Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
“Never Doing That Again”: 49 People Share How Their Spouse’s Job Tore Their Relationship Apart
Interview With Expert
Marriage requires a lot of hard work, which typically involves patience, understanding, and communication. However, the relationship can become more complicated if one spouse holds a job with a reputation for tearing couples apart.
These alleged homewrecking professions were the topic of conversation in a recent Reddit thread. Responses came pouring in, mentioning occupations like police officers, lawyers, flight attendants, musicians, and influencers, to name a few.
If your better half holds one of these jobs and you’ve been through a rocky marriage, we’d like to hear your insights in the comments!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Politicians
They'll swindle a whole nation to get their way, they WILL swindle you.
RELATED:
#2
The four p’s. Policeman, paramedics, physicians and firefighters. It’s an old joke.
#3
My understanding is that women married to police officers have a higher mortality rate than police officers themselves.
Lila Allen 2 months ago
Yeah it's a bad idea to mix near daily mental trauma, untreated PTSD, and high stress work environment with potential for multiple concussions. It's a terrible stew of blended physical and mental trauma which results in some seriously increased likelihood of domestic violence and substance use issues
If there’s one commonality among these jobs, it’s the need to be on the go all the time, whether it’s working in the field or being on another continent. In Australia, fly-in, fly-out jobs in the mining and gas industries are a popular example.
But as Crisp Consulting résumé writer Andrew Martin points out, the reality outweighs its seemingly glamorous reputation.
#4
You know who's not on here? Engineers, because we just make things work.
#5
Restaurant/Bar manager/owner. They work everyday, often 12-15 hours, every holiday and weekend. The term "restaurant widow" is a real thing. Alcoholism/[illicit substances] are ever present, there's a high cheat rate and a complete lack of accountability, it's just "part of the job".
Claire Holman 2 months ago
The hospitality industry in general. You're at your busiest when everyone else is having fun/time off. Weekends and holidays are a myth in our industry.
#6
Lawyers. Often married to the job, whether it is for the money or a cause.
Definitely do not put two in the same relationship. As an old, adjunct professor told our class one time:
"Folks, as people who are training to be lawyers, let me give you some life advice. A lawyer becomes you or you were always it. Either way, you don't want two people trained to argue in the same confined space for that long, much less being forced to make life decisions together.
There is a perfectly lovely nursing university in the city center, a few miles down the street.".
Upstaged75 2 months ago
I'd like to point out that there are many different types of lawyers. The ones who don't go to court or have lengthy trials get a much better work/life balance than a DA or defense attorney. A friend of mine is an environmental lawyer, and she works a typical day with lots of flexibility.
Martin says apart from being away for weeks at a time, the spouses of these employees are also forced to shoulder the household and family workload. Eventually, it becomes a breaking point, on top of other internal issues.
“Workers feel isolated and struggle with loneliness, leading to mental health issues, and they blow out a lot of their money when they finally get off work,” Martin told Bored Panda.
#7
Cult leaders.
You'll *never* be their favourite spouse.
Zig Zag Wanderer 2 months ago
Yeah, cult anyone. FYI, the Jehovah's Witnesses have been designated a cult in the UK.
#8
Depends what your definition of "worst" is.
Cheating? Bar/restaurant workers or owners.
Domestic violence? Cops (by a country mile).
Lack of financial security? Social workers.
Ego/Emotional detachment? Doctors.
Physical detachment? Truckers/soldiers.
Woocock_Walk 2 months ago
Social workers really aren't as financially insecure as you might think, but it depends on where they work. Government, hospital, and health insurance company jobs pay quite well, while non-profits tend to pay very poorly. It all just depends. My friends and I are all in social work jobs and do very well. You also have to weigh whether or not it's worth it to go into additional debt to get a Master's degree. I didn't, and I make more money at my particular job than a lot of people who do have one.
#9
From my experience dealing with clients... surgeons. The personality type of a surgeon is often a relentless and often sociopathic person with singular interest on one thing (being a good surgeon). They are great at their jobs because of these personality traits but on a personal level they often lack empathy/compassion, reduce everything to clinical and mechanical terms are incredibly cold people and because of their intense competitive streak can be impossible to get along with during any kind of competitive play. When you throw a spouse in the mix and 70-90 hour workweeks you often end up with a toxic stew.
Emergency medical services workers, such as paramedics, are another profession you may see mentioned frequently on this list. However, the posters didn’t give specific reasons.
Lawyer Mike Kruse provided insight into why this is, noting that 12-hour shifts can last up to 16 months and be grueling for family members. Then, there’s the need to leave or cancel family events to report for work.
#10
Never, ever marry a rock musician. I wouldn't recommend dating one, either. I spent 17 years on that ride (if you count dating musicians, then meeting and marrying one) and it was a nightmare. You will always come in second to a guitar or a gig (or drink or [substances]). Obviously, your mileage may vary, but for me, it was an exercise in futility.
#11
Police hands down, the DV rates are actually terrifying.
Lila Allen 2 months ago
It's the concussions and PTSD that go untreated which results in serious DV issues
#12
Anything where you’re a trailing spouse in a foreign country. It can sound cool if your spouse goes somewhere cool but it’s also incredibly lonely and isolating, likely you’re moving somewhere where you know nobody but your spouse and they’re working all day (even more isolating with children) and you’re basically left on your own in a foreign country. Even worse if it’s a country you don’t like. The foreign service divorce rates are through the roof.
Ripley 2 months ago
I read an article a few years back about spouses (almost entirely women) of expat workers who got "left behind". It was very sobering. They are completely at the mercy of their (mostly) husbands, and a number of people were abandoned with no money, no home, and no way to leave - they don't have a visa to be able to work, so have no way to earn money to be able to buy a plane ticket. Just awful.
“A partner waiting at home suffers from late comings, mood swings, and distance from family life, which is often driven by the suspicion of infidelity or secret relationships,” Kruse said, adding that the “cycle of mistrust” turns into a “trigger point” for worse outcomes like domestic violence.
#13
HR.
They consider themselves experts on human behavior and don't realize that their behavior can be at least part of the problem.
General Anaesthesia 2 months ago
They use their expertise to exploit human resources in corporate processes, just like any other resources, and to get rid of waste products as cheaply as possible.
#14
My mind goes to military - away for long periods at a time, often come back with problems (PTSD etc.).
Geobugi🇰🇷🇰🇭 2 months ago
Some people are cut for the military, some are not. My father was a soldier until retirement and my parents were married for almost 50 years until he passed away. I can not remember him being agressive, depressive or anything else related to ptsd. Sure, sometimes he was away for quite a while but it was never really a problem in my family, my mother knew before who she is getting married to and i grew up like this. US military might be different, they have active conflicts every 10 minutes. It is a difference if you have to go to afghanistan to fight or if you go on conferences in some nice tropical place
#15
Celebrities and influencers.
KatSaidWhat 2 months ago
Depends on the celebrity. be more Keanu/Robin Williams/Tom Hanks. F**k influencers though.
Kruse further points out that the job itself can be a “pressure cooker” that spills over into the home. Given how paramedics are at the front row seats of the most gruesome sights, their bodies are unable to “turn off” at the end of the shift. They then become irritable and unpleasant to be around, which affects their partners.
“Friends and family often misinterpret those responses as malicious intent or infidelity, which escalates minor arguments to out-of-control debates,” Kruse stated, adding that financial stress from unpredictable overtime and the binge-drinking culture may further exacerbate the problem.
#16
Flight attendants
They work away from home for days or weeks, jetlag mess with body, dealing unruly passengers with a smile
Also cheating is through the roof .
#17
Well based on the death certificates I see at my job, a lot of lawyers get divorced then die of a heart attack in their fifties. A LOT.
As Kruse mentioned, the darker side of being a first responder is often overshadowed by the “uniform and the consistent paycheck.”
“Families desire stability, but they are confronted with trauma exposure, irregular hours, mistrust, and emotional distance. That combination slowly destroys the marriage until it explodes in police intervention and court actions.”
#19
So what I’m getting from this thread is, if you work you’re a terrible spouse. That’s it, I have no other choice, I’m quitting my job.
#20
Chefs.
PeepPeep the duck 2 months ago
Where to start on that one 😂 (been in kitchens since I was 3-4). But there’s a few gems in the kitchen
#21
Surgeons all day. I worked in the urology department at a med school in New Orleans once upon a time. I was amazed at what entitled, enormous [jerks] all the surgeons were. Also the only job where I got a screaming close-to-punching fight with my boss, who was a surgeon. I left shortly after that and was thrilled to leave. Never again!
#22
Morticians. Unless the spouse is in the industry or is very understanding prior to marriage, the late nights, death calls in the middle the night, dinner, family functions, holidays, essentially putting others before your own, can take a toll if someone isn’t on the same page.
#23
Filmmakers. 14 hour workdays. Sometimes months away working on a film. Inconsistent work hours. and then your partner falls in love with someone else while he’s away and lies about it, so yeah. Never doing that again.
#25
I think bartenders have some of the highest divorce rates or cheating rates. Makes sense when you have so many opportunities to cheat and you work weird hours.
SkippityBoppityBoo 2 months ago (edited)
I wish bar tenders wouldn't get such a bad reputation... We're perfectly capable of keeping our knickers on and our legs together tyvm!!! You could work in an office, be a binman or whatever and have an affair!
#26
Engineers are generally really good spouses with low cheating and divorce rates with one exception. Anyone who works for extended amounts of time on classified projects.
I’ve seen it destroy people’s marriages to essentially not be able to tell their spouse about 50% of their lives for years at a time.
#27
Government employee, particularly high ranking.
I see my wife… twice a month, if I'm lucky.
#28
Prison Officer.
You train to dull your ability to show empathy in order to conduct your role effectively.
It allows you to say 'no' and challenge poor behaviour while not being emotionally affected by the horrible things you witness.
This, unfortunately, carries through into your real life, and most lose patience quickly on the outside and lose the ability to be tolerant of others.
Alcoholism and cheating seem to be the go-to escapes.
#29
My cop friends and my nursing friends male or female, seem to struggle in their relationships.
Day Andie 2 months ago
Nurses have a s**t ton of weight to handle, and the system absolutely is set up to break them. There is no way that hospitals should require the people making life or death decisions and dealing with traumatized people and potential personal trauma work more than an 8 hour shift and 4 days a week. Pay them well, take care of them physically and mentally. Doctors, too, of course.
#30
Fighter pilots.
Similar to surgeons in many ways- you have to be incredibly driven and focused to make it to that level, combined with a God complex, and being deployed for months at a time. Also prone to using [illegal substances] and alcohol to manage the highs and lows of launching like a rocket off the side of a carrier, dropping ordinance and then coming down. Navy pilots are definitely the worst of them all. Never again.
#31
As a military spouse, I have some thoughts…. And not saying my spouse is bad as a person but does the service set you up to be the best spouse? No. If they wanted you to have a family they would have issued you one is something I think of often. A close friend is having a baby soon and the husband is forgoing paternity leave so he can keep up with peers and not “look bad”. I don’t agree but he’s not wrong that the pressure to be and do the best is there. Sigh.
#32
Doctors.
I’ve had friends married to them and I was engaged to one.
So many issues between the god complex to the d***s to everything inbetween.
It’s like attorneys: Some are wonderful people. Many are not.
#33
Over the road truckers.
Child of the Stars 2 months ago
This likely depends on the personalities more than anything. I've known couples where one spouse is an OTR driver where it worked because both parties were highly introverted. They both got lots of alone time and were able to more appreciate the times together.
#39
People working in car dealerships.
Source: I work in the automotive industry and spend all day at dealerships but I don’t actually work for one. I see the way they go about their lives and it’s not pretty.
#40
Clergy. Spouse and kids are constantly under a microscope.
(Cops are worse, but people don't often put clergy on these lists.).
Child of the Stars 2 months ago
As the oldest child of a fundamentalist Evangelical preacher, I can absolutely confirm this. And the doctrinal issues of fundamentalism aside, the pressure from the congregation as a whole is not sustainable. There's a reason why the rebellion of the "Preacher's Kid" is a stereotype.
#41
I am Army Veteran and was stationed overseas while on active duty. I cannot count the number of husbands I saw cheat on theirs wives allllll the time. It would absolutely break my heart to see their sweet wives come around with their kids to events with their mistresses attending as well.
#45
Police officers. They will beat you and if you try to report it their coworkers will take their side.
#46
Worst people I've met are Influencers. The not too bad, but very worrying for relationships that are committed are nurses. Every single woman who I've been with that were nasty in bed and open to doing wild s**t on the first night were in healthcare.
Lukas (he/him, it/its) 2 months ago
Are you saying kinky people can't be in committed relationships?
#48
1)cop, she cheated on me then arrested me to save her career.
2)nurses, not all nurses are mean girls, but all mean girls are nurses
3)Military, cheat or be cheated on
4)veterinarian, furniture everywhere. .
#49
Nurses. My own experience is they’re drained and burnt out so you get the brunt of their anger and frustration and also no compassion cause they’re all out of that when they come home.
Geobugi🇰🇷🇰🇭 2 months ago
That is just not true. I agree there are some who are really nasty people but nasty people you have in every profession. My wife was a nurse and that statement makes me sad 😞
What do you think ?
Lynn Drew 1 month ago
Can confirm that the furniture situation is absolutely out of control when you're married to a veterinarian. I attend a support group for spouses of veterinarians, and not a meeting goes by that doesn't end up dominated by discussions of furniture. If you don't want your life dominated by furniture, do not marry a veterinarian.
Nils Skirnir 2 months ago
So basically anyone who does important work is not suitable for marriage. Plus the obvious unsuitable ones like influencer, HR worker, bartender, etc);
Angie May 2 months ago
Stress is a huge factor in most of the jobs listed on here, it's no wonder their relationships can become strained
Load More Replies...
Romy Rösli 1 month ago
People with this level of prejudice should date unemployed guys living in their moms‘ basement.
Lynn Drew 1 month ago
Can confirm that the furniture situation is absolutely out of control when you're married to a veterinarian. I attend a support group for spouses of veterinarians, and not a meeting goes by that doesn't end up dominated by discussions of furniture. If you don't want your life dominated by furniture, do not marry a veterinarian.
Nils Skirnir 2 months ago
So basically anyone who does important work is not suitable for marriage. Plus the obvious unsuitable ones like influencer, HR worker, bartender, etc);
Angie May 2 months ago
Stress is a huge factor in most of the jobs listed on here, it's no wonder their relationships can become strained
Load More Replies... Romy Rösli 1 month ago
People with this level of prejudice should date unemployed guys living in their moms‘ basement.
You May Like Woman Is Berated For "Disgusting Reaction" Because She Doesn't Support The Woman Husband Cheated With Man’s Rant About Girlfriend Eating All The Food Backfires After He Mentions Her Weight "What Wedding?": Husband Bewildered At Wife For Seemingly Forgetting They Got Married
Ilona Baliūnaitė
Mindaugas Balčiauskas
Gabija Palšytė
Related on Bored Panda
