40 Parenting Jokes That Might Help You Appreciate Parenthood Even More
What’s so funny about parenting? The fact that you have to deal with one too many wildings each day, from dusk until dawn? The preaching of the always tired gospel? Or the fact that you’ve forgotten what it's like to have a moment for yourself? Well, to be honest, none of these things are funny, but since most of us go through this process, we’ve found a way to cope with the state of parenthood. You know what we mean - laughter is the best medicine and the best way to take it is to laugh at some parenting jokes that tell nothing but the universal truth of raising kids. Thus, here we are, with our collection of hilarious, albeit painfully relatable jokes, formulated for moms and dads, but amusing to all. Except for the culprits of these jokes, maybe.
Some of them are actual stories that happened to very real people, which, in our eyes, makes this list all the more fun and enhanced to its max capacity. After all, when the truth is as absurd as this, no joke could outdo it! Then, there are, of course, some true mom jokes here - based on reality, but entirely fictional. Or are they…? Well, you be the judge! But for now, why don’t we all skip straight to our list of the best parent jokes and finally have that well-deserved comical relief for which we’ve gathered here in the first place.
So, give your kids something to do on their own, scroll on down below, and check out these hilarious jokes! We cannot promise that they will make your entire day better, but we are pretty sure that they just might lift up your spirits. If you encounter such a joke on this list, give it your vote, and if you feel like these parenting jokes could do some good for your friends sharing the same fate as you, then share!
"Hats off to the waiter that kept a straight face as my 5yo ordered the vagina for lunch instead of the lasagna."
Me: *on the toilet*
2yo: *banging on door* Daddy!! Daddy!!! DADDY!!!!
Me: I’m downstairs!
2yo: Oh... *runs off*
Me: Why have I not tried that before?
Me: Yes, you were in my belly.
3yo: Why... *tears in her eyes* ...why did you eat me?
"Somehow I’ve lucked out and have an 8yo who thinks secretly reading under the covers past her bedtime is an act of rebellion, and it hasn’t yet occurred to her that her flashlights never seem to run out of batteries."
8-year-old: *fights with her sisters*
Me: All right, who started it?
8: You did when you had so many kids.
9-year-old: My dress has pockets.
9: Nothing can stop me.
"My daughter was wearing a flannel hoodie so I said “hey, the 90’s called” and she replied “yeah cause they couldn’t text” and godDAMMIT I’m getting really tired of my kids owning me."
Me: OMG WHAT THE HELL
Child: The news said it’s more sanitary to sneeze into an elbow.
Me: THEY MEAN YOUR OWN ELBOW
"I asked my son to turn down his music and he 'okayed boomer' me so now we're turning off the wi-fi for a bit."
"I couldn’t decide if I wanted bangs or not so I cut bangs for my daughter and she looks awful. Dodged a bullet there."
Ice cream employee: I didn't know you had kids! You always come in by yourself.
Kids: WHAT?! MOM!
It's like she didn't want a tip.
"I don’t know why people say having a dog prepares you for having a kid because my dog has never wanted to watch Frozen 47 days in a row."
"Sometimes I like to mess with my family and hide their stuff where they can't find it. Like I put their shoes in the shoe closet, their jacket on a hanger and their keys on the key hook."
"Grandmas be like imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings."
"There weren’t any swings available at the park so my daughter yelled, “SOPHIA, EMMA, OLIVIA, AIDEN, YOUR MOM SAYS IT’S TIME TO GO!” and now the park is empty."
"I let my toddler play with my phone today so now everything is in Spanish and I have 273 pictures of her left hand."
Me: Oh my, you drew eyebrows on your forehead in permanent marker.
5: You look surprised.
Me: So do you.
"My 3yo wakes me up way too early each morning by singing.
So this morning, I woke up early, went into his room and started singing to show him how much it sucks.
Then we had a duet and my point was missed."
"My daughter woke up at 6:06 today instead of her usual 6:00 because we let her stay up 5 hours past her bedtime last night."
Me: What should you do if you see smoke?
6-year-old: Ask what you're cooking.
"My kid lost a tooth and plans to put it under her pillow tonight so the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy can meet and hopefully make a love connection and I am HERE FOR IT."
"Self-confidence is my four year old asking me to turn off the ceiling fan so he can show me how high he jumps."
“Dad isn’t it weird that the word chicken can mean an animal or a type of food?” - my kid, on the verge of making a horrific realization.
"My 3 year old daughter threw a tantrum and started throwing things and stomping her feet. I started stomping along until she started laughing. Then she said “okay I’ll pick all this up” and cleaned up her mess. I feel like some sort of champion."
"My son washed his own bedding last night so I’m torn between being thrilled and mortified as to why he washed his own bedding."
My daughter on in-person learning:
"They couldn't keep the bathrooms clean; how are they going to disinfect the whole school daily?"
6YO: Can I eat a cookie?
Me: Finish your dinner first.
6YO: My stomach is full except for a circle shaped space.
"It’s amazing humans can learn something new everyday. For example, every Tuesday my husband learns our son has soccer practice at 6."
*Making friends at the playground*
My 6yo: How old are you?
Other kid: I'm 13. What about you?
6yo: Oh I’m almost 13 - I’m 6.
My 4yo: *casually* I’m 15.
"I ate the last Hot Pocket and left the empty box in the freezer. I think it’s time my kids learn how that shit feels."
"We homeschool. 12 started school by himself at 6:30 this morning. I asked why he started already and he said "I just want to get this done so I can get back to being lazy sooner. Right on bro."
"I asked my 6yo “aren’t you gonna help me plant flowers” and she said “oh mommy I would love to do that except that I don’t want to”"
7-year-old: I ate all of my lunch at school, and half of my friend's.
Me: Didn't she want her lunch?
7: When someone gives me food, I don't ask questions.
5-year-old: I'm going to be so good tomorrow.
Me: What about today?
5: I have plans.
"My kids were screaming at each other.
I told them to stop fighting.
They said they weren't fighting. They were playing "Karens."
Now everybody is grounded."
"I just had to tell my 5-year-old not to walk down the stairs with a bucket over her head, so I think we can stop saving for college."
Me: I’m really proud of you for keeping your hands to yourself today. What would you like to do as a reward?
2: Hit my brother.
6-year-old: Do you have lots of money?
Me: I'm rich in other ways, like family.
6: So you're broke?
"When a kid asks a sibling to play a game of tag, they're basically asking if their sibling wants to take a jog that ends in a fight."