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42 Single Male Behaviors That Destroy Any Hope For Romance, According To These Women
Nobody’s ‘perfect’ and everyone makes mistakes from time to time—especially when it comes to something as sensitive as dating. But some behaviors are so bad that they destroy any chance at romance. While some things sound like common-sense stuff to avoid doing, unfortunately, common sense is in fairly short supply these days.
In a brutally honest and insightful AskReddit thread, the women of the internet shared the things that—in their opinion—are the biggest mistakes that single men make when they’re trying to show they’re romantically interested in you. Clinginess, negging, jealousy, lying, and thinking that being nice is a personality trait are just the tip of the iceberg. Keep scrolling to find out what to focus your personal growth on and what to avoid doing if you want to leave a decent impression.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Not understanding the constraints that women face around safety. I was listening to a man talk about how frustrated he was that he wanted to pick up a first date in his car and she wanted to meet him at the restaurant.
It's because she doesn't want to be trapped with you if you end up wanting to hurt her. She wants to have an escape. Some guys literally try to m**der their dates. Dating can be very scary/dark for women.
nottheactualphoto 5 months ago
It's not even MOST men, but there's no way to know if it is or is not THIS one.
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Panda Kicki 5 months ago
Its like russian roulette but with men. I think most women over 30 has had at least one scary encounter.
Ellinor she/they/elle 5 months ago (edited)
You can lower that number to 15 years old
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Roxy222uk 5 months ago
Sadly sometimes when it’s explained to them they then take it personally! “I’m really offended that she thinks I could be a råpist!”
Kathy Brooke 5 months ago
You carry the necessary equipment... until I know you I have no idea whether you'd use it.
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Ghostchaplain16 5 months ago
Amen to this. As a husband and father of an adult daughter, I applaud women for keeping their safety front and center. Any man who isn't fully supportive of that is at the top of the list for avoiding--even as friends.
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Noname 5 months ago
I wouldn't want man to know where I live until I get to know them, let alone on a first date. Also, assuming that he's not going to hurt me physically, I'd prefer to have my own transportation in case the first date bombs.
Jeolas1 5 months ago
I have the suspicion that a guy who wants to insist on picking his (first time) date up knows she will then be stuck with him.
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BookFanatic 5 months ago
And she doesn't want some still-sorta-rando-guy to know where she lives.
Crystalwitch60 5 months ago
This , I ain’t getting in a car with anyone I don’t know end off ! We know it’s not all men , but we also have no clue WHICH ONES it is ! unfortunately the bad ones don’t come with with a I’m a r a p I s t tattooed on their foreheads !
Tyranamar Seuss 5 months ago
I can't stand when they won't Zoom or FaceTime with me before I decide to go out. Before I leave the safety of my home, and leave my son behind, I'm going to make sure there's some chemistry and no obvious psychopathy going on. If you can't understand where I, as a female, need this step you can f**k off. It's a great screening tool. If you won't even FaceTime to make me comfortable, you suck.
RELATED:
#2
Acting like being nice is a personality, then getting mad when you don’t fall for them immediately.
Ms.GB 5 months ago
That is the mating call of the the North American Incel, if we're quiet maybe we'll hear them...
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Luke Branwen 5 months ago
There's a difference between a kind man and a Nice Guy™. Hint: only one of them is actually nice.
Becca not Becky 5 months ago
Be a good man, not a "nice guy." Even if being a genuinely good man doesn't immediately get you a gf or a swarm if prospective gfs, the attributes will carry over into other aspects of your life, and that should be the real focus.
Dawn Marie 5 months ago
Or touching me more than a handshake when we are introduced such as running your hand up and down my back and me having to tell you to stop.
Shelley Colleen 5 months ago (edited)
Part of my career involved chatting with men, trying to figure out why they couldn't connect with women. They went on and on about how women only want "bad doys" and wouldn't give "nice guys" a chance. I racked my brains, trying to get them to realize that guys who proclaimed themselves "good guys" often prove themselves to be not so good. They would almost always take my advice angrily, falling back on the "pitches don't even know when a guy is good and judge him on his looks or whatever. I tried and tried, for years, but the effort was futile.
#3
Making sexual innuendos to test boundaries when I don’t know you.
Blyss Blyssylb 5 months ago
It's only been 3 minutes since we met and You can't remember my name but you want to have s e x with me.
Michael Largey 5 months ago
Well, if he's looking for boundaries, this approach will certainly present him with them quickly and clearly.
Samantha H 5 months ago
I went on a date which went well, I had to leave for an appointment, as we said good bye he said he would like to meet again and 'let's f**k' My jaw dropped, way too forward.
Lady Chelsea (LadyChelseaoftheVoid) 5 months ago
or pestering you for n*des when you just want to get to know them. the internet is chock full of naked women, quit wasting my time then
Broadly speaking, in dating and all the other areas of your life, you want to be as authentic and deeply ‘you’ as possible. If you feel like you have to pretend to be another person just to be liked, then something’s gone terribly wrong. That being said, you should aim to be the best version of yourself that you can. Everyone has flaws they can work on. While you shouldn’t waste your time chasing ‘perfection’ (some personality quirks can be quite attractive), you should still aim to grow as an individual.
That might mean different things for different folks. For example, working on your emotional intelligence, taking better care of your health, educating yourself more, working on your confidence and self-esteem, developing your personal style, being more respectful, living with courage and curiosity, sanding down some of the rougher edges of your personality, etc. Your goal should be to become a better person, not just someone that you think others will want to date.
#4
I think a lot of men would do well to remember that they can easily overpower us, and we are always aware of that. So, fear is often present, and for good reason. Giving a woman some time to get to know you, and to see that you will be safe for her, is crucial for many women.
#5
Making sexist comments.
A lot of guys think variations of the comment 'Most women are so dumb but you're so smart!' is a compliment. It's not. Especially if you're complimenting me for knowing something basic. It suggests you don't engage many women in conversation.
Ellinor she/they/elle 5 months ago
Some people really need to realise that you can compliment someone without putting other people down.
SchadenFreudian Psychology 5 months ago
If you don’t like most women, then you probably won’t like me.
Jeya Mackelle 5 months ago
That's like me saying to a man "Wow! Most men are perverted a******s, but you're not too bad!"
#6
Faking a friendship. So many men treat friendships with women as stepping stones for a sexual/romantic relationship and it's gross for two reasons: it shows that they value us only in those terms, and it shows a very deep-rooted dishonesty. If you want to pursue something sexual, say it, and if the woman isn't interested in that and you aren't interested in a genuine friendship, move the f**k along.
Mimi M 5 months ago
I don't like it when guys push s exual innuendo the first or second time you speak to them. Especially when you make it clear up front that you aren't into hookups.
Samantha H 5 months ago
Mimi M, yes! a 1,000 times over. Once some men had said 'how are you' it seemed to be ok to be really graphic, not nice at all.
Load More Replies... Fluffypanda 5 months ago
This!!! I had an amazing friendship with a guy, we called each other “bros” for goodness sakes. 2 YEARS LATER, he finally reveals he’s been playing the long game- by then, to consider anything sexual would have felt like incest. Not a rom-com “omg! I love you too!!” It felt worse than a romantic breakup
Michael Largey 5 months ago
There can be a fine line between faking a friendship (bad) and letting a possible romantic relationship develop at its own pace (good). And it's much too easy to go back and forth across that line without even realizing it if you aren't tuned into where the other person is at that point. In a case like this, focusing on what the other person wants is more likely to get you what you want.
HighNMightyBigshotBossOfWorld 5 months ago
Yep! I read a comment by some guy who lamented that “ if women knew upfront they wouldn’t have anything to do with him” just pure predator.
According to The Guardian, some of the most common mistakes that people make at the start of their relationships include:
- Coming on too strong right away
- Being too stubborn about getting exactly what you want
- Pretending to be someone you’re not
- Not learning from your mistakes in past relationships
- Moving way too fast
- Ignoring red flags during the first dates
- Posting too much about your new relationship too fast on social media
- Ignoring the need for healthy boundaries
- Pretending there aren’t any compatibility issues in terms of intimacy
- Being far too available
#7
Trying to impress with a monologue of achievements instead of asking real questions. Listening beats bragging every time.
Luke Branwen 5 months ago
For me, listening to a woman talking about something she's really passionate about is the most attractive thing ever. Like, #1. Nothing beats that.
Michael Largey 5 months ago
Same, but passion is about what she wants to achieve, not what she has achieved.
Load More Replies... #8
Making it sexual. I can’t emphasize this enough. If you make it sexual before we meet, I’m immediately disappointed. Most of my experience post-divorce is dating online and I cringe every time a guy has ‘I love to cuddle’ on his profile. Or we start talking and within a paragraph, he’s asking to give me a massage. Just talk to women like we’re people, not sexual objects.
Adding onto this that I am very sexual and in no way avoid s*x. But if I don’t know you, I don’t want to talk s*x with you. Period.
Jenny Hornig 5 months ago
I hate how often talking about S*x leads to men thinking you will have S*x with them at the First/Next Date, No Matter what.
Michelle C 5 months ago
Yup. A high school acquaintance did this around the time my high school sweetheart and I broke up a couple of years after I graduated high school. Granted, he was drunk, but that didn’t excuse it. Fortunately, he seems to have cleaned up his act and is married with two kids now. I would never have been interested in him anyway after that and his decision to cut contact with me when I said I wasn’t interested. People can change and I have forgiven him, even though he never apologized, but that kind of behavior should also never be tolerated in the first place.
#9
I remember when I first met my wife we had an amazing date that lasted way longer than expected. A couple hours later she texted me asking if she’d scared me off. I was super interested but didn’t want to seem too interested and she straightened me up real quick! Don’t try to play it cool by not communicating.
George Costanza 5 months ago
I've never played hard to get or any other mind games with women I like. If I like them I let them know ASAP, and it's always worked out. No woman has ever pushed me away saying it was too much/too early.
VNES101 5 months ago
That's because we're taught that men LIKE TO HUNT. So if WE seem too interested too quickly then he won't want to pursue us any longer. Too many d**n rules for me.
Anonymous 5 months ago
As a man I can tell you this couldn't be further from the truth. We don't "Like to hunt" and if you seem too interested too quickly and the man also likes you it 99% of the time should be fine.
Load More Replies...“Don’t set out your 20-year plan on the first few dates. It can be intimidating. It also means that you’ve negated the opportunity to see how things would develop naturally with that person,” psychologist and relationship expert Emma Kenny told The Guardian.
“A lot of my clients make the mistake of moving too fast in general. Telling someone you think they’re the one and you’re deeply connected to them after date one or two is not great for everybody involved.”
For instance, you shouldn’t rush to meet each other’s family and best friends for at least a few months.
#10
Talking constant smack about their ex. Comparing us to their ex.
Like if it comes up in conversation, say what you need to say and move on. Don’t punish us for what your ex did, bro. Heal up.
Bragging about how many other women are interested in you how ✨lucky ✨I am to have been at the top of the list.
DrBronxx 5 months ago
I started talking to my then-girlfriend-now-wife about my ex. It was essentially why we broke up. After a minute or two she said "why are you talking about your ex?" I said I thought maybe she might want to know to get a better picture of me and my history, but she basically told me that while she does want to get to know me, she doesn't need to know about exes. it just wasn't important to her. 10+ years later and we have never talked about exes again.
Multa Nocte 5 months ago
The very last thing I want to know is about my spouse's exes.
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Johnnynatfan 5 months ago
The flip side of that is talking UP your ex. Still not good to do even if you are saying good things about her.
The Other Guest 5 months ago
I dated a guy for a while who was constantly talking about how awesome his ex was & how devastated he was when she left him. I started referring to her as "Joan the Perfect" & not only did he never realize I was being sarcastic, he actually thought it was a fitting nickname for her.
Load More Replies... SchadenFreudian Psychology 5 months ago
Talking about an ex a lot (either positively or negatively) makes me wonder how “ex” she really is.
#11
I hear/ see a lot of guys think dating is some sort of formula or game. They think if they check boxes like having a job or being in shape then women will automatically be interested. And that if they “say the right things” or make them seem a certain type of way, that will result in a relationship/ s*x/ attention.
In reality that’s manipulation. Women want to date someone you have an actual connection with. Not someone who just says what they think women want to hear.
Becca not Becky 5 months ago
Yes!! However, I will attribute this partially to a (good) cultural shift in society. For a lot of men historically, if you owned property, had a job, had a house, that was all it took, especially for arranged marriages. I think a lot of older generations passed that standard down. In recent decades, it's now expected that you actually be a good person behind closed doors.
Erla Zwingle 5 months ago
So, so wrong. I'd absolutely go out with a broke unemployed overweight guy who's intelligent, kind, funny, thoughtful, interested in me. I get the feeling that you're not any of those things. Bye.
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#12
Failing to show basic politeness/respect during the interaction. For some reason so many don't even do *that,* which is sad because it's already the bare minimum...
Lyone Fein 5 months ago
Plus being rude to others while on the date……like cashiers or wait staff, etc.
Fluffypanda 5 months ago
I’ve left in the middle of a date when he’s super sweet, kind, attentive to me, but is a complete d****e to staff
Load More Replies... Black Cat 5 months ago
Like men who can't even hold a conversation and the only way to make them talk is to ask them questions, but there's no reciprocity. I get some people are shy, but there are too many men who can't seem to put a whole sentence together. They're too much hard work to be around - and dull.
Dating coach Persia Lawson told The Guardian that some people tend to “put on a bit of a show” when they first start dating someone. This can be utterly exhausting! “I try to encourage people to realise it’s cooler to just be yourself. If you’re trying too hard to perform around someone, they’re probably not the right person for you anyway,” the expert said.
Furthermore, Lawson warns that everyone should respect themselves enough to have clear boundaries when it comes to dating someone.
“Be brave enough to put your boundaries up and say: ‘This is what I need and what I desire.’ A lot of people are scared to express how they want to be treated for fear of being rejected. But it’s better to know now than later. Besides, people are attracted to people who know their own worth, rather than accepting the crumbs and scraps of poor behaviour, because they think it’s all they can get.”
#13
Getting too close to you and keep touching you on the first date. And cannot sense you are feeling uncomfortable, even though you keep moving further away….
tori Ohno 5 months ago
That's just old fashioned disrespectful. They know you're shrinking away, but they keep doing it
GenericElder 5 months ago
I think a lot of them actually LIKE the feeling of power they get when you shrink away and they move closer. Creepy AF.
Load More Replies... #14
Making it about looks, in a way that makes it obvious they’re not really looking past that. you can usually tell because they’re not complimenting your personality, taking interest in your hobbies, etc. it’s just “you’re so pretty” “your body is so hot” it can actually feel quite sad.
Benjamin Brogan 5 months ago
And THIS! "Why are you single? You're so pretty/beautiful." Over and over....then get mad at us for finding you creepy.
Crystalwitch60 5 months ago
Erm your using a man’s profile , would you be trolling by any chance 😂
Load More Replies... katiekat0214 5 months ago
I'm 57, and I know for a fact I'm average looking. Do not blow smoke up my as* and tell me how pretty and beautiful I am. I didn't believe it at 17 or 27, and have no time for it now. Honestly, if a man chooses to talk to a woman, some level of attraction is there. It doesn't even need to be spoken about, much less harped on. Move on and get to know the person. Staying shallow means I will walk away as quickly as possible.
#15
Not the “biggest” mistake, but if he won’t let me pay for my own coffee or meal on the first date, there will not be a second.
I don’t like feeling like I “owe” people things, and I don’t like it when a guy is more interested in Correctly Performing Manliness than he is in listening to a simple “no thank you.”.
Nina 5 months ago
I don't mind if he wants to pay, I'll pay the next time. If he has expectations of me because he payed, then we have a problem.
Johnnynatfan 5 months ago
That is fair and as a man I appreciated that mentality when I was single and dating.
Load More Replies... Roxy222uk 5 months ago
The mistake here is not respecting the woman’s preference. I don’t think women always spot what a huge red flag this is. “I’d really like to pay for myself this time around” “No, no, no, I insist I treat you” or “I’d just like a single vodka/gin/whisky please” “have a double, go on, treat yourself, I’m paying”. Unfortunately I’ve had women say to me ‘isn’t he nice?’ when I’ve already felt uncomfortable (and not been wrong). There’s ways of saying “I’d enjoy treating you, but I understand” or “I’d happily pay for a double, if that’s what you really want. No? Bar tender? A single please"
Crystalwitch60 5 months ago
Feel free to pay , but do not expect s e x because you did !! It don’t work like that !! ,n I’m paying next time ,if your a decent man we want a next time with
Jonas Fisher 5 months ago
I hope never to date again, but I was raised to assume that the person who invites is the person who pays. On top of that, I was also raised with that Midwest US politeness, so when the check comes, if the lady says she wants to pay, I would definitely "argue" about it. If I were out with this lady, I hope she would allow at least that much leeway on wanting to take responsibility for paying.
Amanda Reinstatler 5 months ago
When they INSIST on paying, they WANT you to feel that you owe them something....red flag
According to dating coach Blaine Anderson, some of the creepiest behaviors that women find off-putting include things like staring, inappropriate comments, controlling behavior, unwanted social media contact, and not accepting ‘no’ for an answer.
Other major red flags, according to a post by Anderson, include unwanted physical contact, clinginess, physical stalking, and pressuring someone to be intimate.
#16
I've noticed a lot of men try to "sell" themselves-- make a big deal about their accomplishments, basically finding any reason to brag or bring up nice or helpful things they've done for others, etc. Trying to impress their date.
But in reality, it just makes you look a bit narcissistic. Its off-putting. Let your personality show for itself! If a woman is on a date with you (especially if it's your second+ date), she has some interest in you already, you don't have to force it.
Nina 5 months ago
Women are looking for someone they match with, not the one with the highest income, the biggest muscles, the most expensive car etc. You're not competing with high earners etc, you're competing with the peace she has when she's alone.
Michael Largey 5 months ago (edited)
It's fine to give a general outline of yourself, but let the other person choose which details they want filled in. And in what order. And when.
SchadenFreudian Psychology 5 months ago
I’m already sick and tired of living in a society where somebody is constantly trying to sell me something. “Marketing” is very unattractive when it’s humans getting to know each other.
#17
I've had several men ask me when I am going to get a "real job" (I am a musician, and a pretty successful one at that) and then go on to tell me everything about their wonderful and important banking/computer jobs.
As an artist I am used to the general society thinking I am leeching off of honest taxpayers' work and being stupid and/or lazy and all that jazz, but I would like it if the man I am dating was not one of those people.
Michael Largey 5 months ago
Being a musician was a real job before banks and computers even existed.
Luke Branwen 5 months ago
Imagine how utterly horrible, bleak and joyless would the world be without artists.
Damned_Cat 5 months ago
Men need to really try to understand their girlfriend's work too. I used to work in a very complex, sensitive, and demanding government job. My ex would say that he couldn't understand why I was so tired since all I did was sit on my butt at a desk all day. When I tried to explain the issues, his only advice was that I should start telling people to go to hell.
#18
Pretending you want a relationship when you just want s*x.
Be honest, sometimes that is all women want too and you're more likely to
a) find the women who want the same faster.... And tbh sometimes FWB will be more likely because it still needs to be based on respect and attraction to last, even when casual
b) stop wasting EVERYONE'S time by revealing that, after leading someone on... then turning them off by going overtly sexual and thinking that will work.
What do you think, Pandas? What are the biggest mistakes that someone can make when they’re trying to show you that they’re romantically interested?
What are the creepiest, most bizarre, and disturbing ways that someone has actually tried showing their interest in you? How did you react?
What are your biggest dating red flags? We’d like to hear your thoughts on all of this. If you feel like you’d like to share your perspective, feel free to do so in the comments at the very bottom of this post.
#19
Lying that you like the same things we do.
Miki 5 months ago (edited)
I have a stupid memory. Around 10y ago, on a tinder I was matched with cool girl. She liked scifi (I am a big scifi nerd). We talked and it was crazy because we REALLY matched our nerd side. Then.... She said I am an impostor, i must be googling all of this while talking to her and then she blocked me :D it's stupid because (now) I have a fiance I love completely and still this memory can resurface and annoy me :D
#20
I don’t want a show, I don’t want bravado. I not a damsel in distress, I don’t need to be fixed.
Accept me for who I am, and don’t try to change me to fit your narrative.
Be genuine, listen. Your efforts do not have to be grand, maybe you heard her say that her favorite color is X and you’ll bring her something that color.
#21
The speed at which they introduce sexual innuendo and s*x topics. It's weird when people you aren't comfortable yet start leaning in that direction,
Even when they're "just joking," you know it is actually probing in disguise and very transparently, at that.
Mimi M 5 months ago
I know this has been repeated several times but I feel good every time I read it because it's so true.
Bartlet for world domination 5 months ago
I will have sеx on the first date no problem, if I'm feeling it. But the male sеx drive is something else. If you bring up sеx before the end of the night, I will think it's not about me but about your itch.
Load More Replies... Tabitha 5 months ago
Making everything sexual gets old real fast. If I can’t say something innocuous like, “Nice weather we’re having” without him making it sexual—-a real stretch, btw—-then I don’t want to be around him, much less talk to him ever again. FFS, there are so many OTHER subjects to have great conversation about, so many of which would make them very attractive to me. So why do they insist on everything they say being sexual? Do they have nothing else to say? Lack of conversational skills is a HUGE turnOFF.
Luke Branwen 5 months ago
I can't even fathom what are those men thinking. I need like Friendship level 73 with someone before I feel comfortable veering the conversation into a more spicy territory 😅
Amanda Reinstatler 5 months ago
And when you continue rejecting all the "innuendos", they say that they "scared you off". Like, aint nobody scared of you, bruh. Youre just creepy and immature af.
Deborah B 5 months ago
If in doubt, you can always ask "are you comfortable with flirting/innuendo/discussing s*x before meeting/on the first date/whenever, or should I wait until you bring it up?" Different people go at different speeds, it's okay to acknowledge this, and ask what speed the other person progresses at.
Mimi M 5 months ago (edited)
'Are you comfortable with me pushing your personal boundaries, or should I wait'. Um, no. How about reading my profile and seeing that I make it clear that I don't want hookups and don't like my personal boundaries being pushed? Or how about I don't even need to say it, because a guy has been taught to respect women's boundaries and not push them before they've even gotten to know someone? Gawd.
Load More Replies... #22
Just talking about themselves the whole date and not taking any interest in anything you have to say. No follow questions. And yes making lame sexual innuendos too.
Samantha H 5 months ago
This is true. I have an odd story. I had met a man on a dating site and we spoke for 2 weeks before we met and got on well. When we met he spent the date talking about wanting to buy a Lamborghini car! well it was different :)
#23
Never disagreeing with me.
It's suspicious and it's a red flag that you're not being honest.
Michael Largey 5 months ago
It can also be a red flag that they're not really listening or really don't care what you think.
#24
Ghosting or suddenly starting to mistreat her once you've lost interest instead of just saying it outright. The fact that you rejected me already hurts, don't make it worse by making me feel like it's something I did wrong that made you lose interest, you just didn't like me for whatever reason. I've seen perfectly kind people be rejected in the most brutal ways because the guy felt guilty about rejecting her and couldn't deal with those emotions, so they just started mistreating her, making her think she did something wrong.
Samantha H 5 months ago
OP put this really well. I was in a close loving relationship for two years, all of a sudden he started acting odd but still coming over and spending long periods of time. He spent the weekend with me and the following Tuesday, left for work on the Wednesday morning - I was on a tube train when I glanced at my emails, he was ending the relationship for some flimsy reasons and was unpleasant about it. I went into shock and became very ill from it (I got Shingles) He never said anything about being unhappy and why go and spend time with someone if you are about to end a relationship. I treated him very well. I am still puzzled about it two years later.
Ghostchaplain16 5 months ago
Samantha H, I'm really sorry this happened to you.
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Tabitha 5 months ago
I’ve had that happen a couple times, only to find out it was because they met someone they thought was better/wealthier/prettier/whatthefuckever than me. Funny thing, though, when that other person proved to either not be any of those things, or was all of them but a total nightmare to be involved with, guess who came knocking at my door hoping to reconcile? They had my door slammed in their faces. I knew they’d only do it to me again, once someone they thought was a step up from me came along. They can all go f**k themselves—-and eventually be left with doing that anyway, after they burn through and mistreat other women too.
#25
Trauma dumping on the first date.
Tabitha 5 months ago (edited)
Seriously. I am not your Mother Confessor or a free therapist. Men like that need to pay for a licensed therapist to help fix them, because they need it.
Load More Replies... Amanda Reinstatler 5 months ago
UGH. Exhausting. And every word is in "therapy speak" and then they try and diagnose YOU
#26
“Oh I’d love to hang out sometime”
“Yeah that sounds fun ☺️”
And then he never tries to even attempt to make a plan.
Brazen 5 months ago
I met this guy on a dating app, and it turned out he knew my brother so I felt good talking to him about life in general. He asked me out on a date after a week of talking and I said yes. Weekend comes around and he tells me of a date he has with someone else. I said nothing at the time, figure it slipped his mind and if he was interested in someone else, then I dodged a bullet. Turns out the bullet was bigger than I thought. He ended up moving in with this girl and then a month later his "soon to be ex-wife" wagged her little finger and he went running back to her. I'm very grateful that it played out the way it did.
#27
-Being clingy/desperate. Clinginess k**ls attraction. It's not about putting on act, or being hot and cold. Just be yourself, be secure and don't make a woman you just met the center of your universe.
-Constant low effort texts. "How's it going" or "How is your day going" (this one especially when you barely know someone) get boring and basically require the recipient to do all the work in their reply
-Negging
-On a date, talking about yourself nonstop and not asking her any questions about herself or genuinely trying to get to know her as a person.
DrBronxx 5 months ago
I'm on board with three of these, but I can't quite understand the second one. Asking how a day is going is bad? That seems strange to me, especially when the bottom point is about talking too much about yourself. Or is it the "constant" that is the problem?
Multa Nocte 5 months ago
It's the constant, repetitive intrusiveness without anything really to say, like a burr in the shoe.
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Crystalwitch60 5 months ago
😂😂😂😂well at least you,d know if they were meant for you or not lol ,
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Emilu 5 months ago
Clinginess shïts me. My last ex was like this. “Sorry, I can’t catch up tonight; I have a uni assignment to work on.” “Oh, don’t worry, I’ll just sit there!” … and *what*? Quietly pick your nose? And then you’ll want food, and attention, and my uni work won’t happen even though it’s due soon, which is the whole reason I set this day aside… you get it.
#28
Expecting that paying for dinner entitles them to s*x.
Erla Zwingle 5 months ago
I'd be so tempted to say "Hey, you know you can pay directly for s*x and be sure of getting it? You could absolutely skip dinner and disappointment."
TotallyNOTAFox 5 months ago (edited)
In some places that's even cheaper than buying two dinners
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#29
Not asking any questions and actually keeping the conversation going... Ridiculously basic but shocking how many men don’t understand this, including the ones that show strong interest.
Kurt Ramsey 5 months ago
This is the complaint that bothers me the most. As a man, I have been on plenty of dates and matched with plenty of women that never asked a single question about me. This issue is a burden that both genders have to deal with.
#30
Showing extreme jealousy over a girl you aren't even dating. My best friend had a small bday party, and there were mostly people I knew, and some I didn't. A guy came up and told me I was very pretty and he liked my outfit. I said thank you and continued to see my friend. I started playing pool with her brother, and I looked up to see that same guy fuming and staring daggers at me. Bro, I don't know you? Why tf are you grilling me like that. It came off seriously unhinged because he did it the whole party every time I socialized with any of the guys.
katiekat0214 5 months ago
I'd add to what Multa Nocte said, creepy and entitled and way too possessive. Avoid.
Nina 5 months ago
How can you misread a guy staring daggers at you the whole evening, when the only interaction you've had is that one? Too many women have encountered guys like this.
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#31
Brag about themselves to impress you. Sometimes even exaggerating or lying.
Don’t get me wrong, if a woman is superficial it will probably work, but then you can’t really complain when you end up in a shallow relationship and she doesn’t actually give a f**k about you.
The truth is that apart from social media, which by definition is full of shallow people, and excluding younger people who also tend to be more easily impressed by the superficial, most women are not often impressed by the same things that men find impressive. And most people don’t find bragging attractive, regardless of gender.
See: men whose dating profiles feature large fish they have caught, photos of their vehicle, photos of their boat, photos of them with attractive women. Those are all things that are more likely to impress other men than women.
#32
Making weird jokes too soon. Could a serial k***er joke be funny after we’ve been dating and watched the documentary together? Sure. Is it funny on the first date when you’re driving me somewhere in the dark on our first date? F**K no.
BookFanatic 5 months ago
My BF invited me to see "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" when it first came out. If you're not familiar (and I wasn't), there is an incredibly explicit and violent r@pe scene. Genius picked that moment to try to put his arm around me.
TheElderNom 5 months ago
It is a great book (I haven't seen the movie so can't say much about it) but doesn't seem like first date material. Better than requiem for a dream but that isn't saying much.
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#33
Trying to impress me with achievements of his parents. He might be a Mama's boy.
Erla Zwingle 5 months ago
If you want tell me that your father saved a baby's life by pulling it out of a burning truck, or that your mother successfully transplanted a pancreas in an adolescent gibbon, that could be an interesting start. But then again, what does this have to do with you? Am I with you, or with them?
Michael Largey 5 months ago
It's ok to talk about your parents' achievements if you tell me what you learned from that.
#34
Don't go overboard on the talking about s*x... be able to talk about other things.
Erla Zwingle 5 months ago
I cannot even imagine why a person would find that an interesting or appealing topic of conversation. At. All. If you don't have anything else you can talk about, I suggest you go way, way, way back and start over.
Missy Moo Moo 5 months ago
“I really enjoy s ex, I want to be with someone who also really enjoys s ex too” screams “I’m really bad at s ex and can’t find anyone who will put up with it”.
#35
A lot of guys will either only want to talk once a week but want the women to stay committed to the concept of them, or they’ll cuss out a women they’re talking to because she didn’t answer them for 45 minutes when she was busy.
Don’t be either of those dudes. In-between is good.
#36
Treating it like a transaction and not taking no for an answer.
You're not going to earn my interest and you're not going to convince me I'm wrong for not being interested. Be yourself, be a decent person, show that *you* are actually interested and the attraction will either be there or it won't.
#37
Acting completely uninterested in women as a whole. Its not a flex that u “only find me attractive”. Like ive known u for one day and ur lying.
Tabitha 5 months ago
It’s absolutely normal for a woman or a man to be able to appreciate attractiveness in someone other than their SO. However, it becomes destructive to their relationship to harp on how attractive that other person is, and especially to act on their attraction to that other person and pursue them. That’s crossing a line that shouldn’t even cross their minds to cross in the first place. I love my husband. I can see and appreciate attractiveness in another man. However, the idea of obsessing over them and making my husband feel bad—-and the idea of trying to pursue that attractive man to sleep with him never pops into my head at all. I don’t know that other man, who could turn out (and probably will) to be a complete a*****e, or a total d***e or a*****e. I do know my husband, and know he’s not an a*****e or a d***e or a*****e. That, amongst a whole host of other things, is what keeps me only having eyes for him and no one else.
#38
Trying too hard to impress instead of just being real. It comes off as fake fast.
#39
Talking more than they listen. If you don’t show interest in a potential partner, she’s going to feel like you’re performing a monologue.
#40
Texting too much too soon and not being able to pick up on how your date prefers to use texting. I use texts to make plans. I want to go out with you and get to know you face to face, not text all day.
#42
I've been told by multiple women that when a guy comments on her looks out of the gate it's turnoff.
In other news, hot women know their hot.
Ellinor she/they/elle 5 months ago
Women spend most of their teenage and young adult years getting eyed by pervs, so an actual genuine compliment over our personality is really great for a change !
Luke Branwen 5 months ago
I've also heard women accept compliments about stuff they can control / are their choice, like outfit, hair color/style, tattoos etc., is that so? (Genuine question here, just a socially awkward guy trying to learn)
Load More Replies... katiekat0214 5 months ago
And we average women don't want to be gaslight and flattered. If a man is interested enough to date, there's already attraction there. Doesn't need to be commented on.
Amanda Reinstatler 5 months ago
I dont think a compliment up front is a turn off, if its genuine....but if you focus on her looks or her short skirt, youa re going to give yourself away and look like a teenage virgin
What do you think ?
Ellinor she/they/elle 5 months ago (edited)
I really think that the most important thing men needs to keep in mind when in the early stage of dating life is that a woman won't trust you immediately. It will take time, it's not against you personally but it's a learned behavior due to the patriarchy and the very real danger that women face in their everyday life. If a man is offended by this, it's a red flag. We know it's "not all men" but we can't know "which" men is it. If you're really not "one of those guys" then you shouldn't be offended, you should be comprehensive.
Ace 5 months ago
Can any man say they've never done any of those things? Well yes, I certainly can. I would hope that I'm in the majority, as to me all of those behaviours are so obviously bad that anyone with any shred of empathy or decency should be able to see that.
Tabitha 5 months ago (edited)
Or self-awareness. Or empathy. Functioning brain cells.
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SchadenFreudian Psychology 5 months ago
Early in my relationship with my now-partner, I said no when he wanted to buy me flowers. This led to a years-long misunderstanding. He thought I didn’t like getting flowers. What I meant was, “Don’t spend a ton of money on me when we really don’t know each other well.” Luckily, we resolved the miscommunication. We’ve now been together 23 years….and he gave me flowers on Valentine’s Day. 😀
Samantha H 5 months ago
Nice to read that you are in a happy relationship :)
Load More Replies... Ellinor she/they/elle 5 months ago (edited)
I really think that the most important thing men needs to keep in mind when in the early stage of dating life is that a woman won't trust you immediately. It will take time, it's not against you personally but it's a learned behavior due to the patriarchy and the very real danger that women face in their everyday life. If a man is offended by this, it's a red flag. We know it's "not all men" but we can't know "which" men is it. If you're really not "one of those guys" then you shouldn't be offended, you should be comprehensive.
Ace 5 months ago
Can any man say they've never done any of those things? Well yes, I certainly can. I would hope that I'm in the majority, as to me all of those behaviours are so obviously bad that anyone with any shred of empathy or decency should be able to see that.
Tabitha 5 months ago (edited)
Or self-awareness. Or empathy. Functioning brain cells.
Load More Replies... SchadenFreudian Psychology 5 months ago
Early in my relationship with my now-partner, I said no when he wanted to buy me flowers. This led to a years-long misunderstanding. He thought I didn’t like getting flowers. What I meant was, “Don’t spend a ton of money on me when we really don’t know each other well.” Luckily, we resolved the miscommunication. We’ve now been together 23 years….and he gave me flowers on Valentine’s Day. 😀
Samantha H 5 months ago
Nice to read that you are in a happy relationship :)
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