Someone Asks About The “Lesser-Known Problems Of Being An Unattractive Woman,” They Give 30 Heartbreaking Answers
In a world governed by unattainable beauty standards, photo editing, plastic surgeries, flawless skin, timeless youth, perfect smiles and… the list is endless, appearance is something that it seems our society is wildly obsessed with.
A national survey from Allure found that the first thing 64% of people notice about someone is how attractive he or she is. And half of us—that's every other person—think appearance defines us significantly or completely. Now think of the professional careers, job interviews, dates, and overall success, and it clicks—the way we see beauty has indeed a very ugly side.
So when someone asked women on Reddit this uncomfortable question, “What are the lesser-known problems of being an unattractive woman?” the brutally honest and often sad responses started flowing in.
Below are some of the most revealing ones that should really make us all stop and reflect on why we judge others so much and how we can change that.
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People being rude to you, especially men. If they’re not attracted to you, then you don't deserve respect nor decency.
This extends to disabled women and women with chronic illnesses. “You have diabetes because you are overweight” and “it’s a lifestyle choice”. I was BORN with it as are many so how is that a lifestyle choice? Cruel
Few people seem to stop to consider that perhaps someone is overweight because they have diabetes rather than the other way round.
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Also for women who are overweight. A friend had bariatric surgery and lost over 200 lbs. She has the same job in a large research hospital as when she was heavy but now, physicians come to her as the is the "expert" in her field. Before, they wouldn't give her the time of day.
Hence the cruel joke "Why fat girls are so nice ? Ans: They Has to be." These Social rules/behavior Also goes for Ugly Men too we just dont cry on Public forums :)
People being rude to you when they are not attracted to you. You know what else sucks?, people being nice to you with an agenda, and then being unreliable because they can.
True. I had really bad acné when I was a teen, and I am not specially attractive. I remember getting called names and spat at once in the subway by some guys I didn't know. It felt horrible.
Jesus, what the actual f**k is wrong with people?! I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.
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This can extend to women over certain age. The older I am, there are more people being rude to me. I noticed some stupid large man once yelling at little old lady for feeding stray cats.
I was studying in the library at my college, and obnoxious girl who had been talking loudly with a friend eventually left. She had forgotten her smartphone, so I picked it up and brought it back to her. When she saw me coming, the first thing she said was "I'm not interested, you are too ugly". Never assume that all men are bastards and all women are saints.
I would have "accidentally" dropped it right before she was able to take it. Oops! You know how clumsy us ugly people are! What a self absorbed b*tch!
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They say; "You are fat (overweight, not attractive, ugly, etc)." You say; "At least I was brought up to be polite and not make unwanted personal comments. I'm sorry that you didn't get to learn to make friends properly."
Not being helped when you have car trouble. Being laughed at at the grocery store when something bad happens to you.
Yup... Then again, it removes the garbage in the package of good looks.
What's worse is when the person's friends/boss/other witnesses totally SUPPORT the poor treatment because yes, obviously, you're now inhuman, so who cares? Yes, let's humiliate this tool who we don't know. That's TOTALLY okay.
While i completely agree with this - im a little baffled as to why this is accepted by people in the comments - but on other areas on this site, if someone says the same with the genders reversed - they are called delusional/insane etc.
Lies. Recently there was a post of men talking about their issues and the female comments were really supportive
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This is absolutely not true everyone should have the same amount of respect for any body else
If a skinny, pretty girl dresses super casual with no effort, it’s cute and trendy, but if I do it I’m lazy and don’t care about my looks.
When someone does genuinely find you attractive and you think it's a joke
I find it hard to believe and accept compliments about my looks. I also don't think my friends and family who say things like that are liars coz that's insulting to them. So I just say thank you with an awkward laugh. It's all so confusing.
We reached out to the author of this Reddit thread who said he believes that we all live in a world that’s too obsessed with looks. According to BaymaxTheBot, “everyone has social media and if you do not have it, it seems that something must be wrong with you. We take 1000 pictures of ourselves to share the one we think we look the best in.”
According to the author who posted the question on r/AskWomen, sharing your selfies on social media is one of the easiest ways to receive external validation. Moreover, “everyone chases confidence and a boost to their self-esteem. That's what gets you hooked to social media; the constant need to seek this feeling of self-reassurance,” he said.
As a fat woman: not being able to go to 90% of my doctor's visits without my weight being brought up. I mean, that's fine in a checkup or physical, but if I go in because I have a sinus infection, I don't really feel the need to discuss how fat I am right at that moment unless it's somehow going to clear up my sinus infection.
Nope ...it's even dangerous if a doctor is always focussed on weight. My doc was so obsessiv blaming my weight for every issue she didn't notice some cancerous cysts-she was just not looking for other reasons. And each feeling " something is wrong with my body" makes me a hypochondric - cause " fat persons don't have a feeling for their own body" Lost my trust to many docs because of this and sadly- I know I'm not the only one And by the way - my BMI is " only" 30, I do yoga and trail-trecking and have hashimoto syndrom-Most docs know that and ignore it still.
Oh, I'm excited for this one. I'm pretty attractive, I get hit on regularly - I'm attractive enough to appeal to a wide swathe of individuals, but not so attractive as to be intimidating.
But I wasn't always, for five years I was fat because of medication. Last year, I got super toned and lost the weight when I went off the meds. I'm now training for competitive powerlifting.
I was cute before I gained the weight, but somehow, my thirties have been amazing - this weight loss left me with anime eyes and cut cheekbones, a look I've never had before.
I am treated better in every facet of my life and it has given me genuine body dysmorphia that I have been in therapy for.
Men offer me free things, they constantly hit on me; women ask for advice constantly, and all ANYONE wants to discuss is how I look, which is the least interesting f**king thing about me.
Pretty privilege and thin privilege are absolutely real, and the worst part is finding out that my biggest fear - that I was worth less to society when I weighed more - was absolutely f**king true.
Thanks, society, for the super awesome body dysmorphia you have now given me.
What's interesting is that I spent so many years in the shadows that I have zero interest in coming out of them anymore, but just like when I was fat, people think they have some sort of right to discuss my appearance blatantly.
It's disgusting, and all it does is show how incredibly undervalued women are for anything other than our looks.
Yeah, I feel this one. I have always been fat. But about 20 years ago I lost a lot of weight due to mental health problems. I only ate about an apple a day and nothing else. I was slim but not unhealthy looking, because of course I still had that thyroid problem. It was CRAZY how people treated me once I was slim, even my own family was nicer. Of course once my depression was over and I started to eat normally again I gained all that weight back, and of course I got invisible again. I always resented the attention I got when I was slim, because I always knew that people were never interested in ME, only in my looks. I am strangely relieved that men leave me alone now, being ugly is a great way to filter out the shallow types.
That no matter how often your significant other tells you that you’re beautiful, you constantly compare yourself to more attractive women and feel that you’ll never be enough.
When asked what he thought of the overwhelming responses his questions received, the Redditor said he did not expect this amount of attention nor this amount of people relating in some way.
When it comes to judging others by their appearance, BaymaxTheBot said that it really depends on the person, but usually, “we put an emphasis on appearance because it's the first thing we notice about the other and according to this perception we are more or less willing to associate with someone.”
People thinking that you don't have the right to like yourself or thinking that your confidence is 'brave.' F**k off.
Spending ages trying to dress up nicely only to go outside and realize that everyone else is still a million times more attractive than you.
Exactly. I can't express how much I relate to this it's so true. My parents keep telling me that I look good but afterwards once you go outside you still feel ugly. Worst feeling in the world.
Being invisible next to your friends. They're all having fun, and you just sit there, and no one is talking to you
Unsolicited weight loss/health advice (that is often wrong and does not consider my health at all) and unsolicited advice on how to be attractive to men.
Keep it to yourself. You don’t have the right nor do you know what’s going on mentally or medically
That you should be grateful that any man wants to sleep with you and it’s selfish to think that you deserve to be in a relationship with respect. I’m apparently fine to sleep with but heaven forbid they take me outside the house and be seen with me even if they themselves aren’t conventionally attractive.
Yep. You just have to tolerate the abuse, because you sure as hell will never deserve better.
It’s a lot harder in the office. Women have a hard enough time rising to higher ranks or being taken seriously but it’s very annoying when the pretty women are taken more seriously. Heck same is true for men. Good looks win jobs
I worked in an engineering group, and it didn't seem like this at all. The female engineers mostly had average features that they didn't much enhance with makeup, and many didn't wear any makeup; some were overweight, some were not, and they tended to dress in line with the guys in their group—business casual for the older set, jeans and T-shirts among the young people.
Most men assumed that I was going to be easy — as in easy to have sex with — because they think I have no self-esteem and seek validation with sex.
And even if you are ok with "being easy" because you, too, want to have casual sex, they'd still look down on you somehow and be disgusted in a way. That is so twisted.
Fewer job opportunities. Attractiveness plays a part in getting hired.
People constantly trying to fix me. My aunty asked me how I was going to get a man with a body like mine and my dressing style. Mind you, she is pushing 50 with no man, but OK.
Empathy and sympathy. People want to comfort you when you're the cute, pretty crier, protect you. I rarely see ugly people being the face of depression or mental illness on social media.
Not so much when you're ugly. It's kind of just awkward.
Ohhh.. .no, when you're not considered "pretty" - when you're upset, crying or otherwise needing support people get ANGRY with you... they get *irritated* that you're wasting their time and "making a scene" and "overreacting"... you also get LOTS of reminders about how you should be super grateful for the little scraps of pity thrown at you ... you know... things like ... lucky that you weren't abandoned as a baby.
Sometimes I feel bad for my partner, thinking he's embarrassed or could do better.
Before i married my skinny super handsome husband i said he can call it off as he can do better with someone prettier as im over weight, i ha an eating disorder and lost aton of weight but then i put it back on double, still married me and i said if you find someone else in the mean time i wont blame you at all
When I was fat, they would hit on my significant other right in front of me. When I’m slim, they look at him and immediately look at the floor and walk away.
I lost a lot of weight after getting married & you'd be surprised how many people have said to me "Awww, he loved you for what you were on the inside!" The implication of course being he didn't find me attractive before but for some reason pursued me anyway - girl, what?
This is funny, why would he marry you if he didn't like / love you!!! People are so shallow really! I hope you have many more happy years of marriage!
I was treated differently than my attractive friends. People were less helpful to me, left me out of everything (especially photos), and only wanted me around when it suited them.
Ever have a photo studio photographer argue with their colleague who will take your photo? I don't like photographers for this reason. They always seem annoyed and angry with me while being so nice to everyone else in the group.
I was ugly as a pre-teen and teenager, and whenever I said that some other woman was mean to me, I just got told “oh you are just jealous of them!”. Like, wtf, no?!
It also felt like people were able to bully me as much as they wanted to and that my claims were untrue. Just because I was ugly doesn’t mean I was lying. Somehow ppl just trust attractive people more for some crazy reason.
These days I’m cute, but I don’t put much effort in. Sometimes people get annoyed at me for not “using my potential”. No, I don’t wanna spend 1h each morning applying makeup. Who do I wanna impress? I’m cute enough to not be treated like s**t, and I have no desire to be hit on or looked at by every random dude. Let me just live my life ok?
I blame the media. Did you ever notice that the heroic character is almost always attractive while the villain is usually ugly?
I think growing up the “ugly duckling” can have bad effects on your mind and cause you to put up with bad behaviour from men. I legit thought I was ugly and unlovable and that I was lucky to have any guy interested, so I had a beggars mindset and put up with his terrible behaviour.
It’s now that I realise that I had actually had a glow up and hadn’t realised. I look at old photos and see a beautiful young woman. I was just so stuck in my past that I couldn’t embrace myself or be confident.
Your perception of yourself really does determine how you let others treat you
That specific feeling when everyone gathers to take a group picture and hands the phone to me to take it. Ouch
People leaving you for your best friend when they realise she's prettier.
No she hasn't ever gotten with them, but they've left with the intention of getting with her
She’s a good friend if she’s blown that fantasy time after time in defence of you
Being called sir in shops. Not being able to contribute to the conversation when other women share stories of men hitting on them because it never happens
I’ve hardly ever had to deal with being creeped on and I’m glad about that. That stuff can be scary.
well as a chubby and “ugly” person, most often people think you are dumb and uninteresting and you have no right to date/like attractive people because they are out of your league. when I was a teen people would say straight to my face that I was ugly…they don’t say it anymore, but I can feel it…ahahah
I have an indent in my left temple from major brain surgery 8 years ago. I am sick and tired of people trying to get me to fix it. It’s fine and any cosmetic surgery won’t work because of the plates underneath. All it does by bringing attention to it is make people feel less than
Guys lying saying you're obsessed with them just to get other girls to laugh and be like "eww really??"
I hate when people comment or say, 'I wanna have your self-esteem/confidence!' as if it was a compliment. It isn't — they're just using other words to call the person ugly.
A guy telling me "He usually wasn't attracted to women like me" in other words fat girls.
Seriously
Being 21 and knowing there is a big chance you have to live your life alone and never getting married.
Lots of people gonna say nooo you find the right one eventually but then I always think of my teacher who looked like me and she was 50, never been married and living alone with two cats.
Being told to wear different clothes because they'd suit me better and to wear makeup because it brings out my best features.
Yes that's true, but why should I put in that much effort when you're the one that cares, not me.
If you're an ugly, unattractive, or (especially) overweight woman, expect to have to work harder to get a job, raise, or promotion. Even women discriminate against other women in favor of the more attractive candidate--even if the unattractive/overweight woman is cleary more qualified. Not all, but many. I've faced this many times.
That it automatically means I don't take care of myself, that I don't care about how I look/what I eat/my health and so on. People who don't take care of themselves are often seen as unattractive (even though they probably have mental health issues) which then compounds how ugly you are seen to be.
I feel bad, because I always have an airy quality around me, or I look anxious or something else unpleasant, mental illnesses and mental diagnostics can get physical and I hate it
I've found that being ugly, or at least, perceiving yourself as ugly and not being at peace with it, can lead to heavily holding yourself back. You take fewer social risks, assume people dislike you, and just generally self-isolate. And with those who accept you for who you are, you feel that you have to be overly agreeable and funny to keep them around. Taking as little space as possible becomes the goal.
The sad thing is, most of my ugly features are the result of poverty and untreated mental health issues from my childhood. I suspect this is the truth for a lot of people--money and adequate healthcare goes a long way. For a lot of people, appearance is a major class indicator. Of course, fatphobia, racism, sexism, and agism also come into play.
I know I'm below average, but I am much happier at times where I am simply indifferent to my looks. I think that studying art and human anatomy really helps, because you start to find a real appreciation for all the different kinds of faces and bodies in the world. The best people to draw are often very unusual looking!
It may also help that I'm on the asexual spectrum. Other people seem to care a LOT about attractiveness. I still often wonder if 'hotness' is just this weird fake concept that we've all agreed to pretend makes sense. Apparently, for most people, appearances can even make them faintly aroused, I guess? For them, I can only imagine that that adds a lot of weight to the importance of looks; arousal is pretty powerful stuff.
People, mostly men, telling me it’s “inspiring” that I don’t wear makeup. I’m not trying to make a statement or empower women, I literally just hate wearing it lol. It reminded me of how people would tell a fat woman who posted a bikini pic on social media that she’s inspiring or that they’re “proud of her”. Why can’t we just be told that we’re pretty or beautiful
It impacts the way you allow yourself to feel pleasure - the way you feel about your body drastically impacts how good you allow yourself to feel through it. Whether it's dancing or sex, if you feel like your body being seen is shameful, it really hinders you from enjoying it fully.
It’s not the fact that we want men to pay attention to us, that isn’t it. It’s that we are invisible when our more conventionally attractive friends are around. I can’t tell you how many times my hot friends and I have been out somewhere and I end up just wandering away because it feels SO awkward that these men are like, so afraid that I’ll take even a friendly introduction as “I’m interested in this ugly girl” that they will meet everyone, say hi, talk to them etc and just pretend I’m not standing there. Bro I’m not trying to get into your pants but it’s f**king weird when you pretend I’m a house plant
Alexa, play “Lower Your Expectations” by Bo Burnham
If your friends can't sense how uncomfortable you are and can't see for themselves how you are being treated as though you are invisible, yet continue to engage with the ones who are treating you this way, you may need new friends. Just my perspective.
Putting make-up on and suddenly getting all the compliments and attention you always wanted. It doesn't make me feel better it makes me feel like I have to be perfect to be given the same energy as others.
When it happens to me i'm like "great, you'd rather have me to not being myself"... F*ck off... i'l keep being me and wear what i want when i want to ...
People not wanting to be friends with you for being ugly. I'm the ugly one bro why are YOU mad about it?
Then there's the other end of it. Women who are only friends with "ugly" people so that they look better and don't have competition. People can be crap.
You can't get help. When you seriously need it for something regarding your work or life.
But when people give you attention (without asking) you know something is up and they are trying to use you.
When I was fat, 99% of the rare attention I received was from dudes who clearly saw me this way. I was frequently fetishized.
Well that's...normal in a sense. Just like 99% of the initial attention you'll receive from guys when you're skinny will be from dudes who are attracted to that body type. What I don't understand is why is it "normal" to be attracted to slender bodies but "a fetish" to be attracted to larger bodies?
The way my body distributes and holds fat is basically the reverse of what would be accepted in today’s (american) beauty standards: top heavy, hold fat in my face. I hate getting my picture taken because it’s so easy to have a bad angle. My mom always does this thing where she insists on taking photos when I’m around (either by myself or with other family) and she will spend minutes directing me on how to hold my face and angle my head and to lessen my smile and open my eyes wider to try and improve the picture. I think she means well but it is very humiliating and I end up hating the picture anyway.
Wow, you should talk to your mom about this - it will cause more issues in the future. Some people don't like taking photos and some do, and if you are someone that doesn't like getting your picture taken but they insisted on taking a photo then they should let you pose the way you want to.
I have a bit of a different answer to this. A lot of other comments have mentioned being treated worse by other people and being denied opportunities. While this is true, I've found that a lack of confidence has been far more damaging and made me self sabotage several times, which I'm sure would not have happened if I was conventionally attractive. I let my physical unattractiveness bleed into insecurities about literally everything else about me when I had no reason to.
Yes, I had fewer people attracted to me romantically, but even at my heaviest and peak unattractiveness I did have really great guys interested in me. I sabotaged all of it and never ended up dating them because of my insecurities. Ditto for career opportunities, especially since in my field, people giving preference to good looking people isn't much of a thing thankfully.
For ages I was blaming my unattractiveness for my lack of a love life and it was a bitter pill to swallow when I finally realised it was my insecurities which held me back a lot more than unattractiveness.
I know that feeling, and I know it is unjustified. Your low self-esteem tells you that your shitty life is because of your behavior, of your insecurities... That's BS. The only thing that held you back was the hatred you received from people for being ugly. There is no self-sabotage, you are just the innocent victim of the unfairness of life. I know it is more comfortable to assume that it was your fault, but it takes a lot of self-awareness to admit the truth : it was not your fault, that's just the world that's shitty.
Totally different types of social interactions.
When I'm all made up and beautiful what I usually get are sleasy comments and unsolicited chivalry (like a man would give me his place in a bathroom queue in a bar, but then he would come to my table and expect me to chat with him for it)
But when I'm wearing an old hoodie and no makeup, things go differently: people are more likely to be rude, like in the same bar the same man would cut me in the same bathroom line.
Both are equally bad, but they hit different places and I feel like it is the source of women misogyny. If everyone is always rude to you, you start to think that those beautiful girls get it so easy, and you lose track of how bad they can have it, and vice versa.
People getting sickly sweet and telling you ' you're soooooo beautifullllll' when you simply ask them how something looks on you. The both of us know they're faking it.
Kindness. I am not overweight, I used to be, but I’ve been all over the board with weight. I think I am just an ugly woman. Men and women are not very kind to you if you are not pretty. They will treat you like you are invisible or not worth acknowledging. They will cut in line. They will give you the pity look.
The intense anxiety that arises during family events when it’s photo time. My cousins are all very beautiful and love posting to Instagram and all that. My family is big on photos. I’m the only one who isn’t photogenic at all. I have a lazy eye, and my face is just generally asymmetrical.
I can relate. I hated photos, and now I do even more since my hips ballooned and my chest stayed flat.
Having the office dress code unfairly enforced on you. There is a dress code at work. For years it was not enforced and everyone dressed casually until the new manager showed up. Suddenly I needed to wear shirts with a collar and she would”let me continue wearing jeans”. Everyone else could wear anything they wanted including, yoga pants, t shirts with graphics, jeggings, skin tight pants, cargo pants, cotton shirts that were not ironed, sneakers, etc.
She had ever right to enforce the dress code, but not just on the fat employee.
If you complain about anything (valid) Ex.
-getting s**ttier assignments at work
-not getting credit you deserve for assignment
-point out something unfair that was said to you by co-worker
you are met with...
'she's just jealous'
Being overlooked and ignored.
personally I see that as bliss. I don't like drawing attention, and while no one would look at me when seated they do stare when I get up because I seem to be freakishly tall (6ft, female). I hate it.
I’m short and fat. I’m what people call cute, which is annoying. I’m never the one people notice. I hate getting pictures taken because I am a lot bigger than I was 10 years ago. Barley have any friends, so that’s not a problem.
Its actually just really nice. I was attractive when I was younger and couldn’t even step out of the house without getting hit on.
Its bloody lovely to walk the streets now and know nobody would want to touch me because they find it hard just to look at me hahaaaaa.
You just described my life but this is kinda of mean at the same time... Sometimes comments like this are the opposite of helpful.
Having to save your friends at bars from unwanted or awkward interactions with the many guys that flock to your attractive friends. Almost like a designated unattractive friend
Have had to do this many times, but never thought it reflected on me. We have to look out for each other.
Im not unattractive but I am not a sexy woman. Im 32 but i still look 18 so men dont take me seriously especially in the office, they assume I am not competent due to me being a petite girl meanwhile my co worker whose is a leggy beautiful woman gets all the attention. Sad reality
Never getting out of minor traffic infractions. Always being the point of access from suitors wanting to date your attractive friends/siblings. Only getting invited to social events because your attractive friend was invited. Having to find new ways to accentuate your attractive qualities, such as intelligence, humor, domestic skills, talents, self sufficiency, etc as you can’t just look at us and find us attractive. This list goes on.
Being not able to look at you in the mirror, because you really don't like what you see. Or people telling you how "ugly ducklings" became beauty pageant princesses if they put enough effort to it... meaning you could use some surgical enhancement.
Just get rid of mirrors. It works for me. Much happier without. And of course ignore Shitlord Ryan. He really never has anything nice to say.
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It saddens me to see how many of these say, "As a fat woman...". I understand that our culture promotes the ideal that skinny is the only way to be pretty, but it perpetuates the idea that any woman can be pretty if only they would lose weight, which is not the case. (And I'm saying this out of personal experience. I am not an attractive woman. That's okay, I think I'm pretty intelligent and funny and have other attributes to make up for it. But the truth is, I was not attractive when I was 135 lbs. and I was not attractive when I was 175 lbs). When we hold up this standard that all you have to do to be pretty is be skinny, it A. reinforces that overweight = ugly, which is wrong, and B. makes people who are genuinely not blessed in the looks department, even when they are healthy or slim, feel invisible, which is already a problem as unattractive women are routinely overlooked in our society.
A friend of mine has been losing weight for the past year for health purposes, and her husband is angry at her. He claims to be less attracted to her, and accuses her of losing weight in order to attract other men. They are in therapy.
Her husband sounds scared of losing control of the relationship or of losing her. He sees her becoming slimmer and more conventionally attractive, which means she will get hit on more. It sounds like like he has low self esteem. .
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While I agree with these and have experienced them, a lot of you need to learn how to not give a f. Life gets a WHOLE lot easier when you stop worrying about how others feels about you. You can't change them. Live your life and enjoy it.
Life also gets easier as you get older. I find myself worrying less and less each year.
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Not taking anything away from the women who posted these, just adding that a lot of these ring true for me, too.
Being a 5'8 guy w/ a very babyish baby face, also impacts the way I'm treated. B/c I have male-anime-face, at 35 I was once mistaken for 15, I kid you not. It's a gift and a curse. W/ some people, no matter what I say, they look at me like I'm 15, since that's how my face looks. It doesn't matter what I say, or how substantive or reflective of life experience it is, all they see is, 'he is really young,' even though I'm almost 40 now, lol. B/c I'm 5/8, many women will def. flirt w/ men who are taller over me. I've also had women (& men) very interested in me but only b/c of my baby face. But c'mon, we've all been guilty many times of really being interested in someone, mostly or wholly b/c of their looks! So, meh, at a certain point I have to say that it is what it is. I have to accept just how silly it is that some people's perceptions are influenced by these things and focus on the things which I can impact.
There's also the fact that when you're eating anything people will give you nasty looks and tell you, you shouldn't be eating so much. Especially if it's a piece of candy. Bish this tiny "fun-sized" candy bar is the ONLY thing I'm eating today because of fu*ktards like you
People are not usually born hating themselves, it’s learned from others, it’s the burden picked up by repeated told you are less than, or ugly. It’s the constant of not being invited of being scapegoated, or abused. That ugliness becomes ingrained. I shook off caring when I was 10. Got use to taking undeserved s**t. Rebelled in my wins, like when I was the best soccer goalie at school, super athletic and the entire season let one ball by, I got s**t about that for two weeks. Just before an important game I advised everyone on my team who never celebrated my saves that they would need to find a new goalie and why, I left and they were left losers for the remainder of the year. Challenged about it, I told one team mate who asked why I left, I replied so that the rest of the team can be losers just like me. That hit a soft spot and nobody from that team gave me crap after that. I turned my athletics to racing the time clock in track and field, a much better team mate.
I've been thin, I've been fat. I was definitely considered more attractive when I was thin. When you're fat and middle-aged, you are basically invisible. I think the hardest part for me is that multiple times in my life, various men (some of them strangers, some crushes, some actual partners/boyfriends) have felt perfectly entitled to casually tell me I'm ugly or not very attractive, or some such thing, like it's perfectly okay and I shouldn't be upset by it because it's obvious or something. Even now at my age, I would love to know what it's like to be beautiful. I think I have every human quality that anyone could ask for in another person, except that. But when you don't have good looks, it feels like good looks are the only thing that matter to everyone else.
Any guy who told me I was ugly would no longer be breathing unaided by mechanical devices.
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I'm not ugly, and I know that. But I'm not pretty either. I'm not minimalizing the pain of others, but I feel that it may be worse than being "ugly". At least there are some people who want to be with someone who's not conventionally attractive because it makes them beautiful in a different way, or unique. I, however, and completely and utterly plain. No haircut, makeup, or fancy clothes make me look any less plain. So I just fly under the radar. Nobody really notices or acknowledges the plain people. I'm not curvy, and I'm not skinny. I'm not exotic, I'm very pale and not much to look at. I just wish people would look for personality, I have so much emotion and intelligence to offer that nobody ever sees because what they see is a plain person, a background character.
remember one time mom & went to store. she stayed in the car. when i got back in she was staring at me. asked wny & she said 'i may not have beautiful children but i did make exotic & unique children. i hope other people see you as i see you'. i told her she had her rose colored glasses on but it got me to thinking & realize yes, i am no conventional cutie but i do have something that no one else has because i am me.
Yes, getting bullied one way or another for your entire life for things over which you have no control is a THING! Your hair, your weight, your appearance, your intellect, even your first or last name can cause derision and scorn from strangers. All you can do is your best and just keep moving forward to the next nice thing that will happen in your life.
Being a regular person needs to be normalized. People who just live their life without caring about makeup hair styles perfect body and trendy clothes.
Yes! And we also need to normalize being kind to strangers. We don't know what's going on in each other's lives. Kindness should be our defaults.
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The opposite exists with a lot of males. Skinny, weak, and short with no money is a death sentence for their dating future. They have the same feelings as all of the wonderful ladies above. Makes me sad. Maybe BP should start a sidebar for these people, having an emotional connection over past trauma is extremely strong!
I was laid up for a couple years with my chronic illness. I gained quite a bit of weight. I knew who my true friends were because they didn't treat me any different. I did have some "well meaning" acquaintances who would say, "you used to be so pretty." When I lost the weight, I removed those people from my life. I have people in my life of all shapes and sizes. None of my friends treat people differently based on their size and shape. I'm sorry that some people are so shallow! There are still people who will will treat you better!
Even the so called " attractive" people have demons they are trying to work on. You may see them as being happy with life, but it may be the total opposite. Dont live your life comparing yourself to others. They have other issues even if physical attractiveness isn't one of them. Most of the time, the issue is worse and something you wouldn't want trade for.
Great advice. Don't know why you are downvoted. ?
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Being incredibly nice and never, ever standing up for yourself because you’re worried you’ll come across as the bitchy ugly girl, instead of just the ugly girl. I attract toxic people and desperate people (namely 14 year old boys and creepy 60 year olds. I’m not calling everyone that age desperate, it’s just the ones I’ve ran into). And the worst part is I’m desperate and miserable, and would probably take an abuser just to try and fix my issues.
Please don't. Consider therapy instead. You deserve so much better.
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Most of these are not limited to women. Plenty of men who are overweight and/or consider themselves ugly can relate. And one of the hardest things to come to terms with is that much of the way they're treated by society at large is due to innate human behavior and preferences, rather than any conscious attempt to demean them. Although at least some of it is indeed due to one's own self-image, and does not reflect anything that's actually happening, but rather one's own perception.
I know trolls are just keyboard warriors protecting their insecurities, but I am tired of hearing that I'm fat and ugly - the typical response when someone doesn't agree with my opinion. Some of them even go out of their way to show me photos of myself, like I've forgotten what I look like.
I am the pretty girl who got fat and has an incurable disease. My husband met and married me when I was 325 lbs. Ive lost 75 since. Before my hubby came along, I was depressed and had horrible self esteem. Hubby tells me everyday that Im beautiful but its hard to think of myself that way.
My brother told me I look like Anne Hathaway’s “before” character in The Princess Diaries. I do wear dark-rimmed glasses, have long and curly hair that frizzes like mad, and I have bushy eyebrows. I told him she stole my look 😂
Mae West was on the chubby side, so was Ella Fitzgerald. I will be smart and funny all my life -- pretty has a short shelf life. My mom's encouragement meant that I did not tie my self-worth with looks, including what I look for in a man. Many a man tried to pass me by in a bar, but my snappy retort is: "I'm not much to look at but I can suck-start a Harley. Unfortunately, you'll never know what that feels like. Bye!" More men talk to me because I have them talk about themselves. And I can always leave! Girls, take control of your own mind and life. You are with yourself more than anyone else. Love thyself!
I have mixed feelings about this article. OTOH, we need to say so many of these things out loud, be heard, and support each other. OTOH, I cringe over the whole idea of saying this person is attractive and that person is unattractive. You know? I mean this is really more about other people's opinions/judgments and how screwed up it can make us when we internalize them. Like I just want to scream "F**k you and your superficial beauty standards!!" to the world. Beautiful people are revealed through who they are not what they look like. So many "attractive" people are just plain ugly.
So for me personally, ugly is a behaviour, not an appearance. I consider there to be a huge difference between looking good, beautiful, and attractive. They are 3 completely different things. Looking good is when you get dressed-up/make an effort, and there is a noticeable difference. Beauty is a feature that you have that is pleasing to eye (be it face, eyes, body, etc). Attractiveness is was draws me to you and has nothing to do with looks. It's your behaviour, personality and the way you treat people. I've not been able to sleep with someone I didn't find attractive, no matter how beautiful they were! My erm... lets go with 'body', just won't react.
When a female Olympian wears eye make up during her event it immediately makes me root against her. I’m talking the blonde, lean, pretty girls. That screams insecurity not what tv wants to see. Look at women’s MMA, the ones that win only care about winning and training. Go look at Rose Namajunas, she could be a model but shaves her head and never wears makeup at work. Confidence is sexy as hell
Load More Replies... Not correct. Chimpanzees and bonobos (and many other primates like macaques) are polygamous. All females mate with all males in the group. They do not nate only with the strongest males. Actually it is proven that in our lineage women selected for less strong less aggresive males, reducing our sexual dimorphism. In other primates like marmossets females even prefer the most "feminine" males.
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I don't think they hate us. I think they just don't give a s**t.
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When people treat you like s**t. THAT'S when I care
Load More Replies... Being not able to look at you in the mirror, because you really don't like what you see. Or people telling you how "ugly ducklings" became beauty pageant princesses if they put enough effort to it... meaning you could use some surgical enhancement.
Just get rid of mirrors. It works for me. Much happier without. And of course ignore Shitlord Ryan. He really never has anything nice to say.
Load More Replies... It saddens me to see how many of these say, "As a fat woman...". I understand that our culture promotes the ideal that skinny is the only way to be pretty, but it perpetuates the idea that any woman can be pretty if only they would lose weight, which is not the case. (And I'm saying this out of personal experience. I am not an attractive woman. That's okay, I think I'm pretty intelligent and funny and have other attributes to make up for it. But the truth is, I was not attractive when I was 135 lbs. and I was not attractive when I was 175 lbs). When we hold up this standard that all you have to do to be pretty is be skinny, it A. reinforces that overweight = ugly, which is wrong, and B. makes people who are genuinely not blessed in the looks department, even when they are healthy or slim, feel invisible, which is already a problem as unattractive women are routinely overlooked in our society.
A friend of mine has been losing weight for the past year for health purposes, and her husband is angry at her. He claims to be less attracted to her, and accuses her of losing weight in order to attract other men. They are in therapy.
Her husband sounds scared of losing control of the relationship or of losing her. He sees her becoming slimmer and more conventionally attractive, which means she will get hit on more. It sounds like like he has low self esteem. .
Load More Replies... While I agree with these and have experienced them, a lot of you need to learn how to not give a f. Life gets a WHOLE lot easier when you stop worrying about how others feels about you. You can't change them. Live your life and enjoy it.
Life also gets easier as you get older. I find myself worrying less and less each year.
Load More Replies... Not taking anything away from the women who posted these, just adding that a lot of these ring true for me, too.
Being a 5'8 guy w/ a very babyish baby face, also impacts the way I'm treated. B/c I have male-anime-face, at 35 I was once mistaken for 15, I kid you not. It's a gift and a curse. W/ some people, no matter what I say, they look at me like I'm 15, since that's how my face looks. It doesn't matter what I say, or how substantive or reflective of life experience it is, all they see is, 'he is really young,' even though I'm almost 40 now, lol. B/c I'm 5/8, many women will def. flirt w/ men who are taller over me. I've also had women (& men) very interested in me but only b/c of my baby face. But c'mon, we've all been guilty many times of really being interested in someone, mostly or wholly b/c of their looks! So, meh, at a certain point I have to say that it is what it is. I have to accept just how silly it is that some people's perceptions are influenced by these things and focus on the things which I can impact.
There's also the fact that when you're eating anything people will give you nasty looks and tell you, you shouldn't be eating so much. Especially if it's a piece of candy. Bish this tiny "fun-sized" candy bar is the ONLY thing I'm eating today because of fu*ktards like you
People are not usually born hating themselves, it’s learned from others, it’s the burden picked up by repeated told you are less than, or ugly. It’s the constant of not being invited of being scapegoated, or abused. That ugliness becomes ingrained. I shook off caring when I was 10. Got use to taking undeserved s**t. Rebelled in my wins, like when I was the best soccer goalie at school, super athletic and the entire season let one ball by, I got s**t about that for two weeks. Just before an important game I advised everyone on my team who never celebrated my saves that they would need to find a new goalie and why, I left and they were left losers for the remainder of the year. Challenged about it, I told one team mate who asked why I left, I replied so that the rest of the team can be losers just like me. That hit a soft spot and nobody from that team gave me crap after that. I turned my athletics to racing the time clock in track and field, a much better team mate.
I've been thin, I've been fat. I was definitely considered more attractive when I was thin. When you're fat and middle-aged, you are basically invisible. I think the hardest part for me is that multiple times in my life, various men (some of them strangers, some crushes, some actual partners/boyfriends) have felt perfectly entitled to casually tell me I'm ugly or not very attractive, or some such thing, like it's perfectly okay and I shouldn't be upset by it because it's obvious or something. Even now at my age, I would love to know what it's like to be beautiful. I think I have every human quality that anyone could ask for in another person, except that. But when you don't have good looks, it feels like good looks are the only thing that matter to everyone else.
Any guy who told me I was ugly would no longer be breathing unaided by mechanical devices.
Load More Replies... I'm not ugly, and I know that. But I'm not pretty either. I'm not minimalizing the pain of others, but I feel that it may be worse than being "ugly". At least there are some people who want to be with someone who's not conventionally attractive because it makes them beautiful in a different way, or unique. I, however, and completely and utterly plain. No haircut, makeup, or fancy clothes make me look any less plain. So I just fly under the radar. Nobody really notices or acknowledges the plain people. I'm not curvy, and I'm not skinny. I'm not exotic, I'm very pale and not much to look at. I just wish people would look for personality, I have so much emotion and intelligence to offer that nobody ever sees because what they see is a plain person, a background character.
remember one time mom & went to store. she stayed in the car. when i got back in she was staring at me. asked wny & she said 'i may not have beautiful children but i did make exotic & unique children. i hope other people see you as i see you'. i told her she had her rose colored glasses on but it got me to thinking & realize yes, i am no conventional cutie but i do have something that no one else has because i am me.
Yes, getting bullied one way or another for your entire life for things over which you have no control is a THING! Your hair, your weight, your appearance, your intellect, even your first or last name can cause derision and scorn from strangers. All you can do is your best and just keep moving forward to the next nice thing that will happen in your life.
Being a regular person needs to be normalized. People who just live their life without caring about makeup hair styles perfect body and trendy clothes.
Yes! And we also need to normalize being kind to strangers. We don't know what's going on in each other's lives. Kindness should be our defaults.
Load More Replies... The opposite exists with a lot of males. Skinny, weak, and short with no money is a death sentence for their dating future. They have the same feelings as all of the wonderful ladies above. Makes me sad. Maybe BP should start a sidebar for these people, having an emotional connection over past trauma is extremely strong!
I was laid up for a couple years with my chronic illness. I gained quite a bit of weight. I knew who my true friends were because they didn't treat me any different. I did have some "well meaning" acquaintances who would say, "you used to be so pretty." When I lost the weight, I removed those people from my life. I have people in my life of all shapes and sizes. None of my friends treat people differently based on their size and shape. I'm sorry that some people are so shallow! There are still people who will will treat you better!
Even the so called " attractive" people have demons they are trying to work on. You may see them as being happy with life, but it may be the total opposite. Dont live your life comparing yourself to others. They have other issues even if physical attractiveness isn't one of them. Most of the time, the issue is worse and something you wouldn't want trade for.
Great advice. Don't know why you are downvoted. ?
Load More Replies... Being incredibly nice and never, ever standing up for yourself because you’re worried you’ll come across as the bitchy ugly girl, instead of just the ugly girl. I attract toxic people and desperate people (namely 14 year old boys and creepy 60 year olds. I’m not calling everyone that age desperate, it’s just the ones I’ve ran into). And the worst part is I’m desperate and miserable, and would probably take an abuser just to try and fix my issues.
Please don't. Consider therapy instead. You deserve so much better.
Load More Replies... Most of these are not limited to women. Plenty of men who are overweight and/or consider themselves ugly can relate. And one of the hardest things to come to terms with is that much of the way they're treated by society at large is due to innate human behavior and preferences, rather than any conscious attempt to demean them. Although at least some of it is indeed due to one's own self-image, and does not reflect anything that's actually happening, but rather one's own perception.
I know trolls are just keyboard warriors protecting their insecurities, but I am tired of hearing that I'm fat and ugly - the typical response when someone doesn't agree with my opinion. Some of them even go out of their way to show me photos of myself, like I've forgotten what I look like.
I am the pretty girl who got fat and has an incurable disease. My husband met and married me when I was 325 lbs. Ive lost 75 since. Before my hubby came along, I was depressed and had horrible self esteem. Hubby tells me everyday that Im beautiful but its hard to think of myself that way.
My brother told me I look like Anne Hathaway’s “before” character in The Princess Diaries. I do wear dark-rimmed glasses, have long and curly hair that frizzes like mad, and I have bushy eyebrows. I told him she stole my look 😂
Mae West was on the chubby side, so was Ella Fitzgerald. I will be smart and funny all my life -- pretty has a short shelf life. My mom's encouragement meant that I did not tie my self-worth with looks, including what I look for in a man. Many a man tried to pass me by in a bar, but my snappy retort is: "I'm not much to look at but I can suck-start a Harley. Unfortunately, you'll never know what that feels like. Bye!" More men talk to me because I have them talk about themselves. And I can always leave! Girls, take control of your own mind and life. You are with yourself more than anyone else. Love thyself!
I have mixed feelings about this article. OTOH, we need to say so many of these things out loud, be heard, and support each other. OTOH, I cringe over the whole idea of saying this person is attractive and that person is unattractive. You know? I mean this is really more about other people's opinions/judgments and how screwed up it can make us when we internalize them. Like I just want to scream "F**k you and your superficial beauty standards!!" to the world. Beautiful people are revealed through who they are not what they look like. So many "attractive" people are just plain ugly.
So for me personally, ugly is a behaviour, not an appearance. I consider there to be a huge difference between looking good, beautiful, and attractive. They are 3 completely different things. Looking good is when you get dressed-up/make an effort, and there is a noticeable difference. Beauty is a feature that you have that is pleasing to eye (be it face, eyes, body, etc). Attractiveness is was draws me to you and has nothing to do with looks. It's your behaviour, personality and the way you treat people. I've not been able to sleep with someone I didn't find attractive, no matter how beautiful they were! My erm... lets go with 'body', just won't react.
When a female Olympian wears eye make up during her event it immediately makes me root against her. I’m talking the blonde, lean, pretty girls. That screams insecurity not what tv wants to see. Look at women’s MMA, the ones that win only care about winning and training. Go look at Rose Namajunas, she could be a model but shaves her head and never wears makeup at work. Confidence is sexy as hell
Load More Replies... Not correct. Chimpanzees and bonobos (and many other primates like macaques) are polygamous. All females mate with all males in the group. They do not nate only with the strongest males. Actually it is proven that in our lineage women selected for less strong less aggresive males, reducing our sexual dimorphism. In other primates like marmossets females even prefer the most "feminine" males.
Load More Replies... I don't think they hate us. I think they just don't give a s**t.
Load More Replies... When people treat you like s**t. THAT'S when I care
Load More Replies... 