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Person Online Asks Moms What Their Reactions Would Be If Their Husbands Wanted To Do A Paternity Test And Gets These 31 Answers
It's no secret that much, if not everything, in this world is built on trust. We trust the state in the field of its functions, we trust teachers in the field of education for our kids, we trust our business partners... after all, in God we trust.
And without trust, there can be no successful and effective relationship, whether it is a long-term marriage or you and your significant other have just begun to share one roof over your heads. And all the more unexpected for a mother may be a request or demand to do a paternity test for their common children. So Bored Panda has put together a compilation of reactions from various women in this viral Reddit thread for you.
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I would be totally fine with it because he was standing there beside me at each adoption. The real problem is if the test came back and they ARE his.
I wouldn't care as I know I didn't cheat.
However, I would expect a long conversation about where this idea came from, who/what has been influencing him to undermine our marriage and trust. Whatever, or whomever it is, has 100% got to go.
Then I would ask for couples therapy. Someone doesn't go from family man to "those kids might not be mine" overnight. Someone/something has been chipping away at our marriage. The positive DNA results will just be a bandaid over the rot that will spread if not addressed.
Our kid looks so similar to my husband that her face unlocks his phone.
Sure, do the test.
Yeah, I look so much like my dad, and my chick does as well. Three generations of lookalikes
In 1984, Sir Alec Jeffreys, a professor of genetics at the University of Leicester in the UK, suddenly made the discovery in the course of another laboratory experiment that the DNA chains of different people have unique nucleotide sequences. The sections of DNA discovered by Jeffries are not repeated - which means that on their basis it is possible to form a so-called "genetic passport" or DNA profile for each particular person.
Do the ancestry one, then he can also see if HIS dad is really his dad. Since he’s curious.
If a man feels the needs to to prove his kids are his with a DNA test, then he's fully admitting he fundamentally doesn't trust his wife. If you don't trust your wife, don't f*****g have kids with her.
At least as a women you'll always be very sure even without a test you're the mom. Rare cases of accidentally swapped babies aside
I wouldn't be opposed to the actual request because I have nothing to hide.
But the fact that he felt the need to ask 100% indicates his lack of trust in the marriage and that is the bigger issue that I would be seriously concerned about.
This is so true, if you don't trust each other you should not be together let alone producing children.
Many people believe that the first institution that became interested in the discovery of Jeffreys was the British police, who wished to use DNA profiles in forensics. But it's not. The first to use the potential of the "genetic passport" were representatives of the British Migration Service, who thus received a powerful tool to check whether immigrants who claim to be related to a UK citizen are telling the truth. Well, then there was forensics, and a couple of years later, the first DNA-based paternity test took place.
Cuz there's no way for the woman to test every other child in the world to make sure they also aren't his.
I’ve offered it to my bf for our one and only child to shut up all the naysayers in his family who were telling him it wasn’t his. And he said me offering is even more suspicious than not offering. Which idk how the f**k that makes any sense but whatever dude. The kid is yours. Do it or don’t. Idc.
Why in the world would you offer to have one if you cheated? That makes no sense at all. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that c**p.
I would def be offended and assume that meant he didn't trust me. But then I'd suggest I take the test if he let's me go through his phone. Like, if he's paranoid that's gonna make me paranoid. If he's got cheating on his mind then maybe he's the one cheating. And then I'd never be able to relax wondering if somethings going on. So to ease everyone's worries, we'd both show each other our phones, messages,etc. And do the test.
But how justified would it be for a man to demand a paternity test? This question can be sensitive, so experts make up whole collections of tips on how to do it in the most appropriate and polite way. "Asking for a paternity test can be a difficult and emotional experience for all parties involved, especially if you have doubts about whether the child you have been raising is your biological child," states AlphaBiolabs, the UK-based medical center, official website.
"When starting a conversation with your child's mother about paternity testing, it is important to approach the conversation rationally, and avoid being insulting or accusatory. Explain your reasons for wanting a paternity test in a calm and considered way, whether it's just to ease your mind of any worries or to eliminate any suspicions you might have. Either way, mutual respect is important when starting a conversation about paternity testing." And yet, it all comes down to trust...
28F here. I wouldn't mind at all. Do you know how many men get f****d over because of women who just want the money or security from that man? Men have no other peace of mind other than your words, and it can ruin their lives if it isnt theirs. I'd do it just to set his mind at ease, and have a frank and open conversation as to why he felt that he had to get the test done. The outcome of that conversation determines what happens next, but I believe it's a completely fair request.
I'm a man, but that seems incredibly insulting. Granted, my kids look just like me, so it's easy for me to have that stance.
My half-brother and I (different mother) supposedly had the same father. We did a dna test for genealogy purposes and found out that our fathers are completely different haplotypes so our fathers are different too. Get this though, we look so much alike that we could be brothers. One last thing, even though our mothers have to different (mine died before brother born), our mitochondrial haplotypes are the same. Meaning that unbeknownst to either mother, they were related within past 2-3 generations.
I would not care, my husband found out late in life that he has a different biological father due to DNA testing and it crushed him. I would understand that the test has more to do with that circumstance than his trust in me. That being said, even after going through everything with his dad, he never tested our kids but I told him multiple times to go for it and I’d be totally fine!
My dad found out at 77 years old that his father wasn’t his bio dad and I’m not sure that his dad knew that fact. Both his parents are long gone so he asked his maternal aunt and she thought he knew that his bio dad was their family friend. My dad was stunned. He knew this man well. Knew his whole family.
Of course, this does not mean that the reckless trust in the style of King Viserys from the recent House of the Dragon series is right (after all, if there were paternity tests in Westeros, the plot might have been exhausted after the first few episodes...). Of course, there are multiple cases of paternity fraud, and a DNA test is a proper way to avoid it. And yet, women perceive such requests or demands from their significant others differently, so please feel free to scroll this list to the very end and maybe it would be thought-provoking for some of you. Who knows, since life is totally unpredictable.
Probably gonna get downvoted but no I wouldn’t. If that gives him the assurance he needs then let’s do the test. Also, the possibility of accidental baby switching- I’d take the DNA test too just to make sure.
When we were in the hospital (c-section), they slap a band on the baby before they get washed, vaccinated, weighed, and measured. My husband was required to go everywhere with the baby. I was being put back together and he was wheeling the baby around in the clear plastic bassinet! They don’t even have a nursery!!!!! Before you leave, they’re matching your band with baby’s band!
I just ask my wife this ...she said "I will rip your balls off and feed them to you if you want that damn test "
So ya they care
My ex husband had asked me for one when our daughter was around 3. I told him sure but when the test showed that he is her dad I would get to punch him in the face.
If you have this kind of distrust in your relationship, time to rethink it.
It should be standard with every birth. No one trapped by false paternity or insulted by insinuations of cheating.
Good idea, with so many children born outside of marriage or stable relationships. How many men are paying support for children who aren't theirs while others shirk their responsibilities?
Currently pregnant and not married to my partner of 2+ years.
If he wanted a test, as long as he was respectful and not accusatory in asking, I would have absolutely no issues.
As it stands, we're getting a paternity test regardless because we want our baby to have dual citizenship and his country wants proof this baby is his (Understandably)
"No, you can't have a DNA test! It'll prove the baby's not of terrestrial origin!"
Personally? Damn straight, because it implies that he doubts me, my fundamental character, and the relationship and family we've built together. That said, in cases where a relationship has been through infidelity and conflict, I can understand that a question of parentage needs to be resolved - for the sake of parents *and* children.
I wouldn't care. Our relationship is over, he can't possibly disrespect me anymore than he already has.
At this point, 30+ years and all kids are adults now and never ever having this convo,
Go for it! Knowing it’s a total and absolute waste of money.
Although I’d probably ask to do something like a 23 and me for all of us, this way we’ll get all the ancestry in addition to the bio relationship.
( kind of curious if all the kids ancestry would be exactly alike)
Two birds, one stone.
Hmm interesting point. After reading this I did a bit of a google, while ancestry tests aren't legal (like a paternity test) they can confirm if someone is parent/child based on DNA similarity, though obviously both child and father need to do the tests. https://whoareyoumadeof.com/blog/can-ancestry-dna-tell-father/ So for the ladies, if your hubby asks about getting your newborn bub an "ancestry DNA/23 and me" test it could be a sneaky way of checking paternity.
I honestly wouldn’t care. I feel like as a lady, I automatically have all the reassurance that baby is mine cause I grew it duh. For a dude though you don’t have that, and people DO lie, even if they say they love you.
If I were a man I guess I would like to know, too. But only when the kid had no real resemblance to me
It should be normalized until the courts stop forcing men to pay child support for other men's kids. Why should we men feel ashamed for wanting security? There are way too many instances where women have other men's kids and lie about it.
I wouldn't care.
If he didn't trust me, he would go get it without asking me. Simple as that.
I would probably just ask if I can help him find a reliable test. Then I'd ask if there was anything or anyone specific he was worried about or if it was just a general fear thing. If he's worried about something specific, I'd want to address it for the betterment of the relationship, not because I don't believe he trusts me. Sometimes it's not what the partner did or said, it's what someone else claims the partner did or said, or even what someone else wants to do with the partner and I can totally respect having a seed of doubt from something like that. It's the whole "I trust you, but I don't trust them" concept. But again, if he just didn't trust me, he wouldn't ask me, he would just get the test done behind my back.
I wouldn't care. In fact, if I had a child I'd do the test for myself. I have this nightmare scenario in my head, that my child is switched in a hospital. I'd do this for my peace of mind.
I do know a case of such a switch. The mother always suspected and later on knew, but she didn't tell her husband or son. She confided in my mom and that she wouldn't want her son to go back to the other (bio) family. It destroyed her marriage, though. The husband was always accusing her of cheating, because their son looked nothing like him. Cheating would be the obvious answer, so it's understandable. They got separated over it eventually
It should be standard practice at birth to remove the “wHaT uDoNT TRUST me?!” Let the hospital be the bad guy sorry it’s standard procedure.
My blood boils every time I hear a horror story about a dna test so I wouldn’t have a problem with it at all as long as he’s not a d**k or accusatory about it. A little peace of mind never hurt anyone, and there is such a thing as trust but verify. I fail to see how it’s any different from asking for a prenup.
I don’t know about for regular relationships, but it should be something to consider for divorced and child support when infidelity is suspected
No problem whatsoever. I get to know my daughter is mine because duh. If my husband asked for a test absolutely I am 100% on board. He has every right to know for sure. My only stipulation would be he get a few tests from different labs. This is for the same reason I got multiple pregnancy tests from different companies. I never trust a one and done result. Sometimes you get false results. (Also I seriously thought I had a thyroid issue because reasons and didn't believe I was pregnant 🤣)
As a pool technician I do this also with water samples I test. I always test twice. That may seem overboard but as I work around pools open to the public at large it's for safety reasons.
The only reason I wouldn't allow someone to take her DNA is if they want to clone her. Wait until she is an adult and ask for her consent.
I can see both sides. Nobody becomes a full adult without at least one betrayal from someone they thought they could trust. It's not offensive to expect someone to earn your trust. That being said, when you know you have gone all in and would never hurt your partner or give him any reason to doubt you you are gonna be hurt, it's a betrayal all on its own.
In a committed relationship, I find it insulting to insinuate the mother cheated. In a fling, or hook-up, or FWB, I think it is necessary for both parties to be certain.
I can see both sides. Nobody becomes a full adult without at least one betrayal from someone they thought they could trust. It's not offensive to expect someone to earn your trust. That being said, when you know you have gone all in and would never hurt your partner or give him any reason to doubt you you are gonna be hurt, it's a betrayal all on its own.
In a committed relationship, I find it insulting to insinuate the mother cheated. In a fling, or hook-up, or FWB, I think it is necessary for both parties to be certain.
