Photographer Wants To Cancel SIL’s Engagement Shoot After Learning The Couple Hates Her
A great part of having a sizable family is the opportunity to involve them in the parts of your life that require a little bit of work. From babysitting, to getting a ride, it’s not at all weird to help out where you can. But everyone has their limits, particularly if someone is very actively being hostile.
A woman turned to the internet for advice after learning that her sister-in-law’s fiancé actually hated her. The catch? She had already agreed to be their engagement photographer. We reached out to the woman in the story via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
Helping out family is a time honored tradition
Image credits: Seljan Salimova / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But one woman discovered that her SIL’s fiancé hated her so she wanted to back out of being their engagement photographer
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Thgusstavo Santana / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Big-Narwhal-3280
Image credits: fauxels / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Doing favors for family is a time-honored tradition
Depending on the size and inclination of your extended family, you might simply only ever see them at holidays, or you basically have a part time job doing some minor chores. Living close to family is a double edged sword, as this can mean getting some sort of help quickly, but also uninvited and hard-to-reject guests at the strangest times. Rejecting these demands can come with the risk of being ostracized, mocked or even made fun of.
This issue is exacerbated if you have a particularly marketable skill. Doctors and lawyers are often pushed into doing basically pro bono work for their friends and family, but this “fun” feature also extends to cooks, photographers and even real estate agents. Suddenly, you will be expected to just help up, and only if you are very lucky will someone give you a shred of money.
Unfortunately, while it would seem like this should at least garner some basics of respect, after all, you are doing these folks a service, the reality is that once people think they are entitled to something, the idea of at least thanking you for your service goes out the window. This can even lead to drama and conflict when they realize that they can’t just get away with it. However, while every family is different, bad mouthing someone after making a bunch of requests seems particularly terrible.
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Cutting off contact is an acceptable solution
In this regard, the woman who shared the story is in no way to blame. Not only is it bizarre to expect her to do some sort of favor for someone who openly mocks her behind her back, the “favor” in question is not exactly something that is make or break for the wedding. Engagement photos are nice, but if the couple need them to proceed, they already have their priorities in the wrong direction. The woman not being the photographer in no way ruins anything, it’s always possible to find another photographer.
Indeed, fully cutting contact with this particular man would be an acceptable position. While she does state that her relationship with her SIL is important, it would appear that maintaining contact with her would be like forcing her to pick between herself and her fiancé. Staying out of it seems like the best option. There are many worse situations one can end up in, as far as family drama goes, but that doesn’t mean that she should have to interact with this person any more than absolutely necessary.
Some might want to verify more of the story, indeed, it was a common question for the woman. She does state in the comments that there were others who could corroborate her story. Not only is she entirely justified if she never sees this person again, it’s worth pointing out that someone who so actively badmouths someone behind their back will do it to anyone who isn’t currently in the room.
She also answered some reader questions
Most folks sided with her
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Call the bride, tell her that you heard her fiance trashing you, and tell her that, on that basis you will no longer be giving her free service as a photographer. End of, and walk away.
I want to know the reason he doesn't like them. I know sometimes people annoy you for no reason at all, but if there is a reason I need to now before casting judgement on this. Like did he say something bigoted or tell a bad joke.
Even of he did, you call them out instead of trash talking to mutual friends.
Load More Replies...
She updated: (...) I canceled everything, they tried to say “it was a misunderstanding and took out of context” and Brandon did admit to not liking me in the beginning because Alissa was my regular babysitter (PAID ALWAYS) and I think that’s because he’s a narcissist and wants to take her away from everyone. They decided to go with their wedding photographer after we had chatted & I couldn’t be happier to just be separated from the entire thing now!
I don't understand the automatic agreement that she should cancel and then possibly call her sister?? It seems obvious you FIRST phone sister, "look this came up..." & hear her sister's take. Then if there's not a great justification ("he was off his meds"? "he was doing this stupid prank"/ ... i dunno not sure what could be enough), you go for "you see I can't do this" because he will speak badly about her professional business --- whether paid or not, she photographs professionally and bad comments from a 'client' will affect her reputation. Bad comments from a non-client matter less.
And secondly you won't attend the marriage for obvious reasons. AFTER THE PERSONAL PHONECALL. Some suggested a weaselly txt after cancellation of photos, but that just starts a simmering fight with a stressed bride.
Load More Replies...
Seems like a huge red flag to me! "Brandon" sounds really sketchy saying he HATES a family member! Someone needs to sit the bride to be down and talk to her about this dude.
They already don't like you so just be 100 percent on board until the shoot. Have them arrive at a location and leave a single disposable camera and a note. They can shoot themselves.
"Sorry, but we don't see any point in taking photos of Brandon. Because obviously he's not going to be in the family for very long."
Her update: I haven’t updated but I canceled everything, they tried to say “it was a misunderstanding and took out of context” and Brandon did admit to not liking me in the beginning because Alissa was my regular babysitter (PAID ALWAYS) and I think that’s because he’s a narcissist and wants to take her away from everyone. They decided to go with their wedding photographer after we had chatted & I couldn’t be happier to just be separated from the entire thing now!
Hard NTA, its extremely clear who the AH and that garbage is coming to polute the family. Best to distance yourself from the filth immediately
I used to do work as a Toastmaster, a side gig that brought in the money to keep me in football tickets and a beer or three. I was asked by a friend of a friend to do a freebie for their wedding, I vaguely knew them and said I’d do it for tips, no pay, found out with four days to go that they’d told their guests not to tip me. So I’d do eight hours work across the afternoon / evening for zero money. Contacted them, said it’s full pay for the day or I’m out, explained what I’d heard and that my costs (fuel, food, drink, cleaning my outfit) weren’t their problem originally but as tips were being withheld I now put those costs onto them. Told them the price and said take it or leave it, they left it and tried to bad mouth me on social media, obviously I countered their accusations and after that I never did another freebie. If you want my services then we agree a price and there’s no ambiguity.
From a professional standpoint I learned: never say no, just overcharge...
Call the bride, tell her that you heard her fiance trashing you, and tell her that, on that basis you will no longer be giving her free service as a photographer. End of, and walk away.
I want to know the reason he doesn't like them. I know sometimes people annoy you for no reason at all, but if there is a reason I need to now before casting judgement on this. Like did he say something bigoted or tell a bad joke.
Even of he did, you call them out instead of trash talking to mutual friends.
Load More Replies... She updated: (...) I canceled everything, they tried to say “it was a misunderstanding and took out of context” and Brandon did admit to not liking me in the beginning because Alissa was my regular babysitter (PAID ALWAYS) and I think that’s because he’s a narcissist and wants to take her away from everyone. They decided to go with their wedding photographer after we had chatted & I couldn’t be happier to just be separated from the entire thing now!
I don't understand the automatic agreement that she should cancel and then possibly call her sister?? It seems obvious you FIRST phone sister, "look this came up..." & hear her sister's take. Then if there's not a great justification ("he was off his meds"? "he was doing this stupid prank"/ ... i dunno not sure what could be enough), you go for "you see I can't do this" because he will speak badly about her professional business --- whether paid or not, she photographs professionally and bad comments from a 'client' will affect her reputation. Bad comments from a non-client matter less.
And secondly you won't attend the marriage for obvious reasons. AFTER THE PERSONAL PHONECALL. Some suggested a weaselly txt after cancellation of photos, but that just starts a simmering fight with a stressed bride.
Load More Replies... Seems like a huge red flag to me! "Brandon" sounds really sketchy saying he HATES a family member! Someone needs to sit the bride to be down and talk to her about this dude.
They already don't like you so just be 100 percent on board until the shoot. Have them arrive at a location and leave a single disposable camera and a note. They can shoot themselves.
"Sorry, but we don't see any point in taking photos of Brandon. Because obviously he's not going to be in the family for very long."
Her update: I haven’t updated but I canceled everything, they tried to say “it was a misunderstanding and took out of context” and Brandon did admit to not liking me in the beginning because Alissa was my regular babysitter (PAID ALWAYS) and I think that’s because he’s a narcissist and wants to take her away from everyone. They decided to go with their wedding photographer after we had chatted & I couldn’t be happier to just be separated from the entire thing now!
Hard NTA, its extremely clear who the AH and that garbage is coming to polute the family. Best to distance yourself from the filth immediately
I used to do work as a Toastmaster, a side gig that brought in the money to keep me in football tickets and a beer or three. I was asked by a friend of a friend to do a freebie for their wedding, I vaguely knew them and said I’d do it for tips, no pay, found out with four days to go that they’d told their guests not to tip me. So I’d do eight hours work across the afternoon / evening for zero money. Contacted them, said it’s full pay for the day or I’m out, explained what I’d heard and that my costs (fuel, food, drink, cleaning my outfit) weren’t their problem originally but as tips were being withheld I now put those costs onto them. Told them the price and said take it or leave it, they left it and tried to bad mouth me on social media, obviously I countered their accusations and after that I never did another freebie. If you want my services then we agree a price and there’s no ambiguity.
From a professional standpoint I learned: never say no, just overcharge...
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