In a 2018 Times opinion essay 'The Boys Are Not All Right,' American actor, comedian, and writer Michael Ian Black wrote: "The past 50 years have redefined what it means to be female in America. Girls today are told that they can do anything, be anyone. They've absorbed the message: They're outperforming boys in school at every level. But it isn't just about performance. To be a girl today is to be the beneficiary of decades of conversation about the complexities of womanhood, its many forms and expressions."
"Boys, though, have been left behind. No commensurate movement has emerged to help them navigate toward a full expression of their gender. It's no longer enough to 'be a man' — we no longer even know what that means."
Also, surveys from around the world find that males everywhere are reluctant to talk about their mental health and are far more likely to die by suicide than females.
Interested in the everyday implications of this, Reddit user Workdncsheets posted a question on the platform, asking "What are some things that are normal to men but mind-blowing to women?" and it immediately went viral. Here are some of the most popular replies among the 2.8K comments they've received.
This post may include affiliate links.
I'm 39. I started down an entirely new career path in mid-January. I've had horrible imposter syndrome since day 1 but the new job feels good. My boss (who happens to be a woman) sent me the nicest most complimentary email thanking me for being such a good addition to the team and I sincerely cried because in all my years in the workforce nobody has ever appreciated me so much. I imagine to her it was just one of those things a good boss does - "hey, my employee did a good job, I should tell them!" I sent it to my dad when he asked me how the new job was going. Even HE cried out of pride. Men don't get compliments, and when we do, we really feel it.
Men don't get compliments. I can remember the last time I got an unsolicited compliment on my looks. I remember it clear as day. I was 6 years old. I'm 40 now.
Really, I don't think this is a 'man' thing - men give compliments is transactional with pretty women, but they don't compliment women for doing a good job or being good at anything else. As a woman in the workplace, I've seldom gotten compliments from anyone about anything. So this is not a gender thing, it's just the way things are now.
Men don't get compliments, and it makes us very suspicious when someone does give one. What are they after? What are they setting me up for? Who's scheming what against me?
You may feel that way, but I don't believe that's typical.
Load More Replies...Men may not get the compliments but they get the raises and promotions.
I try to compliment men as much as I can. I'm 51, so they rarely take it as flirting, so that's a bonus.
My son, autistic and with a very young mind, gets compliments all the time. ALL THE TIME. (He is a good looking guy). He comes across as (and is) harmless. I feel for men never getting compliments but just like many men use them as a way of flirting, women are often afraid to give compliments in case it comes across as flirting. In a way, it's something men built themselves. Still, I know it's destructive and, since I'm an old fat lady who walks around with her tall son all the time, I do give compliments to men like I do with women.
This is not unimaginable. Many women and girls never receive compliments either. They're not good enough :/
Men don't get compliments. Not even from their partners? Cause I tell mine just about every day how attractive he is or how kind, thoughtful, funny, strong. Although, maybe men don't get compliments from their partners that often. When I told mine that I loved his beautiful blue eyes, he said that's first time any one ever said that to him. Now that I'm really thinking about it, that's pretty messed up. If your partner is a man or male presenting, tell him something really nice about himself! Make it a habit. It's easy and people always look so beautiful when their faces light up with joy from being told something nice about themselves!
I got 2 teams in 3 countries working for me. I treat everyone equal, watch them, watch out for them. If you are willing to scold them, be willing to praise them. Actually quite easy, I find. No idea why I should differentiate between men / women. So I don't.
Good for you. Compliments are free, easy, and usually make an impression on the people receiving them ( as long as they are genuine). I don't understand why it is so difficult for some people
Load More Replies...
Two guy friends could spend the afternoon together, have a grand time, come home, and have their respective wives be absolutely bewildered that they didn’t learn anything about what’s going on in the other guy's life.
Don't you want to know how they're doing? What's going on with them?
Load More Replies...Driving home from the Gun Club one evening, and my Wife says: "Eric's wife had a little boy." I reply: "Eric's married?"
Maybe you should though. Aren't a lot of men wishing they had more emotional outlets and connections in their life.
Agreed. Discussing personal lives leads to opinions which can lead to emotions, and men have been programmed to avoid emotions.
Load More Replies...No, that depends on a person. I'm a woman, but I'm not nosy and not going to ask someone I only recently met any personal questions.
Sometimes, with my guy friends, our parents who talk to each other know more about us than we do between us. We hung out a lot and only through my parents did I learn very basic things like some of them having a girlfriend now. Meanwhile, we are having the times of our lives hehe
Or having a phonecard. -How was his wife, and his son? -No idea. -What did you talk about, then? -If Sonic the Hedgehog could roch an inflatable mattress.
C'est bizarre, très bizarre q'on en soient rendu là, n'est ce pas?
The first time my wife showered with me she stops and says “it’s moving! Are you doing that? Why is it moving?” That was when I realized, if you don’t have a dong, you don’t know that they can move around as your testicles move, nor do you know that testicles move around all the time on their own. Particularly in an environment where the temperature is getting either hot or cold, like a shower. Balls move and balls itch. It’s what they do. And d***s have a mind of their own. Don’t ask me why it’s hard, I’ve been asking it that since I hit puberty.
Every boy has an embarrassing story or two of getting an erection at the worst possible time. Mine was doing a math problem at the chalkboard in class, BOING, guess who just woke up and decided to say hi to the world!
Was giving a speech in front of class. Did not want to leave podium! Got lucky with someone else doing stupid stuff and hid it with my notes as I rushed back to seat. 40 yrs ago...still fn haunts me!
Load More Replies...Sperm cells, are very temperature sensitive, hence the absolute worst design possible. When it's hot, your balls dangle away from your body in an attempt to stay cool, and when it's cold they tuck up close like you survived an accident with a poorly placed fan. Nearly 15 years with my wife and she still never misses an opportunity to poke, tickle or blow on my balls so she can watch them move around always while repeating "it's so f*****g weird"
Yea, I tried to explain that it´s not always possible to sit with our legs closed unless you want me to put my hand down there and arrange the flower s before I sit. Depending on the mood they can hang low, hang loose or sway
awww, that's sad I feel sorry for you. honestly if you ask me it dosen't matter what the balls look like. a d**k is a d**k! there all hot!
Load More Replies...Oh God, hilarious. I will remember this tomorrow, when I shower. And I will check. Just in case.
Had a meetup with the boys for hours. not a single photo was taken.
I wish everyone did this. Living your life through taking photos isn’t healthy. Be in the moment, don’t worry about your phone.
why does it matter to you what other do? if you dont want to take pictures, dont. Also, theres a big difference between "living your life through taking pictures" and take a few pics when you hang out with friends.
Load More Replies...Definitely more gender neutral than some realize. Seems an unfair stereotype to women that we're on our phones so much more than men, when my husband is FAR more addicted to his phone than I am to mine, and my two adult sons live on their phones.
Load More Replies...Umm this one is c**p lol I don't take pictures with my friends like that. Last time was technically at my wedding
This definitely shouldn't be #3, bc it's really isn't true.
Load More Replies...And they did not learn anything about each other. But they now know everything about the lasted sports series and the best places to go fishing.
This is annoying. I'm female and my group of friends is mixed gender. We almost never take photos of ourselves. That's not about gender at all.
Being single means no physical contact for extended periods. Or just me. I haven't been hugged in over 4 years. The last time I touched someone else was a handshake 5 months ago.
One of the things I love about living in France is all the bisous (kisses) that we (male and female) give and get in daily interactions.
TBH that's one of the worst aspects for me. Depending on where I am it might be two, three or four, so it's awkward before you even start. Reserved for close friends only, TYVM. Even the handshakes I could do without. Was great during (well more following it, really) lockdown when everyone replaced them with am elbow bump or similar, and strictly no kissing. Sadly it's just reverted to form since then :-(
Load More Replies...i am so starved for physical affection the other day i was wait for my dinner to cook my cat climbed into my arms for a cuddle and i nearly cried he is only a cat but i really need that
If it weren't for my recovery program I could easily go months without touching anyone. I schedule massages every now and then just to have human contact
When I was a massage therapist, I had a client who started crying during the massage. I stopped and asked if she was okay, and she explained that she hadn't been touched with kindness in years. It happens more often than people think, and it makes me terribly sad. I'm glad you make that time for yourself.
Load More Replies...And yet if I offered and tried to hug that male in a public place to show the most basic human contact, he'd probably reject it and give a homophobic response. Young males are so conditioned to reject touch even when it will save their mental health.
Being treated as a danger regardless of what you do.
This is sadly true. I've always been good with kids. I love mine. I just feel mega awkward and judged if I interact in public with them. Had moms give me a hard time when I am at the playground with my son even.
I have a hard time sympathizing with this one, because the reason this happens is because enough men have done so much harm, women have no choice but to assume 'all men' until proven otherwise; because, if we choose wrong, we can and have ended up assaulted, raped and/or dead.
I have a friend who didn't get this and got angry about some girls acting fearful at times during chance encounters, but I explained it to him this way..."Imagine a random guy is approaching you. He is taller than you, he looks stronger than you, and he looks like he weighs at least twice as much as you. He is staring at you as he gets closer. How would you feel?" He's a good guy, but he had not thought about it this way. He gets it now and realizes that sometimes it best to just give that pretty girl her space and go about your day.
Load More Replies...That’s the fault of your fellow men who don’t know how to behave, or know how to behave but choose not to. Blame them. I know it sucks being innocent but still lumped in with them, but people don’t know you’re one of the good guys until they get to know you. Try to make sure you call out other men when you see them misbehaving, and do your utmost to talk your friends out of going down the criminal, or just the a*****e, path. If every one of the good guys—-who are the majority, btw—-made that effort, maybe things would change for the better.
Pretty sure it's the fault of a tiny minority but sadly the media make out it to be the majority... And yes, I call out s****y behaviour but I'll be damned if I'm going to apologise or accept responsibility of the bad actions of a few just because 'the internet' expects me too.
Load More Replies...Is this sad? Yes. But is it warranted? Sadly yes. I get it, not all guys are predators, dangerous, etc. Instead of bitching about how unfair that is, just be kind, and be an ally to women. Walking behind a woman late at night cause both of you are going the same way? Chill for a couple of minutes so she can gain some distance and feel safe, or cross the street, or politely ask her if she would like it if you walked ahead of her so she can see you. If you're not a bad guy then act on it instead of screaming "unfair".
A grateful and weary thank you, InfiniteZeek. I got yelled at in the grocery store because I would not engage with a man who kept approaching me. It was terrifying and a man is loudly stating that he is not a "bad guy", I am not going to believe him.
Load More Replies...EVERY woman can name dozens or hundreds of women they know who have been sexually harassed or sexually assaulted, while males claim they "don't know anyone who has done that". And then they wonder why they're not trusted.
It is true but depressing. When I was younger, 99.9 % of the time what would happen is this : guy talks to me. I answer. Talk more. I answer, he smiles, I smile back. He misconstrues it as an invitation. I gently set him straight. He gets offended by the rejection and gets mean, aggressive, in my face. This is why women are so cautious, and I am sorry because I realize that we also reject men who mean no harm.
Honestly, I get it, especially when I'm walking down the road in the middle of the night. Hell, I treat other men I don't know as threats too in that situation. Doesn't change the fact that it does kinda sting to be seen as a threat when for all intents and purposes I'm not a threat - but the other person doesn't know that and is playing it safe.
I know there are plenty of good men in the world, but this reputation is well deserved. Every incident where I've felt unsafe in my life has involved a man. I've never felt threatened, or scared for my safety around another woman, and women have never assaulted me, or stalked me.
My wife continually asks me 'did anyone say anything about your shirt/hair/shoes/etc?'
No, no one says anything about my appearance.
My concern is to verify I am infact wearing pants and usually shoes before leaving the house and I'm good.
Made me chuckle - as a woman, this is my main goal too!!
Load More Replies...I sometimes get complimented on a shirt with a funny joke. The one that had garnered the most compliments says "my wife says I have two problems: I don't listen, and something else."
positive or negative men get very little comments on their appearances but women have to find out what to wear that is acceptable to society but also makes them feel confident, doesn't over sexualize themselves but still looks good. its walking on eggshells for me. but guys throw on the most random clothes and go about their day.
I always compliment well dressed men. Or even just guys you can tell put in effort and look a lil uncomfortable in a collared shirt.
I too understand that men are acutely under-complimented and have worked to get over my natural shyness to speak up and let a guy know if he looks good. I know how much it makes my day when someone gives me even the smallest compliment. Men deserve to feel that too, even if they are conditioned by society to brush it off (which is really sad). Golden rule and all that.
Load More Replies...Yes, nobody cares about your look, until it's fitting in the norms. Or, if you look very great, some will notice. Bot otherwise, nobody cares about out suits or shoes.
As a woman I can say something that blows my mind constantly about men is being able to leave the house with no bag. Just like keys and wallet in pockets. 0 inventory. Wild to me.
I am a 59 year old woman and I discovered years ago the only thing I need is my wallet. Still have purses, just never use them.
As a mid 50s large-purse lady, I do occasionally go purse free and find it quite freeing. Other times I am glad I had that "thing" in my purse that turned out to be handy. All depends on the situation I am going into.
Load More Replies...Me too. I don't even own a purse. Keys, wallet (crammed into my tiny pockets) and my phone. That's it.
Load More Replies...Also kudos for the name. I loved just in time movie - but your name, well it’s awesome
Load More Replies...Phone, eye drops, keys, wallet, pens, marker, flashlight, pocketknife, pistol and spare magazines. everything fits in the pockets and on the belt. The bag with essentials and trauma kit stays in the car
Sounds like you are perfectly and very reasonably prepared. Keeping emergency stuff (tools, trauma kit) in the vehicle just seems like common sense.
Load More Replies...Phone wallet keys glasses. We have the pockets to do this. And i maintain that fashion companies design women's clothing with small pockets to force them to buy handbags.
I agree. I have to take a purse to carry the very same items. Our pockets are laughable.
Load More Replies...
From what I am constantly told - the size of our standard pants pockets is mind-blowing.
Yes, I need to carry things so I get more pockets. I wear 5.11 cargo pants. My wife has gotten a larger purse over the years, I have added pockets. Neither of us understand why the other does it that way...
Load More Replies...Can confirm. A friend of mine transitioned during covid. She was working in the yard last summer and was wearing her old "boy pants". She posted a picture about the pocket size difference.
So jealous of men for this one. Pants pockets are too small to hold anything larger than a lipstick... dresses and skirts almost never have pockets (which is why women always bring it up in conversation when they do), and those awesome interior vest pockets are unheard of. I imagine that women don't want to add to or change their body appearance with pockets full of stuff. But plenty of men are happy to call me out if I have a large purse.
OMG! I just bought a pair of slacks and shocker one you! The pockets are halfway down my thighs!
When i was about 15, way back in the late 1990's, there was something called "Billy big shorts" Which were oversized cargo shorts. The top, front pockets were large enough to be able to fit TWO cartons of cigarettes in each...without them being at all visible.
Long car rides with another dude, nobody says anything and nobody is mad.
My husband is the talker in our relationship. On long car rides, I prefer to look out the window and daydream. He likes to YAKAYAKAYAKAYAKA until I'm ready to strangle him.
But take a ride with your daughter, and you have the deepest conversations.
I do not know whether this is a men or women thing. I am a man, I can attest to driving for hours on end with male friends or relatives and not saying much of anything for hours, then a few moments of meaningful and insightful conversations, then silence, it is wonderful. I can also attest to driving hours on end with women wanting to open a vein because they won't shut up. Just my experience.
My Hubby and I do this all the time. I think it’s a sign of a healthy relationship to be comfortable with each other’s silence
Best thing I learned from a man I dated briefly (and now we're bffs) is he gave positive feedback for being able to have quiet with each other. Even on the phone. It's our "expectation" to either talking while on the phone or hanging up. Ours was mostly a long distance relationship so that was very good for me to hear. And, made me stop and think about it and changed my whole POV.
Load More Replies...I’m a woman and this happens often? In fact it’s happening right now. We’re just vibin’
Men just naturally have a level of strength that surprises women. Testosterone is a hell of a d**g.
For example: my wife has been going to the gym for a while now. She's noticeably stronger now and it's awesome for her. I actually commented and complimented it the other night. But me, a dumpy 45 year old man whose exercise is walking and carrying groceries, I'm still stronger than her just because I'm a guy.
As a female weightlifter, this annoys and astonishes me to no end! Dudes are just strong. It's amazing.
Ya but women can be and are better at so many other things that actually count. Wish people understood, we all have our "strengths ", just in different areas.
Load More Replies...Yup, there is a reason for sex categories in sport. Most of the time males are physically stronger than females.
Dad bod works well carrying around kiddos. I'm like a pack mule. Not much to look at but can carry a few people and supplies through the mountains if needed.
Dad strength is real Jason. My pops is 5 inches shorter than me, almost twice my age and got his a*s kicked by cancer treatments for the last 2 years and he is still strong as an ox.
Load More Replies...This reminds me of one of the hundreds of stupid arguments my now-ex picked with me. I commented that using the stick shift in our semi (we were team truckers) wore my right arm out after a long day. He could not understand; to him it too no strength at all, he never even noticed it. I just could NOT get it through his head that our natural strengths made a difference! (of course, he was also verbally abusive, so it’s likely that the argument was no more than that.)
It honestly feels wrong to exclude transexuals, or put them in a separate category. (Can you image skiing events in the olympics being divided into Men's, Women's and Other's?) But sports that pit cis-women against trans-women are simply no fair. You can take the all-time bench record and go to your typical men's gym and find a guy who can break it. The reason most universities have no NCAA football program is that the huge team size means the universities can't find enough women's sports (as mandated by Title IX) to balance the number of scholarships at a reasonable cost. (Most money raised by state-university sports programs go solely into funding other sports.... by law.) But now everything done by Title IX is being threatened. (EDIT: Not actually "most" of all universities. Somewhat less than half of those that participate in NCAA.)
In this matter, I find myself embarrassingly gender-conscious. One of the athletes I admire is a trans woman, but she plays in the men's division because she feels that it is unfair for her to be in the women's division. She is young and says that she will only start hormonal treatments when her professional sports career is over. I wouldn't like to advocate for transgenders to have their own leagues because it feels discriminatory, but the differences in physical strength should somehow be taken into account because at the same time I feel that the achievements of my biological gender are overshadowed. Stupid, because a woman is a woman if she calls herself a woman, that's what I think myself.
Load More Replies...They have more upper body strength. If a woman got a man in a leg lock it'd be a diffrent story.
that's because women have more lower body strength to carry another living being in you for 9 months. but men do have more upper body strength.
Load More Replies...60% of our mass is above our waist, for ladies, it’s below the waist. Girls can go pound for pound on exercises that only use the lower body, but as soon as any torso engagement is required, a guy will always be stronger (all other things being equal). It’s just anatomy.
Muscle tissue is the same regardless of gender but men do have more of it, on average. Sometimes a woman is stronger than most men, but most often it is the other way around.
I've pointed this point out to women before, but they keep beating me up.
Load More Replies...I'm about 5'11 and 70ish kilo's, haven't been to the gym in years, but i walk 80-100 miles per week, and carry large amounts of stuff. Couple weeks ago i was running errands for my wife, and had to pick up an order of paper, which was 2500 sheets, and several other varieties of cardstock...like oversized hiking backpack overstuffed, and two more large bags in each hand worth. I couldn't get a cab, so i just decided to walk. 3.5 miles. It was rough, but i made it home in under an hour. Out of curiosity, i hopped on the scale with everything i carried. 95 pounds.....there's no way i should have been able to that, beyond the the fact that i decided i was going to.
Erection =\= Aroused.
It boggles their mind that just cause a guy gets hard doesn’t mean he is ready to go. Sometimes it just…happens.
Also we're not always ready to pop a rod at the drop of a hat. We're not actually ready for intimate relations 100% of the time. I had a girlfriend who took it very personally and would get angry when I simply wasn't in the mood. It felt very demeaning to me.
Like women can have hard nipples suddenly without being aroused by anything. But... unfortunately, it is too often seen as something sexual.
And being in the mood doesn't mean you have an erection handy. (Mentioning this for a friend, of course.)
I remember when I was recovering after being circumcised (health reasons) and somebody opening a door three streets away was enough to get an erection.
I guess it's like discharge! Women have no control over it either, and it doesn't equal arousal.
This is a very good comparative of bodily function without direct intent.
Load More Replies...Happens less as you get older. But even in my 50's still times when it just says "Hey! Here I am".
My friends who I haven't seen in YEARS went camping with me recently for four days. I got back and my wife asked me what's been going on in their lives. I pondered and said that I don't really know beyond some got married at some point, one had a kid but I don't know when, and that we mainly talked random stuff. One night we had ended up making a tier list of dipping sauces over three hours.
Old friends get-together? 1st up; we want to remember old times, and what we were then. Recent stuff; may come up; but it's not why we're here. Yeah, women are different here.
A complete retelling of the high school/college hijinks is the first order of business always!
Load More Replies...guys do whatever the hell they want (from my experience). Im in high school, me and my bros had a sleepover at the end of this most recent winter break after not seeing each other for a month, ad all we did was play in our minecraft world, play monopoly, make some cool film-like videos, and watch funny videos on youtube.
In general (the men I know), discussing a partners body or intimate relationship details would be crossing a line and is at best weird, and at worst a betrayal.
Men (and women) I have known do quite the opposite. So this guy knows some decent people.
About exes and one night stands, sure. But current relationships? Hell no. Never heard a guy talking about that.
Load More Replies...I do tell some stories but never anyone they would know of current GF, and never give the name. I hooked up with a girl that wanted me to do XYZ or did ZXY.
I have never said a bad word about someone's girlfriend. After a breakup I may say I didn't think they were right for each other, but never while they are together. And no ma'am would ever comment on their friend's body unless they say they have been working out, and I reply that it shows. We do, however, comment to each other on the pretty girls who walk past...
My boyfriend and I have the policy that you can share with your friends that you "got lucky" but leave out the salacious details.
All the men in my life, including myself, announce that we got lucky last night and that's it.
Having to suppress emotional responses, anxiety, depression otherwise being considered a loser, weak and worthless.
Is this why so many men don't talk about their private lives with their friends? :-(
It's also why men disproportionally suffer from undiagnosed depression, substance abuse, and stress-related physical illnesses like heart disease and hypertension; and why we die younger.
Load More Replies...I'm old enough to remember 1970s feminist campaigns (which I wholeheartedly support). One of them was to raise kind boys so that having feelings was normalized. Yet today I keep hearing FROM MEN that they're not allowed to show emotions. This is a true tragedy.
Women are judged for that too. The insidious part is that traditional gendering is based on 'othering' women and projecting any human attributes considered weak or negative onto them, making it 'normal' for a woman.
I talk about personal stuff with a small group of close friends... We don't judge eachother. Everyone needs someone they can talk to about things that matter to them.
I'm so sorry to hear that! Not being able to talk about how you feel, maybe not even being taught the words to express those feelings, that's absolutely terrible. I was raised in a pretty hellish environment, but I suppressed my feelings to cope. It wasn't until I had children that I realized how unhealthy that is. I'm better now, but still struggle. Perhaps if you had a therapist or just a safe person to talk to? Or, if you aren't already, put your feelings into writing, as a start? I don't know what your situation is, but I'm rooting for you and I hope you get the help you need and deserve!
Load More Replies...This one. Especially in the work place. Where I work, if a woman/trans/effeminate gay guy expresses anxiety or depression they get affirmation and special treatment. If you're a big tough looking guy they just kinda get nervous and ignore you. I'm gay and I speak the language of affirmation and kindness, but the line is clearly drawn in our society
Okay as someone who sits and watches her dude friends but is the person they talk to, I can tell you this with a lot of confidence: your other dudes would likely never mind you coming to them. Quite a lot of them would be THRILLED but not showing it. Maybe afraid of f*****g it up. Just agree that you're both terrible at it if you are, but don't let feeling 'cringy' or whatever you call it keep you from connecting.
I suspect that this was written by a woman. Men are expected to solve problems and can get frustrated and angry when they can't, they are also expected to be the protectors of the family. Society has been actively trying to stop men expressing their emotions, particularly anger, for centuries and at the same time appear strong and in control. Women are more likely to seek support and to talk about their problems, without seeking solutions. The way men deal with emotions has been controlled for a reason, though men are now criticised for not dealing with problems in the same way women do. This doesn't mean they can't talk about how they feel, they just deal with things differently. The control of emotional expression is there for a reason, women should stop telling men what they should feel and how this should be expressed, there are differences. Prisons are full of men who showed their emotions.
We clean off s**t stuck to the inside of the toilet bowl when we p**s. It ain’t much but it’s honest work.
Yep, universally used. It's like catching a ghost with a proton pack, you aim with the beam. But don't cross the beams.
I don't even want to know the situation where "crossing 'beams'" would be likely
Load More Replies...Was not aware of this contribution to society. Not being sarcastic, I had just never thought about it. Thanks!
I don't remember the birthday of my best friend of 12 years. i just know its in January.
I know the birthdays of my wife's and kids, though if you ask me for one kid's birthday, I'll take a minute because I'm running through them in my head in order. I do know one friend's birthday because it's the day before mine. My mom and my best friend of about 30 years are September 12 and 19, but I never remember which is which. I remember 1 sister because it's near mine, but not the other. My dad's is in July. I don't know any others. However, my wife knows them all and tells me when I need to email someone, send a card, etc
what is even the point of male friendships? none of you clearly know anything about each other and it seems to me that these connections aren't truly meaningful. I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just genuinely confused
The point is to just exist in each other's company and not be enemies. Friendships are really THAT simple for men.
Load More Replies...I don't know any of my friend's birthdays. I don't even know the month.
I can't remember which is which with my dad and sister's birthday (i'm a woman) because they are literally side by side, literally consecutive days. I can't remember which one comes first.....
No no, I am not committing to a month. I think... June. I said, I think. Nothing but an educated guess.
I know MOST Birthdays for important people in my life, and I try never to forget to acknowledge one. I do just wish they did the same but sadly, they don't. But, it makes me feel good as a person to acknowledge others birthdays.
Because if. You care about another, you acknowledge their special days. And not JUST birthdays, Anniversaries, Christmas, Etc. But YES, I AM a Sensitive, CARING guy.
Load More Replies...My wife asked me if I’d sent my friend a birthday card. I’ve known him for 30 years and I know the month and that’s it. If I sent him a card he’d think something was up, or I was taking the p**s
The expectation to help in certain situations, especially as a big guy.
I went to retirement party for a person I never met before (invited by a friend). Literally minutes after I showed up, some random lady came up to me and *told* me to come with her because she needed something carried somewhere.
After I helped the woman above, I remember my (female) friend was kinda surprised that this woman just demanded I help her, without knowing who I was at all. I don't mind helping. On some level it's nice (?) knowing that I look strong enough to help people do things they physically can't. But this happens ALL. THE. TIME. Which also surprised her.
I can't count the number of times I have helped women in stores reach things because I am tall. Just the other day in the grocery store a woman said "excuse me...". I looked and just said "the blue one?". She was surprised that I did not mind helping. Lady. You would not believe how many times I have done this.
I may be guilty of this. Under 5ft2 so if I'm in the supermarket and need something from the top shelf, I usually have to wait till someone tall enough appears so I can ask for help. I do mountaineer the shelves sometimes but it doesn't always go well.
I know, the store gets mad at you when THEY put stuff up too high for the normal person to reach, so you try to help yourself.. Really mad. I know.
Load More Replies...I feel all of this. I'm a 6'1", 260 lb. guy. I'm also in my late 50s. My team at work is all women. Last year our agency moved into a new building and every department was responsible for packing and unpacking their own files. It was just assumed that not only would I handle all the packing boxes for our department, but also for the three other departments on our floor because they had no men in their sections. What's funny and ironic is that my division handles employee complaints of discrimination, harassment, and disparate treatment based on "protected class" status (e.g. race, religion, sex...). I could have made pretty convincing case that I was subjected to physically demanding conditions based on my sex, in violation of agency policy and state and Federal law.
Years ago a woman at work got indignant with me because I wouldn't help her move her computer equipment to another desk. She refused to understand that we were told not to assist with moving any equipment, especially something expensive, because we would be held accountable if something got damaged.
Load More Replies...I've had major back surgery and there are a few things I have to be very careful doing. I'm generally a pretty strong dude and fine helping with things I can but people assume I can help them with anything they need help with and give me the side eye if I try to say I can't
Being asked is not the problem. I always help when asked politely. However, some folks don't ask, they just demand and expect us to comply - that's when I get irritated and refuse.
Load More Replies...I’m 6’3” which isn’t super tall, but I live in a city of 5 foot tall people so generally I am always asked to fetch things on high shelves. I don’t mind, as I live a life of solitude and it’s some of the only social interaction I get.
I have 4 daughters, one day I'll probably have some son in laws who will help with things. Or (more likely based on what I've seen of their friends thus far), I'll go over and help them with things.
Yes to this, keep your game sharp, because if my husband is anything to go by, your daughters are still going to need your skills. I miss my dad.
Load More Replies...Telling someone, a random stranger, to do something: not okay. Asking them: okay. The latter gives someone agency. I rarely(I can't remember when) get told, but often asked. And I am happy to oblige...
What particular beige-colored hell does someone come from where they don't ask the fully sentient human if they'd be so inclined to help? This shouldn't be. Period.
ignore any comments telling you not to do that. do whatever you want. you want to help, then help. if you don't then decline. i am telling you what to do, but you could also not take this advise and do whatever you want, which would be to listen to other people, listen to me, or listen to yourself.... is it really that annoying to you that you get asked for help? i am a big guy as well, and get this all the time too.. live with it.
... and being considered an a**hole of you don't because you had a serious back injury. They usually calm down when you can show the scar of the surgery.
That we don’t socialize/talk/bond with other guys in the bathroom.
No talking in the bathroom. You go in, take care of business, wash your hands, and get out.
No standing next to another dude at the urinal unless you have no choice.
Women’s behavior in the bathroom is considerably different than men’s behavior, or so I’ve been told.
The dude code of urinal selection is a thing, but I've always had people talk to me while using them.
in that case it's only polite to turn your whole body to face them.
Load More Replies...Pee-shyness is another thing when standing next to another guy at a row of urinals. "Start, you b*#$tard!!"
You're so obessed with hitting the fly in the urinal, you wouldn't have time or concentration for anything else :)
Re the urinal, yesterday I had to go to the men's room at our local mall. It only had two urinals and two stalls. One urinal was occupied so naturally I used the stall even though I just wanted to take a leak. No way was I going to stand next to the other guy. Poor design not to have an odd number of urinals
I hate that other women talk to me while I'm in a stall. Lady, my pants are around my ankles, can I have a moment of silence, please?
That awkward moment when somebody starts peeing next to you and tries to have a conversation.
I once complimented a guy on his legendary 15 second fart from 2 stalls over with a “Nice.” That is the only time I have spoken in a restroom in 38 years.
I don't talk while urinating. If you want to talk to me with our dongs out, come join the nudist club.
My female friends don’t roast each other like I do with my friends. It’s all in good fun, but I can’t joke with them like I do with my male friends.
As a man, I noticed that women can be...... sensitive..... about roasting. They take it very personal. So I don't roast them. Then they complain that I am different with them than with my male friends. So I roast them, then they get all offended and tell me to not be so personal. I think women are doing it to unbalance men, and I will die on this hill
Everyone's different, it's not a conspiracy to throw men off-kilter around women. Maybe if this happens again, explain that roasting is something you do with your friends, you don't want to potentially hurt their feelings, and if they tell you to go ahead and they get their feelings hurt, that's on them because you warned them exactly what would happen.
Load More Replies...This must be different on different places - all I do with my close friends/family is take the p**s out of them, and they to me and no one ever gets offended. Don't even get me started on how my daughters and I interact - it's brutal but all said with absolute humour and love.
Ok, I'm not trying to be a d**k, but some of these make no sense to me. Like, my friends, my daughters, we'll slide some sick burns in for good fun and most of the time it's a good chuckle or belly laugh, then we move on. I have to think there are plenty of women like this, or am I wrong? I genuinely don't know!
Even our greetings are insults, and the closer we are to the other guy, the worse it is :-) I've always thought of it as like a trust exercise: there's nothing we can say to each other that will cause real offense and threaten a friendship this strong. Only don't criticize another guy's skills, only his choices:- that is a horrible shirt is OK, those are horrible shelves is NOT.
I'm a woman. Yes, girls don't roast each other quite as much, but many do talk made c**p behind the others back, and that sucks.
The difference between men and women is that men insult one another, but don't mean it, women compliment one another, but don't mean it.
How much stress some of us feel trying to be providers.
Which probably isn't mind-blowing to single mothers.
Equality isn't far away. Saying there's no difference between men and women is, and it should be.
Load More Replies...You know that married women also have to work, right? What decade you in
Apparently just thinking of ”nothing”. Total zoning out.
Also not gender; but individual. Wide variance on this one. "Zoning" is not generally harmful- in fact people study how to do it - Zen, you know.
It's more common in people who are neurodivergent, and because we're often not aware of what we're looking at when we zone out it can mean we get accused of creeping.
Load More Replies...Every time I read this, it blows my mind. My brain is like a hamster on a wheel and I don't have ADHD. I'm just always thinking about stuff. That's when I get my best (and not so best) ideas from. I'm even always looking for things to think about.
I have a very active inner life and "busy mind"... Struggle to switch off at bedtime.
I feel you. There is no off, ever. There is music, there is work, there is family, there is news, ... I would welcome zoning out!!
Load More Replies...But how often do you think of Ancient Romans? That seems to be the key to something.
I'm adhd, the only time i zone out even close to total, is when I have to in order to not have ever increasing anxiety. It's difficult to do, and i can only really do it if I'm sleep deprived
The complete f*****g mystery that is flirting.
The anxiety of approaching someone you're interested in and making the first move. Straight women act like it's nothing but I have known Bi women who get as anxious as any man who approaches a woman.
Getting kicked in the balls.
Knowing that when you shake hands with another man that when he squeezes your hand he is sizing you up. Deciding whether or not he could take you in a fight.
Understanding that being told "be yourself" is the equivalent for women of "he'll like you for your personality".
If you see a woman, let's say at work, openly crying she may be having anything from a tough day to having suffered a serious personal loss. Where as if you see a man doing this at work he's probably 6 minutes from s*****e. Not having the freedom to cry is so worked into the concept of manhood that most men can't even when they want to.
I agree with everything except the handshake. A handshake tells me if the person is nice, trustworthy, considering himself above, below or equal to me, and if he is an a$$hat or not.
So...except for the fight part of it, you're using a handshake to size the other person up.
Load More Replies...What's so weird, is that men crying being considered 'weak' is a relatively recent development. "[T]he gender gap in crying seems to be a recent development. Historical and literary evidence suggests that, in the past, not only did men cry in public, but no one saw it as feminine or shameful." Maybe the only way to really change this is for men who have sons, when they cry, comfort and support them, and don't do to them what was done to you? But women also really need to support boys and men when they cry and not be judgy, shaming, or turn a blind eye to it. https://aeon.co/essays/whatever-happened-to-the-noble-art-of-the-manly-weep
That sizing up to see if they can take you in a fight is generally gone once a normal male gets past puberty. If that is still happening as an adult, you must be in MAGA land.
My uncle is a farmer who has the strongest grip I have ever felt. As a kid, my hand would hurt for hours. I don't always remember to get firmly, not that I can't (well, I can't do it like my uncle, but you know), but I'll just forget to do it. So if I'm meeting someone new at work, I try to remind myself.
My son learned to shake hands in preschool. I think all men and women should learn this.
Watched one of those "men having period pain machines" shows. Cranked up to 8 maybe 9, the guy said that was worse than being kicked in the balls. As someone with endometriosis, I think I'd be able to handle a pretty high number, but I thought that was interesting.
Depriving men of the expression of non-anger emotions has really done considerable harm.
My wife didn’t realize she’d been seeing this for years in various guys until she asked me what it was. I call it the “Howdy Pardner” - when you realize one or both of the twins is stuck to your leg so you kinda haunch out like a cowboy walking with his spurs on for just a split second and everything unsticks.
I wear trunks, and I have to do this occasionally.
Load More Replies...I can't stand things getting out of place. I try to avoid people seeing me making tiny adjustments all day long.
Which is one of the (many) ways in which you earned your name.
Load More Replies...Some male friends in high school called it testicling.
I read this and thought he meant KIDS stuck on his legs (like grabbing around his legs for a fun ride)!! Didn't realize we were talking balls...lol!! Yup, I'm female!🤣🤣
Just read your comment, then the OP again...too funny!
Load More Replies...
How disposable we feel. Like Chris Rock said, "Only women, children, and puppies are loved unconditionally ".
I'd say this, while general treatment of women leaves a lot to be desired, in this regard, please don't compare yourselves to men. When a boat sinks, it's women and children. When there is a fire people would jump into the fire for a child or a woman. When there is war, we're sent. When we go in front of a judge in any family matter, it's always women that has the advantage. When you complain to the police, we're arrested without a question. Hell, even when you see an insect, men would told to go and hunt it. Most of the really dangerous jobs are pretty much exclusive to men. I could go on, but I guess you get what I mean. Yes, women are not threated equally, and I am very disappointed in my gender for that. But Men also are not treated equally either on this issue.
Load More Replies...HA! Women are NOT loved unconditionally, not even CLOSE. Women are also treated as disposable-- maybe not like soldiers, as men are, but we're treated as consumable sexual objects that can be thrown away like trash when a man is done with us.
Look up the stats on who initiates divorces. It ain't men discarding women.
Load More Replies...Not sure that's true for most women, and maybe not for children and puppies either.
Full quote: "Only women, children and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved under the condition that he provides something."
NO, Waaay *INCORRECT*; ONLY *children*, and in most cases, animals, are loved UNconditionally; Well, women who are MOTHERS *Might* be (*I* say this b/c only women were mentioned above), depending on their relationship with their child(ren), but in most cases, it's the *Parent and Child* relationship (this *INCLUDES* FATHERS) that is *Completely* UNconditional.... and some pets (b/c most of us see them as our babies :) ).
Mainly mind blowing to my wife.
When something in the house breaks, needs repairing, repainting, generally attended to. I don't have an automatic man signal straight to my brain that tells me what to do.
I have to go away, watch YouTube videos, read methods, roam around B&Q for a solution. It takes failed attempts and roaming around the offending situation cursing to myself when no one around untill I either fix it. Or call another male via form of payment to fix it because I'm out of my depth.
My wife is under the impression her role is to identify something is wrong and just hand it to me because I will "know what to do".
I am flummoxed by this one. Men and women in my family do repairs of all the things. I've helped aunts rewire a light, helped mom cut up a tree, and helped granpa buid a shelf.
Yeah, mom is retired electrician, one aunt is a boilermaker, another is a millwright. Women in my family get s**t done.
Load More Replies...My mom fixed everything when I was a kid. Now as an adult it's easy with the amount of information out there. My wife gives a hand where she can. When I was a nerdy teen I didn't know the right way of a hammer though. Now as an adult I can repair a Diesel engine, plumb a bathroom, fell a tree, solder kids toy, or whatever. Just comes from learning and life experience, and being old I guess.
I'm lucky: my dad taught me tools and how things work, and how to build things. It became like breathing. I'm always stunned when I find out a guy can't naturally do these things. I'm also massively giddy when I meet a woman who does. There's no need for gender variance, and no need for the stereotypes. However, society would be better off if more people fixed things.
This comes from the 1900's when manuals had information on how to fix items. In the 1960's, car manuals told you how to adjust the timing, set the valves, adjust the carburetor. Today's car manuals state 'don't drink the battery water.'
So much agree! But I deeply respect the men and women who go away, look at YouTube and figure it out!
Ad a simple question from them can lead of weeks of research and work.
In our home, my mother did such things. Fix small and a bit bigger problems, do things like painting, wallpapering, even some woodwork, like making a small table+chair for my sister and me (less than 1 and 3 y.o. at the time). My father would not have been able to do any of those things
I fix most things (single mother), but my second ex (also friend) has a knack and enjoys doing it, so I let him handle tricky things. And I don't mind paying a professional if I think it's beyond either of us.
Struggling to do something in public and no one coming over to assist you.
Sadly, attractive people get customer service, the rest of us struggle along.
The point of the comment that people are far less likely to OFFER it it to a man unprompted compared to a woman.
Load More Replies...I was at the hardware store after being woken up to a torrent of water coming out of my wall in my first house I had just bought. Shut off the water, couldn't use the bathroom, or shower, brush teeth, etc. Plus didn't sleep. At hardware store half asleep looking for right pipe connector. Bro comes up to me and says "if you don't know what you are doing then don't do the work". Happens to everyone.
Probably right, I am sorry to say- plumbing can get complicated. One thing I do not trust hubby with is plumbing, it never goes right.
Load More Replies...The implication being that whether you want it or not, whether you think it's a good thing or a bad thing, a woman is much more likely to be offered help by any passing man.
Load More Replies...Depends. If you look like you have money, every single salesperson comes to you like bees to honey
Living in an apartment with a tv and no furniture. Lol!!!
When I was single, I could definitely have lived here. The only things I would have added would be a bed and a TV tray.
if i were single, i still wouldn't want to live like this. its so depressing.
Normal for anyone starting out-whether man or woman. I had to start over from scratch in November 2022, and I can only afford so much per month on furniture. I still have a card table in my kitchen because a real table/chairs just isn't in the budget for a few more months.
I am a woman, and I 100% AGREE! add a cat and I would be perfectly happy with this.
Load More Replies...Couch functions as seat, bed, dining table, computer desk and sometimes snack storage
Nah, I'd need my guitars, amps, cabs, and some acoustic treatment. That would work!
My clutter annoys the sheet out of me. I wish that I could have a chair and a tv and dishes to eat off of and a pan to cook with and a cup and a glass and bowls for cat food and litter boxes for my cats and a nice bed to sleep on and clothes and shoes. I, a man, have so much c**p that is sitting on counter tops, and on shelves, and on top of dressers, and leaning against walls, and hanging from doors. Ahhhhhhh! I do not understand why I can not just get rid of stuff. So, the chair and the tv and the lamp is much closer to what I want in my apartment…….
Saying that you are or being sad and being completely ignored. Getting zero likes on social media for a post.
I struggle with loneliness and rejection. I put a post up when I'm hurting, and either get ignored or outright blamed for 'always being so negative'. One of the girls who flat out told me she could never date me, because god forbid I have moments when I need comfort and support. turned around and posted about how she had rejection sensitive disphoria and how much it hurts when she gets turned down and she was so sad. Dozens of people rushed to reassure her and comfort her.
Never use social media as a makeshift therapist, you'll only end up feeling worse.
Being straight up resented by strangers if emotions of any kind find their way to the surface.
As a guy, when things go bad, DO NOT pass it on, instead 'it's suck it up Buttercup', time... Experience has taught me that when things go bad (and they will) everything works itself out, your discomfort felt is temporary and usually joked about another time. THAT's being a guy...
Going a long period of time without sex or a relationship. For some reason, women think it's easy for men to find someone. They think there is someone out there that would do it or we can just pull women at will.
Since I was very young I've always believed that women could get a man any time they wanted to (Jealous? Yes). I know it's not true, but it astonishes me to learn that some women would think the opposite, like this suggests.
If you're talking just about any girl can find someone, whereas an unattractive guy will have more trouble. If you're talking relationships that go somewhere, I think this have it easier given the same attractiveness level.
I haven't dated in literal years. (not an incel, just an Ace who is comfortable with being alone)
As Jim Jeffries has brilliantly put it: As a guy, you have to be, good looking, charming, a good liar, with a fake job. As a woman, you just have to be there. And this was confirmed by a female coworker of mine. She started dating, I tell her just go into a club and wait. She came back saying "I didn't know it's SO EASY!" . Full quote: "Every Time a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she’s called a s**t, but if a man sleeps with a lot of woman, he’s called a stud, and people have always said, this is unfair I’m here to tell you, it’s completely fare! I’ll tell you why, cause it’s fucken easy to be a s**t, it’s fucken hard, to be a stud. There are, fat, ugly, sluts out there. There are no, fat, ugly studs. I have met slutty dwarfs, I have never met a stud dwarf! maybe in their own community, but none that have ever crossed over! To be a stud, you have to be, good looking, charming, a good liar, with a fake job! To be a s**t, you just have to be there!"
Yeah I've never heard any woman say this or thought anyone thought that about all men. There's probably some men like that who'd have an easier time than others finding some woman but not a specific one.
Not being complimented for years.
This and not being able to cry keep coming up and it's really hurting my heart! Just, if you're reading this, the next person you see, say something nice to them, regardless of their gender. Let's just make compliments for all the norm!
Women who are not conventionally attractive or are over a certain age know exactly how you feel.
not really. Women compliment each other, their clothes, hair, etc etc.
Load More Replies...
I went to a girl’s house recently and she and her roommates were shocked that I didn’t share my location with my friends.
You should feel lucky. Most women I know are terrified of stuff like this. First dates, uber rides etc. are scary for them... with valid reasons unfortunately.
Load More Replies...A German comedian recently put that in another very good perspective; "It's quite normal for a man to get drunk, leaving the bar alone and not caring at all of how to get home. They just go and it's nothing special for them. We ladies are fearing this kind of situation by heart"
Well, yeah. It's statistically far less likely for the victim of a kidnapping, assault/rape or murder on a male-female date to be the guy.
That must be a younger person thing. I have no interest in sharing my location with anybody.
Why would I do that? Oh, forgot to mention that last time anyone got kidnapped here was like, never?
I have a brilliantly simple method of sharing my location with others. I call it showing up.
Walking alone at night.
I know about this, as a man- because - as a kid, I was the puniest one in class. And yeah, random big kids would lurk around and attack. I discovered only in college- when I grew into what all would perceive as a "big guy" - that I no long had to tend the same fears. It was a considerable relief. And women really never get that relief. Some comprehension is in order.
Women around these parts carry guns, and know how to use them. Not safe for criminals.....
Women (generally) know it is never safe to walk alone at night, I would never even think of doing this! And other women generally never allow their friends to do this. Thats why in college I loved that we had campus escorts, basically men (at the time at least they were all men, who knows now) would come and walk with you anytime of the day or night. Usually not used during the day unless someone had a specific threat they were worried about.
wow im sorry. I think it depends on the location.
Load More Replies...My ex-wife was so flabbergasted one time when she met two friends of mine, one of which I only knew his first name — the other, only his nickname. She thought I was lying because I knew them for over a decade. Their actual names never came up and weren’t necessary.
I have a lot of pretty good friends I don't know their last names. Never really needed. Yo you know Chris? No not that one the other one that lives down south, yeah him.
I knew a guy for YEARS and never knew his last name, he just went by One Eyed Al cause yeah, he was missing an eye.
Load More Replies...
Not go to a doctor between ages 15 and 50.
Crappy stock photo of a model putting on gloves that are way too big
Load More Replies...Like I said to my younger brother(by nearly a decade): if you feel "off" and/or different from usual, do not hesitate to make an appointment with your family doctor.
The concept of being alone seems different for women than men.
I was telling this girl about how I went through a period where I didnt talk to anyone but coworkers for about a year and she couldn't fully grasp the concept. Like to her being alone was when you only get a few facebooks messages and your friends are all too busy to hang out for a few weeks.
How very sad for you, Helena ... and someone might find out your a bitter, unfriendly person.
I dream of being alone. I'm sure it would get old after a while, but holy moly would it be a nice change.
At least for the women in my life, doing something stupid for the sake of being stupid. I know it’s stupid. It doesn’t make me a stupid person (depending on what it is). I’m taking a calculated risk for fun.
Famous last words: "Calculated risk," often accompanied by "Hold my beer."
Godelpus. Yes, doing something stupid, and displaying it - confers "status" on males. Thank you, Darwin. Not all males- but those of us who abstain from stupid are consequently excluded from inner circles.
Load More Replies...I've done stuff I knew to be... potentially unwise just because I wanted to do them. Not necessarily bragging rights, more just wanted to 'complete the loop' or 'climb that taller nountain'. But def had some moments where I was like 'oh s**t I hope I don't die here, it will hurt falling off that cliff...
Urinals. I have, on more than one occasion, had to explain that no if we have to go number 1 and number 2 we don't first use the urinal and then the stall. We just go to the stall and do them both at the same time.
Didn't know this was a misconception. Urinal is only a time and water saver of only one
I have a memory, no evidence, of someone in my school who could do a No.2 into a urinal. First, that's disgusting, but on the other hand, think of the skill level.
you can #2 in a urinal. Especially if its one that goes to the floor. The water then is a weird rain bidet.
i dont use urinals at all. the splash back from my p**s on the ceramic to my pants... no thanks.
This reminds of the first time I saw a urinal. A pack of us Girl Scouts (8-11 yrs old) investigated the boys' room during a lock in. We were so flummoxed by the "weird boy potties" that one of our leaders had to explain it. I went home and told my dad all about it.
Walking out the door essentially the way you woke up.
Honestly no idea what this means. Unless you're just gross in general?
waking up, getting dressed, eating, brushing teeth and deodorant, and leaving. nothing else
Load More Replies...Having an orgasm and then just being immediately *done*.
At least for awhile especially for the really good ones, need to recharge for round two or three...
Which is why most males are so lousy in bed. No cudding, no foreplay, no afterplay. Cripes, you might as well just jerk off. When I have sex with someone, if it takes less than 30 minutes, it was a bad night.
Carrying all the weight in a crisis, and I mean all of it.
Maybe for this person, but lots of women complain about carrying the whole emotional weight in their relationship or family.
Which means...what exactly? There's a big difference between "i the sole/primary bread winner have been fired, the engine fell out of a car, little billy broke his face, the basement is flooded and the cat is on fire" and being expected to be the single person to figure out how to fix all of it, at the same time and attempting to internalize the moods and emotions of others of your own volition.
Load More Replies...Men and women differ in what they think "The Weight" is that needs to be carried. A man may think he's carrying all the weight, because he's not burdening his partner with his emotions, he's working additional hours to cover the expenses, and strategising what needs to be done. His partner may experience this as him being emotionally unavailable, retreating into work, and leaving her to carry increased emotional burdens at home, and leaving her to do the co-ordinating work and minutae of keeping their lives together while they deal with the crisis. A death in the family, for example, requires huge amounts of cleaning, contacting people, recording and sending thank you notes for flowers, cards, food, etc, hostessing prep, catering, co-ordinating with the funeral director, music director, cemetary, confirming hairstyle, approving makeup, choosing and delivering clothing for the deceased, managing delivery, timing and disposal of flowers. Womens work is invisible to men a lot of the time.
This one seems like if you ask either gender, they're convinced they carry most of the weight in a crisis. It can be incredibly subjective, and we always feel our own weight heavier. It's also possible OP just has a really crappy partner.
this is your problem. no one asked you to do it. source: been there.
Taking a dump for 45 minutes plus.
According to medical science, it should only take between 10 to 20 minutes to poop it out. So, either you need more fiber, or you need to see a doctor.
I don't need to hide in the loo for a prolonged time to enjoy peace at mine... Prefer to spend alone time elsewhere.
That my brain is blank at most times. I stare at the horizon/wall, I think nothing.
I can't relate to this. I have never in my life had no thoughts whatsoever. is it a peaceful feeling? Is it relaxing? I'm so curious.
Do you ever drive home- and "wake up " when you're pulling into your driveway- not remembering the drive? Many do; and it's the same state.
Load More Replies...A large spectrum of human experience here, not related to gender generally. Science is in some turmoil in this area with multiple competing explanations, none very solid. A major goal of Zen is to achieve "mushin" - badly translated as "no mind". Very highly desirable. It's a state where the socialized conscious mind, and individual memory - is pushed back and unnoticed- and a "background" mind takes over. That "brain is blank" thing- just might be identical.
When my wife asks me what I'm thinking about, the answer is often "Nothing". The truth is that I got lost in another world and, when she spoke, I panicked and forgot everything.
Paying for your dinner and drinks.
Yeah, but- there are often transactions to navigate even there these days. Learned a good trick a few years back!! Dinner with another guy, we're doing business- the kind where it's common for one to pay for dinner for the other. But not defined as to who-which. We're negotiating - both waving credit cards at the amused server- I really want to pay; but he - just grabs my card, and removes it! One card now in the air, server smiles and takes it away - and I've been one-upped. In a friendly fashion - but - he won. Good ol' "Fait accompli" - no recourse.
I bought a man a drink once (I needed to meet the $ limit for using my card). He just wouldn't get it through his head that I didn't want to sleep with him. I just wanted to pay and leave.
A physical fight is not the end of all future interactions, it is an establishment of hierarchy, a message of "we both wont just back down in the face of conflict" and depending on the outcome proof that both can hold their ground and violence is actually no useful way to resolve conflictin the future. Which all in all can lead to greater friendship.
People, keep your damn hands to yourself. Yes, even the ladies/women/girls. Don't hit men, don't hit anyone. Same to men. Let's just at least try, maybe?
Lots of social variability here. Looking at both British and American schools through the eye of literature, schoolboy fights were absolutely normal and expected. Remember Tom Sawyer, for example. Theoretically more common for boys than men- but - perceptions differ, and gender will be part of it.
When, at work, the subject of conversation turns to sex, and women are taking part in it it, any man with an ounce of sense has to immediately excuse himself and leave the vicinity. Because, one day, one of those ladies may take a dislike to that man, and all she has to do is say 'sexual harassment' and he's guilty until proven innocent (and the label will probably still linger, anyway). For him to have taken part in that discussion, even to have remained within hearing distance of it, will just be another bit of 'evidence' for the case against him.
Yes. For a while there was one man who worked in our 17-person department. He said it was exhausting having to constantly have to rethink every word out of his mouth & double- and triple-check his interactions with us. Looking back, I'm not sure if we were a bunch of over-reacting ovary owners...or he was being cautious.
Load More Replies...This was cool overall, but, as usual, 1 or 2 individuals have to weigh in with something nasty to say. Jiminy Cricket, can't some folks just STFU and enjoy a post without making it a battle of the sexes, US vs the world, or some other cr@p? Lighten up people and stop looking for axes to grind.
Seems like a lot of one-upmanship. We just have differences, it doesn't always have to be about "I have it worse than you do"
Load More Replies...This whole post, overall made me sad. It doesn't mean there isn't still a lot of discrimination against women, cause there is (as in, only~2.5% of reported rapes result in a conviction and jail time or that women who get divorced are much less financially secure than men; "the key domain in which large and persistent gender differences emerged were women’s disproportionate losses in household income and associated increases in their risk of poverty and single parenting. Taken together, these findings suggest that men’s disproportionate strain of divorce is transient, whereas women’s is chronic." https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5992251/; etc) But it feels so wrong to still hear that men don't feel like they can cry. Or that they never really get compliments. I just feel really sad about that. Also, just fyi, men like flowers, too! I usually get my partners sunflowers or tulips and they always seem to really like the gesture. Just saying.
Do you see what you did? At least half of your post about being sad about how men are viewed by society doesn't even have anything to do with the topic of your own post.
Load More Replies...Men: it's so sad that we don't have genuine human connections. Also men: my best friend is a guy I walk past once a year and all we ever say is "hi". Whatshisface (I don't actually know his name) and I like it that way!
For all my struggling brothers out there who don't know "how to be a man", just be like Uncle Iroh from The Las Airbender and life will improve
The most pathetic part about ALL of those statements is that they are afraid of doing ANYTHING that might be perceived as caring, emotional, courteous, or seen as ceding ground to others. They are TERRIFIED of being seen as anything but dominant, that it will somehow emasculate them to ask for help or defer to others. [ ............................... ] I watch a lot of car crash videos, and most of the crashes could be prevented if males were willing to let someone merge in front, or lift off the accelerator for half a second and concede the space to the other car. But no, they're all insecure and pathetic males who "think" they're being emasculated if they don't prove dominance. They would rather be stupid and crash than be seen as smart and "weak".
What you're describing is the average schmuck, not the average man although I will concede that there is overlap
Load More Replies...I get the feel that the people commenting on here are on the same level as being an aggressive vegan who supports halal meat.
These poor men really been suffering from these horrendous problems all these years and no one offers any real support.
When, at work, the subject of conversation turns to sex, and women are taking part in it it, any man with an ounce of sense has to immediately excuse himself and leave the vicinity. Because, one day, one of those ladies may take a dislike to that man, and all she has to do is say 'sexual harassment' and he's guilty until proven innocent (and the label will probably still linger, anyway). For him to have taken part in that discussion, even to have remained within hearing distance of it, will just be another bit of 'evidence' for the case against him.
Yes. For a while there was one man who worked in our 17-person department. He said it was exhausting having to constantly have to rethink every word out of his mouth & double- and triple-check his interactions with us. Looking back, I'm not sure if we were a bunch of over-reacting ovary owners...or he was being cautious.
Load More Replies...This was cool overall, but, as usual, 1 or 2 individuals have to weigh in with something nasty to say. Jiminy Cricket, can't some folks just STFU and enjoy a post without making it a battle of the sexes, US vs the world, or some other cr@p? Lighten up people and stop looking for axes to grind.
Seems like a lot of one-upmanship. We just have differences, it doesn't always have to be about "I have it worse than you do"
Load More Replies...This whole post, overall made me sad. It doesn't mean there isn't still a lot of discrimination against women, cause there is (as in, only~2.5% of reported rapes result in a conviction and jail time or that women who get divorced are much less financially secure than men; "the key domain in which large and persistent gender differences emerged were women’s disproportionate losses in household income and associated increases in their risk of poverty and single parenting. Taken together, these findings suggest that men’s disproportionate strain of divorce is transient, whereas women’s is chronic." https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5992251/; etc) But it feels so wrong to still hear that men don't feel like they can cry. Or that they never really get compliments. I just feel really sad about that. Also, just fyi, men like flowers, too! I usually get my partners sunflowers or tulips and they always seem to really like the gesture. Just saying.
Do you see what you did? At least half of your post about being sad about how men are viewed by society doesn't even have anything to do with the topic of your own post.
Load More Replies...Men: it's so sad that we don't have genuine human connections. Also men: my best friend is a guy I walk past once a year and all we ever say is "hi". Whatshisface (I don't actually know his name) and I like it that way!
For all my struggling brothers out there who don't know "how to be a man", just be like Uncle Iroh from The Las Airbender and life will improve
The most pathetic part about ALL of those statements is that they are afraid of doing ANYTHING that might be perceived as caring, emotional, courteous, or seen as ceding ground to others. They are TERRIFIED of being seen as anything but dominant, that it will somehow emasculate them to ask for help or defer to others. [ ............................... ] I watch a lot of car crash videos, and most of the crashes could be prevented if males were willing to let someone merge in front, or lift off the accelerator for half a second and concede the space to the other car. But no, they're all insecure and pathetic males who "think" they're being emasculated if they don't prove dominance. They would rather be stupid and crash than be seen as smart and "weak".
What you're describing is the average schmuck, not the average man although I will concede that there is overlap
Load More Replies...I get the feel that the people commenting on here are on the same level as being an aggressive vegan who supports halal meat.
These poor men really been suffering from these horrendous problems all these years and no one offers any real support.

