However close we are to our loved ones, some things we still keep only to ourselves. Dr. Michael Slepian, an expert on the psychology of secrets, says that keeping secrets is a universal thing – we all do it. We keep secrets about ourselves and about the people we know, and it's all about what it means to live in a community.
But secrets also come with a lot of anxiety and isolation. Confessing, even if anonymously, can give the keeper a great deal of relief. That's why these two threads got as many comments as they did – people were rushing to share their burdens with strangers. Folks had some disturbing secrets they wanted to get off their chests, and others confessed what they would never tell their significant other. Curious to know what secrets they were? Scroll down and see for yourself!
Bored Panda reached out to one of the Redditors who posed this question about secrets on the Ask Reddit community. Check out our short conversation with the user u/Waltef_j below!
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My husband passed away a few years ago. I tell everyone how much I loved him and only talk about the good times we had and how great he was. In honesty I hated him for every bit of the 33 years we were together. He was so mean to me, both physicaly and mentally-every single day. He hid it well and in front of anyone he was okay to me but when we were alone he was terrible. I hated him so much I live alone now and am just finding myself. I moved to a different state and have made new friends and everyone seems to really like me and I even like myself now too. It's been really hard to tell myself that I am okay. I have never said any of this out loud. I feel bad that I am happy he is gone.
Sometimes it's hard to see how bad it really is while we're in the thick of it. You're gonna have an amazing adventure finding who you are 💗
The author of this thread, u/Waltef_j, kindly agreed to answer a few of our questions. We were curious how the idea of this particular question came to the Redditor. "I was laying in my bed and was bored as always."
"So I thought about [something] which would entertain me. Scrolling through Reddit I landed on the r/AskReddit sub and wondered what question could let people tell some interesting stories." So they landed on the one about secrets.
I’m terrified of going into work….not work itself, I’m a hard worker, but I despise sitting in an office full of people I barely know, constantly being ‘on’, being evaluated in person, and pretending I enjoy not being warm and safe in my cozy home.
For some of us the pandemic was a blessing.
I miss the pandemic. The only negative was that my son needed to be out and about and got anxiety. But, if not for him, I’d welcome another shutdown.
My ex-husband told me one time that he didn’t think it was wrong for a father to be sexually intimate with his daughter, as long as she was “old enough.” No one will ever know why we truly divorced, because I don’t think anyone would believe me. He started talking about children. I’d never let my daughter be his.
"I was very surprised by the reactions," the Redditor tells us. "I never thought it would get that big. It's really shocking to read what some people have/had to deal with in their life." However, the user also feels happy that they could provide a place for people to get their secrets off their chest.
A few years ago one of our cats died after we had her for 14 years. We were all heartbroken and devastated by her loss. We noticed something was wrong on Thursday, took her to the vet on Friday, and she died late Sunday night.
The night she died, I sent everyone to bed and I stayed up with her. She kept getting into the bathtub and lying down as opposed to a bed we had set up for her.
Just before she died, she let out a horrible scream and went into convulsions. Then she just stopped breathing.
I never told my spouse or kids about that last few moments. I just told them she just slipped away. I still want to cry every time I think about it. I will never tell them about that.
I had a cat who died the same way. It was so upsetting. I feel you. Thanks for being with her, it was kind that she was not alone at the end.
as a fellow cat owner, I cant imagine how much it would hurt. im so so so sorry for your loss.
Load More Replies... She chose the most comfortable place for her needs. She died next to you, surrounded by love. It was her time to go, and you could be there with her. Horrible moments, but she didn't die alone.
I feel you! My dog emergency had to be put down. Thought I was bringing to the vet for a bladder infection, put down hours later. I held her in my arms as they gave the shot. They messed up, convulsions, whining, etc. Took 3 doses. Was miserable. Lasted what seemed like hours
My dear old cat did the same when she passed, my grown children think she passed in her sleep quietly
You were with her though. 12 years ago, I found my Airedale dead in the morning. I got up twice as I heard him pad about through the night but the 3rd time I left him in peace. I still regret not getting up and lie beside him.
You're a great parent and partner for this. Maybe talk to a therapist to work through it since you can't talk to your family.
I'm proud of you. I still cry over the hamster I had to put to sleep with a pinch of Valium 30 years ago. Vets didn't even take hamsters back then. A neighbor child dropped it and the poor Lil guy was screaming in pain. I did it while my husband took my daughter out to get her mind off the situation. FTR, the child wasn't supposed to be handling the hamster. He snuck in her room during the birthday party.
Sometimes, it’s best not to tell the truth. I am so sorry for your loss, OP
Just a question, I you knew she was going to die, why didn't you have her euthanized. Thar way she wouldn't have to gone through the pain she did when she died.
They didn't know! They just knew she was sick.
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Please find someone to tell. I highly recommend a professional who specializes in emotional trauma, because that is exactly what you have experienced. You may in fact be experiencing PTSD, which often gets the "Well, it's not like I was in COMBAT" mistreatment. Watching another living being die horribly can really mess with one's wellbeing, and if you do not work it out with someone who can offer you constructive ways to let it go, it can seep into other areas of your mind, emerging as unanticipated and unpleasant behavior. I hope you can find healing, and I will get off my soapbox now.
That sounds horrible. If it was that bad why didn´t they let the vet put her down?
Being unable to held our pets sucks, but being there for them as they go is important.
Our dog was hot from all of the tumors, and would only lay down on cold tile or the front porch's cold cement. That may be why she wanted a cold surface. I am so sorry!
My ex boyfriend had a dog, a bouvier. Everyone was frightened of the dog. I met my boyfriend when he was down with a few dislocated discs and he couldn't walk the dog. I was afraid of the dog too :). However, I walked him, got to know him. It was a great dog! Never knew I was going to love a dog. Then he got epilepsy, and we had to put him down because the epilepsy started everytime he fell asleep, and it is really hard to control such a large and strong dog at such a moment. Medication didn't work. I went with "Beertje" (little bear) to the vet to have him euthanized. When he got the first sleeping dose, he went into an epilepsy attack, I sat with him on the floor, holding his head, trying to calm him down. Nothing worked, the convulsions went on even past the second dose that would stop his heart. It was heart wrenching, but I was glad I was with him in his final hour.
😢💙 My pet rat, Del Boy, did the same. I had him for 4 short years. I still feel guilt over it, as I felt so helpless for the long seconds he went through it before he passed. Haven't had a pet since (and I've had continuous pets over the last 40 years). 184-6617e3...b74c39.jpg 
Don't know if the vet was able to give you a cause of death but it sounds like a tumor in her abdomen, possibly on her spleen ruptured. Its a brutal death to witness in an animal. I admire you so much for being there with her through her struggle. Thats what a good pet parent does but I'm so sorry you have that memory to deal with. Try to hold on to the fact that you gave her good life and a loving home and she knew you were there for her until the end.
I have two cats, a brother and sister. I rescued them 10 years ago and they are my soulmates. I can't bear the thought of them dying, but still prefer that they go before me.
I remember my beloved 18yo cat’s last meow less than an hour before she died. I’m keeping that one to myself too.
Sometimes we humans need that last moment of our animal showing us how ready they are to go. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm so very sorry for such a dreadfully painful loss. In the UK Cats Protection charity have grief support. If you are not UK there may be something where you are based. We remember the peaceful passing with an easier heart but the terrible passings leave a torment of agony that we never get over. I am so very sorry 😔 https://www.cats.org.uk/what-we-do/grief/paws-to-listen?utm_source=google&utm_medium=paid-search&utm_campaign=pawstolisten&gclid=Cj0KCQjwlN6wBhCcARIsAKZvD5hOhti5kBsL4s3MFF-08NG4XUOLpZiK2D0EptjQeH4Z9rXemb9dxckaAmA0EALw_wcB
How did the other people in the house not wake up to that horrible scream? Were they all medicated heavily or very heavy sleepers? When my dog puked, I would wake up out of a heavy sleep.
My rabbit did the exact same thing as she was dying. It was horrifying!
I never knew cats could die of natural causes or diseases in such a terrible way.
Sorry you went through that. It's always excruciating to lose a pet. Maybe tell your spouse but not the kids.
Oh I'm so sorry. I lost a kitty that way. It's best to remember you loved her and did your best. Cold comfort, but comfort nonetheless. ♥
At least she wasn't alone at the end 😭 having just lost my own in a similar fashion (from basically healthy to gone in less than a week) and the only thing that keeps me sane after watching his last few moments is that i was there, and the vet said, based on what i described, HE was gone before the horrible s**t started, his body just had to catch up with his brain. I'll never tell the rest of my family about the last few mins though, nobody else needs that
"The sweetest meeting and the saddest parting." I'm sorry for your loss.
There are some secrets best kept hidden. In this case, the truth would've served absolutely no purpose. Having held beloved animals as they died, I know this sadness, and I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing.
I'm grateful my cat just passed away quietly, I couldn't imagine experiencing something like that in their last moments. I'm so sorry for your lost, and I'm wishing you all the best. Hugs <3
I can login to the jukebox at my local bar from my apartment. I often login from home and require it to play “what does the fox say” on repeat.
A few years ago I used to work at Home Depot at the returns desk. It was mostly very elderly people who worked alongside me in our store. I was the youngest in the team.
We had a lady, Margaret, who had issues with bowel control due to her medications. She used to fart without even realizing she's farting. Usually loud but harmless ones even when she was having a normal conversation. So we got so used to her doing that, even though it was awkward in the beginning.
One day we were having a team huddle and it started to smell like fresh manure..such a strong stench..and then one more with different flavor this time. The manager dismissed the team huddle...and one of the team members murmured "My God, Margaret, what was that!!"
It was me. I did that Margaret, I'm sorry.
"I saw that some were happy that this thread existed because it gave them a place to share their problems or traumas anonymously," they said. "And also [there] were some Redditors who offered help."
"So it wasn't only a place where people shared their secrets, but also could get help or feel [relieved] by telling others about it," the Redditor added. "It shows that a lot of people [want] a safe space where they don't get judged for their secrets."
All day, every day, relapsing is all I can think about. I’ve been clean for 3 1/2 months but oh boy is it difficult. I crave the relapse. The ONLY reason I haven’t is because it would hurt my boyfriend to see me relapse.
You've got this. You're stronger than you know, trust me, I know 💗
I walk around the house and monologue. Like, a lot.
I have a good friend who is a very shy pooper. Like, we’ve been on trips together and he won’t s**t for days, he says he just can’t relax and go because he’s in public. But one time in college, about six years ago, he was super drunk and fell asleep s******g on my toilet. And the s**t got all over my toilet, not sure how but most of it did not go in the bowl. I got him up, cleaned him and the toilet up, and put him to bed. He was blackout drunk and doesn’t remember it at all. I don’t have the heart to tell him. He’d be mortified. It wouldn’t do anyone any good. But when he’s shy about pooping around me, I can’t help but chuckle at the irony.
People in my personal life who find out I'm a professional domme, instantly feel free about telling me their darkest secrets.
I know who's secretly gay, I know who's on steroids, I know who's kinky, I know who has erectile dysfunction, I know both men & women who were brutally sa'd as children, I even know someone who's k****d a guy (he wasn't boasting or bragging, he seemed really shook up about it. I might be the only one he's told)
So, my most disturbing secret is that I'm a trauma-sponge for absorbing everyone else's disturbing secrets.
Oh my god you kissed a guy?! Horrifying! (Yes, I know. That's the joke).
I accidentally stepped barefoot into a boiling, maggot-infested raccoon corpse. It got stuck on my foot like a slipper and I tried to shake it off, something popped and got a spray of blood and s**t all over me. Then I puked on myself and stumbled home.
I’m an alcoholic. no one is aware of how bad it’s gotten but i’m drinking to almost blackout daily and going to work ill every single day. i still do my job fine but the second i’m off it’s all i want to do and i can’t stop myself anymore. it’s been like this for almost 2 years now
what i’m doing to myself while acting completely fine to everyone disturbs me but i’m really struggling to get myself help :/.
During my worst periods of dealing with bulimia, if I had no food on hand to binge and purge, I would steal lunches from people at work or pick things out of the trash. I was never caught.
The shame, guilt, and disgust with myself was always there, but it took intensive counseling, medication, and working with a specialist on other issues to help me to stop.
My family think I finished the computer science degree, but I dropped out. However I've been working in the sector for about 25 years in a row without any trouble and people (employers and colleagues) seem to think that I'm quite competent. It's not disturbing per se but for my parents it was a big deal that I finished my studies. My dad passed away three years ago without knowing. My mom is 83 and she is still proud of me and I hope things stay the same till she dies.
If the person is successful in the chosen career path, everything is fine. Parents were happy, so mission accomplished.
When we first met he made me promise “if I ever gain too much weight you have to tell me to hit the gym.” We laughed about it but that was almost 5 years ago, and now he has gotten pretty overweight and I don’t know if I’m supposed to keep my promise or just let him choose his own path with his weight. I’m still attracted to him and love him more than ever, but I want him to be healthy…
I never had a gf but told everyone I did have one and that she broke up with me. I was so good at lying about it that I myself believed my lie and somehow I felt really sad and depressed. Than I even remembered memories I never had and afterwards I was like wtf am I doing.
As a teen, I caught my parents' house on fire playing with pyrotechnics in the garage and then staged it to look like an electrical fire so i wouldn't get in trouble.
I was regarded as the hero who put the fire out before it consumed the house (I was home alone at the time), but really, I was the cause.
They had all of the electrical redone in the house as a precaution against another fire... I never came clean.
did you learn to not f**k around with pyrotechnics as a result, or did you learn how to f**k around with them without causing harm? If so, lesson learnt, no harm done.
My best friend is actually his uncle's kid. Apparently he confessed to it on his death bed. The mum won't admit anything and he can't talk to anyone else in the fam about it.
I have a serious skin picking problem. I can just sit for hours straight in front of a mirror and inspect every pore on my face/chest/hands. It's gotten so bad that i have little scars all over my face. But i literally cant stop doing it.
That I haven’t been happy since he asked me for divorce a couple of years ago…. I was ready to follow through and last minute he backtracked, but he never said he was sorry, and I haven’t been able to fully come back from that…. I don’t think I love him the same since
I used to not eat and basically starve myself to feel hungry, just to feel.. something, and I had control over that aspect.
Tough home life with being groomed by mom and s**t. No contact for a couple years, and never had any sort of connection or love or emotions for family, it's still hard to feel anything but I have an amazing fiance.
100% classic narcissism abuse.
Not a single person I've met in the last 10 years knows anything true about me. Not my name, not my profession, not my family life, not where I'm from etc. I've created an entirely fake person, and that's who I am to everyone that I meet now. Even my girlfriend.
They've missed out the most important and interesting part. Why?
My friend’s younger brother took a dump in the litter box as a teen “to see what it was like”. Their mom, an RN, saw it and declared “there is a human SH*T in the litter box!” Whenever anyone brings up anything litter box-related, I think of this.
I hid the remote control to the living room TV for absolutely no reason at all, and kept it hidden for probably a week. My dad began to have a meltdown by the 6th-7th day, so I just put it under a random blanket on the couch where I knew he would find it. What a weird kid I was.
I once felt overwhelmed with the compulsion to run through a farmer's wheatfield, I felt very naughty.
Hahaha, I see what so did there. How is the dancing progressing, theresa?
I'm often emotionless but i'm hiding it through jokes and acts.
I had a sexual relationship with someone for months, not knowing he have a wife and a newborn baby. We're in our early 20s, I asked him if he has a girlfriend, and he said no, which was technically true because he actually has a wife.
You were lied to, and had no reason to doubt the other person’s honesty at the time, so it’s not your fault. You went into the relationship honestly. The lying SOB you were with did not. As long as you broke it off the millisecond you found out the truth, your conscience should be clear.
That his mother is an exhausting gossiping windmill of geriatric nonsense.
Before my dad died, he told me about my mother’s affairs. One with his childhood best friend. I’ll never tell anyone else.
My husband and I look so happy on social media but in reality we argue every day and our marriage is falling apart.
Isn't that lots of couples with a "perfect " life on social media, though? I always take it with a pinch of salt.
Sometimes I make loud farting noises late at night to see if I can wake up the whole house. I consider it a victory when I’m asked if I’m feeling ok the next morning. .
One time I had to go number 2 so bad but our bathroom was occupied. So I went outside and the dog immediately gobbled it up.
I brushed my sister‘s toothbrush over a soap bar when we were little because I thought that’s what she did too. sometimes my toothbrush tasted a little soapy. Never talked about it with anyone. First time writing it down.
I tell people I can get them exotic meats...hippo steaks, giraffe burgers.
It's all goat.
You are an AH. Not because you lie to people about what kind of meat it is, but because you are condoning the demand for these animals. If they think they are getting it from you, they will also try to get it from other even less scrupulous people who will pay poachers for the real deal.
I want to see a large plane crash in person.
I don't hope for it to happen, I just want to see it if it happens to occur.
I wish people on BP would understand that content like this is mostly taken from reddit so writing OP heartfelt comments does nothing.
I'm quite sure they know. People just want to share feelings, even if they know the poster probably doesn't read it. it's a sign of empathy. Why does ot bother you that much?
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Yeah for me it gives the first 10-ish words then cuts off
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My secret is that I have been alone for so many years that now, since I have a boyfriend, I don't know what to do. I am FREAKING OUT and I am scared that if I share my awful memories that he'll realise I'm just a pathetic kicked puppy.
You are absolutely not. I can't give much advice on how to talk about a traumatic past with a partner as I haven't dated 2017. Due to how abusive that relationship was. I just can't bring myself to open up to anyone. But I don't think either of us are pathetic for it. And kicked puppies can turn into the coolest dogs too. Maybe don't tell him everything at once, but giving bits of information here and there will help him understand you better.
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i have too many of these. my main one is i’ve never told anyone how long my mental health has been bad. i wanted to not be alive since i was like 5 or 6. my whole childhood, before i got diagnosed with depression, my main thought was i wanted to unalive to see if anyone would actually care. i had a hard childhood but not because of my family or my environment, but because of myself.
I don't know you, Ada Hunter, but I hear you and I care about you! I am happy that you are here and reaching out! You are loved, Ada!
Load More Replies... I got a good job that required me to relocate half the country away from my extended family. I quit that job, but haven't told anyone in my family because they'd immediately expect me to move "back home".
My Disturbing Secret That I Wouldn't Even Tell My Partner is that I pronounce "GIF" with a soft "G".
When memes first came out I thought they were pronounced me me's, I still get the micky taken out of me by the only two people who know, my husband and little sister. I was in my early 30s by the way.
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My secret is that I am a woman who had to train herself to like babies. They are smelly, loud, destroy your freedom and I couldn't imagine wiping someone's sh*t. But, for years I have coerced myself to feel empathetic feelings when I see or hold one. Now I adore seeing and cuddling them. You can learn empathy and love, it's possible. I still won't change diapers though, and am glad I am child free. I enjoy my nephews and give them back..
i lived with my best friend after college. i went to do my laundry after work. she told me she would be working late and said if my sheets werent done by bed time i could just nap in her bed till they dried. i took her up on the offer and felt something scratch against my leg. i found a dead flattened withered mouse in her bed. there was a very defined stain in her sheets from where it had been laying there for who knows how long. we usually did our own laundry so id never actually seen her do her sheets. now im wondering if she EVER did them. i disposed of the critter and never ever told her. and no we did not have a cat so it definitely wasnt a 'gift' from a beloved pet
also yes i washed her sheets and scrubbed the bedding down
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There’s a malicious woman that reads bored panda. She has said nasty things to my two nieces and nephew and has harassed other children in their building and block. Shes is racist against Asians and Black People. Shes bitterly single, and has been unemployed for over a year. She dresses terrible and has pathetic taste in music.
Every single one of the posts in this article cuts off after about the first sentence it is so maddening I don't know what is happening has happened, or will happen to any of these people! BP, please fix it!!!
This page isn't loading for me... #1 days function in parentheses but nothing else lol
I noticed that the farther down this list you read the fewer points the posts have.
I once 'hacked' an ex-employees e-mail because the boss told me to, so he could prove she stole clients from him. He rewarded the whole team with an overseas trip of a week because of it.
Did you know what the reward was going to be before you hacked the account?
Load More Replies... I wish people on BP would understand that content like this is mostly taken from reddit so writing OP heartfelt comments does nothing.
I'm quite sure they know. People just want to share feelings, even if they know the poster probably doesn't read it. it's a sign of empathy. Why does ot bother you that much?
Load More Replies... Yeah for me it gives the first 10-ish words then cuts off
Load More Replies... My secret is that I have been alone for so many years that now, since I have a boyfriend, I don't know what to do. I am FREAKING OUT and I am scared that if I share my awful memories that he'll realise I'm just a pathetic kicked puppy.
You are absolutely not. I can't give much advice on how to talk about a traumatic past with a partner as I haven't dated 2017. Due to how abusive that relationship was. I just can't bring myself to open up to anyone. But I don't think either of us are pathetic for it. And kicked puppies can turn into the coolest dogs too. Maybe don't tell him everything at once, but giving bits of information here and there will help him understand you better.
Load More Replies... i have too many of these. my main one is i’ve never told anyone how long my mental health has been bad. i wanted to not be alive since i was like 5 or 6. my whole childhood, before i got diagnosed with depression, my main thought was i wanted to unalive to see if anyone would actually care. i had a hard childhood but not because of my family or my environment, but because of myself.
I don't know you, Ada Hunter, but I hear you and I care about you! I am happy that you are here and reaching out! You are loved, Ada!
Load More Replies... I got a good job that required me to relocate half the country away from my extended family. I quit that job, but haven't told anyone in my family because they'd immediately expect me to move "back home".
My Disturbing Secret That I Wouldn't Even Tell My Partner is that I pronounce "GIF" with a soft "G".
When memes first came out I thought they were pronounced me me's, I still get the micky taken out of me by the only two people who know, my husband and little sister. I was in my early 30s by the way.
Load More Replies... My secret is that I am a woman who had to train herself to like babies. They are smelly, loud, destroy your freedom and I couldn't imagine wiping someone's sh*t. But, for years I have coerced myself to feel empathetic feelings when I see or hold one. Now I adore seeing and cuddling them. You can learn empathy and love, it's possible. I still won't change diapers though, and am glad I am child free. I enjoy my nephews and give them back..
i lived with my best friend after college. i went to do my laundry after work. she told me she would be working late and said if my sheets werent done by bed time i could just nap in her bed till they dried. i took her up on the offer and felt something scratch against my leg. i found a dead flattened withered mouse in her bed. there was a very defined stain in her sheets from where it had been laying there for who knows how long. we usually did our own laundry so id never actually seen her do her sheets. now im wondering if she EVER did them. i disposed of the critter and never ever told her. and no we did not have a cat so it definitely wasnt a 'gift' from a beloved pet
also yes i washed her sheets and scrubbed the bedding down
Load More Replies... There’s a malicious woman that reads bored panda. She has said nasty things to my two nieces and nephew and has harassed other children in their building and block. Shes is racist against Asians and Black People. Shes bitterly single, and has been unemployed for over a year. She dresses terrible and has pathetic taste in music.
Every single one of the posts in this article cuts off after about the first sentence it is so maddening I don't know what is happening has happened, or will happen to any of these people! BP, please fix it!!!
This page isn't loading for me... #1 days function in parentheses but nothing else lol
I noticed that the farther down this list you read the fewer points the posts have.
I once 'hacked' an ex-employees e-mail because the boss told me to, so he could prove she stole clients from him. He rewarded the whole team with an overseas trip of a week because of it.
Did you know what the reward was going to be before you hacked the account?
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