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Growing up and becoming a productive member of society can mean different things, but it usually involves learning a bunch of skills that make you more self-sufficient. And yet, despite your independence, society also puts a lot of pressure on you to conform and have specific ambitions. However, definitely not every goal is worth the time and effort.
In a very frank discussion on AskReddit, internet users shared what they believe are the most overrated adult goals that just aren’t worth it. Check out their insights. They’re a reminder to focus on what truly matters, not just what others convince you to do.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Turning every single hobby into a 'side hustle.' The internet has convinced us that if you’re good at something, you *must* monetize it. No, Sarah, I don’t want to start an Etsy shop for my paintings. I just want to be mediocre at something for fun without checking my profit margins or SEO. Not everything needs to be a business.
Zig Zag Wanderer 9 hours ago
Absolutely not. Although i kinda did. I made beer for a (not good) living. I played with computers for a hobby. A decade and a degree later, it was the other way around. It turns out computing pays waaay more than beer!
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#2
I am Almost 40, decently educated, work for myself as a consultant.
I don't have a Girlfriend, haven't had one for 7 years.
I am not Married. No kids.
The amount of Side Eyes and Comments I get is scary. Even from people my age or slightly Younger, not just the old "traditional" ones.
Everyone assumes I should have " reached the Social Goal" of Married with 2.5 kids by now. Its like I am Green with a tail, from Neptune.
I have a Cat, who is my Best friend, I am quite happy, and it doesn't bother me as much as it seems to bother everyone else.
Social standards have not evolved for the modern times.
Rick Murray 10 hours ago
This, and I'm 52. And it was women at work saying I needed to have a family and kids. I couldn't stop smirking because, really, if I had said the exact same thing to them...😂
#3
Children.
It's not overrated to those who want them, but I don't get the obsession with pushing it on others.
Daisydaisy 9 hours ago
I think the planet would be a lot healthier if we stopped having quite so many kids. People who choose childlessness should be thanked! (I say this as someone who selfishly had four kids. I feel a bit guilty about that!)
In terms of actual skills that you need as a grown-up, you can focus on everything and anything that increases your self-sufficiency. It’s important to be self-sufficient to the point that you can take care of (most) of your needs. That means learning how to cook, clean, do your taxes, apply for jobs, vote, do basic budgeting, etc.
However, when it comes to your ambitions, they are often very personal. While it’s useful to get other people’s input on your aspirations, their personal goals might not sync up with yours. Furthermore, reaching your goals can take vastly different amounts of time depending on your strategy, efforts, and even luck. One person’s timeline doesn’t mean everyone’s timeline.
#4
Having everything "figured out" by a certain age. Life doesn’t work on a schedule, and chasing that illusion just creates unnecessary pressure and comparison.
Child of the Stars 10 hours ago
It's never too late to change the course of your life. Ask anyone who's gotten sober later in life.
#5
- The idea that you need to be passionate about your career and do what you love. Sometimes a job is just a paycheck that funds the life you actually want to live. There’s nothing wrong with being mediocre at work if you’re thriving elsewhere.
- Retirement at 60/65 - working until X age and then suddenly stopping is arbitrary. The traditional retirement script doesn’t fit everyone.
#6
Being famous. It looks hellish to me. Even when I fantasise about winning the Euromillions, part of that daydream involves how to keep such a win anonymous as possible!
UnclePanda 1 hour ago
I had regional fame for a while and I moved, in no small part, to escape. Anonymity is priceless and once lost, cannot be regained.
Finding the right balance between independence and conformity can be a messy challenge sometimes.
On the one hand, it’s great to be self-sufficient. You’re more proactive, able to help others, and you can rely on yourself when things get tough. But being hyper-independent to the point of pushing other people away just isn’t productive. Human beings need strong social connections to thrive, not just survive. Besides, we all need help from time to time, even though we don’t always want to admit it.
On the other hand, we’re hardwired for sociability, empathy, and living in a group. And that requires a significant amount of conformity. It would be exhausting if you constantly clashed with the other members of your social circle over everything. That being said, you’ll end up feeling frustrated and empty if you set your personality and uniqueness aside and only ever focus on the activities and goals that others convince you are important.
#7
Having kids.
BlackCatWithWhiteSocks 4 hours ago
For the person that mentions the lonely retirement argument. Nobody can force their kids to be their carers. Nobody can secure that this will be the case because life happens. Take a look at retirement/care. Most of their residents have kids that pay visits (or not) .there must a reason why your comment is hidden after down voting.
#8
Spending a house down-payment on a single-day wedding. People go into debt just to impress relatives they don't even like, instead of using that money to build a life together.
Zig Zag Wanderer 9 hours ago
Always a ridiculously costly venture. It's really easy to have a reasonably priced wedding venue.
We’d like to hear your thoughts in the comments, dear Pandas. What do you think are some popular grown-up goals that you believe are a complete waste of time? Why do you think that is?
What are some must-have skills for any adult to have? How do you find a good balance between independence and social conformity?
Tell us all about it!
#10
Buying a house. Would be nice if you can but it doesn’t make you a failure if you can’t. Especially in this economy.
Daisydaisy 9 hours ago
I doubt that my kids will ever be able to buy their own home. A scary world out there (except for billionaires - they seem to be quite comfortable)
#11
I find that chasing after social status is pretty overrated. True fulfillment comes from personal growth, not what others think.
#12
"Being your own boss". People look at owners of already successful businesses and think that is what starting your own business i like.
Unless you are already rich and is able to just pay other people to do all the work, starting and owning your own business means you spend every waking hour working to keep your business afloat.
#14
Buying stuff to prove you’ve ‘made it’ while quietly burning out..
Zig Zag Wanderer 9 hours ago
That's just daft. I did used to buy a few nice things to make myself look 'successful', because that's part of an image people expected of me. My personal life got no such treatment.
#15
Prestige. It doesn't matter. Fancy awards, fancy schools, fancy titles. None of that matters. Financial security, ethics, being happy in your own skin and what you do every day matters.
#16
Being "happy" all the time. News flash - life is all ups and downs. There's good and there's bad, there are achievements and there are setbacks. And yeah, sometimes it's depressing. This applies no matter who you are.
Daisydaisy 9 hours ago
Life has some really really hard bits for pretty much everyone - somehow we mostly get through them in the end
#17
Marriage and having kids. to the point where people are so desperate to just be with someone (even if they don’t love them) so they can achieve this goal.
Daisydaisy 9 hours ago
Yes! I have seen disasters happen because people think being single is the worst thing. It's not. It can be a really healthy, happy life choice 😊
#18
Achieving “success” in the traditional sense.
What’s cool about being an adult is getting to choose for yourself what success looks like. It doesn’t have to involve tons of money, or a prestigious career, or being surrounded by the most popular and beautiful people. .
Rick Murray 10 hours ago
I have a place to live, I have a job, I seem to be liked, and I get to come home and sit under a tree with a book and a mug of tea. For a neurodivergent that basically failed life for most of my childhood, I call that a success.
#19
Getting a six pack. Takes bloody ages, it's difficult to maintain and does not make you happier.
#20
Dare I say getting married?
Rick Murray 10 hours ago
A couple at work took a two week holiday in New York (this was before the tangerine tantrum) instead of getting married. Said the one day cost twice what that holiday cost. Parents weren't happy, but couldn't argue the logic. Weddings are horrifically expensive.
#21
Getting married, having children, having a mortgage, having a full-time job. All 4 of these are varying levels of traps that limit your freedom.
Zig Zag Wanderer 8 hours ago
They all pretty much go together and often happen at the same time. It takes stability and security to raise a family, typically (I know it can be done without, but it's not common).
#22
People making their career their whole identity. Im not saying don't enjoy your work but there was a time I got laid off where I learned to value other things while searching for a job that aligned with my skills.
#23
Working a full-time, Monday thru Friday, 8 to 5 job that confines you to an office for 40+ years.
Zig Zag Wanderer 9 hours ago
Yeah, nah! I always tried to avoid this, and mostly managed. I think 4 years was all I did.
#24
Buying a nice car.
They are a box with wheels that get you from A to B - it should be as cheap and practical as possible.
#25
Anything job or career oriented. If you get run over by a bus today, your job will be advertised tomorrow. You'll be replaced within a week, and just a character in a couple of old stories within a few months. You really, truly, don't matter to your employer. You matter to your family and friends.
#26
“Keeping up with the Joneses” in.
Zig Zag Wanderer 9 hours ago
The Joneses can do whatever they feel like. It doesn't seem to be much of an issue in Australia, I'm pleased to say!
#27
Home ownership.
People look at you cockeyed if you say you DGAF about buying a highly leveraged, illiquid, and undiverse asset that simultaneously acts as a lifestyle choice.
Zig Zag Wanderer 8 hours ago
It's one of those things that mainly makes sense if you're bringing up children. You need more stability and permanence. Before and even after, it's way less important.
#28
New cars every few years.
Zig Zag Wanderer 8 hours ago
Nah. People who do this are just providing 2nd hand cars for normal people. Let them wear they majority of the depreciation!
#29
Flying a lot for work.
#30
Having a job with a lot of pressure and responsibility.
#31
Making adult friends. Maybe that’s the loser in me.
I like people. I like my coworkers, I get on well with most folks I meet. I don’t mind a chat or even having a weird bond.
But I don’t want to hang out with people like that, anymore. I have very few slots open in my precious little downtime and they are for groceries and naps.
PandaPadi 4 hours ago
I relate to this one. I like people in general, I love chatting about things and learning new things and perspectives from other people. But I dont see myself being involved in a friend group where we always have to meet or keep a group chat where we are always updating each other about our lives. Catching up once in a while is fine with me.
#33
Earning lots of money and becoming famous.
Rick Murray 10 hours ago
And then you too can have plenty of articles on BP and The Daily Mail examining every detail of your relationship dramas...
#34
Traveling to other countries. It's not for everyone and that's okay.
But I've spoken to people and it's clear they only travel because it's what their peers do. Also to post on social media.
Zig Zag Wanderer 8 hours ago (edited)
Ha ha, I've travelled to way more countries than most people ever will, starting in the 60s as a child, and 80s by myself. I have never once posted on social media about it! I still travel more than most, and still don't post 😎
#36
Getting PhDs and Doctorate degree.
Zig Zag Wanderer 8 hours ago
A PhD is a doctorate degree. If you're going into research or academia, it's kind of expected.
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