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Life is full of surprises, and nobody can guarantee you that these surprises will only be positive. There are nearly 8 billion folks on this planet, living with their own quirks and personalities, and chances are someone on your way will end up disappointing you. It's safe to say that one of the most crucial reasons why everything is, more or less, emotionally tiring is because we attach our happiness to others.
We struggle to accept our importance, and we only pay attention to how we can satisfy everyone else around us. We put ourselves aside, forgetting that we're supposed to thrive and not survive – though, for most of us, this sort of epiphany comes with age when you finally understand that there's no more room for negativity.
An online user wondered and took it to one of Reddit's communities to ask women to share their own versions of hard-to-swallow pills they've managed to learn over the years. The post received nearly 4K upvotes and 1.5K worth of emotional yet encouraging stories.
More info: Reddit
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#1
You can do everything right and still get f**ked. You can’t control that.
Claire Stanfield 3 years ago
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life." - Jean-Luc Picard
ZentheOgre 3 years ago
That's from the episode where Data was losing in a videogame repeatedly and learned sometimes the best you can hope for is a stalemate
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Kate Jones 3 years ago
This was a hard one for me. I stayed home and studied, never got in any trouble...I was the good kid because I believed that doing that would pay off in some way later. The kids who cheated off me would never amount to anything? Nope. They went on to have better jobs than me. The bully who teased the nerd kid? Married with kids and a nice life. It was hard to swallow that following some 'be good' kind of rule didn't = some kind of payoff. Not only that, but people will not always get their karmic retribution for f*****g you over. I'm an atheist but part of me wished I could believe for no other reason than needing to know that child rapists and murderers won't just get away with it, even if they do within their lives here. It's hard to fathom that people will get away with that kind of atrocity.
Mazer 3 years ago
The worse, most damaging thing you can do is compare any aspect of your life to another persons life.
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Kookamunga 3 years ago
Life isn't fair. Bad s h i t happens to good people. It's hard to be content knowing this, but you must try.
Alixandrina Fortis 3 years ago
If you really understand this as truth, you start to truly value yourself and your those you love and your time more. You don't want to give it away to those who are abusive or manipulative. You understand that your energy is finite and more prescious than anything and put it where it will do the most good accordingly. God Bless!
Karen Gonzalez 3 years ago
This is exactly how I feel! I do my best and then push beyond that and it still isn't enough!
Nick Chira 3 years ago
But first you need to get a second opinion on whether you did everything right
RELATED:
#2
That no one cares. This sounds pessimistic but I really don’t mean it that way. When it comes to medical issues, boundaries with friends, or relationships, no one cares about you the way you do, and no one will advocate for you the way you can. You need to value yourself and take action as if no one else will, because in all likelihood, they won’t.
K Witmer 3 years ago
I tell my daughter this bc I want her to be prepared when I'm not here anymore. I will fight for her tooth and nail but I still don't know exactly what she's going through only she does and she needs to learn how to advocate for herself even if it means a raging angry fight.
Mary Rose Kent 3 years ago
Do you tell her she needs to be firmly on her own side?
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Luther von Wolfen 3 years ago
I see this all the time working with homeless people. They'll talk about how things "should" be and I'm like "I agree with you, but this is America and nobody cares about the poor. No one is going to save you. You have to do it yourself."
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
The rest of the world ain’t your mama; it does not love you, nor does it have to. There will be exceptions, of course, so cherish and take care of anyone who is one. You’ll need each other when the rest are being particularly and overbearingly assholey. You can comfort each other and laughter together—-and help each other recharge your strength to go back out in the world and face the assholes again the next day.
Sky Render 3 years ago
Unless you're in any sort of minority that's immediately identifiable upon sight. Then you will find there are people who care. Unfortunately the way they care is that they hate you for not being like them and will go out of their way to make your life hell to justify their bigotry.
Kirsten Smith 3 years ago
If we teach and believe and act in a selfish manner all the time because we are taught we are more important than anyone else then what kind of world will it be? A selfish world where no one matters. To change the world is to be the change you wish to see. If we taught our children to love and care they would eventually change the world. This world is trash because we are constantly putting our own needs above everyone else and have no compassion for others and judge situations we have no clue about.
Random Anon 3 years ago
It's not pessimistic, it's reality. No matter how close friends and family are, they still need to put themselves first. People that take a bullet for other people are the exception not the norm.
Claire Stanfield 3 years ago
No one else has to deal with the consequences, either. Think about this before asking friends for advice.
P. Mozzani 3 years ago
This has been my mantra, for many years! With multiple serious medical conditions, I have had to constantly advocate for myself. I've "fired" doctors, and had frank discussions with others, about my feelings on their disinterest or lack of responsiveness. I won't be marginalized and only "I" can assure that. I try to depend on no one, although I must, in certain situations. But, so far as advocacy goes, I AM THE BEST!
#3
Don’t assume people will treat you with the same kindness you treated them with.
Scagsy 3 years ago
True. Also, don't ever stop being kind to people. It's a win-win. They feel valued and you sleep better.
Mary Rose Kent 3 years ago
I always say that kindness is its own reward…and it’s true!
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Stew 3 years ago
Don't expect anything from anyone while helping them. Just forget that you did something kind for someone else then and there. And you will be happier and more content in life.
Angela Johnson 3 years ago
I agree, but, don't forget you did something nice, it just doesn't always need to be advertised. Just doing it is a benefit for yourself, just as Stew says.
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Trisha Howson 3 years ago
This sad that we all can't just be human beings to each other it really is
ZentheOgre 3 years ago
Got reinforced this summer. Saw a guy with crutches making his way to a grocery store. He lost his footing and fell hard. I had my wife stop and helped him up gathered his belongings and notice he wasn't sweating which was a bad sign in 107 heat. I went into the grocery store he was at as he sat down to gather himself and went and grabbed him a Gatorade and a bottled water. Put them down beside him with the receipt. He whipped it at my head saying that they don't take back food and and should have bought him a beer.
Dani Alexander 3 years ago
I learned the hard way that not everyone is kind hearted. I do consider myself and try to be kind to everyone, but tbh some people are just assholes and you end up getting my your heart broken
Kirsten Smith 3 years ago
You shouldn't be doing the kindness to get something from them. Then you did the act out of selfishness and expectations from the other person. No longer kindness but an obligation the other person did not agree to.
Shea Keenan 3 years ago
Yes. Do the right thing because it's the right thing. Not because you think you'll get the same treatment in return.
Stephanie Barr 3 years ago
Think of kindness as a gift, not a bargain. That makes you both happy. Gifts are like that, and reciprocation isn't required.
#4
You can be every thing they want- and they will want something else.
Dani Alexander 3 years ago
Literally tho, it’s not you, it’s them. Ur perfect. Keep being you :)
Jami Bowens 3 years ago (edited)
Yes! This is everything. Too many young people(and even older!) Beat themselves over a person that just doesn't want them. You shouldn't have to beg someone to love you! Love comes easily if it's real. They chase you! And make you feel wanted.
Susie Elle 3 years ago
Jay-Z is married to an absolute bombshell of a talented woman, and even he cheated.
Robin Martz 3 years ago
Like the time I lost 80 pounds in 3 months and looked so good, then my husband had an affair. With a girl BIGGER than me.....
#5
I am never going to be thin and that’s perfectly fine. Turns out it’s a lot easier to live your life when you’re not constantly consumed with hating your own body!
Rijkærd 3 years ago
Am skinny and have given up on trying to gain some weight/muscle mass...I just learned to love my body the way it is...
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
And don't wait for someone else to come along to love your body just so you can, too.
Veronica Sjöberg 3 years ago
YES. I stopped working out and eating to be smaller a couple years ago. Now I work out to be strong/have fun and eat what I feel like (nope, not just crap - what I actually feel like with no restrictions). My whole world actually changed. No more brain fog, less irritated, less focused on food every single minute of the day, no more stress or anxiety with workouts etc. I started being able to laugh again too. I gained 2kg in the process and still am 2kgs heavier. All that over 2kgs... just follow your body - it's worth it! If you have to constantly struggle to keep your body the way it is it probably isn't what it's supposed to be.
Jason Alexander 3 years ago (edited)
VERY well said. So much this. It's about doing healthy things for you and not for some ideal, I think some people in the comments missed this point. It's not about letting go and being unhealthy, but letting go and being the best most healthy you for YOU and not some ideal standard-'even if that best you is a size 14 and not a size 2.
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Mattewis88 3 years ago
I don't know how to do this. I wish I could. I used to be extremely athletic, competed at national level and one day, one accident destroyed my career and my ability to do any sort of exercise as my legs work for walking but are useless otherwise. Suddenly I can't even look at food and not pick up weight. I've taken down all mirrors below the neck in my house because I can't stand looking at myself. Most people ask about my physical healing when they see me but all the physical issues is nothing compared to the self-hate I'm experiencing.
Eiram 3 years ago
Step 1. Apologise to yourself! Step 2. Forgive your body. Step 3. Accept that you had something, and you still do, its just not the same. Step 4. Just do your best to be healthy, because you could always be worse. These are the steps I went through after my diagnosis. My body was NOT a fault, it just was, and that's ok.
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Trisha Howson 3 years ago
When ever you quite trying to be the perfect weight your life gets a lot happier and a lot better. Because of simple fact you have accept your self as you are
Andrea Pereira 3 years ago
Just don't let it get out of control. After my mother died, I subscribed to that mentality, I stopped doing diets and just ate whatever I want. Also a bit of depression to help. Get 30kg heavier and also got diabetes. So no, there's no perfect heaven. Obesity is bad for your health and will charge it's cost more and more as you get older.
Jason Alexander 3 years ago
I think the point is not to just let yourself go and eat whatever, whenever and get to 500 pounds, but that you should just live life and be as healthy as possible without obsessing over perfection or shine ideal weight or "look" or size...
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* 3 years ago (edited)
Sometimes it can be unhealthy though. If your fat because of unhealthy reasons, then that’s not a good thing. But if your are healthy in general, and are fat, then your perfectly fine. Same with being skinny. (I don’t really like using the word fat, but it’s kinda hard to say it in a way that doesn’t seem offensive.)
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Once I hit 15-16, I started to fill out. By the time I was just about 20, I had changed from a skinny kid to a curvy woman (though not to the point of being a caricature like a Kardashian)—-and one with a curious brain and a wicked sense of humor to boot! But it was the eighties and everyone was x-ray thin, so my body type wasn’t in style. A size 8 in a size 0 world. Didn’t seem to matter, though. I never lacked for admirers.
#6
The world isn't fair and sometimes people just suck.
ZentheOgre 3 years ago
Unless your my cousin 8 kids is enough. A new pregnancy announcement every holiday.
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Alana Voeks 3 years ago
Majority of CEOs are some sort of dark personality too. Wanna know why? They don't care about trampling others to get their way. If you aren't rich, you're unlikely to have a dark personality. I hope that brightens your day just a little!
Chuck daniels 3 years ago
I've worked with many wealthy and rich clientele. The lower end of the rich scale are quite prickish. The wealthy they get, the kinder and more giving they become.
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Lori Gauthier 3 years ago
Someone needs to write a thesis on who exactly said life was fair. And why people believed them to begin with.
Steven Livingston 3 years ago
I have found it best to expect the absolute worst from people at all times. That way, I'm not bitterly disappointed when they are and pleasantly surprised when they're not. Except mostly they are.
Ashley Mccullough 3 years ago
Oh my gosh if that isn't one of the most real estatements of the world
#7
You can do everything right in college and have honors, connections, and experience, and still not find a career when you graduate
SweetsEve 3 years ago
Repeat after me, interning is more important than graduating faster, interning is more important than graduating faster, interning is more important than graduating faster. I used to work on campus and 80% of the students I spoke to did not want to intern because they wanted to graduate. 40% returned to get there masters because they couldn't find a job with their bachelors because they leaked experience. The college library doubled as a public library and after a master's was completed I still saw many of the same people still unemployed considering a different degree. Never interned. Always intern.
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Clark 3 years ago
The trades are seriously lacking when it comes to women. We need more women in trade professions.
Lisa Intally 3 years ago
When I got my first college degree in Computer Science, (which included coding) I also earned a Computer Operator certificate. (And that's not data entry or word processing. It's a more advanced position.) Although I graduated with honors, I could not get even a Computer Operator job. My male counterparts got programming jobs right out of school. I was told by a placement firm that they "could not sell me in IT and they could get me a job as a receptionist." Because, of course, pretty young women don't fit in IT. That was some years ago, but it's the same thing now. Women are not taken seriously in IT or trade jobs, because men don't respect them or want them there.
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Leodavinci 3 years ago
This is mostly dependent on what you studied for. A lot of things can be studied for but have little, if any, practical real-world application that allow you to have a career in them.
Kim Burke 3 years ago
Well said. I preach this to my teens all the time. They have been told that they will have to prove that their degree is in a field that is in need of employees, they are being encouraged to consider trades and they have been told that we will pay for their education provided that there are excellent job prospects at the end.
Load More Replies... Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
And even if you do, chances are it won’t have anything to do with your major.
Paula Marowsky 3 years ago
And that you may be have the dream career, and the dreamed success and still don't feel happy at all. And that there are really MANY women that are truly and deeply happy being moms and houswifes.
G. T. 3 years ago
Still, it's better to have that training and knowledge so you can get out if your prince turns into a frog. Going straight into housewifedom/motherhood limits your ability to get out if you end up subjected to abuse. A lot of abusers show their colors over time.
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Devonie Pike 3 years ago
My husband had this problem he got an associate's degree in electrical engineering and still hasn't been able to find a job in this field. With that being said though he went back to school he is now working on getting his Bachelors in computer programming. So no matter what happens always keep pushing forward you can always make yourself better person no matter what the world tells you!
Amy Kennedy 3 years ago
Very few fields where you can get a job with an associate's anymore, certainly any kind of engineering is going to require at least a bachelor's.
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Julie Aaaa 3 years ago
Still do what you're passionate about and don't give up. It will work out. Promise.
Jessica N 3 years ago
I think the lesson for this one is don't major in philosophy or something that there aren't jobs for. I worked in fast food as a teen and our store managers held degrees in philosophy/art history and modern dance. There are no jobs for these except teaching same esp in northern Wisconsin. Instead major in something you are interested in that has career availability.
Bailey Nandory 3 years ago
I majored in philosophy, classics, and English with a creative writing emphasis at UW-Madison. I got a job right after graduating at Epic making $60k/year and am applying to doctoral programs in a couple years. The liberal arts teach critical transferable skills and as long as you market your education properly, you can get many different jobs. It’s obvious you don’t actually have a liberal arts background or else you’d know this. My recommendation, probably the most important thing I learned during my college education, is when you don’t know what you’re talking about, stop talking and listen to those who know more. Since you know nothing about the benefits of a liberal arts degree, shut the f**k up and let those of us who do do the talking.
Load More Replies... #8
If a man is pushy about small things he will probably be pushy in other ways too.
Anaïs Grobin 3 years ago
I wish this was talked about more. I've been married to a "pushy" guy for 20 years. The implication in this post is that it veers towards sexual or physical abuse, but it doesn't always. My husband is neither, but his pushiness has destroyed parts of our life that we can never fully repair. Pushy people aren't all motivated by the same things, but the end result will be horrifying regardless, if unchecked. Rule #1 in life, set clear boundaries. Rule #2, maintain those boundaries at all costs.
ZentheOgre 3 years ago
It's like the saying I'd she lies about the little things she will lie about the big things too! This need to be adjusted because honestly this applies for all genders and relations. MIL, FIL, Mom, Dad, bro, sis. It's everyone
Beans 3 years ago
I think it's only that way because it's a group for women, but I agree with you. Women can be pushy too, it's a red flag regardless of gender.
Load More Replies... Kate Jones 3 years ago
I would add being a perfectionist to this as well. They aren't just going to become more laid back because they're with you. They will always believe their way is the right way and any other way you do something is wrong, even if it accomplishes the same thing. My father has been driving my mother crazy for years. She has to fold the towel a certain way, wash the dishes a certain way, vacuum and clean a certain way, etc. If she finishes eating and puts her plate on a table for a few minutes while she finishes watching a show, he gets upset with her. She should take it to the sink right away. We're talking a difference of 10 minutes so she can finish watching something. But he'll sit and stare at it like it's offending him if she leaves it for 5 minutes. If it's not done his way, it's wrong.
April P 3 years ago
I know what you mean but it was my mother. All she ever did was complain about my father. Then moved onto her children. A most miserable person who was proud of being a perfectionist.
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Jonathan Nichols 3 years ago
Yeah, don't know why it says "man" there. Women are perfectly capable too.
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#9
Not everyone who comes into your life is meant to stay. Regardless of how much it hurts, sometimes you just have to let people go.
Dani Alexander 3 years ago
“That’s life And as funny as it may seem Some people get their kicks Stomping on a dream But I don't let it, let it get me down Cause this fine old world, it keeps spinnin' around” -Frank Sinatra
Angel Antrim 3 years ago
Love this. 😅 A loved one told me I would never complete my last year of college, I was too inept. Well. I went on to enroll and graduate with straight As for that year. I believed in me.
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Al Christensen 3 years ago
"Not everyone who comes into your life is meant to stay." Introverted Me: Fortunately.
Eagle Girl 3 years ago
..and sometimes you gotta slam the door on their ass before they turn back around
Brittany Rogers 3 years ago
There are only three types of friends people make; friends for a season, friends for a reason, and friends for life.
Je souhaite 3 years ago
People who move on are usually on some kind of path and find it hard to just stop and vegetate
KombatBunni 3 years ago
So true. I’ve lost friends over time and I wish sometimes I could see them again. It’s sad when you have to let what you think is a good friendship go :(
Accidental Genius 3 years ago
PREACH- truer words have never been said... I have done my utter best to keep some friends yet they still end up betraying me or just ghosting me. I don't know what I did wrong but I don't want to give up because someday, somewhere, I know I will find true friendship...
#10
That sometimes you can be the toxic one, even if you have the best intentions. Accountability is important
May 3 years ago
So many toxic people in so called romantic films and books, I hope the examples set will get better over time
Daria B 3 years ago (edited)
I understand that fiction can encourage both good and bad behaviour, and I'm also pretty tired of those kinds of clichés indeed. But I think it's a huge problem when we seek example in fictional characters. Fiction can be various, it can be educational too, but its primary role is to entertain us, one way or another. Fiction is not there to be emulated in real life, and should be appreciated for what it is.
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Kate Jones 3 years ago
And you're choices can be toxic. Especially in relationships. Everytime i hear people complain about hating 'all men' or 'all women', i look at their choices of partner. If you only want a woman who acts like a hooker, expect she'll want to be paid. You want to be with a girl who is taking pics of herself all day long? Expect she may have conceited qualities. If you want a kardashian, expect you'll get one. Same for girls. I don't mean to generalize but every time i see a girl with some Post Malone-looking guy and she's been abused by the last 4 guys she's dated and none of them can keep a job,etc., at some point I have to say maybe it's not them...maybe it's your own bad choices. And for god's sake.... get okay with being alone with yourself. You don't have to be constantly coupled up. You will survive being single, lol. It may be time to get to know yourself better and figure out what you really want. Stop relying on others to make you feel whole.
Alana Voeks 3 years ago
I was extra clingy when I was younger because of the lack of love and affection I had during those times (and still have a lack of). I'm not proud to say, but I did threaten to hurt myself once to try to keep someone in my life. Didn't work, I felt terrible after, and I learned my lesson. Now I need plenty of space, actually kind of don't like being around too many people too long too often, and twisted myself around 180°. But I enjoy being alone now, with the solace and BOOKS
Trisha Howson 3 years ago
Yes it is important to admit when you do wrong for the realionship to even move forward
Fabian Meresse 3 years ago
Always question ourselves to improve attitude towards others. It'll improve our own lives at the end. I did. I quit drinking, quit hard drugs then softer ones, changed the toxic attitude I had with women and mostly people ( all that was problably tightened) and now I'm happier, but most important, I make people happy and I'm being respected because I respect others and myself
P. Mozzani 3 years ago
Self-analysis and introspection are vital for any human, who wants to be accountable. Sometimes, I forget both of those; but, for the most part, I use them as tools to keep myself in check.
Jason Alexander 3 years ago
Accountability for sure. Blaming others for your choices and actions is infuriating to me.
barbie me 3 years ago
After my divorce from my first husband I was so hurt, angry and hateful. I blamed him over and over and over in my head and heart. One day sitting at a stop sign it dawned on me I probably wasn't any better of a wife than he was a husband. We both grew up in single parent homes, so we really didn't have any idea what an actual healthy relationship looked like. All that anger, hurt, etc just floated away in that moment. That's when I truly learned about taking responsibility for my own actions.
#11
Your parents are people too with their own issues.
HarriMissesScotland 3 years ago
My parent's issues were each other. One night when I was 15, they got into a huge fight. I had had enough of this in my life. I got up, took my mother's car and left. I came back the next morning to get some clothes, and my mom shows up. I told her I was leaving and would not come back until they divorced, and I didn't. She gave me $200 and the car to use. I left town, and they divorced. We were all happier. Parents should never stay together " for the kids." All you end up with is mentally disabled children. I speak from experience.
Mary Rose Kent 3 years ago (edited)
Good on you for taking action and breaking the cycle!
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Trevor Nicholson 3 years ago
My parents both have intergenerational trauma that I've only started to really unpack in recent years.
albernistuff 4sale 3 years ago
Sometimes it is the entire culture, not just family
Load More Replies... Honu 3 years ago
All in all, my parents were really great, but there are a few questionable decisions they made during my childhood and before (with my older siblings) that I really wish hadn't been the case. One thing I really see now that I'm older is just how young they were at the time. I always tended to think of them as being these absolutely mature, in-control people, but they were barely older than kids when they started having us. I was screwing up hard at that age.
Kate Jones 3 years ago
Ugh THIS. It takes becoming an adult yourself before you finally cut your parents a break and realize- hopefully- they were good people just trying to figure it out, too. And they made mistakes. You really will never quite understand this until you hit your 30s or have kids of your own.
Melissa Bussone 3 years ago
Out of all of my friends and family I have like one of the worst mothers! However I think it's helped me in some aspects.... it's give me a lot of compassion and empathy for other people and the ability to see where somebody is coming from. And as bad as my mom is I don't make any excuses for her but I also do not constantly blame for her for anything that goes wrong in my life either. At a certain age we need to get over what our parents did to us and forge ahead trying to do better!
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Jane pv 3 years ago
My parents fought incessantly, refused to accept, acknowledge or talk about my older sisters personality disorder. I'm 58 now, just shy of retirement and financially supporting my sister whom I hadn't spoken to in over 11 years. With both parents now deceased they set me up to shoulder a responsibility because of their failures. I am bitter and disagree with many who say parenting is unselfish, there are millions of people who should not replicate and it is selfish for them to do so unless they are prepared to stay the course. My sister is horrible to me, I do not allow her in my home but I'm left to pay her rent and utilities of over $1k per month. There is no mental health support and I know I'm not alone, many other siblings are being forced into these situations with it affecting their own mental, physical and financial health. My advice is for people to just stop "having" children and start "planning" for children, this is seldom done.
Eumeka Thomas 3 years ago
This hits home, hard. My family is at an impasse right now because my sisters cannot grasp that my parents were permitted to make mistakes. Children do not come with an instruction manual, and being Black in the South in the 70s was not fun. Forgiveness, self searching, and love are key. No matter how bad we were hurting emotionally, we were fed, sheltered, educated, well clothed, and loved in their own way. Shout out to all the parents that have been abandoned because they were young, and didn't know any better. I love you.
Quinley 3 years ago
This is a really hard thing to learn. I idolized my dad as a kid, and being older now, and seeing how "bad" of a dad he really was and how his neglect has affected me mentally, is heart breaking.
Wandering spirit 3 years ago (edited)
Me too bruh Me too. My father is the sort of person who is talking about morals and philosophy and science 24/7. Yet he was once actually just about to murder my mother in front of me. So how should I feel about philosophy again?
Load More Replies... Alana Voeks 3 years ago
This isn't an excuse for how they treat you. Don't accept any sort of abuse. It's just to shine some light on you to be able to think outside your own skin.
Crystil Murch 3 years ago
This is something I wish I understood WAY younger. Would have saved me a lot of pain, anger, grief and frustration.
#12
That misogyny is so deeply ingrained in most cultures that most people don't recognize it when they look it in the eyes.
And that women, acting from internalized misogyny, can be as dangerous to you in non-sexual ways as men.
Unnamed Panda 3 years ago
From Emma Watson’s HeForShe gender equality speech: “Feminism should not be man-hate” I might get downvoted for this but I think it is important to remember. Double standards exist. The feminism I support is seeking gender equality, not a power shift from men to women
royal_antelope 3 years ago
feminism never was about hating men. that's just terrible framing
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Kate Jones 3 years ago
Calling people a pussy is the one that comes to mind for me. Even women use it as a description of weakness in others. A part of the female body= weakness because being any part of a woman is the worst thing you can be to a man. Meanwhile, it's actually an incredibly strong part of the body. It can take a beating. Testicles on the other hand...
Chuck daniels 3 years ago
Pussy is derived from pussy cat. Cats are easily frightened. It doesn't come from the female body part, that's a myth.
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Jennifer Gilmore 3 years ago
I was raised by a misogynistic single mother. I was the 2nd of 4 kids. My older brother got many privileges and freedoms that I never did, while I had the majority of the household responsibilities. She would say things like "well he can go to that party because he can't get pregnant". I also took care of my 2 younger siblings, while my brother got to leave for extracurricular activities and his job, whenever he wanted. I made sure to not follow that model of parenting for my own daughter. And now that my mother is raising 3 of my sister's kids, I tell her when she is being unreasonable and antiquated. She's not perfect but she listens to me now.
shodokai 3 years ago
I'm often horrified at work, seeing how brutal and backstabbing women can be with each other... I mean, isn't it hard enough that society is structured this way? Civilization it turns out, is not at all civlized.
Charlie Taube 3 years ago
Civilization is merely people saying “Look, I farm and build fancy things!” Being the most “civilized” people are tribes in Africa, the Amazon and south east Asia. They are pretty chill and not rapey-murdery unlike the cultures who called them uncivilized.
Load More Replies... Mazer 3 years ago
I have had my share of meeting really horrible women physicians. It’s bad enough having a male physician be a POS, it’s worse when it’s a woman. Women can be absolutely vicious to each other
royal_antelope 3 years ago
isn't that Misogynie too? saying that the same behavior is worse in women than in men?
Load More Replies... Stephanie Barr 3 years ago
"How can I be sexist? I'm a woman!" Guess what, you still can if you set expectations and limitations on other women. Including the ones you might raise.
Misty Pendergrast 3 years ago
*on a post about misogyny* "but look, men suffer too!" And yes, I know you're referring to the damage to the sign, but... But not the time or place, dude.
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Paul Davis 3 years ago
Too many times seeing women pulling each other down or buying into the idea they can't do things they can do perfectly well.
#13
That there is often little to no correlation between effort and outcome. I've been successful at some things with little effort and a lot of luck. I've poured my entire soul into other things and still utterly failed.
Dani Alexander 3 years ago (edited)
Just because you’re not good at something you love, doesn’t mean you should stop doing it ❤️ you don’t have to be a master at everything you do, if ur a bad singer, sing your heart out, if you’re a bad drawer, draw everyday:) be kind to yourself, you deserve it
Al Christensen 3 years ago
Conversely, you are not obliged to keep doing something you're very good at but hate doing.
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Fabian Meresse 3 years ago
Sometimes you learn more in the quest than in the aim, so failure is never totally a fail
Melissa Bussone 3 years ago
Especially like with people who are millionaires and billionaires! I am sure that they have had their share of failures before they had success.....the ability to get up and keep on going forward even when things don't go well is how somebody becomes a success!
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Richard Campbell 3 years ago
Complete rubbish. Sounds like a justification for not doing anything. You aim at nothing, you’ll hit nothing.
Katya Davidson 3 years ago
In talking to people who've had good lives, half of them will say, 'The most significant thing in my life is that I've been extraordinarily lucky.' And when you hear that you know you're hearing the truth. It doesn't diminish their talent or industry. You can have all that and fail." --Cormac McCarthy
Leodavinci 3 years ago
I wouldn't live my life by that. Being "successful" with little effort just means you're good at whatever it is, and depending on luck is pretty much a recipe for disaster.
#14
There’s going to come a point where the right thing to do won’t feel good at all. There are some things in life that you have to do, and they will break you down and hurt more than anything. But they’re still the right thing. And you will have to live with that.
Random Anon 3 years ago
Sometimes doing the right thing will also cause you to be hated. I've been there. But it also lets me know clearly, who are the real people I can count on when it mattered.
Chucky Cheezburger 3 years ago
Something I've noticed is that the right way is often times more difficult than the easy way.
Theoretical Empiricist 3 years ago
"The right thing to do" is often the option that is the most tedious, inconvenient, difficult, and even painful. Virtue needs more quick thrills.
#15
Your parents don’t actually always know or want what’s best for you, sometimes it is what’s best for them and/or the society they lived in.
ZentheOgre 3 years ago
Try mix marriage in the south......not saying it's worse than trans but it still comes down to who you love is wrong
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Fabian Meresse 3 years ago
'' You'll be a good lawyer'' ''Thanks Dad, I'd rather be a happy gardener''
Alana Voeks 3 years ago
Depends on many things, a big one being culture. Take a deep look into your culture and you may start finding answers to why they act the way they do
Cindy Araya 3 years ago
Alana Voeks, I thought I was the only one that thought this.
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Wendy Bryan 3 years ago
Anyone raised in s dysfunctional family hopefully learns that they can take care of themself and take responsibility for ourselves. We can dare to be more than our parents.
Ashley Mccullough 3 years ago
Sally there are some parents out there that only care about themselves and See their kids as a burden
Angry hedgehog 3 years ago
They wish the best for us, yet still the child can sometimes not fully understand it, or the parents can think that the child need smth else...
#16
After about the age of 25 I realized I had to work to stay healthy - physically and otherwise. Did not see that coming and it felt really unfair at first, then I realized that if that's my bar for unfair then I've had a pretty f**king good life so far and I should count my blessings and go run.
K Witmer 3 years ago
I'm a runner and it gets harder every year to keep going. Got a peloton to see if that's easier. It's not. Exercise and watching your calorie intake is the only thing that keeps you feeling good at every age. You will still go through middle age and gain weight and have pain and have some issues w your health but taking care of yourself is all you really have that helps ease aging
Julia Purdy 3 years ago
AND doing so.ething that gives meaning to your life esp. since "seniors" (UGH) are assumed to have nothing to do but watch Jeopardy all day. Learn a new language. Develop a special interest you have always wanted to follow but never had time for. Volunteering is a great antidote to boredom and loneliness.
Load More Replies... Otter 3 years ago
It's also true that as you age, your body will change, no matter how much work you put into maintaining your health, or your looks. Yes, it's hugely important to maintain your health as much as possible, but over time... Mother Nature is going to win some of the battles, and it's better to concede gracefully than to keep fighting when you've already lost.
Ivanka van der Reest 3 years ago (edited)
Not necessarily. A few days ago I saw this lady in her training outfit running. From her face I could see that she was really old. She really did not look younger than 80 years old when seeing her wrinkled face and her snow white hair! But her body was slim, and the muscles underneath her leggings were obviously present and she was running! It was obvious that she never stopped exercising. That she never let age win over health. She obviously didn't concede. And you know what, she inspired me in those few seconds that I saw her. I'd rather be old like that than grumpy about all kinds of physical complaints sitting in a chair all day. Even my dad who turns 70 this year is still very fit and healthy. The trick is to keep moving and doing things when you age. The moment you start "resting" is when you start "rusting". That's what dad always says. Not that he does heavy exercise but he does walk every day for at least half an hour. It keeps him fit. I'm 31 now myself. Recently invested in good quality shock absorbing running shoes and good exercise clothes and started running. And I don't need to follow a program. Only listen to my body. So what if the first few times I can't run longer than a minute? I'm already building up. I don't expect myself to run an entire marathon. I just enjoy the exercise.
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Kate Jones 3 years ago
I've been overweight my whole life and this is the thing that was the hardest for me to understand. Because you watch movies and tv, or you talk to friends and it's always 'oh it will get easier the more you do it.' 'Just keep at it and ou'll be able to do more every day."-- it's a lie. You see people in movies going through a montage of them working harder and losing weight and it makes you feel like a failure when it might not work that way for you. It never got easier for me. Not even a little. Every day it got more painful and boring and annoying. Pushing through it made it worse. I hurt my knees and my back. I'm simply happier being heavier. I lost about 50 pounds working out and was miserable every second of it. Now I deal with hanging skin. Oh and that's another thing they never show you when you follow weight loss guides and programs-- if you have hanging skin and gain weight back, it doesn't go back to where you lost it. So now you're fat and have skin hanging.
ChimeraBubbles 3 years ago
That's great awareness. Everyone has something to 'complain' about so that doesn't make their gripe invalid. I would say that on occassion it helps to look at what other people are dealing with to gain grounding.
colin dinsdale 3 years ago
I'm going through middle age & have stayed the same weight ever since I was in high school & ate healthy food
Josh Crooker 3 years ago
Aww you poor thing, you didn't have to work to stay in shape until you were 25, that's horrible! Forget the rest of us who have spent our whole lives working and were never able to get into good shape despite our efforts!
Elizabeth Spalding 3 years ago
I feel like part of this actually stems from the fact that you grow older and more experienced and less myopic (hopefully) the definition of health become more defined and that the consequences become more apparent as you grow more self aware. So it seems harder. But that's because it's more valuable.
#17
I overthink too much. Don't overthink everything or you will make yourself miserable.
KombatBunni 3 years ago
And then repeat in case they didn’t hear it the first time!
Load More Replies... No you can't have my name 3 years ago
This just sounds like the repetitive advice given to people with anxiety when we don't ask for any.
Poseidon’s waifu 3 years ago
and it literally does nothing. I know I shouldn't overthink, but it's hard not to. this "stop overthink bc bad" doesn't help.
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Victoria Pitt 3 years ago
Problem is, if you are an avid overthinker you may not really recognize the difference between what some people call overthinking and you just call thinking.
Rocky Mom 3 years ago
Well, it is rather an anguished experience so, some poor souls may be conditioned to believe it is normal, lost to themselves while I feel most are aware and lost in its cycle.
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Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
If you're happy and you know it - overthink! If you're happy and you know it - overthink! If you're happy and you know it and you really wanna blow it - overthink!
Rocky Mom 3 years ago
OH OkAy. Dumb thing to say, very unhelpful. Just like with mental illness, you have to actively be working on overthinking. You need to be full on aware of what ticks it, when does it happen, when it IS happening. Literal exercises to implement better thinking patterns and actively executing a thought process. This includes writing it down, speaking loudly to oneself, typing it out.. figure the why, and find its end. It is not nearly as easy as, stop thinking so much. BELIEVE ME.
Sofia Gonzalez 3 years ago
I overthink everything, always have and it has cost me so many experiences. If I could do it all over again, I would do it so differently.
Jjjane20 3 years ago
I feel you but the outcome would definitely be depending on the previous experience. If we started over without knowing what we know now I think, we wouldn't do things any better. But It's never too late to work on ourselves, right? 🤞
Load More Replies... Kate Jones 3 years ago
THIS. Stop creating problems in your mind. I used to literally stand in my shower after work and come up with these ridiculous conversations that I thought were happening behind my back and I'd then respnd to them and it would work me up until I was so mad I wanted to quit. Meanwhile, none of that was actually the case. I used to constantly think my bosses were angry with me and so I felt defensive all the time with any criticism. I finally just let it all go and learned to relax a little. If they're mad, they'll talk to me. If not, then who cares?!
Ashley Mccullough 3 years ago
I was thinking is something I really hate about myself. I mean I can be so bad about it that I'll be stressing over bein stressed
#18
Depression doesn't go away.
May 3 years ago
It does sometimes. I was severely depressed for years in my early twenties, it gradually got better (meds and therapy) and I haven't had a trace of it for the last ten years. It doesn't go away on it's own, but it can go away
El muerto 3 years ago
I think it means more like, it doesn't just disappear. you can't ignore depression away
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julie son 3 years ago
Judging by the comments, I think people confuse being depressed with having depression. You can get out of feeling depressed, but you will still have depression. The illness doesn't go away, but you can manage it, and keep yourself from getting lost in feeling depressed again.
Stephen R Hipp 3 years ago
Depression doesn't just go away. You start to understand what makes or made you depressed, and you make changes. No emotion goes away. You just get better at understanding yourself. I was 'fortunate' enough to experience the trifecta when I was younger. Mentally, physically, and emotionally abused. I understand why I think and feel what I do. My s**t is still there, I'm just better at accepting happy
Gentle-Cat 3 years ago
Congrats for making that huge, life changing step.
Load More Replies... Sofia Gonzalez 3 years ago
I've found that at some points in life it will fade a little. I am really nervous about going to high school and it got to the point where I was sick because of it. But now I feel almost excited about high school. Mental health is weird
Luther von Wolfen 3 years ago
Depression doesn't just go away without any effort. There are things you can do.
Amy Stone-Chandler 3 years ago
If you suffer from actual depression, then it's always in there somewhere. Too many people don't know the difference between having a s**t time and clinical depression
Gentle-Cat 3 years ago
I respectfully, seriously disagree with you. There is no way the proper treatment doesn't take it away.
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Ashley Mccullough 3 years ago
I suffered with depression most of my life and most days are hopeless and I just want to sleep and never get out of my bed because my because my dreams are far better than reality ality. It's a constant struggle to feel like this all the time and I just want to be happy and enjoy my life but my mind just won't shut off and constantly going I'm my own worst enemy and my worst critic. I'll do anything to help someone else when they're feeling down and to make them smile but that's easy when it comes to cheering someone else up, comma trying to do it for myself seems almost impossible and in never ending battle that I can't win, I swear I swear it really feels like I'm cursed or life just has it out for me and loves keeping me down because because anytime it seems I might be getting one Step ahead here comes life with something else that pushes me back even further than where I was before and and it just feels hopeless sometimes
julie son 3 years ago
Medication and CBT. It's super hard to get out of a deep depressive phase (in the sense that one's moods go up and down, not that depression is a phase), but it's doable, and worth the fight. I discovered CBT at 42, during (another) huge down, when I could see no way out but to end it all, but I could not go through with it. I got some friends to take me to emergency, got admitted as an in-patient, went to group therapy and scoffed that nothing this simplistic could help me, but ended up doing it because I was too desperate, and I was ready to try anything. Discovered really fast that "simple" it's not the same as "easy". I was lucky to be in a place where every time I said I "failed" because I didn't do as much as I planed to, somebody explained to me over and over that I had not failed, that, in fact, every single thing I did was a win, until one day I didn't need somebody else to tell me that. It built up form there.
Load More Replies... #19
People still dont owe you anything even if you're willing to risk your life for them. It's still their decision if they're gonna lift a finger for you and you shouldn't feel entitled for anyone's time and attention.
Jason Alexander 3 years ago
I don't fully agree with this, or like, at all. This is the image of a very unhealthy relationship, imo. With the exception of your children, who owe you nothing and didn't asked to be brought into this world, your closest friends and SO should be reciprocal in altruism and respect because the love you share is just that SHARED. This seems like the abusers mantra, you give me everything, but I owe you nothing. If you don't have someone in your life you can trust it with, even just one person, then you need to find new people and reexamine your self worth. Period.
Crene 3 years ago (edited)
Agree with u. Couldn't say it any better. Though I agree one shouldn't feel entitled but it's still a horseshit statement
Load More Replies... Alison Tews 3 years ago
I call BS. There's something called loyalty. If you help someone and they turn their back on you, they're an a**hole.
Kori Chamberlain 3 years ago
You are not entitled to their loyaltiy, is the point here. If you have it, thats amazing. Maintain that relationship.
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Tomas Anshelm 3 years ago
That's the most ungrateful, narcissistic, entitled thing I've ever heard in my life. Absolutely disgusting sentiment.
No you can't have my name 3 years ago
Unless you're married cause that's kind of part of the deal.
Jason Alexander 3 years ago
Healthy and reasonable expectations should exist in positive and supportive relationships.
Load More Replies... Alana Voeks 3 years ago
This is true, however, you can then turn it around on them. When they show their true face, it's your decision then what to do with that information. Every action has a consequence.
azzakwan 3 years ago
I remember how heartbroken asking help from a friend or someone to later turned down or they didn't bother after what i did before or just now. I asked my sister a place to stay for a night since she's taking care my parents' house after a terrible experience at a hotel not safe for my toddler & other hotels were full for "why now?!!", I drove back 1 & ½ hour to our home.
#20
Financial freedom is the only freedom
K Witmer 3 years ago
It's truly the only way you can be independent and not have to rely on anyone
Leodavinci 3 years ago
Everyone is an island... but no one lives in a vacuum.
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Otter 3 years ago
"Freedom" is the most nebulous word in the world. I ask "Freedom from what?", while others are dying or killing in the name of what they call "freedom", something they can't even define.
Angelar 3 years ago
I think many people didn't read the title of the post. It is from women, about being a woman...and that to be free, a woman must be financially free. At least that's how I understand it :)
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Julia McElroy 3 years ago
Intellectual freedom, emotional freedom sexual freedom, gender freedom, racial freedom, religious freedom... I'm not rich. I struggle financially. I don't have kids so I don't have that obligation but money isn't a freedom for me. No. It is most certainly not the only freedom. And so very far from being the most important.
Wandering spirit 3 years ago
And yet they are all to a certain degree dependant on your financial freedom to maintain
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UpQuarkDownQuark 3 years ago
That can mean having a lot of money, or having few needs so you’re not tied to making a lot of money. A friend of mine does this well. She works part of the year, rents a room, can fit all her belongings in a pickup truck, and has a ton of free time and travels. She just just hiked the PCT last year (minus the parts closed from wildfires)!
Ogidi Girl 3 years ago
This is a great balanced view. I think I was stuck in the lots of money view. Good to read this, thanks!
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Paula Marowsky 3 years ago (edited)
Even if people then turn to slaves to their jobs/work for "finantial freedom"??
No you can't have my name 3 years ago
Just think about that question for a minute there.
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Courtney Lunsford 3 years ago
The love of money is the root of all money. Render unto Ceasar what is Ceasar's
#21
Very few people care about you. Like at all. Even most of your acquaintances and relatives; often even so-called friends.
Exceptions exist for a select small group of "special" people.
Dani Alexander 3 years ago
It always baffles me at how much love and respect I feel for friends or distant family, and how little I get back. It hurts me to know that they don’t care about me like I care about them and it confuses me, like am I a bad person? Is that why they don’t return my respect. You would think it’s just common courtesy
LuckyL 3 years ago
It's just - that in this case - youre the exceptional one. And a wonderful one! Most people don't care, not because they don't want to care - but they have so much going on themselfs. And I really think, that a lot of your friends and family realize, what they have in you and know, that they're not giving back as much. (At least that's what I would know. My sister has done a lot for me lately and I felt really bad because I wasn't able to give anything back.)
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Susie Elle 3 years ago (edited)
I beg to differ on this one. The 'nobody cares about you the way you do' is how it's supposed to be in life, because if someone DID care about you the way you do, it'd be very unhealthy for them. That doesn't mean that they don't care at all. There's a whole spectrum of ways people can care about you, but if you expect someone to live their life for you, you've got a wrong idea on how friendship and relations work.
Deborah Rambach 3 years ago
Live their life for u. My family can't remember a bday, Christmas or even call. But if they need money, guess who they call. Well that was my fault for trying to "help," against my better judgment. That's come to a screeching halt. They are considerably younger than me, I should never have enabled them and I am done Not mad, frustrated, irritated or you name it. Just completely done and yes, I still love them.
Load More Replies... Ashley Mccullough 3 years ago
Yeah my family is a joke and care about nobody but themselves plus there are 2 phase, all nice to your face but the 2nd you're not around the 1st ones to put a knife in your back but you're back slandering your name and and sadly real friends are hard to come by and most people just be fake as f**k and use you for their own needs As soon as they get what they want I need nothing else from you , you won't really hear from them at all until they need something again so recognize that sooner than later and cut the bed out of your life I'd rather be alone that surrounded by a bunch of fake people just using me
Nicholi Âû 3 years ago
I can relate. It's important to remember that you can't change others, you can only control what kind of treatment you are prepared to accept. Set boundaries, and be prepared to stick to them. Sometimes this means cutting toxic people out of your life completely, other times the best you can do is limit your exposure to them.
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Alison Tews 3 years ago
People often mistake kindness for stupidity, and will treat you accordingly. Don't let them twist you. Set boundaries and stick to them.
Njushka 3 years ago
I feel like this is very much a cultural thing. In many non-Western countries, your neighbor, your community, even a random passerby, can treat you like family. It's only when I left the West that I understood what loving your fellow man/woman was. The care and love I received regularly from strangers I never experienced before.
BabyYodaIsMe 3 years ago
This is so sad but true. I'd say sometimes the "special" people are people you've never met or will never see again, like nice Pandas on the internet or people you meet in passing on your commute. Sometimes I think that that's sad, but I think it's more beautiful that I got to spend time with the "Special" people with the little time I had.
R.L. 3 years ago
I learned that when I was disabled 10 years ago. Even my own parents stopped talking to me. Once you're no longer the life of the party.....
N TY 3 years ago
I'm sorry to say I actually saw that happen with one of my best friends where people get uncomfortable. I don't even really understand it, but once one of my best friends no longer could walk, many people dropped him as a friend. Sad but true
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Sonja Wells 3 years ago
We choose who is in our core circle or community...the trick is in knowing who to choose. So choose wisely. Your core should be an extention of you so make sure you know who you are.
Gentle-Cat 3 years ago
These 'truths' about life keep getting worse and worse😂 Where the hell did I ask for more people to care for me?
Nathan Carroll 3 years ago
Church is where I have found people that genuinely care about each other.
Load More Replies... #22
People will think the worst of you no matter how good you try to be.
Stew 3 years ago
That's just me. My parents and teachers both do not understand me enough. My mum does not try to understand me and bit. No matter what I do mom is only able to see the bad in it. But I'm okay. I hope.
anarkzie 3 years ago (edited)
This is not true at all, most people are too busy worrying about themselves and their own issues to be negatively judging you. I grew up with un-supporting parents but I have had very supportive partners and friends that have seen more in me than I have seen in my self at times. You have to try and lose the victim mindset(not easy) and cut toxic people out of your life.
Tiffany Shankle 3 years ago
People will judge your book by the review given by others without reading it for themselves. You can be the nicest person, and they will still despise you over what they heard, true or not.
Julia McElroy 3 years ago
Nope. Not even a little bit. The people who think the worst of you may do so no matter what. Those people don't matter. Most people like to know good people and look for that in others. If you live your life with the massive negativity and judgement on this list you might be putting out some petty and ugly vibes.
ZentheOgre 3 years ago
Yeah this goes for any gender. Moved out at 21. (Only stuck around because of my dad's heart attack). Never asked for money. Bought my own vehicle. Let a friend room with my after a nasty divorce. She proposed to me. Bought a house with no help or advice from them. She has been loyal. Gave birth to two kids. I had a car wreck and am on disability.----------parents view I am a deadbeat who cant hold job and she was a w* who got pregnant before marriage(two years time between marriage and first kid). Still don't see why they paint this picture as they have nothing to gain
Cyndielouwhoo 3 years ago
I would change this to "some people" ...not just a blanket statement encompassing everyone.
RoseAnne Hutchence 3 years ago
"Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often."
#23
You can wait until circumstance motivates you out of your bad habits, but banking on future motivation risks you wasting most of your life.
Dani Alexander 3 years ago
You can count on both, just don’t let yourself wait too long to get motivation.
#24
That seeing someone's potential means nothing unless they try to fulfill it on their own
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
Yeah, and just because someone is good at something doesnt' mean they have an interest in pursuing a career out of it or will do anything for you for free. If you really value someone's craft, then put value in it in return by paying them.
Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
My Careers teacher in highschool told us he knew a guy who was one of the best real estate salesmen in the business, highly respected and brilliant at his job. The instant he had made enough to retire on, he quit real estate forever. When people asked why, he said "Because I HATED it!"
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Mr Red 3 years ago
Not entirely agreeing, sometimes people don't see their own potential and need someone to acknowledge it before they go and achieve wonderful things.
Angelar 3 years ago
I agree with you. Everybody needs acknowledgment and validation..of course they have to put in the work themselves. -- Most of these posts are lacking context. This could have come from a frustrated teacher or mother, who wants more for her pupil/child (since the whole post if from women for women)
Load More Replies... bumble bee 3 years ago
Just because you may have talent, potential, does not mean you will get a chance to use it or grow it. No one cares about it, but you can
Christina Keenan 3 years ago
You can't want something for someone more than he/she wants it themselves
Claire Stanfield 3 years ago
Also you can't care more than they do without frustrating yourself to no end.
Danielle Schaefer-singleton 3 years ago
Yep..like a beautiful chandelier, with no way to plug it in.
Sonja Wells 3 years ago
Seeing someone's potential unrealized is painful! It's best to focus on realizing our own.
Mike Rodrick 3 years ago
Many people don't know they have potential & without encouragement, will never realize it.
#25
That the only person who’s gonna take care of me, is me.
Zophra 3 years ago
Oh I don't know... I think I get on my husband's case about health issues far, far more than he would if he was alone.
Seabeast 3 years ago
That's why married men live longer and are healthier than single men.
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Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
Found that out through experience. All those people who are so quick to tell you to just call them if you ever need anything and they’ll come running seem to suddenly fall off the face of the earth when you actually pick up the phone and make that call. So people, never ever make that promise unless you fully intend to keep it! Making empty promises like that is cruel, and shows you up as an insincere a*****e who can’t be trusted.
David Force 3 years ago
It’s nice to be self reliant but to say “the only person who’s going to take care of me is me” is not at all true in my family. This morning I am headed to my very pregnant daughters house to clean her house and do all her laundry. Her husband and mother work hard and take care of her too. I know I can count on them to take care of me too if I needed them.
#26
If they like you, you won’t be confused
Bob D. Lin Quint 3 years ago
I'm always confused. Throwing another human in the mix doesn't make my brain work
John Krebs 3 years ago
Some of us are too dense to see what's obvious to anybody looking from the outside.
Load More Replies... Otter 3 years ago
Not true. A person who doesn't know how to express their regard can be as confusing as hell.
ZentheOgre 3 years ago
What about people who aren't sure of how they love someone. Love vs lust. Romance vs platonic. Not all those feeling play on a scale. Trying to put them on one may lead people to develop codependency and feel necessity rather than love. My parents are prime examples. They have not shared a bed since 98. They constantly fight and hurt(threatening each other) and worse yet adopted another kid to be in this squabble. While I do think they love the child I am scared to death worrying how she will turn out. They constantly use me as a cautionary tale (don't know why been married 15 years. Bought a house at 25 of my salary alone. the only thing is I got PTSD from their parenting). The only reason they haven't divorced is they refuse to let the other one win and blemish their social standing.
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Andreia Pereira 3 years ago
Lie. Relationships are confusing and messy, even when they like and love you.
Lukas-not-Luca (he/him) 3 years ago
I see it as more of the other way around: If I truly like them, I won't be confused.
Kori Chamberlain 3 years ago
Better. In line with the old "When you know, you'll know."
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Paul Davis 3 years ago
Wish some women would post this on their mirrors or something. Have seen some endlessly chasing some guy who clearly is not that into them and the woman just being obtuse as hell about it.
Courtney Lunsford 3 years ago
Very true. My husband was very obvious when he was hitting on me and has treated me very well since we got together.
#27
Only you can be the hero you needed as a kid.
ChimeraBubbles 3 years ago
Ooh, it's called reparenting in some therapy models. Learning to talk to yourself in a nurturing parent voice and learning to advocate for yourself is hard but worth it.
Alana Voeks 3 years ago
A piece of advice: don't surround yourself with people who constantly insult you. Even if they say they're joking (and maybe even are) and even if they compliment you sometimes, it's not healthy. As much as we want to say we don't take it to heart, we aren't narcissists (normally). We don't carry ourselves in the highest regard towards ourself. Insults hurt. Even if they aren't actually meant.
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Pepper McGowan 3 years ago
I can't believe this one got so few upvotes compared to many of the others. I hope that means more people reading this will never know how painful (but rewarding) this experience and realization can be because they have had less damaged parents. I didn't have an inner child because even when I was a child I was running from my inner adult. Now I am forty something and only three years ago did I actually have a conversation outloud with me saying "people didn't show up for you this wasn't fair. Now you can show up for you. But you can also go make snow angels spontaneously when you are perfectly sober because you were too busy holding up the actual adults in first grade and that's fine so long as you keep your pants on and can pay your own way in life now."
Naima Major 3 years ago
And finding out that you are that person is the greatest thing in the world. You’ll have to clean out the Augean stables though !
#28
"You let them treat you that way."
-My therapist on the takers in my life of giving endlessly.
HarriMissesScotland 3 years ago
And we do. For whatever reason, we go above and beyond to help. Over and over again. I finally had to delete a couple of people from my life, literally. It's hard, but I am better for it.
Roxy Eastland 3 years ago
It's easy to blame the others for taking all the time, but they are trying to get through life the same as you and if you're not setting boundaries then you're telling them things are okay like this and they can focus on all the other hard stuff.
ZentheOgre 3 years ago
My scars will say otherwise. Sometimes your just they nail that stood up just to be knocked down
Dawn Shackleford 3 years ago (edited)
Yes my dad told me very little advice but he did say You are just too nice to people; try being more of a bi*ch!!!
Amy Stone-Chandler 3 years ago
If you allow them to crap on you more then once, your just as guilty as them.
Aaron Cherniavsky 3 years ago
If you give endlessly you have nothing to offer, and you are a liability to those closest to you.
#29
Looks do matter. To be successful, you need to put effort in your appearance to get the proper respect you deserve. Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg may be able to get away with wearing the same shirt and jeans but if you do it, no one will take you seriously
Claire Stanfield 3 years ago
Be clean and do your job. Nobody notices you as much as you notice yourself.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
Clean and well-groomed. The style isn’t necessarily the issue. If you want to have a bright green Mohawk, just be sure the hair it’s made of is clean, as well as the head and body below it. Most people will just be curious about it instead of offended. However, please make sure any tattoos that you wouldn’t want your children or your parents to see are covered while you’re at work. Once you’re off the clock and the property, it’s nobody else’s business but your own. Don’t let your company try to dictate how you look when you’re not doing it on their dime.
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Njushka 3 years ago
So if you don't have money to spend on nice clothes and a closet full of variety, you will never be successful and no one will take you seriously. The posts here are definitely filled with positive life lessons. To the young girls reading this, please use critical reflection. I would never teach my girls that they have to look a certain way to get the respect they deserve. No. Work on yourself, be a good person, and take care of your hygiene. Stand up for yourself, be proud of your accomplishments, and work hard. If someone judges your worth based on what you look like, move on to something better. They don't deserve your time.
Ivanka van der Reest 3 years ago (edited)
Uh, sorry I think you misunderstood the message. Even without a lot of money you can still take great care of the way you look. I never had a big amount of money. A lot of my clothes are cheap or second hand. But just because something is cheap doesn't mean it has to look cheap. I got married in a 50 dollar dress and a veil that I made myself and everyone thought I had spent over 1000 dollars on the way I looked. Lol. It's just a matter of style and wear something that makes you look good. And split the clothes when doing laundry to preserve the colors and keep the white white. You don't even need makeup to look great. A little self care is enough. Groom your nails instead of biting them. Keep your hair clean. Shower regularly. That's more important than makeup. You can have your own style and still look amazing even with little money to spend. I speak from experience. When I look in the mirror I like what I see and I'm not some fashion chick or something at all. But I do take care of the way I look and others notice that too. At least I don't have to convince others that I am not what I look like, because I think my looks exactly represents who I am. Colorful, bold, social, friendly, feminine but also with self-respect because I don't show a lot of skin. That's just not me to wear super short shorts or crop tops or deep V necks. But I don't need to show skin to wear clothes that are fun and show who I am. And the way I look doesn't cost me a lot at all. You don't need to be rich, or be a cookie cutter, to give a good first impression wherever you go.
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Susie Elle 3 years ago
Jobs and Zuckerberg can get away with it NOW, when they just started they probably had to wear suits and proper attire as well.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
I think this is an example of an above entry in the list regarding misogyny.
Njushka 3 years ago
Thank you. I can't believe THIS made it on a thread for women in 2202. Shameful.
Load More Replies... Kookamunga 3 years ago
This is true. Good looks can open lots of doors. Use this gift carefully, as it's a limited time offer.
Yusuf Stew 3 years ago (edited)
This! I went to university and majored in mechanical engineering, interned 4 years after graduating, took two 8 hour board exams and became professionally licensed. Worked hard. But I couldn't understand why I wasn't taken seriously and never promoted to VP position. I thought merit alone was enough. I refused to go into debt to look rich and instead wore modest clothes, drove an old car, and lived in a small house. I have no debt but I am also treated like a plebeian by my others.
Donkey boi 3 years ago (edited)
This is definitely the case for women and sometimes the case for men. My boss (who started the company after me) admitted that he would never have employed me because I have tattoos and look "a bit rough". When we have CV's for new positions, I catch him looking them up on the web to see what they look like before inviting them in, The "prettier" women will be invited first.
Chance Govar 3 years ago
Only the naive would say this were not true. Of course they matter. And maybe it's worth focus. But maybe that also means realizing that if you act in the idealists naivete and focus on "go" and "do"....Well you'll go places strictly because of your internal assets and not how you wrap the package. It's not a "this is always best" thing. It's just that you can worse than landing in a pile of presents anyone would like to open because of what's inside versus a pile of pretty bowed boxes filled with coal.
Daman dan 3 years ago
This kind of works with the "nobody cares" one too. If you think everyone is going to respect you more because youre wearing LV from head to toe, you're probably going to be very disappointed because honestly,nobody cares. That being said, if you are looking for a client service type job, that swastika tatoo on your forhead may close a few more doors than you would expect
Arbuckle McShitteé 3 years ago
On the flip side, if they don't respect you for the quality of what you bring to the table - no matter how you may look - then f**k 'em.
#30
He's just not into you
High Mamii Melo 3 years ago
Or maybe they have another reason why they have trouble expressing they ARE into you. That "He's Just Not that Into You" book and movie are complete and utter b******t.
Makajha Banjjjak 3 years ago
That book finally got me free out of very toxic relationship. Usually, he's just not that into you, and all excuses are actually the b******t
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#31
At work - I will have to work twice as hard for half the respect.
No you can't have my name 3 years ago
Context is necessary here. The white men may not understand that this applies to everyone except them.
Al Christensen 3 years ago
When you realize this is the case, it's time to look for work elsewhere. Not all organizations are like that.
BabyYodaIsMe 3 years ago
At Work- That is the wrong kind of respect. Before you try to change yourself and morph into an entirely different amazing mythical being to impress others, remember what you love about yourself, and be open to some growth. Self Respect is the best preventative cure to burnout.
Gabby M 3 years ago
I am guessing they're either BIPOC or a woman. In most fields, someone who is part of a marginalized group has to work twice as hard to get half as far as someone with more privilege.
Load More Replies... #32
My instinct was right and i let others talk me into ignoring it for years.
#33
Sleeping with someone too early into the relationship probably isn’t a good idea.
K Witmer 3 years ago
Yeah this is true in most cases. However I will say my husband was supposed to be a one night stand that turned into 21 yrs of marriage and 24 yrs of being together. My "fun" night out turned into a lifelong commitment lol
Kanuli 3 years ago
We waited about a year even, though we were still quite young anyway. But we are only together for 16 years now. Still first love couple 🥰
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Mary Rose Kent 3 years ago
I finally just gave up having sex with people because it caused me to make such bad decisions. It was really challenging at first, but eventually I got used to it. Thank heavens for sex toys!
Donkey boi 3 years ago
Sex and relationships do not have to go hand-in-hand. I've had relationships that were pretty much all about the sex and physical attraction. I have always had an extremely high sex drive so sex is important to me, however I've now been married to an asexual for over a decade (so sex isn't something that happens often) and never been happier.
Cocoa Beanz 3 years ago
So true. I was celibate with my ex but he constantly forced himself on me. It was terrible. And he honestly thought I would consider marriage. I would never be happy. I would've been constantly wondering when his next attack could be. Nope.
albernistuff 4sale 3 years ago
I can't remember which one, but years ago BBC documentary on "What women want". An interview with a woman who stated the opposite, because she wanted to know 2 things. Would he flake off afterward? Then he was really just in it for the sex, and she would not waste any more time on the relationship. The other was sexual compatibility; why invest too much time in a new relationship if they had different want or preferences.
София Харитонова 3 years ago (edited)
Thinking sex is a freaking big deal - THAT'S a bad idea. If you want to sleep with someone and it's safe, just do it, damnit! It's nothing serious, it doesn't mean you're "a whore" or "easy". It's just a thing people do for pleasure, stop overestimating it's value.
Justine Queequag 3 years ago
Well if you both want the same thing why wait, just don't expect to be engaged 5 seconds later
#34
That our bodies have an expiration date to have children. The longer you wait, or the longer it takes to find a partner that you can actually see your life with, the higher the risk it is to try and conceive.
Sometimes I also believe women often feel pressured to have kids before they are truly ready (mentally, physically, financially), just because the chances to have a healthy baby are higher at a younger age.
Bailey 3 years ago
This idea of fertility dramatically dropping as you age came out of research done using a very flawed sample to try and use for modern women (records of 18th century French peasants), and was used by companies selling fertility products and treatments to scare people https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-24128176. More modern studies show there is a natural decrease as you age, but it's not the scaremongering decrease in chances that most people have been told
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
I must emphasize that there *is* decrease, in quality of reproductive material, and an increase in risks of certain problems, and these will vary person to person. Generally speaking, getting it done by 40 is best, for both genders, b/c, yes, males contribute lower-quality material after they hit 40. It ain't just on us gals.
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Anaïs Grobin 3 years ago
That is a very outdated and inaccurate thing to claim as factual. Under the age of 24 actually presents its own set of risks, and until only a few years ago, there wasn't much data collected or studies done to figure out what the healthiest child bearing years are. There are plenty of reputable, women led studies that have shown there are more genetic risks in a healthy mother under 20 than 35-40. The reason they used to say this has nothing to do with science or statistics- it was a pre-war effort to keep suffragettes from attempting to join the workforce. The mindset was that keeping women pregnant and married young would keep them home permanently. From a statistical standpoint, the healthiest years to give birth are 25-36, but the risk of genetic disorders only increases a pretty small percent between 37-40. Over 40 is where the problems may arise, but even that is not some creepy guarantee.
Donkey boi 3 years ago
My mam always said 'You are never ready to have a baby. You might think you are, you got somewhere to live, financially stable, someone you love... then you have a baby and realise you are nowhere near ready. So if you want a kid, there is never "the right time" only a wrong time and if it isn't a wrong time, have a go and see what happens. If you don't want kids, don't have them!".
KombatBunni 3 years ago
My partner and I recently discussed having kids but I found out because of my age it’s basically impossible. My darling daughter just said we can adopt so that’s what we are going to do
Mary Rose Kent 3 years ago
There are so many children that need a home, and so few people who adopt. Good on you!
Load More Replies... Victoria Pitt 3 years ago
When I turned 38 and was still single, I pretty much came to terms that I was never going to be a mom. It wasn't a goal of mine anyway but since I wasn't even in a relationship I figured my time had ran out anyway. A few months later I met my current partner who does want kids and isn't put off about my age. (Although, he's 5 years younger.) I'll be 40 this year which means if we try for a kid I'll likely be 41. It's not ideal for me by any stretch of the imagination. Risks aside, just being pregnant when you're that old does not seem like a great experience. It sucks and I wish men could be the ones to carry the baby. It's such a complex issue.
Paula Marowsky 3 years ago (edited)
Plus having babies at the end of 30's, and 40's also means you are not able fisically to keep up with growing toddlers that never stay quiet. I truly regret having listened to my parents and everyone else and get the degree (which I hate), have a career (which I hate) wait for the "perfect time" (which is never perfect because whatever) to have babies. I allways knew I wanted a big family, but you cannot start a big family at 45... maybe one or two kids max... and then everyone tells you how cute the grandchildren are, because you are old enough, and it is so hard to belive they are your kids... not your grandkids. I should have had my kids younger. Like at least 15 - 20 years before. I wasted 20 years for nothing really.
#35
Being single over 25 will lead people to harshly judge you. Being single over 30 will lead to even more criticism and people will try to shame you
Kristin Ingersoll 3 years ago
Being single over 40 and suddenly you seem like the smartest person on the planet. Years of being shamed and guilted. And now all I hear is how nice it must be. LOL! Perspective changes everything!
Anaïs Grobin 3 years ago
I HIGHLY disagree, at least for my country. That goes strongly against the national trend in the US.
Jasper Cool 3 years ago
I think this very much depends on where you live. No one cared at all in the larger cities I lived in. In small rural areas I can see why people might because the average age to get married can be early 20's for women. Or at least it is in my home state.
Cocoa Beanz 3 years ago
Yes yes yes. My mom said she wants more grandkids. I said that I'm not married yet. She said "that doesn't matter. Just meet a nice guy and coparent. It'll never be that serious. I'm not going to willingly sign up to be a single mom.
Kate Jones 3 years ago
And single women over 40 are old maids while single men are bachleors and playboys. I'm single and over 40 and let me tell you the 'poor you' looks I get on the regular make me generally lie about it just to avoid that. I always tell people I'm dating someone just so they don't look at me like I should kill myself.
#36
He doesn’t want to just be your friend
Nathaniel 3 years ago
I am a man, my social circle is almost exclusively made up of women. I value their friendship and want nothing else from any of them.
Josy Bannon 3 years ago
Do you think that they would date you if you wanted? Genuine questions, I'm curious about this toppic
Load More Replies... ZAPanda 3 years ago (edited)
nah. I have several female friends, some very attractive, who have zero interest for me and vice versa. I'd have to count them. ... I just counted. Under the letter "A" in my addressbook there are four women I'm friends with, all attractive, answer is nah. Of those four, only one is a "maybe", but she's in Seattle, and that's like halfway round the world. But that's Just "A". Under "B" I count six. ONE of those under B was a Tinder date who is a "maybe", super attractive. But still nah. You'll be amazed to know that there are some men who find women interesting as potential partners on the basis of more than (a) being female and (b) being attractive. Other qualities are required. Like: (c) Interesting to talk to (d) similar values and goals, (e) employed or independent financially. Some of us do NOT want a housemaid. (f) Easy to get on with (not excessively demanding).
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Imogene Cargeaux 3 years ago
Idk why this is getting downvoted. I feel like this is very common. The second I got married all of My guy friends stopped talking to me. All because the option of sex was seemingly off the table. Except it was never on the table go begin with. Yeah, it depends On the men.. it's not all men. It's not every men. It's not every group of men. But this is very true for a lot of men. If you're not one of those men, good for you. Seriously. You're one of few who actually respect women and don't look at us as sex objects. But unfortunately a lot of men do that. So just because YOU DONT, that doesn't mean it's not true. And if you really want to be that guy that respects women... then you need to also respect our experiences and understand that you're more of an anomaly than you think. But you can help stop that s**t by not raising your sons to be that way and calling your sexist friends on their s**t. But ignoring it and pretending it isn't real. Makes u part of the problem. Not the solution
Imogene Cargeaux 3 years ago
Yeah. I had shitty friends and I'm better off now... but that still doesn't change how I learned this.
Load More Replies... Luther von Wolfen 3 years ago
Women have been unable to believe I just wanted to be their friend. It hurt a little, but I realized I don't need everyone to be my friend - and if a woman can't see past my apparent gender, I don't want that friendship.
Al Christensen 3 years ago
If you have male friends, and you don't know whether they're hoping for more than friendship, ask. The ones who are will light up. Ah, their patience is finally rewarded! Then you need to break their heart and lose them as friends. But if you fall somewhere in the hot babe category, they all want to have sex with you, whether they'll admit it or not.
Shaun Colby 3 years ago
When the man/ boy is relatively young then this is absolutely true but not so much for older men
ZAPanda 3 years ago
Hmm I dont know, I think it is cultural. I'm older and I have almost zero interest in romance, so if I speak to a woman she can be 99.9% sure I am uninterested in THAT. However in our country, different demographics have different attitudes and some are more patriarchal and view women as first mothers and home-makers, and only second as indnpendent adults. So it really depends on culture. The same was true of 1950s UK, and is probably still true in the Midwest in USA. Meaning that in those places, because those patriarchal values are older, I hitnk that probably in western countries, older men are more likely to be sexists/objectifiers, and younger men, depending on education of course, not so much. I'd imagine young educated western men are less objectificatory, and older under-educated men are more objectificatory.
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 3 years ago
I have male friends I could see myself end up in bed with, should the opportunity arise and we'd both be single. However, my willingness to have sex with a person and my interest in them as a human being can exist in parallel perfectly fine. It's not 'sex or friend', it's 'friend I also happen to find attractive'.
ZAPanda 3 years ago (edited)
Exactly. I have a very attractive female friend who is just like this. She's poly and almost always single and she says she likes being objectified. LITERALLY. that's what she said,verbatim. She's also a professor. So. The stereotype that women don't like attention of that sort is not true. I've noted with her she picks and chooses.She seems perfectly happy. Good for her. I can't abide these generic assumptions. I always think it's better to just ask people what they're about.
Load More Replies... Cocoa Beanz 3 years ago
One of my close friends, him and I tried dating back in 2018. We went out once but decided to just be friends. Sometimes I wonder if he's going to be my husband. I don't want to broach the topic with him again though.
What do you think ?
Susie Elle 3 years ago
So many 'You can only trust yourself' type of posts. I find it a little sad (in a non-condescending way).
Did you hear that? 3 years ago
We are social creatures. We need to trust others. So these are just negative views. Instead of being narcissistic jerks we need to be loving and understanding. Yes people have bad days but as a whole we shouldn't be doing things that hurt others. This "me first" mentality is destroying humanity. Continue being kind, hold the door for someone, smile and cut out the sarcasm the world will be better for it.
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K Witmer 3 years ago
You can get used to anything. Don't get used to the thing that makes you complacent.
Mazer 3 years ago
I had a friend, she was chilling with another person, starting a relationship. One day her buddy came home from work and told my friend that if she was going to use her things, she needed to put them back the way she found them. My friend was upset and hurt. I spent almost a week validating her feelings <——key word.. When the time was right I asked her…”do you want to know how I perceive this issue, having not dog in the fight”, she said yes. I told her she was 100% in the wrong and why, and asked her to put herself in her buddy’s position. She stared at me wide eyed, picked up the phone to immediately start to apologize to her buddy. Some people need those feelings validated and expressed before they can see or accept reality. That’s okay, it was her process. Not good, not bad, not right, not wrong. The process just is, it’s what you do with the knowledge you gain that matters. Some of us can do better, some are doing all they can, some don’t give a s**t.
Dani Alexander 3 years ago (edited)
Some of these are mildly subjective I think. EDIT: lol VERY subjective
Celestino Madeiros 3 years ago
You can't make someone love you more by trying to make them love someone else less.
Brandy Galloway 3 years ago (edited)
This is a real pessimistic way of looking at life and people. We need to trust others, love one another, dare to be loved and hurt by others (Because this is how we learn)and most of all dream big! Life's to big for this negative pessimistic point of view.
Susie Elle 3 years ago
So many 'You can only trust yourself' type of posts. I find it a little sad (in a non-condescending way).
Did you hear that? 3 years ago
We are social creatures. We need to trust others. So these are just negative views. Instead of being narcissistic jerks we need to be loving and understanding. Yes people have bad days but as a whole we shouldn't be doing things that hurt others. This "me first" mentality is destroying humanity. Continue being kind, hold the door for someone, smile and cut out the sarcasm the world will be better for it.
Load More Replies... K Witmer 3 years ago
You can get used to anything. Don't get used to the thing that makes you complacent.
Mazer 3 years ago
I had a friend, she was chilling with another person, starting a relationship. One day her buddy came home from work and told my friend that if she was going to use her things, she needed to put them back the way she found them. My friend was upset and hurt. I spent almost a week validating her feelings <——key word.. When the time was right I asked her…”do you want to know how I perceive this issue, having not dog in the fight”, she said yes. I told her she was 100% in the wrong and why, and asked her to put herself in her buddy’s position. She stared at me wide eyed, picked up the phone to immediately start to apologize to her buddy. Some people need those feelings validated and expressed before they can see or accept reality. That’s okay, it was her process. Not good, not bad, not right, not wrong. The process just is, it’s what you do with the knowledge you gain that matters. Some of us can do better, some are doing all they can, some don’t give a s**t.
Dani Alexander 3 years ago (edited)
Some of these are mildly subjective I think. EDIT: lol VERY subjective
Celestino Madeiros 3 years ago
You can't make someone love you more by trying to make them love someone else less.
Brandy Galloway 3 years ago (edited)
This is a real pessimistic way of looking at life and people. We need to trust others, love one another, dare to be loved and hurt by others (Because this is how we learn)and most of all dream big! Life's to big for this negative pessimistic point of view.
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