Raising tiny humans is hard, there’s no doubt about it. My utmost respect goes to the loving parents and dedicated educators out there who are helping to mold a brighter, better future for us all.
But putting all the accolades aside, parenting in itself is one hell of a strategic set of moves where small steps go a long way. And there are so many tactics from ‘how to’ and ‘what not to do’ when raising kids that they inevitably stir some debate. I mean, some parenting trends are really controversial—just think of family TikTok accounts. Some say it's an awesome way to communicate and spread the message, others think it may promote negative experiences often tied with social media.
So who’s right? We may not exactly know, but we can find out what common parenting trends people see as nonsense. “What parenting 'trend' do you strongly disagree with?” asked a Redditor called Qquackie and the answers started pouring in. Below are some of the most interesting ones!
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It seems like there are as many parenting tactics as there are parents. This year, we see new trends emerging, from mindful usage of the internet to parents getting support from online groups, and gender-neutral parenting. The last trend is especially liked for millennial parents who are no longer willing to fit their children in society's predefined boxes but want to allow them to experiment, experience and express themselves.
Other new trends include “baby budgeting,” with parents of newborns getting a whole more money-savvy. Baby budget calculators and charity shops are on the rise as parents seem to have finally realized you don’t need to spend a fortune on shoes every other month as your child is growing.
Letting your kids run amok everywhere and then being furious when other people are annoyed. I'm an older mom. I was raised with the idea that you have a social contract with others to not be a pain in the a**. I don't let my kids go nuts in public. When they are having a hard time, we leave. I don't expect them to be angels for hours in adult situations, but being told to not be loud and crazy at the grocery or in line somewhere is not child abuse. Letting your kids be a hellion that everyone else cringes to see is so unfair to your kids.
So agree with this. So many parents let their kids scream and throw things in stores or public places and hold to their "let them scream it out" philosophy. No, the kid has had enough of being in that situation, you take them outside. I also have an ASD and ADHD child so yes it is possible to remove them from a situation they are not enjoying whilst also being mindful to people around you also. I've had to pack up and leave so many situations for this reason, restaurants, shops, public transport (and walk a couple of miles in the rain instead). It is possible and you learn what the tolerances of your kids are, noisy bright places were generally no go areas for me.
Loud cartoons and games on tablets in public places
not educating your kids about sex because it's an "uncomfortable topic"
It's better teaching them properly than them learning about it in the school yard from other kids. I sat down with my daughter when she was 8-9 and watched "What is happening to me" and "Where did I come from". They are cartoon style but informative and then afterwards we had a chat about what she saw and if she had any questions. I also made sure she knows she can come to me and ask me anything and I will answer the best I can. I believe it is important to have open lines of communication.
According to Parent Circle, a new parenting trend that emerged during the pandemic has to do with dads. Turns out they too had an opportunity to rethink work-life balance, made better use of the situation and established a new approach to parenting. The extra family time was not just rewarding but also an eye-opener for the men regarding the responsibility of childcare and household work. Prior to the pandemic, mothers were taking on the biggest share of those responsibilities.
A study run by the scholars of the University of Utah, Ball State University and the University of Texas showed that the number of couples who split childcare duties rose to 56% during the pandemic in the US. The percentage was only 45% before the pandemic hit.
All of the "wine mom" merch, down to shirts for children that say horrible things like: "I'm the reason Mommy drinks"
Like, dress it up as much as you want, but "alchololism" isn't cute, as much as you want to convince yourself of it. Let alone, clothing for your CHILD who didn't ask to be born, to be treated like their existence is a burden to you. I've seen stuff like this in the kids section, from infancy to middle school sizes.
That's a trauma trifecta right there.
It is sad and concerning how much normalized is being an alcoholic. Its very obvious in TV and movies; everytime the main character (or a friend) has a rough patch the only solution is to get wasted. I am sorry but having a bottle of wiskey in your working desk or drinking every day is not cool is an adiction that should not be encouraged.
When I was a teenager my parents took away the door to my room.
It's normal for teenagers to pull away from their parents, I guess this wasn't acceptable to her and she wanted to keep an eye on me at all times.
I still have severe issues relating back to this one action. This is after years of therapy and no contact.
To anyone considering this as some form of "punishment", Let me stop you right there. Nothing will get your child to disown you faster than not giving them privacy.
I think she got the idea from Dr.phil Useless c*nts, the both of them.
privacy is not a privilege it is a necessity that everyone deserves
That thing where they pretend they got their kids a ps5 for example, the kids are freaking out with excitement, but then its just a ps5 box filled with books or something.
Why don't you just show children how to love books instead? Books are not a punishment or should be part of a prank
No wonder so many parenting tactics and trends are so controversial. Not only do parents argue among themselves over who’s right in adopting the best method to raise their kids, childfree people are often equally opinionated. But whatever parenting method mom and dads would choose, we like to think they all know what’s best for their kids. But is it really true?
Well, to find out, we spoke with Susan Petang, a certified life coach who runs The Quiet Zone Coaching. Susan is helping those who struggle with stress find relief, manage their fears, and build self-confidence so they can wake up happy in the morning. “As our children grow, they slowly start to separate from us,” she told us. “From the 'Terrible Twos' to the pains of adolescence, the purpose of the journey is to teach our kids how to be independent, happy, and healthy adults who give something to the world around them.”
I don’t know how much of a trend it was but on TikTok, there was a trend of parents throwing away their kid's art in front of them and the parents would like laugh while the kid was sobbing.
That’s f**ked up! Of course, you can’t keep every artwork your kid makes but you throw it away when they aren’t home or asleep. My mom used to wait until I was asleep and throw it away in the outside can
The kids I babysit their parents ask me to take their art they do with me so it doesn’t pile up but I tell them I’m keeping it because it’s so good
There’s no reason to make your kid feel like they aren’t a good artist or just feel like their parents don’t care for some TikTok views
Making children hug people they are not comfortable with.
Thanks COVID for this... No more hugs or kissing hello or goodbye for everyone
Letting the kid make all the choices. I believe kids should have reasonable choices, like what their snack is and the character that's on their bedspread, but you can't let your 3 year old decide when you're allowed to leave your house. The world doesn't work that way.
Susan explained that if you're making all the decisions for your children, they're not learning how to make decisions for themselves. “You're not going to be around forever to advise and guide them; they have to learn to do it alone.”
“Let your kids have some control over things in their lives that are appropriate to their age. For example, even a 7-year-old can decide what they want to wear (as long as it's weather-appropriate and clean). The idea is to let them learn how the world works, how to interact with others, and how to make wise decisions,” Susan said and added that they'll never accomplish that if you make all their decisions for them.
'My son/daughter is my best friend.'
No, they aren't. They have their own friends and have the agency to choose them for themselves. Over the course of a lifetime, they will have several 'best friends' but they will only have one father and mother.
Your job is to be a parent. You can't do that properly if you are trying to be a friend.
Creating social media channels for your children where they proceed to upload videos and photos of their kids. Perfect place for pedophiles.
Parents who punish their kids for speaking up or otherwise explaining something, saying that they're "talking back". I honestly don't get why most parents refuse to admit they're not always right sometimes. Besides, what if their kid one day comes up to them and says another adult is touching them inappropriately?
Susan argues that when people feel their lives are out of control (even teens), they will get super stressed out trying to find something they CAN control. So she invited parents to stop and ask themselves, “is that what you want for your kids?”
Oh man, I’m a nanny and work in daycare. I can talk so much about this.
One is late potty training. Waiting to potty train a child is more and more common. Which I generally agree with. Wait until they’re 2.5-3 and knock it out. Some take longer, some are probably ready earlier. Better than rushing it and causing issues.
What this has turned into. Not potty training. I nanny a 4 year old that is still in pull ups. She is more than capable of using the potty.
Our 4 year old classroom just installed a diaper genie because so many 4 year olds are starting preschool in diapers.
My best friend who is a Kindergarten teacher had 2 kids start kindergarten in diapers. Luckily they’re potty trained now.
My son wasn't toilet trained until almost 5 and that wasn't due to lack of trying. My friends daughter was still wearing pull ups to bed at the age of 8 and again that wasn't through lack of trying. Some kids have developmental issues that make things a bit harder or takes them longer to learn.
The “bulldozer” parent - ie the parent who removes all obstacles/challenges from a child’s life so they don’t learn about perseverance, problem solving, failure (sometimes you can try hard and still not get the reward) and learning from mistakes - unless the goal is to develop a highly anxious person - then, being a bulldozer parent is great.
Abusing the talents of your child just to boost your self image in society
Lot lot of parents do this. And think of how the child feels sometimes they don't want to do that sport but.....their parents make them. And it got to make them unhappy
The social media trend that keeps upping the expectations for birthday parties and any celebration connected to a kid.
When I was a kid, birthdays consisted of a handmade invitation made by me, a cake from the grocery store, food that my Mom cooked and then inviting some friends and family over for games.
Today's expectation is that every monthversary and half-birthday consist of a huge arch of balloons that will end up in the trash, a customized three-tier fondant cake, gift wrapping that color-coordinates with the themed party favors and of course, a very intentional outfit for the numerous photo ops that will take up most of the day. Anything for the 'gram, right?
Don't even get me started on gender reveal announcements.
I was on a mums group and one of the mums was asking about what people did for their child's first birthday or christmas and some of the suggestions was insane. Like a 1 year old doesn't need a bouncy castle, farm animals etc. A 1 year old doesn't understand. For both my kids first birthdays AND christmases, they received necessities like clothing for the following year, shoes, bedding, 1 or 2 age appropriate toys and a couple of books. And definitely no birthday party. Just some family for coffee and cake with a store bought $5 chocolate mud cake. In saying all that, each to their own. If they want to waste their money then that is their choice.
Allowing kids to constantly mess with pets, even when the pet is giving warnings that they'll attack soon.
Parents, this is a pretty solid way to start teaching kids about consent from the get go.
And at wildlife parks, and aquariums, I’m constantly drilling parents about things like - your 5 yr ok’d just threw a live starfish from the touch pool - maybe teach your little s**t how to handle a delicate animal and maybe both bond over learning about the starfish. Don’t just sit on your damn phone and let your C. Goblins run anarchy in the touch pools. They aren’t stuffed animals they are living beings
Not setting clear boundaries. You are the adult, not the kid. Children benefit sooo much more from clear rules and consequences.
Setting boundaries isn't normally the problem. Keeping the boundaries (by both parents) is.
Not believing the teacher ever. “My kid never lies to me”.
Seriously. Parents absolutely should be their kid’s biggest supporter. But support sometimes means holding the kid responsible when they don’t do the right thing.
A kid is a kid, and kids will tell lies. Not to be malicious, but because their brain sometimes just goes 'which outcome will get me in the least amount of trouble?'.
Fake “Gentle Parenting”
You hear and see so many parents letting their children do whatever they want, no matter how destructive, rude or hurtful their behaviours are. Parents find themselves beholden to the whims of their childrens’ emotions in the name of gentle parenting, instead of true gentle parenting where (so I hear) boundaries are set alongside validating emotions.
THIS!! Life is full of boundaries, of no's, of not always getting what we want. Children MUST learn this
Pretending that not parenting is parenting.
'I wont tell my child to stop kicking your leg repeatedly because i don't want to crush his spirit!'
Not saying no to your child. They have to learn to deal with a no sometimes, and having a chat about why it is no and whether it could be a yes another time is also an important part of them learning to deal with no.
Life is often filled with failures, that is what makes success all the sweeter. I don't understand the "everyone is a winner" thing. All that does is make it more difficult to overcome disappointment later in life, such as not getting a job after an interview. I just don't get it.
Talking down to kids and making them feel stupid. Sure maybe at 5 they aren't the most intellectual people, but 9/10 year old are smarter then people give them credit for. Don't talk to then like they are stupid because they are not. The only thing that does is lower their self esteem and makes them feel small.
Growing up I wastold I I was stupid and destructive. I wasn’t. I was taking radios and video players apart to see how they worked then put them back together. I wanted to be an engineer but girls have to work in offices. So I work in an office.
My mom told me to be a secretary ( 40yrs ago), She wanted to be a chemist, had the grades and the intelligence. Her father forced her to work as a secretary and get married as soon as possible ( to be a good woman). My father belittled/ bullied "I am only teasing" her enough to where she crawled in a bottle and stopped all forms of art and education.
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5-year-olds are pretty darn smart too. I love hearing about how my niece (who is 5) views the world. It is both very clever and slightly psychotic, and it's fantastic.
I've never done this to my son and I never will. I grew up with a mom who constantly told us kids that "you will never be my equal" and that hurt. Even as adults she refuses to acknowledge that we are autonomous humans capable of making our own decisions and choices. So I wanted to do differently with my child. My husband and I have never used baby talk with him, we give him (limited) choices so that he's comfortable being decisive, we tell him we love him and how smart he is constantly, and we really try to make sure that he feels heard and validated. He's such a smart, wonderful kid who constantly impresses not just us but any adult with whom he speaks. I put a lot of his intelligence, both mental and emotional, down to the fact that we've encouraged him in this way for so long. Respect is a 2 way street, even with and sometimes ESPECIALLY with children.
This is similar, my wife’s mother ALWAYS sends a Minnie Mouse or some 4 y-o cartoon-character card for her birthday and other occasions (my daughter is 12)
Yeah, my husband and I have this issue with my MiL. She is always babying our son, buying him stuff that is years beneath his age range, always underestimating his understanding, etc. I know she means well and probably thinks she's "combating" our more progressive parenting but it can be frustrating to see.
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Treating your child with respect and acknowledging your childs concerns/problems/what they care about as real, legitimate, and valid (because while they may seem small to you they are VERY real to them) is one of the best things you can do. Children strongly gravitate and respect those who treat them with respect like anybody else. Make sure you provide this for your child or they will get it from whatever (possibly not so good) source offers it to them.
I heard that all the time growing up in the 60's, from my parents & my teachers. I always aced the classroom work & tests, just couldn't complete homework. Turns out I have ADHD, was diagnosed as an adult.
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This was my problem as a child. My father mostly insulted us, making us short on self-esteem. Today, I still have issues, but they never interfered with my life after walking away from him, so I never felt the need for 'therapy'.
In fact, my father's favorite expression was "You'll never amount to a hill of beans."
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Talking down to them at any age is stupid. Even baby talk to a two-year-old is silly.I teach 5 -year-olds, have for years. Young children are quite smart (they have bigger brains than we do, and I don't think that's an accident). They are completely genuine, funny as hell, and they can teach you stuff if you pay attention. The trick, which takes practice, is to be in the moment like they are, and stop expecting them to be miniature adults. I've been in education for 34 years, and retirement looks really good some days, but it isn't because the kids aren't "intellectual".
5 year olds are just as smart as adults. They just dont have a whole lot of information or experience to temper it.
When a kid asks why there is thunder and lightening I tell the truth - there are YouTube videos for kids any age to explain it age appropriate. I don't just tell them god is angry or that bad weather just happens. If a child asks something it wants to learn something. Plus explaining it right can make a big difference in a child's wellbeing.
The stupider you tell them they are the more trouble you will cause them to get into. If I'm told I'm stupid I will do stupid things. As a kid in Grade school I was by one teacher considered "r******d" that's the term used back in those days. I read books supposedly beyond my comprehension, teacher did not know that - Never did homework posted on board was disruptive because I did not always agree with her or supposedly asked stupid questions. The reason I did not do posted homework was because I could not see the board. Turns out I needed glasses - and principal said that no question a kid asks is stupid - she was told to pack up and get out!
I wanted to go to a trade school (late 1970's) until I saw how difficult it was for a woman to get a job in a trade. So I gave that up, had a job in a mill and made them train me on the job to do a trade. I ended up being a Quality Control supervisor.
S**t, some parents keep doing it when you're in your 30's and beyond! Thank God for therapy!!!
I rarely baby talked to my kids when they were growing up. I always talked to them like they were people just like me, unless we were being silly or something. When they got older they were able to hold conversations with adults and they took it with them into adulthood.
In the same vein, don't baby talk your babies guys. This teaches them the wrong pronunciation of words. They can sound adorable trying to form words, but you should not.
I wish I could show my mom this, she treats me like a 6 yr old and I'm 13+
Also being young doesn't mean your thoughts, feelings and opinions aren't valid.
My daughter is currently studying mechanical engineering, volunteers for The Samaritans, and plans to study psychology later. Her father and I are far from perfect but at least we never used gender to define anyone. I was a tomboy as a child, but I'm quite girly now. My daughter was, and still is a tomboy. She's always chosen her own clothes (style-wise) and all I cared about was that she looked like she cared about herself, and walked tall.
as an older sibling I am constantly getting in arguments with my mom because she thinks this is okay, my brother has developed an unhealthy coping mechanism of clamming up and refusing to talk to any one or do anything because she makes him feel stupid, so hes convinced he is stupid.
It's unfair to call someone who's brain has physically not fully developed yet 'not intellectual'. What do you expect?
Saying “what goes on in this house, stays in this house.” I know hundreds of victims of abuse, go through years of pain because of this phrase.
I mean, that’s part of how abuse works. Abusers aren’t going to say “feel free to tell everyone that I’m beating the s**t out of you”, you know?
Making your child terrified to fail. I remember constantly being told if I ever even got a “C” or below— on even something as minor as a pop quiz— I would be “flipping burgers for a living.” I was so unmotivated to even try by the time high school came, because it had been drilled into me that I was destined to be a loser.
Nonstop supervision. Hovering over them at every turn. Whatever happened to tossing them in a play area in another room and letting them create, explore, and get the occasional bumps?
My mom prevented me from having friends because of this. I was a kid when cellphones were just starting to be an item everyone had and my household hadn't picked up the trend yet. My mom tried to keep me inside as much as possible otherwise, with every move I made outside, I was expected to run home and tell her where I was going in the neighborhood. This wasn't realistic and no kid wanted to waste time constantly running/biking to my house with me to tell her I'd be at X, then Y, then Z. We're not talking about being extremely far away from home; just within the confines of the neighborhood. Kids were starting to ditch me so I decided to not tell her once. My mom had been secretly checking up on me all this time and called the police when I wasn't where I said I'd be. That was basically the end of my friendships as a kid unless they wanted to play indoors at my house.
always letting kids win/do what they want, its unfair on older siblings because i get given chores and my little sister gets to sit about doing nothing and getting whatever she wants completely free
Making your kids spend time with family even though they get treated bad. Like inlaws who would rather spend time with their other grandkids and not yours.
I don't care who is anyone treats my kids bad is gonna get mouth full unless they are getting on to them for a good reason.
I guess the overall trend of prioritizing academics/extracurriculars and college admissions over everything else. Give your kids some chores and let them hang out with their friends outside of structured sports and musical activities!
The thing every parents including mine said. "Finish your plate" or "Finish your plate or you won't get any dessert".
It gave you an unnecessary goal to shove food you don't want down your throat and made that into a lifelong habit. Fortunately I've always been into sports but many aren't, so now obesity is everywhere.
I knew it was a bad habit and I wouldn't stay fit for my entire life if I kept eating until I get a stomachache every single meal so I worked hard for years to finaly get rid of this habit in my early 20s when I moved into my apartment.
I will never do this to my kids.
Generally a behaviour that started in the generations before when food was sparse and snacks not available. My parents held to this and my Dad will clear off his plate and anyone else's for that matter. He really struglles with his weight. I had an ED growing up so I let my kids decide when they're full. Also giving them age approproate portion sizes to begin with helps.
Denying your kid any negative experiences or emotions.
They are a normal part of being a person, teach them to handle negative emotions now before you send them out into a world they are not prepared to handle.
my mom always said that I could talk to her about any feelings I had, but when I did she would tell me that i'm lying and trying to get more attention. because of this I was afraid to admit if I was ever in pain or feeling depressed/suicidal. my mom never seemed to understand that that is why I never trusted her.
Helicopter parenting, kids need freedom to explore the world, get dirty, engage in free play. I am not advocating putting the child outside o a Saturday morning and telling them to come home when the street lights come on, but an age acceptable level of freedom.
hahaha, that's how i grew up- get out or help clean the house. come back for lunch and then out the house again until dinner. rainy/snowy days were excepted though.
Pushing them too hard in sports, academics, etc. Like pushing til they need therapy or get injured, no free time, no downtime. FFS, they only get to be young & without excessive responsibilities once.
I am not a huge believer in homework coz I believe kids need to have their own downtime but also time to spend with family and doing their responsibilities around the house. They go to school for about 6 hrs a day, 5 days a week. Give the kids time to be kids for crying out loud. The only homework I can support is reading and for the younger kids, sight words.
telling kids that studying is the only thing that they do in choldhood and that everything else is just useless stuff
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Two I'd like to add. First, giving your kids cell phones and screens all the time so they don't get bored. Boredom is the source of inspiration. Second, I've seen a bunch of videos, from South Asia I think, where Mommy puts a bowl of food in front Stuffed Toy as Child watches. Stuffed Toy refuses to eat, so Mommy literally beats the stuffings out of it. Then Mommy puts a bowl of food in front of Child, Child obediently eats food, Mommy smiles triumphantly at camera. I think that's sick.
Yes, raising a human properly is extremely hard, that's why it takes a lot to be a good parent. Dedication, commitment, responsibility so that they'll turn out alright and you don't end up ruining their lives and others. That's why, not having kids is the opposite of selfish. Hear that, Pope??
Well... the opposite of selfish would be not having kids AND helping your friends/siblings raise their kids. Not on a daily basis, but if you help a parent raise a kid so that kid isn't screwed up... you will have made the world a better place, AND there is someone out there that cares what happens to you when you are old and feeble.
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Don't punish your child for not telling you about something sooner. DO reward them for telling you soon (by decreasing any punishment for what they did, not getting mad at them). Approach it with a "thanks for telling me! Lets see how we can fix this!". If you punish them for telling you late you can actually make them not tell you. Especially with teens (who are very driven by emotion). If they do something bad they may not immediately have the emotional ability to tell you, and when they finally become ready they may not due to expecting the "why didn't you tell me sooner" response. Their brains are too controlled by emotion for them to easily overcome this block and it will only get worse as time goes on. If they know confession will lead to a response of "okay lets work to fix this" and not focusing on what they did bad/punishment/shame they are SO MUCH more likely to come to you for help and will do it much sooner. It removes and lessens the anxiety associated with confession.
This is based off of my study of psychology with a focus on child development, and my own personal experiences. All I ever wanted when I did something really stupid was for my parents to focus on moving forward, not dwelling on the dumb thing I did. The expected *sigh* "i just wish you had told us sooner" paralyzed me from telling them. The "sooner" is just such a vague concept. Like, I'm telling you now! You'd say the same thing if I had told you yesterday! Just help me fix what I did!
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I am big enough to admit that I am guilty of some of these. I am way too overprotective and I know it. I am working on it and trying hard to let them be independent little humans but I had no relationship whatsoever with my mum, no guidance, security, positivity or cuddles. She was very cold with me and I think I'm just trying to do it differently to her but I know I can be too much sometimes I really am trying though
If you want some advice from me I have some things that might help :). 1. Make sure your kids know they can give you feedback/express their concerns and know you will listen. Gonna be mostly useful when they get older (definitely a little silly when they're younger) You don't always have to do what they want but having a respectful conversation with them about it and taking them will probably be invaluable (i'm not a parent and haven't tried this but from my own experience with my parents I think it would have been very helpful to have this structure in place). 2. I've studied child development for 4 years and definitely would recommend it to anyone. Fantastic way to understand yourself and others. 3. Giving your kids reasons for limitations and stuff is great. Not only will they respect you and your rules more, but it will help them to make their own good decisions later on.
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Teaching kids not to question authority. "Because I said so", "Because I'm older/smarter/in charge" aren't good arguments. A child needs to understand why you tell them to do/not to do something. It's also dangerous cause somebody can take advantage of a child because they trust adults too much and blindly follow orders no questions asked.
You have to teach children to be discerning with that. If an adult tells you not to go into the water because it's dangerous, fine to ask why, but don't argue with them. Kids have to learn when it's appropriate to question.
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lying kids about existence of Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Sinterklaas, Pere Noel, Baby Jesus, Kristkind, Befana, Krampus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy... etc.
I also think we should only lie about the existence of the other things. Nelson Mandela, holocaust, racism,... Those are the lies that makes their childhood peaceful
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Worst parenting trend I can think of is to ignore your crying baby. Please soothe your crying babies as best you can, or they'll grow up believing that the world is a constantly scary place and that nobody can ever calm them down. I speak from experience.
This. Babies learn trust through the care they receive.
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None of these actually seem like "trends" to me. Most of this stuff has been around in one way or another since I was a kid. We just hear people talk about it more, because of the internet.
Bad parenting appears to fall into two distinct categories: over-parenting, so being controlling or disciplinarian or scheduling your child's ever moment and experience, and non-parenting, just letting your child do whatever, whenever because you are too lazy to do your job as a parent.
Yup! In fact the technical terms for these can be found in Diana Baumrind's parenting styles theory. In her theory there are 4 parenting styles (permissive, authoritative, authoritarian, and uninvolved/neglectful). Authoritative is noted as the superior parenting style. baumrind-p...c29cbf.jpg 
I'm a pretty strict mom. However all my kids come to me all the time to talk to me, are open with me when they f**k up (always try to lie 1st, but they know I know and it doesn't work in their favor to lie, I already know...so I just stare till they go, f**k she knows) ask for advise, ask me to come play with them (ball, dress up, cards, dice, table games). We are not rich so they know if I say easy on the snacks, doesn't mean we are going to run out of food but my budget is tight and I need that money for gas or milk not chips and soda. My oldest is learning to drive and is now paying his cell phone bill and car insurance part from his job to learn how to pay bills. I walk him through it. I pray they grow up okay. Every day.
The best part about parenting is that you spend 18-22 years running an elaborate and delicate experiment but you don't know if your methods worked until it's too late to do anything about it. I don't think my parents spent much time thinking about how to parent, that just did whatever they felt in the moment. I hope that giving it a bit more thought will pay off.
Is this as in the "no uterus, no opinion" discussion? If you don't have kids you shouldnt have An opinion on this post?
Hm I didn’t think so. If you have an abortion, it doesn’t impact random people in society. But if you raise a child poorly, not only will the child be messed up but they will be an ongoing pain to the rest of society. You didn’t have to have a child to be affected by other peoples misguided parenting
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My parents also use the finish your plate rule but from an early age we could decide how much food was even put on the plate so we learned not to waste food and take multiple smaller portions instead of one big portion that wasnt finished
more things i'd like to add, piercings on babies ears and circumcision
Having a wrong definition of love. Sparing the children consequences of their own actions and boundaries is not love. I love you but you need to learn from your own mistakes and keeping common sense rules to become a decent person in the future, even though your struggle also may cause me pain as a parent.
does not helping a kid deal with stress because "aLL tHeY NeeD tO dO iS tHInK poSITivE thOugHTs" count?
it's kind of like this. i've been telling my mom that school has been stressing me out for a while now, and the sheer amount of homework in some days just want me to break down in tears. my mom then said "just don't think of school as stressing. think like 'ohh school is a place to learn and improve and homework is just for improving' and not like 'ughh school is so stressful i hate it' your mindset blah blah blah"
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How about those people "I can't x and y, I'm a parent." "I can't sit on ym phone and do emails, I'm a parent, just call me." "I can't do this and that I have to pick up my kids" " _____ I'm a parent." I met some one recently who unfortunately I have to be jn frequent contact with, "they had time for it , they Don't have kids. I have 2 children!"
Two I'd like to add. First, giving your kids cell phones and screens all the time so they don't get bored. Boredom is the source of inspiration. Second, I've seen a bunch of videos, from South Asia I think, where Mommy puts a bowl of food in front Stuffed Toy as Child watches. Stuffed Toy refuses to eat, so Mommy literally beats the stuffings out of it. Then Mommy puts a bowl of food in front of Child, Child obediently eats food, Mommy smiles triumphantly at camera. I think that's sick.
Yes, raising a human properly is extremely hard, that's why it takes a lot to be a good parent. Dedication, commitment, responsibility so that they'll turn out alright and you don't end up ruining their lives and others. That's why, not having kids is the opposite of selfish. Hear that, Pope??
Well... the opposite of selfish would be not having kids AND helping your friends/siblings raise their kids. Not on a daily basis, but if you help a parent raise a kid so that kid isn't screwed up... you will have made the world a better place, AND there is someone out there that cares what happens to you when you are old and feeble.
Load More Replies... Don't punish your child for not telling you about something sooner. DO reward them for telling you soon (by decreasing any punishment for what they did, not getting mad at them). Approach it with a "thanks for telling me! Lets see how we can fix this!". If you punish them for telling you late you can actually make them not tell you. Especially with teens (who are very driven by emotion). If they do something bad they may not immediately have the emotional ability to tell you, and when they finally become ready they may not due to expecting the "why didn't you tell me sooner" response. Their brains are too controlled by emotion for them to easily overcome this block and it will only get worse as time goes on. If they know confession will lead to a response of "okay lets work to fix this" and not focusing on what they did bad/punishment/shame they are SO MUCH more likely to come to you for help and will do it much sooner. It removes and lessens the anxiety associated with confession.
This is based off of my study of psychology with a focus on child development, and my own personal experiences. All I ever wanted when I did something really stupid was for my parents to focus on moving forward, not dwelling on the dumb thing I did. The expected *sigh* "i just wish you had told us sooner" paralyzed me from telling them. The "sooner" is just such a vague concept. Like, I'm telling you now! You'd say the same thing if I had told you yesterday! Just help me fix what I did!
Load More Replies... I am big enough to admit that I am guilty of some of these. I am way too overprotective and I know it. I am working on it and trying hard to let them be independent little humans but I had no relationship whatsoever with my mum, no guidance, security, positivity or cuddles. She was very cold with me and I think I'm just trying to do it differently to her but I know I can be too much sometimes I really am trying though
If you want some advice from me I have some things that might help :). 1. Make sure your kids know they can give you feedback/express their concerns and know you will listen. Gonna be mostly useful when they get older (definitely a little silly when they're younger) You don't always have to do what they want but having a respectful conversation with them about it and taking them will probably be invaluable (i'm not a parent and haven't tried this but from my own experience with my parents I think it would have been very helpful to have this structure in place). 2. I've studied child development for 4 years and definitely would recommend it to anyone. Fantastic way to understand yourself and others. 3. Giving your kids reasons for limitations and stuff is great. Not only will they respect you and your rules more, but it will help them to make their own good decisions later on.
Load More Replies... Teaching kids not to question authority. "Because I said so", "Because I'm older/smarter/in charge" aren't good arguments. A child needs to understand why you tell them to do/not to do something. It's also dangerous cause somebody can take advantage of a child because they trust adults too much and blindly follow orders no questions asked.
You have to teach children to be discerning with that. If an adult tells you not to go into the water because it's dangerous, fine to ask why, but don't argue with them. Kids have to learn when it's appropriate to question.
Load More Replies... lying kids about existence of Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Sinterklaas, Pere Noel, Baby Jesus, Kristkind, Befana, Krampus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy... etc.
I also think we should only lie about the existence of the other things. Nelson Mandela, holocaust, racism,... Those are the lies that makes their childhood peaceful
Load More Replies... Worst parenting trend I can think of is to ignore your crying baby. Please soothe your crying babies as best you can, or they'll grow up believing that the world is a constantly scary place and that nobody can ever calm them down. I speak from experience.
This. Babies learn trust through the care they receive.
Load More Replies... None of these actually seem like "trends" to me. Most of this stuff has been around in one way or another since I was a kid. We just hear people talk about it more, because of the internet.
Bad parenting appears to fall into two distinct categories: over-parenting, so being controlling or disciplinarian or scheduling your child's ever moment and experience, and non-parenting, just letting your child do whatever, whenever because you are too lazy to do your job as a parent.
Yup! In fact the technical terms for these can be found in Diana Baumrind's parenting styles theory. In her theory there are 4 parenting styles (permissive, authoritative, authoritarian, and uninvolved/neglectful). Authoritative is noted as the superior parenting style. baumrind-p...c29cbf.jpg
I'm a pretty strict mom. However all my kids come to me all the time to talk to me, are open with me when they f**k up (always try to lie 1st, but they know I know and it doesn't work in their favor to lie, I already know...so I just stare till they go, f**k she knows) ask for advise, ask me to come play with them (ball, dress up, cards, dice, table games). We are not rich so they know if I say easy on the snacks, doesn't mean we are going to run out of food but my budget is tight and I need that money for gas or milk not chips and soda. My oldest is learning to drive and is now paying his cell phone bill and car insurance part from his job to learn how to pay bills. I walk him through it. I pray they grow up okay. Every day.
The best part about parenting is that you spend 18-22 years running an elaborate and delicate experiment but you don't know if your methods worked until it's too late to do anything about it. I don't think my parents spent much time thinking about how to parent, that just did whatever they felt in the moment. I hope that giving it a bit more thought will pay off.
Is this as in the "no uterus, no opinion" discussion? If you don't have kids you shouldnt have An opinion on this post?
Hm I didn’t think so. If you have an abortion, it doesn’t impact random people in society. But if you raise a child poorly, not only will the child be messed up but they will be an ongoing pain to the rest of society. You didn’t have to have a child to be affected by other peoples misguided parenting
Load More Replies... My parents also use the finish your plate rule but from an early age we could decide how much food was even put on the plate so we learned not to waste food and take multiple smaller portions instead of one big portion that wasnt finished
more things i'd like to add, piercings on babies ears and circumcision
Having a wrong definition of love. Sparing the children consequences of their own actions and boundaries is not love. I love you but you need to learn from your own mistakes and keeping common sense rules to become a decent person in the future, even though your struggle also may cause me pain as a parent.
does not helping a kid deal with stress because "aLL tHeY NeeD tO dO iS tHInK poSITivE thOugHTs" count?
it's kind of like this. i've been telling my mom that school has been stressing me out for a while now, and the sheer amount of homework in some days just want me to break down in tears. my mom then said "just don't think of school as stressing. think like 'ohh school is a place to learn and improve and homework is just for improving' and not like 'ughh school is so stressful i hate it' your mindset blah blah blah"
Load More Replies... How about those people "I can't x and y, I'm a parent." "I can't sit on ym phone and do emails, I'm a parent, just call me." "I can't do this and that I have to pick up my kids" " _____ I'm a parent." I met some one recently who unfortunately I have to be jn frequent contact with, "they had time for it , they Don't have kids. I have 2 children!"
