“I Wonder How He Gets Through The Day”: Wife Tests Limits Of Husband’s Obliviousness
A curious part of living with your partner over a long period of time is the discovery that some people are truly oblivious to the world around them. This can manifest itself in many ways, from comical to downright annoying, but with the right approach, someone can turn the situation to their advantage.
This is what one wife did when she realized her husband basically did not notice the changes she made around the house. With equal amounts of cunning and guile, she started some personal home renovations to see what she could get away with. Netizens shared their own “oblivious partner” stories in the comments section.
Some folks simply do not notice most things happening around them
Image credits: ketut-subiyanto (not the actual photo)
So a wife decided to take advantage of her husband’s obliviousness to the changes she made around the house
Image credits: DC_Studio (not the actual photo)
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Absent-mindedness can have a variety of causes
Psychologists have attempted to define absentmindedness as a sort of “zoning out,” where the person goes through lapses in their short-term and sometimes long-term memory. Similarly, these folks often have significant lapses in attention, which is particularly visible in OP’s story. It is important to note that the degree of obliviousness does, obviously, greatly differ from person to person. In extreme cases, the individual seems to hardly function and be a hazard to others, while in most cases it’s simply a bit comical.
Given that there is basically no evolutionary advantage to being obvious, as, say, not noticing the approaching tiger would have doomed our ancestors, scientists have worked hard to figure out the root causes. Interestingly, there are two, very different forces that might cause a person to completely not notice the color of a wall. The first is the aforementioned “zoning out,” where the person’s mind, much like a slow computer, is simply stuck processing previous information. As a result, they don’t really notice anything until it’s “resolved.”
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
On the other hand, too much focus isn’t a good thing either
The second, very different explanation is that the person is hyperfocused on something else, with the result that they do not take in any information from anything. While in theory, this seems like a plus in many situations, let’s face it, more often than not, we as human beings absolutely miss the forest for the trees. There is an abundance of information floating around, and leaving it up to our brains to pick and choose what to see can be risky.
We all are inattentive to some degree, at least for specific periods of time. Distractions, tiredness, inebriation, or a particularly strong focus on something else can all make us miss the most obvious information in the world. Accidents happen all the time, very often due to inattentiveness, even if it’s just momentary. It can also lead to a lack of productivity, as a person needs to constantly refresh themselves on information and relearn things.
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
To an observer, it can be pretty comical at times
However, as OP and the many commenters note, it can truly be sort of funny at times. People love playing games with such individuals, to see just how far they can test their inattentiveness, for example, in the scene from the US version of “The Office“, where character Creed Bratton doesn’t notice that his coworkers have replaced his apple with a potato and take a sizable bite out of it. This also raises a humorous sort of theory crafting around how these folks manage to get through any day successfully.
However, if you happen to be very, very absent-minded, there is good news for you. While OP would perhaps like to have her husband remain somewhat in the dark, there are techniques that can be implemented to help a person be less forgetful. Specialists can help set up specific work schedules that help retain information through frequent, small breaks. Combating boredom also helps, as a bored mind tends to be very resistant to new information. However, OP should probably finish all her projects first before embarking on this path.
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva (not the actual photo)
Other readers shared their own stories and OP answered some questions
I am pretty sure people will downvote me if I say this but; My fücking åss, that woman is an åsshole! "No, I am absolutely incapable of actually talking to my husband or expressing if I want something, let alone respect others decisions, I WANT a pink house, he can't tell me what to do so I'm just gonna do it anyway without asking because I am a pretty little princess and can do anything I want, using my husband's naivety/possible colorblindness for myself. And since that works, what else can I exploit now because I WANT?" Like, hell no, if I came home and the walls were baby blue all of a sudden, or whatever else, without me ever agreeing (or specifically saying no), I would be irritated beyond confusion and really wonder why this either wasn't communicated or just disrespected by my partner.
You're now +7, so I'm obviously not the only one that agrees with you. One small point about being colourblind is that it doesn't necessarily mean that you can't see the colour. I'm red/green colourblind, but I can see red and green,depending on the shade. But I can also confuse them with completely different colours. If the change in colour was subtle enough, the husband may genuinely have not noticed...or maybe he just thought, "Meh,whatever ".
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I'm leaning towards color blindness on this one. Inability to distinguish red and green is the most common type, and depending on the type of pink, he may not see it very well on the wall. It's just a theory though; it could be many things.
Kind of a weird post to make. Yeah, I get that she wanted to re-paint the house when the husband was away, but why bother to tell the whole internet about it?
Hmmm... probably part of some strange secret pro-pink conspiracy.
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When I left for college, I came back for Halloween. I asked my mom when they'd repainted the dining room. They hadn't. I'd lived in that house for thirteen years, and never noticed the dining room was yellow.
That sounds like something my mother would do to gaslight...also possibly something I might actually do. You can imagine how f****d up my psyche is
Load More Replies... You know your partner doesn't want that wall colour in the house where YOU BOTH live, but you just do it anyway, because you really want it? What a bïtch. It doesn't matter that he didn't notice, the fact that she just said "I want it, so I'm gonna do it my way, screw him" is a seriously bad way to be in a relationship.
Then to say what else can I do and get away with. What a b***h!
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Ooof, gaslighting next level. Also, an actual compromise would have been to paint it white and say, look, I repainted it because I really didn't like the red but I know you don't want the pink either.
You're lucky. My hubby wanted to, and STILL WANTS TO, paint each wall of every room in our house to reflect a different sports team. I vetoed that, saying that's what you use to decorate the man-cave. The rest of the house, the walls are still all eggshell white.
Marriage is compromise. We'd bought off the shelf cabinets for our kitchen remodel because the nicer ones weren't in budget. My husband cancelled the order before they could be delivered because, "I knew you'd be disappointed every time you walked in". I was planning on painting the walls a greige color until my husband pointed out that we've never had neutral walls and said, "We've always had a yellow kitchen. It wouldn't be the same". Compromise made and another moment of hubby knows best.
I am the opposite of the husband. I notice things, even outside my home. I was going to physical therapy twice a week for two months. The PT office has mobile floor to ceiling walls that allow to easily reconfigure rooms. The rooms were an obvious change. The checkout for clients was in an alcove. I was speaking with the therapist at the desk. I looked at one of the walls. (Tim Allen grunt and the tilt of the head like the RCA dog). I said "there's a door there now." Doc said, "You are the first person to notice. It's been that way for 2 weeks (I had been on vacation for 3 weeks) 🤣 I also notice dust on lamp shades in restaurants.... Be grateful hubby is oblivious. We Attention To Details (ATD) people can be a handful!
I wonder if he's partially colour blind and doesn't see much difference between the shades?
It's just paint. If he hates it when he notices they can change it. She hated the red, he said they could change it. I wouldn't be surprised if when he notices he admits it looks better than he imagined. So often paint colors are changed by the surrounding environment.
Back in the 1950s, my mom had long hair that reached her waist when she didn't have it up in braids. One day, she decided on a change and had it cut to collar length. It took almost two months before my dad noticed the difference. Needless to say, he was in hot water for a while, but they got over it. When he passed away, they'd been married for over 60 years.
not as a prank, but ive been asking my husband to help me repaint the living room for over 3 years now. keeps saying he will.....but never does. its not a bad color or anything, im just ready for something bright and new. thinking of just painting it while the kids are in school and seeing if he notices. i dont even want a "weird color" or anything. its a dark beige right now and id like to go a shade or two lighter. literally that's it. i even offered to buy the paint supplies and have everything ready. all he would have to do is the tall stuff since i have severe balance issues and get dizzy on ladders.
My father is like this, and I presume that's where I got it from. I live across from the village hall and at some point last year, they painted the building baby blue. I did not notice until one of my neighbours complained that it's a hideous colour (it is honestly), and I cannot remember what colour it was before.
My mother has repainted the living room at least twice and I didn't notice either time.
It's kinda funny that she's the audhd one when that was mentioned
I once put up a 4ft black Christmas tree complete with decorations and flashing lights in my then boyfriend's house, he didn't notice it until someone else pointed it out to him.
My husband is like this. Not quite as bad. He wants a joint decision about every small thing to do with house decor; down to individual cushions but also procrastinates and never compromises. Before covid he used to go into tge office every day and I could slowly introduce the odd picture or cushion into the house until it was all finished. I pointed it out then and he really liked it. Years later some items are looking shabby and need updating but my husband now works from home. So I have to use the very occassional day he does go in to work for a mass sneaking in of sof furnishings 😆
People who sit around looking at the wall are special, people who care what color the wall is are even more special.
I’m married to a Virgo, he notices everything. No matter how small. He will even ask if I used a different shade of blush. I wear make up once a month so that’s a good memory to be able to notice. No way could I make any decorating change without him noticing.
Load More Replies... I am pretty sure people will downvote me if I say this but; My fücking åss, that woman is an åsshole! "No, I am absolutely incapable of actually talking to my husband or expressing if I want something, let alone respect others decisions, I WANT a pink house, he can't tell me what to do so I'm just gonna do it anyway without asking because I am a pretty little princess and can do anything I want, using my husband's naivety/possible colorblindness for myself. And since that works, what else can I exploit now because I WANT?" Like, hell no, if I came home and the walls were baby blue all of a sudden, or whatever else, without me ever agreeing (or specifically saying no), I would be irritated beyond confusion and really wonder why this either wasn't communicated or just disrespected by my partner.
You're now +7, so I'm obviously not the only one that agrees with you. One small point about being colourblind is that it doesn't necessarily mean that you can't see the colour. I'm red/green colourblind, but I can see red and green,depending on the shade. But I can also confuse them with completely different colours. If the change in colour was subtle enough, the husband may genuinely have not noticed...or maybe he just thought, "Meh,whatever ".
Load More Replies... I'm leaning towards color blindness on this one. Inability to distinguish red and green is the most common type, and depending on the type of pink, he may not see it very well on the wall. It's just a theory though; it could be many things.
Kind of a weird post to make. Yeah, I get that she wanted to re-paint the house when the husband was away, but why bother to tell the whole internet about it?
Hmmm... probably part of some strange secret pro-pink conspiracy.
Load More Replies... When I left for college, I came back for Halloween. I asked my mom when they'd repainted the dining room. They hadn't. I'd lived in that house for thirteen years, and never noticed the dining room was yellow.
That sounds like something my mother would do to gaslight...also possibly something I might actually do. You can imagine how f****d up my psyche is
Load More Replies... You know your partner doesn't want that wall colour in the house where YOU BOTH live, but you just do it anyway, because you really want it? What a bïtch. It doesn't matter that he didn't notice, the fact that she just said "I want it, so I'm gonna do it my way, screw him" is a seriously bad way to be in a relationship.
Then to say what else can I do and get away with. What a b***h!
Load More Replies... Ooof, gaslighting next level. Also, an actual compromise would have been to paint it white and say, look, I repainted it because I really didn't like the red but I know you don't want the pink either.
You're lucky. My hubby wanted to, and STILL WANTS TO, paint each wall of every room in our house to reflect a different sports team. I vetoed that, saying that's what you use to decorate the man-cave. The rest of the house, the walls are still all eggshell white.
Marriage is compromise. We'd bought off the shelf cabinets for our kitchen remodel because the nicer ones weren't in budget. My husband cancelled the order before they could be delivered because, "I knew you'd be disappointed every time you walked in". I was planning on painting the walls a greige color until my husband pointed out that we've never had neutral walls and said, "We've always had a yellow kitchen. It wouldn't be the same". Compromise made and another moment of hubby knows best.
I am the opposite of the husband. I notice things, even outside my home. I was going to physical therapy twice a week for two months. The PT office has mobile floor to ceiling walls that allow to easily reconfigure rooms. The rooms were an obvious change. The checkout for clients was in an alcove. I was speaking with the therapist at the desk. I looked at one of the walls. (Tim Allen grunt and the tilt of the head like the RCA dog). I said "there's a door there now." Doc said, "You are the first person to notice. It's been that way for 2 weeks (I had been on vacation for 3 weeks) 🤣 I also notice dust on lamp shades in restaurants.... Be grateful hubby is oblivious. We Attention To Details (ATD) people can be a handful!
I wonder if he's partially colour blind and doesn't see much difference between the shades?
It's just paint. If he hates it when he notices they can change it. She hated the red, he said they could change it. I wouldn't be surprised if when he notices he admits it looks better than he imagined. So often paint colors are changed by the surrounding environment.
Back in the 1950s, my mom had long hair that reached her waist when she didn't have it up in braids. One day, she decided on a change and had it cut to collar length. It took almost two months before my dad noticed the difference. Needless to say, he was in hot water for a while, but they got over it. When he passed away, they'd been married for over 60 years.
not as a prank, but ive been asking my husband to help me repaint the living room for over 3 years now. keeps saying he will.....but never does. its not a bad color or anything, im just ready for something bright and new. thinking of just painting it while the kids are in school and seeing if he notices. i dont even want a "weird color" or anything. its a dark beige right now and id like to go a shade or two lighter. literally that's it. i even offered to buy the paint supplies and have everything ready. all he would have to do is the tall stuff since i have severe balance issues and get dizzy on ladders.
My father is like this, and I presume that's where I got it from. I live across from the village hall and at some point last year, they painted the building baby blue. I did not notice until one of my neighbours complained that it's a hideous colour (it is honestly), and I cannot remember what colour it was before.
My mother has repainted the living room at least twice and I didn't notice either time.
It's kinda funny that she's the audhd one when that was mentioned
I once put up a 4ft black Christmas tree complete with decorations and flashing lights in my then boyfriend's house, he didn't notice it until someone else pointed it out to him.
My husband is like this. Not quite as bad. He wants a joint decision about every small thing to do with house decor; down to individual cushions but also procrastinates and never compromises. Before covid he used to go into tge office every day and I could slowly introduce the odd picture or cushion into the house until it was all finished. I pointed it out then and he really liked it. Years later some items are looking shabby and need updating but my husband now works from home. So I have to use the very occassional day he does go in to work for a mass sneaking in of sof furnishings 😆
People who sit around looking at the wall are special, people who care what color the wall is are even more special.
I’m married to a Virgo, he notices everything. No matter how small. He will even ask if I used a different shade of blush. I wear make up once a month so that’s a good memory to be able to notice. No way could I make any decorating change without him noticing.
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