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People Are Sharing 22 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term
Article created by: Saulė Tolstych
Having a healthy and emotionally stable environment is crucial for a child's well-being, but, like pretty much everything else in our world – parents are not perfect.
There's no one right way to become this flawless individual that'll spare their offspring of all the distress. Ideally, a parent will be there to support, encourage and guide their kid throughout the not-so-great periods of life while also allowing them to be independent. Yet, not every person is aware that the things they assume they do "out of love" are not loving at all.
"What was your parents' biggest mistake in raising you?" – an online user took it to one of Reddit's most informative communities to find out about people's parents and things they've done wrong in terms of their upbringing. The question has managed to receive over 4.3K upvotes alongside 2.9K worth of comments discussing some Redditors' troubled childhood.
More info: Reddit
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#1
Giving No Privacy
Giving me no privacy. My parents snooped way too much. Searching my clothes draws for hidden things, checking my phone, eavesdropping on my conversations, talking about my private life to their friends as if it was hot gossip, spying me when i was out, asking their friends to report in if they ever saw me out and around, checking my mail, checking the computer history every time i used it, listening to my CD’s to check they were appropriate, arranging additional meetings with my teachers to ask about me, asking me personal questions all the time. Basically not giving me any space to just be me.
They also made a lot of jokes about me to other people, right in front of my face. I often felt like i was their pet more than an actual human.
I’m now deeply self-conscious and suspicious as a result. I always have this feeling that people are watching and judging me.
Edit: reading it back, that all sounds minor. But believe me when i say i didn’t have even once second of privacy and they went to extreme lengths to find out every single thing i was doing at all times even when i was out of the house. They would then share that information about me with their friends and colleagues, like i was just a piece of gossip or a tv storyline.
Barbara Tompkins-Pond 3 months ago
It doesn't sound minor to me; it sounds like you are still very hurt and very wounded. For that to be the case I am sorry you feel that way. I raised 4 kids; I tried to find a balance between being involved but letting them grow and learn to be independent. I have 3 daughters and 1 son; my girls were always talking to me about their lives especially when they became teenagers. I guess I was very fortunate. My son would and still does talk to me about what was going on as well, just far less dramatic. My kids all in their 30's and I miss them being at home and seeing them every day. I would never have made jokes about them and hurt them. Just a long comment to say I am sure you are awesome and a wonderful individual who is someone I would be proud of.
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#2
Never Praising A Child For Their Results
I was one of those gifted kids that do very well in school without much effort. My parents were used to it so they never praised me for my results and expected me to always do good by default. This resulted in me thinking that very good was just average, and constantly striving for perfection in any aspect of my life. This led to countless problems that I needed therapy to solve.
#3
Excessive Sheltering
Wayyyyy too sheltered. I will definitely shelter my kids to an extent and raise them right but my parents took it to the extreme. I was only allowed to play with religious children and wasn't allowed to watch movies besides basically Disney movies until I was in High School. This led to a pretty rebellious phase when I was around 15 that I think could have been avoided if my parents weren't so strict.
#4
Communicating Through Child When Separated
the way they used to communicate through me because they wouldn't speak to each other after they seperated. when I had to deliver a message from one parent that the other one didn't like, I was the one who was yelled at, and both of them asked me to side with them instead of the other. there was no way to win, because I always either made mummy sad or daddy sad. good times.
#5
Leaving A Child To Their Own Devices
Leaving me to my own devices so long as my grades were good. Not teaching me much of anything outside of knowing right from wrong. Outside of being kept alive I pretty much raised myself.
#6
Teaching That It's Never Okay To Lie
1. Teaching it’s never OK to lie is an awful life lesson for keeping yourself out of trouble.
2. Being a “member of the clean plate club” teaches kids to keep eating when they’re full.
3. teaching that the man is head of household, when that doesn’t work in a lot of relationships.
#7
Giving Their Child Body Dysmorphia
My mom always meant well but I have body dysmorphia for life. I’m sharing because if any parents are reading this you should be diligent about how you talk about your body in front of your kids. Don’t talk about needing to lose or gain weight unless it’s for health reasons. Don’t put yourself down about how you look in front of your kids. This creates doubt and body image issues from the jump and that sticks with you forever.
#8
Never Admitting That They Did Something Wrong
Never admitting that they did something wrong. An example is that when I was in second grade my mom would literally yell and scold me because she thought that HAVE was spelled HAV, and that also confused me with the word HAD. Even though at school the teachers and everyone else spelled HAVE, when I got home she would scold me for spelling it correctly until I told her that that's how everyone else spelled it. She just looked at the paper and never said a word about it again.
So now I always think that whatever I'm doing is wrong or if something did go wrong and was clearly out of my control I still get nervous.
#9
Taking Away Sports For Bad Grades
Taking away sports every time I got a C in school. I will NEVER take away my future kids passions. Does not matter if it is sports, art, music, or anything else. Don't know if the frustration of that will ever dissipate for me. That was my outlet that was severely needed.
#10
Not Saying "I'm Proud Of You"
Keeping me /s
Honestly, it would have been nice to hear they were proud of me - just once, don’t want to overdo it.
#11
Never Taking Interest In Their Child's Interests
They didn’t take any interest in my interests. So now I’m 30 with parents I have virtually nothing in common with. It makes dinner chitchat very depressing for me.
#12
Not Teaching Anything About Financial Responsibility
Not teaching me anything about financial responsibility.
#13
Never Teaching Their Kid To Be Independent
Never teaching me to be independent. My guardian was obsessed with keeping me way too close and I was always sheltered and now I'm alone and don't know how to function
#14
Expecting Their Youngest To Be The Same As Their Siblings
Expecting me to have the same grades, activities, and social lives as my older siblings.
#15
Giving Insane Social Anxiety
Due to them giving me insane social anxiety, I now have the social skills of the new kid in elementary school. I can't hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes without making people uncomfortable. I have proceeded to lose all of my friends due to this and am now sad and lonely.
#16
Not Wanting Their Child To Grow Up
Mom's personality is very complicated and toxic, but what I really hated as a kid was that she didn't want me to grow up. She didn't teach me how to do laundry, pack my clothes, how to swim, anything. She was also overly protective and I still cope with bunch of irrational fears as an adult.
When I was 11 I was really ashamed that kids my age are much more self-sufficient. She was sabotaging me anytime I tried to do some 'adult' stuff like cooking, taking care of myself, nothing illegal - I was well behaved kid. At this time she started ruining our relationship with her behavior, I feel like she hates me for growing up and not being baby anymore
#17
Causing And Ignoring Trauma
They let their fear of dealing with their own trauma turn into causing and ignoring mine.
#18
Never Getting Involved In Their Kids' Lives
Complete apathy.
My parents basically never got involved in me or my siblings' lives. Never attended things like school plays or parents evenings, never cared about how things were going or what was going on. So long as we didn't get into trouble and didn't cause them problems they didn't care and took no interest. "Anything for peace and quiet" as my mother frequently said.
As such, because they never tried to be a part of my life, they effectively aren't a part of my life anymore. We only speak out of obligation, and not very often at that.
#20
Forcing Their Child To Be A Member Of Their Cult
Forcing me to be a member of their cult under the threat of homelessness.
#21
Spoiling Their Kids
Spoiling us and always doing the chores. We ended up being lazy mfers. I'm currently procrastinating writing this.
#22
Lack Of Boundaries
The total lack of boundaries based on the believe that they had raised us to be responsible and smart, even though clear evidence were present that we were not.
#23
The Lack Of Discipline
Not enough discipline
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