Raising tiny humans is hard, there’s no doubt about it. My utmost respect goes to the loving parents and dedicated educators out there who are helping to mold a brighter, better future for us all.
But putting all the accolades aside, parenting in itself is one hell of a strategic set of moves where small steps go a long way. And there are so many tactics from ‘how to’ and ‘what not to do’ when raising kids that they inevitably stir some debate. I mean, some parenting trends are really controversial—just think of family TikTok accounts. Some say it's an awesome way to communicate and spread the message, others think it may promote negative experiences often tied with social media.
So who’s right? We may not exactly know, but we can find out what common parenting trends people see as nonsense. “What parenting 'trend' do you strongly disagree with?” asked a Redditor called Qquackie and the answers started pouring in. Below are some of the most interesting ones!
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It seems like there are as many parenting tactics as there are parents. This year, we see new trends emerging, from mindful usage of the internet to parents getting support from online groups, and gender-neutral parenting. The last trend is especially liked for millennial parents who are no longer willing to fit their children in society's predefined boxes but want to allow them to experiment, experience and express themselves.
Other new trends include “baby budgeting,” with parents of newborns getting a whole more money-savvy. Baby budget calculators and charity shops are on the rise as parents seem to have finally realized you don’t need to spend a fortune on shoes every other month as your child is growing.
Letting your kids run amok everywhere and then being furious when other people are annoyed. I'm an older mom. I was raised with the idea that you have a social contract with others to not be a pain in the a**. I don't let my kids go nuts in public. When they are having a hard time, we leave. I don't expect them to be angels for hours in adult situations, but being told to not be loud and crazy at the grocery or in line somewhere is not child abuse. Letting your kids be a hellion that everyone else cringes to see is so unfair to your kids.
So agree with this. So many parents let their kids scream and throw things in stores or public places and hold to their "let them scream it out" philosophy. No, the kid has had enough of being in that situation, you take them outside. I also have an ASD and ADHD child so yes it is possible to remove them from a situation they are not enjoying whilst also being mindful to people around you also. I've had to pack up and leave so many situations for this reason, restaurants, shops, public transport (and walk a couple of miles in the rain instead). It is possible and you learn what the tolerances of your kids are, noisy bright places were generally no go areas for me.
Loud cartoons and games on tablets in public places
not educating your kids about sex because it's an "uncomfortable topic"
It's better teaching them properly than them learning about it in the school yard from other kids. I sat down with my daughter when she was 8-9 and watched "What is happening to me" and "Where did I come from". They are cartoon style but informative and then afterwards we had a chat about what she saw and if she had any questions. I also made sure she knows she can come to me and ask me anything and I will answer the best I can. I believe it is important to have open lines of communication.
According to Parent Circle, a new parenting trend that emerged during the pandemic has to do with dads. Turns out they too had an opportunity to rethink work-life balance, made better use of the situation and established a new approach to parenting. The extra family time was not just rewarding but also an eye-opener for the men regarding the responsibility of childcare and household work. Prior to the pandemic, mothers were taking on the biggest share of those responsibilities.
A study run by the scholars of the University of Utah, Ball State University and the University of Texas showed that the number of couples who split childcare duties rose to 56% during the pandemic in the US. The percentage was only 45% before the pandemic hit.
All of the "wine mom" merch, down to shirts for children that say horrible things like: "I'm the reason Mommy drinks"
Like, dress it up as much as you want, but "alchololism" isn't cute, as much as you want to convince yourself of it. Let alone, clothing for your CHILD who didn't ask to be born, to be treated like their existence is a burden to you. I've seen stuff like this in the kids section, from infancy to middle school sizes.
That's a trauma trifecta right there.
It is sad and concerning how much normalized is being an alcoholic. Its very obvious in TV and movies; everytime the main character (or a friend) has a rough patch the only solution is to get wasted. I am sorry but having a bottle of wiskey in your working desk or drinking every day is not cool is an adiction that should not be encouraged.
When I was a teenager my parents took away the door to my room.
It's normal for teenagers to pull away from their parents, I guess this wasn't acceptable to her and she wanted to keep an eye on me at all times.
I still have severe issues relating back to this one action. This is after years of therapy and no contact.
To anyone considering this as some form of "punishment", Let me stop you right there. Nothing will get your child to disown you faster than not giving them privacy.
I think she got the idea from Dr.phil Useless c*nts, the both of them.
privacy is not a privilege it is a necessity that everyone deserves
That thing where they pretend they got their kids a ps5 for example, the kids are freaking out with excitement, but then its just a ps5 box filled with books or something.
Why don't you just show children how to love books instead? Books are not a punishment or should be part of a prank
No wonder so many parenting tactics and trends are so controversial. Not only do parents argue among themselves over who’s right in adopting the best method to raise their kids, childfree people are often equally opinionated. But whatever parenting method mom and dads would choose, we like to think they all know what’s best for their kids. But is it really true?
Well, to find out, we spoke with Susan Petang, a certified life coach who runs The Quiet Zone Coaching. Susan is helping those who struggle with stress find relief, manage their fears, and build self-confidence so they can wake up happy in the morning. “As our children grow, they slowly start to separate from us,” she told us. “From the 'Terrible Twos' to the pains of adolescence, the purpose of the journey is to teach our kids how to be independent, happy, and healthy adults who give something to the world around them.”
I don’t know how much of a trend it was but on TikTok, there was a trend of parents throwing away their kid's art in front of them and the parents would like laugh while the kid was sobbing.
That’s f**ked up! Of course, you can’t keep every artwork your kid makes but you throw it away when they aren’t home or asleep. My mom used to wait until I was asleep and throw it away in the outside can
The kids I babysit their parents ask me to take their art they do with me so it doesn’t pile up but I tell them I’m keeping it because it’s so good
There’s no reason to make your kid feel like they aren’t a good artist or just feel like their parents don’t care for some TikTok views
Making children hug people they are not comfortable with.
Thanks COVID for this... No more hugs or kissing hello or goodbye for everyone
Letting the kid make all the choices. I believe kids should have reasonable choices, like what their snack is and the character that's on their bedspread, but you can't let your 3 year old decide when you're allowed to leave your house. The world doesn't work that way.
Susan explained that if you're making all the decisions for your children, they're not learning how to make decisions for themselves. “You're not going to be around forever to advise and guide them; they have to learn to do it alone.”
“Let your kids have some control over things in their lives that are appropriate to their age. For example, even a 7-year-old can decide what they want to wear (as long as it's weather-appropriate and clean). The idea is to let them learn how the world works, how to interact with others, and how to make wise decisions,” Susan said and added that they'll never accomplish that if you make all their decisions for them.
'My son/daughter is my best friend.'
No, they aren't. They have their own friends and have the agency to choose them for themselves. Over the course of a lifetime, they will have several 'best friends' but they will only have one father and mother.
Your job is to be a parent. You can't do that properly if you are trying to be a friend.
Creating social media channels for your children where they proceed to upload videos and photos of their kids. Perfect place for pedophiles.
Parents who punish their kids for speaking up or otherwise explaining something, saying that they're "talking back". I honestly don't get why most parents refuse to admit they're not always right sometimes. Besides, what if their kid one day comes up to them and says another adult is touching them inappropriately?
Susan argues that when people feel their lives are out of control (even teens), they will get super stressed out trying to find something they CAN control. So she invited parents to stop and ask themselves, “is that what you want for your kids?”
Oh man, I’m a nanny and work in daycare. I can talk so much about this.
One is late potty training. Waiting to potty train a child is more and more common. Which I generally agree with. Wait until they’re 2.5-3 and knock it out. Some take longer, some are probably ready earlier. Better than rushing it and causing issues.
What this has turned into. Not potty training. I nanny a 4 year old that is still in pull ups. She is more than capable of using the potty.
Our 4 year old classroom just installed a diaper genie because so many 4 year olds are starting preschool in diapers.
My best friend who is a Kindergarten teacher had 2 kids start kindergarten in diapers. Luckily they’re potty trained now.
My son wasn't toilet trained until almost 5 and that wasn't due to lack of trying. My friends daughter was still wearing pull ups to bed at the age of 8 and again that wasn't through lack of trying. Some kids have developmental issues that make things a bit harder or takes them longer to learn.
Yeah, but I think there is a difference between developmental issues and parents just being lazy gits.
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Many places have rules in place that the child must be potty trained to attend. Some even have rules that say if your child has a messy mistake the parent must come to attend to the matter. I completely agree with these rules. Day care doesn't take over your job as parent.
wait how do they expect parents to come in to clean up their child? Are the parents expected to leave work? Are the kids supposed to be dirty until the parents can come get them? Im honestly so confused as to how this is supposed to work.
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As the parent of a special needs child, potty training was a real struggle. He was not fully potty trained until around 9 or 10. I would not wish this upon anyone, why would you purposely make this choice if you child has the ability? I would have done just about anything not to have to go through that, have people judge him and also me as a parent.
My heart goes out to you, Nicole. My niece is on the spectrum and almost entirely non-verbal. She is 7 and only just adapting with pull-ups. It has been so tough on her (she gets so frustrated) and her parents. I am glad your son reached that milestone; I bet your family team felt so accomplished!
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In my Country there are daycare groups in kindergarden for 1 till 3 YO. They can be in nappies. When thy transision to older groups for 3+ years the need to be potytrained. The kindergarden wont inrolle a child od 3 of more years if he weares a dipper. Of course, children with special needs are an exeption.
I hate this!!! I remember schools refusing to admit kids to kindergarten if they weren't potty trained. I agree that 2 years old is probably a good starting point but come on... people are saying they are allowing their kids to let them know when they are ready. Kids not only have lack the knowledge or experience to decide this, but they also are lazy and don't want to do it. This trend is stupid!!!!
i had to self teach myself how to be potty train because i wore daipers until i was 7 because no one wanted to train me, but luckily i stopped wetting the bed at age 8
The expense! Why would you do this to yourself and your kids. As kids grow and their diets change this is really not good for their skin or hygiene. Is this about the child or the adult.. still having a baby. This is a very suspect move by a parent. I’m not talking about throughout the night, but whilst the child is awake this is essential this is taught to children. I’ve taught teenage boys that ‘leak’ poo because they’ve never been taught to understand their bodies sensations. Teach your kids how to go to the toilet. Not doing this is tantamount to abuse.
I can see why some kids might have physical/medical issues with it, but not so many to the point of needing to keep a diaper genie in the classroom. My son was stubborn about potty training, & one day I ran out of diapers. I made him put on a pair of training pants (we had already been using them off & on), and he threw a temper tantrum. I told him 1) there were no more diapers, & 2) I didn't have the money to buy any, & 3) lunch was on the table, I was hungry, & when he decided to quit pitching a fit, he could pull up the pants & come to the table. I walked out. 5 minutes later, he was at the table ready to eat. That was the end of the diapers.
Different kids have different neurological capacity to recognize signals to their bladder. Some kids have small or sensitive bladders/bowels. Some children really need more time to become toilet-ready. For most kids, it usually takes one summer of letting them run around the house with no bottoms on and having the potty available to them, or the garden, until they recognize the signals. My daughter was done by two, and I hadn't even been trying to potty-train her. She was early. The issue is not bothering at all.
Ok here's the thing tho- EV kid does NOT have dEvElOpMeNtAl iSsUeS 🤥 if your child takes a couple weeks to get it- so be it! It CAN take longer or lesser. But just bc it's not 100% smooth sailing, they do NOT have a issue. Docs are just noticing that by definition MOST ppl have a 'disorder' it's called the HUMAN CONDITION- and it SUCKS. But ALL OF A SUDDEN evone does NOT have a friggin issue!!!
Most preschools where I am require that the kid is potty-trained before enrolling. I imagine that this daycare has so many kids still in diapers because those parents aren't able to put their kids in preschool and are all putting them in the places that accept non-potty trained kids. I imagine dayhomes have a higher-than-average number of kids in diapers, too.
It's the diaper industry. A generation ago, it was basically unheard of to still use diapers past about age 2. Most kids were potty trained by 18 months, and larger diapers were a specialty item for the developmentally disabled. Now most parents don't even start until age 2. Give the diaper industry another generation, and kids will be going to high school in diapers.
Totally agree. I thought you put the kid in those thick undies and they eventually get tired of being covered in their own pee. My kids did that. In the summer run around naked their bladders eventually get strong enough to be trained.
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I would train my kids to use the toilet fully by 3 completely, day and night. I'm going to be so tired of changing diapers that I'm not going to want to change them so, they'll have to go on the potty, especially since they'll be in pre-school soon and pre-schoolers can't be in diapers.
In France, it's not obligatory but it is HIGHLY recommended than only children without nappies can go to school full time. Your kid still needs a diaper for naps, than the child will only go to school in the mornings.
In the Netherlands we have almost the same. Going to preschool you have to go to the toilet on your own.
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Interesting. I live in Africa, where loads of people still use clothe diapers as disposable ones are too costly for the average person. Most kids, including mine get fully potty trained before they are like 18 months. You start very early, as soon as they can sit by themselves making them go in a potty as no one wants to wash nappies of a 4 y o or even 2 y o
Kids need to be potty trained before going to school for sure. It's not a teachers job to change 4or 5 year old lids diapers. That's laziness on the parent.
Choosing not to potty train a child that is 2.5 to 3 years old is just lazy....Kids should be potty trained by 3 yrs old
What happened to the rule that your child can't start school if they aren't potty trained? If I were the teacher in a classroom of 4- or 5-year-olds, and there was more than one who wasn't potty trained (meaning that one had some kind of issue), that child would sit in that dirty pull-up all day. No way I would change the diaper of a 4yo or 5yo child. That's a gateway to a lawsuit right there.
In my school district there's a rule that children have to be potty-trained to start kindergarten
My brither suffered a brain injury during birth. He is non-verbal and autistic. He was potty trained at 1 year of age, like I was and my sister was. Tbe 3 of us were born within 26 months in the 70s when disposible nappies did not exist. My mum would get up in tbe middle of the night to take us to the toilet. If parents had to wash nappies like mums then, I bet every parent would make a bigger effort.
This seems like lazy american issue. Got two boys, potty trained before ago of two. Get a grip folks.
We invented where we go to the bathroom. It is gross to sit in a poopy diaper but at the same time, we created it. We can make things socially acceptable if we let it and that's fine, not hurting anyone. We could train to go pee in a bath tub and poop in a plastic bag and if eveeyone did that, we would deem it socially acceptable. (Gross, but hypothetically speaking) Eventually they outgrow it. However, it's just a waste of money and garbage on this Earth.
My daughter was potty trained fully by 2. Very early, but she wanted to do it and pretty much trained herself.
Yes. 1 1/2 to 2 is naturally a good time. I have five kids all day time trained by then. Night time can take a bit longer.
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What?! My son started using his potty at 11 months and was fully trained within another month, all his own doing! One day, he decided to sit down and poop in his little Thomas the Train potty (with noises and whistles whenever his excrement hit the sensor on the bottom) and that was it, he never wanted to use diapers again. My husband had a coworker whose kid was 5 years old and still wearing pull ups. It blew our minds...
I have two children; one girl and one boy. Both were reliably toilet trained before their second birthdays. Not because I forced the issue, but because I was lucky. It certainly made daily life a lot easier.
Sure that's bad for the kids but... Imagine millions of kids using 1 or 2 extras year with of diapers! How do you recycle that?!
I have 4 much older siblings and an old mum (I'm 24, mum is 63) and she insisted that we all be potty trained at 1-1.5yrs old. I now know that this is not entire right but in her time, if a child starts kindergarten at 3yrs old and is not potty trained, the child is not accepted in kindergarten.
Just a suggestion and I'm a man without children so maybe I'm off the mark but here goes. Do not train your sons to stand up to pee until they are a few months before they are going to start kindergarten. I would also tell them that when they are home or at friends' homes, they should always still sit to pee no matter how old they are. I don't want to hear any objections to this from any men/fathers unless YOU are exclusively the one that cleans your toilets every day. Public bathrooms are a different matter! No one wants to sit on those unless it's an emergency!
I dont remember what the rule was for the preschool I went to but the elementary school had a rule you werent allowed to start pre-k unless you were potty trained.
There are countries where schools tell parents to take their child back home and potty train it. In the Netherlands, teachers in kindergarten change diapers / clothes when the occasional accident happens. When it becomes clear that the child hasn't been potty trained they'll notify the parents that they can expect calls from the school to come and pick their kid up and change their diapers.
It is a law, diapered children must be separated from non diapered children in day care, pre school, and school. Nothing sadder than seeing 4 year old kids in the toddler room because their parents refused to potty train
Don't think it's fair to just accuse them of not trying. Perhaps it's a real battle at home and maybe the kids are developmentally disabled and haven't been diagnosed yet. It is a sign to get an assessment. Have you had this dialogue with the parents?
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I think sometimes you just get lucky with this stuff. I had only just started thinking about how to do it with my son when, at 2 years old, he said he'd like to use the toilet - got him a kid seat for it and that was it. Literally overnight and he never had a single accident
Sorry he was just shy of three. Got super lucky he was motivated because he liked the toilet!
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where i am from your kid has to be potty trained to be admitted to kindergarden
Where I live kids that are not potty trained are not accepted to kindergarten (unless there is a viable reason for that). That simple. My kid was about 2 when she was potty trained. And I did it because I was lazy. I was tired of remembering to bring/buy diapers. It was not only cheaper (this s**t is expensive!) but also convenient.
2 out of 4 of my children were in Sp Ed and were trained in 21 days . Their teachers were so surprised that it was so short of a time (the child was 30 or 32 months old). NO PULL-UPS EVER! they trained from cloth training pants. You start the process months ahead of time. They are taught to dress/undress with ease, note their wiggleness to pee or the 'grunt' of a bm coming. so they are given the ques of what they feel to where/when they need to use the toilet. Much like the process of being fed to feeding on their own. It's small steps. My Mom was the 'trained one' so any success or failure was hers. For she would put us on a potty chair 60/90 minutes throughout the day, ask if we needed to use the potty chair. I trained mine with the method of staying clean & dry, not the use of the chair.... kids pick up on what gets them the 'happy smile' and perform to that method. My little bro took months to train vs my children 2-3 weeks. And they were independent from there on out.
Oh the eternal question- when to potty train? And here is the easy answer as soon as the child can communicate well enough to say they have to go do the following- let them run around without pants while you are watching them closely if they are totally gobsmacked that pee is coming out - not ready! If they hide behind the couch and pee - off to the toilet!
Easy solution. Schools should not take kids who are not potty-trained. Daycares should not take a kid over 3 who is not potty-trained. If they all do it, that nips the trend in the bud. One thing we are great at in the US (where I live) is waiting until the trend becomes the norm before we try to address it.
As an inner city kindergarten teacher, I had a mother bring pull ups when her child started school. I shook my head. I told mom to send extra clothes for when he had an accident, but the pull ups were not okay. The child only had accidents twice through the entire school year.
One of sons wet the bed until he was 12 because of medication. My other 2 sons were potty trained by 15 months. I understand some can't help it but I don't understand not trying
I can’t even remember any issues with potty training with our kids. They used the potty for a short while then we bought an insert for the normal toilet and a step stool and they used that.
Man, does this resonate with me. I taught Kindergarten for years, five of them in private school. I still remember the afterschool supervisor having her 4-year-old with her one afternoon, yelling from the bathroom: "Mom, I need you to wipe my butt!" I had to tell her, politely, that this was a skill he needed to grasp on his own before he got into my class. California is starting to expand Transitional Kindergarten (my grade level in public school for the last 6 years) to all 4-year-olds. The anxiety we have as TK teachers over "potty issues" I can't even describe.
I have had 6 kids, I started potty training at the age of two, by three they were trained.
I wasn't allowed to attend kindy unless I could go the day without a diper. My sister managed it but still slept with them till she was six.
My mom said i didn't like diapers (I'd unhooked them and whatnot) and they potty trained me really fast like i was 1year old and loved my elephant themed bathroom thing 🤣
My little one was 2 and looked in her diaper drawer with some distaste on her face, looked at me and said "I just don't want to wear diapers anymore." I took a long weekend that week and we knocked it out in 3 days. She had a few accidents and pooping on the potty was definitely its own thing that took a little longer to master. She had a kid potty in her bathroom for months before she was interested in trying it.
My older brothers are 14 months apart. My mom tried to potty train the eldest before the younger one arrived. It didn't work at that time.
Also, I love that the person says they 'nanny' a 4- year-old who's more than capable of using the potty. Um, then POTTY TRAIN her, what do you think your job is? Maybe the parents are trying really hard and keep having to buy pull-ups because the LAZY nanny can't be bothered to remind her to use the potty. I was a nanny, for 12 years, I would never have said something so naive and ignorant.
If you don't have children, that you ACTIVELY potty trained in the past 10 years, you really shouldn't be commenting on how this reflects on parents. My son started potty training 2 years ago, at 18 months. He's a very intelligent child, no developmental issues or special needs that I can discern. If he's naked, he will pee in the potty. If he has a shirt on, he will pee on himself and not care or seem to notice. Same with any underwear, shorts, pull up. He has zero signal about #2. I've watched him multiple times when naked just seem to go where he was standing, even in the middle of talking. When wearing a diaper, he doesn't squat or hide to poop. We have a small potty, a seat on the toilet, he has been told he can even pee in the shower. He just won't, or can't, I can't tell. Here in Australia, they haven't pushed in the slightest. Your kid will do it when their body is ready, time is an illusion.
Most Asian schools start preschool at 2.5 - 3 yrs. But kids need to have extra pair of clothes and diapers in their pigeon hole just in case they soil it. Which is ok.. they are kids and may be in excitement accidents happen .
I blame the invention of Pull-Ups. It became too easy to NOT potty train. Potty training is hard but necessary. The next hardest thing was teaching them to drive!
Kids can not go to vpk 4 if not POTTY TRAINED here.My GUINEA PIGS are potty trained & use a tiny litter box in their cage. Really ppl?! 4 ?? Better hurry b4 they need pads in about 6 years...yes really.
My older sister was a stubborn SOB. Until she was 6 she flat refused to potty train. My mom, grandmother, and Grandfather all tried desperately to potty train her. If they put her in underwear she made them regret it. What made her stop being a brat was my aunt and Uncle who had a farm. She wanted to ride their horses, and they looked her dead in the eye and told her little girls who don't use the toilet don't get to ride. She 'magically' potty trained within a few hours. On the flipside, when I was 2. My mom walked in and started putting underwear in the drawer not making any kind of fuss. When I asked what she was doing she told me "When you are ready to give up diapers, this underwear is here for you." And then walked out. I was potty trained like a week later. Apparently being told when I was ready was enough to spur me to do it myself.
I would have thought parents would ant to stop dealing with nappies as soon as possible. Which yes may be earlier or later depending on the kid, but ultimately..
When my children were small (the 90's), I couldn't leave them at preschool without them being potty trained!! It was in the contract!!
Early sign of trauma. Those kids likely need to be checked in on at the very least
My sister HATED being touched when she was a baby. The instant, and I mean the very INSTANT she realized there was another solution that prevented diaper changes, she switched over completely. Potty trained herself really quickly XD.
I’ve been a day care teacher for over 15 years. I don’t mind late potty training to an extent. When the kid can tell me “I have to pee/poop” goes to a corner to do so, then immediately comes to me saying they need a new diaper, it drives me crazy. That is just parents being lazy.
My kids were not allowed to move up to the 3-5 yo room until they were potty trained. Amazing what an incentive that was to both parents and kids.
This is disturbing... I mean. There's always one or two odd kids who have difficulty, but that's a while other ball of wax and not anyone's fault. Sometimes they might have accidents and that's OK (this is why teachers ask you for a second set of clothes in kindergarten!!) But good lord, a diaper genius in kindergarten is way too many kids not potty trained.
Oof there is a medical issue, then of course that changes things. It should not be left to the teachers to change or potty train children. That is up to the parents. They should be trained prior to school, unless, like I said, there is a medical condition.
My son was almost 9 before he stopped wetting the bed at night, I didn't punish, demean or yell at him I just got up around midnight to guide him to the bathroom and help him pee. He was just such a heavy sleeper he wouldn't wake up in time. He still is a very heavy sleeper and has slept thru the smoke alarm and an earthquake that was a 5.9.
This is crazy. In the UK you start school in the year when your fifth birthday falls between one September and the next. So say, if your birthday is in the latter half of the year, (June July August) not only do you start regular school when you are 4, but you finish the first year when you're still 4. I know I could have just said "in the UK you're 4 or 5" but it's difficult to explain. Basically. Everyone in the UK is in school by age 5. About half are still 4. I started and finished my first year when I was 4, then turned 5 in the summer holidays before going back the next year. It's awful to imagine kids that age not knowing how to be potty trained.
Also. I looked after a kid who was 3 once. As the second child, he'd not been such a novelty to his parents who spent no time with him, and put zero effort in. I was there for 6 months and had to potty train him, teach him to speak, how to eat by himself, eventually even got him counting to 10, etc. Even after this he'd been so shamed by the original potty training that hadn't worked (and I guess they gave up) and he'd got to the point where he just didn't recognise the need to use the bathroom / didn't know what it meant. He'd accidentally do a poo in his pants and then hide quietly behind a door rather than tell anyone because he was so scared. Days he had nursery it happened a lot too. They eventually got around this by bribing him that every time he did a poop in the toilet, he got a chocolate, so, there we go.
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As long as the kids is staying at home, that's totally up to the parents, and I don't see anything wrong with waiting to toilet train the kid. The challenge is when you start sending your kid to school and having them under someone else's care. By then you need it taken care of, because it becomes someone else's problem. You go back to the day when most mothers were "stay at home moms", or "working on the farm moms"... the kid didn't go to school until 5 or 6... so if they weren't toilet trained until then, nobody noticed.
We had tried since 1.5 and took her until 4. Mind you, kids with developmental disabilities and delays will be late potty trainers. At least she stopped needing pull ups just before pre-k. But it was close.
There is a rule in my country, that child with diapers is not allowed in kindergarden.
I want to know what parents think changing diapers is less work than potty training? Anyone? It's not laziness, and I get a little tired seeing that leveled against everyone who's decisions we disagree with, and yet have no idea why they might have made them. It constantly gets slung at younger people, usually with a self-righteous belief that they were so much better in their own youth. Every child is different and comes from different situations. Maybe there are more kids who need professional, structured help in potty training this year because they come from homes that burned in wildfires, & the trauma, maybe unstable housing situation is making it difficult. Or maybe they come from families that lost a parent, or involved grandparent to Covid. Maybe the parents think pull ups are normal for 4. Maybe they tried training before the kid was ready and it was such a disaster they are scared to try again.
The “bulldozer” parent - ie the parent who removes all obstacles/challenges from a child’s life so they don’t learn about perseverance, problem solving, failure (sometimes you can try hard and still not get the reward) and learning from mistakes - unless the goal is to develop a highly anxious person - then, being a bulldozer parent is great.
Abusing the talents of your child just to boost your self image in society
Lot lot of parents do this. And think of how the child feels sometimes they don't want to do that sport but.....their parents make them. And it got to make them unhappy
The social media trend that keeps upping the expectations for birthday parties and any celebration connected to a kid.
When I was a kid, birthdays consisted of a handmade invitation made by me, a cake from the grocery store, food that my Mom cooked and then inviting some friends and family over for games.
Today's expectation is that every monthversary and half-birthday consist of a huge arch of balloons that will end up in the trash, a customized three-tier fondant cake, gift wrapping that color-coordinates with the themed party favors and of course, a very intentional outfit for the numerous photo ops that will take up most of the day. Anything for the 'gram, right?
Don't even get me started on gender reveal announcements.
I was on a mums group and one of the mums was asking about what people did for their child's first birthday or christmas and some of the suggestions was insane. Like a 1 year old doesn't need a bouncy castle, farm animals etc. A 1 year old doesn't understand. For both my kids first birthdays AND christmases, they received necessities like clothing for the following year, shoes, bedding, 1 or 2 age appropriate toys and a couple of books. And definitely no birthday party. Just some family for coffee and cake with a store bought $5 chocolate mud cake. In saying all that, each to their own. If they want to waste their money then that is their choice.
Allowing kids to constantly mess with pets, even when the pet is giving warnings that they'll attack soon.
Parents, this is a pretty solid way to start teaching kids about consent from the get go.
And at wildlife parks, and aquariums, I’m constantly drilling parents about things like - your 5 yr ok’d just threw a live starfish from the touch pool - maybe teach your little s**t how to handle a delicate animal and maybe both bond over learning about the starfish. Don’t just sit on your damn phone and let your C. Goblins run anarchy in the touch pools. They aren’t stuffed animals they are living beings
Not setting clear boundaries. You are the adult, not the kid. Children benefit sooo much more from clear rules and consequences.
Setting boundaries isn't normally the problem. Keeping the boundaries (by both parents) is.
Not believing the teacher ever. “My kid never lies to me”.
Seriously. Parents absolutely should be their kid’s biggest supporter. But support sometimes means holding the kid responsible when they don’t do the right thing.
A kid is a kid, and kids will tell lies. Not to be malicious, but because their brain sometimes just goes 'which outcome will get me in the least amount of trouble?'.
Fake “Gentle Parenting”
You hear and see so many parents letting their children do whatever they want, no matter how destructive, rude or hurtful their behaviours are. Parents find themselves beholden to the whims of their childrens’ emotions in the name of gentle parenting, instead of true gentle parenting where (so I hear) boundaries are set alongside validating emotions.
THIS!! Life is full of boundaries, of no's, of not always getting what we want. Children MUST learn this
Pretending that not parenting is parenting.
'I wont tell my child to stop kicking your leg repeatedly because i don't want to crush his spirit!'
Not saying no to your child. They have to learn to deal with a no sometimes, and having a chat about why it is no and whether it could be a yes another time is also an important part of them learning to deal with no.
Life is often filled with failures, that is what makes success all the sweeter. I don't understand the "everyone is a winner" thing. All that does is make it more difficult to overcome disappointment later in life, such as not getting a job after an interview. I just don't get it.
Talking down to kids and making them feel stupid. Sure maybe at 5 they aren't the most intellectual people, but 9/10 year old are smarter then people give them credit for. Don't talk to then like they are stupid because they are not. The only thing that does is lower their self esteem and makes them feel small.
Saying “what goes on in this house, stays in this house.” I know hundreds of victims of abuse, go through years of pain because of this phrase.
I mean, that’s part of how abuse works. Abusers aren’t going to say “feel free to tell everyone that I’m beating the s**t out of you”, you know?
Making your child terrified to fail. I remember constantly being told if I ever even got a “C” or below— on even something as minor as a pop quiz— I would be “flipping burgers for a living.” I was so unmotivated to even try by the time high school came, because it had been drilled into me that I was destined to be a loser.
Nonstop supervision. Hovering over them at every turn. Whatever happened to tossing them in a play area in another room and letting them create, explore, and get the occasional bumps?
My mom prevented me from having friends because of this. I was a kid when cellphones were just starting to be an item everyone had and my household hadn't picked up the trend yet. My mom tried to keep me inside as much as possible otherwise, with every move I made outside, I was expected to run home and tell her where I was going in the neighborhood. This wasn't realistic and no kid wanted to waste time constantly running/biking to my house with me to tell her I'd be at X, then Y, then Z. We're not talking about being extremely far away from home; just within the confines of the neighborhood. Kids were starting to ditch me so I decided to not tell her once. My mom had been secretly checking up on me all this time and called the police when I wasn't where I said I'd be. That was basically the end of my friendships as a kid unless they wanted to play indoors at my house.
always letting kids win/do what they want, its unfair on older siblings because i get given chores and my little sister gets to sit about doing nothing and getting whatever she wants completely free
Making your kids spend time with family even though they get treated bad. Like inlaws who would rather spend time with their other grandkids and not yours.
I don't care who is anyone treats my kids bad is gonna get mouth full unless they are getting on to them for a good reason.
I guess the overall trend of prioritizing academics/extracurriculars and college admissions over everything else. Give your kids some chores and let them hang out with their friends outside of structured sports and musical activities!
The thing every parents including mine said. "Finish your plate" or "Finish your plate or you won't get any dessert".
It gave you an unnecessary goal to shove food you don't want down your throat and made that into a lifelong habit. Fortunately I've always been into sports but many aren't, so now obesity is everywhere.
I knew it was a bad habit and I wouldn't stay fit for my entire life if I kept eating until I get a stomachache every single meal so I worked hard for years to finaly get rid of this habit in my early 20s when I moved into my apartment.
I will never do this to my kids.
Generally a behaviour that started in the generations before when food was sparse and snacks not available. My parents held to this and my Dad will clear off his plate and anyone else's for that matter. He really struglles with his weight. I had an ED growing up so I let my kids decide when they're full. Also giving them age approproate portion sizes to begin with helps.
Denying your kid any negative experiences or emotions.
They are a normal part of being a person, teach them to handle negative emotions now before you send them out into a world they are not prepared to handle.
my mom always said that I could talk to her about any feelings I had, but when I did she would tell me that i'm lying and trying to get more attention. because of this I was afraid to admit if I was ever in pain or feeling depressed/suicidal. my mom never seemed to understand that that is why I never trusted her.
Helicopter parenting, kids need freedom to explore the world, get dirty, engage in free play. I am not advocating putting the child outside o a Saturday morning and telling them to come home when the street lights come on, but an age acceptable level of freedom.
hahaha, that's how i grew up- get out or help clean the house. come back for lunch and then out the house again until dinner. rainy/snowy days were excepted though.
Pushing them too hard in sports, academics, etc. Like pushing til they need therapy or get injured, no free time, no downtime. FFS, they only get to be young & without excessive responsibilities once.
I am not a huge believer in homework coz I believe kids need to have their own downtime but also time to spend with family and doing their responsibilities around the house. They go to school for about 6 hrs a day, 5 days a week. Give the kids time to be kids for crying out loud. The only homework I can support is reading and for the younger kids, sight words.
telling kids that studying is the only thing that they do in choldhood and that everything else is just useless stuff
Note: this post originally had 51 images. It’s been shortened to the top 35 images based on user votes.
Two I'd like to add. First, giving your kids cell phones and screens all the time so they don't get bored. Boredom is the source of inspiration. Second, I've seen a bunch of videos, from South Asia I think, where Mommy puts a bowl of food in front Stuffed Toy as Child watches. Stuffed Toy refuses to eat, so Mommy literally beats the stuffings out of it. Then Mommy puts a bowl of food in front of Child, Child obediently eats food, Mommy smiles triumphantly at camera. I think that's sick.
Yes, raising a human properly is extremely hard, that's why it takes a lot to be a good parent. Dedication, commitment, responsibility so that they'll turn out alright and you don't end up ruining their lives and others. That's why, not having kids is the opposite of selfish. Hear that, Pope??
Well... the opposite of selfish would be not having kids AND helping your friends/siblings raise their kids. Not on a daily basis, but if you help a parent raise a kid so that kid isn't screwed up... you will have made the world a better place, AND there is someone out there that cares what happens to you when you are old and feeble.
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Don't punish your child for not telling you about something sooner. DO reward them for telling you soon (by decreasing any punishment for what they did, not getting mad at them). Approach it with a "thanks for telling me! Lets see how we can fix this!". If you punish them for telling you late you can actually make them not tell you. Especially with teens (who are very driven by emotion). If they do something bad they may not immediately have the emotional ability to tell you, and when they finally become ready they may not due to expecting the "why didn't you tell me sooner" response. Their brains are too controlled by emotion for them to easily overcome this block and it will only get worse as time goes on. If they know confession will lead to a response of "okay lets work to fix this" and not focusing on what they did bad/punishment/shame they are SO MUCH more likely to come to you for help and will do it much sooner. It removes and lessens the anxiety associated with confession.
This is based off of my study of psychology with a focus on child development, and my own personal experiences. All I ever wanted when I did something really stupid was for my parents to focus on moving forward, not dwelling on the dumb thing I did. The expected *sigh* "i just wish you had told us sooner" paralyzed me from telling them. The "sooner" is just such a vague concept. Like, I'm telling you now! You'd say the same thing if I had told you yesterday! Just help me fix what I did!
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I am big enough to admit that I am guilty of some of these. I am way too overprotective and I know it. I am working on it and trying hard to let them be independent little humans but I had no relationship whatsoever with my mum, no guidance, security, positivity or cuddles. She was very cold with me and I think I'm just trying to do it differently to her but I know I can be too much sometimes I really am trying though
If you want some advice from me I have some things that might help :). 1. Make sure your kids know they can give you feedback/express their concerns and know you will listen. Gonna be mostly useful when they get older (definitely a little silly when they're younger) You don't always have to do what they want but having a respectful conversation with them about it and taking them will probably be invaluable (i'm not a parent and haven't tried this but from my own experience with my parents I think it would have been very helpful to have this structure in place). 2. I've studied child development for 4 years and definitely would recommend it to anyone. Fantastic way to understand yourself and others. 3. Giving your kids reasons for limitations and stuff is great. Not only will they respect you and your rules more, but it will help them to make their own good decisions later on.
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Teaching kids not to question authority. "Because I said so", "Because I'm older/smarter/in charge" aren't good arguments. A child needs to understand why you tell them to do/not to do something. It's also dangerous cause somebody can take advantage of a child because they trust adults too much and blindly follow orders no questions asked.
You have to teach children to be discerning with that. If an adult tells you not to go into the water because it's dangerous, fine to ask why, but don't argue with them. Kids have to learn when it's appropriate to question.
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lying kids about existence of Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Sinterklaas, Pere Noel, Baby Jesus, Kristkind, Befana, Krampus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy... etc.
I also think we should only lie about the existence of the other things. Nelson Mandela, holocaust, racism,... Those are the lies that makes their childhood peaceful
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Worst parenting trend I can think of is to ignore your crying baby. Please soothe your crying babies as best you can, or they'll grow up believing that the world is a constantly scary place and that nobody can ever calm them down. I speak from experience.
This. Babies learn trust through the care they receive.
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None of these actually seem like "trends" to me. Most of this stuff has been around in one way or another since I was a kid. We just hear people talk about it more, because of the internet.
Bad parenting appears to fall into two distinct categories: over-parenting, so being controlling or disciplinarian or scheduling your child's ever moment and experience, and non-parenting, just letting your child do whatever, whenever because you are too lazy to do your job as a parent.
Yup! In fact the technical terms for these can be found in Diana Baumrind's parenting styles theory. In her theory there are 4 parenting styles (permissive, authoritative, authoritarian, and uninvolved/neglectful). Authoritative is noted as the superior parenting style. baumrind-p...c29cbf.jpg 
I'm a pretty strict mom. However all my kids come to me all the time to talk to me, are open with me when they f**k up (always try to lie 1st, but they know I know and it doesn't work in their favor to lie, I already know...so I just stare till they go, f**k she knows) ask for advise, ask me to come play with them (ball, dress up, cards, dice, table games). We are not rich so they know if I say easy on the snacks, doesn't mean we are going to run out of food but my budget is tight and I need that money for gas or milk not chips and soda. My oldest is learning to drive and is now paying his cell phone bill and car insurance part from his job to learn how to pay bills. I walk him through it. I pray they grow up okay. Every day.
The best part about parenting is that you spend 18-22 years running an elaborate and delicate experiment but you don't know if your methods worked until it's too late to do anything about it. I don't think my parents spent much time thinking about how to parent, that just did whatever they felt in the moment. I hope that giving it a bit more thought will pay off.
Is this as in the "no uterus, no opinion" discussion? If you don't have kids you shouldnt have An opinion on this post?
Hm I didn’t think so. If you have an abortion, it doesn’t impact random people in society. But if you raise a child poorly, not only will the child be messed up but they will be an ongoing pain to the rest of society. You didn’t have to have a child to be affected by other peoples misguided parenting
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My parents also use the finish your plate rule but from an early age we could decide how much food was even put on the plate so we learned not to waste food and take multiple smaller portions instead of one big portion that wasnt finished
more things i'd like to add, piercings on babies ears and circumcision
Having a wrong definition of love. Sparing the children consequences of their own actions and boundaries is not love. I love you but you need to learn from your own mistakes and keeping common sense rules to become a decent person in the future, even though your struggle also may cause me pain as a parent.
does not helping a kid deal with stress because "aLL tHeY NeeD tO dO iS tHInK poSITivE thOugHTs" count?
it's kind of like this. i've been telling my mom that school has been stressing me out for a while now, and the sheer amount of homework in some days just want me to break down in tears. my mom then said "just don't think of school as stressing. think like 'ohh school is a place to learn and improve and homework is just for improving' and not like 'ughh school is so stressful i hate it' your mindset blah blah blah"
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How about those people "I can't x and y, I'm a parent." "I can't sit on ym phone and do emails, I'm a parent, just call me." "I can't do this and that I have to pick up my kids" " _____ I'm a parent." I met some one recently who unfortunately I have to be jn frequent contact with, "they had time for it , they Don't have kids. I have 2 children!"
Two I'd like to add. First, giving your kids cell phones and screens all the time so they don't get bored. Boredom is the source of inspiration. Second, I've seen a bunch of videos, from South Asia I think, where Mommy puts a bowl of food in front Stuffed Toy as Child watches. Stuffed Toy refuses to eat, so Mommy literally beats the stuffings out of it. Then Mommy puts a bowl of food in front of Child, Child obediently eats food, Mommy smiles triumphantly at camera. I think that's sick.
Yes, raising a human properly is extremely hard, that's why it takes a lot to be a good parent. Dedication, commitment, responsibility so that they'll turn out alright and you don't end up ruining their lives and others. That's why, not having kids is the opposite of selfish. Hear that, Pope??
Well... the opposite of selfish would be not having kids AND helping your friends/siblings raise their kids. Not on a daily basis, but if you help a parent raise a kid so that kid isn't screwed up... you will have made the world a better place, AND there is someone out there that cares what happens to you when you are old and feeble.
Load More Replies... Don't punish your child for not telling you about something sooner. DO reward them for telling you soon (by decreasing any punishment for what they did, not getting mad at them). Approach it with a "thanks for telling me! Lets see how we can fix this!". If you punish them for telling you late you can actually make them not tell you. Especially with teens (who are very driven by emotion). If they do something bad they may not immediately have the emotional ability to tell you, and when they finally become ready they may not due to expecting the "why didn't you tell me sooner" response. Their brains are too controlled by emotion for them to easily overcome this block and it will only get worse as time goes on. If they know confession will lead to a response of "okay lets work to fix this" and not focusing on what they did bad/punishment/shame they are SO MUCH more likely to come to you for help and will do it much sooner. It removes and lessens the anxiety associated with confession.
This is based off of my study of psychology with a focus on child development, and my own personal experiences. All I ever wanted when I did something really stupid was for my parents to focus on moving forward, not dwelling on the dumb thing I did. The expected *sigh* "i just wish you had told us sooner" paralyzed me from telling them. The "sooner" is just such a vague concept. Like, I'm telling you now! You'd say the same thing if I had told you yesterday! Just help me fix what I did!
Load More Replies... I am big enough to admit that I am guilty of some of these. I am way too overprotective and I know it. I am working on it and trying hard to let them be independent little humans but I had no relationship whatsoever with my mum, no guidance, security, positivity or cuddles. She was very cold with me and I think I'm just trying to do it differently to her but I know I can be too much sometimes I really am trying though
If you want some advice from me I have some things that might help :). 1. Make sure your kids know they can give you feedback/express their concerns and know you will listen. Gonna be mostly useful when they get older (definitely a little silly when they're younger) You don't always have to do what they want but having a respectful conversation with them about it and taking them will probably be invaluable (i'm not a parent and haven't tried this but from my own experience with my parents I think it would have been very helpful to have this structure in place). 2. I've studied child development for 4 years and definitely would recommend it to anyone. Fantastic way to understand yourself and others. 3. Giving your kids reasons for limitations and stuff is great. Not only will they respect you and your rules more, but it will help them to make their own good decisions later on.
Load More Replies... Teaching kids not to question authority. "Because I said so", "Because I'm older/smarter/in charge" aren't good arguments. A child needs to understand why you tell them to do/not to do something. It's also dangerous cause somebody can take advantage of a child because they trust adults too much and blindly follow orders no questions asked.
You have to teach children to be discerning with that. If an adult tells you not to go into the water because it's dangerous, fine to ask why, but don't argue with them. Kids have to learn when it's appropriate to question.
Load More Replies... lying kids about existence of Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Sinterklaas, Pere Noel, Baby Jesus, Kristkind, Befana, Krampus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy... etc.
I also think we should only lie about the existence of the other things. Nelson Mandela, holocaust, racism,... Those are the lies that makes their childhood peaceful
Load More Replies... Worst parenting trend I can think of is to ignore your crying baby. Please soothe your crying babies as best you can, or they'll grow up believing that the world is a constantly scary place and that nobody can ever calm them down. I speak from experience.
This. Babies learn trust through the care they receive.
Load More Replies... None of these actually seem like "trends" to me. Most of this stuff has been around in one way or another since I was a kid. We just hear people talk about it more, because of the internet.
Bad parenting appears to fall into two distinct categories: over-parenting, so being controlling or disciplinarian or scheduling your child's ever moment and experience, and non-parenting, just letting your child do whatever, whenever because you are too lazy to do your job as a parent.
Yup! In fact the technical terms for these can be found in Diana Baumrind's parenting styles theory. In her theory there are 4 parenting styles (permissive, authoritative, authoritarian, and uninvolved/neglectful). Authoritative is noted as the superior parenting style. baumrind-p...c29cbf.jpg
I'm a pretty strict mom. However all my kids come to me all the time to talk to me, are open with me when they f**k up (always try to lie 1st, but they know I know and it doesn't work in their favor to lie, I already know...so I just stare till they go, f**k she knows) ask for advise, ask me to come play with them (ball, dress up, cards, dice, table games). We are not rich so they know if I say easy on the snacks, doesn't mean we are going to run out of food but my budget is tight and I need that money for gas or milk not chips and soda. My oldest is learning to drive and is now paying his cell phone bill and car insurance part from his job to learn how to pay bills. I walk him through it. I pray they grow up okay. Every day.
The best part about parenting is that you spend 18-22 years running an elaborate and delicate experiment but you don't know if your methods worked until it's too late to do anything about it. I don't think my parents spent much time thinking about how to parent, that just did whatever they felt in the moment. I hope that giving it a bit more thought will pay off.
Is this as in the "no uterus, no opinion" discussion? If you don't have kids you shouldnt have An opinion on this post?
Hm I didn’t think so. If you have an abortion, it doesn’t impact random people in society. But if you raise a child poorly, not only will the child be messed up but they will be an ongoing pain to the rest of society. You didn’t have to have a child to be affected by other peoples misguided parenting
Load More Replies... My parents also use the finish your plate rule but from an early age we could decide how much food was even put on the plate so we learned not to waste food and take multiple smaller portions instead of one big portion that wasnt finished
more things i'd like to add, piercings on babies ears and circumcision
Having a wrong definition of love. Sparing the children consequences of their own actions and boundaries is not love. I love you but you need to learn from your own mistakes and keeping common sense rules to become a decent person in the future, even though your struggle also may cause me pain as a parent.
does not helping a kid deal with stress because "aLL tHeY NeeD tO dO iS tHInK poSITivE thOugHTs" count?
it's kind of like this. i've been telling my mom that school has been stressing me out for a while now, and the sheer amount of homework in some days just want me to break down in tears. my mom then said "just don't think of school as stressing. think like 'ohh school is a place to learn and improve and homework is just for improving' and not like 'ughh school is so stressful i hate it' your mindset blah blah blah"
Load More Replies... How about those people "I can't x and y, I'm a parent." "I can't sit on ym phone and do emails, I'm a parent, just call me." "I can't do this and that I have to pick up my kids" " _____ I'm a parent." I met some one recently who unfortunately I have to be jn frequent contact with, "they had time for it , they Don't have kids. I have 2 children!"
