Caring parents typically try to instill the values, views, and habits they consider healthy and important in their children, which usually includes certain eating habits, too.
This redditor, too, wanted her daughter to have good eating habits, which is why she asked her sister-in-law not to slather her food in butter in front of the child. Such a request was not well-received by the SIL, and seemingly split the netizens into camps about it, as they couldn’t unanimously agree on whether or not the OP was a jerk in the situation.
Eating large amounts of butter every day might not be the healthiest of decisions
Image credits: Sorin Gheorghita / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
This redditor asked her SIL not to slather her food in butter in front of her 7yo daughter
Image credits: Tiger Lily / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwRA123334
Healthy eating habits include following a well-balanced diet
While butter might not be the healthiest add-on to one’s foods, eating habits are a highly subjective matter and not everyone is equally interested in following strict food-related regimes. That might be why, according to the World Health Organization (WHO), unhealthy diet, together with lack of physical activity, are the leading global risks to health.
According to WHO’s recommendations, in order to stay healthy, it’s important to align your energy intake with energy expenditure. Also, it’s worth remembering that the total fat one consumes shouldn’t exceed 30% of the total energy intake, free sugars should comprise less than 10% (ideally, less than 5%), and the intake of salt should not be higher than 5 grams per day.
In spite of butter being quite a source of fat—and salt, if it’s the salted kind, which makes it far less favorable health-wise—it might not be as bad for our health as it’s often deemed. According to a registered dietitian, Abbey Sharp, the creamy goodness can fit into a healthy diet, as long as the saturated fat is not replaced with highly processed carbohydrates.
If consumed in moderation, butter might not be as bad for one’s health as it’s been previously presented to be
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
A 2022 study found that, contrary to the common belief that butter—rich in saturated fat—is bad for you, it doesn’t actually seem to have a detrimental effect on one’s health, if consumed in conventional amounts. According to Sharp, such a belief comes from a time when people were taught that fat in general, including the saturated kind, was bad for them, which made the popularity of margarine and similar products rise.
“We know, of course, that replacing saturated fat with fiber-rich foods or polyunsaturated fats may be advantageous, but we don’t want to be replacing it with more highly processed carbohydrates that we were previously taught to do,” Sharp told USA Today.
It’s unclear how much butter the OP’s sister-in-law consumed on the day-to-day and whether it was above the norm, which could result in detrimental effects on her health. Be that as it may, the redditor didn’t want her habits to set an example to her child, as the little ones are often quite eager to copy people’s behavior, be it certain mannerisms or intake of fat-rich foods.
Children tend to copy many things adults do, no matter how irrelevant
Image credits: Alexander Dummer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The OP’s fear that her child might ask for the same butter-infused meal her aunt was having is not completely unfounded. PsychCentral pointed out that children have always been known to imitate the behavior of the adults around them, but a new study carried out in Australia proved that they might copy everything a grown up shows them, even if it doesn’t really make sense or includes irrelevant steps that lead to a certain goal.
According to professor of psychology at the University of Queensland in Australia, Mark Nielsen, scientists have noticed a rather odd effect where kids would copy everything that they see an adult demonstrate, even if there are obvious reasons why certain steps would be irrelevant. Apparently, it’s something other primates don’t do, as chimpanzees, for instance, won’t copy the irrelevant actions and skip right to the ones that actually lead somewhere.
Kids’ tendency to copy adults, together with the likelihood of an uncomfortable conversation about why putting butter on everything might not be good for you in front of the SIL, didn’t seem all that appealing to the redditor. That’s why she asked her relative to add the ingredient outside of the sight of her daughter, but such a request was not well-received by the SIL, nor by some of the fellow redditors, who shared their opinions in the comment section.
The woman provided more details in the comments section
Some redditors didn’t think the OP was in the wrong here
Others believed the redditor shouldn’t have asked her SIL to hide her eating habits
There were netizens who believed that everyone was a jerk, too
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Discussing healthy eating habits is part of parenting. Have the same convo as when the kid asks why adults are having alcohol and kids aren't. It's not healthy, but adults can choose to partake if they like it. This woman clearly had been building up resentment at the diet and weight of SIL, probably why SIL freaked out. But even if not, why make this a fight? She's just using the child as an excuse to comment on food.
The child in question in 7 years old right? She has already been watching Aunt Barb put sticks of butter in her food for 7 years. What has changed now that suddenly Aunt Barb is being food shamed into preparing her food secretly in the kitchen? Personally I think OP is AH. I would never criticize or shame a guest in my home for their food choices. I would also welcome the opportunity to discuss healthy eating habits with my kids and teach them the difference between 'sometimes' foods like extra heaps of butter, and everyday food.
maybe use it as a teaching opportunity to show the daughter that adults mind their own business and don't need to police what other people eat.
Why are they eating so many meals with this woman? Do they live with her? If so, kick her out or move out of her house. Or stop inviting her to eat meals with you. Or stop purchasing sticks of butter. SMH.
I know right?!! I can't imagine having a house guest just eat a half a stick of butter from my fridge. How wasteful.
Load More Replies... You are feeding your kid hotdogs on grilled-butter buns and you are worried about more butter??? Lol ESH. Bread toasts without butter on it, butter on bread isn't the worse thing in the world, and just tell the kid "Aunty Barb adds butter, but we don't because then there is too much fat in the meal". And Barb needs to get over herself...
YTA. You need to learn not to police other people’s eating. It’s a good lesson for your daughter.
Is OP with her child 24 hours a day 7 days a week? No. So she's going to see "bad eating habits". Perfect teaching moment here, in fact there are two: 1) healthy eating conversation, which should include that treats are not bad. 2) How we can not approve of another's life choices, but also leave them to be responsible for their own decisions and still make our own different ones. And no-one needs to be an AH about that.
Butter is healthier than margarine, which is a heavily processed food. It’s very rich and I think over powers the taste of food when overused. But you really don’t need to ask anyone’s permission to eat how you want to eat. Mom will give daughter an eating disorder by yelling at a family member, because truthfully this is about Aunt being overweight and that’s what’s truly offending the Mom here. Mom doesn’t want daughter to get fat. And there’s a lot of info missing in this story.
OP's daughter is 100% going to have a lot of issues around food thanks to this awful parenting. Let her have a little bit of butter! It won't harm her in moderation, and you're denying her one of life's little pleasures!
This is how I got binge eating disorder. Seriously. Teach kids about healthy eating but don’t make it SUCH a focus.
I wrote, "I would find it intrusive" on the poll, but actually I'd tell them to go frak themselves. In less polite terms.
Because someone asked you to add something to your food in a different room?
Load More Replies... God forbid Barb wants to have a glass of wine. I guess she will have to abstain if OP's child is in the same zip code. Kids are going to see what other people eat,drink,smoke and do but that doesn't mean they get to suddenly make a decision as if they are adults. My six year old will eat every veggie on the planet other than green beans. But inevitably we go out to eat or to a cookout and he will hear people say "ewwwww,are you really going to eat that,it's nasty" from adults. My son says "yeap and I love it" and goes and sits down and eats. We never forced him to eat things others like/don't like and he knows what is age appropriate for him. Also we aren't going to debate with him why we are saying no. We are the parents and if we say no,that's it.
There's an underlying tone of fat phobia and control issues here. I don't do it but I understand why people would coat everything in butter. It's delicious
Use it as a reason to talk about moderation - some is okay, but bucket loads isn't too good of an idea!
LOL @ Barb saying she is a nurse and knows better than doctors. Seriously that is hysterical and sadly the attitude of too many nurses.
I refuse to smoke and or drink in front of children (I'm 46). If I'm a guest at someone's place, there's something called etiquette and table rules. Best to follow them, especially in front of children -- that's my stance.
If I'm unwilling to smoke or drink alcohol around children (which I don't do), then I'd either adhere to the rules of the table or excuse myself. That's my stance.
I like butter on my hot dogs when they are the sh**y stuff yiu make in the microwave just because it dries them out. That said if someone asked *checks notes* for me to step away to add it to my food... I can't see that being a huge issue. 7 year olds are hard to reason with. And it doesn't sound like SIL would be particularly happy if she said "no you can't do it because it's unhealthy." In front of her. If she had asked her NOT to use butter then yeah that's policing her food... but this is no different than asking someone to not curse infront of your child.
So, by that logic, the mother doesn't actually have to try to explain anything to her child because it's too hard. She just has to tell any adult not to do what she doesn't want them to do in front of her daughter. Don't attempt to teach the child anything. Just get up in everyone else's business and shield the child completely. That should have absolutely no bad consequences!
Load More Replies...
If my parents had set healthier eating habits when we were children, I might still have wound up obese as it runs in the family. The OP politely asked her sister to not do something in her daughter's sight, the sister became an ahole by shouting and involving others. It is OPs house, so sister should have done as asked by op. If I were in OPs shoes, I would say "my house, my rules". OP was setting a boundary for her daughter's sake. Those of you who think that OP was the ahole are not seeing the whole picture. This was not an case of setting the 7 year old up for an eating disorder, it was trying to set an example for healthier eating habits. I honestly wish my parents had done that for me, rather than saying things that made an already f-ed up kid even more depressed causing the kid to eat more as an unhealthy way of coping with mental health issues. The sister has bad mental health issues that she needs to get help for.
That's a false dichotomy. There are effective, non-abusive ways to teach about healthy eating without policing other people's food. As many other people have said-- this child is 7 and has already eaten with Barb many times. The child also ostensibly has eaten with friends at school. Not to mention the myriad other bad habits she's witnessed in her little life. She hasn't been and can't be protected from other people's bad habits. At some point, mom is going to have to rely on her parenting and her child instead of telling other people what to do. I don't think it's appropriate to suggest that someone has mental health issues when you're not their personal medical provider. Yikes! Talk about a bad habit!
Load More Replies... Discussing healthy eating habits is part of parenting. Have the same convo as when the kid asks why adults are having alcohol and kids aren't. It's not healthy, but adults can choose to partake if they like it. This woman clearly had been building up resentment at the diet and weight of SIL, probably why SIL freaked out. But even if not, why make this a fight? She's just using the child as an excuse to comment on food.
The child in question in 7 years old right? She has already been watching Aunt Barb put sticks of butter in her food for 7 years. What has changed now that suddenly Aunt Barb is being food shamed into preparing her food secretly in the kitchen? Personally I think OP is AH. I would never criticize or shame a guest in my home for their food choices. I would also welcome the opportunity to discuss healthy eating habits with my kids and teach them the difference between 'sometimes' foods like extra heaps of butter, and everyday food.
maybe use it as a teaching opportunity to show the daughter that adults mind their own business and don't need to police what other people eat.
Why are they eating so many meals with this woman? Do they live with her? If so, kick her out or move out of her house. Or stop inviting her to eat meals with you. Or stop purchasing sticks of butter. SMH.
I know right?!! I can't imagine having a house guest just eat a half a stick of butter from my fridge. How wasteful.
Load More Replies... You are feeding your kid hotdogs on grilled-butter buns and you are worried about more butter??? Lol ESH. Bread toasts without butter on it, butter on bread isn't the worse thing in the world, and just tell the kid "Aunty Barb adds butter, but we don't because then there is too much fat in the meal". And Barb needs to get over herself...
YTA. You need to learn not to police other people’s eating. It’s a good lesson for your daughter.
Is OP with her child 24 hours a day 7 days a week? No. So she's going to see "bad eating habits". Perfect teaching moment here, in fact there are two: 1) healthy eating conversation, which should include that treats are not bad. 2) How we can not approve of another's life choices, but also leave them to be responsible for their own decisions and still make our own different ones. And no-one needs to be an AH about that.
Butter is healthier than margarine, which is a heavily processed food. It’s very rich and I think over powers the taste of food when overused. But you really don’t need to ask anyone’s permission to eat how you want to eat. Mom will give daughter an eating disorder by yelling at a family member, because truthfully this is about Aunt being overweight and that’s what’s truly offending the Mom here. Mom doesn’t want daughter to get fat. And there’s a lot of info missing in this story.
OP's daughter is 100% going to have a lot of issues around food thanks to this awful parenting. Let her have a little bit of butter! It won't harm her in moderation, and you're denying her one of life's little pleasures!
This is how I got binge eating disorder. Seriously. Teach kids about healthy eating but don’t make it SUCH a focus.
I wrote, "I would find it intrusive" on the poll, but actually I'd tell them to go frak themselves. In less polite terms.
Because someone asked you to add something to your food in a different room?
Load More Replies... God forbid Barb wants to have a glass of wine. I guess she will have to abstain if OP's child is in the same zip code. Kids are going to see what other people eat,drink,smoke and do but that doesn't mean they get to suddenly make a decision as if they are adults. My six year old will eat every veggie on the planet other than green beans. But inevitably we go out to eat or to a cookout and he will hear people say "ewwwww,are you really going to eat that,it's nasty" from adults. My son says "yeap and I love it" and goes and sits down and eats. We never forced him to eat things others like/don't like and he knows what is age appropriate for him. Also we aren't going to debate with him why we are saying no. We are the parents and if we say no,that's it.
There's an underlying tone of fat phobia and control issues here. I don't do it but I understand why people would coat everything in butter. It's delicious
Use it as a reason to talk about moderation - some is okay, but bucket loads isn't too good of an idea!
LOL @ Barb saying she is a nurse and knows better than doctors. Seriously that is hysterical and sadly the attitude of too many nurses.
I refuse to smoke and or drink in front of children (I'm 46). If I'm a guest at someone's place, there's something called etiquette and table rules. Best to follow them, especially in front of children -- that's my stance.
If I'm unwilling to smoke or drink alcohol around children (which I don't do), then I'd either adhere to the rules of the table or excuse myself. That's my stance.
I like butter on my hot dogs when they are the sh**y stuff yiu make in the microwave just because it dries them out. That said if someone asked *checks notes* for me to step away to add it to my food... I can't see that being a huge issue. 7 year olds are hard to reason with. And it doesn't sound like SIL would be particularly happy if she said "no you can't do it because it's unhealthy." In front of her. If she had asked her NOT to use butter then yeah that's policing her food... but this is no different than asking someone to not curse infront of your child.
So, by that logic, the mother doesn't actually have to try to explain anything to her child because it's too hard. She just has to tell any adult not to do what she doesn't want them to do in front of her daughter. Don't attempt to teach the child anything. Just get up in everyone else's business and shield the child completely. That should have absolutely no bad consequences!
Load More Replies... If my parents had set healthier eating habits when we were children, I might still have wound up obese as it runs in the family. The OP politely asked her sister to not do something in her daughter's sight, the sister became an ahole by shouting and involving others. It is OPs house, so sister should have done as asked by op. If I were in OPs shoes, I would say "my house, my rules". OP was setting a boundary for her daughter's sake. Those of you who think that OP was the ahole are not seeing the whole picture. This was not an case of setting the 7 year old up for an eating disorder, it was trying to set an example for healthier eating habits. I honestly wish my parents had done that for me, rather than saying things that made an already f-ed up kid even more depressed causing the kid to eat more as an unhealthy way of coping with mental health issues. The sister has bad mental health issues that she needs to get help for.
That's a false dichotomy. There are effective, non-abusive ways to teach about healthy eating without policing other people's food. As many other people have said-- this child is 7 and has already eaten with Barb many times. The child also ostensibly has eaten with friends at school. Not to mention the myriad other bad habits she's witnessed in her little life. She hasn't been and can't be protected from other people's bad habits. At some point, mom is going to have to rely on her parenting and her child instead of telling other people what to do. I don't think it's appropriate to suggest that someone has mental health issues when you're not their personal medical provider. Yikes! Talk about a bad habit!
Load More Replies...
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