546Kviews
Someone Online Wondered “What Was Normal To You As A Kid, But You Later Realized How Messed Up It Actually Was?” And 40 Delivered
Interview With Author
Kids are simple. We're born clueless yet eager to learn and love. We view things differently, and the majority of the time, it doesn't all turn out to be rainbows and butterflies.
“What was normal to you as a kid, but you later realized how [messed up] it actually was?” – this internet user took to one of Reddit’s most informative and thought-provoking communities, inviting its members to share screwed-up things they believed to be OK while growing up. The post garnered over 7K upvotes as well as 4.7K comments.
More info: Reddit
This post may include affiliate links.
My parents would move into the RV if the kids were sick and not let us near them. Not help. No support. No love. Also they would often just tell me to kick rocks if i was trying to have a conversation as a young preteen and teen.
I have kids now. They are sick right now. I still kiss them hug them hold my girls hair if shes puking.
I dont care if i get sick my faimy and kids mean so much to me that a cold means nothing.
I was very alone as a kid. My 3 kids will not feel this pain. Ever.
Bored Panda was lucky enough to get in touch with u/True_Customer_8913, the thread’s creator, and we posed them a couple of questions. “It’s always interesting to hear about people’s past, and since I have a little childhood trauma, I can relate sometimes,” the Redditor said when we wondered about the inspiration behind the post. We then asked the author whether they’d be willing to answer their own question; they agreed and replied as follows: “Probably the fact that I thought it was normal for parents to hit their kid.”
When I was 7, I came to the realization that if I showed any signs that I was in a good mood around my mother, she would find some reason to yell at me. Even started testing it, would walk into rooms she was in smiling vs not and proved my theory right, so I just stopped smiling, and it didn't take much longer for it to stop being an act.
This is horrible. I hope you went no-contact with her and got therapy.
I thought it was normal for peoples Mothers to be in bed all day. Got really freaked out when I saw other people's mothers up and around doing normal s**t.
Turned out mine was dying.
Thought it was normal to constantly apologize over even the slightest little f**k-up so I don't get screamed at. I still have this problem today.
I thought it was normal to walk on eggshells around my father to avoid having him blow up In anger over the littlest things such as crying, eating snacks, the tiniest bit of bickering, and whispering but there were many more examples. He was deployed alot when I was little and he received a lot of head trauma in the process which explains his actions and he is really adamant on changing his behavior towards us now and that makes me happy.
At least this one actually had an explanation for his actions. Glad he's working towards getting better
Parents used to wake me up at 4 am to make them a drink. I slept over a friends house one night and slept till 7 am! My first words to my friend were " Why didn't your parents wake us up at 4 am?" She said why would they? I said to make them a drink? I will never forget the look she gave me That was when I realized it wasn't normal, I was 12.
Why do they need the kids to do it? Why not do it themselves? Also, why would they be awake at 4am??? I have so many questions...
My mom's boyfriend would pick me up by my hair sometimes. It didn't hurt a s**t ton so I never complained, which in turn made him keep doing it.
My hair was always in a ponytail so it was easy to grab and do.
I told a coworker about it and laughed because it wasn't a terrible memory. But he didn't laugh like I did. It was more of a nervous laugh then he says "That's actually pretty f****d up." Then I started to think about all the stuff I actually do remember from my childhood and realized how s****y it really was. I have two kids and it was never a thought to ever pick them up by their hair.
We weren't just playing "Xtreme" hide and seek but rather being hidden so that he wouldn't hurt us to get at mom again.
Being hungry all the time. Being 7 years old and thinking how clever I was when I figured out dumpster diving.
Always being on edge at home because I never knew what mood my mum would be in
I remember my sister had this fake belly button ring she showed my dad. He immediately ripped it out which was quite painful. I asked if he even knew if it was fake and he didn’t.
He thought it was real and did that.
That is sadistic and cruel to intentionally hurt your sister like that. Do not let him be with your kids alone. If you have any.
Being in elementary school and waking myself up for school, making all my own food, and walking myself 1-2 blocks to the bus stop while my mom slept. Making almost all meals for myself. I lived off of mushroom soup for lunch because that's all I could figure out how to cook.
When I taught school we called them latch key kids. They had their house key around their neck because no one was there to pick them up. They made their own meals, etc. One 6th grader was always trying to find a way to help a teacher after school. Turns out no one was home. She could not handle an empty house. I do not know what time her parents got off work. We actually began using a program called Discipline with Love and Logic that parents were required to take if they were having issues parenting their children. It was a no spanking or corporal punishment program. It worked well and gave the teachers tools to use in the classroom also. So yes parenting skills are not innate.
Not being allowed to feel or express any type anger or sadness
I thought it was normal for dads to scream and throw things at their family every night.
Same :( I went to spend a few days at some friends' house. I was waiting for people to start screaming and each other, cursing, slamming doors, throwing things (this was what was happening at home). But nothing happened, they were all calm and nice to each other. I was sure they were all acting because I was there.
I was in between my parents "divorce war" and then my mom fell ill, cancer. It killed her slowly and my dad made it more painful for everyone involved. I was 10 when it started and 16 when she passed. My dad made my life living hell for all this time, and still until I was about 19. It just stopped because I put my foot down and said enough. Also I have 2 younger brothers I was caring for all this time.
Having to beg your teacher to let you go to the bathroom- as a 16 year old
This..It got to a point I just walked out after the begging and came back 2 mins later. YES I REALLY DID GO TO THE BATHROOM YOU IDIOT
Being afraid of night time because it meant my dad would come home and scream at us/attack us. Thought all moms were sad and cried every day
I had been campaigning for a raise in my allowance for a long time. Finally, my mom caved and said she was giving me a boost from $5 /week to $20 / month. I was pretty proud of myself. Took me longer than I’d like to admit that mom worked me over pretty good.
My parents wouldn’t let me say “pee” or “poop” so I was walking around as a three year old saying things like “I have to have a bowel movement”
My mother insisted on the correct anatomical terms and refused to use euphemisms (where I was brought up, ladies private body parts were commonly called 'my minnie' or 'tuppence' but we had to use v u l v a and v a g I n a, and p e n I s for the boys, not w I l l y). It got my oldest sister into trouble at school-one teacher was concerned that using those terms meant she had been groomed by an adult, that her knowledge and use of terminology showed inappropriate interaction with an adult. My parents had to meet with the school principal to explain, and then my sister was told she wasn't allowed to use those terms in front of other students because their parents might not want their child to know that sort of language. It was all so stupid.
Being bullied and threatened with violence by your father and having your mother make excuses or outright blaming you for it.
"Well you know how he is." And "Well you shouldn't have stood up for yourself."
It destroyed my self-esteem and confidence growing up, it has taken years to rebuild myself. One good thing that has come from this, I don't yell at people or threaten people if they make me angry. In the best situation I am able to resolve conflict in a civil and respectful manner. Worst case I remove myself from the situation and go for a walk to clear my head so I can later reapproach the conflict with a cool head.
Mom used to tell me to cough extra hard at the doctors office so she could get the good cough syrup.
Getting dragged all over town from party to party with my Dad.
He would just leave my brother and me in the car while he went inside bars and drank. I remember a lady seeing us one time and pressing her tits into the window. I was like 7, so I wasn't interested at all at the time. I remember seeing fights, watching people get arrested, watching people puke all over the parking lot then drive off.
If we were at a house party, he would bring us inside, which was better than being stuck in the car at least, but these parties were ragers and it was rare that other kids would be around, so my brother and I would just sit in a room and watch movies or play with someone else's kid's stuff while everyone got wasted. There were times when my dad was too drunk to drive, or he got lucky, so we'd just have to find a spot to crash for the night and wake him up in the morning when we were ready to go.
He would take us out on the lake in the summer time, and we would have to beg him to buy non-alcoholic drinks, so we could have something, or we'd fill up old water bottles at home and bring them in the with us because he'd grab a case a beer and not put a single other thought to the cooler.
Eventually around the time I was 9-10, he just started leaving us at the house unless other kids were going to be there. Literally because he got tired of hearing us complain about not having other kids to play with not because he was putting us in inherently dangerous situations.
He was definitely an alcoholic, but not the kind you would expect, I only ever saw him truly wasted like twice in my whole life, he was very well put together and actually very successful with his career. He just did not give a single thought to my brother and me growing up, we were just like little tag-alongs to him. His girlfriends were the main reason he took us on trips growing up.
It just was what it was growing up, but in hindsight it was a really chaotic childhood.
Did the gf not think " Hey 2 young kids should not have this life I should probably call CPS"
Dad being drunk before noon every day. I didn't think it was NORMAL, but I didn't know how ABnormal it was.
Sadly, for a lot of people, this isn't that abnormal. Alcohol changes people...
I thought having night terrors was normal.
And apologizing over every miniscule thing that I could have possibly done wrong (or blaming myself for the mistakes of others) because I was terrified of getting yelled. Still struggle with this, but I'm getting better.
I relate to the second paragraph. I just apologize for coughing too. And i have a loving family. I also tend to blame others' mistakes on myself
There was a kid in my primary school class who would talk about how his parents didn't care what he was up to, so he was out playing until 10 or 11 at night. Most of us at the time had bedtimes of 7 or 8pm, 9 when were in later years of primary. It wasn't until much later that I realised that a kid being out at that time (and on their own as well) wasn't a good thing. At the time, we all thought that it sounded awesome.
I would've been afraid of the dark if I were outside that late
Not saying I love you to my parents. Can’t remember the last time I said it. Didn’t realise how f****d up that was until I started hanging out with my friends and how they would tell their parents they loved them before they left the house or before they end a phone call
My parents never said "I love you" to me or my sisters and viceversa, but I always felt unconditionally loved and safe with them, we just showed our love in different ways. My son and I are very close, never fight and love to spend time together but we are not physically affectionate with each other
That my dad would bring his beer with him in the car. Or that being pulled over happened pretty often when I was with my dad in the car (he always had a failure to appear warrant out for some stupid traffic ticket).
He was one of those functional alcoholics who you never saw drunk.
My parents love me, and genuinely did their best, but they're not the sort of people known for making good decisions.
When I was in the first grade my parents started leaving me home alone. I was 6. Both my parents worked I would come home from school to a empty house every day. I didn't have keys to get in at first so I would try and find a unlocked window and climb in. My dad yelled bat me for scuffing the siding with my shoes. He gave me a set of keys to the front door. Looking back i was the only kid in my class that had a set of keys on them.
Well still, you could jump on your bed without getting in trouble! you could watch extra TV! Or get kidnapped! Yaaaay! /s
Not really f****d up, but my mom did not cook. If she had a choice the kitchen would be an additional closet. She grew up in another country with a driver, maid and cook. She never really learned nor had any real need for food. She lived on coffee and cigarettes.
Growing up I thought a grilled cheese was two pieces of white bread with a slice of kraft American cheese thrown in a microwave for a minute. I didn't know any better until I went a friends and their mom made a real grilled cheese. I was so confused.
Congrats on eating a true grilled cheese! You can't die without eating one
Being abused and/neglected, being responsible for raising my siblings as a child, parents who communicated mainly through belittling, insults, and yelling, never exchanging hugs or affection or saying "I love you" to family members
Many parents view older kids as pseuparents and except them to raise their 5 kids. So sad
I had a stranger casually invite me to his own to get cat treats. I was a kid outside looking for my lost cat. I declined just thinking "I think I almost found him and will lose him if I leave"
Looking back I always think it was very odd how this older man specifically invited me into his home instead of just getting the treats himself and coming back to help.
Child predator. So glad you listened to your instincts. The only and best job they have is to make sure we stay alive and well in any situation.
My mother calling me names and putting down my looks.
Not a good role model for a Young girl. My mother made comments on my weight, and in looking at my childhood pictures, I was not fat, didn't look fat, and there was no reason for her to say this. My sister ps were all on the skinny side, but.. they gave me a huge complex, and I did get fat, to spite her and my dad. Just because I could. Bad decision, but I remedied that as an adult.
Parents fighting and screaming everyday while me and my sisters hid on one of our rooms. Hearing things slam and bang between shouting battles. We grew up poor and a lot of it was financial stress but gotten taken out on all of us. Always needing to "go to the store" which back then i thought was a valid reason, but later found out we couldn't afford to go to the store. Despite this, giving money to church while we struggled to eat.
Giving money to the church and then you all not being able to buy food, is not how a church should operate. I am surprised the pastor or priest didn't notice things were and help you all out. What the hell else was the tithing for? God didn't need it. They didn't need it, and someone from the church should've done something. I am very sorry they didn't. Hypocrisy at its worst.my number one reason, I belong to no church , but still have faith and talk to God, not a person that tells me they are representing Him.
Putting spiders into ant nests thinking I'm a god and watching the titan battle the ant troopers.
Ah, the "innocence" of childhood.
Now I make bug/bird houses for my garden and try to provide as much habitat for wild creatures as I can. 😂
Impoverished living conditions. No power or water for weeks at a time, little to no food, worn out clothing and hand me downs.
I started to see how my peers were living and thought maybe something wasn't quite right with my home life.
Poverty is not the fault of anybody's parents. It's really the fault of the system.
During the divorce they would try to get information about each other and say the other one was bad for me.
This happens so much. Parents divorcing use their children as pawns in their battles. We suffered this for about 7 years.
I live in England and my uncle's neighbour had a pet monkey living in a big enclosure in his garden. This was in the early 2000s. I assumed this was totally normal. No idea how he got it. We still know those neighbours and it's just never discussed.
Nope. To each their own but I will never have a monkey as a pet after those chimpanzee stories 😱
Ive mistaken my fathers confidence with his narcissisms...
*sigh* my lifelong best friend (We're in our early 50's now) is finally grasping that her father is an emotionally abusive narcissist. He's manipulated her for her entire life. She used to get super defensive with me when I've gently pointed it out over the last several decades, but she's now starting to understand. He's not a bad or mean person, but he's controlled her all her life. She is constantly apologizing for things that aren't her fault. She's never been married or had the family she's always wanted because of his controlling nature. He wants her under his thumb.
Being abused and not getting any attention from my parents
2/2 period and always had pads. Sanitary belts etc. the office guidance counselor kept the supplies in her office and never asked any questions just let her get what she needed to help herself each month. My friend was so happy! I know she really appreciated my mom and that my mom taught her how to care for herself during her period, and why. Also made sure she had a good deodorant too, to help out. I have never loved my mother more than when she did this for a friend, a girl she didn't know. She and her family moved the next year, but she took with herself, invaluable knowledge of self care! I asked my mo why she did it, and she said, it is the right thing to do. To help.
While I get that for many people normal things that aren't normal during childhood means normalized abuse or poverty, I would like to read an article about normal things in childhood that aren't normal where the posts talk about quirky/odd/funny family habits. All those posts are more or less the same. I feel for the posters of course, but a different kind of list with the same title would be welcome
LilliVB: In my current house, from December 1st "Tomte Gnomes" (home made Swedish gnomes) start popping up on random days in different places. This goes on until Dec 25th... then after Boxing Day they all start going back to the North Pole. They pop up at my parent's too... oddly only when my son and I go there in December. My son thinks the gnomes help Santa make toys and then in December visit some of the children to have a break. He's 4, nearly 5. He thinks this is totally normal and I hope he continues to for a couple more years.
Load More Replies...
A whole list of people. That's sad. I probably have lots of examples myself but my fave is when my mom locked me out of the apartment and I tried to climb the 2 story brick wall with my bare hands. Ripped most of my fingernails off. Still not sure what I was thinking. I was only 6/7 years old though. At school someone asked me what happened and I told them. They (rightly) told the teacher. The teacher called my mom and I got in trouble for "lying". I never went back to that school.
While I get that for many people normal things that aren't normal during childhood means normalized abuse or poverty, I would like to read an article about normal things in childhood that aren't normal where the posts talk about quirky/odd/funny family habits. All those posts are more or less the same. I feel for the posters of course, but a different kind of list with the same title would be welcome
LilliVB: In my current house, from December 1st "Tomte Gnomes" (home made Swedish gnomes) start popping up on random days in different places. This goes on until Dec 25th... then after Boxing Day they all start going back to the North Pole. They pop up at my parent's too... oddly only when my son and I go there in December. My son thinks the gnomes help Santa make toys and then in December visit some of the children to have a break. He's 4, nearly 5. He thinks this is totally normal and I hope he continues to for a couple more years.
Load More Replies... A whole list of people. That's sad. I probably have lots of examples myself but my fave is when my mom locked me out of the apartment and I tried to climb the 2 story brick wall with my bare hands. Ripped most of my fingernails off. Still not sure what I was thinking. I was only 6/7 years old though. At school someone asked me what happened and I told them. They (rightly) told the teacher. The teacher called my mom and I got in trouble for "lying". I never went back to that school.
