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Men Are Sharing 30 Red Flags That Women Should Look Out For If They Don’t Want To End Up In Awful Relationships
Whether we like it or not, the first impression really does matter. We tend to make a whole bunch of immediate judgments about people within the first few seconds of meeting them. The way they dress, how they smile, the way they speak, and their body language all quickly add up into a broad picture of what we think about the person… and if we date them. And even though some initial impressions end up being false, quite a few of them turn out to be right on the money.
Redditor u/xDarkPhoenix8161x created a viral thread on r/AskReddit where they asked men to share some of the biggest red flags that women should look out for in men they might want to date. The responses were incredibly honest and give an unfiltered glimpse into the insecurities and toxicity that some men carry with them throughout their lives.
Scroll down to read what people said, Pandas, and if you’d like to share some other immediate red flags people should be wary of, feel free to do so in the comments. And above everything, just remember to trust your gut: if you instinctively know something might be wrong, it probably is.
Dating expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man project, explained to Bored Panda what it means if a guy doesn't want to introduce his girlfriend to his family and friends. He also shared his thoughts about how men who always see themselves as victims can move on from this and develop genuine confidence and learn to take responsibility for their actions.
"If a man is serious about a woman, he will almost always want to introduce her to his family or friends within the first few months," he told us. Scroll down to have a read through Dan's insights.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
This is one most women learn themselves around high school but still worth mentioning now. If he’s an a*****e to everyone but you, that doesn’t mean he thinks you’re special. It means he is an a*****e but knows how to not be an a*****e in order to get laid.
Jill Rhodry 3 years ago
Oh, I dunno, add gaslighting to the manipulation and I think it just might be one better - eg, charming to everyone all the time, the perfect partner in public but, behind closed doors.....
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Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
And once he gets what he wants from you, guess what? He starts being an a*****e to you too.
Chel Bolin 3 years ago
I had a friend who's boyfriend became a complete a*s after they married. She asked what was up. He said he's always like this. Was just nice to her before, or else she would never have married him. She caught him hiding naked in her best friends closet. Needless to say, she divorced him soon after. Another red flag was he wanted her to go on the Gerry Springer show. That was a big hell no from her. Lol
Jess Baldo 3 years ago
Omg that's just crazy! I hope she found someone better
Load More Replies... Eb 3 years ago
Not to get laid: he's (perhaps unconsciously) reeling you in. At the start you're the object of his narcissism (this phase is the closest you can get to being the princess in the fairy tale). Once he realises that you're a separate human and niot an extension of himself, he'll start to pick holes in you.
Colin Timp 3 years ago
And that will eventually wear off and he'll treat her the same as everyone else.
Dan, the mastermind behind The Modern Man and an expert in dating and relationships, told Bored Panda that there are some exceptions to introducing your girlfriend to your social circle. "There can be times when he won’t introduce her to them for much longer, even though he is serious about the relationship and loves her." Context is important.
He gave some examples:
- "There is drama in his family that he doesn’t want her to be aware of.
- His family doesn’t respect him, or treat him well and he doesn’t want to be embarrassed in front of them.
- He’s not close to his family and doesn’t see them as important in his life.
- His ex-girlfriend caused a lot of problems for him and his family, so he wants to spend more time with his new girlfriend before introducing her.
- He has a personal belief that a woman should only be introduced to his family if he intends to marry her and he’s not quite sure about marrying her yet."
There's also no set time, when we 'should' introduce our partners to the people we care about most. "It’s more of a gut instinct. If it feels right, do it. If it doesn’t, then delay it," Dan said to trust our gut.
RELATED:
#2
If he’s cheating on someone else with you, he will absolutely cheat on you with someone else.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
I was fortunate that I got to watch my parents go through this drama. Meant that I never went through a "bad boy" phase, nor saw the appeal of affairs. Of course, it also means that my default panic is "He's cheating! He's going to leave me!" Thanks, Dad!
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Peaches GreFra 3 years ago
True! Unfortunately most women don't seem to understand. "I at least thought he would be loyal to me!" Dream on kiddo lol
Mateo Buysse 3 years ago
I think there is 1 excuse and even then i am not sure how you can be sure this is the case unless you could see physical harm: Said person is in an abusive relationship with the one she/he cheats on.
Phyzzi 3 years ago (edited)
I would say that, if a person technically cheats but the relationship is realistically ended (like, they already live separately), that might be an exception. I would also say that people can and do fundamentally change who they are in some way, but this is a life change made for personal reasons, not a promise they make to someone else after already making and breaking that promise once, especially when they sort of get rewarded for it. If you are a 30 year old and your interest says "I did cheat on this one person I dated in high school, but no, nothing since" that's a lot different than "I promise I'll leave her for you when I get it all worked out".
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Rob Stevens 3 years ago
My FIL is on wife #4. He cheated on each one with the next. Now he's too old to play the field any more. Ended up married to an absolute 24-hr round the clock Karen too. Got what he deserved.
#3
If he claims all his exes were “crazy” or similar. Think for a second about what was the common factor in all those relationships: him.
Ansi 3 years ago
My first experience with a "nice guy" was exactly this. I didn't know guys could be that way and found it romantic that I quickly became "the one" after many crazy ex. I blame me reading"Romantic books" as they are really bad for young girls, they introduce a lot of toxic behaviour as normal and acceptable and even romantic. I learned really quick that books are not real life...
Donkey boi 3 years ago
One of exes broke the clothes iron by smashing it on my shoulder because I offered to help. The next day she hit me on the head with my best wok because "I" broke the iron and she needed to use it. She was nuts! All the others where nice, decent girls. Some are still friends.
Kuchi Kopi 3 years ago
She wasn't just nuts, she was abusive! I'm glad you got out of that one.
Load More Replies... Kathleen Moore 3 years ago
An exception to this is if you have had no models of healthy relationship behavior and you don't know that "crazy" comes in different shapes, colors, and sizes. You have to learn discernment, and if you haven't had healthy models, this may only come through experience.
Kuchi Kopi 3 years ago
I actually very much agree. I dated a lot of guys who I guess you could say we're "crazy" - I.e. no respect of boundaries, stalker situations, overly demanding and jealous, etc - until almost by accident (he was not someone I would normally pick) i started dating this guy who was kind and respected my boundaries and wasn't jealous at all, fully trusted me. From then on i realized what relationships should be like. We broke up for another reason but are still friends. My current boyfriend I chose because he had healthy boundaries for himself and respected mine, among many other wonderful qualities. We have a fully trusting relationship, 100% trust. Best and most healthy relationship I ever had. Thanks to that one boyfriend who showed me what respect looked like. Thanks Ryan
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Alicia M 3 years ago (edited)
Exactly! Men need to learn the complaining about exes and calling them crazy is not the flex they think it is. It makes them look bad. That's the way my ex was. That's why he's now an ex. If they say every single person they've ever been with is crazy, they are likely the crazy one.
Kamie Jones 3 years ago
Most handsome man I ever dated who I absolutely fell head over heels for was this same kind of man. He seemed like a knight in armor saving me from myself.......only to s**t on me once moving in and constantly talking to other girls, including one of my "friends." He wanted a Mommie not a girlfriend
Michael Largey 3 years ago (edited)
Were any of them crazy before they met him? Suppose all of them actually were. That would be an even bigger red flag. There's a difference between looking for romance and looking for a train wreck.
River Davis 3 years ago
My ex boyfriend, before we dated, would say how short his relationships were and how he just wanted to love people but no one loved him. He manipulated quite well since I come from an abusive family, didn't have good friends, and was mentally down. He was the only person I could talk to. If anyone talks like this, whether he implies they're crazy or not, don't date em. Even if it was the truth, best not to get in with someone that has found themselves in relationships like that because it can often lead to toxic dependency. 9 months of awful treatment and abuse from my ex. Thank God I got a better gf and good friends after him, they've helped me to know my worth.
JJ Mai 3 years ago
Yup. My ex was like this. His ex was crazy and called the cops on him because he was just trying to get his stuff back....welp, 4 years later and our breakup up entailed him refusing to sign off of our lease after he moved out and would show up at the apartment when I was at work. I was "crazy" for installing a camera and catching him coming to the apartment twice while I was gone. He claimed he was picking up his stuff, but didn't leave with the packed tote I had next to the door. He went through my things and ate my food. His mom got mad when I called the cops on him because his ex had a protection order against him and he was immediately arrested. I seriously believed him and was against his ex in the beginning. He knocked up a 19yr old 5 months after we broke up. I really hope that girl and kid get out okay.
Meanwhile, we really wanted to get to grips with the fact that some guys blame everyone else but themselves when something goes wrong. Bored Panda was interested to get the dating expert's thoughts on victimhood and confidence.
"Unfortunately, some people never get past that level of personal development and as a result, ruin relationships their entire life. It really takes a lot of motivation and follow-through to overcome that kind of behavior, which a lot of people simply don’t have," Dan, from The Modern Man, was candid that this level of change takes massive amounts of effort and time.
"However, if a man were to have that kind of motivation and willingness to follow through, he should set goals for himself and work towards achieving them no matter what. When he does that, he will begin to realize the amount of personal control and influence he has over his life," he said.
"A man like that will rarely overcome his victim mentality the first time he achieves a goal though. In almost all cases, he’ll need to keep achieving goals and will then gradually become a man who feels totally accountable for his life and doesn’t need to play the victim and blame others for his problems, or lack of success," dating expert Dan noted that it's a long process and deep change won't happen overnight. However, that still sounds motivational and optimistic to us.
#4
Avoid people who are very polite and charming when they *want* something from those 'above' them, but are arrogant and demanding when they think they can *take* something from those 'below' them.
People who 'smile up' and 'kick down' are the worst.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
That’s so common at work. I cannot tell you how many times the owner/boss introduced me, as a new employee, to the “greatest/nicest/most straight arrow person in the world, they’ll do anything for you”, only to find out they’re only that way toward the owner/boss or anyone else who can do anything for their career, like the owner’s/boss’ grown son or daughter (so they can marry into the family and be set for life), or someone else they can marry to climb the ladder. If you’re not one of those people, they will s**t on you, viciously and copiously, every chance they get. No use trying to report it either, as they’ve got everyone in a position to do anything about it so charmed they won’t believe you.
manalonedies 3 years ago
Notice how they treat subordinates, store clerks and restaurant waiters...
Hill Branda 3 years ago
Polite when they want something, total selfish a**hole when they don't? You just described my sister.
#5
Tried to find a less common one.
For people looking for a long term partner:
Beware when someone complains about everything and is seemingly the victim in every situation.
This is the type of person that will very quickly blame you if anything goes wrong, and is likely s******g on you to other people already. Secondly, it means you will be perpetually drained by the negativity over the long haul.
Elijah Morningwood 3 years ago
Excuse me how did an internet stranger perfectly describe my father??? 🤔😂
Sonnovab Kegeles 3 years ago
We all have someone (or multiple someones) like this. Basically, if everyone you deal with in life is an ahole, then most likely you're actually the ahole.
DuchessDegu 3 years ago
if you think someone is an ahole, they're probably an ahole. If you think everyone is as ahole, then you are the ahole.
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DuchessDegu 3 years ago
It's great you recognise it, so you can work on changing. It's VERY HARD for the people around you and they're likely to get away from you, then you'd think they're being horrible and "I'm so nice, why do this happen to me". You're not a horrible person, most bad things are completely random and happen to absolutely everyone, you just don't hear about it. You can only control how you react to something that happens to you.
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Phyzzi 3 years ago
Yes, and it sounds like everyone else with narcissistic personality disorder too.
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Yvette Desmarais 3 years ago
Corollary: if he causes random drama with one person, he'll eventually get around to you.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
This one is hard for me to recognize because I had a really abusive family and then became friends with people that were also abused and therefore thought it was normal. So when I met my ex-husband, I believed him. My other ex, his entire family was HORRIBLE to him. I witnessed it. So he tended to have a cynical outlook on people in general. He also thought the abuse was normal and perpetuated it himself. But he wasn't like how OP described. So I think you have to know the whole story and give him the benefit of the doubt until he proves you shouldn't.
#6
One saying I've always lived by is: Pay attention to how they treat waitresses. How they treat waitresses today is how they will treat you in 6 months.
Jill Rhodry 3 years ago
And how treats/talks about his mother/sister(s) will generally give you a good idea of how he views women in general.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
THIS! Say it louder! I've known multiple men--starting with my dad--who think they're great guys, but if a woman is fat, older, smarter than them, a feminist, or anything that they think is "unfuckable," they treat them like they are subhuman. The only women who matter to them are the ones they find "fuckable."
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Steve Born 3 years ago
I used this benchmark twice for first dates I had with women! They were so rude to the waiter, there was no way in hell I was going on a second date with them let alone a relationship. Oh, and I told both of them why I was no longer interested in dating them.
Colin Timp 3 years ago
If you want the measure of a man, look at how he treats his lessers, not his equals -Sirius Black
Alicia M 3 years ago
This goes for anyone in the service industry. If they're a jerk to those people, they're a terrible person.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago (edited)
This was a red flag I should have noticed. Not only was he an a*s to servers, his mom was the OG Karen. We could not go to a restaurant without her speaking to the manager and complaining about how the lack of timely butter replacement had ruined, RUINED, her entire day and dining experience. An entitled a*****e raised an entitled a*****e. I should have noticed earlier.
Load More Replies... Michelle C 3 years ago
Yup. I have a family member who treats other people, including food service workers, poorly on the rare occasions that we gather for a meal with other family members. I will always call him out politely and make clear that the rest of my family is unlike him. How his disgraceful conduct hasn’t caused total isolation from the rest of us mystifies me. I was raised differently and am grateful for my upbringing!
Some guys have a very hard time admitting when they’re wrong and taking responsibility for their actions. They’re always the victim. They’re super defensive. And they’re always right—it’s everyone else who’s wrong. It’s really no way to live because you’re smothering your potential, existing in fear, and lashing out at the people closest to you.
Previously, fitness expert and entrepreneur Jack Bly, from the US, shared his thoughts with Bored Panda on the importance of self-reflection, improvement, confidence, and moving past a victim mentality.
"Do one thing and progress at it to prove you’re not a victim. Lift weights. Help someone. Advance your career. Have a successful relationship. When you’re successful in one area, you build confidence in yourself and that will translate to all of your life," he explained to us that building confidence starts with small steps. That’s the way to stop being a victim, according to him.
Fitness expert Jack noted that we all need time to adjust to the positive changes we’re making in life. "Your brain needs proof around your new identity,” he said.
#7
Inability to clean up after themselves or do common household tasks
Alicia 3 years ago
And then want to pull the "You're not my mom" card when they disagree with something.
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Azolane 3 years ago
I'm divorcing soon because of this. My husband is a nice person the rest of the time, but he can't understand that everything cannot fall on me and I'm exhausted. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness two years ago, and if I'm in a bad flare, he can go a full month without cleaning anything in the house, not even the toilet, and find nothing wrong about it. Not to mention that I dicovered, while having an argument with him over the chores, that he doesn't even know the name of my illness, and never even asked. I'm just done being nice and accommodating, and can't wait to live only with my cats and dogs and stop catering to self-centered assholes who only make an effort for two weeks to sweep everything under the rug and make you believe they changed.
SCP-3998 3 years ago
That's not a husband, that's a full grown baby you adopted. Time to cut the apron chord and let him learn alone. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this
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SCP-3998 3 years ago (edited)
I have 4 man children roomates. Parents of boys, I have 1 suggestion; teach ALL YOUR KIDS regardless of sex, to be fully functioning INDEPENDENT adults. Not teaching your son how to grocery shop, or clean a fücking bathroom, or how to clean in GENERAL is not doing him any favours. You wanna know how i look at your baby boy that doesnt know how to use a toilet? Hes a 23 year old manchild that still needs mommy to wipe his a*s(actual roomate btw). You are literally just sending a physically grown baby into the world for someone else to deal with. Fück you for doing that.
SCP-3998 3 years ago
Things I've had to deal with living with boys between 20-35(yes "boys" becaus you dont get called a man until you fücking grow up); actual shît on the toilet, toilet seat consistently covered in "crumbs" and ball sweat marks, all manner of bodily fluids congealing and drying in the sink, floors never swept, one tried to "mop" with no water, they do not clear the fridge. EVER. So guess who has to do it? Garbage doesnt get taken out. Front door unlocked at all times, despite keys being in everyone's pockets. After cooking, all counters covered in c**p and not wiped. Each surface that was touched is obvious; because theres marks and stains and smudges of the food they cooked on every handle, wall and counter. These people are supposed to be grown adults. One of them takes out 4 FULL garbage bags FROM HIS ROOM every 2 weeks. And yes, I'm working on moving.
Load More Replies... Honu 3 years ago
Though it's not usually true inability. There are people who really can't. Most of the people I've experienced like this, it's just weaponized incompetence. They pretend like they can't because that forces their partner into a choice between calling them out and having a massive conflict, or just shutting up and doing more than their fair share of the work. Then they're shocked when their partner no longer finds them attractive. Apparently they can't connect the dots between acting like a bratty child and diminishing bangability. That's how it works. You don't get to force me into a mother/child dynamic all day and then switch that off at night.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
My ex actually told people that if her does a bad job of everything, I'll just do it myself. I mean, he was right but it was such an a*****e thing to do.
Load More Replies... Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
I just go into Mom mode and treat them like the children they’re being, making them live with their idiocy. I don’t remember what it was about, but I do remember an argument when my husband and I were first married. I had just gone grocery shopping, and bought some Tastykakes (US snack cakes, different flavors and types) to put in his lunch pail for work. He knew he was on the wrong side of the argument, but decided to have a fit about it anyway. He grabbed the Tastykake box, threw it on the floor, and stomped it flat before leaving the kitchen and going outside. I didn’t throw the box away, I just put it in the cupboard as intended, because we were just starting out and money was tight. Even though he came back in and apologized for his outburst, I made him eat every single one one of those smashed flat Tastykakes for lunch until the box was used up, to remind him of the consequences of throwing fits and “breaking” things. He never did it again.
Kimberly Winkelmann 3 years ago
And it's very difficult for them to change. Usually its better for awhile, then back to the usual. Trust me. I married one.
robin aldrich 3 years ago
Mothers and fathers need to instruct their young boys to know how to do this kind of stuff. I'm surprised at the younger generations of boys who are allowed to live like slobs in their house.
Mateo Buysse 3 years ago
That is me....but also the reason i would be afraid living with anyone. I am messy and though i prefer cleaning up my s**t before i let anyone else do it....i rarely clean up.
propgamer XL 3 years ago
If you're messy, stay alone or marry someone who's also messy, but not so messy, that he wants you to also clean up his mess. My sis and bil are messy and don't care. Before ppl come visit, they quickly clean up the mess.
Load More Replies... #8
Holes in the drywall.
RUN
Elijah Morningwood 3 years ago
Severe anger issues. They punch/kick holes in the wall during tantrums
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Shelli Aderman 3 years ago
Maybe depends on the size of the holes? 😬 I think meaning “Fist-sized-punching-holes,” not, “Redecorating-nail-holes…”
Lee 3 years ago
My father threw a chair so hard he put a hole through the floor. Punched through the linoleum and everything. I STILL have a hard time if a guy raises his voice with me.
Dani M 3 years ago
My partner caused a hole in the dry wall. Not punching though. Drilling through the entire wall hanging the TV.
Phyzzi 3 years ago
I mean, like, I have caused several holes from hanging or moving things but it's pretty obvious where they came from.
Load More Replies... Tara fenimore 3 years ago
The only acceptable acceptance of this is if it was a bug that they tried to kill
Mario Strada 3 years ago
To be fair, I put up a lot of shelving and guitar racks. Also, my cats love to jump on the shelves and more than once have taken the whole thing out. Lots of holes, no rage.
#9
Pushing small boundaries that aren’t a “big deal.” Then, once called out on it, backpedaling, apologizing for it and then DOING IT AGAIN.
Whodathunkit 3 years ago
My mother too...very antagonistic my whole life. And now here I am...she's living with me, has dementia and leukemia...and I take care of her. I'm an idiot and feel so obligated to take care of her.
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Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
It's called "coerced consent." If the boundaries he's pushing are sexual ones, and he won't take no for an answer, or wants to debate or argue with you about it, I mean it. RUN. I should have, years earlier.
Ash 3 years ago
THIS. Also, if he says things like "you should do it because it makes me feel good", if he ignores, belittles, sidesteps, or demeans things like your physical pain or mental/emotional discomfort, or ESPECIALLY if you say no and don't give him what he wants and he sulks and pouts because of it...FVCKING RUN.
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Colin Timp 3 years ago
A measure of a good person/relationship is one who will stand up to their parents when they cross boundaries. I've seen far too often where one partner just lets their parents do whatever they please. Showing up unannounced, snooping, criticism, etc.
Kady LaHaie 3 years ago
My in laws do this. Last time it was "I chopped a hole in your vehicle after you told me not to. How dare you object? Dad wanted a project!"
River Davis 3 years ago
Oh my god, my ex boyfriend did this all the time. He'd swear he learned his lesson and was better. When I finally said no and chose not to believe him, he spun the "but I thought you loved me! Why can't you forgive me?! I said I'm sorry!" Which really played on me since my parents taught me accepting mistreatment is love because someone is sorry. You don't have to forgive others especially if they have not made an active effort to keep it up!
According to him, real confidence is a skill that anyone can learn. However, it’s something that will take persistence, patience, and time. It won’t happen overnight.
"Confidence comes from repetition and mastery. The more you do ANYTHING, the more confident you become. The good news about this is everyone is capable of earning confidence," he told Bored Panda.
Self-reflection, for the fitness expert, is a vital component of improving one’s life. "Responding to failure is all about the story we tell ourselves. Do you tell yourself that you are a failure? Or do you tell yourself you failed, have now gotten feedback, and know how to get better? It’s all our perspective," he stressed that how we think, how we see ourselves, shapes who we are and how we act.
Embracing failure and seeing our mistakes as learning opportunities is the mature way of responding to what life might throw at us. Instead of throwing a temper tantrum or blaming ourselves for being ‘failures,’ we ought to realize that everything’s a temporary setback that we can definitely overcome.
#10
I defer to Chris Rock: If you have been dating a guy for four months and you haven’t met any of his friends, you are not his girlfriend.
Paul Pienkowski 3 years ago
My girlfriend legit has zero desire to meet my friends. We've been together for four years. I keep offering, she just isn't very social and takes forever to get comfortable with others.
Dina Anastasakos 3 years ago
This is not the same thing. You offered, she refused. This is more about not wanting to include her in his life because she's just a side piece.
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ƒιѕн 3 years ago
Exactly. Was going to say, I don't have any friends for you to meet.
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Mattewis88 3 years ago
And then there are those who introduce you to ALL his mates, and hang out ALL the time and you're also-still-not the girlfriend. Dating in general is a continental f*** up. Thank God Im done with that.
Alexia 3 years ago (edited)
Agree. I had a tentative relationship like this, for 3 months or so. I never met any of his friends - he said he didn't have any. He had been married for 10 years, then divorced, but would never talk about it. Instead, he would discuss and analyze every detail about my past life. And he'd accuse me of cheating on him every time I had a business trip. ("I am sure you actually spent your time with some guy") Thanks, but no thanks.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago (edited)
I've known a couple women who have been in this situation. It's always because he has a wife/girlfriend who his friends and family know. If you haven't met more than, say, one of his friends/family/co-workers in the first 3-4 months, make sure you're not the side-chick.
River Davis 3 years ago
My girlfriend and my friends know of each other. They've at least met and they all know of each other. None of em are friends, but that happens. Even if they don't properly meet, they should at least be aware of each other.
Jennifer Cappi Williams 1 year ago
yup, I was dating a guy and never met his family and his roommate texted me to tell me he actually never broke up with his girlfriend....
Kill-Bunny 3 years ago
The same for the opposite. If you are dating for few weeks and you already know all his friends already, you are not dating him, you are just hanging out.
#11
A man that blames everyone else for his problems, lack of job, lack of friends, money, etc.
Somene that is unwilling to take personal responsibility for improving his situation in life.
CHRIS DOMRES 3 years ago
Kind of like unemployable white men who blame Mexican laborers for stealing the work?
Colin Timp 3 years ago
I've had co-workers and aquaintances get fired for doing things most would never think to do. Sleeping on the job, intoxication, etc. When they get fired though, they blame everyone and everything else.
Wysteria_Rose 3 years ago
So knew a guy who did this but with his dating life; total incel behavior. "All the women my age are stupid! They don't know a good man when they see one." He then took a friend of mine out on a date: sent her dodgy texts beforehand, was rude to the waitress, showed up straight from the gym (did not shower either), did not groom, wore a weed shirt, and kept turning the conversation to video games though my friend said more than once she didn't have any interest or knowledge of them. He put 0 effort into anything but expected every reward for it.
Jordan 3 years ago
Balance in all things. It just depends on the problem and situation. Sometimes other people really are the problem. Maturity is being able to recognize what is and what is not your responsibility. Was it the Jews fault Hitler hated and tried to exterminate them? Was that THEIR responsibility? Extreme example. But not everything is your individual fault or responsibility because other people need to take responsibility for their individual sht too.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
This! I've known men who really did have a lot of bad breaks. No man is an island. We all need a community. Nobody does it all on their own.
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Malcontent 3 years ago
I blame ME for my lack of friends, I take FULL responsibility for not improving my situation in life...
#12
Inability to say sorry when they do something wrong.
Helen Anne Mertsching 3 years ago
I’m not sure what you mean by “both ways,” but the SO of someone dear to me seems incapable of accepting an apology as much as giving one.
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Tim Crowhurst 3 years ago
This can be a red flag that someone is a victim of abuse. Demanding an apology for something someone didn't do is a common form of gaslighting, and some victims will end up having difficulty telling when they should/shouldn't apologise. You get something similar with forgiveness, especially in people from religious backgrounds, where the expectation of forgiveness is often used to shield violent and sexual abusers. The act of forcing someone to forgive gaslights them into thinking the assault wasn't serious.
Phyzzi 3 years ago
Dang, I hadn't realized the religious/cult tie-in. Now to spend the rest of the day thinking about just how manipulative "forgiveness" really is.
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Britches are for everyone 3 years ago
Yeah, tbh, this whole list is full of things I can see women doing just as easily in a relationship. Not sure why it's about what men do to women.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
I agree but the post is about red flags from men. It's okay to discuss what's not okay with men without also discussing what's not okay with women at the same time. Like we can talk s**t what's wrong with Trump without comparing Biden. We can talk s**t what's wrong with Biden without having to talk about Trump. One doesn't cancel the other out.
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Pamela Blue 3 years ago
I was married to a man for 41 years who never ONCE said he was sorry for something. He's now an ex, but man, I was slow to catch on. LOL!
Swear Wolfe 3 years ago
This one I personally struggle with. This is only because my last relationship was abusive. Now it feels like saying sorry is putting me back in that situation. Gotta push through it though, new relationships are not the old ones.
#13
Sexual pressure after you directly reject an advance. Healthy people with your interests in mind only need to hear no one time and are respectful of boundaries if they bring it up again in the future.
Lisa Hearn 3 years ago
Yes they do, I dated one after being in an abusive relationship, the first time I said no, he said that's fine, do you just want to cuddle and watch tv. I burst into tears, it was so refreshing to be treated decently.
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Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
This was the hardest lesson for me to learn, esp as a survivor of sexual abuse. I should have left the second he started wailing at me about "But it's my faaaaantasy! Stop making me feel bad about my fantasy!" because I said no. Yeah, if you want me to act it out, and it's going to cause me profound trauma? F**k you.
Peach Paree 3 years ago
That's so cringy, my ex did the same but he blamed it on necessity.
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Mason Dalmau 3 years ago
I would typically agree with this, but there are extenuating circumstances in some cases. For example, for a few years, my wife was using a birth control that killed her libido. That took us a while to figure that out. During that time, she would always say no, no matter what. If I wasn't insistent, we probably wouldn't have ever been intimate during that entire time. The thing was, each time we started to get going, her libido would flare up. It was like trying to start a fire with wet wood. It's not that the potential didn't exist, it just took extra effort to get to the point. Each and every time, she was always glad I was persistent after the fact. Once the moment was past though, it's like she forgot how much we both enjoyed it and the process would start again. By NO means is this a blanket excuse, these were extenuating circumstances brought about by a chemical imbalance caused by the birth control and does not apply to regular situations.
Phoenix(or nix)they/them 3 years ago
If you say no once and they "convince you"/you give in, that is considered rape
River Davis 3 years ago
My gf is hypersexual cause of trauma. I'm ace flux cause of trauma and many other factors. I am so thankful my girlfriend is understanding of my boundaries and will listen when I say no or am uncomfortable. It shouldn't be a problem to say no. If it is, that is not a good relationship.
Vicki Mathison 3 years ago
1# ruley sister thought me, you will never regret NOT having sex that time....
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
UGH - my ex. Trying to get me to have sex when I'm not interested, cajoling, flattering, etc. When I said NO (quite clearly, mind you) he starting calling me names, including c*nt. WOW - that is SO going to turn me on. Moron. Not surprising I filed for divorce less than a year after we got married.
#14
Refusing to admit that they could possibly be wrong. I have seen many men get super frustrated and aggressive over the idea that they could be possibly wrong about something.
To add onto this, many of these same men when presented with the proof of them being wrong they will either deflect or make it seem like it doesn't matter and that *you* were "making such a big deal about this".
We are all humans and we all make mistakes. I feel for many of these men they feel stupid and less "manly" if they are wrong about something. Being able to accept your mistakes and move on is a healthy trait.
Saico Hipe 3 years ago
Many men seem to (erroneously) believe that to admit to being wrong is a sign of weakness, as with many forms of vulnerability. A truly strong man is able to maintain a sense of humility, and to realize/embrace their mistakes as a way to grow and learn. No one is infallible, and one who tries to pretend they are is in fact displaying an extremely weak character.
Dina Anastasakos 3 years ago
Ha! That's my brother to a T! He made a nasty comment once and when l told him how hurtful it was his response was "its all in your head"! So many times he's been hurtful, never once has he apologized. And yes, l have cut him out of my life
Marianne 3 years ago
Sadly boys are often taught that being wrong is weak and when they're grown up, it's hard to unlearn a toxic lesson.
Rachknits 3 years ago
Is it? If my behaviour was causing hurt to others, changing it would be much easier than continuing to do it. Women have changed to accommodate the need of men for centuries without any recognition, we need to stop treating men as victims of their own behaviour
Load More Replies... Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Also, guys, raising your voice doesn't suddenly make you right. And calling me a b***h/fat/ugly just lets me know that you got nuthin'.
Noir Maiden 3 years ago
That exactly what BIL does. Screams like a f***ing lunatic at my wife all the time for not doing the things he TOLD her (not asked) to do for him the way he wanted it done. She spends almost all her f***ING time doing him favours, and he keeps screaming at her (also calls her stupid and fat) and there's not a damn thing we can do about it because he decided to buy the house right next f***ing door to us. We can't do anything for ourselves. And having learned from the past, I can't say a f***ing word. This is my life. Sorry to dump all this on you. I can't take it anymore.
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Lara Verne 3 years ago
This is the worst, especially combined with blaming everything that happen on others.
GettheOtis 3 years ago
My last boyfriend refused to say "I'm sorry". Ever. Like, he actually said that to me as a point of pride
#15
If he checks your phone without permission, that to me is a huge red flag.
I I 3 years ago
35 years never checked my wife's phone once , just like her FB , it's HERS not mine , if she wants a private friend list so be it
Whodathunkit 3 years ago
That's a sign of trust...and maturity. I have never checked my children's phones or searched their internet history. To some people that may seem stupid. But to me...it's important for them to know I trust them. We spoke about internet danger and not doing something they'd regret. We communicated. I just didn't spy on them.
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Ali H M Salehuddin 3 years ago
We do it differently though. I know my wife's phone password and she knows mine.
smugdruggler 3 years ago
Same here, but it doesn't mean that I look. It's more in case of emergency or similar.
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alex cosgrove 3 years ago
I will add to this, if you feel a very strong desire to check their phone because something feels off or wrong or they’re hiding something chances are they are. Go with your gut, if you can’t leave their phone alone then you don’t trust them that is a red flag.
Gavin Johnson 3 years ago
Weird, my partner and I don’t work that way, if she picks up my phone when I’m not around it’s fine, I have nothing to hide, she knows that a conversation with my brother on there may be private so she’ll leave it alone but my photos, social media etc are an open book. Trust. I trust her, she trusts me. That way we both avoid wasting energy on hiding stuff or worrying about leaving iPads, phones etc lying around. Honesty and trust go a very long way y’know?
Scourge McCloud 3 years ago
It's nice that you can trust each other, but it's still risky. Some people will use it to their advantage to have access to personal information. I've made that mistake once and my bank account got hacked.
Load More Replies... Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Abusive Ex used to get pissed that I wouldn't let him see my journal, or drafts of stories I was writing. (He never read anything voluntarily, so it wasn't literary interest.) I finally had to lie and tell him I didn't keep a journal anymore so he'd stop badgering me about it.
Moezzzz 3 years ago
My husband and I have been together for 10 yrs now. I don't check his phone and he doesn't check mine. We don't even answer each other's phone. We both have the access, but both feel like it's crossing a boundary. We don't even have a joint checking account. I send him money for bills or pay them myself outright. So, these two things alone take away stress and arguments over finances, spending, etc. I trust him and he trusts me. We have other things to worry about
teanatheart 3 years ago
When my husband is away from his phone and he gets a text, I'll look at it, but that's only because he's in the Army and his command tends to depend exclusively on phones to communicate, so the possibility of it being a message from his command - which is usually time sensitive in some way - is high. Not to mention he has the amazing skill of not realizing he's got a message for 3+ hours lol
Colin Timp 3 years ago
If you don't trust your partner, then you either need to figure out what's wrong with you and why you're so insecure, or you need to end the relationship.
#16
These apply to everyone not just men.
Final score:
278points
Bored Retsuko 3 years ago (edited)
Most of them, yes. Edit: I'd like to elaborate a bit... The crucial thing is whether or not there is a power gap within the relationship. I've seen several pandas comment that their parents had such toxic traits (and so did mine). Clearly, between a parent (male or female) and a child, there's a power gap. Also, traditionally (and physically) there is a power gap in heterosexual relationships; that's why pointing out such red flags to women is a good thing, and if a man's knee jerk reaction is "but applies to women, too!", it may be a case of downplaying and minimizing this fact, as someone pointed out in the comments. But of course it is COMPLETELY possible to end up in a dependent relationship with a toxic female person; it's just much more frequent in heterosexual relationships to be on the woman's expense. Hope I got my point across... I didn't mean to offend or downplay anyone's experience. 🏳
RandomCitizen 3 years ago
It could be that when some of us say "That applies to women too" is because we have suffered at the hands of those women. It is sad that men are so often the perpetrators that our negative experiences are so often dismissed.
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Neon Otter 3 years ago
Of course it can apply to anyone, but this is specifically a thread by men, about men. Comments like this make me think the author is one of those men the warnings are about.
Circa (Submission author) 3 years ago
You don't know whether the author is a man.
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Well-Dressed Wolf 3 years ago
It’s kind of hilarious (except not really) how many of these “red flags” are things my mother does/says/how she acts. Thank heaven I’m adopted.
Viau Anna 3 years ago
Yes darling, we know. It's just that we're trying to prevent vulnerable women to fall again and again for the jerks and sometimes end up being k**led in the process. The biggest part of domestic violence is still man hurting women. That's why we're having posts like these.
Sam Spade 3 years ago
No, the only accepted domestic violence is men against women. When a man tries to talk being a victim of abuse he's lucky to just get it laughed off. Example: some big argument in the apartment one evening, gf tells me I'm being abusive. I say "How? You're the one smashing things and I'm the one bleeding". She then calls the police and REPORTS HERSELF for domestic violence. When the cops show up, they of course came after me(the man) because the other way around just wouldn't make sense. And I'd be willing to bet at least half the readers are going to assume this incident is somehow the man's fault
Load More Replies... Delilah 3 years ago
And the man who wrote this comment is "a nice guy who is always friendzoned"
Josh Gilland 3 years ago
Or he's happily married, gay and in a relationship, or happily single with no desire. Sorry you just made a judgemental moronic comment
Load More Replies... El Dee 3 years ago
*Not just men* and *Not all men* are the red flags I look for. They minimise a woman's experiences..
Gigantor the Bog Monster 3 years ago
Why is it ok when women say that it is ALL men then?
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Banjocricket 3 years ago
This one is about men. Maybe you should make your own post about women's red flags.
#17
Suddenly flying off the handle at a minor inconvenience. It's one thing to stub your toe at the end of a bad day and give the table a whack. It's another if every moment of stress or misfortune triggers rage.
I I 3 years ago
I had to learn to lower my tone , i'm short and grew up in a rough area so i was LOUD and swore a lot , not violent , i just had to act like i was
Kyl Glan 3 years ago
I learned that you don't actually have to be big or loud (it might help that I'm six one), but you have to develop a look that when people look at you they think you'll coldly kill them and not care. Which ends up getting you to have a severe case of essentially RBF in civilized society.
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Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
I didn't realize until I was in my mid-twenties that this isn't normal behavior. I just thought all men blew up at things, and it was my job to soothe and deflect. I have a list about 200 items long re: "I should've dumped him when-" but, oh, the time he was aggro-driving (another red flag), slammed his horn, and his horn got stuck. I didn't mean to, but I gave a nervous giggle when it got stuck. He flipped out even more, started punching the horn and steering wheel, screaming "DON'T YOU DARE LAUGH AT ME! HOW DARE YOU LAUGH AT ME?!" It took me years to realize that, even under stress, this is not a normal, healthy reaction.
Kitten Kat 3 years ago
Same,my dad was always like this,and I thought it was normal,and I was like this when I was younger. I was then diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Looking back,I know he was too,but it wasn't as understood as well back then. I was able to change and get medicated and it feels SO much better to be able to not get upset at silly things.
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Liam Lowenthal 3 years ago
As someone who struggles with BPD and major depression, and CPTSD, I can confirm it ruins relationships. Get help, get therapy, perhaps medication if you need it. Psychiatric help does not make you less of anything, it helps you process, it helps you understand and cope and control those triggers I've barely been able to save my relationship, I almost got help too late. If you love your partner, either let them go if they want to be let go, or let them help you if they're willing to do so.
Alicia M 3 years ago (edited)
I fly off the handle too easily because I'm just really stressed. I try and keep it in check. I don't direct my anger at other people. I'm just generally pissed. However, I do recognize it and am trying to do better.
Kitten Kat 3 years ago
I was like this too. I was diagnosed with BPD. Mood stabilizers help IMMENSELY. If you're open to it,you may look into that. I have no insurance,but my meds are luckily low cost,and work wonders
Load More Replies... aurelia grey 3 years ago
Heavens: The lighter wasn't in the EXACT place he left it. There are three, count them, THREE drops of water on the bathroom mirror, the remote control for TV/DVD/Blue Ray is an .0000003948576472783948567584839385012939485723634782 of a second SLOWER. Used one extra sheet of toliet paper than "normal" people do.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Seriously, this is every stepfather/father figure I had. I was grounded for a month, screamed at for being "irresponsible" and "a smart-a*s." My crime? Left my curling iron to cool while I got dressed, and pointed out that it was too hot to wrap the cord around it and put it away. Had to write the dictionary def. of "responsibility" five hundred times because my bike evidently fell over in the garage. Got smacked around because the garbage men put the cans back in the wrong place, and it was somehow my fault that he ran his car into one. Abusive men abuse others to feel better about their sad, weak-a*s selves.
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Micheal White 3 years ago
If you really want to see the true person, have them work with slow Internet. Their true colours will come out faster than Google can load.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
You joke, but for me, it was car problems. Abusive Ex was an aggro a*****e driver, loved his car, and would flip out if, say, I nudged the car door closed with my hip if my hands were full, because it was "disrespectful." (I KNOW. I should have left 2 months in instead of 8 years.) So if something was wrong with his car, cue meltdown. The times it broke down? Hours of temper tantrums, stomping, screaming, rehashing. The first time I experienced car problems with George was a revelation. "Aw, s**t, I think it's a flat tire. Want to help me change it?" The second time, "I don't know what's wrong, but it's overheating. I better call AAA. Are you okay?" Difference between night and day. Wait, no, between abusive manbaby and mature, decent human.
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Lauren Doria-Edney 3 years ago
There could be an underlying issue such as depression. I suffer from PPD and I can fly off the handle and it seems ridiculous.
Deutschland Mädchen 3 years ago
This is probably no excuse but I definitely get way more angry or frustrated about tiny things when it's my time of the month. And then I stand there like woah chill out it was just my shirt getting caught on the doorhandle no need to let it ruin my day
Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago
Nasty hormones can mess with emotions big time. You are not alone in this.
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#18
ALCOHOLISM.
Dani M 3 years ago
Dropped my partner off at Rehab yesterday. 2-3 months.... let´s hope for the best.
Well-Dressed Wolf 3 years ago
Fingers crossed for your partner… and for you :) I am an addict (have just been clean for a long time) and it’s hard af for both parties.
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Fabian Bernard 3 years ago
I don't agree with that one. It's mainly a disease, will you turn out someone if he had cancer or depression ? Of course that's a personal struggle, but support maximaze the chance of relief
Alice Platzer 3 years ago
Sadly, many get the wrong idea of what "support" actually means.
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Paweł Duda 3 years ago
Drinking alcoholic. Don't be a*****e to people who stopped drinking, are doing fine without it.
Alice Platzer 3 years ago
Any type of addiction. Especially if you've grown up with a full-blown addict in your family. Happened to me (my sis was a heavy Heroin-user until she passed). Luckily I can smell an addict and certain mannerisms that go with this illness a mile away, not putting up with that anymore. Enough's enough.
Peaches GreFra 3 years ago
Alcoholism, weed addiction or drug abuse... bye bye! I'd rather die alone
LaNell Mueller 3 years ago
I divorced an alcoholic after 3 years of hell. That was 37 years ago and I've never regretted it.
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Hill Branda 3 years ago
Grew up with two alcoholics in my family. Made my childhood miserable. I grew up, never drinking at ALL. I married a man who doesn't drink either. We're perfectly happy. However, we've lost friends who actually got mad when we went out with them and we didn't drink. All they wanted to do was get totally hammered; just sh*t faced--not chat, go to events, etc-- and actually got angry when we didn't. Not sure why, because they knew we didn't drink. I guess they thought they would change our minds? We never contacted them again.
Lulu 3 years ago (edited)
My ex used to drink sooo much that he would start vomiting in his sleep. It was disgusting and also very dangerous and irresponsible. I had to turn him on his side so he wouldn't choke on his vomit and then i would go sleep somewhere else. I told him about it and he kept doing it
Niobe Boon Mendoza 3 years ago
I'm so sorry to hear this. It's a mountainous grief ...
Load More Replies... #19
Does he talk about always being ready to fight if necessary? Then he's a lunatic. Well adjusted people in things like MMA don't want to fight randomly and don't seek it out outside of the sport of it. Half the point is to have a place for your aggression in a controlled setting.
OhForSmegSake 3 years ago (edited)
This can come from a place of trauma. People who've grown up or spent a long time being a victim of violence can feel like if they don't seem like they're always ready to defend themselves against physical attack they're automatically vulnerable.
Ken Oien 3 years ago
Coming from someone whose has PTSD(its lessened now) I get the trauma angle. There's a big difference between being ready and talking about it all the time and being so hyper vigilant that everyone knows. When you are so into it then your very insecure and likely to be insecure in a lot of ways. Your trying to show your a tough guy without the emotional fortitude or bravery to clearly express your emotions. Rather than buying the next gun/knife/sword they should consider getting a round of therapy.
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François Carré 3 years ago
All these men who see the world as a constant battlefield where you've got to be strong, to keep an eye on your neighbour and prepare to fight for your life (and where men have to protect women, of course) are the worst in my opinion. They swarm on social media, according to the kind of cringey stuff I read on BP. They're basically fascists, even if they're not completely aware of it themselves.
Hobby Hopper 3 years ago
That sounds like an absolutely horrible way to live.
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Adagar 3 years ago
What boxing classes have taught me is that fighting is awful and should be avoided as much as possible. You've got nothing to prove, and everything to lose.
Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago
My nephew worked very hard and was a black belt in karate at the age of 13. They learned how to diffuse situations first, if they can. Then if that didn’t work make certain things clear that they need to move on because if it goes to aggression it will be settled quickly. He was in such control of himself that when a bigger kid picked him up and slammed him down on the sidewalk. He just walked away and reported it. Actually, it was the slam on the concrete for my nephews dad to call that kid’s dad and explain that that guy’s son had been repeatedly violent and aggressive towards his son and other kids. He made it very clear that if the guy’s son ever does anything again to my nephew that is violent, he can defend himself from it . Understand that him being a second degree red belt defending himself would involve injury and he could flatten your kids nose with one quick hit. So, you have been warned, stay away from my son. Far away. That kid never came near my nephew again.
Kamie Jones 3 years ago
This! So much this! A kid in my hs was picked on. Sweet kid. He was also high up in marital arts (not sure specifics so I won't elaborate on that) one day he had enough and he showed the kid he wasn't just some small boy who could be pushed around. Kid who bullied him did get in trouble but so did our friend, for defending himself. Butt violence is very seldom the answer.
Load More Replies... Kamie Jones 3 years ago
Had a bf like this and he was very abusive. He would protect me at all costs but then would throw me against a wall the next moment. Lunatic doesn't even scrape the surface
Tom De Paul 8 months ago
You never heard that the "knight in shining armor" is an a*****e archetype?
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 3 years ago
There is a big difference between being ready to fight and being prepared to fight.
Danette Jeanne 3 years ago
Exactly. My husband 16 black belts in different martial arts, but he isn't hunting around for people to punch. Now if they hit him first, it's a different story... But he usually only gets into altercations defending others, like when he sees some jackwagon assaulting his gf or wife in the Walmart parking lot. Somehow everything always happens in a Walmart parking lot.
Jessica Edelbrock 3 years ago
*unprompted, without context, and giddily. I work in LPC. I've worked with a number of ex-career military and former cops in an environment where dealing with violent people or violent situations is an actual, albeit pretty small, possibility. To date, there has never been a situation where aggressive intervention has been necessary. Discussions of being prepared to intervene come up. All of these people will insist they are ready to "go loud" without hesitation. There is a difference between the psychos and people who believe they have a duty to protect others. People who are capable of violence but only as a last resort are not excited about it. They might talk about messing someone up, but do not take joy in the conversation. The psychos, though, practically salivate during those discussions. No surprise, it was mostly the ex-cops who fell into the psycho category.
Mark Kelly 1 year ago
What does this mean? If a fight is necessary I will fight. Obviously avoiding violence is best.
#20
If he is overtly angry when you talk to other people, (specifically other men) that's a major red flag and he's probably gonna start to be possessive over you by not letting you talk to anyone else.
FreshGanesh 3 years ago
Causes by unregulated jealousy. And if one can’t regulate that emotion, they probably struggle with other emotions. Particularly anger.
Load More Replies... aurelia grey 3 years ago
I could talk with a 98 year old man and his 95 year old wife, say hello, get to know them a bit, and my ex would be convinced I was sleeping with both of them.
Lulu 3 years ago
My ex. I wasn't allowed to have male friends or talk to any men but he would flirt and hit on other women in front of me
aurelia grey 3 years ago
Thank Goodness he's your EX. What a schmuck. You could be within 1000 feet of a male, maybe 75 years old and that was somehow "bad" Meanwhile punk-as$ had to prove a point to himself and you, he must be deeply in love with his EGO.
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Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Made me drop a class because the group project involved working with other guys.
Rick Hoppenbrouwer 3 years ago
Have an Ex that went ballistic when I wanted to spend a few days with my niece who I had not seen in 15 plus years.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
And that leads to domestic violence. I was "chatty" with the 16 y/o bag boy at the grocery store - which meant, obviously, I was f*cking him. I got a severe beating when we got home.
#21
If he talks about his ex too much. As someone who was in love with an ex for way too long, I was not ready for a relationship with anyone else.
Alicia M 3 years ago
No one should go into a new relationship talking about their ex. I don't care if your ex was wonderful. They are an ex. You are only hurting yourself, and possibly your romantic interest, by carrying on about your previous relationships.
Squirrelly 3 years ago
I think there can be room for grief and love. Love isn't a switch that you can turn off. On some level, I still love every person I have ever loved. I get that anything can be taken to an unhealthy point, but I think you may be missing out on a lot of love limiting yourself like this.
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Scourge McCloud 3 years ago
It was pretty therapeutic for me to open up to my boyfriend and talk about what I went through and it's helped me to heal and forget quite a bit. I also listened to him open up and talk about his experiences and we've been together for more than 5 years. So it's not always a bad thing.
Bailey Kreuger 3 years ago
Too much sure, but an ex was part of your life and your past. Talking about an ex I don't think is necessarily a bad thing, but how you do could justify a red flag
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
There's a balance. Obviously you have to talk about past relationships, find out about how/why they broke up, discuss sexual issues, and other basics. But if someone keeps bringing up their ex constantly, that's a red flag. "Oh, I used to come here with Ex all the time!" "This was Ex's favorite band, too!" "Oh, how funny, Ex has a shirt just like this." Or, even more concerning, the more weaponized version: "Yeah, I thought that too, until Ex broke my heart." "I would, but Ex ruined that for me." "No! That's just what Ex used to do!"
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Crystal Pool 3 years ago
I have been trying to talk less about my ex’s its hard sometimes. i’m one of those oversharers and people always want me to talk about my problems but alot of my problems are bad family and ex boyfriend’s.
Sue Ellen Jensen 3 years ago
I went on a first date with a guy who talked the entire time about his ex-wife from his 30-year marriage. Clearly not ready to date and I did not see him ever again.
Tom De Paul 8 months ago
If you're still talking about your ex, it's not over and you're not ready. . . for a new relationship.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
An ex is an ex for a reason. Whether you were the reason or not doesn't really matter (well kinda) but let resting dogs lie. It is a good indication if they're ready for a new relationship, though.
Cashme Outside 3 years ago
When we started out dating, my wife was actually taken aback by the fact that I don’t discuss ex’s at all. I don’t badmouth them, I don’t sing their praises, I just don’t discuss them. Unless there is a very valid reason for bringing them up, like they are a parent to one of your children, or may pose some danger/drama to your partner and you, I don’t understand why people do. When she asked about it I asked her “If for some reason we don’t work out, would you like me bringing you, and the details, up to a future partner?” Never was brought up again.
#22
Only talks about themselves
Beeps 3 years ago
Or just generally talking nonstop and not letting you speak. I once got that at a first date, but made excuses for him, thinking he was just nervous, but nope, when we were in a relationship, he was still constantly just talking at me and interrupting me the minute I spoke.
Danette Jeanne 3 years ago (edited)
Sometimes that's just ADHD and not being a jerk.... They just need some meds, possibly, and without a doubt, needs you to call him out on it.
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Crystal Pool 3 years ago
I have a problem with interrupting people and talking about myself and im trying to work on it, Its cause I am Autistic and I have a bit of Adhd among other problems, So I feel like if someone were like me id have to give them a pass on that behavior.
Mateo Buysse 3 years ago
I do that, but i also let other ppl talk and i will actually try to listen unless really tired. I mean, in the latter case i will still try, but it just wont work out.
River Davis 3 years ago
Little warning. Some neurodivergent folks empathize through this way. Hence if you're talking about something and they go "oh that's like me!" It's often a way for ADHD/autistic folks to empathize with others by sharing their own experiences to show you aren't alone. HOWEVER it doesn't excuse talking over you, belittling when you talk about yourselves, etc. It's different when neurodivergent folks do it because they DO care about what you're saying and want you to feel seen and heard. If you aren't feeling that, it's not right. If they make you feel small, lesser than them, or won't let you speak, that isn't right.
River Davis 3 years ago
It's if the person is demanding, controlling, putting you down, CONSTANTLY interrupting (not the ADHD way of happening to interrupt, my friend does that), speaking over you, etc. Sometimes my friend interrupts me and it makes me feel bad, but it's never ill intentioned. And most of the time, being honest with em, they will apologize. Cause they don't mean to be mean or rude or controlling.
Load More Replies... aurelia grey 3 years ago
Mercy. Not the only one. He could talk for hours, go off topic, I would TRY to have a conversation but it was always, always about HIM.
#23
I’ll die on this hill: every man I’ve ever known who was an *outspoken* feminist was horrible to women behind the scenes.
Tim Pateman 3 years ago
Much better to be a feminist by action - get on with raising the kids, cooking the meals, or just going down on a woman.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Bingo. See also "Nice guy," "generous," "a good parent!"
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norabest321 3 years ago
I knew someone who went on and on about being a feminist. He used that excuse as part of his plan to manipulate my entire life. "You're awesome! You're an amazing woman and can make decisions and live on your own and you're smarter than me and smarter/more beautiful/perfect example of an independent woman...blah blah. Now do everything I want you to do without question."
Michelle C 3 years ago
Every such outspoken man and woman I have known tends to treat women poorly when he or she thinks no one else is watching him or her. Conversely, those who embrace humility publicly also do it privately, in my experience.
Zack Podany 3 years ago (edited)
You don't need a label to be a good person, you need a label to try to convince others you're a good person without any evidence.
Agne Abromaite 3 years ago
You don’t have to call yourself a feminist if you’re truly a feminist.
KA 3 years ago
The pseudo sensitive...I call them...Todds. Their supposed sensitivity doesn't go beyond the surface...it disappears when there is no woman within earshot. Same guys who blame women for not being interested in their lack of personality. If your name is Todd and you don't fall into this category, I am sorry, I guess you can try joining a Karen support group.
Simon Oliver 3 years ago
I think it's important for men to embrace the label of feminist not only to destigmatize it, but to normalize the conversation around feminism to the point where it's truly intersectional.
Mosheh Wolf 3 years ago
HUGE red flag: this statement. Sounds like a man who is trying to claim that, because he sounds like a misogynistic a*****e, that actually means that HE is the REAL feminist.
#24
Emotional manipulation, trying to guilt trap you
Saico Hipe 3 years ago
The pedant in me wanted to say, "I think you mean guilt *trip,*" but after thinking about it a moment, 'guilt trap' also works. Perhaps even better 🤔
Terri Martin 3 years ago
My ex threatened and actually attempted suicide the one time I actually did leave. He trapped me for 8 years before I escaped his emotional blackmail.
Robert Giese 3 years ago (edited)
Yeah, again, anyone who does this is just trash. Lightly teasing each other when your partnership and relationship are built up is one this, but to hold things against a person is garbage.
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Your children will try doing this to you alot, small wonder mothers develop a thick skin lol.
Monica G 1 year ago
Narcissists push their partners to cheat in order to get moral high ground, among other advantages.
Tom De Paul 8 months ago
Yep. I knew I was on Bored Panda when a woman's decision to cheat is the man's fault. When you say something like this to your therapist do they burst into laughter, or make a surprised Pikachu face, or are they just struck speechless? The hallmark of adulthood is the ability to take responsibility for your actions. No, the Devil did not make you do it even if you're married to him.
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#25
If a guy tells you he's no good, listen.
Bored Retsuko 3 years ago (edited)
I disagree. Someone who says this might simply suffer from low self-esteem. Not great but not necessarily a horrible thing... The idea is to lower the other person's expectations because one is afraid to be seen as a disappointment lateron... typical coping mechanism if you were never good enough when you grew up. Source: been there, done that.
Kusotare 3 years ago
I would argue that having self-esteem that is that low IS a red flag. Being with someone that is constantly down on themselves is emotionally draining.
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Silly Slaughter 3 years ago
I have very low self esteem but I've been with my girl for just about 7 years now. Unfortunately, I don't think it's as simple as, "He's down on himself, he must be a bad person." I am always nice to everyone. I don't judge people. I'm just not nice to myself and I judge myself very harshly. I don't think I can change that though, been to therapy for years and I'm still like this. I have had a lot of trauma from my past so that's likely what causes it. I think I'm just saying, its not all black and white. Some people do deserve love even if they don't think it.
Nessuna 3 years ago
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. Period. If they have unresolved trauma that causes them to behave in the same way as predatory types do, that's on him to address. Not that it's an easy thing to do, but it's also not the responsibility of a woman he's dating to try to unpack whether he's a wounded but not dangerous creature, or a natural predator who intends to eventually destroy her. Not a rush worth taking, on the off chance he's maybe just feeling down on himself.
Liam Lowenthal 3 years ago
So guys with low self-esteem, apparently you're terrible people and a red flag. Good God, what,?
Charles Wise 3 years ago
If you are self aware enough to feel bad about bad things you've done, YOU ARE A MONSTER
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Michaela Riedrich 3 years ago
I would rather say, if a guy tells you again and again he is such a nice guy.
Chicken Nugget 3 years ago
Wait if the guy literally says “I’m bad for you” some people still date him what
Casey McAlister 3 years ago
Yeah, people with a savior complex. They believe they can "save" this person with their love and acceptance, but they forget you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.
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Rohan Moran 3 years ago
Just because you have low self esteem, doesnt mean you are automatically nasty to others. When i was in the height of my depression and my self esteem was at its lowest, i would ALWAYS treat others very well...i just never pointed any of that positive mentality/behavior my own way...it was like i wasn't deserving of it. I deserved to suffer and experience only pain. I would agree that people in the position i was, are probably going to be taxing for anyone to be in a relationship with, however, i will also say that if i wasnt with my Fiance at the time, i dont think i would be alive & here today...and now im better i spend every moment i can making up for that support she gave me. So its hard for me to give advice here. But i will say that depriving people who were suffering the way i was of connection to someone who may genuinely care about them...and that might be the only person in their life who does...is something i personally wouldnt want to condone...
Rohan Moran 3 years ago
....however, from a purely "self interested" perspective. Yes, that person isnt going to be good for YOU right at this minute.
Load More Replies... Josh Gilland 3 years ago
Yea I'd disagree on this. One he probably just doesn't think he's good enough and he's also aware of his flaws which means he may be trying to better himself. I'd watch out for the guy that thinks he's enough. He's likely unaware of his flaws and won't really work on himself.
Crystal Pool 3 years ago
I tell people im not good enough either. should I never find love because I have low self esteem?
Lin M 3 years ago
Start to love yourself first, because you're awesome. Don't rely on another person to find your worth because that's indeed another kind of flag, a flag to horrible people they can use and manipulate you. Not saying you'll end up in a relationship like that, but the chance is a lot higher than when you know your self-worth and can walk away from someone who isn't worth your love.
Load More Replies... Colin Timp 3 years ago
That's where those women come in that think they can "fix" that person.
#26
His hyper focus on money. While this might be a plus in some women's opinion, this can also be a HUGE red flag. I knew some men that was so focused on money they tried to put a price on everything, even a woman, her actions, her respect and what he is allowed to do simply because he pays for it. This has serious ramifications due to him keeping track of everything he does for a woman and coming up with some weird idea that you owe him when things start to fall apart in the relationship. Just keep an eye out.🚩🚩🚩
Jennifer Checki 3 years ago
I dated a very wealthy man once. Money was how he said please, how he said thank you, how he said I’m sorry, and how he said I love you. Some women may appreciate that. I did not.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
I've had guys try to convince me if how rich they are in order to impress me. Dude, if the only thing you have to recommend you is your bank account... I'm not interested.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
They will usually see your relationship and sex as transactional, too.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Everyone can be hyper focused on money at some point in their lives, though it’s usually in pursuit of one or more goal(s). Born poor and trying to pull themselves and their family out of poverty, trying to buy a house, trying to achieve a certain level of success or salary—-before settling down, getting married, having a family if you choose to because you want a secure life for your family and yourself. OK. That’s actually pretty normal for people just starting out, and those are some rather honorable and not OTT goals. But if that focus becomes an obsession, especially after the original goals have been met and exceeded, and adversely affects the people you originally intended to make secure and happy, then there’s a problem.
Local foodie 3 years ago
It’s good to understand and know the value of money, but that’s just too much
John G 3 years ago
I had a new neighbor and one of the guys in the building started hitting on her immediately. She asked what I thought about him. I told her within 5 minutes of meeting him I knew how much he paid for just about everything because unsolicited he told me. Because of that I didn't think about him. She shot him down.
#27
If he doesn't put in an effort to make you happy. It doesn't have to make you happy whatever he does but the fact he's putting in the effort means he truly cares about you enough that he cares about your mental health as well. Goes both ways.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
Part of that effort is just listening to you. Not talking over you, saying “here’s the solution”, or just going out and fixing it for you, but just staying quiet and actively listening to you talk, vent, or ramble. By actively listening, I mean paying attention to what they’re saying without thinking of what you’re going to say next, while also asking questions—-without constantly interrupting them—-and restating back to them, to clarify you understood what they just said. Making someone feel not just listened to, but also actually HEARD and understood, is one of the best, respectful, and most loving things you can do.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
This is what finally clicked for me with my a*****e abusive ex: he put forth no effort. I could count maybe a half-dozen nice things he'd done over eight years, and he was fond of throwing in my face "Remember when I gave you that backrub three years ago?!" I'd never heard the cliche about "don't make someone your priority if you're only their option," but that was it. When I realized that, if his house was on fire, he'd save his music collection, computer equipment, and probably his own mom before he even looked for me, my eyes were forever opened.
Jaime Blackwater 3 years ago
LMAO this is where my past relationships failed. I'd always go out of the way to make special occasions for my exes. The simplest example I can give is on her birthday I rented her old favorite camping spot, arranged our trip, took care of everything, cooked only her favorite foods. Only my birthday she just took me to s&b burgers at the last minute. She had a gift card from work. I don't even like burgers that much lol. It wasn't a matter of she couldn't "afford it" it was a matter of she didn't want to put in any real effort. Fortunately now I'm with someone who cares about me as much as I do her.
Swear Wolfe 3 years ago
You think that this would be obvious, but it took me 11 years to realize this is one of the most important thing's in a relationship. After being hallowed out and giving everything but getting nothing in return.
Banjocricket 3 years ago
This reminds me of something I always say to younger women who haven't figured out their worth. There's a difference between not trying to hurt you and trying not to hurt you.
Colin Timp 3 years ago
You can't make someone else happy if you're not happy. If your SO is angry or miserable and unwilling or unable to change things that could help them, just end the relationship.
Josh Gilland 3 years ago
Yes but communication is a must. My ex, bless her heart, got me a really nice but expensive gift and 1. That's not who I am at all, I hate expensive gifts (because I'm picky when I comes to my expensive items and I'm frugal and can find aways to avoid prices). She really put in the effort. Unfortunately I addressed the situation at the wrong time and way and accidentally made her feel bad. Later we talked it through and our showing care actions better aligned with who we were. Unfortunately I really f****d up later down the road and lost her. Might have been a right person but definitely wrong time. We were too young and stupid for the relationship we thought we were having.
#28
If they wear sunglasses at night. You should never masquerade with the guy in the shades
Jihana 3 years ago
Well, I sometimes wear sunglasses at night. I suffer from migraines and light just hurts.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
You have a legitimate reason that can be explained, and I’ll bet the glasses aren’t just regular sunglasses anyone can buy, but glasses with lenses smoked just enough to block the triggers but not make you blind at night. The OP is talking about people who do it for no legitimate reason, but just because they think it makes them look cool. It doesn’t. I tried it once, just to see what it was like. You can’t f*****g see anything! So it’s not cool, it’s just stupid.
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June 3 years ago
As an autistic with sensory processing disorder I strongly disagree. Ask them why they wear sunglasses.
Hannah Gleason 3 years ago
I think this one is a joke, it's just a song lyric
Load More Replies... Gavin Johnson 3 years ago
Be kind to my mate who suffered chemical burns to his eyes years ago and still has to wear darkened glasses to reduce the pain that direct light causes. Yes he looks like a rock star stood in the pub but honestly he’s a nice bloke. A rare exception to the rule but you never know, maybe they have a good reason? Try asking, you’ll either get an honest answer or you’ll bring them back to reality, either way it’s a conversation starter.
Local foodie 3 years ago
This one is debatable. There are a plethora of valid reasons a person could be wearing sunglasses at night
#29
Calls himself a feminist and apologizes on behalf of men. Political nice guy red flag. Bonus points if he apologize for being a man himself. He's trying to get in someone's pants.
This is not a call out of men who are feminist but those that wear the label but only engage in call out hot takes ie feels good in the moment but does the opposite of helping anything.
Julia McElroy 3 years ago
Pretty much all women have known some right creeps, unfortunately
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Impetus 3 years ago
This drives me nuts. I work in a profession with primarily female employees, and sometimes a man walks into the room, sees all the women, and starts saying what he thinks we want to hear. Thing is, most of us don't want to hear that the woman is always right and the man should just this or that. It's insulting to be treated as though subservience is preferable to talking like adults, and it lets you know what that guy really expects from women.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Yeah, saying "All women are QUEENS! My mom is a saint! You deserve to be worshipped" etc., does not make you sound feminist, it makes you sound patronizing.
Load More Replies... KA 3 years ago (edited)
The pseudo sensitive...I call them...Todds. Their supposed sensitivity doesn't go beyond the surface...it disappears when there is no woman within earshot. Same guys who blame women for not being interested in their lack of personality. If your name is Todd and you don't fall into this category, I am sorry, I guess you can try joining a Karen support group.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
I'd heard of "pick me girl" but there's "pick me boy," too? YES! I love equally-gendered tropes!
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Brett B 3 years ago
Same vein as bourgeois "allies" apologizing for the white working class. It's a method to take charge, assert control.
Simon Oliver 3 years ago
The best apology is working to dismantle the systems of oppression.
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#30
Goes for both sexes... If the person has no hobbies. Now you are their new hobby.
Gabriel Vonadler 3 years ago (edited)
Not everybody need or want a hobby 🤷♂️ My "hobby "is the same like the carton bull 's Ferdinand...smell the roses 😂
zububonsai 3 years ago (edited)
...or has enough free time. @Gabriel: I completely agree. Like, when I met my man, he was a full-time worker and freshly divorced father of two kids aged 8 and 9, totally engaged family man. I was a bit concerned of his "no hobby"attitude at first. His only "only for me hobby" was to bike to work and a bit around town for few hours, and repairing our broken stuff. Fast forward 10years: added a 3rd child, no time for hobbies, either (except less cycling, but Saturday flea market visits). N o w (youngest is 9 now) we both have recently time to spend, he for the first time does something for his own enjoyment (rebuilding and driving an oldtimer/vintage motorbike "Touren-AWO"). But that's about it. The rest we prefer doing together (swimming, little trips with the children, cooking...)
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Christoph 3 years ago
For a minute I thought this was a warning against bisexuals: "Goes for both sexes" got unnecessarily irritated!
Florian 3 years ago
Same here. I thought like "well, saying that doesn't seem right..." ;-)
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River Davis 3 years ago
My ex boyfriend, while toxic, tried to make everything about me. I wanted to be in a band? He wanted to join or else he'd be alone and cry. I asked him what he liked to do and it was literally just video games. I love video games too, but he wouldn't even talk to me about it. It's fine if someone doesn't have a hobby, but if they want everything to do with you, then you need boundaries or to leave. I couldn't do anything without my ex either getting jealous or wanting in. It's suffocating.
FabulousMari 3 years ago
But what if I am really entertaining though? I can't fault them for having good taste.
Narwhal Blast 3 years ago
It doesn't necessarily have to be a hobby, just have something else outside of work and tv. A passion, something that ignited their soul, a spark of some kind. They will eat your soul if you are passionate about something.
Sordatos 3 years ago
Most people don't have a passion and it's fine, life is not a movie full of romantic heroes, if fact if go through life expecting ppl to be , you're gonna have a major disappointment.
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#31
If his first reaction to any type of minor conflict is anger. Here, when I mean conflicts I mean little things - disagreeing with a fact stated, where to have dinner, minor customer service issues. If the first tool they reach for is anger for minor things, that is the tool they will always reach for first. People change, but this is a pretty fundamental personality aspect and unlikely outside of intervention.
Ariel Strong 3 years ago
My husband's reaction to minor (or major) conflicts is silence. He's very good at keeping his cool for other people's sake
General Anaesthesia 3 years ago
As long as he doesn't take it out on you when you're alone together, great.
Load More Replies... Stephanie Did It 3 years ago
If your only tool is a hammer, then every "problem" looks like a nail.
#32
If he agrees with everything you say, it's likely that he's not being himself and that he's telling you what he thinks you want to hear which he thinks may help him get what he wants
Chicken Nugget 3 years ago
THhis might not be true since most of the time you find your so because of shared opinions
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
Most of us can tell the difference between sincere agreement and fake.
Load More Replies... What do you think ?
jonathan rasco 3 years ago
How are these exclusive to men though? As if it's okay when women show the same red flags.
Vera1 3 years ago (edited)
It’s is not. However, unfortunately, the vast majority of domestic abusers are men. And the vast majority of victims of those men are women. Therefore, it’s even more imperative that we educate women about red flags in men that often escalate into abuse.
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guyx23 3 years ago
Ok but like 80% of what's listed here are generic toxic behaviors, that aren't exclusive to men.
cathy hurd 3 years ago
If he's 'too' good to mommy. I've spent 36 years competing with his mother. She treats me like dirt, unless she needs something and he continually makes excuses for her or blames me. Now I know why his brother and family live so far away.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Oh yeah. If mommy is always going to be the first woman/love in his life, don't even start. You'll end up sitting on the sidelines watching him have a mother-son dance at your wedding with your new MiL in a beaded, floor-length white gown.
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Dirk Daring 3 years ago (edited)
Any guy who refers to himself as an "Alpha Male" is *severely* insecure on the inside, so they have to be outwardly obnoxious to compensate for it.
Egg 3 years ago
Any guy who refers to himself as an alpha male is in fact a beta male, and by that I mean a small d**k piece of s**t
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Helen Waight 3 years ago
One sadly learned from experience: if he at any point says you can’t leave the relationship without agreement from BOTH sides - run. Or if he uses the ‘we’re in a relationship that means you can’t say no to anything I want to do in bed’
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago (edited)
I learned a few others the hard way, too. 1) He "tests" you with little lies/jokes to see your reaction. 2) Calls himself "a nice guy" or brags about how "responsible" he is. 3) Shows up places where you are to "surprise" you. 4) Lovebombing/rushing things/saying "I love you" right away. 5) You are always the butt of the joke, and/or when you're with friends, he's always mocking you and putting you down, but telling you privately that it's "just a joke." 6) They want you with them ALL. THE. TIME.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
My fiancee took me to meet his family and extended family. When he left to smoke, they all jumped on me about what a loser he was. I yelled at them about how horrible they all were. I was so mad. The next time he went to smoke, I went with him and so did one of his uncles. His uncle told me that you don't marry single moms, you just sleep with them. On and on about how worthless single moms are. I look at my fiancee with wide eyes (Uncle didn't know I was a single mother) and he shakes his head no to let me know I shouldn't say anything... And he didn't either. He was ready to fight anyone and everyone over anything but when it counted, he did nothing. Red flag.
The Starsong Princess 3 years ago
Guys who never give gifts or celebrate holidays because they think it’s too commercial. It’s just a mask for lack of generosity.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
And they don't want to have to remember things and make an effort.
Load More Replies... jonathan rasco 3 years ago
How are these exclusive to men though? As if it's okay when women show the same red flags.
Vera1 3 years ago (edited)
It’s is not. However, unfortunately, the vast majority of domestic abusers are men. And the vast majority of victims of those men are women. Therefore, it’s even more imperative that we educate women about red flags in men that often escalate into abuse.
Load More Replies... guyx23 3 years ago
Ok but like 80% of what's listed here are generic toxic behaviors, that aren't exclusive to men.
cathy hurd 3 years ago
If he's 'too' good to mommy. I've spent 36 years competing with his mother. She treats me like dirt, unless she needs something and he continually makes excuses for her or blames me. Now I know why his brother and family live so far away.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Oh yeah. If mommy is always going to be the first woman/love in his life, don't even start. You'll end up sitting on the sidelines watching him have a mother-son dance at your wedding with your new MiL in a beaded, floor-length white gown.
Load More Replies... Dirk Daring 3 years ago (edited)
Any guy who refers to himself as an "Alpha Male" is *severely* insecure on the inside, so they have to be outwardly obnoxious to compensate for it.
Egg 3 years ago
Any guy who refers to himself as an alpha male is in fact a beta male, and by that I mean a small d**k piece of s**t
Load More Replies... Helen Waight 3 years ago
One sadly learned from experience: if he at any point says you can’t leave the relationship without agreement from BOTH sides - run. Or if he uses the ‘we’re in a relationship that means you can’t say no to anything I want to do in bed’
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago (edited)
I learned a few others the hard way, too. 1) He "tests" you with little lies/jokes to see your reaction. 2) Calls himself "a nice guy" or brags about how "responsible" he is. 3) Shows up places where you are to "surprise" you. 4) Lovebombing/rushing things/saying "I love you" right away. 5) You are always the butt of the joke, and/or when you're with friends, he's always mocking you and putting you down, but telling you privately that it's "just a joke." 6) They want you with them ALL. THE. TIME.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
My fiancee took me to meet his family and extended family. When he left to smoke, they all jumped on me about what a loser he was. I yelled at them about how horrible they all were. I was so mad. The next time he went to smoke, I went with him and so did one of his uncles. His uncle told me that you don't marry single moms, you just sleep with them. On and on about how worthless single moms are. I look at my fiancee with wide eyes (Uncle didn't know I was a single mother) and he shakes his head no to let me know I shouldn't say anything... And he didn't either. He was ready to fight anyone and everyone over anything but when it counted, he did nothing. Red flag.
The Starsong Princess 3 years ago
Guys who never give gifts or celebrate holidays because they think it’s too commercial. It’s just a mask for lack of generosity.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
And they don't want to have to remember things and make an effort.
Load More Replies... You May Like “This Man Was A Literal Child”: 76 Times Men Assumed They Knew More Than Women Woman Shows How A Bloody Pad Was The Only Thing That Would Get Men To Stop Following Her
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