However close we are to our loved ones, some things we still keep only to ourselves. Dr. Michael Slepian, an expert on the psychology of secrets, says that keeping secrets is a universal thing – we all do it. We keep secrets about ourselves and about the people we know, and it's all about what it means to live in a community.
But secrets also come with a lot of anxiety and isolation. Confessing, even if anonymously, can give the keeper a great deal of relief. That's why these two threads got as many comments as they did – people were rushing to share their burdens with strangers. Folks had some disturbing secrets they wanted to get off their chests, and others confessed what they would never tell their significant other. Curious to know what secrets they were? Scroll down and see for yourself!
Bored Panda reached out to one of the Redditors who posed this question about secrets on the Ask Reddit community. Check out our short conversation with the user u/Waltef_j below!
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My husband passed away a few years ago. I tell everyone how much I loved him and only talk about the good times we had and how great he was. In honesty I hated him for every bit of the 33 years we were together. He was so mean to me, both physicaly and mentally-every single day. He hid it well and in front of anyone he was okay to me but when we were alone he was terrible. I hated him so much I live alone now and am just finding myself. I moved to a different state and have made new friends and everyone seems to really like me and I even like myself now too. It's been really hard to tell myself that I am okay. I have never said any of this out loud. I feel bad that I am happy he is gone.
Sometimes it's hard to see how bad it really is while we're in the thick of it. You're gonna have an amazing adventure finding who you are 💗
The person who wrote that probably won’t see ur comment
Load More Replies...See? You're not happy he's dead, you're happy he's gone. And that's an absolutely and totally valid reason to be happy. Take your time, find yourself, be with people you're happy to be with. You matter, you're enough, and you're precious.
Ernie N, will you please stop saying that they won't see your response? It's often not even about responding to the person who wrote the original post, it's about relating to the situation... Opening up and talking about it... Sometimes people are talking about something for the very first time and don't need any discouraging remark made towards them when they're showing Absolute Bravery just by talking about it.
Load More Replies...yep when I got my divorce it felt like someone had taken a millstone off my neck.
Please, if you are in a situation like this, you do not have to maintain the lie. You can be honest. You don't have to go into all the details, but you can say things like, "Yes, he was kind and considerate, when we were in public." and leave it at that. Another is "Every marriage has it good parts and bad. All of our good parts were seen by others."This sends the message that whilst the dead partner presented one side of their personality, there was another side not seen by many.
I was in a similar situation and in response I always would say "Well its one time to be with friends with a person l, it's a whole other to be married to them" I feel it serves a similar purpose.
Load More Replies...I wish you'd left him right at the start. No one should be trapped with someone who's mean to them.
He sounds like my step dad, and I am looking forward to his departure.
LOOK!! LISTEN!!! Don't you for one second feel anything but relief and gratitude!! You are free from living with a monster. The Universe took care of him, and now you!! I got away, with my Momma, from a cruel monster, my dad. We never looked back. This is a gift, the gift of a life without abuse.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you making your own happy ending. I'm more than proud of you, I'm happy for you. When someone can fool everyone around them to that extent, but doesn't even bother with you, on the premise that you wouldn't be believed,and they are CORRECT,it's very,very, scary. Go get em ladybug. You deserve all the happy, all the love, all the puppies and kitties and birds if you want them, everything you dreamed about during your enslavement. Much love from an old Christian lady.
The author of this thread, u/Waltef_j, kindly agreed to answer a few of our questions. We were curious how the idea of this particular question came to the Redditor. "I was laying in my bed and was bored as always."
"So I thought about [something] which would entertain me. Scrolling through Reddit I landed on the r/AskReddit sub and wondered what question could let people tell some interesting stories." So they landed on the one about secrets.
I’m terrified of going into work….not work itself, I’m a hard worker, but I despise sitting in an office full of people I barely know, constantly being ‘on’, being evaluated in person, and pretending I enjoy not being warm and safe in my cozy home.
For some of us the pandemic was a blessing.
I miss the pandemic. The only negative was that my son needed to be out and about and got anxiety. But, if not for him, I’d welcome another shutdown.
I was one of those people who thrived during the pandemic. I was the healthiest, physically and mentally, than I had in when I worked in an office surrounded by people.
Same here. Now that I WFH I almost never call out sick. But the office burned me out so badly I needed frequent mental health days.
Load More Replies...Agreed! I was considered an essential worker - I work in Security - so I was required to go to work but man I do miss the social distancing and quietness...
I loved Covid times and never having to be anywhere. I could lose the mask I always wore in public (autism/ADD). Now that everything is back to normal, I dread going out even more. I especially hate going to my kid’s school things where I have to see other parents who have it together a lot more than me. I love supporting my son and will always be there for him, but it takes a lot of effort to be “on” and make small talk with the other parents. Now I just go but keep to myself mostly.
I so miss office work. My office switched us to working from home in April 2020 and they still don't want us back in the office. I miss human contact. I miss lunch breaks. I miss seeing other people than just by sister and my bf on daily basis. Honestly, I HATED working from office... until I had to work from home and realised how inportant for my mental health was office work. I try to change a job but it's hard to find one nowadays in my area.
Agreed. I missed the collaboration. Knowing what is happening in another department or with others in my group is useful. When I go to work I dress appropriately and act and feel like a professional. It’s a good feeling. Having a space that is for work only and no distractions from home life is great too. When I come home, I know I can relax, not muddled by feelings of work. My home is my resort. Working from home has some benefits, but for me it was more lonely, more distractions, less connected to the work, and no change of scenery.”.
Load More Replies...The pandemic is the best thing that could have ever happened to office work! I feel exactly like the person who posted this. Since having a virtual job I almost never call out sick, while when I worked in an office I needed frequent mental health days. I'm way more productive at home too. Office culture is torture for some people!
My ex-husband told me one time that he didn’t think it was wrong for a father to be sexually intimate with his daughter, as long as she was “old enough.” No one will ever know why we truly divorced, because I don’t think anyone would believe me. He started talking about children. I’d never let my daughter be his.
agreed! What's keeping me awake now is the questions ....where is he now...what is he doing.
Load More Replies...This is horrific. And honestly, I'm wondering if there's anything further she could have done. Police can't act on words alone, in the absence of a crime. They can't put anyone on a list without a crime also being committed. So it seems this guy is just a ticking time bomb. Awful.
That is one of the most F'd up thoughts... Ew. And he said that out loud!?! Ew...
Load More Replies...He's probably hooked up with someone who already has kids.
Load More Replies...You are a wonderful human being and a wonderful mother. Soooo many idiots would have stayed and find excuses! "Oh, yes, he's a potential pederast but I love him so much!" Some people make me sick. I'd have reported him, though. These bastards seldom stop, unless they are forced to.
"I was very surprised by the reactions," the Redditor tells us. "I never thought it would get that big. It's really shocking to read what some people have/had to deal with in their life." However, the user also feels happy that they could provide a place for people to get their secrets off their chest.
A few years ago one of our cats died after we had her for 14 years. We were all heartbroken and devastated by her loss. We noticed something was wrong on Thursday, took her to the vet on Friday, and she died late Sunday night.
The night she died, I sent everyone to bed and I stayed up with her. She kept getting into the bathtub and lying down as opposed to a bed we had set up for her.
Just before she died, she let out a horrible scream and went into convulsions. Then she just stopped breathing.
I never told my spouse or kids about that last few moments. I just told them she just slipped away. I still want to cry every time I think about it. I will never tell them about that.
I had a cat who died the same way. It was so upsetting. I feel you. Thanks for being with her, it was kind that she was not alone at the end.
as a fellow cat owner, I cant imagine how much it would hurt. im so so so sorry for your loss.
Load More Replies...She chose the most comfortable place for her needs. She died next to you, surrounded by love. It was her time to go, and you could be there with her. Horrible moments, but she didn't die alone.
My dear old cat did the same when she passed, my grown children think she passed in her sleep quietly
You were with her though. 12 years ago, I found my Airedale dead in the morning. I got up twice as I heard him pad about through the night but the 3rd time I left him in peace. I still regret not getting up and lie beside him.
You're a great parent and partner for this. Maybe talk to a therapist to work through it since you can't talk to your family.
I'm proud of you. I still cry over the hamster I had to put to sleep with a pinch of Valium 30 years ago. Vets didn't even take hamsters back then. A neighbor child dropped it and the poor Lil guy was screaming in pain. I did it while my husband took my daughter out to get her mind off the situation. FTR, the child wasn't supposed to be handling the hamster. He snuck in her room during the birthday party.
Sometimes, it’s best not to tell the truth. I am so sorry for your loss, OP
I can login to the jukebox at my local bar from my apartment. I often login from home and require it to play “what does the fox say” on repeat.
Omfg, bwahaha..! I think I'd do baby shark or some other similar nonsense..
If you know a jukebox that has Baby Shark on it, I think you're legally required to burn it down.
Load More Replies...When we were teenagers, right before we left the bowling alley, we'd plug in "Cotton Eyed Joe" to run 10 times over. And those things were analog, so you couldn't just use a computer to reset it. It was such a pain for management to do that they just stopped bothering. And "Cotton Eyed Joe" did eventually disappear from the offerings.
Once or twice might be funny, but if you "often" do it as you say, not cool! My wife and I have walked out of bars because someone decided to dominate the jukebox with horrible songs ... not regular songs that are just a matter of taste, but supposedly "funny" songs with terribly sexist lyrics or ridiculous amounts of foul language. You could potentially hurt their business ... just saying.
Reminds me of a story on here about a guy whose wife was on a night out and he requested "Tub Thumping" in every place she visited.
To all those who are finding this funny?... Have some empathy for the workers at the bar. They can't leave whereas the customers can, the workers are forced to have to endure that... They'll lose out on tips as customers leave, it could seriously affect the business because people probably won't come back there which results in loss of revenue... Which could potentially lead to the bar closing down. It may seem like a "hilarious joke/prank" but when you start messing with peoples livelihoods? No it isn't... P.S? How do I know this? One day there was a glitch with the computer that controlled the music at the pub I was working at. It played the same song, All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey. It went on for ages and quite a few people did get up and leave. We managed to fix it but took a hit monetary wise.
We can do that here too. One of our friends constantly plays Tiny Tim's Tiptoe Through the Tulips or Elvis' Blue Christmas. So annoying but so very funny!
If you don't play the narwhal song 8 times in a row you don't have a hair on your a*s
If I have anything to say about it, you're moving higher up in this post my friend.
A few years ago I used to work at Home Depot at the returns desk. It was mostly very elderly people who worked alongside me in our store. I was the youngest in the team.
We had a lady, Margaret, who had issues with bowel control due to her medications. She used to fart without even realizing she's farting. Usually loud but harmless ones even when she was having a normal conversation. So we got so used to her doing that, even though it was awkward in the beginning.
One day we were having a team huddle and it started to smell like fresh manure..such a strong stench..and then one more with different flavor this time. The manager dismissed the team huddle...and one of the team members murmured "My God, Margaret, what was that!!"
It was me. I did that Margaret, I'm sorry.
Reminds me of this old lady who goes to see her doctor complaining about constant gas, which thankfully is super quiet and doesn't smell. Doctor says take these pills and come back in a week. Lady comes back and says I don't know what you gave me, I still fart just as much but now the stench is unbearable! Doctor says great, now we've cleared your sinuses I'm going to refer you to an excellent audiologist.
I'm sorry if it looks like I downvoted you! My phone has gone mad and instead of upvites, keeps adding more downs!! Truly sorry, I liked your joke!
Load More Replies...You concealed your fart behind the farts of a chronic farter? *APPLAUSE!*
Get this higher please I haven’t laughed this hard for ages
My dad had a coworker like that. I can only imagine how embarrassing it is for the person!
"I saw that some were happy that this thread existed because it gave them a place to share their problems or traumas anonymously," they said. "And also [there] were some Redditors who offered help."
"So it wasn't only a place where people shared their secrets, but also could get help or feel [relieved] by telling others about it," the Redditor added. "It shows that a lot of people [want] a safe space where they don't get judged for their secrets."
All day, every day, relapsing is all I can think about. I’ve been clean for 3 1/2 months but oh boy is it difficult. I crave the relapse. The ONLY reason I haven’t is because it would hurt my boyfriend to see me relapse.
Depending on the substance it takes quite a while before your body shakes off the cravings. (Nicotine is one of the longest) But it DOES get easier. Last month marked my 35th year but if it weren't connected to my 34 y.o. daughter's conception (celebrating 3 months) I'd have lost count years ago. One day at a time.
I quit smoking 3 months ago. It IS hard. I smoked off and on for over 30 years.
Load More Replies...They say 'one day at a time' - sometimes it's just one minute at a time. And do this for you, the future you, not for anyone else.
Please, do it for yourself. Because you realize it would steal your relationships, your life, health and real happiness and exchange it for moments of fake pleasure, only to cast you into a deeper and even more grim reality where your body and mind are slowly being eaten away by this substance. And tell the people you love that you struggle. Be honest about it to your boyfriend and other people that are close, especially when it is hard to stay patient, kind or calm.
But if you DO relapse please don't give up! Most addicts will slip at least once before they finally get sober. It took me 3 tries, but I finally did it. 10 years now! :)
talk to another alcoholic/addict with some time in sobriety I promise WE WILL UNDERSTAND and can talk you through it. WE ALL have done it. Keep talking we WILL listen .
Yeah, that's a special kind of hell during recovery. Not everyone goes through it, but enough do that it's considered common. Keeping your body and mind busy and occupied can be helpful, and it's also very helpful to be connected to other people in recovery, and really be honest about what you're going through. And try not to listen to the little voice of addiction that tries to tell you how good it's going to feel if you use "just one more time". It's a lie. It's always a lie.
I walk around the house and monologue. Like, a lot.
I have a good friend who is a very shy pooper. Like, we’ve been on trips together and he won’t s**t for days, he says he just can’t relax and go because he’s in public. But one time in college, about six years ago, he was super drunk and fell asleep s******g on my toilet. And the s**t got all over my toilet, not sure how but most of it did not go in the bowl. I got him up, cleaned him and the toilet up, and put him to bed. He was blackout drunk and doesn’t remember it at all. I don’t have the heart to tell him. He’d be mortified. It wouldn’t do anyone any good. But when he’s shy about pooping around me, I can’t help but chuckle at the irony.
Reminds me of the time I was out working, delivering groceries for Walmart and all of a sudden just started feeling terrible. Went home. Pulled in at home, opened the driver door of the car, started puking. Got inside and laid down and just felt completely exhausted. Passed out in literally seconds. Well at one point I had to get up and run to bathroom cause it was starting at the other end. My finance and I had just started dating and he was worried. I was delusional at that point and couldn’t hardly keep my eyes open and fell asleep, on the toilet with my head in the trash can. Bless that man, he helped clean me up and got me back to bed and never said another word about it. I’m sure it was terrible. One of those sickly smelling ones. I knew even before then that I was gonna marry him one day, but that helped confirm it for me. 🤷🏼♀️
Had it not been for him I would’ve slept all night there most likely. lol and had I had any energy at all to fight him on it I definitely would’ve
Load More Replies...Admittedly it is gross but that's what you do for friends. I cleaned my friends vomit off the side of her dad's car. She always got grounded for stupid stuff. I figured she would never get out of the house again if they found out. She couldn't handle liquor.
People in my personal life who find out I'm a professional domme, instantly feel free about telling me their darkest secrets.
I know who's secretly gay, I know who's on steroids, I know who's kinky, I know who has erectile dysfunction, I know both men & women who were brutally sa'd as children, I even know someone who's k****d a guy (he wasn't boasting or bragging, he seemed really shook up about it. I might be the only one he's told)
So, my most disturbing secret is that I'm a trauma-sponge for absorbing everyone else's disturbing secrets.
Oh my god you kissed a guy?! Horrifying! (Yes, I know. That's the joke).
Because so much of what they do is psychological, I've often thought that it should be a health care profession, and clinical therapy programs should offer courses specifically geared toward treating trauma through Dominance. Get rid of the stigma and let it be a normalized way of seeking treatment for those it can help.
I have to agree, it's widely helpful with certain situations and traumas, as well as often attractive to those on the spectrum due to the set rules etc. Those same elements easily cross into treatment once again.
Load More Replies...All this fluxing censorship is ridiculous. We all know what the words are just print them. And if we don’t, we try figure them out and discuss it. What is the point
Exactly!! I’m so sick of it! Saying someone was ‘unalived’ instead of killed or murdered is childish and ignorant. It also doesn’t make the victim any less dead!!
Load More Replies...I hope the OP has a good therapist. People trauma dumping on you can be it's own form of trauma.
The most ignorant term I’ve ever heard! I’d better not see it added to the next edition of Webster’s dictionary either!
Load More Replies...Me too, but it's because I'm a Listener. Many times in my life, people have come up to me and started spilling the beans about anything and everything. I feel for you. Good luck and blessed be.
Same, sometimes people I don't know at all and who I'll never see again start to tell me about their lives when I haven't asked. I just listen calmly and greet them when they're done. It's quite strange.
Load More Replies...I've known plenty of sex workers, and it's not at all unusual for their clients and friends to treat them like a therapist or a confessional box. People trust sex workers to keep secrets.
Same when people hear I'm a therapist and you'd be surprised (or maybe not) how many people have done things far far worse than you can ever imagine
I used to be a hair stylist. You wouldn’t believe what people told me!
Load More Replies...
I accidentally stepped barefoot into a boiling, maggot-infested raccoon corpse. It got stuck on my foot like a slipper and I tried to shake it off, something popped and got a spray of blood and s**t all over me. Then I puked on myself and stumbled home.
I chose the wrong article to read while eating my bagel.
Load More Replies...ok that was the most disgusting thing I've read or heard about in a looong time.
I hit a dead one in the middle of the night on my motorcycle on a dark 2 lane road going way too fast. Was picking pieces of rotten raccoon out of my motorcycle for months. Also off of me for hours.
Am i a bad person for laughing my head off ? The description is hilarious.
I laughed way too hard at this. I have stepped on many a dead thing my cat has dragged in, mice, rats, snails and slugs.
I’m an alcoholic. no one is aware of how bad it’s gotten but i’m drinking to almost blackout daily and going to work ill every single day. i still do my job fine but the second i’m off it’s all i want to do and i can’t stop myself anymore. it’s been like this for almost 2 years now
what i’m doing to myself while acting completely fine to everyone disturbs me but i’m really struggling to get myself help :/.
But please, please, do and try to get help, OP. It will kill you. Alcohol is poison.
It was such a relief when my body and my a whole self started experiencing alcohol as poison. It's a magic thing that only happens when it happens.
Load More Replies...No one is aware... in fact everybody is aware but they do not want to talk about it.
My brother is going through it right now. I think I’m his head he’s hiding it well but his lies and excuses are so far fetched it borders on pathetic. Honestly I think he’s told us he had Covid about 15 times. Every time he loses a job or drops contact until someone has to go check on him. He had covid again. It’s a terrible thing. My secret is I’m not equipped to deal with it. Me and the wife just watched the pattern to it’s final conclusion with my FIL a few years ago and I don’t think I have the capacity to go through it again. We had him live with us, paid for treatment facilities multiple times as soon as he could sneak away he’d drink till he blacked out. Refused to try to get better or admit he had a problem. Ultimately he drank himself out of existence. Now watching my brother do the same thing all I feel is anger not sympathy.
Load More Replies...I hope that just the act of admitting to a bunch of random strangers on the interwebs is the first step towards your recovery.
I thought I hid my alcoholism vert well. After I got sober I found out that EVERYONE was aware of my drinking. They just didn’t know how to talk about it.
Please, please reach out to people who can help. You deserve a healthy life.
Congratulations on the first step. You just admitted to having a problem. Get yourself to a meeting. You don’t even have to be fully ready to quit but start getting that support as soon as possible. Find something in life worth quitting for. Your health, your family, whatever it takes and work those steps and when you fall down get up and work then again! You got this.somewhere inside your stronger than your addiction.
I totally agree. I know a lot of people (including myself) have the excuse of "no one knows what I'm going through," before their fist meeting. That gets proven wrong quickly. I've seen some of the strongest people stumble, but they prove they are stronger, admitting that stumble, and are proud that they are on day one again. It's scary until you realize that you are stronger. I'm embarrassed by my situation and the consequences I faced, but I will share it in an instant if I know it even has a marginal chance to help someone.
Load More Replies...I believe the term is "functioning alcoholic." I really hope you can get some help, because there IS a road to recovery, and at some point, the "functioning" part of your experience will drop off. I agree completely with Roger9er.
During my worst periods of dealing with bulimia, if I had no food on hand to binge and purge, I would steal lunches from people at work or pick things out of the trash. I was never caught.
The shame, guilt, and disgust with myself was always there, but it took intensive counseling, medication, and working with a specialist on other issues to help me to stop.
The bathrobe IN the bath water???? This makes me so uncomfortable just looking at it.
Stock photo and BP couldn't possibly risk someone seeing some boobage, let alone a nipple!
Load More Replies...Great that you found a way, even when it was hard and long, to get out of it! I feel you and you are not alone. I was hardcore bulimic myself, in my darkest days puking in plastic bags stored in my closet overnight when i couldn't use the toilet (shared flat) withoout noticing and lots of more disgusting stuff. And yes, been there, too with stealing and even defrauding to get money for food. This wasn't us, it was the evil addiction (that is how i see bulimia, makes to me more sense than calling it eating disorder). But we were stronger in the end!
Oh yeah I've done the plastic bag thing myself too. And I also think it's more of an addiction. For me it's still there but at least it's not a daily thing anymore. Really hope I can get over it at some point because it's been close to 20 years now and I'm so tired of it...
Load More Replies...So proud of you, human. You’ve come so far and you should be proud of yourself!!
I'm glad you are finding relief by getting help. The strength you show in admitting you have a problem, and the humility you display in letting others in to help you reveals an inner grit that I truly wish everyone could find. BRAVO!
I really hope that picture is not actually you. There are so many things wrong and it only gets worse the longer you look.
My family think I finished the computer science degree, but I dropped out. However I've been working in the sector for about 25 years in a row without any trouble and people (employers and colleagues) seem to think that I'm quite competent. It's not disturbing per se but for my parents it was a big deal that I finished my studies. My dad passed away three years ago without knowing. My mom is 83 and she is still proud of me and I hope things stay the same till she dies.
If the person is successful in the chosen career path, everything is fine. Parents were happy, so mission accomplished.
I dropped out of high school and was homeless when I was young. Been in tech 25 years. People that ask what school I went to are surprised. My dad always said I would be a loser and he was the cause of my homelessness. He was always about money, I make 6x what his highest paycheck ever was, but that doesn't matter. I have a family that I care about and would protect no matter what, that's what matters.
I have a friend who dropped out in first year and he's now a CTO and was a high-end developer. ICT is one of those sectors where people care less about your degree and more about can you do the job
My dad was a very skilled Aircraft fitter. He was self employed and companies head hunted him to be in charge of up to thirty guys for very specific contracts. He had no qualifications everything was learnt hands on from just after the war up to his passing in the early eighties. If his lack of a degree or qualification was brought up, guys would say, either he's with us or we are out. When I met them so many came up to me and said that they genuinely weren't sure who they would go to for advice.
I understand the need to protect people you love from information that they have no control over and that would hurt them.
I am sorry. I am glad you are doing well, but a lie is a lie. Come clean. You won't have the guilt or worry after. When you tell the truth, there's nothing left to hide. Sounds very cut and dried, but I know it isn't. Best of luck to you.
If she tells her mother, she may not have the guilt of keeping a secret, but she will have the guilt of seeing her mother hurt. How does that help her, especially given her mother's age? A lie is a lie, that's true, but it's often used as a reason to unburden yourself at the expense of others.
Load More Replies...My husband works as a visual designer for a major corporation, he is the go to guy for almost every major project and often has to turn down assignments because he has requests from so many project managers. He never lied about it, but the corporation does not know he does not have a college degree and he told me that if it came up they would probably let him go despite the fact that they hand over all of their recent grads to him for training. I have two degrees and I can tell you my husband is a lot smarter than I am, so let's stop measuring a worth and abilities by whether a person holds a degree - and firms might find themselves with some really super employees that were being overlooked.
This strikes me as one item of potential guilt that can be released. If you told your mother now that you never actually graduated, what would the gain be, other than clearing your conscience? It's possible that she would be able to see that, in the end, it doesn't really matter because you are gainfully employed and (hopefully) happy. I could see a scenario in which you both have a good laugh about how you successfully "got one over" on literally everybody, but if you're positive it would just cause her unpleasantness, do what Elsa did, and "Let It Go."
When we first met he made me promise “if I ever gain too much weight you have to tell me to hit the gym.” We laughed about it but that was almost 5 years ago, and now he has gotten pretty overweight and I don’t know if I’m supposed to keep my promise or just let him choose his own path with his weight. I’m still attracted to him and love him more than ever, but I want him to be healthy…
Yeah, if he made you promise, your should uphold that promise.
Load More Replies...Hit the gym together. make sweet looove afterwards, - and he will be happy.
Better: Suggest you go together. So it doesn´t look like you are shaming him.
I never had a gf but told everyone I did have one and that she broke up with me. I was so good at lying about it that I myself believed my lie and somehow I felt really sad and depressed. Than I even remembered memories I never had and afterwards I was like wtf am I doing.
Sometimes we comfort ourselves in very strange ways. Life can be difficult.
This one is a new kind of sad I can relate to. I too used to disengage from reality as a child, I had whole storylines and characters made up that affected my emotions greatly, like it was all real :(
I did too but my 'fantasy life' was much more desirable than the abusive hell I endured as a child. Interestingly enough, that 'fantasy' disappeared the day I left home. I had no support so I invented my own for coping.
Load More Replies...our primal brainparts can't differ between reality and fiction,so if you repeat a story often, it becomes more real each time. When the memorypath is digged in, it's reality for our mindmachine
You're not the first person who has told the same lie so many times that you actually believe it. If this persists, you might want to talk to a professional to learn why and how to break this habit.
As a teen, I caught my parents' house on fire playing with pyrotechnics in the garage and then staged it to look like an electrical fire so i wouldn't get in trouble.
I was regarded as the hero who put the fire out before it consumed the house (I was home alone at the time), but really, I was the cause.
They had all of the electrical redone in the house as a precaution against another fire... I never came clean.
did you learn to not f**k around with pyrotechnics as a result, or did you learn how to f**k around with them without causing harm? If so, lesson learnt, no harm done.
One of my teachers set fire to the living room as a kid. Like a serious fire. Lied to everyone about what happened. Forgot having done so. Decades later brought it up as a funny memory at a family dinner ("remember when I set fire to the curtains?"). Room fell silent: it turned out they'd blamed his older sister, a smoker, and she'd spent 10 years paying off the vast repair bill.
You should think about therapy... People don't usually let their lies cost others thousands of dollars...
Fun fact: if you are a child setting fires, you are unlikely to die in a fire you set. Your little brother or your little sister, however, is far more likely to die in a fire you set.
Did I say "fun fact?" I meant devastating.... Devastating fact.
Load More Replies...Yeah, I think I'd take this one to the grave. My brother wasn't so lucky when he started one of our fields on fire. We tried to put the fire out while my parents were at work, but the fire tower saw the smoke and radioed it in. No dessert or TV that night for any of us.
I'm kinda impressed the fire marshall didn't catch on to this charade lol
Wasn't there a criminal investigation about the cause of the fire? If so, chapeau. You fooled specialists then.
I once broke a window and blamed it on the neighbor's kids. :) My parents still have no idea. (It happened in the 80's)
My best friend is actually his uncle's kid. Apparently he confessed to it on his death bed. The mum won't admit anything and he can't talk to anyone else in the fam about it.
I am really hoping by uncle he's means Dad's brother, not Mum's brother.....
And for the sake of it, I hope it was consensual and not forced
Load More Replies...Family. What can be said about these people that hasn't been said, written about, or put on celluloid throughout history. Whoa, just showed my age. It's not celluloid. It's all digital.
who is whoms kid? i need a bigger papers and new set of crayons to figure this
Or mom slept with dad's brother, which is the way less creepy option
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I have a serious skin picking problem. I can just sit for hours straight in front of a mirror and inspect every pore on my face/chest/hands. It's gotten so bad that i have little scars all over my face. But i literally cant stop doing it.
That's related to anxiety and OCD. There are medications that can help ease the compulsions.
I have it on my belly, legs, boobs, armpit. Meds help a bit.
Load More Replies...For me it's all alog my legs, arms, back, hands and my chest. does anyone know anything that might help?
I watch pimple popping videos. Its crazy but it fullfils that need a lot. I have ocd and i feel the person in the video gets "clean". Its also incredibly relaxing... just before bed to make you sleepy is the best
Load More Replies...I have it with my fingers. If I can't pick up them I feel very uncomfortable. I was told it's a natural response to surviving sexual abuse.
It is. So many seemingly weird things are. Sexual abuse causes lifelong trauma. If possible, please seek some professional treatment like EMDR. Easing the distress of the trauma eases symptoms.
Load More Replies...Yeah… I have this too. Not for hours but I can spend a solid forty minutes poking holes in my face and picking my scalp. I’m trying to stop bc I hate the way it makes me look, but it’s so satisfying and it’s hard to quit.
I think it releases dopamine. I was told recently to try eating spicy food or peppermint or chocolate or mangoes. So I made a spicy mango salad and had Junior Mints for dessert. It was so good. And I forgot about picking for a while. Maybe we just need to keep jalapeno peppers around 😂
Load More Replies...I do the same thing!!! I want to throw away all my mirrors but I can't since my family needs them too. It's such an addiction!
Medication and therapy can help. If you can get into a psychiatrist and get a full diagnostic, they can pinpoint the cause of the addiction and treat that, which will ease the symptoms. It's important as you get older to do that, because skin doesn't heal as quickly and you're more vulnerable to infections, including some pretty disgusting ones.
Load More Replies...I strongly recommend you find a qualified therapist. I found this on the International OCD Foundation site: Skin picking disorder (or "Excoriation") is a disorder where a person: Picks their skin over and over again, AND. The picking is often or bad enough to cause tissue damage AND. It causes a lot of distress and/or problems with work, social, or other daily activities.
That I haven’t been happy since he asked me for divorce a couple of years ago…. I was ready to follow through and last minute he backtracked, but he never said he was sorry, and I haven’t been able to fully come back from that…. I don’t think I love him the same since
I think that's a normal response, he totally destroyed your sense of security. He committed an unforgivable breach and then backpedaled but left the mess. I'm sure you still love him but he ruined it. Not your fault but I think it's time to shake the poo off your shoes and walk!
If he doesn't have the courage to leave, you might have to be the one to do it. It's not easy but it's so worth it.
A former BF and I had lived together for a while and had talked (briefly) about getting married. He'd been married before and was seriously dragging his feet. Even though I was on the pill, I got pregnant. The first words out of his mouth were, "Well I guess I HAVE to marry you now". I was completely devastated that he could say something so cruel. Any love I had for him disappeared right then. I miscarried the next week and moved out the week after that.
I used to not eat and basically starve myself to feel hungry, just to feel.. something, and I had control over that aspect.
Tough home life with being groomed by mom and s**t. No contact for a couple years, and never had any sort of connection or love or emotions for family, it's still hard to feel anything but I have an amazing fiance.
100% classic narcissism abuse.
Thank you for your openness and honesty. Even now most people refuse to contemplate the idea that women/mothers can be the abusers
Please seek professional help you deserve it, the fault/blame/shame lies with your mother not you. You owe it to yourself to be happy and go forward in your relationship with your fiancé. Learn to love and be loved. Please don’t allow your abusive past, spoil your chance of a good life. I wish you many years of happiness together 🌹
I do the opposite. Do anything for stop feeling. Avoid sleeping and thinking and even stopped talking.. everything for avoid feeling... I don't care what but just stop the inner pain.
I've been in psych units with cutters. One thing they all had in common was the need to feel something. Self-harm in any form is a way through the numbness they feel. There are numerous other reasons behind self-harm. I recommend professional care before it gets out of hand. Starving yourself is extremely detrimental to your health.
Not a single person I've met in the last 10 years knows anything true about me. Not my name, not my profession, not my family life, not where I'm from etc. I've created an entirely fake person, and that's who I am to everyone that I meet now. Even my girlfriend.
For those wondering, OP's explanation in response to a comment: 'I have lots of unprocessed trauma, and I learned a while back that just pretending to be someone else helped me to ignore the pain of it all. So now I'm just permanently that someone else I started pretending to be.'
"Fake till you make it"... If I pretended I was normal, someday I may forgot I got badly wounded... I cover my pain under a thick layer or pretend to be fine until one day everyone is convinced I'm ok... Including me. I know why people do this. Not everyone is able to deal with their past
Load More Replies...I understand this. I fight the urge to do it when people ask about my family, or personal questions ...such as my very large abdominal hernia. People who do have had abusive, traumatic childhoods and sometimes to appear normal or like everyone else, we want to lie rather than tell the truth. Because in all truth , many of us who came from dysfunctional homes don't want anyone to know that...least we be judged and people think oh yeah that explains a lot. No one wants to hear about your CPTSD, depression, anxiety amongst other things. So you want people to think you had a Leave it to Beaver family or you have zero family rather than tell the truth. Remember the part in Good Will Hunting where Will snaps on Skyler and tells her the abuse he suffered as a child ? It's like that.
The best way to answer the tell us something about yourself that is used as an ice breaker is to say, "And something personal about myself is that I don't feel comfortable talking about my personal life.". You're welcome!
Load More Replies...Despite the fact that you have to stay alert 24/7 to not let any true info slip, while keeping in mind all the fake info?
Load More Replies...Not really... If the true was a nightmare, lies become quite easy
Load More Replies...Are you in witness protection or just really in need of therapy?
People say I am an interesting person but sadly, I actually don't tell people half the things about me until I know them so well that they tell me their secrets. I actually have multiple personalities that I treat like people, to the point where I give them names, emotions, and I draw them a lot.Doing this does help me get rid of pain and anxiety which is a bonus I guess.
You know you can just move without having to change your identity! Like just move further than a town away.
My friend’s younger brother took a dump in the litter box as a teen “to see what it was like”. Their mom, an RN, saw it and declared “there is a human SH*T in the litter box!” Whenever anyone brings up anything litter box-related, I think of this.
I’m 63, and have had cats practically my whole life. There are times, in my daily scoop of the litter box, that I swear my cats have made human size turds—-and no, none of the humans who have ever lived with me ever squatted in the cat box. Absolutely amazes me how the body of a ten pound cat can even create then hold a human size turd until they can get to the litter box.
I have two cats and two dogs. One of the dogs is a puppy who is about 55 lbs at 9 months. He produces prodigious poops that reminds me of something my dad used to say when I was a kid: "How does this dog eat one pound of dog food and produce five pounds of shít?!" It is a relief to clean the litterboxes after picking up after the puppy XD
Load More Replies...George Clooney told a similar story on Graham Norton. When he first came to LA trying to start his acting career he was staying at a friend's place. Said friend adopted a tiny kitten and George dutifully cleaned the litterbox, but friend didn't realize and expressed concern to George that new kitten wasn't pooping. George did not say anything, kept cleaning the box, and eventually dropped a massive deuce into it, perplexing the owner about how a tiny kitten could extrude a poo about as large as it was.
Knowing someone who has done this...almost always just stupid.
Load More Replies...this sounds like a re-write of another story that started the same, but ended with a grand mother who was shocked that the cat could produce such a huge poop....
I hid the remote control to the living room TV for absolutely no reason at all, and kept it hidden for probably a week. My dad began to have a meltdown by the 6th-7th day, so I just put it under a random blanket on the couch where I knew he would find it. What a weird kid I was.
It's not supposed to be. This post is literally titled "People Reveal Their Most Disturbing Secrets".
Load More Replies...Friend of my took the hands off the clock and hid them. His parents still hadn't found them by the time they moved 40+ years later!
I got myself a second remote control for our TV. My dad got dementia and he used to watch the whole night long the doku channel, but really loud. I couldn't sleep because of it, but he slept always with the remote in his hand, and woke up if I tried to use it. Then he made a huge fuss about it that he wasn't sleeping at all and that I'm the worse, because he can't watch the TV because of me. With the extra remote I was able to make it quite without waking him up.
I bought myself a remote control because my husband does the same thing 😂
Load More Replies...When I was a kid we had to walk through a thick forest of ugly shag carpet to change the channel. (Not mine)
I'd LOVE to do that to my hubby (he's obsessed with the TV) - but he'd figure out how to make it work within 24 hours - get a new remote, etc. He wouldn't just sit around complaining about it. It's THAT important to him.
I'm a television addict and I figured out how to control it with my phone when I can't find the remote 😂😂
Load More Replies...The only thing any human has control over, is themselves. That's it.
This is God-level fuc*ery of the finest kind! May your pranks live on, even after you shuffle off this mortal coil!
I once felt overwhelmed with the compulsion to run through a farmer's wheatfield, I felt very naughty.
Hahaha, I see what so did there. How is the dancing progressing, theresa?
When I was younger. Like 16-17. I was at my friends house and across the street was a cornfield. Well, I let my intrusive thoughts win. And one night I went across, covered myself in corn and would jump out at passersby to scare them as the "Corn Man!"
I, like 30 years older than that, am now racking my brains to think of the nearest cornfield.
Load More Replies...I heard you won an award, because once you stopped dancing, you were outstanding in your field...
When I was about 8 years old we lived in Germany. My house was right on the edge of a wheat field, we had always been told not to mess with the field but we got really into playing army and started making paths through it. The farmer caught us, he grabbed on kid and shook him yelling. The rest of us ran, some to my house and we hid on the stairs. Only problem, we left the door open and he went right into the living room where my parents were napping. Took awhile for my Dad to get him calmed down. Can't remember what our punishment was.
I'm often emotionless but i'm hiding it through jokes and acts.
Or sociopathy. Those who can't feel normal emotions may learn how to hide it by observing and imitating what they see others do in various situations. The Dexter series had some basis in actual psychology.
Load More Replies...Sounds like my ASD masking thing. I mostly feel nothing much until someone enters the room then I put on a show to look like I am present.
God I'm the other way around, often it's so difficult to act professionally and stay calm and collected when I want to shake my hands, talk loudly, laugh, be dramatic, or cheerful, or frustrated and angry, or just straight up sing along to what I'm listening to as I work.
I had a sexual relationship with someone for months, not knowing he have a wife and a newborn baby. We're in our early 20s, I asked him if he has a girlfriend, and he said no, which was technically true because he actually has a wife.
You were lied to, and had no reason to doubt the other person’s honesty at the time, so it’s not your fault. You went into the relationship honestly. The lying SOB you were with did not. As long as you broke it off the millisecond you found out the truth, your conscience should be clear.
Very true worse are the people who keep going with the relationship when they know about the other woman.
Load More Replies...I read something the other day about how there's no such thing as a "homewrecker". No. A spouse who opens the door to infidelity is the homewrecker, not the poor person who gets involved with them.
This isn't your secret or shame. It's his. He's the PoS that cheated on his wife and child and lied to you.
You assumption that the OP was a male does not compute. Why would a make ask another male they were going to have relationship with if they had a girlfriend? And why would the married guy need to "explore"to find out if he wanted marriage and kids after he had marriage and kids?
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That his mother is an exhausting gossiping windmill of geriatric nonsense.
For me, her mother is an over-opinionated, unforgiving, judgmental, bourgeois martyr with a serious helping of self-loathing and an unfortunate disdain for mental health therapy. Phew! That felt good to write!
Oh I know how this feels, this is my mother to a tea. Knows everything about nothing from sitting on her couch watching TV nonstop.
OMG. So relate!!! I love my MIL, but that's the most perfect description.
Shame but she probably really appreciates seeing you and really likes you. It's a good deed you are doing listening to her.
I know people of all ages gossip, but it seems, at least where I live, that the geriatrics thrive on it.
Before my dad died, he told me about my mother’s affairs. One with his childhood best friend. I’ll never tell anyone else.
Not really, unless you can tell me who posted this?
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My husband and I look so happy on social media but in reality we argue every day and our marriage is falling apart.
It's because you no longer respect each other, and, because you have different life goals, and, because you see each other as obstacles to those life goals. Sort out your life goals and align them, or, get a divorce.
This is true for, dare I say, the vast majority of couples that post nearly every aspect of their lives for others to see.
I took care of this by setting up a nature trail camera in both my kitchen and living room, to capture us during our arguments as well. Those photos end up on FB along with the happy ones, just to keep us humble...
Does anyone besides tweens and teenagers actually believe these social media stories of happiness abundance? Maybe it's time for all of us on social media to let our hair down and be just a bit more forthright.
Sometimes I make loud farting noises late at night to see if I can wake up the whole house. I consider it a victory when I’m asked if I’m feeling ok the next morning. .
I kind of want to laugh at this, but as someone who often gets awakened in the middle of the night, this would enrage me beyond belief. Let people sleep, dammit!
There's a difference between having to actually fart and just making loud obnoxious farting noises, just to disturb those sleeping in the same house. As someone with trouble falling and staying asleep, you would be sleeping with one eye open.
One time I had to go number 2 so bad but our bathroom was occupied. So I went outside and the dog immediately gobbled it up.
I had a boyfriend who had a dog and one day while taking it for a walk he started to feel unwell so I held on to the dog while he went in the bushes. When he came back I let the dog off the lead and it immediately ran into the bushes and rolled around in the boyfriends rectal deposit. Came running back looking really pleased with itself too. Boyfriend was mortified, dog stank, I laugh every time I remember it
Ewwww. Next time hold those buttons cheeks together with your hands.
I brushed my sister‘s toothbrush over a soap bar when we were little because I thought that’s what she did too. sometimes my toothbrush tasted a little soapy. Never talked about it with anyone. First time writing it down.
I caught my ex washing the toilet with my face cloth. When I snapped at him, he played dumb because he knew damn well where the toilet rag was kept. Okey-dokey a-hole, two can play this game. So, I started cleaning the tight spots with his toothbrush.
Maybe you were getting the brushes mixed up lol and you were the one doing it to both of them
COuld have cleaned the toilet with it and then told her about it after she used it. Our house was savage.
OP’s toothbrush tasted soapy? Sounds like their sister gave them a bit of payback, unless the sister is the one who started it, as OP wasn’t clear whose toothbrush tasted like soap first.
I think OP is implying the sister was actually using his toothbrush (perhaps electric) for something else. And he misidentified the resulting unfamiliar taste as soapiness.
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I tell people I can get them exotic meats...hippo steaks, giraffe burgers.
It's all goat.
You are an AH. Not because you lie to people about what kind of meat it is, but because you are condoning the demand for these animals. If they think they are getting it from you, they will also try to get it from other even less scrupulous people who will pay poachers for the real deal.
All of the arguments and this is a reference to The Office. Calm down everyone.
Load More Replies...This is from the office, all of you should be downvoted for not realizing.
https://www.reddit.com/r/DunderMifflin/comments/2lsmbf/i_can_get_you_exotic_meats/
Load More Replies...why would someone want to eat cow or pig? What is the difference? Here in Africa you can get these meats (genuinely) at specialised butchers and specialised restaurants. It's not unusual.
Load More Replies...This reminds me of the movie The Freshman with Marlon Brando and Matthew Broderick.
I want to see a large plane crash in person.
I don't hope for it to happen, I just want to see it if it happens to occur.
Is it though? People are fascinated by calamities and catastrophes, that's why distaster movies turn billions in profit. And why news programs are full of information about disasters which have no impact whatsoever at those who watch them.
Load More Replies...I was hoping they meant an remove operared one. 😶😕 But this works, atleast better than anyone else getting hurt..
Load More Replies...People congregate to see disaster from the dawn of time. Nothing new, here. This is why we use escapism: to esperience things we cannot (and after a certain we don't want) esperience in reality.
That's exactly what half the people at any air show like the red devils think too - They're not willing it to happen, but if it is going to happen anyway then they want to be there to see it. To Robert Beveridge, in the UK we call it rubber necking when people slow down to gawp at accidents
It's actually called desensitisation and it's a normal human reaction to things that scare us. It's the reason horror movies are so popular - the more you're exposed to something frightening the less scared you are. Mental health professionals call it "exposure therapy". This is an extreme example but it's very common.
YouTube has many videos of planes and airliners crashing and or exploding. While definitely a morbid fascination, the same urge drove me to find those videos. They are as jarring to watch as I expected.
While discussing the impact of keeping secrets, it's intriguing to draw parallels with how family traditions are often woven with tales and narratives. Delving into the intricacies of secret family stories and traditions, some individuals might find it fascinating to discover the real origins of what they thought was a family tradition. For instance, some have encountered the revelation that a cherished family recipe turned out to be from an unexpected source, such as the side of a can.
Investigating these mysteries can be as enlightening as exploring the true origins of beloved recipes, which might connect more deeply to collective family memories than initially thought.
Yeah for me it gives the first 10-ish words then cuts off
Load More Replies...My secret is that I have been alone for so many years that now, since I have a boyfriend, I don't know what to do. I am FREAKING OUT and I am scared that if I share my awful memories that he'll realise I'm just a pathetic kicked puppy.
You are absolutely not. I can't give much advice on how to talk about a traumatic past with a partner as I haven't dated 2017. Due to how abusive that relationship was. I just can't bring myself to open up to anyone. But I don't think either of us are pathetic for it. And kicked puppies can turn into the coolest dogs too. Maybe don't tell him everything at once, but giving bits of information here and there will help him understand you better.
Load More Replies...i have too many of these. my main one is i’ve never told anyone how long my mental health has been bad. i wanted to not be alive since i was like 5 or 6. my whole childhood, before i got diagnosed with depression, my main thought was i wanted to unalive to see if anyone would actually care. i had a hard childhood but not because of my family or my environment, but because of myself.
I don't know you, Ada Hunter, but I hear you and I care about you! I am happy that you are here and reaching out! You are loved, Ada!
Load More Replies...My secret is that I am a woman who had to train herself to like babies. They are smelly, loud, destroy your freedom and I couldn't imagine wiping someone's sh*t. But, for years I have coerced myself to feel empathetic feelings when I see or hold one. Now I adore seeing and cuddling them. You can learn empathy and love, it's possible. I still won't change diapers though, and am glad I am child free. I enjoy my nephews and give them back..
I got a good job that required me to relocate half the country away from my extended family. I quit that job, but haven't told anyone in my family because they'd immediately expect me to move "back home".
i lived with my best friend after college. i went to do my laundry after work. she told me she would be working late and said if my sheets werent done by bed time i could just nap in her bed till they dried. i took her up on the offer and felt something scratch against my leg. i found a dead flattened withered mouse in her bed. there was a very defined stain in her sheets from where it had been laying there for who knows how long. we usually did our own laundry so id never actually seen her do her sheets. now im wondering if she EVER did them. i disposed of the critter and never ever told her. and no we did not have a cat so it definitely wasnt a 'gift' from a beloved pet
also yes i washed her sheets and scrubbed the bedding down
Load More Replies...Yeah for me it gives the first 10-ish words then cuts off
Load More Replies...My secret is that I have been alone for so many years that now, since I have a boyfriend, I don't know what to do. I am FREAKING OUT and I am scared that if I share my awful memories that he'll realise I'm just a pathetic kicked puppy.
You are absolutely not. I can't give much advice on how to talk about a traumatic past with a partner as I haven't dated 2017. Due to how abusive that relationship was. I just can't bring myself to open up to anyone. But I don't think either of us are pathetic for it. And kicked puppies can turn into the coolest dogs too. Maybe don't tell him everything at once, but giving bits of information here and there will help him understand you better.
Load More Replies...i have too many of these. my main one is i’ve never told anyone how long my mental health has been bad. i wanted to not be alive since i was like 5 or 6. my whole childhood, before i got diagnosed with depression, my main thought was i wanted to unalive to see if anyone would actually care. i had a hard childhood but not because of my family or my environment, but because of myself.
I don't know you, Ada Hunter, but I hear you and I care about you! I am happy that you are here and reaching out! You are loved, Ada!
Load More Replies...My secret is that I am a woman who had to train herself to like babies. They are smelly, loud, destroy your freedom and I couldn't imagine wiping someone's sh*t. But, for years I have coerced myself to feel empathetic feelings when I see or hold one. Now I adore seeing and cuddling them. You can learn empathy and love, it's possible. I still won't change diapers though, and am glad I am child free. I enjoy my nephews and give them back..
I got a good job that required me to relocate half the country away from my extended family. I quit that job, but haven't told anyone in my family because they'd immediately expect me to move "back home".
i lived with my best friend after college. i went to do my laundry after work. she told me she would be working late and said if my sheets werent done by bed time i could just nap in her bed till they dried. i took her up on the offer and felt something scratch against my leg. i found a dead flattened withered mouse in her bed. there was a very defined stain in her sheets from where it had been laying there for who knows how long. we usually did our own laundry so id never actually seen her do her sheets. now im wondering if she EVER did them. i disposed of the critter and never ever told her. and no we did not have a cat so it definitely wasnt a 'gift' from a beloved pet
also yes i washed her sheets and scrubbed the bedding down
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