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According to Alex Lickerman, M.D., who is the author of The Undefeated Mind: On the Science of Constructing an Indestructible Self, control over our lives is something we all want, but in a universe in which everything is mutually interdependent, none of us entirely have it over anything, including, much of the time, ourselves.
Rather, what we all have in abundance is influence: the closer personally and physically others are to us, the greater our influence over them, and vice versa. Curious about the extent of this, Reddit user Kaushman2 asked other people on the platform to share the most effective psychological tricks they've ever used. Here are some of the most popular answers.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I always pay attention to what people do when they are trying to do something nice for someone else and do it back to them.
For example, one of my friends and one of my sisters are constantly sending people cards in the mail. For all sorts of occasions. Whenever these ladies are trying to do something nice, they do it via cards.
What I realized is that they, themselves, SUPER enjoy receiving cards and mail. That is why they think it's such a nice gesture and do it for other people.
I don't usually send anybody cards myself, but on occasion I will make a point to send those two ladies cards, and the payoff is always HUGE. They both get so excited and text me extensively about how much they loved their card. It's extremely cute.
Another example is my mom always goes out of her way to set the table in a fancy way for someone's birthday dinner. My mom loooooves fancy table settings, so to her that is a really great gesture that makes things feel very special. One year I was dropping off a birthday cake for her while she was out, and my husband and I stayed an extra 10 minutes to set the table for her too. We didn't do much beyond putting down a table cloth and matching plates with the cake sort of artfully placed in the center, but holy cow the payoff was HUGE. Apparently my mom was so touched when she came home and saw the table that she burst into tears.
This isn't a trick if you're thinking psychological manipulation. It's more if you are trying to think of the most impactful way to show someone your love, your best bet is to mirror that person's methods of being loving back to them. .
InfamousBerry34 1 year ago
It's that whole thing of treat others how you want to be treated. If you notice that someone does a certain nice gesture often, mirroring that would mean so much to them
Delta Dawn 1 year ago
It’s actually to treat others the way they treat you when they’re being kind, because that tells you what their “love language” is
Load More Replies... Timbob 1 year ago
What a sweet accompanying photo! That nice man is giving that poor woman some money to buy some new jeans.
Astro 1 year ago
😂 that made me laugh (and my grungy 90s child self actually likes the “distressed” look on denim)
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Daune Tullina 1 year ago
You can make personalized cards at hallmark.com. pick a card, write a note on a piece of paper and upload it or type it in if you prefer. The website prints it on the card and mails it for free
Astro 1 year ago (edited)
Honestly I’ve found that even taking a piece of regular white computer paper and spending 10 mins decorating it can be impactful :) even if all you have is blue and black pens and a highlighter and a stapler! At work I’m in charge of birthdays, and our cards are usually made of a huge piece of construction paper from a big Crayola pad I bought, and everyone doodles stick-man pictures of the birthday person and writes cute notes and inside jokes and quotes. Sometimes I’ll print cute or funny coworker photos just on regular paper and glue them on. I’ve been told by many of my coworkers that it was their first time receiving a handmade card, or that it’s the only card they’ve ever saved and kept, or that it’s the most meaningful card they’ve ever received :) upped my game with some glitter glue and stickers recently but I still go 100% homemade!
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Gavin Johnson 1 year ago
Simple, effective and only requires thinking of others before yourself. This is trickle down effect, at each stage you might get another person on board with this way of operating and it will just keep spreading with more thoughtful actions. So many reasons to try this approach.
Kevin the Manager 1 year ago
So if a mother-in-law looooves it when people dress nicely for holiday get-togethers, a good way to pis* her off would be to wear t-shirts with silly pictures and slogans at those events, huh? Asking for a friend...
Marilyn Holt 1 year ago
Sending a short letter or a card is so easy and such a wonderful thing to do. Email is just not the same.
ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
Yes for sure. Love languages is a good book to read on this. We tend to do what we appreciate, so paying attention and gifting back in a way that the person will appreciate is a great way to show care and love.
RELATED:
#2
Giving a friend's child (10 yo) an illusion of choice to get them to do something you want them to do. So instead of saying "put your socks on", say "do you want these socks, or these ones". Or same for dinner. Not "Eat your dinner". Ask, "do you want peas or brocolli?" They feel ownership of their choice and some control in their life. Kids in general, have very little control over their lives and they need practice to make decisions.
Jack Burton 1 year ago
"The False Choice" is a very useful skill of negociation. I use that a lot with frenetic patients in my emergency department. Oh and yeah for sure it works great with kids.
The Original Bruno 1 year ago (edited)
I don't like the label, "The FALSE Choice." You are reminding kids that they do have some say in their lives; just because EITHER choice serves your purpose doesn't mean that it DOESN'T help them feel like their input matters to you. I gave "false choices" all the time, but really, I just liked inviting communication. (The irony? There's also a LIMIT to how much kids want choices. Mine ended up wanting more decisions made FOR him.)
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Earl Grey 1 year ago
When I was growing up, back in the Jurassic era, it was “eat your dinner, or go to bed.”
Skip62 1 year ago
I used it at work. If I had two things that needed doing, I'd give the other person the choice of which one they wanted to do. Made things easier.
Load More Replies... Timbob 1 year ago
“These ones” ? Really ? And I would think most families have just one vegetable at dinner.
jonesnori 1 year ago
If you're objecting to the phrase "these ones", I believe it is regional. I (American) picked it up from my late husband, who picked it up from his English mother. My mother didn't like it. There are a lot of phrases like that. They sound weird if you're not used to them, but they're not incorrect.
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#3
When my kids were younger if I thought they were lying, I would ask them to stick out their tongue. They thought I could tell from the colour of their tongue whether they were lying or not.
In reality, it was that they would hesitate before sticking out their tongue that told me if they were lying or not.
Cosmikid 1 year ago
Alas... all such Lie Detectors only work while the subjects believe; and like the Bocca della Verità in Rome, are easily debunked when some doubter is willing to knowingly lie- and test it. Once not caught in the lie- other lies become easy. BUT ! Bloody genius for kids!!
Load More Replies... Daune Tullina 1 year ago
We told them their ears turned red when they were lying. If they lied, they'd cover their ears
Hippopotamuses 1 year ago
Now I understand how this works. For years I thought my mother had a super power.
#4
Tell your kids that chores will be done after your nap and they will let you hibernate through the winter without any distractions.
Astro 1 year ago
My mom did this to me 😂 “I’m taking a nap and whenever I happen to wake up is when we’ll start doing chores.” She didn’t hear a PEEP out of me or my sister!
Load More Replies... #5
When upset callers would rant and start to curse and yell, I'd interrupt with "Wow, I am really sorry that you feel you have to talk to me this way in order for me to help you. You don't, but I understand. I'll let you talk and then I am going to help you. I am sorry I interrupted you; you were saying?
They would either apologize, chance their tone or hang up. I was fine with either one.
bas vdlaar 1 year ago
Mwah. The i'll let you talk is kinda patronizing. You don't, but I understand is clear enour. The next part is bordering on lecturing. After You don't, but I understand. I am sorry I interrupted you; please continue and I'd be happy to help. However, psychologically speaking, the customer is clearly still in the emotion fase. So you validate that emotion and at the same time put your boundaries if the behavior of the customer calls for that. A lot if people will be perfectly reasonable after their emotions have been validated.
Load More Replies... The Original Bruno 1 year ago
I'll admit sometimes I'm probably pretty transparent about being infuriated about getting transfered for the 7th time after four hours on the phone when my phone is about to die, and I've repeated myself 14 times (always have to explain it to the computer THEN a real person). Sometimes, I'll even try to explain why I'm agitated and let them know I'm not angry at THEM. Ya know what does NOT help? Shouting over me when I'm trying to explain the problem.
Danit Peleg 1 year ago
Sometimes they just need to air their grievances and be heard, and you probably make them more frustrated. You are in the business of helping, and shutting them up only helps you.
ILoveMySon 1 year ago
Callers are usually frustrated and want to vent. I was trained to let them scream, etc. and when they are finished try to solve the problem. It worked 99% of the time for me.
weatherwitch 1 year ago
Actually this is really phenomenal. Some people are just nasty, others are sometimes incredibly nervous about making calls so can get Ansty in advance or whilst waiting for it to be answered. Some times the calls are hold for an incredibly long time so people can get rreally wound up, especially if the on hold music is horrendous. I'm neurodivergent and I have a Real Fear of making phone calls to the point that it might be a call it's taken me several years (or many more) to be able to handle. Sometimes I've been told I'm shouting when I'm not at all, I'm not even raising my voice. I rarely shout ever. The cat wouldn't exactly be sitting happy on my lap if I'd been shouting. Anyway, I really Really, love this person's response and attitude ❤️
#6
I worked at an insurance agency where a lot of customers were crabby or rude. I’ve rented in the area for a decade, so I’ve gotten familiar with all of the parks in town. I’d look at their address and say “Oh! You live right by Kingston Park. I walk my dog there all the time!” Their attitudes did a 180. They didn’t want to be jerks to somebody they might encounter in real life.
Jack Burton 1 year ago
That one is really effective. People are rude cause they think you are a nobody. I also tend to call (respectfully) people by their first name and as a nurse it changes so many things !
Ms.GB 1 year ago
There was a postal worker that came by my work and she made it a habit to learn everyone's names and call us all by our name when saying hello. That was 10 years ago and I still remember her and it made us all feel good.
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Gavin Johnson 1 year ago
My bank has two call centres, one in my old home town and another in a town I worked in for just under ten years. The accents of the call centres teams give away their locations 9/10, I’ll always ask what the weather is like or how the town is doing, I’ll go on to explain that I loved living / working there. The calls always go super smoothly, I never have any issues and I hope the staff end the call knowing I do actually want them to have a good day. Too many folk treat them like robots who are there only to be criticised or complained at. They are humans too, treat them like humans and you’ll make your call better and their day a bit better too.
#7
One of my favorite tricks I use on myself is, when I can't sleep, I just curl into the most comfy position, close my eyes and pretend really hard that it's 6 am and I have to get up. I don't know why, but it makes me fall asleep real quick.
Astro 1 year ago
My cats get fed breakfast at 6:30am. I can’t pretend it’s 6am unless I have two cats walking all over the bed and meowing at me to get up and feed them 😝
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Delta Dawn 1 year ago
I try to recall a recent dream. That reminds my brain to go into sleep mode because the memory was made while I was in sleep mode
Jack Burton 1 year ago
Mine is to say to myself "ok then just don't sleep, i'm gonna read this full book and i will not fall asleep early this night !" And my b****y brain just do the opposite, i usually fall asleep.
BookFanatic 1 year ago
I tell myself I don't HAVE to actually sleep. I can just lie down and close my eyes. Takes the pressure off and Zzzzzz....
ROSESARERED 1 year ago
This does work for some. Another trick is blinking really fast 10 times, you will yawn. Do it three times most likely you will be asleep. Get into your comfý sleep shape before you start.
Restless panda 🇫🇮 1 year ago
I do this too, thinking that the alarm will go off in 10 minutes so I still have a bit of time to nap. I'm super sleepy every morning.
#8
Telling people "thank you for letting me know" when they're critical or giving unsolicited advice. Totally throws them off.
Astro 1 year ago
I say “I understand, thank you for bringing this to my attention, I’ll work on doing better moving forward.” In my experience most people get defensive with criticism so the ones delivering the criticism are already bracing themselves a bit, you come across as very mature if the criticism is valid and you can accept it.
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MellonCollie 1 year ago
I heard the CEO do this during a Works Council I attended recently. It did indeed surprise the union representatives and the meeting was able to move onto a different topic.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
Yep I do this all the time. I say "thanks for that advice I appreciate it." even if they are screaming mad.
Hippopotamuses 1 year ago (edited)
Mine is "I'm sorry, but I don't recall asking your opinion". Savage, but effective.
#9
Owning up to my mistakes with full, if not excessive, ownership. It tends to disarm the offended.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
Yes. I say "I am so sorry I will try to not do that again. I take this as a learning experience. How can we move forward?"
Delta Dawn 1 year ago
You have to mean it though. People can tell if an apology is sincere
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keyboardtek 1 year ago
My favorite was the one support tech who when he made a mistake would say "Sorry I dropped the ball." That made me realize it was foolish to get angry at someone who was just being an average human who occasionally missed something.
Soton_Sherpa 1 year ago
I've actually emailed folks about my mistakes before they complain, massive brownie points! I mean they're going to notice so why not get in there first.
Kenneth Smith 1 year ago
My dad always said that bad news doesn't get better with age. My addition to the statement is to say that if you share your mistake before someone else discovers it, you control how the affected party hears about it. I will generally not punish my kids if they are forthcoming about their mistakes and can demonstrate that they learned from them. They still have to face the consequences, but they won't be from me.
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tuzdayschild 1 year ago
I learned on one of my first jobs that if you make no excuses and just own up, you get a lot respect for it.
#10
When someone is yelling at you in public, I always remain calm and nonexpressive. Not giving them the reaction they want and escalating makes them feel/look goofy.
Nadine Debard 1 year ago (edited)
I choose to stay extra calm or very threatening, depending on the context. Once, I was being insulted by an extremely agressive stranger (because I refused to go have a coffee with him). I said 'insults coming from you sound like a compliment'. He was dumbfounded, and while he was looking for an answer I escaped. Another time, a stupid man decided to insult me because I was well dressed so he thought I was rich (and he said he hated white rich people), I saw he was all mouth and no trousers, he began threatening me and I answered 'yes, just come and fight' with all my rage (I'm a petite woman), he stepped back, startled, and left. You really need to read the room but remaining calm is the preferred option.
Astro 1 year ago
“All mouth and no trousers” is my new favourite, I’ve never heard that 😂 good for you for standing up for yourself, you sound like a strong lady!
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William Teach 1 year ago
I wish that worked, some people are just unhinged and just won't stop no matter what.
Freya the Wanderer 1 year ago
In a similar vein, we need to ignore trolls in comments sections. They thrive on controversy. Ignoring the garbage they post is the worst thing we can do to them.
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Will Cable 1 year ago
I totally get the comment however there are those out there that KNOW they can scream and shout and get away with it because comeback isn't allowed. When someone does give them a dose of their own medicine they are so shocked they tend shut up and go away. I've seen it happen and a member of the public had ago at the "you know who" type and they went off in a huff.
Stannous Flouride 1 year ago
I'm tall and large and I never learned to defend myself but when I worked as a doorman/bouncer at a punk club I noticed that sighing, taking off my glasses, and looking them dead in the eye put and end to almost every confrontation.
iBlank 1 year ago
in the same situation being nice back can have the opposite reaction... have you ever had someone cut you off in traffic and then yell at you? If you return that cheerfully with "great weather we're having today" it typically results in a fit of rage. Some people get off on confrontation and it completely takes it away from them.
Javelina Poppers 1 year ago (edited)
When you work in an environment where pranks and practical jokes, especially against management, this is good advice. When they're screaming at you and accusing you of something, just give them a blank look and calmly say, "I don't have the foggiest idea of what you're talking about"........................ps, Replacing your manager's office chair with a rocking horse or an old toilet can cause scenes like this.
Betty Swallocks 1 year ago
A quick chop to the their Adam's apple typically quietens them down in my experience.
Flora Porter 1 year ago
As a petite, well-spoken woman of a certain age, I find 'F**k off c**t' delivered in a normal tone is quite effective
#11
Toss a coin to reveal how you feel about a decision. if you wish it went the other way, do the other thing. if it's "oh, yeah, that's fine", stick with the coin.
Rachknits 1 year ago
I do this to help make decisions, it's a really good technique that helps to clarify things by tapping into your unconscious
Astro 1 year ago
Truly! It helps show you which direction you’re subconsciously leaning towards :)
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Lewis KR 1 year ago
The problem with this is that when you are stuck between two choices it's often what you want to do vs what you know you should do. This method just results in you taking the path of least resistance every time and doing what you feel like.
Cosmikid 1 year ago
well, but what if you're a pervert, like me, with deeply embedded puritanical tendencies- to always to the "right thing" no matter what? Then- wouldn't the path of least resistance always lead to the hardest choice? :-)
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Navindu Wijewardena 1 year ago
Isn't this a bit like Harvey Dent's situation? I think it's better to not make every single decision
Freya the Wanderer 1 year ago
I learned a painful but valuable lesson from my father when I was going to flip a coin to make a decision - as I recall, it had to do with our cat. Dad told me, "You want to be like Two-Face?" I decided that I didn't. The lesson hurt, but it hurt good.
Load More Replies... keyboardtek 1 year ago
I was taught to make the decision but then do not tell anyone or act on it for a week. That gives one time to see how the decision feels in your mind and gut. Then you can always change your choice.
Skyler_They/Them 1 year ago
I did this when I was deciding what to get for lunch. I had my bf name two places and flipped a coin by the time it was in the air I knew what I wanted.
#12
Acctualy this one came in my minde -To avoid workplace drama and be well liked is to just compliment people behind their back.
Binny Tutera 1 year ago (edited)
I was hired in at a company for something I was very good at. A woman who worked there had applied for the job, but she was very unexperienced in that area and was angry I was hired. People would come and tell me she was talking about me behind my back and disparaging me. I would ALWAYS tell them they were "mistaken"- she was a "master at her role" - just look at how she did that thing last week, and besides I knew she was a kind and fair person. And guess what? What I said got back to her and she started to stop being mean and even defended some of my decisions. We became friendly, if not friends, and worked well together.
Danish Susanne 1 year ago
This is a ground rule dealing with people. The will mostly try to be the good person you apparently se in them.
Load More Replies... bas vdlaar 1 year ago
Why not directly compliment people. When I noticed impressive work from a direct colleague, I would just walk up to them and compliment them. It's a nice feeling for both and it makes it easier to give feedback.
RedMarbles 1 year ago
I think the idea is they're more likely to believe the compliment is genuine if they hear about it secondhand. A lot of people doubt the sincerity of direct compliments. Personally I think direct compliments are lovely, too.
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Aboredpanda 1 year ago (edited)
Yes talk people up, not down. Never say a bad word. It was a strategy Sun Tsu recommended for dealing with enemies amongs a group of your allies/potential allies. Even go so far as bring nice gifts (i.e. cake or such) to make your colleagues enviornment better. They will love you and your "enemy" will come off horribly tacky if they say one bad word against you. It's how I dealt with a new colleague starting to treat me poorly and badmouth me. Eventually she stopped and treated me nicely. ;) And importantly: if asked directly about something negative concerning that person, never admit to even having negative thoughts about them.
LillieMean 1 year ago
The co-worker who talks bad behind others' backs can probably be silenced by saying something good about that co-worker back to him. At least it worked for me, and as a plus, the complainer stopped complaining to me about others. I do suspect that I was also gossiped about and the topic was one that I liked to add rumor material to because I'm a bit mischievous and I didn't care if people believed it.
#13
My son is neurodivergent. If I just go up to him and tell him it's time to go, there's major pushback. If I tell him we're going in 5 minutes, he has a bit of time to prepare for a shift in focus and will happily follow me. This works with anything with him. I've told his teachers and they find out quickly that you've got to give him that heads up or it's a major pain in the a*s to get him switched.
Jack Burton 1 year ago
Isnt' it the case for like all of the kid ? Mine are just regular kids and damn they need additionnal time for everything.
Astro 1 year ago (edited)
Sure but it can be extra important for autistic kids and is still a great and helpful tip to share :) it’s like how I recently bought a bunch of sensory fidget toys to give out to kids for work - the toys were technically designed for autistic kids, and the autistic kids got the most benefit out of them, but ALL the kids still had tons of fun playing with them 😊 (and I had the added peace of mind knowing that the toys were enjoyable and appropriate for everyone!) Many tips for autistic kids can sound obvious for literally any and all kids, but the difference comes from the emphasis. Neurotypical kids can benefit from a 5-minute time warning, sure; some autistic kids might genuinely NEED that extra time to transition to the next activity.
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Jason 1 year ago
Used this on my son since forever. I warn him at like 5 minute intervals 15 min before something ends. I usually allow one additional 2-5 min if he asks, then allow a second persuasion but only if he's been good. I buffer in about 10 minutes timing for this. It allows him to have some say, extra time and a reward for being good.
Aboredpanda 1 year ago
Yes, same. My husband helps me out like this since I have a poor understanding of time, too. "Just to let you know, we have 15 mins then we have to be in the car." He is a saint. 🥰
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censorshipsucks 1 year ago
yep I hate being interrupted. What works best for me is text. Send me a text even if you are in the same room. Don't talk to me if I am busy.
Dolly_of TheCowboy 1 year ago
Works well for workplace meetings too I have found especially if they are online. Give a 15 minute warning and it is too long because I know I am not alone in thinking oooh 15 minutes I can get XYZ done before the meeting and then end up being late. The 5 minute warning is more like oh crip need to go to the bathroom (or grab a cuppa) and you zip off do that and are more often on time and in the mindset of ok let's just get this over with
digitalin 1 year ago
My daughter would haaaate leaving a place when she was little so I realized if I gave her warnings, she'd mentally prepare. "10 minutes left" "5 minutes!" It didn't even have to be the right number of minutes. She wouldn't know. It was the countdown that was important because she could feel prepared.
#14
When getting a client's background (social services) and they bring up their kids, ask to see a photo or ask something that triggers a proud parent response. Accelerates the process of building trust.
Jack Burton 1 year ago
It depends... Some people just talk about kids to make you feel guilty or to avoid talking about serious topics.
#15
If you want someone to like you, ask them for their opinion or help in something you know they are good at.
People like to feel important and needed, so you fill a need by asking, so they automatically view you positively. It also opens them up, even many shy people will open up if it is something they enjoy or are talented at. You meet some great people this way.
Bonus, you can see how they treat people while in a position of "authority", which will help you decide if you want to continue to build a relationship. .
Astro 1 year ago
True. My coworker recently asked me to give him photography advice (I’m the main photographer for my company but his position requires taking product photos and he wanted to do a good job). I was SO HONOURED 🥹 I even took him out for lunch and had a big grin on my face all day.
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Lee Stone 1 year ago
This is also commonly referred to as the "Ben Franklin effect" because he documented this in his autobiography. A person is much more likely to like you if you can get them to do a favor for you, than if you do favors for them. It has to do with the brains natural tendency to align your beliefs and your actions.
The Original Bruno 1 year ago
I've worked in fundraising. The best advice I've ever gotten was "You're approaching this like you're asking them to do you a favor. You're doing THEM a favor. Anyone who's going to give already wants to give; you're giving them the opportunity to give to a cause that's going to make them feel like they've made an actual difference."
Bored Retsuko 1 year ago
This has never worked for me. I'll ask people for advice and even if they're professionals, they'll get annoyed and give me a "I can't decide that for you" response.
Soton_Sherpa 1 year ago
You can use this technique even with the newer and weaker team members! I've asked staff who regard themselves as useless to assist in product testing because they'll be the ones who can break my beautifully designed programs in ways that that more experienced staff can't simply because they act like end users. I've found this assures them that they they are a valued member of the team.
#16
Not sure how well it actually works, but one good one is saying thank you instead of sorry. Like ”thank you for waiting” instead of ”sorry for being late”. It draws attention away from the negative.
Dragon mama 1 year ago
I have found this very useful and good for self esteem. It is a reminder that I am allowed to take up space in this world and am not inherently wrong for doing so. Ì don't have to apologize for being human.
Eden Moore 1 year ago
I feel doing both is best, saying “I’m sorry for being late, thanks for waiting” because that shows ur sorry and that you feel acknowledge the person for waiting
Daniela Lavanza 1 year ago
I've seen this before, and sorry but it doesn't work. What you mean there is that you're NOT sorry for wasting others' time. And people could answer frankly you didn't give them much of a choice. Just admit you're late, if needed explain why so as to let others know you respect their schedule.
Duuuuuuude 1 year ago
It's sad that we've gotten to a place where we see apologizing as negative. It used to be seen as a mature and thoughtful. You were late and made people waste time waiting for you. An apology is appropriate and I don't know any people who would be satisfied with a thank you instead.
Daune Tullina 1 year ago
Thanks for your patience is my go-to. Its a compliment in a way. People can feel good about themselves
Jaya 1 year ago
Totally depends on the reason they had to wait. If they had to wait because that's just a normal thing in this situation (it's normal to have a few people waiting in line to be helped, it's normal that at Christmas time the waiting times are longer, and so on), then you can say 'thank you for waiting'. But if it was your fault (or the company you work for), you should just say sorry, instead of pretending you weren't wrong.
#17
I tell my husband when my teacup is full. This is how I imagine my ability to regulate my emotions and how likely I am to snap at someone. I'll say stuff like, "My teacup is almost full but I'll do my best." When I'm overwhelmed I can say my cup is full and he immediately understands what I mean and what that means for a while. We use this with our daughter to some success, where she can at least identify when she's getting overwhelmed before it hits the peak. Then we move into how we can best empty our cup in a way that's not overwhelming, and doesn't make others feel bad. After all, screaming might empty our cups quickly, but we're just pouring that energy into someone else's cup. The best part is that because I've used this pretty consistently, I have a better feel for how much emotional bandwidth I have at that moment and can be honest with friends and coworkers, "I really want to hear this story, but I don't have much room in my cup. Give me 5 minutes to take a quick break and when I come back I'm all ears." It's been great and I feel like my relationships have gotten better.
Lewis KR 1 year ago
My wife and I have a similar system but instead of a tortured teacup metaphor we just say "My head's f*cked, I can't handle this right now"
Astro 1 year ago
Spoon theory! It’s cool if people wanna substitute other objects like teacups to make it more relatable for themselves :)
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Cheeky chicken 1 year ago
There's an amazing book for kids that uses a similar idea it's called something like "have you filled your bucket" and explains how their reactions to negative and positive feelings affect others and themselves x
Nadine Debard 1 year ago
This is healthy. I don't use the cup of tea metaphor but I definitely explain that I'm not in the mindset for this conversation, that I need to avoid any tricky conversation before going to sleep, and when I'm nearly overwhelmed, that I'm in a terrible mood and I can't bear anything more and I need to stay alone for a bit. Most of the time it goes well. When he oversteps... Well, he understands quickly.
#18
Seasickness cure Only works on others (won’t work on yourself or anyone you tell the “secret” to). Tell the person experiencing seasickness they need to eat an orange (or any other available random thing, oranges or other citrus works well for the explanation.). Explain that they cure sea sickness and that’s why pirates and all the other explorers used to seek them out and always made sure they had some on the ship. Now the psychology behind it is that nothing truly cures sea sickness but it is mostly caused from your mind being confused by not seeing the horizon correctly. Basically telling the person that an orange or whatever you recommend they eat / drink causes them to experience the placebo effect and their brain believes the problem just went away. Used this successfully 5 or 6 times with complete strangers and also on my wife. When we got back from our latest excursion my wife was the one to repeat it to someone else. Still works for her too.
I’ll have a treble thanks. 1 year ago
I think scurvy had a little to do with sailors eating citrus fruits 🙄
Delta Dawn 1 year ago
Actually, eating can help settle a queasy stomach if it’s not too bad. I don’t think this one is placebo effect because my eyes and inner ear are either in synch or they’re not.
Fabian Bernard 1 year ago
Also, keep on eating and drinking, at least you'll still have something to puke, less harmful than having nothing in your stomach. Hard to overcome I admit, but works. Source: my ferry trip to Ireland on a big seastorm
Jack Burton 1 year ago
It looks paradoxal but being drunk help, i mean if i drink two beers on a boat i will not be seasick... Weird.
Soton_Sherpa 1 year ago
My dad was ex RN. He persuaded me and my brothers that the sure fire cure was a full English fry up. None 9f us have ever suffered from sea sickness and we still get an amazing feeling of superiority as we eat our fry up in front of the green gilled! 🤭
#19
Under promise and over deliver.
Nadine Debard 1 year ago
Always keep your promises. Never promise if you're not 100% sure of keeping it.
Freya the Wanderer 1 year ago
I learned this the hard way when I broke a promise - and felt like a türd afterwards. The incident also taught me the power of forgiving.
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SaraJean 1 year ago
Absolutely. At work we give a schedule when a product will be done with fabrication, I fluff the schedule so we can make the customer happy that it arrives "early."
nottheactualphoto 1 year ago
At my last job, my boss asked how long it would take me to do [simple task]. I was thinking it would be an hour at most, so I told him that it shouldn't take more than two hours. He told his boss four hours, and Uberboss told the customer 8 hours. Thus an hour became a day.
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Captain Awesome 1 year ago
I learned this as a kid watching the Star Trek movies. I forget which one, but it's what Scotty does
Rostit.. . 1 year ago
I always give double the deadline. If I think its going to take a week, I say 2 weeks. Etc. Then you have time to deal with hiccups and still can get finished ahead of time.
Javelina Poppers 1 year ago
I wish this was mandatory for our sales department. They always over promise and then expect the manufacturing side to jump through their a*s to deliver, but hey, they got their commission and bonuses.
#20
Asking "would you be opposed to doing X?" instead of "would you be willing to do X?".
Earl Grey 1 year ago
I don’t get this one. If this is employer/employee, then just task the employee to “do X.” In a personal relationship, “‘would you be opposed to *my* doing X?” is a good option. Otherwise, I don’t get it in some other context.
Birgit Sommer 1 year ago
There's no distinction. It's for ALL interactions.
Load More Replies... Birgit Sommer 1 year ago
Same thing with "Can you" vs "Would you". Sure "I can" but don't wanna. "Would i"? Sure!
#21
At work, when I want a particular outcome from a boss, I don’t ask them if I can do a thing. I state that I’m doing a thing (and give a reasonable reason why), and then ask them to let me know if they have any objections. I now get to do far more of what I want than before.
Ace 1 year ago
"It's easier to get forgiveness than to ask for permission".
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Jacob B. 1 year ago
I once told my boss "I'm going to Europe for a month and have the time for it". He approved it. Later when someone asked him and me to work on a project, told them I couldn't do it as I would be on vacation. They responded by saying there is no hard date and I could tackle it when I got back. Then I said, you don't understand, I'm gone for a month. Looked at my boss and said, you allowed this? He replied, he didn't ask me, just told me he was going to do it, so I had no choice but to approve it. Laughed and told me to have a good time.
BookFanatic 1 year ago
Hah! Yup. Either that, or I play dumb. "Oh, gee, I'm sorry. I didn't know we don't do X, Y, Z." Better to ask forgiveness than permission in some instances.
Marla Singer 1 year ago
This technique also works for coworkers who are disengaged or unresponsive. Just say "I'm going to do X unless I hear otherwise."
Deborah B 1 year ago
When I was working as an auditor, I found that rather than asking What I should do, it was much more productive to say, "I've found this: Y. I think we should do X." the manager would usually go with my suggestion, rather than work out a different solution, and it let me avoid the tests that were annoying to do at that client. Eg, generate a substantive test that lists 50 invoices to request from the client, rather then spending the whole day documenting their controls and testing the compliance with each one. I would also take the documentation for one or two things out of the file before the manager's review with some managers. It gave the manager a clear target, and as soon as they bought it up, I'd say, "You're right, I have those right here, I just reviewed them.", and hand them over. They'd found a couple of deficiencies with the file, so they felt like they'd done their job without them getting nitpicky about it and asking for something that didn't need to be in the file.
AlchemisT 1 year ago
haha I do this to my university professors, we take notes from project-based exams, this is how I insist on choosing a subject that I will enjoy.
AlchemisT 1 year ago
I guess the negative voters are the teachers who insist on their own wishes hahaha
Load More Replies... #22
My "dad voice". It's amazing how hard it can jolt people. I think the funniest use though was playing volleyball. I'd just boom out "mine!" and the other team would all step away from the ball.
AlienatedCheeseStick 1 year ago
Thank you for making me laugh the hardest I have today!
Load More Replies... Shelli Aderman 1 year ago (edited)
I don’t understand. Is this full-on-Hulk-Hogan-WWE-mode? Or Doofy-Dude? 🤷🏼♀️
Astro 1 year ago
Idk, but I honestly have a “mom voice” that I can use when I need it. Like a louder, deeper, sterner, more assertive version of my own voice. I’m not even a mother. I honestly sound exactly like my own mom when I use it lmfao, but I’m early 30s and work with a lot of early 20s kids and it really makes them snap to attention 🥲
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Sweet Taurus 1 year ago
I'm always surprised by how effective my Mom voice on people. I used it on my 6 at the time and it made my 16 year old feel like she was in trouble too. Same goes for my husband when I have to get after the kiddos.
Ross “Sarcastic Dad” 1 year ago
I did that at the Zoo once. A young guy (early 20s?) was trying to call his friend from across the quad. Two minutes of hearing him yell her name and I jumped in. "SHELLY!" Her head snapped around immediately. He laughed and thanked me.
Joe Standford 1 year ago
Yeah? Nothing compares to Mom voice. One time my neighbor used the Mom voice on hers kid so hard to tell them to brush their teeth and go to bed, that I immediately brushed my teeth and went to bed.
Salty_Sasquatch 1 year ago
Mom voice works just as well. Just pitch your voice lower and boom from your diaphragm.
#23
I have harnessed the power of positive reinforcement. Instead of focusing on what is wrong, I make a conscious effort to highlight and praise the positive behaviors or traits of others.
Helena 1 year ago
Somewhere in your house there is either s live laugh love sign or a good vibes sign
Astro 1 year ago
Hahaha hey not everyone who supports the idea of positive reinforcement enjoys corny mass-produced home decor! 🙋♀️
Load More Replies... Anička 1 year ago (edited)
This worked for my dog. He would tend to get caught around the pole (leash) and i used to tell him not to be dumb, but it didn't work. i started telling him to be smart, instead, and he started figuring out to go back around the way he came. Maybe i was just more patient? - but then it was positive reinforcement to me 🙂, at least
Restless panda 🇫🇮 1 year ago
Yes, why should they. Nothing good comes from pointing out all the things that irritate you, since as adults we are expected to tolerate these things in the workplace. Like someone slurping their soup.
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Becca not Becky 1 year ago
It's important to know what you're doing wrong so you can stop/improve it. It's just as important to know what you're doing right so you keep doing it.
Kathrin Pukowsky 1 year ago
Ah, I misunderstood this one at first. It's not about deluding yourself into thinking any behaviour of others is okay, including re-contextualising abuse, but rather about telling people when they do something you like, so they will repeat that behaviour to gain your approval. My reading comprehension was on lunch break, I guess.
#24
When someone does something you like, reward them. Much in the sense of “good boy” for a dog. So if they say something you like “I like how you said that!” Or “that’s a good question”. It’s really just positive reinforcement, but it works really well especially in the work place. For instance, “I really like the way you write that report” or “thank you so much for noticing that. I admire that you’re able to do that and it’s helpful”. People often forget to just compliment people and when you learn to give people meaningful compliments you’d be surprised how much easier life will go socially and professionally.
Another one I’ll say is, a few weeks into a new job, bring donuts or cookies or something. It’s a good gesture that will help get people to like you, especially if you got off on a wrong foot.
Simon Chen 1 year ago
I think that wears off pretty quick. Also, it depends very much on who you work with. It may have benefits with some people but other people will exploit all the donuts 😩
Astro 1 year ago (edited)
That’s a great point! Glad you were able to offer an interesting point of view :) (see what I did there? Haha honestly the emphasis here is on MEANINGFUL compliments, like compliments that you actually mean. Try to put more effort into giving people meaningful compliments when they do something you admire or like. It doesn’t say you should just spew generic corporate-sounding compliments at every opportunity.)
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I_imagine_even_worse_w***s 1 year ago
Not a fan of this, I once worked with a guy who just spewed tropes he'd read in management books (I know because he never stopped mentioning he read them) and it always seemed so insincere and condescending at times. It made ot worse the longer I worked with him knowing what he said about his team behind their backs.
Biofish23 1 year ago
I think the key here is "meaningful compliments." There is a big difference between a sincere compliment and an empty platitude.
Load More Replies... Rodney McKay 1 year ago
I would punch anyone who said something to me that could be interpreted as the equivalent of "Good boy!"
Bec 1 year ago
I appreciate your comment Rodney, I think it is great that you want to share your opinion 😉
Load More Replies... Leigh James 1 year ago
I had a bubble gum machine that required quarters. Interesting to see who demanded a "free bubble gum."
Load More Replies... Hippopotamuses 1 year ago
I used to praise my staff with 'good boy', or 'good girl'. It doesn't work once HR get involved.
Restless panda 🇫🇮 1 year ago (edited)
Some of these comments give "I already told you that I love you when we married, I'll tell you if it changes so meanwhile don't expect to hear it" 🙄
#25
Listening to happy music can actually make you happier. Those lyrics are affirmations. If you keep repeating lyrics that says you’re a piece of s**t or you’re not worthy you’ll end up believing it.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
No you should listen to KoRN and then you will transfer all your self-hate onto the planet. x. Have a great day out there grumpy pandas.
MellonCollie 1 year ago
My middele daughter recently told me how she thinks it's hilarious when I'm cooking with my headphones on, gently swaying to the music, blissful expression on my face, like I'm listening to something very soothing, and then it turns out it's Tool in my ears 9 times out of 10.
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bas moelard 1 year ago
It helps, especially if you're really into lyrics. For me personally, music is feeling. The music itself is its own story and for me, listening to what I like, makes e cheerful and happy. F.I.Y. I'm a metalhead ;)
Freya the Wanderer 1 year ago
As for me, I prefer to listen to upbeat instrumentals. Lyrics can be distracting.
Load More Replies... Hi 1 year ago
I like metal. If I listened to happy poppy music a bunch I would be quite annoyed.
Bec 1 year ago
Yes! Listen to music that makes YOU happy. Plus, what songs tell people they are a piece of shite?
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Cat Dragon 1 year ago
Me realizing that yonkagor and ivycomb are very depressing and mentally-un-ok-sounding but it somehow makes me happier
Marilyn Holt 1 year ago
yes. I used to like and listen to old country music all the time. Then one day I realized the songs always made me cry. "Why am I doing this to myself." I found a new kind of music to like.
#26
When someone is raising their voice at you, lower yours in volume rather than raising yours to match.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
Yep I do this all the time. Talk quieter. My ex used to complain and say it was so the room would go quiet and give me the centre of attention. My reaction: Yes, that's what it's meant to do.
Bored Retsuko 1 year ago
This does NOT work if you're already a softspoken person. They'll think you're intimidated.
WindySwede 1 year ago
When I was on the phone with a neighbour. I would smile and talked slower. He only called when disgruntled and angry.. 🙃
Load More Replies... OneHappyPuppy 1 year ago
I have a boss who gets into screaming matches with employees. I was petrified the first time I heard him argue with another employee. It really was because this is exactly how it goes. The first time I was pulled into his office I did this. No voice raising, and I noticed neither did he raise his voice. It's been two years and not once has he raised his voice with me, but it goes on with other employees on the regular.
Cosmikid 1 year ago
He's mirroring. Knows what he's doing. There are types who cannot hear if it's quiet.
Load More Replies... Salty_Sasquatch 1 year ago
I hear this also works with dogs. When they're raising a ruckus and barking loudly you talk to them calmly and quietly and they actually calm down. Saw a video on this, the owner was yelling at the dog who just kept barking louder and louder.
RedMarbles 1 year ago
I've seen it said that if you start yelling when they're barking loudly, they just think you're joining in.
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WillowRoseL 1 year ago
💯This! I have worked in call centers and let me tell you - this works. If someone starts yelling at me on the phone, I lower my voice and slow down my cadence. 9 times out of 10 they mirror and we can have a conversation about the problem. That's not to say that I will allow myself to be a punching bag, but it's really hard for someone to continue to yell and berate me if I'm not meeting their energy. Another one that I use is with interruptors - if I can't get a word in, as soon as I begin to talk and they interrupt, I stop. Everytime they talk, I give it a second before I respond - and if they interrupt again, I stop for a second. After the first few times, we can usually have a productive conversation. It doesn't work with everyone and there's only so much of those 2 strategies I will apply before I politely tell them that I cannot continue the call, but most of the time it's very effective at deescalating the situation.
Flora Porter 1 year ago
And pause before you answer. Give them space to hear themselves as other people will hear them.
Danit Peleg 1 year ago
Does NOT work! I usually can't even finish a sentence before being cut.
#27
I used this technique at University where I couldn't stand the thought of having to answer questions in front of a group of people. So if you find yourself in a group situation where someone (a leader, tutor, manager etc) is asking questions that must be answered and you want to avoid being picked so that you don't have to talk, then here is my tip. If the person locks eyes on you as they ask the question, then just as they are about get to the end of their question you break eye contact and look towards another person in the room and hold it. Their attention is diverted to that other person just as the question ends and the person they are now looking at feels compelled to answer. If however the person starts asking the question while looking at someone else then look at that other person and hold it so you can't get suckered. Use it sparingly because if you do it enough on the same person, they will be on to you.
Chrissie Anit 1 year ago
I'm a teacher. If I want you to answer, I want YOU to answer. I won't sway.
Duuuuuuude 1 year ago
Does this still work if they address you by name before they start the question?
#28
Visualize the prize...whatever the goal is, I mentally run through the process and visualize the best case scenario outcome. Part of that is considering the worst case scenario, accepting the possibility, and continuing to visualize the best outcome. "Are you Okay???!!" While undergoing a painful shoulder procedure on that already painful area, I was actively in a mental space of visualizing running through a meadow of wildflowers, full-speed on a warm summer day. "Yeah, I'm just running through a meadow in my head until this is done." The med tech was really worried that I had passed out on the table and had the doc stop the procedure, which was jarring and painful. Now I warn people. It is like a very effective form of dissociation, I suppose. For good or bad, it works. Especially with breathing big.
MomaBear 1 year ago
I go snorkelling under the sea and it’s turquoise & clown fish swim up and play with their reflection in my mask
~nope~ 1 year ago
Any tips for someone with aphantasia? I really struggle with meditation and this kind of thing
Cosmikid 1 year ago (edited)
Hi there! My aphantasic wife dreams in "narrative" or "text" - no images. So when someone says visualize- just immediately skip that and run some narrative type thing that works for you. The aphantasia/hyperphantasia people are now fully on board that it's all a "spectrum" - so you don't have to try to cram yourself into somebody's definition. Do what works for you!
Load More Replies... Zobi123 1 year ago
Phlebotomists used to get nervous when I closed my eyes to focus on breathing during blood draws. Now I keep my eyes open and just look away so they know I am not passing out, lol.
Cosmikid 1 year ago
whew! for a second there I read 'phrenologists..' - scared me!
Load More Replies... Astro 1 year ago
I had a dream once of a building in the sea that was like an “aquarium” - a covered building that looked like a swimming pool, but the “pool” opened up into the ocean so whales and sea critters would always be around. I go there in my head during uncomfortable medical procedures :)
#29
Mirroring body language. This works super well when meeting someone for the first time, as it subconsciously puts the other person at ease.
Lydsylou (she/her) 1 year ago
But dont do it really obviously because that can come off creepy!
Anyone-for-tea? 1 year ago
Yes! I always notice this and it makes me feel weird. And then I have to do the opposite.
Load More Replies... Cat Dragon 1 year ago
Reminds me of in Wings Of Fire when Tsunami meets Riptidr and she doesn't know aquatic so she ends up saying something along the lines of "Hey sparking teeth, I love three of your claws but not the others, and I wish your name was a herring so I could eat it, and also your wings sound like sharks snoring"
Ace 1 year ago
This is a false assumption. Yes, mirroring is a sign that you're in accord with the other person, but using it to suggest so when it's not true will be spotted as 'weird' and will not work.
Cosmikid 1 year ago
well; if you are blatantly promoting something not true, yes; but if you are trying to open channels sincerely- it's different. For sure- dont' overdo it.
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#30
Using awkward silences to get what you want. Ask somebody for something. If they give you a reason not to give it to you say nothing. Stand there and more often than not they’ll give in and give it to you.
Delta Dawn 1 year ago
It works but beware, the person may hold a grudge against you for it. It feels manipulative (because it is).
Astro 1 year ago
One of our accountants does this to me. He’s very disorganized and always asking if a certain receipt or invoice is from my department. I tell him no, and he just stares at me until I start babbling like “maybe it’s x department’s bill, maybe it’s Y dept or Z dept, idk but it’s not me!” I definitely resent him for it lol, I’m sure he gets his answer eventually but it’s caused me to really dislike interacting with him because I now associate him with the feeling of being uncomfortable.
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Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
Manipulating people like this sounds to me like a one way ticket to solitude.
OneHappyPuppy 1 year ago
It works for getting them to do something too, not just for getting something from them. I do this with customers when I want to end the call. We're not exactly time limited for calls but no Janice, I can't talk for half an hour with you about your upcoming wedding party, place your order and away with you
Katrina Nixon 1 year ago
I'm walking away if someone wants to try this and act like a weirdo. Terrible advice!
BoredPossum 1 year ago
In this case, I guess they mean that you can get people to give you more info if you just keep quiet and they wanna fill the silence with words.
Helena 1 year ago
I have no authority at work but still have to have everyone (coworkers, managers) to do things. So i stand in their doorway and stare at them until they notice me. Then stare until they start speaking. I ask for what is needed and more likely than not, they'll do it just to get rid of me
#31
The “5 min a day” trick for building a habit. Legitimately changed my life for the better in so many ways. Want to start a reading habit? Require yourself to open the book for 5 min every day. And before you know it you will be reading 30-1hr every day. The key is the bar has to be so low that it’s almost unreasonable NOT to complete it. It gives your brain the happy reward for completing your task even if it’s a tiny amount of time. And then it also creates a streak that becomes difficult to break. Most powerful psychological self help tool in existence as far as I can tell. Works on almost anything.
Jack Burton 1 year ago
Works with sport and fitness also, everybody has 5 minutes everyday to do minimal stuff.
HI, I'M A SHOUTY MAN 1 year ago
I used something similar when I started trying to read the Bible cover to cover. I'd just force myself to read at least one chapter every day. It helped when I was reading through some of the duller books, like Leviticus and all the laws. Now I'll usually read at least five each time I open my Bible, which is usually multiple times a day.
#32
Ok don't tell anyone but... if you want someone to think of you often & possibly for a long time, make your "thing" something very common. For example I talked often about how my favorite thing ever was a dandelion.. and tbh they really actually are however I made a point to make it known & also knew it would make them think of me. How often do you drive by, walk by or see a Dandelion? Even in the winter time you see them, there are songs about them, paintings, all kinds of c**p. Or even butterflies... I realized this after an 8 year relationship. I used to collect and obsess (still kind of do) about butterflies. He 10 years later told me I ruined butterflies for him bc he thinks of me every time he sees one anywhere.
Salty_Sasquatch 1 year ago
Hehehe. Thinking of your ex when you see butterflies! That's a cool revenge.
#33
We have a man-splainer at work. He looooves to explain s**t. So I ask him dumb questions all the time, so he can explain them to me. Makes me laugh anyway.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
Ask him one day, "I heard this word 'mansplaining' the other day on facebook, what does it mean?"
Earl Grey 1 year ago
He’ll get caught in an infinite quantum space time loop. 🤯
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#34
OARS is what we use as therapists to get people to talk who are otherwise hesitant. O: opened ended questions A: Affirming what they feel R: Reflecting what’s been said S: summarize what’s been said. This works when I’m trying to get my kids to open up to me as well!
#35
At the office, I always spoke on the phone with a smile. My 'smiling tone' could then come across and bring folks to figure I was on their side. Offering favors built up good will when I needed a favor from them.
The Original Bruno 1 year ago (edited)
I was always surprised by the fact that so many younger people are oblivious to the fact you can "hear" a smile. And even refuse to believe it. Is it so hard to believe that the shape of your mouth affects the sound of your voice?
Soton_Sherpa 1 year ago
I worked in an NHS switchboard and when interviewing we would pick the less qualified person with the "smile" in their voice over a more qualified applicant. We knew that we teach the techy stuff but not that tone of voice.
#36
Seeming to agree with someone's irrational complaints about co-workers or management or the workplace without actually agreeing with them. Expressions like "I hear ya!", "Seriously?!", and "Wow, that's unbelievable!" work really well. Especially if they've already got a reputation as the "office crank" and are generally disliked by everyone else. Once they think I'm on "their side", they're more than happy to do the occasional favor for me like fast-tracking some approval process or whatever. Then, as this person and I have more interaction at work, I slowly start dropping tactically-chosen factoids into conversations. These lead them back to a reality where they begin to see that what they complain about all the time -- isn't quite as bad as they think it is. Basically I provide them with an illusion that they are coming to these conclusions on their own and not being told to change their opinion. If I do things right, within a few months people start engaging with them again. Within a year, they find they have workplace friends for the first time every and become a generally more pleasant person to be around.
#37
When I get the feeling that someone doesn't like me, I ask them for a small favor, like borrowing a pen, to present myself as less of a threat to them by appearing dependent on them. It feeds into their self-image as being reliable and competent, and provides a surface for a casual acquaintance to form..
Rebekah Fuentes 1 year ago
Why do we as a species need everyone to like us? I don't understand. I don't want to be friends with everyone.
ZuriLovesYou 1 year ago
Because loving ourselves is hard. So we need people to like us so that we can feel special. I thought that was obvious.
Load More Replies... #38
I got myself to stop biting my nails by wearing a rubber band on my wrist and snapping it every time I caught myself doing it. After about 1-2 weeks I completely stopped and haven’t bit them in over 10 years. Could probably work for other minor bad habits.
Lydsylou (she/her) 1 year ago
Doesn't work for everyone. I tried this and ended up with welts on my wrists from snapping them too hard and often
#39
If you struggle to get people to listen to you or take you seriously, lower the pitch of your voice and project more from the back of your mouth. Consider what you want to sat beforehand, and speak slower and more deliberate. It doesn't have to be batman, just your own voice, just a tad deeper than usual. It gives your tone more gravitas and authority.
Earl Grey 1 year ago
Don’t become Margaret Thatcher: https://www.workingvoices.com/insights/busting-the-margaret-thatcher-voice-coaching-myth/
BoredPossum 1 year ago
I know this one but rarely use it. It feels too much like intimidation where a logical reasoning would work better.
TheElderNom 1 year ago
I've done this several times and it has worked very well. Though I've only used it in dangerous situations where my voice naturally goes up instead of down. Like yelling at people to get off the tracks, so far lowering my voice has been a big success.
#40
The goldilocks effect works wonders. Say you want to convince a person to do a certain task, but you know they're not going to do it unless persuaded. Try this. Offer them a total of 3 tasks. 1 being your task and the two others, slightly more complicated or mundane longer tasks. The trick here is not to be too obvious that the other two are duds. Start with dud task 1, and make it the more mundane dull one. Then your task, which sounds slightly better, then task 3 which is more complex and demanding of skill and ability. 9 times out of 10 they pick the task you want them to pick. And if not, you still got them doing something you needed done in the long run.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
I do this with my kids. "Do you want to mow the lawn, wash the dishes, or do your homework?" lol.
Jaya 1 year ago
Stores manipulate us this way a lot too. If there is a cheap watch and an expensive watch, there won't be that many people who buy the expensive one. But if they add a super expensive one, the amount of people buying the expensive one will rise. The super expensive one isn't meant to be sold, it's mainly there to manipulate people into thinking the middle one isn't that expensive.
Daniela Lavanza 1 year ago
If the person is reluctant or can't do it, they'll just say no to the three options. The foot in the door effect doesn't work with everyone, far from it, since the reason they had to say no from the start still stands even with a choice.
#41
“Out of sight, out of mind”, which is why I have several caches at work and at home of snacks I have hid from myself.
#42
My sister kept staring at me, which she knew annoyed me (she would always look away before I could catch her doing it) so I faked a yawn. No noise, just the mouth movements. She let out a loud yawn moments later. Knew she was looking at me.
#43
I look beyond at my future self, really loving my body... I am distantly thinking how many regrets will I harbor, hours or even 2 hours later if I decide to skip my workout sessions instead of going to the gym. I wonder whether my future me will wake up a happier person if now I put the dishes off till morning or even tomorrow. Doing the dishes in the morning, before work, or now, are options he may be willing to consider. Do I have 3 months pop to study this project shall I be going easy at first three or 4 weeks to let myself be really spend the rest time working hard? ...essentially delayed gratification. In essence all the awful things lay out ready appetizing pieces that straight away gives you gratification while the good stuff till the moment of the climax offers you delayed gratification. Obesly, the truth is that when I find myself in such situations, I believe that waiting to reap the fruits could maybe be the best option after all.
Rachknits 1 year ago
Yep, I'm often apologising to future me, I can't seem to lose the belief that somehow she will be better able to deal with whatever it is I can't today!
Load More Replies... #44
Stare at a crying toddler in public until the toddler sees you, and they immediately stop crying most of the time.
J C 1 year ago
And thats when I would, as a mom, take your phone and proceed to smash it on the ground and stomp on it. Nobody is taking a video of my kids without my permission. Not for any reason!
Load More Replies... #45
When I played tennis competitively, before the match I used to ask my opponent if they inhaled or exhaled when they tossed the ball during serving.
Jack Burton 1 year ago
Don't get this one... What's the point ? And sure everybody inhaled when tossing the ball to exhale or block the breathing during the serve no ??
bas moelard 1 year ago
Might be, but this question makes that the opponent focuses more on their breathing, than the service itself. So they're not fully focused, giving OP a headstart
Load More Replies... #46
As a front desk worker in a clinic, I handle the vast majority of patients and client interactions. The patient may have to inform about his or her medical background, or else the administration would not file your records. In the past I had uttered, “Take a look and make necessary changes!” They would put up a brick wall against that or just moan about it. Now when I say, it might sound, “Here are the instructions, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO is to make the changes.” Shouting it in this particular manner makes one think less of it and the respondents take the clipboard without a grunt. That was just a little.
#47
Tell people they have a little something on their face, and then say sorry, I’d want someone to tell me. Builds trust(based on a lie so ethics are up to you) and makes it seem like you’re a real caring person.
Ms.GB 1 year ago
I told a friend about a stray facial hair, before a date no less and she was not happy about it. I mentioned it nicely but I think she was embarrassed and took it out on me.
Load More Replies... #48
Telling someone that they don’t look well or that they sound sick when they are clearly not is very effective for getting some less motivated guys to go home early sick call in the next day or to disprove the statement by working harder. Doesn’t work 100% of the time but I brag about getting a few supervisors to go home early “sick”.
J C 1 year ago
While this does work, its pretty manipulative. There have been psychological studies where a random person is told by multiple people throughout the day that they look like c**p or look sick, the person ends up being sick. It can be used for good though, it also works if you get a bunch of people (works best when multiple people are involved) to tell someone that they look amazing, or variations of that. They will be more confident and feel much better about themselves.
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What do you think ?
Trinity Han 1 year ago
When someone says something mean to you or is sarcastic to you, pretend you didn't hear them the first time and ask them to repeat it. They usually don't say it again, or just mumble something. You'd be surprised how many times this has worked for me.
Ross “Sarcastic Dad” 1 year ago
Until you run into a prick like me, who will say the comment over and over until I at least get a pity laugh.
Load More Replies... ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
This list just kinda makes me feel bad for all the positive stuff I could be doing but don't do on a regular basis. Y'all sound so healthy out here.
Dane 1 year ago (edited)
A couple of thoughts, the first one for kids - 1) I helped coached little league ball, and some kids would be so nervous, they would freeze up when batting. I would go over, bend down, and explain that as soon as they hit the ball, they had to run full speed to base, pointing it out, making them look, then repeating, run just as fast as you can. They would be so focused on running to first base, they would be on auto-pilot when hitting the ball. And for adults 2), when someone asks a question, if it is something personal or you just do not want to answer for whatever reason, respond, "Why do you ask?" - it puts the nexus on them.
Trinity Han 1 year ago
When someone says something mean to you or is sarcastic to you, pretend you didn't hear them the first time and ask them to repeat it. They usually don't say it again, or just mumble something. You'd be surprised how many times this has worked for me.
Ross “Sarcastic Dad” 1 year ago
Until you run into a prick like me, who will say the comment over and over until I at least get a pity laugh.
Load More Replies... ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
This list just kinda makes me feel bad for all the positive stuff I could be doing but don't do on a regular basis. Y'all sound so healthy out here.
Dane 1 year ago (edited)
A couple of thoughts, the first one for kids - 1) I helped coached little league ball, and some kids would be so nervous, they would freeze up when batting. I would go over, bend down, and explain that as soon as they hit the ball, they had to run full speed to base, pointing it out, making them look, then repeating, run just as fast as you can. They would be so focused on running to first base, they would be on auto-pilot when hitting the ball. And for adults 2), when someone asks a question, if it is something personal or you just do not want to answer for whatever reason, respond, "Why do you ask?" - it puts the nexus on them.
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