role of cheer-makers, but it's so easy to smile and say hello or nod, and seriously - doors open and people are so much nicer.
Unless you've resigned yourself to a life of solitude on some remote island, you will have to interact with people at one point or another. Whether you like it or not. And we fully understand if you don't. No judgies.
Some of our social interactions are with friends, family or colleagues. Others are with strangers. And for many of us, these can be the most awkward. This, according the High Existence site, is because our brain is trying to protect us from exposure.
The trick here is to fake it until you make it. Assuming comfort in any social interaction is one of the most powerful things you can do.
"Commanding your brain to feel that you already know the person you are about to meet puts you in a position of advantage," explains the site. "It increases the chances of people showing interest in you and consequently even liking you."
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#2
Say their name when you're praising them, like, instead of just saying "Thank you" say "thank you chris"... Trust me, its subtle but makes a huge difference.
#3
When someone has a really terrible idea that you know will fall flat, don't tell them it's a bad idea. It puts them on the defensive. Ask questions you know they haven't thought through and let them think them through. Nine times out of ten, they'll get to "this is actually a bad idea" on their own but they get to make that call. In the process, you've built trust in the relationship.
StrangeOne 3 months ago
It would be grand if people I know would stop saying " I have a better idea." Every single d**n time.
A few answers on this listicle mentioned silence as a secret weapon when it comes to social interactions. "Control the room by listening more than you speak," wrote one person. "Silence is power most people can’t handle."
While another added that silence makes people uncomfortable. "You’ll learn more by saying less. Control the tempo of a conversation with your pauses. Silence is dominance in disguise," they said. "Master this and you’ll own every room you walk into."
It's a sentiment echoed by the experts...
#4
I’ve learned it’s surprisingly easy to redirect or disarm people once you figure out what they care about. One well-placed question about something they’re passionate about, and suddenly the tension’s gone, and you’ve got them talking for an hour. People just want to feel seen, and when you give them that, doors open.
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
And I love hearing about what people are passionate about! Learn so much!
#6
Know when to leave the conversation, the party, the relationship quietly, yet quickly, when you see a lack of accountability & emotional maturity.
"Interrupting people when they are in the middle of an important conversation is one of the most annoying things to do," warns the Higher Existence team. "It shows that you have zero knowledge of social dynamics which will lead to unpleasant social situations."
#7
Oh man, I know a few, but the most effective ones for me are these:
- Control the room by listening more than you speak. silence is power most people can’t handle.
- Win people over by remembering the small things they thought you’d forget.
- People love talking about themselves, ask the right questions and they’ll think you’re the most interesting person in the room.
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
Was just talking to my young adult nephew that I don't see verry often. Started asking him questions about goals, interests, etc., and stayed very quiet while he answered. Learned fascinating things about him and how he is thinking about the world. Stop and listen. You'll learn a lot.
#8
Respond softly like you have a sore throat and they usually immediately bring down their own tone and speak with less anger. Worked every time for me lol.
StrangeOne 3 months ago
This never works. "What?" "What? I can't hear you. What?" Then they walk away. I have a natural soft voice. But when I raise my voice louder all of a sudden I'm shouting and they're scared. Yet, I hear others talk softly and people are able to hear them. I don't get it.
#9
Theres a viral video of an interview that went around that really stuck with me “dont attribute to malice what you can attribute to ignorance” thats the world
StrangeOne 3 months ago
I'm not understanding this one. (I know some have called out my slow comprehension in a very mean way. Please, be kind.) If I know what interview they're referring to I might be able to understand this better.
Apparently, there's a trick to knowing when it's okay to talk. And it's all in the feet. "When you approach a group of people while in a conversation, pay attention to their bodies. If they turn only their torsos and not their feet, it means they are in the middle of an important conversation and they don’t want you to interrupt them," reveals the site.
On the flipside, if they turn both torso and feet, it means you are welcome. This is extremely important, adds Higher Existence, because the right timing in such situations may put you in a position of advantage, especially if the conversation was boring for both sides.
#10
Minding your own business goes a very long way to keeping yourself safe.
Power puff scientist 3 months ago (edited)
I think many women and violent crime victims have different experiences
#11
Patience exposes what pressure can’t. Stick around long enough and let their actions do the talking.
#12
Never reveal how intelligent you are around insecure people. If you're composed & well put-together, they will hate you enough. Strong intelligence will send them over the edge & place a target on your back.💯
StrangeOne 3 months ago
I've learned that no one likes a know-it-all, but only if you can't back up your claims, and if you can prove you're really good at memorization and math. An old coworker was like a walking encyclopedia of many niche things, and very opinionated. But she presented her opinions in a very factual tone, always corrected people, always was the first to want to answer a question and everyone went to her with inquiries. It was a bit of a patchy start for her, as she's also transfemale and some people were unsure of her. Eventually, she gained quite a bit of friends. Despite her knowing a lot, she was not afraid to admit to her mistakes and when she didn't know the answer. She would rather be straight up and honest than risk giving misinformation. I think that's key.
Ever been deep in telling a story but you have a feeling the other person isn't listening? Instead of asking them outright, fold your arms. "If the other person is observing you and pays attention, they will most likely mimic you," reveals the Higher Existence site.
#13
If you want to vent about frustrating coworkers, only do it with your very few VERY trusted friends, and it doesn’t hurt to remind them every time “this stays between us” - but absolutely continously praise people behind their backs, a lot, when someone does something you admire or appreciate, tell them but also sing their praises to others.
Crystalwitch60 3 months ago (edited)
My daughter does it with me n her bf n her brother , anyone else at work nope ,we are safe n trusted ,n nothing to do with her work place , home is a safe place
#14
The only thing to say to cops:
Yes sir
No sir
On my way home sir
Works every time, but to be fair, I am white. This didn’t always work with my First Nations friends.
Auntriarch 3 months ago
Always be polite to police. It may work in your favour, being such a pleasant change for them.
#15
if you're with someone and you see someone else whose name you forgot, just introduce your companion to them first and then they'll volunteer their name.
#16
When enough people join in on hating a bully, they squirm. Hard.
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
Our scrawny son was verbally defending a gay boy from a HS bully when the last guy you would think would defend a gay boy, who happened to be friends with my son, came in behind him. His tall, don't mess with me look and reputation shut it down. Don't think he cared what happened to the gay kid, just wanted to back up our son. Shut down bullies. Like the OP states, it doesn't take a lot of people, but it takes more than one.
#17
Be positive.
Most communication is non-verbal. You know how you get home at the day and you can tell your dog is thrilled to see you without them needing to put it into words? Whenever you interact with people, take a beat to think to yourself “how awesome is it that I get to engage with this person? They’re so cool!”
That comes across, and as long as you have a modicum of social grace, people love it.
E2U&U2 3 months ago
I have a highly refined colleague, who is smart and funny but very reserved, whom I like a lot and respect greatly. I've always thought of her as a member of our girl group and a friend, but although she was always lovely, I was never sure how she viewed me. So imagine my delight when, as a last-minute favor, she picked me up at the airport, and when she saw me walk into view, bounced up and down on her toes, smiling brightly, and waving her arms over her head. It was such a spontaneous and joyous greeting, it made my day.
#18
Be nice and honest, but don't over share ever. People judge you more harshly than they would ever say to your face
#19
A little recognition goes a long way. Long term employees are often super valuable but completely overlooked and even feel invisible. Notice them and their contributions and they will be on your side
BookishPanda 3 months ago
I made the long-overlooked, detested person who knew how everything worked my bestie and together we rose to conquer.
#20
Pretty privilege is a real thing
StrangeOne 3 months ago
Outside beauty only stretches surface deep. Just look at all the "influencers" who can be pretty but super shallow and ugly on the inside. Few people respect them and they're not going as far as they want the public to think. I've seen some average but highly confident people get to higher places.
#21
One social cheat code I’ve learned just by observing people is that the calmest person in the room often holds the most power like when you don’t rush to react, when you stay composed and grounded even in chaos people naturally start to respect and gravitate toward you 👌🏼
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
I might be calm, but I'm clueless! Stop looking at me! I know nothing!
#22
The ones you hear talking about other ppl….you can’t trust them. The ones who never talk about others are the good guys.
#23
Most people don't want to hear the truth, even if they ask you. Unless you know them well enough to know they will not crumble hearing an unpleasant truth, keep your mouth shut.🤐 And yes, I am neurodivergent asf & have learned this the very hard way.🤦🏽♀️
StrangeOne 3 months ago
It would be so helpful if people just said what they mean, or don't say anything at all.
#24
People respond best when they feel seen. Not just noticed, truly seen. That subtle shift in how you ask a question, how you mirror their tone, or how you acknowledge something small they shared weeks ago… it’s pure magic. 💚✨😊
Anthony Elmore 3 months ago
To be clear, scenario does matter here. They might appreciate being truly seen at work. They will be less likely to appreciate being truly seen if you're perched outside their window at night.
#25
Your healthiest relationships will be with people that have your same level of emotional intelligence.
Anthony Elmore 3 months ago
Not to be confused with a healthy relationship, just your healthiest. Two people can have a combined emotional intelligence of 0 and still be in their 'healthiest relationship'
#26
Mirroring their body language. It is effective, non verbal and a simple way to connect.
#27
When people, mostly men, make suggestive "jokes", reply with "I don't get it. Can you explain it to me?"
Tara L. 3 months ago
Just staring at them with a disgusted look on your face for a few minutes without saying anything, then turning your back on them & ignoring them works too. They'll squirm while you're staring, then shuffle away when you turn to talk to someone else as if they don't exist. I don't give those people my energy, they thrive on your negative reactions, don't give them anything.
#28
Silence makes people uncomfortable.
Most people rush to fill awkward silences by oversharing.
Stay quiet.
Let them talk.
People reveal their insecurities when you don’t interrupt.
You’ll learn more by saying less.
Control the tempo of a conversation with your pauses.
Silence is dominance in disguise.
Master this and you’ll own every room you walk into.
AuspiciousTree283 3 months ago
People treat silencs like it's wrong. It's not. It can be very peaceful, and it allows people to think before they speak.
#29
f you don’t engage when provoked, antagonizers will fight the air.
If you engage, everyone sees two clowns performing.
#31
If you’re shy and can’t make eye contact, look at their t zone forehead area. It’ll look like you’re making eye contact
#32
Confidence will get you 90% of the places you want to be.
Giraffe Sitter 3 months ago
That’s great but so many of us don’t have it and don’t know how to fake it.
Gregory Garcia 3 months ago
Read a news article about the writer as a child and his very well dressed father getting everywhere because he looked like he belonged. People are stupid this way. Dress the part.
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StrangeOne 3 months ago
Depends. I've learned there are people who will try to rob you of your spirit and rip away your thunder, then make you feel an inch tall. I started a job with all the confidence and high hopes I've had in over a decade. Within a week I felt like a little child who could not be trusted to do anything right. Maybe it works for different people. Maybe it's also how you dress and look. How articulate you are and how intelligent you come across.
Gregory Garcia 3 months ago
I warn young people of this all the time. Trust no one at work.
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SkippityBoppityBoo 3 months ago
In reply to a few of the comments below? I'll reply now to every single ding dang thing just to annoy you!!! 😄 Who made you an admin or authority for who replies? Get over yonselves! 👍😄
#33
Greet everyone with the same enthusiasm you would bring meeting your favorite celebrity! People will always remember how you make them feel! Leave a lasting impression!
Nota Robot 3 months ago
If you are too over the top friendly and enthusiastic it will work against you. May be a cultural thing.
#34
People tend to act on better behavior if you visit them at their house, rather than inviting them over. They’re more at ease in their own environment
Yrral Spavit 3 months ago
Not always. I don't discourage people coming over but I am on edge until they leave if they do.
#35
The best way to disarm a narcissist or an egotistical person is to make them feel unimportant to you and show that their words hold no power over you
StrangeOne 3 months ago
This can work temporarily, but they don't see it as "disarming", they see it as a threat. Then they get so scared of losing their scapegoat, their punching bag, the thing they take their anger out on, they start trying harder to snare you back in their life. They'll step over boundaries, pop over whenever they feel like, get upset you haven't called them in 2 weeks, call you repeatedly on every phone they have your number, text you until you answer. They will make you feel like you did something wrong, or being a s****y person, then gossip to anyone who's listening about how you're not talking to them. When you do end up contacting them, they go through their whole toolbox to wear and break you down. Once they feel like you're making, what they feel is, sufficient contact they start speaking nicer, and pretending they're interested in what you have to say. Just right up until they see you're getting comfortable, and let down your guard. Then the cycle starts all over again.
#36
Generally avoid at all costs....in particular the problematic ones who like to tell you what you're thinking/feeling and what you should or shouldn't be thinking/doing etc.
StrangeOne 3 months ago
YES. This is what my managers do to me. Apparently they know me better than me. They do not.
#37
Only SPEAK what you mean & MEAN every single word you say. Because to observant people & those who know you enough, you look real stupid uttering empty words.
Not to mention, your credibility and their respect for you as a person goes down to the bottomless abyss immediately 😅
The worst part? once someone catches you doing it, you better believe EVERYONE around you will know.
#38
When you want to encourage someone to share more about what they said but they for some reason seem a bit defensive or closed off, I find asking “oh, how come?” is more inviting than asking “why?”
Dzessa Golden 3 months ago
I like this. Asking why can be seen as challenging or judgmental sometimes.
#39
That there is always someone in any organization who can say yes. You need to see who either has the authority or gives no Fs
StrangeOne 3 months ago
Who should we be going to for wage raises? So far, I've gone to the production manager and store manager. But they don't seem to have the authority. Just excuses not to give raises.
#40
Today’s lesson was
I said when are we going to get together? Their response simply “ I don’t know. “
Clearly I’m not any priority in that persons life. Hard lesson. Emotional intelligence sometimes is It’s all in what they don’t say! I’m fine, we are clearly on two different paths. Friendships change over time. We change and grow at different rates. Know to hear and read the signs. Walk away with dignity
StrangeOne 3 months ago
There's really nothing wrong with that at all. It's worse to try to force yourself to hang out with people you're not vibing with for fear of hurting the friendship. You may still be on good terms and just meet up maybe once a year or so. I have a friend like that. No resentment. Just "Are you free?" "Not right now." "Ah. no problem. I'll chat with you another time." "Sure. Sorry about that." "It's okay. No need to be sorry. I understand." "Cool."
#41
Smiling, greeting, and a firm handshake can gain you a lot of opportunities. Even stuff you're not even really qualified for lol
SkippityBoppityBoo 3 months ago
After having Covid and being in the hospital? I no longer shake hands but I'll explain why and sometimes a friendly "Hi!" with a smile is good enough 👍🙂
#43
Offer nothing at first other than friendship if they're genuine they'll stick around if not they'll move on
#44
Watch and observe before speaking to people you don’t know. Start with small talk discussions.
#45
Always look people in the eye. It makes them uneasy and if they are caught lying they get so scared 😱
StrangeOne 3 months ago (edited)
I get uneasy no matter what when people look me in the eyes. It's threatening to me. But I'll glance every now and then. The rest of the time I'm looking at their mouth, ear, hair, whatever is behind them.
#46
A lot of people fall into different energy types and categories and interests. A lot of incompatible relationships and friendships happen because you try to pair apples with oranges. The best way to avoid conflict and issues is sometimes to assess a situation more clearly rather than just befriending or dating anyone that seems cool on paper.
#47
Somewhat relaxed body language in a position of power showcases comfort and works really well one-on-one
#48
How people respond to others’ wins. Jealousy often hides behind fake excitement.
Child of the Stars 3 months ago
Also how they respond to others's losses. Even if your team whooped the other team's butt, honestly telling the other team how they challenged you goes a long way. As an example, my kids (12 and almost 7), my best friend, and I recently played laser tag with a group of young children (about my 7yo's age). We kicked their butts, but I made a point of high-fiving each of the kids and telling them how much harder they made it by ambushing us in the game. The smiles and grins I got were so awesome!
#49
Make art with people. The people you will have the most genuine relationships with will be people who share your aesthetics. Art is something you can do with people that doesn't involve money, power, or consumption.
#50
You can excuse yourself from any situation by going to smoke a cigarette. This is the reason so many people still smoke.
#51
People find delight in someone when there is a fun, quirky, memorable thing about them. For instance, my friend loves Phase 10. Anytime I see phase 10, I think of her. It also makes it easy to tease her about something in a non-bullying way. If you want to win someone over, have something cutely quirky about you
#52
People have something they want to talk about that nobody gives them the time for
People will consider you an angel if you can release them from some shame for at least the moment
People quickly bond over a common enemy and are likely petty c*nts.
Many crave control, create that illusion
oh heres a tip some people don’t get. often at work some are sycophantic to the boss or ahole not because they like or respect them but because they have to for survival , bc they are an ahole nutball
#53
If someone is trying to pick on you, intimidate you, dead pan stare at them. Face them fully, say nothing.
If it DOES warrant a response, flatly & calmly tell them in some words, how brave/bold of a move this is, for them to say/act this way.
If you can master making your pupils dilate on command. Pupil Dilation is seen as either desire, or primal attack mode.
You're wanting to convey the later. They'll back tf off real quick. You can't appear nervous. Watch your body language.
#54
Don't be too friendly. Observe. Make people earn your niceness/ kindness.
Yrral Spavit 3 months ago
Where i grew up, people would give you their trust. If you betrayed that trust there was no getting it back.
#55
Take nobody too seriously because they don’t even take themselves seriously
#56
If you want something simple done, ask it during the middle of a conversation , " hey can you fetch that for me?" The other person will do it without thinking much just to keep the conversation ongoing.
#57
Act as if you have the right and people will let you.
StrangeOne 3 months ago
This needs examples and context. I can think of one example, and that thing most certainly does not have the right, but people sure let him.
#58
Manipulation works without them noticing if you manipulate them with factual truth instead of lying. Pointing out things that are true usually gets me my way.
#59
People who are known for being mean bitches have more respect and kindness for the ones who aren't afraid of them😆🤣🤣
Idc how mean you are, I'm not scared of anyone. Is someone gonna beat me up? No. I might even giggle, because why tf you being this evil?
StrangeOne 3 months ago
Mean people don't deserve my respect. I'm not going to even bother trying.
#60
Don't help people who don't ask for help. They will resent you because you didn't fix their problem their way, or they will resent you because they didn't ask for help.
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
Not true. It's never rude or intrusive to ask someone who's struggling with something to ask if they need help. If they say no, leave them be. If they say yes, ask how you can help them.
What do you think ?
troufaki13 3 months ago
You can't control what others say or do but you can control how you react. And at the end of the day you will go home with whatever feeling you choose to bring with you. I know it's not easy and it takes a lot of practice and self-reflection but it's worth it.
Beak Hookage 3 months ago
Listening rather than speaking is rather non-optional for me because people love talking over me while not listening to a word I say.
troufaki13 3 months ago
You can't control what others say or do but you can control how you react. And at the end of the day you will go home with whatever feeling you choose to bring with you. I know it's not easy and it takes a lot of practice and self-reflection but it's worth it.
Beak Hookage 3 months ago
Listening rather than speaking is rather non-optional for me because people love talking over me while not listening to a word I say.
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