“AITA For Not Letting Daughter Go To Music Festival After I Accidentally Saw Her Texts?”
Parenthood is always a heavy burden, no matter how old the children are. When they are still very young, these are sleepless nights, fears for life and health, and problems with misunderstandings. When they grow up – these are sleepless nights waiting for them to come back from a party, fears for their life and health, and problems with misunderstandings – “OK, boomer!” and so on, yeah.
With underage children, it is probably even more difficult – after all, they always know for sure that parents do not understand anything in the modern world, and are offended by almost any manifestation of care, considering it just another kind of total control. And parents, especially if they want to have a good relationship with youngsters, need to find and maintain this fragile balance. After all, they themselves were teenagers so many years ago.
A parenting post recently appeared on the AITA Reddit community, which definitely touched the feelings of redditors. At least as of today it has nearly 12.8K upvotes and 3.8K different comments. Most of the commenters are most likely parents, but there were also representatives of the younger generation.
More info: Reddit
The Original Poster is a single man raising 3 children and his oldest daughter is 16 Y.O.
Image credits: Gary J. Wood (not the actual image)
So, the Original Poster is a single man raising three children, the eldest of whom is sixteen years old. According to the author of the post, their relationship is quite good – at least there is some kind of mutual understanding. The daughter has her own job and recently bought a ticket to a music festival she wants to go to with her friends. And this very festival caused the problem…
Image credits: u/Old-Concept-7207
The father suddenly received his daughter’s text messages on his own phone due to an iCloud glitch
After a glitch in the Apple iCloud on the OP’s smartphone, his oldest daughter’s messages were loaded in push notifications. This happened more than once, and each time, the father simply deleted them from his phone without opening them. But this time his eyes fell on the text of one of the messages, where it was written “we should be able to sneak it in if we hide it well…” The OP snooped and opened the whole thread.
Image credits: u/Old-Concept-7207
The OP discovered that his daughter and her friends decided to smuggle some banned substances into the festival
It turned out that his daughter and her friends were going to smuggle in alcohol, marijuana and something else which they called “molly” (the OP didn’t know what it was, but “molly” is a slang term for ecstasy). As a result, the shocked father simply forbade his daughter to go to the festival.
Image credits: Brian Evans (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/Old-Concept-7207
The father forbade his daughter from going to the festival and refused to reimburse her for $300
The girl, of course, was devastated, but she asked her father to at least reimburse her for the cost of the ticket. However, according to the OP, although he earns enough to provide for his family, he is not ready to just shell out $300 for a lost ticket. As a result, the daughter was very offended and refused to talk to her father at all.
Image credits: davidgljay (not the actual image)
People in the comments told the man that he did everything right and set reasonable rules
On the other hand, the commenters wrote that they fully support the OP, because the girl can think whatever she wants, but now, the dad is just protecting his child and introducing completely reasonable rules. Moreover, at music festivals, unfortunately, incidents related to the illegal smuggling of alcohol and drugs often occur, so it is better to protect a teenager from such problems.
In addition, people in the comments advised the father to contact the parents of the daughter’s friends and tell them what their children have planned. The OP later admitted that he did so, and one of the two parents he spoke to took it better than the other. We still hope that this situation will be resolved for the better, and the older generation will find understanding with the younger one.
If you are interested in stories regarding parents and children, you may also want to read our post on gentle parenting. But in any case, first of all, we are interested in your opinion on this very narrative, so comments, as always, are especially welcome.
Really?Alcohol at 16 is to expected and as a german it would be accepted (in OPs country probably not?), but molly? I would not only not be allowed to go but would have been grounded at least 2 weeks with a stern talking to about drugs.
This is in the US and at 16, it's not expected, at all. I (and my friends) would have been in so much trouble if we were caught drinking at 16.
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NTA, you're the Dad. You did what any Dad ought to do. I would do the same thing, except I would not have offered to make up any shortfall when she resells the ticket. IMO, that'd be the cost of poor judgment - and it's a LOT cheaper than a lot of other consequences she might have faced had she gone to the festival. Perhaps life changing consequences.
Kusotare, I am in complete agreement. My kids would be: A. Not going B. Selling their ticket (they bought it, it's theirs to do with as they please) without any difference adjustment from me C. Grounded D. Having a field trip to the police station to be taught what would have happened had she been caught E. Having a field trip to ER to see the effects of overdosing, taking a drug they don't know, etc. AND volunteering six months at a rehab center or similar
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I was allowed quite a lot of freedom as a teenager because my mother trusted me not to cross the line. If I was going to a festival with friends sneaking ecstasy in, you can bet I wouldn't be going and I would not be getting reimbursed. Paying for her own ticket is not permission to do everything. Giving permission to go to the festival would have been with the trust that she would behave at least somewhat sensibly. It is not unconditional.
Really?Alcohol at 16 is to expected and as a german it would be accepted (in OPs country probably not?), but molly? I would not only not be allowed to go but would have been grounded at least 2 weeks with a stern talking to about drugs.
This is in the US and at 16, it's not expected, at all. I (and my friends) would have been in so much trouble if we were caught drinking at 16.
Load More Replies... NTA, you're the Dad. You did what any Dad ought to do. I would do the same thing, except I would not have offered to make up any shortfall when she resells the ticket. IMO, that'd be the cost of poor judgment - and it's a LOT cheaper than a lot of other consequences she might have faced had she gone to the festival. Perhaps life changing consequences.
Kusotare, I am in complete agreement. My kids would be: A. Not going B. Selling their ticket (they bought it, it's theirs to do with as they please) without any difference adjustment from me C. Grounded D. Having a field trip to the police station to be taught what would have happened had she been caught E. Having a field trip to ER to see the effects of overdosing, taking a drug they don't know, etc. AND volunteering six months at a rehab center or similar
Load More Replies... I was allowed quite a lot of freedom as a teenager because my mother trusted me not to cross the line. If I was going to a festival with friends sneaking ecstasy in, you can bet I wouldn't be going and I would not be getting reimbursed. Paying for her own ticket is not permission to do everything. Giving permission to go to the festival would have been with the trust that she would behave at least somewhat sensibly. It is not unconditional.
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