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If you’ve ever ventured into the dating arena, and at some point we all have, you’ve probably either done it or had it done to you, or both. Yup, we’re talking about ghosting — a deep urge to cut off all communication and vaporize into thin air — which has been a part of the modern dating vocabulary for years.
This simple, silent adieu can strike daters at virtually any time. You might realize you have nothing in common by the end of the third date. Or you may discover there’s literally zero chemistry between the two of you right before the three-month mark. But as it turns out, sometimes all it takes is one rude, infuriating, and straight-up creepy conversation.
Several days ago, user Bock314 reached out to the women of 'Ask Reddit,' inviting them to share the things men do that make them "ghostable." And as soon as the responses started rolling in, their tales show just how bad things can get. Women opened up about the wild situations where men went too far, which made ghosting seem acceptable, healthy, and even necessary. We’ve gathered some real-life stories that tick all the boxes for what you should never do while pursuing love. So continue scrolling to check everything out, and don't miss the chat we had about ghosting with Canada-based dating coach Sally Heart.
Psst! After you’re finished with this list, take a look at our earlier pieces featuring men making questionable decisions right here.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I met a guy at a bar once. He seemed like a nice guy and we exchanged numbers.
The following week, he asked me out. I told him I couldn't that night, but I was free tomorrow.
Why? He asked. I told him I had a funeral tomorrow morning and just didn't feel like going out. "What time is the funeral?" he said. "I won't stay too long, please I really want to see you..."
He wouldn't take no for an answer, and to me that is a HUGE red flag. I ghosted him after that.
Guido Pisano 3 years ago
when someone asks "why" it is just a red flag. You don't have to justify. If you can't you can't. Whatever is the reason...
TheDemonicCat 3 years ago (edited)
I wouldnt say that asking why itself is a red flag, it's more the way they ask it. If they are asking because they are genuinely curious and accept you either don't want to answer or are not going to try and talk you out of it or whatever then I think that's ok. If they continue to pester you about it then THAT is a red flag
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Hill Branda 3 years ago
What bothers me the most in this conversation is she said she had a funeral to go to, and didn't feel like going out. The fact that he just ignores this and carries on is bizarre. Some DIED, she's going to their funeral tomorrow morning. He offers no sign of sympathy or commiseration --no "Oh, I'm sorry," or "My condolences." He just carries on with "But I really want to see you!" Selfish much? Hell, no. Run like hell to get away from this creep.
Ravens Mom 3 years ago
I met a guy on a Tuesday and he asked me out for that Friday night but I told him I already had plans with my family so we could do Saturday night. He said that was ok but proceeded to text me over and over again that Friday night and when I didn't answer because I was busy with my family he freaked out over text and called off Saturday night. I feel like I dodged a bullet!
Bluebrains 3 years ago
Definitely. If he can't repect your easier boundries, you can't give him the benefit of the doubt about the more serious ones.
RELATED:
#2
The last guy I went on a date with before I met my husband comes to mind. This guy and I clicked pretty fast and had a wonderful all-day adventure as a first date. He lived 1.5 hours away from me.
We were messaging for a day after the date and everything seemed to be going well. He then asked if I wanted to meet him that weekend for his friends' New Year party. I told him sorry I had plans to go to one with my friends, but I'd love to meet up the next day.
After about 10 minutes he called me. I answered all happily, thinking we were going to plan the next date. He sounded pissed and said forcefully, "You're not going with your friends to that party." "......um. why not...?" "Because other guys will be there. And you're with me." "Hey you know, I enjoyed our first date but I don't think this is going to work. " "YOU F*****G B***H. YOU'RE NOT EVEN THAT HOT ANY..." *click.*
He starts sending apology texts and after 3 back to back, I blocked and ghosted. Ew.
Had a blast at my party!
Stephanie Cunningham 3 years ago
OP dodged a bullet on that one. My ex-husband exhibited some really jealous, possessive behavior early on in our relationship but I was too young, naive, and stupid to realize that it was going to end up making me miserable. If they don't trust you (for no reason), move on.
Brazen 3 years ago
I don't understand people who resort to saying things about how they don't think someone is good looking/or hot AFTER they get dumped. They were obviously good looking enough for you to ask them out in the first place. Do they think it's going to hurt our feelings? Naw...just makes you look like an a##hole.
#3
Went out on a coffee date with a guy. He admitted that he placed a GPS tracker in his ex's car to track her without her knowledge.
Immediately no.
Octavia Hansen 3 years ago
I BRIEFLY dated a man who was driving by/stalking his latest EX when he wasn't with me. I thought he might do this to me when he gets his next girlfriend -- a never ending cycle for him . . .
RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
My wife's hairdresser had this happen to her, sort of. Her boyfriend bought her a new car with OnStar. Turns out he bought it for her so he could track the car. He was having lady friends over their shared home, and wanted to know if she was approaching so he could get them out of the house. She ditched her boyfriend, kept the car, and had him blocked by OnStar from receiving any information.
Pamela Blue 3 years ago
It just shows their IQ level when they think it's okay to say things like that to someone on a first date! Either they are extremely stupid or a nut case. Either way, RUN!
Hill Branda 3 years ago
And.....NOPE. How exactly did he think that news was going to over?? "Hi, I'm a narcissistic creepy stalker. Wanna go out ?"
To gain more insight on the topic, we reached out to dating coach Sally Heart who aims to help women build the necessary mindset and strategy to find and attract the love they truly deserve. Being the creator of a free online dating safety course called Safety Hacks for Online Dating that’s designed to keep women safe from the dangers of online dating, she was more than happy to share her thoughts on the matter.
Knowing the ins and outs of the dating pool, Heart told Bored Panda that sometimes finding yourself in unfortunate situations comes down to bad luck, a lack of awareness, or a lack of seeing the warning signs that could’ve prevented these scenarios to begin with.
#4
When you've known them for a whole 10 minutes and they're already making sexual comments.
CatWoman312 3 years ago
This is the standard today it seems. I don’t understand why they think that’s okay. It’s creepy, predatory even.
Kitty Jordan 3 years ago
Agreed. What gets me is when I was online dating, that would be the very first message they would send me. Excuse me, sir, do you think it would be appropriate to go up to a stranger and say this? No? Then why are you okay with saying it online?
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AmAndA_Panda 3 years ago
I was actually thinking about this last night while watching The Big Bang Theory. Raj, probably the sweetest one of them all, finally meets a girl as socially awkward as him. They go on one coffee date and, just because it's going well, he says "I should have brought condoms". Seriously? They had just met, and all she did was talk to him. And I realized that's actually pretty accurate. Which is just sad.
UpupaEpops 3 years ago
I had a classmate join our class in year two. I have never seen this guy before. We never talked. Sends me a message completely out of the blue asking for sex. Literally our first interaction. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
I've discovered I am an old prude. I couldn't imagine doing this. I don't even liked to be touched by strangers.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
Or after the first date they send you a d*ck pic. Um, no "pickles" not interested.
Sharon McIlhargey 3 years ago
During a first date, barely ordered is even worse. My response was "I'm sorry, I didn't bring my glasses. What is that?"
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Pink Aesthetic 2 years ago (edited)
This! My ex bf wanted to get into my pants two weeks after we had started dating and ended up assaulting and abusing me since he didn't take no for an answer. We were both 15.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 years ago
I get that online so much I don't trust people in the streets anymore.
#5
Being rude to the service staff. There is no excuse for it, and it means you are just an a*****e.
RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
This actually goes for me when interacting with other men. I have three rules: don't be rude, do leave at least 20% (in the US only for that one), and don't hit on the waitress/bartender/whathaveyou. I don't care if she's smiling at you, she needs you to like her to get a better tip. She's a captive audience, as she can't just ditch you or tell you to p**s off.
UpQuarkDownQuark 3 years ago
If he’s really nice to you, but rude or dismissive to others, then he’s not a good person but is actively trying fool you into thinking he is so that you’ll sleep with him.
Hugh Cookson 3 years ago
Never, ever, be rude to the staff, they will always find a way to make your stay / meal / experience uncomfortable, expensive, underwhelming and occasionally painful - I speak as someone who once ensured that one arsehole who was rude, insulting and generally disrespectful to every member of staff in the hotel I managed at the time, was given the slowest service, ignored at every opportunity and given the least amount of advice on anything, from menu choice to wine (he was an ignorant little twat who was trying to impress what turned out to be his mistress), you get the idea. Just to make his stay a little more uncomfortable, I made sure the night porter 'accidentally' checked his door every hour from 1am onwards.... I did think about sending his wife a note (anonymously) about his sordid little second life, but couldn't be arsed. This is only one of several tales I could tell ....
Deidre Lippnik 3 years ago
I have to ask... which woman thought it was cute to watch her date treat strangers (who are providing a service for you) like s**t... that only shows how he will treat you!!
Isabela Cincu 3 years ago
My es husband loves making the waiters feel low..I had so many embarassing moments😒
TotallyNOTaFox 3 years ago (edited)
Being friendly costs absolutely nothing - not hard to guess how such people would act in any other situation
Glengoolie Blue 2 years ago
The best index to a person's character is how he treats people who can't do him any good, and how he treats people who can't fight back. - Abigail Van Buren
Mary Wilson 2 years ago (edited)
Yeah but don’t get all charming and friendsy friendsy either. HUGE turnoff.
#6
Any hint of violent tendencies or general anger management issues. Immediate block, not dealing with that. If I feel threatened, your feelings about being ghosted do not supersede mine of feeling safe.
Vasana Phong 3 years ago
Scary ones are the ones that are nice in the beginning, then some time in, their true behavior/ characteristics come out
Vanja Vidovic 3 years ago
Which only proves that they very much do know which behaviours are acceptable and which are not.
Load More Replies... RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
My wife once told me "men are afraid of getting laughed at, women are afraid of being killed". As a man, it's worth reflecting on that statement.
UpupaEpops 3 years ago (edited)
So, I was in my early twenties. Young, dumb and inexperienced I guess. Fell for a guy in his thirties. Multiple friends begged me not to get with him. His best friend came up to me to tell me not to get with him because he has anger management issues and I'm too quiet to handle him. And what does my dumbass hear? "You go ahead girl and date him, you're so quiet he has no reason to go off on you." To any young person reading this: if people are warning you about someone being abusive, believe them. Don't go and see for yourself.
Deborah B 3 years ago
I prefer "We're done. Don't ever contact me again." Then you block them. You aren't obligated to get into a dialogue or justify your decision, but it is polite to tell them the conversation is over, and not leave them hanging.
The gays are wild 2 years ago
My safety will ALWAYS come over being polite bfr
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But as you’ve probably noticed from the examples featured in this list, nightmarish dates are all too common. A 2020 study by Pew Research Center found that around one-third of women using dating apps have been called an offensive name. And, alarmingly, six-in-ten women under the age of 35 reported men continued to pursue them after they said they were not interested. That’s double the rate that men experience.
"Often dating horror stories and tragedies happen when a woman takes herself out of public space and into a private one, where the man is in control," Heart explained. "The key is to be aware of potential dangers so you can avoid them completely."
If you’re able to pick up the signs beforehand, "the worst-case scenario becomes just a bad date who was rude to the waiter or made you feel uncomfortable with his presence or conversation — not such a horror — just a regular bad date."
#7
Talk about how they treated their exes, children, and employees in a way that demonstrates they are clearly controlling and toxic w/o realizing it.
Hill Branda 3 years ago
If he thinks everyone has to follow his commands, they want to be a prison guard, not a boyfriend, husband or father.
#8
If he isn't wholeheartedly and actively supporting abortion rights and bodily autonomy then that would be it for me.
RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
You know, I've seen relationships work where people came from very different political opinions, but I don't know if I would be able to make it work. I went out with a very right-wing woman, and it was clear within 5 minutes that we would make a really terrible couple. I think because we were both very passionate about our positions, we would either have to swear to NEVER discuss anything remotely political (which is hard since now even getting vaccinated is political), or we'd end up fighting all the time. Now in my opinion abortion shouldn't even be a political issue, as it's really a healthcare issue, and the government shouldn't be involved at all. But again, we go back to vaccines being a bloody political issue, and what are we left with. In a few months Republicans will be claiming that flushing the toilet is a left-wing conspiracy designed to deprive you of your God given right to keep your poo.
Lee Banks 3 years ago
The night I found out about roe v. wade being overturned, I called my now fiancee' in tears. He was angry about it, but said I had more right to be, and just listened. It solidified my love. He was informed and respectful. No, we aren't having kids.
James King 1 year ago
If you support bodily autonomy you should have been THRILLED by the overturning of Roe vs. Wade. It was the Judicial Branch of the Federal government telling the other two branches they don't have dominion over a woman's body. It's been years, and STILL so many liberals can't understand this. Lack of critical thinking skills strikes again...
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Helen Waight 3 years ago
My ex: honestly believed he had a right to physically stop me getting a termination if he didn’t approve. My husband (different guy): honestly believes it’s his role to support whatever choices I make with my own body. It’s telling which one I married.
Wysteria_Rose 3 years ago
Especially if he refuses to ever get a vasectomy. Gee, you get to choose that or not? That must be nice.
Alicia M 3 years ago
Absolutely! I'm not wasting my time on people with different views on such big topics. Some things, like one's abortion stance, are immediate deal breakers. Why would I spend more time with someone I don't even like? If you don't support women's rights, including safe, legal access to abortion, I don't want to know you.
Jessi Lovely 3 years ago
Yes, people that date guys : please stop seeing it as a “plus” if your dude is a feminist. It’s the standard. Something ain’t right in the water if he’s not.
Samyan Elrod 2 years ago
Or, like the guy who hit on me in hs, said I'd change my mind about a hysterectomy and no bio kids (maybe adoption) I will not change my mind thank you. Hysterectomy appt tomorrow!
#9
Telling me you like me better with X or you’re glad I don’t do Y like some girls. Complimenting me by putting others down is a no for me dog.
Hales M 3 years ago
I had a guy say he liked that I didn't have piercings like other girls because it looks trashy. I still don't have piercings but you bet your butt I don't have him either.
Curry on... 3 years ago (edited)
Is it because he said it looked trashy? I can see that remark being very judgmental, but it wouldn't bother me if he just said he didn't like it.
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Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 2 years ago
I had the opposite problem. We broke up because he was still hung up on his ex. With whom I could never complete with. Even though I told him before we even started dating I could never be, would never be her.
But how can you know that a guy sitting in front of you is capable of such awkwardness, rudeness, and discomfort? Well, dating coach Heart was eager to offer some of the most common red flags women should look out for. Or consider ghosting if they’re already present.
"If the creep factor is there, like weird or insidious comments that make you feel uncomfortable or even scared, things that cause a genuine concern for one’s safety, it’s enough to make women want to ghost."
"Other men are just so overtly rude or despicable that women don’t want to have to explain or even deal with the fallout of saying 'I’m not interested,'" she added. "Many of us have seen how rejection can escalate bad behavior from men, which is why some women feel safer to simply ghost."
#10
Send unsolicited nudes and still have the audacity to ask if I want some of it
Tara Moov 3 years ago
Not to make light of a man making you feel uncomfortable, but I once got to use the line "Why did you share a photo of a baby naked mole rat?" someone else on the internet had used, and it was glorious.
Deborah B 3 years ago
You should *Send back* a picture of a naked mole rat, and when you get back a "WTF?" you tell them "What? You started it."
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Tamra 3 years ago
Honestly this can cross the line from disrespect into assault, imo. I mean, if a person exposes themselves to someone else in public, they get arrested, right? Sending unsolicited d**k pics just seems like an aggressive, disrespectful thing to do.
Lawrencium 3 years ago
It is unequivocally harassment if unsolicited. Not quite assault since there is no physical altercation, but you should 100% have the right to file a complaint or press sexual harassment charges if this happens to you!
Load More Replies... RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
As a man, I often wonder about what goes through the heads (no pun intended) of my brethren when making these decisions. I cannot fathom the scenario where I would want a picture of my penis just floating around out there in the ether. There is nothing in the cosmos that would entice me into creating a digital representation of my horrible nakedness. Even worse would be sharing that image.
Scary Laugh 3 years ago (edited)
You could always try "That's sweet, it looks just like a penis, only MUCH smaller.".
AnnwylTheBloodyLovesFerghus 3 years ago
Aww, does that come in adult size?
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GlamourGhoul 3 years ago
I like to return the favor by sending d**k pics back to them, and when they get mad "I thought we were sharing d**k pics!"
Isaac Harvey 3 years ago
I’d reply with a simple “no thanks”- or, possibly even better: “no thanks, that’s too small for me.” Or: “mine is bigger.”
#11
Back when I worked night shift at the hospital. Guy I was newly dating wanted to hangout that night before my shift, around 5pm. I tried to explain that I would be sleeping until my shift, and that 5pm was like 5am to me and I did NOT want to hang out. He didn't get it. He proceeded to ignore my wishes and let himself into my apartment to "surprise" me by tickling my feet while I slept. I definitely ghosted him, and also changed the locks.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
Why on Earth did he have access to your apartment if you were "newly dating?"
Tobias Reaper 3 years ago
it says he let himself in that sounds like breaking and entering to me
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SheamusFanFrom1987 3 years ago
Might want to get a restraining order too while you are at it. These kind of psychos likely can't take a hint...
MRSS 3 years ago
Total lack of respect and boundaries but my question is if you were Newly Dating, unless he is a pro at picking locks and I assume a deadbolt as well, why would he have keys to your place so soon?! No judgment, to each his own, and we all move at different speed's in relationships, but giving keys to the house/apt soon maybe rethink next time. Unless he broke in.
Show thyself 3 years ago (edited)
What timeframe of dating is considered "newly dating"? Did he picked the lock or did she gave him the keys? The first option is frightening and the second option is - sorry - stupid in a young relationship, where you don't really know each other. (It's an opinion, no accusation - I'm assuming he picked the lock.)
Pamela Blue 3 years ago
Perhaps he had one of those kits where he took her house key and pressed it into a dough, then had a key made from the impression. If so, then he's creepier than just breaking in!
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Deidre Lippnik 3 years ago
I wouldve called the cops and had him arrested and restraining order
Carla McNeil 3 years ago
If "ghosting" here means "turning three times your original size, screaming like a banshee, and burning this fool with eldritch fire," then ghosting seems highly appropriate. You took that key out of the ashes of his remains. Changing the locks is just a cover story. Good for you.
Conan Maschingon 3 years ago
how did he already have a key to your apartment if you are "newly dating" this doesn't make sense
#12
Giving attitude or guilt trips before even meeting. Had one guy who when I didn’t respond fast enough to his liking started in with the ‘ok well I guess you don’t want to talk then’ passive aggressive comments. Instant no.
Stephanie Cunningham 3 years ago
Yes! During my VERY brief time using online dating apps, I had a guy get really upset with me because I wouldn't meet him to go hiking during the height of the pandemic. Sorry bro, I have relatives who are dependent on oxygen and I can't risk making them sick for some rando from Bumble.
Tucson Dispatch 3 years ago
I GOT CAUGHT UP IN AN ENGAGEMENT WITH A FELLOW LIKE THIS. GLAD I EVENTUALLY DODGED THAT HELL BULLET.
Hakitosama 3 years ago
hey look at the bright side of life (tulut tulut tutututut), he spared you a whooooooooole waste of time
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
Um, gee - because I was: in a meeting, had explosive diarrhea, my dog suddenly died.
Of course, ghosting is an easy and not-so-scary way to cut all ties with your date — way less daunting than having a frank conversation or typing out what’s on your mind, as well as your heart. In fact, getting ghosted is now simply a fact of life in the modern dating world. A survey by the dating site Plenty of Fish found that 78% of single Millennials — people on the site between the ages of 18 and 33 — have experienced it at least once.
#13
The second a guy suggests I'm upset just because I'm on my period I am gone.
AmAndA_Panda 3 years ago
While I think all men need to try that, that's not really the point of the post. We're allowed to be upset. Blaming it on hormones invalidates our feelings. It literally has nothing to do with our periods.
Load More Replies... M. William Bell 3 years ago
This is a fair post, but only that it is not a man’s place to comment about why a woman is acting one way or another. I’m sure that not all women are more emotional around their period, but my wife certainly can be. I have learned to look at the calendar before giving too much weight to the things she says or does that seem out of character for her. As a logic-based person who is not given to emotional responses, I find both of us get along better if I give her a little more latitude in the days leading up to her period.
Ladytron 3 years ago
I (personally) feel things more intensely (same with being pregnant) but I don't "make things up" just because of hormones. If I have an issue it's the very same issue I would have regardless. So it's very frustrating when someone try to invalidate your feelings by blaming it on hormones. I would describe it as being more honest about your feelings and stand up for yourself compared to constantly covering up to not be considered "difficult". I think it goes pretty well in hand with how most women are raised, to be considerate of others feelings and not be too vocal about their personal needs. The older I get the more I see that when I'm "hormonal" (even though I hate that expression) I'm actually more genuinely myself (even if my partner surely would say that I'm not.)
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Candice Cook 2 years ago
Or tries to say I'm being bipolar like it's a personality trait. I hate to break it to you buddy, but my bipolar disorder isn't making me disagree with you...I just have my own opinions.
Friday Van-Defoe 2 years ago
But is there anything wrong with a woman being upset only because she’s on her period? If she is wouldn’t it be a well earned right?
Jessie 2 years ago
The point is that when we get angry at something our reaction might be a little on the dramatic side but the point is still valid. We would still be upset if we weren’t on our period. Men that say things like “you’re only angry because you’re on your period” are really just ignoring something that is upsetting us and it really makes you feel like your feelings and thoughts don’t matter.
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robman1ok1 Hernandez 2 years ago
When you wrote this was it that time of the month? I hope you realize I'm joking.
#14
Call me nicknames like “sweetheart” or “baby girl” when I’ve never met them before.
Octavia Hansen 3 years ago
People introduce themselves the way they want to be addressed. A lot of men will immediately try to change my name when we meet. No thanks.
That nerd Zoe ️🇺🇦️ 3 years ago
Absolutely! I share a class with my boyfriend and everyone started to call me turtle (inappropriate joke I don't wanna explain) when they found out I was a lesbian (I'm bisexual but originally thought I was a lesbian) and when I told them to stop he was the only one who was like "okay guys she doesn't wanna be called Turtle so stop." (We weren't dating then, sorry for the long story)
Load More Replies... That nerd Zoe ️🇺🇦️ 3 years ago
I hate the name "baby girl" even if we're dating. Sweetheart, maybe, depends on the context.
Hales M 3 years ago
I'm 80% sure they do that so they don't accidentally use the wrong name in chat and give away that they are chatting with multiple women.
Sue User 3 years ago
Ues, my ex brother in law called all the girls he was dating " boo". They were interchangable to him.
Load More Replies... TheAquarius1978 3 years ago
Well i call everyone " querido " ( darling ) but in my defence i call EVERYONE both male and female, its just an expression i use.
Natalie H 3 years ago
A guy that was hitting on me called me “baby girl” once. I pretended not to notice, but then called him “baby boy”. He stopped talking and said “I’m a MAN, not a baby boy” I asked “Why is a MAN flirting with a baby girl? Apparently you’re too old for me” Then I got up and left. Hopefully he learned something.
Pink Aesthetic 2 years ago (edited)
"Baby girl" makes me wanna puke. Like i'm not a child, are you into them?
Rachel Reynolds 3 years ago
I don't mind nicknames, but it's a first or second date, then no. Also being called 'baby girl' is a hard no/major turn off.
#15
One guy texted me after our first date that he wanted to put me in a pokeball so he could keep me forever and only take me out when he wanted me… and then texted a load of abuse when I didn’t reply immediately (I was trying to figure out wtf to even say to that!)
So yeah, that.
SheamusFanFrom1987 3 years ago
As a Pokemon fanboy growing up, I wish I could have walked around with 6 friends surrounding me rather than in their Pokeballs. That monster deserves to be charred by Charizard's Fire Blast... Smh...
But as anyone who's been on the opposite side of the fence knows, being ignored hurts, is confusing, and leaves you with countless unanswered questions. "It’s always recommended by me to be upfront and tell someone that you’re not interested," Heart noted.
"That said, if a woman is genuinely concerned and creeped out, it may be best to just block a number and move on. This is especially true when someone has been threatening your safety in some capacity," the coach suggested.
#16
Making demands thinking they’re being suave or manly(?) I went out for a drink with a guy once. When the bartender came by, he ordered some drink for me that I knew I wouldn’t like. I said “No I’ll have-“ and he just interrupted me and said “NO, you’re drinking what I ordered you”. Another time, an old friend found out I was going to be in his town and sent me a message saying “ok we’re going to hang out”. I was going there for a funeral so I said ‘no, I won’t have time and don’t feel like it’. He wrote back “LOL no we’re hanging out, you don’t get a say”. I end up never speaking to them again.
TheAquarius1978 3 years ago
To be fair, on the second story i'v done that to friends and they to me, never was an isue, if the other person can't he/She just hás to say it " no dude i really can't, " and that is it, we do it as a joke, not as a comand.
AutisticTurtle 3 years ago
Same. Me and my friends like to declare "I'm kidnapping you!" to each other as a way of suggesting we hang out. As soon as someone seems uncomfortable or says no, we drop it.
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DennyS (denzoren) 3 years ago
I feel like this is a result of that "alpha" bs that has plagued the internet.
Seanette Blaylock 3 years ago
I'm not sure saying they're thinking isn't wildly optimistic.
Load More Replies... #17
Negging or other forms of “c’mon, I’m just joking” forms of devaluation. I have absolutely no tolerance for it anymore. Men if you are reading this and you do it, understand it is a form of emotional abuse and you are giving off abuser red flags.
Tara Moov 3 years ago
I only recently learned that "negging" is acting indifferent or even giving backhanded compliments to someone you fancy. Why is it a thing? Who does it possibly work on?
Enlee Jones 3 years ago
Some men seem to think that women love being treated like garbage. Spoiler alert: We don’t.
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El Dee 3 years ago
These days the abusive behaviours that used to fly under the radar are now being called out and named. I've only recently found out what 'negging' is. And of course I've been the victim of it but the 'just joking' thing is done to gaslight you into believing you are 'over sensitive'
Deidre Lippnik 3 years ago
They know what they are doing! They know they are being d***s and trying to get away with it. Whats worse is when theyve hurt your feelings, then they tell you to grow up. Ugh
aZZy_d3Lta 3 years ago
in case you want to know what "negging" is, i think this quote sums it up best: "It's sort of like a backhanded compliment. Like if I said, 'Nice massive yellow belt, it really distracts from you ridiculous huge ears.'"
Pink Aesthetic 2 years ago
My ex boyriend used to say "well i guess we'll break up then" and walk away after I said whatever is fine with me to eat. He also abused and assaulted me etc.
Jordi Sharpe 3 years ago
Negging makes zero sense to me, because if it does work and my being an a*****e to you makes me attractive, I'm not sure I wanna be in a relationship with you.
rodger coghlan 3 years ago
Schrodinger's douche-bag - says something racist/sexist and determines whether he was joking or not by the responses
Marcos Valencia 3 years ago
First time in my life I find this concept... negging. I understand it, but really I still can't have a mental image...
#18
Not respecting boundaries. Instant no.
genevieve.delangie 3 years ago
i had a “boyfriend” who was telling everyone he was going to kiss me. i didn’t want to do that since i wasn’t ready and he still kept trying. broke that one off immediately.
Curry on... 3 years ago
Why did that bother you? Did he try to force the kiss? (honestly curious)
Load More Replies... Wysteria_Rose 3 years ago
I had some guy hitting on me despite me saying I was already in a relationship (not an excuse, I really was just seeing someone seriously). He kept making comments like "well, you never know, you guys could break up. I think God brought us together for a reason." Yeah, They wanted me to know what crazy looks like and to run the other way.
Peeka_Mimi 3 years ago
When I was 28, I went on a blind date with a guy who said he was in his early 30s. Dude was a poorly aging 40+. He kept saying you know you want me and touching my knee repeatedly despite me asking him to please stop. I ate my dinner and then went to the bathroom and never came back.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
When I met my (now) husband, we were making out on the couch before going to dinner on our 3rd date. He started undoing the button on my jeans. I was like, "Hold on, Cowboy. I just met you & I don't have sex with strangers". He was a complete gentleman about it & we went and had a great dinner. Later he told me that was one of the things he admired most about me. Yeah, I don't do random.
Susan Mercurio 3 years ago
I had a "boyfriend" who would constantly invade my boundaries and then say to me, "I didn't break any boundaries"! He would TELL me instead of respectfully ASKING me.
Pink Aesthetic 2 years ago
My ex bf didnt respect my boundaries at all. He only wanted $3x and sent me pictures of him cutting himself
HighNMightyBigshotBossOfWorld 1 year ago
Saw this guy that used to shop at a store I worked in. Were chatting have an okay time, he asked for my number, told him sure but only only only friends. Got the message? Nope! 1 call in he wants to come over my place to help me study, he can’t remember my name though, 2nd call he wants to cook for me, hold me in his arms....bleeeech! Asked him if he does that to his male friends. He is not taking the hint. So told him never to call me again because I don’t want him cooking for me, slow dancing matter fact can’t even tolerate the thought of him touching me. He leaves 2 more messages which I delete. Dude was dense.
Even when we all know that the online dating game is not for the faint of heart, and we have all experienced a simply disastrous date at some point, the dating coach wanted to remind you it can also be fun and lead to wonderful and even long-lasting relationships. "Don’t let one bad apple ruin the bunch, so to speak. The best thing to do is to learn how to do it effectively and safely."
"The main thing to remember is that these men are strangers and should be treated as such in the beginning. I advise anyone to take my free safety hacks online dating program to be sure that they are safeguarding themselves from risk to personal safety and scammers," Heart concluded.
#19
When they come on strong sexually from the jump.
Years ago when I was on tinder men would message asking if they’d correctly guessed my bra size before even saying hi.
Or they’d ask my favourite sex position, or if I swallow, or if I’m flexible, or if I thought I could handle their d***s.
Like Jesus Christ what would compel anyone to respond to messages like that?? From someone apparently 1km away from me? Of course I’m ghosting.
And blocking.
And reporting.
Emma S 3 years ago
Any man that thinks this is OK needs to think about how they'd react if they found out their little sister, mother, aunt etc was sent unsolicited sexual messages, and then had others saying she's fair game because she's on a dating app?
b 3 years ago
I had the worst experience with online "dating". Put me off sex for a good two years. So gross.
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Seabeast 3 years ago
I think these are men who spend all their time on porn sites and have no idea what real-life women are like.
Ladytron 3 years ago
Yup. They come across as oversexualized and egoistic because well, that's how most porn looks like. For example no woman in real life dream of giving you a blow job just like that without nothing in return but in porn that's "real life" because mainstream porn is always from a male perspective (and fictional obviously).
Load More Replies... El Dee 3 years ago
I've never been on Tinder but isn't it for hookups? Although even if it is it's still really vile to start talking like that, respect goes a long way..
Brent Kaufman 2 years ago
Yes, it's classless. And so is going on an app for one-night stands and hookups.
Load More Replies... Alicia M 3 years ago
Unless she's a virgin, she can handle you, buddy. 🙄 I'm so sick of men thinking their part is so big that women are actually intimidated or scared of it. This isn't a thing for women. We can birth babies, so maybe think twice before thinking you're all that. Men like this disgust me. The only person impressed by their "size" is them. We aren't living in a porno movie. Women don't gasp when you disrobe.
Tree P 3 years ago
I know! When I worked in retail, I had a guy ask for large condoms. As I showed him where they were, he told me he had a 12 inch d**k. He said most women were intimidated by it's size. I told him to get Magnums.
Load More Replies... Brent Kaufman 2 years ago
I know right. And you'd think women would be more accepting on a hookup app.
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Bruce Nielsen 3 years ago
Personally, as a man, I would like to ask if you want to snuggle up listening to the rain, and that hard lump you feel on your butt is my (empty) wallet and my car keys
Nightshade1972 3 years ago
Years ago, I was on a fortunately-now-defunct dating site in the US. I received an email from a guy claiming to be a "Middle Eastern prince," who seemed very proud of the fact that he liked sex more if the woman *wasn't* willing--he openly told me he *preferred* it if the woman refused his advances. He was much more graphic about it, but fortunately I've forgotten most of what he said. However, it alarmed me so much that I forwarded his email to the dating site's customer service team. They apparently decided to look through my email history too, and because they decided that, in their opinion, I'd *also* been "rude" to several other members, not only were they kicking the "Middle Eastern prince" off the site, they were kicking me off the site, too. NGL...
Adam Leviness 3 years ago
I've never used it because I thought it was kind of seedy, but I thought tinder was SPECIFICALLY for quick hookups? Isn't that what you're on there for? Do you really expect dudes to be anything other than slimy and gross on a website meant to meet up with someone you don't know hookup and never speak to again?
#20
I got covid and had to cancel a date. I sent him a picture of my two positive tests, just to reassure him it wasn’t anything he’d done to make me cancel. Honestly he’d seemed a bit insecure when we’d talked prior to this and instead of heeding that red flag I had just offered him reassurance up to that point. He said he had a crappy ex who made him feel insecure and I felt some sympathy for him. Well, he accused me of not being interested and faking covid to get out of a date with him. As if I wouldn’t just tell him the truth and cancel? We’re in our 30’s. I think he thought I was going to fawn all over him and beg him to hang out or tell him it wasn’t really covid or something. But instead I called him out on his sh**ty behavior and he quickly tried to backpedal and say he was just kidding (he wasn’t. It was obvious.) I left him on read and ghosted. He happened to see me on a dating app about a month later and tried to hit me up like nothing had ever happened. I ignored him. The funny thing is, is that he had to cancel our original first date planned the week before because of a work commitment and I was totally understanding about it. S**t happens. Guess he couldn’t extend that same courtesy to me when I got sick. Another red flag I ignored was him telling me that “girls don’t want nice guys like me, they want bad boys who treat them like s**t and that’s why I’m single, I’m too good of a guy to them.” Ugh. Glad I ghosted.
Deidre Lippnik 3 years ago
I hate those... they get so mad, "no one wants nice guys" LIES!!! We want ACTUAL NICE GUYS!!! Ya know one whos actions speak... im a nice guy!!
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Pamela Blue 3 years ago
Men who insist that they're "nice guys" are red flags all on their own. A really nice guy doesn't have to tell you that. A woman can make that decision on her own.
Kitty Jordan 3 years ago
Any guy who says the line about "girls don't want nice guys, they want bad boys who treat them horribly", I'm out. It's just such a "woe is me! girls are stupid and can't they see I'm amazing?" play. Ugh.
Ilia Bauer 3 years ago
The difference between a "Nice Guy" and a "Good Guy" is that Nice Guys are nice to be transactional. If they're Nice to you, they're doing it because they expect to cash in Nice cards for something. They're not actually nice, they're pretending to BE nice to make you owe them. Good guys are good because being good is the default, without expecting to cash it in later.
UpQuarkDownQuark 3 years ago
If you’re really a nice guy, you’ll never feel the need to announce it.
Seedy Vine 3 years ago
If he couldn't believe your Covid diagnoses, his "work commitment" was definitely another woman.
Alicia M 3 years ago
I can't tell you how many times I've heard the same exact thing. Girls don't like nice guys. Give me a break. That's ALL most girls want. From my experience, the men who call themselves "nice guys" spend far too much time complaining about all their perceived injustices, and not at all focusing on the person in front of them. When newly dating, no one wants to hear a seemingly unending list of grievences against people from your past. Save that for when you know the person better. I went out with someone who was obsessed about how I would eventually be like everyone else he dated. He couldn't even enjoy the moment.
FakeOptimist 3 years ago
Only being nice untill he thinks you're not watching.
Load More Replies... #21
Persist in asking me “what are you wearing” every. single. f*****g. day. Clothes, ok buddy? I’m wearing f*****g clothes.
Jcusack 3 years ago
Just start saying a fursuit. It works. (p.s. Sorry furries but it works ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)
TotallyNOTaFox 3 years ago (edited)
No offense taken - we furries are fully aware that other people think we're cringe ^^
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Joshua David 3 years ago
Ew. Yuck. Straight adult men (not all, of course) are encouraged to deny feeling thier whole lives until they meet a girl then in turn behave like children. Again, not all.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
My period panties, an old sweatshirt from the guy who had the biggest d*ck I've ever seen, athlete's foot cream and an avocado face mask.
#22
When they only compliment you and don't let the conversation flow. Example -You have the most beautiful smile -thank you, you too. How's your day? -you look sexy in that pic -haha thanks, I see you like playing the guitar, how long have you been playing -Your eyes are like.... Like goddammit cut the b******t
Al! 3 years ago
I've known men like this and explaining to them you want a conversation always ended up with me being accused of not taking a compliment....or worse me being accused of low self esteem.
Stannous Flouride 3 years ago (edited)
Gaslighting. Many people (both sexes) have a hard time accepting compliments. Assigning blame to them because of it is just a form of manipulation.
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Sonja 3 years ago
They do it to not commit. Talking about stuff is for their bros, babes only get compliments, not conversation. Those guys don't think that women have personality. They think women are this generic species that has to be won to complete their lifes. It's just an ends to their means. They don't seek partners, they seek dolls and maids. Sometimes they seek their 'Queen' which they also only see as an accessory, not a person. Why would they waste a conversation on that?
TheEndIsNigh🇨🇦and🇬🇧in🇺🇲 3 years ago
That's when you start giving them back, but make them really weird like " Wow, you have really pretty, doll lips," or "Your hair is so thick, like a bear." Feel free to get creative.
Misty-Dawn Amayi 3 years ago
This guy is only after sex. If he can't talk on any other subject, bye!
Mobey Drunk 3 years ago
Honestly, someone who turns down interest like that, deserves to be alone.
#23
i’ve ghosted guys that have had crazy road rage while in the car with me. if you scream and curse at the top of your lungs and hit your steering wheel etc just because someone didn’t merge fast enough for you I don’t want to be around you lol.
Kat Lyle 3 years ago
Nah, I've seen great dancers who were s**t in bed, and vice versa.
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Hill Branda 3 years ago
If someone can't remain reasonably calm driving in ordinary traffic, how can do you think they're going to react when REALLY stressful situations happen? Run for the hills.
RJ 3 years ago
It goes the other way too... I've been on a date where I was driving and they were yelling at other drivers, even gave one the finger. She's effin' crazy if she thinks I'm going to defend her honor when steroid lad steps out of his car at the next traffic light, swinging a pair of nun chucks.
#24
When he mistakes kindness for attraction.
Tara Moov 3 years ago
Yes! How you have to force yourself to NOT be your true kind self just because men read into it and equate friendly with flirting 🙁
Cheryl Wilson 3 years ago
Men (& women) have to notice when someone is hesitant. Recognize it! Being friendly &/or kind does not mean that the person wants YOU as a date, partner, or even as a hook up.
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Mobey Drunk 3 years ago
This is a big disappointment that happens in my culture (USA). I hate that women have to be assholes as a precaution. I've seen this with service workers and it breaks my heart. Being nice doesn't mean someone wants to f**k you. It's worse when there's a tip involved. You need to be friendly to survive and idiots misinterpret a romantic meaning. Sorry for the rant, this is something that has always pissed me off.
D. Pitbull 3 years ago
All. The. Time. I've had guys be HOSTILE to me after being kind/polite/complimentary (did not harbour any sort of attraction in that sense, btw) - because they were just so freaked out that ugly ol' me was "OBVIOUSLY" trying to hit on them... Like, no, buddy... it's a nice shirt. Seriously.
UpQuarkDownQuark 3 years ago
I was like this when I was younger. I’m really embarrassed by it. Politeness doesn’t equal friendliness; friendliness doesn’t equal attraction.
Anne McKinney 3 years ago
THIS!!!! JFC this has bugged me my whole life. Friendly does NOT mean I automatically want to f**k you!!!!
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
Just because I smile at you on the trolley does NOT mean it's an invitation to come sit next to me and start hitting on me. F*ck off.
Susan Mercurio 3 years ago
Once a guy pushed himself on me and when I said, "What did I ever do to make you think that I wanted that?" He said it was because I said "Hi" to him on a bus (that we both took at the same time every day).
#25
Spamming you with messages. Anything past 5 in a row is creepy
I once had a guy spam me with 300 voice notes when I went on holiday and couldn't be on my phone 24/7.
2picklesinabun 3 years ago
I hate how people think that just because you have a cellphone means you have to be available 24/7. NO! F that
Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
This is why I turn mine off during evening Me Time. Please call again during business hours. *beep*
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Kel_how 3 years ago
I'm a teacher and around kids most of the day, so I'm not texting constantly and I certainly don't want to receive sexually explicit messages that a kid could potentially see. But guys get mad when I don't reply quickly enough. Sorry I'm an adult and have a full-time job; maybe try it for yourself??
Elio 3 years ago
Preach! I too have an adult job and will get in trouble of I'm texting while working. Besides it's not even a real conversation most of the time, just incessant small talk.
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HangryHangryHippo 3 years ago (edited)
When I was 19 YO I was working two jobs Mon-Sat in a call center, and the second one was as waitress weekends and holidays. Cue December 24th, started the waitress shift at 6.30 and finished at 7pm, was back home one hour later. Said hello to mom, and told her I'll take a nap until dinner time (usually on Christmas we have dinner late to be up at midnight for the toast). Sent a sms to my boyfriend saying the same and turned off my cell. I crashed! Was so tired... My mother woke me up sometime after 10pm to get ready and told me my boyfriend had called me to the landline "worried sick" because I wasn't answering my phone. She told him I was sleeping, and my phone had like 20 unread text escalating the tone, as doubting that I was actually sleeping at home. Also several missing calls. Huge red flag.
HangryHangryHippo 3 years ago
Haha, just realized that a lot of things above will no make sense to younger people. For context, this was around 2005
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Teddy O'Malley 2 years ago
I gave a guy who flirted with me in a local shop a chance and I told him ahead I was a night shifter and sleep during the day. He sent me 5 messages while I was sleeping that got progressively whinier and that maybe he was bothering me etc. my phone had been on airplane the whole time bc nobody respects nightshifters and call and text at all hours 🤦♀️
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Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
My cell phone is for MY convenience. My sister (with whom I no longer speak) had a fit because I didn't answer her call IMMEDIATELY or call her back IMMEDIATELY. Yeah, I was busy giving CPR to a restaurant patron who had collapsed in the booth next to me. F*ck you, Jennifer.
#26
I was on a date once when I was much younger where I realized the guy was manipulating and lying to me in order to have sex with me, and pushing my physical boundaries way too much despite my very clear protests (e.g. "I'm not going to take my shirt off." Then the guy sticks his hands up under my shirt). It took way too long to convince him to get away from me so I could leave, while having to be polite out of fear of what he might do in retaliation. I sincerely feared I was going to be date r*ped. It was a shame because we'd actually been having a fairly nice time up until then.
So... yeah, that. Naive go-with-the-flo even felt bad about not returning his texts for a while.
EDIT: Oh, just remembered this fun nugget he dropped while trying to pressure me into going further --- "But that's what fun girls do!" Bro.
Tobias Reaper 3 years ago
thats what fun girls do how did that not convince you seriously though what a cockwaffle
Hakitosama 3 years ago
tips for straying hands girls and boys : grab the finger, any one, the one you can grab the easiest, and pull it BACKWARD. In French we call it "une clé de doigt". Usualy a slight pull is enough to make them understand and if they're a little dumb, pull harder and disjoint it before runing away. If they are PARTICULARLY dumb and try to grab you, hands flat and slap the ears... NO ONE gets back up after that.
Claire Elise 3 years ago
I don't understand why we say "date rape" like the fact that you were on a date somehow changes something; it doesn't. It's rape.
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
Nobody's saying it isn't. A forensic pathologist is still a pathologist. A wine glass is still a glass. Date rape is still rape. It's just a more precise name for the situation.
Load More Replies... Pamela Blue 3 years ago
The instant that hand went up my shirt, my drink would have been all over him and I would be standing up screaming "GET OFF OF ME!!!" Hopefully this date was in a place where assistance would have been available.
RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
I always assumed they were like lawyers and charged by the minute. Good to know
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Becca Kuehn 2 years ago
The reason it sounds like sexual assault because it IS.
Load More Replies... Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
Fun girls are girls who dance and play games and make you laugh and have lots of good stories to tell. A girl who puts out the instant you demand it whether she likes it or not is probably either being abused or paid by the hour.
HighNMightyBigshotBossOfWorld 1 year ago
Had this one guy, I met one week in a club. Next week we are hanging in same club, I have to leave because I teach kids in the AM and those little buggers sap ALL ENERGY. This guy expected me to take him home, he blocked name! About a year late he is in the same club about to talk to me, and I just walked by pretending I didn’t recognize him!
#27
Being dismissive of creepy behavior among their friends. I recently separated and went out with some girlfriends when I met a seemingly decent guy who shared my nerdy interests. He was out with his friends too, and one of his buddies crossed several lines with mine. The Creepoid snatched my friend’s phone and immediately started messing with her settings/contacts, then he stole her drink before offering her another. When I mentioned this to the guy I was talking to, he just brushed it off like… “yeah, he’s just like that.” Ok then, we can’t hang out unless everyone feels safe. Bye. ETA: This should be considered a gender-neutral standard to avoid creeps, it’s not just for women. This particular story is simply told from my perspective. Everyone be safe out there and look out for your friends!
D. Pitbull 3 years ago
Yeah... pretty much.. anyone who excuses or thinks garbage behaviour is "just them" or... "totally okay"... one ex couldn't understand why I was rather unimpressed with him being 'okay' with one of his best buds being a serial cheater.
Elizabeth Joy 3 years ago
I had a dates friend stand behind me while I was sitting down facing away from him and FULL ON rub himself on me. I was like a deer stuck in headlights, just frozen. I’d lean forward to move away and his pelvis would just follow. Told date later on and he just wouldn’t believe it
Sparkysheep 2 years ago
When i was like 14 or 15 something similar happened, only i wasnt on a date or anything. I was at school, in class, and we were in our seats supposed to be paying attention in class (im a fearful and insecure person, partially from being abused at home.) And i was too afraid to call attention to the fact that some classmate i didnt know was groping my butt in class. To make things worse my teacher was a really old man who was grumpy and didnt like me very much. So when i worked up my courage and tried to tell him what happened (could hardly say it) he said "I didnt see it happen." And that was that. I left and for the next two days in two different classes he did that even though the whole time i was trying to scoot away from him but hed just reach farther. After the first 2 times he asked me to date him and then thot we were dating. After the 2nd two times he had his friend ask me if we were and i said no. That's when he stopped. But seriously wtf 2 everything tht happened
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Craig Becker 3 years ago
If we’re lucky, we eventually mature to where we choose our friends (versus settling for ‘convenient’ friends who have issues).
#28
Yeah, I used to try and make sure I don’t ghost people because I felt it was “more mature”. WRONG. I’ve had guys go absolute postal even after only talking for a month. I’m talking insults, threats, using multiple numbers, using their friends accounts to talk to me, etc. If I have ANY indication that you cannot handle rejection; ghosted.
Ray 3 years ago
I used to have a hard time ignoring texts from people (men in particular) too because I thought it might be rude but really I was just putting myself through more stress than I had to. You don't owe anyone anything!
3 Owls In A Coat 3 years ago (edited)
Amen. Ghosting isn’t always mean, sometimes it’s necessary to keep you sane and SAFE.
Vladimir Arnost 2 years ago
Some women do that too. It may be close to impossible to get them to understand I'm not interested in them any more and they should stop calling me from borrowed phones, dialling my number nonstop even 50 times in a row or at 4am, ignoring things like when I'm driving and need to concentrate and/or use my phone for navigation. Sigh...
#29
I was messaging with a guy who had asked for my number. I was trying to get to know him by asking him basic questions and trying to engage in conversation, but he kept turning the conversation back around to how beautiful he thought I was. I appreciate a compliment, but if all a guy is doing is complimenting me and not actually trying to get to know me, then it is clear he just wants to get in my pants.
One of the reasons I ended an actual relationship is because of overcomplimenting. Every other thing he said was a compliment to me. It was sweet at first, but it quickly became draining, and the compliments lost all meaning and sincerity.
To summarize: Occasional, genuine compliments are nice. Excessive overcomplimenting is annoying at best and creepy at worst.
RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
Isn't that also accompanied by cheating or abusive behavior? Like, I love you I love you, you b***h I love you I love you. I have never been complimented by anyone for anything except in terms of my work (I am very good at my job). So I wouldn't have any context for this idea of over complementing. Lol, I think the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me was "you're not as ugly as you are in your picture". Thanks mom.
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Susan Mercurio 3 years ago
I'm 76 years old. I met a guy who kept telling me that I was "hot" and "sexy" and "beautiful" even after I asked him to stop. I finally told him that he must have learned that from older men when he was young ("Tell her she's gorgeous. Women love that.") but I didn't like it. Funny thing is, 50 years ago, when I was young, I really was sexy and gorgeous and all the rest. Been there, done that. I want to retire now. Maybe that does work with women who aren't sure of their looks, but it was just excessive overcomplimenting and a huge turn-off to me. I see myself in plate-glass windows when I'm out shopping and I know I don't look like I used to when I was 19.
HighNMightyBigshotBossOfWorld 1 year ago
Like you are desperate and will fall into bed for his compliments
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#30
Someone that doesn’t try to maintain a conversation with you. Like you’re basically talking to yourself.
凜Kat순아 3 years ago
And the opposite; someone who keeps talking and doesn't give chances to add to the conversation
Duesvolent90 3 years ago
Oooo i witnessed this first hand over brunch with my wife one time. Wife and I just stared at this dude who JUST..KEPT..GOING. Girl was like yup, mmhmm, awesome, hmm, wow etc..
Load More Replies... Alicia M 3 years ago
The opposite of this is also true. Don't monopolize the entire conversation. I agreed to go out with a guy once, and we talked on the phone before our first date. He talked non-stop. I don't even think he stopped for air. I couldn't find a place to jump in without interrupting. I felt like he wasn't interested in me at all and I cancelled the date. I can't stand a "Me Monster." Me, me, me. Everything is about me! 😫
KING ILLEGAL FOREST 3 years ago
Last guy I dated was like this. He didn't start out that way, we had some great conversation in the beginning. But two months later, getting any kind of conversation out of him was like pulling teeth.
TotallyNOTaFox 3 years ago (edited)
Maybe he was just shy, running out of conversation topics can become an actual problem
Load More Replies... Janet Graham 2 years ago
Being comfortable with a naturally occurring pause in conversation is a good thing. Too many feel like there needs to be constant sound!
Alicia M 3 years ago
I had a brief relationship once where the guy said absolutely nothing on the phone. It was so awkward. I was 100% responsible for carrying the conversation, yet he'd always ask me if he could call me later. I dreaded that time. He wasn't a bad guy. He was just insufferably boring.
#31
When you can't say anything to them without them trying to make it into sex talk (when you're in the getting to know each other stage).
If you say you're just going to hop in the shower and they start getting excited, asking to join, sending winky emojis.... I'm out.
robman1ok1 Hernandez 2 years ago
This is a gender neutral thing. When I started dating someone if I couldn't have a good conversation or laugh often with them I knew it wasn't going to work out. These are two important reasons my wife and I have been together for eleven years.
SheamusFanFrom1987 3 years ago (edited)
If someone asks to join me in the shower, I'd probably say "Fine, but the moment you mess with the water temperature, I'm confiscating your towel and kicking you out butt naked!" It's humid where I am and I like my water temperature low and cool...
#32
Disrespect. If a man continues to call you a “pet name” because he thinks it’s cute even after you’ve politely asked him to stop? Bye.
Jill Bussey 3 years ago
Quite possibly because he can't be bothered to remember your actual name.
Becca Kuehn 2 years ago
It's extremely irritating to constantly be called "sweetheart" or "honey" especially by someone I barely know.
P.L. Packer 3 years ago
I had a male friend who told me he did it to women because he would never call someone by the wrong name that way. He called all women "Baby"......ugh
#33
Assumptions. They make you seem really controlling.
"I bet you only like guys who go to the gym. You're probably one of those people who orders appetizers. You probably only go to the club on the weekend. You probably believe in astrology. "
Context matters, but to just come out and say some things makes me second-guess myself, which is the first step to controlling my behavior.
The Deez 3 years ago
"Only" go to the club on the weekend? Ummm, yeah. Because I work during the week and realize that going out and partying when I have to be up at 5:30 the next day would be kind of dumb. (At least on a regular basis!)
Wendy Lampl 3 years ago
But that is more explanation than they deserve. Those comments aren't looking for an explanation, they are to put you down and make you defensive.
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Amanda Hunt 3 years ago
I had a coworker who was pretty nice and we’d chat frequently. One time he asked me out, and I told him I’m not really looking to date right now (the truth). He instantly jumped to “It’s because I’m Hispanic, isn’t it??” Um, yeah I might have considered it before, but now it’s a definite no. 😑
TotallyNOTaFox 3 years ago (edited)
Playing victim to make the other person feel guilty and question their motives - Manipulation 101
Load More Replies... Rachel Reynolds 3 years ago
I had an old man in Home Depot tell me I looked like I could kill a man with my bare hands. He gets a pass.
Duesvolent90 3 years ago
Should I not order an appetizer? I'm fluffy I need the extra food tho 😢
3 Owls In A Coat 3 years ago
I was thinking that too - if I “look like a person who orders appetizers” then so be it, gosh darn it! I’ll accept my fate with open arms (and appetizers?)
Load More Replies... Jessi Lovely 3 years ago
People have done this to me even if it’s not in a dating setting. A girl a work wanted people in ear shot to think we were close and would say s**t like that “you’re so” or “we’re so alike” B***H I DONT KNOW YOU. So off-putting, I get so angry sometimes. Or when yo don’t know someone and they keep saying “you should [do this]”, like f**k off with your unsolicited advice bro.
robman1ok1 Hernandez 2 years ago
One of those people that orders appetizers? I'll bet they're one of those people who orders the cheapest thing on the menu (not because they want it, because it's cheap) no dessert and water (once again, not because they want it because it's free) I'm a guy and if I'm taking you to dinner we're going to do it right. I'm pretty sure in their final moments no one ever said "I'm glad I didn't treat myself when I went out to eat".
#34
I had a guy over to hang out one day. He put an Adam Sandler movie on the tv and kept asking me if I liked it. I said, “not really” and he just kept playing it and intermittently asking if I liked it. After the movie ended he wanted to do karaoke, so he pulled up a Frank Sinatra song and sang at me… it was uncomfortable. After the awkward “karaoke”, we made out for a bit and he asked me if we could f**k. I said no, and he replied “well I’m not even attracted to you anyway, you just looked like you wanted to f**k”. He then gave me unsolicited advice on how to get rid of acne. We sat in silence for a minute before he asked me, “do you want to debate politics? What are your thoughts on abortion?”. After he left I immediately blocked/ghosted him.
Auntie Bear 3 years ago (edited)
I've had nightmares that were more enjoyable than that
Load More Replies... RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
The number of red flags here. This is like a red-flag parade with fireworks, and people marching with red streamers, while the marine corps band plays the theme from psycho.
JammaCoast2Coast 3 years ago
After awkward karaoke, leave. Why put yourself through the rest of that? Dating is exhausting
#35
When they get too intense, let's say I'm talking with them for a week and they already telling me I'm the love of their life, the most beautiful women in the world, that they love me are huge red flags for me. I feel like they like me for what they want me to be and not who I am. How can you know all this after knowing me for a week? I get suspicious when they get too intense.
GirlFriday 3 years ago
Love bombing - it is a form of emotional abuse. They reel you with all of this "we are meant to be, and you are the only one for me" s&it and then attempt to turn it into you giving them money, a place to stay, etc. These men often turn violent if the love bombing isn't returned.
Ilia Bauer 3 years ago
Wow you got a whole week? I had a guy pull it within the first thirty minutes. My skin crawled so hard I had to fetch it out from under the couch.
RM Ker 3 years ago
Huge red flag. Everyone deserves a chance but has to prove themselves to you before you throw your heart away. Its just a big game for someone who acts like this. Once they know you want them, they'll use you for a source of narcissist fuel or randomly drop you without warning, which is all better than the nightmare of being in a relationship with someone who is never going to truly love you.
Kat Min 3 years ago (edited)
I've seen that a few times: men being in love with love. It's not something terrible, imo, but I will take a fairly large amout of time before I commit emotionally, regardless on how involved you already are. BEcause this infatuation doesn't last. After a few weeks, your brain will switch back on and if you still like me THEN, we can go a step further.
MRSS 3 years ago
Funny, my now Wife and I met online. I'll be completely honest, neither one of us was looking for a relationship and we both established it was only for hooking up and if it was good we would be f buddies and possibly friends. Well for some reason we couldn't get together for at least 4 months. Timing on both sides since I lived in CT and she in NY. In that 4 Months we spoke and got to know each other very well and when we did finally meet up and found out how amazing a fit in the bedroom we were and talking all those months prior I knew I was going to fall in love with her. But that took almost a year to happen. Someone's true colors don't show right away no matter how long you talk prior to meeting and after. 6yr relationship a 4-5yr break up and now 2yrs back together and I married the love of my life.
Kirsten Kerkhof 3 years ago
I had a guy who, after two weeks of dating, invited me to meet his parents since they were vacationing close by. He introduced me as his fiancée (we were just dating), and reassured his mother that he’d soon have me make-up free and in a modest skirt. My jaw hit the floor so hard it registered on the Richter scale. He couldn’t fathom why there was no date afterwards and I had to ghost him.
Fable Weaver 2 years ago
When I was younger I used to be so confused about why I felt this weird intensity from everyone I dated. Like how could you possibly feel strongly about me yet, we barely know each other? I wouldn't ghost but I did end things a few times over this feeling of an imbalance. "I like being around them, sure, but they seem to REALLY like me It's not fair to them that I don't feel the the same, and not fair to me to be the one always pumping the breaks on their intensity." Kinda fusturated me how EVERYONE seemed to move so fast. ... Anyway, well into adulthood I learned the word "asexual" and learned that instant sexual attraction was a reall thing and not one of the exaggerated elements of "storybook love" that we see in movies. The imbalance I felt was they were attracted to me (hence the being on dates) and I was looking to build a deeper romantic connection that takes truly knowing people. I wish I could go back and explain to them and to young me. I was always so awkward in explaining
#36
* Treat me like I’m auditioning for the role of your wife/surrogate mother (Asking if I can cook, clean, stay at home right out of the gate) * Treat me like I already am your wife just because I showed interest in you * Assume that I’m obsessed with marriage and babies just because I’m a straight woman (If you’re a commitmentphobe, say that, don’t blame me) * Insult my intelligence * Insult how I look * Immediately suggest that I must correct something you don’t like about me. * Immediately act possessive and try to interrogate me about other men in my life (I can’t ‘cheat on you’ if I’ve only met you once) * Call me bitter, crazy or resentful for just acknowledging that I’ve had relationships before * **If my gut senses that you’re a threat to my wellbeing**
Octavia Hansen 3 years ago
I sing in bars and clubs. Any man I meet there tells me I can quit and stay with them. No, I LOVE performing and don't want to give it up to do your dishes and laundry. They are already planning my life . . .
DuchessDegu 3 years ago
That's unbelievable, are those men time travelers form the 40s? How dare you actually enjoying your job instead of being their personal servant? 😆
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RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
The "change something about myself" thing is interesting to me. My brother started dating this woman (they now live together and have a child), and she asked him "what would you like me to change about myself" when we were all out together. To me that was like a super red-flag. Why would you ask that question, what level of insecurity are we talking about here? Luckily, my brother is the guy that all of the women here are posting about, so he said, "your teeth" which made me so embarrassed I had to leave. I don't get on well with my brother.
Becca Kuehn 2 years ago
DAMN! I'm sorry that your brother acts like that.
Load More Replies... Jessi Lovely 3 years ago
* Think I should change my mind when I say I DONT want kids. We’re not together bro, leave my womb alone
#37
Random, constant calling.. I'm at work dude!!!
RM Ker 3 years ago
Tell him not to call when youre at work. Does he even know youre schedule? If he wont accept your boundaries, its not going to get better. But you have to make them clear. I think its kind of cool and brave if someone takes the time to call. Do they call, do they text, how long can the text be? How much/many is too much? Other people cant guess your rules for communication. I honestly feel bad for guys trying to date these days. Theyre afraid to move, so women better not expect them to do all the work.
Patti Browm 2 years ago
I had this very insecure guy who called me between 10-50 times a day daily. I worked on call 24/7 and he swore i wasn't answering cuz i was too busy f*cking all my coworkers! Had to change my number. He owned my favorite tire shop and so had to find another shop too. It got worse.
bottomless.abyss.of.bordem 3 years ago
But they can be doing absolutely nothing and don't answer
Seabeast 3 years ago
Which is their perogative. Nobody is obligated to be on call 24/7.
Load More Replies... #38
If he makes me feel unsafe in any way...NOPE. Making r*pe comments, spiking of the drink comments, kidnapping comments...My favorite one to date was: "I could fit you in my pocket and nobody would even know!"...Um...no thanks....I'ma just go crawl out the bathroom window now...(never actually did that but definitely thought about it)
Anyways...I don't date so I don't have to ghost people. Problem solved!
Seabeast 3 years ago
What are they going to do? As it is, they rarely investigate actual rape. Do you think they're going to look into vaguely rapey comments?
Load More Replies... Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
The great thing (is it though?) is that most bars/clubs have signs in the ladies room for how to get out of a creepy date, or just get away from someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. And ladies remember: NEVER leave your drink unattended. Take it to the bathroom with you, or ask the bartender to hold it behind the bar.
#39
Someone saying "where's my hug?"
CultOfBambi 3 years ago
"I'd rather hug a (pick one): leper, porcupine, cactus, rusty barbed wire fence...)"
Tim Leu 8 months ago
As an older gentleman, I wish to apologize for the degenerative ones of my s*x. They don't understand that like life, love has to come natural, from both people. I've made an attempt twice. Married to a lady that was 362 days younger than me after knowing her 2 years. Marriage lasted six months. Second lady was 10.5 yrs younger and knew each other 2 weeks before getting married. Marriage lasted nearly 11 years. Both ended by the woman stepping out on the marriage. I figure the next woman will pursue me...if she really wants to be a permanent part of my life. I've been friends with many ladies, never crossed the lines of friendship. Many of them, even after 45 years, I'm still friends with. Many of them I call my 'sisters.' Remember ladies, what doesn't k**l you only makes you stronger.
#40
Not being able to carry a conversation in person and text. Just because you ask me how I'm doing 5 times a day doesn't make you a cunning linguist.
LapCat 3 years ago (edited)
My conversations in previous relationships were all through text, unless we were hanging out face-to-face. A couple of months after me and my current partner started dating, we were texting one day after work until he *gasp* called me. He said he’d rather have a conversation about how my day was, in real time, hearing my voice. I admit it was akward at first, as everyone else I had been with before him went through the motions of a good morning text, maybe a midday text, and a “hope you had a good day” goodnight text. I thought it was normal but that, among other things, made those past relationships feel immature and empty. My current partner calling me to have a conversation on the phone when we can’t see each other face to face, is just one of the countless things that made him outstanding and a million times better than my exes. It feels way more wholesome to talk to him on the phone when we can. We are now engaged.
robman1ok1 Hernandez 2 years ago
Thank you. I hated texting my wife when we first met. Most people think guys would rather text than talk... would rather not. You can text me your fine but the nuance of your voice will tell me you didn't have such a great day.
Load More Replies... Octavia Hansen 3 years ago
Too many times men ask me how I am. When I tell them anything besides "Fine." they ignore it, dismiss it and try to tell me how I really feel. No thanks.
Nathaniel 3 years ago (edited)
I think you are not feeling fine, I think you are hormonal, but you just need to control your bodily functions, women can you know, also you need to smile more!
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Saeyoul Akiyune 1 year ago
Bruh, my friend does this c**p, along with "wyd", and I freaking hate it. Before, I was alright with it but now, I can't stand it when anyone asks me those basic "how are you doing?/what are you doing?" questions - it's become one of my biggest pet peeves. If you're going to talk me to, create an actual conversation and help to keep it going!
Peter Korsten 2 years ago
My wife and I would have never met if it weren't for text. Also she lived on the other side of Europe.
Con O Cuinn 3 years ago
Being bi on dating apps, I can say that women are generally much more guilty of this
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 3 years ago
Um… do you have any clue what the f*k being bi actually means?
Load More Replies... #41
We were joking about poop (I don't remember what) and somehow he brought up the idea of sending me a picture of his sh*t when he woke up in the morning. I told him that would be disgusting and don't do that or I won't talk to him again. Then I get an actual photo of his morning sh*t the next morning. Dude, I warned you. Gross.
MRSS 3 years ago
OH MY ACTUAL F*****G GOD!!!! What would possess grown a*s man to act do this??? I am actually stunned at this one.
Anna Gibson 3 years ago
Maybe some kind of fetish.....albeit a disgusting one..
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DuchessDegu 3 years ago
Besides being disgusting and infantile, he clearly does not listen. That's a hat trick of red flags!
FakeOptimist 3 years ago
Yeah. I can imagine saying that as a joke but to do it even tho she's grossed out by it.....🚩
Load More Replies... Seedy Vine 3 years ago
Dates who just so happen to joke about poop are usually really, really into it, if you catch my drift...
Duesvolent90 3 years ago
What did he think was going to happen?? "ooo it has such girth, such color!" (sorry)
#42
When they decide to freak out on you because you spent the day with your parents and your kids for a national holiday instead of with them. Then when you tell them that you 100% don’t owe them an explanation and they’re suffocating you, they follow that up with “no I’m sorry I love you I’m sorry” Bro. 🚩🚩 P.s. you have only been seeing this person for 3 weeks Ghosted and Blocked.
#43
I start to ghost when I feel like they aren't putting any effort in, one word replys, acting disinterested, most men don't like being treated exactly they way they are treating you.
Dont Sellmyinfo 2 years ago
Eh…some people aren’t always available despite having a phone. I forget I have one when I’m working because I’m fully invested in what I’m doing. I had to buy a watch that connects to my phone because I’m so bad at follow up (I have children and my husband sometimes has legitimate questions) but people will usually get one word replies from me until I’m free to talk. I’m a woman btw, so it goes both ways. Rather than ghost, make a plan to talk when you’re both free. Some people feel rude (myself included) if they don’t reply when they see a message despite being busy. I’m a one word reply person if I see it and need to reply, or I just ignore it until I have time to answer back. Maybe I’m biased because of my own norms, but this doesn’t seem like a total red flag. Maybe it is in some cases 🤷🏻♀️
What_the_actual_sloth? 2 years ago
my guy bsf is exactly like this but I don't ghost him bc he's like that w everyone and besides he's super nice in person and if I'm being honest he's got some bad mental health like depression. I make sure he's okay just so he knows I'm there for him, regardless of if he responds
#44
Putting you on the pedestal as soon as you meet, acting needy, constantly praising you.
Dont Sellmyinfo 2 years ago
Huge 🚩. My first boyfriend did this to me at first, and got mad when I said “thank you” after he told me he loved me 2 months in. Within 6 months he was telling me “you’re so pretty, just not very smart.” I stayed because, I was young, naive, and very insecure. In the end, all he had to say was “you’re so pretty” and I’d stop talking. It took me years to come back from that and I carry some pretty gnarly emotional and psychological scars because of it.
#45
Refer to women as “b**ches” goodbye 👋🏼
Kate Johnson 2 years ago
What's wrong with "females"? I am one and that seems overly nitpicky.
Load More Replies... #46
Insult my people.
I can say what I want. I've known my mom for nearly 40 years and can call her crazy all day long if I so choose. If you call her crazy you'll be lucky if ghosted is all you get.
Hatred Pony 3 years ago
So, if someone agrees with you it's okay to ghost them? Don't talk bad about your family and then get mad when the person you're dating has your back.
Hales M 3 years ago (edited)
It's different though when you've known them for two seconds and they think that they have your whole situation figured out. Like a guy I dated a month into dating was like "you should move in with me and away from your mum she's toxic and crazy"... my mum has a mental illness and has long periods of severe depressive episodes. She's medicated but sometimes doses need to change.... but, moreover it was my relationship with her and it was none of his concern. It was the equivalent of mansplaining my own relationships to me-- you don't even know what my problems are yet, don't try to fix them. In the end that's my family-- they were there before you and sure as hell will be there after you. He broke up with me during a depressive episode of his own (though he tried to take it back later)-- who's to say he would have been less toxic. I've been married 2.5yrs to a great guy who respects my relationship with my family and backs me up when I need it but doesn't step in when it's uncalled for.
Load More Replies... OwenHasADHD 3 years ago
This is really weird. You can insult your mother all day long, but if someone agrees with you, ghosted??
RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
Feels a bit arbitrary here. What does it mean to insult them? What's the scenario here? My mom is such an a-hole! Yeah, I totally agree, sorry you have to deal with that. NOW I HATE YOU!! Seems like he isn't the creepy one in that scenario. And the "you'll be lucky if ghosted is all you get" seems fairly threatening. I am thinking all the red-flags here are yours.
Jordi Sharpe 3 years ago
I understand where you'recoming from, but if I find out your mom beat a clown to death with a steel dildo, no matter if she was justified, I'm calling her crazy.
bottomless.abyss.of.bordem 3 years ago
I think this depends on the length and seriousness of the relationship. My husband? Yeah, he's been there for it all, seen it all. He knew better than to say such things in the beginning.
Kate Johnson 2 years ago
I wish you were my sister instead of the one whose now-husband called our Mom stupid, and she wonders why we don't like him...
Potato patato 3 years ago
People seem to be misunderstanding this. I'll edit my comment with what I read it as later
#47
Saying, “my family calls me C-los” his name was Carlos and celos is Spanish for jealous.. I think he thought he was being cute but if your family’s nickname for you is jealous, my guy.. you have some issues.
RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
Celoso is Spanish for jealous. Cielo is Spanish for heaven. Celos is not a Spanish word.
#48
“What’s your kink?” Funnily enough, my kink is ghosting people who ask what my kink is.
KDav 3 years ago (edited)
Pegging. Always tell them it's pegging. Those "alphas" will run faster than Raylan Givens can draw if they think you want to stick stuff in their butts.
Tycia Zertuche 3 years ago
Had that backfire on me once. All he wanted was for someone to play with his poop shoot apparently and I was just trying to get rid of him
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#49
When they keep criticizing you. In the first few interactions, criticism comes off very badly. I ghosted a guy last week because I said 'haha' at the beginning of a message during a conversation, and he said, 'Just say LOL.' He already had one strike, and this just sounded so controlling. Why does it matter how I 'laugh' in a message, and why does he feel he gets to tell me to change it? So I just noped out.
#50
Woe is me parade. When they feel like you are a therapist and explain their life story of why a woman won't touch them. Or they pull the "I'm not x y and z, cause apparently that matters now" shut up! I swiped on you for a reason, obviously, you passed the "I find them attractive enough to start a conversation with" stage. When you go into why women suck and how you don't fit the attractive scale then I'd like to leave. Glad my swiping days are over, dating sucks.
#51
When they only ever talk abt themselves. And they don’t even realise
Kimberley Gayle Thomas 3 years ago
That look on that woman's face says it all. All she's missing is an eye roll.
#52
Objectifying people, being too pushy. Not accepting *no* for an answer
Lee 3 years ago (edited)
Some guys: "Don't ghost me, tell me why you're leaving." These same guys: "what do you MEAN you didn't feel a spark? I felt it and I'm the logical sex, so I'll tell you that yes, we did so have a spark!"
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#53
I had a date tell me he was into adult breastfeeding. And was interested in making food with breastmilk. I ghosted him.
#54
Creepy messages or creepy in-person behavior like coming on too strong. I’d rather block you than risk my safety or be accused of leading you on.
What_the_actual_sloth? 2 years ago
there should be an in-person block option so you don't receive any dialogue from your chosen ghostee.
#55
Sending a message then 2 minutes later sending question marks then a couple more minutes later sending "hello??". Bye b***h lol.
#56
Giving even the slightest hint that they see women as accessories or house maids or anything other than individuals for that matter.
Ronnie Cutshall 3 years ago
Weird my issues was not here. Always wondered why a blind date sees me and runs to car and drives off. Now I will never know
Insono 3 years ago
Perhaps you should stop showing up carrying ducttape and a hatchet? ;)
Load More Replies... #57
I met a guy once where I was living (I approached him) and we went on a date that evening. He showed up with his friend to be the DD, no big deal to me, happy to have a DD and to get to know the guy with another person around. Felt safe. He started acting a little weird on the way, but I figured he was just nervous. We got to the resturaunt and he sat next to me, and angled his chair away from the table to look directly at me. I had mentioned a few times like "hey, you can like... face the table and still talk..?" But he wanted to talk face to face. I was sitting on the inside seat, with my right side to the wall so it was very weird. Eventually we ordered food and when it arrived, he was STILL facing me but NOW he was telling me that he was "starviiiing" so I was like "well, the food is here so that might help you out?" He never ate at all, and took his food to go. Once we left, which was pretty quickly after food arrived because I was just done with this dude, we got the the apartments and he had to pass me in the hallway to get to his room. Instead of just going to his damn room, when I opened my door he FELL INTO THE OPEN DOOR and crawled to my bed and told me that he felt sick and wanted me to lay down to cuddle him to feel better. I was kind of just standing there, shocked and staring at him, told him he needed to leave. He refused and told me he was just in so much pain and needed me to cuddle him. I asked him if he was *really* in pain, and acted concerned He said yes, that he was. I was like "alright, then I'm calling security and you're getting an ambulance." That evening my friend/coworker was actually standing security that night, and I knew she would throw his a*s out. So as soon as I said that he literally jumped from my bed and left to go to his apartment. I locked the door and ghosted him, for obvious reasons. I think he was on drugs and took to much or something, he was acting VERY, VERY weird. He later told me that I was like a dumpster fire for ghosting him, and I was like "well at least I'm not a literal dumpster unlike some people" He's married with children now, so that's interesting.
#58
Put truck nuts on their jetta. Unironically
TotallyNOTaFox 3 years ago
The red flag already started waving in all it's glory at "Truck Nuts"
FakeOptimist 3 years ago
The energy to act as if you take someone like that seriously would put gas companies out of business.
#59
- Start texting constantly, even if you don't reply much - Questionable attitude towards race, immigration, LGBT, etc - Jealousy - Take meaningless things too personally - Incel vibes
#60
Ghosted one last night actually! We met on a dating app, went on one date, was really fun, we hooked up. He’s not after anything serious, all good. Then he gets pissy that our texts are “boring” and then accuses me of being angry when I say I don’t want to get into the whole sexting thing. Sex on first dates just happens sometimes if the mood/vibe is there. It doesn’t mean I’m now your personal wh*re to get you off when needed! Bye buddy!
#61
When they respond with ‘oh so you mean (blah blah)’ and say something completely opposite of what you were describing. Like I’ll tell guys I like fashion and makeup, and they’ll respond with ‘oh so you’re shallow and vain?’ Just.. bye
Komikat 3 years ago
Why is makeup and fashion associated with being vain? I feel pretty when I dress up and wear makeup, and I think that's a good thing.
Jessica Wood 3 years ago
Society tells us we're supposed to be interested in those things, then turns around and shames us when we are.
Load More Replies... Enlee Jones 3 years ago
Men: “Women, be sexy and pretty for us!” Women: -get into fashion and makeup- Men: “No, not like that….”
#63
Well, I was talking with this guy, let´s call him T. He didn´t know my age and I wasn´t sure of his. After our first met and kiss, he tried to lie about his age because he noticed that I was too young for him. Obviouslly I could tell he was lying, so I confronted him about it and he confess that he was 32. I was 17 The thing is, he was really nice, though, so if he had told me the true, I would consider keep talking to him to see if it was worth it. So guys, DO NOT lie about anything of you, especially your age if u are older So yeah, after that lie I doubted of his profile and I ghosted him
Not A Panda 3 years ago
You dodged a bullet. 32 year old men don't date 17 year old women for the scintillating conversation and deep meaningful discussions. They date them because women their own age refuse to deal with their s**t.
DJR 3 years ago
I agree with what you're saying, but 17 year olds aren't women; they're children. (At least in my locale)
Load More Replies... Deborah B 3 years ago
The minute he "noticed that you were too young for him" he should have been saying "I hope this doesn't come across as rude, but you look younger than I expected, could you please tell me how old you are?" And then saying "I'm so sorry, I thought you were in your twenties, this isn't a good idea." If he's 32, and you being 17 is not a deal-breaker, he's 100% a creep. The creep equation is "Half your age, plus 7" equals the lowest age you can date without being a creep. For him, that's 23.
RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
lol, even your equation starts to break down. A 30 year old seems a bit too young for me. I think maybe once you hit 40 it should be plus/minus 10 years.
Load More Replies... Jordi Sharpe 3 years ago
If you're 17, and a 32 year old is trying to get with you, call the goddamned cops. Inexcusable behavior from a grown man.
#64
His taste in music was impeccable, he was attractive and funny in person the night we met, so I gave up the digits and we started texting. Five or six days into our texting a bit, he asked what I was doing the next day—a Friday. I told him I had other plans. This grown man texted to me “with another guy?” Then sent me a meme/photo thing with text that said something about how people prioritize their time with people they really care about. His name in my phone got changed that to Crazy Midtown (last name is the bar I met him at) and I never replied to him again.
#65
Back when I was seeking a relationship through dating websites, I would send the ghost emoji 👻 anytime the conversation got overly sexual. This was especially the case if it was right away on first encounter. Some of these guys were so thirsty and it was the first thing they wanted to talk about. I got tired of writing “not interested, I’m actually looking for a relationship and not a hook up” hence resorting to the emoji instead 👻 beyond that, ghosting should only be used for the extremely toxic already established relationships where safety could be considered an issue.
#66
Having a girlfriend.
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
Ha!! I work in film and I met a guy on location that was on the film crew. We got on famously. We started hanging out after work since we were staying at the same hotel. He said that we should keep the relationship quiet because of "set gossip" which seemed legit to 22 year old me. Then I'm casually chatting with another crew member who says "Man, Mike's in a bad mood today...his wife must be on his case again about being away from the kids!" It was awful. I confronted him and it was all true. Worst part? I had to still work in close contact with him every day after. He made all the lame excuses about "being really unhappily married, was staying with her for the kids, he really wanted to be with me, blah blah" It sucked.
FakeOptimist 3 years ago
Heard a similar story from a female friend of mine. Only : he was honest about it and still got sex. She admitted it was wrong of her, but he was attractive and seduced her so she doesn't feel guilty about it. ( And I agree : he's the AH. )
Load More Replies... Hatred Pony 3 years ago
Ha! I dated a guy for a few weeks. Really attractive, great music taste, nerdy about similar things. My work threw a party, employees only. I start talking to my coworker who has a different schedule than me but I always enjoy her company. We start discussing our current boyfriends and I realize they have a lot of similarities so I ask his name, yep, same guy. I seriously laughed and just ghosted the guy. I move away a few months later. A year goes by and I go back to visit, stopping at my old job to say "hi". There stands my old coworker, VERY pregnant. I tell her congrats and ask who the dad is. It was him, the guy who was juggling us both. Turns out he also moved after getting her pregnant and was already seeing someone else. Dodged a bullet there.
TotallyNOTaFox 3 years ago
That's a red flag for everybody - finding out that my date has a boyfriend would end in ghosting as well
#67
I met a guy a few times through a mutual friend. Normally, we’d run into him at the mall; he was a model/actor and I was getting stuff from Victoria’s Secret and he would tag along. Albeit not the greatest way to meet a guy, he was very polite about my shopping and kept his distance when I would try on whatever. Well, he took me out on a date and things were really good. He was cool, interesting to talk to, good conversation. So, we were under this bridge in our Downtown area and we started kissing - all fine and dandy until he had me feel his half chub. Had is the wrong way to put. He said as he was half kissing me, “you should feel my half chub.” Then proceeded to grab my wrist rather forcefully and put my hand on his d**k over his jeans. I started to freak out and didn’t know what to do, so I ended the date and left. Blocked his number and told the mutual friend what happened. He still to this day doesn’t know what he did wrong.
darqemm 3 years ago
I was 13 and head over heels for this guy, 14. We went out to a movie and he kept forcing my hand, wrist, arm to his groin. I wish I'd walked out, but I was much too shy and anxious but I did break up with him. That kind of behavior revolts me. READ THE ROOM. If a woman wants to touch your penis, she will.
#68
If you're nice/an ok person but we don't get along/I don't like you somehow you'll get an explanation, even if it's a generic excuse not to hurt your feelings if it's a petty or superficial reason. If you're are jerk you're not entitled to one. Look 👏 inwards 👏 So common things: refusing to/complaining about having to wear a condom. Insisting to meet for the first time at his place/coming to mine. And I'm from a sexually liberated place and I think it's common to hookup in the first date but umm let's first meet in a public place maybe?
#69
When you barely know them and they just want to rant to you and use you as an emotional sounding board
#70
Ask for pics when we just met
Shayda 3 years ago
Yeah had a guy say, "I wouldn't complain if you wanted to send me nudes." We had been talking (haven't met) for like 2-3 weeks.
Lorraine R 2 years ago
Send 'em Renoir's "Diana" at the National Gallery of Art (Washington, D.C.)
Load More Replies... Kimberley Gayle Thomas 3 years ago
I hate them asking for pics when I've already posted 10 and they chose that question as the 1st when we start talking. And if I ask the same just to show them how it feels they send the same I've already seen, ignore my request and/or state my pictures are old. Bye boy.
SheamusFanFrom1987 3 years ago
This, I can only partially agree with. Speaking from experience, I've had likes on Tinder and Bumble from profiles with either single pictures or pictures of dogs, cats, flowers etc (I personally put about 2-3 pics to ensure people know I'm authentic). Not saying it's a bad thing, but I'd at least like to at least be sure who I'm talking to is genuine enough. Not surprisingly, these types of 1-pics profiles end up trying to get me to join their MLM or investment c**p. So, I'd appreciate more than 1 pic of the person on their profile, perhaps baking a cake, surfing, posing with pets etc.
#71
When they take 3 days to respond a text.
bob van wijk 3 years ago
Lol then he's either chatting with a whole load at the same time or he's a scammer, who also has to respond to 50 women.
UrbanHiker317 2 years ago
A red flag? I'm from the '80s before cell phones you know. Be happy if I return your text. PS I'm a woman
#73
Following Instagram "models"
2picklesinabun 3 years ago
This one is weird. Then you probably shouldn't follow any attractive men, either. To be fair. Guess what, guys will find other women attractive. Worry more about if they do something sketchy with that or if they are just looking. Looking isn't a problem. It won't happen JUST online. You'll do the same. Be realistic here.
What do you think ?
Mary Jeffries 3 years ago
One New Years night I found my husband drunk and laying on the floor in a tux petting the dog saying how much he loved the dog. Knew he was the right one for me.
Hatred Pony 3 years ago
Met a guy online, he lived 3 hours away. Went on a date, everything was fine. Came home from work one day and he was parked in my driveway. I freaked out on him and asked him to leave. Later asked my neighbor how long he was there and she said he showed up an hour after I left for work. He sat in my driveway for 7 HOURS? Nope. All the ghosted, haunted af. Bye.
Mad McQueen 3 years ago
I think I've dated half the guys mentioned here. If a guy tries to control a situation before asking your opinion it's a red flag. If they compare you to someone without saying "I didn't realize it could be x way until I met you" it's a red flag. I mean like if you can just talk without yelling that's good but if you just yell because you want to be the loudest that's stupid. Only talking about themselves. One upping everything you mention. Nothing in common and not willing to try new things. Or forcing you to do x when you say you're not interested. I don't like red wine so don't give me red wine. I don't eat fish don't give me fish. I don't like heights so I'm not into going climbing. I have a bad hip. Oh you need oils and turmeric. No I need surgery. Men please just be yourself with open minds and try to know us like we are trying to know you. And stop with the d**k pics. If we want to see it then we will be in a bed. Don't expect butt sex. We aren't porn stars.
2picklesinabun 3 years ago
Got mad at me for saying no to sex. He then sent me angry texts. Last one I saw was him telling me that if I came crawling back to him, he wouldn't accept me 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Lee 3 years ago
I was told on our first official date (we'd been friends for awhile before, coworkers before that) that I would change my mind about kids before I was 40 and be sad. Even though babies have always grossed me out and I have no tolerance for sudden, sharp noises. He kept insisting that I'd be a good mother because, and I quote "you're so afraid of being a bad one". I broke up with him and shortly afterwards found out that asexuality was a thing and I wasn't wanting any of it. I was trying to force it. I'm 42 now and haven't wished for kids a day of those 12 years.
Elio 3 years ago
Ugh glad you ditched that prick. I am childfree too and no I won't change my mind and no I won't be stepparent wither.
Load More Replies...
Jennifer 3 years ago
This is slightly different because I'm not interested anyway, but if I tell a guy they aren't really my type and they say "Well, what is your type?" Is this a debate? No, it isn't. I'm not interested and you aren't going to debate me into changing my mind. This screams coercion to me. You do not respect my decision. Goodbye.
HighNMightyBigshot 1 year ago (edited)
Like he is going to change into Jason Mamoa or Tom Hardy overnight!
Load More Replies... Rachel Reynolds 3 years ago
Before I met my husband I dated a guy who asked me if I would be willing to get my tattoos removed. When I laughed and said no, he told me I would need to before we got married. This was the third date.
Joshua Moore 3 years ago (edited)
As a guy, I'm so incredibly ashamed of my male counterparts. Reading through this list makes me ill and I've been out on absolutely terrible dates over the past 6 plus years. Recently I found a great woman who laughs at my dumb jokes and we share dumb stuff, that make us both laugh and have great times together. She really is the best thing that has happened to me in years and both of us are very happy together. I'm certainly not controlling at all. I've called her "The Boss" a few times because I'm just thrilled to be with her and I truly don't care what we're doing, as long as we're together. Women, please know that not every guy is a creep, most of us are just hopelessly awkward and trying to figure stuff out as well go along. 😁
Denise B. 3 years ago
You sound like a keeper! My late husband (40+ years!) used to say to me, "You're the boss, Boss!"
Load More Replies...
Lisa H 3 years ago (edited)
About 11 or 12 years ago, I met this guy and we started hooking up. He always dominated the conversation and waited a MONTH to tell me he had a girlfriend he just "hadn't gotten around to breaking up, yet." A month. So it's not like we were that serious, but it was long enough for me to start to develop some feelings for him, then he drops that on me. Yeah, I ghosted him asap. Who's to say he wouldn't cheat on my someday, too? I wanted to tell his girlfriend, but I had absolutely no way to find out who she even was. I didn't know her name, what she looked liked, where she hung out, nothing. It's been over a decade and I still feel guilty. So, yeah, another red flag would be if you end up being the one they're cheating with.
Mary Jeffries 3 years ago
One New Years night I found my husband drunk and laying on the floor in a tux petting the dog saying how much he loved the dog. Knew he was the right one for me.
Hatred Pony 3 years ago
Met a guy online, he lived 3 hours away. Went on a date, everything was fine. Came home from work one day and he was parked in my driveway. I freaked out on him and asked him to leave. Later asked my neighbor how long he was there and she said he showed up an hour after I left for work. He sat in my driveway for 7 HOURS? Nope. All the ghosted, haunted af. Bye.
Mad McQueen 3 years ago
I think I've dated half the guys mentioned here. If a guy tries to control a situation before asking your opinion it's a red flag. If they compare you to someone without saying "I didn't realize it could be x way until I met you" it's a red flag. I mean like if you can just talk without yelling that's good but if you just yell because you want to be the loudest that's stupid. Only talking about themselves. One upping everything you mention. Nothing in common and not willing to try new things. Or forcing you to do x when you say you're not interested. I don't like red wine so don't give me red wine. I don't eat fish don't give me fish. I don't like heights so I'm not into going climbing. I have a bad hip. Oh you need oils and turmeric. No I need surgery. Men please just be yourself with open minds and try to know us like we are trying to know you. And stop with the d**k pics. If we want to see it then we will be in a bed. Don't expect butt sex. We aren't porn stars.
2picklesinabun 3 years ago
Got mad at me for saying no to sex. He then sent me angry texts. Last one I saw was him telling me that if I came crawling back to him, he wouldn't accept me 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Lee 3 years ago
I was told on our first official date (we'd been friends for awhile before, coworkers before that) that I would change my mind about kids before I was 40 and be sad. Even though babies have always grossed me out and I have no tolerance for sudden, sharp noises. He kept insisting that I'd be a good mother because, and I quote "you're so afraid of being a bad one". I broke up with him and shortly afterwards found out that asexuality was a thing and I wasn't wanting any of it. I was trying to force it. I'm 42 now and haven't wished for kids a day of those 12 years.
Elio 3 years ago
Ugh glad you ditched that prick. I am childfree too and no I won't change my mind and no I won't be stepparent wither.
Load More Replies... Jennifer 3 years ago
This is slightly different because I'm not interested anyway, but if I tell a guy they aren't really my type and they say "Well, what is your type?" Is this a debate? No, it isn't. I'm not interested and you aren't going to debate me into changing my mind. This screams coercion to me. You do not respect my decision. Goodbye.
HighNMightyBigshot 1 year ago (edited)
Like he is going to change into Jason Mamoa or Tom Hardy overnight!
Load More Replies... Rachel Reynolds 3 years ago
Before I met my husband I dated a guy who asked me if I would be willing to get my tattoos removed. When I laughed and said no, he told me I would need to before we got married. This was the third date.
Joshua Moore 3 years ago (edited)
As a guy, I'm so incredibly ashamed of my male counterparts. Reading through this list makes me ill and I've been out on absolutely terrible dates over the past 6 plus years. Recently I found a great woman who laughs at my dumb jokes and we share dumb stuff, that make us both laugh and have great times together. She really is the best thing that has happened to me in years and both of us are very happy together. I'm certainly not controlling at all. I've called her "The Boss" a few times because I'm just thrilled to be with her and I truly don't care what we're doing, as long as we're together. Women, please know that not every guy is a creep, most of us are just hopelessly awkward and trying to figure stuff out as well go along. 😁
Denise B. 3 years ago
You sound like a keeper! My late husband (40+ years!) used to say to me, "You're the boss, Boss!"
Load More Replies... Lisa H 3 years ago (edited)
About 11 or 12 years ago, I met this guy and we started hooking up. He always dominated the conversation and waited a MONTH to tell me he had a girlfriend he just "hadn't gotten around to breaking up, yet." A month. So it's not like we were that serious, but it was long enough for me to start to develop some feelings for him, then he drops that on me. Yeah, I ghosted him asap. Who's to say he wouldn't cheat on my someday, too? I wanted to tell his girlfriend, but I had absolutely no way to find out who she even was. I didn't know her name, what she looked liked, where she hung out, nothing. It's been over a decade and I still feel guilty. So, yeah, another red flag would be if you end up being the one they're cheating with.
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