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30 People Share Their Heartbreaking Love Bombing Experiences So That You Know What Red Flags To Look Out For
Love bombing is manipulation. It occurs when a person overwhelms you with sweet words and actions to get something in return.
Usually, this technique involves over-the-top gestures, such as buying expensive plane tickets for a vacation, and not taking no for an answer.
All of this can seem harmless, but the point is to get you into thinking you owe them something.
To figure out how to spot it, Reddit user -ethereality- made a post on the platform's r/AskWomen page, saying: "How did you know you were being love bombed?" Luckily, the ladies responded.
As of this publication, the post has 600 comments, many of which contain honest experiences from toxic relationships that we all can use as valuable lessons.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My dad did this to me every time he did something horrible, like 'disciplining' me with the belt, or throwing me outside in the middle of the night when I 'misbehaved.' It was repulsive to be held tightly in his arms afterward, with him crying and whispering fervently for me to forgive him. F*ck that. Now, as an adult, I cannot stand to be around him
QibliOfTheSandWings 3 years ago
I can’t understand what makes people want to do that to their own kids! I want to punch them all into oblivion ( ._.)🤜 (>_o )
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cybermerlin2000 3 years ago
One of the benefits of becoming an independent adult is being able to turn around and walk away from toxic parents. Don't even try to contact them again, and know deep down that they won't care until it suits them. Enjoy your life and be free
Tami 3 years ago (edited)
Classic domestic abuse cycle: build up of pressure, explosion and release of pressure, reconcilliation, repeat. Like Old Faithful. Some people don't know how to deal with the minor frustrations of life, managing the pressure before it builds up too much. They need to recognize the cycle and manage it like an adult should. Many people never learned those skills growing up, and the older you get the harder it is to learn them. Shame that others suffer because of that ignorance.
Karen Medcoff 3 years ago
I got just the opposite. he would do something nice, then beat the crap out of me after. glad he's dead and never got to meet his grandsons
Tamara Bloch 3 years ago (edited)
My dad would throw me and a suitcase out on the porch in below zero temps. He also told me I was stupid and ugly every night at the dinner table. My mom told me to agree with him. He also hit me. He would stand behind the corner when I was talking on the phone and pop out and start yelling when I said something he didn't like. They had me brainwashed I was to blame.They never told me they loved me. Neither of them EVER apologized. Once I asked my mom why dad told me I was stupid and ugly and she told me it was because he didn't want me to get a big head. B******t.
Susan Jones 3 years ago
I'm so very sorry you went through that. You write really well, you're obviously a great communicator by your writing skills, and there is no such thing as "ugly" people, just ugly damaged hearts like your parents, who have a negative view on others and the world. So I KNOW you're beautiful. Only very shallow, insecure and immature people think along the terms of "pretty/ugly". Truly wise, kind people are elevated enough to not care about looks. I'm sending you an I love you Tamara! And a warm hug. Sadly we cant choose healthy parents, but we can receive love by choosing good hearted friends.
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Laura Travis 3 years ago
Had a very similar Dad. Over and over and over again. Myself and my siblings. Our Mother had it the worst. We were finally out of HELL when the SOB committed suicide.
Tammy Wait 3 years ago
So sorry. I had a dad like this. It seems to taint your whole life. Always attracted to the bad man because they manipulate you till its to late.
Ashley Lyford 3 years ago
So true... Even when you think they're actually nice, they are still not good!
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felicia wills 3 years ago (edited)
I went through the similar. Actually had my brothers name branded on me for a week from the belt that was used.
Phoenix 28 3 years ago
My dad also did this except he never cried or apologized after, and when he locked me out it was usually in the daytime, often in the snow. I never knew it wasn't normal until recently.
Susan Jones 3 years ago
That's awful. I'm really sorry you went through that. :(
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Shannon Mallory 3 years ago
Oh yeah, I know about that! My maternal parental unit would do the same thing to me, and now we have no relationship whatsoever. Not sorry about it either! She is toxic and I don't want toxic people in my life. She was not a mother to me, she was my tormentor.
We managed to get in contact with -ethereality- and she was kind enough to have a little chat with us about her now-viral post.
"I had heard before about love bombing, and I realized that someone I was talking to at the time was doing that to me. I read more about it online and a lot of the signs resonated with me," -ethereality- told Bored Panda about its origins. "I thought I would ask the women in the subreddit to share their experiences to confirm my findings and also bring more awareness to this issue, since most people I know are unaware of it until they experience it themselves"
RELATED:
#2
When he was courting me, he was like a romance novel. When we fought, he would turn into a complete monster and do anything to hurt me, mentally and emotionally. And then when he thought I was about to leave, he would be like a romance novel again. When I finally had enough and decided I was in fact leaving, he turned so mean I didn't even recognize him. He pulled the breakers from the breaker box and left for four days, leaving my daughter and I with no power or water. In July, in Alabama. He also bolted locks on the kitchen cabinets and refrigerator. The breakup was a year ago. I've maintained no contact. He messages me about once a month asking why I won't talk to him. He cannot believe that I don't want him in my life anymore
Andy Acceber 3 years ago
Get a restraining order. He shouldn't be in contact with you or your child.
Aeon Flux 3 years ago
At this point a restraining order would mean initiating contact again.
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Joan Zatorski 3 years ago
Please stay safe. It's horrible that you must continue to be hyper-vigilant but you must. He is a very disturbed person. CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER. If he knows where you live now, consider moving. Get legal support. Let neighbors you trust know what he looks like in case he stalks you. Please be careful.
Sofia Gonzalez 3 years ago
I'm so sorry that happened. He must have been horrible and it's good that you got out of that relationship.
Veronica Connelly 3 years ago
Lucky he didn't punch you in the face and choke you out in front of your toddlers when you tried to peacefully leave after you'd had enough (like what happened to me 6 years ago) cuz otherwise this sounds just like what I went through. So grateful to be alive and in such a better place in life for my kids especially.
Evelyn Petisce 3 years ago
My ex-husband was like this too. A total roller coaster. We had a problem with the toilet (only one in the house), and he said he'd fix it. Instead, he dismantled it and refused to put it back together, leaving me and two young teenagers without a toilet for the entire day (we had to go to a nearby school). He said if I wanted it fixed, I could do it myself. He finally fixed it, but I had to "pay" him with sex. 17 years of this kind of thing. It's been 26 years since he left, and I haven't missed him for one split second.
Janet Pattison 3 years ago (edited)
Thank God you escaped! I find that abusers don't get better, just the opposite, it goes more and more downhill over time. After 10 years apart,, the abuser still suggests we should get back together..this was after he hit me in the face as hard as he could.
#3
Didn’t figure it out until I told him I was leaving for real after 13 years of marriage. I agreed to one counseling session to appease him and the treacle that flowed out of his mouth - how great I am, how much he loves me, blah blah - was so f*cking fake and inconsistent with his actions that I was physically repulsed. He was so kind when he was BEGGING me not to leave him and then SO cruel when he realized I wasn’t backing down. So cruel. Unreal.
The abuse cycle and trauma bonds are nooooo joke.
Beatrice Multhaupt 3 years ago
It works like milking a cow: pressure on, pressure off. Only he's milking you for your energy. This is no New Age metaphor. It's the real deal; just look at yourself in the mirror and see how fast you've aged.
SB 3 years ago
Truth. I'm in a group where sometimes people share their "before" pic while in a mentally abusive relationship where they look confused and worn out then their glowing "after" pic after they left the abuse.
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Courtney Lunsford 3 years ago
My ex used to cry and make me think he was actually feeling something. It's always manipulation with abusers.
Kathy Mcmillan Bazzi 3 years ago
It’s the reality of living with a narcissist. Everything is your fault. You made them treat you the way they did. They were right, you were wrong. You deserved it. No one needs to live like this. Even after 13 years I’m so glad that you got out, it took me over 40 years.
Kelly Hartle 3 years ago
I found out after I left him that he had told my father he planned on being a house husband (we had no kids), and he "expected" an allowance from my parents (I was 27 when we got married). He told me that if his mother and I ever argued, he would automatically take his mother's side, no matter what (whenever I was around her, she was so negative that I developed ulcers). He honestly believed that the fact that my parents had some money that they would support us for the rest of our lives, even though both of us were law school graduates (he didn't pass the bar until after I divorced him, because he literally thought he could BS his way through the bar exam!
Evelyn Petisce 3 years ago
Yup. He wouldn't go to marriage counseling because he said I was the one with the problem. I went anyway. Told the counselor everything, including that my husband had raped me. After 2-3 sessions, my husband agrees to go, sitting through the entire visit holding my hand, calling me "hon" (which he NEVER did), and generally making himself look like a wonderful, loving husband. After two sessions like this, the counselor said we didn't need him anymore. I was like "But, what about everything I told you?". Crickets.
SB 3 years ago
Mine acts completely different around other people. His entire energy changes and he acts laid-back, loving, optimistic, and even a little submissive. When in private he's controlling, belittling, and I can't even run a bath without him interfering or telling me how to do it. I don't understand how they can be more than one person.
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K ay 3 years ago
I have just ended a 2 month relationship with a guy I met on holiday. I thought was the one. He was very good looking and totally my type. IF EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE TRUE IT USUALLY IS! 1. He told me he saw a fortune teller and she told him he’d meet me. And oher weird soul mate stuff. 2. In the first week he confessed his undying love for me. Said I love you and in exaggeration. We we in a FB Relationship. 3. Told me I am his forever. He will make me his forever. We will die together. OTT Complimants and staring at me the whole time. 4. Told me I am the most important person in his life even more important than his own family inl children and he would do anything for me. Seriously WTAF!!?? 5. This is a 48 year old man btw - He said if I wanted to get married he’d marry me tomorrow. 6. Told me I am Gorgeous. I am the most beautiful women hes ever dated. His Body is all mine. 7.Treated me like an abolute princess. Perfect Gentleman. 8. Paid for everything . Bought me gifts. Drove me home
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Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., who is a professor and chair of the Counseling and Higher Education department at Northern Illinois University, thinks there's nothing wrong with a person who falls for these schemes. "When someone tells you just how special you are, it can be intoxicating, at first," she wrote in Psychology Today.
"However, when a person uses such comments to keep your focus trained on him or her, or to keep bringing you back in if you've started to back off, it could be a case of manipulation. Not everyone who whispers sweet nothings in your ear is a narcissist or predator, of course, but if you're feeling that something just isn't right about the person or your relationship, these constant reminders of 'how good you are together' — when you suspect that you really aren't — can be an effort to keep you tethered. It's often the first line used by a potential abuser."
#4
At the beginning it was constant compliments, telling me everything I ever wanted to hear. I didn’t even realize what was happening, and then after a year it all stopped. Then came the control and manipulation. When I tried to end it after 5 years, and him telling me how much marriage and kids sounded horrible, suddenly he wanted me to be the mother of his children and saying we should go look at rings. I almost fell for it, but I’m glad I stayed strong.
El muerto 3 years ago
this is something that happens to a lot of women, and I get why some have no trust...to be honest, is easy to know what someone wants to hear, and create an image, until the vail falls and people are stuck in a destructive relationship, the longer it goes the harder is to get out...women do this too, is a typical narcissistic move
Sarah Lian 3 years ago
I URGENTLY NEED MY EX BACK WITH THE HELP OF A POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER DOCTOR OMAN EMAIL ADDRESS MIRACULOUSSOLUTIONHOME@YAHOO.COM. I want to use this medium to thank The Great Dr. OMAN because he brought back my Ex husband. My husband left me for the ex-girlfriend he had before he married me. I was so eager to get him back because I loved him, then I told my friend about it and she gave me The Great Dr. OMAN email and I emailed him and told him my problem and he brought back my husband within 24 hours. If you need help in getting back together with your Ex, He is ready to help you for free..... Note: this is harmless and has no side effects 👇👇👇👇👇 His channel. himtps://youtube.com/channel/UCnteU-u8GutKdjxc_NIlVew
#5
I am in a situation right now where I think the love bomb has finally exploded. Everything I do and say is wrong. I literally can’t get through a sentence without being interrupted by him.. he called me a b*tch and wrestled with me and actually psychically hurt me.... he wouldn’t let me hug or kiss him..... then I brought up that I didn’t feel good and cried and he yelled at me for that saying I’m “manipulating him”
I left and am scared to go back and face him. The love bombing leads to nothing but misery and danger. I feel like a fool. What do I even say to him when I go to pack up my things and leave? Help someone
May 3 years ago
When you go get your stuff - don't go alone. Bring at least one other person, chances are they'll not show their true face if someone else is there. Going alone is unsafe.
tuzdayschild 3 years ago
Yes, yes. yes to this. Go with as many people as you can get to go. Power in numbers.
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Sheila Stamey 3 years ago (edited)
Don't go alone. Even if you have to have just someone else on the phone with you. Take the police if you have to! This is a bad person! Try to go when they aren't there. Worst case, leave your stuff behind. Better than some of the outcomes I've seen/ been through.
Lolly 3 years ago
Don't know where you are or what it's like elsewhere but here in the UK you can ask for a police escort in a situation like this where you need to get your belongings safely.
sherry brooks 3 years ago
you can here to the united states. though i will add this cavant even the police here, depending on the community & where the abuser works, may still protect the abuser. i hate 2 say it but this can happen any where
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Jean Peterson 3 years ago
Don't say anything! Do not try and ask why or try to get a reason for what he did. Don't listen to a word he says if he's trying to sweet talk you. Or he's gonna get violent and dangerous which is what you should count on. Do not go alone, go with friends or family members that you trust. If you are too embarrassed then you go with the cops. He might try to keep your stuff as a way of controlling you, don't allow it. Take proof that you lived there to the police station, tell them what you said here, unfortunately sometimes the cops don't care. Talk to a higher up cop. Then cut all contact, change numbers and email if need be if blocking him doesn't work. Block private calls. There will be days when you feel like you really need some closure or you deserve an explanation and you are going to call him. Don't do it, have a plan in place for who you are going to call when those times happen. He showed you who he is, don't let him hurt you again
Ed Bonner 3 years ago
"There will be days when you feel like you really need some closure or you deserve an explanation and you are going to call him. Don't do it, have a plan in place for who you are going to call when those times happen." This is EXCELLENT advice!
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According to Degges-White, even though nonstop attention and daily roses sound appealing, if you were the object of this type of affection — from someone you just met — listen to your gut if it's telling you the situation is more creepy than charming.
"Most of us prefer relationships that unfold in a relatively gradual way. It's normal to feel a rush of excitement at every glance, touch, or meeting at the start of a new romantic relationship, but when someone's trying to move it along too fast, it can be more than a little disconcerting."
#6
My mom would act as if everything I did was spectacular, so long as it fell in line with what kind of person she wanted me to be. She never treated any of my siblings this way, so it caused a lot of jealousy towards me which I think was also part of it. If they wanted love then they needed to try harder, and if I wanted to maintain the love from the one person who could love me (because my siblings hated me) then I couldn't step out of line. At this point in my life I am preparing to move out, not tell them my new address, and never speak to any of them again. One huge blessing from all this is that I can spot these signs and recognize when someone is trying to manipulate or lie to me, and I can handle it pretty gracefully
Nannychachi 3 years ago
Get away from her. Now. My mother was the same way. She only showed affection and approval if I did something to please her, which wasn't very often. She was big on calling my sister and I names, belittling us in front of people and giving us the silent treatment. I was always too fat and was sent to Weight Watchers at 14yo. I was 5'4 and 130lbs at the time. It continued into my adult years. One day she told my 10yo daughter, "No offense, but I think you're gonna be the fat one of the family." I lit into her and didn't speak to her or let her see my kids for several years. Then I softened and let her come back around. It only took a short time before her real self started to show through, again. I separated her from my family and have never looked back. Save yourself. Go be happy! You DO NOT have to be around someone just because they gave birth to you!
Katherine Boag 3 years ago
Good on you for protecting your daughter from her
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Jamilah toenailkilla 3 years ago
Ah you were the golden child. My mother was the same way, typical narcissist. My brother could so no wrong while my sister and i had to basically fight for her affection. She'd pick which one of us she liked better for a time and then switch up and treat the other like crap again.
Brandy Grote 3 years ago
They don't miss YOU, they miss the daughter shaped hole in their life. Gone is good.
The Sorrows of Mother LoveJoy 3 years ago
My mom too.i had to drop most of my family coz they enabled her.
Tammy Wait 3 years ago
You have been manipulated your whole life, me too. Its hard to know healthy relationship's. I needed lots counseling but still ended up in a bad one.
Janet Pattison 3 years ago (edited)
Congrats on having an Escape Plan!! . Sometimes there is no other option but going no contact. That every way we have tried to fix things, has ultimately failed and the old patterns of attacks and abuse or efforts to maintain power and control over us continue on and on. I don't think there's any fixing it, and it's a challenge to accept that reality.
Dee Montgomery 3 years ago
Hurts my heart to hear the "the mother" stories, being a mother myself. I made sure to teach my children that I love them, PERIOD. Everything else comes after, and I behave accordingly ... so precious. Can't imagine.
Izzy Curer 3 years ago
Classic narc. Op was the golden child, the others were the scapegoats. I wouldn't be surprised if there was an enabling father
Cecily Holland 3 years ago
Ahhh narcissists. Your siblings are the bad children vs the golden child, you. My sisters relationship with me improved when our Narc died. When that happened I handed my sister 5 years of messenger logs so she could see what was said about her. Eye opening and painful for her but she says at the same time it’s healing
#7
Received an I Love you within two days of our conversation. I thought that maybe it's hard for me to accept that I'm being loved that I was just sabotaging myself,so I kept discarding my gut feeling. Ladies,our gut instinct is our gift,make sure to use it correctly!
Space whale 3 years ago
But what if my gut tells me it want a family bucket from KFC , 3 packs of biscuits and 2 tubs if ice cream?
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Amonda Hutchinson 3 years ago
Omgoodness... This tho.. Has happened so many times in my life. And just recently.. He has said it. But i have not said it back. When he says it. I freak out. Like literally freeze and stare at my phone... And have a lowkey panic attack. 😞 i have learned that this is the biggest red flag there is..
Alana Voeks 3 years ago (edited)
Same thing happened to me. I really have no ill will towards him, it's just that he was in a toxic environment, didn't listen to me about anything, wouldn't let me say what was bothering me about him, never told me anything about myself was bothering him until it was in a group, and didn't get near stalkerish until the very end. When we first started dating, I think he still wasn't quite sure about me so he was holding me at arms' length. At the end, he was so scared to lose me, he held me so tight that I choked. He wasn't being malice about it, and it was in fact his community and his mother worming their ways into his head, but it was just...very painful that he didn't listen to me about his misguided feelings that I was cheating on him. I never did, never even really thought about it. But circumstances happened. (We're on friendly terms now, but for a while there, I was honestly scared that he'd harmed himself after our break up.)
Barbara Vandewalle 3 years ago
Every time I paid attention to be 6th sense I never regretted. When I ignored my gut feeling I am still paying dearly.
Helen Butoyi 3 years ago
The gut instinct doesn't always kick in though, especially when the love/infatuation blinders are on; warnings will go unheeded
#8
At the beginning of a tumultuous relationship I had with a toxic person, he was as kind and complimentary as he could be, and it felt off. He gave me butterflies, which I thought was love-related but it was fear-related. Two years later, every day when he came home from work I got those damned butterflies, followed by a sense of dread.
Erla Zwingle 3 years ago
Many of these people are terrifically charismatic and that gets you going. After that he just had to use the Alfred Hitchcock approach: Show the scary thing once, and for the rest of the movie the audience is terrified by just imagining it.
Alana Voeks 3 years ago
That's psychopathy/sociopathy and gaslighting, baby!
Load More Replies... Tammy Wait 3 years ago
Listen to your gut and get out. Wish I had done it 25 years ago. Maybe I would still have my daughter and grandson in my life.
Kelly Hartle 3 years ago
After we'd been married for 3 years, he told me he'd pretended to be something he wasn't, because he knew I wouldn't like the "real him." He said, "This is how I am--live with it." I realized I didn't have to.
Mary Guilfoyle 3 years ago (edited)
I had that same "feeling" with my ex until he pulled a knife out and I ran to the neighbors. Only saw him again in court, in his orange jump suit! My dad was abusive to me too. They say you marry a man like your dad, I did the 1st time. My husband now is the complete opposite! Thank God!
B-b-bird 3 years ago
sometimes it's a constant stress "walking on eggshells" when you do not know what might trigger a partner for anger today (not necessary aggression or abuse, just anger). Just always gives this thought "oh, no, stress again, what this time I did/said wrong). Specially hurtful when you love your partner dearly but feel resented for smallest movement.
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Chitra Raghavan, a professor of psychology at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, said that one of the complicated things about dating is the fact that everything in healthy relationships can also happen in unhealthy relationships.
"If someone pays you attention and is generally present during the first date, that generally signals interest," Dr. Raghavan, who also specializes in domestic violence and sex trafficking, told The New York Times. "But then there's also someone that pays you interest in such a way that you’re consumed by it."
And sometimes, the line is blurry.
#9
When he began to project his insecurities and gaslight me. He'd say something like "I bought you all these nice things and you still want to go out with your 'friends'?"
cybermerlin2000 3 years ago
I actively encourage my other half to go out with her friends. Sometimes she goes for a girly weekend! How else am I going to get some me time and have her come home smiling like the Cheshire cat?
Emily Jurecki 3 years ago
Everyone in a relationship needs personal time. It can make the time you spend together so much better when you come back refreshed.
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No you can't have my name 3 years ago
"I bought you a drink and you don't want to go to my house so I can sleep with you"
Julie Atwood 3 years ago
That's why you buy your own drinks, that and because you're a strong, independent woman who doesn't NEED anyone to buy her drinks, thanks.
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UpQuarkDownQuark 3 years ago
I’m happy my wife spends plenty of time with her friends, men and women. Why on earth wouldn’t I be?
bugsway Frisk 3 years ago
I would have said here have a nice life.... 😐 Then give him my I don't give a s*** face
Sean Kirkwood 3 years ago
Every relationship I have been in was with people who had some similar interests and some different interests, and I like that. It allows them to go do things that they love without me necessarily being there and also allows me to do the same. If i can't trust you when I am not around, I won't be in a relationship...
#10
In a relationship; I didn't know until we broke up. He was very abusive and I looked back at how he was when we first dated. I realised that if someone can be so extreme one way (love bombing) that they are probably capable of the other extreme (abuse).
It also happens in the workplace. You can meet a colleague and they force some kind of connection too soon and talk to you like you're friends, not colleagues. Those ones are the ones to be the most cautious around. I learned this the hard way.
Eb 3 years ago
Absolutely right about colleagues. So often the ones who are trying to find out something they can use against you later.
June 3 years ago (edited)
That's funny because I experienced this in another way recently : new coworker arrives, she is a junior, I make sure that she feels comfortable and welcome. Few weeks later, drama : she tells the boss she doesn't want to work with me and try to damage my career and relationship with the hierarchy.
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Jude Corrigan 3 years ago (edited)
Had a friend like this. Within 2 weeks she said we were like family, planned holidays within 3 months and would always buy cakes or chocolates for me. After 5 years of what I thought was friendship, she doesn't want to know me. She knows someone who has come into money and wants to help her spend it. Looking back she never respected my boundaries and would get annoyed if I spent time with anyone else. If I ever bought anything for myself, even something small, like a t-shirt that was £5.99 she would say, 'And what makes you think that you deserve that?'
Sarah Windham 3 years ago
The only answer to that question? "Who are *you* to question what *I* deserve??"
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Keisha 3 years ago
You are on point about coworkers.My ex-husband wanted to be our employees friends. To be fair if you met him you would fall in love with him. But when you blur the line between boss/employee said employee (s) will screw you over in a heartbeat and that has happened to many times to count. Not everyone is a good person no matter how much you hope they are.
Michelle Warren 3 years ago
That's exactly what my last boss does. She hires people and elevates them to God status, until the first time they do something wrong that personally offends her. Then not only does she treat them badly, but she trash talks them to everyone in the place (literally everyone. Its a fast food place). Ive known this girl all her life and didnt put it together until just now!
Laura Stubbs 3 years ago
I just realized my last employer did this exact thing. Flavour of the month.
Load More Replies... #11
He pretty much immediately wanted us to spend all of our free time together. He introduced me to his kids immediately — I met his older son on our second date. When I told him I thought it was too soon for that, he just convinced me by talking about how compatible we were, how much fun we had together, and how great I am. I had been pretty lonely before then. I moved to a new city and didn't have many friends yet. I welcomed the attention and chose not to notice the stuff that bugged me. I remember a few weeks in, I was going to a friend's wedding and I ended up taking him with me. He kept telling me how he wanted to fast forward to the part where we have been together for a couple of years and he knew all of my friends and we were getting married. We weren't even together a month when he said that stuff. He was actually the one to end things initially, which led to a long push and pull of breaking up, trying to be friends, him wanting more, etc. Looking back, I think when he told me he needed to work on himself and that he shouldn't have a girlfriend, he was actually trying to get me to be like, 'Noooo, I'll do whatever it takes and be who you want.'
Instead, I told him I didn't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me. During the friendship facade, he told me several times how much my saying that hurt him. He didn't understand why I wouldn't apologize for that and stood by it. It was all very dramatic and I'm glad it's done. I'd rather be single and have happily been so ever since
Janet Pattison 3 years ago
You are so smart in the way you handled the situation. The guy Had major issues. Good job escaping it.
Cindy Martin 3 years ago
I obviously don't know how long he was single when OP met him, but this feels very much like someone who was grieving the loss of a relationship that included commitment and kids, combined with the fear of not finding someone new. Like he was just using OP to fill the suddenly empty role of his ex and trying to push her to be what he wanted his ex to have been, then responding with fear and frustration when it didn't work. It's sad, but no one should be used that way. I once got those vibes from a guy who was in the early stages of divorce with a 6-month-old daughter. He wanted our first date to be a walk in the park with his baby, so we could take pictures together and make memories. I declined, because he was clearly just grasping for anyone to complete the picture he had hoped for from his marriage. It's just too much.
Mosheh Wolf 3 years ago
It's not properly love-bombing, but it's obvious that the guy was not looking for a relationship with the OP, but with some fantasy woman that the OP became because she was there. He's not manipulative as much as extremely needy and lacking boundaries. Unhealthy and in desperate need of treatment and a very bad choice of partner, but not actively evil.
The Patmann 3 years ago
She didn't really do anything that bad in the story. That said, he's not really... Manipulative... Just someone who shouldn't have started a relationship, since clearly he has some personal stuff to work through. It's not really cool to try and paint him as manipulative when there's a plausible alternative explanation.
Load More Replies...Coming back to the author of the post, -ethereality- was pretty surprised to see how similar many of the situations were, in terms of the pattern of behavior the love bombing would follow. "For example, declaring love and making plans for the future very early on in the relationship (weeks). Then as soon as the woman is emotionally attached, they suddenly do a 180 and start the emotional abuse (gaslighting, degradation, violence)," she said after going through these stories.
"It's so scary to see how someone can have an entirely different facade compared to their true colors."
#12
First date and he kept talking about future plans with me and using “we”. I’ll take you to this place, we can do this thing etc. Dude, I don’t know if I even want to go on a second date yet!
If I disagreed with him on anything, he’d either act like I was so charming or change the subject. Usually when I disagree with others, they’d explain themselves, which is great cause I want to know more about them and how they think. This guy kept hiding himself.
Andy Acceber 3 years ago
Tbh, on a first date, I'd cut the guy some slack. He sounds really nervous, infatuated, and worried that you won't like him. If you don't like him, then that's that. But a lot of people try to avoid arguments on a first date. If it continues by the third or the fourth date, then I'd be concerned.
Juririn 3 years ago
If she got weird/ bad vibes on the first date, she does NOT owe that guy a second date.
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Andie Mcnamara 3 years ago
Everyone commenting "Oh, she's being over dramatic." No, she isn't. It's too much, too soon. It's trying to force a connection. It doesn't mean he's an abusive monster but it does point to unhealthy behaviours and insecurities. On a first date, you're supposed to be slowly sussing each other out, not trying to nail down the deal. And the fact that he ignored her and used superficial charm whenever she disagreed with him is DEFINITELY a red flag. This is a man who wants his own way and isn't interested in what she thinks on the matter.
Alicia GriffonLady 3 years ago
To be fair, maybe his last date said he was shallow and didn't seem to be interested in a future together?
Load More Replies... Janet Pattison 3 years ago
I absolutely agree that on a first date any mention of we and future plans, unless it's really simple, like maybe we could go out again, is a totally uncomfortable, desperate sounding & presumptuous come on. I would not like that at all and I've seen it before.
Mahogany Eclipse 3 years ago
That's a lotta heavy topics to be going on about on a first date 😅
Insanity Wolf 3 years ago
Him: "we can go get coffee tomorrow" Her: "slow down, you are smothering me, this is moving way too fast and you're making me uncomfortable!" Maybe this one doesn't belong, it's a damned first date. Not 1 year of prince charming followed by 5 years of Jack from the shining.
#13
Dated an ex for 3 years starting when I was 20 and he was 24, he was incredibly abusive in every way except physically (though he threatened it a number of times). I can only remember this incident toward the end of the relationship, not sure what prompted it, but I came home to his house and there was a big bouquet of flowers and a cookie from my favorite place waiting for me. This, from a man who used to brag that a florist he used knew him by name because he went there so much for exes, but not once in 3 years did he ever buy me flowers or really ever went out of his way to do or buy anything nice for me. He came home and was suddenly being really sweet and asking if I liked the flowers, and "oh, did you see the cookie was from [place]?" At that point, I had already signed a lease to move the hell away from him and was just waiting for the keys, so I wasn't falling for it anymore, but he was very disappointed that I didn't immediately fawn all over him.
Cindy Anderson 3 years ago
The first time he raised his hand at me I was pregnant because I didn't have a happy face. I told him to go ahead and you never see me or the kid again. He knew I meant it and back down.. You have to stand up to them or they'll always have the upper hand.
Janet Pattison 3 years ago
You had seen plenty of his real self for 3 years and you didn't let yourself be conned. Good job!
#14
Any suggestion that we slow down or not make big future plans was met with sulking and the silent treatment.
Andy Acceber 3 years ago
Silent treatment is an absolute deal breaker for me. My spouse tried that on me a couple times when we were first dating. I made it crystal clear that conversations didn't have to happen right away. If we needed a little time and space to cool down and think things over, that's fine. But we would be adults, communicate those needs, and absolutely, positively never attempt to punish each other with the silent treatment. No one deserves that. (Needless to say, setting that clear boundary worked as we're still together and married.)
Question everything 3 years ago
Oh, I have the same agreement with my SO. We are allowed one hour of sulking and then we have to move on. Talk things through. Communication is key.
Load More Replies... Erla Zwingle 3 years ago
WTF? Yeah, sulking and silent treatment is for children. And by the way, it doesn't work with children -- you ignore it. I'm glad you realized this was a total dead end and moved on.
Katie Smith 3 years ago
A BIG THANKS TO DR OMAN FOR PUTTING A SMILE ON MY FACE AGAIN. 😘😘 My heart was broken and I thought all hope were lost, I never believed I will get back my man again until Dr Oman brought back him within 24 hours with his powerful love spell, He is reliable for positive result contact the spell caster for love spell, if you want know more about him watch his YouTube channel; https://youtube.com/channel/UCnteU-u8GutKdjxc_NIlVew or write to him on his email address:: miraculoussolutionhome@yahoo.com You can test him too on mobile contact, +(234)8023357986
Shaun Colby 3 years ago
This is clearly an anti male article, so far in every story man is the bad guy
-ethereality- thinks love bombing is toxic because even though there's emotional abuse involved, "it becomes difficult to leave the relationship, and it is also difficult to recognize it is happening to you. Love bombers are masters at manipulation and it's a push and pull dynamic that makes it hard for someone to leave."
If there's one piece of advice Degges-White has for people who end up love bombed is to be honest and direct. Both with yourself and the other person.
"When a relationship moves too fast — or one partner tries to push it too forcefully — it's essential that you call your partner on it, and let him or her know how you feel," she said. "If he or she is willing to listen, and dial it back a notch, there may be reason to give them, and the relationship, more time to develop. If a partner won't listen to your protestations and just tries to excuse away the smothering behavior, that's a sign that there's only likely to be less freedom and more manipulation in the future if you stay together."
Remember, the only person you need to please is yourself. Stay safe!
#15
He mirrored everything. I realised later on that it was impossible for someone to be so similar to me. Not even my sibling shared my opinions / likes that much. Also, that feeling of dread / nerves that I mistook for butterflies. I didn’t know then that it was my gut telling me to run, now. (I did run, but towards him. I was a fu—ing idiot, but I learned my lesson now )
Lou Lopez 3 years ago
Yes, but it really feels like that. "You knew I was a snake when you picked me up. "
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Lucca Wenner 3 years ago
I understand why you feel like an idiot, but want to clarify something. You did something stupid, you are NOT stupid. Now, I see you know to better evaluate your feels, not assume them, and trust your gut. This is something that must be learned and not known instinctively - thus, not stupid.
Mosheh Wolf 3 years ago
Mirroring is a red flag the size of the one they flew over the Potemkin. They are either sociopaths or actually have no personality.
#16
He stopped being loving when he got me. He quit giving me attention and barely spoke to me at all… …like a kid getting tired of a toy. I’m still angry about it.
Courtney Lunsford 3 years ago
Me too. It was really shitty being ignored for years and being made to feel like it was your fault for being annoying..
Loretta Hines 3 years ago
Don’t waste your energy being angry. Move on you learnt something huge. Be proud of yourself. Got that crap lesson under your belt. It’s amazing how many people have experienced similar relationships, your in the survivor’s club now and free.
joanne cope 3 years ago
Yeah, suddenly I talked too much and he “didn’t want to settle”. I got rid of that ass 22 yrs ago, been single since and so much happier alone w my cat and dog
#17
I was pretty starved emotionally as a child and when dating became a thing it was like I’d cracked the code to being loved. I was really cute and decent looking in my teens and early twenties so it made finding boys really easy. The problem was that I was so desperate for someone to show me they loved me that love bombing felt AMAZING. I was like WOW this is what it’s SUPPOSED to be like. When someone loves you, you’re SUPPOSED to be the center of their world. I was in awe of it and couldn’t get enough.
The first few times, the love bombing turned into future faking and eventually completely slowed to a grinding halt and then turned the other direction towards complete neglect/being cheated on. Those experiences completely destroyed my self worth for a while.
Then I had to put a guard up and really get to know someone before believing a thing they said. It took til I was about 25 to get there but I guess that’s a pretty normal age to feel like you’ve really matured.
Agnes Jekyll 3 years ago
25 is very young still--good on you for learning about yourself and heeding the signs.
Alana Voeks 3 years ago
At 25, your brain has just finally fully developed. Don't feel bad that you got to that point at that age. It's perfectly normal.
Redwood Rebelgirl 3 years ago
I'm close to double that & just feeling like I have it sorted! 😮
Lucca Wenner 3 years ago
So been there too, but mine is less not being loved by my parents, but lacking love and close relationships with my peers. I made some really self-destructive choices. In a healthy relation now, but took a long time to get there.
Bronwyn Vannozzi 3 years ago
This reminds me so very much of my experience(s)... It took me a few years more (27-28), but identifying it changed everything for me. Sending you so many happy thoughts!
Raquel Myers 3 years ago
My parents hardly let me hang out with boys during my teens so when someone started giving me attention and compliments I went ahead over heels. I generally have a good intuition about people but this time I brushed it off. He got clingy texting me constantly and if I didn't reply quickly he would call me until I picked up. I broke up with him but he was in my classes and wouldn't leave me alone. I finally finished that class with him and hopefully I won't see anymore of him.
Veronica Connelly 3 years ago (edited)
Took me til 30 and I still have issues..I feel ya, sister! To a T!
#18
I just got out of it. He love bombed and gaslighted. He told me he was going to marry me on our first date. I thought maybe he had a strong intuition. Then came the compliments. Honestly, it was hard for me to believe most of them but they were nice to receive anyway. Then I came to find out he uses IV drugs and was cheating.
Veronica Connelly 3 years ago
Oh my god this is so part of my story that it made my stomach hurt to read it
Emalee Bespflug 3 years ago
This is horrible, but not every time will be like this. Sometimes you really do just know. Like I told my husband I was gonna marry him when we started dating. We said “I love you” after 2 weeks. And we were nursing each other from the stomach flu at 3 weeks. Now we’re together 3 years, engaged for 2, married for 1.
Katie Smith 3 years ago
A BIG THANKS TO DR OMAN FOR PUTTING A SMILE ON MY FACE AGAIN. 😘😘 My heart was broken and I thought all hope were lost, I never believed I will get back my man again until Dr Oman brought back him within 24 hours with his powerful love spell, He is reliable for positive result contact the spell caster for love spell, if you want know more about him watch his YouTube channel; https://youtube.com/channel/UCnteU-u8GutKdjxc_NIlVew or write to him on his email address:: miraculoussolutionhome@yahoo.com You can test him too on mobile contact, +(234)8023357986
#19
It feels like it’s all just too much and there’s a lingering doubt of the authenticity. There’s just this “too good to be true” feeling that sits in the back of your mind. That’s how I identify it: intuition. I like to be appreciated but damn I don’t want someone to be obsessed with me simply for breathing. No one can maintain that.
El muerto 3 years ago (edited)
people mix be enamoured with being in love...some people live for that feeling, and when it disappear, they look for somebody else to get that feeling again
Katie Smith 3 years ago
A BIG THANKS TO DR OMAN FOR PUTTING A SMILE ON MY FACE AGAIN. 😘😘 My heart was broken and I thought all hope were lost, I never believed I will get back my man again until Dr Oman brought back him within 24 hours with his powerful love spell, He is reliable for positive result contact the spell caster for love spell, if you want know more about him watch his YouTube channel; https://youtube.com/channel/UCnteU-u8GutKdjxc_NIlVew or write to him on his email address:: miraculoussolutionhome@yahoo.com You can test him too on mobile contact. +(234)8023357986
JustAnother Soul 3 years ago
Don’t just pay attention to your Intuition. Respect and trust it above all else. Always.
Heather Wolmarans 3 years ago
I had one who watched me sleep. Would wake up to him staring at me. It didn't end well.
#20
It happened to my godmother. He wooed her for two weeks straight, proposed, and then married her within a month. Soon after he had her, he moved into her home. Then the violence began. Six months after she went radio silent on friends and family, she had to sell her home and flee the state where we live.
farrel Bodeen 3 years ago
Unfortunately I ended up with a man that was like this. And unfortunately for he saw me as the woman every guy wanted. Smart funny beautiful successful. Once he had me he tried to take all the things he thought someone else may find appealing about me away. Piece by piece.
Alicia GriffonLady 3 years ago
Not sure about OP, but mine had me feeling so bad for him and believing his sob stories about how bad he felt and how hard he's trying and how much he loved me that i felt like i needed to protect him. Realy f*****g sucked when he tried to break my neck and i left, he filed papers for divorce, and i had no proof or police records. Call the cops ladies and gentlemen. Otherwise there is no record.
Load More Replies... #21
It happened after every screaming session. My mom would just go off on me for the most random of reasons, very “wire hangers mommy dearest” then afterwards it was a complete 180. With lots of hugs and kisses and affection.
As an adult I could recognize it in men and steered very very clear.
People who love bomb seem like they are trying very hard, because that’s what they are doing “trying”. Love and affection is a natural thing not something to be forced.
Puns are the Worst 3 years ago
Try to remember that you wouldn't let someone treat your friends the way your mom treats you. It gives you a different perspective on things.
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Shelly Anderson 3 years ago
It wasn't until about 6 yrs ago I finally understood narcissism, after marrying one and having several relationships with the same type. But finally I was able to recognize the narcisstic evil that is my mother and have been no contact for almost a year. I am particularly sad that it took me 65 yrs to recognize the type, but for the first time in my life I feel free...
Katie Smith 3 years ago
A BIG THANKS TO DR OMAN FOR PUTTING A SMILE ON MY FACE AGAIN. 😘😘 My heart was broken and I thought all hope were lost, I never believed I will get back my man again until Dr Oman brought back him within 24 hours with his powerful love spell, He is reliable for positive result contact the spell caster for love spell, if you want know more about him watch his YouTube channel; https://youtube.com/channel/UCnteU-u8GutKdjxc_NIlVew or write to him on his email address:: miraculoussolutionhome@yahoo.com You can test him too on mobile contact. +(234)8023357986
Janice H 3 years ago
Okay, so , my mom did a lot of this and during college I studued and attributed it to her being borderline schizophrenic. Is it love bombing or just mental illness and we aren't labeling correctly? Just giving new names to old behaviors?
SB 3 years ago
People with mental illness can also love-bomb. Love-bombing is a pattern of behavior. Narcissists are particularly prone to using love-bombing as a means of manipulation, but really anyone may do it.
Load More Replies... #22
Too strong, too much, too fast. You cannot love me when you do not even know me. Getting to know someone requires TIME. Some might argue you can never truly know someone in toll, but you sure as hell cannot know someone well in a few months.
anarkzie 3 years ago
Not sure about this one, sure you may not know every small detail about someone's life but you should have a really good idea about someone after a few weeks.
Stacy Madl 3 years ago
I agree, everyone is different with this, me and my boyfriend met in our early 20s, within days told each other I love you, within weeks knew we wanted to be married some day and have kids. It's been 5 years, were engaged, soon to be married and have a kid, people move at different paces, it's okay to think someone is moving too fast for you but it's okay for them to think you're moving too slow and move on, not to pressure you though. But yeah everyone is different and I wouldn't call this a red flag on its own.
Load More Replies... Emalee Bespflug 3 years ago
Knew I’d marry my husband on the first date. We said I love you after 2 weeks. Now we’ve been together for 3 years, engaged for 2 years, married for 2 year and have an 18 month old son together. It 100% can happen and be real. I went through hell in a marriage and subsequent divorce with someone I’d been with alot longer before the marriage. He was mentally and emotionally abusive and cheated 4 times. Abandoned and divorced me 2 weeks into our marriage. My now husband and I knew right away.
Mimi M 3 years ago (edited)
Not time to get to know the person - time for the love-bomber to show THEIR character, reliability and dependability. It's about THEM (the love-bomber) being known, not the object of the love-bombing being known. Because the one being bombed is usually being their true self - it's the one doing the bombing who is hiding who they really are. Neglectful and avoidant at best, abusive at worst.
The Sorrows of Mother LoveJoy 3 years ago
Love at first sight is possible.but how u handle that is key.
Myr Lopez 3 years ago
Yep, I tend to (with friends and relationships) become really fond of people really quickly and try to show them I like them in appropriate ways (which can be hard to figure out, being neurodivergent). I'm careful not to overstep, and I listen immediately when someone sets a boundary. If someone doesn't feel the same way about me, I respect that. And no matter how long I've known someone, I always maintain that respect and carefulness with their feelings. Everyone deserves to be treated softly and to have their boundaries maintained and even anticipated when possible (ie "this person doesn't like hugs, they may not like other kinds of touch" is what I mean by anticipating).
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Marian Moore 3 years ago
I learned thru many trials and errors that a person can only hide the true person they are for about 3-6 months and then the real person begins to show. If it turns toward the negative, you need to hit the door running.
Little Phoenix 3 years ago
Always show my new relationship my worst and my best side. Just get it out of the way, so they know what they are dealing with. If the stay it's good, it's they don't, no time wasted.
Candais Topor 3 years ago
research has found that in a couples relationship it takes almost 3 years to fully know each other. the kind of knowing where you can look at each other and know what they are thinking. That VIP club for two, with all the secrets that only them two know about each other. seems like a long time but it goes by fast
anarkzie 3 years ago
It may take 3 years to fully know each other but I would bet that each of those couples knew that they loved each other long before then.
Load More Replies... Tammy Wait 3 years ago
Ya 2nd date, his house, a painting with a woman with long blond hair pulled over he face. He said he loved me and it must be me in the painting. I ran like hell.
Claudia Henderson 3 years ago
I have been there, actually. Lots of girls would harass me and ask me out when I met them a couple of weeks ago. I still get a feeling of dread when I see a notification pop up.
#23
She was, at the time, my most intense relationship — friendship or romantic. We had a tumultuous years-long friendship, marked by lots of build-ups to what looked like long-term romance, only for her to get cold feet, walk away, then come back around a couple months later, and start the whole thing over again. Each time was cyclic, the same pattern of testing the waters for how I felt. I was always still head-over-heels and happy just to have her back, and we would slowly escalate. It would be this cascade of how amazing and wonderful and special I was. I just ate it up because I felt that way about her too. The difference was I didn't ebb and flow in how I felt about her, which is why I always welcomed her back with open arms. She was deeply insecure and wanted me to try and fight for her attention and love, which is why she would withdraw it. It wasn't until long after she was out of my life I even learned what the term love bombing meant and connected it to her behavior. But even then, I had too much pride to chase someone who didn't want me. I would put on the bravest face and play nice, like it wasn't hurting me and she would come back. Truth be told, it hurt a lot and I probably shouldn't have allowed it to go on as long as I did.
She ended up doing some incredibly terrible things that I couldn't see through, and ran away halfway across the country to be with her parents when I figured her out. I still miss her, and would forgive her in a heartbeat — it was years ago now and I hope we are both different people. But like most manipulative people, she has cast me as the villain in her story for catching her in her wickedness and trying to hold her accountable.
I don't mind though because for the most part, I've moved on with my life
Eb 3 years ago (edited)
Not an expert but I'm not sure this is love bombing? Sounds more like someone who doesn't feel secure or good enough.
Amanda Cole 3 years ago
This is exactly what love bombing looks like, but you are correct, narcissists are deeply insecure.
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Caleb McKamie 3 years ago
So you people just believe that all the men in this article are monsters and none of the women are? This is absurd, I've never seen so many insane people in my life. One of my closest friends, a woman, lied to most of everyone I loved, telling them that I raped her (i haven't even seen her naked) and said I was insane, she ruined so many of my relationships, and then said she was "sorry", before telling everyone that I had tried to beat her. I completely get what this man I going through and you should figure out that he tried to be good enough for a manipulative monster. I don't care what toxicity I receive from this comment, I just how you understand.
Katherine Boag 3 years ago
Its really sad when someone uses how you feel about them like this. I have a hard enough time when there's a feelings mismatch and the other person is not abusing the power it gives them
Cindy Anderson 3 years ago
Good for you! After married over 30 years, I was able to move on too.
Christopher 3 years ago
Thank you for the story... Was starting to get really depressed in that only men were being called out for love bombing as if women can't act crazy too.
Stealthee 3k 3 years ago
It sounds very much like a relationship I had. She had a very dark past that I used to excuse her actions and it was almost cyclical how things happened. She hurt me and I ended up hurting her. In the end we both forgave each other due to our connection and remain friends but the relationship is not something I'd want to relive.
Vicki Thill 3 years ago
Reads like you were Mr. Right Now, the man between men; the one she wants to love but can't quite get there. She will never, ever, treat you the way you deserve to be treated, because she doesn't love you, she might want to, but she doesn't. If you take her back again, it's on you. You'd just be 'time well spent' while she is looking for the right one. Sound fun?
Christopher 3 years ago
Oh yeah, see the women have already started dismissing as if women can't be crazy and Love, Bomb.
The Sorrows of Mother LoveJoy 3 years ago
U tryna gaslight US too?!coz being with her parents sounds like she was tryna get away from u.especially the "catching her in her wickedness" part.creepy.
#24
It felt sticky and saccharine, and I felt obliged to “accept” it which was exhausting and more about him than me. Also, he said he wanted to marry me after a few days because he “just knew and loved me so totally”. I didn’t know what to say to that but inside I knew… Sadly I didn’t see the glaringly obvious red flags and months later had two get two court orders and police to remove him. I still barely knew the guy.
JustAnother Soul 3 years ago
“It felt…….” “Inside I knew….” So sad that people are so unwilling to trust what their instincts already know.
#25
A day after meeting and texting he was telling me what a “good girl” I was and he wanted a future with me. He would insist I stay on the phone with him as he slept even though it made me super uncomfortable. And the last straw was him sending hundreds of messages in a row without response and parking outside my house hoping to catch me on my way to work.
Anaïs Grobin 3 years ago
Hahaha yes. We are not children, and don't need to be treated as such. It's called INFANTILIZING and it's one of the oldest forms of recognized domestic abuse. It was pretty common in our grandparent's time, but not as much nowadays. It's basically using words to imply a woman is the same as child by denying experience, maturity, merit, and even education.
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featherytoad 3 years ago
I'm not a dog, I'm not a child and I certainly don't want to be in your horror movie.
#26
Actions never matches their words
Debbie Burton 3 years ago
Ah both marriages and one long term relationship.... no wonder I am single now
Josh Gilland 3 years ago
Thought I was in a relationship. Said I love you to each other after a few months then I realized we were toxic for each other. Hindsight made me realize she never wanted to spend time with me other than for sex. Turns out I was her side piece. Her words never matched her actions.
#27
Being overly "loved" and praised beyond what would be expected. Overly showered with praise to other people while you are present for things that are normal. If someone is over the top, it's a red flag.
Also, pay attention to how they speak of their exes and how long their friendships are.
Michele Walker 3 years ago
I overly shower my husband with praise in front of others because I know first hand what it is to survive abuse. I had no idea love bombing had a name until today, but I most definitely recognize myself in many if these stories. I don't speak of my exes often, and because if my ex-husband, I have few friends from during our 20 yr marriage. So this whole particular statement is s**t. And my now husband declared his love for me first date. It truly does depend on the individual person.
naylene hess 3 years ago
Yea it is all s**t and i swear this s**t is written by teenagers cause they clearly purposely ommit details too
Load More Replies... Alicia GriffonLady 3 years ago
A red flag i kept ignoring was how my x would go out of his way to go past his x's house and tell me (while fuming with rage) what a horrible witch she was, cheating on him, doing drugs, maxing out his credit cards. He maxed out a lot of credit cards while we were together on cards, figures, games, clothes for his crossdressing, and i was still wearing clothes from middle school. I think my x was actually made of and stuffed with red flags. I was blind, i guess. Desperate for what i thought was my only chance to be loved.
Christopher 3 years ago
I don't talk about my exes and I don't ask about hers. I was adopted so I don't really have much family daily. A thousand miles away.... And I've actually had women say those are red flags. So much for accepting people.... Hey I was "born this way" too
Samantha Will 3 years ago
When I was young I was in a relationship that taught me a lot about what I don't want in a relationship. He had 7 ex fiance's and not a nice word to say about any of them. He was very controlling about how I cooked, kissed, everything actually until 2 of my exes came and told him to never bother me again. I honestly can't remember what triggered them doing that but I remember being so glad they did. To this day I am friendly with all my exes but 2. If you have nothing nice to say about anyone you ever dated, it's probably not them that was the problem.
Agnes Jekyll 3 years ago
Oh Wow. This is exactly a guy I dated years ago. I was cast as the criminal for leaving such a nice guy, but I was near nervous breakdown by the time I left him.
Alana Voeks 3 years ago
I could be interpreted as one of these red flags then. My friendships never last long because sh*t hits the fan often, unfortunately. I'm also awkward, can't do social constructs and conversational settings and such because of autism. It's not either of our faults, but me being alone doesn't mean I don't deserve love. I would say more ask them a few times, in different ways so they don't catch on, about why their friendships fell out. It'll be pretty simple to tell when they're lying.
#28
He spent over $100 on me on the first date. Then messaged me all day and kept FaceTiming me when I went on a trip begging me to turn around and just stay with him as a staycation. There was so much loving I really thought I was so super special that this man would do anything to have me be his gf. But once I started reciprocating he dropped the act and was his true self. That’s what I realized it was love bombing.
featherytoad 3 years ago
I had never heard of this form of abuse before. I'm glad I started reading this.
Load More Replies... Keisha 3 years ago
When someone is trying to get you to choose them over anyone or anything that is 100% manipulation and will only get exponentially worse. Then they will be forbidding you. That can turn dangerous really quickly if you stop complying with them.
HighNMightyBigshot 1 year ago
There was this dude in college who my friends were pushing me towards. I was somewhat ambivalent, one of my friends he didn’t like so we hadn’t even been on a date snd he goes “ you talk to her, then you don’t talk to me” I said “OKAY” and walked away. My friends told me he was sorry and I should give him another chance. NOPED OUT.
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#29
Because once I became dependent on it, the love went away.
Persephone 3 years ago
Not so easy after an abusive relationship has brainwashed you and gaslighted you into not knowing the difference and doubting yourself constantly.
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#30
When he invited me to come on his study abroad trip to Europe. I had only met him once in person
Keisha 3 years ago
Back in the days when I was single a man I had been on two dates with brought a first class airline ticket and hotel confirmation for a five star hotel and asked me to go with him to Australia for two weeks. He was an attorney and very wealthy so he could afford the very best. But there was no way I was going to the other side of the world with anyone I didn't know. Hello human trafficking. When I refused to go things went sideways instantly and I went from being his soulmate to a b***h that didn't want to be treated right. Yeap,I'm a b***h but a smart one.
K ay 3 years ago
I was love bombed to the extreme - very weird: 1. He told me he saw a fortune teller and she told him he’d meet me. And other weird soul mate stuff. 2. In the first 3 days he confessed his undying love for me. Said I love you and in exaggeration. We were in a FB Relationship. 3. Told me I am his forever. He will make me his forever. We will die together. OTT Compliments and staring at me the whole time. 4. Told me I am the most important person in his life even more important than his own family & children and he would do anything for me. 5. This is a 48-year-old man btw - He said if I wanted to get married, he’d marry me tomorrow. 6. Told me I am Gorgeous. I am the most beautiful women he’s ever dated. His Body is all mine. 7. Treated me like an absolute princess. Perfect Gentleman. 8. Paid for everything. Bought me gifts. Drove me home (3hrs) 9. Promised me holidays and expensive gifts. 10. Said he put a spell on me. 10. Phoned me about 10 times or more a day from 5am til11.PM
K ay 3 years ago
11. Called me his wife! 12. On our one-month anniversary he drove two hours to knock on my door to see me. 13. Had photos taken and printed of us and hung up all over the wall and printed some for my flat too. 14. Said we’d buy a house together.
Load More Replies... Christopher 3 years ago
Man, the universe is funny like that I had a girlfriend who 3 weeks into our relationship went on a study abroad to Italy and I wanted to go with her but knew better than to ask. 😂
#31
Haven’t had this from a romantic partner, but from multiple “best friends.” In the beginning, they make a point to highlight how all our commonalities make us “the same person.” How I just naturally “get” them. This then evolves to shaming me when I express a different opinion, have a different preference, or express individuality. “Getting” them turns into expecting me to anticipate their needs without communication. Then I’m stuck, shamed and accused, blamed and discarded. My new rule is anyone who finds my individuality threatening (why would you like THAT thing? Why don’t you like MY favorite thing?) off the bat I know this is not a safe person. Take me as I am, or not at all.
Agnes Jekyll 3 years ago
Also, a big one is if they tell you about how rotten other people are and designate you as special and "chosen"--especially if they don't really know you.
Jamilah toenailkilla 3 years ago
That is so weird, im glad thats never happened in any of my friendships. Disagreeing is normal, how you respond and get over them is whats important
Load More Replies... Jude Corrigan 3 years ago (edited)
I have this happen with a couple of friendships. My experience was the same but they also asked me to do things that were impossible, then blamed me for failing them. No longer see them thankfully but it is hard to enter into new friendships, as you don't want it happening again.
#32
I'm not sure if it's lovebombing, exactly, but it's definitely in the same family: oversharing. Telling me things that a really close friend would know after only a little amount of time. When I realized that it made me uncomfortable to know those things about a person (guy or girl) it became an immediate red flag and I always backed away before too much entanglement. And I was usually right.
#33
Didn’t put 2 and 2 together until after a few months of dating. I had never heard of the term before, so I didn’t think there was anything wrong at the time. Literally 1 day after our first date, the guy asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes because I was definitely in an emotionally vulnerable state back then. I was pretty desperate to be in a relationship and went with the first guy who treated me like a human being after running into a string of emotionally unavailable guys.
Anyway, me and the guy dated for a few months and most of the time, I was his main focus. He called out and skipped work often to hang out with me all day, always told me how perfect I am and how he can’t believe I’m with someone like him (tell-tell sign). He avoided arguments/disagreements like the plague, he spent money on buying me things instead of paying bills sometimes, told my mom that he was planning on getting me pregnant which was very strange to me, told me he loved me a few days after meeting.
Looking back now, all of this sounds insane to just overlook but I was a firm believer in when you meet someone and you just know ‘they’re the one,’ everything is going to be perfect. No. It takes time to REALLY get to know someone. No matter how bad you feel like you’re ready to be in a serious relationship, start a family and all of that, always take your time with dating and understand that things like that can’t be rushed.
Agnes Jekyll 3 years ago
When someone is present, especially after a long line of partners who do not want to commit, it makes it harder to see this behaviour for what it is.
Jamilah toenailkilla 3 years ago
Told your MOM he planned on getting you pregnant??? Wtf is wrong with this guy?
#34
When his actions weren't matching his words. In the beginning he was really affectionate, kept making elaborate plans for the future, gave me a lot of attention and made me feel like he was falling in love with me in a short period of time.
Two weeks later, he was just not the same. Kept telling me he wanted to meet me and still made plans for the future but there was no follow through. Initially I chalked it up to being busy/ work stress but after a while I realised that this inconsistent behaviour is not okay with me and broke things off.
ispeak catanese 3 years ago
Side note: that wonky mug looks like a failed ceramics experiment. Or something I'd make.
Memere 3 years ago
I've seen this stock photo quite a few times here - someone at BP really likes it!
Load More Replies... #35
It started with 'I am so lucky to have you' three days after we met to 'I am always right, let me teach you.' He shut me down every time I tried to express an opinion. Our 'discussions' were a monologue. Everything I said was wrong. It was the first time I had a relationship that wasn't long distance or forced, so I fell face-first super fast. We got together less than a week after we started talking. Love bombing lasted for less than a month, then he ignored me and only wanted sex." "I didn't realize it was bad until after I broke up with him because I was tired of fighting for the relationship alone
#36
Honestly I didn't know until a very long time after we broke up, when I read a comment on reddit defining love bombing.
One of my friends had expressed that she thought I was being love bombed waaayy before I figured it out...I guess I wasn't ready to see it when she told me. Listen to your friends! Their perspective is invaluable.
Cathelijne Van 3 years ago
I don't know about this. When I was in the beginning of my twenties I, and my then boyfriend received a lot of comments on how we did everything together and hardly anything apart. We are now married for 25 years. Especially he received comments from female friends who lost their you-are-like-a-brother to me friend
#37
I didnt fully understand until we were about to break up. When i met this man he would text me and call me constantly, if i didnt respond or answer he would just keep going. Hed compliment every inch of me even my butthole lol. He told me pretty much that he thought i was the one. Hed say he was going to take me and the kids to france one day, we also debated about circumcising our said kids. He told me he was going to provide for me that he wished i could move in with him. All within the first month or two of meeting. I actually thought hmmm idk what lovebombing is, is this that? And i ignored that thought because i enjoyed someone being so in love with me. There were glimpses of him behaving in ways that didnt align with his words, especially when he would have a bad day or id try to set a boundary. But the facade didnt fully slip until the last time i saw him. He was having a bad day and he was lashing out at me, ignoring me, and hurting me. He showed he didnt really care. He was too stressed to keep up the act or pretend to be kind and dumped me a week later.
#38
It generally sounds very fake. I was always put off by this one person who kept singing super high praises when we barely knew each other, and I didn't feel terribly flattered by it. It's not that I don't already know some of the things they praised me for about me, it's the way they tried to express it to me that turned me all the way off from them. Plus the way they would apologize sounds more like he was expecting sympathy than actual forgiveness. My suspicions were confirmed when I learned they were trying to isolate me from a friend of mine, and when I cut them off as a friend, he attempted to publicize it and it was just really ??? Like I thought nothing of it, it was just pathetic behavior Healthier contrast to this is when I met a newer friend (several newer friends actually) and I could tell their feelings were genuine, and I didn't feel any of those weird butterflies or sirens going off.
Cindy Martin 3 years ago
Making friends in adulthood is so hard, and this kind of thing makes it even harder. When someone wants it so much, they're willing to force it or fake it. I used to feel like a jerk for shying away from these people; like they were better for being outgoing, and I needed to stop being so withdrawn. Now I'm just grateful to know better!
#39
It felt fake and as if he wanted something, like he had an agenda. It wasn't organic or appropriate. I'm not a romantic person so I find love bombing easy to spot. Even if it's not intentional and the person is just easily swept away I find it shows they lack a lot of forthought. It shows they either are playing me or overly emotional. Either way it's not good. If their reaction isn't proportional be suspicious.
#40
One guy ordered an expensive sweater for me after our first date. Then, he proceeded to talk about taking me on a trip to Hawaii. He kept wanting to take me out to incredibly expensive restaurants, the ones with four dollar signs on Yelp. But then he kept testing me and always wanted to know where I was and who I was with, one month into meeting — we were not together or exclusive
Cathelijne Van 3 years ago
Always wanting to know where you are is such a red flag. Good you stopped it.
#41
Lack of boundaries. I’m not going to use terms of comfort or discomfort here because I’ve been known to be a very happy recipient of love-bombing. But I recognise when it’s happening nonetheless. It’s when there’s no clear distinction of healthy boundaries either established or upheld on one side or both—think codependency.
#42
It is so weird to be with someone who only shows or tells you what you want to hear. For most things, my ex was like that. He never drew any hard line with me ever, until I said no to anal sex. Then he got weird and argued with me for five hours, because I had the audacity to draw that boundary. I was on the phone with him since we were at different colleges, and I didn't hang up or break up with him then — it took me another eight months. The final straw was when he got pissed that I wanted to hang out with friends instead of chat with him all night on AOL Instant Messenger since I finally had friends at school after two years of spending time with only him every night online, and almost every weekend in person
#43
He would ‘sincerely’ apologize for things he’d done, and then the next time it was brought up, he would turn around and blame me or refuse to acknowledge the things he did. When I was breaking up with him, he offered to pay for a tattoo I wanted, only to turn around and ask me for money for the things I was taking that were mine
#44
He was telling me how much he loved me after a week of dating. Also no matter what I did, he would say “this is why I love you.” It just felt bizarre
#45
I had just met him and he was giving me TONS of compliments right away, like compliments someone would give you if they’ve known you for a long time.
#46
Every thing I did was amazing. He got excited that my favorite animated movie was a movie he had only seen on time as a child. He didn’t even remember it! Yet, he cited that as a reason I was a 'perfect' match for him. Anything I did, even if it directly conflicted with one of his opinions, would turn into yet another reason I was perfect
#47
My now ex-boyfriend wanted to get me a promise ring after three months, later added me to his life insurance policy without asking me, and somehow made me out to be the bad guy. He said I was overreacting and that he was just 'giving me the serious relationship' I wanted
#48
I know I need time to warm up to people gradually, so no one has gotten close to me. The one guy who got closest I met one time very casually, and fairly shortly, at the beach. A few days later, I told him I didn't want to meet again. He sent a picture of a gift bag. He was trying to guilt me into giving him another chance probably, by expressing his disappointment because he had a gift for me...as if it was terrible of me to end things because he had a gift for me
Cindy Martin 3 years ago
So many of these feel like transactions rather than relationships. Would anyone really be happy with someone they felt like they had to bribe to see them?!
#49
I knew as soon as he wanted a relationship after about a month of dating me. I was fine with us just being friends and explained that to him. He was very adamant that he wanted a relationship with me. Before then, he was very attentive to every detail about me, from my hair to the color of my eye shadow to the design of my nails that week. He took me out every week. The first sign of his temper was one night I showed up 'late' to his place because I needed to re-do my makeup. He was very displeased over it, and I took note. It started to slowly go downhill from there and became a very abusive relationship for the next three and a half years
#50
Had someone I was talking to for a while. When I felt high whenever we talked and low whenever he would ignore me as punishment. Usually, for being too honest or not saying what he was wanting to hear. He would shower me in love, affection, compliments, and make me feel really good. It became addictive to talk to him.
#51
It was happening really early into the relationship. We hardly even knew each other yet he was expressing really big feelings. Too much too soon. Also, would pile it on when I wanted to do something he didn't want me to do (ie. spend time with friends instead of him)
#52
It felt like when he was showering me with love that he was describing/experiencing a connection that I in no way was reciprocating. It felt “off” and rushed and although it felt like it was authentic to him, I know from previous relationship that emotions like he was describing can only develop so strongly with enough time. In the beginning I thought okay maybe he’s just clicking more than he usually does on dates, maybe the sex is better than he’s used to, maybe he just really loves the idea of me (guys in IT often glorify having a gf in IT, I’ve felt this from guys often). A couple of weeks in I was really feeling it was too much, though I couldn’t tell if he was fooling me or himself. I end it, it was a little back and forth but it climaxed in an evening where he showed up at my apartment and refused to leave. I begged, pleaded, commanded, growled but nothing worked. He didn’t leave until I had a screaming crying fit locked in my bathroom, then came out like I was psychotic to push him out. At this he turned nasty fast. It came totally out of left field for me as I have always managed to end my relationships amicably with mutual respect. He turned to messaging me that he hates me, that I’m deceiving, that I need psychological help, that he’s worried for my friends because I might hurt them (because of how I freaked out when he wouldn’t leave my house). A day or two later he’s sending me sweet messages again saying “he was just angry” and pretending like it’s nothing. I have never been abused, I have never been in a toxic relationship, my exes are all wonderful people. This was a crazy experience for me. I realized what women are talking about when they are describing gaslighting and toxic communication with a partner and I was utterly shocked. I cut contact with the guy and when he messaged me 4 months later wanting to talk (after a 2 week fling…) I told him no.
#53
There were a lot of smaller instances leading up to this but one time I changed every single radio preset he had in his car just to see if he would actually get upset with me and finally stand up for himself. He apologized TO ME for having radio stations that didn't like before that. Ooof.
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What do you think ?
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
I dislike the term "love bomb" b/c the juxtaposition of these demeans the concept of love, IMO. There's no "love" in that. It's obsession, power trip, ownership, psychopathology, but not *love*.
Angelar 3 years ago
I believe it was first coined in the context of cult research. New recruits are typically bombarded by signs of affection and then the withdrawal of this affection would be used to control.
Load More Replies... Wintermute 3 years ago
I'd never heard of this before. I was expecting a nice and fluffy article about people being showered with love. Boy did I learn something new today.
Question everything 3 years ago
I suppose the article served it's purpose, at least one person (you) learned to look out for red flags.
Load More Replies...
ohjojo 3 years ago
Never heard this expression before. Just now learning that I've been love bombs twice in my life. I just thought it was mental illness.
Phyzzi 3 years ago
It probably was mental illness. I'm only passingly familiar with the DSM but reading these definitely was enough for me to pick out some personality disorders. BPD or NPD in many cases with maybe a smattering of bipolar. However, whatever the reason is for the abuse it's still abuse.
Load More Replies... Chich 3 years ago
Guess this was 'love bombing'? Knew a woman who would 'fall' for some poor sap everytime she needed something major done, it would be quite the romance and then when it was complete would come the breakup. Got moved, house painted, roof repaired, and basement renovated. Seemed there was always another guy waiting She was quite an attractive woman but she is older now and last I heard is very much alone.
K Witmer 3 years ago
I'm assuming these men also got what they wanted which was sex? Love bombing is when someone makes you fall in love w them and then abuses you bc they enjoy the control they have over another person. It's part of domestic violence and usually perpetuated by a narcissistic personality. The abuse and control is all they want it makes them feel good about themselves to have that so called worship.
Load More Replies...
K Witmer 3 years ago
I was love bombed a few times. One time I let it happen. I had the time of my life as soon as he said the first toxic thing I was out but those two weeks I had a great time.
Josh Gilland 3 years ago
Don't think this is being love bombed. Seems you were in it just for the good times. Definitely if you thought it was love after only 2 weeks that'd be more on you.
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BORKADYMUSIC 3 years ago
My family is strange… I don’t trust my parents a whole lot and they often guilt trip and gaslight me. I didn’t see the signs until recently that it might have been signs of it being an unhealthy relationship. I’m often starved for affection when I make mistakes and if I don’t keep my grades up? They ignore my emotional needs. They’re also unsupportive about my identity and CONSTANTLY refer to me as their “baby girl”.
Alicia GriffonLady 3 years ago
Bait and switch. They pretend to love and adore you, as soon as you are hooked they hurt you, use you, treat you like garbage, but expect you to take it and treat them like royalty still.
Load More Replies...
Mandy Delaforce (PC Girl) 3 years ago
omg. Stop giving pathological abuse cutesy names!! it is not "love bombing", it's abuse. Call it was it is.
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
I dislike the term "love bomb" b/c the juxtaposition of these demeans the concept of love, IMO. There's no "love" in that. It's obsession, power trip, ownership, psychopathology, but not *love*.
Angelar 3 years ago
I believe it was first coined in the context of cult research. New recruits are typically bombarded by signs of affection and then the withdrawal of this affection would be used to control.
Load More Replies... Wintermute 3 years ago
I'd never heard of this before. I was expecting a nice and fluffy article about people being showered with love. Boy did I learn something new today.
Question everything 3 years ago
I suppose the article served it's purpose, at least one person (you) learned to look out for red flags.
Load More Replies... ohjojo 3 years ago
Never heard this expression before. Just now learning that I've been love bombs twice in my life. I just thought it was mental illness.
Phyzzi 3 years ago
It probably was mental illness. I'm only passingly familiar with the DSM but reading these definitely was enough for me to pick out some personality disorders. BPD or NPD in many cases with maybe a smattering of bipolar. However, whatever the reason is for the abuse it's still abuse.
Load More Replies... Chich 3 years ago
Guess this was 'love bombing'? Knew a woman who would 'fall' for some poor sap everytime she needed something major done, it would be quite the romance and then when it was complete would come the breakup. Got moved, house painted, roof repaired, and basement renovated. Seemed there was always another guy waiting She was quite an attractive woman but she is older now and last I heard is very much alone.
K Witmer 3 years ago
I'm assuming these men also got what they wanted which was sex? Love bombing is when someone makes you fall in love w them and then abuses you bc they enjoy the control they have over another person. It's part of domestic violence and usually perpetuated by a narcissistic personality. The abuse and control is all they want it makes them feel good about themselves to have that so called worship.
Load More Replies... K Witmer 3 years ago
I was love bombed a few times. One time I let it happen. I had the time of my life as soon as he said the first toxic thing I was out but those two weeks I had a great time.
Josh Gilland 3 years ago
Don't think this is being love bombed. Seems you were in it just for the good times. Definitely if you thought it was love after only 2 weeks that'd be more on you.
Load More Replies... BORKADYMUSIC 3 years ago
My family is strange… I don’t trust my parents a whole lot and they often guilt trip and gaslight me. I didn’t see the signs until recently that it might have been signs of it being an unhealthy relationship. I’m often starved for affection when I make mistakes and if I don’t keep my grades up? They ignore my emotional needs. They’re also unsupportive about my identity and CONSTANTLY refer to me as their “baby girl”.
Alicia GriffonLady 3 years ago
Bait and switch. They pretend to love and adore you, as soon as you are hooked they hurt you, use you, treat you like garbage, but expect you to take it and treat them like royalty still.
Load More Replies... Mandy Delaforce (PC Girl) 3 years ago
omg. Stop giving pathological abuse cutesy names!! it is not "love bombing", it's abuse. Call it was it is.
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