As humans, it is common to feel regret for decisions we have made, or for mistakes we have made in the past. It is a feeling that can be overwhelming and difficult to process.
Regret can manifest in many different ways. It is an emotion that can make us look back on our lives and feel as if we have missed out on something, or as if we have made the wrong choices. It can be an emotional burden that can weigh heavily on our minds. It can cause us to second-guess ourselves, feel a lack of confidence, and spiral into depression.
So in order to give you a warm hug if you’re feeling regretful and let you know that you are far from the only one living with this difficult feeling, we looked at the deepest regrets people have about things they have done. This Ask Reddit thread has become a safe place to share it with many people, and below we wrapped up some of the things they said.
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I was seven years of age, I had an argument with my mother the night before she died. Before I went to bed she asked me for a hug I told her NO and stormed off to bed. The next morning I woke up to find everyone in the house was gone, it was very surreal and confusing. My father came back in that morning crying and told me my mother had died of a brain hemorrhage..
Never go to bed on an argument.
Easily said, but there's always someone else involved and you can't just up and resolve things before sleep. Sometimes it just doesn't happen.
I deeply regret picking on this very socially challenged girl when I was younger. I wasn't particularly vicious or anything but I should have used my popularity to stand up for her, or at least treat her right.
I feel this one. In grade school I tripped a girl on purpose. She was picked on a lot and I'm not even 100% sure why I did it...maybe my own insecurities about being picked on. It's been over 30 years and I still feel a ton of guilt and regret. I've tried to find her to apologize, but to no avail.
I called my buddy one night because I knew he was having a tough time, I told him I'm coming over, he kept saying no I'm good I'm good...he was less than a mile away. I said okay and then his mom called me in the morning saying he was dead and what did he say to me in the phone call.
I wish I went over
My cousin recently committed suicide, so I know somewhat how you feel. This may sound trite, but I don't mean it to. You trusted your friend and your friendship. Your friend pushed you away at that time, and it's not your fault. Whenever you're overcome with grief, guilt, or anger, try to remember one thing about your friend that was good. As time goes by, remember two things, then three and so on. Remember that you were friends, and that you had good times together. It's okay to feel bad for the way his life ended. It's okay to be angry, hurt, ashamed. Just remember it's also okay to remember the good, and to feel joy, love, pride, that you had this friend.
While feeling regret can be truly daunting, it’s a very human emotion to have. When we think of our regrets, we normally put focus on things like missed opportunities, past decisions, or losses.
Mary C. Lamia Ph.D, a clinical psychologist psychoanalyst who works with adults, couples, adolescents, and preteens, argues that what concerns us the most in terms of our regrets is our failure to live up to our “ideal selves” over and above our preoccupation with the mistakes we have made or the things we ought to have done. This may suggest that in the long run, we regret our inactions more than our actions.
When I was 7 or 8 years old, I snapped at my dad for getting me the wrong video game and I can still see the disappointment in his face. Haunts me to this day.
Not fighting and advocating more for myself growing up.
I struggled with classes, jobs, projects and hobbies. I had a really hard time focusing on anything. I was called stupid, lazy and all sorts of other things by my teachers, friends and co-workers. I knew I wasn't any of those things but just couldn't seem to get things right... Now, a father in my 40s, i started seeing similar issues with my daughter and when we went to speak to some specialists it turns out she has ADHD and a generalized anxiety disorder. We got her treatment and a prescription for some medications and she's doing so much better at everything. The similarities in her struggles and mine motivated me to get tested and sure enough I got diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive type).
Started counselling and medication (Adderall) and its like a switch was thrown. I'm a functional human... Finally.
Now I'm just dealing with the emotional trauma of growing up like that and all the pent up frustration and anger over a life that "might have been" had my parents, or anyone for that matter, made an effort to really find out why I was the way I was... Better late than never I guess.
Be proud that you got help for your daughter, so these conditions didn't impact her as badly.
I deeply regret letting my creative writing and piano playing skills go to s**t. Ever since I entered the corporate world 19 years ago, it has consumed me and I no longer feel passionate about those things. I stopped practicing everything. When I try to make myself do them, it feels like just that, like I am forcing myself and it is no longer fun. I feel like I’ve become a shell of my former self in so many ways.
I promised myself that NOTHING is EVER gonna stop me from writing. So far it works.
But while life-long regrets are real and powerful aspects of being human, smaller and more instant regrets are also part of our daily lives. They may include a nasty thing we said to our loved one or a spontaneous purchase. Speaking of the latter, impulse buying is often known as something that causes an intense sensation of regret immediately after or a little later.
Typically, an impulsive action like shopping results from tension that has built to the point where the person can no longer resist it. The immediate sense of relief from acting on an impulsive behavior is short-lived.
Getting married. I spent years paying off her substantial debt, i then dumped another 50k in our "forever house" only to live in it for a year.
Now she's debt free, and I lost half of everything I paid for.
Never again
Putting time and efforts into relationships/friendships that I should have just let go the first chance I had
The sad part is you seem to never feel it when you give your all to a relationship - be it family (parents, siblings), friendships and lovers. Then you feel like the biggest fool, but you do it all over again!
Wanting to become adult asap
I never understood this, the freedom and possibilities are endless.
In the age of consumerism, controlling urges to buy and consume new things every day may be a challenge to many of us, so we reached out to Emily Malamet, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist from the Paris Psychology Centre, to find out more about controlling our impulse to spend.
So if you’re currently browsing the sales section online or thinking of deals to catch on Black Friday, you may want to pull your seat closer to make sure you don’t regret any of these buys later.
Malamet told us people with compulsive shopping disorder may resort to borrowing money from family and friends to be able to shop more, which in turn can fuel the addiction. So it’s surely not so innocent.
Probably rejecting my granpa when he wanted to play chess, he then fell from a roof like a week later and I never had the chance to play chess with him again, still bothers me that I kinda never had this moment with him..
My grandma died while I was in prison. I stole our time together at the end of her life from both of us.
Not opening a retirement account when I was 18 like I was told to.
That and not investing my money I made bartending in my 20s. When you're that young you don't think about things like that unfortunately.
Invest in what, nowadays my salary is unable to keep up with even the official (not actual) inflation rate in order to cover basic living costs, let alone savings! Please, tell me what can I invent in?
“Relationships with loved ones can become more and more strained over time because those who have a shopping addiction may continually ask to borrow money even when they don’t have the capacity to pay back their debt.”
Moreover, the feelings of intense shame, regret and and desire to hide spending go hand in hand with shopping addiction. This often leads to lying, Malamet argues, something that can put a huge strain romantic relationships and friendships.
Use my credit card too much to buy things I didn’t need. Now I’m dealing with a maxed out credit card that’s killing me every month.
I am grateful for the horrible Call center experience, now I know I will never have a CC, because I saw the trap it is during my time there.
My mom died nearly one year ago. She battled ALS for two years. It was very sudden and a horrific experience. The last thing she said to me before she lost the ability to speak was “stay”. She was dying and afraid and just wanted her daughter to stay by her side, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t sit and watch her die. It was excruciating for me. I did visit her every day until her death, but she was no longer there really. She died a week later. I will never forgive myself.
I was fortunate enough to be there when my dad died. My mom and sister "couldn't handle it" and they left. I stayed. I held his hand. He died with me at his side. It was horrible, but at the same time I am so happy I had that chance. I wasn't home when he had his accident 21 years prior and that haunts me to this day.
Focusing on boys and relationships instead of friends in high school and college. I should have developed my social skills and had a whole group of friends instead of wasting my time and breaking my heart over immature guys.
On the other hand you matured in the relationship aspect early on, and will definitely see the good in it. I did the opposite, and realize how immature I have been when it came to lovers. Am better now, but I regret the time wasted in my youth when I should have explored love.
Some signs that a person might be suffering from a shopping addiction include but are not limited to, according to Malamet, things like always thinking about things they are going to purchase and being unable to stop their cycle of compulsive shopping.
Other symptoms include a rush of euphoria after having made a purchase, an urge to buy that's overwhelming and must be gratified instantly, and feeling regret or guilt about things that they have bought. Many people with shopping addiction start to face financial problems or the inability to pay off debt which in turn makes them lie about things they have purchased or hiding what they have bought.
Meanwhile, “normal shopping involves purchasing items which are needed and used, the absence of compulsion, a lack of financial distress from purchases and having occasional splurges,” the psychologist explained.
Slacking off in high school and not taking college seriously. I could have worked harder, and found a career where I would be financially stable, yet here I am.
I come from a very poor background. My sister worked really hard to become a solicitor and I wanted to get into employment quickly - we were both reacting to poverty in different ways. I started as a lowly office worker and ended up with a career I loved and did well in. My sister hated her career and ended up sick with depression. Had to give it up and work as an assistant. You can't tell where life will take you. Studying always sounds the better option but you can't predict the future.
I deeply regret ghosting someone I really did like. And she liked me. I had some bouts with extreme anxiety last year and just kind of couldn't function. I think I was also not really prepared for meeting her. It was unexpected. I think I wasn't in a great place for that at that time. I don't know if I should reach out to apologize or not. I don't know if she would want to hear from me. I probably will and I do want to. I want her to know it wasn't because I didn't like her. I really did. I really feel terrible about it
You might text her an apology, and say you were having some mental health issues.
Cheating on my girlfriend. I ended up breaking up with her because i couldn't deal with the guilt anymore. She deserved better. I still feel bad for hurting her.
Not getting a second opinion sooner on my back injury. Injured my back at work in 2014, was taken to a WorkCover doctor where I now know I was misdiagnosed and then gaslighted by the workplace OH&S officer. Had I known that I could seek a second opinion from another doctor while on WorkCover, it would have been found that I had a permanent disc protrusion that was impacting a major nerve.
I waited 7 years to seek a different opinion, all because I believed the WorkCover doctor and a physio couldn't be wrong as they were professionals and that I had 'just a simple back strain'. Meanwhile I'm walking around in chronic pain with a disc protrusion that could've ruptured at any given moment.
I'm now permanently disabled thanks to my own stupidity. And I can't take legal action against the company now as there is only a 3 year grace period to do so.
I feel so horrible for OP. It's very difficult to navigate the system when you get hurt on the job. You just have to keep pushing if it doesn't feel right and make some noise to get the information you need sometimes.
Used my new cordless power drill without reading the instructions. It’s a LOT more powerful than my old corded drill was. Fourth hand surgery coming up soon.
Letting anxiety and depression ruin so many opportunities for me
Also, becoming a parent. Despite loving my kid, I feel I'm just no good at it and its destroyed my sense of who I am as an individual.
You need to seriously re-evaluate who you are. You are a dad now. You need to be involved in your kid's life, learn what they are about, and have fun with them. If your "sense as an individual" was a free eligible bachelor who could party and drink, trust me I understand that. I had that as well. Embrace parenting. The kid won't be a kid for long. Time flies for adults even if it seems to crawl when you are a kid. In 5, 10, 15 max years, that won't be a kid in anymore and you would have MISSED on their stages of development as a person, and you'll regret that instead, but forever. IF you are missing partying, booze and single women, you can wait 5, 10 years to get back into that. It won't kill you to be a decent dad. It will make a huge difference to your kid to know you are interested in them.
Getting married to my first girlfriend at 19. I rushed the relationship because it felt good to not be alone and I thought that I could help her with her depression and anxiety, was hoping to have kid with her as well. However as time went on she just got worse and worse and kept using her depression as a crutch to justify every s****y thing she did.
When I started experiencing depression I stopped trying to keep things together and we got divorced a few years ago. I still haven't recovered mentally from it and between that and the pandemic I feel like a shell of the man I used to be.
I think that's ok because you learnt something, which is that you can't be a therapist or change someone. At least you didn't get a child. I suggest you go for therapy yourself now, if you can afford it. If not, you need to get out more (even if you dont' meet someone), and spend more time in the sun. Source: I had a similar issue.
Too many things to list here. One I think about too much is how I ruined a good friendship with a girl because I let my real feelings get in the way. Basically I went full incel and wrote her a letter telling her she was a horrible person. Took me way too long to realize it was me that was horrible (and stupid)
I've done that as well. You need to move on and find someone new. Rather go onto Tinder because at least everyone knows why you are there. Following someone around in the friendzone hoping that they'll date you one day, is a lost cause. You are avoiding saying what you're really looking for (a relationship or sex), because you don't want to be rejected. And they think you are just being friendly. So when you do pop the question, they reject you, and you feel like c**p, and the relationship is over. Rather just go onto a dating site, where everyone knows, you are there to find someone NOT to be "just friends".
I regret my tattoos. They aren’t the worst, but I’ve outgrown them. I wish I hadn’t been so impulsive when I decided to get them.
Arguments I’ve had with my mom. I haven’t been the nicest daughter the past few months and I feel awful about it. I apologize after every argument, but I know I can’t take back the grief and hurt I caused.
I had one like this and I shared my regrets with a stranger who complimented me on it on a night out - in the queue for the toilets in a bar. What this stranger told me has forever stayed with me "never regret a tattoo. You loved it at the time and it's a reminder of an era of your life, who you were at the time. Think of it of a memoir"
I wish I was hungrier. I love my job, but I've worked here forever and there were multiple times where I could have been groomed for management positions and I just was content to pick up a check.
Outside of that, not taking music seriously. A lot of my friends and family say I have talent but I have a hard time believing that.
There's a silver lining to just 'pick up a check'. Management mainly consists of politicians, backstabbers, and bum kissers. Being in the office feels like sliding on the knives blades. Meetings are times to throw knives at other managers. I spent 15 years doing it. Now I'm happy to just pick up my checks. My mental and physical health has never been better. It's worth more than any grand position, the loads of money, and even power.
I was depressed and mopey on Thanksgiving Day when I was 18. I'd just been dumped by my first boyfriend. After the meal, I went to hang out with my friends instead of staying with my family. My dad started putting up the Christmas lights at home and fell off of the ladder. He sustained a catastrophic brain injury and was bedridden in diapers in a near-vegetative state for the next 21 years. His body was alive, but my dad was gone. I wish I'd stayed home. Maybe I couldn't have prevented the accident, but I would have been outside helping with the lights and I might have told him not to go up onto the roof. I have regretted that every day since. He died two years ago.
wow that is terrible, I am so sorry to hear. My dad had the same thing naturally not from a fall. I regret our last conversation with him because I wasn't kind. The next week he was gone. These things happen and it is tough. The moral of the story is always to focus on others and being kind, rather than self-indulgent. However, 18 year olds are just self-indulgent, that is how they are.
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As a child I would never spend the night at my grandmother's house. We saw her often and she always asked, but honestly I was very creeped out by her husband. He would want me to sit on his lap, tickle me while I screamed for him to stop, and just generally torment me. I was never alone with him, and my grandmother and mother would always yell at him to stop, but I was afraid if I spent the night I might find myself alone with him at some point. I regret not having been honest with my mother as to why I didn't want to stay with my grandmother, who was always very disappointment that I wanted to go home.
Seems like they should've figured it out themselves though so don't beat yourself up. Maybe they honestly knew why you didn't want to spend the night. At least they didn't force you.
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my regret is double edged. my mom passed away on christmas eve. she always made a big dinner on that night and she wanted me to take care of that for the family. at the last minute i had to run to the store for something. the hospital was just a few blocks away from the store. as i was getting into my car my body did a full freeze and i looked in direction of the hospital, feeling like i should get there as soon as i could. i came back to the house with the phone ringing. it was the hospital telling me that she had just passed. i have since felt that i should have just said f**k the dinner and gone to her but, at the same time, i knew that she didn't want to ruin the holiday event. dinner that night was surreal because all of the adults in the family sat at the table looking shell shocked but, because of the younger children, we didn't want to openly grieve and mark the holiday as the day that gram/great gram died.
My mother passed away on New Year's Eve, and I cooked and we ate the dinner together in tribute to her because that's what she would have wanted. I know the feeling.
Load More Replies... I was depressed and mopey on Thanksgiving Day when I was 18. I'd just been dumped by my first boyfriend. After the meal, I went to hang out with my friends instead of staying with my family. My dad started putting up the Christmas lights at home and fell off of the ladder. He sustained a catastrophic brain injury and was bedridden in diapers in a near-vegetative state for the next 21 years. His body was alive, but my dad was gone. I wish I'd stayed home. Maybe I couldn't have prevented the accident, but I would have been outside helping with the lights and I might have told him not to go up onto the roof. I have regretted that every day since. He died two years ago.
wow that is terrible, I am so sorry to hear. My dad had the same thing naturally not from a fall. I regret our last conversation with him because I wasn't kind. The next week he was gone. These things happen and it is tough. The moral of the story is always to focus on others and being kind, rather than self-indulgent. However, 18 year olds are just self-indulgent, that is how they are.
Load More Replies... As a child I would never spend the night at my grandmother's house. We saw her often and she always asked, but honestly I was very creeped out by her husband. He would want me to sit on his lap, tickle me while I screamed for him to stop, and just generally torment me. I was never alone with him, and my grandmother and mother would always yell at him to stop, but I was afraid if I spent the night I might find myself alone with him at some point. I regret not having been honest with my mother as to why I didn't want to stay with my grandmother, who was always very disappointment that I wanted to go home.
Seems like they should've figured it out themselves though so don't beat yourself up. Maybe they honestly knew why you didn't want to spend the night. At least they didn't force you.
Load More Replies... my regret is double edged. my mom passed away on christmas eve. she always made a big dinner on that night and she wanted me to take care of that for the family. at the last minute i had to run to the store for something. the hospital was just a few blocks away from the store. as i was getting into my car my body did a full freeze and i looked in direction of the hospital, feeling like i should get there as soon as i could. i came back to the house with the phone ringing. it was the hospital telling me that she had just passed. i have since felt that i should have just said f**k the dinner and gone to her but, at the same time, i knew that she didn't want to ruin the holiday event. dinner that night was surreal because all of the adults in the family sat at the table looking shell shocked but, because of the younger children, we didn't want to openly grieve and mark the holiday as the day that gram/great gram died.
My mother passed away on New Year's Eve, and I cooked and we ate the dinner together in tribute to her because that's what she would have wanted. I know the feeling.
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