Teen Made To Regret His Words After Mom Does Exactly As He Wished, MIL Steps In To Raise Hell
Parenting a teenager can be hard. Adolescents lash out at their parents, experience frequent mood disruptions, and act out by exhibiting rebellious behavior. It’s all part of growing up and becoming an adult. It might be the period when kids need their parents the most. Ironically, it’s also when they want to distance themselves as much as possible.
Teenagers can also often speak before they think and hurt their parents. Like this son, who told his mom his life would be better if he didn’t have a mom. Extremely hurt, the mom decided to punish him by refusing to take care of him. But when her mother-in-law called her decision “abusive,” she asked others whether her parenting methods were appropriate.
Adolescence is hard for parents as well as for kids: teenagers face hormonal changes, rapid growth, and social pressures
Image credits: Sébastien Mouilleau / unsplash (not the actual photo)
After this teen lashed out at his mom, she decided to make him regret it
Image credits: Kindel Media / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Kindel Media / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anon
Teens can say hurtful things when they have a problem and don’t know how to solve it
Raising teenagers can definitely be a challenge, as evidenced by this story. Teens say all sorts of hurtful things, from “I hate you!” and “I wish you weren’t my mother!” to “I am going to run away!” In the heat of the moment, it might seem like they really mean it.
Yet experts say that they’re usually trying to tell their parents something else when they lash out in this manner. Sara Bean, M.Ed., writes for Empowering Parents that such hurtful words are not about the parents at all. Teens use them when they have a problem and they don’t know how to solve it.
Whether it’s because of stress, anger, or something else entirely, provoking an emotional reaction from their parents can help teens make up for the feeling of discomfort these emotions cause. Ashley Hudson, LMFT, writes that this is sometimes the way teens try to establish their independence.
Teens have a biological instinct to pull away from their parents. It’s a normal milestone in the developmental stage of adolescence, Laura Choate Ed.D., LPC, writes for Psychology Today. In fact, teens might push their parents away because they feel secure in the relationship, and they take it for granted.
However, teens can also use hurtful words because it gives them power. If they see their parents taking their words personally and responding with things like “How dare you speak to me this way?!”, they might want to do it in the future again.
“This tells your child that they’re powerful—and have power over you—which helps the behavior continue in the future,” Bean claims. “After all, who doesn’t want to feel powerful at least once in a while?”
Punitive measures might not be the way to go, experts say
When a teen starts being mean to their parent, it’s hard not to take it personally. Phrases like “I hate you!” or “I wish I didn’t have a mom!” can trigger feelings of unappreciation for parents. That’s why experts recommend never responding to a teenager lashing out in the heat of the moment.
In addition to having a moment to collect their thoughts, parents would also be showing their kids a good example of regulating one’s emotions. “Showing your teenager that you need space to think clearly and allow yourself to calm your nervous system is great modeling,” Ashley Hudson observes.
“Tit for tat” is not an appropriate plan here either. Snapping back at the teen signals to them that emotional immaturity is okay. “Saying something hurtful in response sends your child the message that you are not in control,” Sara Bean writes. “It shows your child that the way to handle verbal attacks is to launch a verbal counterattack.”
However, as tempting as they may be, punishments might also be off the table. Bean emphasizes that over-the-top punishments or big consequences don’t teach teens the skills they need to manage themselves more effectively in the future.
“It won’t teach them to not say hurtful things to others. Harsh punishments will only teach them to ‘do time’ and will breed resentment towards you,” Bean writes. “Consequences do not always speak for themselves. You have to step up to the plate and be your child’s coach.”
Some people reassured the mom that her discipline methods were appropriate
Others believed she was too petty and even manipulative
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So what are the questions marks here? Son was acting up, mom put him in his place, son asked for forgiveness. Sounds like the mother did very well and it ended up good.
Yeah, teens learning the impact of their words as well as their actions is an important lesson to learn. She's not an a*****e because it was resolved within a day or two. Some people don't understand that a "threat" doesn't work if there's never any follow through. This was a low harm, low impact, high result exercise and he's probably got a stronger relationship with her now that he appreciates what she does for him all the more. Ignore the people who think that every child must be wrapped in bubble wrap.
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Again, what's with the YTA's? For Heaven's sake! What the mother did wasn't anywhere near abuse. She did the right thing: a 14-year old should know by then that actions have consequences and in this case the consequences were that there is a better understanding on both sides of the situation. Children are more resilient and less fragile than some parents give them credit for.
Reddit, so guessing a lot of them are from fellow 14yos?
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He's 14, asking him to occasionally make his own food and take the bus to school can't be construed as abuse unless he has severe special needs.
That's what I think. It would be abuse if she said, "You can't eat any of the food because your mother bought it." or, "You have to sleep outside because your mother pays the rent on this house." All she did was make him do s**t for himself. This was an absolute homerun in parenting 101.
Load More Replies... How can anyone say that‘s child abuse? This is „teaching life lessons“. Something more parents should do.
There are people out there who claim not letting your child torture animals is child abuse. There was a mother who's child was constantly abusing the family dog, so she gave the dog to her sister, who took good care of the pet, to protect it from being abused, and the commenters called that child abuse. Some people called a father an abuser who refused to biy his teenager expensive tech because his daughter would constantly break it and demanding the newest model as replacement. He was called an abuser for giving her a cheap android phone instead of the newest iPhone she tried to get by destroying her 'old' one.
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A 14 year old is old enough to know how to warm a tv dinner or leftovers (assuming they’re available) and a 14 year old knows how to ride the bus. She didn’t prevent him from eating or getting to school she basically made him do it himself so he’d realize just how important it was to have a mom. I applaud her for her parenting. Tough love and reality checks are the only effective thing for kids sometimes
Add to that, nowhere did it say asking Dad to get him dinner was banned. So grumpy kid could have asked Dad instead of storming off in a huff.
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I'm sorry but everyone who says OP is TA are wrong. At 14 years old a child is old enough to understand that they can't endlessly abuse or belittle their parents without consequences. OP followed up with her son the next day and he'd already learned his lesson. OP was prepared to explain the punishment - perhaps it should have been explained immediately, but children cannot endlessly lash out at their parents. Parents are a child's safe place, yes, but not to be disrespected and disregarded.
I was prepared to side with the son. You don’t withdraw love for bad behavior. But she didn’t. She withdrew Mom services for an entitled brat. Temporarily. Good on her. Glad she reconnected and they were able to renegotiate the relationship.
Exactly! She didn't withdraw her love, only her "Mom services". The only people who think Mom's the A Hole are obviously raising entitled f*cking brats themselves. THIS is called parenting your child to understand that actions have consequences. So just STFU Karen.
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The mother made him think which is not easy for a teenage boy. She wasn’t cruel or punitive, she just showed him some mild consequences for less than 24 hours. This was a success.
That one YTA that says teenage brains aren't fully developed: So that's an excuse to be an a-hole and act out? The cops aren't going to care if his brain isn't developed if he's being a delinquent. That's just a excuse, like saying "boys will be boys" because some parents are too lazy to do actual parenting.
AKA Year 9. All good, but doesn't sound like he needs therapy, just to be able to keep testing the boundaries and experiencing the reassuring gift of consequences. (MIL might need therapy.)
MIL needs to mind her own blooming business. This had nothing to do with her. As OP, that's exactly what I would have told her, with a few, unrepeatable words thrown in for good measure.
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It's a parents job to prepare kids to be adults. How can ANYONE say YTA to what this loving mother did? Doing any less would be a disservice, life will not be anywhere near this kind. Any boss would fire you, any partnership would end, any store would kick you out. All the people saying YTA explains why so many people are raised feeling entitled to be awful to everyone else.
If anyone wants to know about real child abuse then I can tell you some stories about my "dad" who is thankfully no longer with us.
A sign of gratitude at someone's departure is when the fight over the cremains goes like this: Everyone says, "F#ck no, *you* take the ashes!" Sometimes it's quite a relief for someone to be gone.
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Oh my LORD in heaven, insane that anyone could ever possibly think YTA. Jesus. So he was told where food was and was told to make it himself? He was provided different transportation? ABUSE! SCANDAL! Everybody get your head out of your a*s before you suffocate. This is A+ Parenting from mom. MIL needs to get a life.
A++ parenting! He acted out and then lashed out when being corrected, by saying something immature and absurd. Mom gave him a little taste of the life he was heading for, and he decided he didn't like that life, and learned his lesson quickly. Not only was Mom's parenting not abusive, it was incredibly effective and corrected the behavior in record time. Brava!
I think she was genius. She must have been a horse trainer in a previous life. Freaking brilliant. Immediate and understandable response to a "smart" maneuver he thought he pulled by saying that to her. No stewing, no lamentations, no violence, just being smarter than the subject you are teaching. I wish more big man cowboy trainers who love to beat up on horses would take that advice, but being smarter than their pupil is a far cry from being possible.
I think the mother handles the situation very well and it sounds like she has raised a stable, upstanding young man.
I mean some kids would have risen to the challenge and would love to make what they want for meals and to be more independent. And they would have been grateful. Or it would turn out like this and they'd still be grateful. If they just sulked and started starving themselves, they would need therapy - and hopefully they'd eventually be grateful that their mom provided it for them. This type of teaching usually works
Not even close to abusive. It was an object lesson. She tried to engage and was met with an unfocused stubborn reaction. He acted out to fit in. I'm embarrassed to say that I have done the same thing and got the same result. I appreciate what my mom did I'm 50 and am taking care of both my parents. I didn't damage my relationship with them.
The YTAs are the parents who have obnoxious kids. He talked smack, got smacked back. Imagine that, consequences for your actions.
He's 14. I'm still young enough to remember being that age. He was being an AH for no reason beyond peer pressure. Mom disciplined him appropriately. Not only taught him a lesson in regret, but they've both come out of it with a better understanding and appreciation of one another. All the YTA's are either spoiled little a**hats, or the parents of said a**hats.
NTA. Anyone saying YTA is wrong. 100%. You were justified to do exactly what you did. I think anyone feeling sorry for your kid isn't a parent or they are weak, and they won't have the courage to actually duu if Sci plume their kid. You did a very kind learning lesson to give a kid a soft wake-up call. Truly. You showed him what it would be like without a Mom. A mom that actually cares for the kid. Most kids should be so lucky. You truly care about your child. You also respect yourself enough to not be cracked on. Great job Mama!
I think you've been a great parent. You tried speaking to him about his behavior but he insulted you. You taught him words matter and gave him what he thought he wanted. He obviously got the point. You are a really good parent.
He's 14, not 5. He's not being starved by having to cook an oven pizza by himself. Please
Sounds like "Mission Accomplished" to me. Mom made her point, and son learned his lesson, with minimal issues. With the improved communication like Mom says, their relationship should be better than ever.
My 9-y old threw a tantrum the other day (after dinner), he was playing a game and was very very upset with it as it didn't go as he wanted. So I told him to stop playing the game for now. He got very angry at me and said he wished I was dead. I was hurt and very tired at the time, so I could not just "smile it away". There have been family members who lost their lives at my age. Beside it hurting me, what if I would fall I'll / die tomorrow ? He's blame himself for wishing me dead. So I never want him to say that again. So I figured I'd stop doing things for him until he calmed down and apologize. He went to bed still angry, and in the morning he asked for clothes (he only has 1 pair of trousers in his closet left and he didn't like those )and I said: if I'm dead then you'll have to sort that yourself. Same for breakfast. I told him to make his own lunch. He starts crying: if they at school all me why I don't have lunch I'll tell them my mom didn't make me some. I told him that he is
Old enough to make it himself. So he did. I did bring him to school though (he could have gone by bike). And when parked we both got it off the car and I repeated that he should apologize. He did, cried a bit, I told him I loved him and that he should never wish someone dead again, that it hurts. He told me he loved me too. So no I didn't make him cook dinner (just make lunch sandwiches). Have often overlooked it when he has said something like this, but now I wanted to make it clear it is not acceptable. I guess he forgot because yesterday he got into an argument with his brother and shouted he wished he was dead. I reminded him, also if the guys times he had with his brother. He ruined down a bit then. So maybe slowly he will realize that words are not just words. They can hurt a lot.
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There is a HUGE difference between teaching someone a lesson and "manipulating" them! Had she said, "apologize, and I'll stop acting this way," that -might- have been manipulation. It's -not- manipulation to act like someone means what they say, especially when that person is old enough to know better (and I think 14 is more than old enough - I remember being that age, and the first time I saw my mother cry.... I stopped after that).
Hope OP asked Dear Husband to set his mom straight. She was totally out of line.
That was the perfect response. Mom didn't neglect kid, just made him realize a tiny bit of what she does for him, and it worked.
Mom had a teaching opportunity and she took it. It's not like the kid was out on the streets with no way to feed himself. I think it was a brilliant way to let son know that his actions have consequences. I went "on strike" when my ex husband called me useless. (I refused to continue being the only parent to HIS teenaged children). 'Scuse me? Well, buddy, how's about we find out just how useless I am. So, I stopped being the family taxi service. Oh, gee, you had to walk 8 whole blocks to school because your Dad didn't want to get up early enough to drive you? Tough sh*t. I stopped buying groceries & cooking for anyone but myself, doing anyone else's laundry, stopped cleaning up after anyone but myself (being OCD made this REALLY hard). I stopped running his errands (I ALSO worked full time). An item didn't get returned in the refund time frame? Again, tough sh*t. I'd already decided I wanted a divorce and this just cemented the idea.
This is brilliant. The little s**t for what he deserved. MIL needs to back off
I've survived 3 teens. I honestly think that a lot of parental depression comes from having teens. NTA
Great job mom! Sometimes you can show them better than tell them...definitely a teaching moment. MIL can kick rocks. To all saying "YTA" get a grip and BTW, thanks for the entitled brats we have now. My mother's first instinct was to hit with whatever she got her hands on. My youngest are 16 and 12, we talk and when that doesn't work, then there are consequences. Frontal lobe may not be developed, but they know right from wrong. My 16yo tried me and later came back an apologized for his attitude. I show grace because I know he's at that point between kid and young adult, trying to find his way to manhood. I'm not tolerating any disrespect...none and it is mutual. Not all kids are the same, she found a solution that worked for her.
YTA ding-dums, I seriously hope your kids say they wish they didn't have you as a mother/father so you find how first-hand how it feels like before dumping your dumb takes on Reddit. The kid learnt that actions and words have consequences. I know, I was that kid at one point. I'm not saying I'm totally careful with my words now but at least I was wiser with them now than I was back then. OP just taught her kid a lesson and he figured it out soon enough. Yes, you can follow the leader at times, but not all the time and certainly not when you know he/she is about to walk headlong into one big F-up.
I see that there were some helicopter parents on that thread. I'm pretty certain that the ones who criticised the woman either are kids who believe that adults are always wrong and mean or parents who allow their kids to get away with everything and then are shocked that their kids end up entitled a$$holes. I've seen enough kids whose parents think that their job is to be their 12 year old kid's friend, not parent. Idiots who don't believe that their kid should ever deal with consequences of their own actions.
So atleast 2-3 days a week my mom doesn't make dinner. And she stopped making me breakfast at like 9. Dad would occasionally make me oatmeal though. They had a lot of failings but the part where they stepped into borderline abusive tendencies wasn't knowing I'm old enough to make my own food. Was it petty? Yes. Was it probably the best thing to do? No. But considering it went on maybe 12 hours, and she herself made the ammends to appologize fir her petty behaviour, to go oick him up without an apology or anything... she's a human that lashed out in a realativley minor way (he was never starved or deprived of food. Just the LUXURY of someone preparing it for him.) And then appologized and talked about it while stopping the behaviour... NAH.
Bill Cosby did something similar with his son. His son wanted to be like "regular people." So his father showed him how regular people live: getting a job, buying and cooking your own food, doing your own laundry, because "regular people" don't have maid service. After an hour to think about it, Cosby's son said, "I don't want to be like regular people." Strategy works with teens.
Not exactly sure Bill Cosby is the example we want to be bringing up for anything, really.
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She could have pulled a day of not doing things for him and gotten the point across. But she didn't tell him she was making a point or explain the lesson she thought she was teaching. If you tell your kid, essentially, "if you upset me, I'll abandon you" and they suddenly are doing everything you could ever ask of them, you didn't FIX the relationship. It's not "better than ever." You've scared them. You threatened them and they're reacting. It looks like roses to her because she sees the kid saying "omg, no, I don't actually want you to stop being my mom!" but she's missing that he's also saying "I'm doing the dishes so you don't stop being my mother. I'm cleaning my room so you don't stop being my mother. I'll smile and not swear in front of you so you don't stop being my mother."
If my son acts out, I am not letting him think he can behave like that without consequences. Why does she need a doctor, when she parents just fine?
Load More Replies... So what are the questions marks here? Son was acting up, mom put him in his place, son asked for forgiveness. Sounds like the mother did very well and it ended up good.
Yeah, teens learning the impact of their words as well as their actions is an important lesson to learn. She's not an a*****e because it was resolved within a day or two. Some people don't understand that a "threat" doesn't work if there's never any follow through. This was a low harm, low impact, high result exercise and he's probably got a stronger relationship with her now that he appreciates what she does for him all the more. Ignore the people who think that every child must be wrapped in bubble wrap.
Load More Replies... Again, what's with the YTA's? For Heaven's sake! What the mother did wasn't anywhere near abuse. She did the right thing: a 14-year old should know by then that actions have consequences and in this case the consequences were that there is a better understanding on both sides of the situation. Children are more resilient and less fragile than some parents give them credit for.
Reddit, so guessing a lot of them are from fellow 14yos?
Load More Replies... He's 14, asking him to occasionally make his own food and take the bus to school can't be construed as abuse unless he has severe special needs.
That's what I think. It would be abuse if she said, "You can't eat any of the food because your mother bought it." or, "You have to sleep outside because your mother pays the rent on this house." All she did was make him do s**t for himself. This was an absolute homerun in parenting 101.
Load More Replies... How can anyone say that‘s child abuse? This is „teaching life lessons“. Something more parents should do.
There are people out there who claim not letting your child torture animals is child abuse. There was a mother who's child was constantly abusing the family dog, so she gave the dog to her sister, who took good care of the pet, to protect it from being abused, and the commenters called that child abuse. Some people called a father an abuser who refused to biy his teenager expensive tech because his daughter would constantly break it and demanding the newest model as replacement. He was called an abuser for giving her a cheap android phone instead of the newest iPhone she tried to get by destroying her 'old' one.
Load More Replies... A 14 year old is old enough to know how to warm a tv dinner or leftovers (assuming they’re available) and a 14 year old knows how to ride the bus. She didn’t prevent him from eating or getting to school she basically made him do it himself so he’d realize just how important it was to have a mom. I applaud her for her parenting. Tough love and reality checks are the only effective thing for kids sometimes
Add to that, nowhere did it say asking Dad to get him dinner was banned. So grumpy kid could have asked Dad instead of storming off in a huff.
Load More Replies... I'm sorry but everyone who says OP is TA are wrong. At 14 years old a child is old enough to understand that they can't endlessly abuse or belittle their parents without consequences. OP followed up with her son the next day and he'd already learned his lesson. OP was prepared to explain the punishment - perhaps it should have been explained immediately, but children cannot endlessly lash out at their parents. Parents are a child's safe place, yes, but not to be disrespected and disregarded.
I was prepared to side with the son. You don’t withdraw love for bad behavior. But she didn’t. She withdrew Mom services for an entitled brat. Temporarily. Good on her. Glad she reconnected and they were able to renegotiate the relationship.
Exactly! She didn't withdraw her love, only her "Mom services". The only people who think Mom's the A Hole are obviously raising entitled f*cking brats themselves. THIS is called parenting your child to understand that actions have consequences. So just STFU Karen.
Load More Replies... The mother made him think which is not easy for a teenage boy. She wasn’t cruel or punitive, she just showed him some mild consequences for less than 24 hours. This was a success.
That one YTA that says teenage brains aren't fully developed: So that's an excuse to be an a-hole and act out? The cops aren't going to care if his brain isn't developed if he's being a delinquent. That's just a excuse, like saying "boys will be boys" because some parents are too lazy to do actual parenting.
AKA Year 9. All good, but doesn't sound like he needs therapy, just to be able to keep testing the boundaries and experiencing the reassuring gift of consequences. (MIL might need therapy.)
MIL needs to mind her own blooming business. This had nothing to do with her. As OP, that's exactly what I would have told her, with a few, unrepeatable words thrown in for good measure.
Load More Replies... It's a parents job to prepare kids to be adults. How can ANYONE say YTA to what this loving mother did? Doing any less would be a disservice, life will not be anywhere near this kind. Any boss would fire you, any partnership would end, any store would kick you out. All the people saying YTA explains why so many people are raised feeling entitled to be awful to everyone else.
If anyone wants to know about real child abuse then I can tell you some stories about my "dad" who is thankfully no longer with us.
A sign of gratitude at someone's departure is when the fight over the cremains goes like this: Everyone says, "F#ck no, *you* take the ashes!" Sometimes it's quite a relief for someone to be gone.
Load More Replies... Oh my LORD in heaven, insane that anyone could ever possibly think YTA. Jesus. So he was told where food was and was told to make it himself? He was provided different transportation? ABUSE! SCANDAL! Everybody get your head out of your a*s before you suffocate. This is A+ Parenting from mom. MIL needs to get a life.
A++ parenting! He acted out and then lashed out when being corrected, by saying something immature and absurd. Mom gave him a little taste of the life he was heading for, and he decided he didn't like that life, and learned his lesson quickly. Not only was Mom's parenting not abusive, it was incredibly effective and corrected the behavior in record time. Brava!
I think she was genius. She must have been a horse trainer in a previous life. Freaking brilliant. Immediate and understandable response to a "smart" maneuver he thought he pulled by saying that to her. No stewing, no lamentations, no violence, just being smarter than the subject you are teaching. I wish more big man cowboy trainers who love to beat up on horses would take that advice, but being smarter than their pupil is a far cry from being possible.
I think the mother handles the situation very well and it sounds like she has raised a stable, upstanding young man.
I mean some kids would have risen to the challenge and would love to make what they want for meals and to be more independent. And they would have been grateful. Or it would turn out like this and they'd still be grateful. If they just sulked and started starving themselves, they would need therapy - and hopefully they'd eventually be grateful that their mom provided it for them. This type of teaching usually works
Not even close to abusive. It was an object lesson. She tried to engage and was met with an unfocused stubborn reaction. He acted out to fit in. I'm embarrassed to say that I have done the same thing and got the same result. I appreciate what my mom did I'm 50 and am taking care of both my parents. I didn't damage my relationship with them.
The YTAs are the parents who have obnoxious kids. He talked smack, got smacked back. Imagine that, consequences for your actions.
He's 14. I'm still young enough to remember being that age. He was being an AH for no reason beyond peer pressure. Mom disciplined him appropriately. Not only taught him a lesson in regret, but they've both come out of it with a better understanding and appreciation of one another. All the YTA's are either spoiled little a**hats, or the parents of said a**hats.
NTA. Anyone saying YTA is wrong. 100%. You were justified to do exactly what you did. I think anyone feeling sorry for your kid isn't a parent or they are weak, and they won't have the courage to actually duu if Sci plume their kid. You did a very kind learning lesson to give a kid a soft wake-up call. Truly. You showed him what it would be like without a Mom. A mom that actually cares for the kid. Most kids should be so lucky. You truly care about your child. You also respect yourself enough to not be cracked on. Great job Mama!
I think you've been a great parent. You tried speaking to him about his behavior but he insulted you. You taught him words matter and gave him what he thought he wanted. He obviously got the point. You are a really good parent.
He's 14, not 5. He's not being starved by having to cook an oven pizza by himself. Please
Sounds like "Mission Accomplished" to me. Mom made her point, and son learned his lesson, with minimal issues. With the improved communication like Mom says, their relationship should be better than ever.
My 9-y old threw a tantrum the other day (after dinner), he was playing a game and was very very upset with it as it didn't go as he wanted. So I told him to stop playing the game for now. He got very angry at me and said he wished I was dead. I was hurt and very tired at the time, so I could not just "smile it away". There have been family members who lost their lives at my age. Beside it hurting me, what if I would fall I'll / die tomorrow ? He's blame himself for wishing me dead. So I never want him to say that again. So I figured I'd stop doing things for him until he calmed down and apologize. He went to bed still angry, and in the morning he asked for clothes (he only has 1 pair of trousers in his closet left and he didn't like those )and I said: if I'm dead then you'll have to sort that yourself. Same for breakfast. I told him to make his own lunch. He starts crying: if they at school all me why I don't have lunch I'll tell them my mom didn't make me some. I told him that he is
Old enough to make it himself. So he did. I did bring him to school though (he could have gone by bike). And when parked we both got it off the car and I repeated that he should apologize. He did, cried a bit, I told him I loved him and that he should never wish someone dead again, that it hurts. He told me he loved me too. So no I didn't make him cook dinner (just make lunch sandwiches). Have often overlooked it when he has said something like this, but now I wanted to make it clear it is not acceptable. I guess he forgot because yesterday he got into an argument with his brother and shouted he wished he was dead. I reminded him, also if the guys times he had with his brother. He ruined down a bit then. So maybe slowly he will realize that words are not just words. They can hurt a lot.
Load More Replies... There is a HUGE difference between teaching someone a lesson and "manipulating" them! Had she said, "apologize, and I'll stop acting this way," that -might- have been manipulation. It's -not- manipulation to act like someone means what they say, especially when that person is old enough to know better (and I think 14 is more than old enough - I remember being that age, and the first time I saw my mother cry.... I stopped after that).
Hope OP asked Dear Husband to set his mom straight. She was totally out of line.
That was the perfect response. Mom didn't neglect kid, just made him realize a tiny bit of what she does for him, and it worked.
Mom had a teaching opportunity and she took it. It's not like the kid was out on the streets with no way to feed himself. I think it was a brilliant way to let son know that his actions have consequences. I went "on strike" when my ex husband called me useless. (I refused to continue being the only parent to HIS teenaged children). 'Scuse me? Well, buddy, how's about we find out just how useless I am. So, I stopped being the family taxi service. Oh, gee, you had to walk 8 whole blocks to school because your Dad didn't want to get up early enough to drive you? Tough sh*t. I stopped buying groceries & cooking for anyone but myself, doing anyone else's laundry, stopped cleaning up after anyone but myself (being OCD made this REALLY hard). I stopped running his errands (I ALSO worked full time). An item didn't get returned in the refund time frame? Again, tough sh*t. I'd already decided I wanted a divorce and this just cemented the idea.
This is brilliant. The little s**t for what he deserved. MIL needs to back off
I've survived 3 teens. I honestly think that a lot of parental depression comes from having teens. NTA
Great job mom! Sometimes you can show them better than tell them...definitely a teaching moment. MIL can kick rocks. To all saying "YTA" get a grip and BTW, thanks for the entitled brats we have now. My mother's first instinct was to hit with whatever she got her hands on. My youngest are 16 and 12, we talk and when that doesn't work, then there are consequences. Frontal lobe may not be developed, but they know right from wrong. My 16yo tried me and later came back an apologized for his attitude. I show grace because I know he's at that point between kid and young adult, trying to find his way to manhood. I'm not tolerating any disrespect...none and it is mutual. Not all kids are the same, she found a solution that worked for her.
YTA ding-dums, I seriously hope your kids say they wish they didn't have you as a mother/father so you find how first-hand how it feels like before dumping your dumb takes on Reddit. The kid learnt that actions and words have consequences. I know, I was that kid at one point. I'm not saying I'm totally careful with my words now but at least I was wiser with them now than I was back then. OP just taught her kid a lesson and he figured it out soon enough. Yes, you can follow the leader at times, but not all the time and certainly not when you know he/she is about to walk headlong into one big F-up.
I see that there were some helicopter parents on that thread. I'm pretty certain that the ones who criticised the woman either are kids who believe that adults are always wrong and mean or parents who allow their kids to get away with everything and then are shocked that their kids end up entitled a$$holes. I've seen enough kids whose parents think that their job is to be their 12 year old kid's friend, not parent. Idiots who don't believe that their kid should ever deal with consequences of their own actions.
So atleast 2-3 days a week my mom doesn't make dinner. And she stopped making me breakfast at like 9. Dad would occasionally make me oatmeal though. They had a lot of failings but the part where they stepped into borderline abusive tendencies wasn't knowing I'm old enough to make my own food. Was it petty? Yes. Was it probably the best thing to do? No. But considering it went on maybe 12 hours, and she herself made the ammends to appologize fir her petty behaviour, to go oick him up without an apology or anything... she's a human that lashed out in a realativley minor way (he was never starved or deprived of food. Just the LUXURY of someone preparing it for him.) And then appologized and talked about it while stopping the behaviour... NAH.
Bill Cosby did something similar with his son. His son wanted to be like "regular people." So his father showed him how regular people live: getting a job, buying and cooking your own food, doing your own laundry, because "regular people" don't have maid service. After an hour to think about it, Cosby's son said, "I don't want to be like regular people." Strategy works with teens.
Not exactly sure Bill Cosby is the example we want to be bringing up for anything, really.
Load More Replies... She could have pulled a day of not doing things for him and gotten the point across. But she didn't tell him she was making a point or explain the lesson she thought she was teaching. If you tell your kid, essentially, "if you upset me, I'll abandon you" and they suddenly are doing everything you could ever ask of them, you didn't FIX the relationship. It's not "better than ever." You've scared them. You threatened them and they're reacting. It looks like roses to her because she sees the kid saying "omg, no, I don't actually want you to stop being my mom!" but she's missing that he's also saying "I'm doing the dishes so you don't stop being my mother. I'm cleaning my room so you don't stop being my mother. I'll smile and not swear in front of you so you don't stop being my mother."
If my son acts out, I am not letting him think he can behave like that without consequences. Why does she need a doctor, when she parents just fine?
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