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Teen Thinks He’s Being Super Smart Until Plan Fails And He’s Left Without A Bedroom Door
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Teen Thinks He’s Being Super Smart Until Plan Fails And He’s Left Without A Bedroom Door

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The teenage years are a tough time for everybody involved. Teens start taking new social risks, while parents have to walk a fine line between giving them enough room to flourish and ensuring their safety. This is the tension that played out in one Reddit user’s AITA story about their decision to temporarily take their son’s door off of its hinges.

Respecting teens’ privacy is important for their wellbeing and growing independence, which is why many might consider the removal of a teen’s door to be an abusive act. Under the circumstances of this user’s story, however, they encountered a lot of support from Reddit. Let’s read it to find out why.

Teens need both privacy and safety to flourish as they transition from children to young adults

Image credits: Yusra Mizgin Günay (not the actual photo)

One parent wondered whether they were wrong to remove their teen son’s door after a betrayal of their trust

Image credits:  Gilles Lambert (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)

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The parent returned to clarify some info about the story, especially regarding their old-fashioned doors

Image credits: Lopsided-Advance-461

To lock or not to lock? That is the question

Image credits: Dids (not the actual photo)

Readers without children of their own may be surprised to hear that the question of locks, doors, and who gets to use them at home is quite frequently discussed among parents. There are weighty factors on both sides, and the right answer will probably depend on each family’s situation and the nature of their relationships at home.

Becoming responsible for your own room, or even desk, is one of the first personal responsibilities and privileges that many of us learn as young people. A door, whether or not it locks, is a big part of modeling a healthy dynamic between responsibility and trust. In the author’s case, they trusted their teenager to live with a locked door but their teenager violated that trust by using the locked door to sneak out. That doesn’t necessarily mean that taking the door away was right, but it does show that the door was more than just a physical boundary.

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Fortunately for the teen, the author states that the door was only removed temporarily because it was responsible to remove the lock from it without doing so. Many commenters noted that they would remove the lock if they could and that they’ve lived without lockable doors in their homes. Why would parents choose to go with such an option?

Many highlight that lockable doors can be a significant hazard at home. We lock our outer doors for security, but locked inner doors can leave family members unable to respond to medical or fire hazards. On an emotional level, locked doors may also deny family members the opportunity to learn how to voluntarily respect one another’s privacy, personal spaces, and boundaries. Many commenters have noted that, despite not having locks at home, their families had made habits of always knocking and receiving approval before entering an occupied room.

Unfortunately, there’s no easy answer! An article on Metro Parent puts it quite well: “Parents of teens are constantly teetering on that tight rope, trying to find a healthy balance between knowing what their teens are doing, and trusting them enough to allow them some privacy.”

Despite the violation of the teen’s privacy, most commenters were supportive after considering all of the circumstances

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A few commenters were sure, however, that this parent had done the wrong thing and would come to regret their actions

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missal_warrior_0c avatar
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who tf thinks it’s reasonable to call CPS over a two-week lack of privacy as a VERY reasonable consequence? Wtf.

emilymrangel avatar
over it already
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a former CPS worker in 2 different jurisdictions I can confidently say this is not considered abusive and almost certainly would be immediately screened out & not even warrant a phone call to the family, moreless an investigation.

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jonconstant avatar
ConstantlyJon
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see no issue with this. Yes, a 16yo needs privacy, but this is also a temporary consequence for his actions. Sneaking out is a big deal. Just because it didn't end badly this time doesn't mean it should just be accepted as acceptable. His entire sense of privacy and safety in his home is not destroyed by not having a door for 2 weeks. If he needs a place to have privacy I'm sure there are other rooms in the house that have doors that lock. This is excellent parenting, nothing less.

giulia-arrigoni21 avatar
Emmydearest
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly. The door removal is not eternal, it's just for a couple of weeks. If he needs privacy there's the bathroom which I'm sure has a lock. Again, it's temporary. I have to remind people that many many kids have to share their bedroom with one or more siblings. That means no privacy ever. Are we calling CPS on families who can't afford having a big house with as many rooms as their kids? Also, sneaking out until 4am at 16 is a big deal and it would be a big deal even if he were 30, to be honest. Even if you are an adult, even if you are my husband I want to know if you're going out. I don't need to know where you're going but I demand to be sure if you're still in the house or you're outside. Let's say the house catches on fire. I need to know how many people are inside or not. Do I have to look for you? Do I have to come back and save you? Are you still in your bedroom, passed out from the smoke? Should a firefighter come inside to rescue you? It is a big deal.

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colinbrackenridge avatar
Colin
Community Member
9 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Glad to see reading comprehension is working here 🤣. Did everyone miss "we cannot just remove the lock because it's built into the door"? He's ordered a new door with a lock. The kids can suck it up for two weeks. The door was initially removed because they couldn't get in as well.

vg2play avatar
Metallicd3ath
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It says she came back later to clarify that, so that little bit of info wasn't there originally. Glad to see reading comprehension is working~. But seriously, it's just how this site formats that, that might have been edited in after the comments about removing the lock, or even a separate comment that was missed. Do agree that 2 weeks is nothing.

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missal_warrior_0c avatar
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who tf thinks it’s reasonable to call CPS over a two-week lack of privacy as a VERY reasonable consequence? Wtf.

emilymrangel avatar
over it already
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a former CPS worker in 2 different jurisdictions I can confidently say this is not considered abusive and almost certainly would be immediately screened out & not even warrant a phone call to the family, moreless an investigation.

Load More Replies...
jonconstant avatar
ConstantlyJon
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see no issue with this. Yes, a 16yo needs privacy, but this is also a temporary consequence for his actions. Sneaking out is a big deal. Just because it didn't end badly this time doesn't mean it should just be accepted as acceptable. His entire sense of privacy and safety in his home is not destroyed by not having a door for 2 weeks. If he needs a place to have privacy I'm sure there are other rooms in the house that have doors that lock. This is excellent parenting, nothing less.

giulia-arrigoni21 avatar
Emmydearest
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly. The door removal is not eternal, it's just for a couple of weeks. If he needs privacy there's the bathroom which I'm sure has a lock. Again, it's temporary. I have to remind people that many many kids have to share their bedroom with one or more siblings. That means no privacy ever. Are we calling CPS on families who can't afford having a big house with as many rooms as their kids? Also, sneaking out until 4am at 16 is a big deal and it would be a big deal even if he were 30, to be honest. Even if you are an adult, even if you are my husband I want to know if you're going out. I don't need to know where you're going but I demand to be sure if you're still in the house or you're outside. Let's say the house catches on fire. I need to know how many people are inside or not. Do I have to look for you? Do I have to come back and save you? Are you still in your bedroom, passed out from the smoke? Should a firefighter come inside to rescue you? It is a big deal.

Load More Replies...
colinbrackenridge avatar
Colin
Community Member
9 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Glad to see reading comprehension is working here 🤣. Did everyone miss "we cannot just remove the lock because it's built into the door"? He's ordered a new door with a lock. The kids can suck it up for two weeks. The door was initially removed because they couldn't get in as well.

vg2play avatar
Metallicd3ath
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It says she came back later to clarify that, so that little bit of info wasn't there originally. Glad to see reading comprehension is working~. But seriously, it's just how this site formats that, that might have been edited in after the comments about removing the lock, or even a separate comment that was missed. Do agree that 2 weeks is nothing.

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
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