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It can be hard to judge how one should parent children, since every family is different, circumstances are never identical and it’s dangerous to assume that one’s preferences are always superior. However, common sense still exists regardless of what people think.
Someone asked parents to share what modern childrearing “trend” they think is downright harmful and people didn’t hold back. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to share your own thoughts in the comments section down below.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
“Homeschooling” when you are in absolutely no way qualified to.
LillieMean 1 hour ago
The Finnish National Security and Intelligence Service (SUPO) is interested in homeschooling because it spreads extremist religious "education" and is a security risk when a child's reality is distorted by radical belief movements. I believe that all children should receive a quality education that does not feed lies or extremist thinking, and homeschooling should be banned or child protection should remove children from such homes to ensure that the children's intellectual skills are adequately developed.
RELATED:
#2
Not vaccinating your kids.
SouthernGal 5 hours ago
Thanks RFK! The measles outbreaks in the US are horrendous and completely preventable.
#3
“Unschooling.” And honestly, 90% of home schooling. I get it if a kid is chronically ill physically or mentally. Other than that, get them to a school with an actual curriculum and trained professionals.
#4
Over-sharing kids’ lives on social media.
Turning children into content before they can consent messes with their privacy, safety, and sense of identity........and the internet never forgets.
Zig Zag Wanderer 2 hours ago (edited)
There's an extremely good advertisement about these dangers here in Australia. A parent wandering around a shopping centre, and random adults come up and talk about the kids' lives and to the kids themselves like they know them. It's disturbing. It's supposed to be, too!
#5
I’ve noticed this trend on the playground of parents trailing around after their kids, constantly saying “Good job! Ok now be careful! That’s right, foot goes there. Yep, just there OK now be careful! Good job! Go ahead and step right there…” Like LET YOUR KID PLAY. Let them fall, let them try, let them be scared, let them have their own wins. It’s bananas to me.
StrangeOne 2 hours ago
I understand both sides on this. Parents are scrutinized heavily when something happens to their kids, especially if the parents are present, from medical staff and social workers. In Manitoba, all parents of children brought to the hospital for injuries are reported to a social worker. I had to be interrogated when my daughter went in for 2 stitches on her hand because she fell on a shard of porcelain after a piggy bank broke at a friend's. Then there's the "why are kids getting hurt when there are adults around?" judgement call. So, I can see why parents are extra careful. At the same time, I know kids need to be able to figure things out, explore and just have fun on their own.
#6
Filming your kid crying and posting it for “awareness” nah that’s just exploitation with a filter.
#7
This isn't only a modern trend but dad need to chill out with the "my daughter can't marry until she's 40" rhetoric or the "hurt my daughter and I'll end you" stuff. It's not tough to threaten a 16 year old and forbidding your daughter to ignore boys until they are not under your control is just going to set them up for unhealthy dating expectations.
I have a 16 year old daughter with a boyfriend. He's a nice kid and he treats her well. They definitely don't have a future together but I think he's a great 1st boyfriend that is really setting the tone of how she should expect to be treated.
Norfolk and good 6 hours ago
"She's not allowed to have s*x until she's married!" Did you and her mother wait until you were married to have s*x? Probably not. Trying to keep your daughter a virgin isn't going to stop her from having s*x, she will just learn how to keep secrets.
#8
Gentle parenting turning into no parenting like maam that child needs boundaries not a podcast.
#9
Nurse here-
Refusing vitamin K for your newborn. I’ve never seen an infant harmed as a result of a vitamin k shot… but I have seen one pass as a result of a brain bleed that could have been prevented with a routine vitamin K injection.
#10
Letting kids interrupt everything because “they’re expressing themselves”.
StrangeOne 2 hours ago
This one has always eluded me. It doesn't make sense. Kids express themselves all the time. They can still learn manners.
#11
"boy mom" culture that's a combination of emotional incest and internalised misogyny.
Norfolk and good 6 hours ago
Not to mention, these women end up being horrible, toxic mothers-in-law because how dare another women replace them in their son's affections?
#12
Blaming teachers for their kids' shortfalls.
Crummy teachers do exist, but most of them really are trying. Most teachers are passionate and caring, but the moment a kid's grade slips parents are way too quick to put the teacher in front of the firing squad.
It's had an absolutely mind-boggling stupid impact as well. My son is 7 and has ADHD and autism. He's generally a pretty good kid, but he's had more than a few bad days at school.
So far both his first and second grade teachers have danced around the issue when reporting bad days to us. Rather than something to the tune of "he was hitting kids at school and getting in their personal space" he was "speaking out with his hands and needed refocusing." What the heck does that even mean?
I get it. They talk like that cause they have to sugar coat everything against the Karens and Daves of the world. But those parents who refuse to accept that their kids or their own parenting skills might be the problem and just foist blame onto the first person to mention there's an issue are making teacher's jobs impossible. It's forced teachers into this weird, almost patronizing communication mode just so the bad parents don't blow up on them.
T'Mar of Vulcan 4 hours ago
I had a non who tried to blame her daughter's bad mark on me (daughter was naughty and lazy). Then she wrote that she didn't agree with so few marks being used for the term mark. Lady, the education department decides that. Acting like it's my idea is not going to make your lazy daughter pass.
#15
Not exposing our youths to stuff that makes them uncomfortable.
This leads to socially anxious teens, who get a panic attack from normal everyday interactions. People who are afraid of their own shadow. Youths who cannot trust that you'll get through the unpleasant experiences. .
Kristy Marion 4 hours ago
Often the experiences we learn from aren't great, but very necessary for growth. It's okay to fail! Trying to achieve perfection or shield yourself from reality will cause long term issues
#16
Emotional enmeshment with your kids. Your kids aren't your best friends. They are your kids.
Zig Zag Wanderer 2 hours ago (edited)
My children have definitely become very good friends. Not until they were adults, however, although I did a lot with my daughter before adulthood.
#17
Sad beige children. Kids need colors to aid in their mental and cognitive development. Children need a childhood more than beige moms need ugly aesthetic pictures.
StrangeOne 1 hour ago
I chatted and debated this with moms who defended their bland aesthetics. It really is a selfish choice to adhere to their chosen aesthetic. One mom stated "She can learn and see colours when she goes to Kindergarten." So, basically, leave it to the teacher to teach her kid the basics she's required to know to start Kindergarten. This is why teachers are wanting to quit.
#18
Before this thread kicks off: permissive parenting is bad. It’s where the kid runs the show and has no boundaries.
Several people already posted gentle parenting, and the two are not the same and have drastically different results.
Gentle parenting should come with boundaries, natural consequences, discussion about behavior: it’s not for the lazy. It’s teaching kids to learn to regulate their emotions and gain confidence and self-worth in a home where they aren’t simply controlled and punished physically or arbitrarily when a parent is tired or annoyed. It’s consistent, loving, and kind.
Permissive parenting is iPad and do what you want with no boundaries, consequences, or discussion about behavior. It’s where you see very entitled kids that think the world revolves around them. It’s lazy parenting.
StrangeOne 1 hour ago
Kids can't and won't "regulate their emotions". I've seen that youtuber mom with one of her sons named River. She's always telling her kids to be happy, and not letting them emote any feeling that is not pleasant. I'm not saying kids should tear around places, screaming like banshees. But it's okay to feel sad or angry. Sometimes it's justified. I've taught my daughter that there's healthy and unhealthy ways to show anger and sadness. Later in her teen years, this was a lesson she learned the hard way. I didn't want her to feel the same oppression my mom made me feel, which was immediately shaming me and punishing me for expressing anger and sadness in any sort of way. Not allowing me to scream into a pillow, or anywhere. Punishing me for rage writing and drawing. Shushing me when I want to tell her something I didn't like. Shoving a mirror in my face with a disgusted look when I was crying, and telling me to go blow my nose. No, I wanted her to have the freedom to own her feelings.
#19
Ridiculous names with ridiculous spelling.
Plentyofoomph 4 hours ago
Doesnt publishing the kids name kinda defeat the point of redacting their face?
#20
Letting kids anywhere near that AI. I thought cheating was bad enough in my day but is CheatGPT getting outta hand, our next generation is gonna very dumb if this keeps up.
#21
Permissive parenting disguised as gentle parenting
Letting the iPad raise your kid
Bad parental leave policies & high cost of living that exhausts parents and forces kids into daycare the day they’re born so they never get the proper attention they need to learn to read, do math or behave as kind, functioning members of society.
StrangeOne 1 hour ago
I disagree with having young children in daycares. I had to go back to school when my daughter was 2 months old. (I was attending a school specifically for adolescent mothers.) So, I was able to see the benefits. She got to socialize with the other babies, play with a variety of toys she didn't have at home, get used to being around other adults, and she was able to get over separation anxiety fairly quickly. The staff who ran the daycare areas were trained early childhood educators, so they were knowledgeable in what types of games and activities were good for young children's development. It helped with early detection of developmental issues. This is good for supporting the whole family. The parents are still raising their kids, too. Not just the daycare. I hate that rhetoric "Raise your own kids and not daycares/schools/etc".
#22
Leaving your child with a screen is extremely damaging. Idc that life is now harder, that we have less time, work more, struggle greatly. These machines are making our children dumber and likely to be servile. They’ll struggle more in school, they won’t develop their critical thinking skills and some can become weird tech zombies. Don’t do it.
#23
Not reading. Read to your kids. Read for yourself. It matters less than feeding them, but not a lot less.
Zig Zag Wanderer 2 hours ago
Read. Get them reading. Get books. Get more books. Throw out the television. No screen until reading is properly accomplished and natural for them. It worked for me!
#24
Treating kids like a project to optimize instead of people who are allowed to be bored, messy, and human.
#25
Refusing to ever say no because you don’t want to “traumatize” them.
#26
Having every bump in the road being something that means the child has mental health issues or is neurodivergent. I’m so grateful personally that mental health is being recognized more and that we are getting more diagnosis early for things like autism, etc.
However, if your teen daughter won’t get out of bed after a breakup it doesn’t mean she has xyz issue…it means she’s a 16 year old girl going through her first major breakup. Yes she may need a therapist, but what she probably needs more is her mom/friends, ice cream, and movies.
#27
Parentification
Having big families and expecting the eldest do/help with child care. There is simply not enough hours in a day to give each quality time, in some way children end neglected. I have seen it many times in big families, including mine. Is heartbreaking and traumatizing.
I saw a post of a mum having a second child because her kid is severely disabled and she is in her in her 40s so she needs to ensure someone will take care of the sibling. I have no words but another example of Parentification.
Zig Zag Wanderer 2 hours ago
My brother did this. I'm actually quite happy about it, because it means my children won't be forced to look after his severely autistic daughter. Unfortunately, the additional twins are, by my standards, awful children. Mainly brought up by iPads, as people here describe. Not my problem, however.
#28
I don’t have kids but several family members do and I’ve observed something that I think needs to be addressed. Kids need a degree of autonomy in a lot of things, but at the same time there are a lot of decisions kids shouldn’t be allowed to make. Not as in they need to make the decision the parents wants, but more that the decision should never be theirs to begin with.
Kids have a lot of feelings and thoughts but they are simply not equipped to make a lot of decisions, and that goes double for the super sheltered and helicoptered kids out there. A child who has been kept from discomfort and challenge their whole life simply cannot make a decision around an uncomfortable obligation or experience, because they aren’t equipped to. All they’re doing is causing a problem for everyone and setting themselves up for failure before long.
StrangeOne 1 hour ago
Never ask your kid if you should be with so and so. You are the parent. The ball is in your court to decide if so and so is a healthy fit to your family.
#29
Weak parenting. Normalizing children being exposed to adult(serious) stuff. Monetizing childhood of kids being an influencer parent.
#30
Thinking your kid is going to play professional sports. Look only 7% of HS athletes go on to play college athletics at any level. In sports where there is a draft (Football, baseball, hockey, basketball, softball, soccer) only 2.7% of draft eligible athletes get drafted. That means in those sports IF you play HS ball, you have a 0.19% of going pro.
Your 8 year old is probably not part of that 0.19%. You dont need to spend 10s of thousands of dollars on them playing on the very best travel teams. Let them be kids.
Norfolk and good 5 hours ago (edited)
I'm in the UK where football (soccer) is the most popular sport. The chances of becoming a pro footballer are less than 1% and the majority of that 1% will not end up playing in the Premier League. So many parents of young boy's are convinced that their son is going to be the next Ronaldo, but the chances are he's just going to end up feeling disappointed and rejected when Manchester United don't come knocking offering him a £20k a week contract by the time he's 18.
#31
Claiming you are doing "Gentle Parenting" when you aren't. Gentle Parenting is treating your children like human beings with emotions and needs. It isn't a magical buzzword that lets you be a negligent parent with no repercussions.
#32
Using your child for online content, especially disabled children. .
Zig Zag Wanderer 2 hours ago (edited)
I think ALL children should be banned from being in online content, unless properly supervised. That's what happened in the film industry, and it's not really different.
#35
That everybody is a winner; we need to stop handing out trophies to everybody; and be a parent, not their best friend.
#36
Babying your kids and not giving them any chores to do. I remember a friend that wanted to stain her deck. She was quoted a lot for that small job. When I told her that her 16 year could do it, she didn't believe me. Well after a couple of youtube videos and some advice from the hardware store he did it! He was very proud of his work.
Teach your kids how to do stuff. Cleaning, cooking, repairing stuff... It's not normal that a teenager doesn't know how to vacuum and mop the floors. They should know how to wash their clothes and take care of the things around the house.
StrangeOne 1 hour ago
Yes. They may whine, mope, complain, cry about it now. They will be thankful later. I know by experience. My mom got me doing chores at age 4. It doesn't have to be harshly demanded, and the work will not be anywhere near impeccable, but they will improve over time.
#37
Not exactly a modern trend but one that pops up every single generation.
"Kids these days are weak and soft and stupid and lazy and they will be the death of us."
Every single generation since antiquity has been those kids in their day, and there has always been somebody saying that about them. But those kids those days obviously didn't obliterate the world or turn it into a soft decadent blob, because otherwise we would not be here right now. Our parents were those kids those days in their day, too. Dumb people have also always existed, rather than only experiencing an extraordinarily sharp uptick within the past 10 years.
#38
Using your child as content for social media. The absolute absence of privacy that some of these children experience from literally the moment of conception is disturbing.
Zig Zag Wanderer 2 hours ago (edited)
I'm kinda hoping the moment of conception is not on social media. Yet... (read Blind Faith by Ben Elton for details)
#39
How about bringing your kids to concerts they have zero interest in, rather than getting a babysitter? Concerts used to be the last bastion of adult recreation outside of bars. But every show I’ve been to in the last 2 years has been a zoo of young, screaming children running amok, parents doing nothing about it but then getting all confrontational with adults using adult language within earshot of their kids who should be home in bed, anyway! Meanwhile, who gets to actually enjoy the music? No one!
Zig Zag Wanderer 2 hours ago
Saw quite a number of children at AC/DC last week. They seemed well behaved. It was in the seats, however, not the mosh pit (I'm too old for that!). I don't know if any were there.
#40
Treating children as mini adults rather than kids.
Zig Zag Wanderer 2 hours ago
It's the only way I ever have known to do it. I don't understand children. I once apologised to a nephew about not treating him properly, but he replied that I was the only one who showed him respect. I did the same for my kids (obviously once old enough), and it seems to have worked.
#41
Overcommitting kids to sports and other activities.
StrangeOne 1 hour ago
Kids don't need to be scheduled to do something all day, every day. Let them have plenty of time for free play and experience boredom.
#42
Not teaching neurodivergent kids how to navigate adult life because it's difficult and feels like forcing them to not be themselves. They are taught that society should accept their differences and that they shouldn't need to mask or pretend to be anything they aren't. Which is a nice thought and works in schools that accommodate their disabilities, but then they get thrown out into adult life which actually won't accept them for who they are and will not accommodate their problems. Learning to cook or pay bills or get to places on time is a lot more difficult when you are neurodivergent, but if you aren't taught any strategies while growing up, it's like being thrown into deep water without knowing how to swim. Kids need to be prepared for the world that exists, not the one we wish existed.
SouthernGal 4 hours ago
This one is so very true. Even specialized school programs for neurodivergent kids don’t really teach life skills.
#43
Elf on the shelf. Bin that thing.
SouthernGal 4 hours ago
I have to disagree with this one. I’m team elf. My child is now 19 and we still do the elves. We take turns hiding them and leaving little goodies for each other. It’s a fun family tradition.
#44
Giving kids phones too early. The parents who don’t do it have their kid ostracised and really nobody under 16 really needs a phone.
Zig Zag Wanderer 2 hours ago (edited)
G8ve em a basic phone with just phoning and texting capabilities if contact is required
#45
Not talking about physical altercations. Kids will hit and kick and hurt you and others both intentionally and unintentionally. Not talking about it doesn’t make it go away it just leaves everyone less equipped to deal with it.
The other would be continue with diapers until the kid ”is ready” or ”says he wants to” or until summer vacation arrives. We are thought that diapers can lead to skin and bowl problems and you should start training as soon as possible but at least by two years old at the regular physician check up’s. Our daycare center were surprised our son was diaper free at that age saying no one is listening. I have nieces with diapers at 4 years old without a medical reason just no one having the time to take the step. It will be messy no matter the age, just do it.
#49
Lack of routine, rigidity, and discipline. Kids feel *safe* with these things. People need to understand that a lot of behavioral or mental and emotional issues in children come from them feeling unsafe due to NOT having these things from their parents or the adults in their lives.
#50
Parents ceding authority to their kids as if a 7 year old should have an "equal say" in the matter.
#51
Gentle parenting turning kids into misbehaving beings and then parents just showing off about it.
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