“I Don’t Plan On Inbreeding Them”: Man Claps Back At MIL Complaining About Kids’ Gender
Interview With Expert
Finding out the biological sex of a baby can be an exciting milestone for the parents-to-be. After the fact, they will likely start envisioning their life together—cuddling a baby boy or playing catch with a little girl. However, if the gender reveal doesn’t match the preference one had, it may bring up some conflicting emotions.
Just like what happened to this mother-in-law, who was rooting for a grandson but instead found out she was going to have granddaughter No. 3. Being majorly disappointed, she started putting the blame on the father’s DNA, causing family drama to ensue.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with licensed clinical psychologist Emma Basch, who kindly agreed to answer some of our questions about gender disappointment.
The gender reveal of a baby may bring unexpectedly conflicting emotions for some people
Image credits: marccalleja/Envato elements (not the actual photo)
Just like what happened to this mother-in-law, who started blaming the father for giving her ‘another’ granddaughter
Image credits: alinabitta/Envato elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: _Elite2017_
Gender disappointment involves feelings of sadness and distress
Image credits: cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)
For parents-to-be, gender disappointment involves feelings of sadness and distress when the biological sex of the baby is different than they hoped for. It’s not something that gets a lot of public attention, but it’s still pretty common.
On the other hand, this rarely happens to other family members—in this case, the mother-in-law—but licensed clinical psychologist Emma Basch tells Bored Panda that it’s certainly possible.
“Gender disappointment is a shorthand way of describing numerous reasons why someone has a preference or feels disappointment about the sex of their baby, and it seems plausible that nonparental family members could feel this too.”
There are several reasons a person may be going through such emotions, including feeling grief over how they envision life with the baby-to-be versus how it’s really going to look. “For example, if someone has a wonderful relationship with their sister and is hoping to recreate this by having a family with two girls, they may experience sadness over having male children,” Basch explains.
Alternatively, some parents do not want to replicate the family composition they grew up with and feel disappointed when they learn that the sex of the baby recreates it. It can also come from past experiences and fear. “For example, I’ve worked with several female survivors of sexual trauma who felt a lot of fear after finding out they were pregnant with girls,” the psychologist said.
“Gender disappointment can also be a product of deeply gendered schemas. For example, if you (or a family member) believe that only certain experiences can come from raising a girl vs. raising a boy, you may experience gender disappointment if you feel you won’t have that gender composition in your family.”
“I would encourage people not to dismiss their feelings”
Image credits: cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Basch also kindly shared some advice for people who might be struggling with such conflicting emotions. “I would encourage people not to dismiss their feelings,” she said. “Many people feel shame about their gender disappointment or feel like they aren’t supposed to feel that way.”
She further suggests, “Find an appropriate outlet of support, likely a therapist, who can help you understand and work through what you are feeling. If you are a family member (say, a grandparent), make sure you are processing your disappointment with an appropriate outlet (not the person/persons having the child).”
Psychotherapist Diane Ross Glazer, PhD, reassures that gender disappointment typically only lasts until the day the child is born, after the parents finally get to meet them. In fact, oxytocin, the hormone in the brain released during labor, helps to fall in love with the infant.
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When I gave birth to our third daughter, I was told off for 'failing my husband'. One of my maternity nurses quickly pointed out that my husband "got out what he put in"... the look on my aunts face has stayed with me to this day. And I still love my midwife for shutting her down so quickly.... My husband wasn't even upset with having had a third girl. He was, and is, so proud of all three.
He should have said "Why mess with success? The recipe came out so great the first 2 times!" I actually liked his joke better though. The MIL is just angry that his quip illustrated how dumb it is to care about the gender of happy healthy children.
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Reading this post, I can't help but side-eye MIL in regards to her other granddaughters. If she can be so insulting about a child who hasn't arrived yet, what's she saying to and about the present children? OP didn't say or do anything wrong, Monster-in-law doesn't deserve an apology, and OP'S wife needs to realize what those rude comments imply. "It's not a boy, so it's a(nother) disappointment."
I do not (and don't want to) understand what the MIL was trying to do. The old bag should have kept her trap shut. This is as bad as blaming the mother for not producing a boy or causing a birth defect. Unless you go full designer baby you can't decide the sex of your conceived children.
Yeah, and if this is a pattern for her, it's probably time to start considering LC or NC
Load More Replies...
When I gave birth to our third daughter, I was told off for 'failing my husband'. One of my maternity nurses quickly pointed out that my husband "got out what he put in"... the look on my aunts face has stayed with me to this day. And I still love my midwife for shutting her down so quickly.... My husband wasn't even upset with having had a third girl. He was, and is, so proud of all three.
He should have said "Why mess with success? The recipe came out so great the first 2 times!" I actually liked his joke better though. The MIL is just angry that his quip illustrated how dumb it is to care about the gender of happy healthy children.
Load More Replies... Reading this post, I can't help but side-eye MIL in regards to her other granddaughters. If she can be so insulting about a child who hasn't arrived yet, what's she saying to and about the present children? OP didn't say or do anything wrong, Monster-in-law doesn't deserve an apology, and OP'S wife needs to realize what those rude comments imply. "It's not a boy, so it's a(nother) disappointment."
I do not (and don't want to) understand what the MIL was trying to do. The old bag should have kept her trap shut. This is as bad as blaming the mother for not producing a boy or causing a birth defect. Unless you go full designer baby you can't decide the sex of your conceived children.
Yeah, and if this is a pattern for her, it's probably time to start considering LC or NC
Load More Replies...
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