Fellas, is it feminine to respect others?
What makes someone a “real man” is up for debate. Is it having an expensive car? Being great at football? Spending your weekends fishing and drinking beer? Or looking down on artists, vegetarians and anyone else who hasn’t pumped their veins full of toxic masculinity?
We all know clinging onto rigid, outdated ideas of what it means to be a man is ridiculous. Well, most of us know that. But for some reason, there are still people out there trying to gatekeep masculinity, so today, we’re calling them out. From making up rules about what kinds of cars men are allowed to have to claiming that guys aren’t allowed to take naps (We all get sleepy, don’t we?!), down below, we’ve gathered some of the most arbitrary restrictions placed upon men that have been shared in Gatekeeping subreddit.
Be sure to upvote the posts you find most absurd, and don’t forget to press the button hard and fast. Just like a real man would! Then, if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article highlighting how ridiculous toxic masculinity is, check out this story next!
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Bones For Boners
Yeah Screw Modern Safety Regulations!! I'd Rather Die An Unrecognizable Heap Of Flesh Tangled In A 2 Ton Machine Than Risk My Masculinity Being Questioned!
Gatekeeping Masculinity Over Hairstyles
vikings had man buns and you don't get more man than viking, so f**k off.
Yes I grew my hair and wore a man bun for a year and didn’t care what people like this thought and then happily donated to a cancer charity for wigs.
In Māori culture the top knot/manbun/putikitiki is a sign of strength, so yeah..nah. my ancestors would be proud
Who cares what a wolf thinks of pugs?? I love my little rascal pupper and that's all that matters
I try to remind myself that my Shih Tzu is a descendant of wolves, but all I see is pure Ewok.
Load More Replies... Okay, so we're all in agreement, man buns have been worn for centuries, across the entire globe, by some incredibly badass groups of men, and that a man bun does not in any way reduce your masculinity....and that they're gross. 🤣
No we are not all in agreement, that they are gross. I like them
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Wolves are smarter than this idiot so they would recognise a lot of their descendents have safe homes, plenty of food, lots of happy walks, important jobs and loving packs.
I was just talking about the fact that my tiny little Maltese poodle's ancestors would be proud that he has 5 people waiting on his every beck and call xD
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OK, I am not a fan of Men Buns. However, just like with many other things like Tattoos, piercings, skirts, etc. , I simply don't wear one and I don't judge those who do. I especially don't care about their virility or masculinity. In fact, I think that if I did, iot would probably be to cover some kind of deep insecurity.
I don't care for man buns out of preference, but it does make me ponder if men see women's buns the same way. Either way, this policing of what men do with their hair is just as toxic as telling women what to do with their hair. Double standards, I guess.
Yes. Not a fashion I like, but it's not my head. Seen brilliant and über dorky, just like every other male do ever. If your Adam's apple sticks out 3 inches and is the same diameter as your biceps, well, perhaps the man bun isn't the best choice. But I don't have the right or authority to dictate anyone's hairstyle- 'specially since I'm bald as an egg.
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Hahahahaha. A whole lot of people "grandpa" age used to have long hair and were "flower children." Not everyone was a knuckle-dragging loser 50-60 years ago.
Hey now- I graduated HS in 1978, saw Led Zeppelin, The Who, Rolling Stones, Black Sabbath... when I had hair, before I went into the service, it was glossy smooth auburn and midback length. The girls loved my hair, most of my friends were jealous. Joke's on me- at 63, most all my friends still have hair, I'm a human bowling ball. Sigh. Polishes up nice, tho'.
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PUGS ARE ADORABLE YOU RAT THE WOLVES WOULD LOOK DOWN WITH PRIDE AND TEARS OF JOY GLIMMERING IN THEIR EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
complaining about man buns is as tired as the avocado toast thing...let's move on
Our ancestors had man buns while killing their food with spears. I'm sure they'd be disappointed to see how fragile your masculinity it over a hair do. Also, my son has long hair and looks great with it pulled back.
Funny considering a couple generations back cutting off hair would be considered emasculating 💁♀️
Coming from a red-blooded woman, I think they can be quite attractive.
Pugs and domesticated dogs are not descended from wolves anyways so this example is invalid. New research shows they split off separately from the same ancestor but evolved separately. And also if a guy is so insecure they are threatened by a hairstyle of another man, well that's a hard pass for me.
My dads 62, crunchy, a construction worker, built like a brick house and LOVES that I am trans and is gay himself
I once remarked to a woman with her long hair up in a bun "I didn't know women could have a man bun" (she said that she had never heard that before)
Dude, "man bun" is what happens when I guy with long hair has to pull his hair out of his face for something. Like changing a car battery. And before anyone says anything about guys with long hair, I dare you to say that to Lief Ericson.
Idk i think man buns can *sometimes* be cute. Also pugs were bred that way by humans not nature, that having been said they're usually highly valued by the people who own them and they're well taken care of, so the wolves would prolly be like "damn what do they kno that we don't" or something like that
Let’s talk about how HIS granddad would feel about that girly, weak dependency on electricity, shall we?
Why? What’s wrong with pugs? They do have the ability to survive. Though in a slightly different way… being cute
Because long flowing locks look fantastic! But sometimes you gotta do things, and it gets in the way. Mine's down past my a*s, and I can't work, cook, exercise.. pretty much anything not leisure time, without knotting it up
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I totally agree with this post. Whenever I see a man bun I want to grab some scissors.
Nobody likes to be placed in a box. But unfortunately, society loves to put everyone in boxes. Men might have more privilege than women in many places, but that doesn’t make them immune to the harm of toxic masculinity. The idea that a woman must be a certain way works in the opposite direction as well. Men are expected to be strong, take up space, be unafraid of anything, be unemotional and apparently, they’re not allowed to enjoy self-care or anything relaxing. We know that guys are just as capable as women of being sensitive, emotional, artistic, and loving, but some people seem to ignore that idea and equate masculinity with loud cars that pollute the earth and eating mass quantities of meat.
My partner self identifies as a “soy boy” because we don’t eat meat, and instead eat a lot of tofu and tempeh, but this phrase has been used as an insult by many men who seem to be a bit less confident in their masculinity. The idea that eating soy products makes someone less of a man or that it lowers testosterone levels (it doesn't) is just one of the arbitrary beliefs placed on men to try to keep them in a box and narrow the definition of masculinity. This list is full of similar examples, so we hope you get a kick out of reading them, but it’s also a bit painful to realize that some people actually posted these ideas unironically…
You Simply Cannot Be Jacked And Smart At The Same Time. It Doesn't Work That Way
Gatekeeping Masculinity As It Relates To... Car Features
Now, don’t get me wrong. I hope it goes without saying that it is perfectly fine to be a guy who really does love football, cars, fishing, drinking beers, fixing cars, eating steak and working out. Plenty of people enjoy these things, regardless of their gender! But the point is that we have to understand that these are not gender-specific interests. Plenty of women know how to fix up a car, and plenty of guys don’t. That doesn’t change their gender identity one bit. And we can’t look down on anyone else who doesn’t share the same interests we do. We’re all free to choose how we like to spend our time, but deciding to expend energy shaming others is just a waste of time.
Just like strict gender roles and expectations can have a negative impact on women, the same can be said for men. Toxic masculinity is often used to perpetuate ideas such as “boys will be boys”, allowing boys and men to get away with inappropriate behavior because that’s just how they are! They can’t help it! The pressure to look and act a certain way can also have devastating effects on the mental health of boys and men. When they’re taught they can’t share their emotions or open up, it’s easy for their internal struggles to go unnoticed and unaddressed.
Why Drive A Small, Affordable, Efficient Car When Bigger = Betterer ??
My Masculinity Is Defined By My Inability To Read
Loud Cars Are The Peak Of Masculinity
“Men tend to keep so much bottled up inside. This includes all the traumas and heart-breaking moments. Eventually there has to be a release. And too often that is in an explosive way,” says Ron Blake, a social justice activist and public speaker. When men aren’t taught how to express their emotions, they can become overwhelmed easily when they don’t know what to do with their feelings. This can lead to expressions of physical violence, such as sexual violence, domestic abuse, gun violence or physical dominance. When kept on the inside, these undealt feelings often manifest in depression, addiction or even suicide. It’s dangerous for everyone to impose rigid views of masculinity.
Napping Is A Female Thing
Apparently How You Eat Your Steak Determines Your Level Of Masculinity
I just bite on live cattle grazing. Tarzan is how hardware store employees refer to me.
Ok Boomer
While men and women are both prone to struggling with mental health issues, men are far more likely to die by suicide and far less likely to utilize mental health services. So what should we be doing to combat this toxic masculinity? According to Mens Group, it’s important to first identify your role in these gender norms and what beliefs you hold that you want to challenge. “If you were abusive in your relationships, you need to learn better coping mechanisms and cope with anger,” Mens Group explains. “You can only find a way forward by first understanding where you are. It starts with self-examining your behavior and identifying areas that require positive change.”
Masculinity Gatekeeping
Gatekeeping Skin Masculinity
30 years ago, the only people with tattoos could be roughly divided into the military and criminals. When your grandmother gets inked, it’s a sign that tattoos are now about as countercultural and rebellious as wearing red socks.
Combating toxic masculinity will also likely lead to some difficult or uncomfortable conversations. “This is achievable by talking to people of the opposite gender identities and expressions,” Mens Group notes. “You need to talk about gender biases concerning masculinity. This will give you an understanding of how your behavior affects people of the opposite gender.”
“Men need to learn not to get defensive when having these difficult conversations. The aim of the talks should be to seek understanding, which helps to facilitate positive change.”
Fishing = Peak Masculinity
So Phones Determine Your Masculinity
You Are Not A Man If You Have Blonde Hair, Apparently
This actually pisses me off. My dad was naturally blonde. He was Swedish by genetics/heritage. He was a good man and a great father. Eff you and your idiotic, nonsensical prejudices, Emmy.
It’s important that we educate young boys that there really is no “box” they need to fit into. It’s all arbitrary. They can make their own decisions about what they are interested in and how they want to express themselves, and we should never make them feel guilty or looked down upon for showing emotions. Teach boys to help out around the house and in the kitchen just as much as their sisters, and teach them to respect all people, regardless of their gender, sexual orientation, interests, etc. Essentially, combating toxic masculinity should be as simple as raising boys and girls equally and never shaming boys for being themselves. But unfortunately, due to the way society currently is, it takes a bit of correcting past prejudices.
Fragile Masculinity
Ever Had Your Masculinity And Eating Habits Gatekept By A Bottle Of Cheap Hot Sauce?
Gatekeeping Fatherhood, Masculinity, All Sorts Really
The Book of Man also notes that when fighting toxic masculinity, one great step is to dare to be vulnerable with your male friends, to show them that it’s okay and even welcomed. “Show strength by crying. Do this in the knowledge that all men go through emotional difficulties. Daily!” they write. “It’s true that if one man shows it’s okay to do something, we, as pack animals, tend to follow. So open up yourself, and become that person your friends open up to too. Men tend to either keep emotional traumas to themselves or go for female support. While the latter is a wonderful thing, surely we can make a decision to serve that support role to our buddies too. But it takes a hardy soul to stick their neck above the parapet first to see if we’re in the clear to do so. Be that soul.”
Gate Keeping Masculinity
Gatekeeping Masculinity
Gatekeeping Masculinity
And don’t stop questioning why things are the way they are. Because often, there’s not a great reason. “It’s a bloodless revolution,” The Book of Man writes. “A revolution in the head, but not in the inward looking way it was in the Sixties, because you want to effect lasting change, and not be naked all the time. Question the way we are brought up, question the systems of power, question how you are being controlled, question all thinking about being a man. Seek some answers for yourself and take responsibility. The end to toxic masculinity has to be started by men so it becomes socially unacceptable. Let’s start the change now.”
Gatekeeping Sports And Masculinity
Fragile Masculinity Gatekeeping Boxes
Imagine Gatekeeping Shoes As A Sign Of Masculinity
According to this list, men must have beards, have loud, large cars, be great at fishing, play sports, must eat meat, must not recycle, must not wear sneakers, must never take naps, must have tattoos, must not have an iPhone, along with much more… It is exhausting even reading this list, let alone trying to live in a way that conforms to these silly ideas. I hope all of you pandas know that, regardless of your gender, you can behave however you like. As long as you respect others, how you dress and what hobbies you choose to have are completely up to you. A real man is someone who identifies as a man! Keep upvoting the posts you find most comical, and then if you’re interested in reading another article discussing toxic masculinity, look no further than right here.
Being A Man
Gatekeeping Masculinity And Trailer Hitches
Because Driving What You Enjoy Is Shameful
These guys are going to faint when they find out fire trucks are automatic.
This Man Has A Comic Book Character Pfp, Btw
So Much Bs Toxic Masculinity In This, Glad I'm Not A "Real Man"
Wait, I thought real men were supposed to have beards, and that shaving was "gay"! Now they say to use straight shavers, and an e-book! Aren't e-books "gay" too? I'm really confused now on how to be a real man! It's making me giddy!
Gatekeeping Whatever Tf This Is
Bolt from an AR-15 / M16. Any man or woman who spent time in the military recognizes it (and has spent hours cleaning it!)
I went through these and, in conclusion, have no interest in being a "real man".
„Real man“ don‘t need your approval. They just crawl their beard and sort their toolbox or whatever.
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@VonBlade, my husband doesn't "conform" but is a man. He is, specifically, *my* man and I love him because he's not the incel-misogynist-weird-AF "man" these people think he should be. He's my personal hero, and I am glad he doesn't conform. I don't conform to all female gender stereotypes, either, and so we match :-)
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Holy guacamole, the misogyny in this post is off the chart! I can’t believe people question the need for feminism when boys grow up being told at every turn that anything they do is ‘gay’ and ‘girly’.
Men, as long as you are a decent human being, your hobbies, preferences, looks, cars, don't make me think any less of you, or make me feel that you are unmanly. Paint your nails, collect miniature trains, become a bodybuilder, make a pink bicycle your main mode of transport, watch cartoons, drink hot chocolate wirh sprinkles, grow a beard that reaches your knees, love music that everyone hates, or just be as average and mainstream as can be. If you embrace what you truly like, that is the coolest asset you can have.
@Dan Dilly, your comments are now cracking me up, thank you for the laughs. And it's not medical. I am an MD, and you can't run that past me without my calling bullsh*t. I've had and I've treated frostbite and hypothermia. Your "real man" status doesn't do a da*n thing against either. You can make what jokes you want (I pray they're jokes) but you don't get to throw around that BS and say it's "medical".
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Okay, okay. Now let's talk about what makes a real man. As a real man myself, I have all the fûckíng expertise I need to talk about this. First: exist. Second: identify as a man. Third: don't be so insecure about your own masculinity that you start gatekeeping what a real man is, that's pathetic. And now crack open a beer. Or a prosecco. Or tea. Whatever floats your boat I guess.
And that’s the tea, folks. This. Insecure men braying about masculinity is the absolute biggest turnoff in existence. The… biggest.
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Real men die at 35 of heart disease, cancer, emphysema, stroke and diseases that can be treated with vaccines. Just like their forefathers. Who were dumber than we are today.
This whole thread was about a bunch of homophobes who also hate women- ironically. Why are female things so bad to some men? I don't understand how we aren't supposed to be afraid or hate men when they have no problem telling you regularly that they hate everything about you. And that you should hate everything about you. And that you are lesser than them.
I hear you, but if also like to point out how much of this men hear from women. It's honestly disturbing how much stereotyping is done by both sexes to both sexes out of insecurity about themselves.
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I think I vomited in my mouth reading these. The scary part is just how many of these come from women who were raised to believe that if a man isn't the epitome of machismo than he is nothing more than a weakling
For much of my life I've had people try to gatekeep my masculinity because I'm gay. Sometime in my 20s I realized that these people, their opinions of me...they don't matter. I'm a man no matter what they say or think. They have no power over me, and never had. I'm free. They could be free, too. They'd rather spend their lives seeing their masculinity as some frail pathetic thing they could lose by wearing the wrong shoes. And they say I'm the weak one.
Some of the toughest people I know are gay men. There is no way these type of people making these comments could put up with half the s**t most gay men go through without a full on mental breakdown.
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Even here in (more or less) Balkans, I can't say I ever saw stupidity and arrogance brought quite to these levels.
Being manly means doing what you want to do, not what others tell you you should do.
Just think, people are going about their day thinking that hard about either coming off a real man, or trying to bring men down.
If that is what "real men" are I'm glad that I have no "real men" in my life.
Is there a difference between gatekeeping masculinity as opposed to being just a tool? I am starting to think this term is being misapplied in some way and furthermore somehow validating these knobs when they are simply straight up, run of the mill losers. We shouldn't apply modern terminology to these d***s. People should be grateful for the warning signs so they are not seen as possible mating prospects til they learn.
Wanna bet the “real men” who wrote these do recycle, take naps, play video games, etc. when they think nobody is watching?
I'm confused by this stuff it seems to have a lot of contradictions in it.
Aragorn, propably the manliest man to ever man cried over lost friends, loved with all his heart, admitted when he needed help, had a beautiful singing voice, had luscious long hair, was soft spoken... and never made any rules what a true man should be. Those insecure gatekeepers, whose whole identity circle around not to show anything 'weak' and to feel better then others are propably the weakest of us all.
don't comply with majority of this. let me weep and get giddy booking another triathlon
CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH BEING HOMOSEXUAL... I JES GOT OFFENDED BCS IM LESBIAN-
I’m a male myself and conservative but I find this bizarre and just plain toxic. OK let me say this in general. We’ve been conforming to gender stereotypes too damn much. Masculinity that isn’t toxic is better and just as masculine without being a jerk. Also toxic feminism is equally harmful as toxic masculinity.
Real men don’t have to flaunt how manly they are and gatekeep masculinity to feel better about themselves.
The overwhelming stench of fear to be called gay sure seems a little desperate. These are the same guys afraid to wipe their own a$$ for fear of liking to touch their own b******e. Guess they don't understand that women are tired of this macho BS. These most likely MAGAts will not be reproducing any time soon.
Note to self: Do not revisit this thread. Its dumbassery may lead to mutiny of surviving brain cells.
My husband orders "girly drinks", hates sports, drives a manual, plays video games, and enjoys being silly. Only one of these was approved by this list and I'm okay with that because that means that I got to him first.
This is so disturbing to see that so many people believe s**t like this.
What a really, really strange post. Can't quite wrap my brain around this one...
I've haven't read such s**t in a long time. This was real diarrhea, butt exploding c**p. How do the incels come up with this 💩
funny how some of these brain-farts are produced by females or at least entities posing as such, judging by the avatars; also, applying the bird app trend that only members of a group are allowed by teh interwebz (wink wink) to talk in matters concerning the group - what do these females, or female impersonators, think they're doing.../s
You should have read the comments. They were very supportive of men.
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I went through these and, in conclusion, have no interest in being a "real man".
„Real man“ don‘t need your approval. They just crawl their beard and sort their toolbox or whatever.
Load More Replies... @VonBlade, my husband doesn't "conform" but is a man. He is, specifically, *my* man and I love him because he's not the incel-misogynist-weird-AF "man" these people think he should be. He's my personal hero, and I am glad he doesn't conform. I don't conform to all female gender stereotypes, either, and so we match :-)
Load More Replies... Holy guacamole, the misogyny in this post is off the chart! I can’t believe people question the need for feminism when boys grow up being told at every turn that anything they do is ‘gay’ and ‘girly’.
Men, as long as you are a decent human being, your hobbies, preferences, looks, cars, don't make me think any less of you, or make me feel that you are unmanly. Paint your nails, collect miniature trains, become a bodybuilder, make a pink bicycle your main mode of transport, watch cartoons, drink hot chocolate wirh sprinkles, grow a beard that reaches your knees, love music that everyone hates, or just be as average and mainstream as can be. If you embrace what you truly like, that is the coolest asset you can have.
@Dan Dilly, your comments are now cracking me up, thank you for the laughs. And it's not medical. I am an MD, and you can't run that past me without my calling bullsh*t. I've had and I've treated frostbite and hypothermia. Your "real man" status doesn't do a da*n thing against either. You can make what jokes you want (I pray they're jokes) but you don't get to throw around that BS and say it's "medical".
Load More Replies... Okay, okay. Now let's talk about what makes a real man. As a real man myself, I have all the fûckíng expertise I need to talk about this. First: exist. Second: identify as a man. Third: don't be so insecure about your own masculinity that you start gatekeeping what a real man is, that's pathetic. And now crack open a beer. Or a prosecco. Or tea. Whatever floats your boat I guess.
And that’s the tea, folks. This. Insecure men braying about masculinity is the absolute biggest turnoff in existence. The… biggest.
Load More Replies... Real men die at 35 of heart disease, cancer, emphysema, stroke and diseases that can be treated with vaccines. Just like their forefathers. Who were dumber than we are today.
This whole thread was about a bunch of homophobes who also hate women- ironically. Why are female things so bad to some men? I don't understand how we aren't supposed to be afraid or hate men when they have no problem telling you regularly that they hate everything about you. And that you should hate everything about you. And that you are lesser than them.
I hear you, but if also like to point out how much of this men hear from women. It's honestly disturbing how much stereotyping is done by both sexes to both sexes out of insecurity about themselves.
Load More Replies... I think I vomited in my mouth reading these. The scary part is just how many of these come from women who were raised to believe that if a man isn't the epitome of machismo than he is nothing more than a weakling
For much of my life I've had people try to gatekeep my masculinity because I'm gay. Sometime in my 20s I realized that these people, their opinions of me...they don't matter. I'm a man no matter what they say or think. They have no power over me, and never had. I'm free. They could be free, too. They'd rather spend their lives seeing their masculinity as some frail pathetic thing they could lose by wearing the wrong shoes. And they say I'm the weak one.
Some of the toughest people I know are gay men. There is no way these type of people making these comments could put up with half the s**t most gay men go through without a full on mental breakdown.
Load More Replies... Even here in (more or less) Balkans, I can't say I ever saw stupidity and arrogance brought quite to these levels.
Being manly means doing what you want to do, not what others tell you you should do.
Just think, people are going about their day thinking that hard about either coming off a real man, or trying to bring men down.
If that is what "real men" are I'm glad that I have no "real men" in my life.
Is there a difference between gatekeeping masculinity as opposed to being just a tool? I am starting to think this term is being misapplied in some way and furthermore somehow validating these knobs when they are simply straight up, run of the mill losers. We shouldn't apply modern terminology to these d***s. People should be grateful for the warning signs so they are not seen as possible mating prospects til they learn.
Wanna bet the “real men” who wrote these do recycle, take naps, play video games, etc. when they think nobody is watching?
I'm confused by this stuff it seems to have a lot of contradictions in it.
Aragorn, propably the manliest man to ever man cried over lost friends, loved with all his heart, admitted when he needed help, had a beautiful singing voice, had luscious long hair, was soft spoken... and never made any rules what a true man should be. Those insecure gatekeepers, whose whole identity circle around not to show anything 'weak' and to feel better then others are propably the weakest of us all.
don't comply with majority of this. let me weep and get giddy booking another triathlon
CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH BEING HOMOSEXUAL... I JES GOT OFFENDED BCS IM LESBIAN-
I’m a male myself and conservative but I find this bizarre and just plain toxic. OK let me say this in general. We’ve been conforming to gender stereotypes too damn much. Masculinity that isn’t toxic is better and just as masculine without being a jerk. Also toxic feminism is equally harmful as toxic masculinity.
Real men don’t have to flaunt how manly they are and gatekeep masculinity to feel better about themselves.
The overwhelming stench of fear to be called gay sure seems a little desperate. These are the same guys afraid to wipe their own a$$ for fear of liking to touch their own b******e. Guess they don't understand that women are tired of this macho BS. These most likely MAGAts will not be reproducing any time soon.
Note to self: Do not revisit this thread. Its dumbassery may lead to mutiny of surviving brain cells.
My husband orders "girly drinks", hates sports, drives a manual, plays video games, and enjoys being silly. Only one of these was approved by this list and I'm okay with that because that means that I got to him first.
This is so disturbing to see that so many people believe s**t like this.
What a really, really strange post. Can't quite wrap my brain around this one...
I've haven't read such s**t in a long time. This was real diarrhea, butt exploding c**p. How do the incels come up with this 💩
funny how some of these brain-farts are produced by females or at least entities posing as such, judging by the avatars; also, applying the bird app trend that only members of a group are allowed by teh interwebz (wink wink) to talk in matters concerning the group - what do these females, or female impersonators, think they're doing.../s
You should have read the comments. They were very supportive of men.
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