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Pregnancy In The Media Is Often Sugar-Coated And These Women Are Not Having It (30 Stories)
It’s common to see happy and glowing pregnant women in films, on TV and social media. But it’s also widely known that such portrayals not only have nothing to do with reality, they're strongly misleading and create false impressions.
In fact, studies have shown that the exposure of as little as 5 minutes of glamorized media portrayals can lead to lower body image in pregnant women. So how on earth did they become normalized?
In order to debunk the false depictions of pregnancy, women in this r/AskWomen thread are sharing eye-opening and honest facts about how carrying a baby alters you both physically and mentally. And the reality is far from pretty.
Below are some of the most important responses to “what is always conveniently left out or overlooked about pregnancy in movies and books” that should be read by everyone. Especially those who still think it’s normal for women to wake up dewy-skinned, joyous, freshened up and basically ready to hit the bar the morning after giving birth.
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#1
oh let’s not forget the impact of terrible doctors. A few weeks after my first birth, I started hemorrhaging. I went to the ER and the doctor told me “I must’ve forgot what a period was.” Then with his head between my knees and a speculum inserted he said, “oh, i guess you weren’t lying.” I ended up needing emergency surgery and just narrowly avoided a blood transfusion. I had retained placenta. If that doctor had sent me home, i likely would’ve developed sepsis and could’ve died.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
Condescending doctors sending women away because of all the wrong reasons but when a man has a pain it's taken serious as he's always near death.
A B C 4 years ago
Don't forget men explaining women how their bodies work.
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Rei 4 years ago
Doctors fear pressuring a couple to induce labor because they decided the baby is too long in the womb, despite baby and mother being completely fine, showing no signs of trouble and therefore in no need of inducing. Or fear pressuring into any other kind of unnecessary medical interventions.
Donna Leske 4 years ago
No, wait. OK, the ER doctor was an asswipe, what about your delivery doctor? They are supposed to examine the placenta to be sure it's complete!
Kirsten Kerkhof 4 years ago
There is nothing new about doctors not taking anything uterus-related (or region-of-uterus-related) seriously. I suffered through 5 years of twisted large intestines, and because it always happened when I was on my period, OF COURSE they didn't take it seriously. Even when it happened between periods, they tried to blame it on me being on my period. It took some extremely foul language on my part to get the scan and immediate surgery. Oh, and then they blamed ME for waiting so long. *sigh*
Rachael Sampson 4 years ago
No the doctor was still terrible for dismissing her and accusing her of lying.
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#2
How hard breast feeding can be for some of us!
It’s not always as easy as stick the baby on the boob after delivery and off ya go.
It’s a real skill and can be hard to learn and doesn’t always work for everyone, despite best intentions.
Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago (edited)
I get so frustrated with lactation nurses who really push the breast feeding thing way too far and cause the mom to experience some pretty heavy duty pain. Some just can't and they make her feel like a failure. Ending up having to bottle feed is not the end of the world. And moms do have the RIGHT to choose bottle feeding over breast feeding and also not to be made to feel guilty about that choice, like she doesn't really care as much about her child if she chooses to. It's her child after all.
Laura Watts 4 years ago
I totally get it my 3 we're all lazy feeders and wouldn't take to it and I was constantly stressed with the first 2 by after 12 hrs of trying with the third I just said no and we had bottles and so much less stress
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Carol Emory 4 years ago
Mine never took to it. He had to be bottle fed. Didn't stop the doctors and nurses from shaming me over it. Turned out that my son was autistic and was uncomfortable with skin on skin contact in his early years.
Ada Retter 4 years ago
And sometimes the baby is born with something called tied tongue which makes feeding even more strenuous.
Bobby 4 years ago
My daughter had that. It's a pretty easy fix but it's very scary until you figure it out
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Stephanie IV 4 years ago
It takes at least eight weeks for the boobs to adjust. Try to hang in there! If it’s still painful and complicated and causes more stress than it’s doing Good, give it up.
Marie Elle 4 years ago
Even if its not hurting, I have four kids and breastfed them each about a year and schwuppdiwupp it means nearly 7years sober: one glass of prosecco and I am either vomiting or sleeping, and the smallest ist 3yo and I am far to old to get any drinking condition back.
Rei 4 years ago (edited)
I think that learning process is something every mother and child need to go through. It doesn't fall into your lap naturally. This is why the "work" of la leche league and others are so important. Women supporting each other in bf by sharing wisdom and time. And you are STILL a good mother if it doesn't work as hoped and you have to bottle feed your child!!!
#3
Pooping for the first time after having the baby.... probably the worst pain of my life
Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
When I was a student nurse AGES ago and moms were usually in for a week post partum, we would be in the bathroom with them when trying and when they actually finally went, so we could be of support during the extreme pain or if they happen to pass out. Yes, that has happened. I felt so sorry for these ladies.
Big Chungus 4 years ago
I have read to take a stool softener immediately after giving birth to prep
Poultry Geist 4 years ago
Omg ! I didn’t go for like a week ! I swelled up so bad! My legs were the same size from my knee to my foot, no ankles at all! Gained 20 lbs after I gave birth! It was awful !!
Ada Retter 4 years ago
As someone who has given birth twice, trying to go after a hemorrhoidectomy is much much muuuuuuch worse. I'd give birth any day over trying to go after that.
Lily bloom 4 years ago
After my first csection, I was a bit disappointed to have not experienced vaginal birth. A few days later, I'm pretty sure I felt similar pain birthing a poop baby
We live in a society where women's bodies have constantly been misrepresented, maligned, unheard and thoroughly misunderstood. A woman’s body changes not only every month, it undergoes dramatic transformations during puberty, pregnancy, breastfeeding, and menopause. And while being repeatedly stigmatized, no wonder many women choose to suffer in silence.
#4
How physically painful even early term miscarriages are. They always only show the emotional pain, which I didn't experience because I was relieved, but it felt like having the worst cramps of my life for a month straight.
lisa dawn 4 years ago
I'm thankful more awareness is coming to light and woman are talking about early miscarriage and mental health effects, why should we not grieve for the loss of hope ,of potential,for our dreams even at six and eight weeks or earlier pregnant. And yes, please can we talk about it without guilt and shame ...
Carrie Brockmeier 4 years ago
I had a miscarriage at 4 and a half months and I had nightmares of being a sword engraved.
Tamra Stiffler 4 years ago
I had a routine ultrasound at 5 months, where I found out my baby had died. The doctor coldly informed me that I'd have to go through delivery, then left the room and had some poor nurse deal with me. I honestly don't remember anything else for about two days after that - I was in complete shock.
Shey Tee 4 years ago
I'm so sorry that happened to you... One of my close friends went through the same exact thing, at 5 months pregnant. The doctor was so cold and distant with her, and told her the same thing. She was a mess, crying and in shock. When she delivered her (dead) baby, they just put it aside on some table. Then, one of the nurses walked in and didn't see it on the table so she put a box of gloves right on top. My friend said that's her baby she just put the box on, they didn't apologize. My friend wanted to bring the baby with her and go to a funeral home. They said, "Oh we were just gonna throw it out," and proceeded to put it into some empty box for gloves for them to take it. She was a mess for almost a year after that..depressed, had nightmares...
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#5
They never show the fatigue you get. Pregnant women in movies have nonpregnant levels of energy. It's pretty common to be completely exhausted all nine months. Growing a human is tiring
LuckyL 4 years ago
my midwife said when she was pregnant and driving at one time 5 minutes from home she had to stop and switch with her husband because she was so tired - and fell asleep on the passenger seat right away
Head Mills 4 years ago
I did this exact thing a couple of weeks ago (5 months pregnant)
Load More Replies... Plenty Pineapples 4 years ago
Yes. I was more tired during pregnancy than I was with a toddler and a newborn.
Marie Elle 4 years ago
With my socond child I told the doctor I try to sleep as much as the cat. He looked at me and said, that would be 20 hours. Exactly. And do it as long as you can, with two tynies you will not sleep, neither night nor day.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago
And the effect it has on your mental functions and coordination. I had slipped down a short stair way while super sleep deprived. I ended up spraining my big toe.
#6
The bump doesn’t go away right after birth. It can take days, weeks, or even months for the bump to disappear, and the majority of women have loose skin, stretch marks, etc. from that- which is totally normal.
White Wolf 4 years ago
That's why I hate celeb photos. "XY is back in shape only after 4 weeks of giving birth!" Pray tell me, what shape? So if you were pregnant or just gave birth, did you count as "shapeless?"
Lara Verne 4 years ago
Even better if they add that "what's your excuse" bs.
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Bobby 4 years ago
I love those stretch marks. Every time I see my wife's tummy it reminds me of the gift of our children. She sacrificed a lot for that and while I tried to share our ease the burden there is only do much I could do. Stretch marks aren't something to be ashamed of they are a badge of honor
mutzolina 4 years ago
Im 4 months postpartum after my second child and i am still struggling big time to learn to accept the change in my body...
Lindsay J 4 years ago
If I may... It took 9 months for your body to get to where you are in the first place, so for the love of everything give yourself at the absolute very minimum least, give yourself 9 months for your skin to go back to a more normal shape. And then after that -- it can take a long long time to accept your new shape. Don't rush it, the return to "normalcy" or the acceptance if you don't ever look the same way again. It's an impossible task to just "don't worry about it".... but at the very least, give your body time. It's been through a crazy-ass transformation. Before now you've had literal years to become accustomed to how you look - it'll take time for you to become accustomed to how you look now. <3 And btw - How you look now, is absolutely awesome.
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Zaza 4 years ago
And for some women the bump never goed away. They get a contition called "diastasis recti" that basically makes them permanently look a couple months pregnant
DOD2557 1 year ago
Sometimes women can do certain exercises to pull those muscles back again.That's with a separation of just a couple inches. Mine was/is so large (6-8 inches) I've been told the only thing that will work is surgery. Which insurance does NOT cover.
Load More Replies... Lovin' Life 4 years ago
I looked pregnant for over a month after giving birth. It use to hurt my heart when people would tell me I still looked pregnant.
La Kalypso 4 years ago
People can be so mean. For years now, I've told close friends and family not to make any comments, whether positive or negative, in public or in private, about the way I look. Keep that for yourselves, people. I don't care what you think about the way I look. My self esteem comes from within me, not from external sources.
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 4 years ago
I remember Joan Rivers talking about this on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. She said that she was jealous of these women that have a kid and the weight seems to magically drop off with in days of delivery. She said the only way that would happen with her is if she gave birth to a 40lb child. (Imitated the doctor struggling to hand the newborn to her) "Here's your baby, lady!"
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago
It can last years, or never go away. And then there's that bulgy pelvic pouch that's damn near impossible to get rid of.
J.L. Martin 4 years ago
They are my tiger stripes and I f**king earned them. I am proud of them, they are mine.
We know now that by changing the education patterns of how we view female bodies, periods, pregnancies, and miscarriages, we change the narrative surrounding them. Crucially, these conversations pave the way for young girls to not feel ashamed and invisible but rather empowered by their female bodies.
So in order to open up one such conversation, we reached out to Lori Beth Blaney, the director at Rachel’s Gift, Inc. who devoted her life to validating each child's life and lending guidance on the path to healing for parents who lost a child. We spoke about one of the least talked about things in our society, which is women who have experienced miscarriage, a topic still widely seen as taboo or something we don’t know how to talk about.
#7
They never show how you can get depression and anxiety before the baby is even born.
Hannah Edwards 4 years ago
Happened to me in all three of my pregnancies, it was awful. I think it’s more of a recognised thing now,
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago
I think the only movie that kinda gets it right is Motherhood with Uma Therman and Parenthood.
Lovin' Life 4 years ago
This was true for me also with my first and at child. The middle one, not so much.
#8
I got a cold during my first pregnancy and had a pretty nasty cough. I was about 8 months along and couldn't take any real medication because, pregnant, so just had to ride it out and the cough got pretty bad. It caused me to crack 2 ribs. Nothing like having someone literally kicking your already cracked ribs while you're violently coughing. And you can't take anything stronger than Tylenol. Yeah, it was pretty painful.
Cee Mor 4 years ago
Same but I finally ended up with pneumonia in the ER. They kept saying rid it out, too. They must be taught to say that...ahhhhh
Bobby 4 years ago (edited)
Cee mor, I really want to believe this was the dr being frustrated they couldn't do more without harming the baby. I've read enough that I don't but I want to
Load More Replies... Alexis Draskinis 4 years ago
I feel this! The week i delivered i got a bad sinus infection with really bad cough. Im also allergic to cough suppressant which is found in many OTC cough syrups. They had nothing they could give me at the hospital that i wasnt allergic to. Then i had a c-section & spent 4 days trying not to cough my stitches & staples out
Head Mills 4 years ago
Same! I'm currently struggling with sinusitis. Swollen face, deaf in one ear, face pain, eye pain, headaches.. and all I can take is paracetamol!
Anne Mitchell 4 years ago
Who told you you couldn't take anything to relieve your cold? Had you asked your pharmacist s/he would have suggested a myriad of products. At 8 months your baby is completely formed and the remainder of the pregnancy he is just putting on weight .
Jo Davies 4 years ago
7 months pregnant and I developed an abscess and had to have a tooth extraction as I couldn't take meds for it. NO ANESTHESIA! That was worse than the birth itself My dentist and GP were in the same facility. GP phoned my Gyny to get some advice as baby had been diagnosed with a heart murmur. GP, hubby and dentist's assistant had to hold my shoulders and head, physically restrain me. The assistant was in tears as soon as it started. I blanked out from the pain. Single-most traumatic experience of my entire life.
AzKhaleesi 4 years ago
I got the worst case of tonsillitis / strep throat I've ever had. It was so bad our roomate was trying to drip water down my throat from an ice cube. My tonsils were so swollen they were touching. Ended up in the ER, and my Dad begged them to remove them. They said no because get this... I couldn't have an active infection to get them removed. So he said "so can we schedule for after?" They said "no because she has to have an active case to get them removed." ummm what? I thought I was gonna lose the baby because I couldn't eat / drink. horrible. Btw ended up fine, and she will be 20 in January. :)
#9
Pregnancy messes with your body in a major way. You can lose your teeth and or hair. Some people get gestational diabetes, like, that's a thing. I know one girl who was pretty healthy before she was pregnant but during her pregnancy her organs began shutting down. Afterwards she came out lactose intolerant, gluten intolerant and STILL has liver and kidney problems.
And that's only physical! Mentally - post partum depression is REAL and even if you've had multiple kids, no problems ppd can kick you in the face with your next kid with no warning.
Jessica Combrink 4 years ago
Yeah - happened to my mom. Apparently the body can "steal" the mom's calcium for the baby so the teeth are not getting the usual calcium it gets and breaks.
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BannedFromABoatShow 4 years ago
No one would tell me I had PPD for fear it would make it worse. I’ll never understand that logic. On day 12 I was alone with baby for the first time. If my husband had gotten home half an hour later I would’ve abandoned her at a hospital and I wouldn’t have told him which one. That crap is traumatizing.
Potato 4 years ago
A friend of mine developed very severe allergies and eczema after her first child. Before she got pregnant she only had a mild pollen allergy, and now she can't be near animals, can only wear clothes of certain materials, gets eczema outbrakes from touching things with nickel in them etc.
Head Mills 4 years ago
I never lost a tooth but during my first pregnancy, I chipped three different teeth, one so badly that I need to have the filling replaced at least once a year (front tooth that does not hold a filling well). Baby takes all your calcium!
Barbara Skolly 4 years ago
After my 2nd baby I am no longer lactose intolerant and have less reflux. Weird
“A lot of people who have never experienced a pregnancy loss assume that it's not as painful as other losses because we never got to 'know' our babies,” Lori said and continued: “They assume this because no one else lost a relationship with that child so it's a blip on the radar to them. However, most moms bond with their babies very early in the pregnancy as they have already formed a physical relationship with the child growing inside them.”
#10
They show morning sickness, cravings, back pain, and waddling. Where's the character with the worst acne of her life? Or the one who can barely walk because her pelvis is literally splitting into thirds? Or the one who gains 50 pounds before they get diagnosed with gestational diabetes and are allowed one tortilla or glass of milk every 3 hours so they can only eat meat and green veggies for 6 months? I want a movie where the pregnant woman needs to have an emergency procedure done to suck the blood clot out of her hemorrhoid so she can exist without excruciating pain.
Ada Retter 4 years ago
Or the one who busts all the veins in their face trying to push out the baby? Or where the doctor yanks the placenta out and you start hemorrhaging?
Juririn 4 years ago
The bursting veins happened to me, I looked like I had a very, very bad rash. My baby also had a burst vein in one eye. And the yanking part is never even mentioned, the birthing of the placenta doesn't exist.
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Tobias Rieper 4 years ago
i dont care what people say women are definitely not the weaker sex going through all they do just to bring life into the world hats off to all the mums out there and much respect
Aleksandra 4 years ago
or one that is refused treatment of rectal cancer because fetus's life comes first and so the woman dies in the end, or one that dies of sepsis because doctors refuse to terminate dying pregnancy and don't even measure woman's temperature.. Oh wait, it's already shown on tv, on polish news.... :c
Janice Bontrager 4 years ago
Oh the hemorrhoids!!!! I had to work up the courage to wipe the last weeks of my pregnancy. Plus for some reason my wrist hurt if turned the wrong way which of course was the exact direction I had to wipe. I just wanted to cry.
J.L. Martin 4 years ago
Morning sickness is such a misnomer. Kid #1 gave me all-day sickness for 7 months. Then the last two months I had gestational diabetes and pitting edema so bad that I had no knees or ankles. 125lbs when I became pregnant, 180lbs when I delivered. Uff da.
#11
They never show the unglamorous things we experience after birth. I had to wear adult diapers for several weeks. Even now, if I sneeze hard or laugh too much, I might pee my pants
Aria Whitaker 4 years ago (edited)
To all women experiencing this, three words: PELVIC FLOOR THERAPY. It works WONDERS for that little issue. Your muscles down there have been stretched, the therapy helps with that.
Vicky Z 4 years ago
As a physiotherapist i approve!! These are very easy exercises that indeed work wonders and you can do even while sitting or working
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J.L. Martin 4 years ago
My eldest is almost 28. So for 28 years now I've never had a 'safe' sneeze, cough, or laugh. Eleven years later came kid #2 (no more for us). I'd really love to have my bladder back. PT has not helped enough.
My Name Is Mars 4 years ago
I could only stand up or lie down for two weeks after my son was born. I had an episiotomy during labor (which is where the doctor has to cut up the perineum to allow the baby to come out). I also cannot laugh, cough, or sneeze without peeing myself. My son will be 18 in February and my body has never been the same.
Marcy Lynn 4 years ago
This is my daughter. She has had 6 full term births and is now 31. She has to wear adult diapers most of the time now.
Marie Elle 4 years ago
Train your muskles!!! Its not getting better at getting older and thanks to YT its all there!
Tirza Malcomber 4 years ago
My body is stupid. I have to pee before going to bed, get up to go pee middle of the night, and wake up early to pee. Youngest is 2.5. And that's with c-sections for all of them.
#12
I'm not planning to be a mother but from the experience I heard from other women, new mothers aren't always head over heels with a huge grin on their face when they first see their first baby and feel like it's the happiest they've ever been in their life.
The way Mama Doctor Jones often reminds in her videos on YouTube, not every mother will feel this "magical" feeling and that's okay; the baby didn't do anything but make you suffer for 9 months for now and you still have to get to know each other, some will immediately adore it when their child is handed over to them and others will need some time for it to happen.
BluEyedSeoulite 4 years ago
I was head over heels immediately with my first. It took a while with my second. I loved her but not as much. I also ended with post partum depression that I'm pretty sure began the second half of my pregnancy
Stephanie IV 4 years ago (edited)
This is so true. I really really liked my baby from the start - and I was so chuffed with myself for having made that tiny human- but the love for your child sorta creeps up on you. You tend to their every need; you’re 100% responsible and you’re the first person they distinguish with their attention. Suddenly you realize that you’re bound to this child in a way that is more and deeper than any love. It’s a part of you that’s living apart from you. It’s a perfect human of its own - without you. You, on the other hand, are never ever again wholly perfect without them. It’s strange and wonderful and deeply disturbing and yet so instinctively normal.
Hiker Chick 4 years ago
A few days after giving birth to my son, one of my friends asked me if I was in love with my newborn, and I remember telling her that I didn't even know him yet.
Rissie 4 years ago
It seems to me that the whole oxytocin is not so straightforward. I mean, I received the fake stuff to actually get it going properly, twice. To me that sounds like my body was not doing the "natural" thing there, so, turn off that pump and gone are the cuddly hormones. That weren't doing much for my mood anyway. Add some serious blood loss to it... I had zero "love at first sight" feelings. I felt immensely responsible, and got very anxious from all the new baby things. But that was just so very confusing. Especially the first time around. The second time I was prepared for it and held off all the bad prenatal advice from anyone and everyone and just did what I knew works.
Carol Emory 4 years ago
Also, some mothers are still reeling from the pain of birth and don't want to hold the baby immediately. When the nurses tried to hand the baby to me, I told them "He gets the first holding" and pointed to my husband. He was able to tell from my expression that I was not feeling good at all. He held onto the baby until I was in my room.
SirWriteALot 4 years ago
This! Just because it grows inside of you doesn't mean you have some kind of magical connection. You look at the worm and have to get to know him or her, learn to get along. It's the same for dads (without the actual feeling of it growing inside of them) So whenever people tell you that you need to be in love right away ... you do not. It is NORMAL to feel weird, hesitant, overwhelmed, sad, happy, paranoid and giddy. Just whatever you do ... feed it and don't shake it. The rest will come "naturally" :-)
Lovin' Life 4 years ago
I did not want to even look at my son when he was first born. I told them it was my break time.
Lori explained that they have changed eating habits, lifestyle, started taking supplements, all things to take care of their baby even from a very early stage. “Because the life is growing inside you, it also feels like a loss of a part of yourself and your future. It is very complicated and very debilitating to a lot of mothers,” she said and added that it is very isolating as many just don't understand.
#13
How f*cking clinical it is. My first birth was in a hospital I was 19 and scared. They treated me like I was a horribly sick person, not a laboring woman. I was not allowed out of my bed, I wasn't allowed food or drink, wasn't allowed any birthing tools like a ball or anything. They allowed my whole family to come in (13 people) I couldn't rest. Then my epidural failed, they didn't believe me. Didn't believe me when I said I needed to push, didn't tell the doctor my epidural failed so I got 7 stitches on the inside without pain meds, I hemorrhaged and they didn't do anything about it. Let my entire family back in immediately after they put my legs out of stirrups, I didn't even see my baby the first hour because everyone had her. Then they made me get up and walk across the other side of the unit to a different room, except I was weak from blood loss, part of my body was still numb and I was exhausted.
My second and third births were totally natural and at a birth center in the water with a midwife and no visitors. My midwives actually listened to me and did a fabulous job.
I'm not saying all hospital births are bad but way too often laboring women are treated like sick people when they aren't sick they're going through a natural process.
Rachel Else 4 years ago
Imso sorry you had that as your first experience. Thank goodness you got people that put your wishes first the next time
Marianne 4 years ago
I am shocked at how they treated her! Thank God this is not the standard at hospitals.
RandomBeing 4 years ago
The doctors should be fired in my opinion. Thats just cruel.
Load More Replies... Rei 4 years ago (edited)
This happened when male doctors took over the control of the birth back in the days out of the hands of the midwives and turned a natural, wonderful miracle of life into a clinical medical procedure, and now we have lost so much accumulated midwife wisdom of the past. Like what the heck they never gave birth in their lives but telling the women how it should be done? Come on!!! Still mad about this one.
Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
That is just so horrible to be treated that way. To not abide by your wishes for privacy is so unprofessional and unacceptable. Not believe your pain?WTF? Deliberate cruelty to not do that. If you need to push, you need to push! Again, as a student, a lady had a medication through her IV to make labor start because she was overdue. She was on for only an hour and started saying she had to push. The nurses didn't believe her and didn't do an examination to check if her cervix was dilated. You can't be needing to push after only an hour and left. A couple of minutes later she started to feel nauseous, which can happen when you are pushing. I'm out to the desk in a flash. I yelled at them (a student) "SHES GOING TO HAVE TO THE BABY RIGHT NOW! WE NEED TO GET HER TO THE DELIVERY ROOM. NOW!" They ran in and oh, sure enough. We moved SO fast and the doc didn't get there in time because the nurses didn't believe her. Note: I did not get into trouble for running to the desk and yelling at them.
DOD2557 1 year ago (edited)
I had both my babies in a hospital and NEVER had this kind of experience!!! To allow all those people in???!! Ridiculous! I have heard other women say their epidural only numbed half of them. It's clearly not a rare thing, they really should listen to the moms! And to make you WALK after having given birth! I don't know what hospital that was, I would've filed a complaint or insisted on a wheelchair. Of course being 19, you had no idea what "good care" is on a Labor and Delivery floor and Postpartum. You poor thing. Glad you had better experiences after! I had midwives in a hospital with my 2nd and it was great!
V Kennedy 4 years ago
Funny, I was going to tell you that you should have had a midwife. Then I keep reading and BAM - you DID! Women should know more about midwives AND research HOW they will give birth as deeply as how they research car seats. My husband was a better father because of my using a midwife. HE was included I was HEARD.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago (edited)
I, too, was a young parent and unmarried. Some hospitals are religious (catholic/christian) and put their religious beliefs before the patient, as was stated at the information seminar for expectant women at the hospital I ended up going to. The staff treat young moms and unmarried women like trash. Not just me but I heard it from others that had their baby at the same hospital. No smiles, no allowing you to hold dad's hand, no allowing the man to cut the cord. They have stupid "no screaming and crying" policies. No eating. Every stage of labour had a different section in the maternity ward and you're transferred from early labour, to labour, to the delivery room, to the recovery room and then they want you to walk (if your legs aren't numb from epidural, but they make you try anyways). They starved me for 24 hours of the 36 hours I was in labour. Their reason to just give me unsweetened jello was that they didn't want me going to the washroom during delivery. I was only allowed water. Hunger pangs may have actually exasperated the contraction pains, as I do get horrible stomach aches when I'm over hungry. But that also meant my baby hadn't eaten that whole time. She sure was hungry at the first feeding.
Marie Elle 4 years ago
Had nearly the same expearience. It helps if you educate yourself. I had a midwife who happily said its all going to be ok while I had a stroke in my second pregnancy at 30. The same midwife who didnt realize that I had präeklampsy during labor, even if I told her so. And it was in a hospital were they allow one person to came, either my husband or my own midwife. But I am still alive... Crazy.
Rissie 4 years ago
Oh I have experienced both a very clinical cold setting with just one person actually treating me like a person and one experience the other way around. Both in the hospital, but totally different. And that first one was very, very traumatizing. My heart hurts everytime I hear someone has to go through that.
#14
I’ve always hated that pregnant women on TV only see weight gain in this perfectly round belly. Yeah, you gain weight in most other places when you’re pregnant, too.
Carol Emory 4 years ago
Or when you've gained enough weigh and your belly is so big that people ask if you're having twins.
Rachael Sampson 4 years ago
True but everyone is different. A lot of women really do only gain weight in the belly.
#15
They don't show when something goes horribly wrong. With my first pregnancy everything was perfect and then at 8 months I went in because I hadn't felt the baby kick in a while. They don't show you still having to go through every moment of labor knowing that you've already lost your child. With my second pregnancy ( twins) again horribly wrong. They don't show emergency situations. They don't show sitting on the toilet and then getting a gush of blood. They don't show the hospital staff running in. They don't show the panic. Or the medical staff quickly having my husband sign off on a hysterectomy neither of us was prepared for and the doctor saying if we don't do it your wife will die. I have a c-section scar going down my abdomen not across. It isn't small at all. Also the scar itched for the longest and sometimes still does 9 months pp. I still can't feel about 3 inches on either side of the scar. Also pregnancy I wasn't just sick in the mornings. No it was all day long 24/7 the whole flipping time. I'm pretty sure I vomited from the time I conceived the twins until two days after they were born. Both pregnancies I lost more weight than I gained. I didn't hit my pre-pregnancy weight until 5 wks before the son we lost and 3 weeks before the girls were born. I finally hit 100 lbs 3 or 4 days before the twins were born and I think my max weight with our son was 104 or 105. So not everyone puts on a ton of weight. My doctors were very concerned about my weight but I couldn't keep anything down. I was exhausted. As soon as I made it home every day I fell asleep on the couch. I didn't even have the energy to make it to my bed. I had absolutely zero balance. I wasn't allowed to climb steps or anything like that from the time I started showing until they were born. I would get dizzy if I stood up from sitting or bent over. Also the joint swelling and the fact that I couldn't see my feet or where I was stepping. I have a 2 story house and unless I had someone to walk me up the stairs I couldn't get there. Also if I dropped something I'd just stare at it because I couldn't get low enough to get it without needing help getting back up. You never see them getting stuck in a recliner or just sitting and not being able to get up. The hell from trying to get up when you lay down is never shown. Plus I'm a type one diabetic and insulin dependent. There is a whole host of issues with that. There is a lot. Pregnancy is insanity. It is extremely dangerous and brutal the entire time. Sure it looks so lovely but its deadly to a lot of people. Also there is no guarantee that you can breastfeed. I got lucky and could out produce any cow in my state but a lot of women either couldn't make enough or couldn't make any at all. There are a lot of people that shame those mothers who can't/ don't breastfeed and its awful. Then there is a whole different group of people that shame mothers that do breast feed their children. We have enough to worry about without being shamed for how we feed our baby.
Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
I am so sorry that both pregnancies were a nightmare and you could have died with the second. My heart goes out to you that your first child passed away and the labor you had to go through knowing that. Some people do not realize that you will mourn the loss of your child for the rest of your life. That's so sad. Thank God you made it through your second and are there to raise your lovely girls.
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
Anne of Green Gables explains that pain very well. Her first daughter, born in "Anne's House of Dreams", lived for only a day before she died. Even nearly 20 years later (I don't quite know the timeline of those books), she's still sad about her.
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Karin Jansen 4 years ago
You must have not watched ER, where Carter lost his kid the same way. That's an episode that stays with you.. Just plain horrible. So sorry for your loss.
lazy panda 4 years ago
I'm pretty that that was the moment pre-teen me became terrified of ever getting pregnant.
Load More Replies... Big Chungus 4 years ago
I am at 8 months now and preparing my husband to make important decisions in case something happens to me because you never know
Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago
“Call the Midwife” showed a couple having a stillbirth, and handled it delicately and respectfully. It’s a really good show, and based on a real midwife’s memoirs.
Nandina 4 years ago
I wanted to breast feed more than anything. Tried and tried. Not a drop. Then mastitis set in. I still feel guilty about it.
yellowphantom 4 years ago
Don't let them make you feel guilty. At least half of my friends and relatives could not really breastfeed. It is very common.
Load More Replies... Plenty Pineapples 4 years ago
I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain you went through. I hope you are enjoying your little girls. Sounds like you're doing an amazing job.
Raina Schwab 3 years ago
I will keep you in my prayers, I'm so proud that you could get through something so incredibly difficult. You pour thing, I'm so sorry about your son, I'm so happy you survived all of this and live to tell the story! I'm sure your husband and girls are happy and proud. Beyond words! Thank you for making it even through the roughest of times.
J.L. Martin 4 years ago
Beanbags are not your friend. You may sit down, but it'll take a TEAM of people to get you back up again.
ThEboRedEsTpANdA 4 years ago
I feel you with the 'if I dropped something I'd just stare at it because I couldn't get low enough to get it without needing help getting back up' part. I feel like that 24/7, especially when I was pregnant as I am more than a little overweight
“If a mom doesn't have any living children, her motherhood can feel very invalidated. What do you say to this mom on Mother's Day, for instance? Her physical motherhood was very real and tangible to her but not necessarily others. Others don't recognize her publicly as a mother,” Lori said, explaining that this can feel isolating and lead to feelings of rejection.
#16
I feel like babies aren’t ever gross looking in films? Like right when they’re fresh out of the body and being passed to the birth mother to hold.
No baby comes out perfectly clean, plump, and smiling with lots of coos. They come out kind of gremlin like with lots of extra gunk on them. I feel like every baby I’ve seen has a slight blue/green tint too fresh out of the womb
BluEyedSeoulite 4 years ago
Mine were purplish, especially my second. They both had very grumpy expressions as well 😂😂
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
When one of my sisters was born, she had the biggest scowl ever. Odd that she's now one of the most timid of us all.
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Steve Ramaekers 4 years ago
I will never forget my friend from grad school. Excited to greet her first bundle and see who she was gonna look like - mom or dad. After birth, my friend stated that the little bundle looked like neither or them - more like Walter Matthau 🤣
Big Chungus 4 years ago
My peds doctor gave me a paper to warn me that babies will probably come out super weird looking lol
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago
Or yellow if they're jaundice. No one really talks about that much.
Lori Ballard 4 years ago
Mine son was bluish and his head was cone-shaped immediately after birth. My first thought was OMG I gave birth to one of the Coneheads!
DOD2557 1 year ago
My little boy had the cone head for at least a couple months. He was posterior before delivery so going through the pelvis and birth canal shapes their head weird when they're posterior. I used to say he had a head like "Alien". :-P
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Head Mills 4 years ago
I have the most beautiful daughter, but for the first few weeks she looked like a boxer with a broken nose! Was not cute at all until she was at least a month old.
#17
First trimester fatigue. It took me by surprise. I couldn't do ANYTHING for weeks. We're talking sleeping 14 hours a day and still feeling tired. I used to nap on my lunch break, nap when I came home from work, and still fall asleep at 9:30pm. I basically slept and went to work. Turns out growing extra organs really takes it out of your body.
Kyle 4 years ago
I was a single mother. I was exhausted. My mother cooked and froze meals for me.
My Name Is Mars 4 years ago
I wasn't a single mother but may as well have been, for all the help I got from my then husband. If it hadn't been for my mother's endless help, I frankly don't know if I would have gotten through the first year of my son's life.
Load More Replies... Big Chungus 4 years ago
I have hypothyroidism and pregnancy and it was been non stop fatigue all my months. Now being in the 8th month, I can't even sleep well enough to get rid of the fatigue lol
bdunbar@kcls.org 4 years ago
They remodeled our dairy plant during my 2nd pregnancy. I remember the day the walls to the "women" area came down..........I learned to sleep in my car, and by the time the wee one was here I could pump in the nifty new ladies lounge....upstairs ;-)
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago
I just wanted someone to help me and let me sleep for a night. Since I was a young mom, still living with my mom while my bf at the time was living with his parents, his parents wouldn't let him be over to help at night. Not even Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant shows this struggle.
Hiker Chick 4 years ago
Same - I drove a lot for work, but during my first trimester I had to pull into a parking lot at least every hour to take a nap. The fatigue really surprised me.
Kanuli 4 years ago
My wife has that sometimes and never gave birth...she slept 16-24h before. She got Vitamin D now, so it only happenes rarely now, would say it was coz of that+depression.
Pepper Sergent 4 years ago
Check for a condition called Hypersomnia = the sleep you get does not rest your body. You can sleep up to 16hrs a day and still feel tired. There are treatments for this, other than vitamin D.
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#18
After birth. The placenta etc. I mean I'm not sure it needs to be seen but birth doesn't just end when the baby comes out.
Juririn 4 years ago (edited)
This should be among the top issues. The delivery of the placenta comes with a different set of mess and risks and is NEVER talked about. Sometimes its delivery is "helped" by tugs at the "gate" and pushing of the belly by the doctors and nurses, in the absence of contractions. I will stop here.
DOD2557 1 year ago
I was told they should n't be so impatient. Sometimes the placenta doesn't magically pop out 2 minutes later. It can take awhile!
Load More Replies... Ada Retter 4 years ago (edited)
The worst part! Never screamed while pushing, only when the midwife yanked the placenta out did I scream.
Juririn 4 years ago (edited)
Yep, me, too. And I had a natural (no epidural or anything) birth. Also an episiotomy with a local anesthetic and sutures afterwards with no anesthesia.
Load More Replies... bdunbar@kcls.org 4 years ago
Nobody told me how big the placenta was, or how hard it was to "birth" that also.
TheCatasaurusMeowMom 4 years ago
I was 19 when I had my son, who was 6 weeks early. Not ONCE did my OB tell me about the dispelling of the placenta, or about the nurse that was going to massage my abdomen to help it along. I had placenta previa, so my entire pregnancy was VERY closely monitored. After my son finally came home from Children's Hospital, I reached out to HR at my OB's office and told them how scared and unprepared I was. Told them that my doctor had never told me about afterbirth, only focused on my condition. I found out a few years later that he was being sued by multiple clients and lost his medical license. Thankfully my son will be 20 in February and only has minor asthma from being a preemie.
Marie Elle 4 years ago
And tearing and stitches. And I had high bloodpressure (250/180), came into ER and the nurse said "I never ever have set a katheter right after birth, thats a total swollen mess here" thanks for letting me know...
Cynthia Carter 4 years ago
No kidding. My son was born 11 weeks early in 1977. He was OK but they literally had to reach in and tear out the placenta in pieces because it didn't separate normally. Worst pain ever and my husband said it looked like hamburger. But it came out perfectly normal with my daughter's 9 week early birth 3 years later. I insisted on seeing the darn thing!
Amy Force 6 months ago (edited)
Yeah, THIS. this happened to me with my first. I had her natural, and thank God she was SMALL, and I thought, "whew! Finally I can take a breather and relax..." NO - part of my placenta was still ATTACHED. So my OB had to go in and GET IT.... So, I basically got FIST-F**ked *right after* giving birth. THAT SUCKED.
Moreover, “physically, her body still goes through all of the hormonal changes as it moves from being pregnant to not; just like after you have a live birth. These hormonal changes/crashes on top of the grief of loss can be very dangerous and play a big role in maternal suicide rates.”
There is also the discomfort of Empty Arms Syndrome, a little talked about phenomenon that happens to a woman “walking out of the hospital after a birth without a baby, coming home to a nursery, and many more blows that add secondary traumas to the trauma of pregnancy and infant loss. These additional traumas complicate and elongate the grieving process,” Lori told us.
#19
They never talk about the swelling. You don't see women wearing sensible shoes to accommodate the swelling. Instead, they're running around in heels to dinners, work, and parties
Carol Emory 4 years ago
My hands swelled so fast with my pregnancy, I had to cut my wedding ring off my finger. My husband took his off so I wouldn't feel bad. Then they were stolen when wee moved from one coast to the other. We never replaced them. We've never needed to.
bdunbar@kcls.org 4 years ago
You married a keeper. Mine lost his as an electrician, he kept it on a leather band, fell off on a job site. I cut mine off with his electrical cutters during a bad time, we had an altercation during menopause, swelling, and he was making me mad during a very badddd day.. (40 years going still) Your post made me smile.
Load More Replies... My Name Is Mars 4 years ago
I was told by my ob/gyn NOT to wear anything with even a small heel. He told me if he saw me anywhere wearing heels, he'd put me on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. I was high risk with having autoimmune disorders so he (thankfully) was strict and left nothing to chance. My son was born premature but healthy and I give a great deal of credit to my doctor for caring so deeply about both me and my son.
Ada Retter 4 years ago
The swelling, not being able to sleep on your back or left side. I think most women who have gone through a pregnancy will say it sucks.
Kanuli 4 years ago
Anyone knows how this goes if you already have big feet from water? Like will they just pop? Or stay? Or get worse?
Juririn 4 years ago (edited)
Well, I got to the point where I almost couldn't walk and I was put on a boiled rice and fruit diet for the last 2-3 months of pregnancy, with little effect. I had arthritis-like symptoms - I was crying every morning, my hands were so stiff and painful, although not very swollen. My nose was swollen, though, and I couldn't breathe through it until after the birth, when all the water accumulated in the feet and in the nose went fast and furious to the boobs and made them udders in less than 12hours😶
Load More Replies... MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago
Where The Heart Is did a good job with their depiction at first. Up until after she had Americus.
#20
They never talk about the gas we get. Frequent farting is not included in most media depictions of the beautiful miracle of pregnancy.
BluEyedSeoulite 4 years ago
I am amazed I didn't knock myself or my husband out when I was pregnant. Our poor cats...
My Name Is Mars 4 years ago
Or how often we have to urinate, especially once the baby gets big and room is tight in the womb.
#21
Hyperemesis Gravidarum
I figured pregnancy would be pretty easy but I almost died. I violently threw up throughout my entire pregnancy. Lost about 20kgs. Could not eat or drink because my senses were so heightened that EVERYTHING made me violently ill. Everything smelt and tasted putrid...so rancid. I just wanted to die. I was so depressed with how miserable pregnancy made my life. Needing IVs to survive. NEVER AGAIN. One and done.
Katie Lutesinger 4 years ago
"Hyperemesis Gravidarum", which means something like "excess vomiting in a pregnant woman" has straight-up killed its victims more than once. It's what killed the last surviving Brontë sister, in fact. Her baby didn't make it either. :(
Rachknits 4 years ago
This is awful. A friend suffered from it so badly she had to have an 'elective' abortion someway into the pregnancy, it was literally her or the baby. A few years on, she found a doctor who tried a random medication and it worked for her, she now has two beautiful girls but it was really really tough before
Vicky Z 4 years ago
I also had a friend with same problem! All of us including the doctor advised her to stop the pregnancy! It was so severe she almost lost her life! Constant vomiting even during labour!! She looked anorexic when gave birth and needed months to recover! Doctors didn't think she will survive the labour she literally couldn't even drink water and she was also drooling couldn't help it! I'm so traumatized by this case that i don't know why should I want to have kids even though I know her case was rare
Load More Replies... Lara Verne 4 years ago
This happened to my mom. She spend five months in hospital, needed IV because she couldn't eat anything, everything made her nauseous. It stopped when she was 6 months pregnant. My brother weighed over 5 kilos when he was born. But mom lost weigh during her pregnancy.
Jennifer West 4 years ago
I also had HG. I would vomit 20x/day throughout the entire pregnancy. I lost 10 pounds by my 5th week. I got a PICC for TPN and fluids. I ended up with 4 DVTs in my arm and they had to switch to the other arm. I had HTN and had a seizure on my delivery day. The perinatologist induced me at 36 weeks as I was going into kidney failure if I didn't deliver ( I only have 1 kidney). I bled for the first 12 weeks. Delivered a healthy baby boy, 6lb, 11oz.
Mona 4 years ago
My supervisor's wife had to be on TPNs and IVs for both her entire pregnancy's due to hyperemesis gravidarum. I only had it for the first trimester, but it still sucks
Load More Replies... Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
Oh yes. We would get ladies in with that for weeks. Continuous IV with medication in it to help it lessen, or sometimes stop the nausea and they can eat light food. I felt so badly when they came in.
Bobby 4 years ago
Just to add a little levity here. I was looking at that word trying to figure out how to pronounce it and all I could hear in my head was Hermione saying LeviOsa not leviosA
#22
My dad is a doctor, he has always said that pregnancy is exactly the same as having a serious disease, your body is put into so much stress for a long period of time and things can go south so fast it's scary that women will have more than 1 baby
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
It is indeed scary. I see so many of my friends planning for big families--"When I grow up, I want 10 kids! I love children!" I tell them that it isn't that easy. Throughout the years I have literally watched my mother fade from the person she once was. I had panic attacks when she announced her 11th pregnancy because I'm scared that she'll overexert herself one day. I love her so much. I just want her to stay with me. She gets gestational diabetes every pregnancy since the 9th.
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
My baby brother was born in July. They're both perfectly healthy and happy, but I don't want to see her go through that again.
Load More Replies... My Name Is Mars 4 years ago
My mother, a retired labor and delivery nurse and childbirth educator, always reminded me to get enough calcium because, if you don't eat/drink enough calcium rich things, the developing baby will literally leech it right out of your bones.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago
I couldn't do it again. I'll adopt if I want another little one.
#23
I think it’s funny in movies/tv how a pregnant person has one contraction and immediately knows she’s in labor, not really how it works lol. My water broke with my second child and i still took my like two hours to be convinced it was actually my water. I also think it’s weird how labor is always depicted with screaming and pain when a large portion of people get epidurals.
Performingyak 4 years ago
Oh, mine was all screaming and pain. In a regional area, where we got held at the local hospital for a couple of hours, by the time we got to a more major hospital it was too late for any drugs. The baby had a 40cm head, and was just over 5 kg (11lb 4oz)
LuckyL 4 years ago
For me it was also screaming and pain with the epidural - the pain just shifted. and it helped my body relax and go from 4cm to 10 in an hour. so I'm really glad I got the epidural
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MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago
I was screaming and crying in absolute agony. They don't give epidurals in early labour, and early labour can still be pretty painful.
BluEyedSeoulite 4 years ago
I grunted. One with an epidural and one without. When being induced with my first, I was on the fence about the epidural than the woman next to me was a screamer... Scared me into an epidural!
Nessy 4 years ago
My water never fully broke with my second child. I went into labour and I just slowly leaked the whole time
Vicky Z 4 years ago
I think the percentage of women that have their water broken before labour is not very big! I read it somewhere i need to Google it though
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DebK2tog 4 years ago
My water never broke. Some medical student shoved a crochet hook up there and yanked. Geezus H on a bike!!!! Glad the little f****r got drowned.
Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
Yes, that is the way they break your water if labor isn't really progressing. Often times breaking your water will start to move things along. Obviously no explanation given and yes, women's eyes get really big when they see that thing. And yep, it hurts. Needs a warning about that. Medical student near me? With anything? Oh hell no!
Load More Replies... DOD2557 1 year ago
Both my babies were positioned posterior at labor. With the first one the pain in my back was so intense that I didn't even Feel anything "in front". Like red hot daggers being stabbed in my back. And it never let up between contractions. With my second labor I said "I'm not going through that again" and tried sitting up the entire prebirth labor at home. I was told laying down would put mean the baby's weight was on my back and that makes it worse. I was prepared for an epidural if need be, but I was fine up until I pushed. Then it hurt like hell so it was hard to make myself push. But, it was all fine and she was born just fine!
yellowphantom 4 years ago
I had a c-section with an epidural that didn't work. They would not believe me when I told them I could still feel them poking at me. They said my skin was "mottled" which meant it was working. If you want to know what the procedure felt like, watch the last part of "Braveheart" to get the idea.
bdunbar@kcls.org 4 years ago
The nurses broke my water, my first was a monster nearly 9 lbs for my 87 lb frame. I didn't scream, but wanted to when they sent me home with the "very little, but healthy baby that was coming" /We were back in 3 hours and his verrrry elongated head and large body came out of his tiny momma. Epidurals sometimes only work on part of you, been there, done that, twice. Neither son did the contractions 3 minutes apart. They contracted for like 10 minutes then hung out, they didn't follow the rules for making an appearance. My son's and I broke all of the rules about birthing of babies. I'm still thankful my MIL was a recently retired OB Gyn nurse, and I love and trust her. She was my ride to the hospital.
TheCatasaurusMeowMom 4 years ago
Ugh, I finally got an epidural about 45 minutes before my son was born...only it didn't completely work: I felt every contraction down the left side of my body. It sucked! Almost 20 years later and I STILL remember that feeling!
#24
They never show how isolating pregnancy can be. Suddenly, you can’t do regular things with your friends, like drinks after work or even going out to eat, because you feel nauseated or too tired
My Name Is Mars 4 years ago
For me, yes. Very much found out who my real friends were.
Load More Replies... Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
Folks! Go pay visits to them. How hard can it be to have a girls night in? Or just go and sit with your friend. How hard can that be?
Paula Marowsky 4 years ago
very hard if pregnant you or your pregnant friend only wants to rest and sleep.
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#25
I went up a shoe size and had to start wearing glasses when I had my kid.
#26
Childbearing hips are a lie! You can have wide hips, but still have a narrow pelvic opening on the inside.
When I had my daughter, I had a hard time pushing her out, as her shoulder got stuck. The doctor told me that if I had anymore children, we would want to induce early to prevent this, as my daughter was the biggest baby my body could handle. She only weighed 7lbs 4 oz!, which is actually a little smaller than an average baby!
Tess the ferret 4 years ago
Wow! I thought the average baby was about 7lbs. I was 6'6 and all my siblings were just over seven
bdunbar@kcls.org 4 years ago
My oldest was 8'11", I was a scrawny 87 lb 17 year old girl prior to pre-birthing him. I didn't even know I had hips until I hit menopause. It didn't tickle I guarantee you, but he did make his appearance sans a c section. I hate it when women are judged/ We are all made a bit differently/
#27
Movies focus on the head - mothers would tell you that shoulders are actually wider (and thus hurt more)...
There are so many things. When you're pregnant, you're risking your health and life. In many countries, epidural isn't the norm, medical abortions are hard to get. There's the realization that now you're not in control over your own body, there's a lack of bonding with a kid after giving birth. I've known some women who were so glad to be done with the delivery and there was no love towards the kid if anything - just annoyance at how loud the newborn can be.
Permanent changes to your body. Skin, stretch marks - okay. Vision, bladder, shoe size, issues with kidneys, psychological and hormonal changes - people don't tend to talk about those much.
Lori Ballard 4 years ago
With my first pregnancy I miscarried at 20 weeks but actually had to have a D&C. My insurance at the time required a 2nd opinion before surgery. 2nd opinion doctor pranced in and said i see we are having an abortion today. I was incandescent with rage but couldn't say anything as I needed him to sign off for the surgery.
bdunbar@kcls.org 4 years ago
i am so very sorry. I just want to hug you. My oldest son was a product of date rape when I was 16. He is one of my best friends ever (when he's not in a brat mood) We need to remember to share, care, and empathize more in this world. You deserve and need comfort and hugs. really. I just am so sorry for your crappy doctor and you having to deal with him on top of your world changing in a very sad way. Oh Hun.........
Load More Replies... Kimi Tomminello 4 years ago
My daughters shoulders were 15 1/2 inches. Had to have an emergency c section. Shoulders are the worst!!!!!!!
Rachael Klein 3 years ago
The head was the hard part for me, then the rest was easy. That's for both of mine.
Kirsty 4 years ago
Ever heard people talk about how not only every person is different but every pregnancy? There's a reason there's a massive list of 'possible' side effects instead of a definitive. I've had 3 babies, there were a couple of things I experienced with all to varying severity and loads that were unique to each child. Also some massively common things I never went through. Your experience is your own selection from the list of possibilities, it says nothing of anyone elses selections....
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#28
They never show how you can experience receding gums and rotting teeth from pregnancy
BluEyedSeoulite 4 years ago
I had a dentist assume I was snacking too much and wasn't brushing my teeth as often because I was pregnant when I went in for a gum infection. He also had no idea what antibiotics I could have. I told him penicillin is fine and instead of checking, immediately took a step away and angled his body to ONLY speak to my husband. Never went back.
Jord Hauns 4 years ago
This is so true. my teeth and gums are STILL messed up from pregnancy and my baby is 13 months. Dentist 100% blamed me for my teeth and gums getting so bad.
bdunbar@kcls.org 4 years ago
Hair does interesting things also. You may or may not lose it. You may or may have a perm or hair color work? Our bodies are not our own for a while. We're sharing them.
#29
I have a lot of pregnant friends right now and am learning a TON about pregnancy. Honestly, it sounds awful. My one friend was having to catheterize herself everyday because the baby was sitting on her urethra and blocking it. Apparently that is something that is rare but not unheard of.
A lot of them also have horrible back pain. My sister had one hip stuck about 3 inches higher than the other and herniated a disc during pregnancy.
Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
I was a nurse and when it came to teaching women to do that it freaked me out in my head. Of course the lady would never.know that at all. Me have to do that to myself? Nope. Just nope.
#30
Postpartum depression. Not all women experience it after the birth of their children BUT there’s enough cases out there to prove it’s real and something that should be discussed.
Movies/books will document EVERYTHING there is to know about motherhood but literally skip over that part for a happy ending. It gives this false sense of reality that motherhood can only take a toll on your body and not your mind. That’s why so many people overlook obvious signs of the mother experiencing this.
Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
One lady I cared for, I cannot say what happened due to post partum depression, but it was just heartbreaking. What happened could have been entirely avoided if her family had listened.
Just saying 4 years ago
Friend of a friend killed herself during post-partum psychosis (which is different again to pnd).
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bxttery_bxby 4 years ago (edited)
When my brother was born, my mom struggled a lot with postpartum, mostly from the circumstances in which my brother was conceived. I was three at the time, and I spent the most time with him. I sang to him and rocked him. I even learned how to change diapers. For years, I was the one that spent time with him and sang him to sleep at night because my mother couldn't bond with him.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago
Not only the mental toll, but the visits from CFS and threats of child apprehension for not "getting over it" and the "you're the mother" lectures that don't motivate whatsoever, and do not offer any kind of support.
Amy Force 6 months ago (edited)
I got knocked on my A$$ HARD with PPD. Started shortly after my first - who ended up being special needs... that comes with its *OWN* set of kicks in the teeth; it took 3 yrs to find the right dr. and right course of treatment... only to have to go OFF my meds b/c I got pregnant again. Ironically, I was actually OK during the (2nd) pregnancy, but almost *Immediately* after giving birth, PPD hit me even HARDER, compounded from the first time, and what was Worse, is that the treatment that worked the first time around did NOT work the second time... And I was surrounded by $hitty drs. that don't give a $hit... And I remember going thru YEARS of waking up in the morning and immediately being SO SAD to realize I was still alive, and wanting to CRY that God hadn't taken me in my sleep. I was OVERWHELMED by EVERYTHING. THAT was my life for YEARS. ABSOLUTELY SUCKED. I did finally manage to turn a corner and get out of the worst of my PPD funk... but I do still deal with some low-grade depression even today. My Special needs child is now a special needs *ADULT*, and that is just SO TAXING and difficult, and I have good days and bad days...so yeah, I do still need a little help. But I am fortunate to have a good support system. PPD is just AWFUL, and it isn't discussed ENOUGH.
#31
The thing that always annoys me is that a character will throw up once, realize she’s pregnant, and then things move on. Idk about others but my first trimester nausea lasted like 8 weeks. Very little appetite, constant misery…
Kathy Richardson 4 years ago
With my first pregnancy it lasted a week. with my second and third I had no nausea at all. I have always considered myself extremely lucky for that.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago
I find the nausea is over done. constantly needing to pee was what I was going through, and drinking more milk than usual.
#32
They never discuss how you can develop food intolerances. After my second pregnancy, I became lactose intolerant. After my third, I became wheat intolerant
BluEyedSeoulite 4 years ago
That's so weird. Also, if you are lactose intolerant BEFORE getting pregnant, it goes away after getting pregnant. I was lactose tolerant for a few months after delivery. Odd side effect that is far more preferable
Ada Retter 4 years ago
The smells of everything you used to enjoy making you sick and sticking with you for years....sorry everyone, I know I'm commenting a lot.
#33
I know a woman who couldn't pee normally afterwards. She couldn't tell when she needed to pee and needed a tool to let it out every other hour. Today she has a catheter.
PenitentEyeball 4 years ago (edited)
Is that not what a catheter is? (I wish to be educated and not oblivious for the furture)
#34
Aftercare. Movies will go from pregnancy, water breaking, then birth, then '1 week later'. They don't talk about afterbirth, how swollen 'it' gets, how painful it is to move or how stressful breastfeeding can be.
Rachel Else 4 years ago
Yes this! My "it" still hurts when I walk, moreover now that I'm pregnant with our second
#35
They never show how different every pregnancy is. Just how not all women are the same, and not all pregnancies are the same
#36
Horrible migraines with bad auras every few days.
#37
I feel like a lot of the times pregnancy in movies consist of 4 stages : sex, morning sickness, shopping and the birth itself.
I am currently 40 weeks pregnant with my second I this time I have major problem with my hips. Like at least my first few steps after standing up I am limping. And morning sickness can be very different with every pregnancy and every person. First time I was nauseous for 5 months, and threw up every day at least once. Couldn't eat a lot but slept very much, which in turn made me incredibly dizzy. This time I threw up 3 times total and felt fine most of the time. With birth itself I am not sure if the main difference is because of movie magic or because most pregnancy movies I've seen take place in the US (or the past). But for me I only had my husband in the room and the rest of our families were at home and not waiting at the hospital. I also didn't wear one of these weird hospital gowns, just my own shirt, socks and a blanket for warmth.
BluEyedSeoulite 4 years ago
My feet would hurt the first few steps when I got out of bed every morning when pregnant. Now my hips do it often. I can't imagine how stiff my joints will be when I'm older
Brenda Spagnola 3 years ago
Pregnancy is not the cake walk some think it is. I developed GERD with my 1st one, to the point that I was spitting up blood (this was before they had meds you could take while pregnant). Began having dental problems which never went away. I eventually lost all my teeth at 45 after never having so much as a single cavity until then. Tired during the entire pregnancy. They let hubby's 8yo niece in the room while I was still being stitched up AND they were going to let her hold my son when I hadn't yet. Blew my top, yelling and crying- Dr made every one leave. I had been up for 39 hours at the time of his birth. We planned on breast and bottle feeding. When the nurse woke me for his first feeding, I told her to give him a bottle. I couldn't even lift my arms, let alone hold him. She told me I'd regret it. Told her I'd regret it more if I dropped him.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago
Who hear feels Nine Months could have done SOOOOO much more in depicting pregnancy more accurately. I feel that movie was portraying what it's like for the man more than the woman.
What do you think ?
whodunnitfan2013 4 years ago (edited)
I hate how pregnancy and childbirth are still so romanticized and glorified in the media and by overall society. The media tends to depict them as quick and easy, and not show the realities of them. We need more realistic depictions of pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood in the media, and show that they're not all sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, as media tends to depict them as.
Helen Haley 4 years ago
If we started depicting it realistically, they'd have a really hard time villainizing birth control and abortion.
Load More Replies...
Helen Haley 4 years ago
Good luck with that. I tried. It did not go well.
Load More Replies...
Katie Lutesinger 4 years ago
I never thought I could become even less interested in having kids, and yet here we are.
Tamra Stiffler 4 years ago
Lol, it's certainly not for everyone! I'm very grateful I got to experience pregnancy and childbirth, but I do respect my fellow women who have no desire to do so.
Load More Replies... Performingyak 4 years ago
I find they never fully depict the length of many labours. Sure, some pop them out in a few short hours, but others are in labour 20+ hours. There are never any post birth issues, such as diastasis, rectoceel, pelvic separation, weak pelvic floor... so many extra things can happen not just during pregnancy, but also postpartum, and most women don't think about talking about it with anyone other than their doctor (some don't even tell their doctor!)
Destiny Kruse 4 years ago
They never show when the anesthesiologist tells you to lean over as much as you can so she can stick a giant needle into your spine whilst matter-of-factly stating if you move you'll be paralyzed.
Vicky Z 4 years ago
Honestly i don't want the brutal details! I don't like romanticising pregnancy but i don't need to hear every horrifying story especially the rare things that could happen! I still don't want babies but if i was thinking about it these posts wouldn't help at all! And I'm thinking that it makes many pregnant women nervous when reading these things! It's an already stressful period doesn't need to become more! Let's stop the "pregnancy is the best period in woman's life" but i don't think the opposite is a good solution either
Glirpy 4 years ago
And the blood pressure of both parents will be consistently higher after childbirth.
Load More Replies...
Biba Little 4 years ago
My experience was mostly terrible headaches in first 3-4 months for which you can't take any medication. Also, stuffy nose! It drove me crazy! With giant stomach pressing my lungs and swollen stuffy nose, I felt like I was constantly suffocating. Other than that and feeling like a whale, I think my pregnancy was one of easier compared to some described here.
whodunnitfan2013 4 years ago (edited)
I hate how pregnancy and childbirth are still so romanticized and glorified in the media and by overall society. The media tends to depict them as quick and easy, and not show the realities of them. We need more realistic depictions of pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood in the media, and show that they're not all sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, as media tends to depict them as.
Helen Haley 4 years ago
If we started depicting it realistically, they'd have a really hard time villainizing birth control and abortion.
Load More Replies... Helen Haley 4 years ago
Good luck with that. I tried. It did not go well.
Load More Replies... Katie Lutesinger 4 years ago
I never thought I could become even less interested in having kids, and yet here we are.
Tamra Stiffler 4 years ago
Lol, it's certainly not for everyone! I'm very grateful I got to experience pregnancy and childbirth, but I do respect my fellow women who have no desire to do so.
Load More Replies... Performingyak 4 years ago
I find they never fully depict the length of many labours. Sure, some pop them out in a few short hours, but others are in labour 20+ hours. There are never any post birth issues, such as diastasis, rectoceel, pelvic separation, weak pelvic floor... so many extra things can happen not just during pregnancy, but also postpartum, and most women don't think about talking about it with anyone other than their doctor (some don't even tell their doctor!)
Destiny Kruse 4 years ago
They never show when the anesthesiologist tells you to lean over as much as you can so she can stick a giant needle into your spine whilst matter-of-factly stating if you move you'll be paralyzed.
Vicky Z 4 years ago
Honestly i don't want the brutal details! I don't like romanticising pregnancy but i don't need to hear every horrifying story especially the rare things that could happen! I still don't want babies but if i was thinking about it these posts wouldn't help at all! And I'm thinking that it makes many pregnant women nervous when reading these things! It's an already stressful period doesn't need to become more! Let's stop the "pregnancy is the best period in woman's life" but i don't think the opposite is a good solution either
Glirpy 4 years ago
And the blood pressure of both parents will be consistently higher after childbirth.
Load More Replies... Biba Little 4 years ago
My experience was mostly terrible headaches in first 3-4 months for which you can't take any medication. Also, stuffy nose! It drove me crazy! With giant stomach pressing my lungs and swollen stuffy nose, I felt like I was constantly suffocating. Other than that and feeling like a whale, I think my pregnancy was one of easier compared to some described here.
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