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As kids, many of us rushed to come of age and enjoy the freedom we saw grown-ups having. We were envious of how they could stay up late, eat whatever they wanted, and go anywhere without asking permission.
But upon getting there, the realities of adulthood became a sobering splash of cold water in the face. Many people weren’t (and likely still aren’t) ready for “adulting,” and they opened up in this recent Reddit thread.
Some comments spoke about the need to sell yourself, while others discussed the disheartening experience of losing a job. If you have these similar sentiments, share them in the comment boxes below!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Watching a country I grew up thinking was stable, powerful, and plentiful be taken over by the billionaire class and milked dry at the hands of oligarchs who claim that the problem is poor people, immigrants, and queer people.
RELATED:
#3
Dust. There is dust everywhere. There is so much dust, and it accumulates so fast!
#4
How much of your time revolves around eating and/or making food; cooking, washing dishes, cleaning sinks, even just selecting what to eat - so much damn time.
Amelia Jade 9 months ago
I designed an entire system around meal planning, grocery shopping, finding deals, and cooking meals. The system actually helped me reduce the amount of time I was spending, and the amount of money I was spending, but yes, it is still all so time consuming.
#5
How much you have to sell yourself. In my younger years, it was enough to just do the work well because the teacher has to grade your work. As an adult, your boss and interviewers may not even look at it, let alone understand what you did.
Rick Murray 9 months ago
I suck at selling myself, so I just don't bother. Let other people deal with the stress and back stabbing, I'll just click out at the end of the day and go home and read a book.
#6
Regret. Knowing how much better and easier my life could be had a made a few different decisions is [eating me alive].
Child of the Stars 9 months ago
Would it have been easier and better though? We won't ever really know. Regret and asking "what if?" about my past just sends me spiraling into depression. I've learned to value and respect my past because it's those choices that made the good things happen for me today as much as the challenges.
#7
Just how boring most things are. The days blur together and the next thing you know, your body hurts everywhere all the time and you can't remember yesterday. But you remember 40 years ago like it was yesterday.
Susie Elle 9 months ago (edited)
EDIT: woops, nevermind, misunderstood the title of this thread lmao
#8
Realising your parents are not the person you think they were as you grow older.
#9
Life is not promised. You can do everything “right” and things just don’t turn out how you had hoped.
#11
Being home alone for medical emergencies. I guess it can happen at any age, but it feels like more of an adult living alone kind of problem.
BookFanatic 9 months ago
Yes. A family member had this happen last week, actually. She fell in the bathroom and was lying there for who knows how long. Her neighbors finally heard her yelling and broke the door down to rescue her.
#12
How to console your teenager when someone you didn't like in the first place dumps them. It feels like knowing the end of the movie and your teen has only just started watching. The first breakup after your first love sucks, but I bet there's a lot of people out there who are grateful that their very first serious relationship didn't pan out. I know I'm glad that mine didn't last. But you can't just say that to your kid, you have to hold space for them and know when to shut your mouth. It's hard seeing them in pain though.
#13
How absolutely out of reach living a normal life is without working to death.
I don’t get the point of any of this s**t. It’s heart breaking.
Child of the Stars 9 months ago
Learning to tell the boss and coworkers "no" will go a long way.
#14
Feeling so behind compared to others. I have my associates but It doesn’t really do anything for me and people my age are getting into their careers and I have no clue what I want.
#15
How little time you have for yourself. You work for 8 hours, get home, make dinner, clean up the kitchen and then you have like 1-2 hours before you need to go to bed so you can do it all over again. Then the chores pile up so you have to waste a big chunk of the weekend as well.
I don't understand how people can work, have kids, keep their home tidy and go to the gym and get a good nights sleep. Like how?!
Child of the Stars 9 months ago
You learn what battles to fight and what to walk away from. I chose not to fight my kids on clothing choices, for example; I only have 2 rules: pants are required if we have company and when leaving the house, clothing must be weather appropriate. I don't have a vehicle and am walking distance from most of my regular places, so no gym time needed. As for housework, "good enough" is good enough. As long as it's washed, I don't often bother to actually fold and put it away. Meals are mostly single-skillet or single pot meals and I use a mostly ready-to-eat frozen veggies, so that minimizes dishes. I just gave up on trying to keep up with the dusting, and just do it when I have the energy.
#16
How fast your battery runs out when you get over 40. There is barely enough juice left after work to do anything before going to bed.
#17
Your parents being way less emotionally mature than you realized.
Or adults in general who you grew up thinking were intelligent, thoughtful, and I formed. It's shocking when they realize just how clueless they actually are.
KnightOwl 9 months ago
Nah, my parents were always clueless, even as kids me and my siblings knew this. I mean; they got married at 18 because they were pregnant (in the 80s!) and went on to have 8 kids in 8yrs. They were clueless back then and I swear they have gotten dumber as theyve aged. (Imagine trying to parent 8 kids so close in age, now imagine trying to parent 8 teens in a 3 bed house with 1 bathroom and you'll get an idea of why their brains are fried!)
#18
I should probably put this box in the recycling, but maybe I should save it, it is a really nice box.
#19
Being in charge of your own happiness. Down to what you watch, eat, listen too, therapy. You are in charge.
#20
Elderly parent losing their mind due to dementia and needing care but nursing homes are 7k per month, in home nurses are 3k per month. Yeah that’s a f*****g problem that no one could have prepared me for.
- edit to add: I found my answers and my parent is cared for now, but the path leading up to the answers was a terrible and scary path.
Colleen Glim 9 months ago
In Canada, long term care rates are set by the government so it’s equal across the board. Semiprivate rooms go for around $2000 a month. Private rooms go for around $3000 a month. My mother is going into long term care soon
#21
Midlife crisis is real. I’m questioning everything now and it feel unsettling all the time.
Toothless Feline 9 months ago
My “midlife crisis” was deciding to embrace my true self and come out as transgender. So for me, a big positive.
#22
Managing finances. I learned so much insignificant garbage through all of my education that means absolutely nothing after graduation. I think it would be difficult to do an entire semester on it, but there are other topics that can be added to the “welcome to the real world” class.
john doe 9 months ago
I'm sick of seeing posts about how they went taught finances and they don't know how to do it now. First off you were definitely taught math, that's about 95% of financing. Second I don't know about other schools but we had a class called civics and about a month of that class we spent learning how to budget, learning how simple and compound interests effects the monthly rates one would pay. Idk I feel like a lot of y'all just didn't pay attention and that's the actual issue here. I went to plain old public school btw in Minnesota so I guess maybe we do it better.
#23
Keeping a job. There's that 'honeymoon' period once you start the job. But then as the days turn into months... And the months turn to years... You look in the mirror and say, 'Is this it? This is all life has to offer?'.
#24
How boring being a parent can be....like, my kids are my life and I love them, but sometimes I don't want another conversation about Minecraft, or Halloween decorations. .
Sue Denham 9 months ago
All those tedious things your kids talk about - listen to them. Because when they are older and have real important things to talk about you will want them to come to you.
#25
Dealing with health insurance corporations.
blixten1982 9 months ago
That's not really an adult problem, that's an American problem. I just pay taxes and I've never had to deal with health insurance corporations or even think about a medical bill. Thank you Tommy Douglas!
#26
Idk if anyone could have prepared me for it but I was definitely not prepared to be diagnosed with a chronic illness, even before I turn 30. Ik no specific illness is a typical part of adulthood. As in, we can get sick at any time and there’s no age bar. But I personally thought I still had time before I got sick. And to have a condition (fibromyalgia) that I can’t explain to anyone, because it’s not as straightforward, is a whole different frustrating element that makes me want to shut myself off from the world.
I’m in my ranting mood today, apparently.
KnightOwl 9 months ago
Fellow sufferer and I totally get it. Noone understands fibromyalgia and a lot of people seem to think it's not real. To be in pain pretty much 24/7 at times and treated like you're faking is exhausting and incredibly frustrating. Fibromyalgia totally derailed my life and my career and I even lost a few friends (not really a loss as they were pretty toxic anyway)
#27
Getting laid off.
Everyone’s working, doing their thing, workload fluctuates and slows down after the pandemic. The expectation is for us to give two weeks notice when we leave but I’ll be damned if I didn’t get a six hour heads up that my computer would lock at the end of the day and my severance check would be in the mail in a week.
DennyS (denzoren) 9 months ago
Yep, I was told at 2pm that my contract is being terminated at the end of the day (4pm).
#28
How expensive maintaining a car is. Gas, windshield wipers, oil changes, repairs, brakes.
#30
Laundry mountains that never stop growing.
Amelia Jade 9 months ago
This is one I don't get. We're a family of five and have never had a laundry mountain. I visited my brother and his family and they seemed to have a pile of laundry that never shrunk even though they were constantly doing loads. In our house, everyone has their own laundry basket in their room and they each have their own laundry day. My kids each started doing their own laundry at age 7. On your laundry day you wash it, dry it and put it away. Then you don't worry about it for a week. That's it. And since everyone does their own--they are small manageable loads that don't take much time.
#31
How to manage loneliness.
How to manage losing faith in a religion you were raised in and followed for 20+ years.
Grape Walls of Ire 9 months ago
My last therapist specialized in helping people deconstruct from religion. It's a huge ordeal, but worth it.
#33
If you fall, you can actually get hurt. I slipped on ice in my driveway a couple years ago. Didn't feel a thing until 5 minutes later until my entire left side, from head to toe, was screaming in pain.
I tore some stuff in both my legs. I had no idea until I couldn't get back off the couch.
Used to be, all I had to worry about was a twisted ankle. Now I have to go through massaging any injury until my body stops screaming "no, stupid, you live here now".
S**t ain't right.
Amelia Jade 9 months ago
I feel this. I'm 50 and took up roller skating a few years ago. I want so badly to do the tricks I did when I was a kid but I'm terrified of falling and breaking a hip.
#34
How hard it is to meet people/sustain relationships. When you're young, you are constantly surrounded by people your age, going through on essentially the same schedule as you. But once you're an adult, it's really hard to meet people in between the daily grind, and even harder to plan things with people you do know because they are also living their own lives.
KnightOwl 9 months ago
So true. Once I hit my 20s everything changed, all my school and college friends started getting jobs, moving away, getting married and having babies and everyone just slowly drifted apart. I'm now 38 and never speak to any of them simply because we're all too busy living our lives.
#35
Nobody told me socializing was a life skill and not just an entertainment activity. As an ostracized kid I always figured I'd have time to figure out how to find decent people as an adult. I didn't know the barriers I created for myself would impede by daily life and career so much. Things you never think of, like "How am I going to get home from this dental appointment if I'm still affected by anesthesia?".
#36
That living for the weekends makes your precious years fly. Stop and smell the roses means nothing without perspective. I use my neighbors cat for this purpose. She's really friendly but I used to hate cats. One day i decided to crouch down and pet her. I'm not a cat person now but I am beginning to understand the value of these little wholesome moments. Just slow down a little.
Cee Cee 9 months ago
How can anyone 'hate' animals? Yes some animals are dangerous but generally because they are hungry or scared. I grew up in the bush in Uganda. Lions lounged on the lawns some nights, elephants trampled our banana grove. Knew there was a black mamba lurking in the wood pile so we steered clear. But we certainly didn't hate them.
#37
How much health plummets if you’re not on top of things.
#39
How many men are abusive, hateful and violent towards women. I used to believe it was a fringe or minority of men.
Like It Is 9 months ago (edited)
I am sorry for this persons experience. It IS a minority of men. Abusive, Hateful, and Violent are strong words and I would only use those for less than 1% of men I have known. I hope this is not indicative of the current generation- certainly neither of my sons are like this at all.
#40
Feeling so lonely while married. I know I love him and he loves me, but we both have such crazy schedules it doesn’t feel like we’re a couple or life partners, more like roommates discussing what bill is due or what activity the kids have next. Idk, I miss feeling like I have a companion through life. Now it’s feels like I’m just another obligation to tend to. Crazy thing is I know I’m the not the only spouse that feels this way, it’s just the stage of life we’re in rn.
Susie Elle 9 months ago
Is it possible to plan time together? An evening or an afternoon just for the two of you? Even if months in advance?
#41
How fast fresh asparagus and raspberries go bad 😔.
Cyndi Hafele 9 months ago
Cut the ends off the asparagus, put the asparagus in a cup with water and put it in the refrigerator. It will stay fresh for at least 2 weeks.
#42
They said “study now and play games later when you’ve made it”. I’ve made it but i don't have the f*****g time anymore, dad! (play your games kids they lying to you).
#43
Little kids don’t have an off button. So you go to work, come home to work more, put them to bed for them to wake up throughout the night, wake up to take them to daycare so you can repeat…. For like years. If you’re under 30 you should not have a child IMO. I’d also forego children if not in a 2 person relationship and without a support group. I don’t get how people can do it. .
Ann Kapoxeet 9 months ago
People always talk about how hard kids are when they're little, but moly mell the teenage years are rough. Make sure to save some energy & money for that. I have neither. I always thought that if you develop a strong relationship when they're young, it will be easier as they age. Haha...I was so naive.
#44
The realization that times starts moving much much faster and more progressively day by day after leaving high school and that if you don’t take moments to appreciate the moments then you’ll find yourself reminiscing a bit too much.
Bartlet for world domination 9 months ago
Time moves fast when you're not learning/seeing/appreciating new things.
#45
Taking the family cat to the vet to be put to rest.
john doe 9 months ago
Growing up we had many dogs, my dad was always the one who took them in to be put to sleep, so I never experienced it. Us kids were sad but moved on quickly, the only time I ever saw my dad cry was when he had to put down our 2 year old dog that was hit by a car, I didn't get it really then. I had to put my 13 year old basset hound down a month ago and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, I was so sad it was so devastating to watch him go, I called my dad later and thanked him for shouldering that burden for us when we were young.
#46
Dealing with relatives continuing to infantilize and try to control me to an extreme degree well into adulthood...
#47
Domestic violence. I’ve experienced it and so have lots of friends. I didn’t realise how common it was. I guess I had stereotypes about it.
#48
How hard it is making friends .
Serena Myers 9 months ago
It's not hard making friends when you are young, your standard bar is not high. It's harder as you get older, because your standards, and those of others your age, get higher.
#49
Living paycheck to paycheck. Man, as a kid, even when we were broke, I still had cereal in the morning, lunch, and dinner. I had love from mom and dad.
As an adult, I’m so thankful to not have kids cause, man.. owning a house, grabbing lunch and dinner… s**t is crazy expensive.
I realize this sounds so first world, but, I stress about not being able to make it for a month or two and just… getting lost in debt. I’m barely scraping by.
Haven’t had a vacation in 5 years. Don’t see one soon either.
It’s scary. And stressful.
DennyS (denzoren) 9 months ago
It's very scary and stressful because it's always a paycheck away from disaster.
#50
How s****y people are. I should not have had to walk around my college campus and worry about getting punched by some m**********r I don’t know because he was having a bad day.
#51
My dad dying, and watching my mom age.
#52
Seeing my partner suffering in the hospital. Never gets any easier.
That, and seeing people in authority dehumanizing my partner and others. Dystopian stories don't quite prepare anyone to see how insidious it can be.
#54
That the tattletales in elementary school actually got well compensated jobs in a field called “HR”
and will still try to f**k you out of money or a career advancement. They never changed and there’s an actual job for these people.
#55
Staying out of the trap of tv/Internet. When I was a kid I didn't understand why my parents just veged so much. Their lives just slipped away. It's easy to jump into a routine of rinse and repeat. It takes real effort to have hobbies, do things, grow past your 20's.
Fire Singer 9 months ago
Watching my grandma age was really hard specifically because she didn't have hobbies. She didn't even watch tv. She didn't read, or listen to audio books as her vision started to go. She didn't have any crafts or anything to keep her mind occupied. She liked to shop, but that was her only real "hobby". It was tough watching her sit there day after day being bored because she didn't WANT to do anything and she had no hobbies to fall back on.
#56
Widowhood. Nobody ever knows how long "forever" is when you see the happily ever afters in movies.
I had it and I lost it. Five years later...i'm still depressed and sad and I'll be spending my life alone, through the scariest time North America has ever experienced.
Fire Singer 9 months ago
Though relatives and friends can't replace a spouse I do hope you have other people around!
#57
If you’re disabled but aren’t in a wheelchair, blind, or terminally ill, you’re f****d employment-wise. No one gives a s**t if every moment of your life is spent in severe pain if they can’t see the reason why, and you probably won’t qualify for disability.
#58
The high school games and popularity contests in the work environment. I thought the bs would end after high school. I was way wrong and have never been able to conform to it.
#59
When I was a kid I thought adults pretty much had everything figured out and it was simply my job to learn it. I’ve come to realize most adults are a mess and know next to nothing.
#61
Getting enough sleep. I would shank someone to be able to get 8-10 hours of pure uninterrupted sleep again. Most nights you're lucky if you manage 5.
Serena Myers 9 months ago
Mug of cocoa, nytol, and some meditation techniques OP. If you haven't got white/pink/brown/green noise, or whatever, practice the three breaths in, hold for three, release for three, hold for three and repeat. Failing that, go through the alphabet in your head with colours, girl or boy names, three 3 letter words starting with A (ace, ant, arc) and so on.
#62
Failing. The constant failure at both big and small things, and how much it can crush your self-worth until you don’t even feel worthy of having a life, let alone living it happily.
I have no clue how to keep going when good things are so few and far between.
#63
The dentist and how expensive it is even with insurance.
Child of the Stars 9 months ago
Thankfully, my insurance covers just about everything for dentistry. But my oldest and I have extreme nearsightedness that requires very heavy prescriptions. We both need updated prescriptions 2x/year, and it costs me nearly $2500/year just to keep us both in glasses.
#64
Dealing with family descending into increasing d**g use. I can see the abyss for them, but am ignored or ridiculed.
realenancy170 9 months ago
It is horrific. You want to be supportive but you also have to be on guard around them as they will lie and may try to take advantage of you.
#65
Death (family/friends/your own).
realenancy170 9 months ago
I took a family friend 104yo to a funeral for her neice who died at 88. She was sobbing, she cried out "l watched her be born. They are all dying!" I now know I do not want to outlive my contemporaries. I want to go when I find myself going to too many funerals of people my age. Being the last one alive sucks.
#66
Being alone, I don’t mean absolutely no one I still have family in my town. I mean having the feeling of no one for true companionship. It’s gotten to the point of trying dating apps and that tends to ruin myself confidence enough where in person meeting is beyond stressful.
realenancy170 9 months ago
It's been said many times but put yourself out there. Join a group where you meet people. A book club, a church group, a choir , an amateur sports team(bowling, basketball softball), group of hobbyists( sewing, quilting, scrabble, mah jonhg) you might like to learn about. You will make friends , relieve boredom and possibly find love.
#67
Being so alone and lonely.
#69
Being sicker than a dog and having to drive yourself to urgent care.
Lost Panda 9 months ago
Being sicker than a dog and not going to the doctor because you have a job and family to take care of first
#71
Watching people you love self destruct and being powerless to help them because they don’t want help.
#72
Hormonal changes as men and women age and the effect on the marriage relationship. It's so easy to point fingers and bring judgement on couples when things fail but when those changes happen and not voiced...intimacy dies silently. Libidos are either strong or nonexistant depending on the person. Requests are denied, advances stop, insecurity and questioning lack of desire can cause emotional/physical cheating. Then, the marriage ends due to the couple basically being roommates. If this is happening, check in with both spouse doctors.
#73
Networking and scheduling. No one tells you just how crucial it is to be able to make contact and become a contact. And also how much stress you save by organizing your time and effort. Regardless of your line of work.
What do you think ?
Child of the Stars 9 months ago
So many of these are so depressing, so here's a positive one: my experiences in adulthood are the exact opposite. I spent my 20s spiraling into alcohol abuse. But once I got sober and got therapy, I was able to get my life to a manageable place. I came out from under the indoctrination of being raised in a borderline cult. Now doing a lot of these things are a privilege for me instead of a sinkhole of depression and anxiety. I don't have to pay rent, I get to pay my own rent instead of relying on the men in my life to take care of me. I got to go to back to school and I passed my algebra class despite being told my entire life that women aren't capable of understanding mathematics and science. When my now-ex husband moved out a couple of years ago, I was 40 and it was the first time in my life I've ever had a bedroom to myself, and it's AMAZING. I don't have to do dishes or go grocery shopping or go to the bank, I get to do those things.
Child of the Stars 9 months ago
So many of these are so depressing, so here's a positive one: my experiences in adulthood are the exact opposite. I spent my 20s spiraling into alcohol abuse. But once I got sober and got therapy, I was able to get my life to a manageable place. I came out from under the indoctrination of being raised in a borderline cult. Now doing a lot of these things are a privilege for me instead of a sinkhole of depression and anxiety. I don't have to pay rent, I get to pay my own rent instead of relying on the men in my life to take care of me. I got to go to back to school and I passed my algebra class despite being told my entire life that women aren't capable of understanding mathematics and science. When my now-ex husband moved out a couple of years ago, I was 40 and it was the first time in my life I've ever had a bedroom to myself, and it's AMAZING. I don't have to do dishes or go grocery shopping or go to the bank, I get to do those things.
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