Woman Infuriates Her Parents By Not Going On A 10-Hour Flight So They Can See Their Grandbaby
Whether choosing a vacation abroad or going on a business trip, for some people, flying is a frequent occurrence. Reddit user Kthrowaway244‘s parents live overseas so she also isn’t a newbie to the experience.
However, after she and her husband had their first baby, the woman made up her mind not to take the little boy to meet her folks. Even though they really wanted to see their grandson in person, she thought the journey would be too much for her to handle.
The new grandparents were very unhappy to hear this. They started accusing their daughter of being disrespectful and turned against her. She started having doubts about her decision and made a post on the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ asking the community to help her make sense of the whole ordeal.
This woman has just given birth to her first child, and her parents really want to meet their grandson
Image credits: westend61 (not the actual photo)
But they live overseas, and the woman doesn’t want to take a long flight with a newborn
Her parents believe the woman is being disrespectful
Image credits: Ashwin Vaswani (not the actual photo)
Image source: kthrowaway244
Even if the woman’s son would be the calmest baby in the world, there’s still the aspect of his health
While it is technically OK for babies to fly just a few days after they’re born, doctors generally discourage this. Air travel increases a newborn’s risk of catching an infectious disease, and babies born prematurely, with chronic heart or lung problems, or with upper or lower respiratory symptoms may also have problems with the change in oxygen level within the air cabin.
But “Around 3 to 6 months can be a good time to fly,” Mollie Greves Grow, MD, MPH, a pediatrician at Seattle Children’s Hospital, told Verywell Family. “This is after they have started or completed the primary immunization series and after the worst of fussiness/colic has passed, which usually peaks around six weeks.”
The vaccines, however, aren’t the end-all-be-all for why babies should fly after a certain age. “As a general rule, I advise against air travel under 2 months of age unless it is absolutely necessary,” pediatrician Gary Kramer, MD, PA, told the same outlet. “The reason has nothing to do with the first vaccines but rather with the consequence that any infant below that age developing a fever will require a complete emergency evaluation for infection.”
This is especially concerning while flying because there are many people packed into a small, contained space. While airplane air is very clean—Boeing compares the air in its airplanes to hospital air—that doesn’t account for the other parts of airplane travel, like hired cars, public transportation, and the airport itself, where babies can pick up germs that could make them sick.
It’s hard to judge the woman for prioritizing her baby’s well-being and comfort (as well as her own), and, after all, she did offer to pay for her parents’ tickets. Sometimes it’s truly hard to understand if a person is fighting for their values or is just having an ego trip.
As her post went viral, the woman provided more information in its comment section
After reading her story, the overwhelming majority of people thought she did nothing wrong in this situation
I think it is a win win that the racist, toxic parent dont get to spread their hate to a new generation when they cut ties with the poor daughter. She must have been really strong to break loose. Amd dont bring a kid to a country that treats it poorly due to race!
It honestly doesn't sound like much of a loss if this results in a rift. It sounds like they barely get along anyway. Her parents are manipulative and racist. I am not sure I would even want my child to be around them if I were her.
As a proud grandparent to three children, aged 4 months to 6 years, it's difficult to understand how these people won't move heaven and earth to see this little boy.
“Selfish, toxic, racist stupidity” is hard to sympathise with. Here’s hoping that they never meet their grandchild and die both sad and filled with a combination of regret and self-loathing.
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Honestly? This sounds to me like a plot on the part of her parents. They want to get her and the baby to *their* country, where they can control her, separate her from her husband, probably "vanish" her passport, and then force her to accept a relationship with a man of their choice and trap her in the country. (They were still trying to get her to talk to religious people and other men even after she was married, before the baby was born, so there's no doubt they don't care about her current marital status.) And if they manage to trap her, and force her into a different marriage, she'd also never see her baby again. If that country hates other races, there's no way any "new husband" they pick is going to let her keep a bi-racial baby. And then who knows what will happen to the baby? This situation sounds incredibly dangerous for her whole family. She should never set foot in that country again. Probably not even with her husband.
Agree - it does sound dangerous for OP's entire family
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If someone puts their comfort before a tiny baby's, that's not much of a grandparent anyway. No loss.
Grandmother could have traveled with the aunt or another family member or friend if grandfather didn't want to fly to come see the baby. Simple solution to the "I can't fly out alone" problem. Like everyone else said, it's a lack of motivation. When people want something bad enough, they find a way.
OP is doing the right thing. The baby doesn't want to be on the plane for 10 hours and the other passengers probably don't want to be on the plane with a fussy baby for 10 hours. Here we see a good example of hypocritical parents who expect their children to do everything to maintain the relationship. Double standard: OP offered to pay for her parents to visit, but it's "disrespectful" of her to ask. However, it is apparently not disrespectful of the parents to demand she get on a long plane ride with a young baby. My grandparents came to visit after I was born because you don't take newborns on planes (and they were in good health to travel and had money). In this case, the parents are so racist that OP had to keep her dating life a secret. Who knows what horrible stuff they might say to this baby as he gets older for being mixed-race?
I was on a flight with a very distraught young baby 3-4 months old. The parents brought out a wonderful magic thing. It was a swaddle that was stretchy. The put it on the crying infant. In about 1 minute, the baby was calm and quiet. They took the baby out to diaper an let the baby stretch, then right back to the swaddle. I was amazed. I read up on how babies feel more secure (a womb-like experience). My daughter had a fussy child. They used the same swaddle. It worked like a charm. Babies flail their arms when upset. It is like their arms keep them upset. I had two children of my own. I wish I had known the swaddle magic trick when they were that little. It may be worth the try. Maybe your parents need adult swaddles too? Haha.
The swaddle sounds like a good tip. It needs to be tight so that the parents can't remove their gags, heheheh.
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This one was tough to read. I hope she cuts the parents and aunt out of her life. Those people are horribly toxic.
Worse than babies, actually. When babies get fussy, there's always a reason (hungry, wet, soiled, afraid). Then again, I guess the grandparents DO have reasons to be disagreeable (racist, entitled, narcissistic).
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Her parents lived an amount of years in north America, then move back to their country of origin and condemn the previous place as it is hell on earth and people there are not equal to them. I feel sorry for the OP because she will struggle with her family for the rest of her life
I think that, in your heart of hearts, you know what to do. Stay away from your parents! Do not go there. Not only because wanting you to travel with an infant while being postpartum is too ludicrous to comment upon, but because your parents are a menace to you, your child, your husband and of course your marriage. Do not go where you are not wanted. You have your own family now: your first loyalty is to them. I'm sorry, but I think you know what to do. Good luck!
Oh no no no no no. They moved to the West, had you, raised you there, they could not expect more than this. NTA, no matter the culture, the daughter's culture is developed from where she grew up, not from a country she doesn't know. No to taking baby, or young children, and especially in these times still of Covid infections or on such a long flight. I wouldn't even do it if the child was a toddler. Do video calls, Facetime, Skype, even Facebook has video calls. See the child and parents that way. NTA, and do not hold any guilt, your parents gave you that life, they set this well in motion, you are a child of the West, not their home, they should have expected something like this.
IMHO No decent person accepts racists of ANY culture.But for me Family is of the heart and out of love and not blood.
This one was tough to read. I hope she cuts the parents and aunt out of her life. Those people are horribly toxic.
You don't owe family anything. F**k OP's parents. OP's main issue with traveling is literally the child. Their parents' issue is simply "nah, I shouldnt have to. How dare you ask?" And they have the audacity to say OP is being disrespectful? The only reason they won't be seeing the child is because they;re making a conscious choice not to. Hard NTA.
I would be afraid they would kidnap the baby and you would be screwed because you were in a different country
Exactly! They could destroy her passport and other legal documents, then try to marry her off to the man of their choice. Heaven knows what would happen to the baby. Most likely murdered for being biracial. She's much better off stateside and having nothing more to do with those evil people.
Load More Replies... You have done nothing wrong. They are selfish and racist. I think the excruciating 10 hour flight for you and the baby would be the easy part of the trip. They are racist and have already said “his child”. Long term will they really be accepting? If they want to see the baby, they can come to where you live. If mom needs a companion, let auntie come with her. If that isn’t acceptable, she really doesn’t want to meet her grandchild
I didn't even have to read the whole story to reach the conclusion that OP is not an AH. I don't get what's disrespectful about suggesting the grandparents come visit the baby instead of the other way around? OP said they would pay for it.
So mommy thinks you should travel 10 hours with a baby rather than her going anywhere without a man who apparently hates his son in law more than he loves his wife or his daughter.
The baby's mother doesn't need a visit from her parents. She needs a restraining order. Fortunately, they seem to have self-imposed it.
There’s NO WAY I’d ever attempt to bring an infant on a 10 hour flight. It’s torture for the baby, the parents, and everyone on that plane.
How to tell you are indian or Pakistani without telling you are Indian in 3 paragraphs. Those cultural norms are a hard pass for me. I am just not cut out for this BS
What gets me (out of the many things) is that, when asked if they could fly out to see her, the response was that it was disrespectful to even ask?! What the hell is that? They expect a new mother who is anxious about flying, to go on a long-haul flight to see them, while they just sit on their arses?! I live a bit further away from my parents than OP does from hers, and do you know what my parents did when they found out we were having a baby? They booked tickets to come over about 2 months after the due date.
It's telling that the father refers to his daughter's child as if her daughter didn't exist: refers to the child by the child's father, e.g., 'HIS child.' I would steer 100% clear of these people, as one sounds definitely toxic while the other is an enabler. But if the woman does decide to keep these people in her life, they need to be the ones making the effort at this point after that, not her.
I would never take a new baby on an airplane. If anyone needs to get over their fear, it is your mother. If she wants to see the baby, and be part of your lives, she needs to get over it and go it alone.
NTA I hope you will consider staying home and perhaps only seeing your parents on Zoom or FaceTime not for convenience sake but for another, very important reason. Your parents are racist haters. They spew religious, cultural and ethnic division and hatred which will be then directed at your child. Your father has already shown he doesn't even want to meet your baby. That mind-set does not magically change by meeting a baby. They are tormenting you, yet they 'believe' they love you. That's not love. It's control, it's hurtful and cruel. Please shield your baby, your husband and yourself from their toxic energy. YOU can't change them. You won't. The best thing they did was bring you to a different country and left you. You deserve better, as does your family. Stay home where people love you. Let the voice-mail answer the twice daily calls. Congratulations on your baby and new marriage!
Can't mom travel with someone else, does dad not allow it?
Lmao what the f**k When I had children my parents sold their house and moved so they could be closer to the grandkids and we wouldn't have to fly back and forth. Not saying it's practical for OP's parents to do the same, but the LEAST they could do is fly over to meet their grandbaby if for no other reason than to spare him from a long-a*s flight. Kids are super sensitive to changes in air pressure. Imagine being like "no, abandon your husband, put this child on an aircraft so he can endure pain so we can see him" Op didnt specify her home culture, but I'd give dollars to donuts it's one of the ones that might kidnap her and the baby.
NTA times f*****g infinity. Go NC and your life will be MILES better for it.
You can frame prejudice as a cultural difference and respect it if you want. I personally don't have the capacity to stomach it. I also will not treat a forced marriage as a "cultural difference". The parents seem to be planning to hold the OP against her will and force her into another marriage. That may be a cultural difference to you, I call it a human rights abuse. I come from a culture where matchmaking happens, but no one is forced to marry someone of their parents' choice.
Load More Replies... I think it is a win win that the racist, toxic parent dont get to spread their hate to a new generation when they cut ties with the poor daughter. She must have been really strong to break loose. Amd dont bring a kid to a country that treats it poorly due to race!
It honestly doesn't sound like much of a loss if this results in a rift. It sounds like they barely get along anyway. Her parents are manipulative and racist. I am not sure I would even want my child to be around them if I were her.
As a proud grandparent to three children, aged 4 months to 6 years, it's difficult to understand how these people won't move heaven and earth to see this little boy.
“Selfish, toxic, racist stupidity” is hard to sympathise with. Here’s hoping that they never meet their grandchild and die both sad and filled with a combination of regret and self-loathing.
Load More Replies... Honestly? This sounds to me like a plot on the part of her parents. They want to get her and the baby to *their* country, where they can control her, separate her from her husband, probably "vanish" her passport, and then force her to accept a relationship with a man of their choice and trap her in the country. (They were still trying to get her to talk to religious people and other men even after she was married, before the baby was born, so there's no doubt they don't care about her current marital status.) And if they manage to trap her, and force her into a different marriage, she'd also never see her baby again. If that country hates other races, there's no way any "new husband" they pick is going to let her keep a bi-racial baby. And then who knows what will happen to the baby? This situation sounds incredibly dangerous for her whole family. She should never set foot in that country again. Probably not even with her husband.
Agree - it does sound dangerous for OP's entire family
Load More Replies... If someone puts their comfort before a tiny baby's, that's not much of a grandparent anyway. No loss.
Grandmother could have traveled with the aunt or another family member or friend if grandfather didn't want to fly to come see the baby. Simple solution to the "I can't fly out alone" problem. Like everyone else said, it's a lack of motivation. When people want something bad enough, they find a way.
OP is doing the right thing. The baby doesn't want to be on the plane for 10 hours and the other passengers probably don't want to be on the plane with a fussy baby for 10 hours. Here we see a good example of hypocritical parents who expect their children to do everything to maintain the relationship. Double standard: OP offered to pay for her parents to visit, but it's "disrespectful" of her to ask. However, it is apparently not disrespectful of the parents to demand she get on a long plane ride with a young baby. My grandparents came to visit after I was born because you don't take newborns on planes (and they were in good health to travel and had money). In this case, the parents are so racist that OP had to keep her dating life a secret. Who knows what horrible stuff they might say to this baby as he gets older for being mixed-race?
I was on a flight with a very distraught young baby 3-4 months old. The parents brought out a wonderful magic thing. It was a swaddle that was stretchy. The put it on the crying infant. In about 1 minute, the baby was calm and quiet. They took the baby out to diaper an let the baby stretch, then right back to the swaddle. I was amazed. I read up on how babies feel more secure (a womb-like experience). My daughter had a fussy child. They used the same swaddle. It worked like a charm. Babies flail their arms when upset. It is like their arms keep them upset. I had two children of my own. I wish I had known the swaddle magic trick when they were that little. It may be worth the try. Maybe your parents need adult swaddles too? Haha.
The swaddle sounds like a good tip. It needs to be tight so that the parents can't remove their gags, heheheh.
Load More Replies... This one was tough to read. I hope she cuts the parents and aunt out of her life. Those people are horribly toxic.
Worse than babies, actually. When babies get fussy, there's always a reason (hungry, wet, soiled, afraid). Then again, I guess the grandparents DO have reasons to be disagreeable (racist, entitled, narcissistic).
Load More Replies... Her parents lived an amount of years in north America, then move back to their country of origin and condemn the previous place as it is hell on earth and people there are not equal to them. I feel sorry for the OP because she will struggle with her family for the rest of her life
I think that, in your heart of hearts, you know what to do. Stay away from your parents! Do not go there. Not only because wanting you to travel with an infant while being postpartum is too ludicrous to comment upon, but because your parents are a menace to you, your child, your husband and of course your marriage. Do not go where you are not wanted. You have your own family now: your first loyalty is to them. I'm sorry, but I think you know what to do. Good luck!
Oh no no no no no. They moved to the West, had you, raised you there, they could not expect more than this. NTA, no matter the culture, the daughter's culture is developed from where she grew up, not from a country she doesn't know. No to taking baby, or young children, and especially in these times still of Covid infections or on such a long flight. I wouldn't even do it if the child was a toddler. Do video calls, Facetime, Skype, even Facebook has video calls. See the child and parents that way. NTA, and do not hold any guilt, your parents gave you that life, they set this well in motion, you are a child of the West, not their home, they should have expected something like this.
IMHO No decent person accepts racists of ANY culture.But for me Family is of the heart and out of love and not blood.
This one was tough to read. I hope she cuts the parents and aunt out of her life. Those people are horribly toxic.
You don't owe family anything. F**k OP's parents. OP's main issue with traveling is literally the child. Their parents' issue is simply "nah, I shouldnt have to. How dare you ask?" And they have the audacity to say OP is being disrespectful? The only reason they won't be seeing the child is because they;re making a conscious choice not to. Hard NTA.
I would be afraid they would kidnap the baby and you would be screwed because you were in a different country
Exactly! They could destroy her passport and other legal documents, then try to marry her off to the man of their choice. Heaven knows what would happen to the baby. Most likely murdered for being biracial. She's much better off stateside and having nothing more to do with those evil people.
Load More Replies... You have done nothing wrong. They are selfish and racist. I think the excruciating 10 hour flight for you and the baby would be the easy part of the trip. They are racist and have already said “his child”. Long term will they really be accepting? If they want to see the baby, they can come to where you live. If mom needs a companion, let auntie come with her. If that isn’t acceptable, she really doesn’t want to meet her grandchild
I didn't even have to read the whole story to reach the conclusion that OP is not an AH. I don't get what's disrespectful about suggesting the grandparents come visit the baby instead of the other way around? OP said they would pay for it.
So mommy thinks you should travel 10 hours with a baby rather than her going anywhere without a man who apparently hates his son in law more than he loves his wife or his daughter.
The baby's mother doesn't need a visit from her parents. She needs a restraining order. Fortunately, they seem to have self-imposed it.
There’s NO WAY I’d ever attempt to bring an infant on a 10 hour flight. It’s torture for the baby, the parents, and everyone on that plane.
How to tell you are indian or Pakistani without telling you are Indian in 3 paragraphs. Those cultural norms are a hard pass for me. I am just not cut out for this BS
What gets me (out of the many things) is that, when asked if they could fly out to see her, the response was that it was disrespectful to even ask?! What the hell is that? They expect a new mother who is anxious about flying, to go on a long-haul flight to see them, while they just sit on their arses?! I live a bit further away from my parents than OP does from hers, and do you know what my parents did when they found out we were having a baby? They booked tickets to come over about 2 months after the due date.
It's telling that the father refers to his daughter's child as if her daughter didn't exist: refers to the child by the child's father, e.g., 'HIS child.' I would steer 100% clear of these people, as one sounds definitely toxic while the other is an enabler. But if the woman does decide to keep these people in her life, they need to be the ones making the effort at this point after that, not her.
I would never take a new baby on an airplane. If anyone needs to get over their fear, it is your mother. If she wants to see the baby, and be part of your lives, she needs to get over it and go it alone.
NTA I hope you will consider staying home and perhaps only seeing your parents on Zoom or FaceTime not for convenience sake but for another, very important reason. Your parents are racist haters. They spew religious, cultural and ethnic division and hatred which will be then directed at your child. Your father has already shown he doesn't even want to meet your baby. That mind-set does not magically change by meeting a baby. They are tormenting you, yet they 'believe' they love you. That's not love. It's control, it's hurtful and cruel. Please shield your baby, your husband and yourself from their toxic energy. YOU can't change them. You won't. The best thing they did was bring you to a different country and left you. You deserve better, as does your family. Stay home where people love you. Let the voice-mail answer the twice daily calls. Congratulations on your baby and new marriage!
Can't mom travel with someone else, does dad not allow it?
Lmao what the f**k When I had children my parents sold their house and moved so they could be closer to the grandkids and we wouldn't have to fly back and forth. Not saying it's practical for OP's parents to do the same, but the LEAST they could do is fly over to meet their grandbaby if for no other reason than to spare him from a long-a*s flight. Kids are super sensitive to changes in air pressure. Imagine being like "no, abandon your husband, put this child on an aircraft so he can endure pain so we can see him" Op didnt specify her home culture, but I'd give dollars to donuts it's one of the ones that might kidnap her and the baby.
NTA times f*****g infinity. Go NC and your life will be MILES better for it.
You can frame prejudice as a cultural difference and respect it if you want. I personally don't have the capacity to stomach it. I also will not treat a forced marriage as a "cultural difference". The parents seem to be planning to hold the OP against her will and force her into another marriage. That may be a cultural difference to you, I call it a human rights abuse. I come from a culture where matchmaking happens, but no one is forced to marry someone of their parents' choice.
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