Mom Demands Teen Move Out After Her 18th B-Day, Dad Uncovers The Selfish Reason Behind It
Your 18th birthday marks a new beginning. You’re no longer a kid, and most young adults go off to college or leave the nest to start building their own lives. However, that’s not a rule, and recently, the trends have shown the opposite. A 2023 survey revealed that nearly half (45%) of young adults in the U.S. are still living with their parents.
But not all parents want their grown-up kids around. Like the mom in this story, who unceremoniously let her daughter know that she expects her to move out once she turns 18. The dad, blindsided by her decision, found himself between the cold-hearted mom and the panicking daughter. Curious to know how the family drama unfolded? Read on and find out!
It can be hard to decide what the best way for your teenager to transition into adulthood is
Image credits: Nicole Michalou / Pexels (not the actual photo)
However, parents should make these decisions together – something that this mom decided not to do
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: itsssathroway
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
No rule says that teenagers should leave the family home at 18
Whether a child moves out at 18 or a few years later, it’s a big adjustment both for the parents and the child. The debate about whether or not children should leave the home nest when they’re legally of age really has two sides.
Some parents believe that kicking your 18-year-old out of the home is kind of an outdated concept. As of 2023, a third of young adults in the U.S. are still living with their parents. And more than half see only positives in this.
64% said that it considerably helps their financial situation. In fact, in 2021, there was a conspiracy floating around on Twitter (X) that children moving out of their parent’s house as soon as possible was all a scheme by the banks to make more people pay rent. 55% of the respondents claimed that it also helps them maintain a better relationship with their parents.
However, asking a kid to leave the family home is not something parents should spring on their children. There are things teenagers should know so they can successfully transition into adulthood. These include basic financial skills, knowing how to make a basic meal, cleaning, home management, and personal healthcare.
Perhaps even more important is the emotional and mental preparation. And that’s not just about preparing them for the move by discussing it ahead of time. Teenagers who move out should have basic problem-solving skills so they can deal with minor life challenges without help from their parents.
Experts also note that it’s important to teach teenagers to set goals. Sitting down together and going over long-term and short-term plans will make the parents feel less stressed and the teenager more grounded.
Image credits: Julia M Cameron / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Parents need to make parenting decisions together
Another major problem in this story is the lack of communication between parents. The mom and the dad should discuss decisions like this together. After all, they are both equally parents to the daughter.
However, it’s easier said than done because parenting differences can be difficult for couples to overcome. Jaclyn Gulotta, PhD, LMHC, claims that parents disagreeing on parenting can lead to more conflict, emotional and physical disconnect, lack of trust, and changes in behavior.
So, parents must try to overcome their differences in order to be a united front. Talking things out and listening to each other is crucial in these circumstances. Dr. Gullota recommends parents determine the rules for their kids together. That will not only solve the problems but show the children how emotionally mature adults handle a difference of opinion.
But disagreements and more heated conversations should never take place in front of the kids, even if they’re teenagers. “If parents argue in front of their children, this can also cause miscommunication, and the children may feel there is a lack of stability or feel insecure in the home,” Dr. Gulotta explained.
When parents disagree on a parenting decision, it can cause children stress and anxiety. In some cases, kids can even start taking advantage of the conflict and start favoring one parent over the other. “Think of parents as the ‘captain of the ship,'” Julia M. Chamberlain MS, INHC, LMHC, explained. “If there were two captains of a ship and the crew witnessed them not in agreement about the course of action, it can cause anxiety for the crew.”
The dad gave more context in the comments about what the daughter’s plans for the future were
People decided unanimously that the dad wasn’t the unreasonable one
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What perverse trend is it to kick out young adults at 18? Sounds a lot like compensation for actually hating that child (perhaps for not having "freedom" due to becoming a parent). Each of these parents should be kicked out on the street, no job, no money, no place to stay - and then good look getting all that yourself. What the hell has become of teaching your children and gently letting go of them? F****d up attitude.
My Mum told me that at 18 I could go to university or look for a job and move out. However, she also said they'd help me financially and it certainly wasn't an eviction notice for my 18th. This was the start of the millennium, rent was more than in her day, but was no way near as crazy as it is today. Not everyone who says they want their child out is the same, it's not always done in a harsh, perverse way. However, as I said, today is different and no way would I do this with my kid. But it's definitely not a "trend", it's not a "new thing" and there were ways of going about it in a kind and supportive manner. Obviously, OP's Mum is an utter tw@t.
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We saw from another post on here what happens when you kid your kid out at 18 with no warning. They become homeless and have to find shelter wherever they can. Then they resent you and want nothing to do with you. Anyway 18 is an arbitrary number for legal reasons. It does not mean an 18 year old is ready to live independently.
I'm 55. My parents have ALWAYS been there for me, financially and with living space. When I needed to, I was always able to go home, no questions asked. My parents even bought me a house several years before I was arrested. You all may not know this, but a lot of landlords don't want to rent to ex-cons. I couldn't find any place to live when I got out of prison. My parents ended up buying this house for me, and having my uncle do the work to make it accessible. Just like with the other house (which they sold easily), I pay the mortgage as rent. Dad passed recently, but when Mom goes, I inherit my house. I can't imagine how much more difficult things would have been several times in my life without that safety net.
This is what "family" is supposed to mean. Robert Frost wrote a long poem about it- "The Death Of The Hired Man". The line that sticks with me; "Home - is where- when you have to go there - they have to take you in."
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You've discovered that your daughter is not important to your wife and you aren't even an equal in your marriage.
That's an excellent point. It was bad enough that the wife said the daughter had to get out, but she double-downed by not discussing it with her husband first. That is a decision that should never be made without discussing it with your spouse.
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I'm so sorry. I hope you found a good support system in friends or extended family.
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I moved out at 16. Supported myself and did what I had to do to get myself out of poverty. I have given my stepkids and daughter the same rules: You have free room and board as long as you are going to school or working - if no school, then working should be towards a path of financial independence. All of the adults have boomeranged back once - I told them all they always have a home as long as I have one... We had a couple of their friends live with us because their parents kicked them out at 18 (one on their birthday). I couldn't imagine that level of cruelty.
Good on you for being a safe space! My mom was the same with with me and my sisters, as well as a few of our friends. I don't know how they managed it but as a parent now I've got a ton of respect for them.
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Sounds like the wife is going through a midlife crisis and is being narcissistic. Probably not the first time she's let her true colors show, but probably the worst.
This so called mother just suxx! She's putting stupıd hobby over her daughter's well being & her future. It's bad enough realizing how little you mean to your parents My brother and I got the boot the day after graduation. We turned 18 during our final year of high school. It would have been difficult to impossible to finish high school and work the full time and the extra part time job it would take to survive while finishing school. Booting a kid out before they can even finish school just shows your kid that she means little to nothing to that parent. I admit that this bugs the 💩 out of me, because of my experience of being unwanted. If you're just gonna throw your kid away, don't have em
I wasn't ready to move out until I was 22, I was back a year later and giving my parents the same rent I had been paying plus helping with shopping and utilities. They saved my rent and I had a tidy downpayment on a small house by 26....that was when things were not so tough in the rental and housing market, today, what was a nice bonus for me should be normal for households where parents are not themselves struggling to make ends meet and own their own homes imo. Also, today it was a no brainer that I would be carer to them, dad has since passed but I still have mum and I do my best to keep her out of care homes being dependent on strangers who might not care enough.
If the relationship has always been normal & healthy, maybe the wife should go for a check-up...? Such drastic changes are very strange. Brain tumor...? Or something else brain-related (Alzheimer's, dementia)? 🤷♀️
I'd seriously reconsider staying with a partner who did that to their own child. What a witch! He should kick the wife out and enjoy time with his lovely daughter.
This trend of kicking kids out at 18 seems to be a thing mainly in the USA. Other countries tend to have generational living situations, and this has been the case forever. I'm 55, and my sister is 53, and we live at home. Sure, we moved out for a few years to "sow our oats" but it was just easier for all of us to live together and pool our finances and buy a house. It's my Mom, stepfather, sister, and I, and we're on our 3rd home. this one though is our "forever" home and we all get along and each has their responsibilities and it works for us.
I can see it now: daughter attends vetinarian school and graduates; dad is invited, mom is not. Daughter invites dad to lunch to meet SO; mom is at her studio. Daughter invites dad over to her apartment to tell him that she is engaged to be married; mom is in her studio. Dad walks her down the aisle, has the father-daughter dance. Mom? Probably at home in her art studio, regretting her treatment of daughter, but too proud to admit it. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays spent with Dad and friends. How do you like the tradeoff, Mommy Dearest?
Firstly it's annoying how everyone calls the Mom's art a hobby. It could be she wants her own income. However as much as I'd love to have MY daughter's room as a studio for MY art no way in hell would I kick her out to get it. She's not even in it at the minute as she's in Uni but it's hers wnever she comes home for as long as she needs it. I can paint somewhere else! And to do it to her on her 18th birthday is just downright heartless.
That's horrible and selfish. Stop tossing your kid out of the house at 18 just because they're 18! In this case it's worse since it all over taking over her bedroom for a freaking art studio.
That mom was doing the bare minimum required and there is some long brewing resentment there. Methinks mom is mad that the daughter popped out.
What the hell? Kicking your daughter out after she turn 18 means that she's doomed to struggle financially and live in terrible conditions, even if OP's wife graciously paid half of daughter's rent for the next two years.She won't get any job that pay enough. Just because she's legally adult does not mean that she's able to live on her own and have financial stability.
NTA... but the wife indeed is. Sounds like the daughter is the only child & she's been waiting 18 years to tell her that. Even worse is she failed to discuss with her husband & decided for the both of them including going half on daughter's living expenses. This have nothing to do with an art studio, she wants her freedom back & obviously resents her daughter for ruining that.
There are two very serious issues going on here. First and foremost isn't the daughter situation (which is huge itself). The bigger issue is the wife is making two huge decisions and not even discussing them with her partner. She expects this art studio with the "extra" room when the use of that room should be absolutely discussed first. And then not discussing the future of their daughter together and just boldly deciding she needs to go is insane. That's two major life decisions that, in a healthy relationship, need to be discussed and potentially compromised on before even considering moving forward. And her reaction to him stepping up and acting like he did something wrong is even more absurd. He wouldn't be wrong to suggest she move out given her decision making skills and how she's treating their daughter. Instead of the cold shoulder she should be more introspective on her own actions. This is so baffling.
OP's wife gave a three day silent treatment?! OP needs to filed for divorce and be done with this dead weight.
i have never understood how people can do this to their children. well, i also can't understand how parents can cut their children off for other reasons such as being gay. how do you go from loving and caring and protecting them to suddenly saying out you go! very few animals kick their offspring out of the so called nest/herd until they have gained skills to survive if any at all (yeah, i know turtles lay them and then they take an all or nothing rush to the sea>) makes me wonder just what kind of mother this woman was to her child throughout her life that she can make such a decision.
Good job Dad. Mom should be ashamed of herself! Just because her daughter is 18, legally an adult, doesn't mean she's emotionally ready to leave the nest and should not be forced to do so by her selfish narcissistic mother. My kids are 41, 16 and 12. Never kicked my son out. Instead I made sure he was ready when he was ready and will do the same for my youngest. My job is to prepare and guide them through life. My oldest moved back home twice, third time was the charm. At 41 years old our bond is solid and trust is on lock. Some of these parents have lost their damn minds but maybe their parents did this to them. No matter how old my kids are, home will always be a soft place to land.
What perverse trend is it to kick out young adults at 18? Sounds a lot like compensation for actually hating that child (perhaps for not having "freedom" due to becoming a parent). Each of these parents should be kicked out on the street, no job, no money, no place to stay - and then good look getting all that yourself. What the hell has become of teaching your children and gently letting go of them? F****d up attitude.
My Mum told me that at 18 I could go to university or look for a job and move out. However, she also said they'd help me financially and it certainly wasn't an eviction notice for my 18th. This was the start of the millennium, rent was more than in her day, but was no way near as crazy as it is today. Not everyone who says they want their child out is the same, it's not always done in a harsh, perverse way. However, as I said, today is different and no way would I do this with my kid. But it's definitely not a "trend", it's not a "new thing" and there were ways of going about it in a kind and supportive manner. Obviously, OP's Mum is an utter tw@t.
Load More Replies... We saw from another post on here what happens when you kid your kid out at 18 with no warning. They become homeless and have to find shelter wherever they can. Then they resent you and want nothing to do with you. Anyway 18 is an arbitrary number for legal reasons. It does not mean an 18 year old is ready to live independently.
I'm 55. My parents have ALWAYS been there for me, financially and with living space. When I needed to, I was always able to go home, no questions asked. My parents even bought me a house several years before I was arrested. You all may not know this, but a lot of landlords don't want to rent to ex-cons. I couldn't find any place to live when I got out of prison. My parents ended up buying this house for me, and having my uncle do the work to make it accessible. Just like with the other house (which they sold easily), I pay the mortgage as rent. Dad passed recently, but when Mom goes, I inherit my house. I can't imagine how much more difficult things would have been several times in my life without that safety net.
This is what "family" is supposed to mean. Robert Frost wrote a long poem about it- "The Death Of The Hired Man". The line that sticks with me; "Home - is where- when you have to go there - they have to take you in."
Load More Replies... You've discovered that your daughter is not important to your wife and you aren't even an equal in your marriage.
That's an excellent point. It was bad enough that the wife said the daughter had to get out, but she double-downed by not discussing it with her husband first. That is a decision that should never be made without discussing it with your spouse.
Load More Replies... I'm so sorry. I hope you found a good support system in friends or extended family.
Load More Replies... I moved out at 16. Supported myself and did what I had to do to get myself out of poverty. I have given my stepkids and daughter the same rules: You have free room and board as long as you are going to school or working - if no school, then working should be towards a path of financial independence. All of the adults have boomeranged back once - I told them all they always have a home as long as I have one... We had a couple of their friends live with us because their parents kicked them out at 18 (one on their birthday). I couldn't imagine that level of cruelty.
Good on you for being a safe space! My mom was the same with with me and my sisters, as well as a few of our friends. I don't know how they managed it but as a parent now I've got a ton of respect for them.
Load More Replies... Sounds like the wife is going through a midlife crisis and is being narcissistic. Probably not the first time she's let her true colors show, but probably the worst.
This so called mother just suxx! She's putting stupıd hobby over her daughter's well being & her future. It's bad enough realizing how little you mean to your parents My brother and I got the boot the day after graduation. We turned 18 during our final year of high school. It would have been difficult to impossible to finish high school and work the full time and the extra part time job it would take to survive while finishing school. Booting a kid out before they can even finish school just shows your kid that she means little to nothing to that parent. I admit that this bugs the 💩 out of me, because of my experience of being unwanted. If you're just gonna throw your kid away, don't have em
I wasn't ready to move out until I was 22, I was back a year later and giving my parents the same rent I had been paying plus helping with shopping and utilities. They saved my rent and I had a tidy downpayment on a small house by 26....that was when things were not so tough in the rental and housing market, today, what was a nice bonus for me should be normal for households where parents are not themselves struggling to make ends meet and own their own homes imo. Also, today it was a no brainer that I would be carer to them, dad has since passed but I still have mum and I do my best to keep her out of care homes being dependent on strangers who might not care enough.
If the relationship has always been normal & healthy, maybe the wife should go for a check-up...? Such drastic changes are very strange. Brain tumor...? Or something else brain-related (Alzheimer's, dementia)? 🤷♀️
I'd seriously reconsider staying with a partner who did that to their own child. What a witch! He should kick the wife out and enjoy time with his lovely daughter.
This trend of kicking kids out at 18 seems to be a thing mainly in the USA. Other countries tend to have generational living situations, and this has been the case forever. I'm 55, and my sister is 53, and we live at home. Sure, we moved out for a few years to "sow our oats" but it was just easier for all of us to live together and pool our finances and buy a house. It's my Mom, stepfather, sister, and I, and we're on our 3rd home. this one though is our "forever" home and we all get along and each has their responsibilities and it works for us.
I can see it now: daughter attends vetinarian school and graduates; dad is invited, mom is not. Daughter invites dad to lunch to meet SO; mom is at her studio. Daughter invites dad over to her apartment to tell him that she is engaged to be married; mom is in her studio. Dad walks her down the aisle, has the father-daughter dance. Mom? Probably at home in her art studio, regretting her treatment of daughter, but too proud to admit it. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays spent with Dad and friends. How do you like the tradeoff, Mommy Dearest?
Firstly it's annoying how everyone calls the Mom's art a hobby. It could be she wants her own income. However as much as I'd love to have MY daughter's room as a studio for MY art no way in hell would I kick her out to get it. She's not even in it at the minute as she's in Uni but it's hers wnever she comes home for as long as she needs it. I can paint somewhere else! And to do it to her on her 18th birthday is just downright heartless.
That's horrible and selfish. Stop tossing your kid out of the house at 18 just because they're 18! In this case it's worse since it all over taking over her bedroom for a freaking art studio.
That mom was doing the bare minimum required and there is some long brewing resentment there. Methinks mom is mad that the daughter popped out.
What the hell? Kicking your daughter out after she turn 18 means that she's doomed to struggle financially and live in terrible conditions, even if OP's wife graciously paid half of daughter's rent for the next two years.She won't get any job that pay enough. Just because she's legally adult does not mean that she's able to live on her own and have financial stability.
NTA... but the wife indeed is. Sounds like the daughter is the only child & she's been waiting 18 years to tell her that. Even worse is she failed to discuss with her husband & decided for the both of them including going half on daughter's living expenses. This have nothing to do with an art studio, she wants her freedom back & obviously resents her daughter for ruining that.
There are two very serious issues going on here. First and foremost isn't the daughter situation (which is huge itself). The bigger issue is the wife is making two huge decisions and not even discussing them with her partner. She expects this art studio with the "extra" room when the use of that room should be absolutely discussed first. And then not discussing the future of their daughter together and just boldly deciding she needs to go is insane. That's two major life decisions that, in a healthy relationship, need to be discussed and potentially compromised on before even considering moving forward. And her reaction to him stepping up and acting like he did something wrong is even more absurd. He wouldn't be wrong to suggest she move out given her decision making skills and how she's treating their daughter. Instead of the cold shoulder she should be more introspective on her own actions. This is so baffling.
OP's wife gave a three day silent treatment?! OP needs to filed for divorce and be done with this dead weight.
i have never understood how people can do this to their children. well, i also can't understand how parents can cut their children off for other reasons such as being gay. how do you go from loving and caring and protecting them to suddenly saying out you go! very few animals kick their offspring out of the so called nest/herd until they have gained skills to survive if any at all (yeah, i know turtles lay them and then they take an all or nothing rush to the sea>) makes me wonder just what kind of mother this woman was to her child throughout her life that she can make such a decision.
Good job Dad. Mom should be ashamed of herself! Just because her daughter is 18, legally an adult, doesn't mean she's emotionally ready to leave the nest and should not be forced to do so by her selfish narcissistic mother. My kids are 41, 16 and 12. Never kicked my son out. Instead I made sure he was ready when he was ready and will do the same for my youngest. My job is to prepare and guide them through life. My oldest moved back home twice, third time was the charm. At 41 years old our bond is solid and trust is on lock. Some of these parents have lost their damn minds but maybe their parents did this to them. No matter how old my kids are, home will always be a soft place to land.
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