30 People Share Their Heartbreaking Love Bombing Experiences So That You Know What Red Flags To Look Out For
Love bombing is manipulation. It occurs when a person overwhelms you with sweet words and actions to get something in return.
Usually, this technique involves over-the-top gestures, such as buying expensive plane tickets for a vacation, and not taking no for an answer.
All of this can seem harmless, but the point is to get you into thinking you owe them something.
To figure out how to spot it, Reddit user -ethereality- made a post on the platform's r/AskWomen page, saying: "How did you know you were being love bombed?" Luckily, the ladies responded.
As of this publication, the post has 600 comments, many of which contain honest experiences from toxic relationships that we all can use as valuable lessons.
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My dad did this to me every time he did something horrible, like 'disciplining' me with the belt, or throwing me outside in the middle of the night when I 'misbehaved.' It was repulsive to be held tightly in his arms afterward, with him crying and whispering fervently for me to forgive him. F*ck that. Now, as an adult, I cannot stand to be around him
We managed to get in contact with -ethereality- and she was kind enough to have a little chat with us about her now-viral post.
"I had heard before about love bombing, and I realized that someone I was talking to at the time was doing that to me. I read more about it online and a lot of the signs resonated with me," -ethereality- told Bored Panda about its origins. "I thought I would ask the women in the subreddit to share their experiences to confirm my findings and also bring more awareness to this issue, since most people I know are unaware of it until they experience it themselves"
When he was courting me, he was like a romance novel. When we fought, he would turn into a complete monster and do anything to hurt me, mentally and emotionally. And then when he thought I was about to leave, he would be like a romance novel again. When I finally had enough and decided I was in fact leaving, he turned so mean I didn't even recognize him. He pulled the breakers from the breaker box and left for four days, leaving my daughter and I with no power or water. In July, in Alabama. He also bolted locks on the kitchen cabinets and refrigerator. The breakup was a year ago. I've maintained no contact. He messages me about once a month asking why I won't talk to him. He cannot believe that I don't want him in my life anymore
Didn’t figure it out until I told him I was leaving for real after 13 years of marriage. I agreed to one counseling session to appease him and the treacle that flowed out of his mouth - how great I am, how much he loves me, blah blah - was so f*cking fake and inconsistent with his actions that I was physically repulsed. He was so kind when he was BEGGING me not to leave him and then SO cruel when he realized I wasn’t backing down. So cruel. Unreal.
The abuse cycle and trauma bonds are nooooo joke.
It works like milking a cow: pressure on, pressure off. Only he's milking you for your energy. This is no New Age metaphor. It's the real deal; just look at yourself in the mirror and see how fast you've aged.
Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., who is a professor and chair of the Counseling and Higher Education department at Northern Illinois University, thinks there's nothing wrong with a person who falls for these schemes. "When someone tells you just how special you are, it can be intoxicating, at first," she wrote in Psychology Today.
"However, when a person uses such comments to keep your focus trained on him or her, or to keep bringing you back in if you've started to back off, it could be a case of manipulation. Not everyone who whispers sweet nothings in your ear is a narcissist or predator, of course, but if you're feeling that something just isn't right about the person or your relationship, these constant reminders of 'how good you are together' — when you suspect that you really aren't — can be an effort to keep you tethered. It's often the first line used by a potential abuser."
At the beginning it was constant compliments, telling me everything I ever wanted to hear. I didn’t even realize what was happening, and then after a year it all stopped. Then came the control and manipulation. When I tried to end it after 5 years, and him telling me how much marriage and kids sounded horrible, suddenly he wanted me to be the mother of his children and saying we should go look at rings. I almost fell for it, but I’m glad I stayed strong.
I am in a situation right now where I think the love bomb has finally exploded. Everything I do and say is wrong. I literally can’t get through a sentence without being interrupted by him.. he called me a b*tch and wrestled with me and actually psychically hurt me.... he wouldn’t let me hug or kiss him..... then I brought up that I didn’t feel good and cried and he yelled at me for that saying I’m “manipulating him”
I left and am scared to go back and face him. The love bombing leads to nothing but misery and danger. I feel like a fool. What do I even say to him when I go to pack up my things and leave? Help someone
When you go get your stuff - don't go alone. Bring at least one other person, chances are they'll not show their true face if someone else is there. Going alone is unsafe.
Yes, yes. yes to this. Go with as many people as you can get to go. Power in numbers.
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Don't go alone. Even if you have to have just someone else on the phone with you. Take the police if you have to! This is a bad person! Try to go when they aren't there. Worst case, leave your stuff behind. Better than some of the outcomes I've seen/ been through.
Don't know where you are or what it's like elsewhere but here in the UK you can ask for a police escort in a situation like this where you need to get your belongings safely.
you can here to the united states. though i will add this cavant even the police here, depending on the community & where the abuser works, may still protect the abuser. i hate 2 say it but this can happen any where
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Don't say anything! Do not try and ask why or try to get a reason for what he did. Don't listen to a word he says if he's trying to sweet talk you. Or he's gonna get violent and dangerous which is what you should count on. Do not go alone, go with friends or family members that you trust. If you are too embarrassed then you go with the cops. He might try to keep your stuff as a way of controlling you, don't allow it. Take proof that you lived there to the police station, tell them what you said here, unfortunately sometimes the cops don't care. Talk to a higher up cop. Then cut all contact, change numbers and email if need be if blocking him doesn't work. Block private calls. There will be days when you feel like you really need some closure or you deserve an explanation and you are going to call him. Don't do it, have a plan in place for who you are going to call when those times happen. He showed you who he is, don't let him hurt you again
"There will be days when you feel like you really need some closure or you deserve an explanation and you are going to call him. Don't do it, have a plan in place for who you are going to call when those times happen." This is EXCELLENT advice!
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You don’t need to say anything. You just need to save your life, he’s sick. Run talk to the police don’t let him get any control over you
You can take a police officer with you to keep things under control + for your safety they will gladly do this know from experience
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You're wonderful. I wish there had been support (even social media) when I finally left mine. I didn't leave until I had a child to protect.
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Do not I repeat do NOT go there alone prayers for you to get safely through this. ❤🙏🏻❤
Never be ashamed to need another person in this situation. My best guy friend moved into my spare room after I ended a similar relationship... And thank goodness he did, because the ex in question came around for weeks afterward, trying to catch me alone and 'talk to me,' 'to work things out.'. Nope. Nope nope nope. Blow up that bridge, and do not look back.
I’m sorry but yeah it’s time to go. That’s how my 13 year abusive marriage ended. It’s scary but plan it out. It’s easier now. That’s what I would have told my younger self.
You take more than one person with you. You let the police know you're going to get your things, and ask them if they would be kind enough to a company you there, if not at least let them know that's where you are and let them know when you have left. You say nothing to him you hand a piece of paper that details what you're going to do and who knows you're there. But most important don't go alone.
If it's items you can do without, do without them. If not, go back with the police. Afterwards, go NO CONTACT!
I would say do not go back and get your stuff when he's there. Absolutely not! You don't need to explain anything, ever! If you must say something, keep it simple and don't get into a dialogue about it. Any dialogue about why you are leaving, is not a winning situation. It's just another effort to manipulate and control you. Know that you're not alone, and our desire for love has opened every one of us up to feeling like fools. So don't feel bad, but have a bit of happiness inside that you are getting out. Stay safe, and I hope he does not know where you're at.
Very good that you left! When you go to get your thing's you are better to go when he's not there. If that is not possible then take someone that can protect you. If you don't have that support then ask your local police to accompany you for you safety, they will do that and whatever you do don't speak to him!!
Call the local police and have an officer or two meet you at the home to get your stuff. The police I've dealt with take the x outside and chat while you gather your stuff. If your x is stupid and threatens you he should get arrested.
When you do go back for your things, do not go alone. You can request a police escort if you need protection & to make sure he realizes that you will take no more if his mess.
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The unthinking faith in the police in this thread is startling. Listen to the women who are telling you they don't care, or take any action. Then read this: https://7news.com.au/news/qld/murdered-woman-did-everything-right-c-5988191
You can get the police to go back with you.... but you will only have a short time to grab everything.... I would do that.
Call the police. They will go with you. Taking a friend is a mistake. The police will ensure you stay safe. I speak from experience.
Don't go to pack up alone. I would even have a police officer there. Also a male friend/family member. Be safe.
don't say any thing! only return w/a law enforcement! get a restraining or protection order before you even go over there to get your stuff.
dont say anything. bring the police with you & get a restraining or protection order. please press charges!
Have your father, or closest Male family member with you. Police helps too.
Cut if off cold turkey. Don't take calls, texts, FB or anything else. I tried to break it off with a guy who was over the top. He threatened to kill himself if I didn't come back. I couldn't, I'd moved out of town (not because of him), and nothing happened.
After surviving this kind of relationship for twelve years I can say be very careful. You can call the police and see if they will go with you to collect your belongings. If they won't then by all means have a couple people go with or without you. Preferably one he might be a little afraid of so he won't cause more unwarranted drama. By all means don't feel sorry for him, you can't fix what's wrong with this man. Move on and be safe. It may even take awhile before he finally moves on but it will happen. My ex by looking at public records has been arrested four times after me on domestic battery and assault charges. I'm still a mess sometimes but I'm alive and free. Love yourself first.
Make sure you don’t tell him where you are moving to. Change your phone number and get another email address. Make social media accounts private. You will heal and not all relationships are this toxic. Your not alone.
Run like Hell away from this toxic manipulator and take someone with you when you retrieve your belongings!
Run like hell away from the this toxic manipulator! Yale someone with you when you go to get your belongings, for safety’s sake!
Say nothing. These people cannot be communicated with. He "wouldn't let you hug or kiss him"?? Bet he loved letting you try though. I do hope you get away as I have and NEVER make contact again.
Sometimes you realize too late that there is nothing you will ever say/not say right, ever do/not do right. Nothing is ever right
I know it's hard now but it will be harder later especially if he gets physically violent with you and starts the process of having you drop everyone In your life. Isolating you so you have less than you have now. Please get out because this behavior is only going to get worse.
Do not go by yourself if possible. I'd recommend contacting the police and explaining the situation. They may be able to do a civil standby to get your belongings. I don't know how much you have there, but if you don't live together, it's worth considering letting whatever material possessions you have behind. Oh, and get a protection order or a no contact order. He's less likely to harass and possibly harm you if he knows he'll go to jail. I had to move across state to escape my abuser. Best thing I ever did for myself.
The problem with bringing another person is that it's incredibly dangerous to get between an abuser and their victim (not saying that to be derogatory I've been there). People get hurt and even killed doing that. Contacting law enforcement is much safer.
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I would call the local police department and give them a heads up that you are going to pick up your things and you may have to call them to defuse an altercation.Bring reinforcements with you when you go.You may want to bring a can of mace or a razer just to be on the safe side. If you have a key maybe plan to go get your things while he is at work. Maybe park down the road and wait for him to leave. I would wait for about 15 minutes in case he possibly forgets something and comes back for it. Once you enter pack at lightning speed hopefully with a couple of people with you to expedite things.Very happy you are getting out of this toxic and dangerous relationship. I wish you all the best. If he harasses you request an order of protection against him.
File a police report first. They might have someone who can escort you and/or do a wellness check on you later.
File a PFA (Protection From Abuse) and have him served, so he will have to leave the residence. Law enforcement can serve him, but not all agencies will escort you to get your belongings. Take someone with you, make sure they have a phone available so 911 can be called, should something happen.
Wait till he's not home to get your stuff. Get you important papers! Ss card, birth certificate, etc... Get any thing he drew or wrote that was threatening or frightening. My x drew women on meat hooks, tubes going in them, torn flesh, all kinds of horrible things and the lawyer subpoenaed them, but he drew some b******t that looked feminist to kiss the lawyer's ass. I could have been freed from ever being near him again, but they forced me to let him have our daughter over there every other weekend.
The OP didn't actually post this here - it's from Reddit. In any case, It sounds to me like the SO had a psychotic break. She should definitely go back only with somebody, or not even this. It doesn't mean that he's a manipulative sociopath, but it does mean that she should not go back unless she's with people who can help her if he becomes violent. Like with oxygen masks in airplanes - first help yourself, then see if there is anything you can do for them. If he turns out to be having a psychotic episode, she needs to decide if she's going to take responsibility for this, and build a plan that protects her too. If not, she should get far as possible, and never come near again.
DO NOT GO ALONE! If you don't have someone that can, you can call the police to escort you and they gladly will to make sure you're safe. I know many friends that have had to do that unfortunately but the option is there
We as grown adults need to realize EVERYTHING IN LIFE CAN BE REPLACED. All but human life itself can be replaced. Leave it there. Move on. Start anew. We do in Gods eyes everyday. So keep it a reality.
Ask that he not be there when you go. Take male friends or family members with you when you go Take everything you need go quickly don’t linger.
You don't have to say anything . You are not the one causing this . Save yourself . Don't go alone .
Call the non emergency police number and explain you are trying to leave an abusive relationship and need a police escort to get your things safely. Most police departments will arrange to help you or refer you to domestic violence program that helps women escape and many of these groups have hidden safe houses if it's too dangerous for you to be alone right now.
Take a police officer or deputy sheriff with you. They are required to document if he tries something.
As a 63 year old woman who needed an anvil to fall on me twice, your stuff is just that, stuff. Unless it has monetary or sentimental value, you need shelter, food and water. Thrift stores and food banks are you're friends. You will not believe the freedom you will feel! Also if he gets wind that you're coming over he will either destroy your things beforehand or wait and do it in front of you. You don't indicate if you have children but he won't stop at just your stuff. The favorite doll or toy will be the next target. PLEASE STAY AWAY!!! if you need anything please contact me on here and I will move Heaven and Earth to help you.
Please do not feel bad. He is a bad person. You did nothing wrong because you didn't know. You know better now. Please be safe.
CALL the police, let them know you just want to get your things. Just pack s few bags and leave the rest.
I had to have friends with me when I broke up with an ex. Then I foolishly went back and he tried to kill me...never go back. I had his bruised handprint around my throat for months. Along with others but that was the worst.
You poor poor thing... Just say I'm leaving this relationship is abusive and you are not respecting me. No matter what he says just leave.
When you go get your things try to go when he is not there, but no matter what, bring support...friends who can make sure you are safe. After you move out go zero contact. Don't connect with him for any reason.
"Psychically hurt" you? Report the man to a medium! But seriously, if he's physically hurting you, that's bad. That being said, no one ever owes another person hugs and kisses. You two aren't working out. Bring another person with you to the house at a time you suspect your partner won't be home. Pack only your most essential things. And leave.
According to Degges-White, even though nonstop attention and daily roses sound appealing, if you were the object of this type of affection — from someone you just met — listen to your gut if it's telling you the situation is more creepy than charming.
"Most of us prefer relationships that unfold in a relatively gradual way. It's normal to feel a rush of excitement at every glance, touch, or meeting at the start of a new romantic relationship, but when someone's trying to move it along too fast, it can be more than a little disconcerting."
My mom would act as if everything I did was spectacular, so long as it fell in line with what kind of person she wanted me to be. She never treated any of my siblings this way, so it caused a lot of jealousy towards me which I think was also part of it. If they wanted love then they needed to try harder, and if I wanted to maintain the love from the one person who could love me (because my siblings hated me) then I couldn't step out of line. At this point in my life I am preparing to move out, not tell them my new address, and never speak to any of them again. One huge blessing from all this is that I can spot these signs and recognize when someone is trying to manipulate or lie to me, and I can handle it pretty gracefully
Get away from her. Now. My mother was the same way. She only showed affection and approval if I did something to please her, which wasn't very often. She was big on calling my sister and I names, belittling us in front of people and giving us the silent treatment. I was always too fat and was sent to Weight Watchers at 14yo. I was 5'4 and 130lbs at the time. It continued into my adult years. One day she told my 10yo daughter, "No offense, but I think you're gonna be the fat one of the family." I lit into her and didn't speak to her or let her see my kids for several years. Then I softened and let her come back around. It only took a short time before her real self started to show through, again. I separated her from my family and have never looked back. Save yourself. Go be happy! You DO NOT have to be around someone just because they gave birth to you!
Received an I Love you within two days of our conversation. I thought that maybe it's hard for me to accept that I'm being loved that I was just sabotaging myself,so I kept discarding my gut feeling. Ladies,our gut instinct is our gift,make sure to use it correctly!
At the beginning of a tumultuous relationship I had with a toxic person, he was as kind and complimentary as he could be, and it felt off. He gave me butterflies, which I thought was love-related but it was fear-related. Two years later, every day when he came home from work I got those damned butterflies, followed by a sense of dread.
Many of these people are terrifically charismatic and that gets you going. After that he just had to use the Alfred Hitchcock approach: Show the scary thing once, and for the rest of the movie the audience is terrified by just imagining it.
Chitra Raghavan, a professor of psychology at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, said that one of the complicated things about dating is the fact that everything in healthy relationships can also happen in unhealthy relationships.
"If someone pays you attention and is generally present during the first date, that generally signals interest," Dr. Raghavan, who also specializes in domestic violence and sex trafficking, told The New York Times. "But then there's also someone that pays you interest in such a way that you’re consumed by it."
And sometimes, the line is blurry.
When he began to project his insecurities and gaslight me. He'd say something like "I bought you all these nice things and you still want to go out with your 'friends'?"
I actively encourage my other half to go out with her friends. Sometimes she goes for a girly weekend! How else am I going to get some me time and have her come home smiling like the Cheshire cat?
In a relationship; I didn't know until we broke up. He was very abusive and I looked back at how he was when we first dated. I realised that if someone can be so extreme one way (love bombing) that they are probably capable of the other extreme (abuse).
It also happens in the workplace. You can meet a colleague and they force some kind of connection too soon and talk to you like you're friends, not colleagues. Those ones are the ones to be the most cautious around. I learned this the hard way.
He pretty much immediately wanted us to spend all of our free time together. He introduced me to his kids immediately — I met his older son on our second date. When I told him I thought it was too soon for that, he just convinced me by talking about how compatible we were, how much fun we had together, and how great I am. I had been pretty lonely before then. I moved to a new city and didn't have many friends yet. I welcomed the attention and chose not to notice the stuff that bugged me. I remember a few weeks in, I was going to a friend's wedding and I ended up taking him with me. He kept telling me how he wanted to fast forward to the part where we have been together for a couple of years and he knew all of my friends and we were getting married. We weren't even together a month when he said that stuff. He was actually the one to end things initially, which led to a long push and pull of breaking up, trying to be friends, him wanting more, etc. Looking back, I think when he told me he needed to work on himself and that he shouldn't have a girlfriend, he was actually trying to get me to be like, 'Noooo, I'll do whatever it takes and be who you want.'
Instead, I told him I didn't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me. During the friendship facade, he told me several times how much my saying that hurt him. He didn't understand why I wouldn't apologize for that and stood by it. It was all very dramatic and I'm glad it's done. I'd rather be single and have happily been so ever since
Coming back to the author of the post, -ethereality- was pretty surprised to see how similar many of the situations were, in terms of the pattern of behavior the love bombing would follow. "For example, declaring love and making plans for the future very early on in the relationship (weeks). Then as soon as the woman is emotionally attached, they suddenly do a 180 and start the emotional abuse (gaslighting, degradation, violence)," she said after going through these stories.
"It's so scary to see how someone can have an entirely different facade compared to their true colors."
First date and he kept talking about future plans with me and using “we”. I’ll take you to this place, we can do this thing etc. Dude, I don’t know if I even want to go on a second date yet!
If I disagreed with him on anything, he’d either act like I was so charming or change the subject. Usually when I disagree with others, they’d explain themselves, which is great cause I want to know more about them and how they think. This guy kept hiding himself.
Tbh, on a first date, I'd cut the guy some slack. He sounds really nervous, infatuated, and worried that you won't like him. If you don't like him, then that's that. But a lot of people try to avoid arguments on a first date. If it continues by the third or the fourth date, then I'd be concerned.
Dated an ex for 3 years starting when I was 20 and he was 24, he was incredibly abusive in every way except physically (though he threatened it a number of times). I can only remember this incident toward the end of the relationship, not sure what prompted it, but I came home to his house and there was a big bouquet of flowers and a cookie from my favorite place waiting for me. This, from a man who used to brag that a florist he used knew him by name because he went there so much for exes, but not once in 3 years did he ever buy me flowers or really ever went out of his way to do or buy anything nice for me. He came home and was suddenly being really sweet and asking if I liked the flowers, and "oh, did you see the cookie was from [place]?" At that point, I had already signed a lease to move the hell away from him and was just waiting for the keys, so I wasn't falling for it anymore, but he was very disappointed that I didn't immediately fawn all over him.
Any suggestion that we slow down or not make big future plans was met with sulking and the silent treatment.
-ethereality- thinks love bombing is toxic because even though there's emotional abuse involved, "it becomes difficult to leave the relationship, and it is also difficult to recognize it is happening to you. Love bombers are masters at manipulation and it's a push and pull dynamic that makes it hard for someone to leave."
If there's one piece of advice Degges-White has for people who end up love bombed is to be honest and direct. Both with yourself and the other person.
"When a relationship moves too fast — or one partner tries to push it too forcefully — it's essential that you call your partner on it, and let him or her know how you feel," she said. "If he or she is willing to listen, and dial it back a notch, there may be reason to give them, and the relationship, more time to develop. If a partner won't listen to your protestations and just tries to excuse away the smothering behavior, that's a sign that there's only likely to be less freedom and more manipulation in the future if you stay together."
Remember, the only person you need to please is yourself. Stay safe!
He mirrored everything. I realised later on that it was impossible for someone to be so similar to me. Not even my sibling shared my opinions / likes that much.
Also, that feeling of dread / nerves that I mistook for butterflies. I didn’t know then that it was my gut telling me to run, now. (I did run, but towards him. I was a fu—ing idiot, but I learned my lesson now )
He stopped being loving when he got me. He quit giving me attention and barely spoke to me at all… …like a kid getting tired of a toy. I’m still angry about it.
I was pretty starved emotionally as a child and when dating became a thing it was like I’d cracked the code to being loved. I was really cute and decent looking in my teens and early twenties so it made finding boys really easy. The problem was that I was so desperate for someone to show me they loved me that love bombing felt AMAZING. I was like WOW this is what it’s SUPPOSED to be like. When someone loves you, you’re SUPPOSED to be the center of their world. I was in awe of it and couldn’t get enough.
The first few times, the love bombing turned into future faking and eventually completely slowed to a grinding halt and then turned the other direction towards complete neglect/being cheated on. Those experiences completely destroyed my self worth for a while.
Then I had to put a guard up and really get to know someone before believing a thing they said. It took til I was about 25 to get there but I guess that’s a pretty normal age to feel like you’ve really matured.
25 is very young still--good on you for learning about yourself and heeding the signs.
I just got out of it. He love bombed and gaslighted. He told me he was going to marry me on our first date. I thought maybe he had a strong intuition. Then came the compliments. Honestly, it was hard for me to believe most of them but they were nice to receive anyway. Then I came to find out he uses IV drugs and was cheating.
Oh my god this is so part of my story that it made my stomach hurt to read it
It feels like it’s all just too much and there’s a lingering doubt of the authenticity. There’s just this “too good to be true” feeling that sits in the back of your mind.
That’s how I identify it: intuition. I like to be appreciated but damn I don’t want someone to be obsessed with me simply for breathing. No one can maintain that.
It happened to my godmother. He wooed her for two weeks straight, proposed, and then married her within a month. Soon after he had her, he moved into her home. Then the violence began. Six months after she went radio silent on friends and family, she had to sell her home and flee the state where we live.
It happened after every screaming session. My mom would just go off on me for the most random of reasons, very “wire hangers mommy dearest” then afterwards it was a complete 180. With lots of hugs and kisses and affection.
As an adult I could recognize it in men and steered very very clear.
People who love bomb seem like they are trying very hard, because that’s what they are doing “trying”. Love and affection is a natural thing not something to be forced.
Too strong, too much, too fast. You cannot love me when you do not even know me. Getting to know someone requires TIME. Some might argue you can never truly know someone in toll, but you sure as hell cannot know someone well in a few months.
She was, at the time, my most intense relationship — friendship or romantic. We had a tumultuous years-long friendship, marked by lots of build-ups to what looked like long-term romance, only for her to get cold feet, walk away, then come back around a couple months later, and start the whole thing over again. Each time was cyclic, the same pattern of testing the waters for how I felt. I was always still head-over-heels and happy just to have her back, and we would slowly escalate. It would be this cascade of how amazing and wonderful and special I was. I just ate it up because I felt that way about her too. The difference was I didn't ebb and flow in how I felt about her, which is why I always welcomed her back with open arms. She was deeply insecure and wanted me to try and fight for her attention and love, which is why she would withdraw it. It wasn't until long after she was out of my life I even learned what the term love bombing meant and connected it to her behavior. But even then, I had too much pride to chase someone who didn't want me. I would put on the bravest face and play nice, like it wasn't hurting me and she would come back. Truth be told, it hurt a lot and I probably shouldn't have allowed it to go on as long as I did.
She ended up doing some incredibly terrible things that I couldn't see through, and ran away halfway across the country to be with her parents when I figured her out. I still miss her, and would forgive her in a heartbeat — it was years ago now and I hope we are both different people. But like most manipulative people, she has cast me as the villain in her story for catching her in her wickedness and trying to hold her accountable.
I don't mind though because for the most part, I've moved on with my life
It felt sticky and saccharine, and I felt obliged to “accept” it which was exhausting and more about him than me. Also, he said he wanted to marry me after a few days because he “just knew and loved me so totally”. I didn’t know what to say to that but inside I knew… Sadly I didn’t see the glaringly obvious red flags and months later had two get two court orders and police to remove him. I still barely knew the guy.
A day after meeting and texting he was telling me what a “good girl” I was and he wanted a future with me. He would insist I stay on the phone with him as he slept even though it made me super uncomfortable. And the last straw was him sending hundreds of messages in a row without response and parking outside my house hoping to catch me on my way to work.
Actions never matches their words
Being overly "loved" and praised beyond what would be expected. Overly showered with praise to other people while you are present for things that are normal. If someone is over the top, it's a red flag.
Also, pay attention to how they speak of their exes and how long their friendships are.
Mm…my bf and I have been together for 5 years and moved in together, and he’s wonderful. But he never had a relationship longer than a few months before this, and he’s almost 40. He’s just super awkward until you get to know him. I was a little weary at first because it could be a red flag. It wasn’t.
He spent over $100 on me on the first date. Then messaged me all day and kept FaceTiming me when I went on a trip begging me to turn around and just stay with him as a staycation. There was so much loving I really thought I was so super special that this man would do anything to have me be his gf. But once I started reciprocating he dropped the act and was his true self. That’s what I realized it was love bombing.
Because once I became dependent on it, the love went away.
When he invited me to come on his study abroad trip to Europe. I had only met him once in person
Note: this post originally had 53 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I dislike the term "love bomb" b/c the juxtaposition of these demeans the concept of love, IMO. There's no "love" in that. It's obsession, power trip, ownership, psychopathology, but not *love*.
I believe it was first coined in the context of cult research. New recruits are typically bombarded by signs of affection and then the withdrawal of this affection would be used to control.
Load More Replies... I'd never heard of this before. I was expecting a nice and fluffy article about people being showered with love. Boy did I learn something new today.
I suppose the article served it's purpose, at least one person (you) learned to look out for red flags.
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Never heard this expression before. Just now learning that I've been love bombs twice in my life. I just thought it was mental illness.
It probably was mental illness. I'm only passingly familiar with the DSM but reading these definitely was enough for me to pick out some personality disorders. BPD or NPD in many cases with maybe a smattering of bipolar. However, whatever the reason is for the abuse it's still abuse.
Load More Replies... Guess this was 'love bombing'? Knew a woman who would 'fall' for some poor sap everytime she needed something major done, it would be quite the romance and then when it was complete would come the breakup. Got moved, house painted, roof repaired, and basement renovated. Seemed there was always another guy waiting She was quite an attractive woman but she is older now and last I heard is very much alone.
I'm assuming these men also got what they wanted which was sex? Love bombing is when someone makes you fall in love w them and then abuses you bc they enjoy the control they have over another person. It's part of domestic violence and usually perpetuated by a narcissistic personality. The abuse and control is all they want it makes them feel good about themselves to have that so called worship.
Load More Replies...
I was love bombed a few times. One time I let it happen. I had the time of my life as soon as he said the first toxic thing I was out but those two weeks I had a great time.
Don't think this is being love bombed. Seems you were in it just for the good times. Definitely if you thought it was love after only 2 weeks that'd be more on you.
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My family is strange… I don’t trust my parents a whole lot and they often guilt trip and gaslight me. I didn’t see the signs until recently that it might have been signs of it being an unhealthy relationship. I’m often starved for affection when I make mistakes and if I don’t keep my grades up? They ignore my emotional needs. They’re also unsupportive about my identity and CONSTANTLY refer to me as their “baby girl”.
Bait and switch. They pretend to love and adore you, as soon as you are hooked they hurt you, use you, treat you like garbage, but expect you to take it and treat them like royalty still.
Load More Replies...
omg. Stop giving pathological abuse cutesy names!! it is not "love bombing", it's abuse. Call it was it is.
Had a guy "love bomb" me. He'd push compliments by the bucket load at me. How smart I was. How beautiful I was. Meanwhile he would get angry if I told him no about hanging out. He'd say how we only had a short time (we were overseas doing charity work) how he loved hanging out with me. Thankfully I dragged my feet on ever dating him seriously so by the time I would've caved he moved on (I joined the military and suddenly he couldn't see us together shocker!). Didn't realize till now that the compliments were a part of his manipulation. What's been said in this post sound eerily familiar. Thank God I got away.
Wish men would speak up more about how women can be just as crazy as these guys are. I used to be one of these guys because I was so insecure and desperate for a relationship and have bad mental health issues. I'm getting better and better at respecting boundaries. I have alot of trust issues because of the toxic women I've fallen for. Wasn't love but I thought it was.
Women can be absolutely venomous. My hubby's grandma (or as every one calls her, the town mattress) is currently looking for a rich man that will take care of her and her dog, pay for every thing, yadda yadda. I find that disgusting.
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I could have written a few of these myself. Didn't know it was called love bombing. I'm now discovering how dangerous these types of people can be and how to avoid relationships with them full stop.
I clicked on this thinking it was gonna be "good happy" stories. The word Love shouldn't be in there.
My experience is how he seemed perfect for me and my daughter for almost a year. Then we got a house together. That's when things changed.... 4 yrs down the road, I am currently looking for a new place for me and my daughter to move to. Very iffy situation, rebellious teenage girl living with a guy who can't control his temper and is verbally and emotionally abusive. It took too long for me to realize what was going on. The kid purposely pushes his buttons, he has extremely high unrealistic expectations. I didn't realize until a year ago how much I gave him control. Once I started making changes his attention was on me more than the kid. With help from the therapists (assigned to us by DCFS) I have a plan and emotional support to stand my ground and do what needs to be done. Have 1 month left on the house lease, trying to move out by then. I told him my plans a week ago. He has been super nice since. Told my daughter to soak it up and not to expect it to last.
14 yr old girls have no problems being showered with shopping sprees and "fun days". She says she wants him to literally pay for all the emotional damage he has caused us. The past week he has spent more on her for fun or just because than he had the past 5 yrs accumulated.
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Nr 5. Do not go alone!!!!!! Please!!!! Take a man with you. Write down what you want to say. Get your things, say what you wrote down and leave.
I would like to point out that the ability to be upset one moment then happy the next can be due to BPD. It can definitely be a red flag, particularly if manipulation or gas lighting is involved but just having sudden emotional changes are not always a red flag. I think it's more how the person behaves or treats others when those swings happen is where a red flag can be.
I just learned a new term. My exex was like that. He showered me with love and attention initially, putting me on a pedestal that I determinedly got off of. He said stuff like having found the person he wanted to live with the rest of his life when we weren't even dating and proposed to me when we were just dating for a few months. That all changed when we moved in together and I was the only one working. I was supposed to go to college full-time, work part-time, cook, clean, do the laundry, be there for him emotionally, and not complain. I was head over heals in love with him from the love bombing and kept hoping he'd go back to that through the time he was bringing other women into our relationship and up until he left me "for good" and I attempted suicide. After I moved on, he revealed that he was only putting out relationship on hold until I finished therapy and stopped being told that he was the badguy and being so selfish for wanting to be with someone who found me pretty.
I didn't even know what to call it growing up.....but yup love-bombing is no joke, my ex-step-dad and mom did this my while childhood. I would get screamed at for at least 30 minutes for doing "something" wrong (99% of the time it was something so small that it wasn't even something I could avoid doing, plus it always changed). After the insults and "lecture" they would be all nice and loving, how it was for my own good, they only do this because they're the only ones that really love me. I'm no contact with ex-step-dad and I only see/speak to my mother to keep up appearances since she's gotten so angry and toxic, I don't want my kids around her
I dislike the term "love bomb" b/c the juxtaposition of these demeans the concept of love, IMO. There's no "love" in that. It's obsession, power trip, ownership, psychopathology, but not *love*.
I believe it was first coined in the context of cult research. New recruits are typically bombarded by signs of affection and then the withdrawal of this affection would be used to control.
Load More Replies... I'd never heard of this before. I was expecting a nice and fluffy article about people being showered with love. Boy did I learn something new today.
I suppose the article served it's purpose, at least one person (you) learned to look out for red flags.
Load More Replies... Never heard this expression before. Just now learning that I've been love bombs twice in my life. I just thought it was mental illness.
It probably was mental illness. I'm only passingly familiar with the DSM but reading these definitely was enough for me to pick out some personality disorders. BPD or NPD in many cases with maybe a smattering of bipolar. However, whatever the reason is for the abuse it's still abuse.
Load More Replies... Guess this was 'love bombing'? Knew a woman who would 'fall' for some poor sap everytime she needed something major done, it would be quite the romance and then when it was complete would come the breakup. Got moved, house painted, roof repaired, and basement renovated. Seemed there was always another guy waiting She was quite an attractive woman but she is older now and last I heard is very much alone.
I'm assuming these men also got what they wanted which was sex? Love bombing is when someone makes you fall in love w them and then abuses you bc they enjoy the control they have over another person. It's part of domestic violence and usually perpetuated by a narcissistic personality. The abuse and control is all they want it makes them feel good about themselves to have that so called worship.
Load More Replies... I was love bombed a few times. One time I let it happen. I had the time of my life as soon as he said the first toxic thing I was out but those two weeks I had a great time.
Don't think this is being love bombed. Seems you were in it just for the good times. Definitely if you thought it was love after only 2 weeks that'd be more on you.
Load More Replies... My family is strange… I don’t trust my parents a whole lot and they often guilt trip and gaslight me. I didn’t see the signs until recently that it might have been signs of it being an unhealthy relationship. I’m often starved for affection when I make mistakes and if I don’t keep my grades up? They ignore my emotional needs. They’re also unsupportive about my identity and CONSTANTLY refer to me as their “baby girl”.
Bait and switch. They pretend to love and adore you, as soon as you are hooked they hurt you, use you, treat you like garbage, but expect you to take it and treat them like royalty still.
Load More Replies... omg. Stop giving pathological abuse cutesy names!! it is not "love bombing", it's abuse. Call it was it is.
Had a guy "love bomb" me. He'd push compliments by the bucket load at me. How smart I was. How beautiful I was. Meanwhile he would get angry if I told him no about hanging out. He'd say how we only had a short time (we were overseas doing charity work) how he loved hanging out with me. Thankfully I dragged my feet on ever dating him seriously so by the time I would've caved he moved on (I joined the military and suddenly he couldn't see us together shocker!). Didn't realize till now that the compliments were a part of his manipulation. What's been said in this post sound eerily familiar. Thank God I got away.
Wish men would speak up more about how women can be just as crazy as these guys are. I used to be one of these guys because I was so insecure and desperate for a relationship and have bad mental health issues. I'm getting better and better at respecting boundaries. I have alot of trust issues because of the toxic women I've fallen for. Wasn't love but I thought it was.
Women can be absolutely venomous. My hubby's grandma (or as every one calls her, the town mattress) is currently looking for a rich man that will take care of her and her dog, pay for every thing, yadda yadda. I find that disgusting.
Load More Replies... I could have written a few of these myself. Didn't know it was called love bombing. I'm now discovering how dangerous these types of people can be and how to avoid relationships with them full stop.
I clicked on this thinking it was gonna be "good happy" stories. The word Love shouldn't be in there.
My experience is how he seemed perfect for me and my daughter for almost a year. Then we got a house together. That's when things changed.... 4 yrs down the road, I am currently looking for a new place for me and my daughter to move to. Very iffy situation, rebellious teenage girl living with a guy who can't control his temper and is verbally and emotionally abusive. It took too long for me to realize what was going on. The kid purposely pushes his buttons, he has extremely high unrealistic expectations. I didn't realize until a year ago how much I gave him control. Once I started making changes his attention was on me more than the kid. With help from the therapists (assigned to us by DCFS) I have a plan and emotional support to stand my ground and do what needs to be done. Have 1 month left on the house lease, trying to move out by then. I told him my plans a week ago. He has been super nice since. Told my daughter to soak it up and not to expect it to last.
14 yr old girls have no problems being showered with shopping sprees and "fun days". She says she wants him to literally pay for all the emotional damage he has caused us. The past week he has spent more on her for fun or just because than he had the past 5 yrs accumulated.
Load More Replies... Nr 5. Do not go alone!!!!!! Please!!!! Take a man with you. Write down what you want to say. Get your things, say what you wrote down and leave.
I would like to point out that the ability to be upset one moment then happy the next can be due to BPD. It can definitely be a red flag, particularly if manipulation or gas lighting is involved but just having sudden emotional changes are not always a red flag. I think it's more how the person behaves or treats others when those swings happen is where a red flag can be.
I just learned a new term. My exex was like that. He showered me with love and attention initially, putting me on a pedestal that I determinedly got off of. He said stuff like having found the person he wanted to live with the rest of his life when we weren't even dating and proposed to me when we were just dating for a few months. That all changed when we moved in together and I was the only one working. I was supposed to go to college full-time, work part-time, cook, clean, do the laundry, be there for him emotionally, and not complain. I was head over heals in love with him from the love bombing and kept hoping he'd go back to that through the time he was bringing other women into our relationship and up until he left me "for good" and I attempted suicide. After I moved on, he revealed that he was only putting out relationship on hold until I finished therapy and stopped being told that he was the badguy and being so selfish for wanting to be with someone who found me pretty.
I didn't even know what to call it growing up.....but yup love-bombing is no joke, my ex-step-dad and mom did this my while childhood. I would get screamed at for at least 30 minutes for doing "something" wrong (99% of the time it was something so small that it wasn't even something I could avoid doing, plus it always changed). After the insults and "lecture" they would be all nice and loving, how it was for my own good, they only do this because they're the only ones that really love me. I'm no contact with ex-step-dad and I only see/speak to my mother to keep up appearances since she's gotten so angry and toxic, I don't want my kids around her
